1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:07,320 Speaker 2: We have to be careful that we're not trying to 3 00:00:07,320 --> 00:00:11,200 Speaker 2: be in control of our journey, of our healing journey. Also, 4 00:00:11,240 --> 00:00:14,920 Speaker 2: I think that helps because we kind of might identify 5 00:00:15,160 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 2: the problem as well. I need help with my drinking. 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:20,439 Speaker 2: But what really the Lord wants to do is heal 7 00:00:20,520 --> 00:00:21,360 Speaker 2: your heart. 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,760 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 9 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:27,920 Speaker 3: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 10 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 3: Jesus or is longing to reconnect with him, and who 11 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,080 Speaker 3: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 12 00:00:34,400 --> 00:00:36,040 Speaker 4: Here we talk honestly. 13 00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,520 Speaker 3: With grace and truth about how stepping away from alcohol 14 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:42,360 Speaker 3: opens the door to the love, joy, peace and connection 15 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,800 Speaker 3: you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those things were never 16 00:00:45,840 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 3: meant to be found in a bottle of wine. They're 17 00:00:47,920 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 3: found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, I'll help 18 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:55,000 Speaker 3: you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, and 19 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,600 Speaker 3: what you're really craving so that freedom feels not only possible, 20 00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 3: but sustainable. You don't have to do this alone, babe. 21 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 3: Let's dive in. Today's conversation feels especially close to my heart. 22 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,959 Speaker 3: I'm joined by Mary Danith, who also happens to be 23 00:01:12,040 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 3: my literary agent. She is the daily host of the 24 00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:19,560 Speaker 3: Prey Everyday podcast, an artist, a speaker, and the author 25 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 3: of more than fifty books, including her beautiful new release. 26 00:01:22,319 --> 00:01:26,320 Speaker 3: We're talking about today, the freedom of surrender. In this episode, 27 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 3: Mary and I talk about the kind of surrender that 28 00:01:28,280 --> 00:01:31,720 Speaker 3: actually heals you, not the white knuckle and try harder version, 29 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,400 Speaker 3: but the surrender that brings real rest to your soul. 30 00:01:34,600 --> 00:01:38,039 Speaker 3: We talk about why numbing, whether that's scrolling, binging, or substances, 31 00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 3: never gives us the peace we're craving, why surrender is daily, 32 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,559 Speaker 3: not a one and done, and how God gently goes 33 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 3: after the route, not just the behavior. If you're in 34 00:01:47,160 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 3: a season where you're tired of holding it all together, 35 00:01:49,680 --> 00:01:53,200 Speaker 3: tired of managing, striving and pretending you're okay, babe, this 36 00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,400 Speaker 3: conversation is for you. 37 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,560 Speaker 4: Let's dive in. 38 00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: Hi. 39 00:01:56,520 --> 00:02:00,320 Speaker 3: Mary, Hello, It's so good to see you. It's so 40 00:02:00,400 --> 00:02:02,720 Speaker 3: good to see you too. Welcome to the Love Life 41 00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 3: Sober Podcast. So excited, so excited that you're here. I 42 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,799 Speaker 3: am so excited to chat with you and record with you. 43 00:02:12,280 --> 00:02:15,360 Speaker 3: But for the gals that haven't heard me talk about you, 44 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,240 Speaker 3: because I feel like I talk about you all the time. 45 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:23,560 Speaker 3: Mary Dmouth is my beautiful, beautiful agent, and she is 46 00:02:24,040 --> 00:02:27,560 Speaker 3: a woman of like so many talents that it's insane. 47 00:02:28,360 --> 00:02:30,920 Speaker 3: You have written fifty how many books? 48 00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,679 Speaker 2: I think it's fifty three or fifty four, now, my gosh, 49 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 2: fifty four books. 50 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 3: She has an incredible podcast called Pray every Day, which 51 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 3: has had how many millions of listeners? 52 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:44,919 Speaker 1: I think five million at this time. 53 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:49,880 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, that is so wild. Where you pray, 54 00:02:50,120 --> 00:02:53,920 Speaker 3: You literally pray every single day, right, Yeah. 55 00:02:53,720 --> 00:02:56,560 Speaker 2: It's I read scripture and then I pray. It's five minutes. 56 00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,400 Speaker 2: So it's kind of one of those really nice things 57 00:02:58,440 --> 00:02:59,920 Speaker 2: where you can start your day with it. 58 00:03:00,280 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 1: Actually a lot of people who. 59 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,560 Speaker 2: End their day with it because they say my voice 60 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 2: is soothing, which is curious to me because I'm an insomniac. 61 00:03:07,080 --> 00:03:09,000 Speaker 2: So the fact that my voice is helping people fall 62 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 2: asleep just makes me so happy. 63 00:03:12,320 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 3: I love that your voice and Jodi Niznik's voice, Oh yes, 64 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 3: I know totally. When I have lunch with her, I'm like, 65 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,440 Speaker 3: your voice is anointed, babe, Like it's. 66 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,919 Speaker 1: Just so soothing, so good. Yep. 67 00:03:24,360 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 3: The way that we found each other was so cool 68 00:03:26,280 --> 00:03:28,920 Speaker 3: because when I was when I had this idea for 69 00:03:28,960 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 3: the book back in twenty twenty two, so. 70 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:34,360 Speaker 1: Many years ago, twenty two. 71 00:03:34,200 --> 00:03:37,680 Speaker 3: I think I sent out dozens of query letters and 72 00:03:37,720 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 3: I got a response back from only two of them, 73 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:45,160 Speaker 3: saying my platform wasn't big enough. And then somebody heard me, 74 00:03:45,320 --> 00:03:47,360 Speaker 3: one of your previous clients or someone that had been 75 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 3: connected with you, that's right, Yeah, heard me on a 76 00:03:51,240 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 3: podcast and said, if you are looking for an agent, 77 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 3: I have an agent for you. 78 00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:59,280 Speaker 4: And it was you. Yes, it was such a god thing. 79 00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 3: And then I got to do the coolest thing because 80 00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 3: we I went to your amazing writing writing richreet in 81 00:04:06,400 --> 00:04:09,560 Speaker 3: my gosh, Switzerland, Switzerland. Yeah, I had to think almost 82 00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:11,880 Speaker 3: that Sweden, And you're doing one this summer right in France. 83 00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:16,560 Speaker 2: I am in Normandy, so in an old convent and 84 00:04:16,600 --> 00:04:18,800 Speaker 2: it's going to be the first couple weeks of August. 85 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:19,720 Speaker 1: I'm so excited. 86 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:21,680 Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's so cool. 87 00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:23,279 Speaker 1: Is so cool? 88 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,800 Speaker 3: Well, I mean, if you want, we can put the 89 00:04:24,800 --> 00:04:28,200 Speaker 3: link below and you don't drink, which is exciting. 90 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:28,640 Speaker 1: Don't. 91 00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:31,080 Speaker 2: And I'm very happy about it too, which is perfect 92 00:04:31,080 --> 00:04:33,279 Speaker 2: because you know, I'm sure when you were praying about 93 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,839 Speaker 2: an agent like that was probably in the back of 94 00:04:35,880 --> 00:04:38,840 Speaker 2: your mind, like I want someone who doesn't drink, and 95 00:04:39,440 --> 00:04:42,440 Speaker 2: you know, I just feel pretty strongly about that personally, 96 00:04:42,680 --> 00:04:45,120 Speaker 2: and so it's just lovely to be a partner with 97 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,400 Speaker 2: you because I love what you're doing. 98 00:04:46,880 --> 00:04:47,560 Speaker 4: Yeah. 99 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,840 Speaker 3: Thanks, And I still feel like kind of that this 100 00:04:50,920 --> 00:04:53,200 Speaker 3: book Because of You is out in the world, but 101 00:04:53,240 --> 00:04:55,400 Speaker 3: it's still kind of one of the only books, and 102 00:04:55,480 --> 00:04:57,960 Speaker 3: so there's a long we have a long way to 103 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:01,520 Speaker 3: go as far as just continuing to help gals with this, 104 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:03,560 Speaker 3: which is cool, true, Yeah, but I. 105 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:04,760 Speaker 4: Don't want to talk about my book. 106 00:05:04,760 --> 00:05:07,800 Speaker 3: I want to talk about your book because you've written 107 00:05:07,839 --> 00:05:09,560 Speaker 3: so many that I wanted to talk about. But when 108 00:05:09,560 --> 00:05:11,720 Speaker 3: this one came across my feeds, I was like, oh 109 00:05:11,720 --> 00:05:13,599 Speaker 3: my gosh, we have to talk about this because it 110 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 3: is so perfect for the gals that listen to this podcast, 111 00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:19,480 Speaker 3: and it is so beautiful. It is called The Freedom 112 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:23,440 Speaker 3: of Surrender and it is a forty day devotional but 113 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:25,400 Speaker 3: it includes we forgot to include. 114 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,920 Speaker 4: Your other amazing talent is that you're an artist, and 115 00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:30,880 Speaker 4: it includes your drawings in here, your paintings. 116 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:35,080 Speaker 2: This does how terrifying, But yeah, talk about a little 117 00:05:35,080 --> 00:05:38,919 Speaker 2: bit about what made you want to like put this together. 118 00:05:39,200 --> 00:05:42,400 Speaker 2: I have been doing art for Lent instead of giving 119 00:05:42,440 --> 00:05:47,560 Speaker 2: up chocolate because I love chocolate, and so I've been 120 00:05:47,560 --> 00:05:49,440 Speaker 2: doing like a piece of art every day for Lent. 121 00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,360 Speaker 2: And a couple of years ago, the Lord I felt 122 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:53,599 Speaker 2: like he said, I want you to surrender every day 123 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:56,719 Speaker 2: for Lent and then paint it. And so every day 124 00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 2: he would say, Okay, I want you to surrender your appearance, 125 00:05:59,360 --> 00:06:01,240 Speaker 2: or I want you to surrender your future. I want 126 00:06:01,279 --> 00:06:03,960 Speaker 2: you to surrender you know, your family. I want you 127 00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,160 Speaker 2: to surrender that outcome that you wanted that you didn't get. 128 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:10,159 Speaker 2: And so every day was like a new adventure with 129 00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:13,520 Speaker 2: the Lord. And then that eventually that idea ended up 130 00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:17,360 Speaker 2: on ivp's lap and they liked it. As originally it 131 00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,240 Speaker 2: was just going to be a Lent and devotional because 132 00:06:19,240 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 2: it's forty days, so it's really nice to go through 133 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:24,000 Speaker 2: for Lent, but it's for any time of the year, 134 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:26,880 Speaker 2: and it takes different parts of your life and you're 135 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:30,120 Speaker 2: just surrendering, which is something that I know you talk 136 00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: a lot about, Christy about this idea of it's a 137 00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,800 Speaker 2: continual surrender, it's not a one and done and I 138 00:06:37,839 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 2: think we get tripped up when we think it's one 139 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:44,320 Speaker 2: and done totally. For instance, like forgiveness. If we think 140 00:06:44,360 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 2: forgiveness is once, you know, we forgave once and then 141 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:50,560 Speaker 2: we're done. If we're confronted again with a brokenness in 142 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:53,600 Speaker 2: that relationship, my tendency was, oh, I must not a 143 00:06:53,640 --> 00:06:56,760 Speaker 2: forgiven yeah, and then hit myself over the head. Similarly, 144 00:06:57,520 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 2: you know you had a drink and you didn't want 145 00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:02,520 Speaker 2: to have a drink, but you did. It's not the end, 146 00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,719 Speaker 2: it's just the beginning of a new decision, and so 147 00:07:05,839 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 2: it's just another surrender. So I love that concept that 148 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 2: it's not like I'm very much an all or nothing person, 149 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:15,160 Speaker 2: So it's not that is not a helpful mindset. 150 00:07:15,680 --> 00:07:18,080 Speaker 3: Yes, no, I know we're very similar in that way. 151 00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 3: So I pulled out some of my favorite days and 152 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:22,720 Speaker 3: some of the days that I feel like would resonate 153 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:25,720 Speaker 3: with the gals, and I would love to talk about 154 00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:30,080 Speaker 3: surrendering your security. I love this this part where you 155 00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:33,840 Speaker 3: say it's often easier to turn anywhere but the embrace 156 00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,760 Speaker 3: of God. Why because he seems far away and we 157 00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:40,680 Speaker 3: need comfort right now. Our insecure hearts find solace in 158 00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:45,760 Speaker 3: control substances addictions, escapes, doom scrolling, or show binging. There's 159 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:48,560 Speaker 3: a supreme difference between the kind of rest that numbs 160 00:07:48,640 --> 00:07:51,400 Speaker 3: us and the kind of sabbath that truly renews us. 161 00:07:51,840 --> 00:07:54,920 Speaker 3: One places a bandage on an open, seeping wound, and 162 00:07:54,960 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 3: the other finds the root cause and brings soul rest. 163 00:07:57,440 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 3: And I underlined that ninety seven times. Can you talk 164 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,800 Speaker 3: a little bit about that, because I think it's going 165 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,480 Speaker 3: to really hit home with the gals. 166 00:08:05,840 --> 00:08:07,880 Speaker 2: Yeah, And I, you know, I just want to come 167 00:08:07,920 --> 00:08:10,920 Speaker 2: to this with honesty as saying I struggle like that 168 00:08:11,080 --> 00:08:14,040 Speaker 2: is a struggle for me, and especially the doom scrolling 169 00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 2: problem or numbing myself with media. And so I'm working 170 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:22,200 Speaker 2: really hard on going back to an analog life. Hard 171 00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 2: to do when you're in this space, but I'm trying very. 172 00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 1: Hard, so hard. 173 00:08:26,280 --> 00:08:30,840 Speaker 2: But I have found that numbing is only a temporary solution, 174 00:08:31,520 --> 00:08:35,480 Speaker 2: and it's so temporary. It only lasts that moment and 175 00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:37,360 Speaker 2: then you have to get more. And because of the 176 00:08:37,400 --> 00:08:39,960 Speaker 2: dopamine problem, you have to get more and more and more. 177 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: So similarly with alcohol or with drug abuse or any 178 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,559 Speaker 2: of those kinds of things, you're never satisfied with the 179 00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:49,840 Speaker 2: same amount that you had before, because we're trying to 180 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 2: fill a hole that really can only be filled with 181 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,760 Speaker 2: the Lord and otherwise. There's this great verse in Jeremiah, 182 00:08:57,760 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 2: believe it's in chapter two. He talks about how we 183 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,040 Speaker 2: have forsaken the fountain of living waters and have dug 184 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 2: for ourselves our own cisterns, broken cisterns that can hold 185 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:10,200 Speaker 2: no water. And so when we are chasing after the 186 00:09:10,240 --> 00:09:13,000 Speaker 2: dopamine hit, we are basically we have this hole in 187 00:09:13,040 --> 00:09:17,040 Speaker 2: the ground that is supposed to capture water if it 188 00:09:17,080 --> 00:09:19,560 Speaker 2: ever rains, but it's like a sieve and the water 189 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:22,720 Speaker 2: goes through. When the Lord is offering us living water 190 00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:25,120 Speaker 2: that we don't have to wait for, it comes right 191 00:09:25,160 --> 00:09:28,080 Speaker 2: now and we don't have to have a perfect holder 192 00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:28,559 Speaker 2: for it. 193 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:31,840 Speaker 1: He just gives it to us in abundance. Yeah. 194 00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,320 Speaker 4: I love that so much. It's such a good reminder. 195 00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 3: And as you said, I mean, this conversation is for 196 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 3: the gal that's struggling with alcohol, but also with scrolling 197 00:09:41,240 --> 00:09:44,319 Speaker 3: or like reality TV is one that I struggle with, 198 00:09:44,480 --> 00:09:48,160 Speaker 3: Like I just it's very much a numb out that 199 00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,960 Speaker 3: doesn't actually give me real rest's But as you said, Mary, 200 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:54,400 Speaker 3: it's a it's a daily thing, and that is something 201 00:09:54,440 --> 00:09:57,840 Speaker 3: that is so important to remind ourselves of. It's a 202 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 3: conversation that I had even this week with a client 203 00:10:00,040 --> 00:10:02,160 Speaker 3: where we're just like yeah, over and over and over 204 00:10:02,240 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 3: again and again and again. 205 00:10:04,040 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, And eventually it becomes a habit. And once 206 00:10:07,480 --> 00:10:10,199 Speaker 2: it becomes part of your lifestyle and a habit, then 207 00:10:10,200 --> 00:10:12,800 Speaker 2: it changes everything. I was talking about that today about 208 00:10:12,840 --> 00:10:15,719 Speaker 2: working out with a friend of mine, and now it's 209 00:10:15,760 --> 00:10:16,200 Speaker 2: a habit. 210 00:10:16,280 --> 00:10:17,360 Speaker 1: I don't even think about it. 211 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,439 Speaker 2: It's like I just automatically put on my workout clothes 212 00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:23,360 Speaker 2: and do it, and I am not a workout queen. 213 00:10:23,520 --> 00:10:25,720 Speaker 2: But because it's become a habit, it's not I don't 214 00:10:25,760 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 2: have to think about it anymore. 215 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:27,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. 216 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:31,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, that is so relatable, I think to Gal's also 217 00:10:31,760 --> 00:10:35,840 Speaker 3: struggling with any sort of like habit like or addiction, 218 00:10:36,000 --> 00:10:38,920 Speaker 3: is that you expect there to be a change just 219 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:41,840 Speaker 3: by wanting it, and you actually have to, right, but 220 00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,640 Speaker 3: you actually have to do You have to do the work, 221 00:10:44,679 --> 00:10:46,160 Speaker 3: and you have to make it a habit, and you 222 00:10:46,160 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 3: have to rewild those neural pathways and you have to 223 00:10:48,280 --> 00:10:51,000 Speaker 3: like actually like habit stack and do all the things 224 00:10:51,080 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 3: you always talk about to just get it into your 225 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 3: brain and your like rhythm, your rhythm. And what I 226 00:10:56,320 --> 00:10:59,040 Speaker 3: love about this book too, apart from the drawings which 227 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:02,240 Speaker 3: are so pretty, is that I think the way that 228 00:11:02,320 --> 00:11:06,480 Speaker 3: you parse out, like the different things to surrender are 229 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:10,160 Speaker 3: such a good reminder of that like every day but 230 00:11:10,320 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 3: every single thing too, you know. Yeah, so surrender my 231 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,080 Speaker 3: impatience totally hashtag hardcore relate. 232 00:11:18,800 --> 00:11:19,840 Speaker 4: Let's talk about that. 233 00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:21,720 Speaker 3: I didn't have an underline, but I want to talk 234 00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 3: about this because I think it's so relatable and. 235 00:11:23,720 --> 00:11:25,679 Speaker 2: You know, it is something that we can grow in. 236 00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,400 Speaker 2: It is a fruit of the spirit, and so it 237 00:11:28,440 --> 00:11:31,720 Speaker 2: is something that can be ours ever increasing. In fact, 238 00:11:31,880 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 2: that is the question that I ask myself every year 239 00:11:36,120 --> 00:11:38,840 Speaker 2: to see if I'm growing. I'll ask myself, am I 240 00:11:38,920 --> 00:11:41,920 Speaker 2: more patient this year than I was last year? And 241 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:45,120 Speaker 2: sometimes the answer is no, so and then I'm like, oh, 242 00:11:45,360 --> 00:11:49,520 Speaker 2: there's just something broken in me that is demanding and 243 00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:52,080 Speaker 2: can only feel okay if everything's going the way I 244 00:11:52,120 --> 00:11:55,320 Speaker 2: want it to. And that's that is living on a 245 00:11:55,360 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 2: false edge of security. If our security is based on 246 00:11:58,120 --> 00:12:00,559 Speaker 2: something that can be taken away from us, or if 247 00:12:00,559 --> 00:12:02,520 Speaker 2: it shifts, we're going to be all messed up. Then 248 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:05,480 Speaker 2: we're we're living on a false rock. It's not a 249 00:12:05,520 --> 00:12:09,400 Speaker 2: real rock. It's like a paper mache rock, and it 250 00:12:09,480 --> 00:12:11,560 Speaker 2: can in the rain, it will just fall apart. 251 00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: We need to be. 252 00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:16,959 Speaker 2: Going, Okay, how I can't contract patience, it's not part 253 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,479 Speaker 2: of my personality. But how can I ask God desperately 254 00:12:20,559 --> 00:12:22,440 Speaker 2: for it and know that the Holy Spirit within me 255 00:12:22,559 --> 00:12:25,839 Speaker 2: is infinitely patient? And so it's a matter of accessing 256 00:12:25,960 --> 00:12:30,520 Speaker 2: the spirit within me to take deep breath and say, Okay, 257 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:31,640 Speaker 2: does this really matter? 258 00:12:31,720 --> 00:12:34,080 Speaker 1: And what can I learn in this? Yeah? 259 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:36,480 Speaker 3: And it's such a good reminder that we can't conjure 260 00:12:36,520 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 3: it up by ourself, right, Like, it's the fruit of 261 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:44,000 Speaker 3: the spirit come from abiding, being connected and thankfully that's 262 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:46,680 Speaker 3: not something that we have to effort at all, which 263 00:12:46,720 --> 00:12:50,840 Speaker 3: is a reminder that I have to remind myself every day. 264 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,040 Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. 265 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 3: Let's talk about surrendering past struggles, because again I feel 266 00:12:59,600 --> 00:13:01,120 Speaker 3: like that will be a really good one that the 267 00:13:01,160 --> 00:13:04,640 Speaker 3: galas will relate to. And you write, perhaps one of 268 00:13:04,640 --> 00:13:08,360 Speaker 3: your past addictions, struggles or conflicts is haunting you today. 269 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 3: You've bought the lie that you ruined everything and grace 270 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,960 Speaker 3: cannot cover you. Thankfully, you're not that powerful. 271 00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,880 Speaker 4: I love that you. 272 00:13:16,800 --> 00:13:20,640 Speaker 3: Cannot thwart the goodness of God through your choices, because 273 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 3: God always runs a redemptive thread through our tangled stories. 274 00:13:25,040 --> 00:13:29,400 Speaker 3: The darker threads of sin and past choices, though regrettable, 275 00:13:29,720 --> 00:13:33,120 Speaker 3: can become the beautiful contrast to the light the Lord brings. 276 00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:37,400 Speaker 4: The darker the past, the more opportunity for light and growth. 277 00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:39,320 Speaker 1: So good. I love that. 278 00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:43,439 Speaker 2: I remember hearing Ted Decker share at a writer's conference, 279 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,520 Speaker 2: and it was similar in tone. He said something like 280 00:13:47,440 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 2: the light of redemption shines brighter on a dark canvas. 281 00:13:51,720 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 2: And he said that we're not doing any We're not 282 00:13:53,640 --> 00:13:56,680 Speaker 2: doing anyone any favors when we try to pretify or 283 00:13:56,840 --> 00:14:00,640 Speaker 2: you know, dal up evil, we should it for what 284 00:14:00,760 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 2: it is. 285 00:14:01,520 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 1: It's dark. 286 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,920 Speaker 2: We don't want to gray it, we don't want to 287 00:14:03,920 --> 00:14:06,360 Speaker 2: wipe it out. We want it to be dark. And 288 00:14:06,400 --> 00:14:09,880 Speaker 2: then that dark has the beautiful ability to show the 289 00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 2: contrast of the light. And so when you look back 290 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:14,760 Speaker 2: on your story and say, oh gosh, it's so dark, 291 00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:17,400 Speaker 2: I mean, I certainly had lots of dark places. That 292 00:14:17,559 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: just makes the light more radical and makes us more 293 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 2: grateful too, for the intersection of the Lord in our stories. 294 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 3: Yeah, you want to do you want to go there 295 00:14:27,880 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 3: at all? Like about some of the parts of your 296 00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:34,680 Speaker 3: story that were dark and why everything that you're like 297 00:14:34,800 --> 00:14:37,120 Speaker 3: so much like this beautiful book is so bright now? 298 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:41,080 Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean a lot of my darkness came from 299 00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:45,920 Speaker 2: adult choices made against me as a child, so sexual 300 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:50,200 Speaker 2: abuse and neglect, and there was a lot of substance 301 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:55,280 Speaker 2: abuse in my home, tons of alcoholism everywhere, all generations 302 00:14:55,480 --> 00:14:59,720 Speaker 2: going way back, addictions, all sorts of things. And so 303 00:15:00,040 --> 00:15:03,960 Speaker 2: it wasn't that I have necessarily the past of addiction 304 00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:08,440 Speaker 2: because of it, but I suffered the the you know, 305 00:15:08,480 --> 00:15:11,280 Speaker 2: the walking out of it in someone else's life, and 306 00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:15,480 Speaker 2: it caused me to have this holy desire once I 307 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:18,720 Speaker 2: met Jesus. I didn't know Jesus at first, but once 308 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,160 Speaker 2: I met him, it just gave me this desire of 309 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 2: remembering what it was like as a kid when substances 310 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:29,480 Speaker 2: were being abused, and how terrifying it was. And I 311 00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:32,400 Speaker 2: just thought, Lord, please deliver me because I know I 312 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:35,240 Speaker 2: have it's in my genes, and I don't want my 313 00:15:35,680 --> 00:15:39,880 Speaker 2: future kids to ever have to feel afraid or uncomfortable 314 00:15:40,320 --> 00:15:45,200 Speaker 2: or awkward or alone or abandoned or any of those things, 315 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:48,280 Speaker 2: because it was it was so hard on me. 316 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 1: I hope that makes sense. 317 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:53,680 Speaker 3: Yeah it does. And so did you ever try alcohol? 318 00:15:53,720 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 4: A are? You were just like, I don't. I don't 319 00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:56,600 Speaker 4: want to go there. 320 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:57,440 Speaker 1: It's interesting. 321 00:15:57,480 --> 00:16:00,040 Speaker 2: So I tried it before I was a Christian, and 322 00:16:00,520 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 2: you know, had it after a few times too, But 323 00:16:02,640 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 2: I was like in the eighth grade and I was 324 00:16:04,520 --> 00:16:07,160 Speaker 2: being pressured. It was like the those after school specials. 325 00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:09,680 Speaker 2: It was definitely the peer pressure. Come on, Mary, everyone 326 00:16:09,680 --> 00:16:12,360 Speaker 2: else is doing it, and I did. And it was 327 00:16:12,440 --> 00:16:16,600 Speaker 2: interesting because I did not like the feeling it gave me. 328 00:16:17,120 --> 00:16:20,240 Speaker 2: I because the only thing as a trauma survivor, and I, 329 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:23,160 Speaker 2: of course I couldn't have articulated this. Then the only 330 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:25,400 Speaker 2: thing that saved me as an only child in a 331 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:30,440 Speaker 2: chaotic environment was control. So to lose my control to 332 00:16:30,480 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 2: a substance was terrifying to me. So that only happened 333 00:16:33,880 --> 00:16:38,160 Speaker 2: a couple times. Then I met Jesus, and then you know, 334 00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:38,920 Speaker 2: I went back. 335 00:16:38,720 --> 00:16:40,280 Speaker 1: And forth, like I didn't. 336 00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 2: We lived in France, so we were church planters there, 337 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:45,920 Speaker 2: so I had to learn. I never have really liked alcohol, 338 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:49,040 Speaker 2: so I had to learn to like wine just for 339 00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,600 Speaker 2: the culture's sake. But when I got back to the 340 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:53,720 Speaker 2: United States, I just I was like, I don't even 341 00:16:53,760 --> 00:16:57,760 Speaker 2: really want to. So for me, it was not a temptation, 342 00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:02,840 Speaker 2: mainly because I had experienced it on that other side 343 00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,439 Speaker 2: of being perpetrated against in the midst of it. 344 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:09,399 Speaker 3: Yeah, hey, babe, I just wanted to pause us for 345 00:17:09,520 --> 00:17:13,920 Speaker 3: one second to remind you that this September we are 346 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:18,280 Speaker 3: gathering in Holland, Michigan for the Aligned Conference. This is 347 00:17:18,320 --> 00:17:24,760 Speaker 3: going to be the first ever Christian women's alcohol Free conference, 348 00:17:25,119 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 3: and I am so excited to be partnering with my 349 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:32,920 Speaker 3: friend Sherry Hoppin of Sala House Recovery. If you've ever 350 00:17:32,960 --> 00:17:35,280 Speaker 3: wished there was a place where you could talk openly 351 00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:39,000 Speaker 3: about freedom from alcohol, growing closer to Jesus, and building 352 00:17:39,080 --> 00:17:42,880 Speaker 3: genuine friendships with women who understand the journey, then this 353 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:49,520 Speaker 3: is your opportunity. We're bringing together incredible speakers, meaningful conversations, worship, prayer, 354 00:17:49,680 --> 00:17:53,200 Speaker 3: practical tools, and plenty of opportunities to connect with women 355 00:17:53,240 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 3: who are pursuing freedom and living aligned with God's best 356 00:17:56,840 --> 00:17:59,360 Speaker 3: for their lives. One of the things I'm most excited 357 00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 3: about is it's so many women from the love Life 358 00:18:01,520 --> 00:18:04,720 Speaker 3: Sober community are already coming. If you've ever wanted to 359 00:18:04,760 --> 00:18:07,240 Speaker 3: meet some of those amazing women in real life and 360 00:18:07,280 --> 00:18:10,919 Speaker 3: get an in person hug and spend a few days 361 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:14,880 Speaker 3: just hanging out with women who are alcohol free or sober, 362 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:19,880 Speaker 3: curious and love Jesus, then this is your chance. It 363 00:18:19,920 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 3: doesn't matter how long you've been free from alcohol, if 364 00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:25,879 Speaker 3: you are just at the beginning of this journey or 365 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:28,800 Speaker 3: years in, we don't mind. We just want to get 366 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:29,600 Speaker 3: in a room with you. 367 00:18:29,680 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 4: And we are so so excited. 368 00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:35,120 Speaker 3: All of the details and the ticket information is all 369 00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 3: at the link in the show notes. I am so 370 00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 3: so excited to get to hug some of you beautiful 371 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,399 Speaker 3: women in person this September. 372 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,000 Speaker 4: Okay, let's get back to today's episode. 373 00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:51,720 Speaker 3: You mentioned control, and so is that something that and 374 00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:53,639 Speaker 3: I know, I know, I can see the faces of 375 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:55,720 Speaker 3: the women that I've had this conversation with in my 376 00:18:55,840 --> 00:19:00,719 Speaker 3: head of surrendering control of so many things, and it 377 00:19:00,760 --> 00:19:03,720 Speaker 3: ties into alcohol in a lot of ways, because so 378 00:19:03,840 --> 00:19:07,840 Speaker 3: many gals think that alcohol gives them the control over 379 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,560 Speaker 3: being able to escape, relax, relief, all of those things. 380 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 3: But for you, is that something that do you struggle 381 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:18,960 Speaker 3: with like surrendering control because it sounds like yeah, I 382 00:19:19,000 --> 00:19:21,560 Speaker 3: mean me too, Hello, don't we all? Yes? 383 00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:24,360 Speaker 2: And in fact, what I will say is the thing 384 00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,760 Speaker 2: that helped me as a child and was so beneficial 385 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 2: was that element of control and of like ordering my world. 386 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:35,080 Speaker 2: But as I became an adult, those things no longer 387 00:19:35,160 --> 00:19:37,959 Speaker 2: served me, but I was still clinging to them. So 388 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,160 Speaker 2: I may not have run to alcohol, but I ran 389 00:19:40,280 --> 00:19:44,200 Speaker 2: to control like I had definitely in my trauma response, 390 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:46,520 Speaker 2: I was like, oh, I must have everything the way 391 00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:50,680 Speaker 2: it should be, and whenever it well because of life, 392 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,240 Speaker 2: I mean, whenever it wasn't that way, whenever I felt 393 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:59,400 Speaker 2: out of control, I would spiral because I couldn't fix it. 394 00:20:00,040 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 2: And I think that's kind of the thing there, all 395 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:05,480 Speaker 2: of us come to, whether we have an addiction to 396 00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:09,840 Speaker 2: a substance or an addiction to control, is this feeling 397 00:20:09,880 --> 00:20:14,479 Speaker 2: that we think we have control and not realizing that 398 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,240 Speaker 2: so many things are out of our control, and how 399 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,840 Speaker 2: we deeply need to reach heavenward for help. So many times, 400 00:20:21,880 --> 00:20:24,600 Speaker 2: this reaching for control, whether it be to a substance 401 00:20:24,720 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 2: or just control in its pure form, is us trying 402 00:20:28,320 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 2: to be God, us trying to manage our life. Or 403 00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:34,639 Speaker 2: micromanage our life without the help of the Holy Spirit 404 00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:38,280 Speaker 2: within us. And so I struggle one hundred percent just 405 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:40,959 Speaker 2: the same as anybody else who's reaching for something different. 406 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 2: I'm still reaching for control, and I have to learn 407 00:20:44,920 --> 00:20:47,479 Speaker 2: to say it doesn't mean that I give up my volition. 408 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 2: I still need to have holy habits, I still need 409 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:53,760 Speaker 2: to have those things. But it does mean that I 410 00:20:53,880 --> 00:20:56,959 Speaker 2: understand ultimately that my source of strength cannot be my 411 00:20:57,000 --> 00:20:57,800 Speaker 2: own conniving. 412 00:20:58,280 --> 00:20:59,040 Speaker 1: It has to be the. 413 00:20:58,960 --> 00:21:02,679 Speaker 4: Lord, Yeah, conniving striving. 414 00:21:03,119 --> 00:21:04,919 Speaker 3: One of the best things I read about, like the 415 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 3: illusion of control, was talking about how as parents, your 416 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,000 Speaker 3: kids are probably too old for this, but like we 417 00:21:11,119 --> 00:21:12,639 Speaker 3: have them on those trackers. 418 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:15,040 Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, and this. 419 00:21:15,080 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 3: I think it was Carlos Whitaker was writing an article 420 00:21:17,240 --> 00:21:21,360 Speaker 3: about try to delete the tracker because okay, you can 421 00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,560 Speaker 3: see them, but if something happens to them, like you 422 00:21:23,600 --> 00:21:26,600 Speaker 3: can't do anything about it. So that tracker is like 423 00:21:26,760 --> 00:21:29,920 Speaker 3: making you feel some sense of security and some sense 424 00:21:29,960 --> 00:21:32,960 Speaker 3: of control even though you still have no control over 425 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,600 Speaker 3: what's going on at the purple dot right and just 426 00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:39,000 Speaker 3: and but we give ourselves, especially in this modern day 427 00:21:39,040 --> 00:21:43,880 Speaker 3: and age, like so many false senses of control, which 428 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:45,960 Speaker 3: I think makes it even harder to surrender. 429 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,960 Speaker 2: I think that way too, And you know, having gone 430 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,520 Speaker 2: to Malawi last year, it's like the seventh or eighth 431 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:55,280 Speaker 2: porest country in the world and they literally have no 432 00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:59,280 Speaker 2: control over any of their circumstances. It was very hard, 433 00:21:59,359 --> 00:22:02,720 Speaker 2: but they had so much joy as well, and that 434 00:22:02,920 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 2: was surprising to me because they took each day as 435 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:10,120 Speaker 2: it came, and as each day as a gift, and 436 00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:10,680 Speaker 2: it was like. 437 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:13,840 Speaker 1: An adventure per day. Will I eat today? 438 00:22:14,080 --> 00:22:16,960 Speaker 2: I mean, those are questions I don't ask myself, and 439 00:22:17,359 --> 00:22:20,480 Speaker 2: they just have learned this kind of dependence on the 440 00:22:20,520 --> 00:22:22,920 Speaker 2: Lord that is lacking in my life for sure. 441 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:26,480 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've heard that from gals that have done missions 442 00:22:26,520 --> 00:22:28,439 Speaker 3: trips like that, where they just do you go to 443 00:22:28,480 --> 00:22:30,960 Speaker 3: a country like that and there's so much joy, and 444 00:22:31,000 --> 00:22:33,720 Speaker 3: then you come back to you know, a country like 445 00:22:33,840 --> 00:22:36,199 Speaker 3: us or a UK where we have everything and we 446 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 3: don't have that same joy. 447 00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:42,119 Speaker 2: And we're like super cynical and weird. I don't understand 448 00:22:42,359 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 2: we should be so happy we've got everything. 449 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,399 Speaker 3: I know, right, I love Day fourteen surrendering your healing journey. 450 00:22:49,440 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 4: Look at how pretty this map. 451 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 1: It's a little island of healing island of healing. 452 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,720 Speaker 3: I love this day so much, and I think it's 453 00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,639 Speaker 3: going to resonate with the gals because we're trying to 454 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,840 Speaker 3: surrender our healing journey. And I mean I coached day 455 00:23:03,880 --> 00:23:06,199 Speaker 3: one of our forty day fast. The one thing I 456 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:09,879 Speaker 3: was just literally trying to get into everyone's heads but stay, 457 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:12,560 Speaker 3: over and over again, was I know this is a 458 00:23:12,600 --> 00:23:17,119 Speaker 3: forty day fast, but like, just hold the entire process 459 00:23:17,280 --> 00:23:20,120 Speaker 3: of becoming alcohol free if that's what God has for you, 460 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 3: super lightly, because there are women here and this sounds discouraging, 461 00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:25,960 Speaker 3: but it's not. There are women here who have done 462 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,800 Speaker 3: two fast, three fasts, more fast and they're still going, 463 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:32,840 Speaker 3: but they're coming to it with a completely different set 464 00:23:32,880 --> 00:23:36,400 Speaker 3: of eyes, a completely different set of thoughts and beliefs 465 00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,960 Speaker 3: about what alcohol does. And so surrender your healing journey. 466 00:23:40,600 --> 00:23:44,399 Speaker 3: You're healing your alcohol exodus because God's going to teach 467 00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:46,760 Speaker 3: you things that you don't even know you were supposed 468 00:23:46,800 --> 00:23:47,200 Speaker 3: to learn. 469 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:52,000 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, and you have to also kind of it's 470 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:55,239 Speaker 2: all about letting go, right, just letting it go. I 471 00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:57,359 Speaker 2: think one of the things I've learned in my walk 472 00:23:57,400 --> 00:24:00,680 Speaker 2: with the Lord is that I try to perscrie him 473 00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:04,160 Speaker 2: the way in which I need to grow. So I'm like, okay, Lord, 474 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,800 Speaker 2: I really like we'll take patience. I really need patience. 475 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:09,080 Speaker 2: And so I'm like, Okay, he's gonna work on me 476 00:24:09,160 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: with patients. Well, what if he wants to work with 477 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 2: me on abiding or the words that I say or whatever. 478 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:18,520 Speaker 2: So we have to be careful that we're not trying 479 00:24:18,560 --> 00:24:22,480 Speaker 2: to be in control of our journey, of our healing journey. Also, 480 00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:26,240 Speaker 2: I think that helps because we kind of might identify 481 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:28,960 Speaker 2: the problem as well, I need help with my drinking. 482 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:31,760 Speaker 2: But what really the Lord wants to do is heal 483 00:24:31,800 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 2: your heart. And your drinking is a result typically of 484 00:24:35,800 --> 00:24:39,160 Speaker 2: some sort of wound somewhere, and he wants to get 485 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 2: to the root of that wound, not just the behavior. 486 00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,280 Speaker 2: He wants to heal you inside. And that might take 487 00:24:47,320 --> 00:24:49,600 Speaker 2: you by surprise the things that come up. You might 488 00:24:49,640 --> 00:24:53,879 Speaker 2: have flashbacks to the past. You might suddenly have to 489 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:57,159 Speaker 2: work through a memory that you had you know, suppressed. 490 00:24:58,200 --> 00:24:59,919 Speaker 1: You may have to go see a counselor. 491 00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:01,840 Speaker 2: For a little because you realize you've opened up a 492 00:25:01,840 --> 00:25:05,000 Speaker 2: cannon word because the drinking or whatever it is, has 493 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:09,159 Speaker 2: been your way of shoving down your pain. So that 494 00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,879 Speaker 2: you don't have to deal with it. Taking it away 495 00:25:12,720 --> 00:25:15,160 Speaker 2: means you're it's terrifying because now. 496 00:25:14,960 --> 00:25:16,000 Speaker 1: You are exposed. 497 00:25:16,680 --> 00:25:18,720 Speaker 2: But the beautiful thing is God's not going to let 498 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:23,320 Speaker 2: you go, and he knows the most gentlemanly way about 499 00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 2: healing you in the most kind hearted way. And that's 500 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:30,000 Speaker 2: why people will do that fast four or five times 501 00:25:30,040 --> 00:25:33,520 Speaker 2: because he did one thread of healing on the first time. 502 00:25:33,920 --> 00:25:36,240 Speaker 2: Now he's doing the next layer lower, and now the 503 00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:39,600 Speaker 2: next layer lower, and that's not defeat, that's victory. 504 00:25:40,359 --> 00:25:43,879 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And when you're healing like that, I always 505 00:25:43,880 --> 00:25:46,720 Speaker 3: say that it has nothing to do with the alcohol, right. Yeah, 506 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,199 Speaker 3: It's like alcohol is just something that we try to 507 00:25:49,320 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 3: use as a solution, but there's so many as you said, 508 00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:56,000 Speaker 3: there's so many layers. And also, by the way, and 509 00:25:56,040 --> 00:25:58,800 Speaker 3: again it sounds discouraging, but it's not. When we kind 510 00:25:58,840 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 3: of realize what sanctification is is that once alcohol's in 511 00:26:02,400 --> 00:26:04,120 Speaker 3: the rear view, he's going to give you something else. 512 00:26:04,280 --> 00:26:07,720 Speaker 3: So it's about holding all of that just so incredibly lightly. 513 00:26:08,040 --> 00:26:11,200 Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. 514 00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,879 Speaker 3: You said something earlier that made me think about words 515 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,840 Speaker 3: of the Year, and like do I don't know. 516 00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,679 Speaker 4: I was like, is that a good thing? Are we 517 00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 4: putting God in a box to only do one thing? 518 00:26:21,520 --> 00:26:24,080 Speaker 1: I don't know. I've gone back and forth on that. 519 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,600 Speaker 2: There have been times where the Lord has given me 520 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,199 Speaker 2: a word, and then there have been times where he hasn't, 521 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,679 Speaker 2: or maybe it's like two scriptures. I mean, I just 522 00:26:31,960 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 2: trying not to limit him that he has to give 523 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:38,040 Speaker 2: me a word per year. So I think just setting 524 00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:41,440 Speaker 2: people free from that is really helpful. But there were 525 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,399 Speaker 2: like one year it was subtraction. That was not my 526 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:48,119 Speaker 2: favorite year. Lord, I would like addition or blessing, please, 527 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,359 Speaker 2: And my husband had lost his job and he looked 528 00:26:51,359 --> 00:26:53,840 Speaker 2: over at me and goes, I thought subtraction was your number, 529 00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:55,879 Speaker 2: not mine. I'm like, oh, my gor I it rubbed 530 00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,159 Speaker 2: off on you. But if that was a way of 531 00:26:59,160 --> 00:27:01,680 Speaker 2: preparing us for a year of subtraction, which was helpful. 532 00:27:01,720 --> 00:27:03,760 Speaker 2: But you know what I mean, like, I think he 533 00:27:03,840 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 2: will prepare us for things, and he will get us 534 00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:08,159 Speaker 2: ready for the next you know, the next things that 535 00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,359 Speaker 2: we're going to face. Every dilemma and every problem that 536 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:14,640 Speaker 2: we've worked through is preparation for the next thing exactly. 537 00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,360 Speaker 3: And that's where the light can shine bright in the darkness. Right, 538 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:21,760 Speaker 3: so good, Let's talk about surrendering regrets because I know 539 00:27:22,040 --> 00:27:24,320 Speaker 3: again that will be so so relatable to the gals 540 00:27:24,359 --> 00:27:27,200 Speaker 3: listening to this who are coming to this with one 541 00:27:27,280 --> 00:27:28,959 Speaker 3: or two or a laundry list of things that they 542 00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:32,320 Speaker 3: did while drinking and they feel so much shame around it. 543 00:27:32,359 --> 00:27:34,520 Speaker 3: And we talk about shame so much in our community 544 00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:37,800 Speaker 3: and just how God shows up and he forgives, and 545 00:27:37,880 --> 00:27:39,879 Speaker 3: the way to break free from that is getting to 546 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:40,439 Speaker 3: know who. 547 00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:41,199 Speaker 4: He really is. 548 00:27:42,480 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 3: But will you talk a little bit about surrendering regrets? 549 00:27:46,280 --> 00:27:48,159 Speaker 1: Yeah, I think you. I'm sure you talk about this, 550 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,880 Speaker 1: But this idea of. 551 00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,800 Speaker 2: I usually only feel freedom from my shame if I 552 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:57,440 Speaker 2: talk about it with another person. When I'm in my head, 553 00:27:57,520 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 2: I do the spiral toilet bowl thing swirling around and 554 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:04,160 Speaker 2: I think, this is the worst thing that I've ever done. 555 00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 2: And I remember one time there was one particular thing 556 00:28:07,080 --> 00:28:10,639 Speaker 2: I was struggling with in college and I confessed it 557 00:28:10,680 --> 00:28:15,919 Speaker 2: to a friend and she said, oh, Mary, everybody deals 558 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:16,119 Speaker 2: with that. 559 00:28:16,240 --> 00:28:17,000 Speaker 1: And I was shocked. 560 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:18,600 Speaker 2: I thought I was the only one, you know what 561 00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,720 Speaker 2: I mean. Like, it was like so shocking to me, 562 00:28:20,800 --> 00:28:23,919 Speaker 2: and it just like, oh, Okay, So I'm just a 563 00:28:24,000 --> 00:28:27,600 Speaker 2: human being who makes mistakes and sins, and it was 564 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:31,760 Speaker 2: like that heavy weight of shame was lifted. And so 565 00:28:31,800 --> 00:28:37,040 Speaker 2: it starts with honest conversation with safe people. Not good 566 00:28:37,080 --> 00:28:39,280 Speaker 2: to do it with unsafe people, but with safe people, 567 00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:42,000 Speaker 2: for instance, like you wouldn't want to tell your drinking 568 00:28:42,040 --> 00:28:45,800 Speaker 2: buddies like you regretted something. They may be like, ah, 569 00:28:45,840 --> 00:28:48,280 Speaker 2: no big deal, I have those two. But like with 570 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,720 Speaker 2: someone who's safe and who understands that you're on a 571 00:28:50,760 --> 00:28:54,120 Speaker 2: journey trying to relinquish it. That's where it all comes 572 00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 2: better for me, is when I get it out of 573 00:28:56,960 --> 00:28:59,880 Speaker 2: me and then yes, you're right just knowing the character 574 00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 2: of God. 575 00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:02,200 Speaker 1: And I think too if you're a parent. 576 00:29:02,320 --> 00:29:05,120 Speaker 2: It really helps if you're a parent, because I think 577 00:29:05,120 --> 00:29:07,880 Speaker 2: about my three kids and I do they do things 578 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:09,080 Speaker 2: that always make me happy? 579 00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:09,480 Speaker 3: No? 580 00:29:09,760 --> 00:29:12,280 Speaker 2: Do they make choices even as adults that I'm like, 581 00:29:12,320 --> 00:29:14,320 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have made that. Toice, she makes all the 582 00:29:14,400 --> 00:29:15,120 Speaker 2: right choices. 583 00:29:15,240 --> 00:29:16,920 Speaker 1: She always makes all the right choices. 584 00:29:17,040 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 2: But you know, just that feeling of oh, I wouldn't 585 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:22,400 Speaker 2: have done that, But I'm going to pray for them 586 00:29:22,480 --> 00:29:25,920 Speaker 2: to learn from it. And I still flat out love 587 00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:30,040 Speaker 2: my kids. Yeah, they cannot do anything to change that. 588 00:29:30,040 --> 00:29:33,240 Speaker 2: That is steadfast. No, not every parent is like that. 589 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 2: But because I'm like that, and because you're like that, 590 00:29:36,560 --> 00:29:39,560 Speaker 2: most parents love their kids so so much, then you 591 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:42,440 Speaker 2: kind of put it in your mind of Okay, God 592 00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:47,400 Speaker 2: made me, I'm his daughter. He probably said, oh, you know, 593 00:29:48,080 --> 00:29:51,320 Speaker 2: that's gonna hurt her down the road. But he still 594 00:29:51,400 --> 00:29:55,320 Speaker 2: loves us, and he has the ability, unlike us as parents, 595 00:29:55,360 --> 00:29:57,440 Speaker 2: he has the ability to change it around and do 596 00:29:57,560 --> 00:29:58,479 Speaker 2: something cool with it. 597 00:29:59,000 --> 00:29:59,920 Speaker 1: So I love that too. 598 00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's such a good reminder, such a good reminder. 599 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:04,640 Speaker 1: He's just so good. 600 00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:08,120 Speaker 3: I just I say to gals that are struggling with 601 00:30:08,120 --> 00:30:11,360 Speaker 3: with holding on the gruds, just to get to know him, like, 602 00:30:11,520 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 3: get to know who he really is, not who other 603 00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:16,280 Speaker 3: people are telling you he is, but go go get 604 00:30:16,320 --> 00:30:18,440 Speaker 3: in the word and figure out who he really is, 605 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:20,920 Speaker 3: because look at how he showed up with every single 606 00:30:21,000 --> 00:30:22,120 Speaker 3: character in the Bible. 607 00:30:22,320 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: Right. Yeah. 608 00:30:23,120 --> 00:30:26,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, tell the gals where they can get this beautiful book, 609 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,320 Speaker 3: so you can find out anywhere books are sold. It's 610 00:30:30,360 --> 00:30:31,640 Speaker 3: called the Freedom of Surrender. 611 00:30:31,880 --> 00:30:34,640 Speaker 2: And also I have some freebies for your people, so 612 00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:36,680 Speaker 2: if they want to see what the artwork. Looks like 613 00:30:36,720 --> 00:30:40,120 Speaker 2: they can go to Marydemeat dot com slash Surrender and 614 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:44,360 Speaker 2: they will get ten free lock screens of the art 615 00:30:44,400 --> 00:30:46,480 Speaker 2: from the book so they can put it on their phones. 616 00:30:46,840 --> 00:30:47,320 Speaker 1: Yeah. 617 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 3: I love that, Baybe. We finally did an episode together. 618 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 1: I know. I'm so excited. 619 00:30:53,000 --> 00:30:53,200 Speaker 3: Yeah. 620 00:30:53,240 --> 00:30:54,600 Speaker 1: It was very fun. 621 00:30:54,720 --> 00:30:57,880 Speaker 4: And well you heard it here first, goals. We're working. 622 00:30:58,440 --> 00:31:01,920 Speaker 3: I'm working on book two with Mary so which is 623 00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:04,280 Speaker 3: really exciting because it goes along with what we were 624 00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,000 Speaker 3: talking about with the healing journey. Right, it's that next 625 00:31:07,000 --> 00:31:09,000 Speaker 3: step of like, gals are like, no, I want more, 626 00:31:09,040 --> 00:31:11,200 Speaker 3: and I'm like, okay, I'm trying to write it. 627 00:31:12,040 --> 00:31:15,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, which would be another great title. Now what that's 628 00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,480 Speaker 2: another title? 629 00:31:16,520 --> 00:31:16,880 Speaker 4: Okay? 630 00:31:17,000 --> 00:31:19,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, thank you my friend. All Right, gals, we will 631 00:31:19,440 --> 00:31:21,680 Speaker 3: see you next week. Thank you for listening to Love 632 00:31:21,680 --> 00:31:24,920 Speaker 3: Life Sober. Thank you for spending this time with me 633 00:31:24,960 --> 00:31:28,320 Speaker 3: on Love Life Sober. If today's conversation stirred something in 634 00:31:28,360 --> 00:31:30,920 Speaker 3: your heart, don't rush past it, take it to prayer. 635 00:31:31,360 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 3: If you're feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd 636 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,200 Speaker 3: love to invite you into the Love Life Sober community, 637 00:31:37,360 --> 00:31:41,080 Speaker 3: a grace filled, shame free space where real connection grows 638 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,360 Speaker 3: and lasting change takes root. You can find the link 639 00:31:44,400 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 3: to join us in the show notes. Love Life Sober 640 00:31:48,200 --> 00:31:51,240 Speaker 3: is part of the Life Audio podcast Network, where faith 641 00:31:51,360 --> 00:31:54,280 Speaker 3: centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. 642 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 3: You can find more faith centered podcasts at lifeaudio dot com. 643 00:31:59,000 --> 00:32:02,440 Speaker 3: Until next time, be gentle with yourself, stay curious, and 644 00:32:02,520 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 3: trust God's promises. He has freedom waiting for you