1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,480 Speaker 1: Access more. 2 00:00:05,760 --> 00:00:09,239 Speaker 2: Welcome to the Happy Home. I'm our Lean Pellicane. In 3 00:00:09,280 --> 00:00:12,960 Speaker 2: this broken world, building a strong family can seem out 4 00:00:12,960 --> 00:00:16,080 Speaker 2: of reach, but your family doesn't have to be perfect 5 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,880 Speaker 2: to be strong. Best selling author Jessica Smart shows us 6 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:22,880 Speaker 2: how to build a home where love and connection our 7 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:28,440 Speaker 2: everyday occurrences, strengthening you and your family. 8 00:00:28,800 --> 00:00:33,360 Speaker 3: Is Welcome to the Happy Home Podcast with your host, 9 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,160 Speaker 3: our Lean Pellicane. 10 00:00:36,360 --> 00:00:38,640 Speaker 2: What would happen in your home if your kids were 11 00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:42,600 Speaker 2: not glued to their video games or social media? Check 12 00:00:42,640 --> 00:00:44,800 Speaker 2: out what happened in our home when we decided not 13 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,400 Speaker 2: to have video games social media are smartphones for our kids? 14 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,080 Speaker 2: It's screen kids in their own words. The little film 15 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,440 Speaker 2: we made and you can check it out at Happy 16 00:00:54,480 --> 00:00:59,800 Speaker 2: Home University dot com, slash film. Today's guest Jessica Smart 17 00:00:59,880 --> 00:01:02,720 Speaker 2: is the author of Memory Making Mom and Let Them 18 00:01:02,760 --> 00:01:06,000 Speaker 2: Be Kids, and today we're talking about her new book, 19 00:01:06,160 --> 00:01:08,520 Speaker 2: Come On Home. I like the sound of that, don't you. 20 00:01:08,880 --> 00:01:16,720 Speaker 2: She's wife to Todd, homeschooling mom of three. Let's get started, Jessica, 21 00:01:16,840 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 2: it is so wonderful to have you on the podcast. 22 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:22,880 Speaker 2: In your beautiful book Come On Home, you start talking 23 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,400 Speaker 2: about your grandmother and she went home to be with Jesus, 24 00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:28,880 Speaker 2: a little bit shy of her ninety third birthday. But 25 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:31,360 Speaker 2: you talked about when you were a little kid, like 26 00:01:31,400 --> 00:01:34,440 Speaker 2: you're a nine year old, asking and asking, and she's 27 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:36,520 Speaker 2: asking you, like, what do you want from the grocery store? 28 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 2: Just take us there and describe your grandma to us. 29 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:43,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, she just well, well, thank you for having me. 30 00:01:43,360 --> 00:01:45,600 Speaker 3: First of all, I am glad to be here and 31 00:01:45,720 --> 00:01:48,120 Speaker 3: get a chance to chat with you. I appreciate what 32 00:01:48,160 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 3: you're doing too for families and moms and husbands and wives. Yes, 33 00:01:54,600 --> 00:01:57,680 Speaker 3: but yeah, so I did open with my grammy. She 34 00:01:57,840 --> 00:02:01,520 Speaker 3: was just such a special lady. There really was no 35 00:02:01,560 --> 00:02:05,400 Speaker 3: one like her. She was such a tender spirit, and 36 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,920 Speaker 3: she just laid her life down in a hundred different ways. 37 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,520 Speaker 3: So they did not have a lot of money, but 38 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 3: she spent everything that she had on us, and you know, 39 00:02:16,320 --> 00:02:19,320 Speaker 3: her kids and her grandkids and her great current kids. Later, 40 00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:22,680 Speaker 3: So I talk about her home, and she lived in 41 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:27,079 Speaker 3: this essentially double wide trailer, Like looking back, it didn't 42 00:02:27,120 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 3: feel like that. That feels disrespectful to call it that, 43 00:02:30,600 --> 00:02:33,000 Speaker 3: because it was just such a haven for us, and 44 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:36,360 Speaker 3: it wasn't like clean or inviting necessarily it was on 45 00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,080 Speaker 3: a horse farm, so they're dirty and people coming in 46 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 3: and out, and she was kind of a pack rat, 47 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,680 Speaker 3: but again, like that. 48 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:47,080 Speaker 1: Doesn't do it justice. It was like the most wonderful, 49 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:47,880 Speaker 1: cozy home. 50 00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:49,800 Speaker 3: And when we would have to leave to go back, 51 00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:52,600 Speaker 3: you know, to our houses after a week of summer vacation, 52 00:02:52,880 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 3: we just cried in the car on the way because 53 00:02:55,720 --> 00:02:57,919 Speaker 3: she did such a wonderful job of. 54 00:02:58,720 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 1: You know, you knew you were and you knew you 55 00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,519 Speaker 1: were loved, and a lot of it was through food. 56 00:03:03,720 --> 00:03:07,320 Speaker 3: I think that's not a coincidence that that sometimes as 57 00:03:07,400 --> 00:03:10,680 Speaker 3: moms it feels like, you know, not a big deal 58 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:12,480 Speaker 3: because it's something we have to do all the time. 59 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:17,080 Speaker 3: But she loved everyone through food, and so the story 60 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,680 Speaker 3: that you're talking about was just one little example that 61 00:03:20,720 --> 00:03:24,000 Speaker 3: I remember, even from so long ago. But you know, 62 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 3: I just was making a funny joke like, yeah, you're 63 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:28,720 Speaker 3: going to restore bring me like potato chips and ice 64 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,560 Speaker 3: cream and just rat it off everything I think of, 65 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:33,880 Speaker 3: And she came back and was like, I think I 66 00:03:33,919 --> 00:03:38,120 Speaker 3: got everything you asked for. And I felt so like, oh, 67 00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 3: I didn't think you really. 68 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,480 Speaker 1: Would do it. You know, who knows what she what 69 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,320 Speaker 1: money she had left. I don't I don't even. 70 00:03:45,160 --> 00:03:49,040 Speaker 3: Know, but yeah, maybe you were going to get to this. 71 00:03:49,120 --> 00:03:52,240 Speaker 3: We had the honor of caring for her. She lived 72 00:03:52,320 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 3: then with I say we my parents. Really she lived 73 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 3: with my parents in her later years. 74 00:03:57,760 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: So she just was such a speci lady. 75 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 3: And she kind of frames the book because in a 76 00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,080 Speaker 3: lot of ways, she's kind of the archetype of somebody 77 00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:11,120 Speaker 3: that started something that's really beautiful and build a legacy. 78 00:04:11,720 --> 00:04:14,960 Speaker 2: And it shows us like, this is not what we're taught. 79 00:04:15,040 --> 00:04:17,440 Speaker 2: We're kind of taught like you need more stuff. Your 80 00:04:17,480 --> 00:04:20,800 Speaker 2: grammy didn't have all this stuff. We're taught like, you know, 81 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:22,719 Speaker 2: you should have to take care of so many people, 82 00:04:22,800 --> 00:04:25,880 Speaker 2: that's a burden. She spent her life taking care of 83 00:04:25,920 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 2: people and was her grand legacy, you know, so kind 84 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:32,200 Speaker 2: of give us a what have you learned about legacy 85 00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:34,200 Speaker 2: from your grandma? What do you want to pass on 86 00:04:34,680 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 2: to your children? Why is it important for us? 87 00:04:38,240 --> 00:04:41,239 Speaker 3: Well? I love that you phrased it that way because 88 00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:45,359 Speaker 3: I think that really encapsulates what I was trying to 89 00:04:45,440 --> 00:04:49,160 Speaker 3: get at in that it's very countercultural and it's not. 90 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:52,400 Speaker 1: The way that we I don't know how old you are. 91 00:04:52,440 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: I'm forty. 92 00:04:53,400 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 3: I always forget Mike Goodness forty three. 93 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 2: I'm about a decade older than you. 94 00:04:58,680 --> 00:05:01,440 Speaker 1: Oh you don't look it's sweet. 95 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:05,720 Speaker 3: But you know, in our like for women that are 96 00:05:05,720 --> 00:05:10,960 Speaker 3: in our demographic right now, that's not a priority to them. 97 00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,960 Speaker 3: I don't think to spend our lives completely in the 98 00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 3: service of others. And it's not that I don't mean 99 00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,080 Speaker 3: anything bad against you know, me and my friends, but 100 00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 3: it's just that's not the messaging that we get. Like 101 00:05:23,200 --> 00:05:26,880 Speaker 3: we're encouraged to build our own dreams and we're encouraged 102 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:30,000 Speaker 3: to throw these really awesome, you know, birthday parties, and 103 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,320 Speaker 3: we're encouraged to like work out, and you know, it's 104 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:36,640 Speaker 3: kind of in a Yin Yang because historically I get 105 00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:40,960 Speaker 3: that women did not have opportunities to find themselves and. 106 00:05:41,279 --> 00:05:42,120 Speaker 1: Do self care. 107 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:45,520 Speaker 3: But yeah, Yin Yang, like, I wonder if we've kind 108 00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,000 Speaker 3: of gone a little bit too. 109 00:05:46,880 --> 00:05:50,279 Speaker 1: Far, and I think I would say we have. 110 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,360 Speaker 3: And watching my Grammy and kind of looking back at 111 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 3: like the things that really truly matter, you know, she 112 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,520 Speaker 3: there was no doubt in her mind. I believe that 113 00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 3: when she died, she knew she had lived her life 114 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 3: well it was like a well done, good and faithful 115 00:06:06,800 --> 00:06:07,640 Speaker 3: servant kind of thing. 116 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:10,880 Speaker 1: And you know, I wonder sometimes. 117 00:06:10,360 --> 00:06:14,360 Speaker 3: What I'll regret or be grateful for, and I think 118 00:06:14,400 --> 00:06:17,760 Speaker 3: it's those things that are kind of the lost tools 119 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,400 Speaker 3: of motherhood and homemaking. 120 00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:24,080 Speaker 2: Oh, I love that we must find these lost tools. 121 00:06:25,640 --> 00:06:28,680 Speaker 1: I think, yes, exactly. Maybe that'll be my next book. 122 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:29,719 Speaker 1: That's a great book title. 123 00:06:29,880 --> 00:06:33,080 Speaker 2: I love that, the Lost Tools. I love it. I 124 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,960 Speaker 2: would definitely I'll stand a lighted by that book. You 125 00:06:36,120 --> 00:06:38,440 Speaker 2: talk in the book about the power of a close 126 00:06:38,520 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 2: knit family, and that really is what we're talking about, 127 00:06:41,160 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 2: is that if we go to our grandmothers, if we 128 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,200 Speaker 2: look at the generation's past, the close knit family really 129 00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:49,840 Speaker 2: was a thing because you had to work together, be together, 130 00:06:50,000 --> 00:06:52,800 Speaker 2: live together, spend time together, so you were close to 131 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 2: each other. And let's just ask this, like if we 132 00:06:56,320 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 2: say this like platitude, that sounds like a platitude. Oh, 133 00:06:59,640 --> 00:07:01,839 Speaker 2: the family's going to save the world. You know, some 134 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:04,159 Speaker 2: people hear that say, oh, please, you know whatever, the 135 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 2: family's going to save the world. But no, really, the 136 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:08,880 Speaker 2: family is really truly going to save the world. Talk 137 00:07:08,920 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 2: about that. 138 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 3: Right, Yes, And I've been reading a little bit recently 139 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,680 Speaker 3: just a historical kind of snapshot of what the family 140 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:19,560 Speaker 3: used to be like. 141 00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 1: And this is the first. 142 00:07:21,720 --> 00:07:27,440 Speaker 3: Time in centuries that the family is so disjointed. Like 143 00:07:27,680 --> 00:07:33,360 Speaker 3: historically the family operated as a unit, working together, educating together, 144 00:07:33,840 --> 00:07:36,000 Speaker 3: living together, and like I'm talking. 145 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:37,360 Speaker 1: About multi generationally. 146 00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:43,000 Speaker 3: Yes, so we've now isolated ourselves and we're not seeing 147 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 3: great fruit of that. 148 00:07:46,280 --> 00:07:47,920 Speaker 1: You know, in any of. 149 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 3: The generations, the kids are suffering, the adults are suffering 150 00:07:50,680 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 3: because we're drowning. We need the support that you know, 151 00:07:54,320 --> 00:07:58,240 Speaker 3: our parents and in laws can offer us. And so 152 00:07:58,520 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 3: when I say yes, family can see the world, I 153 00:08:00,560 --> 00:08:03,240 Speaker 3: don't know that I've even thoroughly unpacked that of what 154 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,720 Speaker 3: all that can mean, but I do know that there 155 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:12,560 Speaker 3: is both anecdotal and statistical evidence that having a strong 156 00:08:12,560 --> 00:08:13,000 Speaker 3: family and. 157 00:08:13,040 --> 00:08:15,120 Speaker 1: Life bolsters you up for success. 158 00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:20,880 Speaker 3: So whether it's things you can quantify like anxiety, depression 159 00:08:20,920 --> 00:08:24,560 Speaker 3: and academic achievement and all those things you know are 160 00:08:24,640 --> 00:08:31,040 Speaker 3: correlated with strong family, healthy family environment. But also it's 161 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:34,320 Speaker 3: like we know that, right, We know that you know 162 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:36,319 Speaker 3: it feels good to have a place that you want 163 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,280 Speaker 3: to invite your friends, and we know that it's kind 164 00:08:38,280 --> 00:08:41,040 Speaker 3: of sad if it's Thanksgiving and you don't have anywhere 165 00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:44,800 Speaker 3: to go, like we know it. So family just does 166 00:08:44,880 --> 00:08:47,959 Speaker 3: so many things that we don't really give it enough 167 00:08:48,120 --> 00:08:51,280 Speaker 3: credit for. And so part of my messaging is just 168 00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 3: reminding moms of you know, how important their work is, 169 00:08:56,120 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 3: because it's important, but it's also really boring sometimes and 170 00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 3: involves tasks that are not fun and very redundant. So 171 00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:12,440 Speaker 3: digging in and we have a lot of allure to 172 00:09:12,520 --> 00:09:16,240 Speaker 3: get us doing other things. Like my mom didn't face 173 00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:18,920 Speaker 3: the temptation of something in her hand that she could 174 00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:21,480 Speaker 3: be scrolling for out. She's always like, I'm so glad 175 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:23,640 Speaker 3: I didn't parently I had an iPhone that would have 176 00:09:23,640 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 3: been very hard. But I do think those are the 177 00:09:27,160 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 3: things that when we're get back to my grammy, when 178 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:33,280 Speaker 3: we're at the end of our life, those are the 179 00:09:33,320 --> 00:09:35,439 Speaker 3: things that we're going to be so glad we invested 180 00:09:35,520 --> 00:09:39,160 Speaker 3: in is in people and building a little nest as 181 00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 3: I call it, for our people. 182 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,560 Speaker 2: I like this as a little sign boring is important, 183 00:09:44,840 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 2: you know that, like these things that are redundant to 184 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:51,280 Speaker 2: realize no, this is needed, Like keep with it. You 185 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:54,880 Speaker 2: wrote in the book kids with good roots can hold 186 00:09:54,960 --> 00:09:57,880 Speaker 2: up in the world and hold the world up. And 187 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:01,560 Speaker 2: I really really liked that. FD your book into two parts. 188 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 2: The first part is cultivating the soil, like let's prep this, 189 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,080 Speaker 2: and the second part is planting the seeds. And I 190 00:10:08,120 --> 00:10:11,000 Speaker 2: want to encourage you listeners, get come on home and 191 00:10:11,040 --> 00:10:12,640 Speaker 2: you'll get all of this, but we're going to just 192 00:10:12,679 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 2: unpack a few things. One of them to prepare the 193 00:10:15,559 --> 00:10:18,440 Speaker 2: soil for this really wonderful home that you want to 194 00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: come home to, your husband or wife wants to come 195 00:10:20,640 --> 00:10:23,719 Speaker 2: home to and your kids do is honesty. And you 196 00:10:23,760 --> 00:10:26,640 Speaker 2: write that before you can have the family you want, 197 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:29,960 Speaker 2: you have to get real about the family you have. 198 00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,320 Speaker 2: Tell us about that. 199 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I think that's my Like, you know, 200 00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:39,880 Speaker 3: it's easy to jump into adding more things in life 201 00:10:40,000 --> 00:10:42,439 Speaker 3: of like all the shoulds that we kind of feel 202 00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:46,000 Speaker 3: like we should do, and add some trips and family dinners, and. 203 00:10:46,240 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: But I think at the core, like taking. 204 00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,800 Speaker 3: A minute to assess how you're doing and how your 205 00:10:51,880 --> 00:10:55,040 Speaker 3: kids are doing, and what's happening in your family, and 206 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:59,960 Speaker 3: it might mean subtracting things or looking at things completely differently. 207 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:05,640 Speaker 3: I think one of the most amazing pieces of feedback 208 00:11:05,679 --> 00:11:09,440 Speaker 3: I ever got in writing is like years and years 209 00:11:09,480 --> 00:11:11,480 Speaker 3: and years ago, and it was kind of when I 210 00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 3: was in between books and was kind of wondering if 211 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,760 Speaker 3: my writing days were behind me. But I got an 212 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,559 Speaker 3: Instagram message from someone who said, I read Memory Making Mom, 213 00:11:20,679 --> 00:11:22,920 Speaker 3: and I just want you to know. We moved our 214 00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,880 Speaker 3: family out of Washington, DC. We never saw each other, 215 00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,880 Speaker 3: and we moved to a small town so that I 216 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,120 Speaker 3: could stay home and homeschool then, and I was like, 217 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:31,680 Speaker 3: oh my. 218 00:11:31,559 --> 00:11:33,320 Speaker 1: Gosh, there was so much in that and I wasn't 219 00:11:33,320 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 1: even I didn't even say all. 220 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,160 Speaker 3: Of that in the book, but it was just a 221 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,520 Speaker 3: matter of, like, we saw all that and we decided 222 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,079 Speaker 3: maybe some things needed to change. 223 00:11:42,400 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 1: And I do not mean that everyone has to sit down. 224 00:11:44,559 --> 00:11:47,800 Speaker 3: And make that decision at all, but just kind of 225 00:11:48,120 --> 00:11:51,440 Speaker 3: taking inventory. That part of the book is about taking inventory. 226 00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 3: How are you doing, how are your kids really doing? 227 00:11:53,920 --> 00:11:57,880 Speaker 3: How is your home doing, because your family doing? 228 00:11:57,920 --> 00:11:58,720 Speaker 1: Are you thriving? 229 00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:03,920 Speaker 3: And in a guilt inducing or fear you know, mongering 230 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,520 Speaker 3: sort of way, but really as in like a gift, 231 00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:08,719 Speaker 3: like what is. 232 00:12:08,679 --> 00:12:10,679 Speaker 1: There in your life that you've been wanting to. 233 00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,400 Speaker 3: Do but you haven't like given yourself freedom to do? 234 00:12:15,400 --> 00:12:18,960 Speaker 3: So I hope that's how it is received. And I 235 00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 3: talk about being in the air on a flight. 236 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 2: I saw that it was the San Diego which is 237 00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:28,240 Speaker 2: where I live. So I was like, yeah, so you 238 00:12:28,280 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 2: were flying to where I live and you were thinking 239 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 2: about the book Essentialism, which I love. 240 00:12:33,600 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: Oh, that's amazing. 241 00:12:35,240 --> 00:12:38,120 Speaker 3: On this flight you have all this time, and I 242 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,920 Speaker 3: found myself like, following his instructions in Essentialism to just 243 00:12:42,080 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 3: list out all the things in your life and read 244 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:44,920 Speaker 3: it over. 245 00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:48,120 Speaker 1: And it was very clear this is stuff. 246 00:12:48,240 --> 00:12:50,680 Speaker 3: Like he asked a question that says, what would you 247 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 3: add back to your life if it wasn't. 248 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,079 Speaker 1: Already on it? 249 00:12:54,600 --> 00:12:56,679 Speaker 3: And I realized how many things I was doing out 250 00:12:56,720 --> 00:13:00,120 Speaker 3: of a sense of obligation, and that's feeding in to 251 00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:02,679 Speaker 3: the family because if mom is dressed, everyone's dressed, and 252 00:13:02,679 --> 00:13:05,280 Speaker 3: if you don't have time to do the important things, 253 00:13:05,320 --> 00:13:10,280 Speaker 3: then that's not great. So it was actually a really 254 00:13:10,280 --> 00:13:13,240 Speaker 3: big gift to just kind of check off and be like, wow, 255 00:13:13,280 --> 00:13:15,839 Speaker 3: actually don't want to do that, and I don't want 256 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:17,520 Speaker 3: to do that, and I think I can get rid 257 00:13:17,520 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 3: of this. And so that's one example of the honesty piece. 258 00:13:22,240 --> 00:13:25,160 Speaker 2: I love that what would you add back? Going back 259 00:13:25,200 --> 00:13:27,199 Speaker 2: with your son? You know, you write in the book 260 00:13:27,200 --> 00:13:31,360 Speaker 2: about how you struggle with OCD and anxiety, and then 261 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 2: you have the son who has life threatening allergies and 262 00:13:34,679 --> 00:13:37,440 Speaker 2: you're thinking like, oh my goodness, like here I am 263 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:39,880 Speaker 2: already in this space in my life and I get 264 00:13:39,880 --> 00:13:43,480 Speaker 2: this son who has this. But your pastor told you 265 00:13:43,520 --> 00:13:45,640 Speaker 2: something very important. What did he tell you? 266 00:13:47,240 --> 00:13:50,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, exactly. It seems almost cruel. You're like, what, God, 267 00:13:50,880 --> 00:13:51,559 Speaker 1: what we're thinking? 268 00:13:51,600 --> 00:13:55,080 Speaker 3: But he said, I think if I was God, that's 269 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,200 Speaker 3: exactly the kind of mom I would give to a 270 00:13:57,280 --> 00:14:01,240 Speaker 3: kid like that, because you're uniquely equipped and I hadn't 271 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,800 Speaker 3: looked at it that way. But my challenge in the 272 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:06,520 Speaker 3: book is to sort of say, like, your weaknesses and 273 00:14:06,600 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 3: liabilities can often flip flop, and what or maybe you 274 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:13,240 Speaker 3: know it's the obvious, like what are your giftings that 275 00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:16,920 Speaker 3: you can bless your family with? Because yeah, it's not 276 00:14:17,000 --> 00:14:20,000 Speaker 3: only thinking about liabilities and what you might need to change, 277 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:20,400 Speaker 3: but like. 278 00:14:20,640 --> 00:14:21,440 Speaker 1: What are my gifts? 279 00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 3: Because everything is different, like you and I are not 280 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 3: the same and our homes aren't the same. But how 281 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,200 Speaker 3: did God equip us to lead our families? 282 00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:31,320 Speaker 1: You know, it's just amazing. 283 00:14:31,360 --> 00:14:34,360 Speaker 3: We all have such different ways that we can love 284 00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:37,280 Speaker 3: our families with our gifts. 285 00:14:37,800 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 2: And so here you are the right mom to be 286 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:42,440 Speaker 2: able to really think through things, to check off all 287 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:44,920 Speaker 2: the details, to think over them more than once, like 288 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,080 Speaker 2: you're the right mom for your son. I loved that 289 00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:51,920 Speaker 2: so much because sometimes we think like, oh, I'm mismatched, 290 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:55,200 Speaker 2: But God's like, no, I knew what I was doing 291 00:14:55,240 --> 00:14:57,840 Speaker 2: when I gave you these children. Another thing you talk 292 00:14:57,880 --> 00:15:01,560 Speaker 2: about is time right time, And I just want to 293 00:15:01,600 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 2: talk about when we as parents are thinking about should 294 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 2: we do soccer, should we do travel ball, should we 295 00:15:09,280 --> 00:15:12,400 Speaker 2: do such and such? What are some questions we could 296 00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 2: ask ourselves before taking on that new activity. 297 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:18,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I have like a whole list in 298 00:15:18,320 --> 00:15:21,320 Speaker 3: the book. But yeah, like I think we get stuck 299 00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:23,760 Speaker 3: on the treadmill of like, well, we're a soccer family, 300 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:25,840 Speaker 3: so we're obviously going to do this, or everyone else 301 00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:28,240 Speaker 3: in the neighborhood is playing on that team, and so 302 00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 3: kind of thinking through like does my kid actually want 303 00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:33,960 Speaker 3: to be here. That's not to say the answer needs 304 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:35,760 Speaker 3: to be no. Sometimes it's like, well you got to 305 00:15:35,800 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 3: learn how to you know, fill in the blank, this 306 00:15:37,600 --> 00:15:40,960 Speaker 3: is a life skill. Or but I think we sometimes 307 00:15:41,040 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 3: assume that our kids are into something and would be 308 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:47,520 Speaker 3: devastated if they didn't do it, and that maybe is 309 00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,640 Speaker 3: not the case. We learned that not once but twice 310 00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,880 Speaker 3: with kids in sports. And I do also mention like 311 00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:57,800 Speaker 3: just looking at the whole family because we've been in 312 00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,920 Speaker 3: the travel sports world first a lot of years, and 313 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 3: you know, it's kind of sad to see some of 314 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:07,240 Speaker 3: the little siblings and wonder like what is it like 315 00:16:07,360 --> 00:16:08,480 Speaker 3: to be in their shoes? 316 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:09,440 Speaker 1: And again I'm not. 317 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,400 Speaker 3: Saying, oh, don't do that, but just really looking at 318 00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:16,000 Speaker 3: the family and saying like is this serving the parents? Well, 319 00:16:16,080 --> 00:16:19,000 Speaker 3: like if you I probably my husband and I have 320 00:16:19,080 --> 00:16:21,600 Speaker 3: been in this stage, but you know, I know talking 321 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:23,880 Speaker 3: to some parents where it's like we can't get away 322 00:16:23,920 --> 00:16:25,360 Speaker 3: and we can't go on dates, like they have to 323 00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,880 Speaker 3: soccer every single night, or like we're just we're a 324 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 3: dance like we can't you know whatever, and that's probably 325 00:16:31,520 --> 00:16:35,240 Speaker 3: not great, right, So just really like looking at every 326 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:38,640 Speaker 3: activity kind of with a new lens and not just 327 00:16:39,120 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 3: this is what we do, so we're just going to 328 00:16:41,760 --> 00:16:42,400 Speaker 3: keep doing it. 329 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:44,480 Speaker 1: So yeah, I think that's kind of what I was 330 00:16:44,480 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 1: getting with those. 331 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, and it could be seasons where it's 332 00:16:48,640 --> 00:16:50,200 Speaker 2: like Okay, we did that, and now we've got to 333 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,480 Speaker 2: take a season of rest because we just can't keep 334 00:16:52,520 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 2: that kind of pace over and over again. And I 335 00:16:54,560 --> 00:16:57,160 Speaker 2: like it because you're writing not and even how you've 336 00:16:57,160 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 2: been talking about it, you're not trying to say like, 337 00:16:59,160 --> 00:17:02,720 Speaker 2: don't do these things. You're saying like, be wise because 338 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:06,719 Speaker 2: families take time and you can alter your decisions if 339 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:09,320 Speaker 2: you find that it's not really working well with your family. 340 00:17:10,040 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 3: Yeah. 341 00:17:10,359 --> 00:17:11,320 Speaker 1: One thing I love. 342 00:17:11,440 --> 00:17:15,000 Speaker 3: Have you ever read Jodie Makabi The Whole Unhealthy Family? 343 00:17:15,040 --> 00:17:18,080 Speaker 1: I think no, no, So this has stuck in my 344 00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:18,880 Speaker 1: head so much. 345 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,640 Speaker 3: But she said her kids were in the sports and 346 00:17:21,800 --> 00:17:25,520 Speaker 3: one year they just quit all the sports so that. 347 00:17:25,440 --> 00:17:27,359 Speaker 1: They could ski together as a family. 348 00:17:28,119 --> 00:17:31,719 Speaker 3: Pick something that yeah, exactly, like pick a something that 349 00:17:31,880 --> 00:17:32,680 Speaker 3: the whole. 350 00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:33,520 Speaker 1: Family is involved in. 351 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:35,560 Speaker 3: And she was like, it was the best decision we 352 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,880 Speaker 3: ever made, like we had such wonderful memories. So it's 353 00:17:38,920 --> 00:17:42,159 Speaker 3: like an unconventional decision. But I'm a fan of that, 354 00:17:42,480 --> 00:17:44,720 Speaker 3: Like you don't have to do what everyone else is doing. 355 00:17:45,359 --> 00:17:48,360 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and then guess what when your child ten 356 00:17:48,440 --> 00:17:50,920 Speaker 2: years from now, twenty years from now, thirty years from now, 357 00:17:51,359 --> 00:17:54,479 Speaker 2: you know they're not playing soccer probably, but they are 358 00:17:54,520 --> 00:17:56,840 Speaker 2: close to their family now and they're probably still skiing 359 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:00,400 Speaker 2: with their family every winter. So it's no, it's super 360 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 2: valuable going there. You know, as you your specialty is memories. 361 00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:07,880 Speaker 2: Let's go there. You know, why do these making these 362 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,159 Speaker 2: kinds of memories? Why is this so important? And how 363 00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:12,679 Speaker 2: do we fit this in and make it really a priority? 364 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,360 Speaker 1: Mm hmmm. I think I quoted Edith Schaeffer. I don't 365 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:17,760 Speaker 1: know if you read any of her books. 366 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 3: Yeah, she wrote years and years ago, so the books, 367 00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:24,840 Speaker 3: like the cover so dated, but what's in there is great. 368 00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:26,879 Speaker 3: And she had a quote that said, if you don't 369 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,240 Speaker 3: intentionally take time to fill your family's memory book, it 370 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:31,080 Speaker 3: will be empty. 371 00:18:31,560 --> 00:18:34,080 Speaker 1: Oh and it's like ooh that kind of like. 372 00:18:33,920 --> 00:18:35,840 Speaker 2: Like none of us want an empty memory book. 373 00:18:36,000 --> 00:18:39,800 Speaker 3: No, no, no, So this even though I wrote memory 374 00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:42,000 Speaker 3: making mom, I'm always like I am not like the 375 00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 3: queen of making memories. I'm like trying to do this 376 00:18:45,920 --> 00:18:49,359 Speaker 3: and trying to be more proactive, and it is like 377 00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:53,399 Speaker 3: hard to you know, if you're not somebody that my 378 00:18:53,840 --> 00:18:56,520 Speaker 3: daughter's like, any event I'll throw, I'll put all the 379 00:18:56,560 --> 00:18:59,760 Speaker 3: streamers up and we'll throw. You know, there're people have 380 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,760 Speaker 3: their gifts, but I had to kind of remind myself. 381 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,320 Speaker 3: So I literally just was working on our calendar for 382 00:19:05,400 --> 00:19:07,960 Speaker 3: the year, and I'm like, I'm writing down when Advent starts, 383 00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:10,439 Speaker 3: I'm going to send myself a reminder to like go 384 00:19:10,440 --> 00:19:12,959 Speaker 3: ahead and plan what book are we reading together the family, 385 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:15,959 Speaker 3: And let's set a little reminder for myself to have 386 00:19:16,119 --> 00:19:20,639 Speaker 3: like write our advent bucket list whatever. And so it 387 00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 3: does take some work. But I talk about not just 388 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:28,240 Speaker 3: doing things for the sake of doing them, because there's 389 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,639 Speaker 3: like literally a million different let's just taking Christmas for 390 00:19:31,680 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 3: an example. Christmas things that you could do right. You 391 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 3: could do so many things. But I talk about kind 392 00:19:38,160 --> 00:19:43,600 Speaker 3: of choosing a couple values that are important to your family. So, 393 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,960 Speaker 3: for example, some things that my family values are music 394 00:19:47,240 --> 00:19:50,480 Speaker 3: and nature and adventure and our faith. 395 00:19:51,000 --> 00:19:54,440 Speaker 1: So it's okay in light of that, if. 396 00:19:54,320 --> 00:19:59,159 Speaker 3: I'm not cutting up a million snowflakes, like what if 397 00:19:59,200 --> 00:19:59,639 Speaker 3: I want to. 398 00:19:59,680 --> 00:20:02,920 Speaker 1: That's fine, but like that doesn't respect any of those boxes. 399 00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:05,000 Speaker 1: We love Andrew Peterson. 400 00:20:05,040 --> 00:20:06,800 Speaker 3: I don't know if you follow him, but he has 401 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:10,560 Speaker 3: a like Christmas concert and we love. 402 00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:13,160 Speaker 1: It so much. That checks several boxes. 403 00:20:12,840 --> 00:20:16,359 Speaker 3: Of Tru's goodness and beauty and great music and spending 404 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,160 Speaker 3: time together in our faith. So we're gonna like prioritize that, 405 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 3: and that gives freedom to the mom. I think of like, 406 00:20:23,240 --> 00:20:26,639 Speaker 3: I'm not trying to say you have to celebrate every holiday, yes, 407 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:31,000 Speaker 3: all the time, into every extent, but to be strategic 408 00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:32,639 Speaker 3: and just spend some time. 409 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:34,840 Speaker 1: I'm such a huge fan of. 410 00:20:34,760 --> 00:20:38,640 Speaker 3: Like planning day, and I do like twice a year 411 00:20:38,800 --> 00:20:41,600 Speaker 3: like a kind of like bomb planning day. I mean, 412 00:20:41,640 --> 00:20:43,520 Speaker 3: I we homeschool, so I kind of call it like 413 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:47,000 Speaker 3: a teacher workday. But even if you're like I don't 414 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:48,840 Speaker 3: want to say just a mom, even if you're. 415 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:52,000 Speaker 2: Not, if you don't homeschool, yes you still need this. 416 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:55,920 Speaker 3: You're just a homemaker taking a couple times of the 417 00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:59,359 Speaker 3: year to get away and bring your planner, bring some 418 00:20:59,680 --> 00:21:03,399 Speaker 3: question and your journal, and just like sit and see 419 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,439 Speaker 3: what the Lord has for your family and what goals 420 00:21:06,480 --> 00:21:08,000 Speaker 3: he has for this next season. 421 00:21:08,560 --> 00:21:09,400 Speaker 1: I always think. 422 00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:12,760 Speaker 3: About every member of my family and just sort of like, well, 423 00:21:12,760 --> 00:21:14,959 Speaker 3: what is something maybe God wants them to work on? 424 00:21:15,600 --> 00:21:18,040 Speaker 3: How can I love them well in this season? And 425 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:23,000 Speaker 3: you know, God kind of brings things to mind. I 426 00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,919 Speaker 3: think I took a little jump off from memory. 427 00:21:25,160 --> 00:21:27,639 Speaker 2: No, but I liked your jump very much. You know, 428 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 2: when I was first a mom, I went to a conference, 429 00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 2: a mom's conference. It was Hearts at Home then, and 430 00:21:34,080 --> 00:21:37,320 Speaker 2: it was really gave this idea of professionalizing motherhood, Like, 431 00:21:37,440 --> 00:21:39,920 Speaker 2: how can I treat this like a profession? What would 432 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:42,520 Speaker 2: I do? And you would do what you just said. 433 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:44,320 Speaker 2: I would plan twice a year and go to a 434 00:21:44,359 --> 00:21:47,119 Speaker 2: coffee shop and pray and write things down. And I 435 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:52,040 Speaker 2: think it's such a beautiful simple way to anticipate what's 436 00:21:52,080 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 2: ahead and be proactive instead of like, just, oh my word, 437 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 2: how did we get here? You wrote about with you 438 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,560 Speaker 2: and your siblings going up that you all thought you 439 00:22:01,600 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 2: were a mom's favorite, which I really loved because it is. 440 00:22:04,480 --> 00:22:06,560 Speaker 2: I'm an only child, so I was the favorite, you know. 441 00:22:06,680 --> 00:22:09,480 Speaker 2: But I have three children, so I try very hard 442 00:22:09,600 --> 00:22:12,400 Speaker 2: so that you know, none of them feels like they're oh, 443 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,200 Speaker 2: they're the you know, sacred one. How can we help 444 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:18,960 Speaker 2: our kids like as moms and as dads treat them 445 00:22:18,960 --> 00:22:19,720 Speaker 2: all like favorites. 446 00:22:20,359 --> 00:22:24,320 Speaker 3: I think the uncomfortable reality is kids are pretty observant, 447 00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:29,760 Speaker 3: and so there have been seasons where you're not feeling 448 00:22:29,920 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 3: warm towards every re equally, yes, and that can feel 449 00:22:34,200 --> 00:22:37,159 Speaker 3: really like a feeling you shouldn't be feeling, but I 450 00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:40,360 Speaker 3: think it's very natural. And so one thing I talk 451 00:22:40,400 --> 00:22:43,159 Speaker 3: about is to just like be honest with yourself and 452 00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,359 Speaker 3: kind of dig through like why you might be having 453 00:22:46,400 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 3: those feelings, and to really pray and ask God to 454 00:22:50,119 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 3: help you with that. I think he really does answer that. 455 00:22:53,160 --> 00:22:55,199 Speaker 3: That's not just a flippant thing to say. I think 456 00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,400 Speaker 3: he can just wisdom. But you know, like you can 457 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:01,320 Speaker 3: take somebody out for pancakes if they feel like they're 458 00:23:01,359 --> 00:23:05,400 Speaker 3: waking up with ten strikes against them already, that's not 459 00:23:05,440 --> 00:23:06,880 Speaker 3: going to erase that. 460 00:23:07,240 --> 00:23:09,040 Speaker 1: And so really kind of getting at the. 461 00:23:08,920 --> 00:23:12,000 Speaker 3: Core of like what am I kind of dealing with 462 00:23:12,160 --> 00:23:15,440 Speaker 3: if you are in a season of like feeling kind 463 00:23:15,480 --> 00:23:18,439 Speaker 3: of some feelings towards a child that you don't want, 464 00:23:19,560 --> 00:23:23,760 Speaker 3: but in general, like it just is hard because they're 465 00:23:24,440 --> 00:23:27,040 Speaker 3: I think I quoted the Bilbo bag in your spread 466 00:23:27,160 --> 00:23:29,879 Speaker 3: thin like butter on so much toast, and that is 467 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:31,120 Speaker 3: like such a mom thing. 468 00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:35,440 Speaker 1: So like one little tidbit I have in. 469 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,800 Speaker 3: There is to do like I think I do anyway, 470 00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:41,080 Speaker 3: like to spend ten minutes a day with each kid. 471 00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:42,159 Speaker 1: You don't have to do this every. 472 00:23:42,040 --> 00:23:44,040 Speaker 3: Day, but if you're feeling kind of like, you know, 473 00:23:44,040 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 3: I'm going to invest in my kids and they get 474 00:23:46,400 --> 00:23:48,399 Speaker 3: to choose what you want to do for ten minutes, 475 00:23:48,960 --> 00:23:51,480 Speaker 3: and it may sound like, well that's nothing, but it 476 00:23:51,560 --> 00:23:55,200 Speaker 3: actually is surprising, like that can really be a big 477 00:23:55,520 --> 00:23:58,320 Speaker 3: investment in their bucket if they can spend it, you know, 478 00:23:58,400 --> 00:24:01,480 Speaker 3: in a way. I've had friends that have done the 479 00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:06,680 Speaker 3: whole Like on the day of your birthday, like let's 480 00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:09,520 Speaker 3: say you're born on the twenty six. Every twenty six, 481 00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,240 Speaker 3: you get to stay up late with mom and do 482 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:15,080 Speaker 3: something special or something along those lines. Yeah, So there's 483 00:24:15,080 --> 00:24:18,080 Speaker 3: lots of little ideas like that to like connect with 484 00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:22,119 Speaker 3: each child and just noticing like what their love language is, 485 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,360 Speaker 3: which you know Gary Chapman has done. But it can 486 00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:29,600 Speaker 3: also just be things like you know, cleaning up their 487 00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:32,800 Speaker 3: room or getting them a pack of gum at the store. 488 00:24:33,840 --> 00:24:37,800 Speaker 2: Right. Yeah, no, it's so true, and it's these little things. 489 00:24:37,840 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 2: I mean that ten minutes, but that would make a 490 00:24:39,720 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 2: big difference, Like that child grows up and says, hey, 491 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 2: my mom my dad, They spend time with me constantly. 492 00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,240 Speaker 2: That's the feeling, the memory that they would take away 493 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,760 Speaker 2: from that, which is awesome. The last question I want 494 00:24:50,800 --> 00:24:53,399 Speaker 2: to ask is we are sisters in the sense that 495 00:24:53,440 --> 00:24:57,080 Speaker 2: we have delayed the social media and the smartphone for 496 00:24:57,200 --> 00:25:00,080 Speaker 2: our twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifty year olds. We didn't do that. 497 00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:02,920 Speaker 2: How did you come to that decision? And what fruit 498 00:25:03,000 --> 00:25:05,920 Speaker 2: is that bearing in your life? 499 00:25:06,160 --> 00:25:11,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, So my oldest is sixteen and we got him 500 00:25:11,320 --> 00:25:14,399 Speaker 3: an iPhone when he turned sixteen he was going to 501 00:25:14,440 --> 00:25:17,120 Speaker 3: start driving, and it was like such a terrible day. 502 00:25:17,200 --> 00:25:19,240 Speaker 3: I thought, oh, this is the end, and I'm so 503 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,080 Speaker 3: I just hate the world we live in and this 504 00:25:21,200 --> 00:25:24,160 Speaker 3: is awful. And what's been kind of interesting has been 505 00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:27,399 Speaker 3: to see I mean, it certainly is a temptation for 506 00:25:27,480 --> 00:25:29,520 Speaker 3: all of us, even adults. 507 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:31,960 Speaker 1: Right, but it's been really kind of cool to see. 508 00:25:31,720 --> 00:25:35,200 Speaker 3: That he's still the same person, Like he had sixteen 509 00:25:35,320 --> 00:25:36,560 Speaker 3: years to develop his. 510 00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:37,639 Speaker 1: Character and his habits. 511 00:25:37,960 --> 00:25:42,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, and so to introduce it at that point, he's 512 00:25:42,760 --> 00:25:47,119 Speaker 3: like using a app, a to do list app, and 513 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:50,080 Speaker 3: he's you know, got the Bible app and reads like 514 00:25:50,160 --> 00:25:53,639 Speaker 3: his daily devotion and so it's kind of cool. 515 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,840 Speaker 1: Like I think, what I some of the fruit I've 516 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,440 Speaker 1: seen is that when you wait and they get a childhood, 517 00:26:00,119 --> 00:26:01,440 Speaker 1: have a childhood. 518 00:26:01,560 --> 00:26:05,760 Speaker 3: And they have a chance to develop those character traits 519 00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,840 Speaker 3: while their brain is so young and multiple. 520 00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:12,320 Speaker 1: I have seen that that I have. 521 00:26:12,280 --> 00:26:15,280 Speaker 3: Seen with my own eyes the gifts that that gives, 522 00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:19,160 Speaker 3: and that when they then do face. I'm not again 523 00:26:19,240 --> 00:26:21,240 Speaker 3: saying that it's going to solve everything, because it's a 524 00:26:21,280 --> 00:26:23,840 Speaker 3: broken world that we live in. But I would not 525 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:28,040 Speaker 3: do it differently for a million dollars. I'm so glad 526 00:26:28,080 --> 00:26:32,600 Speaker 3: and so grateful, and it's hard. You know, it'll be 527 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:37,320 Speaker 3: hard with each child because the world is getting increasingly crazier. 528 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:39,879 Speaker 1: And you know, he was a boy. I know girls 529 00:26:39,920 --> 00:26:40,480 Speaker 1: are different. 530 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:44,359 Speaker 3: But if there's one thing parents can do, I think 531 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:48,359 Speaker 3: that is it, and I really do. If there was 532 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,959 Speaker 3: one thing, it would be limit technology, including you know, 533 00:26:52,080 --> 00:26:54,440 Speaker 3: you can do a ton on the computer. It's basically 534 00:26:54,440 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 3: a phone. It's sitting. So just to be mindful of that. 535 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:00,919 Speaker 3: I am so grateful husband and I were on the 536 00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:02,760 Speaker 3: same page and that we were able to hold off. 537 00:27:03,440 --> 00:27:07,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, so true, Jessica. How can people find out more 538 00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 2: about you and your book? 539 00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:10,560 Speaker 1: Yeah? 540 00:27:10,600 --> 00:27:13,239 Speaker 3: So you can come say hi on Instagram. I'm at 541 00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,639 Speaker 3: Jessica Smart and too Smart has two teas. 542 00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:19,439 Speaker 1: And they're extra starvers. Yeah, thank you smart. 543 00:27:20,200 --> 00:27:23,080 Speaker 3: My books are on Amazon, so I have Memory Making 544 00:27:23,119 --> 00:27:25,280 Speaker 3: Mom Let Them Be Kids, and then my new one, 545 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 3: which I'm super excited about, Come on Home. 546 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,159 Speaker 1: So yeah, I just I'm so excited about it and 547 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,400 Speaker 1: I think it's to make gift to so many families. 548 00:27:34,800 --> 00:27:37,280 Speaker 2: It's a beautiful book. We'll have links in the show notes. 549 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:39,800 Speaker 2: Thank you Jessica, and thank you to you know, we 550 00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,679 Speaker 2: talk a lot on the podcast about delaying social media, 551 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:47,560 Speaker 2: delaying video games, delaying smartphones through high school as long 552 00:27:47,640 --> 00:27:50,960 Speaker 2: as possible, you know, sixteen or older. That something that 553 00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:53,439 Speaker 2: we talk about here and it's really really great to 554 00:27:53,520 --> 00:27:55,639 Speaker 2: hear you know, your take on it. So thank you 555 00:27:55,680 --> 00:27:56,120 Speaker 2: so much. 556 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:02,280 Speaker 1: Thank you. 557 00:28:02,280 --> 00:28:05,480 Speaker 2: You can learn more about Jessica on her website and 558 00:28:05,600 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 2: also her book Come on Home Jessica Smart dot com. 559 00:28:09,840 --> 00:28:13,840 Speaker 2: That's smart with two te's And if you want more encouragement, 560 00:28:14,119 --> 00:28:18,400 Speaker 2: how do we raise our kids with less less technology? 561 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,200 Speaker 2: Check out the screen Kids film we made screen Kids 562 00:28:21,640 --> 00:28:24,080 Speaker 2: in their own words. You'll find that at Happy Home 563 00:28:24,600 --> 00:28:29,199 Speaker 2: University dot com, slash film. Remember you don't have to 564 00:28:29,280 --> 00:28:33,120 Speaker 2: come from a happy home to create one YouTube can 565 00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 2: have a happy home.