1 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,820 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,460 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 3 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:39,940 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:40,420 --> 00:00:44,460 Speaker 2: Yes, yes, yes, yes, How you doing? How you doing? 5 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:45,500 Speaker 3: How you do it? 6 00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:48,300 Speaker 2: That is Prager here. Thank you for being with me. 7 00:00:48,980 --> 00:00:52,860 Speaker 2: We explore life on this program, everything about it. I 8 00:00:52,900 --> 00:00:56,300 Speaker 2: got a great question for you, my friends. This will 9 00:00:56,300 --> 00:01:01,700 Speaker 2: interest two types of people, the married and the unmarried. Hence, 10 00:01:02,140 --> 00:01:06,100 Speaker 2: if I have it correct, it should interest everybody. Interest 11 00:01:06,100 --> 00:01:09,539 Speaker 2: the married because it's about marriage, and interest the unmarried 12 00:01:09,580 --> 00:01:13,420 Speaker 2: because they may want to know about this in anticipating 13 00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:16,740 Speaker 2: marriage or having been married, what their marriage was about. 14 00:01:18,380 --> 00:01:20,500 Speaker 2: And this is one of those hours where you're in 15 00:01:20,700 --> 00:01:25,460 Speaker 2: put will in fact make the hour. I really will 16 00:01:25,500 --> 00:01:29,980 Speaker 2: be more a facilitator than I am a learner than 17 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:33,300 Speaker 2: I will be offering my own views, which is the 18 00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:36,700 Speaker 2: time what I do on the program. So here goes. 19 00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:48,700 Speaker 2: It's about marriage and marital fights. There are two ways 20 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:52,700 Speaker 2: of looking at the issue of fights of fighting within marriage. 21 00:01:52,940 --> 00:01:56,940 Speaker 2: One is it is absolutely inevitable. You have two human 22 00:01:56,980 --> 00:02:03,740 Speaker 2: beings living with each other daily for decades or many years, 23 00:02:03,780 --> 00:02:09,820 Speaker 2: if not many decades. The life is filled with difficult things. 24 00:02:09,859 --> 00:02:14,419 Speaker 2: People are working out the psychological issues from their childhood 25 00:02:14,900 --> 00:02:21,019 Speaker 2: in their marriage. People get sick, children cause problems, if 26 00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:26,700 Speaker 2: finances cause problems. It is absolutely inevitable that two living, 27 00:02:26,820 --> 00:02:30,980 Speaker 2: breathing human beings will fight. And the question is do 28 00:02:31,020 --> 00:02:34,420 Speaker 2: you fight fairly? And I guess the other question is 29 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:40,220 Speaker 2: how often? So listen carefully, Listen carefully, So that is 30 00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:45,580 Speaker 2: one possible approach. It is inevitable, and learn to do it, 31 00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:49,420 Speaker 2: learn to do it without being too hurtful. But fighting 32 00:02:49,460 --> 00:02:54,660 Speaker 2: is absolutely inevitable. Here's another approach. The home should be 33 00:02:54,940 --> 00:02:59,300 Speaker 2: the haven from life's problems. That is the view that 34 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:03,860 Speaker 2: one hopes for for a family. That despite the fact that, 35 00:03:03,900 --> 00:03:06,980 Speaker 2: of course the family has so many issues, especially if 36 00:03:06,980 --> 00:03:10,700 Speaker 2: there is a family and it's with children and it's 37 00:03:10,740 --> 00:03:13,820 Speaker 2: not just a married couple, there is an inevitability of 38 00:03:13,980 --> 00:03:18,540 Speaker 2: tension between people. That is what happens. Nevertheless, you look 39 00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:23,100 Speaker 2: for your marriage to be a haven from this difficult 40 00:03:23,140 --> 00:03:27,260 Speaker 2: world that we find ourselves living in, and that the 41 00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:32,820 Speaker 2: fewer fights, the better. It speaks about the marriage that 42 00:03:32,820 --> 00:03:35,980 Speaker 2: that's you know, people will have differences, but you don't 43 00:03:35,980 --> 00:03:38,500 Speaker 2: need to fight about it. You don't have to have arguments. 44 00:03:39,220 --> 00:03:43,100 Speaker 2: So those are two absolutely legitimate ways of looking at it. 45 00:03:43,980 --> 00:03:47,860 Speaker 2: Let me give you a third. I have been told 46 00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:51,380 Speaker 2: of couples who fought all the time and were crazy 47 00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:55,980 Speaker 2: about each other. I have been told about couples who 48 00:03:55,980 --> 00:04:00,580 Speaker 2: never fought and who had a totally dispassionate relations which 49 00:04:00,620 --> 00:04:03,580 Speaker 2: may have worked for them, may may absolutely have worked 50 00:04:03,620 --> 00:04:07,140 Speaker 2: for them, so that you may even have the position that, Hey, 51 00:04:07,900 --> 00:04:10,860 Speaker 2: for some couples, fighting is terrific. For other couples, fighting 52 00:04:10,980 --> 00:04:15,180 Speaker 2: is awful. What is your position? That's my question to 53 00:04:15,260 --> 00:04:20,900 Speaker 2: you in your marriage, looking back at it, look at 54 00:04:20,940 --> 00:04:25,580 Speaker 2: it now the place of fighting. Is it a good thing? 55 00:04:25,860 --> 00:04:29,099 Speaker 2: Is it a bad thing? Is it neutral? One eight 56 00:04:29,219 --> 00:04:33,580 Speaker 2: prager seven seven six one eight p R A G 57 00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:38,620 Speaker 2: E R seven seven six that's eight seven seven two 58 00:04:38,660 --> 00:04:42,900 Speaker 2: four three triple seven six? Do you fight a lot? 59 00:04:44,300 --> 00:04:49,380 Speaker 2: Is it? Do you fight rarely? Do you know couples 60 00:04:49,420 --> 00:04:52,300 Speaker 2: who do? Do you think there is a relationship between 61 00:04:52,340 --> 00:04:57,099 Speaker 2: fighting and a bad marriage or between not fighting and 62 00:04:57,180 --> 00:05:01,700 Speaker 2: a good marriage. What has been your experience in your 63 00:05:01,740 --> 00:05:05,420 Speaker 2: own marriage and in the marriages that you know anything about? 64 00:05:05,460 --> 00:05:11,539 Speaker 2: What about your own parents, it's it's a very complex 65 00:05:11,820 --> 00:05:17,979 Speaker 2: subject because it may vary by individual. Some people do 66 00:05:18,180 --> 00:05:23,500 Speaker 2: very well with fighting, some people hate it. Is there 67 00:05:23,580 --> 00:05:28,140 Speaker 2: one fighter and one non fighter in the family? Is 68 00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:34,260 Speaker 2: frequency of it an issue? I remember a couple may 69 00:05:34,260 --> 00:05:37,740 Speaker 2: they rest in peace. Met them many years ago, but 70 00:05:37,820 --> 00:05:40,460 Speaker 2: I knew them for a number of years, and I 71 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:43,140 Speaker 2: would say they were married. I know they were married 72 00:05:43,140 --> 00:05:45,779 Speaker 2: well over fifty years, and they seemed to have a very, 73 00:05:45,940 --> 00:05:51,339 Speaker 2: very loving marriage. They seemed to there's a certain tranquility 74 00:05:51,420 --> 00:05:54,100 Speaker 2: that seemed to reign when you were when you saw 75 00:05:54,140 --> 00:05:58,340 Speaker 2: them together, that they you know, they they had done 76 00:05:58,340 --> 00:06:05,339 Speaker 2: well with one another. And we were talking about that 77 00:06:05,780 --> 00:06:10,860 Speaker 2: once at a dinner and they both said to me 78 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:15,020 Speaker 2: that they had a policy that they would never go 79 00:06:15,100 --> 00:06:19,460 Speaker 2: to bed angry at the other, that that was just 80 00:06:19,580 --> 00:06:22,780 Speaker 2: that's a policy that they had adopted many years ago 81 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:26,900 Speaker 2: in their marriage, and that it so that even if 82 00:06:26,940 --> 00:06:31,460 Speaker 2: there had been some tension, it could not last overnight. 83 00:06:31,940 --> 00:06:35,500 Speaker 2: It had to die by the closing of the eyes. 84 00:06:37,380 --> 00:06:40,099 Speaker 2: So these are the questions, Why does the place of 85 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:44,260 Speaker 2: fighting in marriage or how about this, would you like 86 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:48,500 Speaker 2: a marriage where there were virtually never any fights? Is 87 00:06:48,540 --> 00:06:53,220 Speaker 2: that an ideal to aspire to. There's a question for you. 88 00:06:54,260 --> 00:06:58,460 Speaker 2: Is that an ideal to aspire to? Alrighty over to 89 00:06:58,740 --> 00:07:03,820 Speaker 2: Cleveland and Jamal, Hello, Jamal WhK Dennis Prager, Hello, Dennis. 90 00:07:04,860 --> 00:07:07,500 Speaker 4: I just wanted to call and say that I thought 91 00:07:07,980 --> 00:07:10,700 Speaker 4: early on, before I was married, and then even when 92 00:07:10,740 --> 00:07:13,180 Speaker 4: I was married, at the first part of it, that 93 00:07:13,740 --> 00:07:18,100 Speaker 4: fighting shouldn't be And then I started learning, well, first 94 00:07:18,140 --> 00:07:21,620 Speaker 4: of all, as children were kind of templated, how long 95 00:07:21,860 --> 00:07:24,820 Speaker 4: will they ever learn how to properly resolve issues where 96 00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,860 Speaker 4: they did get in fights if they never saw us 97 00:07:27,220 --> 00:07:31,020 Speaker 4: and will resolved them properly. And one way that we 98 00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:33,940 Speaker 4: have determined on whether or not we're getting any more 99 00:07:33,980 --> 00:07:38,300 Speaker 4: successful as a couple is by actually how long the 100 00:07:38,700 --> 00:07:42,500 Speaker 4: fight lasts, you know, at the time that we're having it, 101 00:07:42,540 --> 00:07:45,980 Speaker 4: and how quickly we resolved the issue we were fighting 102 00:07:46,020 --> 00:07:51,460 Speaker 4: about afterwards. And one of the last most embarrassing things 103 00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:54,020 Speaker 4: I think that we've never really talked about after it 104 00:07:54,060 --> 00:07:56,940 Speaker 4: happened was and this is kind of reasons we got 105 00:07:56,940 --> 00:08:00,860 Speaker 4: into an argument and my wife came to me, you know, 106 00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:03,060 Speaker 4: she choked up everything, and she said, I'm coming to 107 00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:06,420 Speaker 4: you to apologize for the argument and my part in it, 108 00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:10,739 Speaker 4: and I was fine at that point until she actually said, 109 00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,900 Speaker 4: do you want to do the same, And that's. 110 00:08:18,580 --> 00:08:19,300 Speaker 3: It's awesome to. 111 00:08:19,260 --> 00:08:22,100 Speaker 4: Think about now, But at the time it infuriated me 112 00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:24,300 Speaker 4: because I said, no, don't you dare I said, you 113 00:08:24,380 --> 00:08:26,620 Speaker 4: said you wanted to come and apologize. 114 00:08:27,540 --> 00:08:32,020 Speaker 2: Oh no, no, I I was relating to your reaction. Actually, yeah, no, 115 00:08:32,140 --> 00:08:34,699 Speaker 2: I understand, and I yet I understand what she's saying. Look, 116 00:08:34,780 --> 00:08:38,219 Speaker 2: let's both apologize and make up, right, But if you 117 00:08:38,300 --> 00:08:41,179 Speaker 2: both apology. But the thing is, if you both apologize, 118 00:08:41,179 --> 00:08:46,220 Speaker 2: it means you're both equally wrong, and I can That's right. 119 00:08:46,300 --> 00:08:50,740 Speaker 2: That's what disturbed you. That's exactly I totally understood. Absolutely 120 00:08:51,579 --> 00:08:55,660 Speaker 2: all right, there you go, Thank you, Jamal, and uh 121 00:08:55,980 --> 00:09:01,980 Speaker 2: over to Jeff Jeff in Minneapolis on the Patriot Hi Jeff, 122 00:09:01,980 --> 00:09:04,699 Speaker 2: Dennis Praeger, Hi Dennis, how are you okay? 123 00:09:06,179 --> 00:09:08,620 Speaker 5: I was the thing and very entertaining with the guy 124 00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:11,900 Speaker 5: who said last just last Colera. I had a similar 125 00:09:12,220 --> 00:09:15,820 Speaker 5: thing with him as he did. But my whole philosophy 126 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:20,179 Speaker 5: is it's inevitable you stick two human beings and together 127 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:24,420 Speaker 5: that that much time, uh, you're going to bound to 128 00:09:24,460 --> 00:09:25,460 Speaker 5: disagree on something? 129 00:09:26,820 --> 00:09:30,620 Speaker 2: Well, does disagree disagree? And fight are not the same. 130 00:09:31,540 --> 00:09:34,460 Speaker 5: Well, a lot of disagreements turned into fighting. 131 00:09:34,580 --> 00:09:38,580 Speaker 2: Okay, I agree, but disagreements yeah. 132 00:09:38,340 --> 00:09:41,300 Speaker 5: All right now, So I basically my wife and I 133 00:09:41,380 --> 00:09:44,140 Speaker 5: we both come from previous marriages and we both adopted 134 00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:48,820 Speaker 5: the philosophy just like our great country. The whole thing 135 00:09:48,940 --> 00:09:52,860 Speaker 5: is is we can agree to disagree, and we have 136 00:09:52,940 --> 00:09:56,260 Speaker 5: to look at is it really worth? There is a 137 00:09:56,260 --> 00:09:56,900 Speaker 5: subject matter. 138 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:59,220 Speaker 2: What is the biggest issue. What is the biggest issue 139 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:02,460 Speaker 2: or not the biggest? What is the most frequent source 140 00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:04,420 Speaker 2: of fighting? What subject? 141 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:08,740 Speaker 5: Right now? It has to be with each other's children. 142 00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:13,020 Speaker 5: I have one son and she has one son. Maybe 143 00:10:13,060 --> 00:10:17,020 Speaker 5: the way that we raised our kids individually are not 144 00:10:17,140 --> 00:10:19,620 Speaker 5: the same, so we may have arguments about that. 145 00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:22,420 Speaker 2: Give me example of an argument. 146 00:10:24,940 --> 00:10:29,820 Speaker 5: I guess the biggest one is the frequency of the 147 00:10:30,179 --> 00:10:34,220 Speaker 5: video game crazy. My son likes to go died. Her 148 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:36,460 Speaker 5: son likes to spend ten twelve hours in front. 149 00:10:36,260 --> 00:10:40,380 Speaker 2: Of the video games ten twelve And you. 150 00:10:40,340 --> 00:10:43,219 Speaker 5: Know, we've adopted this thing to each his own. I 151 00:10:43,380 --> 00:10:45,780 Speaker 5: like to see kids go out and play, and she 152 00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:48,740 Speaker 5: likes to see kids, you know, do what they want. 153 00:10:49,060 --> 00:10:51,420 Speaker 2: Uh huh, okay, I thank you. I am going to 154 00:10:51,460 --> 00:10:54,100 Speaker 2: ask all of you what you fight about, so get prepared. 155 00:10:55,500 --> 00:10:57,300 Speaker 2: Probably be a lot of a lot of comfort to 156 00:10:57,340 --> 00:11:00,300 Speaker 2: a lot of couples listening. We return in a moment 157 00:11:00,380 --> 00:11:01,500 Speaker 2: the Dennis Praker Show. 158 00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:05,020 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 159 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:15,340 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless Wisdom. 160 00:11:15,420 --> 00:11:19,740 Speaker 2: Oh is that beautiful? Take five? You're listening to the 161 00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:26,300 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager Show. The reason it's called take five is 162 00:11:26,340 --> 00:11:30,980 Speaker 2: because it's in five quarter time, not because of take 163 00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:34,740 Speaker 2: five minutes to do it. To the best of my knowledge, 164 00:11:35,580 --> 00:11:39,940 Speaker 2: I'm Dennis Prager and talking to you about marriage here. 165 00:11:42,460 --> 00:11:44,460 Speaker 2: Do any of you know? You know this is the 166 00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:47,579 Speaker 2: time I wish we had one hundred lines, because then 167 00:11:47,620 --> 00:11:51,060 Speaker 2: I could really get to the exact topic that I 168 00:11:51,060 --> 00:11:53,140 Speaker 2: would want at any given moment. And it's not any 169 00:11:53,140 --> 00:11:55,059 Speaker 2: of your faults at all. It's my fault because I'm 170 00:11:55,100 --> 00:11:57,940 Speaker 2: asking so many different questions. But do any of you 171 00:11:58,179 --> 00:12:03,180 Speaker 2: know a marriage that has had virtually no fights or 172 00:12:03,220 --> 00:12:07,220 Speaker 2: no fights? Talking about fighting in marriage? Is it good? 173 00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:11,580 Speaker 2: What do you fight over? Is just a It's a 174 00:12:11,620 --> 00:12:14,580 Speaker 2: secondary question. I'm just curious if you do fight. And 175 00:12:14,620 --> 00:12:16,660 Speaker 2: here's yet another one, and alan you know what it's 176 00:12:16,700 --> 00:12:18,900 Speaker 2: worth putting all these down because they could all be 177 00:12:20,740 --> 00:12:24,900 Speaker 2: variations for other hours. So do you know any any 178 00:12:24,940 --> 00:12:30,020 Speaker 2: couple that has not fought? That's a very fair it's 179 00:12:30,060 --> 00:12:35,380 Speaker 2: a very interesting question to me. Also, is there a 180 00:12:35,500 --> 00:12:40,740 Speaker 2: generalization that can be made about which sex is more 181 00:12:42,060 --> 00:12:48,940 Speaker 2: unhappy about fighting? I'm looking at the board, you know, 182 00:12:49,420 --> 00:12:54,460 Speaker 2: you know, we began with men, and now we're getting 183 00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:58,100 Speaker 2: a lot of women calling it's it's and I'm looking 184 00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,060 Speaker 2: at the topics, and I think is it fair to 185 00:13:01,140 --> 00:13:07,420 Speaker 2: say that it's because the reason for my hesitation is 186 00:13:07,460 --> 00:13:11,620 Speaker 2: generalizations all have exceptions. There may be so many exceptions 187 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:15,380 Speaker 2: here that a generalization is not in fact accurate. But 188 00:13:15,540 --> 00:13:22,100 Speaker 2: are women more at peace with fighting than men? That's 189 00:13:22,140 --> 00:13:26,660 Speaker 2: a that's a that's a question I'd love to have answered. Alrighty, 190 00:13:27,100 --> 00:13:31,900 Speaker 2: And uh, well, you see this is this is just remarkable. Alrighty. 191 00:13:31,980 --> 00:13:36,740 Speaker 2: Let's go to Mary Mary in Chicago. Hello Mary, Hello. 192 00:13:36,540 --> 00:13:42,380 Speaker 6: Dennis, Hi. I have an opinion about this. I think 193 00:13:43,020 --> 00:13:47,780 Speaker 6: fighting is a necessary and good requirement of a strong marriage. 194 00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:52,460 Speaker 6: I've been married a long time, twenty three years, and 195 00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,939 Speaker 6: I think it relieves a tension that is a normal 196 00:13:56,980 --> 00:13:59,340 Speaker 6: and necessary part of relationship. 197 00:13:59,420 --> 00:14:01,780 Speaker 4: Are you married twenty three years. 198 00:14:01,900 --> 00:14:04,380 Speaker 2: Okay, is it? Are you happy in your marriage? 199 00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,660 Speaker 6: I'm very happily married. 200 00:14:05,820 --> 00:14:06,740 Speaker 2: How often do you fight? 201 00:14:06,780 --> 00:14:08,660 Speaker 6: I think my husband would tell you the same thing. 202 00:14:08,700 --> 00:14:09,700 Speaker 2: How often do you fight? 203 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:16,980 Speaker 6: Oh, I'd say we probably fight maybe every every six 204 00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:19,380 Speaker 6: or eight weeks. We'll have an issue that pops. 205 00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:22,660 Speaker 2: Up every shire eight weeks, and every six or eight 206 00:14:22,700 --> 00:14:23,540 Speaker 2: weeks is not a lot. 207 00:14:24,380 --> 00:14:25,340 Speaker 6: No, it's not a lot. 208 00:14:25,420 --> 00:14:25,940 Speaker 4: That you know. 209 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:27,580 Speaker 6: We can have our doozies and. 210 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:31,100 Speaker 2: Uh, oh, really doozies, you do. Why is the subject 211 00:14:31,180 --> 00:14:33,060 Speaker 2: that generally arouses a doozy? 212 00:14:35,060 --> 00:14:35,420 Speaker 4: Well? 213 00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:39,300 Speaker 6: Uh, it usually has to do with extended family or 214 00:14:40,060 --> 00:14:44,940 Speaker 6: issues that we differ about dealing with one of our children, 215 00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:48,380 Speaker 6: or has to do with the pace of our busy 216 00:14:48,420 --> 00:14:52,740 Speaker 6: life and something that's been neglected that needs attention. But 217 00:14:52,820 --> 00:14:56,060 Speaker 6: the point I wanted to make is that I think 218 00:14:56,220 --> 00:14:59,860 Speaker 6: that good relationships, good marriages, have rules for fighting. And 219 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,180 Speaker 6: they may be tascit rules, they may be rules that 220 00:15:02,740 --> 00:15:06,460 Speaker 6: evolve over time. But I think that in order to 221 00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:10,580 Speaker 6: have healthy fighting, Uh, that's necessary for a good marriage. 222 00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:13,140 Speaker 6: You you have to both have an understanding of what 223 00:15:13,180 --> 00:15:17,860 Speaker 6: those rules are. And I think they those kinds of rules. 224 00:15:17,940 --> 00:15:19,260 Speaker 2: Did you ever go to bet. Do you ever go 225 00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:21,740 Speaker 2: to bed angry or are they all were bedtime? 226 00:15:21,980 --> 00:15:22,140 Speaker 7: Oh? 227 00:15:22,180 --> 00:15:25,020 Speaker 6: God, no, I go to bed angry. I sometimes feel 228 00:15:25,060 --> 00:15:27,940 Speaker 6: like I have to sleep on it to huh, to 229 00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:30,700 Speaker 6: clarify and to uh. Which brings me to one of 230 00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:34,300 Speaker 6: my rules that you know, when I fight, I have 231 00:15:34,380 --> 00:15:37,620 Speaker 6: to struggle to live up to the rule of being rational. 232 00:15:37,780 --> 00:15:40,740 Speaker 6: I can't be emotional. That's my Achilles heel. 233 00:15:41,180 --> 00:15:42,220 Speaker 2: Well, you're female. 234 00:15:42,260 --> 00:15:44,740 Speaker 6: Another one is to be a fair fighter. I mean, 235 00:15:44,780 --> 00:15:46,940 Speaker 6: I can't be thrown in the kitchen think when the 236 00:15:47,020 --> 00:15:50,780 Speaker 6: issue is the uh, you know, the bathtob But you know, 237 00:15:50,780 --> 00:15:52,180 Speaker 6: I have to be very good. 238 00:15:52,220 --> 00:15:57,140 Speaker 2: That's very admirable, very admirable. Thank you. That's right. That's 239 00:15:57,140 --> 00:16:00,100 Speaker 2: a big deal. If you follow rules. It's another subject 240 00:16:00,180 --> 00:16:04,340 Speaker 2: alan rules for fighting. That's good. Those are good ones. 241 00:16:05,420 --> 00:16:10,780 Speaker 2: Oh rational, Oh god, bless rationality. Yep, that's a big help. 242 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:15,540 Speaker 2: Also in UH. Also in Chicago with Susan, Hello Susan 243 00:16:15,540 --> 00:16:17,300 Speaker 2: on w I n d hi. 244 00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:20,540 Speaker 8: I think I agree with your last color. I think 245 00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:22,940 Speaker 8: fighting is probably a healthy thing for marriage. 246 00:16:23,300 --> 00:16:24,340 Speaker 2: How often do you fight? 247 00:16:24,980 --> 00:16:26,460 Speaker 8: Oh? 248 00:16:26,540 --> 00:16:27,940 Speaker 2: Well, tell the truth. 249 00:16:28,140 --> 00:16:32,300 Speaker 8: We argue every day, and we probably fight once a week, 250 00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,940 Speaker 8: and then we probably have a blowout about every six weeks. 251 00:16:36,140 --> 00:16:37,700 Speaker 8: So so you're so. 252 00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,020 Speaker 2: Do you think that that's a lot? 253 00:16:40,620 --> 00:16:40,660 Speaker 1: No? 254 00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:46,140 Speaker 8: I I guess you know, we've we've I've known him 255 00:16:46,140 --> 00:16:48,580 Speaker 8: for eighteen years. You know, we've been married for fifteen now. 256 00:16:48,900 --> 00:16:51,020 Speaker 2: And you met in high school. 257 00:16:52,300 --> 00:16:54,220 Speaker 8: Yeah, yeah, and you know, we got into a fight 258 00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:56,540 Speaker 8: to night we met. We got into a huge fight 259 00:16:56,580 --> 00:16:59,540 Speaker 8: the night before our wedding, got into a fight on 260 00:16:59,580 --> 00:17:05,540 Speaker 8: our honeymoon. And I don't know, we we argue, but 261 00:17:05,659 --> 00:17:07,460 Speaker 8: yet you know, we don't want to live without each other. 262 00:17:09,340 --> 00:17:12,219 Speaker 8: My kids. When when Day were a little worried that maybe, 263 00:17:12,260 --> 00:17:15,540 Speaker 8: you know, we might get divorced sometime, and I told 264 00:17:15,580 --> 00:17:17,419 Speaker 8: him not to worry about it. I said, that's just 265 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:20,259 Speaker 8: my relationship with your dad, you know. And as much 266 00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,820 Speaker 8: as we fight, sometimes when we get along, we get 267 00:17:23,820 --> 00:17:25,859 Speaker 8: along really well. 268 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:30,459 Speaker 2: So well, I thank you for your honesty. It was 269 00:17:30,500 --> 00:17:37,299 Speaker 2: an important call, Susan. Thank you. Okay, I'll leave that 270 00:17:37,379 --> 00:17:42,340 Speaker 2: call there and let me go to New Jersey and Carol, 271 00:17:42,379 --> 00:17:43,820 Speaker 2: where are you in New Jersey? Carol? 272 00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:45,619 Speaker 7: I am in Hadden Heights, New Jersey. 273 00:17:46,179 --> 00:17:47,019 Speaker 2: Hadden Heights. 274 00:17:47,219 --> 00:17:49,580 Speaker 7: What an honor, Dennis. Thank you such a pleasure to 275 00:17:49,619 --> 00:17:50,499 Speaker 7: be able to speak with you. 276 00:17:50,659 --> 00:17:54,019 Speaker 2: It's very sweet. Thank you. Well, what's you about you? 277 00:17:54,060 --> 00:17:58,659 Speaker 7: And fighting forty years of marriage, first twenty years of 278 00:17:58,780 --> 00:18:05,020 Speaker 7: marriage to have a calm, happy, pleasant household. We did 279 00:18:05,060 --> 00:18:07,219 Speaker 7: not fight at all. And the reason we didn't fight 280 00:18:07,379 --> 00:18:10,059 Speaker 7: was because I chose not to fight about anything. I 281 00:18:10,179 --> 00:18:13,259 Speaker 7: just simply agreed and did whatever he wanted to do 282 00:18:13,379 --> 00:18:17,939 Speaker 7: for twenty years and then decided I don't like this, 283 00:18:19,179 --> 00:18:24,899 Speaker 7: And then the last it's been a big battle, almost 284 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:30,379 Speaker 7: every day, constantly about every issue. I'm the one that changed. 285 00:18:30,939 --> 00:18:33,819 Speaker 7: He is exactly the same from the day that I 286 00:18:33,859 --> 00:18:37,260 Speaker 7: met him, and I chose to make a change, and 287 00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:40,060 Speaker 7: I wasn't real fair about it. I mean I really 288 00:18:40,219 --> 00:18:44,739 Speaker 7: came on heavy, heavy with you know, not liking these decisions, 289 00:18:44,820 --> 00:18:48,859 Speaker 7: not liking what's taking place, and have been fighting a 290 00:18:48,859 --> 00:18:49,580 Speaker 7: lot ever since. 291 00:18:50,580 --> 00:18:56,019 Speaker 2: Has it taken a toll on the happiness of the marriage. 292 00:18:56,260 --> 00:18:58,379 Speaker 7: I think it has. I think it has. 293 00:18:58,500 --> 00:18:59,060 Speaker 9: It was. 294 00:19:00,859 --> 00:19:03,979 Speaker 7: I was not as happy for twenty years with the 295 00:19:04,219 --> 00:19:08,859 Speaker 7: with the calm and that kind of thing, but he 296 00:19:09,020 --> 00:19:12,540 Speaker 7: was perfectly happy, and I think he's not as happy now. 297 00:19:12,739 --> 00:19:15,619 Speaker 7: I'm happier that I'm saying what I feel and saying 298 00:19:15,619 --> 00:19:16,540 Speaker 7: what I believe. 299 00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:20,379 Speaker 2: Is there one subject that tends to dominate the fighting. 300 00:19:20,699 --> 00:19:25,939 Speaker 7: Definitely what definitely? Uh the way I he chose not 301 00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:27,859 Speaker 7: to be the disciplinarian of children? 302 00:19:27,939 --> 00:19:30,139 Speaker 2: Uh huh children? Thank you, Carol. 303 00:19:30,219 --> 00:19:34,339 Speaker 1: Will continue this episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right 304 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:45,259 Speaker 1: after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 305 00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:48,059 Speaker 2: All right, everybody, this is Dennis Praguer. The subject is 306 00:19:48,100 --> 00:19:54,980 Speaker 2: fighting in marriage, and so far pretty much I think, 307 00:19:54,979 --> 00:19:57,820 Speaker 2: except for one everybody called it has a fair fair 308 00:19:57,899 --> 00:20:00,619 Speaker 2: number of fights in marriage. I don't know what this 309 00:20:00,699 --> 00:20:04,580 Speaker 2: does to you if you're married. Does it comfort you 310 00:20:04,699 --> 00:20:08,619 Speaker 2: knowing how much fighting is going on? Or does it 311 00:20:08,659 --> 00:20:15,220 Speaker 2: depress you? One eighth Praguer seven seven six. I totally 312 00:20:15,300 --> 00:20:19,219 Speaker 2: understand intellectually. I'll be very open with you. I totally 313 00:20:19,300 --> 00:20:25,139 Speaker 2: understand intellectually that of course people will fight, given the 314 00:20:25,219 --> 00:20:29,379 Speaker 2: strains of life and two different autonomous human beings gathered 315 00:20:29,459 --> 00:20:32,139 Speaker 2: under the same roof, who have to relate on so 316 00:20:32,219 --> 00:20:35,179 Speaker 2: many levels, over so many years, with so many issues. 317 00:20:36,899 --> 00:20:43,740 Speaker 2: But still it's painful. It's painful to hear the amount 318 00:20:43,979 --> 00:20:47,459 Speaker 2: that of fighting that does I think routine. 319 00:20:47,139 --> 00:20:47,580 Speaker 1: Me go on. 320 00:20:50,219 --> 00:20:55,859 Speaker 2: I think therefore it's worth asking what it's over see 321 00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,619 Speaker 2: a lot of times boy family and children to hear 322 00:20:58,659 --> 00:21:03,700 Speaker 2: how often that crops up. I once did this as 323 00:21:03,739 --> 00:21:06,779 Speaker 2: a subject what I'm about to tell you, and I 324 00:21:06,780 --> 00:21:09,580 Speaker 2: should do it again because it was so long ago. 325 00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:15,499 Speaker 2: You know. For those of you who don't know me, well, 326 00:21:15,659 --> 00:21:18,019 Speaker 2: I'd like to tell you I am more committed to 327 00:21:18,179 --> 00:21:23,100 Speaker 2: truth than to anything, including my own agenda, which I 328 00:21:23,139 --> 00:21:25,419 Speaker 2: have a very strong, very strong I mean, I have 329 00:21:25,540 --> 00:21:29,739 Speaker 2: very strong values, and I like to promote them, but 330 00:21:30,340 --> 00:21:33,019 Speaker 2: they have to be promoted on the basis of a 331 00:21:33,139 --> 00:21:38,419 Speaker 2: grasp of reality, not on what I would like to be. 332 00:21:38,699 --> 00:21:41,580 Speaker 2: But while there, what is That's why I got so 333 00:21:41,739 --> 00:21:46,179 Speaker 2: angry when the professor, the president of Harvard had to 334 00:21:46,260 --> 00:21:52,220 Speaker 2: apologize for saying that women's and men's aptitudes and science 335 00:21:52,260 --> 00:21:57,540 Speaker 2: may be different because of different brain characteristics. We may 336 00:21:57,619 --> 00:22:00,659 Speaker 2: wish that that were not true, but it's important to 337 00:22:00,699 --> 00:22:04,139 Speaker 2: know if it's true. That's all. First, we have to 338 00:22:04,179 --> 00:22:10,339 Speaker 2: know the truth. And I remember when I was a 339 00:22:10,379 --> 00:22:12,859 Speaker 2: bachelor or single, I don't know what the word is. 340 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:18,259 Speaker 2: I didn't marry till I was thirty two. Dear friend 341 00:22:18,260 --> 00:22:21,659 Speaker 2: of mine worked with me at an at an institute 342 00:22:21,699 --> 00:22:24,699 Speaker 2: where many many couples came to study. That's why I 343 00:22:24,739 --> 00:22:27,859 Speaker 2: came out to California Originally. Joseph Tulushkin used to make 344 00:22:27,899 --> 00:22:32,699 Speaker 2: the point. He'd say, Dennis, we were both bachelors at 345 00:22:32,739 --> 00:22:34,859 Speaker 2: the time, so we had no vested interest in this, 346 00:22:34,979 --> 00:22:38,459 Speaker 2: and we were both very it still are very traditional 347 00:22:38,540 --> 00:22:42,899 Speaker 2: oriented in the belief that people should have children. But 348 00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,179 Speaker 2: he said, Dennis, have you noticed that it seems that 349 00:22:45,260 --> 00:22:49,259 Speaker 2: the happiest couples here at the institute tend not to 350 00:22:49,300 --> 00:22:54,300 Speaker 2: have kids. And I couldn't disagree. I had not noted that. 351 00:22:54,379 --> 00:23:01,419 Speaker 2: He noted it. And to me, having kids is you 352 00:23:01,939 --> 00:23:04,219 Speaker 2: don't have richer things than that in life. I mean, 353 00:23:04,260 --> 00:23:06,460 Speaker 2: there were many rich things. It's not the only rich thing, 354 00:23:07,820 --> 00:23:12,419 Speaker 2: but that certainly, you know, you don't get richer in 355 00:23:12,540 --> 00:23:17,419 Speaker 2: experience and in love and so on. But they do. 356 00:23:17,500 --> 00:23:21,540 Speaker 2: They make marriage. They are challenges to marriages. They are 357 00:23:22,020 --> 00:23:26,699 Speaker 2: that's that's a fact of life that couples don't know. 358 00:23:28,580 --> 00:23:32,179 Speaker 2: It's very hard to know that before you have a child. 359 00:23:32,699 --> 00:23:34,940 Speaker 2: So that's why you keep hearing that. And family, I mean, 360 00:23:34,979 --> 00:23:37,819 Speaker 2: you know, the extended family. Well, his parents and my 361 00:23:38,060 --> 00:23:42,619 Speaker 2: parents or her parents and my parents. All right, so 362 00:23:42,780 --> 00:23:45,739 Speaker 2: let's see here and let's go to some more of 363 00:23:45,780 --> 00:23:52,219 Speaker 2: your calls. One eighth Praguer seven seven six and Sheldon 364 00:23:52,659 --> 00:23:56,939 Speaker 2: in West Hills, Los Angeles, California. Hello Sheldon Dennis Prager. 365 00:23:58,739 --> 00:24:00,300 Speaker 2: Hello Sheldon Dennis. Hi. 366 00:24:01,500 --> 00:24:04,019 Speaker 10: Yeah, I actually have two stories. One is a marriage 367 00:24:04,020 --> 00:24:06,619 Speaker 10: of thirty years in which there was no fighting because 368 00:24:06,659 --> 00:24:11,259 Speaker 10: there was no real commitment or passion between us, but 369 00:24:11,379 --> 00:24:13,939 Speaker 10: we ended up bickering a lot and making each other 370 00:24:14,020 --> 00:24:18,659 Speaker 10: miserable that way. Subsequent to that, I'm now engaged. 371 00:24:19,300 --> 00:24:20,139 Speaker 2: Well, how old are you? 372 00:24:20,379 --> 00:24:21,219 Speaker 10: I'm fifty seven. 373 00:24:21,419 --> 00:24:24,419 Speaker 2: You were married thirty years? Yes? Why did you marry 374 00:24:24,419 --> 00:24:24,940 Speaker 2: at eleven? 375 00:24:26,859 --> 00:24:26,939 Speaker 4: No? 376 00:24:27,100 --> 00:24:28,580 Speaker 10: I was I was very young. I was in my 377 00:24:28,619 --> 00:24:29,379 Speaker 10: early twenties. 378 00:24:30,820 --> 00:24:34,020 Speaker 2: Wow. Okay. And now now how long are you married? Now? 379 00:24:34,540 --> 00:24:36,100 Speaker 10: I'm not married. I'm currently engaged. 380 00:24:36,419 --> 00:24:37,619 Speaker 2: Okay, go on. 381 00:24:38,060 --> 00:24:42,300 Speaker 10: And what happened in this relationship is I found out 382 00:24:42,619 --> 00:24:46,539 Speaker 10: to my fiance that really fighting isn't the way to 383 00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:50,539 Speaker 10: go because when you go into a disagreement where you 384 00:24:51,219 --> 00:24:53,179 Speaker 10: believe there has to be a winner or a loser, 385 00:24:54,060 --> 00:24:57,219 Speaker 10: that undermines the relationship. And in the beginning I was 386 00:24:57,260 --> 00:24:59,979 Speaker 10: incredibly critical and controlling. 387 00:25:00,179 --> 00:25:03,379 Speaker 2: I had to win, I am That's an important lesson. 388 00:25:04,060 --> 00:25:08,139 Speaker 2: Don't fight to win. Interesting, very We'll be back all right, everybody. 389 00:25:08,219 --> 00:25:14,939 Speaker 2: This is Dennis Prager, tough subject, tough and emotionally the 390 00:25:15,020 --> 00:25:20,660 Speaker 2: question of fighting and marriage. What are your views on it? 391 00:25:20,820 --> 00:25:20,939 Speaker 10: Uh? 392 00:25:21,379 --> 00:25:23,339 Speaker 2: There is that there is the argument, and a very 393 00:25:23,419 --> 00:25:26,460 Speaker 2: understandable one that it is inevitable. Of course. I think 394 00:25:26,459 --> 00:25:30,540 Speaker 2: the question there becomes over what how often? Especially how often? 395 00:25:30,580 --> 00:25:34,059 Speaker 2: I think, But it may be it may vary individually 396 00:25:34,060 --> 00:25:36,460 Speaker 2: people who fight a lot and just crazy about each other. 397 00:25:37,859 --> 00:25:41,139 Speaker 2: At least that's what I'm told. Fighting a lot is 398 00:25:41,179 --> 00:25:46,419 Speaker 2: not my form of love expression personally. But I truly 399 00:25:46,459 --> 00:25:48,700 Speaker 2: believe that there are a couple whose couples who were 400 00:25:48,739 --> 00:25:51,619 Speaker 2: bicker and who could not live without each other, you know, 401 00:25:51,739 --> 00:25:55,379 Speaker 2: constantly bicker. I don't mean, you know, at times due 402 00:25:57,139 --> 00:26:00,379 Speaker 2: and it should one even aspire. This is the question too, 403 00:26:00,699 --> 00:26:05,939 Speaker 2: is is it is it foolish to even aspire to 404 00:26:06,219 --> 00:26:08,979 Speaker 2: force to have such a marriage? Is that it is 405 00:26:09,020 --> 00:26:13,020 Speaker 2: just you know, is it's is that silly? Is it unrealistic? 406 00:26:13,100 --> 00:26:18,379 Speaker 2: Is it romantic? Okay? Over? Oh yeah, so oh we 407 00:26:18,379 --> 00:26:21,100 Speaker 2: were all right? Our guy in La had some stuff, 408 00:26:21,379 --> 00:26:22,899 Speaker 2: all right, and I thank you for that call. 409 00:26:24,060 --> 00:26:24,220 Speaker 7: Uh. 410 00:26:24,619 --> 00:26:29,219 Speaker 2: Parker Colorado, Parker, Colorado, k and us Tammy, Hello, Tammy. 411 00:26:29,260 --> 00:26:31,100 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager, Hi, Dennis. 412 00:26:31,179 --> 00:26:31,259 Speaker 1: Hi. 413 00:26:32,219 --> 00:26:35,340 Speaker 11: I don't know what it's like to really fight, not 414 00:26:35,419 --> 00:26:37,259 Speaker 11: that I would want to. My parents for fighters, and 415 00:26:37,300 --> 00:26:39,740 Speaker 11: I didn't enjoy it at all, and I've got real 416 00:26:39,820 --> 00:26:43,459 Speaker 11: fortunate with my husband. I would have to say, I'm serious, 417 00:26:43,500 --> 00:26:45,220 Speaker 11: at least three times a. 418 00:26:45,260 --> 00:26:46,979 Speaker 2: Year, how many? Three? 419 00:26:47,379 --> 00:26:47,699 Speaker 9: Three? 420 00:26:47,899 --> 00:26:49,780 Speaker 11: I mean, I couldn't even name them if I had 421 00:26:49,780 --> 00:26:51,579 Speaker 11: to try and think of what they were. But I 422 00:26:51,619 --> 00:26:54,820 Speaker 11: know we have several in a year and outbursts where 423 00:26:54,820 --> 00:26:58,139 Speaker 11: the two of us will both respond and viciously fight. 424 00:26:59,060 --> 00:27:02,619 Speaker 11: But you know what really helps, I think is several 425 00:27:02,659 --> 00:27:04,580 Speaker 11: things is when you have a lot of things in common. 426 00:27:04,780 --> 00:27:06,899 Speaker 11: The way we raise our kids, we completely agree with 427 00:27:07,699 --> 00:27:11,180 Speaker 11: in religion, We're both in the same way, length on politics, 428 00:27:11,219 --> 00:27:14,059 Speaker 11: the same so we have good, great conversations and debates, 429 00:27:14,100 --> 00:27:17,979 Speaker 11: but not fights. And I don't know that Tom's I 430 00:27:18,020 --> 00:27:19,979 Speaker 11: could have it any other way because I'm so spoiled 431 00:27:20,020 --> 00:27:21,979 Speaker 11: without fighting. And when I asked my husband, you know what, 432 00:27:22,020 --> 00:27:23,939 Speaker 11: why do not you fight about this? Or you know, 433 00:27:24,179 --> 00:27:26,259 Speaker 11: I just sometimes I feel a little lonely because he 434 00:27:26,379 --> 00:27:28,419 Speaker 11: just won't fight with me. But he says to me, 435 00:27:28,500 --> 00:27:30,779 Speaker 11: one time, I'll only fight about the things that are 436 00:27:30,820 --> 00:27:32,899 Speaker 11: real important to fight about. And I don't feel that 437 00:27:32,979 --> 00:27:35,020 Speaker 11: on a daily basis, the way you clean the house 438 00:27:35,100 --> 00:27:36,740 Speaker 11: or how you want a decorated or what you wear 439 00:27:37,139 --> 00:27:41,059 Speaker 11: is important enough to create a fight. And so rarely 440 00:27:41,179 --> 00:27:45,179 Speaker 11: does it take something to get him mad. You know, finances, okay, 441 00:27:45,179 --> 00:27:48,619 Speaker 11: so oops, we accidentally spend too much and we talk 442 00:27:48,659 --> 00:27:50,780 Speaker 11: about it. But I guess he trusts me enough, he says, 443 00:27:50,780 --> 00:27:52,379 Speaker 11: you know, I trust that what you're doing with the 444 00:27:52,379 --> 00:27:54,859 Speaker 11: money is all right. You may have spent too much, 445 00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:57,859 Speaker 11: but you know, we all have equal rights and in 446 00:27:58,139 --> 00:28:00,459 Speaker 11: the way we want this relationship to go. And what 447 00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:01,059 Speaker 11: would like to do? 448 00:28:01,100 --> 00:28:03,659 Speaker 2: I guess he isn't He has the three fights of 449 00:28:03,699 --> 00:28:06,180 Speaker 2: the year. Do you tend to be the one who 450 00:28:06,179 --> 00:28:07,819 Speaker 2: will start them? Yes? 451 00:28:09,260 --> 00:28:14,340 Speaker 11: Yes, And it's really about things getting done, not early 452 00:28:14,379 --> 00:28:16,379 Speaker 11: the money. We we kind of trust each other on that. 453 00:28:16,580 --> 00:28:19,699 Speaker 11: The kids again, I'm I pretty much do the authority. 454 00:28:19,939 --> 00:28:22,379 Speaker 2: You know, do you have a close Do you have 455 00:28:22,419 --> 00:28:23,619 Speaker 2: a close female friend? 456 00:28:24,419 --> 00:28:24,580 Speaker 11: No? 457 00:28:25,340 --> 00:28:28,779 Speaker 2: Okay, that's alan. That's another great subject. I want to 458 00:28:28,820 --> 00:28:32,940 Speaker 2: talk about married women and close female friends. Many how 459 00:28:32,939 --> 00:28:34,939 Speaker 2: many do they have if they have any? No? 460 00:28:35,060 --> 00:28:37,379 Speaker 11: I actually have a lot of male friends that are close. 461 00:28:37,459 --> 00:28:40,300 Speaker 2: Uh huh, very interesting. Did you have female friends before 462 00:28:40,340 --> 00:28:45,500 Speaker 2: you were married? Keva? All right, Tammy, thank you so much. 463 00:28:45,820 --> 00:28:46,100 Speaker 11: Thank you. 464 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:53,100 Speaker 2: I appreciate it very much. Bonnie Bonnie and Dallas case Guy, Hello, Bonnie. 465 00:28:53,100 --> 00:28:55,979 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager Hello, Hi. 466 00:28:56,459 --> 00:29:00,940 Speaker 9: I have been married for twenty eight years and we 467 00:29:01,060 --> 00:29:04,860 Speaker 9: hardly ever fight. And I think it a lot of 468 00:29:04,900 --> 00:29:08,219 Speaker 9: it depends on your personality, but the main thing is 469 00:29:08,300 --> 00:29:11,420 Speaker 9: you have to have respect for the other person. And 470 00:29:12,219 --> 00:29:15,340 Speaker 9: if you do that, you don't want to tear them down, 471 00:29:15,459 --> 00:29:18,380 Speaker 9: So you don't want to yell at them and say 472 00:29:18,459 --> 00:29:22,380 Speaker 9: mean things to each other. We one of our big 473 00:29:22,500 --> 00:29:25,860 Speaker 9: rules is that we have a tendency not to bring 474 00:29:25,940 --> 00:29:29,219 Speaker 9: up a subject before mad. We calm down before we 475 00:29:29,660 --> 00:29:31,620 Speaker 9: bring it up, then we can discuss it and solve 476 00:29:31,660 --> 00:29:32,260 Speaker 9: the problem. 477 00:29:32,660 --> 00:29:36,499 Speaker 2: That's a great rule. I'm gonna Alan, that's another one. 478 00:29:36,660 --> 00:29:38,740 Speaker 2: I got more topics out of this hour than any 479 00:29:38,739 --> 00:29:41,499 Speaker 2: hour I ever broadcast. I think that's a great idea. 480 00:29:41,900 --> 00:29:44,580 Speaker 2: And rules rules for fighting, and that's a good rule. 481 00:29:44,660 --> 00:29:48,180 Speaker 2: Put that down, Alan, please, And that is don't don't 482 00:29:48,219 --> 00:29:52,380 Speaker 2: say anything when you are when you're angry. 483 00:29:53,060 --> 00:30:01,020 Speaker 9: Right. And a woman earlier said that her parents fought. Yeah, 484 00:30:01,340 --> 00:30:04,700 Speaker 9: she didn't like to fight. My parents have been married 485 00:30:04,739 --> 00:30:07,900 Speaker 9: for sixty years and they're very happy, but they bick 486 00:30:07,979 --> 00:30:10,420 Speaker 9: her all the time, and it drives me nuts. 487 00:30:11,060 --> 00:30:13,260 Speaker 2: To be around people who bick her all the time. Yeah, 488 00:30:13,540 --> 00:30:15,700 Speaker 2: you rather, you rather get a beasting. 489 00:30:16,500 --> 00:30:19,660 Speaker 9: And so I think my husband and I both are 490 00:30:19,660 --> 00:30:22,060 Speaker 9: the are the way that that we just to us 491 00:30:22,180 --> 00:30:24,540 Speaker 9: our home life is our refuge from the world. 492 00:30:24,660 --> 00:30:27,140 Speaker 2: Well that's I'm with you. That that's what it ought 493 00:30:27,140 --> 00:30:29,299 Speaker 2: to be. Thank you, Thank you that that's that's what 494 00:30:29,340 --> 00:30:32,140 Speaker 2: I believe. That's the ideal. I mean a lot it's 495 00:30:32,219 --> 00:30:35,380 Speaker 2: obviously at least half the time it is not achieved, 496 00:30:35,380 --> 00:30:37,860 Speaker 2: and a lot of the other half talking about divorce 497 00:30:37,900 --> 00:30:41,499 Speaker 2: and non divorced it isn't either. But that is the 498 00:30:41,660 --> 00:30:44,739 Speaker 2: that is the hope. Thank you, Bonnie, And over to 499 00:30:44,780 --> 00:30:49,219 Speaker 2: Wesley in Colorado Springs K and Z T. Hi, Hey, Dennis, 500 00:30:49,219 --> 00:30:50,700 Speaker 2: are you doing okay? Thanks? 501 00:30:51,219 --> 00:30:52,700 Speaker 3: It's a privileged to talk to you. I've been listening 502 00:30:52,700 --> 00:30:54,499 Speaker 3: to you for about a year and a half now 503 00:30:54,540 --> 00:30:58,620 Speaker 3: and just really enjoy and appreciate the way you prefer clarity. 504 00:30:58,900 --> 00:30:59,700 Speaker 2: Thank you very much. 505 00:30:59,979 --> 00:31:03,140 Speaker 3: You listen to the other person's arguments, are their point 506 00:31:03,140 --> 00:31:05,219 Speaker 3: of view and you respect it. I just I really 507 00:31:05,300 --> 00:31:05,580 Speaker 3: like that. 508 00:31:05,620 --> 00:31:07,900 Speaker 2: Thank you. Well. 509 00:31:07,979 --> 00:31:09,700 Speaker 3: My wife and I have been married for five years 510 00:31:10,459 --> 00:31:11,780 Speaker 3: and we've never had a fight. 511 00:31:14,580 --> 00:31:18,100 Speaker 2: And you're getting divorced next week. No, not at all. 512 00:31:18,700 --> 00:31:21,059 Speaker 3: We have a we have a wonderful marriage. We just 513 00:31:21,180 --> 00:31:23,499 Speaker 3: really enjoy being around each other. But you know, we 514 00:31:23,540 --> 00:31:26,299 Speaker 3: have disagreements, but we've never raised our voices at one another. 515 00:31:26,459 --> 00:31:28,540 Speaker 2: Uh huh. And why is that? Why do you think 516 00:31:28,540 --> 00:31:29,780 Speaker 2: you've never raised your voices? 517 00:31:30,700 --> 00:31:33,900 Speaker 3: Well, what we try to do is we're both Christians, 518 00:31:34,020 --> 00:31:37,219 Speaker 3: and so we try to prefer the other above ourselves. 519 00:31:36,700 --> 00:31:38,380 Speaker 2: As far as you know. 520 00:31:38,420 --> 00:31:39,779 Speaker 3: I think a lot of times when we fight and 521 00:31:39,820 --> 00:31:42,620 Speaker 3: things like that, it's because of selfishness and we're thinking 522 00:31:42,620 --> 00:31:45,580 Speaker 3: of ourselves more than the other person, and so we 523 00:31:45,700 --> 00:31:49,060 Speaker 3: just try to really just prefer the other one above ourselves. 524 00:31:50,820 --> 00:31:55,420 Speaker 2: Do you have any children? No children? Uh huh? Well, Wesley, 525 00:31:55,500 --> 00:31:58,620 Speaker 2: I hope it continues when the children come. Thank you. 526 00:31:58,660 --> 00:32:01,700 Speaker 3: So yeah, yeah, we've waited five years and we don't 527 00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:04,219 Speaker 3: really have a desire yet to have. We love children, 528 00:32:04,500 --> 00:32:06,620 Speaker 3: I'm just not ready for them ourselves. 529 00:32:06,340 --> 00:32:09,299 Speaker 2: Yet right now. I understand that, believe me. Thank you, 530 00:32:09,380 --> 00:32:12,620 Speaker 2: Wes Leates and donor to speak to you too. Final segment. 531 00:32:12,620 --> 00:32:15,100 Speaker 2: If you want to get in you've heard this? Why 532 00:32:15,100 --> 00:32:17,900 Speaker 2: do you think folks? And by the way, as another one, 533 00:32:17,940 --> 00:32:19,940 Speaker 2: do women start? Did I ask that already? Do women 534 00:32:20,020 --> 00:32:23,579 Speaker 2: start more of the fights? What do you say to that? Ladies? 535 00:32:24,420 --> 00:32:28,260 Speaker 2: One eighth Praguer seven seven six Dennis Praguer show. 536 00:32:28,260 --> 00:32:30,140 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless wisdom. 537 00:32:30,300 --> 00:32:31,620 Speaker 2: We'll continue right after this. 538 00:32:37,140 --> 00:32:41,340 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 539 00:32:41,580 --> 00:32:43,660 Speaker 2: All right, I'm gonna get as many as I can here, 540 00:32:43,700 --> 00:32:46,900 Speaker 2: So get to the point quickly if you can. Dennis 541 00:32:46,940 --> 00:32:50,860 Speaker 2: Prager here on fighting in marriage? Is it inevitable? How 542 00:32:50,900 --> 00:32:53,900 Speaker 2: often do you do it? Are there any couples who don't? 543 00:32:55,060 --> 00:32:57,539 Speaker 2: Is that the ideal not to fight? These are the 544 00:32:57,620 --> 00:33:02,180 Speaker 2: questions that I am posing San Diego, Cindy KCBQ, Hi Hi, 545 00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:03,060 Speaker 2: Dennis Hi. 546 00:33:03,260 --> 00:33:06,900 Speaker 12: My husband plays the piano, and he's when he knows 547 00:33:06,940 --> 00:33:09,580 Speaker 12: my monthly cycle, and that's the time that I pick 548 00:33:09,780 --> 00:33:14,340 Speaker 12: up on and we have our fights. And so he plays, 549 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,580 Speaker 12: He goes over to the piano and he starts singing 550 00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:18,940 Speaker 12: the Beatles song. Instead of PS I Love You, he 551 00:33:19,020 --> 00:33:20,620 Speaker 12: starts singing PMS I Love you. 552 00:33:20,979 --> 00:33:23,180 Speaker 2: And does it make you laugh, it. 553 00:33:22,979 --> 00:33:25,819 Speaker 12: Makes sometimes it makes me laugh, and sometimes it just 554 00:33:25,900 --> 00:33:30,059 Speaker 12: makes me angrier. But pretty much it takes care of 555 00:33:30,100 --> 00:33:31,620 Speaker 12: it within about ten minutes. 556 00:33:32,420 --> 00:33:34,580 Speaker 2: Well that he is, he is good. 557 00:33:34,940 --> 00:33:36,979 Speaker 12: He is my husband is a lovely person. 558 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:38,940 Speaker 2: Wow, how long you married? 559 00:33:40,219 --> 00:33:41,460 Speaker 12: Seventeen years in April? 560 00:33:42,940 --> 00:33:44,060 Speaker 2: Was this your first marriage? 561 00:33:44,540 --> 00:33:45,900 Speaker 12: It's my only marriage. 562 00:33:48,260 --> 00:33:49,900 Speaker 2: You don't like the word first. 563 00:33:50,140 --> 00:33:52,620 Speaker 12: Well, you know what, I probably would never ever want 564 00:33:52,620 --> 00:33:55,100 Speaker 12: to date again, sah, because dating. 565 00:33:54,940 --> 00:33:55,700 Speaker 11: Is so icky. 566 00:33:56,180 --> 00:33:58,820 Speaker 2: Dating is ikey. I think that that's a fair statement. 567 00:33:58,900 --> 00:34:03,100 Speaker 2: That is ikey. You're a pleasure. Sindy. Call me up 568 00:34:03,100 --> 00:34:06,300 Speaker 2: when you have PMS. All right, I'll do that you 569 00:34:06,940 --> 00:34:11,020 Speaker 2: that's right, you'll fight with me, that's good. And then 570 00:34:11,020 --> 00:34:13,459 Speaker 2: I'll have her husband play this song. I would love that. 571 00:34:13,460 --> 00:34:15,899 Speaker 2: That would I really enter your lives and you went 572 00:34:15,900 --> 00:34:19,779 Speaker 2: through mind? It's really remarkable. We could really do that here, 573 00:34:19,820 --> 00:34:23,299 Speaker 2: you know, just in effect. All right, Cindy's it's that 574 00:34:23,420 --> 00:34:25,899 Speaker 2: time of month for Cindy. And let's have Jerry there 575 00:34:25,940 --> 00:34:28,299 Speaker 2: play the song or of course whatever his name is, 576 00:34:29,180 --> 00:34:35,140 Speaker 2: and let's see this is a crack up centenniale Ohio, Ohio, Colorado. 577 00:34:35,700 --> 00:34:38,580 Speaker 2: Don Hello, Don, Dennis Prager, Hi. 578 00:34:38,500 --> 00:34:42,299 Speaker 13: Dennis Hi, I just wanted to say. You know, I 579 00:34:42,460 --> 00:34:47,820 Speaker 13: was married for twenty years, and during that time, whenever 580 00:34:48,020 --> 00:34:52,299 Speaker 13: my wife was upset or she was brewing on a problem, 581 00:34:52,700 --> 00:34:54,939 Speaker 13: she usually brewed on it most of the night and 582 00:34:54,980 --> 00:34:56,939 Speaker 13: then would get me up in the middle of night 583 00:34:57,060 --> 00:34:57,939 Speaker 13: just to argue with me. 584 00:34:58,819 --> 00:35:00,859 Speaker 2: And she would wake you up. She would wake you 585 00:35:00,980 --> 00:35:03,539 Speaker 2: up in the middle of the night to argue with you. Yeah, 586 00:35:03,620 --> 00:35:06,499 Speaker 2: why did you stay twenty years? 587 00:35:07,339 --> 00:35:11,739 Speaker 13: I was doing it for the kids, but it just 588 00:35:12,100 --> 00:35:15,339 Speaker 13: didn't work. There was no way. I was so unhappy. 589 00:35:16,060 --> 00:35:17,019 Speaker 13: It was unbelievable. 590 00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,499 Speaker 2: Did your kids know you were unhappy? 591 00:35:20,980 --> 00:35:24,180 Speaker 13: They probably did, uh huh, and they you know, she 592 00:35:24,339 --> 00:35:28,219 Speaker 13: never really was the discreet about it, so they heard 593 00:35:28,299 --> 00:35:29,180 Speaker 13: most of the time. 594 00:35:29,339 --> 00:35:33,459 Speaker 2: Oh God, that's painful stuff. I wish you much happiness now, 595 00:35:33,620 --> 00:35:37,540 Speaker 2: Jan Debbie, actually two debbies up there and the others. 596 00:35:38,020 --> 00:35:39,939 Speaker 2: I would have loved to have heard from you. Email me. 597 00:35:40,100 --> 00:35:42,860 Speaker 2: Keep it brief because I have a lot of emails, 598 00:35:42,859 --> 00:35:45,779 Speaker 2: but I love to hear from you At Dennisprager dot com. 599 00:35:46,420 --> 00:35:50,380 Speaker 2: Tomorrow in Los Angeles, I'm at Sammy's camera one to three. 600 00:35:50,900 --> 00:35:53,260 Speaker 2: Join me at Sammy's camera. If you're in the southern 601 00:35:53,259 --> 00:35:57,419 Speaker 2: California area, tomorrow one to three, and I will talk 602 00:35:57,460 --> 00:36:00,820 Speaker 2: to you about your cameras till tomorrow. 603 00:36:03,739 --> 00:36:08,060 Speaker 1: This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennisprager 604 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:11,620 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours off Dennis's lectures, courses 605 00:36:11,660 --> 00:36:15,660 Speaker 1: in classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational 606 00:36:15,779 --> 00:36:16,299 Speaker 1: Bibles