1 00:00:06,360 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 1: Welcome to Christian Parent Crazy World, the podcast that tackles 2 00:00:10,920 --> 00:00:14,000 Speaker 1: tough topics to help you be a godly parent in 3 00:00:14,040 --> 00:00:17,960 Speaker 1: an ungodly world. I am your host, Catherine Seekers, and 4 00:00:17,960 --> 00:00:21,760 Speaker 1: in today's episode, we will tackle this vitally important question. 5 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:26,200 Speaker 1: What are the hardest words that every parent must say 6 00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:29,720 Speaker 1: to their kids? There are eight critically important words that 7 00:00:29,800 --> 00:00:32,640 Speaker 1: as parents, we need to say to our kids as 8 00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,839 Speaker 1: often as necessary, and. 9 00:00:35,720 --> 00:00:36,920 Speaker 2: They are hard. 10 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:40,760 Speaker 1: Now, admittedly they're harder for some people than others, but 11 00:00:40,840 --> 00:00:43,159 Speaker 1: I think that they are pretty hard for most of us. 12 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:47,159 Speaker 1: They are relationship building words and words that model what 13 00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:50,640 Speaker 1: true repentance looks like. If you don't learn how to 14 00:00:50,680 --> 00:00:54,400 Speaker 1: say these words, at some point, your relationship with your 15 00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: child will break. 16 00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,200 Speaker 2: So today's episode is. 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:02,000 Speaker 1: All about relationship build That's the plan for this episode 18 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:03,400 Speaker 1: of Christian Parent Crazy World. 19 00:01:03,920 --> 00:01:05,160 Speaker 2: So let's get started. 20 00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:17,160 Speaker 1: Hey, everybody, this week, I am bringing back a powerful 21 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:21,039 Speaker 1: best of episode, one that has the potential to quietly 22 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,880 Speaker 1: and profoundly transform the atmosphere in your home. You know, 23 00:01:25,920 --> 00:01:28,960 Speaker 1: there are a handful of words, just a few simple, 24 00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:33,920 Speaker 1: everyday words that can soften hardened hearts, rebuild trust after 25 00:01:33,959 --> 00:01:37,400 Speaker 1: it's been cracked, and model the Gospel to our kids 26 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,960 Speaker 1: in ways that no lecture ever could. These words aren't flashy, 27 00:01:42,080 --> 00:01:46,520 Speaker 1: they won't trend on social media, but when spoken sincerely, 28 00:01:46,760 --> 00:01:49,360 Speaker 1: they carry the kind of weight that can change the 29 00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:52,880 Speaker 1: trajectory of a relationship. So in this episode, we're going 30 00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 1: to talk about what it looks like to lead not 31 00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 1: just with authority, but with humility, what it means to 32 00:01:58,320 --> 00:02:02,120 Speaker 1: repair instead of read, how to respond when we've missed 33 00:02:02,160 --> 00:02:05,880 Speaker 1: the mark, as every parent inevitably does, and how those 34 00:02:05,920 --> 00:02:11,000 Speaker 1: moments can actually become some of our most powerful discipleship opportunities, 35 00:02:11,360 --> 00:02:16,519 Speaker 1: because parenting really isn't about perfection. It's about formation ours 36 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:20,280 Speaker 1: and theirs, And sometimes the most important teaching moments happen 37 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:24,280 Speaker 1: not when we get it right, but when we handle 38 00:02:24,360 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 1: getting it wrong the right way. And next week, by 39 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:30,760 Speaker 1: the way, I'm going to be pairing this episode with 40 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,880 Speaker 1: one of my all time favorite conversations. It's an episode 41 00:02:33,880 --> 00:02:38,000 Speaker 1: with Kirsten Vossler. She's a mom of ten. Yeah, yeah, Dan, 42 00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 1: It's not often that someone doubles my kid camp. Kirsten 43 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:45,240 Speaker 1: is the host of the Rejoicing in Motherhood podcast, and 44 00:02:45,280 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 1: she's going to share seven practical, grace filled steps for 45 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:52,480 Speaker 1: resetting when you've blown it with your kids. These two 46 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:56,080 Speaker 1: episodes fit together so beautifully because knowing what to say 47 00:02:56,240 --> 00:03:00,680 Speaker 1: is powerful and knowing how to rebuild is trans informational. 48 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:02,960 Speaker 1: And stay tuned. I'm going to be back soon with 49 00:03:03,000 --> 00:03:06,680 Speaker 1: an incredible news series featuring my good friend, doctor Aaron 50 00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:10,040 Speaker 1: Berry on how to survive the curveball seasons of life 51 00:03:10,320 --> 00:03:14,120 Speaker 1: with faith intact and hope renewed. But for today, just 52 00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,840 Speaker 1: lean in. This is a pretty short episode and this 53 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:19,720 Speaker 1: conversation may feel kind of simple, but it just might 54 00:03:19,760 --> 00:03:22,680 Speaker 1: be one of the most important ones we've ever had. 55 00:03:23,560 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 1: They have a message that is burning in my heart 56 00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,880 Speaker 1: right now that I really want to share with you, 57 00:03:27,919 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 1: and I can't think of a better time to do 58 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 1: this than right at the beginning of a new year. 59 00:03:33,560 --> 00:03:36,640 Speaker 1: We need to have this mindset top of mine as 60 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,800 Speaker 1: we think about how to parent our kids. There are 61 00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:42,600 Speaker 1: eight words that every parent needs to make sure they 62 00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:46,240 Speaker 1: say to their kids as often as necessary, and they 63 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,640 Speaker 1: are are And I have eight bonus words that are 64 00:03:49,640 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 1: going to go the extra mile that you should add 65 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:52,800 Speaker 1: on as well. 66 00:03:52,880 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 2: I'll share those in a bit. But the first eight. 67 00:03:55,680 --> 00:03:58,640 Speaker 1: Words you need to say are get out of pen 68 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:03,880 Speaker 1: and write it down. I'm sorry, I was wrong, Please 69 00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:08,280 Speaker 1: forgive me. Okay, so let's break this down the first part. 70 00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:11,480 Speaker 2: I'm sorry. That's tough, but yeah, it's not too hard. 71 00:04:11,760 --> 00:04:13,800 Speaker 1: And you see, we don't want to stop there because 72 00:04:13,840 --> 00:04:17,520 Speaker 1: i'm sorry can mean a lot of things. I'm sorry 73 00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: you feel that way, I'm sorry you're upset, I'm sorry 74 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,600 Speaker 1: you're so sensitive, because that is really messing up my 75 00:04:23,640 --> 00:04:26,479 Speaker 1: life right now. Yeah, I'm sorry, moms and dads, but 76 00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: I'm afraid i'm sorry is not enough. We have to 77 00:04:30,120 --> 00:04:33,920 Speaker 1: follow it up with the really tough part. We have 78 00:04:34,000 --> 00:04:38,159 Speaker 1: to admit I was wrong, when we were. 79 00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:39,880 Speaker 2: Wrong, and sometimes we are wrong. 80 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 1: Okay, those three words I was wrong might just be 81 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:45,960 Speaker 1: the hardest words to say in the English language. I 82 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,760 Speaker 1: know some people who have never said them. That's where 83 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:53,159 Speaker 1: the rubber meets the road, folks. This is where it 84 00:04:53,160 --> 00:04:57,920 Speaker 1: becomes confessional, where we admit culpability and guilt and oh man, 85 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:01,960 Speaker 1: it's so hard. Parenting is hard. But the last part 86 00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,960 Speaker 1: is a little bit easier and oh so necessary. We 87 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: need to say please forgive me. This puts the ball 88 00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 1: back in our kids' court, and it gives them the 89 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: opportunity to forgive fully and be free of what we've 90 00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: done because repentance is complete. And look, I'm gonna admit 91 00:05:20,680 --> 00:05:23,320 Speaker 1: these are really hard words for me to say. I'm 92 00:05:23,320 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 1: an apologist for the Christian faith and for godly parenting 93 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:28,600 Speaker 1: and for the vital role of mothering and our culture. 94 00:05:28,640 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: And apologists like to be right. 95 00:05:31,040 --> 00:05:33,280 Speaker 1: We literally just loved to usit around all day and 96 00:05:33,320 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 1: think of it long and art about tough issues about 97 00:05:35,880 --> 00:05:40,719 Speaker 1: what is correct theologically, ethically, morally, politically fill in the blank. 98 00:05:40,800 --> 00:05:43,920 Speaker 1: We love to be right, and we spend a lot 99 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,640 Speaker 1: of our mental real estate contemplating what is right. 100 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,280 Speaker 2: But sometimes we're wrong. All of us are, and we're 101 00:05:51,279 --> 00:05:52,440 Speaker 2: not gonna parent perfectly. 102 00:05:52,480 --> 00:05:56,279 Speaker 1: There was only one perfect parent that is our heavenly Father, 103 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:59,920 Speaker 1: and we are not him. We strive to be like him, 104 00:06:00,080 --> 00:06:02,839 Speaker 1: but we're gonna fall short of the mark in significant ways, 105 00:06:02,880 --> 00:06:06,760 Speaker 1: all of us, everyone, and when we do, we gotta 106 00:06:06,839 --> 00:06:09,520 Speaker 1: own it. Okay, So at some point in your relationship 107 00:06:09,520 --> 00:06:12,000 Speaker 1: with your kids, or rather at many points, you're gonna 108 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:14,520 Speaker 1: need to humble yourself and say these vitally. 109 00:06:14,240 --> 00:06:15,440 Speaker 2: Im boredant words again. 110 00:06:15,480 --> 00:06:19,760 Speaker 1: They are I'm sorry, I was wrong, Please forgive me. 111 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:25,160 Speaker 1: They aren't complicated words, so are to say, Now, what 112 00:06:25,200 --> 00:06:27,559 Speaker 1: do these words accomplish? I'm going to give you three 113 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:33,919 Speaker 1: major objectives that these words accomplish. First of all, these 114 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,680 Speaker 1: words mend the relationship with your child when you've done 115 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 1: or said something wrong. They express vulnerability and humility, which 116 00:06:42,279 --> 00:06:46,280 Speaker 1: builds back trust. You really can't build back that trust 117 00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:49,800 Speaker 1: any other way. Now, we can be wrong, and one 118 00:06:49,960 --> 00:06:53,479 Speaker 1: of two ways we can be wrong in what we 119 00:06:53,560 --> 00:06:55,520 Speaker 1: say or do, meaning that we can. 120 00:06:55,440 --> 00:06:56,800 Speaker 2: Be factually incorrect. 121 00:06:56,880 --> 00:07:00,760 Speaker 1: Our opinion or assessment of the situation or assumptions are conclusions. 122 00:07:00,839 --> 00:07:05,359 Speaker 1: Our actions can be flat out wrong. And honestly, this 123 00:07:05,520 --> 00:07:07,400 Speaker 1: is the hardest way to be wrong, because, like I said, 124 00:07:07,440 --> 00:07:08,960 Speaker 1: most of us want to be right and we have 125 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: blinders on and we can't even see it. Sometimes we 126 00:07:11,920 --> 00:07:15,000 Speaker 1: have this my way or the highway kind of mentality, 127 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: and parenting little people who depend on us for everything 128 00:07:19,040 --> 00:07:22,880 Speaker 1: allows us to operate like little dictators in our homes 129 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,640 Speaker 1: if we want to. I know that not every parent 130 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 1: operates this way. It's not everybody's mo, but some parents do. 131 00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: And remember this, moms and dad, if you have that tendency. 132 00:07:32,640 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 1: Dictators last for a season, but at some point there 133 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:40,160 Speaker 1: will be a citizen's revolt. Okay, yeah, keep that in mind. 134 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,200 Speaker 1: But sometimes we can be loving, godly parents and still 135 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:49,400 Speaker 1: have a dictatorial attitude about our rightness and we fail 136 00:07:49,480 --> 00:07:53,640 Speaker 1: to consider other opinions and perspectives and thoughts and feelings 137 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:57,320 Speaker 1: and experiences. I can be guilty of this with my opinions. 138 00:07:57,640 --> 00:08:00,400 Speaker 1: I thought long and hard about this child, and I've 139 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: done my research, and here's my conclusion. 140 00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,520 Speaker 2: And that's just a fact, and this is what I observed. 141 00:08:04,560 --> 00:08:07,640 Speaker 1: So I am right. Okay, So I don't state it 142 00:08:07,760 --> 00:08:10,040 Speaker 1: like that, but perhaps it can come across that way 143 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 1: to my kid. You smother a child when you do that, 144 00:08:16,480 --> 00:08:19,160 Speaker 1: they have no freedom to think for themselves or to. 145 00:08:19,240 --> 00:08:24,240 Speaker 2: Grow into maturity. So sometimes I have to acknowledge the 146 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,480 Speaker 2: fact that I'm wrong. 147 00:08:25,680 --> 00:08:29,040 Speaker 1: My opinion, my thoughts on this matter, or my actions 148 00:08:30,080 --> 00:08:34,640 Speaker 1: were wrong. But sometimes we can be right in our 149 00:08:34,679 --> 00:08:39,800 Speaker 1: opinion and our actions, but we can express them in 150 00:08:39,880 --> 00:08:42,400 Speaker 1: the wrong way. Let's be clear, and this is biblical. 151 00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:45,160 Speaker 1: Even if you're right what you said or what you did, 152 00:08:45,480 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 1: but you did not say it or do it in 153 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:52,480 Speaker 1: the right way, in a loving way, you are wrong 154 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: and you will injure your child when you do that, 155 00:09:05,559 --> 00:09:08,200 Speaker 1: let's look at the Love chapter for some scriptural grounding. 156 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:11,640 Speaker 2: Here we know it well, But man, is this chapter 157 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,119 Speaker 2: ever convicting? 158 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:16,880 Speaker 1: I get convicted every time I read it about something 159 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:20,040 Speaker 1: with someone. Yeah, okay, So I want to read this 160 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:22,360 Speaker 1: to you in the message version so we can hear 161 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:24,360 Speaker 1: it with some fresh ears. And that version is not 162 00:09:24,400 --> 00:09:27,560 Speaker 1: as familiar to some of us. So First Corinthian Chapter thirteen, 163 00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:31,719 Speaker 1: Paul tells us. If I speak with human eloquence and 164 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,480 Speaker 1: angelic ecstasy, but I don't love, I'm. 165 00:09:35,320 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 2: Nothing but the creaking of a rusty gate. 166 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:41,600 Speaker 1: If I speak gods, we're with power, revealing all his 167 00:09:41,720 --> 00:09:44,280 Speaker 1: mysteries and making everything plain his day. And if I 168 00:09:44,320 --> 00:09:47,760 Speaker 1: have faith to say this mountain jump and it jumps. 169 00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,840 Speaker 2: But I don't have love, I'm nothing. 170 00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:54,040 Speaker 1: If I give everything I own to the porn, even 171 00:09:54,080 --> 00:09:56,200 Speaker 1: go to the stake to be burned as a martyr, 172 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:59,040 Speaker 1: but I don't have love. 173 00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: Nowhere. 174 00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 1: So no matter what I say, what I believe in, 175 00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:09,240 Speaker 1: what I do, I am bankrupt without love. Love never 176 00:10:09,280 --> 00:10:13,040 Speaker 1: gives up. Love cares more for others than for self. 177 00:10:13,080 --> 00:10:16,840 Speaker 1: Love doesn't want what it doesn't have. Love doesn't strut, 178 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:21,079 Speaker 1: doesn't have a swelled head, doesn't force itself on others, 179 00:10:21,679 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: isn't always me first, doesn't fly off the handle, doesn't 180 00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 1: keep score of the sins of others, doesn't revel when 181 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:35,480 Speaker 1: others gravel, takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, puts 182 00:10:35,559 --> 00:10:40,559 Speaker 1: up with anything. Trust God always always looks for the best, 183 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:46,280 Speaker 1: never looks back, but keeps going to the end. It's 184 00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:49,800 Speaker 1: verses one through seven, and of course the end of 185 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: the chapter, we learned that these three remain. 186 00:10:52,679 --> 00:10:54,679 Speaker 2: Faith, hope, and love. 187 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,560 Speaker 1: But the greatest of these is love. The truth that 188 00:10:59,600 --> 00:11:04,320 Speaker 1: we speak to our children must be soaked in love, 189 00:11:04,920 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: and it must be expressed in love, or it doesn't 190 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: mean anything. Okay, So now let me be clear here. 191 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,280 Speaker 1: I want to distinguish God's love from our culture's love. 192 00:11:17,840 --> 00:11:20,400 Speaker 1: As godly parents, we must never love in a way 193 00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,880 Speaker 1: that disagrees with God's word in any way in order 194 00:11:23,920 --> 00:11:26,760 Speaker 1: to affirm a child's destructive or in godly behavior. 195 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:28,160 Speaker 2: We must never do that. 196 00:11:28,160 --> 00:11:28,839 Speaker 1: That is how our. 197 00:11:28,840 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 2: Culture defines love, and that is not loving. But we can. 198 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:36,320 Speaker 1: Disagree with our child's behavior in the wrong way, in 199 00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:41,199 Speaker 1: an unloving and unproductive way, and we can and should 200 00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 1: say that we are sorry when we do that. We 201 00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:47,720 Speaker 1: must repent when we do that, but we should never 202 00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:50,920 Speaker 1: say we're you're sorry or repent for agreeing with God. 203 00:11:51,200 --> 00:11:53,600 Speaker 2: Just to be clear. Okay, So to recap we can be. 204 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:58,920 Speaker 1: Wrong either by believing or doing something incorrectly or expressing 205 00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:03,480 Speaker 1: the truth incorrectly. And when we do this, we break 206 00:12:03,760 --> 00:12:07,160 Speaker 1: the relationship, we break the trust, and on some level 207 00:12:07,880 --> 00:12:10,800 Speaker 1: we break our child. We create a wound or an 208 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:15,040 Speaker 1: injury in our child that needs our humility, our vulnerability. 209 00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:19,520 Speaker 1: Are full fledged, complete apology with an admission of guilt 210 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: in order to heal properly. Let that sink in. Okay, 211 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:27,680 Speaker 1: those words again, are I am sorry? I was wrong? 212 00:12:28,360 --> 00:12:32,679 Speaker 1: Please forgive me another reason. The second reason we need 213 00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:35,000 Speaker 1: to say these words is because when we say them, 214 00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:40,120 Speaker 1: we are modeling true repentance for our kids. And if 215 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:42,040 Speaker 1: we want our kids to learn how to repent to God, 216 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,560 Speaker 1: we need to show them what that looks like. Yeah, 217 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:48,520 Speaker 1: and at some point, at actually many points in our parenting, 218 00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:51,320 Speaker 1: we are going to have the opportunity to do that. 219 00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,760 Speaker 2: Are we grown up enough? 220 00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:56,400 Speaker 1: Are we mature enough in the Lord to humbly admit 221 00:12:56,520 --> 00:12:58,840 Speaker 1: when we are wrong to our kids? 222 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:00,920 Speaker 2: And as I said, this. 223 00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:05,000 Speaker 1: Doesn't come easily to me. It comes very easily to 224 00:13:05,080 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 1: my husband. 225 00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:07,360 Speaker 2: He is such a humble man. 226 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,640 Speaker 1: He is always the first to admit that he is wrong. I, 227 00:13:10,760 --> 00:13:12,680 Speaker 1: on the other hand, take a little time to cool 228 00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:15,720 Speaker 1: off before I come around, But I do come around. 229 00:13:16,440 --> 00:13:18,559 Speaker 1: Confession here, I need to work on cooling off more 230 00:13:18,640 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: quickly and being humble more quickly. 231 00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:22,440 Speaker 2: What do you need to work on? 232 00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:23,000 Speaker 3: You? 233 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 2: Ask God? 234 00:13:23,960 --> 00:13:27,559 Speaker 1: He'll tell you, And ask God this question as well. Lord, 235 00:13:28,120 --> 00:13:30,640 Speaker 1: have I injured my child by insisting that I was 236 00:13:30,720 --> 00:13:33,080 Speaker 1: right when I wasn't, either in what I said or 237 00:13:33,240 --> 00:13:35,960 Speaker 1: did or how I said it or did it. That 238 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 1: is really good inventory taking question to ask throughout the year. 239 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:43,240 Speaker 1: Ask God that often, like at least once a month 240 00:13:43,320 --> 00:13:46,920 Speaker 1: or so. Yeah. Okay, So now the third objective that 241 00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:50,320 Speaker 1: we accomplish by saying I'm sorry I was wrong, Please 242 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 1: forgive me is these words acknowledge and affirm your child's 243 00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: growth and what phase of parenting you are in. Now, 244 00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,199 Speaker 1: what do I'm by that? Let me break it down 245 00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:01,960 Speaker 1: a little bit here. 246 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,199 Speaker 2: We can really. 247 00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:05,959 Speaker 1: Cross those boundary lines and be wrong as parents when 248 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:09,840 Speaker 1: we insist on parenting our kids in the wrong phase. 249 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:13,640 Speaker 1: This happens as our children get older, and they become autonomous, 250 00:14:13,679 --> 00:14:15,480 Speaker 1: and we may try to parent them as if they 251 00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,240 Speaker 1: were still little kids when they aren't. I've talked about 252 00:14:18,240 --> 00:14:21,520 Speaker 1: this before on CPCW the Four Stages of parenting. Let's 253 00:14:21,520 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: do a recap because it's always good to review them. 254 00:14:25,520 --> 00:14:29,280 Speaker 1: In the beginning, you are a care giver to your child. 255 00:14:29,320 --> 00:14:31,600 Speaker 1: You supply your child every need. 256 00:14:32,040 --> 00:14:33,800 Speaker 2: Then you become a cop trying to keep them safe. 257 00:14:33,800 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 1: Don't touch that stole, don't play near the street. Then 258 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: you become the coach, explaining how they need to be 259 00:14:39,680 --> 00:14:42,880 Speaker 1: responsible with money and why they need to choose their 260 00:14:42,920 --> 00:14:48,560 Speaker 1: friends wisely. Then you become the counselor. This is like 261 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,480 Speaker 1: towards the late teen and certainly the adult years. That 262 00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 1: is a wise and trusted friend who gives advice when asked. 263 00:14:58,720 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 1: Keywords there are when asked, because real counselors don't give 264 00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:04,160 Speaker 1: you advice unless you. 265 00:15:04,120 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 2: Ask them to. 266 00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,040 Speaker 1: They do not call you on the phone and come 267 00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 1: over to your house and give you unsolicited advice. That 268 00:15:10,720 --> 00:15:14,440 Speaker 1: is not how counseling works, right, So that is caregiver. 269 00:15:14,840 --> 00:15:17,600 Speaker 1: And again those are like the Obviously the infant year's 270 00:15:17,640 --> 00:15:21,080 Speaker 1: cop becomes the toddler years coach is those adolescent years 271 00:15:21,080 --> 00:15:23,600 Speaker 1: and counselor as their team late. 272 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 2: Teens to adulthood. 273 00:15:25,320 --> 00:15:27,720 Speaker 1: So we can be really wrong as parents when we 274 00:15:27,800 --> 00:15:30,920 Speaker 1: step over those four lines and operate in the wrong phase, 275 00:15:31,120 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: and we're gonna mess up a relationship with our kids 276 00:15:33,720 --> 00:15:36,960 Speaker 1: big time and even wound them when we insist on 277 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:40,000 Speaker 1: being a cop or a coach when we need to 278 00:15:40,080 --> 00:15:43,600 Speaker 1: be a counselor. And again, look, you might even be 279 00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:46,000 Speaker 1: right about what you're saying, but if your child is 280 00:15:46,040 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: an adult or nearing adulthood and you are parenting them 281 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 1: like they are a young child and you are giving 282 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:54,160 Speaker 1: them all kinds of advice that they didn't ask or, 283 00:15:54,440 --> 00:15:57,320 Speaker 1: you're gonna have some big problems because ultimately, when you 284 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: operate out of the wrong phase of parenting, you're trying 285 00:16:01,520 --> 00:16:06,480 Speaker 1: to control your child and that is just wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, 286 00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 1: like fifty shades of wrong. So when you screw up there, 287 00:16:10,240 --> 00:16:12,560 Speaker 1: when you parent from the wrong phase of parenting, own it, 288 00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:17,680 Speaker 1: admit it, and apologize fully. Okay, So now I promised 289 00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:20,480 Speaker 1: you eight bonus words that are going to go the 290 00:16:20,520 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: extra mile in your relationship with your kids. 291 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,800 Speaker 2: They're the perfect follow up. 292 00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:35,960 Speaker 1: To I'm sorry I was wrong, Please forgive me they are. Hey, friends, 293 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:39,040 Speaker 1: it's Catherine here. If you're trying to raise godly kids 294 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:41,640 Speaker 1: in this wild and wacky world, you need all the 295 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 1: help you can get, and I've got you covered. When 296 00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:48,280 Speaker 1: you subscribe to my website, you'll get instant access to 297 00:16:48,280 --> 00:16:52,280 Speaker 1: tons of free resources made just for Christian parents. You'll 298 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:55,600 Speaker 1: get my Prodigal Bundle, which is packed with every podcast, 299 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:59,400 Speaker 1: article and scripture list I've created for parents walking that 300 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,800 Speaker 1: tough prodigal road. You'll also get my free eat book 301 00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:06,760 Speaker 1: Beyond the Lies and covering five myths the culture spreads 302 00:17:06,760 --> 00:17:10,240 Speaker 1: to mothers. Plus powerful scripture list Pray over your kids, 303 00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:13,199 Speaker 1: and even scripture songs to help your family hi God's 304 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,640 Speaker 1: Word in your hearts without even trying. And of course 305 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: I'll keep you encouraged with my weekly newsletter full of 306 00:17:20,400 --> 00:17:23,520 Speaker 1: faith filled PEP talks and outlines of what we're tackling 307 00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:26,120 Speaker 1: each week on the show. So don't miss out. Head 308 00:17:26,160 --> 00:17:29,440 Speaker 1: over to Catherine Scars dot com. That's Catherine Scars dot 309 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:33,360 Speaker 1: com and subscribe today. Because Christian parenting may be crazy, 310 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:39,800 Speaker 1: but you don't have to do it alone. I promised 311 00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:42,600 Speaker 1: you eight bonus words that are going to go the 312 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,600 Speaker 1: extra mile in your relationship with your kids. They're the 313 00:17:45,680 --> 00:17:49,399 Speaker 1: perfect follow up to I'm sorry I was wrong, Please 314 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:53,920 Speaker 1: forgive me. They are what can I do to make 315 00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:58,399 Speaker 1: it right? When we say these words, we empower our 316 00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:02,840 Speaker 1: child to help us heal the relationship. Now, look, we're 317 00:18:02,880 --> 00:18:05,840 Speaker 1: not abdicating our authority as parents with younger kids when 318 00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:09,040 Speaker 1: we ask this, just the opposite. Actually, Months and dads, 319 00:18:09,040 --> 00:18:12,680 Speaker 1: when you ask this question, you are showing true humility 320 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:15,120 Speaker 1: and a willingness to learn and grow. It is modeling 321 00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,600 Speaker 1: how to mature in our relationships, and we want our 322 00:18:18,680 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 1: kids to learn how to mature and their relationships. This 323 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:26,200 Speaker 1: is washing the feet of our children as Jesus did 324 00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:28,720 Speaker 1: with his disciples. It's getting on our hands and knees 325 00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: and saying how important this relationship is to our child, 326 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 1: and we want to serve them and we are willing 327 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,879 Speaker 1: to do whatever it takes as long as it's in 328 00:18:37,920 --> 00:18:42,080 Speaker 1: line with God's words to make the relationship right. Now, 329 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,159 Speaker 1: if you have a child who is not walking with 330 00:18:44,240 --> 00:18:49,080 Speaker 1: the Lord, you can't affirm destructive behavior or ungodly behavior 331 00:18:49,119 --> 00:18:51,239 Speaker 1: in their lives in order to make the relationship right. 332 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:53,000 Speaker 2: Obviously, so if they ask you. 333 00:18:52,960 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: To do that, lean into the Holy Spirit. Really hard 334 00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:59,119 Speaker 1: to find the right answer because we can't affirm what 335 00:18:59,280 --> 00:19:02,800 Speaker 1: God does not affirm. But I bet your kid may 336 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,879 Speaker 1: have some really great suggestions on how you can improve 337 00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:10,200 Speaker 1: your relationship. Maybe be shocked that you even asked that question. 338 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,920 Speaker 1: And by the way, that's a great question to ask 339 00:19:12,960 --> 00:19:15,640 Speaker 1: your kids, even when you haven't done anything wrong, to say, Hey, 340 00:19:16,080 --> 00:19:18,240 Speaker 1: what can I do to make this relationship better? 341 00:19:18,280 --> 00:19:19,879 Speaker 2: How can I be a better parent? 342 00:19:20,280 --> 00:19:22,720 Speaker 1: Ask your kid that, Like every month or so, I 343 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,159 Speaker 1: forget to a lot of the time, but I'm reminding 344 00:19:25,160 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: myself right now, ask your kid that. But especially when 345 00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:30,400 Speaker 1: you've screwed up, we need to make it a point 346 00:19:30,520 --> 00:19:32,960 Speaker 1: to go the extra mile and empower our child to 347 00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:37,720 Speaker 1: help us make it right. So let's wrap this up here, 348 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:42,320 Speaker 1: moms and dad, parenting is the hardest work you will 349 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 1: ever love. My husband actually has this really cool T 350 00:19:46,040 --> 00:19:46,920 Speaker 1: shirt that says that. 351 00:19:47,080 --> 00:19:48,240 Speaker 2: It's this favorite t shirt. 352 00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: It says, dad the hardest job you'll ever love. That 353 00:19:52,440 --> 00:19:55,879 Speaker 1: is so true. There's nothing tougher than parenting children and 354 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,359 Speaker 1: this godless culture. And if we want to have a 355 00:19:58,400 --> 00:20:01,520 Speaker 1: great relationship with our kids, then we need to learn 356 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:05,119 Speaker 1: humility and repentance, and we need to model it in 357 00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:08,200 Speaker 1: our homes. Our kids need to see it from us. 358 00:20:08,480 --> 00:20:10,600 Speaker 1: So practice at ahead of time, look in the mirror 359 00:20:10,640 --> 00:20:14,240 Speaker 1: sometime today and say these words, I'm sorry, it's wrong. 360 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:18,879 Speaker 1: Oh please forgive me, and then say what can I 361 00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:25,080 Speaker 1: do to make it right? So simple, but hit ain't easy. 362 00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:28,080 Speaker 2: Uh huh Okay, friends. 363 00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:32,480 Speaker 1: Next week we're gonna revisit my powerful conversation with Kirsten Vossler, 364 00:20:32,840 --> 00:20:35,720 Speaker 1: who's going to share some practical, hope filled steps to 365 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,240 Speaker 1: help us repair our relationships with our kids when we've 366 00:20:39,240 --> 00:20:43,440 Speaker 1: blown it. It's honest, it's freeing, and it's so very needed. 367 00:20:43,680 --> 00:20:45,720 Speaker 1: And after that we're going to dive back into the 368 00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 1: deep end those tough theological, cultural, and relational conversations that 369 00:20:50,800 --> 00:20:53,840 Speaker 1: I love so much, the big questions, the hard truth, 370 00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:57,879 Speaker 1: the cultural analysis. But if we're being honest, what we 371 00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:01,240 Speaker 1: talked about today maybe one of the hardest topics of all, 372 00:21:01,280 --> 00:21:05,080 Speaker 1: because it's always easier to point out what's broken out 373 00:21:05,119 --> 00:21:07,600 Speaker 1: there in the church and the culture in the world 374 00:21:08,400 --> 00:21:12,359 Speaker 1: than to humbly examine what might be broken in here 375 00:21:12,880 --> 00:21:13,760 Speaker 1: in me. 376 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 2: To look at our. 377 00:21:14,640 --> 00:21:19,080 Speaker 1: Own hearts, our own words, our own reactions. That kind 378 00:21:19,119 --> 00:21:21,400 Speaker 1: of self examination requires a. 379 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,200 Speaker 2: Lot of courage. 380 00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 1: It requires humility and grace. I'm so grateful we are 381 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:31,040 Speaker 1: willing to slow down and do that work, especially when 382 00:21:31,040 --> 00:21:34,399 Speaker 1: it comes to repairing any breaches in our relationships with 383 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,240 Speaker 1: our kids, because all the other good work we're doing 384 00:21:37,280 --> 00:21:41,800 Speaker 1: here won't matter if that relationship is broken. These repairs 385 00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:46,119 Speaker 1: really do matter. They echo, and they shape generations. And 386 00:21:46,240 --> 00:21:51,440 Speaker 1: always remember God gave you your kids, your specific kids 387 00:21:51,760 --> 00:21:55,119 Speaker 1: for a reason. That's because you hold the key to 388 00:21:55,240 --> 00:21:58,840 Speaker 1: unlocking who God created them to be. We'll see you 389 00:21:58,880 --> 00:21:59,359 Speaker 1: next time. 390 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:09,600 Speaker 3: Christian parent Crazy World is a production of Life Audio 391 00:22:09,720 --> 00:22:12,439 Speaker 3: and Salem Media. If you liked what you heard today, 392 00:22:12,560 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 3: please take a second to rate and review this podcast 393 00:22:15,600 --> 00:22:18,560 Speaker 3: in your favorite podcast app so that more listeners like 394 00:22:18,640 --> 00:22:19,680 Speaker 3: you can find the show. 395 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:21,119 Speaker 2: For more faith 396 00:22:21,200 --> 00:22:32,399 Speaker 3: Filled inspirational podcasts, visit us at lifeaudio dot com.