1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,640 --> 00:00:08,959 Speaker 2: The research shows today you know, most families are impacted. 3 00:00:09,039 --> 00:00:11,239 Speaker 2: It used to be oh, you're the odd one out, 4 00:00:11,320 --> 00:00:14,480 Speaker 2: you know, but today like everyone knows someone in recovery, 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 2: everyone knows someone struggling with addictions. 6 00:00:16,920 --> 00:00:18,040 Speaker 1: So we're not the only one. 7 00:00:18,079 --> 00:00:20,919 Speaker 2: So to faith communities, be bold, and that person you 8 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:23,000 Speaker 2: might be listening right now, be the first one go 9 00:00:23,079 --> 00:00:24,840 Speaker 2: to your pastor and say I'm struggling. 10 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:29,000 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 11 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,160 Speaker 3: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 12 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,160 Speaker 3: Jesus or is longing to reconnect with him, and who 13 00:00:35,200 --> 00:00:38,279 Speaker 3: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 14 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 3: Here we talk honestly, with grace and truth about how 15 00:00:41,400 --> 00:00:45,280 Speaker 3: stepping away from alcohol opens the door to the love, joy, 16 00:00:45,600 --> 00:00:49,280 Speaker 3: peace and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those 17 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,200 Speaker 3: things were never meant to be found in a bottle 18 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,720 Speaker 3: of wine. They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, 19 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,760 Speaker 3: I'll help you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, 20 00:00:59,120 --> 00:01:01,960 Speaker 3: and what you're really craving so that freedom feels not 21 00:01:02,000 --> 00:01:03,840 Speaker 3: only possible, but sustainable. 22 00:01:04,520 --> 00:01:06,800 Speaker 1: You don't have to do this alone. Babe. Let's dive 23 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,039 Speaker 1: in today's. 24 00:01:08,600 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 3: Conversation is one I wish every woman who loves someone 25 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,080 Speaker 3: struggling could hear. I'm joined by Caroline Bidler, recovery advocate, 26 00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 3: managing editor at recovery dot Com, and author of the 27 00:01:19,800 --> 00:01:23,360 Speaker 3: powerful new book When You Love Someone in Recovery, Babe. 28 00:01:23,400 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 3: This episode is a balm for the woman who feels 29 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 3: like she's walking on eggshells, the one trying to say 30 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:31,280 Speaker 3: the right thing or creay the right prayers, and still 31 00:01:31,319 --> 00:01:34,640 Speaker 3: wondering if she's helping or making it worse. Caroline helps 32 00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:37,080 Speaker 3: us unpack the difference between tough love and what she 33 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:40,560 Speaker 3: calls smart love. We talk about why families need support too, 34 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,759 Speaker 3: how boundaries can exist alongside compassion, and why hope, prayer, community, 35 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,480 Speaker 3: and even brain healing all belong in the freedom story. 36 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:51,760 Speaker 3: If you've ever found yourself asking how do I love 37 00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 3: them without enabling them? Or you're feeling exhausted, scared and 38 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 3: alone in the waiting, Babe, you're gonna feel so seen 39 00:01:57,960 --> 00:02:02,880 Speaker 3: in this conversation. Let's dive then, Caroline, Welcome to Love 40 00:02:02,960 --> 00:02:07,360 Speaker 3: life Sober. I'm so excited that you're here. I am 41 00:02:07,480 --> 00:02:09,720 Speaker 3: so excited for your new book. I'm so excited to 42 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:12,800 Speaker 3: talk about your new book. You are right now at 43 00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,200 Speaker 3: a recovery dot Com conference retreat, and my gosh, So 44 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,360 Speaker 3: for the gals that don't know you and Caroline Byler 45 00:02:20,400 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 3: and I are in the same author's group which she 46 00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 3: started and it has been a lifeline to so many 47 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:28,720 Speaker 3: of us. So thank you for starting that group, babe. 48 00:02:28,840 --> 00:02:30,680 Speaker 3: But for the gals that don't know who you are, 49 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 3: can you introduce yourself? 50 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:33,320 Speaker 1: Yeah? 51 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:36,640 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Well I'm Caroline Badler and I like to introduce 52 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:40,480 Speaker 2: myself as a recovery advocate. So I am all about 53 00:02:40,720 --> 00:02:43,640 Speaker 2: the recovery lifestyle. And we'll get into what that means 54 00:02:43,680 --> 00:02:46,600 Speaker 2: as we continue talking. But you know, I believe that 55 00:02:47,040 --> 00:02:49,320 Speaker 2: in recovery, and that's more than sobriety. 56 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 1: So recovery is, you know, it's a way of life. 57 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:55,600 Speaker 2: It's about health and wellness, it's about spiritual formation for 58 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,120 Speaker 2: a lot of us, it's about really cultivating a deep 59 00:02:58,160 --> 00:03:02,640 Speaker 2: personal faith and relationship with Jesus. And through my own 60 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:06,080 Speaker 2: process of recovery coming up from you know, struggling with 61 00:03:06,120 --> 00:03:09,520 Speaker 2: an addiction at a very young age, I don't know, 62 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 2: early teens, you know, I started drinking at like eleven, 63 00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,680 Speaker 2: I think, but really struggling all the way through my 64 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 2: late twenties, you know, this seeking and escape and really 65 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,600 Speaker 2: wanting to get outside of like my feelings and my 66 00:03:22,720 --> 00:03:24,640 Speaker 2: experiences and just numb. You know. 67 00:03:24,680 --> 00:03:26,640 Speaker 1: It's just like life was so overwhelming for me. 68 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 2: So today, through this journey that I've been on, I 69 00:03:30,680 --> 00:03:35,240 Speaker 2: have just become so passionate about being vocal and advocating, 70 00:03:35,280 --> 00:03:39,760 Speaker 2: coming alongside others who are either struggling or in recovery 71 00:03:39,800 --> 00:03:42,680 Speaker 2: themselves and want to share that with loved ones. I'm 72 00:03:42,720 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 2: so passionate about helping families understand what the recovery journey 73 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 2: is all about. 74 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:52,120 Speaker 1: Recovery dot Com. I'm the managing editor for them. 75 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,800 Speaker 2: I'm passionate about resources that help families, you know, and 76 00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 2: help people seeking treatment too. So a little bit about me, 77 00:03:59,360 --> 00:04:01,560 Speaker 2: but I'm so excited to share more. 78 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,720 Speaker 1: About you know, what I do, who I am. And Christy. 79 00:04:04,880 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 2: I love your work and I love your heart and 80 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:10,200 Speaker 2: your ministry. And I think it's so neat how we're 81 00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,120 Speaker 2: all kind of connected in this space. 82 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:16,320 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so grateful for you for connecting all of us. 83 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,320 Speaker 1: Is this book number three? Yeah? 84 00:04:18,360 --> 00:04:20,440 Speaker 2: So this is my third, It's my first with a 85 00:04:20,480 --> 00:04:24,160 Speaker 2: traditional publisher, so it's been a bit of a different experience. 86 00:04:24,240 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 1: I love it, but yes, it's my third Yeah, and 87 00:04:27,480 --> 00:04:28,680 Speaker 1: so important. 88 00:04:28,800 --> 00:04:32,800 Speaker 3: So it's called When You Love Someone in Recovery, And 89 00:04:33,080 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 3: I just can't even imagine what this book is going 90 00:04:37,240 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 3: to do for so many families, babe, I mean, so 91 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:46,119 Speaker 3: incredibly needed. Can you speak a little bit to why 92 00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:50,279 Speaker 3: it's important that it's not about an individual's kind of 93 00:04:50,400 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 3: recovery journey, but it should be about a whole family 94 00:04:53,680 --> 00:04:54,440 Speaker 3: journey together. 95 00:04:54,760 --> 00:04:55,039 Speaker 1: Yeah. 96 00:04:55,080 --> 00:04:58,320 Speaker 2: Absolutely, Well, you know my own experience, and I've worked 97 00:04:58,320 --> 00:05:01,560 Speaker 2: with thousands of folks. I struggled with my own addiction, 98 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:05,920 Speaker 2: but my own experience struggling as eighteen and twenty something, 99 00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:09,880 Speaker 2: My family had no idea what to do. They loved 100 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:12,599 Speaker 2: me the best they could. Some of them struggled with 101 00:05:12,640 --> 00:05:15,520 Speaker 2: their own substance us, but like they wanted to help me, 102 00:05:15,680 --> 00:05:18,920 Speaker 2: and they had no idea how. Really kind of through 103 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:22,400 Speaker 2: my struggle, discovered how challenging it is to love someone 104 00:05:22,440 --> 00:05:25,000 Speaker 2: who's going through that, you know. I mean I was 105 00:05:25,360 --> 00:05:28,279 Speaker 2: not trustworthy and I was having all of these like 106 00:05:28,360 --> 00:05:30,960 Speaker 2: mental health. It was like I was a totally different 107 00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 2: person than than the little girl that they knew who 108 00:05:33,640 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 2: grew up, who loved life, and who was happy and 109 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:39,599 Speaker 2: who was care free and just you know, excited about 110 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 2: life and creative and all of these things. 111 00:05:41,920 --> 00:05:43,880 Speaker 1: And I just I did like a one eighty. 112 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:48,480 Speaker 2: And I was anxious and depressed and you know, lying 113 00:05:48,520 --> 00:05:51,200 Speaker 2: all the time and really just living to feed this 114 00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,359 Speaker 2: addiction that had really taken hold of me. And I 115 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 2: was in bondage. I was captive. They wanted to love me, 116 00:05:56,320 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 2: but didn't know how. And I think, you know, in 117 00:05:59,120 --> 00:06:01,880 Speaker 2: talking to my mom and some other loved ones today, 118 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,280 Speaker 2: it's like they didn't want to enable my behavior. And 119 00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,160 Speaker 2: if you're listening and you're an affected loved one, like 120 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,480 Speaker 2: you may have heard this term enable or been you know, 121 00:06:10,560 --> 00:06:13,400 Speaker 2: like afraid too. They thought that they could do something 122 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 2: that was going to make my addiction worse. And so 123 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:20,080 Speaker 2: part of my passion I feel like in calling really 124 00:06:20,160 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 2: to talk about this is I feel like families need 125 00:06:23,320 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 2: to understand there are things that they can do that 126 00:06:26,000 --> 00:06:29,280 Speaker 2: will help their loved one and not harm them, and 127 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:31,880 Speaker 2: that really, when we show up and when we choose 128 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:36,160 Speaker 2: love first, there is nothing that we're gonna do that's 129 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 2: going to cause our loved one to continue using substances. 130 00:06:40,240 --> 00:06:42,640 Speaker 1: Or can't rock bottom. We can do that on our own. 131 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:45,280 Speaker 2: Like I know this from experience and a lot of 132 00:06:45,360 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 2: people that I've worked with, Like, we will do that 133 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:49,440 Speaker 2: on our own. We will get to that, you know, 134 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:52,200 Speaker 2: we will struggle on our own. But families can help. 135 00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:54,680 Speaker 2: And so part of what I walk families through my 136 00:06:54,760 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 2: book are not just defining what recovery is, but showing 137 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,440 Speaker 2: practically how you can show up and care about someone 138 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,840 Speaker 2: who's struggling with addiction and. 139 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:07,520 Speaker 1: Later along the journey of recovery. 140 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,160 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think it's so interesting too, Babe, that your 141 00:07:10,160 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 3: book is coming out at a time where there are 142 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 3: there's kind of these spotlights on these schools and homes 143 00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:22,840 Speaker 3: and centers teenagers were sent to back in like early 144 00:07:22,880 --> 00:07:26,360 Speaker 3: two thousands maybe, And so these parents thought that they 145 00:07:26,360 --> 00:07:29,280 Speaker 3: were doing the best thing possible by showing this And 146 00:07:29,320 --> 00:07:31,880 Speaker 3: you talk about this in the book, right, this tough love, 147 00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:35,400 Speaker 3: and how that actually played out and swung the other way, 148 00:07:35,440 --> 00:07:38,200 Speaker 3: even though these kids were literally locked up and in 149 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:41,560 Speaker 3: some of these horrible institutions, like horrible things happened to 150 00:07:41,600 --> 00:07:44,400 Speaker 3: these kids, you know, it went the other way. Even 151 00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:48,080 Speaker 3: though these parents had no idea what to do they 152 00:07:48,120 --> 00:07:52,160 Speaker 3: had no resources. And then there were these companies that 153 00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:55,480 Speaker 3: were basically like praying on these families, a lot of 154 00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,920 Speaker 3: them with a little bit of money to take their 155 00:07:58,000 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 3: kids away and kind of like reform them. I've listened 156 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:03,440 Speaker 3: to a lot of those stories, and my heart breaks 157 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 3: for those kids because it's exactly what you said, is 158 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:10,640 Speaker 3: what they really needed was love, but their parents didn't know, right, 159 00:08:10,720 --> 00:08:12,760 Speaker 3: And so can you talk a little bit about that 160 00:08:12,840 --> 00:08:15,480 Speaker 3: whole tough love thing and why it doesn't work? 161 00:08:15,640 --> 00:08:17,280 Speaker 1: Yeah? Yeah, well, and you're right. 162 00:08:17,320 --> 00:08:19,920 Speaker 2: I mean, so many people have been harmed by this 163 00:08:20,040 --> 00:08:22,480 Speaker 2: concept that's really out I mean, it is outdated. 164 00:08:22,520 --> 00:08:23,440 Speaker 1: I feel like it's our chic. 165 00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:26,160 Speaker 2: It's like the if you remember and this probably dates me, 166 00:08:26,320 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 2: but like the just say no kind of era, you 167 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,920 Speaker 2: know in the States, where it was like this is 168 00:08:32,960 --> 00:08:33,400 Speaker 2: your brain. 169 00:08:33,800 --> 00:08:35,640 Speaker 1: You know, this is your brain on drugs. 170 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,360 Speaker 2: It's like the crack and the pan and like the sizzle, 171 00:08:38,400 --> 00:08:42,280 Speaker 2: and it's like kind of this tough, punitive viewpoint of addiction. 172 00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:45,240 Speaker 2: And so families who truly wanted to help and I 173 00:08:45,240 --> 00:08:48,000 Speaker 2: think had like the best intention. They wanted to help 174 00:08:48,040 --> 00:08:50,600 Speaker 2: their loved one, but this message in they were getting 175 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:54,080 Speaker 2: from the world was so confused and convoluted, like you 176 00:08:54,240 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 2: have to you know, draw these from lines, don't let 177 00:08:56,920 --> 00:09:00,160 Speaker 2: them in your house, don't take the phone call, completely 178 00:09:00,200 --> 00:09:02,400 Speaker 2: turn your back on them. And I think there's a 179 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:06,160 Speaker 2: there's a difference here, and it's an important one between boundaries, 180 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:09,000 Speaker 2: because I boundaries are important when you're loving someone in 181 00:09:09,040 --> 00:09:12,520 Speaker 2: recovery or seeking recovery, we can also choose love first. 182 00:09:12,640 --> 00:09:14,839 Speaker 2: And so I think one way that families can do 183 00:09:14,880 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 2: this is understand that when we talk about loving and 184 00:09:19,720 --> 00:09:22,439 Speaker 2: kind of going against this tough love approach, we don't 185 00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:24,800 Speaker 2: have to do this alone. So like when my mom 186 00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 2: and my parents, you know, we're trying to love me, 187 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:31,160 Speaker 2: and I was struggling and having, you know, showing these 188 00:09:31,200 --> 00:09:34,280 Speaker 2: signs of like again this Caroline, who is like wait, 189 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,440 Speaker 2: who is she? Who is this person that's lying? We 190 00:09:36,480 --> 00:09:38,600 Speaker 2: can't trust in all these things. It was hard to 191 00:09:38,640 --> 00:09:41,160 Speaker 2: love me. Parents feel, I think, and loved ones feel 192 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:43,280 Speaker 2: like they are the only ones that have to show 193 00:09:43,400 --> 00:09:45,720 Speaker 2: up for the people they care about, which isn't true. 194 00:09:46,080 --> 00:09:47,720 Speaker 2: So one of the things I talk a lot in 195 00:09:47,720 --> 00:09:50,960 Speaker 2: my book is about community. And I spoke with a 196 00:09:51,000 --> 00:09:53,439 Speaker 2: woman whose son is in long term recovery. 197 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:54,280 Speaker 1: She's incredible. 198 00:09:54,280 --> 00:09:56,160 Speaker 2: And she told me the story where, you know, she 199 00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,559 Speaker 2: was going to her church small group and there was 200 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 2: another mom in the group, you know, mid fifties and 201 00:10:01,880 --> 00:10:06,679 Speaker 2: her daughter was going through cancer treatment. And so when 202 00:10:06,720 --> 00:10:10,280 Speaker 2: her daughter was going through cancer treatment, I mean this group, 203 00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: the whole church came on board. 204 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:12,040 Speaker 3: You know. 205 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:14,480 Speaker 2: It was like we got the meal trains, we got 206 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:18,080 Speaker 2: the prayer circles, we got the shout out during the service, 207 00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 2: people are laying hands on her and the oil and 208 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,360 Speaker 2: like the whole thing. And she felt so supported through 209 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,440 Speaker 2: that struggle. And my friend Shelby was like, my son 210 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 2: was going through addiction treatment the same time. 211 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, and I. 212 00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:34,160 Speaker 2: Didn't get the phone calls and I didn't get the 213 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:37,000 Speaker 2: meal trains and I didn't get anything because it was 214 00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 2: like this hush, hush, you know this situation. We're like, ooh, 215 00:10:40,920 --> 00:10:42,880 Speaker 2: you know, this is this is something we're not going 216 00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:45,320 Speaker 2: to talk about. This is something we're not showing up for. 217 00:10:45,440 --> 00:10:48,200 Speaker 2: So when we think about this idea of tough love, 218 00:10:48,440 --> 00:10:51,240 Speaker 2: families need to need to know the community needs to 219 00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:54,319 Speaker 2: come around folks like we need to show up if 220 00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:56,640 Speaker 2: someone's having a hard time loving me because of how 221 00:10:56,720 --> 00:10:59,719 Speaker 2: my addiction's manifesting, and my brokenness is showing up in 222 00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,680 Speaker 2: the world. World, where's the community at you know, where's 223 00:11:03,720 --> 00:11:06,240 Speaker 2: the small group, where's the church, where's the rest of 224 00:11:06,280 --> 00:11:09,319 Speaker 2: the recovery community. So we can help each other choose 225 00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 2: love first. It's a huge thing. We can help each 226 00:11:12,120 --> 00:11:14,080 Speaker 2: other do that we don't have to do it alone. 227 00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:17,880 Speaker 2: And just another quick thing, briefly is around boundaries. And 228 00:11:17,920 --> 00:11:20,000 Speaker 2: I talk about this in the book Boundaries Are Brave. 229 00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:22,200 Speaker 2: It is a really brave thing where we can set 230 00:11:22,280 --> 00:11:24,559 Speaker 2: up and say, you know what, I'm going to show 231 00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 2: up and I'm going to meet your physical needs. Maybe 232 00:11:26,640 --> 00:11:30,720 Speaker 2: I'll buy groceries, maybe I'll take you shopping for some clothes. 233 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:33,520 Speaker 2: Maybe I'll connect you with a sober living facility. But 234 00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:35,200 Speaker 2: there are some things that I'm not able to do 235 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:38,440 Speaker 2: right now. And that's okay too. That's not tough love. 236 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:41,120 Speaker 2: That's like smart love, having those boundaries. So I think 237 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:45,320 Speaker 2: that's an important distinction too. Yeah, that's so good, babe. 238 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:48,319 Speaker 2: I love that you made that distinction. We'll be back 239 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 2: right after a quick word from our sponsors. Babe, Can 240 00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,840 Speaker 2: I pause us just for a moment. If you're listening 241 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:56,600 Speaker 2: to this and thinking I don't want to do this 242 00:11:56,679 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 2: alone anymore. I want to tell you about the Love 243 00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,240 Speaker 2: Life Sober Community. This is the space where the podcast 244 00:12:02,320 --> 00:12:06,520 Speaker 2: turns into real connection and real support. Inside the community, 245 00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:10,480 Speaker 2: we gather weekly for live connection calls where you can listen, share, 246 00:12:10,920 --> 00:12:14,080 Speaker 2: or simply be present. There's a beautiful leadership team holding 247 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 2: this space with wisdom and care, a dedicated prayer request 248 00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:21,000 Speaker 2: area where you can be covered, regular masterclasses led by 249 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,000 Speaker 2: expert guests, and even a worship music playlist to help 250 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 2: you reconnect when your nervous system needs it. Inside the community, 251 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:30,600 Speaker 2: there's also a dedicated coaching space called Truevine for women 252 00:12:30,640 --> 00:12:33,720 Speaker 2: who want even deeper support. The Love Life sover Community 253 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:35,800 Speaker 2: is a place to connect with like minded women and 254 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:37,679 Speaker 2: open up in a way you might not be able 255 00:12:37,679 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 2: to in your church or small group. This space was 256 00:12:40,240 --> 00:12:43,240 Speaker 2: created specifically for women who are questioning their relationship with 257 00:12:43,280 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 2: alcohol and who want the kind of freedom that can 258 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:49,120 Speaker 2: only be found in Jesus. All the details to join 259 00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:50,920 Speaker 2: us are at the link in the show notes. I 260 00:12:50,960 --> 00:12:53,280 Speaker 2: can't wait to meet you all right, let's jump back 261 00:12:53,280 --> 00:12:55,920 Speaker 2: into the episode. You brought up the stigma and you 262 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:58,960 Speaker 2: brought up community. How can the church do a better 263 00:12:59,120 --> 00:13:04,360 Speaker 2: job of making this not a taboo topic. And if 264 00:13:04,360 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 2: you're listening to this podcast, you've heard me to say 265 00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,680 Speaker 2: this a million times already. It's when I was pitching 266 00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,840 Speaker 2: Love Life Sober, one of the big publishers said to me, 267 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,720 Speaker 2: what woman is going to hold that book in church? 268 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:14,520 Speaker 2: And I said, well, that's why I need to write it. 269 00:13:14,720 --> 00:13:17,160 Speaker 2: And I'm sure you have felt the same way in 270 00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:20,160 Speaker 2: pitching this book. You get them big Christian influencers or 271 00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 2: podcasters or people with shows that do not want to 272 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,560 Speaker 2: touch alcohol or drugs or recovery with a ten foot 273 00:13:25,559 --> 00:13:27,640 Speaker 2: pole because they don't just don't want to go there. 274 00:13:28,080 --> 00:13:31,000 Speaker 2: And then you get the secular side of it that 275 00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:32,439 Speaker 2: don't want to talk about Jesus. 276 00:13:32,480 --> 00:13:34,000 Speaker 1: So sometimes it can be hard. 277 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,160 Speaker 3: Anyways, back to my question, how can the church do 278 00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:42,319 Speaker 3: a better job so that community feels like they can mobilize? Oh? 279 00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:43,479 Speaker 1: I love that word mobilized. 280 00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:45,680 Speaker 2: You know. I think what we can do is continue 281 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:47,920 Speaker 2: doing what we're doing, and more so like turn up 282 00:13:47,920 --> 00:13:48,800 Speaker 2: the volume, Christy. 283 00:13:48,880 --> 00:13:51,560 Speaker 1: And that's part of why I love We're trying. We're trying, 284 00:13:51,559 --> 00:13:52,960 Speaker 1: both of you and me, and there's. 285 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,040 Speaker 2: So many of us, you know, John, and you know 286 00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:57,800 Speaker 2: all these people in this space who you know, we're 287 00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:02,200 Speaker 2: talking about it vocally and visibly, and I believe we 288 00:14:02,280 --> 00:14:04,720 Speaker 2: are making an impact, you know, not just in the 289 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,400 Speaker 2: world today, but like Kingdom impact. You know, there's research 290 00:14:08,480 --> 00:14:11,199 Speaker 2: out now that shows rates of drinking are at an 291 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:16,120 Speaker 2: all time love, like people are changing their behavior and 292 00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,720 Speaker 2: moving away from because I feel like there's so many 293 00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,520 Speaker 2: people out there who are talking about these issues, and 294 00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,520 Speaker 2: so in the church, I think it's starting to happen 295 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,880 Speaker 2: more and more. But we need to have these conversations 296 00:14:28,960 --> 00:14:32,640 Speaker 2: and come together and be okay being the first one 297 00:14:32,640 --> 00:14:35,720 Speaker 2: that says this is going on in my family because 298 00:14:35,760 --> 00:14:38,800 Speaker 2: I'm a researcher too. So like the research shows today, 299 00:14:38,920 --> 00:14:40,880 Speaker 2: you know, most families are impacted. 300 00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:41,360 Speaker 1: You know. 301 00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:43,600 Speaker 2: It used to be oh, you're the odd one out, 302 00:14:43,680 --> 00:14:46,840 Speaker 2: you know, but today, like everyone knows someone in recovery, 303 00:14:47,160 --> 00:14:49,880 Speaker 2: everyone knows someone struggling with addictions. So we're not the 304 00:14:49,880 --> 00:14:53,240 Speaker 2: only one. So step up, like be bold. I want 305 00:14:53,280 --> 00:14:55,840 Speaker 2: to have like an like an action to faith communities. 306 00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,520 Speaker 2: Be bold, and that person you might be listening right now, 307 00:14:58,560 --> 00:15:01,080 Speaker 2: be the first one go to pastor and say I'm 308 00:15:01,120 --> 00:15:03,840 Speaker 2: struggling and I know there's other people in the community 309 00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:07,560 Speaker 2: that's struggling, you know, ask for a recovery Sunday. Recovery 310 00:15:07,600 --> 00:15:10,320 Speaker 2: Month is in September in the States, but there's other 311 00:15:10,560 --> 00:15:13,520 Speaker 2: you know times where and not just Recovery Month. But 312 00:15:13,560 --> 00:15:16,000 Speaker 2: we can say we want a recovery Sunday. Let's bring 313 00:15:16,040 --> 00:15:19,000 Speaker 2: a family, Let's have someone share their testimony. Let's talk 314 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:21,640 Speaker 2: about the need for a recovery ministry in our church. 315 00:15:21,720 --> 00:15:24,320 Speaker 2: I think every church should have a recovery ministry. But 316 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:27,520 Speaker 2: you know, we have divorce groups, we have groups for 317 00:15:27,680 --> 00:15:31,360 Speaker 2: men struggling with pornography, groups for mothers. You know, I 318 00:15:31,880 --> 00:15:33,800 Speaker 2: was saved by a young Mom's group. I mean I 319 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:36,520 Speaker 2: was about ready to lose my mind with two twins babies. 320 00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,200 Speaker 2: You know, Like we have these groups at different stages 321 00:15:39,240 --> 00:15:42,560 Speaker 2: for different human struggles. Let's make sure our church is 322 00:15:42,600 --> 00:15:46,680 Speaker 2: addressing recovery because this is one of the main issues, 323 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:50,520 Speaker 2: if not the the one that spans everybody. We all 324 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,720 Speaker 2: struggle with addiction in some form, whether it's your cell phone, 325 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:57,400 Speaker 2: whether it's Netflix, whether it's pornography, whether it's gambling, whether 326 00:15:57,440 --> 00:16:00,760 Speaker 2: it's shopping, whatever your thing is that you're getting in 327 00:16:00,800 --> 00:16:02,480 Speaker 2: between you and Jesus. 328 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:05,480 Speaker 1: Like we're all struggling with it. So churches need to 329 00:16:05,720 --> 00:16:06,240 Speaker 1: step up. 330 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:08,880 Speaker 2: That's that's my fire I'm bringing you today, Christy, you 331 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 2: getting me all fired up. 332 00:16:10,320 --> 00:16:12,240 Speaker 1: I love the fire. I love the fire. 333 00:16:12,360 --> 00:16:15,120 Speaker 3: And I will just say that we recently opened up 334 00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:17,960 Speaker 3: a space in the Love Life Sober Community for gals 335 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:20,080 Speaker 3: that want to run like one of my forty day 336 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 3: fasts in their churches, and we have a team like that. 337 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 3: We're just equipping to help gals to take that brave 338 00:16:28,160 --> 00:16:30,240 Speaker 3: step of getting in touch with their pastor or their 339 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:33,200 Speaker 3: leadership team at church to lead a forty day fast. 340 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,160 Speaker 3: But yeah, babe, that is so good and so true. 341 00:16:36,160 --> 00:16:38,720 Speaker 3: We just have to keep talking. John actually sent me 342 00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,800 Speaker 3: some something on Instagram. He probably sent it to you 343 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:44,840 Speaker 3: two of like some major Christian singer and she came 344 00:16:44,880 --> 00:16:47,000 Speaker 3: out with some single about how it's okay to basically 345 00:16:47,120 --> 00:16:49,960 Speaker 3: drink smoke and like do all this stuff and still 346 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,520 Speaker 3: love Jesus. And of course it had like, you know, 347 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,800 Speaker 3: something crazy like fifty thousand likes. And I just responded 348 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:57,920 Speaker 3: to John and I was like, this is why we 349 00:16:58,040 --> 00:16:58,920 Speaker 3: have to keep going. 350 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:02,240 Speaker 1: We have to keep going. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing. 351 00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,960 Speaker 2: And I know, for me, I've gotten complacent in my 352 00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:07,520 Speaker 2: my walk and my journey, you know, with Jesus. But 353 00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:10,280 Speaker 2: I think we can't forget that we are called to 354 00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:14,719 Speaker 2: be counterculturally. We're called to be set apart. We are 355 00:17:14,760 --> 00:17:17,800 Speaker 2: not called to go along with the flow. We are 356 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 2: called to like interrupt that flow. I think when these 357 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:24,679 Speaker 2: social issues come up, this humanity that we're trying to 358 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:27,840 Speaker 2: work through, we can't forget, like we gotta we gotta 359 00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:30,280 Speaker 2: go against it, you know, we got to take a stand. 360 00:17:30,520 --> 00:17:33,080 Speaker 2: And the more we do that, the more people can 361 00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,200 Speaker 2: find freedom. That's what we're all working towards. So yeah, 362 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:38,240 Speaker 2: let's keep doing it. But I love I love that 363 00:17:38,320 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 2: you're equipping faith communities to like bring this into the 364 00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:43,840 Speaker 2: church because that is so needed. 365 00:17:44,080 --> 00:17:48,000 Speaker 1: Yeah, we don't have to conform. We're supposed to different. Yes, Oh, 366 00:17:48,080 --> 00:17:49,280 Speaker 1: I love that so much. 367 00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:52,480 Speaker 2: That's beautiful and it's yeah, and it can be lonely 368 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:54,480 Speaker 2: out here, you know, Like I guess I want to 369 00:17:54,480 --> 00:17:56,960 Speaker 2: speak to to the person who's listening and says, wow, Caroline, 370 00:17:56,960 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 2: that sounds really good, Like, yes, we're supposed to be 371 00:17:59,560 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 2: set apart, but it's hard, it's not easy, and that's 372 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:04,680 Speaker 2: why we need each other. That's why I really feel 373 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:07,879 Speaker 2: God called us all to come together all the way 374 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,960 Speaker 2: and that's happening all over the world in our groups 375 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:13,960 Speaker 2: and our communities. But we need to continue to stay 376 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:17,959 Speaker 2: local to serve each other, to connect and help equip 377 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,320 Speaker 2: other believers with what we know to be true, which 378 00:18:20,359 --> 00:18:23,480 Speaker 2: is living in recovery is free. It's freeing, you know, 379 00:18:23,520 --> 00:18:26,640 Speaker 2: it's a free way to live. Yeah, that's so good, babe. 380 00:18:26,720 --> 00:18:29,479 Speaker 3: You have our good friend doctor Lee Warren weigh in 381 00:18:29,520 --> 00:18:33,159 Speaker 3: on how the brain heals during recovery, and I just 382 00:18:33,160 --> 00:18:36,919 Speaker 3: think that's so important. So can you encourage maybe the 383 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:39,720 Speaker 3: family member or the or the gal who is currently 384 00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:43,640 Speaker 3: on our recovery journey what happens when the brain heals? 385 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 1: Yeah? 386 00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:47,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, so funny story the chapter that I have 387 00:18:47,280 --> 00:18:48,919 Speaker 2: in the book on neuroscience. 388 00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:50,359 Speaker 1: And I don't want to scare anyone away. 389 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:53,120 Speaker 2: It's very like, because I'm not as a brain surgeon, 390 00:18:53,160 --> 00:18:54,880 Speaker 2: we know when we have a friend doctor Lee Warren. 391 00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,159 Speaker 2: But so anyways, when I was writing this chapter, I 392 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 2: was like, well, I definitely need doctor Lee to review 393 00:18:59,600 --> 00:19:02,000 Speaker 2: this because I'm not a brain surgeon and he is. 394 00:19:02,080 --> 00:19:04,800 Speaker 2: So I sent him the chapter and he sent me 395 00:19:04,840 --> 00:19:07,399 Speaker 2: an email back. God love friends that like tell you 396 00:19:07,480 --> 00:19:10,440 Speaker 2: the truth right. He's like, actually, you've got this part 397 00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:12,720 Speaker 2: and totally wrong. And I was like, wait what good? 398 00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:15,960 Speaker 2: It's like good, so yes, yes, So he there was 399 00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:17,680 Speaker 2: a part in the chapter. He was like, no, look 400 00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:20,320 Speaker 2: it's a bit more nuanced. The research is different now, 401 00:19:20,359 --> 00:19:22,760 Speaker 2: and so we work through that together. So what I'm 402 00:19:22,800 --> 00:19:25,399 Speaker 2: sharing is like the most updated version of what we 403 00:19:25,520 --> 00:19:28,160 Speaker 2: got and what we know in terms of what happens 404 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:32,240 Speaker 2: to the brain, not just through addiction, but when we 405 00:19:32,240 --> 00:19:34,760 Speaker 2: re like recover. And it used to be you know, 406 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,680 Speaker 2: speaking to like this is your brand on drugs commercial. 407 00:19:37,760 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 2: We used to think that when we use substances, what 408 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:42,240 Speaker 2: would happen is like that egg in the frying pan, 409 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,879 Speaker 2: Like you're scrambled, Like you're done. You know, you're fried, 410 00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,800 Speaker 2: there's no coming back. You lost your brain cells. You know. 411 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:51,000 Speaker 2: I don't remember if you've heard this, but like you're 412 00:19:51,080 --> 00:19:53,800 Speaker 2: killing your brains like all of that. And I grew 413 00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,040 Speaker 2: up struggling with addiction in the late nineties thinking like 414 00:19:57,920 --> 00:20:00,680 Speaker 2: this is it for me. You know, I've I'm done, 415 00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,800 Speaker 2: like all of the hard drugs I've done. There is 416 00:20:02,880 --> 00:20:05,040 Speaker 2: no turning bag, there's no healing from this. But what 417 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,240 Speaker 2: we know today is the brain is plastic, like there's 418 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 2: a neuroplasticity or a changeability, like we can be transformed, 419 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 2: our minds can be completely renewed, like God talks about 420 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,600 Speaker 2: it in scripture. And now the brain scientists have kind 421 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:21,400 Speaker 2: of caught up with that. 422 00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,439 Speaker 1: It's like our. 423 00:20:22,320 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 2: Brains can literally heal themselves and create new pathways. So 424 00:20:26,040 --> 00:20:29,080 Speaker 2: the more that we take healthy actions and recovery, whether 425 00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 2: that's healthy physical actions through exercise, nutrition, different behaviors, interrupting 426 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:39,119 Speaker 2: some of those patterns of behavior, we're creating new pathways 427 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,440 Speaker 2: in our brain that over time completely heal. 428 00:20:42,840 --> 00:20:44,520 Speaker 1: So like today I'm. 429 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:47,920 Speaker 2: New, I'm new, my spirit's new, all of me is new, 430 00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:51,479 Speaker 2: including my brain, Like how amazing is that? And so 431 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:54,280 Speaker 2: I hope that chapter in the book is encouraging for 432 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,399 Speaker 2: family members who might be feeling like sitting across around 433 00:20:57,440 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 2: other loved one at the table, like how are they 434 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 2: ever going to come back from this? 435 00:21:01,040 --> 00:21:03,720 Speaker 1: Will they afraid that they're not going to be able 436 00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:04,119 Speaker 1: to heal? 437 00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,760 Speaker 2: They can heal, And that is an incredible thing, a 438 00:21:07,920 --> 00:21:10,600 Speaker 2: credible truth about our recovery today. 439 00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 3: Yeah, that's so good, babe, and so true. And also 440 00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:18,440 Speaker 3: God's bigger then than being lost and gone forever right, 441 00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:19,960 Speaker 3: like he's just so much bigger. 442 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,040 Speaker 1: It's so true. It's such a good reminder. 443 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,800 Speaker 2: And along with that that neuroplasticity sounds all fancy, right, 444 00:21:26,200 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 2: we can have hope and hope is powerful too. And 445 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:31,760 Speaker 2: you know, that's another thing I talk about in my 446 00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:34,639 Speaker 2: book is the research on hope, which shares, you know, 447 00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 2: when we have hope for our loved ones in or 448 00:21:37,400 --> 00:21:41,720 Speaker 2: seeking recovery, they are more likely to maintain recovery along 449 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:44,960 Speaker 2: the long term. It's like, wait, what, yeah, so it 450 00:21:45,000 --> 00:21:47,760 Speaker 2: doesn't say tough love. It doesn't say, you know, research 451 00:21:47,800 --> 00:21:50,480 Speaker 2: doesn't say when you show tough love, your loved one 452 00:21:50,520 --> 00:21:53,040 Speaker 2: is more likely to maintain recovery in the No, it's 453 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 2: when we have hope that our loved ones will heal. 454 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,000 Speaker 2: Not that they are healed or are even our healing, 455 00:21:59,200 --> 00:22:01,960 Speaker 2: but when we have hope for them, that gives our 456 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:04,439 Speaker 2: loved ones a chance, a greater likelihood that they're going 457 00:22:04,520 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 2: to heal. And that is like, wow, that just blows 458 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:09,240 Speaker 2: my mind every time I like talk about that or 459 00:22:09,280 --> 00:22:09,720 Speaker 2: read that. 460 00:22:09,920 --> 00:22:10,960 Speaker 1: It is so powerful. 461 00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,720 Speaker 2: But hope is you know obviously all throughout scripture, and 462 00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 2: how powerful it is when we have hope. 463 00:22:16,000 --> 00:22:18,280 Speaker 1: But I think that's a really awesome point too to 464 00:22:18,320 --> 00:22:18,719 Speaker 1: bring up. 465 00:22:19,240 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, oh my gosh, that is so empowering, so 466 00:22:23,240 --> 00:22:27,600 Speaker 3: empowering for someone that feels like they don't know how 467 00:22:27,640 --> 00:22:31,080 Speaker 3: to help someone that's struggling. And it goes back to 468 00:22:31,119 --> 00:22:33,359 Speaker 3: what you were saying about love first, right, it's the 469 00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:35,760 Speaker 3: upside down kingdom of it all right, Everything is always 470 00:22:35,840 --> 00:22:36,560 Speaker 3: upside down. 471 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:38,000 Speaker 1: It is, isn't it. 472 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:39,760 Speaker 2: The cool thing is is like we don't have to 473 00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:42,520 Speaker 2: swim against the stream by ourselves, Like we have each 474 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 2: other and we're doing this with God. I mean, we 475 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,360 Speaker 2: can do all things, you know, God can do all 476 00:22:48,359 --> 00:22:51,240 Speaker 2: things through us, and nothing is impossible. And we need 477 00:22:51,280 --> 00:22:54,400 Speaker 2: to remember that when we're working in recovery, when we're 478 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,399 Speaker 2: loving our you know, trying to love our person who's struggling, 479 00:22:58,000 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 2: we need to remember that that we're not in this 480 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 2: soul life. 481 00:23:01,000 --> 00:23:04,359 Speaker 3: Yeah, so true community is the most important thing. We 482 00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:06,640 Speaker 3: are not meant to do any of this alone. We're 483 00:23:06,640 --> 00:23:09,160 Speaker 3: not designed to do any of it alone. We are 484 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:12,920 Speaker 3: supposed to be doing it together. Yeah, that's so so true. 485 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,320 Speaker 3: Speak to the woman who is like, I want to 486 00:23:16,440 --> 00:23:20,960 Speaker 3: have hope, but it feels really hard and obviously, if 487 00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:23,359 Speaker 3: this is you and you're listening, go get Karenline's book, 488 00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:27,880 Speaker 3: obviously because it is so incredibly hope filled and empowering. 489 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:29,720 Speaker 3: But what would you say to her is like, is 490 00:23:29,720 --> 00:23:32,200 Speaker 3: the first thing to do to feel a little bit 491 00:23:32,320 --> 00:23:34,280 Speaker 3: like that they could move towards that hope. 492 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:38,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, well, you know, I always recommend connecting. We've talked 493 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:41,720 Speaker 2: about this a lot, connecting in community. So whether that's 494 00:23:41,760 --> 00:23:45,200 Speaker 2: going to your pastor whether that's going to your church's 495 00:23:45,240 --> 00:23:48,239 Speaker 2: recovery ministry, seeing a therapist. You know, I got my 496 00:23:48,520 --> 00:23:50,960 Speaker 2: all my recovery dot Com swag on here. I promise 497 00:23:51,000 --> 00:23:53,320 Speaker 2: I didn't do that on purpose, but like, recovery dot 498 00:23:53,359 --> 00:23:56,720 Speaker 2: com is an incredible resource that has like hundreds of 499 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,879 Speaker 2: thousands of treatment centers not just for loved ones but 500 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:02,240 Speaker 2: for families too to find the help that you need. 501 00:24:02,320 --> 00:24:05,440 Speaker 2: So there's so many options available. So I would say, 502 00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:08,440 Speaker 2: you know, if you're having a hard time hoping, connect 503 00:24:08,440 --> 00:24:11,000 Speaker 2: in community, and if you don't have that yet, like 504 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,880 Speaker 2: reach out and you can email me anytime and I'll 505 00:24:13,880 --> 00:24:16,680 Speaker 2: plug you in. Go to recovery dot com. There are 506 00:24:16,720 --> 00:24:19,200 Speaker 2: things available. And the second thing that I would say 507 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:25,040 Speaker 2: is pray. Pray the power of prayer is so so helpful, 508 00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:27,440 Speaker 2: and it might feel trite, like, especially if your loved 509 00:24:27,440 --> 00:24:30,040 Speaker 2: one is on the verge of death because of their addiction, 510 00:24:30,080 --> 00:24:33,439 Speaker 2: which is a reality for so many families tragically, But 511 00:24:33,640 --> 00:24:36,880 Speaker 2: when we connect in prayer and when we pray together, 512 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 2: there is power in that. 513 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:40,199 Speaker 1: There is so much power in that. 514 00:24:40,240 --> 00:24:42,840 Speaker 2: So whether your loved one finds healing on this side 515 00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:46,720 Speaker 2: of eternity or the next, like your prayers and your 516 00:24:46,760 --> 00:24:50,480 Speaker 2: petitions and you're going to God, it matters even if 517 00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:50,960 Speaker 2: you're not. 518 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,240 Speaker 1: Seeing the fruit of that prayer. 519 00:24:52,480 --> 00:24:55,600 Speaker 2: I was just reading something last night actually, in a 520 00:24:55,600 --> 00:24:59,040 Speaker 2: book that told this story about this mother praying for 521 00:24:59,200 --> 00:25:03,880 Speaker 2: her son for decades, decades, but through that, through that 522 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,040 Speaker 2: perseverance and that prayer and that consistency, his life was transformed. 523 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:12,320 Speaker 2: So again, whether it's on this side of eternity or 524 00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:14,199 Speaker 2: the next. And you know, the hard reality is, and 525 00:25:14,240 --> 00:25:16,240 Speaker 2: I have a chapter on this in my book too, 526 00:25:16,320 --> 00:25:19,880 Speaker 2: on grief, because the hard reality is for a lot 527 00:25:19,920 --> 00:25:23,479 Speaker 2: of families, and it's still you know, again with the research, 528 00:25:23,520 --> 00:25:25,760 Speaker 2: but it's still around ninety thousand people a year are 529 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 2: dying from overdose. 530 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:30,119 Speaker 1: Wow, and just think about if ninety thousand people just 531 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:31,040 Speaker 1: in the US alone. 532 00:25:31,080 --> 00:25:33,679 Speaker 2: If ninety thousand people in the US alone times that 533 00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:35,240 Speaker 2: by how many people love them. 534 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,240 Speaker 1: That's a lot of people impacted by addiction loss. Yeah. 535 00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:40,919 Speaker 2: So the reality is is we might be struggling with 536 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,359 Speaker 2: loving our person right now and we might have to 537 00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:46,000 Speaker 2: deal with that or know someone who's dealing with addiction 538 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:49,000 Speaker 2: loss too. We need to come together as a community 539 00:25:49,080 --> 00:25:51,520 Speaker 2: and pray and get on our knees and come together 540 00:25:51,960 --> 00:25:54,919 Speaker 2: and really seek God through this because it is a tough, 541 00:25:55,119 --> 00:25:57,439 Speaker 2: tough thing. And again, I think it's why it's so 542 00:25:57,520 --> 00:25:59,960 Speaker 2: important that those of us who are in this space 543 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:05,240 Speaker 2: are vocal and visible about sharing, not just like our books, 544 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:07,919 Speaker 2: but talking about the power of prayer, the power of 545 00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:11,160 Speaker 2: connection with Jesus, the power of connection with the local church. 546 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 1: Come together, pray, you don't have to do this alone. 547 00:26:15,160 --> 00:26:20,040 Speaker 1: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. Yeah. 548 00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:21,880 Speaker 3: And and you bring up when you were talking about 549 00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,000 Speaker 3: that mom who prayed for her son for a decade. 550 00:26:24,400 --> 00:26:28,359 Speaker 3: It just reminded me of what incredible testimonies end up 551 00:26:28,359 --> 00:26:31,719 Speaker 3: coming through these struggles, both in the people that are 552 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:36,400 Speaker 3: struggling with, you know, whatever substance they're struggling with and 553 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,600 Speaker 3: for like the testimonies of the praying moms and the 554 00:26:39,640 --> 00:26:43,760 Speaker 3: testimonies of the praying families, right, and even though it's 555 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,359 Speaker 3: so so hard, then you get to go turn around 556 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:49,439 Speaker 3: and tell that story of how God showed up for 557 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,360 Speaker 3: you in that pit, you know. And without these struggles, 558 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:56,000 Speaker 3: we just wouldn't we wouldn't get to see His grace 559 00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:59,320 Speaker 3: and his mercy and his goodness in the same way. 560 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,919 Speaker 3: And I'm sure like in the book and with all 561 00:27:01,960 --> 00:27:04,840 Speaker 3: the gals we talk to, it reminds me of it's 562 00:27:04,880 --> 00:27:07,080 Speaker 3: top of mind because I just interviewed Zoe Shaw of 563 00:27:07,240 --> 00:27:10,000 Speaker 3: just you know, stronger in the difficult places like this 564 00:27:10,040 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 3: is where is where. 565 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:13,480 Speaker 1: God shows up and where we get to meet him. 566 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,879 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's sometimes I'm like, God, why, you know, 567 00:27:17,000 --> 00:27:20,240 Speaker 2: like it easier, right, Like we need to trust And 568 00:27:20,280 --> 00:27:22,600 Speaker 2: I'm speaking to myself, I'm preaching on myself, right, like 569 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,240 Speaker 2: we need to trust God through whatever hard thing we're 570 00:27:25,280 --> 00:27:25,840 Speaker 2: going through. 571 00:27:26,280 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 1: And it's not easy. 572 00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 2: It's not easy, but again, that's that's why we have 573 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,480 Speaker 2: each other, and that's why we have resources. 574 00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:32,679 Speaker 3: You know. 575 00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,360 Speaker 1: The subtitle of my book, it's when you love someone. 576 00:27:35,160 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 2: In recovery A hopeful guide to understanding addiction because we 577 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:41,080 Speaker 2: have to hang on to that hope. You know, our 578 00:27:41,200 --> 00:27:43,960 Speaker 2: hope in God is an anchor and we have to 579 00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:46,000 Speaker 2: be connected to that hope. We have to have that 580 00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:48,880 Speaker 2: as our foundation, and when we do, we can get 581 00:27:48,880 --> 00:27:51,840 Speaker 2: through anything that you know, any trouble that this world brings. 582 00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:57,760 Speaker 3: So so so so good congratulations and keep going. You're 583 00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 3: doing so amazing. Can you tell the gals where to 584 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:04,480 Speaker 3: find you? Where to find the book? I will link 585 00:28:04,520 --> 00:28:07,200 Speaker 3: everything for you in the show notes. But where can 586 00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:08,960 Speaker 3: people learn more about what you're doing? 587 00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:12,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you can go to my website Carolinebibler dot com. 588 00:28:12,400 --> 00:28:14,840 Speaker 2: I always say if there's a funny EI for Bibeler 589 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,480 Speaker 2: Caroline Bibler. And also on Substack at Circle of Chairs, 590 00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:20,800 Speaker 2: so I love That's one of my favorite places to 591 00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 2: show up. I'm a writer in my heart, so I 592 00:28:23,080 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 2: love to write on Substack and also you know Instagram, 593 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,479 Speaker 2: all those places we have to show up too. So 594 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,680 Speaker 2: but yes, connect with me. I'd love to hear from 595 00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:34,280 Speaker 2: folks too. People can reach out to me and email 596 00:28:34,320 --> 00:28:36,240 Speaker 2: me on my website. That's my favorite thing is to 597 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:37,760 Speaker 2: connect with people one on one too. 598 00:28:37,920 --> 00:28:41,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've got Caroline at the top of my recommended 599 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,360 Speaker 3: reads on substack. If you're struggling try to find her, 600 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:47,880 Speaker 3: then go there because she's at the top. You're amazing, babe. 601 00:28:47,920 --> 00:28:51,959 Speaker 3: Thank you so much. I appreciate you. I appreciate everything 602 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:55,480 Speaker 3: you're doing. Keep going, Thanks babe, Thank you, Thank you 603 00:28:55,480 --> 00:28:58,280 Speaker 3: you too. All right, friends, we will see you next week. 604 00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,360 Speaker 3: Thank you for spending this time with me. On Love 605 00:29:01,400 --> 00:29:04,920 Speaker 3: Life Sober. If today's conversation stirred something in your heart, 606 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:07,720 Speaker 3: don't rush past it, take it to prayer. If you're 607 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 3: feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd love to 608 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 3: invite you into the Love Life Sober community, a grace filled, 609 00:29:14,600 --> 00:29:18,680 Speaker 3: shame free space where real connection grows and lasting change 610 00:29:18,760 --> 00:29:19,280 Speaker 3: takes root. 611 00:29:19,520 --> 00:29:21,400 Speaker 1: You can find the link to join us in the 612 00:29:21,440 --> 00:29:22,000 Speaker 1: show notes. 613 00:29:23,320 --> 00:29:26,560 Speaker 3: Love Life Sober is part of the Life Audio podcast network, 614 00:29:26,800 --> 00:29:29,600 Speaker 3: where faith centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your 615 00:29:29,600 --> 00:29:33,000 Speaker 3: walk with Christ. You can find more faith centered podcasts 616 00:29:33,000 --> 00:29:37,320 Speaker 3: at lifeaudio dot com. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, 617 00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 3: stay curious, and trust God's promises. 618 00:29:40,160 --> 00:29:41,640 Speaker 1: He has freedom waiting for you.