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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: So when Adam and Eve introduced sin into the world,

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Speaker 2: they hid because they understood that perfection holiness had been tainted.

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Speaker 1: We live under that.

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Speaker 2: Same curse today, where certain and temptation and weakness and

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Speaker 2: imperfection just flood our lives.

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Speaker 3: That's not God's original design. Welcome to Love Life Sober.

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Speaker 3: I'm your host and your coach, Christy Osborne. This podcast

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Speaker 3: is for the woman who loves Jesus or is longing

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Speaker 3: to reconnect with him, and who knows deep down that

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Speaker 3: alcohol is no longer serving her. Here we talk honestly,

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Speaker 3: with grace and truth about how stepping away from alcohol

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Speaker 3: opens the door to the love, joy, peace, and connection

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Speaker 3: you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those things were never

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Speaker 3: meant to be found in a bottle of wine. They're

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Speaker 3: found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, I'll help

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Speaker 3: you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, and

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Speaker 3: what you're really crazy so that freedom feels not only

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Speaker 3: possible but sustainable. You don't have to do this alone, Babe,

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Speaker 3: let's dive in. Hey friends, so, welcome back to Love

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Speaker 3: Life Sober. So Glad you're here. I just wanted to

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Speaker 3: give you a few updates as we head into April

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Speaker 3: on what's going on in the community. We have added

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Speaker 3: extra connection call per week, so there'll be more touch

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Speaker 3: points for you to get to know our beautiful members

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Speaker 3: at our team leaders at now two connection calls per

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Speaker 3: week the month of April, we have a really great

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Speaker 3: masterclass with my friend Eric Anderson all about writing your

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Speaker 3: alcohol free testimony. And then in our small group True Vine,

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Speaker 3: which is the small coaching group within the community, we're

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Speaker 3: also adding a twice a month Happier Hour call, again

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Speaker 3: an additional touch point for everybody to get together, be

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Speaker 3: together and grow in community. So there's so much going

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Speaker 3: on in April, stay tuned for some really exciting announcements

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Speaker 3: coming really really soon about some in person opportunities. I'll

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Speaker 3: go ahead and introduce our guest today, which is my

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Speaker 3: friend Tony Collier Ough. Gals, this conversation was so so

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Speaker 3: good I cannot wait for you to hear it. Tony's

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Speaker 3: one of those women who carries both truth and tenderness

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Speaker 3: in such a powerful way. She's a speaker, author, Bible teacher,

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Speaker 3: and the founder of the ministry Broken Kran's Still Color,

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Speaker 3: which helps women process pain and get back up again

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Speaker 3: with hope. She has such a unique gift for talking

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Speaker 3: about hard things in a way that makes you feel

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Speaker 3: less alone, less ashamed, and more seen. In this conversation,

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Speaker 3: Tony shares so honestly about her own story of betrayal, heartbreak,

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Speaker 3: public pain, and the humbling journey of realizing that healing

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Speaker 3: was never meant to happen alone. What I love so

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Speaker 3: so much about Tony is that she speaks from lived experience.

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Speaker 3: She knows what it's like to be the strong one,

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Speaker 3: the capable one, the one that everyone leans on, and

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Speaker 3: then to come to the end of herself and discover

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Speaker 3: that God's design for healing includes people. Her new book,

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Speaker 3: Don't Try This Alone, How to Build Community when you

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Speaker 3: want to hide from your pain, is such a beautiful

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Speaker 3: and timely invitation to stop hiding, stop white knuckling your

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Speaker 3: way through pain, and start letting safe people in. If

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Speaker 3: you are someone who has ever felt like you should

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Speaker 3: be able to handle things on your own, if shame

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Speaker 3: has kept you silent, or if you've been hurt in

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Speaker 3: community before and wondered whether it's even worth trying again,

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Speaker 3: this conversation is going to meet you exactly where you are,

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Speaker 3: Tony is so funny, honest, full of wisdom, and deeply

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Speaker 3: anchored in Jesus. I know this conversation is going to

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Speaker 3: encourage you today, my friend. So I'm so glad you're here.

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Speaker 3: Here's my conversation with my friend Tony Collier. You just

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Speaker 3: give the listeners who don't know your story a little

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Speaker 3: bit of the backstory of like why you got to

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Speaker 3: the place where you needed to write a book about

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Speaker 3: telling how to heal in community.

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Speaker 1: So I mean, like in the short term trauma.

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Speaker 2: Okay, yeah, those of you that don't know, maybe about

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Speaker 2: two and a half years ago, I got a call

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Speaker 2: from my now ex husband.

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Speaker 1: We were both pastors.

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Speaker 2: We planned a church, we planted a church with Hillsong,

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Speaker 2: then all that trauma happened, and then we planted at a

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Speaker 2: separate church, and maybe about a year in two us

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Speaker 2: having a church, he gave me a call to tell

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Speaker 2: me that he was being extorted by someone he'd hired

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Speaker 2: for sexual favors. And this wasn't the first time in

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Speaker 2: our marriage, and it just was devastating oments where it's like, oh,

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Speaker 2: you have like a real addiction, you have a real problem,

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Speaker 2: and there's no repentance, and there's no real help, and

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Speaker 2: our marriage is no longer God honoring. And I think,

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Speaker 2: for the first time in my life, I didn't have

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Speaker 2: enough strength to heal on my own.

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Speaker 1: And I say that not from like a prideful place,

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Speaker 1: but I'm like a pretty tough cookie, like I am

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Speaker 1: built for it tough. I was raised by my dad.

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Speaker 2: My mom was very sick growing up, so I was

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Speaker 2: kind of raised like a boy. I'm like, get your

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Speaker 2: hands dirty, get up, make it pop, blah blah. Always

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Speaker 2: been the strong friend, always the one to save others.

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Speaker 2: And for the first time I didn't have the capacity

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Speaker 2: to do that. I had two kids, a nanny living

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Speaker 2: with us from Brazil, a whole ministry, and just not

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Speaker 2: enough strength to do it on my own. And so

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Speaker 2: I want to be honest about the fact that I

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Speaker 2: had no choice but to lean into community. God kind

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Speaker 2: of like allowed me to be backed into a corner

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Speaker 2: of weakness so that I could actually utilize what He's

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Speaker 2: designed in the first place, him as our source and

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Speaker 2: his people as our resource. And I'm telling you why,

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Speaker 2: I have the chills even just saying that. Still, I'm

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Speaker 2: telling you from that place, I changed something in me

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Speaker 2: broke in the most beautiful way, and I ended up.

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Speaker 1: Saying, oh my goodness.

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Speaker 2: I think everybody needs to know that fighting from the

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Speaker 2: people that want to help you is not the way,

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Speaker 2: and actually the only way, if I can say that,

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Speaker 2: is together. The only way to enter this life, the

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Speaker 2: only way to overcome betrayal and infidelity and addiction and

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Speaker 2: trauma and pain is going to be with other people.

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Speaker 2: So that's what led me to a girl. And then

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Speaker 2: I was like, Okay, I guess I got a practice

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Speaker 2: what a breach. Now every time something crazy happens, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: dang it.

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Speaker 1: I wrote a book about being weak and being in community.

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Speaker 2: I gotta practice it. And it's still just hard and

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Speaker 2: so holy too.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, as you were just talking, I was like, oh

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Speaker 3: my gosh, because the last time we were talking, we spoke,

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Speaker 3: I got to interview you. We were talking about we

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Speaker 3: had the same life first second Cristians twelve nine. And

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Speaker 3: I feel like this added a whole nother layer to it.

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Speaker 3: When you were talking about, oh wait, this is what

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Speaker 3: it means to show up and be vulnerable and be weak, right,

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Speaker 3: and just it added a whole nother layer for you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, because it's like I can be weak in the

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Speaker 2: face of God. I'm supposed to be right. He leased

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Speaker 2: in ninety nine for the one, so I'm thirty four eighteen.

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Speaker 2: He's close to the broken heart. It revived those that

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Speaker 2: are Christian spirit. That's easy to do with my heavenly Father,

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Speaker 2: but with real people who know and love me and

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Speaker 2: are with me and can touch me, you know, like physically.

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Speaker 1: Like, man, that's hard.

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Speaker 2: It's hard a week in the face of other people

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Speaker 2: that are doing life alongside you. And it did add

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Speaker 2: this like second layer, and I'm just praying that the

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Speaker 2: Lord don't add no more layers. I'm like, just wait

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Speaker 2: at that, Okay, Like how much do I have to

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Speaker 2: be okay with being weak?

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Speaker 1: And He's just like, it's my way.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's my way, and it is the best way.

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Speaker 2: And I'm glad that I'm honestly being humble enough to

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Speaker 2: do it, because that's what it is a level of

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Speaker 2: humility that says I'm okay with being embarrassed that I

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Speaker 2: can't do this by myself.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I think so many women I can relate

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Speaker 3: to that. I know so many listeners can relate to that.

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Speaker 3: What was that, Like, I think this was when maybe

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Speaker 3: before the confessional community was really found for you. But

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Speaker 3: when you showed up to that first like online situation

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Speaker 3: and you were like, shoot, I have a public platform.

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Speaker 1: What if someone recognizes me?

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Speaker 3: What was that like, just having to take those very

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Speaker 3: first steps to be open and vulnerable. Because I think

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Speaker 3: women can relate to that, whether they have a platform

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Speaker 3: or not.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, no, one hundred percent, my goodness. I mean we're

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Speaker 2: all wired the same forget a platform. You know, we're

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Speaker 2: all wired to hide. We saw it in Genesis with

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Speaker 2: Adam and Eve. The first thing they did when they

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Speaker 2: did something wrong and introduced sin into the world was.

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Speaker 1: Hide, like it's in us right.

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Speaker 2: And so I remember a man going through a betrayal

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Speaker 2: trauma group the first time I discovered the infidelity of

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Speaker 2: my marriage in year two, sixteen weeks Tuesday after Tuesday,

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Speaker 2: and I am sitting up in there like, oh my gosh,

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Speaker 2: people are going to recognize me. They're going to be

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Speaker 2: like girl, then husband jeated, Our church is going to

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Speaker 2: find out like all these things because I was hiding,

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Speaker 2: but I knew I actually needed healing, So I was

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Speaker 2: just committed to doing the work. And I just remember

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Speaker 2: getting in there and just being like flatlined, like Hume

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Speaker 2: hold and scene for the first time, because so many

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Speaker 2: of us we longed to be seen. It's just in us, right,

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Speaker 2: Like I talk about this in the book, like we

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Speaker 2: all come into this world looking for someone looking for us.

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Speaker 2: And Dan Siegel, this incredible mental health professional, has always

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Speaker 2: said that we longed for the four s's to be seen, sooth, safe,

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Speaker 2: and secure. The trick is that we long to be seen,

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Speaker 2: but we won't let people see us. We want people

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Speaker 2: to know all the inner beings of us and to

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Speaker 2: accept us and love us the same, but we won't

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Speaker 2: let them see it.

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Speaker 1: And I think the first time I started to.

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Speaker 2: Experience what it was like to say, yes, sure I

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Speaker 2: have a platform. Yes sure I'm on these stages and

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Speaker 2: traveling and speaking and all the things. But like, I'm

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Speaker 2: deeply hurting and I needed people to see that. And

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Speaker 2: I let strangers see that, and I felt so seen.

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Speaker 2: There are stories like me. And because I had the

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Speaker 2: bravery to tell mine and they had the bravery to

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Speaker 2: tell theirs, I felt less alone, less crazy, I felt

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Speaker 2: more equipped to be like, no, I actually.

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Speaker 1: Don't think you're supposed to be treating on me this many times? Okay, like.

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Speaker 2: Things that I didn't learn as a little girl, like

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Speaker 2: do not let a man treat you that way? You

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Speaker 2: actually are worthy without having a romantic relationship. Like all

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Speaker 2: these things started to heal and be introduced into my story.

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Speaker 2: And you know who I think about when I think

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Speaker 2: about that as my daughter to teach her.

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Speaker 1: It changes you.

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Speaker 3: Yes, one hundred percent, one hundred percent. Will you speak

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Speaker 3: a little bit more about like why we try to

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Speaker 3: heal alone and the shame piece of that. And I

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Speaker 3: love the way that you talk babing in your book

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Speaker 3: about like draining the power in that shame because it

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Speaker 3: is so real. And I know the gals listening that

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Speaker 3: are struggling with alcohol right, like they are really struggling

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Speaker 3: with the shame of that.

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Speaker 1: They feel like they should be able to do this

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Speaker 1: on their own. And will you tell them why they're

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Speaker 1: doing that? Well, long story short with personnappers.

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Speaker 2: Okay, if there was a scheme of the enemy, it

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Speaker 2: would be he just I mean, what I hate is

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Speaker 2: that when the church diminishes intelligent evil because it makes

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Speaker 2: us seem like, oh, we should not be subject to this,

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Speaker 2: like I should be stronger than this.

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Speaker 1: No, let's just all back it up. For a second.

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Speaker 2: Here, the enemy of our souls is a fallen angel

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Speaker 2: with the same instinct power and DNA as a divine father.

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Speaker 1: And this is intelligent evil.

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Speaker 2: Working with an intelligent evil would tell us that when

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Speaker 2: we do something wrong, when we can't overcome something, that

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Speaker 2: we should hide, that we actually should be better than this.

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Speaker 2: But the truth is, when sin entered into the world

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Speaker 2: and we started to dwell in the fallen, broken, dark

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Speaker 2: essence of the world, we became subject to imperfection. And

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Speaker 2: we're imperfect and we're wired for struggle, but we're still

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Speaker 2: worthy of love and belonging. And so when Adam and

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Speaker 2: Eve introduced sin into the world, they hid because they

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Speaker 2: understood that perfection holiness had been tainted. We live under

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Speaker 2: that same curse today, where sin and temptation and weakness

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Speaker 2: and imperfection just flood our lives.

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Speaker 1: That was not God's original design.

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Speaker 2: But what that does for us is it tells us like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I get to stand up against the enemy of my

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Speaker 2: soul who says that I should be ashamed because I'm imperfect,

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Speaker 2: because I actually can just accept that I'm imperfect, that

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Speaker 2: we are not in heaven, that we are on just

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Speaker 2: acrust the earth, and it sucks sometimes and we're going

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Speaker 2: to be tempted sometimes, and that is the reality that.

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Speaker 1: Every single, living, breathing soul is up against.

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Speaker 2: And so for me and my personal story, what that

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Speaker 2: looks like, so that you know you're not alone, is

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Speaker 2: that I you know, I am an ex party girl. Okay,

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Speaker 2: I like to o lord, okay, starting to what sixteen,

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Speaker 2: probably even before that, popping, twerking, drinking, smoking all over

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Speaker 2: the club, sleeping with everybody's son, doing all the things.

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Speaker 2: I think by the age of twenty, i'd maybe slept

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Speaker 2: with about fifteen to twenty men. Like crazy party girl.

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Speaker 2: That's how I numbed my pain. It is what it is. Well,

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Speaker 2: then I get married and then I get saved, and

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Speaker 2: I'm like, oh I'm free of this, like I got it.

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Speaker 1: I'm all good. Well, then trauma hit.

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Speaker 2: And I have always since I was you know, around

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Speaker 2: twenty five and really practicing sanctification, I've always had this

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Speaker 2: like two drink limit, right because be like to pour

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Speaker 2: ourselves a little bit.

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Speaker 4: And Okay, I'm gonna go out as a little extrovert

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Speaker 4: and I'm only gonna have two drinks. Okay, that is

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Speaker 4: all all right? And that worked for a little while,

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Speaker 4: and then tragedy hit again.

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Speaker 1: Trauma.

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Speaker 2: My whole life fell apart, and not only at home.

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Speaker 2: In public, people knew parts of my story. The heck

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Speaker 2: I didn't even knew.

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Speaker 1: Okay, like I had to watch my daughter suffer from

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Speaker 1: bullying in school because of what was happening in the media.

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Speaker 2: And so then what had happened was at first I

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Speaker 2: stopped drinking. I'm cutting it off. I need to stay focused. Well,

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Speaker 2: the one year anniversary of everything that happened to me

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Speaker 2: came up, and what did I do. I'm just getting

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Speaker 2: a little bottle of wine, a little bread and butter specifically, okay,

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Speaker 2: at a pino noir, and I'm just gonna add it

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Speaker 2: to my instacar order, and I'm just gonna have one

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Speaker 2: glass of wine. Well, i'm gonna stick to the I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna go back to the two drink maximum and I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna have two. And then two turned into a nightly

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Speaker 2: bottle real fast, and I looked up and I was

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Speaker 2: making decisions in the midst of trauma that I knew

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Speaker 2: were not good for me. And then I had to

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Speaker 2: tell somebody because I realized that once again I had

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Speaker 2: fallen into the strong friend trap, wrong one. I got this.

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Speaker 2: I can take care of myself. I got it, and

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Speaker 2: so I started to confess. Here's the great thing for me.

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Speaker 2: I was living a life on the offense, not the defense.

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Speaker 2: So I had a group of seven of us that

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Speaker 2: had been meeting for five years, my confessional community that

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Speaker 2: I went straight to. Hey, I think my drinking is

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Speaker 2: getting out of hand. I feel some conviction from the Lord,

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Speaker 2: Like I just want to say this. I want to

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Speaker 2: put it out there because I want to be held accountable.

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Speaker 1: Hears me when I say this. We have to desire

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Speaker 1: to be held accountable.

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Speaker 2: They have to be a part of what we want

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Speaker 2: for people to correct me when I'm wrong. Why Because

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Speaker 2: I'm weak in moments of extreme stress and pain, I

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Speaker 2: am going to fall short. I am going to go

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Speaker 2: back to that party girl lifestyle. I need to remember

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Speaker 2: that I have been predisposed to addiction by my alcoholic father,

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Speaker 2: the little dak reason Win cool is here, and there

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Speaker 2: by my mom when I was thirteen.

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Speaker 1: Come on, I've been pred I have been exposed to

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Speaker 1: this stuff.

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Speaker 2: And as of April twenty twenty six, I will be

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Speaker 2: a year sober because I realized, Hey, surpride, yay.

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Speaker 1: I realized that even.

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Speaker 2: Though I'm strong and sober minded right now, when tragedy

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Speaker 2: and pain hits, I can even fall back into it.

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Speaker 2: And so instead of trying to nabble create guard rails,

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Speaker 2: we gotta cut it off.

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Speaker 1: It is what it is. Guess what. That doesn't make

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Speaker 1: me weak, It actually makes me incredibly strong. Our hearts

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Speaker 1: were like, hey, I won't drink in front of you.

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Speaker 2: No drink in front of me, girl, because I've got

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Speaker 2: so much grip build up now that you can drink

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Speaker 2: and it don't bother me at all.

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Speaker 1: Have fun, baby, girl, live your best life.

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Speaker 2: I am practicing bravery in my story and I'm proud

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Speaker 2: of that.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah you are, babe. I'm congratulations. That's amazing you Girlang.

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Speaker 2: Cut it on down, baby, because it just wasn't working.

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Speaker 2: It was not working. The moderation was not working. No,

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Speaker 2: the moderation is a lie, relying Jesus. Okay, we call

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Speaker 2: them the.

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Speaker 3: Moderation unicards and my commune because who are they and

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Speaker 3: where are they?

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Speaker 1: Who are they?

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Speaker 2: Okay, it's in the abyss with all the glitter. Okay,

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Speaker 2: then we're on ourselves. That night that we had won't

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Speaker 2: too many.

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Speaker 3: I actually woke up covered and glitter naked, covered in

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Speaker 3: glitter ones.

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Speaker 1: So there you go. I honestly, the discernment is.

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Speaker 2: On in Columbia, by the way, Thank you, ok, because

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Speaker 2: we've all just every once in a while woken up.

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Speaker 1: Maybe hellosen, Okay.

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Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. Babe,

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Speaker 3: can I pause us just for a moment if you're

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Speaker 3: listening to this and thinking I don't want to do

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Speaker 3: this alone anymore? I want to tell you about the

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Speaker 3: Love Life Sober Community. This is the space where the

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00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:43,640
Speaker 3: podcast turns into real connection and real support. Inside the community,

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Speaker 3: we gather weekly for live connection calls where you can listen, share,

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Speaker 3: or simply be present. There's a beautiful leadership team holding

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Speaker 3: this space with wisdom and care, a dedicated prayer request

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Speaker 3: area where you can be covered, regular master classes led

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Speaker 3: by expert guests, and even a worship music playlist to

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Speaker 3: help you reconnect when your nervous system needs it. Inside

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Speaker 3: the community, there's also a dedicated coaching space called Truvine

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00:17:07,359 --> 00:17:10,040
Speaker 3: for women who want even deeper support. The Love Life

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Speaker 3: Sober Community is a place to connect with like minded

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Speaker 3: women and open up in a way you might not

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Speaker 3: be able to in your church or small group. This

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Speaker 3: space was created specifically for women who are questioning their

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Speaker 3: relationship with alcohol and who want the kind of freedom

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Speaker 3: that can only be found in Jesus. All the details

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Speaker 3: to join us are at the link in the show notes.

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Speaker 3: I can't wait to meet you. All right, let's jump

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Speaker 3: back into the episode.

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Speaker 2: Isn't that crazy when you get like yes, Like, it's like,

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Speaker 2: that's not even who I am, right, But because I

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Speaker 2: allowed my body to be subject to a substance that

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Speaker 2: changes the fabric of who I am one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: I embarrassed myself. No, I'm an adult. I can't do that.

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Speaker 1: Okay. One of the things that.

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Speaker 3: You talk about, which just I love so much though,

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Speaker 3: is this balance of correction and community, right, because we

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Speaker 3: don't want to necessarily be corrected, especially if we don't

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Speaker 3: that space isn't safe, right, And so talk a little

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Speaker 3: bit about that that because I think you had that group,

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Speaker 3: and so that's why you were like correct me, girls, yes,

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Speaker 3: one hundred percent.

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Speaker 2: So again, this is about living on the offense, not

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Speaker 2: the defense. I talk a lot about in the book

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Speaker 2: about building a lineup. Yeah, because you have to be

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Speaker 2: building this now when you're in trauma, and when you're

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Speaker 2: not in trauma, when you're in pain, and when you're

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Speaker 2: not in pain, because when stuff hits the fan, and

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Speaker 2: stuff be hitting the fan all the time, Okay, you

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Speaker 2: need the lineup with you, and that lineup takes time

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Speaker 2: to cultivate, to understand, no, to trust. Like I remember

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Speaker 2: our first confessional community retreat. We did it in person,

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Speaker 2: and I promise you, by the end of the first session,

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Speaker 2: we were like, is anybody trying else trying to take

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Speaker 2: a blood pack? Because we need to just make sure

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Speaker 2: all this stays.

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Speaker 1: Up in here.

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Speaker 2: You know, Like this is so deep, Like we're being

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Speaker 2: so honest, We're confessing some really hard things, and we

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Speaker 2: were really scared it's gonna be used against me?

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Speaker 1: Is this going to be gossip? Is my business is

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Speaker 1: going to be all over the internets?

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Speaker 2: Because I told somebody, like we really had to build

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Speaker 2: trust over time. And what's cool about this concept of

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Speaker 2: like I want to be corrected by these women is

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Speaker 2: that when you start to witness people, stay in the room,

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Speaker 2: never leave the room, no matter what you say, never

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Speaker 2: judge you. You chemically in your brain change something starts

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Speaker 2: to cultivate in you. And I'll tell you this. We

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Speaker 2: have a three hour call every single month and we

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Speaker 2: just confess, like we tell all of our business. It's

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Speaker 2: interesting because you know, it's like every thirty days, and

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Speaker 2: so there's kind of this thing in us where like

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Speaker 2: during the thirty days until our next call, we're like,

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Speaker 2: I kind of want to be my best behavior because

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Speaker 2: while I do feel safe enough with these tell them anything,

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Speaker 2: I kind of deeply admire them and I have respect

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Speaker 2: for them and respect for myself. Yeah, where I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you know what, maybe I shouldn't do that because I'm

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Speaker 2: gonna have to confess this in about twelve days. You know,

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Speaker 2: it starts to have you build a life on the

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Speaker 2: offense and not the defense. How can I get ahead

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Speaker 2: of some of my unhealthy patterns and temptations. I also

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Speaker 2: want to say this, I hate the phrase safe space.

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Speaker 2: We don't say that in our group because you cannot

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Speaker 2: tell me that a space is safe. Did you build

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Speaker 2: this building, did you do the drywall and all the stuff.

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Speaker 1: You don't know if the space is safe.

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Speaker 2: What we can guarantee is that we have safe people,

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Speaker 2: and that's what you're looking for. People that don't leave

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Speaker 2: the room, people that can't judge, people that don't spread

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Speaker 2: your business all out on the internets and all over work.

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Speaker 1: You want people that's going to stay in the room.

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Speaker 2: Be honest enough and be mentally and emotionally healthy enough

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Speaker 2: to hold your pain. Mm hm, that's what you want.

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Speaker 2: That's where safety comes into play.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I'm quoting you to you right now and

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Speaker 3: see what God does, right.

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Speaker 2: I love that we're telling you when we show up

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Speaker 2: every month to these zoom calls. It's like, while you

436
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,399
Speaker 2: guys are back, you're still choosing to show up. Five

437
00:20:54,600 --> 00:20:55,879
Speaker 2: years we've been together.

438
00:20:56,240 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 1: Listen to me. What's crazy is that we started the

439
00:20:58,080 --> 00:20:59,159
Speaker 1: group everybody was married.

440
00:20:59,400 --> 00:21:02,560
Speaker 2: Now we've got people that are unmarried, people that are divorced,

441
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:05,760
Speaker 2: people that have been through public trauma, shame, people whose

442
00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:06,720
Speaker 2: parents have died.

443
00:21:06,800 --> 00:21:09,040
Speaker 1: People. I mean, it's just you.

444
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:12,600
Speaker 2: Still show up for me, and that that little girl,

445
00:21:12,800 --> 00:21:15,640
Speaker 2: you know, that little feeling of like really you still

446
00:21:15,760 --> 00:21:18,600
Speaker 2: choose me, Like that is the essence of how we

447
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,600
Speaker 2: viewed Jesus and what difference and God and how He's

448
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,000
Speaker 2: just like, come on, I got you a little crazy behind.

449
00:21:24,760 --> 00:21:26,200
Speaker 1: Come on over here. I love you.

450
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:30,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, it's just yeah, and it is all

451
00:21:30,200 --> 00:21:33,040
Speaker 3: that stuff that makes the depth of the connection.

452
00:21:33,640 --> 00:21:35,760
Speaker 1: It's just yeah, it's so good.

453
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:38,240
Speaker 3: So speak a little bit to the gal who has

454
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:40,000
Speaker 3: been in a community and been burned.

455
00:21:40,880 --> 00:21:41,960
Speaker 1: Well, well, well.

456
00:21:41,720 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 2: Girl, well regular daggalot community life. Okay, we all have

457
00:21:46,160 --> 00:21:48,520
Speaker 2: been burned. The truth is, I want to say one

458
00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,480
Speaker 2: thing that's gonna challenge you a little bit. We want

459
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:54,360
Speaker 2: say friends and we are not safe. Many of us

460
00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:58,040
Speaker 2: have wanted to spill the tea, told the tea even

461
00:21:58,080 --> 00:22:00,399
Speaker 2: if you're being honest, Like, have told some things to

462
00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,359
Speaker 2: our spouses that our friends have shared with us.

463
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,440
Speaker 1: And that is a form of betrayal in some ways too.

464
00:22:04,800 --> 00:22:07,399
Speaker 2: Your husband, Oh, because it's the person you're with, like,

465
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:11,639
Speaker 2: you get a pass. And I think anytime someone shares

466
00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:15,120
Speaker 2: something with you a really good buffer. I've always put

467
00:22:15,160 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 2: into places Do you mind if I share this elsewhere?

468
00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,600
Speaker 2: Or I was thinking about this other person that really

469
00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 2: could be a help to you, Do you mind if I.

470
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:24,680
Speaker 1: Share this there?

471
00:22:24,720 --> 00:22:27,120
Speaker 2: And so those things are things that I just don't

472
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,560
Speaker 2: think we've learned. I mean, we came from the high school,

473
00:22:30,600 --> 00:22:33,199
Speaker 2: middle school culture where you tell this, you whisper this,

474
00:22:33,280 --> 00:22:35,879
Speaker 2: there's this blast book all these things. And so the

475
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:37,520
Speaker 2: first thing I want to say is to challenge you

476
00:22:38,160 --> 00:22:41,560
Speaker 2: to desire, say friends, but to be one yourself. So okay,

477
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:43,280
Speaker 2: here's the second thing I want to challenge you on.

478
00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:46,120
Speaker 2: I heard this. I did not write this, but I

479
00:22:46,160 --> 00:22:49,520
Speaker 2: heard this from Sheila Walsh and Crystal Evans Hurst, and

480
00:22:49,560 --> 00:22:52,600
Speaker 2: I'll never forget it. We were talking about betrayal and

481
00:22:52,800 --> 00:22:55,960
Speaker 2: marriage and friendship and all these things. And Sheila Walsh,

482
00:22:56,080 --> 00:22:57,920
Speaker 2: she said, you know what I find interesting is that

483
00:22:58,320 --> 00:23:02,040
Speaker 2: because Jesus is all knowing, I'm in all his ways omnipresident.

484
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:06,160
Speaker 2: He knew that Judas would betray him, and he still

485
00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:08,280
Speaker 2: chose him. And the truth is, he also knew that

486
00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:11,359
Speaker 2: Peter would betray him, and he still chose him. Not

487
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,800
Speaker 2: only did he choose Peter and Judas knowing that they

488
00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 2: would betray him, he chose the other disciples with the

489
00:23:16,920 --> 00:23:19,840
Speaker 2: risk that they could betray him as well. And she said,

490
00:23:19,840 --> 00:23:23,600
Speaker 2: because the betrayal of the two wasn't greater than the

491
00:23:23,600 --> 00:23:27,920
Speaker 2: beauty of the ten, how dare you let one betrayer,

492
00:23:28,480 --> 00:23:32,560
Speaker 2: two betrayers, four from high school and you a grown woman,

493
00:23:32,680 --> 00:23:37,199
Speaker 2: now keep you from the ten, keep you from the

494
00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,480
Speaker 2: people who actually won't betray you, keep you from safe

495
00:23:40,480 --> 00:23:43,080
Speaker 2: community that loves you and is there for you and

496
00:23:43,119 --> 00:23:45,520
Speaker 2: will support you. You're really gonna let them have your

497
00:23:45,560 --> 00:23:48,240
Speaker 2: past in your future. And I've had to say that

498
00:23:48,280 --> 00:23:50,840
Speaker 2: to myself. I mean, I remember when I first got

499
00:23:50,840 --> 00:23:53,439
Speaker 2: divorced for the second time. Let's just remember, I was like,

500
00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:55,159
Speaker 2: all men are dead to me. All of you can

501
00:23:55,280 --> 00:23:58,360
Speaker 2: evaporate like they did in that Marvel movie. You could

502
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,800
Speaker 2: just go up into a little dirty flames. Okay, all

503
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:04,840
Speaker 2: of you suckers, Okay. And that just was my pain

504
00:24:04,960 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 2: talking my ex husbands don't get to have the future

505
00:24:09,040 --> 00:24:10,439
Speaker 2: of what love looks like for me.

506
00:24:10,640 --> 00:24:11,880
Speaker 1: They don't get to have it.

507
00:24:12,480 --> 00:24:17,760
Speaker 2: Mine, my future, my community, my safety, my feeling loved,

508
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,480
Speaker 2: my allowing people to help me.

509
00:24:19,600 --> 00:24:22,359
Speaker 1: It is mine. They don't get to have it. And

510
00:24:22,440 --> 00:24:26,720
Speaker 1: so get back up, Get up.

511
00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:31,520
Speaker 2: Again, trust again, lean in again, go through the freaking

512
00:24:31,560 --> 00:24:35,040
Speaker 2: awkward phase of being like, Hi, what's your name again?

513
00:24:35,920 --> 00:24:39,800
Speaker 2: It is worth it, It's genuinely worth it. And I

514
00:24:40,040 --> 00:24:43,600
Speaker 2: just really kind of sort of can't imagine if I

515
00:24:43,640 --> 00:24:47,439
Speaker 2: would have let the caddie gossipy girls from college and

516
00:24:47,560 --> 00:24:50,840
Speaker 2: high school take away my opportunity to have six women

517
00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 2: who I do life with for the last five years,

518
00:24:53,960 --> 00:24:58,960
Speaker 2: who quite literally carried me and my children through the

519
00:24:59,040 --> 00:24:59,879
Speaker 2: last two years.

520
00:25:00,440 --> 00:25:05,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, can't even imagine, ay man, babe. Yeah, so powerful.

521
00:25:05,640 --> 00:25:08,840
Speaker 3: It's so good and it's so so powerful, and I'm

522
00:25:08,840 --> 00:25:10,680
Speaker 3: just so happy for you as a friend, like a

523
00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:15,240
Speaker 3: oh friend, I'm so happy for you, and like you, Yeah,

524
00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:19,320
Speaker 3: your testimony is so incredibly powerful. We'll be back right

525
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:23,639
Speaker 3: after a quick word from our sponsors. One of the

526
00:25:23,680 --> 00:25:25,920
Speaker 3: things that I just love about the book too, is

527
00:25:26,040 --> 00:25:29,880
Speaker 3: this really practical advice that you have where to find

528
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,359
Speaker 3: your people and where to find your Christian people, Because

529
00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,120
Speaker 3: when you were writing maschat anecdote about like I replaced

530
00:25:36,119 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 3: the latte with a glass of wine in my head

531
00:25:37,880 --> 00:25:40,280
Speaker 3: of like, yeah, you can be fine going and kind

532
00:25:40,280 --> 00:25:42,920
Speaker 3: of like gnattering over a glass of whatever or a latte,

533
00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:45,400
Speaker 3: but like you need your deep people that you can

534
00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:48,520
Speaker 3: go fast, and so how do you find those women?

535
00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, So here's what I want to say. It's not easy.

536
00:25:52,080 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 2: Not easy for a lot of reasons. Number One, at

537
00:25:54,680 --> 00:25:57,280
Speaker 2: the end of the day, when we were little girls,

538
00:25:57,880 --> 00:26:01,600
Speaker 2: community was cultivated for us. Our parents took us to

539
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:05,200
Speaker 2: the park school is literally a community cultivator. You had

540
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:09,040
Speaker 2: a normal and consistent routine that allowed for you to

541
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 2: have community. Like we sit next to a girl that

542
00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:13,440
Speaker 2: I don't even know, but we're next to each other

543
00:26:13,520 --> 00:26:16,600
Speaker 2: for eight hours in school and community. Same thing with

544
00:26:16,720 --> 00:26:19,159
Speaker 2: high school, same thing with college. So we don't have

545
00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,679
Speaker 2: that anymore. We don't have these incubators of community that

546
00:26:21,800 --> 00:26:25,240
Speaker 2: just naturally flow. We have to go find it. That's

547
00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:28,520
Speaker 2: hard and it's very My daughter can go on a

548
00:26:28,560 --> 00:26:31,119
Speaker 2: playground and in fifty two seconds she has exposed our

549
00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,439
Speaker 2: whole family by giving somebody my number, my address, and

550
00:26:34,520 --> 00:26:38,000
Speaker 2: our Instagram. Okay, she's like, now we're all going on

551
00:26:38,040 --> 00:26:42,960
Speaker 2: to play day because I gave her the incubator of community.

552
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:45,080
Speaker 2: But she doesn't have a lot of baggage in her story,

553
00:26:45,320 --> 00:26:47,520
Speaker 2: so she can go up to a girl and be like, hey,

554
00:26:47,520 --> 00:26:50,280
Speaker 2: what's your name and not feel so much shame. We

555
00:26:50,320 --> 00:26:52,840
Speaker 2: are embarrassed. Okay, we don't want to go up to

556
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,520
Speaker 2: a stranger. What if they reject us? What if they

557
00:26:54,520 --> 00:26:55,960
Speaker 2: do this? What if they do that? We have all

558
00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,840
Speaker 2: these stories and so I just want to put that

559
00:26:57,880 --> 00:26:59,560
Speaker 2: in front of us because I want to name that.

560
00:26:59,600 --> 00:27:00,960
Speaker 1: It is hard and I get.

561
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:05,840
Speaker 2: It, so what so what a lot of the parts

562
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,439
Speaker 2: of life are hard, like going to the gym. But

563
00:27:08,520 --> 00:27:10,160
Speaker 2: if I want to get rid of this fupa here

564
00:27:10,280 --> 00:27:12,320
Speaker 2: from them two kids, I'm gonna get up and I'm

565
00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:13,600
Speaker 2: gonna go to the gym.

566
00:27:13,840 --> 00:27:16,320
Speaker 1: Oh, you gotta.

567
00:27:16,119 --> 00:27:19,080
Speaker 2: Go find your incubators? Is at the park at the

568
00:27:19,080 --> 00:27:22,080
Speaker 2: grocery store? Are you looking for the people that have

569
00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:23,919
Speaker 2: the same shoes on as you? And you could say, oh,

570
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:26,440
Speaker 2: I really love those we have the same style, Like okay,

571
00:27:26,480 --> 00:27:29,240
Speaker 2: are you from around this area? I also talk about

572
00:27:29,280 --> 00:27:31,920
Speaker 2: having a set of questions so that you don't freeze up.

573
00:27:32,320 --> 00:27:33,919
Speaker 2: What are a set of questions that kind of are

574
00:27:34,000 --> 00:27:35,640
Speaker 2: soft entry to a relationship?

575
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 1: The gem Church also vent bright. Did you know that

576
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,800
Speaker 1: you could subscribe to event bright for local events? Go

577
00:27:45,000 --> 00:27:46,159
Speaker 1: out and find friends?

578
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:48,520
Speaker 2: Did you also know that there are BFF finders You

579
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,080
Speaker 2: want to fight left and right on a romantic companion,

580
00:27:51,119 --> 00:27:53,679
Speaker 2: but there's also apps to help you find friends in

581
00:27:53,680 --> 00:27:56,800
Speaker 2: your local community. Making sure that we're leaning into things.

582
00:27:57,160 --> 00:27:59,879
Speaker 2: Moms of preschoolers mom code now is what it's called.

583
00:28:00,280 --> 00:28:03,840
Speaker 2: Go and be with other moms. You have to be

584
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:06,359
Speaker 2: the incubator of your community. Now we are no longer

585
00:28:06,400 --> 00:28:09,160
Speaker 2: little girls. We have to do this and if I'm

586
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:12,399
Speaker 2: like speaking psychologically, like the adult versions of us have

587
00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 2: to do this for the little girls in us. Yeah.

588
00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, have to go.

589
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:20,080
Speaker 2: And find good old, beautiful community and stop hating on

590
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:22,160
Speaker 2: a church. All right, I already know, Yama, I got

591
00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:24,359
Speaker 2: some church hurt. No, you have people hurt that happened

592
00:28:24,359 --> 00:28:27,639
Speaker 2: in the church. Find No, you can go find another one, Okay,

593
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,840
Speaker 2: that's help. Or you can stay there and find the

594
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:31,639
Speaker 2: people there that are safe enough for you. But you

595
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,879
Speaker 2: gotta lean it and you got to create community for yourself. Yeah.

596
00:28:34,960 --> 00:28:36,760
Speaker 3: I love in the book when you talk about just

597
00:28:36,840 --> 00:28:39,360
Speaker 3: pick three churches you want to try and go and

598
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:39,880
Speaker 3: try them.

599
00:28:40,360 --> 00:28:43,480
Speaker 1: Go try them, y'all, go date the church. Okay, didn't

600
00:28:43,520 --> 00:28:46,240
Speaker 1: love that so much? Didn't love that? Okay, cool, that's okay.

601
00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:48,880
Speaker 2: There's so many of them, suckers, Just go try them out,

602
00:28:49,200 --> 00:28:51,640
Speaker 2: because again you'll go on three first dates. Yeah.

603
00:28:51,640 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 3: And if you are struggling with something a specific trauma

604
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,040
Speaker 3: or a specific habit or hang up or something like that,

605
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,280
Speaker 3: you also talk so beautifully about going and finding those

606
00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:03,280
Speaker 3: type of groups, which, if it's sobriety, I made one,

607
00:29:03,400 --> 00:29:04,720
Speaker 3: So come check out ours.

608
00:29:05,040 --> 00:29:08,880
Speaker 2: Surprise if this is you, If you're listening right now.

609
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: Here we go exactly, but this was the key to

610
00:29:13,480 --> 00:29:16,400
Speaker 1: my betrayal. I really. First of all, it was my

611
00:29:16,440 --> 00:29:17,160
Speaker 1: counselor I was in.

612
00:29:17,360 --> 00:29:20,040
Speaker 2: I had a counselor that specified in betrayal, and I

613
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:21,840
Speaker 2: remember in one of our sessions he was like, I

614
00:29:21,840 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 2: think he would really benefit from our sixteen week Betrayal

615
00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:27,640
Speaker 2: Trauma group. And I'm like, group, why don't me and

616
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,360
Speaker 2: you just He's like, because I haven't been through betrayal,

617
00:29:30,760 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 2: I can help pinpoint the pain. But when you stand

618
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 2: shoulder to shoulder and eye to eye with people who

619
00:29:35,680 --> 00:29:38,520
Speaker 2: have been through it, it heals another part of you. Yes,

620
00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:40,520
Speaker 2: and I signed up sixteen week y'all that is a

621
00:29:40,520 --> 00:29:42,640
Speaker 2: long time. That's about three fo months, baby.

622
00:29:42,680 --> 00:29:43,840
Speaker 1: What Yeah?

623
00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:47,760
Speaker 2: It was so long. Every Tuesday night excruciating. And I'm

624
00:29:47,800 --> 00:29:50,200
Speaker 2: trying to tell you it accelerated my healing. And so

625
00:29:50,280 --> 00:29:53,040
Speaker 2: go look it up. And y'all y'all be googling everything,

626
00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:56,480
Speaker 2: stupid stuff. Okay, how do I get rid of a hangnail?

627
00:29:56,680 --> 00:29:57,160
Speaker 1: Okay?

628
00:29:57,480 --> 00:30:00,600
Speaker 2: Where is the best tacos around me? Why wouldn't you

629
00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:03,000
Speaker 2: say is there a group for this thing that I'm

630
00:30:03,000 --> 00:30:03,520
Speaker 2: battling with?

631
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:06,280
Speaker 1: Or in my area and turning to zip and go

632
00:30:07,000 --> 00:30:10,120
Speaker 1: press in so available for you.

633
00:30:10,440 --> 00:30:13,240
Speaker 2: I get women all the time DM me, especially now

634
00:30:13,240 --> 00:30:15,360
Speaker 2: with the book out, like how can I find community?

635
00:30:15,400 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: Like I don't really know how, and something you saying,

636
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:20,200
Speaker 1: just go read the book because I told you America.

637
00:30:19,840 --> 00:30:21,160
Speaker 2: I should actually say that, but I'd be like, I

638
00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,760
Speaker 2: don't want to plumb myself. What I'll ask is a

639
00:30:23,840 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: question like, what are the last three to five things

640
00:30:25,520 --> 00:30:26,520
Speaker 2: that you searched on Google?

641
00:30:27,360 --> 00:30:28,880
Speaker 1: I wasn't one of them about community.

642
00:30:29,240 --> 00:30:30,560
Speaker 3: I love that, and I love the way that you

643
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:33,160
Speaker 3: talk about how healing happens in circles, not rows.

644
00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:36,760
Speaker 1: I just fo that is so true. It is so true.

645
00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,560
Speaker 2: I just think we're stuck in the fact that we

646
00:30:39,600 --> 00:30:44,480
Speaker 2: want to consume and step contribute. Yes, and community helps

647
00:30:44,480 --> 00:30:48,320
Speaker 2: you to do both. I am consuming love care, but

648
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,160
Speaker 2: I'm also contributing. I got to speak at a shelter

649
00:30:51,320 --> 00:30:55,560
Speaker 2: literally just last night, and I remember, Gosh, you find

650
00:30:55,560 --> 00:30:57,840
Speaker 2: community in some of the most untraditional ways. But I

651
00:30:57,880 --> 00:31:00,560
Speaker 2: remember the Lord telling me when I took some time

652
00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 2: off stage after all the portrayal and divorce and all

653
00:31:03,040 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 2: the things, and I didn't do anything wrong, so I

654
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:06,960
Speaker 2: didn't have to quit work. But I just felt better

655
00:31:07,240 --> 00:31:10,400
Speaker 2: about stepping down, focusing on my kids and my own healing.

656
00:31:10,960 --> 00:31:14,080
Speaker 1: And I felt the Lord told me to go serve.

657
00:31:14,320 --> 00:31:17,200
Speaker 1: And I was like, what are you talking about? Yeah,

658
00:31:17,320 --> 00:31:19,480
Speaker 1: and he was just like, find a shelter, go serve.

659
00:31:19,560 --> 00:31:22,560
Speaker 2: And so I remember speaking at this shelter and Atlanta

660
00:31:22,560 --> 00:31:25,040
Speaker 2: called City of Refuge in the specific women's home, it's

661
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:27,720
Speaker 2: called House of Cheri and I was like, Okay, I'm

662
00:31:27,720 --> 00:31:29,920
Speaker 2: down for the cause. And so I ended up going

663
00:31:29,960 --> 00:31:32,640
Speaker 2: on Mondays at ten and it was just this like

664
00:31:32,840 --> 00:31:35,240
Speaker 2: little class on healing. And then my class grew and

665
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,160
Speaker 2: grew and grew, and I kind of just was like

666
00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:40,440
Speaker 2: healing alongside these women. Yeah, these women that had no

667
00:31:40,560 --> 00:31:43,320
Speaker 2: last names because it was better for their safety, didn't

668
00:31:43,320 --> 00:31:45,520
Speaker 2: have access to the internet because it was better for

669
00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:48,760
Speaker 2: their safety, was living in this you know, home, this shelter.

670
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:51,200
Speaker 2: And here I am thinking like I'm going to come

671
00:31:51,240 --> 00:31:53,320
Speaker 2: in and serve them, But the truth is their presence

672
00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:53,760
Speaker 2: served me.

673
00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,320
Speaker 1: Yeah, he will help me be seen like.

674
00:31:56,240 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: Sometimes for seasons, a community may not look like a

675
00:31:59,680 --> 00:32:03,040
Speaker 2: commuit that you consume from, but that you contribute to. Yes,

676
00:32:03,360 --> 00:32:05,960
Speaker 2: And it just really changed me. And there's just so

677
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:08,080
Speaker 2: many gosh. I mean, we could literally talk all day.

678
00:32:08,080 --> 00:32:13,160
Speaker 1: There's just so many ways to circle up with God's people. Yeah,

679
00:32:13,720 --> 00:32:14,640
Speaker 1: so surprised, man.

680
00:32:15,240 --> 00:32:19,959
Speaker 3: Yeah, when you talked about you woke up and texted

681
00:32:20,000 --> 00:32:22,680
Speaker 3: your group, but you were just exhausted, you were tired.

682
00:32:22,880 --> 00:32:25,680
Speaker 3: And I just got a message like that literally yesterday.

683
00:32:25,840 --> 00:32:28,160
Speaker 3: And so I just would love for you to encourage

684
00:32:28,160 --> 00:32:30,520
Speaker 3: the woman who's like, I'm just tired of struggling.

685
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:33,000
Speaker 1: I'm tired. This is too much, it's too heavy. Will

686
00:32:33,040 --> 00:32:35,560
Speaker 1: you just encourage her? Yeah.

687
00:32:35,640 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 2: I get a little teary eyed about this because I'm

688
00:32:37,880 --> 00:32:41,800
Speaker 2: in a I think I'm in a lull of my

689
00:32:41,920 --> 00:32:44,080
Speaker 2: life where I'm never not tired.

690
00:32:45,160 --> 00:32:45,600
Speaker 1: Every day.

691
00:32:45,720 --> 00:32:47,880
Speaker 2: Every day I'm exhausted. There's not a day where I

692
00:32:47,920 --> 00:32:50,040
Speaker 2: feel rested at all. And I think that's just the

693
00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:54,840
Speaker 2: effects of being a single mom, having to work so

694
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,400
Speaker 2: many jobs to provide for my kids, and I'm just

695
00:32:57,520 --> 00:32:58,840
Speaker 2: weary all the time.

696
00:32:59,040 --> 00:33:00,400
Speaker 1: And I don't love it.

697
00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:03,600
Speaker 2: Here I have seen people and God help me and

698
00:33:03,680 --> 00:33:06,520
Speaker 2: my kids like never before in my life. Sometimes I

699
00:33:06,560 --> 00:33:12,080
Speaker 2: think I'm upset or I don't like the tiredness, but

700
00:33:12,160 --> 00:33:15,239
Speaker 2: I think I just don't like to feel weak all

701
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,920
Speaker 2: the time, and that's pride, yea. What is so bad

702
00:33:18,960 --> 00:33:23,680
Speaker 2: about being tired? What is so bad about needing help?

703
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: What is it just embarrassment? Is it just us not

704
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:30,040
Speaker 2: wanting to accept that we live in a fallen world

705
00:33:30,080 --> 00:33:32,200
Speaker 2: and bad things will happen to good people?

706
00:33:33,000 --> 00:33:36,160
Speaker 1: Like is it just that we want a different life?

707
00:33:36,680 --> 00:33:39,520
Speaker 2: And I think that the Lord is making me more

708
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:43,680
Speaker 2: comfortable with this life, being a single mom, with not

709
00:33:43,720 --> 00:33:47,160
Speaker 2: getting a lot of sleep, with working hard, with showing

710
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 2: my kids what it's like to just get back up

711
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 2: again and again and again. I think my daughter is

712
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:55,840
Speaker 2: now getting to see what it is like for us

713
00:33:55,880 --> 00:33:57,920
Speaker 2: to lose everything. I mean, just this past month, we

714
00:33:58,000 --> 00:34:01,120
Speaker 2: had to evacuate our house due to mold and move

715
00:34:01,160 --> 00:34:03,720
Speaker 2: into my friend's condo, and then I had to rush

716
00:34:03,720 --> 00:34:05,600
Speaker 2: to find a house and we moved into it just

717
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 2: last week, and we lost so much again and we

718
00:34:10,320 --> 00:34:15,000
Speaker 2: have a beautiful new home that's bigger and cheaper. And

719
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:18,319
Speaker 2: I didn't do that. My friend Jen found us that

720
00:34:18,400 --> 00:34:23,279
Speaker 2: house and she helped us move in, and my friends

721
00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:28,640
Speaker 2: Alicia and Emily and Anna, they sent money so we

722
00:34:28,640 --> 00:34:32,000
Speaker 2: could buy new pots and pans because our kitchen cabinet

723
00:34:32,080 --> 00:34:34,480
Speaker 2: had mold all over it. And I'm getting to show

724
00:34:34,520 --> 00:34:37,880
Speaker 2: my kids that I may not be strong enough, I

725
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 2: may be too tired, but God and his people are.

726
00:34:40,800 --> 00:34:43,319
Speaker 1: Not, and they will come for you.

727
00:34:43,760 --> 00:34:46,759
Speaker 2: And I think I would rather my kids see a

728
00:34:46,800 --> 00:34:50,200
Speaker 2: community that comes and saves us, a God that comes

729
00:34:50,200 --> 00:34:53,520
Speaker 2: and saves us, than a strong mama that's pretending. And

730
00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:57,000
Speaker 2: so I'm not gonna tell you to put your bootstraps

731
00:34:57,080 --> 00:35:02,040
Speaker 2: up and keep fighting. I'm gonna say, be yeah, and

732
00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:09,040
Speaker 2: weary and weak and embarrassed and needy. Be that, and

733
00:35:09,080 --> 00:35:12,440
Speaker 2: be brave enough to tell someone yeah, so that they

734
00:35:12,440 --> 00:35:15,040
Speaker 2: can help you until you can get back up again.

735
00:35:15,239 --> 00:35:16,239
Speaker 1: That's it.

736
00:35:16,560 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 3: An I wish I could give you a hug. Thank you,

737
00:35:20,040 --> 00:35:23,799
Speaker 3: my friend. Yeah, keep telling your story, Okay. I mean,

738
00:35:23,840 --> 00:35:25,520
Speaker 3: I know you're so good at it, you know that,

739
00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,440
Speaker 3: but it's so powerful, and I'm grateful and grateful for you.

740
00:35:29,480 --> 00:35:31,160
Speaker 3: I'm grateful for you writing this book.

741
00:35:31,600 --> 00:35:35,960
Speaker 1: Yeah, thank you. Thanks. I get all right, girls, We're

742
00:35:36,000 --> 00:35:38,640
Speaker 1: gonna get tissues and stop crying.

743
00:35:39,880 --> 00:35:44,040
Speaker 3: And we will see you next week. Thank you for listening.

744
00:35:45,280 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 3: Thank you for spending this time with me on love

745
00:35:47,200 --> 00:35:50,600
Speaker 3: life sober. If today's conversation stirred something in your heart,

746
00:35:50,880 --> 00:35:53,520
Speaker 3: don't rush past it, take it to prayer. If you're

747
00:35:53,560 --> 00:35:56,920
Speaker 3: feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd love to

748
00:35:56,960 --> 00:36:00,120
Speaker 3: invite you into the love Life Sober community, a grace, peel,

749
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 3: shame free space where real connection grows and lasting change

750
00:36:04,520 --> 00:36:05,080
Speaker 3: takes root.

751
00:36:05,320 --> 00:36:07,200
Speaker 1: You can find the link to join us in the

752
00:36:07,239 --> 00:36:07,800
Speaker 1: show notes.

753
00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 3: Love Life Sober is part of the Life Audio podcast Network,

754
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,399
Speaker 3: where faith centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your

755
00:36:15,400 --> 00:36:18,719
Speaker 3: walk with Christ. You can find more faith centered podcasts

756
00:36:18,800 --> 00:36:23,120
Speaker 3: at lifeaudio dot com. Until next time, be gentle with yourself,

757
00:36:23,239 --> 00:36:25,520
Speaker 3: stay curious, and trust God's promises.

758
00:36:25,960 --> 00:36:27,400
Speaker 1: He has freedom waiting for you