1 00:00:08,257 --> 00:00:14,097 Speaker 1: Life audio. This episode discusses trauma and may be triggering 2 00:00:14,137 --> 00:00:14,977 Speaker 1: for some listeners. 3 00:00:17,097 --> 00:00:20,297 Speaker 2: Join us in celebrating an incredible milestone as the beloved 4 00:00:20,417 --> 00:00:24,417 Speaker 2: Jesus Calling brand reaches fifty million lives impacted. As we 5 00:00:24,457 --> 00:00:27,537 Speaker 2: honor the legacy of author Sarah Young, we reflect on 6 00:00:27,577 --> 00:00:32,777 Speaker 2: the stories from celebrities, pastors, authors, actors, singers, athletes, scholars, 7 00:00:32,817 --> 00:00:36,336 Speaker 2: and everyday people who have been inspired by her devotional writings. 8 00:00:36,617 --> 00:00:38,817 Speaker 2: To join in the celebration and to hear some of 9 00:00:38,857 --> 00:00:41,297 Speaker 2: the stories of people whose faith journeys have been impacted 10 00:00:41,336 --> 00:00:43,776 Speaker 2: by all the writings of Sarah Young, head over to 11 00:00:43,857 --> 00:00:47,976 Speaker 2: Jesus Calling dot com. 12 00:00:48,417 --> 00:00:53,177 Speaker 3: I truly don't know if there's anything scarier than waking 13 00:00:53,297 --> 00:00:55,977 Speaker 3: up one day and realizing, you know, you can see 14 00:00:55,977 --> 00:00:58,897 Speaker 3: in here, but everyone's talking over you and doesn't know 15 00:00:58,897 --> 00:01:03,417 Speaker 3: that you're in there, Especially when doctors behind my parents back. 16 00:01:03,457 --> 00:01:06,977 Speaker 3: We're saying, you believe this kid's parents think she's gonna 17 00:01:06,977 --> 00:01:08,097 Speaker 3: make it, This kid's a goner. 18 00:01:09,697 --> 00:01:12,697 Speaker 2: Welcome to the Jesus Calling Podcast. This week, we'll hear 19 00:01:12,737 --> 00:01:16,777 Speaker 2: from Victoria Arln, a former Paralympic swimmer and ESPN personality 20 00:01:16,937 --> 00:01:21,177 Speaker 2: who shares her harrowing journey of surviving a rare autoimmune 21 00:01:21,217 --> 00:01:23,937 Speaker 2: condition that left her in a locked in vegetative state 22 00:01:24,017 --> 00:01:28,137 Speaker 2: for four years beginning at age eleven. Beyond her physical recovery, 23 00:01:28,297 --> 00:01:31,377 Speaker 2: she faced the intense emotional pressure of being labeled a 24 00:01:31,377 --> 00:01:35,217 Speaker 2: miracle while silently struggling with trauma and mental health. She 25 00:01:35,297 --> 00:01:39,377 Speaker 2: eventually found peace by learning to embrace vulnerability, a transformation 26 00:01:39,577 --> 00:01:42,577 Speaker 2: she details here. Later in the episode, we hear from 27 00:01:42,617 --> 00:01:45,777 Speaker 2: author and actress Hillary Phillips as she bravely shares her 28 00:01:45,857 --> 00:01:48,817 Speaker 2: journey of transforming a broken view of God, seeing him 29 00:01:48,817 --> 00:01:53,097 Speaker 2: angry as Italian mistakes, into an authentic relationship after a 30 00:01:53,097 --> 00:01:57,697 Speaker 2: complicated childhood turned into years of internalizing pain, Hillary recounts 31 00:01:57,697 --> 00:01:59,737 Speaker 2: the raw moment she cried out to God in anger, 32 00:02:00,137 --> 00:02:02,817 Speaker 2: only to be met with a supernatural love she never 33 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:10,697 Speaker 2: knew was possible. Let's begin with Victoria story. 34 00:02:10,776 --> 00:02:12,297 Speaker 4: I am Victoria Arlen. 35 00:02:12,657 --> 00:02:15,897 Speaker 3: I am a TV host, I'm an author, I'm the 36 00:02:15,897 --> 00:02:20,137 Speaker 3: co founder of Victoria's Victory Foundation, and I'm someone who 37 00:02:20,217 --> 00:02:23,017 Speaker 3: has had a second chance at life. And I'm really 38 00:02:23,137 --> 00:02:25,057 Speaker 3: just trying to make God in my family proud. 39 00:02:26,777 --> 00:02:28,057 Speaker 4: Growing up, I had a. 40 00:02:28,097 --> 00:02:32,497 Speaker 3: Very wonderful, normal childhood. I was just the kid that 41 00:02:32,617 --> 00:02:36,177 Speaker 3: never got sick, and then when I turned eleven, it 42 00:02:36,257 --> 00:02:38,297 Speaker 3: seemed like every other week I was coming down with 43 00:02:38,337 --> 00:02:40,377 Speaker 3: something and we didn't know it at the time, but 44 00:02:40,457 --> 00:02:43,777 Speaker 3: my immune system was really compromised, so if there was 45 00:02:43,777 --> 00:02:44,937 Speaker 3: the flu, I got the flu. 46 00:02:44,817 --> 00:02:46,977 Speaker 4: Pneumonia, asthma, you name it. 47 00:02:47,017 --> 00:02:51,137 Speaker 3: I just started to slowly deteriorate, and then in April 48 00:02:51,217 --> 00:02:54,457 Speaker 3: of two thousand and six, I went from having flu 49 00:02:54,577 --> 00:02:56,617 Speaker 3: like symptoms and a pain in my right side to 50 00:02:56,657 --> 00:02:59,496 Speaker 3: being paralyzed within two weeks and in a vegetative state 51 00:02:59,537 --> 00:03:04,057 Speaker 3: within three months. And at that point the doctors didn't 52 00:03:04,097 --> 00:03:06,457 Speaker 3: really know what was going on, and we had a 53 00:03:06,497 --> 00:03:10,457 Speaker 3: lot of negligence in the medical field in which they 54 00:03:10,697 --> 00:03:15,217 Speaker 3: just misdiagnosed me. They didn't treat it as properly as 55 00:03:15,257 --> 00:03:18,577 Speaker 3: they should have, so as a result, catastrophic damage was 56 00:03:18,617 --> 00:03:20,937 Speaker 3: done to my brain and my spinal cord, and so 57 00:03:20,977 --> 00:03:23,177 Speaker 3: by the time they did figure out what was going on, 58 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:27,497 Speaker 3: there was nothing they could do, and unfortunately, the treatment 59 00:03:27,537 --> 00:03:30,537 Speaker 3: windows and the windows for early intervention were gone, so 60 00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:35,057 Speaker 3: they basically told my parents, she's not probably gonna make it, 61 00:03:35,137 --> 00:03:38,617 Speaker 3: like this is a very grim prognosis, and if she 62 00:03:38,697 --> 00:03:41,537 Speaker 3: does make it, the Victoria you once knew is never 63 00:03:41,577 --> 00:03:43,857 Speaker 3: coming back. She won't amount to anything, she won't be 64 00:03:43,897 --> 00:03:46,857 Speaker 3: a contributing member of society, and you should probably just 65 00:03:46,897 --> 00:03:49,137 Speaker 3: put her in a special care facility and move on 66 00:03:49,257 --> 00:03:52,617 Speaker 3: with your lives. What the doctors failed to realize was 67 00:03:52,777 --> 00:03:55,377 Speaker 3: I could hear everything that they were saying, and I 68 00:03:55,417 --> 00:03:57,897 Speaker 3: could see, but nobody knew that I could. So I 69 00:03:58,017 --> 00:04:01,457 Speaker 3: was literally locked inside my own body. And as a result, 70 00:04:02,257 --> 00:04:05,177 Speaker 3: I'm in there. I'm like, what do you mean, I'm 71 00:04:05,217 --> 00:04:07,817 Speaker 3: not going to amount to Like I'm right here, but 72 00:04:07,937 --> 00:04:11,377 Speaker 3: nobody knew. So in that moment, you know, when you 73 00:04:11,737 --> 00:04:14,697 Speaker 3: are locked in, you really have a choice. You know, 74 00:04:14,777 --> 00:04:18,137 Speaker 3: you fight or you give in. And so I saw 75 00:04:18,217 --> 00:04:20,737 Speaker 3: how my family refused to give up on me. They 76 00:04:20,777 --> 00:04:23,056 Speaker 3: refused to plan a funeral, They even refused to put 77 00:04:23,056 --> 00:04:24,776 Speaker 3: me away in a special care facility. 78 00:04:24,777 --> 00:04:26,217 Speaker 4: They set up a hospital. 79 00:04:25,856 --> 00:04:29,336 Speaker 3: Room in our living room and basically brought the world 80 00:04:29,337 --> 00:04:33,056 Speaker 3: to me because in their eyes, if they had a 81 00:04:33,137 --> 00:04:35,576 Speaker 3: month with me, or a couple of years or the 82 00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:37,816 Speaker 3: rest of my life, they wanted to take care of me. 83 00:04:37,897 --> 00:04:39,377 Speaker 3: They wanted to love me, they wanted to give me 84 00:04:39,416 --> 00:04:43,376 Speaker 3: the best chance that I could have. And so I 85 00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:46,936 Speaker 3: could see and witness this relentlessness within my family, and 86 00:04:46,976 --> 00:04:50,097 Speaker 3: it inspired me to keep going. That's also where I 87 00:04:50,097 --> 00:04:52,136 Speaker 3: found my faith, and unbeknownst to me, that's where my 88 00:04:52,137 --> 00:04:55,417 Speaker 3: family found their faith too, because my mom just kind 89 00:04:55,457 --> 00:04:57,456 Speaker 3: of fell to her knees in the ICU in the 90 00:04:57,496 --> 00:05:00,056 Speaker 3: hospital and said, God, I can't do this alone, and 91 00:05:00,137 --> 00:05:02,856 Speaker 3: you can. And in the midst of all that, I'm 92 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:05,496 Speaker 3: on the inside, Well, no one can hear me talking. 93 00:05:05,816 --> 00:05:08,016 Speaker 3: Maybe I tried talking to God and see what he 94 00:05:08,137 --> 00:05:10,016 Speaker 3: has to say. And so I had this peace that 95 00:05:10,097 --> 00:05:14,256 Speaker 3: surpassed understanding. And it really this journey, as my mom 96 00:05:14,296 --> 00:05:17,657 Speaker 3: calls it, our tragic, beautiful journey, It's where we found God, 97 00:05:17,736 --> 00:05:20,856 Speaker 3: It's where we found our family on a whole different level, 98 00:05:20,856 --> 00:05:25,537 Speaker 3: and it really set my life in a whole different direction. 99 00:05:25,616 --> 00:05:26,057 Speaker 4: They were right. 100 00:05:26,097 --> 00:05:28,577 Speaker 3: The victoria they once knew wasn't coming back. There was 101 00:05:28,616 --> 00:05:32,136 Speaker 3: a different version of me that was emerging. And so 102 00:05:32,657 --> 00:05:35,376 Speaker 3: four years later, quite literally, by the grace of God 103 00:05:35,577 --> 00:05:38,897 Speaker 3: and my parents refusing to give up, I started blinking 104 00:05:39,496 --> 00:05:42,496 Speaker 3: and that's how they discovered that I was in there 105 00:05:42,736 --> 00:05:45,777 Speaker 3: and that I was completely intact. And so that was 106 00:05:45,856 --> 00:05:55,976 Speaker 3: the start of my journey back. I went into the 107 00:05:56,017 --> 00:05:58,257 Speaker 3: vegetative state when I was eleven, and I came out 108 00:05:58,257 --> 00:05:59,256 Speaker 3: of it when I was fifteen. 109 00:05:59,337 --> 00:06:02,016 Speaker 4: A lot changes in that period of time, but also 110 00:06:02,056 --> 00:06:03,457 Speaker 4: the world had changed so much. 111 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,537 Speaker 3: We went from two thousand and six to twenty ten, 112 00:06:05,537 --> 00:06:08,936 Speaker 3: and so all of a sudden, iPods had screens, and 113 00:06:09,257 --> 00:06:12,177 Speaker 3: iPhones were a thing, and Justin Bieber was a thing, 114 00:06:12,257 --> 00:06:14,416 Speaker 3: and Facebook was a thing, like there were so many 115 00:06:14,496 --> 00:06:18,696 Speaker 3: things that I just felt very foreign in. So it's 116 00:06:18,777 --> 00:06:23,777 Speaker 3: interesting because my mental health during that time was this 117 00:06:23,856 --> 00:06:27,297 Speaker 3: warrior mentality of We're going to fight, fight fight. When 118 00:06:27,337 --> 00:06:30,057 Speaker 3: I came out of that situation, because you know, I 119 00:06:30,097 --> 00:06:32,736 Speaker 3: had to prepare to die, I kind of prepared to live, 120 00:06:32,856 --> 00:06:36,497 Speaker 3: but didn't expect it to be all that it had become. 121 00:06:37,176 --> 00:06:39,736 Speaker 3: I actually struggled more mentally when I was out of 122 00:06:39,777 --> 00:06:43,456 Speaker 3: the vegetative state, as almost a delayed reaction, it seemed like, 123 00:06:43,577 --> 00:06:47,017 Speaker 3: to the point that when my mental health was really bad, 124 00:06:47,337 --> 00:06:51,337 Speaker 3: I remember texting my mom and saying, I was honestly 125 00:06:51,416 --> 00:06:54,616 Speaker 3: more peaceful in a vegetative state than I am right now. 126 00:06:54,856 --> 00:06:56,416 Speaker 3: I had to relearn how to talk, I had to 127 00:06:56,416 --> 00:07:00,537 Speaker 3: relearn how to do everything, and it was this slow 128 00:07:01,176 --> 00:07:05,976 Speaker 3: progression because I really just had to keep trying every day. 129 00:07:06,056 --> 00:07:09,016 Speaker 3: It was something where it was so bad I just 130 00:07:09,056 --> 00:07:12,057 Speaker 3: found one thing to thank God for and one good thing, 131 00:07:12,137 --> 00:07:14,377 Speaker 3: and that's what my mom was doing, unbeknownst to me. 132 00:07:14,457 --> 00:07:16,817 Speaker 3: And then even in the midst of all that, I 133 00:07:16,857 --> 00:07:19,217 Speaker 3: was like, God, if you give me a second chance, 134 00:07:19,297 --> 00:07:22,257 Speaker 3: like I'm going to make the most out of it. 135 00:07:22,577 --> 00:07:24,577 Speaker 3: I'll use my voice for good. I'll use my voice 136 00:07:24,617 --> 00:07:27,417 Speaker 3: to change the world. I will will not let you down. 137 00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:30,977 Speaker 3: And so when I started coming back, that was really 138 00:07:31,017 --> 00:07:34,377 Speaker 3: the goal to make the most of this second chance 139 00:07:34,417 --> 00:07:37,816 Speaker 3: and really start that path and try to live up 140 00:07:37,897 --> 00:07:38,657 Speaker 3: to that promise. 141 00:07:38,777 --> 00:07:39,816 Speaker 4: I just don't think. 142 00:07:39,617 --> 00:07:44,656 Speaker 3: I was prepared for the two worlds i'd be living 143 00:07:44,697 --> 00:07:47,537 Speaker 3: in after that, because no one really talks about what 144 00:07:47,577 --> 00:07:48,776 Speaker 3: happens after the miracle. 145 00:07:49,297 --> 00:07:52,137 Speaker 4: So it was kind of this foreign world. And I 146 00:07:52,217 --> 00:07:53,097 Speaker 4: went back to school. 147 00:07:53,137 --> 00:07:56,057 Speaker 3: I was really badly bullied in school, so it was 148 00:07:56,097 --> 00:07:59,377 Speaker 3: something where I was trying to navigate the world. I 149 00:07:59,377 --> 00:08:02,256 Speaker 3: was in a wheelchair. I was trying to make sense 150 00:08:02,297 --> 00:08:05,737 Speaker 3: of my surroundings. But at the same time, I'm not 151 00:08:05,537 --> 00:08:08,257 Speaker 3: I'm not worried about homecoming. You know, I almost just 152 00:08:08,377 --> 00:08:12,217 Speaker 3: died and I'm still trying to figure out what had 153 00:08:12,297 --> 00:08:16,737 Speaker 3: just happened, let alone math, because after everything that had happened, 154 00:08:17,337 --> 00:08:19,377 Speaker 3: I didn't know if I could ever be happy again. 155 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,977 Speaker 4: I didn't know how much trauma had hardened me. 156 00:08:23,857 --> 00:08:26,417 Speaker 3: I was just trying to figure out the world in 157 00:08:26,457 --> 00:08:29,137 Speaker 3: a wheelchair and get back to my life and try 158 00:08:29,177 --> 00:08:32,857 Speaker 3: to just find my place in this world. And then 159 00:08:32,897 --> 00:08:34,977 Speaker 3: I was expected to be this hero, and so for 160 00:08:35,017 --> 00:08:37,337 Speaker 3: a really long time I struggled with that, and I 161 00:08:37,337 --> 00:08:41,377 Speaker 3: think that played a huge role in why my mental 162 00:08:41,377 --> 00:08:43,177 Speaker 3: health got as bad as it did, because I wasn't 163 00:08:43,217 --> 00:08:44,417 Speaker 3: allowed to have a bad day. 164 00:08:44,737 --> 00:08:47,337 Speaker 4: To everyone. I was this hero. I was this miracle, 165 00:08:47,457 --> 00:08:48,137 Speaker 4: like you have so. 166 00:08:48,257 --> 00:08:51,417 Speaker 3: Much going for you, So it never felt like there 167 00:08:51,577 --> 00:08:54,417 Speaker 3: was a space for me to say, hey, I'm not okay, 168 00:08:54,937 --> 00:08:58,137 Speaker 3: this isn't good, or I'm not good, or I'm anxious, 169 00:08:58,257 --> 00:09:01,777 Speaker 3: I'm sad. So I had to hide behind this smile 170 00:09:01,977 --> 00:09:04,977 Speaker 3: because that's what people expected, and everybody wants a hero, which, 171 00:09:05,017 --> 00:09:08,257 Speaker 3: don't get me wrong, I just wasn't ready yet because 172 00:09:08,457 --> 00:09:10,537 Speaker 3: I was still trying to save myself, and so I 173 00:09:10,657 --> 00:09:14,617 Speaker 3: was essentially saving everyone else but not saving myself in 174 00:09:14,657 --> 00:09:18,617 Speaker 3: the process. And so when it's okay to not be okay, 175 00:09:18,937 --> 00:09:21,657 Speaker 3: was presented to me. That was life changing because I 176 00:09:21,657 --> 00:09:24,337 Speaker 3: could finally say I'm not okay. I want to be, 177 00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:26,897 Speaker 3: but I also can't keep. 178 00:09:26,657 --> 00:09:27,577 Speaker 4: Going like this. 179 00:09:29,177 --> 00:09:33,137 Speaker 3: There was one morning in particular where my therapist was like, 180 00:09:33,217 --> 00:09:35,177 Speaker 3: I want you to get up. We're on a family vacation. 181 00:09:35,337 --> 00:09:36,377 Speaker 3: She was like, I want you to get up and 182 00:09:36,377 --> 00:09:39,617 Speaker 3: watch the sunrise. No phones, no one there by yourself. 183 00:09:39,937 --> 00:09:42,497 Speaker 3: And I was like, watch the sunrise, okay, And so 184 00:09:42,537 --> 00:09:44,977 Speaker 3: I get up. I'm on the beach and I'm just 185 00:09:45,017 --> 00:09:47,737 Speaker 3: sitting on a rock. And it was one of those 186 00:09:47,777 --> 00:09:50,577 Speaker 3: things that I looked at the sunrise and all of 187 00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:53,857 Speaker 3: us it was just calm in my head, calm in 188 00:09:53,897 --> 00:09:56,737 Speaker 3: my heart. It was like such a revelation of all 189 00:09:56,777 --> 00:09:59,577 Speaker 3: the different things I had done that it was possible 190 00:09:59,617 --> 00:10:04,497 Speaker 3: to get to a point where the sunrise would mean something. Again, 191 00:10:04,777 --> 00:10:07,137 Speaker 3: I think we all sometimes need that reminder that that 192 00:10:07,177 --> 00:10:10,257 Speaker 3: oneness does exist, that peace does exist. 193 00:10:10,817 --> 00:10:13,177 Speaker 4: You just you might have to dig. 194 00:10:13,097 --> 00:10:15,137 Speaker 3: Your heels in a little deeper and get muddy before 195 00:10:15,137 --> 00:10:19,577 Speaker 3: you find it. Like I never thought happiness was attainable, 196 00:10:19,817 --> 00:10:23,537 Speaker 3: or a presence would be attainable, or peace would be attainable. 197 00:10:23,537 --> 00:10:27,537 Speaker 3: And I just accepted that and then when I broke down. 198 00:10:27,857 --> 00:10:30,657 Speaker 3: That was the beginning of that breakthrough in which God 199 00:10:31,337 --> 00:10:35,857 Speaker 3: orchestrated so many things to essentially help me get to 200 00:10:35,897 --> 00:10:39,417 Speaker 3: that path where oh I get that piece that surpasses understanding. 201 00:10:39,977 --> 00:10:43,217 Speaker 3: It's something that I think, if nothing else, I just 202 00:10:43,297 --> 00:10:46,057 Speaker 3: wanted to let people know, like it is possible. 203 00:10:45,937 --> 00:10:46,897 Speaker 4: To see that sun. 204 00:10:52,017 --> 00:10:56,097 Speaker 3: I was given Jesus Calling by a dear friend who 205 00:10:56,377 --> 00:10:59,137 Speaker 3: I worked with on Dancing with the Stars, Erica, and 206 00:10:59,257 --> 00:11:02,497 Speaker 3: her mom had gotten it for me, and she gave 207 00:11:02,537 --> 00:11:03,137 Speaker 3: it to me, and. 208 00:11:03,097 --> 00:11:06,057 Speaker 4: I remember during that time it was so chaotic. 209 00:11:06,137 --> 00:11:08,977 Speaker 3: It was such a peaceful thing for me to read 210 00:11:09,137 --> 00:11:12,017 Speaker 3: every day, and so I started reading it to my mom, 211 00:11:12,737 --> 00:11:15,417 Speaker 3: and then shortly thereafter, she kept stealing mine. So I 212 00:11:15,457 --> 00:11:19,097 Speaker 3: got her her own, her own Jesus Calling, and she 213 00:11:19,297 --> 00:11:21,977 Speaker 3: started it right then and there, sending me a picture 214 00:11:22,017 --> 00:11:25,177 Speaker 3: of the daily devotional because we weren't in the same state. 215 00:11:25,297 --> 00:11:27,777 Speaker 3: I was somewhere across the world and she was somewhere else, 216 00:11:27,817 --> 00:11:31,777 Speaker 3: and she sent it to me one morning and then 217 00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:32,657 Speaker 3: has her own. 218 00:11:32,497 --> 00:11:33,177 Speaker 4: Message with it. 219 00:11:33,217 --> 00:11:34,897 Speaker 3: So she sends me a picture of the devotional, then 220 00:11:34,937 --> 00:11:37,017 Speaker 3: she says this beautiful message to me and says, I 221 00:11:37,057 --> 00:11:40,537 Speaker 3: love you. It's a good day, and it just became 222 00:11:41,177 --> 00:11:43,737 Speaker 3: something we did every day, and she didn't miss a day, 223 00:11:44,257 --> 00:11:46,297 Speaker 3: and then it's now we've been on an eight year 224 00:11:46,377 --> 00:11:49,937 Speaker 3: streak with it. That's been something for us that's brought 225 00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:54,097 Speaker 3: us great peace. But also that understanding that there are 226 00:11:54,137 --> 00:11:56,457 Speaker 3: times we don't know what God's doing, but then this 227 00:11:56,537 --> 00:12:01,497 Speaker 3: is a reminder of what He is doing. Jesus Calling 228 00:12:01,697 --> 00:12:04,897 Speaker 3: July twenty five. As you listen to birds calling to 229 00:12:04,937 --> 00:12:07,977 Speaker 3: one another, here also my love call to you. I 230 00:12:08,017 --> 00:12:13,097 Speaker 3: speak to you continually through sights, sounds, thoughts, impressions, scriptures. 231 00:12:13,617 --> 00:12:15,777 Speaker 3: There's no limit to the variety of ways I can 232 00:12:15,817 --> 00:12:19,097 Speaker 3: communicate with you. Your part is to be a tentative 233 00:12:19,177 --> 00:12:22,617 Speaker 3: to my messages in whatever form they come. When you 234 00:12:22,657 --> 00:12:25,177 Speaker 3: set out to find me in a day, you discover 235 00:12:25,297 --> 00:12:28,777 Speaker 3: that the world is vibrantly alive with my presence. You 236 00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:31,297 Speaker 3: can find me not only in beauty and bird calls, 237 00:12:31,577 --> 00:12:35,017 Speaker 3: but also in tragedy and faces filled with grief. I 238 00:12:35,057 --> 00:12:37,497 Speaker 3: can take the deepest sorrow and weave it into a 239 00:12:37,537 --> 00:12:41,097 Speaker 3: pattern for good. Search for me and my messages as 240 00:12:41,137 --> 00:12:43,737 Speaker 3: you go through this day. You will seek me and 241 00:12:43,857 --> 00:12:47,057 Speaker 3: find me When you seek me with your whole being. 242 00:12:48,977 --> 00:12:52,657 Speaker 2: To learn more about Victoria Arlin, visit Victoria Arlin dot 243 00:12:52,697 --> 00:12:54,737 Speaker 2: com and be sure to check out her new book, 244 00:12:54,937 --> 00:12:57,697 Speaker 2: The View Is Worth It, Unlocking the beauty in life's 245 00:12:57,697 --> 00:13:01,457 Speaker 2: peaks and valleys at your favorite retailer. Stay tuned. Hillary 246 00:13:01,457 --> 00:13:09,497 Speaker 2: Phillips story After a brief message, These uncertain times bring 247 00:13:09,577 --> 00:13:13,137 Speaker 2: anxiety and fear, but Jesus Listens Prayers for Every Season 248 00:13:13,377 --> 00:13:17,857 Speaker 2: gives you daily prayers of comfort with seasonally inspired illustrations. 249 00:13:18,017 --> 00:13:21,337 Speaker 2: This beautiful book includes prayers that speak to your situation, 250 00:13:21,937 --> 00:13:25,177 Speaker 2: whether it's a time of stress or strength. Look for 251 00:13:25,297 --> 00:13:35,697 Speaker 2: Jesus Listens Prayers for Every Season wherever you buy books. 252 00:13:36,697 --> 00:13:40,137 Speaker 2: Hilary Phillips is an actress, author, and content creator known 253 00:13:40,177 --> 00:13:42,577 Speaker 2: for her work in the Big Blue Book and a 254 00:13:42,617 --> 00:13:47,017 Speaker 2: Garden cartoon movie. The Greatest Thing Ever courageously discusses moving 255 00:13:47,057 --> 00:13:50,017 Speaker 2: from a perspective of God as an angry scorekeeper to 256 00:13:50,137 --> 00:13:54,377 Speaker 2: experiencing an authentic relationship rooted in love. After a difficult 257 00:13:54,417 --> 00:13:57,297 Speaker 2: childhood led to years of buried pain. Hillary describes the 258 00:13:57,377 --> 00:14:00,137 Speaker 2: raw moment she finally expressed her anger to God, only 259 00:14:00,217 --> 00:14:03,177 Speaker 2: to be overwhelmed by a supernatural love she never imagined. 260 00:14:04,897 --> 00:14:09,617 Speaker 1: My name is Hillary Phillips. I am an author, an actress. 261 00:14:09,977 --> 00:14:13,697 Speaker 1: I live in Los Angeles, California, and you know, I've 262 00:14:13,737 --> 00:14:16,897 Speaker 1: just spent most of my life being an outgoing, creative person. 263 00:14:17,577 --> 00:14:19,297 Speaker 1: But I went through a lot of things growing up 264 00:14:19,377 --> 00:14:24,377 Speaker 1: that honestly were very challenging, and once I came to faith, 265 00:14:24,697 --> 00:14:31,977 Speaker 1: I realized that God wastes nothing. My family talked about Jesus, 266 00:14:32,017 --> 00:14:34,777 Speaker 1: but we didn't grow up in a traditional Christian home 267 00:14:34,897 --> 00:14:37,217 Speaker 1: where we're going to church. I knew how to read 268 00:14:37,217 --> 00:14:39,937 Speaker 1: the Bible. A lot of it was just by name 269 00:14:40,137 --> 00:14:43,577 Speaker 1: we would profess faith. But I did have a praying 270 00:14:43,617 --> 00:14:47,817 Speaker 1: grandmother who loved the Lord read her Bible, and at 271 00:14:47,857 --> 00:14:51,457 Speaker 1: young ages, I think that her relationship with me was 272 00:14:51,617 --> 00:14:55,457 Speaker 1: very formative to who I later became in my faith. 273 00:14:56,097 --> 00:15:00,377 Speaker 1: I started to come across some Christians who would just 274 00:15:00,457 --> 00:15:04,457 Speaker 1: say things like Jesus loves you, and they seemed so happy, 275 00:15:04,617 --> 00:15:07,577 Speaker 1: in full of life, and I remember being jealous of them. 276 00:15:08,337 --> 00:15:11,857 Speaker 1: I wanted what they had and I didn't know how 277 00:15:11,897 --> 00:15:14,737 Speaker 1: they got it, but I can tell their faith was real. 278 00:15:15,377 --> 00:15:17,857 Speaker 1: So even though they weren't close friends of mine, they 279 00:15:17,897 --> 00:15:21,977 Speaker 1: were just people I would observe. Even those relationships were 280 00:15:22,017 --> 00:15:27,777 Speaker 1: impacting my desire for God. At this point in my life, 281 00:15:28,017 --> 00:15:32,577 Speaker 1: my parents had separated and I had been exposed to 282 00:15:33,297 --> 00:15:35,857 Speaker 1: every form of abuse, and I didn't know that at 283 00:15:35,897 --> 00:15:40,257 Speaker 1: the time it had shaped my thinking in a way 284 00:15:40,297 --> 00:15:42,737 Speaker 1: that I felt like I was constantly getting the short 285 00:15:42,817 --> 00:15:45,457 Speaker 1: end of the stick, Like no matter how much I 286 00:15:45,497 --> 00:15:48,537 Speaker 1: was trying to be a good person or walk in love, 287 00:15:49,377 --> 00:15:52,857 Speaker 1: just to be a light, I felt like it was 288 00:15:53,417 --> 00:15:56,217 Speaker 1: just a waste of my time. So one day, after 289 00:15:56,577 --> 00:15:58,457 Speaker 1: a series of things had happened in my life, I 290 00:15:58,537 --> 00:16:01,497 Speaker 1: remember coming home yelling at the top of my lungs 291 00:16:01,497 --> 00:16:06,417 Speaker 1: at God, what kind of God are you? You love me? 292 00:16:06,497 --> 00:16:07,537 Speaker 4: You don't love me? 293 00:16:07,777 --> 00:16:11,657 Speaker 1: I was so mad, and it was just such a 294 00:16:11,657 --> 00:16:15,177 Speaker 1: beautiful moment because as I was crying out to God 295 00:16:15,577 --> 00:16:19,057 Speaker 1: and accusing him of things and just pointing the finger 296 00:16:19,097 --> 00:16:22,777 Speaker 1: out how unfair he was, I had a supernatural experience 297 00:16:22,777 --> 00:16:27,137 Speaker 1: with the Lord where I suddenly, through my mind, was 298 00:16:27,177 --> 00:16:29,857 Speaker 1: getting reminded of all those Christians who had said Jesus 299 00:16:29,897 --> 00:16:35,057 Speaker 1: loves you, Jesus loves you, while simultaneously I was getting 300 00:16:35,177 --> 00:16:39,177 Speaker 1: memories of a lot of hurtful things I had experienced. 301 00:16:39,257 --> 00:16:41,617 Speaker 1: But for whatever reason, I was seeing it from a 302 00:16:41,697 --> 00:16:45,057 Speaker 1: different perspective. It was the first time the gospel really 303 00:16:45,057 --> 00:16:47,817 Speaker 1: sunk in for me that, Oh my gosh, you don't 304 00:16:47,937 --> 00:16:52,497 Speaker 1: just love me because of how I perform or because 305 00:16:52,617 --> 00:16:55,977 Speaker 1: of all these outward things. You love me all of 306 00:16:56,017 --> 00:16:59,657 Speaker 1: that stuff that I'm seeing, You love me there too. 307 00:16:59,737 --> 00:17:02,777 Speaker 1: And I cried. I just fell on the floor and cried. 308 00:17:02,977 --> 00:17:06,017 Speaker 1: And I suddenly felt the love of God I never 309 00:17:06,257 --> 00:17:10,216 Speaker 1: experienced prior to that. When I first started walking with God, 310 00:17:10,417 --> 00:17:13,777 Speaker 1: I was trying so hard to figure out everything, all 311 00:17:13,777 --> 00:17:15,297 Speaker 1: of it, What does it mean to be a Christian? 312 00:17:15,417 --> 00:17:19,097 Speaker 1: All of this stuff? And I got gifted the Jesus 313 00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:24,297 Speaker 1: Calling devotional and it was so helpful to me learning 314 00:17:24,337 --> 00:17:28,097 Speaker 1: to be still with God and realize, oh wait, you 315 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:31,617 Speaker 1: don't actually expect me to be anything other than who 316 00:17:31,697 --> 00:17:34,137 Speaker 1: I am. You don't call me to wear a mask. 317 00:17:34,777 --> 00:17:38,177 Speaker 1: You call me to just be And learning how to 318 00:17:38,257 --> 00:17:43,217 Speaker 1: do that it's such a liberating thing. But also it's 319 00:17:43,577 --> 00:17:46,737 Speaker 1: just ongoing. It's like that the walk with Jesus of 320 00:17:46,857 --> 00:17:49,897 Speaker 1: learning every day how do we just show up and 321 00:17:50,017 --> 00:17:52,697 Speaker 1: allow ourselves to be every version of who we are? 322 00:17:53,377 --> 00:17:55,297 Speaker 1: I felt like it was meeting me right where I 323 00:17:55,377 --> 00:18:03,817 Speaker 1: was at at that moment, letting go sometimes it's so 324 00:18:03,897 --> 00:18:07,057 Speaker 1: much easier said than done. How do we actually do that? 325 00:18:07,777 --> 00:18:10,696 Speaker 1: What does that require of us? And I wish I 326 00:18:10,697 --> 00:18:13,657 Speaker 1: had a super simple answer, But I feel that it's 327 00:18:13,817 --> 00:18:17,657 Speaker 1: really started with radical acceptance. And here's what I mean 328 00:18:17,697 --> 00:18:21,417 Speaker 1: by that. To be specific, with my relationship with my parents, 329 00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:24,937 Speaker 1: nobody's black and white in the sense of all bad, 330 00:18:24,977 --> 00:18:28,456 Speaker 1: all good. Everybody's got a mix of things. So I 331 00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:32,017 Speaker 1: had a really complicated relationship with them, but most of it, 332 00:18:32,257 --> 00:18:35,857 Speaker 1: to begin in my faith was resentment. I was angry 333 00:18:36,457 --> 00:18:39,736 Speaker 1: and felt wronged, and God really started to challenge me 334 00:18:40,017 --> 00:18:42,776 Speaker 1: on how I was showing up in love. And one 335 00:18:42,817 --> 00:18:44,736 Speaker 1: of the things I realized was that I was not 336 00:18:44,977 --> 00:18:49,577 Speaker 1: accepting my parents as they were where they were. I 337 00:18:49,657 --> 00:18:52,137 Speaker 1: was holding them to this idea of who they needed 338 00:18:52,177 --> 00:18:55,297 Speaker 1: to be and who they weren't. And I just was 339 00:18:55,537 --> 00:18:59,817 Speaker 1: so frustrated that I was clinging to that that God 340 00:18:59,857 --> 00:19:02,537 Speaker 1: really helped me realize that that's not actually walking in love. 341 00:19:02,817 --> 00:19:06,817 Speaker 1: I am rejecting who they are and only holding them 342 00:19:06,817 --> 00:19:11,337 Speaker 1: to this idea or their past. I realized, Okay, the 343 00:19:11,377 --> 00:19:14,097 Speaker 1: first place I have to start is by accepting the 344 00:19:14,137 --> 00:19:17,737 Speaker 1: reality I'm living in right now, the way that they're 345 00:19:17,817 --> 00:19:21,177 Speaker 1: showing up is not healthy. I can accept that. I 346 00:19:21,257 --> 00:19:24,297 Speaker 1: might not like it, but it's just the reality. And 347 00:19:24,297 --> 00:19:27,857 Speaker 1: then God started to help me, mainly through prayer and 348 00:19:27,937 --> 00:19:31,017 Speaker 1: the Bible, but also through therapy through reading books. He 349 00:19:31,137 --> 00:19:33,977 Speaker 1: just started filling me with a lot of tools to then, 350 00:19:34,217 --> 00:19:38,337 Speaker 1: after I accepted reality, take action. When I think about 351 00:19:38,377 --> 00:19:42,297 Speaker 1: how the Bible shows us what letting go means, and 352 00:19:42,537 --> 00:19:46,737 Speaker 1: what characters or stories relate to that, so many things 353 00:19:46,817 --> 00:19:50,217 Speaker 1: come to mind. It's hard to even break it all down. 354 00:19:50,297 --> 00:19:53,177 Speaker 1: But I'd say Moses he had to let go of 355 00:19:53,257 --> 00:19:56,177 Speaker 1: his past when he was talking to God in front 356 00:19:56,177 --> 00:19:58,857 Speaker 1: of the burning bush and being told all of the 357 00:19:58,897 --> 00:20:01,737 Speaker 1: things that God was going to do for him. Moses 358 00:20:01,817 --> 00:20:04,897 Speaker 1: was so full of doubt. But who am I? I 359 00:20:04,937 --> 00:20:07,457 Speaker 1: can't talk? What am I going to do? He had 360 00:20:07,577 --> 00:20:12,777 Speaker 1: so much fear, and understandably so we have benefited. But 361 00:20:13,457 --> 00:20:16,737 Speaker 1: over and over again, I see through Scripture people who 362 00:20:16,857 --> 00:20:19,696 Speaker 1: at some point they are faced with the decision that 363 00:20:19,697 --> 00:20:22,137 Speaker 1: they're either going to let go or hold on. And 364 00:20:23,097 --> 00:20:25,137 Speaker 1: I've yet to see a time when it was easy, 365 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,737 Speaker 1: But I have always seen a time where it paid off. 366 00:20:28,097 --> 00:20:30,377 Speaker 1: Like every time throughout Scripture, every time they like it 367 00:20:30,417 --> 00:20:33,817 Speaker 1: pays off and so that to me is the biggest 368 00:20:33,817 --> 00:20:36,497 Speaker 1: takeaway I get from the word of God didn't promise 369 00:20:36,577 --> 00:20:39,017 Speaker 1: us an easy life. He didn't promise us a life 370 00:20:39,057 --> 00:20:41,857 Speaker 1: free of suffering. But he did promise us hope in 371 00:20:41,937 --> 00:20:46,097 Speaker 1: a future. He promised us that whenever we are struggling, 372 00:20:46,177 --> 00:20:48,537 Speaker 1: He'll be there with us through it. He'll never leave 373 00:20:48,617 --> 00:20:52,496 Speaker 1: us or forsake us. I realize that when we're walking 374 00:20:52,497 --> 00:20:55,097 Speaker 1: with God and we're serving and we're pouring out to people, 375 00:20:55,137 --> 00:20:58,257 Speaker 1: it's not a one way experience. It's like a two 376 00:20:58,337 --> 00:21:01,537 Speaker 1: way door, where like as you're serving and pouring out, 377 00:21:01,657 --> 00:21:04,736 Speaker 1: God's also pouring into you and teaching you things. I 378 00:21:04,777 --> 00:21:08,577 Speaker 1: spent two years working in a residential facility with teenage 379 00:21:08,577 --> 00:21:14,337 Speaker 1: survivors of human trafficking, and it was such a God 380 00:21:15,097 --> 00:21:17,577 Speaker 1: call in that time of my life, and it was 381 00:21:17,617 --> 00:21:20,657 Speaker 1: also incredibly difficult. And one of the reasons I think 382 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:24,337 Speaker 1: that God used that experience to really show me his 383 00:21:24,497 --> 00:21:27,377 Speaker 1: love is because I think, you know, I had to 384 00:21:27,457 --> 00:21:30,897 Speaker 1: learn to sit and see trauma up close, but also 385 00:21:30,937 --> 00:21:37,137 Speaker 1: recognize it's not my job to fix. Pray for courage, boldness, 386 00:21:37,417 --> 00:21:40,976 Speaker 1: and be willing to obey when God tells you what 387 00:21:41,017 --> 00:21:44,777 Speaker 1: to do. It actually was very helpful for me to 388 00:21:44,857 --> 00:21:49,216 Speaker 1: realize that God does not expect me to be perfect. 389 00:21:49,457 --> 00:21:52,777 Speaker 1: That's quite literally why Jesus had to come okay, because 390 00:21:52,777 --> 00:21:57,377 Speaker 1: we cannot live up to the Holy standard. We cannot 391 00:21:57,737 --> 00:22:00,297 Speaker 1: live us in free life. We are in a broken world. 392 00:22:00,897 --> 00:22:04,217 Speaker 1: But that to me, the more we confront the brokenness 393 00:22:04,217 --> 00:22:07,497 Speaker 1: of humanity, the more we see in God's grace in 394 00:22:07,577 --> 00:22:11,137 Speaker 1: the Gospel, in the fact that we're so undeserving of 395 00:22:11,177 --> 00:22:14,777 Speaker 1: God's grace and mercy and love. Yet he continues to 396 00:22:14,817 --> 00:22:15,697 Speaker 1: pour it out on us. 397 00:22:17,737 --> 00:22:20,297 Speaker 2: To learn more about Hillary, follow her on social media, 398 00:22:20,457 --> 00:22:22,577 Speaker 2: and be sure to check out her book, My Brain 399 00:22:22,617 --> 00:22:26,537 Speaker 2: While Reading the Bible, available at your favorite retailer. If 400 00:22:26,577 --> 00:22:28,737 Speaker 2: you'd like to hear more stories about facing a rare 401 00:22:28,817 --> 00:22:32,817 Speaker 2: medical diagnosis, check out our interview with Chris and Lindsey Wheeler. 402 00:22:38,057 --> 00:22:40,496 Speaker 2: Next time on the Jesus Calling podcast, we'll hear from 403 00:22:40,577 --> 00:22:43,337 Speaker 2: Jameson a Mary reader who share the story of their 404 00:22:43,337 --> 00:22:46,617 Speaker 2: ten year old son, Jamison, and his miraculous survival of 405 00:22:46,657 --> 00:22:48,297 Speaker 2: a shark attack in the Florida. 406 00:22:48,017 --> 00:22:50,097 Speaker 4: Keys Jamison Junior. 407 00:22:50,457 --> 00:22:53,657 Speaker 5: We just want everybody to know, don't let fear win 408 00:22:54,417 --> 00:22:57,257 Speaker 5: face that fear. People always want to talk to us 409 00:22:57,737 --> 00:23:00,497 Speaker 5: about the size of the shark and what he says 410 00:23:00,537 --> 00:23:01,016 Speaker 5: to people. 411 00:23:01,177 --> 00:23:02,577 Speaker 4: It's not the size. 412 00:23:02,217 --> 00:23:14,577 Speaker 5: Of the shark that counts, it's the strength of your safe. 413 00:23:14,097 --> 00:23:16,657 Speaker 2: Thanks for listening to the Jesus Calling Stories of Faith 414 00:23:16,697 --> 00:23:20,537 Speaker 2: podcast on the Life Audio Network. Every week, we'll bring 415 00:23:20,577 --> 00:23:23,177 Speaker 2: you stories from people who share their journeys of faith 416 00:23:23,497 --> 00:23:27,217 Speaker 2: and how prayer and a relationship with God transformed their lives. 417 00:23:27,977 --> 00:23:31,337 Speaker 2: Be sure to follow us on Apple, Spotify, iHeart, or 418 00:23:31,417 --> 00:23:34,696 Speaker 2: wherever you listen to podcasts, and leave us a review 419 00:23:34,777 --> 00:23:38,977 Speaker 2: so others can be inspired weekly by these stories of faith. Finally, 420 00:23:39,257 --> 00:23:42,777 Speaker 2: you can find encouragement resources and more on the Jesus 421 00:23:42,777 --> 00:23:45,537 Speaker 2: Calling website at Jesuscalling dot com.