1 00:00:02,710 --> 00:00:04,130 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:12,900 Speaker 2: You are listening to The Beckett Cook Show with your host, 3 00:00:13,140 --> 00:00:17,100 Speaker 2: Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry, 4 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:22,960 Speaker 2: visit his website at beckettcook.com. To help support the podcast, 5 00:00:23,380 --> 00:00:29,950 Speaker 2: visit patreon.com slash thebeckettcookshow. Please consider subscribing to the podcast 6 00:00:30,410 --> 00:00:31,890 Speaker 2: and leaving a five-star rating. 7 00:00:39,130 --> 00:00:41,170 Speaker 3: Hey guys, welcome to the show today. I have a 8 00:00:41,210 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 3: special guest, Brian, and he has an amazing story of 9 00:00:44,440 --> 00:00:47,920 Speaker 3: what God did in his life. He was raised in 10 00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,320 Speaker 3: a Christian home, but then ended up becoming a prodigal 11 00:00:51,640 --> 00:00:56,420 Speaker 3: and he actually married a man in the UK. But 12 00:00:56,460 --> 00:01:00,460 Speaker 3: when he was 30, he was diagnosed with cancer and 13 00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:05,920 Speaker 3: he had this incredible moment in the hospital when he 14 00:01:06,040 --> 00:01:09,050 Speaker 3: asked for a Bible. And we're going to hear about 15 00:01:09,090 --> 00:01:12,370 Speaker 3: all that and all the details. So please watch to 16 00:01:12,390 --> 00:01:15,790 Speaker 3: the end. But first, a word from our sponsor. Please 17 00:01:15,850 --> 00:01:16,450 Speaker 3: welcome Brian. 18 00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:20,150 Speaker 1: Hi, Becca. I'm so excited to be here and be 19 00:01:20,350 --> 00:01:23,320 Speaker 1: a part of your show. I've been wanting to do 20 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 1: this ever since I got saved. So you reaching out 21 00:01:25,860 --> 00:01:28,840 Speaker 1: is kind of like a dream come true. And just 22 00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:29,480 Speaker 1: thank you. 23 00:01:30,280 --> 00:01:34,250 Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, I mean, I discovered you recently. I, again, 24 00:01:34,330 --> 00:01:38,280 Speaker 3: like people send me, you know, video reels from Instagram 25 00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:41,380 Speaker 3: or whatever. And, and someone said, I think someone sent 26 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,960 Speaker 3: me your reel, a reel that you, and you were 27 00:01:43,980 --> 00:01:46,760 Speaker 3: talking about your story. And I was like, wait a minute, 28 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:49,780 Speaker 3: what is this? Who is this guy? And I reached 29 00:01:49,860 --> 00:01:53,610 Speaker 3: out to you and now you're here. So praise God. Um, 30 00:01:54,310 --> 00:01:58,590 Speaker 3: so let's start off with, you were, you grew up 31 00:01:58,630 --> 00:02:03,120 Speaker 3: in a, uh, a Christian family, right? You went to 32 00:02:03,190 --> 00:02:05,890 Speaker 3: church as a kid. You grew up, the whole thing, right? 33 00:02:06,150 --> 00:02:07,450 Speaker 3: With both parents. 34 00:02:08,250 --> 00:02:12,130 Speaker 1: Right. We always, I grew up believing the gospel and 35 00:02:12,150 --> 00:02:15,310 Speaker 1: I grew up kind of going to church. It wasn't, 36 00:02:15,330 --> 00:02:18,890 Speaker 1: to be honest, that much of a priority. So I 37 00:02:18,930 --> 00:02:21,910 Speaker 1: stopped going probably around the age of eight or nine. 38 00:02:23,330 --> 00:02:26,190 Speaker 1: But the truth of the gospel kind of always resonated 39 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:28,820 Speaker 1: within me and I was never able to like kind 40 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:34,120 Speaker 1: of stray away like fully from it Um, but not like, 41 00:02:34,460 --> 00:02:38,700 Speaker 1: not like constant church, um, attendance throughout the years. 42 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:41,459 Speaker 3: But you say, I think you said in one of 43 00:02:41,520 --> 00:02:46,020 Speaker 3: your videos that you kind of always believed in God, right? 44 00:02:46,900 --> 00:02:50,040 Speaker 1: Yes. I feel like from a very young age, you 45 00:02:50,100 --> 00:02:54,640 Speaker 1: reached out to me probably around that adolescence age, like 46 00:02:54,639 --> 00:02:58,260 Speaker 1: 12 or 13. Um, like what you, what you describe 47 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:00,769 Speaker 1: in your videos as the the whoosh of the Holy 48 00:03:00,810 --> 00:03:05,440 Speaker 1: Spirit coming upon you. I absolutely felt that at a 49 00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:09,780 Speaker 1: very young age, kind of being overwhelmed by the presence 50 00:03:10,080 --> 00:03:12,800 Speaker 1: of a holy God. I know you can relate. 51 00:03:14,460 --> 00:03:18,620 Speaker 3: And so what happened? Tell us more about that experience. 52 00:03:18,700 --> 00:03:23,070 Speaker 3: What happened after that experience? Were you all in for 53 00:03:23,130 --> 00:03:25,990 Speaker 3: Jesus or did you kind of drift away? What happened? 54 00:03:27,389 --> 00:03:31,450 Speaker 1: Well, I think that's where part of the non-being, not 55 00:03:31,690 --> 00:03:34,770 Speaker 1: really going to church kind of came into play. I 56 00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:38,710 Speaker 1: didn't really know where that should have led. It was 57 00:03:39,210 --> 00:03:42,950 Speaker 1: more of a kind of emotional reaction and just kind 58 00:03:42,990 --> 00:03:47,230 Speaker 1: of affirming within me that God is real, Jesus is real, 59 00:03:48,450 --> 00:03:52,090 Speaker 1: sin is real, forgiveness is real, that he died on 60 00:03:52,110 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: the cross, that we can do nothing to atone for ourselves. 61 00:03:56,380 --> 00:04:01,830 Speaker 1: So it was more of a kind of emotional reaction 62 00:04:01,890 --> 00:04:08,470 Speaker 1: and attachment to this, to the gospel. But because I 63 00:04:08,500 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: didn't go to church, I didn't know how it should 64 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:14,280 Speaker 1: be played out. And I was so young, again, like 65 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 1: 12 or 13. So I didn't know, you know, about 66 00:04:16,660 --> 00:04:20,140 Speaker 1: like biblical discipleship or, you know, I never really went 67 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:25,909 Speaker 1: to like Sunday school. So it was kind of just me, God, 68 00:04:26,250 --> 00:04:30,330 Speaker 1: and the gay feelings that started coming. Okay. 69 00:04:30,370 --> 00:04:34,419 Speaker 3: So now tell me about like, when did you start 70 00:04:34,540 --> 00:04:38,300 Speaker 3: feeling same sex attraction? Like when, when did that start 71 00:04:38,540 --> 00:04:40,980 Speaker 3: right after this experience you had with the Lord? 72 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:47,870 Speaker 1: That actually started much before I remember probably as, as 73 00:04:47,950 --> 00:04:53,570 Speaker 1: early as six years old. Um, you know, I will say, however, 74 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:59,980 Speaker 1: that was preceded by opposite sex attraction. It all kind 75 00:05:00,020 --> 00:05:03,220 Speaker 1: of just started together at the same time. And I, 76 00:05:05,089 --> 00:05:06,910 Speaker 1: I didn't remember. That's what happened with me. 77 00:05:07,150 --> 00:05:10,630 Speaker 3: The same thing happened with me. I initially had opposite 78 00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:13,450 Speaker 3: sex attraction when I was a young, young boy. And 79 00:05:14,330 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 3: then it somehow, well, it's a long story, but, and I, it's, 80 00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:20,450 Speaker 3: I talk about it in my new book, but it's a, 81 00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:25,170 Speaker 3: The way it evolved, it turned into same-sex attraction. But 82 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:25,570 Speaker 3: go ahead. 83 00:05:25,589 --> 00:05:31,330 Speaker 1: Sorry. Yeah, I think that opposite-sex attraction continued on until 84 00:05:31,450 --> 00:05:40,090 Speaker 1: probably middle school. But by then, there was already same-sex attraction. Yeah. 85 00:05:41,870 --> 00:05:43,110 Speaker 3: And where do you think that came from? 86 00:05:43,130 --> 00:05:59,240 Speaker 1: I don't know. That is a tough one. 87 00:05:59,260 --> 00:06:02,740 Speaker 3: I mean, if you don't know, it's fine. I mean, 88 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:06,590 Speaker 3: I don't really know either. It's a combination of a 89 00:06:06,620 --> 00:06:07,690 Speaker 3: lot of different factors. 90 00:06:08,690 --> 00:06:13,950 Speaker 1: I think so. I think no one thing triggered it 91 00:06:14,210 --> 00:06:16,930 Speaker 1: or any kind of event. I think it was just 92 00:06:17,670 --> 00:06:26,140 Speaker 1: kind of seeing... boys is attractive. That just started early on, 93 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:32,610 Speaker 1: you know, before I searched up anything online even. Sorry 94 00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:35,710 Speaker 1: if that's not the greatest answer. No, that's fine. 95 00:06:35,750 --> 00:06:42,570 Speaker 3: That's fine. So, and then how did you reconcile the 96 00:06:42,630 --> 00:06:46,670 Speaker 3: same-sex attraction with being a Christian? How did that work out? 97 00:06:48,450 --> 00:06:55,830 Speaker 1: That was... That was the biggest mountain that I was 98 00:06:55,890 --> 00:07:01,750 Speaker 1: never able to actually fully climb over. From the get-go, 99 00:07:01,770 --> 00:07:06,920 Speaker 1: I knew what I was feeling was unbiblical. And not 100 00:07:07,000 --> 00:07:11,620 Speaker 1: only that, but it was also culturally taboo being Hispanic. 101 00:07:11,700 --> 00:07:16,620 Speaker 1: It was just something that you knew was like, this 102 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,620 Speaker 1: is just wrong. Not only that, not only because of 103 00:07:20,660 --> 00:07:25,620 Speaker 1: what God says, but because, because of people's reaction and 104 00:07:25,900 --> 00:07:26,600 Speaker 1: opinions of it. 105 00:07:27,740 --> 00:07:29,460 Speaker 3: We'll be right back after this short break. 106 00:07:31,700 --> 00:07:31,980 Speaker 1: Yeah. 107 00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:35,290 Speaker 3: And so what did you, did you, how did you 108 00:07:35,330 --> 00:07:38,050 Speaker 3: deal with it? Did you leave the faith or, or 109 00:07:38,090 --> 00:07:41,290 Speaker 3: did you just continue on trudging along? Like, how did 110 00:07:41,310 --> 00:07:41,840 Speaker 3: you deal with it? 111 00:07:43,610 --> 00:07:50,260 Speaker 1: So after that conversion around, well, conversion experience, around 12 112 00:07:50,260 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 1: or 13, I, you know, I didn't come out as gay. 113 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:57,260 Speaker 1: I didn't, you know, I didn't even know what that 114 00:07:57,320 --> 00:08:00,890 Speaker 1: was at that time. The term for it, you know, 115 00:08:00,930 --> 00:08:04,330 Speaker 1: I just, I knew that it was an attraction I had. 116 00:08:04,350 --> 00:08:07,490 Speaker 1: I think kind of the gay term started coming around 117 00:08:07,510 --> 00:08:12,950 Speaker 1: probably my junior year of high school, so when I 118 00:08:12,990 --> 00:08:21,770 Speaker 1: was around 15 or 16. And obviously, it just felt 119 00:08:21,860 --> 00:08:27,620 Speaker 1: like it was something that was a chasm between God 120 00:08:27,740 --> 00:08:31,780 Speaker 1: and me. It was something that was separating my fellowship 121 00:08:31,820 --> 00:08:36,339 Speaker 1: with him. It was a source of great, of a 122 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:40,219 Speaker 1: lot of depression, not being able to talk about it 123 00:08:40,240 --> 00:08:45,690 Speaker 1: with anyone as well. And I would pray for years, God, 124 00:08:45,750 --> 00:08:49,360 Speaker 1: you know, why am I like this? I want to be, 125 00:08:49,620 --> 00:08:50,560 Speaker 1: I don't want to be like this. I want to 126 00:08:50,580 --> 00:08:55,000 Speaker 1: be straight like all the other guys. And, um, unfortunately 127 00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,110 Speaker 1: it was not something I was able to talk about 128 00:08:57,140 --> 00:09:02,130 Speaker 1: with really anybody. Um, which is why I think this 129 00:09:02,170 --> 00:09:04,250 Speaker 1: kind of ministry is so important because I think these 130 00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:07,790 Speaker 1: things need to be talked about with their kids. Um, 131 00:09:08,110 --> 00:09:14,230 Speaker 1: but anyway, um, uh, in my senior year of high school, 132 00:09:14,250 --> 00:09:17,910 Speaker 1: I came out as gay, uh, but I still hadn't 133 00:09:18,090 --> 00:09:23,410 Speaker 1: fully rejected the faith. I had like seasons of devotion 134 00:09:23,490 --> 00:09:27,770 Speaker 1: kind of, and then just kind of straying away because again, 135 00:09:27,860 --> 00:09:31,200 Speaker 1: the lack of church made it hard to know what 136 00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:35,120 Speaker 1: being a good Christian should look like. And I actually 137 00:09:35,140 --> 00:09:41,540 Speaker 1: ended up going to a seminary for undergrad for one semester, uh, 138 00:09:41,740 --> 00:09:47,020 Speaker 1: at Midwestern seminary. Um, So I was trying to hang 139 00:09:47,160 --> 00:09:49,220 Speaker 1: on to the faith as much as I could and 140 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:56,430 Speaker 1: try to, even though having accepted myself as gay, trying 141 00:09:56,470 --> 00:10:01,370 Speaker 1: to reject that part of myself, it was all a 142 00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:10,210 Speaker 1: very confusing time and very kind of full of guilty feelings. Yeah, 143 00:10:10,890 --> 00:10:16,770 Speaker 1: it's not the happiest story. Ultimately, you know, I felt 144 00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:19,910 Speaker 1: that God didn't answer that prayer to make me straight 145 00:10:21,230 --> 00:10:24,350 Speaker 1: So I left the faith around the age of 22, 146 00:10:24,350 --> 00:10:30,250 Speaker 1: extremely bitter and angry and hateful, hateful of Christians who 147 00:10:30,270 --> 00:10:33,010 Speaker 1: were telling me that I couldn't get in a relationship 148 00:10:33,030 --> 00:10:35,310 Speaker 1: while they're getting in a relationship just with people. And 149 00:10:36,950 --> 00:10:42,390 Speaker 1: I became a big enemy of the faith. Wow. Okay. 150 00:10:42,500 --> 00:10:48,780 Speaker 3: And then you started looking for the one and you 151 00:10:48,820 --> 00:10:52,990 Speaker 3: found him in Europe. Um, tell us about that. So you, 152 00:10:53,570 --> 00:10:57,069 Speaker 3: you started dating a guy in the UK and I 153 00:10:57,110 --> 00:10:58,350 Speaker 3: believe you got married to him, right? 154 00:10:59,090 --> 00:11:04,069 Speaker 1: Right. That's, that's right. Yeah. So, um, the intention wasn't 155 00:11:04,290 --> 00:11:07,189 Speaker 1: to meet him. Actually, I wasn't like dating or on 156 00:11:07,230 --> 00:11:10,070 Speaker 1: a dating website. I was actually using a language learning 157 00:11:10,090 --> 00:11:15,199 Speaker 1: kind of social media platform and I was learning Japanese 158 00:11:15,270 --> 00:11:18,120 Speaker 1: and he happened to be, so the platform is like 159 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:22,500 Speaker 1: you meet people who's who speak the target language you're learning. 160 00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:29,380 Speaker 1: And he was learning Japanese, too. And I saw this 161 00:11:29,559 --> 00:11:32,059 Speaker 1: profile picture. It wasn't even his face. It was like 162 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:34,780 Speaker 1: an anime character. I was just like, oh, I want 163 00:11:35,600 --> 00:11:38,880 Speaker 1: to talk to this guy with the British flag. And 164 00:11:39,140 --> 00:11:42,180 Speaker 1: that's how we started talking. I reached out to him first. 165 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:46,900 Speaker 1: It was all online. Yeah, I had no idea what 166 00:11:46,920 --> 00:11:49,880 Speaker 1: he looked like at first, but I'm the kind of 167 00:11:49,900 --> 00:11:53,709 Speaker 1: person that, I was the kind of person that just 168 00:11:54,370 --> 00:11:59,150 Speaker 1: starts liking, you know, starts liking them no matter what 169 00:11:59,390 --> 00:12:02,790 Speaker 1: they might look like, just depending on how, like, we 170 00:12:02,850 --> 00:12:05,410 Speaker 1: communicate or click. Right. 171 00:12:06,150 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 3: And so how long did you date him? And then 172 00:12:09,540 --> 00:12:12,200 Speaker 3: how long did you date before you got married to him? 173 00:12:13,559 --> 00:12:21,550 Speaker 1: So I never actually dated anybody before that. Um, yeah, 174 00:12:21,650 --> 00:12:25,559 Speaker 1: I was, um, I was kind of not, I was 175 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,780 Speaker 1: kind of a very shy and introverted person. So that 176 00:12:27,800 --> 00:12:29,920 Speaker 1: was just not something I did. I never went to 177 00:12:29,940 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 1: the gay bars, pride parade, pride parade or stuff like that. Um, 178 00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,750 Speaker 1: but so we, you know, we started talking on this 179 00:12:38,970 --> 00:12:42,689 Speaker 1: app and texting and, uh, the more we texted, I 180 00:12:42,730 --> 00:12:46,470 Speaker 1: was like, I need to meet this guy. And so before, 181 00:12:46,830 --> 00:12:50,910 Speaker 1: you know, we even dated, um, I booked tickets to London, uh, 182 00:12:51,420 --> 00:12:56,160 Speaker 1: Jane for January, 2019. And, uh, yeah, we met during, 183 00:12:56,420 --> 00:13:01,520 Speaker 1: during that one week, um, in Southwest of England. And 184 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:07,750 Speaker 1: after that trip, um, I knew like I was going 185 00:13:07,770 --> 00:13:11,510 Speaker 1: to get married to this guy, you know? 186 00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:16,150 Speaker 3: And so you moved to England like permanently. 187 00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:24,370 Speaker 1: Well, I met him two more times subsequently in March 188 00:13:24,429 --> 00:13:32,010 Speaker 1: and May 2019. COVID happened. I didn't have a job. 189 00:13:33,870 --> 00:13:35,689 Speaker 1: I don't know how I did it, but we ended 190 00:13:35,710 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: up getting married in Europe in November 2020. So there 191 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:47,000 Speaker 1: was over a year that we didn't meet, and it 192 00:13:47,040 --> 00:13:54,239 Speaker 1: was solely long-distance relationships. And yeah, that kind of attachment 193 00:13:54,260 --> 00:13:58,280 Speaker 1: we both formed to each other and love was so 194 00:13:58,740 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: strong that we, yeah, like there was no problem with 195 00:14:04,100 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 1: that period of the LDR, long distance relationship. We got 196 00:14:09,620 --> 00:14:16,370 Speaker 1: married November 2020 during COVID. I didn't care about the regulations. 197 00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:21,010 Speaker 1: I was like, I'm going. Yeah, and I moved to 198 00:14:21,050 --> 00:14:27,630 Speaker 1: be with him April 2021. And then how long were 199 00:14:27,670 --> 00:14:34,640 Speaker 1: you guys together? So we were together, including the online 200 00:14:34,720 --> 00:14:41,060 Speaker 1: time since 2019, so until 2023. So that's probably a 201 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,180 Speaker 1: little over four years. Yeah, four years. Yeah. 202 00:14:45,510 --> 00:14:48,290 Speaker 3: And did you, I think you said in one of 203 00:14:48,330 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 3: your videos, you said that you started going to the 204 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:58,800 Speaker 3: bathroom and praying privately, I guess. And you're, you asked God, like, 205 00:14:58,860 --> 00:15:00,800 Speaker 3: is this the life you really want from me? When 206 00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:02,520 Speaker 3: did that start happening? 207 00:15:04,800 --> 00:15:08,290 Speaker 1: Oh boy. Yeah. So again, this is where that I 208 00:15:08,330 --> 00:15:12,930 Speaker 1: was never truly able to reject. Not a truth of scripture. 209 00:15:13,090 --> 00:15:16,660 Speaker 1: There was kind of like, like truly the parable of 210 00:15:16,700 --> 00:15:19,750 Speaker 1: the prodigal son. Like I, I knew who my father was. 211 00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:23,190 Speaker 1: I just wanted my inheritance. I ran away and I 212 00:15:24,150 --> 00:15:31,210 Speaker 1: was somebody unfettered sin. So I guess all along that 213 00:15:31,250 --> 00:15:33,750 Speaker 1: kind of was just always like in the, in the, 214 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:37,210 Speaker 1: in the back of my mind, certainly not during like 215 00:15:37,850 --> 00:15:40,820 Speaker 1: the honeymoon phase. Right. But, but I think, I think 216 00:15:41,060 --> 00:15:44,310 Speaker 1: after a year, that I'd moved to the UK when 217 00:15:44,370 --> 00:15:48,930 Speaker 1: it kind of all settled down, emotions, you know, cooled down. 218 00:15:48,950 --> 00:15:54,270 Speaker 1: So probably around 2022, I started, yeah, I started just 219 00:15:54,670 --> 00:15:58,580 Speaker 1: for some reason, just praying, like, is this life you 220 00:15:58,600 --> 00:16:00,100 Speaker 1: want me to live, God? I don't know. 221 00:16:02,940 --> 00:16:05,080 Speaker 3: And so you were, so obviously at that point in 222 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,160 Speaker 3: your life, you were kind of really struggling with like, 223 00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:12,580 Speaker 3: is this right or wrong? What am I doing? You know, and, 224 00:16:12,700 --> 00:16:16,490 Speaker 3: and then it all comes to a head in Japan 225 00:16:16,510 --> 00:16:19,670 Speaker 3: on your 30th birthday. So tell us about what happened 226 00:16:19,710 --> 00:16:20,250 Speaker 3: in Japan. 227 00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:25,770 Speaker 1: Right. So it was my 30th birthday. We were, we, we, 228 00:16:25,910 --> 00:16:27,990 Speaker 1: we went out there and we were going to meet, well, 229 00:16:28,010 --> 00:16:30,850 Speaker 1: we met my twin brother and his wife who had 230 00:16:30,930 --> 00:16:34,580 Speaker 1: already become Christian at that point. Um, they had been 231 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,180 Speaker 1: praying for me. My mom was, you know, praying for me. 232 00:16:38,620 --> 00:16:41,520 Speaker 3: And, uh, Why was your twin brother, was your twin 233 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,660 Speaker 3: brother living in Japan? 234 00:16:44,240 --> 00:16:49,440 Speaker 1: No, uh, he was living in California. Oh, okay. Um, okay. Yeah. So, 235 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,980 Speaker 1: so it was the first time they, uh, you know, 236 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:54,040 Speaker 1: I had flown back to America to meet them, but 237 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 1: it was the first time they were meeting my partner 238 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,640 Speaker 1: and they were, they were nervous about it because obviously 239 00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:01,300 Speaker 1: they followed Christ and they don't want to see their 240 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:07,159 Speaker 1: family member living in sin. Um, but I mean, the 241 00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:12,480 Speaker 1: trip was great, but, During it, I got sick. The 242 00:17:12,520 --> 00:17:15,980 Speaker 1: last few days were just a mess in hotels, and 243 00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:20,830 Speaker 1: we flew back to England, and the sickness kind of 244 00:17:20,850 --> 00:17:26,129 Speaker 1: didn't get better. It got worse, actually. I started experiencing 245 00:17:26,230 --> 00:17:28,870 Speaker 1: signs of anemia, so I would go up the stairs 246 00:17:28,950 --> 00:17:33,020 Speaker 1: in my flat, and I would be out of breath. 247 00:17:33,040 --> 00:17:38,020 Speaker 1: I mean, I was really overweight back then, but I 248 00:17:38,060 --> 00:17:40,139 Speaker 1: wasn't like, you know, I could climb a flight of stairs. 249 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:47,770 Speaker 1: So this is odd, I thought. And it culminated one 250 00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:52,730 Speaker 1: day into me having soaked the bed entirely with sweat, 251 00:17:52,869 --> 00:17:57,430 Speaker 1: which I don't even have. I'm like the type of 252 00:17:57,470 --> 00:18:00,010 Speaker 1: person who hates having the AC on, so I don't 253 00:18:00,190 --> 00:18:05,419 Speaker 1: really run that hot. Super weird experience. I go get 254 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:09,389 Speaker 1: labs at a five minute walk. The clinic, that's a 255 00:18:09,390 --> 00:18:14,450 Speaker 1: five minute walk away from where we live. It was 256 00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:20,970 Speaker 1: a Friday afternoon, I believe. Nothing, I don't expect anything. Midnight, 257 00:18:20,990 --> 00:18:23,430 Speaker 1: I think we're watching Netflix, my partner and I. It 258 00:18:23,450 --> 00:18:27,300 Speaker 1: was like midnight and like I get a phone call. 259 00:18:27,359 --> 00:18:29,200 Speaker 1: I'm just like freaking out, like who the heck is 260 00:18:29,260 --> 00:18:33,500 Speaker 1: calling me at midnight? I don't, I mean, have I 261 00:18:33,640 --> 00:18:39,669 Speaker 1: angered somebody in England? And it was like the ER 262 00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:44,409 Speaker 1: saying you need to come or let us send someone 263 00:18:44,430 --> 00:18:47,070 Speaker 1: to your house. You know, it's the NHS. I don't 264 00:18:47,090 --> 00:18:52,220 Speaker 1: really remember the exact routine. But yeah, they sent a 265 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:55,160 Speaker 1: nurse over to my house to check my, what's it called? 266 00:18:56,420 --> 00:18:58,710 Speaker 1: What's the word called that they used? just to check 267 00:18:58,750 --> 00:19:00,230 Speaker 1: like my blood pressure and heart rate. 268 00:19:00,250 --> 00:19:02,010 Speaker 3: Like your vitals, your vitals. 269 00:19:02,050 --> 00:19:06,669 Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Vitals. Yeah. Everything was fine. So 270 00:19:06,780 --> 00:19:09,379 Speaker 1: I didn't know why they kept me up until 2 AM, 271 00:19:10,080 --> 00:19:15,700 Speaker 1: but I left the following Saturday, called me, come get your, 272 00:19:16,460 --> 00:19:19,840 Speaker 1: get more labs drawn. Okay. I went, you guys are 273 00:19:19,940 --> 00:19:24,679 Speaker 1: ruining my weekend. I was supposed to, you know, just chill. Uh, 274 00:19:25,680 --> 00:19:27,960 Speaker 1: nothing happens until that following Monday. 275 00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 3: And so what happened? 276 00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:38,070 Speaker 1: So I get called Monday morning to report to the ER. 277 00:19:38,090 --> 00:19:41,030 Speaker 1: I'm just like, great. I get to take a sick 278 00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:43,990 Speaker 1: day off work. I let everybody know on my team. 279 00:19:46,609 --> 00:19:52,000 Speaker 1: And I get there and we wait like probably two 280 00:19:52,060 --> 00:19:54,619 Speaker 1: hours to be seen. And finally we get taken into 281 00:19:54,660 --> 00:20:00,410 Speaker 1: a room where a hematologist comes and talks to me 282 00:20:00,470 --> 00:20:05,530 Speaker 1: and says, Brian, you have a bone marrow malignancy. And 283 00:20:05,550 --> 00:20:10,090 Speaker 1: I'm just thinking like, I'm not that good at biology. 284 00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:14,820 Speaker 1: I don't know what that means. Like, just give me 285 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:17,460 Speaker 1: the prescriptions and I'll go home and enjoy the rest 286 00:20:17,500 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 1: of my day off. And they said, no, you have 287 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:29,159 Speaker 1: acute lymphoblastic leukemia, blood cancer. And I don't know how 288 00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:36,270 Speaker 1: to describe it. Sheer terror coming upon me. I'm like, 289 00:20:38,310 --> 00:20:46,090 Speaker 1: my partner and I both just started like weeping and 290 00:20:47,670 --> 00:20:50,790 Speaker 1: just at an utter loss of words for what this 291 00:20:52,270 --> 00:20:56,020 Speaker 1: could mean. Cause when you, if you get diagnosed with cancer, 292 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,409 Speaker 1: you're kind of, it's kind of like you were receiving 293 00:20:57,450 --> 00:20:58,619 Speaker 1: a death sentence. Right. 294 00:21:02,619 --> 00:21:07,000 Speaker 3: And so how did that, how did that affect your 295 00:21:07,060 --> 00:21:08,460 Speaker 3: relationship with your partner? 296 00:21:19,010 --> 00:21:29,500 Speaker 1: Well, I immediately, personally, I knew what was going to 297 00:21:29,520 --> 00:21:37,730 Speaker 1: happen from the moment I heard that. I knew God 298 00:21:37,770 --> 00:21:55,550 Speaker 1: was calling me back to himself. I knew what that 299 00:21:56,109 --> 00:22:02,609 Speaker 1: meant for the long term of our relationship, which I 300 00:22:02,630 --> 00:22:10,740 Speaker 1: didn't disclose immediately to my partner. Um, I, well, I 301 00:22:10,760 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 1: didn't convert until the day after I was diagnosed, but 302 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:18,419 Speaker 1: I will say this, um, while they were performing the 303 00:22:18,460 --> 00:22:22,990 Speaker 1: bone marrow biopsy on me that first day, which is 304 00:22:25,410 --> 00:22:30,810 Speaker 1: not fun to put it lightly. I just kept repeating 305 00:22:30,830 --> 00:22:35,570 Speaker 1: a song my mother had taught me in Spanish. whole 306 00:22:35,609 --> 00:22:39,970 Speaker 1: time and it's Psalm 4 verse 8 oh yeah I 307 00:22:40,070 --> 00:22:44,850 Speaker 1: love that yeah it's a great one and I don't 308 00:22:44,930 --> 00:22:45,970 Speaker 1: have it memorized. 309 00:22:45,670 --> 00:22:47,869 Speaker 3: In English he said we'll both lie down and sleep 310 00:22:47,970 --> 00:22:49,770 Speaker 3: for something about yeah. 311 00:22:49,810 --> 00:22:53,340 Speaker 1: Yeah yeah yeah so I'm like lying down they have 312 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,900 Speaker 1: a needle in my femur and they're pulling out my 313 00:22:56,000 --> 00:22:59,900 Speaker 1: life force you know my bone marrow and I'm just 314 00:22:59,920 --> 00:23:03,419 Speaker 1: repeating in paz me cosere y así mismo dormiré porque 315 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:09,500 Speaker 1: solo tú o Jehová meses vivir confiado, which is what 316 00:23:09,520 --> 00:23:15,940 Speaker 1: I was repeating. And yeah, that day passed. They let 317 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:21,629 Speaker 1: my partner stay that night there. It was hard to 318 00:23:21,670 --> 00:23:24,909 Speaker 1: digest that. And to be honest, Becca, I can't remember 319 00:23:26,930 --> 00:23:30,510 Speaker 1: specifically what happened. I do remember we would just walk 320 00:23:30,570 --> 00:23:36,040 Speaker 1: around the hospital courtyard throughout that week, just very despondent. 321 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:39,899 Speaker 1: But yeah, it wasn't until the second day of my 322 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:43,679 Speaker 1: diagnosis that I converted. What happened? 323 00:23:43,700 --> 00:23:47,219 Speaker 3: You asked for a Bible and you read Romans 1. 324 00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:47,659 Speaker 3: What happened? 325 00:23:49,730 --> 00:23:53,629 Speaker 1: Right. So a nurse asked me what my religion was. 326 00:23:53,750 --> 00:23:58,270 Speaker 1: And I just spent a decade giving the middle finger 327 00:23:58,290 --> 00:24:06,400 Speaker 1: to God, honestly, worse than that. And I said, I'm 328 00:24:06,460 --> 00:24:11,940 Speaker 1: a Christian. Like, that's all. That's all there I could 329 00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:16,720 Speaker 1: think of. And I asked for the Bible, and I 330 00:24:16,800 --> 00:24:20,500 Speaker 1: opened on purpose to Romans 1, not like some kind 331 00:24:20,520 --> 00:24:26,600 Speaker 1: of mysterious coincidence. I knew what Romans 1 meant, or 332 00:24:26,740 --> 00:24:30,379 Speaker 1: what Romans 1 said. You know, I think all the 333 00:24:30,420 --> 00:24:33,040 Speaker 1: gay people who know the Bible, you know, 1 Corinthians 6, 334 00:24:33,040 --> 00:24:39,910 Speaker 1: Romans 1, 1 Timothy, something in there. Yeah. I opened 335 00:24:39,930 --> 00:24:45,690 Speaker 1: it and I read that. Well, I don't have it memorized, 336 00:24:45,930 --> 00:24:53,520 Speaker 1: but it's Paul's description on homosexuality being kind of God's 337 00:24:54,180 --> 00:24:58,760 Speaker 1: letting you go to your own evil. God abandoning you. 338 00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,419 Speaker 1: I read that and that message that I used to 339 00:25:03,500 --> 00:25:11,220 Speaker 1: hate became suddenly my gospel, like the most beautiful scripture ever. 340 00:25:12,619 --> 00:25:17,760 Speaker 1: And immediately after reading that, I don't even recall being 341 00:25:17,780 --> 00:25:24,330 Speaker 1: emotional or anything. The whoosh happened a few weeks after, um, 342 00:25:26,020 --> 00:25:27,780 Speaker 1: but I just, I read it and I said, God, 343 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:35,810 Speaker 1: I'm sorry for disobeying you. I know what you thought 344 00:25:35,869 --> 00:25:39,669 Speaker 1: about what I, about getting married to a man and 345 00:25:39,710 --> 00:25:43,790 Speaker 1: I hated you for it. If you let me live 346 00:25:43,970 --> 00:25:47,730 Speaker 1: one more month or one whole lifetime, my life is yours. 347 00:25:49,290 --> 00:25:56,580 Speaker 1: And instantly, like, I just, I, I, the gay identity 348 00:25:56,640 --> 00:26:05,280 Speaker 1: kind of just, you know, went away. And I couldn't use, 349 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:12,770 Speaker 1: I couldn't use terms of endearment anymore with my partner immediately. 350 00:26:13,460 --> 00:26:16,510 Speaker 1: It just felt, and you know, they came out like 351 00:26:16,570 --> 00:26:21,850 Speaker 1: second nature. It just felt wrong and I couldn't do 352 00:26:21,890 --> 00:26:25,469 Speaker 1: it anymore. And luckily, because of the treatment that was 353 00:26:25,530 --> 00:26:34,840 Speaker 1: coming up, I didn't really have the feeling to be 354 00:26:36,119 --> 00:26:37,480 Speaker 1: romantic at all anyway. 355 00:26:39,460 --> 00:26:43,379 Speaker 3: And so how did you... Okay, you said you had 356 00:26:43,440 --> 00:26:46,090 Speaker 3: a whoosh thing three weeks later. What was that? 357 00:26:47,810 --> 00:26:53,440 Speaker 1: Right, yeah. So, oh my gosh. So the conversion happened 358 00:26:53,460 --> 00:27:00,510 Speaker 1: a week later after the diagnosis. I start chemo in Oxford. 359 00:27:09,340 --> 00:27:15,160 Speaker 1: And it was probably two weeks after chemo. I remember 360 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:20,800 Speaker 1: they placed me in the hottest hospital room getting direct 361 00:27:20,960 --> 00:27:25,660 Speaker 1: sunlight and they don't have AC and it's just horrible. 362 00:27:26,930 --> 00:27:32,150 Speaker 1: But I remember listening to Fernando Ortega's Trisagion or Trisagion, 363 00:27:32,190 --> 00:27:35,170 Speaker 1: I'm not sure how you pronounce it, which is basically 364 00:27:35,210 --> 00:27:41,940 Speaker 1: an old Christian chant that says, you know, something like, 365 00:27:43,500 --> 00:27:49,250 Speaker 1: I'm not sure how it goes anymore, Beckett, but It's 366 00:27:49,270 --> 00:27:55,210 Speaker 1: about the holiness of God and having, you know, holy, 367 00:27:57,300 --> 00:28:01,179 Speaker 1: have mercy on me, a sinner. And I just felt, 368 00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:06,480 Speaker 1: it's funny because my partner was like somewhere in that 369 00:28:06,580 --> 00:28:14,909 Speaker 1: room and I was just having this uncontrollable reaction to 370 00:28:14,990 --> 00:28:20,600 Speaker 1: God's presence, just weeping and weeping. singing this song, God 371 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,700 Speaker 1: forgive me, a sinner, have mercy on me, a sinner. 372 00:28:24,260 --> 00:28:27,540 Speaker 1: And he probably, my partner probably thought it was all 373 00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:33,709 Speaker 1: about chemotherapy in my veins. Um, but it was just, yeah, 374 00:28:33,770 --> 00:28:37,770 Speaker 1: it was so intense what I felt. Um, it was 375 00:28:37,930 --> 00:28:45,110 Speaker 1: like love and comfort, um, and complete surrender. Even though 376 00:28:45,130 --> 00:28:48,560 Speaker 1: I had already surrendered, it was, it was just kind of, uh, 377 00:28:49,410 --> 00:28:53,370 Speaker 1: an overwhelming feeling about, about it. Hmm. 378 00:28:55,110 --> 00:28:58,970 Speaker 3: And so obviously the, the, the question is now, how 379 00:28:59,620 --> 00:29:03,560 Speaker 3: did you extricate yourself out of this marriage? How did 380 00:29:03,600 --> 00:29:08,180 Speaker 3: you tell your, your husband, like what, what, how did 381 00:29:08,200 --> 00:29:08,740 Speaker 3: that go down? 382 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:17,920 Speaker 1: Right. Well, um, but I, I still loved him. That, 383 00:29:18,410 --> 00:29:23,790 Speaker 1: That didn't change. And I know he loved me. We 384 00:29:24,430 --> 00:29:30,940 Speaker 1: were going to grow old together. We had such an 385 00:29:31,020 --> 00:29:36,430 Speaker 1: amazing time. We never left each other's side. We traveled. 386 00:29:36,710 --> 00:29:40,590 Speaker 1: We were working remotely, so we traveled all over Europe. together. 387 00:29:40,650 --> 00:29:47,370 Speaker 1: It was genuinely the best time I had in my life. 388 00:29:49,210 --> 00:29:56,590 Speaker 1: So over the weeks, I was breaking the news slowly, like, hey, 389 00:29:56,610 --> 00:30:02,080 Speaker 1: I just had this experience with god i i believe 390 00:30:02,140 --> 00:30:07,740 Speaker 1: in eternity i believe that jesus is real and i 391 00:30:07,790 --> 00:30:10,150 Speaker 1: want to live my life for him now and that 392 00:30:10,250 --> 00:30:13,850 Speaker 1: means we probably won't be able to be together just 393 00:30:13,890 --> 00:30:20,110 Speaker 1: kind of slowly explaining this thing over the weeks so 394 00:30:20,750 --> 00:30:23,110 Speaker 1: just to put it in perspective my my conversion was 395 00:30:23,130 --> 00:30:30,950 Speaker 1: july 24th 2023 and and we officially separated September 15th. So, 396 00:30:35,470 --> 00:30:38,980 Speaker 1: my twin brother and his wife flew over from California 397 00:30:39,020 --> 00:30:43,020 Speaker 1: to take care of me because they knew that I 398 00:30:43,060 --> 00:30:48,040 Speaker 1: would need them during this time. They knew they had 399 00:30:48,180 --> 00:30:51,240 Speaker 1: to take care of me rather than the guy I 400 00:30:51,240 --> 00:30:56,460 Speaker 1: was about to break up with. So, It was great 401 00:30:56,500 --> 00:30:58,520 Speaker 1: that God kind of was able to line that up 402 00:30:58,780 --> 00:31:01,720 Speaker 1: sovereignly and provide that support for me because, I mean, 403 00:31:01,740 --> 00:31:05,180 Speaker 1: I don't know how I would have survived doing a 404 00:31:05,240 --> 00:31:11,290 Speaker 1: treatment without them. And certainly I didn't want, I didn't want, 405 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:14,550 Speaker 1: you know, my partner taking care of me when I'm 406 00:31:14,610 --> 00:31:17,970 Speaker 1: about to, like, break his heart. But I do remember 407 00:31:17,990 --> 00:31:21,410 Speaker 1: one day as he was commuting from where we lived 408 00:31:21,710 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 1: to the Oxford Hospital and sending me you know, all 409 00:31:27,260 --> 00:31:29,800 Speaker 1: the contexts out there, you know, where I'm going to 410 00:31:29,820 --> 00:31:32,140 Speaker 1: break up with him and stuff, you know, it hadn't 411 00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,900 Speaker 1: happened yet. But he sent me a bunch of pictures 412 00:31:35,920 --> 00:31:42,240 Speaker 1: from my relationship together, which, I mean, yeah, that was hard. 413 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:52,610 Speaker 1: I view this as God's grace, Beckett, on my partner's 414 00:31:52,670 --> 00:31:56,620 Speaker 1: life because as painful as it was for him as well, 415 00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:02,680 Speaker 1: probably more so, he understood that what I was doing, 416 00:32:02,700 --> 00:32:10,800 Speaker 1: I was thinking of eternity and life after death. And 417 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:20,960 Speaker 1: he was able to, he was able to somewhat accept 418 00:32:20,980 --> 00:32:24,830 Speaker 1: it where I think If it were somebody else, it 419 00:32:24,850 --> 00:32:36,510 Speaker 1: would have gone differently. I was dying of treatment. I 420 00:32:36,570 --> 00:32:40,670 Speaker 1: had no strength left. God was putting before me this 421 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:47,480 Speaker 1: commandment to leave him. I felt like I was a 422 00:32:47,540 --> 00:32:51,460 Speaker 1: dead man. I had no idea how I did it. 423 00:32:52,810 --> 00:32:54,610 Speaker 1: I told God, you're going to have to pick up 424 00:32:54,650 --> 00:32:56,910 Speaker 1: my corpse and get me out of this relationship because 425 00:32:57,050 --> 00:33:03,390 Speaker 1: I can't do it. I have no strength. I still 426 00:33:03,430 --> 00:33:05,960 Speaker 1: love him and I'm going to break his heart. And 427 00:33:05,980 --> 00:33:09,020 Speaker 1: that was the part back at that that I didn't want. 428 00:33:09,240 --> 00:33:18,400 Speaker 1: I didn't want to be a disturbance to him. I 429 00:33:18,560 --> 00:33:25,100 Speaker 1: remembered Jesus in the garden of Gethsemane, sweating blood. He's 430 00:33:25,130 --> 00:33:29,400 Speaker 1: about to be delivered and betrayed by one of his 431 00:33:29,460 --> 00:33:36,900 Speaker 1: best friends, to be crucified for our sins in perfect 432 00:33:38,340 --> 00:33:45,810 Speaker 1: obedience to the Father. And as horrible as my anguish was, 433 00:33:49,210 --> 00:34:05,100 Speaker 1: I knew that my suffering savior was with me. Sympathizing 434 00:34:05,140 --> 00:34:09,500 Speaker 1: with me the whole time. And I cannot tell you 435 00:34:09,520 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 1: how I left that relationship. I only know that he 436 00:34:14,540 --> 00:34:21,890 Speaker 1: was my strength when I was weak. And so, yeah, 437 00:34:21,969 --> 00:34:26,879 Speaker 1: we broke up September 15, 2023. Wow. 438 00:34:26,950 --> 00:34:29,380 Speaker 3: And so did you move back to California right away? 439 00:34:32,700 --> 00:34:40,360 Speaker 1: I was still undergoing treatment, which is a two-month-long induction 440 00:34:40,450 --> 00:34:50,570 Speaker 1: period for the leukemia treatment plan in the U.K., So 441 00:34:50,590 --> 00:34:59,440 Speaker 1: I couldn't leave until, until after that induction period and 442 00:34:59,460 --> 00:35:01,440 Speaker 1: I sort of recovered a bit of white blood cells 443 00:35:01,520 --> 00:35:06,419 Speaker 1: for my own protection. So I finally moved back November, 2023. 444 00:35:06,420 --> 00:35:10,760 Speaker 1: I believe it was like November 5th and November 6th. 445 00:35:10,890 --> 00:35:15,049 Speaker 1: I moved back to my parents' home and I was 446 00:35:15,110 --> 00:35:21,140 Speaker 1: able to start treatment again in December, 2023. That period 447 00:35:21,180 --> 00:35:27,860 Speaker 1: of moving caused the leukemia to come back altogether, rendering 448 00:35:27,920 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: basically a prior treatment kind of vein. 449 00:35:35,810 --> 00:35:40,430 Speaker 3: And so how are you doing now in terms of treatment, 450 00:35:40,469 --> 00:35:42,549 Speaker 3: in terms of your health? How are you now? 451 00:35:44,530 --> 00:35:50,469 Speaker 1: By God's grace, after many trials, I am over two 452 00:35:50,610 --> 00:35:55,029 Speaker 1: years cancer-free now. I did require a bone marrow transplant, 453 00:35:55,190 --> 00:36:02,170 Speaker 1: and that has potentially lifelong complications. Right now, I'm okay. 454 00:36:03,390 --> 00:36:08,839 Speaker 1: But in terms of the cancer, that's Lord willing, that 455 00:36:08,860 --> 00:36:09,920 Speaker 1: stays in remission. 456 00:36:11,160 --> 00:36:16,420 Speaker 3: Praise God. And how has, like, in the last three years, 457 00:36:16,680 --> 00:36:18,560 Speaker 3: how has your relationship with the Lord been? 458 00:36:24,590 --> 00:36:30,390 Speaker 1: After the breakup, after I moved back, I was, honestly, Becca, 459 00:36:30,650 --> 00:36:36,620 Speaker 1: I was angry. I was angry at God. I obeyed, 460 00:36:36,640 --> 00:36:46,210 Speaker 1: but I didn't obey cheerfully. I remember just being parked 461 00:36:46,270 --> 00:36:51,590 Speaker 1: in a parking lot, being in my in my car 462 00:36:51,610 --> 00:36:54,290 Speaker 1: in a parking lot at night, just kind of screaming 463 00:36:54,350 --> 00:36:56,819 Speaker 1: my lungs out at God. Like, why did you make me, 464 00:36:58,080 --> 00:36:59,840 Speaker 1: why did you make me like this? Why do I 465 00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:08,239 Speaker 1: have to go through all this? And he was, God 466 00:37:08,260 --> 00:37:12,799 Speaker 1: was so patient with me, with my anger. And, and 467 00:37:13,239 --> 00:37:17,400 Speaker 1: I am so glad treatment took the course it did. 468 00:37:18,790 --> 00:37:23,150 Speaker 1: Getting the bone marrow transplant and the major complication that 469 00:37:23,170 --> 00:37:30,430 Speaker 1: happened with that a year later. It was a hugely 470 00:37:30,550 --> 00:37:36,319 Speaker 1: refining process. I had so much, you know, homosexuality was 471 00:37:36,660 --> 00:37:42,300 Speaker 1: just one of my sins. I had so much pride, anger, 472 00:37:42,320 --> 00:37:48,029 Speaker 1: hatred toward my fellow human beings. For I don't know 473 00:37:48,110 --> 00:37:53,779 Speaker 1: what reason. My heart was just filthy. And God worked 474 00:37:54,030 --> 00:38:00,040 Speaker 1: so much through those trials in me. And I'm still 475 00:38:00,060 --> 00:38:04,219 Speaker 1: a work in progress. But I believe my faith with 476 00:38:04,460 --> 00:38:10,400 Speaker 1: Christ right now is so good. As I said, I'm 477 00:38:10,440 --> 00:38:18,230 Speaker 1: not perfect. I fail so much. But I'm going through 478 00:38:18,250 --> 00:38:23,790 Speaker 1: the trials I went through. It brought me close to 479 00:38:23,850 --> 00:38:29,819 Speaker 1: Christ in a way I just cannot describe. And I'm 480 00:38:29,860 --> 00:38:35,460 Speaker 1: so thankful for those trials. And I don't want more trials, 481 00:38:35,560 --> 00:38:39,660 Speaker 1: but when they come, I need to remember it is 482 00:38:39,719 --> 00:38:43,560 Speaker 1: actually bringing me closer to Christ. And so I shouldn't 483 00:38:43,980 --> 00:38:46,270 Speaker 1: want to get out of trials so quickly. 484 00:38:48,420 --> 00:38:52,509 Speaker 3: Yeah and so are you in a good church now 485 00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:54,170 Speaker 3: are you plugged into a church. 486 00:38:56,870 --> 00:38:59,850 Speaker 1: Yes yes I'm at a great church. 487 00:39:00,710 --> 00:39:04,370 Speaker 3: Good good good I'm glad that's very it's very important 488 00:39:04,530 --> 00:39:08,730 Speaker 3: I mean I I constantly tell people like you have 489 00:39:08,750 --> 00:39:10,590 Speaker 3: to like it I mean first of all in Hebrews 490 00:39:10,670 --> 00:39:13,819 Speaker 3: it says do not forsake the gathering together of the 491 00:39:13,840 --> 00:39:18,310 Speaker 3: saints but like it's like it's it's kind of like 492 00:39:19,170 --> 00:39:22,660 Speaker 3: one of the most basic things, uh, means of grace 493 00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 3: by God that keeps us on the road, to the 494 00:39:27,640 --> 00:39:34,260 Speaker 3: celestial city. It's so important to be in a local church. 495 00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:42,970 Speaker 3: It's vital. It's literally vital. I'm glad you found a church. 496 00:39:45,290 --> 00:39:48,419 Speaker 1: I just became a member yesterday, so Oh, good. I'm 497 00:39:48,460 --> 00:39:51,390 Speaker 1: so happy about that. Oh, good, good, good. 498 00:39:51,969 --> 00:39:55,489 Speaker 3: Congratulations. Well, Brian, we're going to leave it there. And 499 00:39:56,250 --> 00:40:00,130 Speaker 3: thank you for sharing your story. And it's amazing how 500 00:40:00,290 --> 00:40:03,690 Speaker 3: God just like comes in. I don't know how he 501 00:40:04,030 --> 00:40:10,020 Speaker 3: orchestrates these things. And then your whole life changes and your, 502 00:40:10,160 --> 00:40:13,620 Speaker 3: your whole life with God changes because of like some circumstance. 503 00:40:13,960 --> 00:40:20,310 Speaker 3: And so I'm just, so thankful that you are in 504 00:40:20,370 --> 00:40:23,670 Speaker 3: Christ and that you have eternal life. Like, so that's amazing. 505 00:40:24,690 --> 00:40:26,610 Speaker 3: And so thank you for sharing your story. 506 00:40:28,010 --> 00:40:30,780 Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Becca. Thank you for everything you do, 507 00:40:30,930 --> 00:40:32,029 Speaker 1: praying for your ministry. 508 00:40:33,120 --> 00:40:36,299 Speaker 4: Wait, don't touch that dial. Please like and subscribe. And 509 00:40:36,340 --> 00:40:40,319 Speaker 4: also please consider becoming a patron on Patreon for as 510 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:42,360 Speaker 4: little as $ 5 a month. You can really help us 511 00:40:42,440 --> 00:40:46,270 Speaker 4: out on the show. The link is below and we so, 512 00:40:46,350 --> 00:40:47,150 Speaker 4: so appreciate it. 513 00:40:47,170 --> 00:40:47,549 Speaker 3: Thank you. 514 00:40:50,630 --> 00:40:52,970 Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett 515 00:40:53,010 --> 00:40:58,310 Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes 516 00:40:58,370 --> 00:41:01,200 Speaker 2: of The Beckett Cook Show are also available on YouTube. 517 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,560 Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his 518 00:41:05,600 --> 00:41:07,580 Speaker 2: website at beckettcook.com.