1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:03,840 --> 00:00:06,960 Speaker 2: We're not bad people when we get stressed and overwhelmed, 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,440 Speaker 2: and there might be a million different reasons this holiday 4 00:00:10,480 --> 00:00:14,800 Speaker 2: season that our emotions are beyond capacity. Welcome to the 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:18,079 Speaker 2: Faith over Fear Podcast, where we discuss powerful truths to 6 00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,479 Speaker 2: quiet anxiety and fear big and small. I'm your host, 7 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:25,720 Speaker 2: Jennifer Slattery, and in this episode, we're discussing something many 8 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:28,240 Speaker 2: of us struggle with this time of year, and that 9 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:33,599 Speaker 2: is feeling overwhelmed, overburdened, and highly stressed during Christmas. We're 10 00:00:33,600 --> 00:00:35,960 Speaker 2: going to talk about ways to analyze, get to the 11 00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 2: root of what's causing our stress, not getting sucked into 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:44,159 Speaker 2: other people's overwhelmed, how to set healthy boundaries in a 13 00:00:44,240 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 2: loving way, and more. Join us after these brief messages 14 00:00:47,800 --> 00:01:00,320 Speaker 2: from our sponsors, I want to start by acknowledging the 15 00:01:00,400 --> 00:01:04,080 Speaker 2: holidays can feel really hard and heavy for so many 16 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:08,280 Speaker 2: of us, so overwhelming. Many of us are battling intense stress, anxiety, 17 00:01:08,319 --> 00:01:11,120 Speaker 2: and depression on our best days. Add in all the 18 00:01:11,240 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 2: mustus and hack tos over the holidays, and all the 19 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:17,000 Speaker 2: inner anks that comes from trying to navigate the added 20 00:01:17,080 --> 00:01:20,039 Speaker 2: drama that often comes when not so healthy or kind 21 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:24,680 Speaker 2: loved ones gather around our dinner table. It's all too much. 22 00:01:24,720 --> 00:01:27,680 Speaker 2: Hopefully this episode will help reduce some of that weight 23 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:31,680 Speaker 2: by providing practical steps you can take to investigate the 24 00:01:31,760 --> 00:01:35,000 Speaker 2: roots of your overwhelmed, simplify what you can not get 25 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,640 Speaker 2: sucked into other people's emotional chaos, set healthy boundaries, and 26 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:44,080 Speaker 2: experience Christ's calming presence even in our most tumultuous celebrations, 27 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 2: or maybe I should say especially in our most tumultuous celebrations. Today, 28 00:01:49,760 --> 00:01:52,400 Speaker 2: I've invited my friend Kelly Hallback on to discuss this 29 00:01:52,560 --> 00:01:55,360 Speaker 2: issue because, as a military wife who raised three special 30 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:58,560 Speaker 2: need kids while frequently moving in single parenting while her 31 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,800 Speaker 2: husband deployed, she understand and stress, but she also knows 32 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:05,280 Speaker 2: how to experience the peace of Christ on her most 33 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:10,040 Speaker 2: difficult days. Kelly is a wife, mom, Bible teacher, speaker, author, 34 00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:13,960 Speaker 2: and podcaster with a story shape by raising four children, 35 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:16,760 Speaker 2: three with special needs, through the demands of air force 36 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 2: life and an ongoing journey with chronic illness and caregiving, 37 00:02:20,560 --> 00:02:24,240 Speaker 2: she knows the ache of unanswered prayers and the deep 38 00:02:24,520 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 2: wrestle of long waits, and she longs. In fact, actually 39 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,560 Speaker 2: I'm gonna pause here, because she's going to be sharing 40 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,679 Speaker 2: some of her story next year, so you'll want to 41 00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:34,480 Speaker 2: come back for that. And she knows, like I said, 42 00:02:34,480 --> 00:02:36,720 Speaker 2: the ache of unanswered prayers and the deep wrestle of 43 00:02:36,800 --> 00:02:40,720 Speaker 2: long waits, and she longs to encourage others through scripture. 44 00:02:40,919 --> 00:02:44,280 Speaker 2: Called into ministry through reluctant steps of faith, Kelly now 45 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:47,640 Speaker 2: speaks and writes to remind women that our unfailing God 46 00:02:47,680 --> 00:02:51,040 Speaker 2: is with us, for us, and powerfully at work in 47 00:02:51,120 --> 00:02:54,679 Speaker 2: every story. After listening to today's episode, pop over to 48 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:58,799 Speaker 2: our podcast Unshakable Hope for powerful truths to strengthen your 49 00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:02,320 Speaker 2: hope and deepen your trust in Christ. Kelly, thank you 50 00:03:02,360 --> 00:03:03,800 Speaker 2: so much for joining us today. 51 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: I'm so glad to be here. Jennifer. Always love our conversations. 52 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:10,760 Speaker 2: The first time I hosted my in laws for the holidays, 53 00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:17,000 Speaker 2: I created a mess. I nearly ruined Thanksgiving. I severely 54 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:21,160 Speaker 2: challenged my sanity. I was so determined to prove that 55 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,400 Speaker 2: I was a good wife, that I was capable, that 56 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:27,120 Speaker 2: I had value, that I made something like sixteen appetizers 57 00:03:27,160 --> 00:03:29,400 Speaker 2: for four people. My memory says I burned at least 58 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,400 Speaker 2: half of them. I'm sure the rest were barely edible. 59 00:03:32,520 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 2: I was running around trying to make everything perfect. But 60 00:03:37,160 --> 00:03:39,440 Speaker 2: the harder I worked, the harder I tried, the more 61 00:03:39,480 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 2: overwhelmed and stressed and frazzled I became, and the more 62 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:46,640 Speaker 2: insecure I felt. And as I look back on that situation, 63 00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:49,920 Speaker 2: it really wasn't about the food. It was about the 64 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:54,400 Speaker 2: lies I was believing about myself that placed me in deficit. 65 00:03:54,720 --> 00:03:57,840 Speaker 2: I was believing I had to prove my value. I 66 00:03:57,920 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 2: was so focused on impressing my in laws that I 67 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:04,760 Speaker 2: couldn't enjoy them or Jesus, I just became overwhelmed and 68 00:04:05,040 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 2: we ended that situation. I don't know what they thought. 69 00:04:07,960 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 2: They were very polite to keep their opinions to themselves, 70 00:04:11,520 --> 00:04:16,920 Speaker 2: but I ended feeling defeated and more discouraged and more 71 00:04:17,080 --> 00:04:20,479 Speaker 2: insecure than ever. What I wish I would have done 72 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:22,440 Speaker 2: before they even showed up, I wish I would have 73 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:26,520 Speaker 2: paused and asked myself what I wanted to focus on most. 74 00:04:26,720 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 2: Was I going to love the people in my home well? 75 00:04:30,360 --> 00:04:33,480 Speaker 2: Or was I going to perform well? Because I couldn't 76 00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 2: do both. We can't do both, And that question could 77 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: have saved me a lot of stress. And I also 78 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,919 Speaker 2: wish I would have paused to really investigate why do 79 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 2: I feel like I need to prove myself in this situation? 80 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:50,880 Speaker 2: And had I done that, I could have experienced like 81 00:04:51,160 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 2: God could have met me in that place, and I 82 00:04:53,320 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 2: could have entered the celebration stronger, at least with some 83 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,760 Speaker 2: clarity and definitely with a deeper connection with Christ. That 84 00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,839 Speaker 2: would have again helped to reduce my stress. 85 00:05:04,160 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: Oh, Jennifer, my heart goes out to you. That's so stressful. 86 00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:12,640 Speaker 1: It really relates to our story though today that we're 87 00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:13,280 Speaker 1: going to look at. 88 00:05:13,640 --> 00:05:17,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, actually, would you mind reading this passage of 89 00:05:17,320 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: two women who hosted what could have been a massive meal. 90 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 2: We're not really sure the size or the quantity, but 91 00:05:25,720 --> 00:05:27,440 Speaker 2: would have been stressful. 92 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:31,039 Speaker 1: I'm sure, right, Yeah. So this is in Luke ten. 93 00:05:31,600 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 1: It's versus starts in verse thirty eight. This is where 94 00:05:34,480 --> 00:05:38,000 Speaker 1: Jesus is visiting his friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. This 95 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:40,800 Speaker 1: is in the New Living Translation. As Jesus and his 96 00:05:40,920 --> 00:05:43,520 Speaker 1: disciples continued on their way to Jerusalem, they came to 97 00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,599 Speaker 1: a certain village where a woman named Martha welcomed him 98 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:49,239 Speaker 1: into her home. Her sister Mary sat at the Lord's 99 00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: feet listening to what he taught. But Martha was distracted 100 00:05:53,040 --> 00:05:55,560 Speaker 1: by the big dinner she was preparing. She came to 101 00:05:55,640 --> 00:05:58,680 Speaker 1: Jesus and said, Lord, doesn't it seem unfair to you 102 00:05:58,760 --> 00:06:01,120 Speaker 1: that my sister just sits here? Well, I do all 103 00:06:01,160 --> 00:06:03,320 Speaker 1: the work, tell her to come and help me. But 104 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,720 Speaker 1: the Lord said to her, my dear Martha, you are 105 00:06:06,880 --> 00:06:10,760 Speaker 1: worried and upset over all these details. There is only 106 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 1: one thing worth being concerned about. Mary has discovered it, 107 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,480 Speaker 1: and it will not be taken away from her. 108 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 2: I love that when we read that passage, we can 109 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,560 Speaker 2: read it through a modern lens, right where we can 110 00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:26,280 Speaker 2: run to the grocery store and we can grab prepackaged 111 00:06:26,279 --> 00:06:28,640 Speaker 2: stuff or the stuffing that's already. All we have to 112 00:06:28,680 --> 00:06:31,240 Speaker 2: do is pop it in a pan. And we also, 113 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,719 Speaker 2: like scholars, don't know how many people were with Jesus 114 00:06:34,839 --> 00:06:37,239 Speaker 2: at this point, because earlier in the chapter it tells 115 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:41,039 Speaker 2: us that he sent out seventy two disciples to go 116 00:06:41,120 --> 00:06:43,480 Speaker 2: ahead of him into towns and villages. That's a lot 117 00:06:43,520 --> 00:06:48,320 Speaker 2: of hungry men and religious man. And then second that 118 00:06:48,360 --> 00:06:51,920 Speaker 2: would have created so much anticipation and expectation. This was 119 00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: towards the end of his ministry, so by then he's 120 00:06:55,000 --> 00:06:59,040 Speaker 2: got crowds coming all like pushing in. We don't know. 121 00:06:59,400 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 2: I mean, they could have been hosting a meal for 122 00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:05,760 Speaker 2: twelve men or maybe even over one hundred. We really 123 00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 2: have and that would have been can you imagine, Like. 124 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:13,360 Speaker 1: No, I cannot imagine. I cannot imagine. Everybody's excited, they're 125 00:07:13,360 --> 00:07:16,880 Speaker 1: anticipating it. So they would have heard that Jesus was coming. 126 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:19,200 Speaker 1: I'm certain that they didn't just knock on the door 127 00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 1: and suddenly there were one hundred people there, So they 128 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,800 Speaker 1: would have probably sent messengers ahead. The moment they heard 129 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: the news. His good friends Mary, Martha, and Lazarus would 130 00:07:29,680 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 1: have been excited. They would have started preparing. They would 131 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:34,880 Speaker 1: have been shopping, and there were servants there as well, 132 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 1: people that they pay that were helping them, that were prepared. 133 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,600 Speaker 1: Possibly when they came, they were outside roasting the meat, 134 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 1: slaughtering the animals, and all the shopping had been done, 135 00:07:45,080 --> 00:07:47,840 Speaker 1: and Martha was preparing food and Mary was helping, So 136 00:07:47,960 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 1: there was tons of preparation that went into this event. 137 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:53,680 Speaker 1: As they were coming. 138 00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:57,480 Speaker 2: We know in that culture that women were really they 139 00:07:57,480 --> 00:08:00,640 Speaker 2: had two main roles, right, which was ten days the home, 140 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,320 Speaker 2: which would include hospitality type stuff and having kids. As 141 00:08:04,320 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 2: far as we know Mary and Martha didn't have children, 142 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:09,840 Speaker 2: so they're already kind of knocked down with one thing, 143 00:08:10,000 --> 00:08:12,920 Speaker 2: and then hear this expectation that you are going to 144 00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:16,320 Speaker 2: be a great hostess. And they and meals had so 145 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 2: many rules. And like you said, there are scholars who 146 00:08:19,040 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 2: believe that Mary and Martha and Lazworth were probably wealthy, 147 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:24,640 Speaker 2: or at least may have been wealthy. So yes, they 148 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:26,480 Speaker 2: may have had a lot of servants, but I think 149 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,200 Speaker 2: that would have even elevated the expectation for the type 150 00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 2: of meal. So they had to have so many by 151 00:08:31,320 --> 00:08:34,800 Speaker 2: cultural expectations, so many different courses. Everything had to be 152 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 2: really beautifully arranged, and they would end the meal with 153 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 2: these pastries and fruit made by hand and a beautifully 154 00:08:42,360 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 2: very aesthetic had to be very aesthetic. And all of 155 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,560 Speaker 2: this pressure that is like landing on them. And here's 156 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:53,720 Speaker 2: what I glean from all of that historical context. I 157 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:58,199 Speaker 2: want to learn to adjust my expectations before I enter 158 00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 2: high pressure, high stress, potentially emotionally chaotic environments. I want 159 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,599 Speaker 2: to recognize when an event like a gathering, a celebration, 160 00:09:06,840 --> 00:09:11,280 Speaker 2: carry certain cultural, family or emotional expectations. And I want 161 00:09:11,280 --> 00:09:13,600 Speaker 2: to learn to ask myself Okay, what expectations am I 162 00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 2: carrying that Jesus never asked me to carry? Is what 163 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:20,600 Speaker 2: I'm doing? Is it realistic for everything that's going on 164 00:09:20,640 --> 00:09:24,120 Speaker 2: in my life in this season? And I recognize those 165 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:27,760 Speaker 2: are really challenging questions to ask, especially if we're entering 166 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 2: the situation feeling insecure or insufficient. But this is a 167 00:09:32,080 --> 00:09:35,080 Speaker 2: starting place, a place where we can invite Jesus into 168 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,840 Speaker 2: our struggle. And here's the thing, we don't know, Like 169 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:42,320 Speaker 2: it sounds like Martha issued the invitation. We don't know 170 00:09:42,559 --> 00:09:45,640 Speaker 2: if Mary was in agreement, if it was kind of 171 00:09:45,679 --> 00:09:48,920 Speaker 2: like Martha just made these plans and then hey, everybody, 172 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,680 Speaker 2: this is what's going on. You better get busy. I 173 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:55,840 Speaker 2: think it's interesting that it specifically says that Martha invited 174 00:09:56,080 --> 00:10:00,559 Speaker 2: instead of Martha, Mary and Lazarus invited Jesus into this home. Now, 175 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,880 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm reading into that a little, but it's 176 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:03,640 Speaker 2: something I wonder. 177 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, I wonder that too. It does seem like she 178 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 1: issued the invitation. I know we don't know this, but 179 00:10:09,080 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 1: I do imagine that they had received where Jesus was coming, 180 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:13,960 Speaker 1: and then she issued an invitation, because they wouldn't have 181 00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:16,760 Speaker 1: just shown up on her door. So that's maybe how 182 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:18,880 Speaker 1: we can see it. But one of the other viewpoints 183 00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:20,800 Speaker 1: that I think it's really important to put forth so 184 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,880 Speaker 1: we can see this through an Eastern lens, is that 185 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,079 Speaker 1: women in that time, as you mentioned, they had roles 186 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:31,440 Speaker 1: and they were never considered they could never follow a rabbi. 187 00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:34,320 Speaker 1: They weren't educated, that was not their role. Their role 188 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:37,480 Speaker 1: was in the home, and they were never disciples of rabbis. 189 00:10:37,600 --> 00:10:41,439 Speaker 1: And so that is a huge difference. When Jesus comes 190 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:44,000 Speaker 1: on the scene, women had actually and this was not 191 00:10:44,040 --> 00:10:46,920 Speaker 1: God's plan, that they had actually been diminished and devalued 192 00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:50,040 Speaker 1: by the rabbis, by the men. But Jesus does not 193 00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:53,199 Speaker 1: reinforce that, he reforms it. And so he's always seen 194 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:55,920 Speaker 1: elevating women and lifting them up. And he was the 195 00:10:55,960 --> 00:10:58,800 Speaker 1: only rabbi to have women disciples, but he calls them 196 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 1: that in scripture. That was something else that was quite different. 197 00:11:02,559 --> 00:11:05,840 Speaker 2: Yeah, and so what Kelly is alluding to when we 198 00:11:05,920 --> 00:11:08,680 Speaker 2: read that she was sitting at Jesus's feet, that's a 199 00:11:08,720 --> 00:11:12,760 Speaker 2: Hebrew idiom. That meant that she was positioning herself as 200 00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:16,720 Speaker 2: his student, as a disciple. The courage it took Mary 201 00:11:17,120 --> 00:11:21,800 Speaker 2: to defy cultural expectations. She was where she wasn't supposed 202 00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:24,360 Speaker 2: to be, and she wasn't where she was supposed to be. 203 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:30,240 Speaker 2: Here's why that's significant. Oftentimes, prioritizing Jesus and aligning our 204 00:11:30,280 --> 00:11:32,560 Speaker 2: lives with him, that's the most courageous thing we can 205 00:11:32,600 --> 00:11:35,720 Speaker 2: ever do. But it has amazing dividends. It's hard in 206 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:38,520 Speaker 2: the moment, takes a lot of courage, but man, does 207 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:43,560 Speaker 2: it lead to greater peace, freedom and drastically reduce stress 208 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 2: and typically greater relationships because we are coming into situations 209 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:52,800 Speaker 2: less overwhelmed, less stressed, less irritable. And again, we don't 210 00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:57,000 Speaker 2: know who all was at this dinner party. Did anybody 211 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 2: give her the side eye or kind of whisper like 212 00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:01,240 Speaker 2: what does she do? Who does she think she is? 213 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 2: And then to have Mary call her out. It seems 214 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:07,080 Speaker 2: like in front of again Scripture doesn't come right out 215 00:12:07,120 --> 00:12:10,320 Speaker 2: and say this, but it seems like she went like boom, 216 00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:14,320 Speaker 2: right into the room where Jesus was teaching, and she's like, hey, 217 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,800 Speaker 2: don't you see what's going on? Like I have made 218 00:12:16,800 --> 00:12:20,959 Speaker 2: this decision and I want you Jesus to make sure 219 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 2: everybody else falls in line with how I think this 220 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,480 Speaker 2: should go. Like, that's kind of how I see her 221 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:27,040 Speaker 2: reaction in this moment. 222 00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,240 Speaker 1: Right, Yeah, Martha, just yeah, it's hard to imagine that 223 00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:33,560 Speaker 1: she would just step in there, confront Jesus, step into 224 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:37,439 Speaker 1: this meeting where Jesus is teaching, and she confronts him 225 00:12:37,480 --> 00:12:41,480 Speaker 1: and oversteps her boundaries completely and just demands that he 226 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,560 Speaker 1: does something and that he tell Mary what to. Martha 227 00:12:44,679 --> 00:12:47,240 Speaker 1: calls Mary out in front of all of their guests, 228 00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: and there's just so much about that that seems inappropriate 229 00:12:50,559 --> 00:12:51,120 Speaker 1: and hurtful. 230 00:12:51,200 --> 00:12:54,600 Speaker 2: You said it was a boundary cross, Kelly, that Martha, 231 00:12:54,640 --> 00:12:57,440 Speaker 2: which again, I do that so often and I'm learning, 232 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,840 Speaker 2: I'm learning to do better, but especially in my marriage, 233 00:13:00,880 --> 00:13:03,640 Speaker 2: I would make a decision like I want the lights 234 00:13:03,679 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 2: outside decorated a certain way and I want them up 235 00:13:05,920 --> 00:13:08,600 Speaker 2: at a certain time. I made that decision, Well, then 236 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 2: I think I have the right to tell my husband 237 00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:13,760 Speaker 2: you need to do it. Or maybe I'm like, hey, 238 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,559 Speaker 2: I want my house cleaned a certain way, and then 239 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,640 Speaker 2: I think I have the right to then impose my 240 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,800 Speaker 2: will on my husband. And those are boundary crosses. What 241 00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:24,400 Speaker 2: if he doesn't want to decorate, or what if he 242 00:13:24,400 --> 00:13:26,280 Speaker 2: doesn't want to decorate that day? Or what if he 243 00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:30,160 Speaker 2: wants to decorate differently Martha, she wasn't just concerned, she 244 00:13:30,240 --> 00:13:32,480 Speaker 2: was distracted by all the details. She wasn't just distracted 245 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:35,360 Speaker 2: by all the details. She was distracted by trying to 246 00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:40,240 Speaker 2: control the environment, by trying to control Mary. And really 247 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 2: it almost seems like she's trying to control Jesus too. 248 00:13:44,520 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 2: And I think too, like, how often do I, instead 249 00:13:48,120 --> 00:13:51,920 Speaker 2: of pausing before I embark on all these grand plans, 250 00:13:51,920 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 2: like with my in laws, how often do I pause 251 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:56,679 Speaker 2: and say, Okay, Lord, how do you want this celebration 252 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,959 Speaker 2: to look? How do they need this celebration, this meal 253 00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:04,440 Speaker 2: to look. Instead, I come with my plans and then 254 00:14:04,520 --> 00:14:07,720 Speaker 2: I expect Jesus to bless them as if I'm lord 255 00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:11,200 Speaker 2: of the situation, and that elevates my stress. The more 256 00:14:11,240 --> 00:14:14,280 Speaker 2: I try to control, the more out of control I feel. 257 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,439 Speaker 1: Right, you know, there's this book by Joanna Weaver called 258 00:14:18,520 --> 00:14:21,080 Speaker 1: Having a Married Heart in a Martha World, and one 259 00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 1: of the points she makes is that Martha opened her 260 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,400 Speaker 1: home to Jesus, but that doesn't mean she necessarily opened 261 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,520 Speaker 1: her heart to Jesus, and because of that, she almost 262 00:14:31,600 --> 00:14:35,880 Speaker 1: miss getting to know Jesus and even enjoying him and 263 00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 1: enjoying the people. Instead, she's just trying to control everybody 264 00:14:39,920 --> 00:14:42,320 Speaker 1: and everything. And this reminds me of one time my 265 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,880 Speaker 1: husband and I when we were early married, and he 266 00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:48,040 Speaker 1: had this certain way that he wanted the house cleaned 267 00:14:48,080 --> 00:14:50,560 Speaker 1: and how often and blah blah blah, and I had 268 00:14:50,600 --> 00:14:52,880 Speaker 1: a very different view of what that should look like, 269 00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,040 Speaker 1: and I just wanted to I'm the kind of person 270 00:14:55,080 --> 00:14:58,280 Speaker 1: that my house has never never cluttered. I always clean 271 00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:00,600 Speaker 1: up clutter and then I clean things along the way. 272 00:15:00,600 --> 00:15:03,240 Speaker 1: But he wanted to have a very set time of 273 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 1: cleaning on the weekend, and I would get mad and 274 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,440 Speaker 1: so I would clean in anger because he was controlling me. 275 00:15:09,560 --> 00:15:12,720 Speaker 1: And the Lord just said to him so gently, this 276 00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 1: is really your problem. Lead, this is not Kelly's problem. 277 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:19,480 Speaker 1: And he came back to me and apologized, and ever 278 00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:23,000 Speaker 1: since then, thirty nine years of marriage almost forty, this 279 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:27,360 Speaker 1: has never been an issue again. He realized he's OCD. 280 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 1: He had this need, he needs to do it in 281 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 1: a certain way, and I can continue to do things 282 00:15:33,400 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 1: my way, and it was never again an issue. 283 00:15:36,240 --> 00:15:38,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, here's what I love about that story. And we're 284 00:15:38,920 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 2: going to talk about it more later, I think probably, 285 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 2: But God took care of the situation. He took care 286 00:15:44,080 --> 00:15:46,600 Speaker 2: of you. He was able to speak to your husband 287 00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 2: in a way that I suspect maybe you weren't, and 288 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,840 Speaker 2: he was able to change your husband's heart. So when 289 00:15:51,880 --> 00:15:54,560 Speaker 2: we're in these environments, I think it's helpful to give 290 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,960 Speaker 2: the Lord time to work. He will take care of 291 00:15:57,040 --> 00:16:00,120 Speaker 2: all of the details. All we have to do is 292 00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:03,040 Speaker 2: figure out what he's calling us to do and then 293 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: courageously obey, trusting him to take care of everything else. 294 00:16:06,760 --> 00:16:08,640 Speaker 2: I think we want to make clear that it wasn't 295 00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:12,800 Speaker 2: Martha's serving that was really the issue, because she was 296 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:15,720 Speaker 2: doing a good thing, and she may have even been 297 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:19,480 Speaker 2: initiating it from a place of love. The issue came 298 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:22,840 Speaker 2: when she allowed herself to get you know, Scripture talked 299 00:16:22,880 --> 00:16:25,960 Speaker 2: about distracted or worried. She must have been piling on 300 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,240 Speaker 2: other things. Right, Like, we can step into a situation 301 00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,560 Speaker 2: where we are genuinely so you and I are both speakers, 302 00:16:32,560 --> 00:16:35,280 Speaker 2: so like, maybe look at it this way. We genuinely 303 00:16:35,360 --> 00:16:39,720 Speaker 2: want to encourage our audience, right, Like we're showing up 304 00:16:39,760 --> 00:16:41,720 Speaker 2: because our heart is for them and it can be 305 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:46,840 Speaker 2: a really beautiful, relaxing, fulfilling experience or it can become 306 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:50,840 Speaker 2: stressful and hectic, and we can become so consumed with 307 00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:56,240 Speaker 2: details and other people's perspectives or perceptions that it steals 308 00:16:56,280 --> 00:17:08,399 Speaker 2: our joy. I wonder if Martha, if she were able 309 00:17:08,440 --> 00:17:11,760 Speaker 2: to pull back a bit and it's okay, I've got 310 00:17:11,760 --> 00:17:16,120 Speaker 2: this house full of guests, I've got this really special guest. 311 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,719 Speaker 2: I want him to have a lovely time. But just 312 00:17:18,880 --> 00:17:23,439 Speaker 2: focused on the joy of those things and tried to release. 313 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:27,680 Speaker 2: When I'm really stressed and anxious and overwhelmed, it's not 314 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,320 Speaker 2: so much about the tasks. It's usually because of all 315 00:17:31,359 --> 00:17:36,960 Speaker 2: the expectations I pile onto it that become way too heavy. 316 00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,320 Speaker 2: And it's almost like Jesus is saying that he said, 317 00:17:39,520 --> 00:17:42,800 Speaker 2: Mary chose the most important thing. It's like he's saying, 318 00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:46,240 Speaker 2: let's keep the most important thing. Like all this stuff. 319 00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,920 Speaker 2: If you want to put up decorations or not put 320 00:17:49,000 --> 00:17:53,639 Speaker 2: up decorations, totally fine, right, but don't let all those 321 00:17:53,680 --> 00:17:57,920 Speaker 2: things crowd out the most important things. What I see, 322 00:17:58,080 --> 00:18:00,679 Speaker 2: it's just all this weight she's piling off on that 323 00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:05,679 Speaker 2: sabotages her what I interpret to be her desire. And 324 00:18:05,720 --> 00:18:08,120 Speaker 2: I think, but to understand that, like if we're trying 325 00:18:08,119 --> 00:18:09,960 Speaker 2: to look at where do we fit in this. A 326 00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:13,120 Speaker 2: lot of times we aren't clear in our own minds 327 00:18:13,400 --> 00:18:17,560 Speaker 2: as to what the most important thing is during different situations, 328 00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:21,359 Speaker 2: it can feel really muddled, and so we might need 329 00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:23,479 Speaker 2: to take some time to just say, like what is 330 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,480 Speaker 2: most important for my guests, what is most important for 331 00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 2: my family? Like sometimes I think we just get on 332 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 2: the train or the treadmill or whatever you want to 333 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:35,320 Speaker 2: call it, without thinking, and we're just running run and 334 00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,080 Speaker 2: run and run, and wondering why we're so overwhelmed. What 335 00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,520 Speaker 2: if we pull back prior and really kind of think 336 00:18:41,720 --> 00:18:43,600 Speaker 2: through some of these things. But I also want to 337 00:18:43,600 --> 00:18:45,720 Speaker 2: talk about because I think this is really important. We 338 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,760 Speaker 2: had doctor Allison Cook on this podcast. I think it 339 00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,239 Speaker 2: was a couple of years ago, I'm not sure, and 340 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:54,399 Speaker 2: we talked about how prevalent codependency is in the church. 341 00:18:55,080 --> 00:18:57,520 Speaker 2: It is, like I want to say, like everybody has 342 00:18:57,560 --> 00:18:59,880 Speaker 2: some threads of it. But in this situation, so here's 343 00:18:59,880 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 2: what codependency would look like some different aspects. Martha's all stressed, 344 00:19:05,600 --> 00:19:09,200 Speaker 2: and maybe she's like banging things around or she's walking fast, 345 00:19:09,560 --> 00:19:12,760 Speaker 2: and we can hear it in her voice. Codependency would 346 00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:16,520 Speaker 2: be Mary jumping up. I see Martha's stressed. I got 347 00:19:16,520 --> 00:19:20,679 Speaker 2: to fix it. That's crossing her role. She's not responsible 348 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:24,920 Speaker 2: for Martha's emotions. She's not responsible for Martha's overwhelm. And 349 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:29,159 Speaker 2: I think too, she's responsible for herself. You can be 350 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:35,280 Speaker 2: empathetic towards someone without owning their emotions or their behavior. 351 00:19:35,480 --> 00:19:37,600 Speaker 2: Let me just say another way codependency might show up. 352 00:19:37,720 --> 00:19:39,480 Speaker 2: I see this in my home, and I'm always joking 353 00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 2: with my husband. I will have a day where I listen, 354 00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:45,040 Speaker 2: like Sunday afternoons. I love turning on my praise music 355 00:19:45,080 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 2: and cleaning house. And for me, that feels joyful. It's 356 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,399 Speaker 2: like I can just kind of check out my mind 357 00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,119 Speaker 2: and it feels like I'm making progress. Well, initially my 358 00:19:52,200 --> 00:19:54,280 Speaker 2: husband would want to get up and start helping, not 359 00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 2: because he wanted to necessarily clean. In that moment, he 360 00:19:57,040 --> 00:20:00,520 Speaker 2: might be watching the game, but he feels guilty because 361 00:20:00,560 --> 00:20:03,400 Speaker 2: he sees me working. Well, that's a boundary cross. He's 362 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:07,719 Speaker 2: not responsible for my choices, my emotions, or my behavior. 363 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,520 Speaker 1: Yes, I just think that's such a good point. You 364 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:13,399 Speaker 1: know Angela de Naudio, who is someone we both know. 365 00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:15,400 Speaker 1: She spoke about this story and one of the things 366 00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:18,520 Speaker 1: she said was Mary's eyes were on Jesus. But Martha's 367 00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,560 Speaker 1: eyes were on Mary. And I think that as you're 368 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 1: talking about having this focus that's a little bit off 369 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:30,000 Speaker 1: and it creates dysfunction and relationships. And I think that 370 00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:33,240 Speaker 1: it's so important to realize and to ask the question, 371 00:20:33,320 --> 00:20:35,480 Speaker 1: like you said, just pull back for a moment, let's 372 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: rethink this. What's the main thing? Because her eyes were 373 00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,840 Speaker 1: on Mary, so she was noticing what I think was happening. 374 00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:45,640 Speaker 1: We don't know that that's that critique was going through 375 00:20:45,640 --> 00:20:48,080 Speaker 1: her mind. What will people think? What if my meal 376 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:50,320 Speaker 1: is not good enough? What will people think that Mary 377 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,000 Speaker 1: is sitting with the men? That's not acceptable. We're going 378 00:20:53,040 --> 00:20:55,280 Speaker 1: to be judged by all these people. I think a 379 00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:58,400 Speaker 1: lot of expectations were running through her mind, so it's 380 00:20:58,400 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 1: so important to pay attention to those, like is my 381 00:21:00,680 --> 00:21:04,159 Speaker 1: stress being caused by expectations or what people are thinking? 382 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,720 Speaker 1: Are people pleasing? Because if that's the case, why I 383 00:21:06,760 --> 00:21:09,240 Speaker 1: need to really pull back and bring that to Jesus. 384 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:12,439 Speaker 1: The thing that Martha did that is so commendable is 385 00:21:12,840 --> 00:21:16,080 Speaker 1: she opened her home and she talked to Jesus when 386 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,040 Speaker 1: her heart was upset, that's a good point. Yeah, she 387 00:21:19,080 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 1: didn't do it in exactly the most beautiful way, which 388 00:21:21,440 --> 00:21:24,560 Speaker 1: is exactly how we are. We often come to the 389 00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,960 Speaker 1: Lord without the right perspective. But she was truthful and 390 00:21:28,040 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: honest about what was going on in her heart. And 391 00:21:30,359 --> 00:21:34,120 Speaker 1: that is such a good reminder for us that it's 392 00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:37,720 Speaker 1: to Jesus. We will go with all of our functional 393 00:21:37,760 --> 00:21:40,800 Speaker 1: thoughts and our expectations and our stresses and our worries, 394 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:44,399 Speaker 1: and Jesus will will speak to that. We can expect 395 00:21:44,480 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: him to speak to that. 396 00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:49,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, well, I also wonder I see this also 397 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:52,320 Speaker 2: as an identity issue, and I think that's what when 398 00:21:52,359 --> 00:21:55,800 Speaker 2: we struggle with those same things, it's often because we've 399 00:21:55,800 --> 00:22:00,480 Speaker 2: allowed our identity to become entangled in cultural expectations or 400 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:03,679 Speaker 2: people pleasing or any of those things, and that takes 401 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:08,159 Speaker 2: time to really reorient ourselves to like who am I 402 00:22:08,680 --> 00:22:11,280 Speaker 2: in Christ and to Christ. That's not something we can't 403 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,480 Speaker 2: just like make a decision and boom, we're going to 404 00:22:13,520 --> 00:22:15,800 Speaker 2: all of a sudden have this really secure foundation in Christ. 405 00:22:15,840 --> 00:22:17,800 Speaker 2: I do want to give a little plug. I'll put 406 00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,280 Speaker 2: it in the show notes. I have a Bible reading 407 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:23,800 Speaker 2: plan on the U version Bible app that helps you. 408 00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:28,000 Speaker 2: It's thirty days of developing your identity, anchoring your identity 409 00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,439 Speaker 2: in Jesus Christ. So I'll make sure to put that 410 00:22:29,480 --> 00:22:32,040 Speaker 2: in the show notes. It's a free resource that you 411 00:22:32,160 --> 00:22:36,119 Speaker 2: can grab at anytime. Let's shift to now. I like 412 00:22:36,160 --> 00:22:38,520 Speaker 2: what you're saying, and I think it's important for those 413 00:22:38,520 --> 00:22:41,560 Speaker 2: of us. We all react like Martha at times when 414 00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:46,160 Speaker 2: we're overwhelmed. Our thinking brains kind of shut down. Fear drives, 415 00:22:46,320 --> 00:22:49,360 Speaker 2: whether we fear as withdrawal or lash out, or however 416 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 2: we tend to express it. So this wasn't a character 417 00:22:52,880 --> 00:22:55,760 Speaker 2: flaw in Martha. It's not like she's not a bad 418 00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,679 Speaker 2: person because she expressed overwhelmed. And I say that because 419 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,880 Speaker 2: we're not bad people when we get stressed and overwhelmed. 420 00:23:03,160 --> 00:23:06,360 Speaker 2: And there might be a million different reasons this holiday 421 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:10,879 Speaker 2: season that our emotions are beyond capacity. So it for 422 00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 2: our listeners if you're dealing with, like maybe this is 423 00:23:13,280 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 2: the first holiday after losing someone, Maybe you're going through 424 00:23:16,359 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 2: financial challenges, Maybe you're going through relational difficulties. Maybe you've 425 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,720 Speaker 2: got like a toxic family member you know is about 426 00:23:22,720 --> 00:23:27,240 Speaker 2: to come. All of those things are going to reduce 427 00:23:27,320 --> 00:23:34,200 Speaker 2: your emotional capacity, making it more challenging to remain calm 428 00:23:34,560 --> 00:23:39,040 Speaker 2: and loving and gentle in stressful situation. So maybe one 429 00:23:39,080 --> 00:23:43,320 Speaker 2: of the ways to mitigate that is to consider, before 430 00:23:43,359 --> 00:23:46,120 Speaker 2: everybody shows up at your house, what is my emotional 431 00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,520 Speaker 2: capacity right now? How much stress am I under already? 432 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,639 Speaker 2: And then that just helps you to become aware when 433 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:56,200 Speaker 2: you're in the moment, kind of like Kelly talked about 434 00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,840 Speaker 2: that internal dialogue. I'm overwhelmed because of X Y Z, 435 00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:02,919 Speaker 2: and really it's only a little bit of this. So 436 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,679 Speaker 2: I'm just going to recognize I've got a lot of 437 00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,800 Speaker 2: overwhelming stuff going on. I'm gonna give myself a little break, 438 00:24:08,160 --> 00:24:10,639 Speaker 2: break here, a little grace, and we'll talk about in 439 00:24:10,720 --> 00:24:14,560 Speaker 2: a minute, maybe reduce some things to kind of free 440 00:24:14,640 --> 00:24:16,479 Speaker 2: up your schedule. But can we talk for a second 441 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:19,320 Speaker 2: just about Mary's courage and what that might look like 442 00:24:19,400 --> 00:24:23,240 Speaker 2: for us. I mean, we already shared how she put 443 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:28,280 Speaker 2: herself in a position she defied cultural expectations, and then 444 00:24:28,320 --> 00:24:32,040 Speaker 2: she remained I love this about Mary when Martha called 445 00:24:32,040 --> 00:24:35,840 Speaker 2: her out. We don't see her defending herself lashing out 446 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 2: like well what about you, you did this, or you 447 00:24:38,320 --> 00:24:40,640 Speaker 2: did that, or you always say this. We don't see 448 00:24:40,640 --> 00:24:44,840 Speaker 2: her jumping up to appease Martha. She just remained doing 449 00:24:45,280 --> 00:24:48,000 Speaker 2: what she felt she needed to do in that moment, 450 00:24:48,040 --> 00:24:51,719 Speaker 2: and she let Jesus take care of the consequences basically 451 00:24:51,800 --> 00:24:55,639 Speaker 2: everybody else, everything else. And I think that's that that takes. 452 00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 2: I'm not there yet, Kelly. Sometimes I am. It depends 453 00:24:58,160 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 2: on who I'm with. But it's very challenging for me 454 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,480 Speaker 2: to say, you know, this is what I feel God 455 00:25:03,560 --> 00:25:06,640 Speaker 2: is calling me to do in this situation, especially if 456 00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,040 Speaker 2: what I sent God calling me to do is countercultural, 457 00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:13,199 Speaker 2: whether it's family culture or our big you know, our 458 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,800 Speaker 2: global culture, whatever it is. It's really challenging to, I guess, 459 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:23,920 Speaker 2: advocate for myself and my spiritual needs in those situations. Yeah. 460 00:25:24,440 --> 00:25:27,080 Speaker 1: Boy, you said a lot of really important things there. 461 00:25:27,200 --> 00:25:30,600 Speaker 1: I think it's it's so important to be aware of 462 00:25:30,640 --> 00:25:33,879 Speaker 1: what's going on in our heart, to hold Jesus, to 463 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:36,080 Speaker 1: ask ourselves, this is one thing I would do, what's 464 00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:39,760 Speaker 1: the most important thing here before the event, during the event, 465 00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:41,879 Speaker 1: and I would just keep that in mind. You mentioned 466 00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:45,280 Speaker 1: this prior, and Mary was keeping in mind the one 467 00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:47,920 Speaker 1: thing that was most important to her. She had been 468 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: involved in the preparation. We know she would have welcomed 469 00:25:50,640 --> 00:25:52,879 Speaker 1: these men into the home. She would have taken their staff, 470 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:55,040 Speaker 1: she would have brought them water, she would have done 471 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:58,840 Speaker 1: all this preparation. But she was so courageous as she 472 00:25:58,920 --> 00:26:02,960 Speaker 1: started hearing the words of Jesus. Just she focused on that, 473 00:26:03,560 --> 00:26:07,000 Speaker 1: and she just eventually found herself sitting at the feet 474 00:26:07,000 --> 00:26:10,359 Speaker 1: of Jesus. And it's so beautiful and so powerful that 475 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:13,840 Speaker 1: she put Jesus first rather than the expectations of the 476 00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:17,439 Speaker 1: people who were around her. And for us, it is 477 00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,280 Speaker 1: really difficult because we don't see Jesus physically sitting at 478 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:23,320 Speaker 1: our table. But if we can just keep asking the questions, 479 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:26,239 Speaker 1: what's the main thing? I am just loving people and 480 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,080 Speaker 1: loving Jesus in the process. That's the main thing. And 481 00:26:29,119 --> 00:26:32,239 Speaker 1: if something starts to feel overwhelming, guess what, we can 482 00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,880 Speaker 1: let it go. Like they didn't need more food at 483 00:26:34,920 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 1: this meal. They Jesus could have created food, right, But 484 00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:45,960 Speaker 1: so the ft Mary and Martha both had a choice. 485 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,399 Speaker 1: Am I going to focus on the words of Jesus. 486 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:51,160 Speaker 1: It was the same choice being issued to Martha as 487 00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,240 Speaker 1: she was busy preparing food. If her eyes had been 488 00:26:54,240 --> 00:26:57,000 Speaker 1: focused on Jesus, she could have been hearing his words 489 00:26:57,040 --> 00:27:00,879 Speaker 1: rehearsing his words, remembering that the only reason she was 490 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:03,680 Speaker 1: doing this was because she loved Jesus. This was all 491 00:27:03,720 --> 00:27:06,800 Speaker 1: about love. So if she kept pulling back and reminding 492 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 1: herself of the purpose and why she was doing what 493 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:13,360 Speaker 1: she wanted out of this and enjoying the presence of Jesus, 494 00:27:13,440 --> 00:27:16,480 Speaker 1: the whole atmosphere would have changed, and she wouldn't have 495 00:27:16,640 --> 00:27:20,320 Speaker 1: confronted Jesus, and she wouldn't have confront called Mary out 496 00:27:20,359 --> 00:27:23,520 Speaker 1: in front of everybody. I mean, that was highly dysfunctional. 497 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:25,800 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, which, and I do want because we know 498 00:27:25,960 --> 00:27:28,640 Speaker 2: a lot of listeners, a lot of you come from 499 00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:32,560 Speaker 2: highly dysfunctional homes, and so these things are going to 500 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:36,600 Speaker 2: be incredibly challenging for you because you've had, you might 501 00:27:36,640 --> 00:27:41,440 Speaker 2: have had a lifetime of being trained to be responsible 502 00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,040 Speaker 2: for other people's emotions, to kind of train towards codependency. 503 00:27:45,240 --> 00:27:49,000 Speaker 2: And so I would suggest if you're finding yourself where 504 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:52,320 Speaker 2: it's really hard either not to act like a Martha 505 00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,760 Speaker 2: and suck everybody in to your overwhelm and get overwhelmed 506 00:27:55,800 --> 00:27:58,080 Speaker 2: by all these these other things, or if you have 507 00:27:58,200 --> 00:28:01,320 Speaker 2: a difficulty not being the one to get sucked in 508 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 2: and trying to appease everybody else and to fix everybody 509 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,600 Speaker 2: else's overwhelm. I would suggest get getting therapy to find out, like, 510 00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 2: what are the roots that are what are the wounds 511 00:28:12,560 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 2: that are making it challenging for me? What are the 512 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:19,080 Speaker 2: lies I've come to believe that are making it challenging 513 00:28:19,160 --> 00:28:23,040 Speaker 2: for me to set healthy, loving boundaries. And here's the thing. 514 00:28:23,240 --> 00:28:26,320 Speaker 2: It can feel like we're being unloving just because it's 515 00:28:26,359 --> 00:28:29,240 Speaker 2: so foreign to us, but healthy We see Jesus set 516 00:28:29,240 --> 00:28:31,440 Speaker 2: healthy boundaries all the time. Like one of my favorites 517 00:28:31,520 --> 00:28:33,760 Speaker 2: is when he went to go find a solitary place 518 00:28:33,800 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 2: to pray and the disciples woke up. He's not there, 519 00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 2: and everybody's crowding, banging at his door, and they when 520 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:40,520 Speaker 2: they find him, they're. 521 00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:41,120 Speaker 1: Like, where have you been? 522 00:28:41,320 --> 00:28:44,040 Speaker 2: Everybody's looking for you, And he just like, let's go. 523 00:28:44,240 --> 00:28:45,960 Speaker 2: We're going to go teach. I got more to do. 524 00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,200 Speaker 2: He didn't feel the need to justify, to explain. And 525 00:28:49,240 --> 00:28:53,400 Speaker 2: that wasn't unkind, that wasn't unloving, that was him setting. 526 00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:55,920 Speaker 2: But you don't have to use words to set a boundary, right, 527 00:28:55,960 --> 00:28:59,000 Speaker 2: We set a boundary when and I'm teaching myself now, 528 00:28:59,400 --> 00:29:04,000 Speaker 2: when we remain in regulated when we remain in control 529 00:29:04,040 --> 00:29:06,160 Speaker 2: of ourselves and we do what we feel led to 530 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:10,480 Speaker 2: do that is a boundary, and not allow others to 531 00:29:10,560 --> 00:29:13,880 Speaker 2: cross our boundaries by they don't have the right to 532 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:16,880 Speaker 2: tell us how we're going to spend our holiday. We 533 00:29:16,960 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 2: get to prayerfully decide that with Jesus. 534 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:23,920 Speaker 1: Oh that's so powerful. I love that example. Gosh, one 535 00:29:23,960 --> 00:29:26,280 Speaker 1: of the things that we've learned over the years because 536 00:29:26,320 --> 00:29:28,360 Speaker 1: we moved every two to three years in the military, 537 00:29:28,800 --> 00:29:31,000 Speaker 1: so we didn't get to have all of these things 538 00:29:31,120 --> 00:29:34,640 Speaker 1: established in certain ways. So we learned flexibility. Okay, that 539 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:37,240 Speaker 1: was a big, big part of being in the military. 540 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:41,120 Speaker 1: I remember one Christmas we only had one decoration because 541 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:44,440 Speaker 1: we were in transit and we were staying in temporary housing, 542 00:29:44,520 --> 00:29:47,200 Speaker 1: so we had nothing. But it's the you can still 543 00:29:47,280 --> 00:29:50,000 Speaker 1: celebrate in different ways. We can be flexible. So there 544 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: was this one Thanksgiving. Right before Thanksgiving, my husband came 545 00:29:53,120 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 1: to me and he said, I am going to be 546 00:29:54,760 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: deployed right after Thanksgiving. So he was leaving in a 547 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,640 Speaker 1: week and he was going to bogram Ere as a 548 00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:04,280 Speaker 1: commander for four months. He was going to be there 549 00:30:04,280 --> 00:30:06,480 Speaker 1: for Thanksgiving, but then he was going to be gone 550 00:30:06,640 --> 00:30:09,120 Speaker 1: for Christmas and all the things we had planned for 551 00:30:09,120 --> 00:30:12,160 Speaker 1: the holidays and for several more months. So God just 552 00:30:12,240 --> 00:30:14,480 Speaker 1: put I know this came from God, because this wasn't 553 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:17,280 Speaker 1: like me, but I just suddenly had this idea, well, 554 00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 1: we're going to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas full up in 555 00:30:20,920 --> 00:30:23,560 Speaker 1: one week's time, because I don't want you are the 556 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 1: kids to miss out on our celebrations. And so instead 557 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:30,800 Speaker 1: of feeling like something was being stolen from us, God 558 00:30:30,920 --> 00:30:33,480 Speaker 1: just filled me with such joy and energy, and within 559 00:30:33,560 --> 00:30:36,479 Speaker 1: one week's time, we had full up celebrated Thanksgiving and 560 00:30:36,560 --> 00:30:40,360 Speaker 1: completely celebrated Christmas with the tree and the gifts and 561 00:30:40,400 --> 00:30:43,160 Speaker 1: our Christmas Eve traditions and all of that, and it 562 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,400 Speaker 1: was really really fun. And then my husband the next day, 563 00:30:46,440 --> 00:30:50,560 Speaker 1: he was preparing to leave after our Christmas celebration in November, 564 00:30:50,640 --> 00:30:55,280 Speaker 1: and my son was helping him put his bulletproof fest together, 565 00:30:55,440 --> 00:30:59,240 Speaker 1: so he's stuffing kevlar plates into his safety best and 566 00:31:00,120 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 1: so it was nothing like the Christmas or Thanksgiving that 567 00:31:03,640 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: we would have chosen. But we can learn to be 568 00:31:06,040 --> 00:31:08,520 Speaker 1: flexible and we can roll with things, and we don't 569 00:31:08,520 --> 00:31:12,040 Speaker 1: have to be stuck in certain expectations. We had a 570 00:31:12,080 --> 00:31:15,000 Speaker 1: beautiful time my husband and my kids didn't feel like 571 00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:18,080 Speaker 1: they missed out on anything. And when the actual Christmas 572 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:21,720 Speaker 1: rolled around, we celebrated by serving airmen on the base 573 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,200 Speaker 1: and it was really a beautiful time for all of us. 574 00:31:24,640 --> 00:31:27,120 Speaker 2: I love that. I think I would like to gently 575 00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 2: state we choose our stress level for the holidays. So 576 00:31:32,640 --> 00:31:35,800 Speaker 2: we get to choose how many decorations we're going to 577 00:31:35,840 --> 00:31:38,360 Speaker 2: put up, how many parties we're going to attend. And 578 00:31:38,720 --> 00:31:41,200 Speaker 2: I'm thinking of the phrase like choose your heart. Yes, 579 00:31:41,360 --> 00:31:44,640 Speaker 2: not choosing those things might upset a few people if 580 00:31:44,680 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 2: they're unhealthy. If they're healthy, they're going to honor our 581 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:50,320 Speaker 2: boundaries and they're going to want what's best for us 582 00:31:50,440 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 2: and for our family. We can still have those precious 583 00:31:54,000 --> 00:31:58,520 Speaker 2: celebrations without it becoming a stress And I think what 584 00:31:58,520 --> 00:32:00,400 Speaker 2: I would encourage us to do. And now, when I 585 00:32:00,400 --> 00:32:03,200 Speaker 2: say we choose our stress level, obviously if you've got 586 00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:06,600 Speaker 2: like circumstances that you have no control over, I'm not 587 00:32:06,640 --> 00:32:09,360 Speaker 2: talking about that. There are some life stressors that are 588 00:32:09,600 --> 00:32:14,959 Speaker 2: just super hard, which necessitates being even simpler maybe with 589 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:16,840 Speaker 2: your holiday, so that you can get some rest and 590 00:32:16,880 --> 00:32:20,720 Speaker 2: really connect with those you love. But when we recognize 591 00:32:21,360 --> 00:32:24,520 Speaker 2: that we get to make these choices, then we also 592 00:32:25,120 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 2: recognize when we're overwhelmed, we made that choice. And so 593 00:32:28,840 --> 00:32:33,000 Speaker 2: recognizing our choices and the consequences of our choices belong 594 00:32:33,080 --> 00:32:37,160 Speaker 2: to us can keep us from behaving like Martha, which 595 00:32:37,720 --> 00:32:41,960 Speaker 2: has the potential to damage relationships and to really create 596 00:32:42,680 --> 00:32:48,480 Speaker 2: a negative, dysfunctional environment over what otherwise can be a 597 00:32:48,600 --> 00:32:53,480 Speaker 2: holy celebration. So recognizing what belongs to us and doesn't 598 00:32:53,520 --> 00:32:56,200 Speaker 2: belong to us and what belongs to somebody else, I 599 00:32:56,200 --> 00:32:59,160 Speaker 2: think that can go a long way to really simplify things. 600 00:32:59,160 --> 00:33:02,320 Speaker 2: And then let's talk about what are some ways, maybe 601 00:33:02,360 --> 00:33:09,040 Speaker 2: some practical ways people can begin to simplify their holiday celebrations. 602 00:33:09,040 --> 00:33:10,440 Speaker 2: Do you have any ideas on that. 603 00:33:11,280 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 1: Well, I think even before we get into the simple 604 00:33:13,680 --> 00:33:16,840 Speaker 1: ways to simplify, I wanted to mention one other thing 605 00:33:17,000 --> 00:33:22,120 Speaker 1: about Martha and Mary that when Jesus so tenderly responded 606 00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:24,200 Speaker 1: to Martha. I mean, I just hear such a tender 607 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:26,520 Speaker 1: voice when he comes back to her, and he's just saying, 608 00:33:26,520 --> 00:33:29,800 Speaker 1: you're worried and bothered about so many things, but look, 609 00:33:29,840 --> 00:33:31,560 Speaker 1: here's the one thing, and I'm offering it to you. 610 00:33:32,320 --> 00:33:36,920 Speaker 1: Martha listened. Martha listened, to Jesus, and that to me 611 00:33:37,040 --> 00:33:40,040 Speaker 1: speaks so powerfully because it's never too late to correct 612 00:33:40,120 --> 00:33:42,959 Speaker 1: my day. That's what that says to me. It is 613 00:33:43,040 --> 00:33:45,440 Speaker 1: never too late. I may be really stressed, but I 614 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:48,640 Speaker 1: can pull back. I can listen to the Lord. I 615 00:33:48,680 --> 00:33:52,520 Speaker 1: can remember the most important thing, and I can give 616 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,960 Speaker 1: him my wrong attitudes and ask him to help me 617 00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,120 Speaker 1: love the way he wants me to love and source 618 00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:02,080 Speaker 1: from his joy and not from people pleasing, and everything 619 00:34:02,120 --> 00:34:04,560 Speaker 1: can change. And that really helps me because I used 620 00:34:04,600 --> 00:34:07,680 Speaker 1: to have this idea that things were bad and I 621 00:34:07,760 --> 00:34:09,640 Speaker 1: need to just go to bed tonight and they'll be 622 00:34:09,640 --> 00:34:12,720 Speaker 1: better tomorrow. But we can be corrected in the moment, 623 00:34:12,760 --> 00:34:15,600 Speaker 1: and that's when we see Martha happen. What happened to Martha? 624 00:34:15,680 --> 00:34:18,640 Speaker 1: She listened to Jesus, and we don't see her responding 625 00:34:18,719 --> 00:34:19,760 Speaker 1: poorly any longer. 626 00:34:20,280 --> 00:34:22,719 Speaker 2: I love that. I had a thought when you're saying that, 627 00:34:22,760 --> 00:34:24,400 Speaker 2: and then it just went out in my brain. You 628 00:34:24,440 --> 00:34:36,160 Speaker 2: can give me just a second. Sure, Oh well, I 629 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:39,560 Speaker 2: think also too, Like let's just say we're married. Let's 630 00:34:39,560 --> 00:34:43,120 Speaker 2: put ourselves in Mary's position, okay, and we're going over 631 00:34:43,200 --> 00:34:46,279 Speaker 2: to our in laws or somebody or or maybe our 632 00:34:46,320 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 2: mothers or our fathers for or our sister whoever we're 633 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:52,719 Speaker 2: going over to some other home for to celebrate, and 634 00:34:53,800 --> 00:34:57,759 Speaker 2: we know the person that or somebody we encounter there 635 00:34:57,960 --> 00:35:03,680 Speaker 2: is maybe highly dysfunctioned, emotionally immature, is going to be stressful, 636 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:05,320 Speaker 2: They're going to be stressed out, maybe they're going to 637 00:35:05,360 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 2: be critical or snapping. Well, we can pre plan ahead 638 00:35:08,920 --> 00:35:10,439 Speaker 2: when we don't have to go if we don't want. 639 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:15,759 Speaker 2: We don't have to open ourselves up to abuse. So 640 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,360 Speaker 2: that's one thing. We have the right to say, this 641 00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,640 Speaker 2: is not how I want to spend my Christmas. I 642 00:35:20,680 --> 00:35:22,880 Speaker 2: get that that's complicated when we have kids and spouses 643 00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:25,200 Speaker 2: and all the things, but we still have that right 644 00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:27,440 Speaker 2: to say that. But I would also say, let's say 645 00:35:27,440 --> 00:35:30,600 Speaker 2: we're not comfortable there. Maybe we haven't developed our boundary 646 00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,759 Speaker 2: muscles and we don't know how to respond. We can 647 00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:38,040 Speaker 2: plan ahead to give ourselves reprieve. So like maybe we 648 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,360 Speaker 2: will say, you know what, I'm going to go for 649 00:35:39,400 --> 00:35:42,680 Speaker 2: a walk before dinner and just pray and maybe call 650 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,120 Speaker 2: a friend who can help me regulate and put this 651 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,120 Speaker 2: in perspective. Or I'm just going to slip away to 652 00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:51,520 Speaker 2: the bathroom and read a verse that I've tucked in 653 00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:55,880 Speaker 2: my pocket and pray and just invite God's peace into 654 00:35:55,920 --> 00:35:59,880 Speaker 2: this situation, Like what can we do to manage our 655 00:36:00,120 --> 00:36:05,439 Speaker 2: motions so that we can keep the most important thing 656 00:36:05,640 --> 00:36:09,120 Speaker 2: the most important thing? And maybe we need someone's help 657 00:36:09,160 --> 00:36:10,640 Speaker 2: to kind of figure out what that looks like. 658 00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:15,239 Speaker 1: And that's okay, Yeah, those are good suggestions. One other 659 00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:17,560 Speaker 1: thing that has really helped me though over the years 660 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,319 Speaker 1: is just to ask myself. We've already talked about this 661 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,560 Speaker 1: ask yourself questions, but if someone is coming at you 662 00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:27,600 Speaker 1: with certain expectations that are making you feel uncomfortable, like Martha, 663 00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:30,640 Speaker 1: we could actually just step back and ask them a 664 00:36:30,760 --> 00:36:32,920 Speaker 1: question like why is this important to you? What are 665 00:36:32,920 --> 00:36:35,719 Speaker 1: you thinking about this? And that has helped so much, 666 00:36:35,800 --> 00:36:38,359 Speaker 1: Like maybe that person just needs to be heard, and 667 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:41,799 Speaker 1: maybe in hearing, maybe just feeling like they're heard, you're 668 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:45,319 Speaker 1: able to find a really peaceful solution to whatever it 669 00:36:45,360 --> 00:36:47,759 Speaker 1: feels like they're trying to demand a view. It can 670 00:36:47,800 --> 00:36:50,239 Speaker 1: really change the situation in the atmosphere. 671 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:52,399 Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, I just want to say one more thing 672 00:36:52,440 --> 00:36:58,160 Speaker 2: to those from a difficult background, give yourself a lot 673 00:36:58,200 --> 00:37:01,080 Speaker 2: of grace because the holidays might have a lot of triggers, 674 00:37:01,080 --> 00:37:03,800 Speaker 2: and you might find yourself kind of slipping into old 675 00:37:03,840 --> 00:37:07,920 Speaker 2: behaviors that you had growing up, falling back into old roles. 676 00:37:08,480 --> 00:37:10,880 Speaker 2: This may be the Christmas that you just become alert 677 00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,080 Speaker 2: and aware. You might not make really a lot of 678 00:37:13,160 --> 00:37:16,319 Speaker 2: choices or a lot of changes, except maybe you want 679 00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,680 Speaker 2: to give yourself a little extra time to sense God's 680 00:37:18,719 --> 00:37:23,240 Speaker 2: presence so that you can feel spiritually protected. But maybe 681 00:37:23,239 --> 00:37:26,160 Speaker 2: this is the season where you're just beginning to look 682 00:37:26,160 --> 00:37:29,239 Speaker 2: at like, what are the patterns I'm seeing? How is 683 00:37:29,280 --> 00:37:32,719 Speaker 2: this affecting me? What might I want to do differently 684 00:37:32,760 --> 00:37:37,440 Speaker 2: in the future, and then finding time later to prayerfully 685 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:42,760 Speaker 2: process that with Jesus Christ. Again, giving yourself grace, because 686 00:37:42,800 --> 00:37:46,839 Speaker 2: we can't just snap ourselves out of people pleasing insecurity, 687 00:37:46,920 --> 00:37:50,520 Speaker 2: anxiety and fear like that is a healing process, which 688 00:37:50,600 --> 00:37:55,520 Speaker 2: tell us about speaking of healing and freedom from fear, 689 00:37:55,920 --> 00:37:59,319 Speaker 2: You've got a resource that could be potentially helpful for 690 00:37:59,400 --> 00:38:02,080 Speaker 2: those who are real battling anxiety and fear. Can you 691 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:04,399 Speaker 2: tell us about that as we and we'll close with that. 692 00:38:04,640 --> 00:38:07,200 Speaker 1: So I do have a Bible study called Courageous Faith, 693 00:38:07,320 --> 00:38:10,759 Speaker 1: and it's framed around Proverbs three, five and six. How 694 00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:12,560 Speaker 1: do we trust in the Lord with all our heart 695 00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,480 Speaker 1: and not lean on our own understanding. And it came 696 00:38:15,520 --> 00:38:18,080 Speaker 1: out of twenty years of parenting special needs kids and 697 00:38:18,120 --> 00:38:21,399 Speaker 1: moving every two to three years, as God just kept 698 00:38:21,440 --> 00:38:24,480 Speaker 1: reminding me of the main thing, his word and his 699 00:38:24,600 --> 00:38:27,360 Speaker 1: presence and his help, and he took me to so 700 00:38:27,440 --> 00:38:29,719 Speaker 1: many scriptures. So it goes through a lot of scriptures 701 00:38:29,719 --> 00:38:31,960 Speaker 1: and just helps us kind of think through what the 702 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:35,200 Speaker 1: Word of God says in those places when we're overwhelmed. 703 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:39,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, because that's that's where we find freedom, is 704 00:38:39,239 --> 00:38:42,759 Speaker 2: as we connect with Christ, as we invite him to 705 00:38:43,120 --> 00:38:46,600 Speaker 2: search deep in our soul. He lovingly gently does that. 706 00:38:46,640 --> 00:38:48,640 Speaker 2: It's not like he's looking to call us out. He's 707 00:38:48,719 --> 00:38:51,960 Speaker 2: looking for things that are holding us captive, keeping us 708 00:38:51,960 --> 00:38:56,120 Speaker 2: from the thriving life that he's leading us towards. And 709 00:38:56,160 --> 00:38:58,480 Speaker 2: so again it's a great resource that she has to 710 00:38:58,520 --> 00:39:02,160 Speaker 2: offer that will help you really process through some of 711 00:39:02,160 --> 00:39:06,960 Speaker 2: your emotions and displace maybe some lives with truth and 712 00:39:07,000 --> 00:39:10,239 Speaker 2: connect more deeply with the one who said that he 713 00:39:10,320 --> 00:39:13,279 Speaker 2: came to give us life and to give it to 714 00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,840 Speaker 2: us in the full. Kelly, that I always love talking 715 00:39:15,880 --> 00:39:18,960 Speaker 2: with you. This has been such a great conversation and 716 00:39:19,880 --> 00:39:24,439 Speaker 2: maybe what is one thing that you cherish each year 717 00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:31,720 Speaker 2: about Christmas, like leave us with a special Christmas see moment. 718 00:39:34,760 --> 00:39:39,680 Speaker 1: I love memories more than anything else. So when I'm 719 00:39:39,719 --> 00:39:43,319 Speaker 1: with my kids, even if it's just over FaceTime on Christmas, 720 00:39:43,400 --> 00:39:47,279 Speaker 1: I love rehearsing their favorite memories of times we have 721 00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,360 Speaker 1: spent together and what's been the most of them. Because 722 00:39:50,400 --> 00:39:53,359 Speaker 1: we forget, we forget, and it's really fun to see 723 00:39:53,440 --> 00:39:56,200 Speaker 1: how the Lord has worked in our lives in the past. 724 00:39:56,480 --> 00:39:58,160 Speaker 2: Wow. Okay, so I just got you a little truth 725 00:39:58,200 --> 00:40:01,880 Speaker 2: plug there. That could be a great way to help 726 00:40:02,120 --> 00:40:07,160 Speaker 2: us reduce the expectation, just by reminding us of what 727 00:40:07,360 --> 00:40:12,399 Speaker 2: our loved ones actually their perspective like, they probably don't 728 00:40:12,440 --> 00:40:15,080 Speaker 2: care that you birth the turkey. They're just glad, like 729 00:40:15,400 --> 00:40:17,360 Speaker 2: that'll be a funny story later. They're just glad that 730 00:40:17,400 --> 00:40:19,560 Speaker 2: you gave them a seat at the table. As we 731 00:40:19,640 --> 00:40:23,279 Speaker 2: close out a recap of some practical steps we can 732 00:40:23,320 --> 00:40:27,960 Speaker 2: take this holiday season to reduce our overwhelm and experience 733 00:40:28,040 --> 00:40:31,879 Speaker 2: more joy and peace, actually experience the Christmas that we 734 00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:36,400 Speaker 2: want to enjoy. Notice when we're serving and acting and 735 00:40:36,440 --> 00:40:41,120 Speaker 2: behaving from anxiety rather than love, and that often requires 736 00:40:41,560 --> 00:40:46,560 Speaker 2: recognizing our emotional capacity, identifying expectations that are weighing us 737 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:51,920 Speaker 2: down that really we can easily eliminate, and prioritizing prayerfully 738 00:40:51,920 --> 00:40:55,000 Speaker 2: defining what are the most important things for my gathering, 739 00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:58,160 Speaker 2: what's most important in this moment, and what's most important 740 00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:03,000 Speaker 2: in this event, given ourselves permission to simplify, checking if 741 00:41:03,040 --> 00:41:06,799 Speaker 2: we're falling into people, pleasing, not allowing ourselves to get 742 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:10,040 Speaker 2: pulled into everybody else's overwhelm, even if we have to 743 00:41:10,160 --> 00:41:15,239 Speaker 2: remove ourselves for a moment to recenter with Jesus. This 744 00:41:15,280 --> 00:41:18,240 Speaker 2: is a beginning step. Wherever you're at, we're just looking 745 00:41:18,280 --> 00:41:22,640 Speaker 2: for progress, not perfection, so give yourself grace, especially if 746 00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:28,000 Speaker 2: you're in a highly stressful, maybe dysfunctional family environment. I'll 747 00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:31,239 Speaker 2: also provide a link in the show notes to a 748 00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:35,799 Speaker 2: free resource you can download with practical steps you can 749 00:41:35,840 --> 00:41:40,280 Speaker 2: take to decrease your anxiety and overwhelm this holiday season. 750 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:42,319 Speaker 2: This has been awesome, Kelly, Thank you so much. 751 00:41:43,200 --> 00:41:44,839 Speaker 1: It's been a delight. Thank you. 752 00:41:45,320 --> 00:41:47,600 Speaker 2: I always love having Kelly on the show. She has 753 00:41:47,600 --> 00:41:51,319 Speaker 2: such great wisdom and insights to share. I hope that 754 00:41:51,400 --> 00:41:55,120 Speaker 2: this episode provided a deep breath as you go into 755 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,480 Speaker 2: your holiday season. If you haven't already done so, I 756 00:41:58,600 --> 00:42:01,239 Speaker 2: encourage you to subscribe to this podcast. Then you won't 757 00:42:01,320 --> 00:42:04,120 Speaker 2: miss a single episode. We also know that a lot 758 00:42:04,120 --> 00:42:08,759 Speaker 2: of listeners discover this podcast because people like you share it, 759 00:42:08,880 --> 00:42:11,400 Speaker 2: so please share it with your family and friends. We 760 00:42:11,560 --> 00:42:15,960 Speaker 2: want to encourage as many people to experience more connection 761 00:42:16,239 --> 00:42:19,400 Speaker 2: with Christ and those they love, and less stress this 762 00:42:19,520 --> 00:42:22,799 Speaker 2: holiday season. Until next time, may you live as one 763 00:42:22,840 --> 00:42:25,360 Speaker 2: who truly has been set free.