1 00:00:00,440 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: Welcome to Hope for the Journey, the podcast for women 2 00:00:03,680 --> 00:00:08,080 Speaker 1: over forty who are ready to rise, rebuild, and reclaim 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:12,480 Speaker 1: their story. I'm your host, Monica, and each week you'll 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:17,480 Speaker 1: hear real, raw comeback stories from women who have walked 5 00:00:17,480 --> 00:00:20,560 Speaker 1: through the fire and found purpose on the other side. 6 00:00:21,120 --> 00:00:25,200 Speaker 1: If you are navigating change, chasing a dream, or simply 7 00:00:25,239 --> 00:00:28,920 Speaker 1: searching for your next step, You're not alone. This is 8 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: your place for courage, community, and the reminder that it's 9 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:38,360 Speaker 1: never too late to rewrite the ending. Today on Hope 10 00:00:38,360 --> 00:00:43,080 Speaker 1: for the Journey, it's breaking free from health anxiety so 11 00:00:43,159 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: that you can reclaim your life. I'll be back with 12 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 1: that in just a moment, right after a word from 13 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:53,840 Speaker 1: our sponsors. Hi, I'm Monica, and this is Hope for 14 00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:57,600 Speaker 1: the Journey and we are talking about breaking free from 15 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:01,080 Speaker 1: health anxiety so that you can recall your life. And 16 00:01:01,120 --> 00:01:04,520 Speaker 1: my guest today is Jamie Hampton and she is the 17 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:08,080 Speaker 1: co host of the Praying Christian Women podcast that is 18 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:11,080 Speaker 1: also with Life Audio, just like Hope for the Journey, 19 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: and Jamie, like all of us, probably has struggled with 20 00:01:16,120 --> 00:01:20,039 Speaker 1: health anxiety and found ways to help battle and just 21 00:01:20,800 --> 00:01:23,559 Speaker 1: hedge that off so that we can live the life 22 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,039 Speaker 1: that God always intended. Jamie, thank you so much for 23 00:01:27,160 --> 00:01:28,120 Speaker 1: joining me today. 24 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:31,640 Speaker 2: Oh thank you, Monica. I have loved our connection and 25 00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,160 Speaker 2: getting to know you, and thanks for the opportunity. 26 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:38,840 Speaker 1: Absolutely, I think Jamie for all of us, and this 27 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:42,280 Speaker 1: is a podcast for women over forty and like myself 28 00:01:42,680 --> 00:01:44,920 Speaker 1: when it comes to health anxiety. When I was younger, 29 00:01:44,959 --> 00:01:47,360 Speaker 1: I didn't really have all those tools to be googling 30 00:01:47,400 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 1: and to be looking in, to be researching. But now 31 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:54,600 Speaker 1: that more of those tools are available myself and other 32 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:59,800 Speaker 1: women in my circle, and you are going and researching symptoms, 33 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: coming up with diagnoses, what was your personal journey with 34 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,040 Speaker 1: health anxiety? 35 00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:09,640 Speaker 2: So I can I can look back into childhood and 36 00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:12,480 Speaker 2: kind of see. So we didn't have Google, we didn't 37 00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 2: have WebMD or any of that stuff, but my dad 38 00:02:16,560 --> 00:02:18,519 Speaker 2: or my mom, I don't know which had a medical 39 00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:22,040 Speaker 2: encyclopedia and I loved it. I read it like a novel. 40 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,320 Speaker 2: I loved it. I've always loved biology. I graduated from 41 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,280 Speaker 2: Virginia Tech with a degree in animal science because I 42 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,920 Speaker 2: love just the complexity of how the body works and 43 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:34,680 Speaker 2: I love studying it. And from the time I was young, 44 00:02:34,800 --> 00:02:37,359 Speaker 2: I remember just going through and thinking, Wow, these are 45 00:02:37,440 --> 00:02:41,440 Speaker 2: interesting symptoms and diseases that I had never heard of, 46 00:02:41,960 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 2: and it wasn't debilitating, it wasn't oppressive. And I know 47 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:50,639 Speaker 2: I've heard doctors and nurses talk about this phenomenon of 48 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,600 Speaker 2: your studying a disease or you're studying a mental illness, 49 00:02:54,680 --> 00:02:57,840 Speaker 2: or you're studying something, and you know and you start 50 00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,800 Speaker 2: to either manifest symptoms or think you identify the symptoms. 51 00:03:02,680 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 2: So I did have a little bit of that. I 52 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:08,799 Speaker 2: remember having like kind of a mild obsession with appendicitis, 53 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,480 Speaker 2: thinking that I was going to get it, or being 54 00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:15,079 Speaker 2: afraid that I would get an appendicitis and things like that, 55 00:03:15,200 --> 00:03:17,200 Speaker 2: just kind of little irrational things. But it was by 56 00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 2: no means debilitating. By no means did it affect my life. 57 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 2: And in fact, I was pretty worry free in general 58 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:27,040 Speaker 2: as a kid, and I would tease my mom about 59 00:03:27,080 --> 00:03:30,080 Speaker 2: being a worrier because she not necessarily about health, but 60 00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 2: she I was like, you're such a worry wart. And 61 00:03:33,400 --> 00:03:37,520 Speaker 2: now being a mom, I think motherhood definitely changes that 62 00:03:37,640 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 2: dynamic because there's so much more at stake than just 63 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 2: yourself and just getting older and knowing that your time 64 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:47,800 Speaker 2: on earth is limited and at some point something will 65 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:52,160 Speaker 2: probably happen, and you know, it's it's just the nature 66 00:03:52,160 --> 00:03:55,120 Speaker 2: of things. So I remember the year I turned forty, 67 00:03:55,280 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 2: so that would have been two thousand sixteen, and I 68 00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,520 Speaker 2: remember it was a great year. I had compiled some 69 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 2: just notes that I had used for teaching at a 70 00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: church where I was the children's ministry lead, and we 71 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 2: had done like some discipleship materials, and I had a 72 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,680 Speaker 2: friend of mine who actually my podcast co host Alana, 73 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,599 Speaker 2: had helped me through the self publishing process of getting 74 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:25,039 Speaker 2: it published into a book form, and I got the 75 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,080 Speaker 2: day of my birthday that year, I got the book 76 00:04:28,160 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 2: in the mail with a notice that it had won 77 00:04:31,040 --> 00:04:33,800 Speaker 2: an award, like an Indie publishing award, and so it 78 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:37,039 Speaker 2: was like the greatest year. I felt good. I'm like, wow, 79 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:40,599 Speaker 2: this is forty, this is awesome. But within a year, 80 00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:44,880 Speaker 2: like the same time that next year, I was suffering 81 00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 2: with debilitating anxiety and I had no idea why it. 82 00:04:50,320 --> 00:04:53,799 Speaker 2: I would say it began. The first time I remember 83 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,120 Speaker 2: noticing something was off was our daughter had been diagnosed 84 00:04:57,160 --> 00:05:01,479 Speaker 2: with a nut allergy. At the time, we were trying 85 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:05,599 Speaker 2: to figure out which exact thing it was, and so 86 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:08,360 Speaker 2: we were narrowing things down, and she had a reaction, 87 00:05:09,120 --> 00:05:12,000 Speaker 2: and I just remember I was we had been through 88 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 2: a few reactions before and one of them I had 89 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,160 Speaker 2: given her Benadryl, and then it came back with a vengeance. 90 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,680 Speaker 2: And I had a very long night and didn't know 91 00:05:25,680 --> 00:05:28,240 Speaker 2: if I should use the EpiPen. You know, there were 92 00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,040 Speaker 2: just and so the night that she had a mild reaction, 93 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 2: it wasn't horrible or life threatening, gave her some benadrill 94 00:05:34,839 --> 00:05:36,520 Speaker 2: and I remember I had just put her to bed 95 00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:39,480 Speaker 2: and I sat on the couch with my husband and 96 00:05:39,800 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 2: I had a watch, like a fitbit kind of watch 97 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:46,200 Speaker 2: that and it monitors your heart rate, and I just 98 00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,440 Speaker 2: felt kind of funny and I looked at it and 99 00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:51,680 Speaker 2: my heartbeat was like over a hundred beats per minute 100 00:05:52,200 --> 00:05:55,760 Speaker 2: at rest, and I was just thinking, that's kind of strange. 101 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 2: And I just mentioned it to him, and I felt 102 00:05:58,600 --> 00:06:01,039 Speaker 2: anxious inside because I thought, it's going to be a 103 00:06:01,040 --> 00:06:03,040 Speaker 2: long night. I'm not going to be able to sleep well, 104 00:06:03,320 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 2: she might get sick again. I got to monitor her, 105 00:06:06,520 --> 00:06:08,800 Speaker 2: make sure we don't have that same thing that happened before. 106 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 2: So that was kind of the first I don't honestly 107 00:06:14,320 --> 00:06:17,359 Speaker 2: know exactly when it happened, but I know I also 108 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:21,839 Speaker 2: in that same time frame, I started I had some 109 00:06:22,040 --> 00:06:25,440 Speaker 2: lower abdominal pain that I had had on and off 110 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:32,320 Speaker 2: since I was pregnant with her, and somehow I went 111 00:06:32,360 --> 00:06:34,960 Speaker 2: to the doctor and I said something about it. I 112 00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 2: think I mentioned it, and she's like, okay, yeah, you know, 113 00:06:37,400 --> 00:06:41,480 Speaker 2: it's probably nothing, but you never know. And I had 114 00:06:41,520 --> 00:06:43,680 Speaker 2: her feel, you know, my ovaries and all kinds of 115 00:06:43,680 --> 00:06:46,080 Speaker 2: things to make sure everything felt right. It was the 116 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:50,120 Speaker 2: obgi N and she came away saying, yeah, everything feels fine, 117 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:55,640 Speaker 2: in passing completely not related to anything. She said, you know, 118 00:06:55,680 --> 00:06:57,520 Speaker 2: sometimes we have these aches and pains and we just 119 00:06:57,600 --> 00:06:59,440 Speaker 2: don't know what they are. And then she said, you know, 120 00:06:59,480 --> 00:07:03,359 Speaker 2: you wouldn't believe the number of women your age and 121 00:07:03,400 --> 00:07:07,719 Speaker 2: younger are who have colon cancer. It's really it's prevalent. 122 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,800 Speaker 2: And I didn't think anything of it that day. It 123 00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 2: was days later, maybe weeks later even, and then I 124 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:15,800 Speaker 2: woke up in the middle of the night one night 125 00:07:15,840 --> 00:07:17,760 Speaker 2: when my husband was gone, and I had that pain 126 00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:20,400 Speaker 2: and I was feeling around and I kind of thought 127 00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:25,880 Speaker 2: I felt a lump in my abdomen and so it's 128 00:07:25,960 --> 00:07:29,800 Speaker 2: like midnight and my husband's not there, the house is quiet, 129 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,960 Speaker 2: and I googled and I came across a story that 130 00:07:34,240 --> 00:07:37,320 Speaker 2: was just like, I mean, exact symptoms of mine, exact 131 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,840 Speaker 2: feelings and my abdomen exact you know, Oh I felt 132 00:07:40,880 --> 00:07:43,120 Speaker 2: and I felt a lump in my abdomen. And it 133 00:07:43,280 --> 00:07:48,600 Speaker 2: was a woman's personal story of being diagnosed with stage 134 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:52,240 Speaker 2: four colon cancer that had already metastasized. And she was 135 00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:58,160 Speaker 2: basically sharing this story. And I look back on that 136 00:07:58,280 --> 00:08:04,559 Speaker 2: story and I don't even know. I have since seen 137 00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:09,200 Speaker 2: stories that to me look like people writing things that 138 00:08:09,280 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 2: will get people's attention and scare them. This might have 139 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 2: been a woman's true story, and it might have been 140 00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:19,560 Speaker 2: absolutely real, but there was a It was not a 141 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:22,800 Speaker 2: coincidence that I came to that story. I feel like 142 00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:25,360 Speaker 2: there was a spiritual component that led me to that, 143 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,880 Speaker 2: even I don't like to over spiritualize things that could 144 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:32,120 Speaker 2: be explained in other ways. Maybe it was coincidence, but 145 00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,760 Speaker 2: whatever it was, that was what got its hooks in me, 146 00:08:36,120 --> 00:08:39,320 Speaker 2: and it planted the idea along with oh no, I 147 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:44,160 Speaker 2: remembered my practitioner had said, like, yeah, these women are 148 00:08:44,160 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 2: having colon cancer. So that seed was planted and I 149 00:08:47,600 --> 00:08:51,559 Speaker 2: began to believe that I had colon cancer and that 150 00:08:51,559 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 2: that was the only logical explanation, which I wrestled with 151 00:08:56,960 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 2: because I knew it wasn't the only logical explanation, yet 152 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:04,160 Speaker 2: my body and was telling me that was it. And 153 00:09:04,840 --> 00:09:07,040 Speaker 2: it's a hard thing to explain. And if anyone has 154 00:09:07,040 --> 00:09:10,679 Speaker 2: ever struggled with health anxiety, I know I've spoken to 155 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:15,240 Speaker 2: many women and men who have experienced it. And you 156 00:09:15,320 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: can go to the doctor and get checked out, and 157 00:09:17,679 --> 00:09:20,520 Speaker 2: if you have this seed planted that has grown and 158 00:09:20,559 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 2: taken root, and the way I would even describe it 159 00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:27,880 Speaker 2: is just kind of like this worry that has its 160 00:09:27,920 --> 00:09:33,520 Speaker 2: talents like in you. Even if you're told logical things, 161 00:09:33,679 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 2: even if you know in one compartment of your brain 162 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:39,680 Speaker 2: that it is not logical, you can't shake it. It's 163 00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:41,120 Speaker 2: very difficult. 164 00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 1: And it's overwhelming because I think when I heard you 165 00:09:44,800 --> 00:09:48,200 Speaker 1: use the word that seed got planted, that's exactly what 166 00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:51,560 Speaker 1: it is. It's like that thought, that fear, that seed 167 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:56,240 Speaker 1: it gets in there and it just multiplies. And I too, 168 00:09:56,320 --> 00:10:00,560 Speaker 1: I've talked to all many, many women and men who 169 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:04,680 Speaker 1: had this experience who say, logically, the doctor just said 170 00:10:04,679 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: I'm fine, but to me, it looks and feels like 171 00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:12,319 Speaker 1: all of my symptoms line up with X Y Z, 172 00:10:13,120 --> 00:10:16,240 Speaker 1: and it's not easy to shake. It is a thing, 173 00:10:16,960 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: and it's a hard thing. What was the hardest part 174 00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,320 Speaker 1: for you with health anxiety? 175 00:10:24,080 --> 00:10:28,240 Speaker 2: Honestly, the guilt and the shame was the hardest part. 176 00:10:28,280 --> 00:10:30,360 Speaker 2: There were two hard parts, well there were lots of them, 177 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:32,320 Speaker 2: but two big hard parts. One was the guilt and 178 00:10:32,360 --> 00:10:34,679 Speaker 2: the shame. Because I had just been to the doctor 179 00:10:35,080 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 2: who said, you know, she thought everything was fine, and 180 00:10:40,360 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 2: even though this was something different that I and I 181 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 2: did eventually take steps to get that checked out. I mean, 182 00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:50,840 Speaker 2: it seems very logical, go get a colonoscopy, but finances 183 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:54,560 Speaker 2: were tight, and I it would not have been covered 184 00:10:54,840 --> 00:10:58,120 Speaker 2: because it would have been a diagnostic and not a routine. 185 00:10:58,160 --> 00:11:01,040 Speaker 2: I was under the age that they allowed for it 186 00:11:01,080 --> 00:11:02,599 Speaker 2: to be covered by it would have been thousands of 187 00:11:02,679 --> 00:11:05,560 Speaker 2: dollars that we didn't have. So the guilt and the 188 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:09,760 Speaker 2: shame because number one, there was a part of my 189 00:11:09,840 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 2: brain that still knew that this was very irrational, that 190 00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 2: this is probably not what it is, and that I 191 00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:22,240 Speaker 2: was overreacting and I was being irrationally anxious. And then 192 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,920 Speaker 2: there's another part of me that has even more guilt 193 00:11:24,960 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 2: and shame because I had good friends, more than one, 194 00:11:28,679 --> 00:11:33,840 Speaker 2: who were struggling with either chronic pain terminal illness what 195 00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,679 Speaker 2: I would consider or chronic illness what I would consider 196 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:43,240 Speaker 2: quote real struggles. And here I was. The way I 197 00:11:43,280 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 2: felt was I am weak, I am unworthy of being 198 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,439 Speaker 2: called a Christian, because if I really believed in God, 199 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:55,520 Speaker 2: I would trust him with anything, even if, you know, 200 00:11:55,679 --> 00:12:00,360 Speaker 2: even if this is my worst case scenario. And I couldn't. 201 00:12:00,800 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 2: And I tried. I tried praying, I tried reading the Bible, 202 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:08,560 Speaker 2: I tried affirmations, and I'll tell anyone out there who's 203 00:12:08,600 --> 00:12:12,000 Speaker 2: struggling it helps. It's always going to raise your baseline 204 00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:17,080 Speaker 2: to do those things. It's always always. But there were 205 00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:22,760 Speaker 2: also times when I was too debilitated by the feelings 206 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 2: of anxiety. I was too just getting up in the morning, 207 00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:34,880 Speaker 2: trying to not alarm my family, my kids especially. I 208 00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:38,760 Speaker 2: wanted to act like everything was normal. That took all 209 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:43,679 Speaker 2: the energy I had, and I did have physical manifestations 210 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,320 Speaker 2: of symptoms. My health went downhill, and I thought it 211 00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:51,400 Speaker 2: was because of this illness, and it was my anxiety. 212 00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:53,600 Speaker 2: In retrospect, there were a lot of things going on, 213 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:57,200 Speaker 2: and since your podcast is for women over forty, what 214 00:12:57,360 --> 00:13:01,200 Speaker 2: I down the line a year or so down the line, 215 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:06,760 Speaker 2: what I discovered was I was entering perimenopause and my hormones, 216 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 2: my estrogen levels were at like five hundred instead of 217 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:13,840 Speaker 2: like fifty, which was you know, I mean, I was 218 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:21,800 Speaker 2: having incredible hormone searches, incredible delta's differences in my estrogen 219 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:27,239 Speaker 2: progesterone like I was having. I believe that the hormonal 220 00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:31,240 Speaker 2: changes sort of set all of this into motion, But 221 00:13:31,320 --> 00:13:34,480 Speaker 2: the things that perpetuated it, the things that kind of 222 00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:39,560 Speaker 2: made it worse, were this fear and this not knowing 223 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:44,719 Speaker 2: and I'm going to say it internet research, and that 224 00:13:44,920 --> 00:13:47,520 Speaker 2: was what when I started to feel okay, I would 225 00:13:47,559 --> 00:13:50,440 Speaker 2: start to search, and I was searching for confirmation that 226 00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 2: it wasn't what I thought it was. But every time 227 00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 2: I searched, it pointed me to more of these stories. 228 00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:58,840 Speaker 2: It pointed me to, Yes, this is probably exactly what 229 00:13:58,880 --> 00:14:02,440 Speaker 2: you think it is. And confirmation bias. You know, you're 230 00:14:02,440 --> 00:14:06,960 Speaker 2: going to find what your subconscious is looking for. 231 00:14:07,440 --> 00:14:10,680 Speaker 1: You know, it's selective perception, and it is just so 232 00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 1: easy to go to the keyboard and to type in 233 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,000 Speaker 1: the symptoms, and all of these things come up that 234 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 1: scare us, and fear is a real thing. And I 235 00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 1: think that you know when you said, Jamie, you know 236 00:14:23,840 --> 00:14:27,040 Speaker 1: I'm a Christian woman. If I'm trusting God with everything, 237 00:14:27,160 --> 00:14:30,880 Speaker 1: why am I worried like this? So there's guilt, there's shame, 238 00:14:31,040 --> 00:14:34,240 Speaker 1: and then there's the physical part. And really you did 239 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: have something physical going on. And since this is the 240 00:14:37,480 --> 00:14:42,520 Speaker 1: podcast for women over forty PERIMENI pause, menopause, all of 241 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:47,880 Speaker 1: those things cause different changes in our body, and that 242 00:14:47,920 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: can be just a very hard season in cycle to 243 00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:55,080 Speaker 1: go through. That can cause fear as well. I know 244 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: that I, Jamie, I had a panic attack once and 245 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,760 Speaker 1: I went to the er because I thought that I 246 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 1: was having a heart attack. And you couldn't have convinced 247 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:06,920 Speaker 1: me that I was not, because I would tell you 248 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:09,560 Speaker 1: I just am not going to have a panic attack. 249 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:13,040 Speaker 1: And then I got the bill and that that was 250 00:15:13,080 --> 00:15:17,640 Speaker 1: like a panic attack, right, because I only went to 251 00:15:17,680 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: the ear because I thought I was going to die. 252 00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,200 Speaker 1: And I didn't want to believe them when they said 253 00:15:23,240 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 1: that there's nothing wrong with you, because I felt pressure 254 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,920 Speaker 1: in my chest. I felt all of these things, and 255 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,960 Speaker 1: I thought, I'm not crazy, Like this is a heart problem. 256 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,880 Speaker 1: So it's not an easy road, you know, And a 257 00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:40,080 Speaker 1: lot of we're concerned about our health. We want to 258 00:15:40,120 --> 00:15:45,320 Speaker 1: be healthy, good, be good Christian women, good moms, all 259 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:49,320 Speaker 1: of these things. And fear can really play a. 260 00:15:49,280 --> 00:15:58,720 Speaker 2: Part, yes it can. Yeah, And the fear itself can 261 00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:03,680 Speaker 2: create and the anxiety itself can create physical symptoms. And 262 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:07,520 Speaker 2: once I realized that I'm gonna I'm going to go 263 00:16:07,560 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: through a list of some of the symptoms I experienced 264 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:14,600 Speaker 2: and because I'm sure someone out there can can grab 265 00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 2: onto that and be like, oh, that can be caused 266 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:21,080 Speaker 2: by anxiety, because there was no other explanation. And once 267 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,040 Speaker 2: I kind of emerged on the other side of this 268 00:16:23,120 --> 00:16:28,800 Speaker 2: particular like several months long event, I did not have 269 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:30,960 Speaker 2: them at all, so I know that it was related 270 00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:37,040 Speaker 2: to either the anxiety itself or vitamin deficiency or hormonal imbalances. 271 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 2: And so I had twitching and tremors in my body. 272 00:16:43,480 --> 00:16:47,480 Speaker 2: I had numbness on my right side, like tingling in 273 00:16:47,520 --> 00:16:50,680 Speaker 2: my hands and my feet and my legs and my arms. 274 00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:55,240 Speaker 2: Sometimes I had shortness of breath. I felt like I 275 00:16:55,320 --> 00:16:58,480 Speaker 2: was nine months pregnant. I remember sitting on our couch 276 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,960 Speaker 2: one night, and I thought, there's some there must be 277 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:05,040 Speaker 2: something really big inside of me that's keeping me from 278 00:17:05,040 --> 00:17:08,720 Speaker 2: being able to breathe. I mean, it was because I 279 00:17:08,720 --> 00:17:11,600 Speaker 2: couldn't breathe, and I had to tell myself, you can breathe, 280 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:15,200 Speaker 2: you just you can breathe in through your nose, out 281 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:17,600 Speaker 2: through your mouth. Okay, I got oxygen, But why do 282 00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:20,080 Speaker 2: I feel like I can't breathe? My chest felt heavy 283 00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:23,240 Speaker 2: and tight. I thought, am I having a heart attack? 284 00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:29,800 Speaker 2: And and you know, I had uh in the mornings. 285 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:33,199 Speaker 2: I would wake up and I would feel really heavy, 286 00:17:33,359 --> 00:17:37,000 Speaker 2: like I could hardly walk so underneath, you know, because 287 00:17:37,119 --> 00:17:42,840 Speaker 2: my anxiety about colon cancer in specifically, which I'm going 288 00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 2: to tell you I feel silly saying this now because 289 00:17:45,600 --> 00:17:49,320 Speaker 2: of my where my brain is, because I'm just thinking, 290 00:17:49,359 --> 00:17:51,399 Speaker 2: how could you just focus on that? And I had 291 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,840 Speaker 2: all these other symptoms, and because that was so heavy 292 00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:56,760 Speaker 2: in my mind, I wasn't worrying about like a you know, 293 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,480 Speaker 2: I'm thinking of all kinds of things fibromyalgia, you know, 294 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:02,920 Speaker 2: chronic like autoimmune disorders and things that could cause these things. 295 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,199 Speaker 2: But I just thought it was all related to that 296 00:18:05,280 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 2: one thing, anyway, I just had all of these different 297 00:18:09,920 --> 00:18:13,919 Speaker 2: symptoms and shortness of breath, and then you know, panic 298 00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:16,919 Speaker 2: attacks once in a while, and that pain in my 299 00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,639 Speaker 2: abdomen got to the point where I was sometimes doubled over. 300 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:26,120 Speaker 2: I still don't know what it was. I suspect because 301 00:18:26,160 --> 00:18:30,920 Speaker 2: I suspect maybe the actual abdominal pain was a ligament, 302 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,040 Speaker 2: because it did start bothering me when I was pregnant, 303 00:18:34,160 --> 00:18:37,600 Speaker 2: and then you know, a few years later, I still 304 00:18:37,800 --> 00:18:41,120 Speaker 2: had it off and on, and in order to get 305 00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 2: rid of the pent up anxiety in my body, that 306 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,760 Speaker 2: feeling of surges of adrenaline, just surging and surging and 307 00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,840 Speaker 2: surging in my chest. I wanted to get away from it. 308 00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,439 Speaker 2: I wanted to get it out of my body. I 309 00:18:53,480 --> 00:18:56,960 Speaker 2: started drinking water constantly to try and flush it out. 310 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,520 Speaker 2: I started running. I started jogging on our treadmill and 311 00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,879 Speaker 2: jogging in our neighborhood. I think that might have exacerbated 312 00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 2: maybe the I don't know. I don't I still don't know, 313 00:19:07,840 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 2: but there is I don't have any of those symptoms anymore. 314 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 2: Year's ladies Scott for that, Thank you God. Yes, but 315 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:19,359 Speaker 2: I'm not telling anyone not to go to the doctor. 316 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:21,600 Speaker 2: If you have symptoms like this, some of these are 317 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:26,120 Speaker 2: kind of worrisome symptoms. But what kept to me paralyzed, 318 00:19:26,160 --> 00:19:29,119 Speaker 2: what kept me from seeking medical help, what kept me 319 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:31,400 Speaker 2: from even opening up and telling anyone I was having 320 00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:35,439 Speaker 2: these feelings at first was shame and guilt and the 321 00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:37,200 Speaker 2: fact that I had just been to a doctor. I 322 00:19:37,359 --> 00:19:39,919 Speaker 2: just had some blood work done, and I had not 323 00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,520 Speaker 2: had hormonal blood work done, but I had just regular 324 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,280 Speaker 2: stuff done and it seemed like everything was fine, And 325 00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:48,160 Speaker 2: I was ashamed to go and get these other things 326 00:19:48,240 --> 00:19:51,879 Speaker 2: checked out because and again with the one thing that 327 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:54,240 Speaker 2: I thought I had, I was delaying it because I 328 00:19:54,280 --> 00:19:58,119 Speaker 2: didn't think that insurance would pay for it. So yeah, 329 00:19:58,240 --> 00:20:01,560 Speaker 2: I was just trapped. And I will just say to 330 00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:07,840 Speaker 2: go into another huge thing that was hard was the 331 00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:13,280 Speaker 2: isolation I felt because of the shame, because of the fear, 332 00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 2: and just basically because of feeling like I shouldn't be 333 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,720 Speaker 2: feeling this way. And so I didn't want to tell 334 00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:27,080 Speaker 2: anyone because they also knew people that had real, diagnosed, 335 00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,639 Speaker 2: serious health struggles, and. 336 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 1: I felt drunk into yourself and isolated. In addition to 337 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:37,520 Speaker 1: all of that, let's do this, We've got to take 338 00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,760 Speaker 1: a break for just a word from our sponsors, we 339 00:20:39,840 --> 00:20:42,640 Speaker 1: come back. We'll talk some more about that and kind 340 00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,280 Speaker 1: of what your turnaround point was, because you just said 341 00:20:45,280 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 1: a few minutes ago, you don't have these symptoms anymore, 342 00:20:47,960 --> 00:20:51,000 Speaker 1: so that's awesome. We'll be back, guys in just a moment, 343 00:20:51,080 --> 00:20:54,639 Speaker 1: right after a word from our sponsors. Jamie, I'm so 344 00:20:54,760 --> 00:20:59,960 Speaker 1: grateful that you're here today sharing your story. You've talked 345 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: about the guilt and the shame, and I understand that, 346 00:21:03,800 --> 00:21:07,160 Speaker 1: and I think that all the women listening do, because 347 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:09,919 Speaker 1: many times, as women, we put ourselves last on the list. 348 00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:13,800 Speaker 1: And I remember how badly I felt when I got 349 00:21:13,800 --> 00:21:17,199 Speaker 1: that big bill from the er, because it was a 350 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:20,959 Speaker 1: panic attack, but it felt real and I didn't know 351 00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:22,760 Speaker 1: what to do with it. And then when people were like, 352 00:21:22,800 --> 00:21:25,280 Speaker 1: are you okay, I didn't even want to admit that 353 00:21:25,320 --> 00:21:28,720 Speaker 1: it was a panic attack because I felt ashamed. I 354 00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:32,600 Speaker 1: felt embarrassed. And here you had all of these symptoms. 355 00:21:32,640 --> 00:21:37,120 Speaker 1: You talked about numbness, tingling, being doubled over in pain. 356 00:21:37,240 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: That would be absolutely frightening, and you don't know what 357 00:21:41,200 --> 00:21:45,640 Speaker 1: that was, but still you no longer live with that 358 00:21:45,760 --> 00:21:49,640 Speaker 1: debilitating kind of fear. What was the turnaround for. 359 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:55,160 Speaker 2: You, I would say I can think of a few points. 360 00:21:55,320 --> 00:22:00,359 Speaker 2: So one turnaround point that I remember is being in 361 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,600 Speaker 2: my living room and my kids were home. It was 362 00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:09,760 Speaker 2: either a weekend or after school, and I put on 363 00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,920 Speaker 2: on our TV. I put on like a worship concert, 364 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:18,320 Speaker 2: and I remember kind of along. There were times during 365 00:22:18,560 --> 00:22:22,919 Speaker 2: this intense anxiety that I couldn't listen to Christian radio. 366 00:22:23,440 --> 00:22:28,160 Speaker 2: Something about the music felt made me feel too vulnerable. 367 00:22:30,040 --> 00:22:33,119 Speaker 2: I don't feel like it was like a spiritual like 368 00:22:33,119 --> 00:22:36,000 Speaker 2: like an oppression that was resisting things of God. I 369 00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 2: don't think it was like that. I think it was 370 00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:41,359 Speaker 2: just I just felt so raw that I couldn't allow 371 00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:45,040 Speaker 2: myself to feel more so. But I got to the 372 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:47,560 Speaker 2: point where I was like, I need to worship God. 373 00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,320 Speaker 2: That is going to help. And so I picked one 374 00:22:51,359 --> 00:22:54,520 Speaker 2: of my favorite worship concerts and I put it on 375 00:22:54,560 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 2: the TV. And up to that point, I had not 376 00:22:57,880 --> 00:23:02,919 Speaker 2: let the kids see me upset or cry or sad 377 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:05,440 Speaker 2: or scared or whatever. I'd been protecting them a lot. 378 00:23:06,119 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 2: But I just remember I stood there in front of 379 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:14,679 Speaker 2: the TV and I sang the words, and I just 380 00:23:15,240 --> 00:23:19,320 Speaker 2: the tears just came, and I just worshiped. I held 381 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:23,439 Speaker 2: my hands up, and when I opened my eyes, my 382 00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:26,600 Speaker 2: kids were worshiping too, and that was awesome, Like they're 383 00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:28,720 Speaker 2: like one of them had their hands up and the 384 00:23:28,760 --> 00:23:30,919 Speaker 2: others were singing, like it was very cool. 385 00:23:31,320 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 1: That's the best I mean. And to think that God 386 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,840 Speaker 1: he met you in that dark place where you hadn't 387 00:23:36,840 --> 00:23:39,400 Speaker 1: even been able to listen to worship music and then 388 00:23:40,160 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 1: by faith you worship tears still, and as moms, we 389 00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,360 Speaker 1: don't want our kids to see us upset, but they 390 00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:46,960 Speaker 1: joined you in worship. 391 00:23:47,480 --> 00:23:53,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I felt like just power wash over me, 392 00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:58,520 Speaker 2: you know. And I still had months of anxiety ahead 393 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 2: of me, but that is a turning point. I felt 394 00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:06,399 Speaker 2: power and peace wash over me. And just as the 395 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:09,600 Speaker 2: tears kind of came down, it was like, okay, all right, 396 00:24:09,800 --> 00:24:12,640 Speaker 2: this is where this is, This is who I am, 397 00:24:13,080 --> 00:24:15,639 Speaker 2: This is who I am. I am his and I 398 00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:18,200 Speaker 2: can trust him. And I, like I said, it didn't 399 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:21,639 Speaker 2: magically go away. It didn't miraculously I should say, go away, 400 00:24:22,080 --> 00:24:26,000 Speaker 2: But a turning point happened. There another turning point around 401 00:24:26,000 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 2: that same time. I remember that I asked my husband 402 00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:36,719 Speaker 2: to pray over me, and I just told him I 403 00:24:36,760 --> 00:24:40,040 Speaker 2: had shared with him my struggles. I remember telling him, 404 00:24:40,119 --> 00:24:43,479 Speaker 2: I don't know if I feel like I'm never gonna 405 00:24:43,520 --> 00:24:46,320 Speaker 2: stop feeling like this? Am I am? I ever gonna 406 00:24:46,359 --> 00:24:49,080 Speaker 2: not feel this way this? I can't you know, I 407 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 2: can't picture not in a morbid way, but I can't 408 00:24:53,720 --> 00:24:57,240 Speaker 2: picture my life being like this always. How I this 409 00:24:57,400 --> 00:25:00,199 Speaker 2: is awful? And I just said, you know what, or 410 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:04,400 Speaker 2: my husband, will you take spiritual authority? Will you pray 411 00:25:04,440 --> 00:25:07,720 Speaker 2: over me? And I remember being standing next to the 412 00:25:07,760 --> 00:25:09,960 Speaker 2: trash can in the kitchen and I remember him putting 413 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 2: his hand on me and praying and just again sobbing 414 00:25:13,240 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 2: and just receiving his prayer. I also opened up to 415 00:25:18,400 --> 00:25:21,199 Speaker 2: some other people. My co host Allana was one of 416 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:25,159 Speaker 2: the only people, I think a few family members, my 417 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:27,399 Speaker 2: mother in law and my sister in law and a 418 00:25:27,440 --> 00:25:30,480 Speaker 2: few people I let in and I said, look, and 419 00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,919 Speaker 2: I was embarrassed, like I'm sorry, but I have this. 420 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:39,560 Speaker 2: I have this anxiety and it's irrational, but I need prayer. 421 00:25:40,160 --> 00:25:45,240 Speaker 2: So those were some turning points worship, like obedience in worship, 422 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:48,760 Speaker 2: even when I felt repelled kind of by opening up 423 00:25:48,800 --> 00:25:52,960 Speaker 2: and being vulnerable like that and then asking letting people in, 424 00:25:53,400 --> 00:25:57,920 Speaker 2: those were two just gigantic turning points. For me, and 425 00:25:58,480 --> 00:26:02,080 Speaker 2: slowly I ended up. My husband was like, you need 426 00:26:02,119 --> 00:26:04,800 Speaker 2: to make an appointment. You need to get this checked out. 427 00:26:04,840 --> 00:26:07,600 Speaker 2: It doesn't matter if it's going to cost thousands of dollars. 428 00:26:08,320 --> 00:26:10,399 Speaker 2: We can't go on like you can't go on like this. 429 00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:14,760 Speaker 2: And so I did, and and you know, I prayed. 430 00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:17,119 Speaker 2: I actually prayed. I was like, God, I'll make a 431 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,520 Speaker 2: deal with you. I don't do this often. I don't 432 00:26:19,560 --> 00:26:23,440 Speaker 2: know that. I don't endorse deals with God. But I said, 433 00:26:23,880 --> 00:26:27,719 Speaker 2: if insurance will cover this, I'll make the appointment. And 434 00:26:28,880 --> 00:26:31,560 Speaker 2: I talked to insurance. They said they'd cover it. I 435 00:26:31,600 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 2: made the appointment. There was a loophole where they could 436 00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 2: schedule it because my grandfather had passed away from colon cancer. 437 00:26:40,200 --> 00:26:44,919 Speaker 2: I had a history that they would cover it because 438 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:50,600 Speaker 2: it was a screening and not a diagnostic. But if 439 00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,720 Speaker 2: they didn't cover it, it ended up. But I made 440 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:56,080 Speaker 2: the appointment because they said they would cover it. They 441 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,840 Speaker 2: came back later and something in the in the wording 442 00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:03,360 Speaker 2: of the appointment made it a diagnostic because I think 443 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,720 Speaker 2: I said I had pain when I went in to 444 00:27:05,720 --> 00:27:09,480 Speaker 2: see the doctor. But either way, God got me there, 445 00:27:09,640 --> 00:27:13,920 Speaker 2: and that process was a huge turning point. Going through 446 00:27:14,400 --> 00:27:18,000 Speaker 2: the colonoscopy and seeing that I did not have cancer. 447 00:27:19,600 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 2: That was huge for me. And I do recognize that 448 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,200 Speaker 2: there are people out there that go through a screening 449 00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 2: and are told that they don't have something and it 450 00:27:28,040 --> 00:27:30,800 Speaker 2: doesn't help. And I won't say that I was completely 451 00:27:30,800 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 2: done with the anxiety, because it permeated more than just 452 00:27:33,200 --> 00:27:38,560 Speaker 2: that thought. It permeated lots of things. But in my case, 453 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,919 Speaker 2: that did help. That did help somewhat. So it was 454 00:27:42,080 --> 00:27:46,439 Speaker 2: just a matter of affirming what was true. It was 455 00:27:46,480 --> 00:27:48,879 Speaker 2: finding out that my hormones were out of balance. It 456 00:27:48,960 --> 00:27:53,240 Speaker 2: was taking some B vitamins. It was taking you know, 457 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,840 Speaker 2: consuming enough vitamins C and D. It was you know, 458 00:27:58,040 --> 00:28:04,439 Speaker 2: taking care of myself so and drinking water, walking, doing 459 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:09,160 Speaker 2: things to help my physical well being in general, and 460 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 2: just continuing to pray and ask for prayer during the 461 00:28:12,840 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 2: times when I couldn't, and all of that together, I 462 00:28:16,119 --> 00:28:19,240 Speaker 2: can't pinpoint a time when I emerged from that place 463 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:23,560 Speaker 2: in my life, but all of those things together led 464 00:28:23,600 --> 00:28:26,040 Speaker 2: to eventually me getting to a place where I was like, 465 00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:34,520 Speaker 2: oh wow, I'm what relatively normal? Never been normal, but. 466 00:28:33,760 --> 00:28:36,679 Speaker 1: None of us know what normal means anyway. No bedding 467 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:42,120 Speaker 1: on a dryer, but you just weren't with that debilitating. 468 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:45,440 Speaker 2: Yes, And I was free from that debilitating anxiety, and 469 00:28:45,480 --> 00:28:48,760 Speaker 2: I felt more like myself. But I will say that 470 00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:53,600 Speaker 2: I've had ups and downs. I still have tendencies to worry, 471 00:28:53,760 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 2: I still have tendencies to spiral. And I have a 472 00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 2: few rules that I've said in place, guidelines to keep 473 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:05,400 Speaker 2: me from spiraling. And number one is not long after that, 474 00:29:05,520 --> 00:29:09,360 Speaker 2: I had a dream that I had a lump in 475 00:29:09,400 --> 00:29:12,320 Speaker 2: my breast, and when I went the next day to check, 476 00:29:12,520 --> 00:29:15,000 Speaker 2: I had a lump in my breast and I thought, 477 00:29:15,480 --> 00:29:19,840 Speaker 2: God is warning me this must be cancer. And I 478 00:29:19,920 --> 00:29:24,080 Speaker 2: did things very differently. I did not google. I made 479 00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:28,400 Speaker 2: an appointment immediately to get checked out. I told people 480 00:29:29,120 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 2: to please pray, and I stayed connected with God and 481 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 2: I worshiped. And I would say, of all the things 482 00:29:38,720 --> 00:29:42,880 Speaker 2: that made the difference, it was not doing that googling. 483 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:46,120 Speaker 2: It was not searching the web and getting caught up 484 00:29:46,240 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 2: in what could be in the what ifs. Obviously, that 485 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,480 Speaker 2: kept me from spiraling to a place where I shut 486 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:58,040 Speaker 2: myself off, where I wasn't comfortable with praying and worshiping 487 00:29:58,160 --> 00:30:01,920 Speaker 2: because I felt too vulnerable and raw and you know 488 00:30:02,040 --> 00:30:06,840 Speaker 2: that that I ended up not having breast cancer. It 489 00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,680 Speaker 2: was assist but it was a six month process of 490 00:30:10,720 --> 00:30:16,320 Speaker 2: going back and getting rechecked and God redeemed my you know, 491 00:30:16,720 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 2: kind of redeemed my previous experience through some of that 492 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:25,320 Speaker 2: next experience because of seeing the way certain things helped. 493 00:30:27,160 --> 00:30:29,320 Speaker 2: But I also just want to make sure that the 494 00:30:29,360 --> 00:30:34,680 Speaker 2: person listening who is in chronic debilitating anxiety, who has 495 00:30:34,720 --> 00:30:38,000 Speaker 2: not had a respite or who has relapsed full force, 496 00:30:38,400 --> 00:30:41,240 Speaker 2: doesn't feel like they're less than or that God loves 497 00:30:41,280 --> 00:30:45,320 Speaker 2: them less because they're continuing to spiral, or because they're 498 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:49,360 Speaker 2: continuing to have these recurring issues, and that they're not 499 00:30:49,480 --> 00:30:51,800 Speaker 2: afraid to go to the doctor, that they're not afraid 500 00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 2: to seek counseling, that they're not afraid to be open 501 00:30:55,280 --> 00:31:00,520 Speaker 2: to vitamins or hormones or medication or medical intervention, because 502 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 2: God can be bring healing through that as well. 503 00:31:04,200 --> 00:31:07,000 Speaker 1: Because God, you know, everything that's good in the earth 504 00:31:07,080 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 1: and the education, all the things that are good come 505 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,680 Speaker 1: from God. So He works through doctors. I believe that 506 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 1: He works through medicine. And I love that one of 507 00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:20,480 Speaker 1: the things that you're sharing, and I pray that all 508 00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,520 Speaker 1: of the women listening hear this. None of us are 509 00:31:23,640 --> 00:31:28,120 Speaker 1: less than because we're struggling anxiety or whatever that is. 510 00:31:30,440 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 1: The enemy wants to make us feel that way, and 511 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,080 Speaker 1: our own flesh wants to make us feel that way, 512 00:31:35,120 --> 00:31:38,600 Speaker 1: and sometimes the world. But that that's all untrue. Those 513 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 1: are all lies, that's not based in God's word. He 514 00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:45,680 Speaker 1: loves all of us, and He's for us even in 515 00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:49,080 Speaker 1: our deepest, deepest valleys. He is still for us, and 516 00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: he's still with us. I also love, Jamie that your 517 00:31:54,200 --> 00:31:57,800 Speaker 1: your journey happened in a process, because most of the 518 00:31:57,880 --> 00:32:00,840 Speaker 1: time God works in a process. I would love it 519 00:32:00,880 --> 00:32:05,400 Speaker 1: if I prayed about something and I got the answer immediately. Yeah, 520 00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:08,360 Speaker 1: I love that, And that's happened a few times. But 521 00:32:08,480 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 1: most of the time God walks me through a process 522 00:32:11,760 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: and he teaches me, and then I have things that 523 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,480 Speaker 1: I can share with others, like you being able to 524 00:32:16,520 --> 00:32:19,800 Speaker 1: share today. You can share from your heart because you 525 00:32:19,840 --> 00:32:23,440 Speaker 1: were at a debilitating place and sometimes when you prayed 526 00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:26,240 Speaker 1: and worship you just really couldn't even press in. But 527 00:32:26,400 --> 00:32:29,920 Speaker 1: God stayed faithful to you as you continued as best 528 00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:30,440 Speaker 1: you could. 529 00:32:31,440 --> 00:32:34,360 Speaker 2: Yes, and I want to bring up something else that 530 00:32:35,160 --> 00:32:38,959 Speaker 2: two other things one thing is there were when I 531 00:32:39,000 --> 00:32:45,680 Speaker 2: am struggling with either anxiety or anything in my life, 532 00:32:44,880 --> 00:32:52,320 Speaker 2: but especially when I do face struggles with anxiety, I 533 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:56,360 Speaker 2: feel like that struggle. It's like when Paul says that 534 00:32:56,440 --> 00:32:58,520 Speaker 2: he had the thorn and he asked three times for 535 00:32:58,560 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 2: God to remove it, and God said, nope, My grace 536 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:05,040 Speaker 2: is sufficient, my powers made perfect in weakness. And when 537 00:33:05,080 --> 00:33:08,040 Speaker 2: I am weak in those ways, when I am either 538 00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:14,360 Speaker 2: hormonally or emotionally fragile, when I'm feeling extremely anxious, those 539 00:33:14,520 --> 00:33:17,920 Speaker 2: times of meeting with God, I'm thinking of the time 540 00:33:17,960 --> 00:33:20,800 Speaker 2: standing there worshiping in front of the TV, with just 541 00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:27,040 Speaker 2: my tears as my prayers. They're the most powerful connections 542 00:33:27,040 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 2: with God that I've ever experienced. And I would never 543 00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:35,840 Speaker 2: wish to be in a place of anxiety or debilitating 544 00:33:36,440 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 2: anything just for the sake of being there. But I 545 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:45,840 Speaker 2: would encourage someone who is struggling find a way, if 546 00:33:45,880 --> 00:33:51,280 Speaker 2: you can, even just to meet with God in those moments, 547 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:54,800 Speaker 2: and He is able to show up more powerfully and 548 00:33:54,920 --> 00:34:03,000 Speaker 2: more transformatively. He has so much room to work when 549 00:34:03,040 --> 00:34:06,880 Speaker 2: we are at the end of ourselves. So I would 550 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:11,200 Speaker 2: say that He literally is our lifeline in those moments 551 00:34:11,440 --> 00:34:17,720 Speaker 2: and if you can possibly just even bend your pain 552 00:34:18,120 --> 00:34:21,440 Speaker 2: toward God, even if you can't do anything else, just 553 00:34:22,080 --> 00:34:24,200 Speaker 2: in your heart, in your mind. You don't have to 554 00:34:24,280 --> 00:34:27,440 Speaker 2: say words, you don't have to turn on a worship album, whatever, 555 00:34:27,480 --> 00:34:34,080 Speaker 2: but just incline your emotions, your depression, your anxiety, your worry, 556 00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:37,680 Speaker 2: your fear, whatever it is, incline it toward God. Just 557 00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:42,200 Speaker 2: direct it in His direction and just wait. And I 558 00:34:42,239 --> 00:34:45,120 Speaker 2: believe that He will meet you in that pain in 559 00:34:45,200 --> 00:34:48,439 Speaker 2: ways that he never can. When we feel like we're 560 00:34:49,200 --> 00:34:50,799 Speaker 2: regular or normal, or. 561 00:34:50,719 --> 00:34:54,360 Speaker 1: Feel exactly exactly, there's something about when we are spent. 562 00:34:54,640 --> 00:34:58,719 Speaker 1: There's something about when we have nothing left. Some of 563 00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:01,879 Speaker 1: my closest times the Lord, it's when I can't even 564 00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 1: say a word, my heart is just too heavy. But 565 00:35:05,320 --> 00:35:08,480 Speaker 1: He hears my heart, he sees the tears, and when 566 00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:12,840 Speaker 1: his presence, you know, we don't always feel his tangible presence, 567 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:15,160 Speaker 1: but you know, those times when you just know that 568 00:35:15,200 --> 00:35:19,839 Speaker 1: he's close, those are the best times. And I think 569 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,319 Speaker 1: it's because we're vulnerable, vulnerable enough to let him in 570 00:35:23,480 --> 00:35:25,959 Speaker 1: that we stop for just that moment because we can't 571 00:35:26,000 --> 00:35:30,440 Speaker 1: go any farther, and then just that communion time, just 572 00:35:30,520 --> 00:35:34,080 Speaker 1: that fellowship with him. And what I hear you saying 573 00:35:34,120 --> 00:35:37,560 Speaker 1: in your journey with health anxiety is that being able 574 00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:39,840 Speaker 1: to lean into God even when you don't feel like 575 00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:42,720 Speaker 1: it and when it feels scary. And then your husband, 576 00:35:42,760 --> 00:35:45,200 Speaker 1: if someone's listening and they're married and your husband is 577 00:35:45,239 --> 00:35:48,880 Speaker 1: a believer, to ask them to take authority as the 578 00:35:48,960 --> 00:35:52,879 Speaker 1: leader of the home. And then we all need I'll 579 00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:56,279 Speaker 1: call them safe friends. It's not for everybody, like it's 580 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,799 Speaker 1: not to post on social media necessarily, but a few 581 00:35:58,880 --> 00:36:02,799 Speaker 1: save friends that will pray for us and pray with us. 582 00:36:02,880 --> 00:36:06,680 Speaker 1: That that is so helpful. Is there anything else before 583 00:36:06,719 --> 00:36:09,600 Speaker 1: we close today that you'd like to share with somebody 584 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 1: listening that might just really be struggling today. 585 00:36:13,960 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 2: I just want to reiterate that that there there is 586 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:24,319 Speaker 2: no shame in struggling with irrational thoughts and anxiety, That 587 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:28,319 Speaker 2: it is not just all in your head. That it 588 00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:32,120 Speaker 2: is it is a health condition that you're struggling with, 589 00:36:32,840 --> 00:36:36,400 Speaker 2: and it is okay to be struggling with it. It 590 00:36:36,760 --> 00:36:40,200 Speaker 2: doesn't make you less, You're not letting anyone down, you're 591 00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:45,680 Speaker 2: not disappointing anyone. And even though maybe a struggle like 592 00:36:45,800 --> 00:36:49,759 Speaker 2: anxiety doesn't manifest itself like a terminal illness or a 593 00:36:49,840 --> 00:36:56,360 Speaker 2: chronic pain or something like that. Don't minimize your struggle 594 00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:00,319 Speaker 2: because it's it's huge, and we know you know you, 595 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,319 Speaker 2: and I know it's huge when it happens to you, 596 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:06,359 Speaker 2: and God is there and he's with you, and our 597 00:37:06,400 --> 00:37:08,560 Speaker 2: prayers are with you, and you're not alone. 598 00:37:08,800 --> 00:37:10,759 Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you said that. This has been 599 00:37:10,960 --> 00:37:14,240 Speaker 1: such an encouragement. Thank you for joining me today, Jamie, 600 00:37:14,480 --> 00:37:17,279 Speaker 1: and I'm so glad that all of you are here 601 00:37:17,320 --> 00:37:19,839 Speaker 1: with us today on hope for the journey. And in 602 00:37:19,880 --> 00:37:22,319 Speaker 1: the show notes will I've got to give away and 603 00:37:22,360 --> 00:37:25,200 Speaker 1: that's about just a tool, a resource to help you 604 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:29,520 Speaker 1: break free from the grip of anxiety by the truth 605 00:37:29,560 --> 00:37:31,759 Speaker 1: of God's words. So look for that if you need it. 606 00:37:31,760 --> 00:37:34,440 Speaker 1: And again, thank you so much Jamie for coming and 607 00:37:34,480 --> 00:37:35,640 Speaker 1: sharing your story today. 608 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 2: Oh thank you, Monica. It's been so good to talk 609 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:40,160 Speaker 2: with you. Thank you for letting me come. 610 00:37:40,320 --> 00:37:42,799 Speaker 1: I'm Yesha, so so so glad to have you and 611 00:37:42,880 --> 00:37:45,759 Speaker 1: so grateful for the connection. I will see the rest 612 00:37:45,760 --> 00:37:50,440 Speaker 1: of you all next week with more hope for the journey.