1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: Life audio on today's episode of Timeless Wisdom. 2 00:00:07,640 --> 00:00:12,000 Speaker 2: Woman just came over to me in my speech and 3 00:00:12,039 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 2: this was very, very moving, Dennis, and I almost in tears. 4 00:00:18,160 --> 00:00:22,439 Speaker 2: I want you to know your Happiness Book changed my life. 5 00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:28,480 Speaker 2: I want to read to you the paragraph that did it. 6 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 2: Not having received appropriate love from a parent is a 7 00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:37,640 Speaker 2: real hole in a child's life. It is, to use 8 00:00:37,680 --> 00:00:40,560 Speaker 2: the term I use in chapter nine, a missing tile. 9 00:00:41,800 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 2: But as I suggest in that chapter, when there is 10 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:50,040 Speaker 2: a missing tile in your life, you must either find 11 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:55,520 Speaker 2: the tile or look elsewhere. If you cannot change your parent, 12 00:00:56,200 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 2: and you usually cannot look elsewhere for love. 13 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:05,679 Speaker 1: That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Welcome 14 00:01:05,840 --> 00:01:09,959 Speaker 1: to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of hours 15 00:01:09,959 --> 00:01:13,360 Speaker 1: of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had to 16 00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:23,960 Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Brager's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennisprager dot com. 17 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:30,520 Speaker 2: What do you mean wrong, feme, It's not the wrong fee. Unbelievable. 18 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 2: I didn't even notice. You know, this is not funny. 19 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:39,399 Speaker 3: I got to tell everybody what happened here. All let's 20 00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:47,960 Speaker 3: let's get the theme. He it's the happy, happy, happy 21 00:01:48,040 --> 00:01:48,720 Speaker 3: happy hour. 22 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 2: Yes, it is. It's the happinest hour on the Dennis 23 00:01:52,640 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: Brager Show every Friday. This is the one hour, not 24 00:01:57,560 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 2: there are sometimes other hours. But there is no politics, nothing, 25 00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:06,680 Speaker 2: nothing like that. Nothing, whatever side of the political spectrum, 26 00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 2: whatever your religion, no religion, whatever anything, whether you are male, female, 27 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 2: unsure in the middle of change, it doesn't matter. In 28 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 2: this hour. I just care about your happiness. It is, 29 00:02:19,520 --> 00:02:21,480 Speaker 2: if you will, another side of me, although I think 30 00:02:22,639 --> 00:02:25,240 Speaker 2: this is the same me, but it is an hour 31 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:28,240 Speaker 2: where it's truly we leave the world and enter the 32 00:02:28,480 --> 00:02:34,040 Speaker 2: critically important realm of your happiness. I wrote a book 33 00:02:34,080 --> 00:02:40,400 Speaker 2: on happiness. I want to tell you a story. Woman 34 00:02:40,600 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 2: just came over to me at my speech and this 35 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:50,560 Speaker 2: was very, very moving, Dennis and I almost in tears. 36 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 2: I want you to know your happiness book changed my life. 37 00:02:56,480 --> 00:02:59,520 Speaker 2: And I hear that a lot and I and it's 38 00:02:59,560 --> 00:03:01,840 Speaker 2: meant to I spent ten years writing a book. It 39 00:03:01,919 --> 00:03:04,239 Speaker 2: was the purpose was to change your life. By the 40 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:10,640 Speaker 2: way it's called happiness is a serious problem. And she said, 41 00:03:10,680 --> 00:03:13,360 Speaker 2: I want you to know. I said, well, I said, 42 00:03:13,360 --> 00:03:17,240 Speaker 2: and I often asked what specifically, and she said, I 43 00:03:17,280 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 2: could tell you page sixty eight. I've never had that 44 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:27,080 Speaker 2: where somebody was so specific a yes, what you wrote 45 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 2: on page sixty eight changed my life. I would say 46 00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:35,360 Speaker 2: the woman was about forty five years old. I mean 47 00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,880 Speaker 2: maybe forty, maybe fifty, I don't know. It's hard to 48 00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:44,000 Speaker 2: exactly recall early Middle Ages. I think that's fair to say. 49 00:03:45,840 --> 00:03:48,840 Speaker 2: I want to read to you the paragraph that that 50 00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:56,400 Speaker 2: did it. Not having received appropriate love from a parent 51 00:03:56,640 --> 00:04:00,400 Speaker 2: is a real hole in a child's life. This is 52 00:04:00,480 --> 00:04:05,960 Speaker 2: chapter fourteen on the family as a possible obstacle to happiness. 53 00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 2: We all know about how the family can be a 54 00:04:08,800 --> 00:04:11,640 Speaker 2: vehicle to happiness, but remember my book is happiness is 55 00:04:11,640 --> 00:04:16,839 Speaker 2: a serious problem. I am honest. Very often the family 56 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 2: is a reason that a reason for people's unhappiness unhappiness. 57 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:27,080 Speaker 2: So now listen, this is what changed one woman's life. 58 00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,400 Speaker 2: So I decided i'd read it to you, and I 59 00:04:29,480 --> 00:04:32,599 Speaker 2: have never dealt with this particular part of my book 60 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:37,240 Speaker 2: on the happiness hour. Not having received appropriate love from 61 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:41,239 Speaker 2: a parent is a real hole in a child's life. 62 00:04:42,440 --> 00:04:45,440 Speaker 2: It is, to use the term I use in chapter nine, 63 00:04:45,600 --> 00:04:50,359 Speaker 2: a missing tile. But as I suggest in that chapter, 64 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 2: when there is a missing tile in your life, you 65 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:59,599 Speaker 2: must either find the tile or look elsewhere if you 66 00:04:59,680 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 2: can not change your parent, and you usually cannot look 67 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:12,160 Speaker 2: elsewhere for love. While nothing will precisely replace the missing 68 00:05:12,200 --> 00:05:16,960 Speaker 2: love of a parent, life gives us many Life gives 69 00:05:17,040 --> 00:05:21,120 Speaker 2: many of us a chance to fill the emotional holes 70 00:05:21,160 --> 00:05:26,200 Speaker 2: of our childhood. You can greatly compensate for the missing 71 00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:31,200 Speaker 2: love of your parent by loving your child. Becoming a 72 00:05:31,279 --> 00:05:35,680 Speaker 2: loving parent gives many of us a second chance to 73 00:05:35,839 --> 00:05:39,880 Speaker 2: have a home filled with love. You can also bask 74 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,880 Speaker 2: in the love of your husband or wife, in the 75 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:46,400 Speaker 2: love of friends, or in the love of relatives other 76 00:05:46,480 --> 00:05:51,599 Speaker 2: than your parents. We need parental love, but that is 77 00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,919 Speaker 2: not the only love available to us, or the only 78 00:05:55,040 --> 00:06:01,320 Speaker 2: love that can fill our heart. Now, it is very 79 00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:05,520 Speaker 2: instructive that it was a grown woman who told me 80 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:11,040 Speaker 2: that this page, this paragraph changed her life. I am 81 00:06:11,120 --> 00:06:16,080 Speaker 2: convinced that more women, more grown women than men, are, 82 00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:26,040 Speaker 2: pursue their parental love forever. Most men, I think, if 83 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,560 Speaker 2: they didn't get it, that's it. I didn't get it. 84 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:34,159 Speaker 2: I wish I did, But my mother was not capable, 85 00:06:34,320 --> 00:06:36,840 Speaker 2: or my father was not capable, or was not there 86 00:06:37,040 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 2: or whatever it is, and they move on because they 87 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 2: are male. I have met so many grown women who 88 00:06:48,120 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 2: spend so much of their energy, their emotional energy, even 89 00:06:52,800 --> 00:07:00,919 Speaker 2: their time pursuing their parent, and it is sometimes it 90 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,360 Speaker 2: may work, and I'd like to hear from you if 91 00:07:04,400 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 2: indeed it has, But overwhelmingly it has just been a 92 00:07:08,960 --> 00:07:16,960 Speaker 2: source of frustration, anger, sadness, because if your parents didn't 93 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: love you until you're forty or fifty, there's a good 94 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:27,560 Speaker 2: chance they're not going to do so tomorrow. One eighth 95 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:31,240 Speaker 2: Prager seven seven six one eight p R A G 96 00:07:31,480 --> 00:07:36,200 Speaker 2: e R seven seven six Does this resonate with you? 97 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:41,440 Speaker 2: I wrote it because I knew how many people, especially 98 00:07:42,080 --> 00:07:46,800 Speaker 2: especially grown women, are still trying to make things good 99 00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:50,840 Speaker 2: with their mom. They're forty five years old and they're 100 00:07:50,880 --> 00:07:54,760 Speaker 2: still working on mom, hoping against hope that things are 101 00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:57,640 Speaker 2: going to work out. This is one of the one 102 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:02,000 Speaker 2: of the beauties of the female of the They are very, 103 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:08,000 Speaker 2: very bonded. They can't have emotional disorder. It is also 104 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,720 Speaker 2: one of the prices that a female pays for being 105 00:08:11,760 --> 00:08:17,200 Speaker 2: a female, that she is still pursuing this against all 106 00:08:17,400 --> 00:08:21,600 Speaker 2: odds of it working out with her mother or her 107 00:08:21,640 --> 00:08:23,960 Speaker 2: father after all this time. It is one of the 108 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:30,360 Speaker 2: reasons I suspect that an adult adoptee. Adoptees who are 109 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:34,440 Speaker 2: female are more likely to go on a search for 110 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:40,679 Speaker 2: a biological parent than our male adoptees, thinking somehow there 111 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,960 Speaker 2: is more love out there. Women want love. Men want 112 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,920 Speaker 2: love too, by the way, don't get me wrong, And 113 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:49,880 Speaker 2: there are men who do this too, And men need 114 00:08:49,960 --> 00:08:53,120 Speaker 2: love just as much as women need love. But the 115 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:59,280 Speaker 2: centuality of love to their lives is so clear to 116 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:02,719 Speaker 2: the female that this thing, you know, I didn't get 117 00:09:02,760 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: it from my parents, so and I have to do it. 118 00:09:05,520 --> 00:09:08,640 Speaker 2: I have to. I have to. I have to get 119 00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,720 Speaker 2: my mother to finally say a kind thing to me. 120 00:09:12,679 --> 00:09:17,600 Speaker 2: Why give up? That doesn't mean stop talking to her. 121 00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:22,080 Speaker 2: I am always opposed to breaking off relations entirely with 122 00:09:22,120 --> 00:09:26,480 Speaker 2: a parent. There's a middle road. You have civil relations 123 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:32,040 Speaker 2: and that's hard, I know, I know, but not particularly warm. 124 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 2: But you still it's still your parent. So I'm for 125 00:09:35,360 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 2: neither extreme, you know. Let me just tell you. And 126 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,880 Speaker 2: that's the good news here. This may sound like bad news, 127 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 2: it's all good news. The good news is, yes, you 128 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:46,679 Speaker 2: can give up on your parent, but there's other love 129 00:09:46,760 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 2: to be had in life. That that is. I always 130 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 2: think of making a new family, making a family as 131 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:04,200 Speaker 2: your second chance love, and that's really what it is. 132 00:10:04,240 --> 00:10:07,920 Speaker 2: It is very interesting to me. It is really very 133 00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:12,880 Speaker 2: interesting that people who came from a home that was 134 00:10:12,920 --> 00:10:16,640 Speaker 2: not emotionally healthy, and every home has emotional nonhealth every home, 135 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 2: no homes emotionally perfect, but people who come from a 136 00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:29,280 Speaker 2: home that was emotionally unhealthy, unloving or whatever. And then 137 00:10:29,320 --> 00:10:31,200 Speaker 2: we'll say, oh, I don't want to get married. I 138 00:10:31,240 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: saw what allowsing marriage my parents had, or my mother 139 00:10:34,480 --> 00:10:40,040 Speaker 2: is married three times, or my father this instead of saying, boy, 140 00:10:40,160 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 2: do I want to do it right? It is so 141 00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:49,920 Speaker 2: bizarre and self destructive in my opinion, when people think 142 00:10:50,040 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 2: like that the beauty of making a family now that 143 00:10:55,920 --> 00:10:58,160 Speaker 2: you are out of your parents' home is that now 144 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:01,439 Speaker 2: you have a chance to make the loving home you 145 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:08,160 Speaker 2: didn't have. That's the beauty of It is so bizarre 146 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:10,480 Speaker 2: to me to have the reaction, well, my home was 147 00:11:10,520 --> 00:11:13,360 Speaker 2: really you know, my parents they did not love or anything, 148 00:11:13,400 --> 00:11:16,640 Speaker 2: and their marriage was awful, and so I'm not going 149 00:11:16,720 --> 00:11:18,400 Speaker 2: to get married and I'm not going to make a family. 150 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 2: It's like saying, well, you know, my father was unemployed 151 00:11:24,720 --> 00:11:27,319 Speaker 2: or my mother couldn't hold a job, so I don't 152 00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 2: think I'll pursue a job. What does one have to 153 00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:34,040 Speaker 2: do with the other. The point is you can fill 154 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:37,600 Speaker 2: a lot of those emotional holes in the world that 155 00:11:37,640 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 2: you make as an adult with a spouse, with children, 156 00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:45,240 Speaker 2: with friends, with other relatives. That's the point. If you 157 00:11:45,320 --> 00:11:49,480 Speaker 2: really want love, then pursue it. We'll be there. We'll 158 00:11:49,480 --> 00:11:50,240 Speaker 2: be back in a moment. 159 00:11:53,000 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 160 00:12:01,840 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 161 00:12:07,600 --> 00:12:09,440 Speaker 2: So, just the other night of a speech, a woman 162 00:12:09,520 --> 00:12:11,880 Speaker 2: comes over to me, Welcome back to the Happiness Hour 163 00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,120 Speaker 2: on the Dennis Prager Show every week at this time, 164 00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:20,960 Speaker 2: subject is happiness. Said your book changed my life. And 165 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,120 Speaker 2: I said, good, I'm so happy to hear that. And 166 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:26,920 Speaker 2: I said, what in particular, said the chapter on the family, 167 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 2: specifically page sixty eight. I never had that or someone 168 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 2: just said the page. So I read to you what 169 00:12:32,800 --> 00:12:36,800 Speaker 2: it was, and it's very powerful, and it's very indicative 170 00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:40,600 Speaker 2: and representative that it was a grown woman who said 171 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:44,640 Speaker 2: it to me. Virtually every woman that I have known 172 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:52,800 Speaker 2: well at all, has has pursued a parent, has wanted 173 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:58,120 Speaker 2: to work out things with a parent throughout their adult lives. 174 00:12:59,480 --> 00:13:03,560 Speaker 2: There are emotional holes that many parents leave in children. 175 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,520 Speaker 2: That is the way it is in the world. And 176 00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 2: my argument is that while they can never be fully filled, 177 00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:14,920 Speaker 2: they can't a parent's love is that important. Nevertheless, you 178 00:13:15,160 --> 00:13:18,240 Speaker 2: have a second chance to have a home filled with 179 00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 2: love by making a home. That is why to me, 180 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,640 Speaker 2: it is so bizarre how many young people decide not 181 00:13:25,720 --> 00:13:30,080 Speaker 2: to marry because they had a bad family experience through 182 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:34,080 Speaker 2: divorce or through abandonment, or what have you. It would 183 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:38,120 Speaker 2: seem to me logic would suggest the opposite. It is 184 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:43,440 Speaker 2: so important to a familial love to make a happy, 185 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:47,679 Speaker 2: loving home that I want it even more than somebody else. 186 00:13:48,720 --> 00:13:51,000 Speaker 2: By the way, do you know this is alan we 187 00:13:51,040 --> 00:13:53,240 Speaker 2: should do this? I want to do this one time. 188 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:57,559 Speaker 2: Do you know have a theory? I never would have 189 00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,640 Speaker 2: imagined this but for the fact that I've met some 190 00:13:59,720 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 2: men like this. I have met a couple of men 191 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:06,800 Speaker 2: in my life who were so loved that they decided 192 00:14:06,840 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 2: never to marry. Isn't that interesting? See they it's the opposite. Hey, 193 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:15,880 Speaker 2: I have no holes to fill, so why should I? 194 00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:21,760 Speaker 2: Why should I bother? There is a way as an 195 00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:25,800 Speaker 2: adult to try to undo or you can't undo, but 196 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:27,600 Speaker 2: there is a way to fill the holes I can't. 197 00:14:27,680 --> 00:14:30,200 Speaker 2: That's the way I use it, by making your new family. 198 00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:32,000 Speaker 2: All right, let's go to some of your calls here 199 00:14:32,840 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 2: and uh, let's go to Mary in Los Angeles on KRLA. Hello, 200 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:41,520 Speaker 2: let Mary Dennis Prager. 201 00:14:41,840 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 4: Hi Dennis, good morning. It's an honor to speak with you. 202 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 2: Thank you so much. 203 00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 1: Well. 204 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:49,440 Speaker 4: I called in because you, like are reading my whole life, 205 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:53,320 Speaker 4: like just writing it out. When I was little, my 206 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,280 Speaker 4: parents got divorced after my dad returned from Vietnam. Here. 207 00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,080 Speaker 4: My mom said he changed, He was not able to 208 00:14:58,080 --> 00:14:59,680 Speaker 4: be there for any of us, and it left a 209 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,680 Speaker 4: maybe more than one missing title in myself and my 210 00:15:03,720 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 4: brother and my sister, who are both younger. And we 211 00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:09,600 Speaker 4: grew up and I didn't think I was really affected 212 00:15:09,600 --> 00:15:13,000 Speaker 4: by it until after I got married and started having kids, 213 00:15:13,040 --> 00:15:16,280 Speaker 4: and suddenly I just wanted it to be like perfect, 214 00:15:16,400 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 4: you know, grandma and Grandpa and the whole you know, 215 00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 4: loving thing, and so I reached I was confused. I 216 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 4: didn't know what to do so well, I probably went 217 00:15:26,160 --> 00:15:30,080 Speaker 4: through some phases of depression and drinking, and I did 218 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,200 Speaker 4: finally reach out to my dad. It was really hard, 219 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 4: and he tried to make it like it was okay, 220 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:38,240 Speaker 4: but he really is not able to emotionally be there well. 221 00:15:38,320 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 4: My sister ended up being in a committed relationship with 222 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:46,200 Speaker 4: a significant other partner, and she called me almost a 223 00:15:46,280 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 4: year ago, which was hard for me. I didn't know 224 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,120 Speaker 4: how to deal with it with my kids. I didn't 225 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:54,240 Speaker 4: want to lose my sister. We had finally become friends 226 00:15:54,680 --> 00:15:58,520 Speaker 4: after not having any relationship at all, but this was 227 00:15:58,560 --> 00:16:00,440 Speaker 4: too much. She called and told me she and her 228 00:16:00,440 --> 00:16:02,960 Speaker 4: partner were having a baby. Her partner was pregnant. I 229 00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:04,960 Speaker 4: told her, look, I can't deal with this. I can't. 230 00:16:05,000 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 4: I have little kids. I'm a conservative, traditional, valued person. 231 00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:15,040 Speaker 4: I belong to my synagogue. My kids are raised not Orthodox, 232 00:16:15,080 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 4: but I was Kosher for a very long time. We 233 00:16:17,440 --> 00:16:20,520 Speaker 4: are very traditional. I said, I can't handle this. You're 234 00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:21,960 Speaker 4: going to have to do this on your own. I 235 00:16:22,000 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 4: love you, be happy, but I can't have this be 236 00:16:24,240 --> 00:16:26,800 Speaker 4: an example in my life for my children. I don't 237 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,280 Speaker 4: know how to deal with it. I have to raise 238 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:31,480 Speaker 4: my kids, and you know, maybe I'll get back to you, 239 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:34,120 Speaker 4: but I don't know. And sure enough, that was not 240 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 4: good enough, and between her drama and emotion, my father 241 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:43,440 Speaker 4: ended up yelling at me that she was my sister 242 00:16:43,600 --> 00:16:46,520 Speaker 4: and how could I do this? And never mind that 243 00:16:46,600 --> 00:16:50,080 Speaker 4: I was the only one that married Jewish, had four 244 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 4: kids in tech family. My kids are fantastic. My twenty 245 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:57,440 Speaker 4: year old is finishing his at Puerce College and he 246 00:16:57,480 --> 00:17:00,560 Speaker 4: may actually in turn for a rival radio show of 247 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:04,800 Speaker 4: a different station. And my daughter's graduating high school. Another 248 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 4: one's going to graduate, uh junior high there straight a students. 249 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,119 Speaker 4: My my senior has a three point eight g p 250 00:17:12,280 --> 00:17:16,400 Speaker 4: A and a job. My little boy's na kindergarten. He's fantastic, 251 00:17:16,480 --> 00:17:18,880 Speaker 4: he's doing very well. I don't want to mess this up. 252 00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:22,240 Speaker 4: I couldn't handle this, but they couldn't let me just 253 00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:23,359 Speaker 4: go A. 254 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,640 Speaker 2: You have raised many issues. 255 00:17:25,320 --> 00:17:27,880 Speaker 4: And my father in six months? 256 00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:31,359 Speaker 2: Right are you still? Are you still trying to reconcile 257 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:32,760 Speaker 2: with him? Or have you given up? 258 00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:34,480 Speaker 4: I don't know what to do. 259 00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,639 Speaker 2: I want to give up. 260 00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 4: I want him to call me. All right, this is 261 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 4: his wifethday, right, All. 262 00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:46,560 Speaker 2: Right, Mary, very exactly what you said in the beginning 263 00:17:46,640 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 2: is true. You are the perfect example of what I'm 264 00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:52,960 Speaker 2: saying now. There are other issues there about how you 265 00:17:53,040 --> 00:17:55,160 Speaker 2: dealt with your sister that I would love, in fact 266 00:17:55,280 --> 00:17:57,200 Speaker 2: to deal with but I don't have the time now 267 00:17:58,000 --> 00:18:01,480 Speaker 2: because your sister's life is your sister's life, and you 268 00:18:01,800 --> 00:18:04,239 Speaker 2: can't throw her out of your life. That you that 269 00:18:04,320 --> 00:18:06,720 Speaker 2: you object to the fact. I objected with the fact too. 270 00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,840 Speaker 2: I don't think that they should the fact that she's 271 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:11,320 Speaker 2: living with another woman, that is that is, that is 272 00:18:11,359 --> 00:18:14,640 Speaker 2: her issue. But I don't think that they should make 273 00:18:14,680 --> 00:18:18,160 Speaker 2: a family without a father the live that it's deliberate 274 00:18:18,520 --> 00:18:21,399 Speaker 2: absence of a father. Okay, that's so I don't agree 275 00:18:21,440 --> 00:18:26,719 Speaker 2: with that. Having said that it is your sister and 276 00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:29,160 Speaker 2: that there are certain duties. You see, here's the irony. 277 00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:31,359 Speaker 2: You have duties to her like your dad has duties 278 00:18:31,359 --> 00:18:34,440 Speaker 2: to you. But I can't. I can't go there right 279 00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,240 Speaker 2: now because of the time factor. All I want to 280 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:40,360 Speaker 2: say is it's time to give up on Dad now. 281 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:44,119 Speaker 2: A lot of you may disagree with me, but I 282 00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 2: believe you are so racked. You should be celebrating the 283 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:52,360 Speaker 2: love of your family. Mary, you described a wonderful family. 284 00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:56,240 Speaker 2: I trust you love your husband and this this is 285 00:18:56,320 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: where your concentration of joy, of emotional joy must be. 286 00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:04,639 Speaker 2: And if you have friends with friends and anybody else, 287 00:19:05,720 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 2: Dad is gone. That's it. You send him a birthday cad. 288 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:11,800 Speaker 2: If he doesn't respond, he doesn't respond, he has his 289 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:18,399 Speaker 2: own demons to deal with. I can't understand. I can't 290 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 2: As a father, I can't understand ignoring a child. I can't. 291 00:19:25,040 --> 00:19:28,119 Speaker 2: It is it's like asking me to ignore my hand. 292 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,639 Speaker 2: That it is so beyond my understanding. I mean, I 293 00:19:32,680 --> 00:19:36,040 Speaker 2: love up my children. I can't do it enough. So 294 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:39,320 Speaker 2: I don't understand your father. But your father's hat obviously 295 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 2: has his demons, have sympathy. It is so unnatural to 296 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:50,040 Speaker 2: ignore your child that only God knows what pain and 297 00:19:50,040 --> 00:19:54,679 Speaker 2: what suffering and what sickness must rack that man. So 298 00:19:54,800 --> 00:20:01,399 Speaker 2: that's it. That's it, But one must. We use the 299 00:20:01,520 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 2: term too often in America. Move on, but we must 300 00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:08,480 Speaker 2: at some point, at least emotionally. I don't say ignore him, 301 00:20:08,600 --> 00:20:13,000 Speaker 2: keep trying, but don't depend on it. Don't depend on it. 302 00:20:13,040 --> 00:20:14,840 Speaker 2: And if he gives you a hug one day, it's 303 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:19,719 Speaker 2: not going to fix everything anyway. It won't fix everything anyway. 304 00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 2: Nothing fixes everything. That's part of being human and knowing 305 00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:31,760 Speaker 2: nothing fixes everything, but some things fix a lot. And 306 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,080 Speaker 2: the more love in your life, the more it can 307 00:20:34,119 --> 00:20:37,399 Speaker 2: compensate for that father who didn't love you. We'll be 308 00:20:37,480 --> 00:20:39,080 Speaker 2: back in a moment. I'm Dennis Prager. 309 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,680 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 310 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:55,399 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 311 00:20:55,480 --> 00:20:59,840 Speaker 2: All right, any of my friends, this is the double 312 00:20:59,840 --> 00:21:05,720 Speaker 2: aach the Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. By 313 00:21:05,760 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 2: the way, if any of you listening can pinpoint a 314 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:14,920 Speaker 2: page or paragraph that has deeply affected you in my 315 00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:20,560 Speaker 2: book on Happiness, I will probably have even greater ability 316 00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:25,440 Speaker 2: to bring these topics to the Happiness Hour because I 317 00:21:25,760 --> 00:21:29,440 Speaker 2: don't know what exactly will touch person X or y. 318 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:31,840 Speaker 2: So you can do a great service to others, like 319 00:21:31,880 --> 00:21:35,840 Speaker 2: this woman who came to my speech in Phoenix did 320 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:40,400 Speaker 2: for you and me by saying exactly page sixty eight 321 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:44,520 Speaker 2: changed my life. She had been trying to repair relations 322 00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,359 Speaker 2: with I don't remember if it was her mother or 323 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:49,920 Speaker 2: father for so long in her life and then realized 324 00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:52,000 Speaker 2: what you do is it's not going to work at 325 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 2: a given point. I do want to say, though, obviously, 326 00:21:56,240 --> 00:22:00,240 Speaker 2: to those of you who are parents, there is no 327 00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:05,639 Speaker 2: way to overstate the significance of parental love, and you 328 00:22:05,720 --> 00:22:08,320 Speaker 2: hear it all the time, but you need to hear it. 329 00:22:08,359 --> 00:22:11,440 Speaker 2: We all need to hear it again and again. And 330 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,119 Speaker 2: one of the reasons I am so angry about the 331 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:17,679 Speaker 2: way divorce works. I am not angry about divorce. I 332 00:22:17,720 --> 00:22:21,280 Speaker 2: am angry about post divorce. I mean, I wish there 333 00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:23,879 Speaker 2: were no divorces. I wish I have a lot of wishes. 334 00:22:23,920 --> 00:22:26,720 Speaker 2: I wish there were no beastings. But that's the way 335 00:22:26,720 --> 00:22:29,679 Speaker 2: it is, and we can reduce it, and I know 336 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 2: ways of reducing it. But that's another subject. But what 337 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 2: hurts children is what happens afterwards when a parent leaves. 338 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:40,760 Speaker 2: And by the way a parent could leave and stay married, 339 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:44,760 Speaker 2: you can emotionally leave and stay married. There are a 340 00:22:44,760 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 2: lot of kids who have done better with divorce than 341 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,160 Speaker 2: other kids who have had intact parents. I mean, obviously 342 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,119 Speaker 2: intact home doesn't mean it's a loving home or a 343 00:22:57,160 --> 00:23:04,440 Speaker 2: happy home all things equal. Obviously, intact, happy, loving's the best. 344 00:23:05,280 --> 00:23:08,840 Speaker 2: But after divorce, all these abandoning fathers in part becas 345 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 2: of angry mothers. Wanting the father out of the kid's 346 00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:17,200 Speaker 2: life is in insurance of permanent scarring emotionally of a child. 347 00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 2: But I don't want to get off track here. There 348 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:24,040 Speaker 2: is a time to give up on pursuing a parent 349 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 2: or a parent's love. There's a time to do so. 350 00:23:28,040 --> 00:23:31,879 Speaker 2: You continue to talk, you continue to be loving, but 351 00:23:32,080 --> 00:23:36,879 Speaker 2: inside of you, you use your emotional energy with the 352 00:23:36,920 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 2: ones who love you, your husband, hopefully, your children, hopefully, 353 00:23:41,800 --> 00:23:48,159 Speaker 2: your friends, hopefully whoever it is. That's what you do. Alrighty, 354 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:55,480 Speaker 2: Let's go to some of your calls here and that'll 355 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:59,040 Speaker 2: be David in Tucson, Arizona on KVOI. 356 00:23:59,160 --> 00:24:03,040 Speaker 5: Hello David, Hey Devin, awesome to talk to you. 357 00:24:03,240 --> 00:24:03,960 Speaker 2: Thanks so much. 358 00:24:04,240 --> 00:24:06,280 Speaker 5: I work out here every day on a tractor. I 359 00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:10,080 Speaker 5: listened to you the whole time. You're one like I 360 00:24:10,160 --> 00:24:10,719 Speaker 5: know you. 361 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:11,520 Speaker 2: You do, you do? 362 00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:15,360 Speaker 5: Actually well, what I wanted to say, I'll be as 363 00:24:15,359 --> 00:24:18,119 Speaker 5: week as possible without giving me my whole life history, 364 00:24:18,119 --> 00:24:21,359 Speaker 5: but I do want to just tell you that I 365 00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:24,960 Speaker 5: came from the family that had divorced and my mother 366 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 5: remarried a man who was very abusive, sexually abusive to 367 00:24:29,520 --> 00:24:33,560 Speaker 5: my sisters and physically abusive to me and to my mother. 368 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:37,240 Speaker 5: And I had seen things growing up to I look 369 00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,720 Speaker 5: back on now that no kids should ever have to see, 370 00:24:41,160 --> 00:24:45,480 Speaker 5: and things that still still haunt me to this day. 371 00:24:46,680 --> 00:24:55,439 Speaker 5: But my stepfather eventually he killed himself. And then my 372 00:24:55,560 --> 00:25:00,320 Speaker 5: mother couldn't handle the situation and she buried herself from 373 00:25:00,320 --> 00:25:07,840 Speaker 5: a bottle and prescription medication and men and and uh wow. Anyway, 374 00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:12,439 Speaker 5: a few years ago she drank herself to death. I 375 00:25:12,480 --> 00:25:14,480 Speaker 5: hadn't seen her in years, and I had to go 376 00:25:14,520 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 5: out to this place where she was and take care 377 00:25:16,840 --> 00:25:20,960 Speaker 5: of burying her. And it was it was horrible, But 378 00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,280 Speaker 5: there was a lot of There was issues that I 379 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 5: had with her that I felt like, and issues that 380 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:27,880 Speaker 5: I had with this man who had done so much 381 00:25:27,880 --> 00:25:31,399 Speaker 5: wrong to us, and they had checked out of this 382 00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:36,800 Speaker 5: world without me getting to really ever confront them on it, 383 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,679 Speaker 5: and you know, to get an apology or whatever was 384 00:25:40,720 --> 00:25:42,159 Speaker 5: that I was looking for. I don't know what I 385 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:42,679 Speaker 5: was looking for. 386 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:46,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, you were you were looking for and I'm sorry. 387 00:25:45,800 --> 00:25:47,520 Speaker 5: But but but it wouldn't have been good en nothing. 388 00:25:47,640 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 2: It wouldn't have been That's really not Why are you 389 00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:52,520 Speaker 2: Are you married? 390 00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:53,280 Speaker 6: Yes? 391 00:25:53,359 --> 00:25:53,919 Speaker 5: I am married. 392 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,359 Speaker 2: Are you you have kids? 393 00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,119 Speaker 5: Yes? I have four great kids. 394 00:25:59,200 --> 00:26:01,560 Speaker 2: All right, I don't think filling some of the whole. 395 00:26:03,680 --> 00:26:04,920 Speaker 5: Since I had these children. 396 00:26:05,320 --> 00:26:07,439 Speaker 2: Oh, I need an answer to that. I need an answer. 397 00:26:07,520 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 7: Well, that moment, Jennifer Horn, Oh my gosh, I listen 398 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:14,399 Speaker 7: to you every day. 399 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:17,320 Speaker 2: I listened to Dennis Praeger. I've listened to him for 400 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,600 Speaker 2: years and now I listened to him at ten o'clock 401 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 2: at night on my AMA seventy. 402 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 6: I absolutely love and adore you. 403 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:27,480 Speaker 2: JIN listen to you every Monday through Friday. 404 00:26:27,960 --> 00:26:29,639 Speaker 5: I listen to all you guys all day long, all 405 00:26:29,720 --> 00:26:34,000 Speaker 5: day and night. So anyway, hugs, love you, thank you bye. 406 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:36,119 Speaker 1: Are you enjoying timeless wisdom? 407 00:26:36,359 --> 00:26:37,639 Speaker 2: We'd love to hear from you. 408 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:40,960 Speaker 1: Call eight seven seven two four three seventy seven seventy 409 00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:43,879 Speaker 1: six and lave a review, share your thoughts, or just 410 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,439 Speaker 1: even an encouraging word for Dennis. Your voicemail might just 411 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,160 Speaker 1: make it on the show. That's eight seven seven two 412 00:26:50,280 --> 00:26:54,280 Speaker 1: four three seventy seven seventy six. That's eight seven seven 413 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:58,840 Speaker 1: two four three triple seven six. Thanks for listening and 414 00:26:59,160 --> 00:26:59,959 Speaker 1: for your support. 415 00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 2: All right, I'm in suspense, So David, just tell me 416 00:27:06,560 --> 00:27:09,679 Speaker 2: as having a family, kids that you love, a wife 417 00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:12,400 Speaker 2: that you love helped fill in the holes that your 418 00:27:12,440 --> 00:27:13,120 Speaker 2: parents left. 419 00:27:14,320 --> 00:27:16,680 Speaker 5: Yes, definitely, But I guess what I really wanted to 420 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,399 Speaker 5: say about that too, is it it was finally I 421 00:27:19,440 --> 00:27:22,639 Speaker 5: don't know at what point I believe that that it 422 00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 5: was God himself that did it for me, showed me 423 00:27:25,359 --> 00:27:28,440 Speaker 5: forgiveness and just how to forgive. 424 00:27:28,680 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 2: That's wonderful. That is wonderful. Thank you, thank you. I'm 425 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 2: letting you go on because of the time factor, because 426 00:27:33,680 --> 00:27:36,560 Speaker 2: I gave you a lot of time. David has an 427 00:27:36,600 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 2: important call here, folks. This is the Happiness Hour, and 428 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:42,680 Speaker 2: I'm talking to you about the woman who said page 429 00:27:42,720 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 2: sixty eight changed my life. I look it up and 430 00:27:45,080 --> 00:27:48,200 Speaker 2: I find that it is the ability to have other 431 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:52,879 Speaker 2: love fill the emotional holes left by parents. Now again, 432 00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:56,240 Speaker 2: I am very precise in what I'm talking about, and 433 00:27:56,280 --> 00:27:59,840 Speaker 2: we have to be otherwise, especially on subjects like this 434 00:28:00,119 --> 00:28:02,520 Speaker 2: can go into fifty other areas because it could become 435 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:06,680 Speaker 2: a therapy show, which is there's nothing wrong with that inherently, 436 00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:08,440 Speaker 2: it's just that there are so many issues every one 437 00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,480 Speaker 2: of us has. So David dealt with the anger at 438 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:16,240 Speaker 2: his parents, with the ability to forgive, learn from a 439 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:20,560 Speaker 2: relationship with God. I accept that, but it's just not 440 00:28:20,680 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 2: my subject. And I'm glad that he said it so 441 00:28:23,119 --> 00:28:26,560 Speaker 2: people could know. Maybe that is the only vehicle. But 442 00:28:26,640 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 2: my point is and that this hour is for everybody secular, religious, whatever, 443 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:39,560 Speaker 2: any background you have. That too many adults, especially women, 444 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:44,160 Speaker 2: but not only spends so much emotional energy, spend so 445 00:28:44,320 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 2: much trying to make it good with a parent. You're fifty, 446 00:28:53,680 --> 00:28:56,200 Speaker 2: you're sixty, you're still trying to work on your eighty 447 00:28:56,360 --> 00:29:00,440 Speaker 2: ninety hundred year old parent to love you. Spend that 448 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:04,960 Speaker 2: time with the love of your friends, your husband, your children, 449 00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:10,520 Speaker 2: your grandchildren, your nephew, your niece, somebody. There is other 450 00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 2: love available. I know it's not the same as a 451 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:18,840 Speaker 2: parent's love, but you're going crazy trying to get what 452 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:22,160 Speaker 2: they can't give. You're digging in a well that has 453 00:29:22,200 --> 00:29:30,160 Speaker 2: no water. That's my point. They didn't show you love 454 00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 2: for forty years, and now they're going to begin fifty 455 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:40,640 Speaker 2: years now. They'll begin sixty, seventy eighty maybe, and even then, 456 00:29:40,840 --> 00:29:43,440 Speaker 2: I don't know if it will really fill the hole. 457 00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 2: You needed it when you needed it. Children need to 458 00:29:49,000 --> 00:29:52,840 Speaker 2: be loved. It doesn't It helps when you're loved later. 459 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:57,400 Speaker 2: It does help. Love is love, but children are the 460 00:29:57,400 --> 00:29:59,080 Speaker 2: ones who need the love. And if you don't get 461 00:29:59,080 --> 00:30:01,880 Speaker 2: it at ten, it's not as helpful when you get 462 00:30:02,000 --> 00:30:06,040 Speaker 2: when the parent gives it when you're thirty. All right, 463 00:30:06,120 --> 00:30:11,520 Speaker 2: Let's go to more of your calls. Here and Laurie 464 00:30:11,560 --> 00:30:15,920 Speaker 2: in the Glendale, California on eight seventy kr LA, Hello 465 00:30:16,040 --> 00:30:17,040 Speaker 2: Laurie Dennis Prager. 466 00:30:17,160 --> 00:30:19,280 Speaker 6: Hi, Dennis, how are you great? I actually met you 467 00:30:19,360 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 6: last night. I got the two pictures with you at 468 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:25,760 Speaker 6: your speech. I'm calling regarding my mother, who as well. 469 00:30:25,880 --> 00:30:26,360 Speaker 2: High Again. 470 00:30:26,680 --> 00:30:29,680 Speaker 6: Hi, everything my mom has said, everything you've said has 471 00:30:30,120 --> 00:30:34,160 Speaker 6: hit my mom exactly. She is one girl of four 472 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 6: brothers and her parents. Her brothers were always in trouble, 473 00:30:38,560 --> 00:30:41,640 Speaker 6: always doing things wrong. She was the responsible one. Her 474 00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 6: parents were always very emotionally abusive to her. She's always 475 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:49,480 Speaker 6: the one who was picking up after them, doing everything. 476 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:54,480 Speaker 6: And to this day she cries like her parents are 477 00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:57,560 Speaker 6: passed away now and she can't fill that hole, like 478 00:30:57,640 --> 00:31:00,320 Speaker 6: she never understands. Like I'd see her crying and she say, 479 00:31:00,640 --> 00:31:02,800 Speaker 6: I just don't know why grandma never loved me, and 480 00:31:03,200 --> 00:31:06,120 Speaker 6: you know, what did I do wrong? And I just 481 00:31:06,120 --> 00:31:07,920 Speaker 6: feel so bad for her because she's such a great 482 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 6: person and she can't this whole like and she showered 483 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:15,640 Speaker 6: us with love, my brothers and sisters, but she just 484 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:17,680 Speaker 6: no matter how much we tell her we love her, 485 00:31:17,760 --> 00:31:19,480 Speaker 6: what we do it just I feel like we can 486 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,960 Speaker 6: never fill that hole and make her happy. And it's 487 00:31:23,040 --> 00:31:23,680 Speaker 6: just it's sad. 488 00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:28,160 Speaker 2: So you know what your story convinces me. Alan, we 489 00:31:28,240 --> 00:31:31,680 Speaker 2: have to have Steve Marma on this issue. I mean, 490 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,840 Speaker 2: I mean, here is your your your mother knows how 491 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:35,600 Speaker 2: much you love her? 492 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:37,000 Speaker 6: Oh? Absolutely? 493 00:31:38,360 --> 00:31:39,360 Speaker 2: Is she married your mother? 494 00:31:40,080 --> 00:31:43,840 Speaker 6: No, she's divorced now, you know she's she's had a 495 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:46,400 Speaker 6: significant other for a few years now. But I still 496 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 6: don't feel I thought that would I thought that would help, 497 00:31:48,760 --> 00:31:50,000 Speaker 6: that she'd meet somebody nice. 498 00:31:50,600 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 2: And she did meet somebody nice. It doesn't you like him? 499 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:54,520 Speaker 2: You like him? 500 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,120 Speaker 6: He's a nice guy. Yeah, she's finally we all get 501 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,360 Speaker 6: along with him. He treats her well. I just she helped. 502 00:32:01,600 --> 00:32:04,400 Speaker 2: But the home that she made with her with her husband, 503 00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:05,600 Speaker 2: your father, is that right? 504 00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 6: Say that again? 505 00:32:07,640 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 2: The home that she made with her husband who was 506 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:12,360 Speaker 2: your father's correct, Was that a loving home? 507 00:32:12,760 --> 00:32:17,239 Speaker 6: Well? Actually she was always very loving to us. She 508 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:20,560 Speaker 6: kind of suffers from alcoholism too, I think because her 509 00:32:20,560 --> 00:32:22,320 Speaker 6: parents were, you know, alcoholic. 510 00:32:22,560 --> 00:32:24,840 Speaker 2: Well, look, I just have to say, and it's painful 511 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,360 Speaker 2: to say, I have never met any child of an 512 00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:29,400 Speaker 2: alcoholic who wasn't adversely. 513 00:32:28,880 --> 00:32:33,600 Speaker 6: Affected, right, And I see that, and it's she I 514 00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:35,920 Speaker 6: think she drinks to fill her sadness. But I always 515 00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:39,120 Speaker 6: tell her mom, it just makes you more sad, you know, like, yeah, 516 00:32:39,200 --> 00:32:42,280 Speaker 6: her drink and she's right, and she's more sad. 517 00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:46,000 Speaker 2: And well then her her issues transcend, just that of 518 00:32:46,520 --> 00:32:49,160 Speaker 2: still pursuing or is it her mother? 519 00:32:49,480 --> 00:32:52,120 Speaker 6: It's her mother? Yeah, it was. Actually both her father 520 00:32:52,120 --> 00:32:55,160 Speaker 6: and her mother were both alcoholics and very mean. Oh yeah, 521 00:32:55,520 --> 00:32:57,840 Speaker 6: And I actually said, I said, Mom, they would do 522 00:32:57,880 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 6: emotionally abusing things, like her brothers were always getting in 523 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:04,280 Speaker 6: trouble with the police and doing everything wrong. 524 00:33:04,320 --> 00:33:08,920 Speaker 2: And my mom was all, do you do you have siblings? 525 00:33:09,200 --> 00:33:10,880 Speaker 6: I do. I have a brother and a sistance. 526 00:33:11,120 --> 00:33:13,280 Speaker 2: Do either of them have an alcoholic problem? 527 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:16,560 Speaker 6: No, they're both younger than me, eighteen twenty four, and I'm. 528 00:33:16,920 --> 00:33:20,040 Speaker 2: They as well adjusted as you well adjusted. And what's 529 00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:23,320 Speaker 2: it's amazing your mother did such a terrific job in 530 00:33:23,400 --> 00:33:28,600 Speaker 2: life of ending the damage of her parents alcoholism with herself. 531 00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:30,840 Speaker 6: And you know what that is though, I think it 532 00:33:30,880 --> 00:33:33,240 Speaker 6: comes to what you're saying is that even though she 533 00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:37,800 Speaker 6: struggled and sometimes she suffered because her parents were emotionally 534 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:41,120 Speaker 6: abusive and mean alcoholics and she my mom does have 535 00:33:41,160 --> 00:33:43,280 Speaker 6: a tint of that in her. She could be very 536 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:46,120 Speaker 6: mean when she dreams, but there was something about even 537 00:33:46,320 --> 00:33:49,240 Speaker 6: sometimes when she would be mean to us, the next day, 538 00:33:49,440 --> 00:33:51,960 Speaker 6: like we she showered us with so much love. 539 00:33:52,240 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 2: She apologized. 540 00:33:53,320 --> 00:33:56,160 Speaker 6: She would always apologize, and I think we all saw 541 00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:58,320 Speaker 6: that she was just suffering, but we knew that. 542 00:33:58,240 --> 00:34:01,400 Speaker 2: We were well exactly. God bless you, Laurie, and I 543 00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,200 Speaker 2: mean it, God bless you. By the way, folks, you 544 00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,840 Speaker 2: know what I have often said, the most powerful words 545 00:34:09,760 --> 00:34:12,760 Speaker 2: that a parent can say to a child, The most 546 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:17,440 Speaker 2: powerful three words are often not I love you, uh 547 00:34:18,640 --> 00:34:23,880 Speaker 2: I am sorry. Think of how that might help a 548 00:34:23,920 --> 00:34:27,359 Speaker 2: lot of you with your parents, at whatever age you are. 549 00:34:28,239 --> 00:34:30,319 Speaker 2: We'll be back in a moment on the Happiness Hour. 550 00:34:30,400 --> 00:34:32,600 Speaker 2: You are listening to the Dennis Praguer Show. 551 00:34:35,520 --> 00:34:38,920 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 552 00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:49,759 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 553 00:34:50,040 --> 00:34:53,680 Speaker 2: Wow, has this been an intense hour on the Happiness Hour. 554 00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:56,879 Speaker 2: You can get a copy of it, by the way, 555 00:34:57,320 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 2: you want to play it for yourself or for somebody 556 00:34:59,480 --> 00:35:03,480 Speaker 2: else who's plagued by this problem. Any of my shows, 557 00:35:03,480 --> 00:35:07,960 Speaker 2: and there are now ways to subscribe it a totally 558 00:35:07,960 --> 00:35:12,359 Speaker 2: nominal fee. You get every show downloadable on Hearable at 559 00:35:12,400 --> 00:35:15,680 Speaker 2: any time you want. Go to my website Dennisprager dot 560 00:35:15,719 --> 00:35:19,120 Speaker 2: com or call eight hundred two two five eighty five 561 00:35:19,200 --> 00:35:22,200 Speaker 2: eighty four. Eight hundred two two five eight five eighty four. 562 00:35:23,400 --> 00:35:27,120 Speaker 2: This is a an example of something, huh, we could 563 00:35:27,160 --> 00:35:31,520 Speaker 2: do hour after hour after hour. Your story's rivet me. 564 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,560 Speaker 2: I got to tell you my friends, they really do. 565 00:35:34,600 --> 00:35:37,879 Speaker 2: And you know what else, when you folks hear these 566 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,480 Speaker 2: calls and so many and nobody's complaining, See, that's the 567 00:35:43,520 --> 00:35:46,920 Speaker 2: beauty the backgrounds. I mean, here, we have a painal 568 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:53,440 Speaker 2: this this man in Tucson who's father was abused, all 569 00:35:53,480 --> 00:35:57,080 Speaker 2: the children, killed himself, the mother drank herself to death, 570 00:35:57,840 --> 00:36:00,200 Speaker 2: and he is speaking about, you know, the love he 571 00:36:00,239 --> 00:36:03,879 Speaker 2: has for his children. There's no self pity here from 572 00:36:03,960 --> 00:36:08,080 Speaker 2: you folks, which is so impressive to me. But there's 573 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:11,479 Speaker 2: another lesson to be learned from these calls, and that 574 00:36:11,680 --> 00:36:18,440 Speaker 2: is everybody, everyone has pain. It is one of the 575 00:36:18,480 --> 00:36:23,680 Speaker 2: points that I make in my book that is so helpful, 576 00:36:23,800 --> 00:36:29,160 Speaker 2: I think in undermining one of the biggest obstacles to happiness, 577 00:36:29,160 --> 00:36:33,200 Speaker 2: and that's jealousy. Don't be jealous, because the more you 578 00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 2: know about anybody, the more you know how much pain 579 00:36:35,960 --> 00:36:38,560 Speaker 2: they have had to overcome and live with or live 580 00:36:38,600 --> 00:36:43,520 Speaker 2: with at this moment. That is the nature of our life. 581 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:46,280 Speaker 2: That is the nature of this life on this earth. 582 00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:48,560 Speaker 2: That's why you have to be grateful for every good 583 00:36:48,600 --> 00:36:54,560 Speaker 2: thing you have, because there is so much pain. But 584 00:36:54,840 --> 00:36:57,800 Speaker 2: the issue here, the woman who came over to me 585 00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:01,600 Speaker 2: and said, page sixty eight, your book changed my life, 586 00:37:01,640 --> 00:37:04,200 Speaker 2: and it turns out to be this issue which is 587 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:08,439 Speaker 2: so plaguing of so many adults. My mother still won't 588 00:37:08,520 --> 00:37:11,279 Speaker 2: love me, or my father still won't love me, and 589 00:37:11,320 --> 00:37:14,919 Speaker 2: I need their love, can't. I can't have a good 590 00:37:14,960 --> 00:37:19,320 Speaker 2: life without it. But you have no choice. You can't 591 00:37:19,360 --> 00:37:21,880 Speaker 2: continue to dig in a well that has no water. 592 00:37:23,160 --> 00:37:31,200 Speaker 2: Go to the wells that have water. Friends, spouse, children, nephews, nieces, cousins, 593 00:37:31,960 --> 00:37:38,800 Speaker 2: co workers, anybody. Go where there is love for you 594 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:43,560 Speaker 2: you can't get. You can't get parental love elsewhere, that's true, 595 00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:47,560 Speaker 2: But you can get other love elsewhere, and you can 596 00:37:47,760 --> 00:37:51,040 Speaker 2: often be a parent, if not even to your own child, 597 00:37:51,480 --> 00:37:54,000 Speaker 2: to a grandchild, to a niece, to a nephew, to 598 00:37:54,080 --> 00:37:58,400 Speaker 2: a friend's kid. We have a chance to do, to 599 00:37:58,560 --> 00:38:02,680 Speaker 2: fill holes that we were given. It's been the happiness 600 00:38:02,680 --> 00:38:06,280 Speaker 2: hour on the Dennis Prager Show, Don't Go Away. 601 00:38:06,719 --> 00:38:10,080 Speaker 1: On tomorrow's episode of Dennis teaches the Tora. 602 00:38:10,560 --> 00:38:14,680 Speaker 7: We start out in life. We are the absolute universe 603 00:38:15,280 --> 00:38:19,600 Speaker 7: me that I the baby am I am the universe? 604 00:38:20,560 --> 00:38:24,640 Speaker 7: Even your mother. I mean, this is you know, classical psychology. 605 00:38:24,719 --> 00:38:29,360 Speaker 7: Your mother is part of you and it's part Why 606 00:38:29,400 --> 00:38:31,200 Speaker 7: why is it a tough time to be a baby 607 00:38:31,239 --> 00:38:33,600 Speaker 7: and grow up? All of a sudden it's as you 608 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:36,759 Speaker 7: get older you were like, oh, mommy isn't part of me? 609 00:38:37,920 --> 00:38:41,799 Speaker 7: And Judith Viors wrote an excellent book on this. Necessary 610 00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:44,880 Speaker 7: losses life is a constant. 611 00:38:44,480 --> 00:38:46,000 Speaker 2: Necessary losses stage. 612 00:38:46,680 --> 00:38:49,759 Speaker 7: When you lose that comfort of I and mommy, you're 613 00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:52,720 Speaker 7: one and all of a sudden, you wait a minute, 614 00:38:52,760 --> 00:38:55,360 Speaker 7: there is another. Would you ever try to explain to 615 00:38:55,400 --> 00:38:57,360 Speaker 7: a two year old or three year old that you 616 00:38:57,400 --> 00:39:00,120 Speaker 7: have your own life? 617 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:04,080 Speaker 2: Right? You're laughing, it's absurd, you know, trying to reason. 618 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,680 Speaker 7: You know, you have to understand, mommy and Daddy have 619 00:39:06,800 --> 00:39:09,000 Speaker 7: not made love in two and a half years, and 620 00:39:09,840 --> 00:39:11,799 Speaker 7: we would really like to this evening. 621 00:39:11,680 --> 00:39:17,839 Speaker 2: So shut up. You know that doesn't work. They don't care. 622 00:39:19,200 --> 00:39:21,799 Speaker 7: The trick in life is to in fact grow up 623 00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:24,320 Speaker 7: and know that you are not the center. 624 00:39:24,640 --> 00:39:28,360 Speaker 1: Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with 625 00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:32,960 Speaker 1: Dennis Prigger. Visit Denispragger dot com for thousands of hours 626 00:39:32,960 --> 00:39:36,719 Speaker 1: off Dennis's lectures, courses in classic radio programs, and to 627 00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:44,080 Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. We want to take just 628 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,480 Speaker 1: a second to thank the team at Life Audio for 629 00:39:46,520 --> 00:39:49,480 Speaker 1: their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to lifeaudio 630 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:52,440 Speaker 1: dot com to find dozens of other faith centered podcasts 631 00:39:52,440 --> 00:39:56,000 Speaker 1: and their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, 632 00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:56,840 Speaker 1: and more.