1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,660 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,260 --> 00:00:07,960 Speaker 2: Have you ever found yourself standing in front of the 3 00:00:08,020 --> 00:00:12,399 Speaker 2: refrigerator even though you're not hungry? Or maybe scrolling social 4 00:00:12,440 --> 00:00:15,620 Speaker 2: media long after you intended to put your phone down? 5 00:00:16,060 --> 00:00:19,619 Speaker 2: Maybe you filled your online shopping cart after a stressful day. 6 00:00:20,579 --> 00:00:24,360 Speaker 2: Or maybe you've stayed busy from sunrise to sunset because 7 00:00:24,480 --> 00:00:27,140 Speaker 2: slowing down would force you to feel what you've been 8 00:00:27,180 --> 00:00:30,870 Speaker 2: trying to avoid. Most of us think those moments are 9 00:00:30,890 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 2: about a lack of discipline. But what if they're actually 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:38,900 Speaker 2: revealing something so much deeper? What if your brain isn't 11 00:00:38,979 --> 00:00:44,389 Speaker 2: craving food, social media, shopping, busyness, or distraction at all? 12 00:00:44,710 --> 00:00:48,770 Speaker 2: What if what you're really craving is comfort? Today, in 13 00:00:48,810 --> 00:00:52,309 Speaker 2: honor of World Mental Health Day, we're talking about why 14 00:00:52,390 --> 00:00:56,470 Speaker 2: we seek comfort when life feels overwhelming, what happens inside 15 00:00:56,510 --> 00:00:59,990 Speaker 2: the brain during seasons of stress, and how God offers 16 00:01:00,030 --> 00:01:03,900 Speaker 2: something far more healing than temporary relief. Welcome to your 17 00:01:03,940 --> 00:01:08,640 Speaker 2: Hope-Filled Perspective podcast, where it's always our goal to restore hope, 18 00:01:08,840 --> 00:01:12,010 Speaker 2: renew minds, and empower listeners and viewers to live in 19 00:01:12,230 --> 00:01:16,170 Speaker 2: your God-given identity. We combine biblical truth with brain science 20 00:01:16,350 --> 00:01:19,540 Speaker 2: so that you can live with greater peace, purpose, and hope. 21 00:01:19,819 --> 00:01:20,500 Speaker 1: I'm your host, Dr. 22 00:01:20,540 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 2: Michelle Bankson, board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, author, speaker, and fellow traveler 23 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,100 Speaker 2: on this journey of faith and mental, emotional, and spiritual wellness. Today, 24 00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 2: I'm joined by my dear friend and co-host, Reverend Jessica VanRoekel. 25 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:37,020 Speaker 3: Hi, everyone. I'm so glad you're here. Michelle, I have 26 00:01:37,060 --> 00:01:40,120 Speaker 3: a feeling that this episode is going to resonate with 27 00:01:40,160 --> 00:01:45,200 Speaker 3: almost everyone because every one of us has experienced overwhelm. 28 00:01:45,830 --> 00:01:47,080 Speaker 1: Isn't that the truth? 29 00:01:47,260 --> 00:01:55,880 Speaker 2: I don't know anyone who hasn't walked through seasons of stress, uncertainty, grief, disappointment, fear, loneliness, 30 00:01:55,980 --> 00:02:00,140 Speaker 2: or exhaustion. And during those seasons, Jess, we all tend 31 00:02:00,190 --> 00:02:05,650 Speaker 2: to reach for something. Sometimes it's healthy. Sometimes it isn't. 32 00:02:06,370 --> 00:02:08,150 Speaker 2: But we all seek comfort. 33 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 3: And I think that's an important distinction. We're not talking 34 00:02:11,660 --> 00:02:16,169 Speaker 3: about whether comfort itself is bad. God created us with 35 00:02:16,250 --> 00:02:21,210 Speaker 3: a need for comfort. In fact, scripture repeatedly refers to 36 00:02:21,290 --> 00:02:23,310 Speaker 3: God as our comforter. 37 00:02:24,220 --> 00:02:28,200 Speaker 2: The problem really isn't that we need comfort. The problem 38 00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:31,899 Speaker 2: is that we often look for comfort in places that 39 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:35,720 Speaker 2: were never designed to heal us. Those things may soothe 40 00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:38,840 Speaker 2: us temporarily. but they can't restore us permanently. 41 00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:42,310 Speaker 3: And they often leave us feeling even worse afterward. 42 00:02:42,870 --> 00:02:43,269 Speaker 1: They do. 43 00:02:43,750 --> 00:02:46,549 Speaker 2: And that's what we're unpacking today. Why does the brain 44 00:02:46,630 --> 00:02:50,790 Speaker 2: crave comfort? Why do some habits become so difficult to break? 45 00:02:51,410 --> 00:02:57,190 Speaker 2: And how can we move from temporary relief toward genuine restoration? 46 00:02:58,230 --> 00:02:58,570 Speaker 4: All right. 47 00:02:58,690 --> 00:03:01,980 Speaker 3: So Michelle, let's start at the beginning. Why are human 48 00:03:02,040 --> 00:03:04,280 Speaker 3: beings wired to seek comfort? 49 00:03:05,030 --> 00:03:11,059 Speaker 2: Because comfort is connected to safety. God designed our brains 50 00:03:11,160 --> 00:03:14,620 Speaker 2: to move away from pain and towards safety. Think about 51 00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:18,560 Speaker 2: a newborn baby. When they're distressed, they seek comfort. When 52 00:03:18,580 --> 00:03:22,140 Speaker 2: they're hungry, they cry. When they're frightened, they reach for 53 00:03:22,180 --> 00:03:26,450 Speaker 2: a caregiver. Seeking comfort is not weakness. It's actually how 54 00:03:26,710 --> 00:03:27,730 Speaker 2: God designed us. 55 00:03:28,680 --> 00:03:33,100 Speaker 3: That's important because I think many listeners immediately feel guilt 56 00:03:33,300 --> 00:03:35,700 Speaker 3: when they hear the phrase comfort seeking. 57 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:39,839 Speaker 2: Yes, but needing comfort isn't really the issue at all. 58 00:03:40,160 --> 00:03:44,750 Speaker 2: In fact, scripture repeatedly shows God meeting people in their 59 00:03:44,830 --> 00:03:48,230 Speaker 2: places of need. You and I both like Psalm 34, 18, 60 00:03:48,230 --> 00:03:51,730 Speaker 2: that tells us the Lord is close to the brokenhearted 61 00:03:52,010 --> 00:03:55,620 Speaker 2: and saves those who are crushed in spirit. But friends 62 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:59,530 Speaker 2: notice that God doesn't shame people. the brokenhearted, he draws 63 00:03:59,650 --> 00:04:00,330 Speaker 2: near to them. 64 00:04:00,350 --> 00:04:02,390 Speaker 3: That's so beautiful. 65 00:04:02,950 --> 00:04:06,730 Speaker 2: And yet many Christians carry this subtle belief that strong 66 00:04:06,850 --> 00:04:10,820 Speaker 2: faith means not needing comfort and nothing could be farther 67 00:04:10,860 --> 00:04:13,320 Speaker 2: from the truth. And the reason I know this is 68 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 2: because even Jesus sought comfort. If we remember back to 69 00:04:17,720 --> 00:04:21,300 Speaker 2: the garden of Gethsemane, he asked his closest friends to 70 00:04:21,360 --> 00:04:26,580 Speaker 2: remain near to him. He prayed honestly. He expressed anguish. 71 00:04:26,980 --> 00:04:28,720 Speaker 2: He didn't pretend that everything was fine. 72 00:04:29,540 --> 00:04:33,680 Speaker 3: That is such an important reminder. God never asks us 73 00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:35,260 Speaker 3: to deny our humanity. 74 00:04:36,120 --> 00:04:36,680 Speaker 1: Exactly. 75 00:04:37,279 --> 00:04:41,849 Speaker 2: Instead, he invites us to bring our humanity to him. 76 00:04:42,320 --> 00:04:45,280 Speaker 3: Which I'm so grateful for. Now, at this point in 77 00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:49,720 Speaker 3: our discussion, let's turn our talk towards neuroscience because this 78 00:04:49,820 --> 00:04:53,880 Speaker 3: is where so many listeners have those aha moments. What's 79 00:04:53,960 --> 00:04:57,210 Speaker 3: happening in the brain when we feel overwhelmed? 80 00:04:57,750 --> 00:05:03,810 Speaker 2: The brain is constantly asking one primary question, and that is, 81 00:05:04,510 --> 00:05:08,930 Speaker 2: am I safe? When life feels manageable, the brain functions 82 00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:12,530 Speaker 2: from a place of relative stability. The prefrontal cortex right 83 00:05:12,589 --> 00:05:16,630 Speaker 2: up front, the part that's responsible for thinking, planning, decision-making, 84 00:05:16,770 --> 00:05:19,980 Speaker 2: that part of the brain, it's functioning well. So we're 85 00:05:20,140 --> 00:05:24,779 Speaker 2: able to think clearly. We're patient. We're emotionally regulated. But 86 00:05:24,860 --> 00:05:31,230 Speaker 2: when stress increases, the brain begins shifting resources towards survival. 87 00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:35,050 Speaker 3: So what I'm hearing you say is that survival mode 88 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:37,070 Speaker 3: literally changes how we think? 89 00:05:37,589 --> 00:05:38,789 Speaker 1: It absolutely does. 90 00:05:39,110 --> 00:05:39,390 Speaker 3: Wow. 91 00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:42,370 Speaker 2: We've talked about the amygdala a lot on this program. 92 00:05:42,410 --> 00:05:46,990 Speaker 2: The amygdala, which acts as the brain's alarm system, becomes 93 00:05:47,070 --> 00:05:51,400 Speaker 2: more active. Stress hormones increase. The brain becomes hyper-focused on 94 00:05:51,460 --> 00:05:56,640 Speaker 2: reducing comfort. And here's where it gets fascinating. the amygdala, 95 00:05:56,700 --> 00:06:01,380 Speaker 2: which acts like the brain's alarm system, becomes more active. 96 00:06:01,700 --> 00:06:06,970 Speaker 2: Stress hormones increase, the brain becomes hyper-focused on reducing discomfort, 97 00:06:07,210 --> 00:06:11,450 Speaker 2: and that's where it gets fascinating. When we're overwhelmed, the 98 00:06:11,490 --> 00:06:16,650 Speaker 2: brain becomes less concerned with what's best long-term and more 99 00:06:16,750 --> 00:06:19,540 Speaker 2: concerned with what feels better instantly. 100 00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:22,440 Speaker 3: Wow, I think that explains a lot. 101 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:27,250 Speaker 2: That is why a woman who spent the entire day 102 00:06:27,470 --> 00:06:31,230 Speaker 2: caring for everyone else may find herself eating cookies at 103 00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:35,130 Speaker 2: 10 p.m. That's why someone grieving a loss may spend 104 00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:40,710 Speaker 2: hours mindlessly scrolling social media. That's why a stressed executive 105 00:06:40,830 --> 00:06:44,720 Speaker 2: may work even harder rather than slowing down. But the 106 00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,119 Speaker 2: brain is looking for relief. 107 00:06:47,770 --> 00:06:51,030 Speaker 3: Not because they're weak, but because they're overwhelmed, right? 108 00:06:51,050 --> 00:06:54,740 Speaker 1: Exactly. And understanding that changes everything. 109 00:06:55,160 --> 00:06:58,300 Speaker 2: Because as you and I have talked about, shame says, 110 00:06:58,800 --> 00:07:03,430 Speaker 2: what's wrong with me? But understanding says, my brain is 111 00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:07,190 Speaker 2: trying to solve a problem. Now we can address the 112 00:07:07,250 --> 00:07:10,090 Speaker 2: problem rather than attacking ourselves. 113 00:07:10,610 --> 00:07:14,010 Speaker 3: Okay, this is really great information. Let's talk about another 114 00:07:14,050 --> 00:07:17,170 Speaker 3: phrase that you've talked about before, and that's dopamine. How 115 00:07:17,210 --> 00:07:19,860 Speaker 3: does dopamine fit into all of this? 116 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:26,300 Speaker 2: Dopamine is often really misunderstood. People think dopamine equals pleasure, 117 00:07:27,240 --> 00:07:32,450 Speaker 2: but dopamine is actually more connected to motivation and anticipation. 118 00:07:32,950 --> 00:07:35,390 Speaker 2: It's the brain's way of saying, pay attention. 119 00:07:35,450 --> 00:07:36,100 Speaker 1: This might help. 120 00:07:36,310 --> 00:07:42,780 Speaker 2: When we discover something that temporarily reduces emotional discomfort, dopamine 121 00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:44,180 Speaker 2: helps us remember it. 122 00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:47,410 Speaker 3: So the brain starts creating shortcuts? 123 00:07:47,930 --> 00:07:48,410 Speaker 1: Exactly. 124 00:07:48,590 --> 00:07:51,730 Speaker 2: So let's say you've had an exhausting day, Jessica. You 125 00:07:51,770 --> 00:07:52,890 Speaker 2: eat peanut M & Ms. 126 00:07:53,210 --> 00:07:57,100 Speaker 1: Which I do. For a few moments, you feel better, right? 127 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 3: I do. 128 00:07:58,510 --> 00:08:03,150 Speaker 2: Your brain notices. So the next time you're stressed, your 129 00:08:03,210 --> 00:08:06,900 Speaker 2: brain remembers last time eating peanut M & Ms helped 130 00:08:06,920 --> 00:08:10,180 Speaker 2: me feel better. And the same process can happen with 131 00:08:10,340 --> 00:08:16,790 Speaker 2: social media, shopping, Netflix, busyness, people pleasing, even overworking. The 132 00:08:16,820 --> 00:08:20,010 Speaker 2: brain isn't trying to sabotage you. It's trying to help 133 00:08:20,050 --> 00:08:24,110 Speaker 2: you feel better. But the problem is that temporary relief 134 00:08:24,270 --> 00:08:26,470 Speaker 2: can masquerade as genuine healing. 135 00:08:26,760 --> 00:08:29,300 Speaker 3: This is so good. So what I'm hearing you say 136 00:08:29,560 --> 00:08:35,340 Speaker 3: is that this temporary relief can feel like healing, but 137 00:08:35,440 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 3: that they're not the same thing. 138 00:08:37,640 --> 00:08:39,100 Speaker 1: They're not the same thing at all. 139 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:39,620 Speaker 3: Wow. 140 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 2: One numbs pain, the other addresses it. One distracts and 141 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:52,240 Speaker 2: the other restores. One is momentary and the other is transformational. 142 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:55,840 Speaker 3: You've given us a lot to think about and- As 143 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:59,459 Speaker 3: we're discussing this, one of my favorite biblical examples of 144 00:08:59,640 --> 00:09:03,260 Speaker 3: overwhelm comes to mind, and that's Elijah. After one of 145 00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:10,780 Speaker 3: the greatest victories in scripture, Elijah crashes emotionally. He becomes afraid, isolates. 146 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:15,449 Speaker 3: He isolates himself. He becomes hopeless. He asks God to 147 00:09:15,530 --> 00:09:19,930 Speaker 3: let him die. Now, many people read that story and think, 148 00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:23,460 Speaker 3: how could Elijah feel that way after such a huge victory? 149 00:09:23,679 --> 00:09:28,120 Speaker 3: But that's exactly what overwhelm often looks like. 150 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:35,170 Speaker 2: The crash comes after prolonged stress. But I love God's 151 00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:40,010 Speaker 2: response because God doesn't begin with correction. He begins with 152 00:09:40,110 --> 00:09:48,170 Speaker 2: care for Elijah. Food, rest, sleep, provision, presence. Only later 153 00:09:49,210 --> 00:09:54,620 Speaker 2: does God address Elijah's thinking. Friends, in the next segment, 154 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:57,089 Speaker 2: we'll take a deeper look at the many ways we 155 00:09:57,150 --> 00:09:59,970 Speaker 2: seek comfort after this brief word from our sponsor. 156 00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:07,340 Speaker 3: Michelle, one of the things I find fascinating about this 157 00:10:07,420 --> 00:10:11,700 Speaker 3: topic is that comfort seeking doesn't look the same for everyone. 158 00:10:11,920 --> 00:10:15,520 Speaker 3: When people hear us talking about comfort behaviors, they may 159 00:10:15,620 --> 00:10:19,520 Speaker 3: immediately think of emotional eating. But there are so many 160 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:24,020 Speaker 3: other ways we try to soothe ourselves when life feels overwhelming. 161 00:10:24,559 --> 00:10:25,640 Speaker 1: That's true. 162 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:31,290 Speaker 2: Emotional eating is certainly one of the most common comfort-seeking behaviors. 163 00:10:31,809 --> 00:10:32,570 Speaker 1: And I've been there. 164 00:10:33,190 --> 00:10:36,469 Speaker 2: But it's far from the only one. Some people do 165 00:10:36,550 --> 00:10:40,790 Speaker 2: reach for food. Other people reach for their phones. Some 166 00:10:40,910 --> 00:10:44,550 Speaker 2: fill their calendars until there isn't a single unscheduled moment left. 167 00:10:45,160 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 2: and others shop, binge watch television, overwork, people please, or 168 00:10:50,380 --> 00:10:55,689 Speaker 2: isolate themselves from relationships. So the behavior may differ, but 169 00:10:55,750 --> 00:10:59,709 Speaker 2: the underlying need is often the same. They're trying to 170 00:10:59,790 --> 00:11:04,730 Speaker 2: reduce emotional discomfort. What's important for listeners and viewers to 171 00:11:04,809 --> 00:11:09,090 Speaker 2: understand is that these behaviors, they often begin innocently. 172 00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:10,770 Speaker 1: Most people don't. 173 00:11:10,650 --> 00:11:13,250 Speaker 2: Wake up one day and decide that they're going to 174 00:11:13,380 --> 00:11:15,540 Speaker 2: develop unhealthy coping patterns. 175 00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:16,300 Speaker 3: Right. 176 00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:20,940 Speaker 2: These behaviors develop because at some point they did provide 177 00:11:21,059 --> 00:11:25,460 Speaker 2: momentary relief and the brain remembers that relief and begins 178 00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:28,640 Speaker 2: associating that behavior with comfort. 179 00:11:29,480 --> 00:11:31,960 Speaker 3: I really think that many of our listeners can relate 180 00:11:31,980 --> 00:11:34,579 Speaker 3: to that. I know I do. We may not even 181 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:38,240 Speaker 3: realize that they've developed a comfort habit until they stop 182 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,280 Speaker 3: and pay attention. Absolutely. 183 00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 1: Absolutely. 184 00:11:41,410 --> 00:11:44,470 Speaker 2: And one of the questions I often ask patients is this, 185 00:11:44,850 --> 00:11:50,219 Speaker 2: why and what do you reach for when you're stressed? 186 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,199 Speaker 2: Not what do you think you should reach for, but 187 00:11:54,460 --> 00:11:58,260 Speaker 2: what do you actually reach for? And the answer to 188 00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:02,500 Speaker 2: that question can be incredibly revealing. Like we've said, for 189 00:12:02,540 --> 00:12:05,939 Speaker 2: some people, it's food. They may not be physically hungry, 190 00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:09,880 Speaker 2: but after a difficult conversation or a stressful day, they 191 00:12:09,920 --> 00:12:12,900 Speaker 2: may find themselves standing in the kitchen looking for something 192 00:12:12,980 --> 00:12:17,560 Speaker 2: sweet or salty. Food offers comfort because it temporarily changes 193 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:20,780 Speaker 2: brain chemistry. And in doing so, it provides a sense 194 00:12:20,850 --> 00:12:24,309 Speaker 2: of pleasure or relief. But like we've said, for other people, 195 00:12:24,450 --> 00:12:27,330 Speaker 2: it's social media. They pick up their phone intending to 196 00:12:27,370 --> 00:12:32,030 Speaker 2: spend five minutes checking messages and suddenly 45 minutes have passed. 197 00:12:32,390 --> 00:12:35,370 Speaker 2: They weren't looking for information as much as they were 198 00:12:35,610 --> 00:12:41,070 Speaker 2: looking for distraction. And still others, they seek comfort through busyness. 199 00:12:41,450 --> 00:12:44,929 Speaker 2: This is particularly common among high achieving men and women. 200 00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:50,500 Speaker 2: They feel anxious, overwhelmed, lonely, or discouraged. So they work harder, 201 00:12:51,059 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 2: volunteer more, take on additional responsibilities, and keep themselves moving constantly. 202 00:12:57,160 --> 00:13:01,780 Speaker 2: So for them, busyness becomes a way of avoiding emotional pain. 203 00:13:02,429 --> 00:13:08,079 Speaker 3: I think that one surprises people because society often rewards busyness. 204 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 3: We tend to applaud people who are constantly productive. 205 00:13:12,980 --> 00:13:16,160 Speaker 2: And that's why it can be difficult to recognize when 206 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 2: busyness has become a coping mechanism. Because unlike some of 207 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 2: the other comfort behaviors, overworking is often praised. People receive 208 00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:28,110 Speaker 2: compliments for it. I remember when I was working 100 209 00:13:28,110 --> 00:13:30,290 Speaker 2: hours a week at my private practice, I had a 210 00:13:30,330 --> 00:13:33,030 Speaker 2: friend who said, every time I drive by your office. 211 00:13:33,170 --> 00:13:37,240 Speaker 1: Your car is there. And I wore that as a 212 00:13:37,290 --> 00:13:38,050 Speaker 1: badge of honor. 213 00:13:38,440 --> 00:13:38,720 Speaker 3: Wow. 214 00:13:39,350 --> 00:13:43,630 Speaker 2: Because when people are constantly busy or they're overworking, they're 215 00:13:43,710 --> 00:13:49,910 Speaker 2: told that they're dedicated, hardworking, dependable, and successful. And that 216 00:13:50,210 --> 00:13:55,520 Speaker 2: feels good. But internally, the motivation may be very different. 217 00:13:55,660 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 2: Sometimes people stay busy because they're afraid of what they 218 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 2: might feel if they slow down. When the schedule is 219 00:14:02,179 --> 00:14:05,360 Speaker 2: packed from morning until night, there's very little room to 220 00:14:05,440 --> 00:14:11,280 Speaker 2: process grief, disappointment, fear, loneliness, or uncertainty. And I've seen 221 00:14:11,340 --> 00:14:16,699 Speaker 2: this repeatedly in both clinical practice and ministry settings. Individuals 222 00:14:16,820 --> 00:14:21,260 Speaker 2: who appear highly successful on the outside are often carrying 223 00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:26,930 Speaker 2: tremendous emotional burdens on the inside. Their productivity isn't necessarily 224 00:14:26,990 --> 00:14:30,130 Speaker 2: coming from purpose. Sometimes it's coming from pain. 225 00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:34,970 Speaker 3: And wow, I'm nodding my head and it leads perfectly 226 00:14:35,070 --> 00:14:37,890 Speaker 3: into something I've been thinking about while we've been talking. 227 00:14:38,130 --> 00:14:41,970 Speaker 3: There seems to be a difference between comfort that restores 228 00:14:42,410 --> 00:14:47,110 Speaker 3: and comfort that merely numbs. How do we recognize the difference? 229 00:14:47,750 --> 00:14:49,170 Speaker 1: That's such an important question. 230 00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:53,090 Speaker 2: One of the simplest ways to evaluate a comfort behavior 231 00:14:53,370 --> 00:15:00,130 Speaker 2: is to ask what happens afterward. Because healthy comfort tends 232 00:15:00,190 --> 00:15:04,850 Speaker 2: to leave us restored. We feel more connected, more peaceful, 233 00:15:04,930 --> 00:15:10,490 Speaker 2: more grounded, and more equipped to engage with life. Unhealthy 234 00:15:10,570 --> 00:15:16,660 Speaker 2: comfort often leaves us feeling temporarily better, but ultimately depleted. 235 00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:20,900 Speaker 2: The original problem remains, and now we've added guilt, frustration, 236 00:15:21,020 --> 00:15:24,800 Speaker 2: or regret on top of it. So for example, taking 237 00:15:24,860 --> 00:15:28,760 Speaker 2: a walk while talking with a trusted friend may provide comfort. 238 00:15:29,660 --> 00:15:34,660 Speaker 2: But afterward, you often feel encouraged, supported, and emotionally stronger. 239 00:15:34,680 --> 00:15:40,140 Speaker 2: Or spending time in prayer may not remove the difficulty immediately, 240 00:15:40,960 --> 00:15:47,160 Speaker 2: but it reconnects you with God's presence and peace. By contrast, 241 00:15:47,180 --> 00:15:51,140 Speaker 2: scrolling social media for two hours may temporarily distract you 242 00:15:51,280 --> 00:15:54,410 Speaker 2: from your anxiety. But when you're finished, the anxiety is 243 00:15:54,450 --> 00:15:57,550 Speaker 2: still there. Sometimes it's even worse. And the same can 244 00:15:57,590 --> 00:16:02,190 Speaker 2: be true of emotional eating, compulsive shopping, excessive television watching, 245 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:06,390 Speaker 2: or other forms of avoidance. The key difference is healthy 246 00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:12,050 Speaker 2: comfort helps us process life. Unhealthy comfort helps us avoid 247 00:16:12,110 --> 00:16:13,550 Speaker 2: life temporarily. 248 00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:15,860 Speaker 3: That is a powerful distinction right there. 249 00:16:15,880 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: And it's one listeners and viewers may want to write down. 250 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:26,540 Speaker 2: Healthy comfort helps us process life. Unhealthy comfort helps us 251 00:16:26,920 --> 00:16:30,940 Speaker 2: avoid life. God never asks us to pretend pain doesn't exist. 252 00:16:31,540 --> 00:16:36,660 Speaker 2: Throughout scripture, we see examples of lament, grief, disappointment, fear, 253 00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:40,440 Speaker 2: and struggle. What God invites us to do is to 254 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:44,660 Speaker 2: bring those emotions into relationship with him rather than running 255 00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:48,590 Speaker 2: from them. When we numb our emotions, we may temporarily 256 00:16:48,660 --> 00:16:53,410 Speaker 2: reduce discomfort. But we also delay healing. Emotions that are 257 00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:59,370 Speaker 2: buried don't disappear. They often resurface later in different forms, 258 00:16:59,630 --> 00:17:05,540 Speaker 2: such as anxiety, irritability, resentment, exhaustion, or depression. 259 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:10,060 Speaker 3: Oh, as we've been talking, I've been thinking about Martha 260 00:17:10,220 --> 00:17:13,540 Speaker 3: and Mary. Hmm. I know that passage is often taught 261 00:17:13,640 --> 00:17:16,900 Speaker 3: as a lesson about priorities, but I wonder if there's 262 00:17:16,960 --> 00:17:20,940 Speaker 3: also a lesson there about where we seek comfort. When 263 00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:24,820 Speaker 3: Jesus visited their home, Martha became overwhelmed by all the 264 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:28,520 Speaker 3: preparations that needed to be done. She was distracted by 265 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:33,000 Speaker 3: the responsibilities in front of her. Meanwhile, Mary chose to 266 00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:38,350 Speaker 3: sit at Jesus' feet. What's interesting is that Martha's response 267 00:17:38,530 --> 00:17:42,050 Speaker 3: is one many of us understand. When life feels stressful, 268 00:17:42,150 --> 00:17:45,909 Speaker 3: we often believe the solution is to do more. We 269 00:17:45,950 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 3: become convinced that if we can just accomplish enough, organize enough, 270 00:17:50,900 --> 00:17:56,359 Speaker 3: fix enough, or control enough, we'll finally feel at peace. 271 00:17:56,840 --> 00:18:01,170 Speaker 3: But Jesus gently redirects her attention. He tells her that 272 00:18:01,290 --> 00:18:04,750 Speaker 3: she is worried and upset about many things while Mary 273 00:18:04,810 --> 00:18:08,710 Speaker 3: has chosen what is better. In other words, Martha was 274 00:18:08,770 --> 00:18:14,060 Speaker 3: seeking relief through activity. Mary was seeking comfort through presence. 275 00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:17,490 Speaker 3: Isn't that often our struggle as well? When we're anxious, 276 00:18:17,609 --> 00:18:21,879 Speaker 3: we tend to increase activity. We work harder. We worry more. 277 00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:26,080 Speaker 3: We try to solve every possible problem, sometimes before they 278 00:18:26,140 --> 00:18:32,340 Speaker 3: even happen. Meanwhile, Jesus invites us to sit with him first. 279 00:18:32,980 --> 00:18:38,770 Speaker 3: Not because responsibilities don't matter, but because his presence provides 280 00:18:38,890 --> 00:18:42,690 Speaker 3: the peace we cannot manufacture ourselves without. 281 00:18:43,410 --> 00:18:46,860 Speaker 2: I think many listeners needed to hear that today. Because 282 00:18:46,900 --> 00:18:50,919 Speaker 2: when life feels overwhelming, let's face it, sometimes sitting with 283 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,000 Speaker 2: Jesus can feel unproductive. 284 00:18:54,020 --> 00:18:57,100 Speaker 1: In all transparency, I've been there. But some of the. 285 00:18:57,080 --> 00:19:01,930 Speaker 2: Most productive things we do spiritually never look productive by 286 00:19:01,990 --> 00:19:06,169 Speaker 2: worldly standards. Prayer may not check something off a to-do list. 287 00:19:06,609 --> 00:19:10,520 Speaker 2: Rest may may not generate measurable results. And time in 288 00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:15,320 Speaker 2: God's word may not immediately solve a problem. Yet those 289 00:19:15,420 --> 00:19:20,210 Speaker 2: practices strengthen us from the inside out. They regulate our 290 00:19:20,270 --> 00:19:24,469 Speaker 2: nervous system. They renew our thinking and they reconnect us 291 00:19:24,510 --> 00:19:29,909 Speaker 2: with the truth that God is present and faithful. That's 292 00:19:29,970 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 2: genuine comfort. That's restoration. And that's something that no other 293 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:38,680 Speaker 2: comfort behavior can ultimately replace. 294 00:19:39,940 --> 00:19:43,000 Speaker 3: During this episode we've talked about why we seek comfort, 295 00:19:43,260 --> 00:19:46,750 Speaker 3: the difference between numbing and healing, and some of the 296 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 3: common ways we try to soothe ourselves when life feels overwhelming. 297 00:19:51,180 --> 00:19:53,180 Speaker 2: When we come back from a short break or a 298 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:56,340 Speaker 2: word from our sponsor, we're going to get very practical. 299 00:19:56,760 --> 00:19:59,310 Speaker 2: We'll talk about what to do in those moments when 300 00:19:59,350 --> 00:20:03,310 Speaker 2: you're overwhelmed and reaching for comfort. We'll talk about how 301 00:20:03,330 --> 00:20:06,270 Speaker 2: do you interrupt the unhealthy patterns and How do you 302 00:20:06,369 --> 00:20:09,450 Speaker 2: identify what you truly need? And how can you train 303 00:20:09,590 --> 00:20:14,050 Speaker 2: both your brain and your heart to seek lasting restoration 304 00:20:14,390 --> 00:20:16,419 Speaker 2: rather than temporary relief? 305 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:19,520 Speaker 3: Stay with us. We'll be right back. 306 00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,240 Speaker 1: Welcome back to your Hope-Filled Perspective. 307 00:20:25,780 --> 00:20:28,830 Speaker 2: Today, we're talking about why we crave comfort when life 308 00:20:28,850 --> 00:20:32,530 Speaker 2: feels overwhelming. If you've ever found yourself stress eating, endlessly 309 00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:37,040 Speaker 2: scrolling social media, overworking, shopping, or simply looking for something 310 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,159 Speaker 2: to take the edge off a difficult season, you're not alone. 311 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:43,820 Speaker 3: And the good news is that God isn't condemning you 312 00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:47,820 Speaker 3: for needing comfort. The question isn't whether you need comfort. 313 00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:51,310 Speaker 3: question is where you're looking for it. 314 00:20:52,050 --> 00:20:52,680 Speaker 1: Exactly. 315 00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:55,770 Speaker 2: And in this next segment, we are going to explore 316 00:20:55,869 --> 00:21:00,790 Speaker 2: practical neuroscience-based and biblically grounded strategies that can help you 317 00:21:00,850 --> 00:21:04,270 Speaker 2: move from temporary relief towards true restoration. 318 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,060 Speaker 3: Michelle, before the break, we talked about why we seek 319 00:21:08,119 --> 00:21:11,420 Speaker 3: comfort and how easy it is to fall into patterns 320 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:15,850 Speaker 3: of numbing rather than healing. So let's get practical. What 321 00:21:16,119 --> 00:21:19,330 Speaker 3: do we do when we recognize ourselves in these patterns? 322 00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:22,850 Speaker 2: The first thing I want listeners to understand is that 323 00:21:23,090 --> 00:21:27,730 Speaker 2: lasting change rarely begins with willpower alone, which I think 324 00:21:27,800 --> 00:21:31,800 Speaker 2: is good news. Most people think they need to try harder, 325 00:21:32,220 --> 00:21:36,640 Speaker 2: be stronger, or become more disciplined. And while discipline certainly 326 00:21:36,700 --> 00:21:43,100 Speaker 2: has its place, real transformation begins with awareness. One of 327 00:21:43,140 --> 00:21:46,450 Speaker 2: the most powerful things you can do is simply pause 328 00:21:46,670 --> 00:21:50,310 Speaker 2: and identify what's happening in the moment. So instead of 329 00:21:50,430 --> 00:21:55,250 Speaker 2: automatically reaching for food, your phone, your to-do list, or 330 00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:59,580 Speaker 2: whatever your preferred comfort behavior may be, stop and ask yourself, 331 00:22:00,020 --> 00:22:03,439 Speaker 2: what am I feeling right now? Now that sounds simple, 332 00:22:03,540 --> 00:22:07,300 Speaker 2: but many people struggle to answer that question because they've 333 00:22:07,340 --> 00:22:11,920 Speaker 2: spent years bypassing their emotions. They know they're uncomfortable, but 334 00:22:12,220 --> 00:22:18,400 Speaker 2: they haven't learned how to identify whether they're anxious, lonely, discouraged, overwhelmed, disappointed, afraid, exhausted, 335 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:24,090 Speaker 2: or grieving. Naming an emotion is important because it engages 336 00:22:24,150 --> 00:22:28,190 Speaker 2: the thinking part of the brain. It creates a pause 337 00:22:28,330 --> 00:22:32,400 Speaker 2: between the feeling itself And the reaction and that pause 338 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,840 Speaker 2: is where healthier choices become possible. 339 00:22:36,780 --> 00:22:40,550 Speaker 3: It's almost like creating a little bit of breathing room 340 00:22:40,609 --> 00:22:42,490 Speaker 3: between the trigger and the response. 341 00:22:42,850 --> 00:22:43,389 Speaker 1: Exactly. 342 00:22:43,609 --> 00:22:48,010 Speaker 2: Viktor Frankl famously said that between stimulus and response, there's 343 00:22:48,050 --> 00:22:52,889 Speaker 2: a space. And in that space is our power to choose. 344 00:22:53,210 --> 00:22:56,840 Speaker 2: When we're overwhelmed, that space can feel very small, but 345 00:22:56,880 --> 00:23:00,649 Speaker 2: it's still there. So once you've identified that feeling, I 346 00:23:00,710 --> 00:23:03,750 Speaker 2: encourage people to ask a second question. What do I 347 00:23:03,850 --> 00:23:08,270 Speaker 2: actually need right now? The answer is often different than 348 00:23:08,330 --> 00:23:12,150 Speaker 2: we expect. Sometimes when we, what we call a craving 349 00:23:12,650 --> 00:23:16,570 Speaker 2: is actually exhaustion or sometimes what we call stress is 350 00:23:16,670 --> 00:23:22,030 Speaker 2: actually loneliness. Sometimes what we call anxiety is really uncertainty. 351 00:23:22,670 --> 00:23:26,100 Speaker 2: And sometimes what we call irritability is is grief that 352 00:23:26,140 --> 00:23:30,050 Speaker 2: hasn't been acknowledged. When we identify the true need, then 353 00:23:30,109 --> 00:23:33,170 Speaker 2: we can begin meeting that need in a healthy way. 354 00:23:33,710 --> 00:23:36,490 Speaker 3: I really love how practical this is. Could you give 355 00:23:36,550 --> 00:23:39,970 Speaker 3: listeners a simple framework they can use when they find 356 00:23:40,010 --> 00:23:42,570 Speaker 3: themselves reaching for comfort? Sure. 357 00:23:43,670 --> 00:23:47,750 Speaker 2: I often recommend three questions. The first question is, what 358 00:23:47,810 --> 00:23:51,120 Speaker 2: am I feeling? The second question is, what do I need? 359 00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,920 Speaker 2: And the third question is, what would move me towards 360 00:23:55,160 --> 00:24:01,020 Speaker 2: restoration instead of escape? That third question can be incredibly revealing. 361 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:07,460 Speaker 2: For example, if you're emotionally exhausted, restoration may look like rest. 362 00:24:07,780 --> 00:24:11,659 Speaker 2: If you're lonely, restoration may look like calling a trusted friend. 363 00:24:12,070 --> 00:24:15,350 Speaker 2: If you're discouraged, restoration may look like spending time in 364 00:24:15,430 --> 00:24:19,169 Speaker 2: scripture and reminding yourself of God's presence and his promises. 365 00:24:19,609 --> 00:24:19,830 Speaker 4: Mm-hmm. 366 00:24:20,619 --> 00:24:24,609 Speaker 2: If you're overwhelmed, restoration may look like taking one small 367 00:24:24,750 --> 00:24:29,150 Speaker 2: next step instead of trying to resolve everything at once. 368 00:24:29,430 --> 00:24:33,890 Speaker 2: What you're doing is training yourself to move beyond immediate 369 00:24:34,060 --> 00:24:37,100 Speaker 2: temporary relief and towards lasting healing. 370 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,780 Speaker 3: And I imagine that this is a skill that develops 371 00:24:40,859 --> 00:24:41,459 Speaker 3: over time. 372 00:24:41,970 --> 00:24:45,950 Speaker 2: Very much so. No one becomes emotionally healthy overnight. These 373 00:24:46,030 --> 00:24:50,250 Speaker 2: patterns have often been developing for years. So we can't 374 00:24:50,270 --> 00:24:55,320 Speaker 2: really expect that these unhealthy patterns will disappear instantly. But 375 00:24:55,359 --> 00:24:59,119 Speaker 2: what we can do is practice making one healthier choice 376 00:24:59,400 --> 00:24:59,879 Speaker 2: at a time. 377 00:25:00,560 --> 00:25:03,980 Speaker 1: Because the goal isn't perfection. The goal is progress. 378 00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:08,670 Speaker 2: Every time we pause, we become aware and choose restoration 379 00:25:08,850 --> 00:25:12,790 Speaker 2: over escape. We're strengthening new pathways in the brain. And 380 00:25:13,109 --> 00:25:16,730 Speaker 2: that's one of the beautiful truths about neuroscience. It's that 381 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 2: the brain can change, habits can change, patterns can change, 382 00:25:20,440 --> 00:25:23,340 Speaker 2: and people are not as stuck as they often believe 383 00:25:23,380 --> 00:25:23,760 Speaker 2: they are. 384 00:25:24,780 --> 00:25:27,629 Speaker 3: As we've been talking, I've been thinking about how often 385 00:25:27,730 --> 00:25:32,670 Speaker 3: scripture describes God as our comforter. How is God's comfort 386 00:25:32,890 --> 00:25:35,729 Speaker 3: different from the comforts we often chase? 387 00:25:36,130 --> 00:25:39,300 Speaker 2: One of the biggest differences is that God's comfort addresses 388 00:25:39,500 --> 00:25:44,860 Speaker 2: both our circumstances and our hearts. Most counterfeit comfort simply 389 00:25:44,900 --> 00:25:48,320 Speaker 2: helps us avoid pain temporarily, but God's comfort helps us 390 00:25:48,540 --> 00:25:53,490 Speaker 2: endure pain while he's transforming us through it. That doesn't 391 00:25:53,530 --> 00:25:57,200 Speaker 2: mean he immediately removes every difficulty. Sometimes we're We wish 392 00:25:57,270 --> 00:26:00,389 Speaker 2: he would. But throughout scripture, we see that God's presence 393 00:26:00,410 --> 00:26:03,050 Speaker 2: is often his primary gift. I think about David in 394 00:26:03,070 --> 00:26:07,290 Speaker 2: the Psalms. Again and again, he pours out fear, grief, anger, confusion, 395 00:26:07,350 --> 00:26:11,940 Speaker 2: and disappointment. Yet even when circumstances don't change immediately, something 396 00:26:12,040 --> 00:26:15,360 Speaker 2: shifts in his heart because he's brought those struggles into 397 00:26:15,400 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 2: God's presence. And the same is true for us. When 398 00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:21,520 Speaker 2: we pray, we're not simply engaging in religious activity. We're 399 00:26:21,640 --> 00:26:24,980 Speaker 2: entering a relationship with the one who sees us completely 400 00:26:25,180 --> 00:26:28,149 Speaker 2: and loves us fully. And that kind of comfort is 401 00:26:28,210 --> 00:26:30,750 Speaker 2: profoundly different from distraction. 402 00:26:31,410 --> 00:26:32,780 Speaker 3: It's deeper, isn't it? 403 00:26:33,070 --> 00:26:34,250 Speaker 1: It's so much deeper. 404 00:26:34,430 --> 00:26:37,450 Speaker 2: Distraction helps us forget our pain for a little while, 405 00:26:37,750 --> 00:26:42,300 Speaker 2: but God's comfort helps us carry it. Distraction often isolates us, 406 00:26:42,380 --> 00:26:46,649 Speaker 2: but God's comfort draws us into relationships. Distraction leaves us 407 00:26:46,710 --> 00:26:52,770 Speaker 2: dependent on the next temporary fix. But God's comfort produces peace, strength, wisdom, 408 00:26:52,990 --> 00:26:56,320 Speaker 2: and resilience over time. One of my favorite verses is 409 00:26:56,359 --> 00:26:59,780 Speaker 2: found in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul refers to God 410 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:03,560 Speaker 2: as the father of compassion and the God of all comfort. 411 00:27:04,060 --> 00:27:07,960 Speaker 2: Notice that he doesn't say God offers some comfort. He says, 412 00:27:08,050 --> 00:27:11,690 Speaker 2: God is the God of all comfort. That means there 413 00:27:11,850 --> 00:27:15,770 Speaker 2: is no pain, loss, fear, disappointment, or struggle that falls 414 00:27:15,970 --> 00:27:18,330 Speaker 2: outside of his ability to meet us there. 415 00:27:19,010 --> 00:27:21,780 Speaker 3: One of the things I hear throughout this conversation is 416 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:26,040 Speaker 3: that we're not just talking about changing individual behaviors. We're 417 00:27:26,100 --> 00:27:30,460 Speaker 3: talking about building an entirely different way of living. 418 00:27:30,780 --> 00:27:31,320 Speaker 1: That's right. 419 00:27:31,859 --> 00:27:35,740 Speaker 2: And that might actually feel overwhelming to some of our audience. 420 00:27:35,859 --> 00:27:41,980 Speaker 2: But many people focus exclusively on eliminating unhealthy habits. But 421 00:27:42,070 --> 00:27:47,350 Speaker 2: in actuality, lasting transformation usually comes from creating a healthier lifestyle. 422 00:27:47,490 --> 00:27:51,730 Speaker 2: I often think in terms of four pillars, rest, relationships, rhythms, 423 00:27:51,869 --> 00:27:52,950 Speaker 2: and reliance on God. 424 00:27:53,190 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 1: So first, we need rest. 425 00:27:55,510 --> 00:27:58,649 Speaker 2: Our brains and bodies were never designed to function nonstop. 426 00:27:58,810 --> 00:28:03,560 Speaker 2: Chronic exhaustion makes us far more vulnerable to unhealthy coping behaviors. 427 00:28:03,970 --> 00:28:06,960 Speaker 2: So sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is 428 00:28:07,000 --> 00:28:09,920 Speaker 2: get adequate sleep. And then second, we've talked about this 429 00:28:10,100 --> 00:28:13,920 Speaker 2: on our program, Jess, we need healthy relationships. God created 430 00:28:14,020 --> 00:28:19,820 Speaker 2: us for connection, but isolation magnifies our distress. So safe 431 00:28:19,859 --> 00:28:25,840 Speaker 2: relationships provide encouragement, accountability, perspective, and support. And then third, 432 00:28:26,180 --> 00:28:30,140 Speaker 2: we need healthy rhythms. Rather than living in constant crisis mode, 433 00:28:30,340 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 2: we benefit from predictable practices that nurture emotional and spiritual health. 434 00:28:35,340 --> 00:28:40,430 Speaker 2: Things like time with God, movement, prayer, reflection, Sabbath rest, 435 00:28:40,770 --> 00:28:45,010 Speaker 2: and meaningful connection. They all help regulate our nervous system. 436 00:28:45,470 --> 00:28:49,110 Speaker 2: And finally, we need reliance on God. We were never 437 00:28:49,250 --> 00:28:52,280 Speaker 2: intended to carry life's burdens in our own strength. The 438 00:28:52,320 --> 00:28:54,840 Speaker 2: more we learn to bring our needs to him, the 439 00:28:54,920 --> 00:28:58,540 Speaker 2: less dependent we become on these temporary substitutes. 440 00:28:59,300 --> 00:29:03,600 Speaker 3: I love how this paints such a holistic picture. It's 441 00:29:03,660 --> 00:29:09,750 Speaker 3: not just about stopping a behavior. It's about becoming healthier emotionally, physically, spiritually, 442 00:29:09,990 --> 00:29:10,930 Speaker 3: and relationally. 443 00:29:10,950 --> 00:29:16,410 Speaker 2: Healing isn't merely the absence of unhealthy coping. Healing is temporary. 444 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:19,580 Speaker 2: The presence of healthy living. 445 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:22,880 Speaker 3: Michelle, I think there might be some listeners who are 446 00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:27,040 Speaker 3: hearing this and feeling discouraged. They recognize themselves in these 447 00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:30,770 Speaker 3: patterns and they may be wondering if they'll ever change. 448 00:29:31,170 --> 00:29:32,190 Speaker 3: What would you say to them? 449 00:29:33,070 --> 00:29:34,570 Speaker 1: I want you to know you're not alone. 450 00:29:34,590 --> 00:29:37,970 Speaker 2: Part of the reason that we're doing this episode is 451 00:29:38,090 --> 00:29:39,210 Speaker 2: because we've both been there. 452 00:29:39,230 --> 00:29:39,890 Speaker 3: Mm-hmm. 453 00:29:40,660 --> 00:29:45,660 Speaker 2: First, I want to say this, please don't confuse awareness 454 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,940 Speaker 2: with failure. The fact that you're recognizing these patterns is 455 00:29:50,100 --> 00:29:53,280 Speaker 2: actually a sign of growth. You cannot change what you're 456 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:58,060 Speaker 2: unwilling to acknowledge. Second, I would remind you that The 457 00:29:58,080 --> 00:30:00,340 Speaker 2: gospel tells a different story. The gospel tells us that 458 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:01,360 Speaker 2: God's love meets us in the. 459 00:30:01,300 --> 00:30:02,120 Speaker 1: Middle of our struggle. 460 00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:02,260 Speaker 3: Yeah. 461 00:30:26,750 --> 00:30:29,990 Speaker 2: And then third, if you find that your comfort-seeking behaviors 462 00:30:30,030 --> 00:30:34,219 Speaker 2: have become compulsive, destructive, or feel beyond your ability to 463 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:38,180 Speaker 2: manage alone, please reach out for support. There is tremendous 464 00:30:38,320 --> 00:30:42,140 Speaker 2: change in asking for professional help, whether that's a trusted friend, 465 00:30:42,160 --> 00:30:45,790 Speaker 2: a pastor, a physician, or a mental health professional. Healing 466 00:30:46,050 --> 00:30:49,410 Speaker 2: often happens in community. You don't have to carry this 467 00:30:49,470 --> 00:30:50,290 Speaker 2: burden alone. 468 00:30:51,110 --> 00:30:54,850 Speaker 3: Before we close, let's leave listeners with something practical they 469 00:30:54,870 --> 00:30:56,050 Speaker 3: can begin doing today. 470 00:30:56,340 --> 00:30:56,620 Speaker 1: Okay. 471 00:30:56,740 --> 00:30:59,880 Speaker 2: I'd like to challenge everyone listening to practice what I 472 00:30:59,920 --> 00:31:03,560 Speaker 2: call the one minute pause. The next time you notice 473 00:31:03,620 --> 00:31:08,770 Speaker 2: yourself reaching for comfort, stop for 60 seconds before acting. 474 00:31:09,390 --> 00:31:11,890 Speaker 2: During that minute, ask yourself three questions. 475 00:31:12,490 --> 00:31:13,290 Speaker 1: What am I feeling? 476 00:31:13,770 --> 00:31:16,110 Speaker 2: What do I need? And what would help me move 477 00:31:16,230 --> 00:31:23,160 Speaker 2: towards restoration instead of escape? Then choose one small restorative action. 478 00:31:23,620 --> 00:31:26,950 Speaker 2: Maybe that's stepping outside for fresh air. Maybe it's texting 479 00:31:26,990 --> 00:31:31,140 Speaker 2: a trusted friend. Maybe it's praying. Maybe it's drinking water 480 00:31:31,300 --> 00:31:34,400 Speaker 2: or taking a short walk or reading a psalm or 481 00:31:34,480 --> 00:31:38,700 Speaker 2: simply sitting quietly in God's presence. I don't want you 482 00:31:38,740 --> 00:31:42,480 Speaker 2: to worry about changing everything at once. Focus on one moment, 483 00:31:43,100 --> 00:31:49,480 Speaker 2: one choice, one step towards restoration. And over time, those 484 00:31:49,610 --> 00:31:52,930 Speaker 2: small choices create meaningful transformation. 485 00:31:53,590 --> 00:31:56,190 Speaker 3: Friend, if there's one thing we hope you take away 486 00:31:56,250 --> 00:32:00,230 Speaker 3: from today's conversation, it's this. Your desire for comfort is 487 00:32:00,350 --> 00:32:04,290 Speaker 3: not a weakness. It's part of being human. The question 488 00:32:04,350 --> 00:32:07,450 Speaker 3: isn't whether you need comfort. The question is whether the 489 00:32:07,490 --> 00:32:11,130 Speaker 3: comfort you're seeking is truly helping you to heal. 490 00:32:11,470 --> 00:32:14,970 Speaker 2: When life feels overwhelming, it's natural to look for relief. 491 00:32:15,250 --> 00:32:15,950 Speaker 1: We've all done it. 492 00:32:16,530 --> 00:32:20,030 Speaker 2: But temporary relief was never meant to carry the weight 493 00:32:20,050 --> 00:32:23,880 Speaker 2: of your heart. God offers something deeper. He offers his 494 00:32:23,980 --> 00:32:26,780 Speaker 2: presence in the middle of your pain. He offers peace 495 00:32:27,140 --> 00:32:31,420 Speaker 2: in the middle of uncertainty. He offers strength when you're exhausted, 496 00:32:31,620 --> 00:32:35,219 Speaker 2: wisdom when you're confused, and comfort when you're hurting. And 497 00:32:35,500 --> 00:32:40,440 Speaker 2: unlike the comforts we often change, his comfort never leaves 498 00:32:40,520 --> 00:32:43,920 Speaker 2: us emptier than we were before. So friends, this week, 499 00:32:44,060 --> 00:32:47,730 Speaker 2: pay attention to where you're turning when life feels hard. 500 00:32:48,100 --> 00:32:52,840 Speaker 2: not with shame, not with condemnation, but with curiosity, compassion. 501 00:32:53,060 --> 00:32:53,850 Speaker 1: And honesty. 502 00:32:54,270 --> 00:32:58,110 Speaker 2: And remember that every moment of awareness is an opportunity 503 00:32:58,250 --> 00:33:00,310 Speaker 2: to move one step closer to healing. 504 00:33:00,670 --> 00:33:03,670 Speaker 3: Thank you for spending time with us today. If this 505 00:33:03,790 --> 00:33:06,910 Speaker 3: episode encouraged you, would you consider sharing it with a 506 00:33:06,990 --> 00:33:09,730 Speaker 3: friend who may need a little extra hope right now? 507 00:33:10,340 --> 00:33:13,420 Speaker 2: And if you haven't already, be sure to subscribe so 508 00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:17,300 Speaker 2: you'll never miss an episode of your Hope-Filled Perspective. Friends, 509 00:33:17,360 --> 00:33:20,180 Speaker 2: we are praying for you. And until we meet again 510 00:33:20,260 --> 00:33:23,990 Speaker 2: next week, it's my prayer that you have a hope-filled week. 511 00:33:26,260 --> 00:33:33,680 Speaker 4: Everyone experiences pain at times. It can manifest physically, emotionally, relationally, 512 00:33:34,090 --> 00:33:39,890 Speaker 4: or spiritually. It can follow tragic accidents, great loss, sudden betrayal, 513 00:33:40,350 --> 00:33:45,890 Speaker 4: or unexpected and unwanted change. Often, pain is temporary. But 514 00:33:45,970 --> 00:33:48,930 Speaker 4: what do you do when it isn't? When pain won't 515 00:33:49,070 --> 00:33:53,170 Speaker 4: go away, healing does not come, and grief and hurt 516 00:33:53,470 --> 00:33:57,390 Speaker 4: settle in to stay. Drawing on her experience of chronic 517 00:33:57,450 --> 00:34:02,390 Speaker 4: pain in her years as a board-certified clinical neuropsychologist, Dr. 518 00:34:02,410 --> 00:34:07,710 Speaker 4: Michelle Bankson provides a countercultural perspective on pain. Offering hope 519 00:34:07,890 --> 00:34:13,350 Speaker 4: without any false promises or empty platitudes, Dr. Bankson unwraps 520 00:34:13,450 --> 00:34:17,529 Speaker 4: the complex emotional aspects of dealing with pain. She gives 521 00:34:17,570 --> 00:34:21,580 Speaker 4: you permission to question God, helps you identify the lies 522 00:34:21,640 --> 00:34:25,760 Speaker 4: you've believed about your pain, and reorients your perspective based 523 00:34:25,840 --> 00:34:29,600 Speaker 4: on the truth of God's word. Each chapter ends with 524 00:34:29,640 --> 00:34:34,930 Speaker 4: a recommended playlist, reflection, questions, and a prayer. Your pain 525 00:34:35,230 --> 00:34:38,750 Speaker 4: may not change, but your experience with it can. 526 00:34:39,130 --> 00:34:39,490 Speaker 3: Dr. 527 00:34:39,610 --> 00:34:45,690 Speaker 4: Sondra Dalton-Smith, physician, psychologist, best-selling author and a host of 528 00:34:45,770 --> 00:34:49,710 Speaker 4: the I Choose My Best Life podcast had this to 529 00:34:49,790 --> 00:34:53,530 Speaker 4: say about the hem of his garment. Dr. Michelle Bankson 530 00:34:53,670 --> 00:34:57,150 Speaker 4: is honest and transparent, and she gives the reader permission 531 00:34:57,210 --> 00:35:00,630 Speaker 4: to ask hard questions and practical guidance on how to 532 00:35:00,700 --> 00:35:03,609 Speaker 4: seek God during times when you feel the most wounded, 533 00:35:03,930 --> 00:35:08,760 Speaker 4: a beautiful gift for every person living with pain. Holly Gerth, 534 00:35:09,140 --> 00:35:13,870 Speaker 4: best-selling author of What Your Mind Needs for Anxious Moments says, 535 00:35:14,210 --> 00:35:18,520 Speaker 4: Pain is inevitable, but enduring it alone is optional. Dr. 536 00:35:18,560 --> 00:35:21,500 Speaker 4: Michelle Bankston is a voice of hope who will speak 537 00:35:21,540 --> 00:35:24,719 Speaker 4: into your struggles, a helping hand who will point you 538 00:35:24,920 --> 00:35:28,239 Speaker 4: to Jesus, and a wise guide who will lead you 539 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:32,570 Speaker 4: through what you're facing so you can embrace more of 540 00:35:32,670 --> 00:35:36,050 Speaker 4: what our good God has for you. Pick up a 541 00:35:36,090 --> 00:35:39,660 Speaker 4: copy of The Hem of His Garment for you and 542 00:35:39,700 --> 00:35:47,560 Speaker 4: a friend wherever books are sold. Do you appreciate the biblically-based, 543 00:35:47,800 --> 00:35:51,980 Speaker 4: hope-filled perspective offered each week by Dr. Bankson? Why don't 544 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:54,739 Speaker 4: you join the conversation? Take a moment and leave us 545 00:35:54,760 --> 00:35:58,109 Speaker 4: a review. It's easy. Just scroll down on whatever app 546 00:35:58,130 --> 00:36:00,649 Speaker 4: you're listening on, click on review, and tell us who 547 00:36:00,670 --> 00:36:02,950 Speaker 4: you are, what you love about the program, and let 548 00:36:02,989 --> 00:36:05,170 Speaker 4: us get to know you a little bit too. And 549 00:36:05,190 --> 00:36:07,810 Speaker 4: while you're at it, why not hit subscribe so you'll 550 00:36:07,850 --> 00:36:10,210 Speaker 4: be the first to know each time a new episode 551 00:36:10,230 --> 00:36:10,680 Speaker 4: is aired. 552 00:36:12,950 --> 00:36:15,340 Speaker 2: I'd like to take just a second to thank the 553 00:36:15,390 --> 00:36:18,319 Speaker 2: team at Life Audio for their partnership with us on 554 00:36:18,360 --> 00:36:22,180 Speaker 2: this podcast. If you go to lifeaudio.com, you'll find dozens 555 00:36:22,239 --> 00:36:25,819 Speaker 2: of other faith-centered podcasts in their network. They've got shows 556 00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:28,819 Speaker 2: about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.