1 00:00:20,186 --> 00:00:20,746 Speaker 1: Hi, friend. 2 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:23,546 Speaker 2: I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn how to 3 00:00:23,646 --> 00:00:27,646 Speaker 2: raise our kids to love God, respect authority, and do 4 00:00:27,766 --> 00:00:32,596 Speaker 2: what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. I'm Arlene Pellicane, 5 00:00:32,775 --> 00:00:39,036 Speaker 2: and this is The Happy Home. Well, it's not often 6 00:00:39,076 --> 00:00:43,116 Speaker 2: that my guests are the guests, but today it is 7 00:00:43,296 --> 00:00:46,736 Speaker 2: Charlotte and Gordie Guest. Welcome to the program. 8 00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:47,845 Speaker 1: Thanks so much for coming on. 9 00:00:48,346 --> 00:00:50,506 Speaker 3: Thank you. You're the first one who's ever said anything 10 00:00:50,546 --> 00:00:50,946 Speaker 3: like that. 11 00:00:52,066 --> 00:00:52,966 Speaker 1: Thank you. 12 00:00:53,086 --> 00:00:55,816 Speaker 3: Maybe not. Maybe heard that. 13 00:00:56,156 --> 00:01:00,216 Speaker 2: And Charlotte is the host of the Empty Nest Guests podcast. 14 00:01:00,976 --> 00:01:03,316 Speaker 2: And you both have a new devotional that's out, A 15 00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:07,146 Speaker 2: Little More Room for Us, 100 Devotions for the Empty 16 00:01:07,186 --> 00:01:10,066 Speaker 2: Nest Couple. And what I'd like to do today is 17 00:01:10,106 --> 00:01:13,046 Speaker 2: those of us who are nearing the empty nest, for 18 00:01:13,086 --> 00:01:15,876 Speaker 2: you guys to give us some words of encouragement. But 19 00:01:15,956 --> 00:01:18,136 Speaker 2: also for our listeners who might be in the diaper 20 00:01:18,176 --> 00:01:20,876 Speaker 2: stage thinking, well, this is certainly not for me. Actually, 21 00:01:20,896 --> 00:01:23,996 Speaker 2: it is for you because we are preparing for a 22 00:01:24,096 --> 00:01:27,155 Speaker 2: certain stage. So I want to take you guys way back, 23 00:01:27,636 --> 00:01:31,806 Speaker 2: like way back. And you're 13 and 14 years old 24 00:01:32,045 --> 00:01:33,746 Speaker 2: and you see a movie E.T. 25 00:01:34,066 --> 00:01:34,846 Speaker 4: In the theaters. 26 00:01:35,386 --> 00:01:36,746 Speaker 2: What happens to you guys? 27 00:01:38,446 --> 00:01:43,246 Speaker 1: Well, I got a little butterflies for sure. It is 28 00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:46,146 Speaker 1: a joy that we can go that far back. And 29 00:01:46,795 --> 00:01:49,136 Speaker 1: we double dated with my mom and dad, which was 30 00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,296 Speaker 1: really hilarious. 31 00:01:50,316 --> 00:01:52,636 Speaker 3: They did go to a different movie, but they did 32 00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:53,196 Speaker 3: drive us. 33 00:01:53,716 --> 00:01:54,836 Speaker 2: How did you know each other? 34 00:01:54,856 --> 00:02:00,986 Speaker 4: Same hometown, fairly small hometown. And so you kind of 35 00:02:01,006 --> 00:02:07,206 Speaker 4: knew everybody, but we met through common friends, the small 36 00:02:07,266 --> 00:02:10,026 Speaker 4: church community in our town, that. 37 00:02:09,846 --> 00:02:10,306 Speaker 3: Sort of thing. 38 00:02:10,556 --> 00:02:13,376 Speaker 1: My aunt was in town, too, who's a mentor, spiritual 39 00:02:13,416 --> 00:02:16,796 Speaker 1: mentor to me. Aunt Harriet is awesome. And she said, 40 00:02:16,836 --> 00:02:18,896 Speaker 1: let's go over. We were at the tennis club one day. 41 00:02:18,916 --> 00:02:20,976 Speaker 1: And she said, let's go over and watch that guy 42 00:02:21,696 --> 00:02:25,636 Speaker 1: over there play tennis. And I said, well, that's Gordy. 43 00:02:25,716 --> 00:02:28,566 Speaker 1: I mean, she goes, well, that is who you need 44 00:02:28,576 --> 00:02:31,405 Speaker 1: to be talking to. It was awesome. And so we 45 00:02:31,546 --> 00:02:34,066 Speaker 1: kind of had a little bit of an encouragement from 46 00:02:34,326 --> 00:02:34,926 Speaker 1: my aunt. 47 00:02:35,145 --> 00:02:35,285 Speaker 4: Yes. 48 00:02:36,226 --> 00:02:36,886 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness. 49 00:02:36,906 --> 00:02:40,805 Speaker 2: That's hilarious. So you, okay. That's too funny that a 50 00:02:40,865 --> 00:02:43,426 Speaker 2: you're at the state watching ET B that your parents 51 00:02:43,466 --> 00:02:45,506 Speaker 2: are also in the theater, even though at a different movie. 52 00:02:45,925 --> 00:02:47,995 Speaker 2: And then, and then you must, I knew Charlotte that 53 00:02:48,076 --> 00:02:52,356 Speaker 2: you play competitive tennis, but Gordy, you must also play tennis. 54 00:02:52,636 --> 00:02:53,416 Speaker 3: I used to, and. 55 00:02:55,555 --> 00:02:58,096 Speaker 4: A little bit of vertigo got in the way of that. 56 00:02:58,156 --> 00:03:02,816 Speaker 4: So we're, we're golf focused now. It's a little more stationary. 57 00:03:02,996 --> 00:03:04,066 Speaker 1: Yeah, for sure. 58 00:03:04,886 --> 00:03:07,145 Speaker 2: I actually, before we get into the empty nest stuff, 59 00:03:07,166 --> 00:03:11,326 Speaker 2: this is actually related. Talk about the value of doing 60 00:03:11,386 --> 00:03:14,886 Speaker 2: activities together as a couple. And then also talk to 61 00:03:14,986 --> 00:03:17,785 Speaker 2: us who maybe you're mismatched. Like how do you find alignment? 62 00:03:17,886 --> 00:03:20,146 Speaker 2: So what has that first, let's go here. What is 63 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,556 Speaker 2: that like having those common activities? How has that helped you? I, 64 00:03:23,766 --> 00:03:25,496 Speaker 2: I think, I think. 65 00:03:25,356 --> 00:03:29,995 Speaker 4: We are fortunate. We share a lot of just similar 66 00:03:30,136 --> 00:03:37,346 Speaker 4: interests in terms of activity. We both love sports. playing, watching, following, 67 00:03:38,346 --> 00:03:40,706 Speaker 4: all of that has been something we've had in common 68 00:03:40,746 --> 00:03:44,976 Speaker 4: a long time. So that has been natural and easy, 69 00:03:45,536 --> 00:03:50,876 Speaker 4: which I think is great for anybody. And the more 70 00:03:50,956 --> 00:03:55,776 Speaker 4: we've gotten older, a lot of those sports have faded 71 00:03:55,856 --> 00:03:59,606 Speaker 4: to things we certainly don't do anymore. And for both 72 00:04:01,086 --> 00:04:04,526 Speaker 4: predominantly health reasons. And it's been really fun. 73 00:04:04,606 --> 00:04:06,146 Speaker 3: The last, what are we on? 74 00:04:06,366 --> 00:04:11,526 Speaker 4: Year four, I guess, of playing golf together, which I 75 00:04:11,606 --> 00:04:16,386 Speaker 4: personally think is such a great relationship sport. We're out 76 00:04:16,426 --> 00:04:19,486 Speaker 4: there for two, three, four hours at a time and 77 00:04:21,036 --> 00:04:26,196 Speaker 4: enjoying space together, being a lot of times just. 78 00:04:25,996 --> 00:04:26,576 Speaker 3: The two of us. 79 00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:29,486 Speaker 4: And so it's been a great way We haven't had 80 00:04:29,606 --> 00:04:33,496 Speaker 4: something quite like that where you don't compete against each other. 81 00:04:33,516 --> 00:04:39,255 Speaker 4: You do your own thing and hopefully encourage one another mostly. 82 00:04:39,536 --> 00:04:42,536 Speaker 1: I will say it was very difficult for me to start. 83 00:04:43,476 --> 00:04:45,996 Speaker 1: I played on a tennis team I had with dear 84 00:04:46,086 --> 00:04:50,065 Speaker 1: friends for 15 years and had a neck injury. I 85 00:04:50,106 --> 00:04:53,075 Speaker 1: had a lot of injuries that prevented me from playing 86 00:04:53,116 --> 00:04:58,336 Speaker 1: tennis and spent a couple years crying, mourning that. Very difficult. 87 00:04:58,456 --> 00:05:00,976 Speaker 1: I lost, you know, community and the ability to be 88 00:05:01,016 --> 00:05:03,916 Speaker 1: with a lot of friends. And golf was always, I 89 00:05:03,966 --> 00:05:06,266 Speaker 1: grew up in a golf home. My dad loved golf. 90 00:05:06,326 --> 00:05:08,706 Speaker 1: It was on TV. He was great. Loved that. I 91 00:05:08,746 --> 00:05:11,626 Speaker 1: never played as a child. And so I want to 92 00:05:11,666 --> 00:05:15,506 Speaker 1: encourage any women whose husbands may play and you think 93 00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:18,556 Speaker 1: I could never do that, That you can. It was 94 00:05:18,656 --> 00:05:22,436 Speaker 1: not easy for me. I mean, it's been four years 95 00:05:22,476 --> 00:05:26,006 Speaker 1: where I can finally say that I play. Because I 96 00:05:26,046 --> 00:05:29,486 Speaker 1: left the driving range many times in tears. It was 97 00:05:29,586 --> 00:05:31,566 Speaker 1: hard for me to learn. I thought I could never 98 00:05:31,626 --> 00:05:34,206 Speaker 1: do this. I mean, it wasn't. But I thought, you 99 00:05:34,246 --> 00:05:37,916 Speaker 1: know what? This is what I can do with him. 100 00:05:37,936 --> 00:05:40,335 Speaker 1: And he's been so awesome. 101 00:05:40,556 --> 00:05:41,456 Speaker 3: I love Audible. 102 00:05:41,596 --> 00:05:44,296 Speaker 1: I love to listen to books when I drive. And 103 00:05:44,356 --> 00:05:47,866 Speaker 1: so that's been a new... Thing that we've enjoyed together 104 00:05:47,986 --> 00:05:50,836 Speaker 1: is researching a book, finding a book. We take long 105 00:05:51,796 --> 00:05:54,755 Speaker 1: road trips to see our grandkids and finding a book. 106 00:05:54,876 --> 00:05:58,716 Speaker 1: And then we talk about it. And we started just now, 107 00:05:58,796 --> 00:06:00,536 Speaker 1: for those of you that have raised your kids on 108 00:06:00,556 --> 00:06:03,296 Speaker 1: the Chronicles of Narnia, that's been a fun thing. We've 109 00:06:03,356 --> 00:06:06,556 Speaker 1: gone back and have started. And, you know, just even 110 00:06:06,596 --> 00:06:08,895 Speaker 1: like playing a game at home. I know the Mahjong 111 00:06:08,956 --> 00:06:09,596 Speaker 1: craze is. 112 00:06:09,596 --> 00:06:10,876 Speaker 3: All out there. 113 00:06:10,936 --> 00:06:13,596 Speaker 1: And I enjoy it. I enjoy it with my friends. 114 00:06:13,676 --> 00:06:16,646 Speaker 1: Gordie's learning. And so we're, you know, it's good to 115 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,426 Speaker 1: have things that you do separately too. But the things 116 00:06:20,466 --> 00:06:22,746 Speaker 1: that have brought us together are things I don't think 117 00:06:22,786 --> 00:06:25,006 Speaker 1: we would have thought of if you asked us eight 118 00:06:25,046 --> 00:06:27,106 Speaker 1: years ago, you know, are we going to do these things? 119 00:06:27,565 --> 00:06:28,426 Speaker 1: I wouldn't have thought that. 120 00:06:28,445 --> 00:06:33,126 Speaker 4: I think specific to your question, I think it's easy 121 00:06:33,166 --> 00:06:36,096 Speaker 4: to find things that you like separately. 122 00:06:37,796 --> 00:06:38,816 Speaker 3: That's a natural thing. 123 00:06:39,356 --> 00:06:41,316 Speaker 4: You go and do the things you've been doing since 124 00:06:41,356 --> 00:06:43,556 Speaker 4: you were a kid and you keep doing them. 125 00:06:44,456 --> 00:06:47,275 Speaker 3: And if your spouse doesn't, that's okay. 126 00:06:47,356 --> 00:06:47,576 Speaker 1: Right. 127 00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:49,356 Speaker 4: And so you just keep going and then you look 128 00:06:49,416 --> 00:06:54,166 Speaker 4: up and go, man, we don't do a whole lot together. 129 00:06:54,726 --> 00:06:56,766 Speaker 3: Tie this into the conversation. 130 00:06:56,206 --> 00:06:58,546 Speaker 4: We're having today, except what we do with our kids. 131 00:06:58,986 --> 00:06:59,366 Speaker 2: Yeah. 132 00:06:59,766 --> 00:07:00,026 Speaker 1: Right. 133 00:07:00,426 --> 00:07:00,666 Speaker 4: Right. 134 00:07:01,046 --> 00:07:04,996 Speaker 3: And it's really natural. And it just happens. 135 00:07:06,556 --> 00:07:09,976 Speaker 4: And obviously, there are some circumstances where kids stay in 136 00:07:09,996 --> 00:07:13,736 Speaker 4: the home. But for the most part, you end up 137 00:07:13,796 --> 00:07:18,556 Speaker 4: in an empty nest sometime. And all of a sudden, wow, 138 00:07:19,176 --> 00:07:22,096 Speaker 4: we don't know how to hang out with each other. 139 00:07:23,236 --> 00:07:26,506 Speaker 4: We used to. That's why we liked each other, you know, 140 00:07:26,526 --> 00:07:30,186 Speaker 4: at the beginning. And I think that's why there's such 141 00:07:30,226 --> 00:07:33,826 Speaker 4: a struggle. which was the beginning of Char's podcast, was 142 00:07:34,446 --> 00:07:37,306 Speaker 4: this struggle that she read about, that she had friends 143 00:07:37,366 --> 00:07:38,016 Speaker 4: going through. 144 00:07:38,036 --> 00:07:42,156 Speaker 3: And we've learned more about the last six years. 145 00:07:44,096 --> 00:07:47,216 Speaker 4: And so I'm very grateful that the last several years 146 00:07:47,256 --> 00:07:47,976 Speaker 4: have brought. 147 00:07:47,776 --> 00:07:52,516 Speaker 3: Some things that we didn't do six years ago together. 148 00:07:52,536 --> 00:07:55,076 Speaker 3: And that's been great. 149 00:07:55,456 --> 00:07:59,626 Speaker 4: And like you said about people that don't have natural 150 00:08:00,396 --> 00:08:01,716 Speaker 4: then okay, find some things. 151 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:06,056 Speaker 3: There's not an excuse that you don't have things. 152 00:08:06,876 --> 00:08:07,486 Speaker 1: I'm laughing. 153 00:08:07,746 --> 00:08:10,566 Speaker 2: I'm laughing because my husband is very athletic and I 154 00:08:10,626 --> 00:08:12,986 Speaker 2: am not. So, you know, he skis and I tried 155 00:08:13,006 --> 00:08:15,366 Speaker 2: to learn how to ski and I'm like, I'm on 156 00:08:15,386 --> 00:08:17,286 Speaker 2: the greens and they're on the black diamonds. Him and 157 00:08:17,326 --> 00:08:20,166 Speaker 2: my kids kept learning, you know, he knew and the 158 00:08:20,206 --> 00:08:22,636 Speaker 2: kids kept learning and I kept being terrified and being 159 00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:25,176 Speaker 2: on the green. And we finally have realized I am 160 00:08:25,476 --> 00:08:28,686 Speaker 2: so much better at Drinking my coffee and reading a 161 00:08:28,726 --> 00:08:31,106 Speaker 2: book and you guys go out and I will cook 162 00:08:31,186 --> 00:08:33,476 Speaker 2: and you come home and that's great. But then I've 163 00:08:33,516 --> 00:08:35,536 Speaker 2: realized there are things I do have to learn how 164 00:08:35,576 --> 00:08:38,256 Speaker 2: to do. So I'm not always on the sidelines. So 165 00:08:38,296 --> 00:08:41,646 Speaker 2: that's looked like martial arts. We did martial arts all 166 00:08:41,706 --> 00:08:43,906 Speaker 2: together when our kids were in elementary school, all five 167 00:08:43,946 --> 00:08:44,266 Speaker 2: of us. 168 00:08:44,206 --> 00:08:45,285 Speaker 1: With three kids. 169 00:08:45,726 --> 00:08:48,306 Speaker 2: And then we are, and then to your point, we 170 00:08:48,346 --> 00:08:51,426 Speaker 2: are literally learning golf right now. My husband and I 171 00:08:51,506 --> 00:08:55,016 Speaker 2: are in our fifties and we are literally like, okay, 172 00:08:55,046 --> 00:08:56,876 Speaker 2: we are going to learn this together. So we have 173 00:08:56,916 --> 00:08:59,796 Speaker 2: a net in our backyard and he bought a set 174 00:08:59,836 --> 00:09:02,656 Speaker 2: of clubs and we're going to take a class. So 175 00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:05,076 Speaker 2: I'm very encouraged by what you're saying, Charlotte. 176 00:09:05,156 --> 00:09:05,796 Speaker 1: That's great. 177 00:09:05,936 --> 00:09:07,796 Speaker 2: It can be hard, but stick with it. 178 00:09:07,936 --> 00:09:08,236 Speaker 4: Yeah. 179 00:09:09,256 --> 00:09:12,316 Speaker 2: And what I'm hearing and what we're kind of demonstrating 180 00:09:12,676 --> 00:09:16,156 Speaker 2: is it really is a good investment. To figure out 181 00:09:16,496 --> 00:09:19,596 Speaker 2: how can we spend time together and enjoy one another 182 00:09:19,796 --> 00:09:23,456 Speaker 2: and keep living after the kids leave our home. And 183 00:09:23,496 --> 00:09:25,526 Speaker 2: I love what you said, Gordie, about, you know, think 184 00:09:25,536 --> 00:09:28,886 Speaker 2: of that Venn diagram of the two circles overlapping. And 185 00:09:28,906 --> 00:09:31,466 Speaker 2: when you're dating, you do everything together and you love 186 00:09:31,506 --> 00:09:33,826 Speaker 2: doing everything together because you want to be together. So 187 00:09:33,886 --> 00:09:35,036 Speaker 2: you if she loves you. 188 00:09:35,366 --> 00:09:36,446 Speaker 1: Shopping, you love shopping. 189 00:09:36,506 --> 00:09:38,386 Speaker 2: If he loves the football, you love the football game 190 00:09:38,406 --> 00:09:40,905 Speaker 2: because you just want to be together. But then as 191 00:09:40,946 --> 00:09:44,256 Speaker 2: you're married, you realize, I don't like shopping. I don't 192 00:09:44,296 --> 00:09:47,636 Speaker 2: like the football game. And those circles separate. And then 193 00:09:47,656 --> 00:09:51,176 Speaker 2: the kids are what's in between. And what a wise 194 00:09:51,236 --> 00:09:54,886 Speaker 2: thing to realize when those kids leave for college, then 195 00:09:54,946 --> 00:09:58,266 Speaker 2: leave your home and leave that connection empty. You don't 196 00:09:58,306 --> 00:10:01,326 Speaker 2: want to be two circles just butting up against each other. 197 00:10:01,866 --> 00:10:08,056 Speaker 2: You want overlapping things and interests and pursuits and like 198 00:10:08,096 --> 00:10:09,616 Speaker 2: what you're saying about listening to books. 199 00:10:09,756 --> 00:10:11,736 Speaker 1: It could be anything. 200 00:10:12,016 --> 00:10:13,136 Speaker 2: It could be basketball. 201 00:10:13,156 --> 00:10:13,916 Speaker 1: It could be hiking. 202 00:10:14,096 --> 00:10:16,886 Speaker 2: In my book, Making Marriage Easier, there's like 50 activities 203 00:10:16,926 --> 00:10:19,836 Speaker 2: that you could choose from. You could do anything. as 204 00:10:19,896 --> 00:10:20,836 Speaker 2: long as it's together. 205 00:10:21,076 --> 00:10:23,776 Speaker 1: Well, and I think the sweetest part of our day 206 00:10:24,136 --> 00:10:26,616 Speaker 1: is the very first thing in the morning when we 207 00:10:27,406 --> 00:10:30,926 Speaker 1: have a candle and we have our Bibles open. And 208 00:10:30,946 --> 00:10:33,826 Speaker 1: our church right now is reading through the Bible in 209 00:10:33,866 --> 00:10:35,926 Speaker 1: a year. So that's been great because we're just reading 210 00:10:36,106 --> 00:10:39,166 Speaker 1: the same thing. But having that quiet time, even if you're, 211 00:10:39,426 --> 00:10:42,266 Speaker 1: you know, we're sitting in our recliners, you know, we 212 00:10:42,326 --> 00:10:44,706 Speaker 1: are like the typical older couple that's doing that. 213 00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:50,146 Speaker 5: But we do sit together and starting the day with 214 00:10:51,006 --> 00:10:54,926 Speaker 5: God's word and scripture and either a devotional that you 215 00:10:54,986 --> 00:10:56,366 Speaker 5: enjoy or just time. 216 00:10:56,506 --> 00:10:59,926 Speaker 1: You know, we've talked about that, but that's been, and 217 00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:02,666 Speaker 1: when we travel, we love to travel, but that's something 218 00:11:02,706 --> 00:11:05,386 Speaker 1: that we miss is that we try to create that. 219 00:11:05,626 --> 00:11:06,826 Speaker 1: But it's just something when. 220 00:11:06,766 --> 00:11:10,226 Speaker 4: You're at home, We tried to have quiet time with 221 00:11:10,266 --> 00:11:14,606 Speaker 4: our granddaughter, which is a hilarious non-quiet time. 222 00:11:15,946 --> 00:11:18,426 Speaker 3: But it's funny. 223 00:11:19,226 --> 00:11:22,736 Speaker 4: She was asking her mom for quiet time with Sonny 224 00:11:22,776 --> 00:11:23,816 Speaker 4: and Dude the other day. 225 00:11:23,896 --> 00:11:25,476 Speaker 3: So that was pretty cool. 226 00:11:25,976 --> 00:11:29,016 Speaker 2: And that's inspiration for the mom with a little kid 227 00:11:29,436 --> 00:11:31,036 Speaker 2: to be able to say, we light this candle and 228 00:11:31,056 --> 00:11:33,576 Speaker 2: we're going to have our little quiet time. And I mean, 229 00:11:33,636 --> 00:11:34,696 Speaker 2: a child could learn that. 230 00:11:34,716 --> 00:11:35,536 Speaker 4: They can. 231 00:11:35,626 --> 00:11:38,486 Speaker 1: Yes, they sure can. But that's the most meaningful thing, 232 00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:41,046 Speaker 1: I think, that has, you know, of just the shared 233 00:11:41,326 --> 00:11:43,246 Speaker 1: time that kind of sets the tone for the day. 234 00:11:43,546 --> 00:11:43,846 Speaker 4: Yeah. 235 00:11:44,386 --> 00:11:47,346 Speaker 2: What was your transition into the emptiness like? Tell us 236 00:11:47,406 --> 00:11:50,046 Speaker 2: how old your kids are and who was it harder 237 00:11:50,306 --> 00:11:51,366 Speaker 2: on and all that. 238 00:11:51,386 --> 00:11:52,866 Speaker 3: It was quite sudden. 239 00:11:54,016 --> 00:11:58,836 Speaker 4: We have three kids, all very much adults at this point. 240 00:11:58,956 --> 00:12:00,376 Speaker 3: Daughter, son, and daughter. 241 00:12:00,396 --> 00:12:00,466 Speaker 1: Now. 242 00:12:00,456 --> 00:12:05,416 Speaker 4: 32, 30, 26. 243 00:12:05,416 --> 00:12:10,536 Speaker 3: So we've been empty nesting eight years officially, I guess. 244 00:12:10,736 --> 00:12:11,576 Speaker 1: Yeah. 245 00:12:11,616 --> 00:12:16,196 Speaker 4: Cambry was leaving for college. Grant, our son was home 246 00:12:16,236 --> 00:12:21,206 Speaker 4: for the summer, had a new job after college and 247 00:12:21,246 --> 00:12:22,166 Speaker 4: was home for the summer. 248 00:12:22,746 --> 00:12:23,546 Speaker 3: We were moving. 249 00:12:23,566 --> 00:12:30,046 Speaker 4: Our oldest was engaged and Charlotte had neck surgery that 250 00:12:30,126 --> 00:12:31,446 Speaker 4: she referred to earlier. 251 00:12:32,006 --> 00:12:33,566 Speaker 3: So we're living in a rent house. 252 00:12:34,166 --> 00:12:38,726 Speaker 4: On the Sunday after the Saturday night wedding, we hugged 253 00:12:38,786 --> 00:12:41,346 Speaker 4: and kissed our daughter and son-in-law and they headed off 254 00:12:41,426 --> 00:12:46,846 Speaker 4: on their honeymoon. We literally turned around, helped Grant finish 255 00:12:46,906 --> 00:12:51,246 Speaker 4: getting his stuff into his truck, hugged and kissed him 256 00:12:51,426 --> 00:12:57,896 Speaker 4: and sent him off to his first real job and 257 00:12:57,926 --> 00:12:59,236 Speaker 4: then ran. 258 00:12:58,826 --> 00:13:00,396 Speaker 3: Because we were running late. 259 00:13:01,026 --> 00:13:04,406 Speaker 4: And loaded our car and took our youngest to the 260 00:13:04,526 --> 00:13:09,116 Speaker 4: airport and put her on a plane. She actually did 261 00:13:09,316 --> 00:13:12,416 Speaker 4: travel abroad her first semester, which is a little odd, but, 262 00:13:12,856 --> 00:13:18,716 Speaker 4: and so literally we're standing on the, on the sidewalk 263 00:13:18,856 --> 00:13:23,116 Speaker 4: area where the, of course, all the security tells you 264 00:13:23,176 --> 00:13:26,186 Speaker 4: not to stand and leave your car unintended and all that. 265 00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:28,306 Speaker 4: It was a Sunday morning, so it wasn't real busy, 266 00:13:28,406 --> 00:13:33,126 Speaker 4: but She's running in with her bags kind of waving, 267 00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:35,946 Speaker 4: you know, over her shoulder because we're in a hurry 268 00:13:36,306 --> 00:13:36,886 Speaker 4: and we're. 269 00:13:36,726 --> 00:13:40,106 Speaker 3: Just standing there. And all of a sudden, I mean, 270 00:13:41,146 --> 00:13:44,186 Speaker 3: literally all of a sudden there we were. 271 00:13:44,666 --> 00:13:45,506 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. 272 00:13:45,886 --> 00:13:47,026 Speaker 1: I know it makes us cry. 273 00:13:48,506 --> 00:13:49,346 Speaker 3: It was shocking. 274 00:13:49,386 --> 00:13:50,536 Speaker 1: Yeah. It was so hard. 275 00:13:50,616 --> 00:13:54,496 Speaker 4: And we stood on that sidewalk and just started weeping 276 00:13:55,396 --> 00:13:58,966 Speaker 4: and hugging each other. And it was the funniest, a, 277 00:13:59,556 --> 00:14:03,196 Speaker 4: security guy got out of it, pulled up behind our car, 278 00:14:03,916 --> 00:14:08,616 Speaker 4: got out, started toward us and then saw us. And 279 00:14:08,696 --> 00:14:12,276 Speaker 4: he just kind of backed up and drove away. 280 00:14:12,316 --> 00:14:14,456 Speaker 3: So we, we looked, we looked. 281 00:14:15,156 --> 00:14:18,276 Speaker 4: I guess, safe enough or pitiful enough or whatever it was, 282 00:14:18,476 --> 00:14:23,536 Speaker 4: but it was, I guess, circumstantially it, I think we 283 00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:27,946 Speaker 4: were getting prepared, but it got dropped in our lap. 284 00:14:28,486 --> 00:14:33,036 Speaker 3: Literally, All at one time. And it was dramatic for 285 00:14:33,276 --> 00:14:34,216 Speaker 3: us in that way. 286 00:14:34,296 --> 00:14:36,866 Speaker 1: And it was all good things. You know, we don't 287 00:14:36,906 --> 00:14:41,246 Speaker 1: take that lightly because every child was going off to 288 00:14:41,446 --> 00:14:44,246 Speaker 1: what we thought was the Lord's will for them. Exactly 289 00:14:44,286 --> 00:14:45,966 Speaker 1: what they were supposed to be doing. So there was 290 00:14:45,986 --> 00:14:49,146 Speaker 1: a peace there. But some wise friends of ours and 291 00:14:49,186 --> 00:14:52,526 Speaker 1: some mentors said, do not go home. Go to a 292 00:14:52,586 --> 00:14:56,226 Speaker 1: hotel for two days. Because you guys have so much 293 00:14:56,326 --> 00:15:00,876 Speaker 1: loss at one time, even though it's good. And I mean, 294 00:15:00,916 --> 00:15:07,836 Speaker 1: we were just exhausted and emotionally exhausting and just preparing 295 00:15:08,076 --> 00:15:12,046 Speaker 1: everyone and then realizing like they are all, they are 296 00:15:12,146 --> 00:15:15,956 Speaker 1: all gone. I mean, it is just, um, you know, I, 297 00:15:15,966 --> 00:15:19,246 Speaker 1: I refer to it as the great loud quiet. I mean, 298 00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:23,746 Speaker 1: it was, it was just, um, all at one time. And, uh, 299 00:15:25,406 --> 00:15:27,876 Speaker 1: And we were thankful, but we were just sad. You're 300 00:15:27,896 --> 00:15:28,496 Speaker 1: just sad. 301 00:15:29,176 --> 00:15:33,076 Speaker 3: It was all good. And I think it's usually a lot. 302 00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:38,656 Speaker 4: Of good around what is happening. It doesn't change the effect. 303 00:15:39,736 --> 00:15:46,166 Speaker 4: And it's not just the mom. It's not just the woman. 304 00:15:46,906 --> 00:15:49,506 Speaker 4: I think it hits differently. I think it hits for 305 00:15:49,546 --> 00:15:56,496 Speaker 4: different reasons. I think sometimes it does have more direct 306 00:15:56,556 --> 00:15:58,436 Speaker 4: impact to what happens. 307 00:15:58,496 --> 00:16:04,116 Speaker 3: And so I'm not downplaying that, but it's real for 308 00:16:04,156 --> 00:16:04,616 Speaker 3: men too. 309 00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:07,986 Speaker 4: And I think it's one of those things that a 310 00:16:08,036 --> 00:16:10,446 Speaker 4: lot of men probably hide and, and. 311 00:16:10,406 --> 00:16:13,806 Speaker 3: Put up a little bit of a fake facade. 312 00:16:13,286 --> 00:16:15,906 Speaker 4: That, Oh yeah, this, Hey, they're all great. It's all, 313 00:16:16,066 --> 00:16:18,546 Speaker 4: you know, this is how it's supposed to be. And 314 00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:22,826 Speaker 4: I remember saying those words on occasion, but it, it 315 00:16:23,106 --> 00:16:24,686 Speaker 4: is a real thing for men too. Yeah. 316 00:16:24,706 --> 00:16:24,796 Speaker 3: Yeah. 317 00:16:26,076 --> 00:16:29,356 Speaker 2: What has helped the both of you like in that adjustment? Like, 318 00:16:29,396 --> 00:16:31,896 Speaker 2: so that was, that's good advice to go to the hotel. 319 00:16:32,836 --> 00:16:36,546 Speaker 2: What eased in that next transition of this next season 320 00:16:36,586 --> 00:16:36,966 Speaker 2: of life? 321 00:16:38,346 --> 00:16:39,406 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's a, wow. 322 00:16:39,486 --> 00:16:44,106 Speaker 1: That's great question. A lot of prayer. We have been 323 00:16:44,226 --> 00:16:49,156 Speaker 1: really fortunate to learn from wise people. You know, my 324 00:16:49,176 --> 00:16:52,536 Speaker 1: whole podcast started cause I wanted to learn from anybody 325 00:16:52,676 --> 00:16:56,426 Speaker 1: that had a lot of wisdom in this. And, One 326 00:16:56,466 --> 00:16:59,526 Speaker 1: of our, I guess, mentors in this whole empty nesting 327 00:16:59,606 --> 00:17:01,806 Speaker 1: thing is a man named Jim Burns that a lot 328 00:17:01,846 --> 00:17:02,966 Speaker 1: of your followers probably know. 329 00:17:03,086 --> 00:17:03,796 Speaker 2: I love Jim Burns so much. 330 00:17:03,806 --> 00:17:04,426 Speaker 4: And so some of. 331 00:17:04,416 --> 00:17:08,076 Speaker 1: His wise words and books are, you know, you're kind 332 00:17:08,116 --> 00:17:11,376 Speaker 1: of in a need-to-know basis. If you've raised these kids 333 00:17:11,596 --> 00:17:15,146 Speaker 1: and you're sending them off and trusting the Lord with them, 334 00:17:15,386 --> 00:17:18,746 Speaker 1: that they'll let you know if they need you. So 335 00:17:18,786 --> 00:17:21,306 Speaker 1: that was kind of a new dance. I think we 336 00:17:21,886 --> 00:17:25,766 Speaker 1: wanted to learn, like, what do they need from us? 337 00:17:26,106 --> 00:17:29,955 Speaker 1: And then also you have your desires too. So parents 338 00:17:29,995 --> 00:17:33,076 Speaker 1: out there that have your desires, I grew up kind 339 00:17:33,116 --> 00:17:35,476 Speaker 1: of checking in with my mom and dad every Sunday. 340 00:17:35,775 --> 00:17:38,576 Speaker 1: So that was just kind of a thing that I thought, well, 341 00:17:38,876 --> 00:17:41,296 Speaker 1: could that work, you know, with our kids? And so 342 00:17:41,336 --> 00:17:44,686 Speaker 1: we had, I guess we had some dialogue about, we 343 00:17:44,765 --> 00:17:49,156 Speaker 1: certainly did not bother the newlywed couple for a while. And, 344 00:17:49,455 --> 00:17:51,796 Speaker 1: and I don't mean bother. I don't think I like 345 00:17:51,816 --> 00:17:55,356 Speaker 1: that word. I think if you're close, it's really not bothering, 346 00:17:55,396 --> 00:18:00,746 Speaker 1: but just knowing that they really don't want a lot 347 00:18:00,785 --> 00:18:04,066 Speaker 1: of advice right now and they want us to encourage 348 00:18:04,146 --> 00:18:07,805 Speaker 1: them and to just be, I think one of the 349 00:18:07,886 --> 00:18:11,366 Speaker 1: best things that I remember learning is when you do 350 00:18:11,426 --> 00:18:15,356 Speaker 1: dialogue with them, It's better to be the safest person 351 00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:19,376 Speaker 1: in the room than the smartest. And it's better to 352 00:18:19,436 --> 00:18:23,516 Speaker 1: be kind than right. And so if we can just 353 00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:27,656 Speaker 1: keep reminding them they have what it takes and not 354 00:18:27,816 --> 00:18:30,475 Speaker 1: offer a whole lot of advice at this time. I 355 00:18:30,916 --> 00:18:32,335 Speaker 1: don't know. You might have other thoughts. 356 00:18:32,816 --> 00:18:35,795 Speaker 4: I think, you know, what changed for us was in 357 00:18:35,896 --> 00:18:42,775 Speaker 4: a horrible way, fortunate. That was late 2018. toward the 358 00:18:42,836 --> 00:18:46,735 Speaker 4: second half or in the second half of 2018, early 359 00:18:46,735 --> 00:18:47,936 Speaker 4: 2020 was COVID. 360 00:18:48,156 --> 00:18:48,475 Speaker 1: Right. 361 00:18:49,035 --> 00:18:53,396 Speaker 3: And it put me at home for the first time 362 00:18:54,296 --> 00:18:57,976 Speaker 3: during the day for a while. Yeah. And that, which 363 00:18:58,035 --> 00:18:59,475 Speaker 3: is a longer, different story. 364 00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:05,396 Speaker 4: Charlotte started Empty Nest Guests out of a COVID experience 365 00:19:05,796 --> 00:19:09,436 Speaker 4: that she was, that other friends were having. And so 366 00:19:09,775 --> 00:19:16,006 Speaker 4: our attentiveness and, I think God's calling, particularly on her 367 00:19:16,066 --> 00:19:19,366 Speaker 4: life for a number of years and then us together 368 00:19:19,525 --> 00:19:24,045 Speaker 4: over the last couple with the book and things, was 369 00:19:24,166 --> 00:19:27,746 Speaker 4: some of that preparation came out of that. And so 370 00:19:28,225 --> 00:19:30,606 Speaker 4: not that we were forced into it, but I think 371 00:19:30,626 --> 00:19:34,965 Speaker 4: God kind of called us into some awareness of that. 372 00:19:36,386 --> 00:19:38,985 Speaker 4: And as it related to our kids, I think one 373 00:19:39,005 --> 00:19:41,255 Speaker 4: of the things that we've heard from them clearly is, 374 00:19:42,876 --> 00:19:45,455 Speaker 4: we just need to know you're available and we just 375 00:19:45,495 --> 00:19:49,715 Speaker 4: need to know that you're there and not hovering to 376 00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,495 Speaker 4: be quite honest, that we're, we're there. Recognize that when 377 00:19:53,896 --> 00:19:57,045 Speaker 4: the empty nest is different for us, it's different for 378 00:19:57,086 --> 00:20:01,766 Speaker 4: your kids. Begin to talk to them about that difference. 379 00:20:02,406 --> 00:20:07,586 Speaker 4: What do you, what do you child need differently? We 380 00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:08,865 Speaker 4: can adapt. Yeah. 381 00:20:09,836 --> 00:20:11,315 Speaker 3: To, to you too. 382 00:20:11,475 --> 00:20:18,376 Speaker 4: Your life is changing dramatically. So help us, help us understand. And, 383 00:20:18,396 --> 00:20:20,976 Speaker 4: and our, all three of our children and, and the, 384 00:20:21,775 --> 00:20:23,835 Speaker 4: we call them our other son and daughter, the. 385 00:20:23,755 --> 00:20:26,116 Speaker 3: In-laws have done the same. 386 00:20:26,775 --> 00:20:30,176 Speaker 4: And, and that has probably been our biggest help It 387 00:20:30,215 --> 00:20:32,095 Speaker 4: is them talking to us about what they need. 388 00:20:32,676 --> 00:20:33,276 Speaker 1: It's beautiful. 389 00:20:33,336 --> 00:20:33,696 Speaker 4: For sure. 390 00:20:33,735 --> 00:20:36,096 Speaker 1: You know, there were a lot of, at the beginning 391 00:20:36,116 --> 00:20:39,085 Speaker 1: of that podcast that started, truly the Lord just started 392 00:20:39,126 --> 00:20:42,066 Speaker 1: that whole thing. But it was amazing how many people 393 00:20:42,106 --> 00:20:44,525 Speaker 1: that I talked to that said, I'm just lonely at 394 00:20:44,606 --> 00:20:48,946 Speaker 1: home with my spouse. I don't know how to be 395 00:20:49,186 --> 00:20:52,106 Speaker 1: different than roommates. I'm not sure where, you know. And 396 00:20:52,255 --> 00:20:55,576 Speaker 1: so I would, we started talking about this. Like, this 397 00:20:55,636 --> 00:20:58,156 Speaker 1: is a real thing. And gray divorce is a very 398 00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:58,715 Speaker 1: real thing. 399 00:20:58,816 --> 00:20:59,055 Speaker 4: It is. 400 00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:02,465 Speaker 1: In our country and in our world right now. And 401 00:21:02,566 --> 00:21:07,246 Speaker 1: so how do you avoid that? And you just have 402 00:21:07,285 --> 00:21:10,766 Speaker 1: to be authentic and share how you feel and have 403 00:21:10,826 --> 00:21:14,166 Speaker 1: real conversations with your children and with the one you love, 404 00:21:14,186 --> 00:21:14,926 Speaker 1: for sure. 405 00:21:15,285 --> 00:21:17,146 Speaker 2: Give us some examples. You know, your book is a 406 00:21:17,205 --> 00:21:20,845 Speaker 2: little more room for us. What are a few ways 407 00:21:20,946 --> 00:21:23,326 Speaker 2: you can turn towards your spouse and you don't have 408 00:21:23,366 --> 00:21:25,136 Speaker 2: to wait for emptiness to do this? 409 00:21:25,576 --> 00:21:29,096 Speaker 3: No, I think it's important that you don't wait. 410 00:21:29,725 --> 00:21:32,706 Speaker 4: I think both of us would say if we could 411 00:21:32,765 --> 00:21:36,885 Speaker 4: go back a little bit before empty nest, you know, 412 00:21:37,166 --> 00:21:40,965 Speaker 4: several years anyway, you begin, I think everybody begins to 413 00:21:41,046 --> 00:21:44,045 Speaker 4: feel it when that last one turns 16 and starts, 414 00:21:44,126 --> 00:21:46,745 Speaker 4: and you don't drive in our case, her to school 415 00:21:46,846 --> 00:21:50,086 Speaker 4: and get donut on, you know. 416 00:21:50,166 --> 00:21:51,045 Speaker 3: Or whatever it is. 417 00:21:51,126 --> 00:21:51,386 Speaker 1: Right. 418 00:21:52,446 --> 00:21:57,386 Speaker 3: You begin to see this is happening. Right. Don't just, 419 00:21:57,566 --> 00:22:02,485 Speaker 3: don't just, No, it's coming. Start making changes. Create. I mean, 420 00:22:03,096 --> 00:22:03,845 Speaker 3: most people have heard this. 421 00:22:03,926 --> 00:22:11,545 Speaker 4: Create date nights. Start talking about what's up in our life. 422 00:22:12,025 --> 00:22:14,546 Speaker 4: I know we have learned mostly through counseling. A lot 423 00:22:15,955 --> 00:22:19,196 Speaker 4: of times it's a communication problem, right? We just haven't 424 00:22:19,255 --> 00:22:23,816 Speaker 4: talked about it. So go have a dinner out and say, 425 00:22:23,916 --> 00:22:28,215 Speaker 4: we're going to talk about an emptiness that's coming. what, 426 00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:30,866 Speaker 4: how does that feel to you? What are you scared of? 427 00:22:30,876 --> 00:22:34,536 Speaker 4: What are you excited about? What could we do? How can, 428 00:22:34,856 --> 00:22:38,916 Speaker 4: how can we take advantage? I think that's the part, 429 00:22:40,015 --> 00:22:44,176 Speaker 4: you know, in thinking about this, it isn't a bad thing. 430 00:22:44,876 --> 00:22:45,096 Speaker 1: Yeah. 431 00:22:45,296 --> 00:22:47,416 Speaker 3: This is a real opportunity. 432 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:52,716 Speaker 4: Charlotte and I have never had this time together for 433 00:22:52,755 --> 00:22:57,505 Speaker 4: the last, whatever it is, 32, or well, with. 434 00:22:57,406 --> 00:22:59,606 Speaker 3: Cameron, 26 years, right? 435 00:23:01,426 --> 00:23:04,865 Speaker 4: That is a wonderful opportunity, one that God wants to 436 00:23:04,906 --> 00:23:08,546 Speaker 4: take advantage of in our life. And it is different 437 00:23:09,265 --> 00:23:11,366 Speaker 4: than when we were engaged or just married. 438 00:23:11,906 --> 00:23:12,286 Speaker 3: Great. 439 00:23:13,346 --> 00:23:18,205 Speaker 4: That's awesome. And we are having more fun. And so 440 00:23:18,245 --> 00:23:22,795 Speaker 4: be intentional, be communicative, call it out. Don't play around it. 441 00:23:22,906 --> 00:23:25,765 Speaker 4: Just go hit it head on and start talking. 442 00:23:26,146 --> 00:23:28,846 Speaker 1: And a fun thing with technology these days, one thing 443 00:23:28,886 --> 00:23:31,046 Speaker 1: that's just even been different a little bit of late 444 00:23:31,106 --> 00:23:35,136 Speaker 1: is just fun texts like text each other. You know, 445 00:23:35,196 --> 00:23:37,715 Speaker 1: that's something you not like, hey, get milk on the 446 00:23:37,755 --> 00:23:41,355 Speaker 1: way home. But you can, you know, like, hey, you 447 00:23:41,376 --> 00:23:43,906 Speaker 1: were looking good today or, you know, just some encouraging messages. 448 00:23:44,475 --> 00:23:45,495 Speaker 3: The love symbol. 449 00:23:45,586 --> 00:23:50,735 Speaker 1: Right. And, and definitely, definitely praying together. I mean, and, and, 450 00:23:50,775 --> 00:23:53,735 Speaker 1: you know, ladies, what I tell you, what I can't 451 00:23:53,856 --> 00:23:57,996 Speaker 1: stress enough is so many women sit around and we 452 00:23:58,035 --> 00:24:01,725 Speaker 1: want to be rescued. And there's this rescue mentality of, 453 00:24:01,896 --> 00:24:05,235 Speaker 1: I need my knight in shining armor to come and 454 00:24:05,495 --> 00:24:09,296 Speaker 1: make sure, you know, that you are not putting these 455 00:24:09,465 --> 00:24:12,586 Speaker 1: expectations on your husband because we need to turn to 456 00:24:12,686 --> 00:24:17,245 Speaker 1: them as well. And our words of edification and I'm 457 00:24:17,366 --> 00:24:18,985 Speaker 1: so glad to be with you. I can't wait for 458 00:24:19,005 --> 00:24:22,215 Speaker 1: you to come home. You know, we can plan dates too. 459 00:24:22,316 --> 00:24:25,096 Speaker 1: So I think if we could go back, we would 460 00:24:25,136 --> 00:24:27,416 Speaker 1: have done where like each week it was the other 461 00:24:27,455 --> 00:24:30,316 Speaker 1: person's turn. Yeah. And you can go on a picnic 462 00:24:30,376 --> 00:24:32,356 Speaker 1: for free. You can go on a walk. You can 463 00:24:32,396 --> 00:24:34,965 Speaker 1: go ride bikes. I mean, it doesn't have to always 464 00:24:35,066 --> 00:24:39,746 Speaker 1: be that. And the praying together is so important. And 465 00:24:40,485 --> 00:24:44,856 Speaker 1: you know, not being resentful if that hasn't happened, but saying, hey, 466 00:24:44,946 --> 00:24:47,166 Speaker 1: you know, we haven't prayed in a while. I really 467 00:24:47,285 --> 00:24:49,525 Speaker 1: would love to be close to you in that way. 468 00:24:50,426 --> 00:24:54,386 Speaker 1: And so to also recognize, I think one of the 469 00:24:54,426 --> 00:24:56,466 Speaker 1: main things that I'm not sure a lot of couples 470 00:24:56,546 --> 00:25:00,126 Speaker 1: do these days is recognize that we have an enemy 471 00:25:00,735 --> 00:25:03,476 Speaker 1: that would love for you not to do well and 472 00:25:03,916 --> 00:25:08,196 Speaker 1: to absolutely be on guard. If you're feeling tension or 473 00:25:08,255 --> 00:25:10,496 Speaker 1: feeling and neither one of you has any reason make 474 00:25:10,576 --> 00:25:13,815 Speaker 1: sure it's not some warfare that's kind of getting in 475 00:25:13,836 --> 00:25:18,336 Speaker 1: the way of you being close and call that out 476 00:25:18,676 --> 00:25:21,735 Speaker 1: and and if you're praying and really seeking out the 477 00:25:21,755 --> 00:25:25,035 Speaker 1: best in each other um and and standing firm and 478 00:25:25,116 --> 00:25:27,296 Speaker 1: have your armor on you know some of these things 479 00:25:27,336 --> 00:25:30,355 Speaker 1: should work itself out but there's no reason to be 480 00:25:30,416 --> 00:25:32,775 Speaker 1: turning away at this stage of the game there's a 481 00:25:32,816 --> 00:25:35,116 Speaker 1: lot of good that comes from turning too we switch 482 00:25:35,156 --> 00:25:37,606 Speaker 1: sides of the bed we Just recently. 483 00:25:38,765 --> 00:25:40,506 Speaker 4: The other thing I might say. 484 00:25:41,406 --> 00:25:43,805 Speaker 1: Well, let me finish that because we figured out the 485 00:25:43,846 --> 00:25:46,746 Speaker 1: way we are now. When on my side of the bed, 486 00:25:46,785 --> 00:25:49,225 Speaker 1: I was always turned away to the window. And it 487 00:25:49,265 --> 00:25:51,715 Speaker 1: dawned on me one morning when I check on him 488 00:25:51,775 --> 00:25:54,876 Speaker 1: and just see he's okay. And all we had to 489 00:25:54,916 --> 00:25:56,876 Speaker 1: do was switch sides. So now we wake up and 490 00:25:56,916 --> 00:25:59,535 Speaker 1: we look at each other first thing. It's a small thing, 491 00:26:00,056 --> 00:26:01,496 Speaker 1: but it was the literal turning. 492 00:26:01,576 --> 00:26:04,876 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's true. I think one of the things about 493 00:26:04,955 --> 00:26:06,876 Speaker 3: Empty Nests I. 494 00:26:06,806 --> 00:26:11,676 Speaker 4: Think it exposes where couples have a hole and have 495 00:26:11,715 --> 00:26:16,376 Speaker 4: a struggle. It opens up that, hey, we're not in 496 00:26:16,416 --> 00:26:19,896 Speaker 4: a great spot. And all the things that we could 497 00:26:19,946 --> 00:26:21,225 Speaker 4: say here, they're all real. 498 00:26:21,245 --> 00:26:21,926 Speaker 3: They're all true. 499 00:26:22,886 --> 00:26:27,065 Speaker 4: It may or may not be enough for some of 500 00:26:27,126 --> 00:26:32,026 Speaker 4: the underlying issues that are in some marriages. We are 501 00:26:32,306 --> 00:26:37,166 Speaker 4: and have become huge proponents of finding good counsel. One 502 00:26:37,186 --> 00:26:40,366 Speaker 4: of the things that we always suggest to people is, hey, 503 00:26:41,005 --> 00:26:44,245 Speaker 4: if this is more than you can handle, find somebody 504 00:26:44,285 --> 00:26:49,345 Speaker 4: who's skilled and knowledgeable in how to counsel you and 505 00:26:49,646 --> 00:26:53,085 Speaker 4: seek good Christian counsel. If you've never done it before, 506 00:26:53,346 --> 00:26:56,186 Speaker 4: don't let it be a barrier. Don't be afraid of it. 507 00:26:56,326 --> 00:26:58,705 Speaker 4: Don't taboo it or whatever. 508 00:26:59,386 --> 00:26:59,846 Speaker 3: Just go. 509 00:27:00,576 --> 00:27:04,166 Speaker 4: And make sure that that's one of the possibilities of 510 00:27:04,245 --> 00:27:07,346 Speaker 4: things that you may need to get on the right page. 511 00:27:07,106 --> 00:27:08,005 Speaker 1: With each other. 512 00:27:08,485 --> 00:27:10,875 Speaker 2: There's a humility to like my husband and I have 513 00:27:10,896 --> 00:27:14,556 Speaker 2: been married for 27 years. And at our church, there 514 00:27:14,576 --> 00:27:17,116 Speaker 2: was like this marriage course. And we're like, we need that, 515 00:27:17,176 --> 00:27:19,826 Speaker 2: you know, and it's been so good. So look for 516 00:27:19,866 --> 00:27:23,495 Speaker 2: whether it's your local church. or another church, a re-engage, 517 00:27:23,546 --> 00:27:26,636 Speaker 2: a marriage course, like don't be afraid and do that 518 00:27:26,696 --> 00:27:29,595 Speaker 2: because then you realize, it's funny because the homework would be, 519 00:27:29,616 --> 00:27:32,036 Speaker 2: you know, it would be about conflict and then we'd 520 00:27:32,056 --> 00:27:33,995 Speaker 2: get homework over the week and then we're like fighting 521 00:27:34,035 --> 00:27:35,196 Speaker 2: about this stuff. 522 00:27:35,235 --> 00:27:37,536 Speaker 1: We're like, wait a minute, I thought this was supposed 523 00:27:37,556 --> 00:27:38,096 Speaker 1: to be fun. 524 00:27:38,196 --> 00:27:41,636 Speaker 2: But then through it, you get closer. Like you are realizing, wait, 525 00:27:41,656 --> 00:27:45,576 Speaker 2: I didn't even know you thought that. So be open 526 00:27:45,616 --> 00:27:48,055 Speaker 2: to those things. You know, as we close out, I'm 527 00:27:48,156 --> 00:27:52,116 Speaker 2: realizing that So many times we recognize, God, you have 528 00:27:52,156 --> 00:27:54,295 Speaker 2: this master plan for our children. You're going to do 529 00:27:54,376 --> 00:27:57,866 Speaker 2: great things in their lives. And then we don't realize, wow, God, 530 00:27:57,886 --> 00:28:00,065 Speaker 2: you have a master plan for me. You have a 531 00:28:00,126 --> 00:28:04,666 Speaker 2: master plan for my last third of my life that 532 00:28:04,926 --> 00:28:07,485 Speaker 2: you have awesome plans for me. And I can only 533 00:28:07,546 --> 00:28:12,045 Speaker 2: imagine through the pain of Charlotte's neck injury, losing the 534 00:28:12,106 --> 00:28:15,596 Speaker 2: tennis community, all these losses of your children. and then 535 00:28:15,656 --> 00:28:19,245 Speaker 2: God birthing in you ministry. And obviously just anyone who 536 00:28:19,265 --> 00:28:22,485 Speaker 2: has listened to this podcast can see you both are 537 00:28:22,646 --> 00:28:27,246 Speaker 2: so well-suited to communicate and to minister and to help people. 538 00:28:27,406 --> 00:28:30,975 Speaker 2: So you are a living example that the masterpiece is 539 00:28:30,995 --> 00:28:33,276 Speaker 2: not only for our children, but it's for us as well. 540 00:28:34,136 --> 00:28:36,396 Speaker 3: You're very right about that. And it's easy to lose 541 00:28:36,416 --> 00:28:37,196 Speaker 3: sight of that. Thank you. 542 00:28:37,235 --> 00:28:38,636 Speaker 1: Yeah, it is for sure. 543 00:28:39,246 --> 00:28:41,446 Speaker 2: How can people find out more about you and your 544 00:28:41,526 --> 00:28:44,526 Speaker 2: new devotional, A Little More Room for Us, 100 Devotions 545 00:28:44,566 --> 00:28:45,886 Speaker 2: for the Emptiness Couple? 546 00:28:46,346 --> 00:28:50,486 Speaker 3: Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble, Walmart, Target, you name it. All 547 00:28:50,506 --> 00:28:53,846 Speaker 3: the normal outlets would be great. 548 00:28:54,146 --> 00:29:00,046 Speaker 2: I'm picturing you guys watching. E.T. with popcorn with the book. 549 00:29:01,006 --> 00:29:02,806 Speaker 1: We do. That's a great idea. 550 00:29:02,886 --> 00:29:05,386 Speaker 4: Yeah, you've got to be old enough to be able 551 00:29:05,426 --> 00:29:06,206 Speaker 4: to picture that. 552 00:29:06,446 --> 00:29:07,586 Speaker 1: Yes, for sure. 553 00:29:07,706 --> 00:29:10,716 Speaker 4: You can look up the Empty Nest Guest podcast as well. 554 00:29:10,736 --> 00:29:11,296 Speaker 3: She's got a. 555 00:29:11,306 --> 00:29:16,116 Speaker 1: Website, charlotteguest.com. And there is a new, I believe there's 556 00:29:16,196 --> 00:29:18,956 Speaker 1: two YouVersion Bible plans that will help people. 557 00:29:19,096 --> 00:29:22,276 Speaker 2: Thank you both so much, Gordie and Charlotte, for being here. 558 00:29:22,296 --> 00:29:25,176 Speaker 2: We'll have all those links in the podcast notes. Thank 559 00:29:25,196 --> 00:29:25,736 Speaker 2: you so much. 560 00:29:26,356 --> 00:29:27,636 Speaker 3: Thank you. Appreciate it. 561 00:29:27,696 --> 00:29:28,315 Speaker 1: So much. 562 00:29:30,336 --> 00:29:33,596 Speaker 2: I hope you've enjoyed today's conversation. I'd love to keep 563 00:29:33,656 --> 00:29:37,556 Speaker 2: in touch beyond this podcast. Click subscribe in the show notes, 564 00:29:37,776 --> 00:29:40,176 Speaker 2: and I will give you my latest email to keep 565 00:29:40,276 --> 00:29:44,136 Speaker 2: up on what's happening with technology and kids. And maybe 566 00:29:44,176 --> 00:29:46,396 Speaker 2: you like reading or listening to books. 567 00:29:46,576 --> 00:29:47,656 Speaker 1: I have a lot of books. 568 00:29:47,816 --> 00:29:51,296 Speaker 2: You could start with the big three, Making Marriage Easier, 569 00:29:51,896 --> 00:29:55,796 Speaker 2: Parents Rising, or Screen Kids. A big thank you to 570 00:29:55,816 --> 00:29:58,306 Speaker 2: the team at Life Audio for their partnership with the 571 00:29:58,346 --> 00:30:02,656 Speaker 2: Happy Home Podcast. Check out lifeaudio.com for dozens of other 572 00:30:02,796 --> 00:30:08,135 Speaker 2: faith-related podcasts about prayer, Bible study, and more. Remember, you 573 00:30:08,196 --> 00:30:10,946 Speaker 2: don't have to come from a happy home to create one. 574 00:30:11,466 --> 00:30:13,546 Speaker 2: You too can have a happy home.