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Speaker 1: The day that I broke it, I came home and

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Speaker 1: I remember sitting on my bathroom floor and I was

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Speaker 1: like screaming at God, and I was like, why did

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Speaker 1: you do this to me? And I've never really audibly

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Speaker 1: heard the voice of God very many times in my life,

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Speaker 1: but I remember that he said, you know why I

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Speaker 1: did this life audio.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Confessions of a Christian

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Speaker 2: Alcoholic podcast. I am your host, John Seidel, and I

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Speaker 2: am the Christian who became an alcoholic, not the other

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Speaker 2: way around. Here we get radically vulnerable about an addiction, recovery,

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Speaker 2: messy sanctification, and all the things we turned to instead

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Speaker 2: of Jesus because we're all addicted to something. You'll hear raw,

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Speaker 2: honest conversations from those who have struggled, those who help

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Speaker 2: those who struggle, and why aiming for Jesus and getting

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Speaker 2: sobriety thrown in is actually the best goal. So let's

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Speaker 2: get right into this week's episode. One of the requests

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Speaker 2: that I have gotten, which, by the way, if you

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Speaker 2: go to Christianlcoholic dot com and fill out the form,

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Speaker 2: there's a contact new form and you know, send me

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Speaker 2: a message. I read everything I generally respond everything. If

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Speaker 2: I haven't, it's been either on accident or it's got

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Speaker 2: lost in the shuffle, and I apologize for that, but

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Speaker 2: I generally respond everything. I love hearing from all of you.

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Speaker 2: And so one thing that I've gotten over the last

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Speaker 2: few months is requests to talk about addictions regarding food.

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Speaker 2: And so I am excited for today's conversation because today

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Speaker 2: I am talking with Amber Ginter Johnson, and she is

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Speaker 2: someone who struggled with in eating disorder, who struggled with

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Speaker 2: compulsive exercise, and we're going to talk about that, and

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk about what it looked like to

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Speaker 2: battle that. We're going to talk about what it looked

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Speaker 2: like for or Uh to submit that to the Lord

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Speaker 2: to to still have mental health struggles, which he's going

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Speaker 2: to be open about and and I think it'll be

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Speaker 2: really beneficial. And so this is an opportunity to I

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Speaker 2: say that in you know, the Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic,

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Speaker 2: you can take out alcoholic and put anything in there, right,

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Speaker 2: And so we're gonna put Amber's story in place of alcoholic.

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Speaker 2: And I think it's it's it's an incredible conversation. I

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Speaker 2: didn't I didn't have like all the details of amber

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Speaker 2: story before we sat down together, and I think you'll

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Speaker 2: really appreciate how those details surfaced. And it's a great interview.

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Speaker 2: It really is a great interview. I'm not just saying that.

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Speaker 2: So if you have, if your addiction has not looked

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Speaker 2: like alcohol, not looked like drugs, but has been about food,

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Speaker 2: this is really going to benefit you. Before we get there, though,

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Speaker 2: Please if you do have some time, go to Christian

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Speaker 2: Alcoholic dot com purchase the book, and you can also

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Speaker 2: be directed there to our new nonprofit, Veritas Recovery Veritasrecovery

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Speaker 2: dot org if you want to go directly there, but

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Speaker 2: you can get there through Christian Alcoholic dot com. Veritas

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Speaker 2: Recovery is the nonprofit that we have now started in

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Speaker 2: light of just so many of you reaching out since

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Speaker 2: the book came out and wanting resources and a place

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Speaker 2: to find community when it comes to gospel centered recovery.

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Speaker 2: And so that's what we did, and we're trusting the Lord.

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Speaker 2: If you want to donate to help the ministry really

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Speaker 2: get off the ground, we have a campaign up now

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Speaker 2: to solidify kind of some foundational funding and I would

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Speaker 2: be honored. So you can go to Christian Alcoholic dot com,

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Speaker 2: where you can go directly to Veritas Recovery dot com

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Speaker 2: or excuse me Veritasrecovery dot org V E R I

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Speaker 2: T A S. And then finally, if you want to

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Speaker 2: watch the interview with Amber or any of the podcast interviews,

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Speaker 2: you can go to the Veritas Daily dot com. Amber

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Speaker 2: is someone who has become a friend. We are part

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Speaker 2: of a writing group, and so she's gonna talk a

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Speaker 2: little bit about her background.

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Speaker 1: But she.

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Speaker 2: Used to be a math teacher. Now she is a

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Speaker 2: writer full time and is working on putting out resources,

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Speaker 2: especially related to mental health, and so we're gonna talk

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Speaker 2: about that. We're gonna talk about gen Z and what

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Speaker 2: addiction looks like in gen Z, of which she's kind

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Speaker 2: of on the older side of jen Z but has

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Speaker 2: a great insight. And so I'm really excited enjoy this

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Speaker 2: conversation with Amber Ginter Johnson. Amber, thank you so much

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Speaker 2: for joining the Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic podcast. It's

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Speaker 2: been just a pleasure to get to know you over.

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Speaker 2: I think kind of like the last year is like

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Speaker 2: when we were introduced to each other through a writing

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Speaker 2: group that we both just love and has been such

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Speaker 2: a blessing, and so I'm excited to get to talk

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Speaker 2: to you about your story. I think approaching addiction and

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Speaker 2: recovery from a different perspective, one that i've actually been.

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Speaker 2: People have emailed me and said, hey, can you talk

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Speaker 2: more about this? Great? So so thank you. Thank you

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Speaker 2: for being here.

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Speaker 1: Of course, thank you for having me. I am very

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Speaker 1: excited to share. And yeah, I've loved getting to know

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Speaker 1: you over the past. Gosh, it might be a year

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Speaker 1: and a half now, and it's it's funny how fast

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Speaker 1: time goes. Yeah, but it's been an honor and I

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Speaker 1: love what you stand for. So super excited to be here.

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Speaker 2: Well, thank you, and I think also you're you're going

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Speaker 2: to be able to offer I feel weird saying this now,

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Speaker 2: but a younger perspective, like I'm like I was always

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Speaker 2: the younger person, you know, offering the younger perspective, and

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Speaker 2: that's not a derogatory towards you. It's now like, oh

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Speaker 2: there's other like I'm not the young hip person, like

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Speaker 2: I'm almost forty, Like this is crazy, You're still young, John,

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you. But I think you have insights

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Speaker 2: into a generation that I don't. So I'm excited about this,

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Speaker 2: but before we get there, I know, you know, I

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Speaker 2: did an intro before we hopped on here, but uh,

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Speaker 2: just tell everyone about yourself and what you do where

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Speaker 2: you live.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely well. Hi, if you don't know me, my name

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Speaker 1: is Amberginter Johnson. I was a high school English teacher

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Speaker 1: for five years, but I'm now a full time author.

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Speaker 1: I love what I do. I get to speak and

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Speaker 1: podcast and travel for a lot of events, and then

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Speaker 1: I you know, host Mental Reset retreats. I'm a freelance writer,

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Speaker 1: and then I'm in the process of traditionally publishing my

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Speaker 1: first books. So really exciting, fun things, very different than

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Speaker 1: teaching all day. But I'm very passionate about faith and

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Speaker 1: mental health and specifically how that impacts gen z or

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Speaker 1: at least the eighteen to thirty five ish age range.

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Speaker 1: And a lot of that stems from my own personal story,

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Speaker 1: which I'm sure we'll get into, but just growing up

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Speaker 1: seeing some things and not receiving the health that I

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Speaker 1: needed and now being able to offer that to individuals

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Speaker 1: around me that I know need that, And I think

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Speaker 1: especially being a teacher. You know, I taught high school

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Speaker 1: primarily sophomore so like fifteen sixteen years old and seeing

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Speaker 1: the same issues and them really you know, kickstarted in

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Speaker 1: my heart like okay, like this is serious. We need

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Speaker 1: to offer some practical biblical help. And so yeah, I

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Speaker 1: love it. I am married to my college sweetheart Ben,

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Speaker 1: and we have a golden doodle named OsO, who I'm

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Speaker 1: really praying doesn't bark during this podcast, and if.

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Speaker 2: He does, that's fine.

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Speaker 1: You know.

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Speaker 2: I think that the faith and mental health aspect is

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Speaker 2: so important, right, I mean, it's what I wrote my

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Speaker 2: first book on, right, and that resonated with so many people,

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Speaker 2: And I think what's interesting is I thought that was,

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Speaker 2: like i' that's what I was going to be known for,

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Speaker 2: and that's what I was going to speak on and

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Speaker 2: everything right and did for a while. And what I

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Speaker 2: didn't realize is that was part one of my story

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Speaker 2: and then there came a part two. In so much

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Speaker 2: of the mental health aspect helps understand the addiction part

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Speaker 2: of it. You know, I had got into a really

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Speaker 2: good place with my mental health. I had thought I

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Speaker 2: had gone through the hardest part of my life, and

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Speaker 2: yet you know, the hardest part was waiting for me.

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Speaker 2: And even though I knew that I had to be

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Speaker 2: careful with my drinking. I wrote that in my first

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Speaker 2: book on faith in mental health. It just crept in

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Speaker 2: until it took over. So I think having your perspective

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Speaker 2: and knowing that you are out there talking about that

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Speaker 2: is good. You had kind of mentioned and alluded to

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Speaker 2: your story, and so I would love to start there.

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Speaker 2: Tell us about your story. Tell what has led to

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Speaker 2: you to this point talking about this, and then I

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Speaker 2: think there's even some recovery aspects in there as well,

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Speaker 2: So take it away, tell us about your story.

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Speaker 1: Of course. So I always try to summarize this. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I'm thirty now, and so it's funny that

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Speaker 1: you say you feel old. I'm over here, like oh gosh,

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Speaker 1: like oh no. So I would my best to summarize.

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Speaker 1: But I always say that my story really started, honestly,

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Speaker 1: like a infancy. A word that I would use to

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Speaker 1: describe my story would be resilience, because in the womb

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Speaker 1: everything was going okay, at least somewhat for my mom.

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Speaker 1: But I was born prematurely by three months, and so

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Speaker 1: I remember seeing pictures of needles sticking out of my head.

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Speaker 1: I had like numerous blood transfusions because my lungs weren't developed,

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Speaker 1: and they really weren't sure if I was going to

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Speaker 1: How how premature were you born? About three months?

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Speaker 2: Okay, this is crazy. My brother, my brother, my younger brother,

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Speaker 2: was born three months premature.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 2: And so you know, so he was born in ninety three,

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Speaker 2: So you were born in like I mean not even yeah,

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Speaker 2: ninety six, so so so, especially like ninety three, even

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Speaker 2: as compared to ninety six, they were like they didn't

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Speaker 2: have much hope. And I know the medical community advanced

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Speaker 2: in those three years, but still like three months premature

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Speaker 2: in the mid to late nineties was like, it's not

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Speaker 2: they're not good chances. Like they're not great chances.

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Speaker 1: Oh yeah, yeah, So that was kind of you know.

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Speaker 1: Obviously I don't have recollection of that other than my

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Speaker 1: mom showing me pictures, but I do know I was

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Speaker 1: one of the bigger babies in the nick you, which

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Speaker 1: was kind of crazy. I think I was like three

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Speaker 1: or four pounds, and my parents would drive up every

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Speaker 1: day for thirty one days this how long I was

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Speaker 1: in the hospital. And I remember her telling me this

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Speaker 1: story though, because she said they really weren't sure if

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Speaker 1: I was gonna make it, and so their church at

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Speaker 1: the time, like later rose on the altar and like

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Speaker 1: prayed for me because they really didn't know. And so

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Speaker 1: thankfully I recovered fine. I grew up pretty healthy, and

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Speaker 1: for most of my early childhood up to like the

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Speaker 1: age of ten, you know, I would say I grew

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Speaker 1: up in like a quote unquote Christian home, and you know,

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Speaker 1: everything was good, and I was very charismatic and sure

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Speaker 1: you spirited and loved reading and running around. And then

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Speaker 1: when I was ten, my half brother threatened to kill me,

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Speaker 1: and that was when I started noticing, like, hmmm, something

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Speaker 1: is not quite right. And thankfully my grandparents lived just

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Speaker 1: down the road, so I spent ninety percent of my

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Speaker 1: upbringing at their house, and my parents tried to get

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Speaker 1: custody of my siblings. They were unable to get it,

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Speaker 1: and so my siblings were kind of just like in

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Speaker 1: and out of the house a lot in and out

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Speaker 1: of my life, and really up through like ten to fourteen,

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Speaker 1: I still didn't quite understand. I think I just thought like, oh,

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Speaker 1: they do bad things, like I'm not going to really

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Speaker 1: associate with them.

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Speaker 2: So were you the only one really living at home

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Speaker 2: or or when you say trying and get custody, what

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Speaker 2: was the situation like.

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Speaker 1: There, Yeah, so my dad was married before he married

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Speaker 1: my mom and she, yeah, uh, he could not get

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Speaker 1: they could not get custody to have the boys live

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Speaker 1: with us, and that failed. So I give them, you know,

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Speaker 1: props for trying to do that, but it definitely caused

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Speaker 1: a lot of like chaos in the house. And then

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Speaker 1: things really got severe when I was fourteen, so my

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Speaker 1: dad was placed on disability. He had seven unsuccessful hernia surgeries,

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Speaker 1: and my dad and I were really close, and then

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Speaker 1: all of a sudden, it was just like doctor Jekyll

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Speaker 1: and Hyde, and I didn't understand what was going on

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Speaker 1: because now I started seeing really similar symptoms to my siblings,

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Speaker 1: as in my dad who away has been like this

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Speaker 1: safe place. And so to this day, my dad and

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Speaker 1: I don't have a very great or stable relationship. And

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Speaker 1: so as all of that was happening, I kind of

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Speaker 1: felt this pressure that nobody put on me. I guess

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Speaker 1: I put it on myself, but I felt a pressure

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Speaker 1: to be the second parent in the home and really

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Speaker 1: like pick up the slack for a lot of things

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Speaker 1: that weren't done or to help my mom. And then

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Speaker 1: I became a victim of a lot of like verbal

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Speaker 1: and emotional abuse, and multiple family members started dying of

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Speaker 1: alcoholism or drugs or all sorts of stuff. So I'm like, hmm, well,

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Speaker 1: this is strange, Like I live in a Christian home,

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Speaker 1: why is this happening? And then unfortunately, I did develop

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Speaker 1: a eating disorder and addiction to exercise as my way

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Speaker 1: to cope at that same exact time. The crazy thing

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Speaker 1: about my story, I think, is that at that exact

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Speaker 1: same age that all of this is literally like everything

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Speaker 1: is crumbling. That's when I felt like God told me, like,

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Speaker 1: you were supposed to be a writer, and I really

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Speaker 1: tuck that deep in my heart because I loved reading.

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Speaker 1: I loved writing, I loved just anything to do with

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Speaker 1: the arts really, and so I continue to grow up

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Speaker 1: always had anxiety and depression kind of in the background.

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Speaker 1: I was a nervous nelly, scared to go to school,

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Speaker 1: begged my mom to homeschool me because I didn't want

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Speaker 1: to open my locker or what if I was late

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Speaker 1: to class, like just you know, worries like that. And

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Speaker 1: then it really wasn't until college that I started noticing like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: something is definitely wrong. My house is not normal and

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Speaker 1: I am not okay, but really, like when I got

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Speaker 1: to college, God freed me of my eating disorder. He

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Speaker 1: broke my foot. I always say, like he a thousand

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Speaker 1: percent broke my foot, and that's what. Just like overnight,

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Speaker 1: I felt like I was freed of the counting calories

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Speaker 1: and the obsess of exercise and all of these things.

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Speaker 1: Like it was just like I prayed about it for years,

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Speaker 1: for seven years, and it wasn't gone, and then magically

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Speaker 1: it was just like it was gone. The crazy thing though,

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Speaker 1: is that like with my struggle with anxiety and depression,

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Speaker 1: it wasn't like that, and so I was still praying

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Speaker 1: and reading my Bible and asking God to take it away.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, okay, well I must not be

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Speaker 1: like praying hard enough. And people around me started saying

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Speaker 1: like we are you praying? Are you reading your Bible?

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Speaker 1: Are you trusting God?

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Speaker 2: Like?

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Speaker 1: Do you have enough faith? And I'm like, man, I

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Speaker 1: must be losing my mind, like I have to. I've

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Speaker 1: fallen off. I'm a horrible Christian. Something's wrong with me.

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Speaker 1: And then probably they'll see Two years later I graduated college,

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Speaker 1: I would say I was in my like prime minus

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Speaker 1: being stressed out and then just overnight, I got incredibly

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Speaker 1: sick and I was basically going to the er every

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Speaker 1: week for excruciating stomach pain, where anytime I ate anything,

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Speaker 1: did anything period, I just I don't know. I felt

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Speaker 1: like I was having an ulcer or like something was

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Speaker 1: wrong and doctors can't figure out what was wrong with me.

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Speaker 1: And so about a year later, I was diagnosed with

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Speaker 1: ten plus physical and mental health issues and that was

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Speaker 1: kind of my turning point where I realized, I need

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Speaker 1: to go to therapy, I need to talk to someone,

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Speaker 1: I need medication, like I've got to do something beyond

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Speaker 1: just praying and reading my Bible, because this is not okay.

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Speaker 1: And so I think all this time it's been a

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Speaker 1: threat of resilience because even with navigating doctors and trying

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Speaker 1: to find the right ones, I've had to advocate for myself.

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Speaker 1: And so it's definitely not what I thought i'd see

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Speaker 1: myself doing today as an author. I didn't think i'd

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Speaker 1: be writing about the things that I experienced, for sure,

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Speaker 1: but here I am. And I feel really empowered now

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Speaker 1: to not let those struggles define me because I've been

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Speaker 1: able to overcome them, and even though I still struggle

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Speaker 1: with anxiety and depression, and I feel like that's always

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Speaker 1: going to be my struggle even though I'm medicated and

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Speaker 1: in therapy and all the things. It's like, that doesn't

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Speaker 1: make me less of a Christian, it just makes me

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Speaker 1: human a man.

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Speaker 2: We'll be right back after this. Okay, there's so much

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Speaker 2: I want to unpack there and so but I so

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Speaker 2: I want to go back to You talked about developing

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Speaker 2: the eating store, the eating disorder, and I think that's

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Speaker 2: one of the things that people have asked me to

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Speaker 2: talk about more. Now. Obviously I don't have that in

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Speaker 2: my background, so it's hard, and so that's one of

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Speaker 2: one of the reasons I was looking forward to having

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Speaker 2: you on to talk about that. I'm I'm curious if

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Speaker 2: you can kind of take us through when you say

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Speaker 2: that developed? What does that mean? What did that look like?

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Speaker 2: What what do you feel like? Was it a desire

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Speaker 2: for control for those who either don't understand or those

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Speaker 2: who are hoping to be seen? Can you can you

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Speaker 2: walk us through when you say that developed, what that

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Speaker 2: looks like?

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Speaker 1: I believe that eating disorders can obviously look different for

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Speaker 1: every person. So this is just my experience for me.

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Speaker 1: I do think looking back, it came out of a

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Speaker 1: desire for control. Right, my family is not stepping up

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Speaker 1: and doing the things that they need to be doing.

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Speaker 1: We had a lot of financial struggles. I always felt

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Speaker 1: like I had to be perfect and had to be

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Speaker 1: you know, the good kid that couldn't mess up because

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Speaker 1: my siblings, you know, have all these things wrong. So

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Speaker 1: I think that I had a lot of pressure on

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Speaker 1: myself and then I had a lot of like control

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Speaker 1: where it was just well, like if I can control

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Speaker 1: my food and my exercise, like maybe that'll stabilize something.

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Speaker 1: I do think that it didn't. You know, I think

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Speaker 1: most people that struggle with eating disorder, it doesn't just

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Speaker 1: like randomly appear. It usually is triggered by something, usually

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Speaker 1: stress or A lot of people think, oh, it has

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Speaker 1: to do with food or it has to do with exercise,

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Speaker 1: Like really, that's just like the actions of the symptoms.

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Speaker 1: That's not really like eating disorders aren't just about food

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Speaker 1: or exercise like they usually are about control. Mine was

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Speaker 1: really interesting because I was a huge animal advocate, so

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Speaker 1: it actually started with just like a genuine concern for welfare,

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Speaker 1: like animal welfare, and it was like, oh, like I

347
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:09,399
Speaker 1: can just be vegan for a little while, or you know,

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Speaker 1: Pete showed me these horrible videos and now I'm scarred

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Speaker 1: and don't want to eat chicken, like you know. So

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Speaker 1: it started, I think like that. And then really what

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Speaker 1: did a number for me was my school health class

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Speaker 1: showed the video or the movie Supersize me, and I

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Speaker 1: don't know, but that film, Like I really wish that

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Speaker 1: they did not teach that film because it messed me up.

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Speaker 1: Like all I saw was this guy eating fast food

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Speaker 1: and getting incredibly fat and super sick overnight. And so

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Speaker 1: I really took that to an extreme and just was like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to eat any junk food period. And

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Speaker 1: then it became an obsession of not just junk food,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not going to eat anything like unhealthy period,

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Speaker 1: which is where they call an eating disorder land they

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Speaker 1: call it orthorexia, which is basically an obsession with being

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Speaker 1: healthy to an extreme of like have to eat the

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Speaker 1: exact amount of carbs and fats and vegetables and fruits,

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Speaker 1: and your workout has to be specific. And so it

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Speaker 1: started with with the food side of it, with intake,

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Speaker 1: and then pretty rapidly it just morphed into like a

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Speaker 1: body image issue, and so I would I would take

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Speaker 1: food to school, I would not eat any of it.

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Speaker 1: I would throw it away. So I was definitely in

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Speaker 1: like a starvation period for probably like fourteen to sixteen.

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Speaker 1: I remember I lost my period. My I had actually

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Speaker 1: like started and then it had stopped because I had

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Speaker 1: like done that. And one thing looking back that I

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Speaker 1: remember having a conversation with myself and I remember googling this,

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Speaker 1: and it was how do I prevent myself from growing up?

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Speaker 1: That was what I googled, and so it had said, like, oh, well,

378
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Speaker 1: you like you can stop the maturation process by like

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Speaker 1: not eating as much or not xyz. Because I was

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Speaker 1: just petrified of growing up. And I think it was

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Speaker 1: because everything around me was so chaotic and like everyone

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Speaker 1: that was grown up around me it was like, oh

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Speaker 1: my gosh, they're drug use or they're alcoholics, or they're dying,

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Speaker 1: and so I was just so scared of that and

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Speaker 1: I thought, if I can control my body and stop

386
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Speaker 1: myself from growing up, which looking back, I'm like, Okaymber,

387
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Speaker 1: that didn't really make sense, but yeah, that's what it

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Speaker 1: looked like for me. And then as soon as the

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Speaker 1: kind of like not eating a lot kicked in. Then

390
00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:32,399
Speaker 1: the obsessive exercise was pretty severe, and so definitely, like

391
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Speaker 1: outside looking in, you could tell something was wrong. I

392
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Speaker 1: wasn't the traditional exerciser of like different types of exercise,

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Speaker 1: Like I would just jog in place for like hours,

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Speaker 1: So it like started a hour and then it was

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Speaker 1: like two hours, and then at the height it got

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Speaker 1: to like three hours.

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Speaker 2: And so when you say jog in place, like you

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Speaker 2: would just go to a corner in your room and.

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Speaker 1: Just yeah, like anything like I would just like compul

400
00:21:56,280 --> 00:21:58,000
Speaker 1: like it was very compulsive. Like it was just like

401
00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:01,800
Speaker 1: if I ate anything, like I immediately had to go jog,

402
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Speaker 1: like I remember like jogging in the shower and jogging

403
00:22:04,720 --> 00:22:07,080
Speaker 1: like putting my clothes on and jogging, like I can

404
00:22:07,160 --> 00:22:12,040
Speaker 1: never be not moving. And then you know, on top

405
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 1: of that with the food, and then my behaviors obviously

406
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,480
Speaker 1: started like tanking. So I was really moody, and I

407
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,760
Speaker 1: would lie and I would cheat, and like somebody would

408
00:22:20,760 --> 00:22:22,639
Speaker 1: ask me something's wrong, and I would lie to their face.

409
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Speaker 1: And so it's just crazy how people talk about that

410
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:30,120
Speaker 1: eating disorders have their own persona, and in a lot

411
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Speaker 1: of my writing that I've done, like I do personify them,

412
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:34,520
Speaker 1: and so I would say, like that was the Anna voice,

413
00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,560
Speaker 1: or that was the Ortho voice, or that was the

414
00:22:36,720 --> 00:22:39,760
Speaker 1: ED voice, because it's it's not your voice that's telling

415
00:22:39,800 --> 00:22:43,000
Speaker 1: you all of these things. So yeah, that's kind of

416
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Speaker 1: what it looked like for me. Thankfully, I never was

417
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,359
Speaker 1: like I never threw up or anything like that. That

418
00:22:47,359 --> 00:22:50,520
Speaker 1: would be bulliemia if if you're listening and making yourself

419
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Speaker 1: throw up. But I was definitely like a what they

420
00:22:55,240 --> 00:22:58,359
Speaker 1: call like a restrict and then like a compulsion person,

421
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:00,399
Speaker 1: which is where we get compulsive exercise.

422
00:23:00,520 --> 00:23:03,000
Speaker 2: From what was your calorie intake down.

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00:23:02,920 --> 00:23:10,320
Speaker 1: To I'm not sure, thankfully, you know when I talk

424
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:14,080
Speaker 1: about God taking that away from me, it crazy is

425
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Speaker 1: the word I've used like four times in this podcast already.

426
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Speaker 1: But like it really was like I knew the calories

427
00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:22,880
Speaker 1: of everything to a tee and would like track it,

428
00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:24,919
Speaker 1: and then as soon as my foot was broken, it

429
00:23:25,040 --> 00:23:27,480
Speaker 1: was just like I didn't have a desire to do

430
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Speaker 1: that anymore. I would say, oh gosh, maybe like five

431
00:23:31,520 --> 00:23:34,919
Speaker 1: or six hundred calories, Like a day was probably like

432
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Speaker 1: at its worst. And there was a point where I

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Speaker 1: was sixteen and my parents forced me to go to

434
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:43,480
Speaker 1: the doctor. I remember like putting on my heaviest clothing

435
00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:45,399
Speaker 1: and sticking things in my shoes and like all this

436
00:23:45,400 --> 00:23:48,000
Speaker 1: stuff because I just I don't know, I would lie

437
00:23:48,119 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: to cover it up. And they were concerned because I

438
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,040
Speaker 1: hadn't started my period, but they didn't know I had

439
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:58,040
Speaker 1: started it and it stopped, and so they basically threatened.

440
00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:00,480
Speaker 1: I say that like a threatened, but they like, yeah,

441
00:24:00,520 --> 00:24:03,240
Speaker 1: we're gonna have to like in take you if you

442
00:24:03,280 --> 00:24:06,520
Speaker 1: don't seriously like take care of yourself and like gain weight.

443
00:24:06,920 --> 00:24:10,640
Speaker 1: And so I think around like sixteen seventeen, I did

444
00:24:10,760 --> 00:24:14,879
Speaker 1: start like eating again pretty normally. I was able to

445
00:24:14,920 --> 00:24:17,399
Speaker 1: gain some way. My period came back, but I was

446
00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:21,040
Speaker 1: still compulsively exercising to cover that up.

447
00:24:21,240 --> 00:24:25,359
Speaker 2: But I still said that I like didn't do that. Yeah,

448
00:24:25,400 --> 00:24:28,000
Speaker 2: and so I guess that's my question too, that's my

449
00:24:28,040 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 2: next question. And you know, we're so good us addicts,

450
00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:34,720
Speaker 2: which I think you know you're an ad it right,

451
00:24:34,800 --> 00:24:37,440
Speaker 2: like you were addicted to compulsive exos your addicted count

452
00:24:38,160 --> 00:24:41,439
Speaker 2: count calories whatnot. I mean, if you don't like me

453
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:47,159
Speaker 2: in that word, just lething know. But but we we

454
00:24:47,200 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 2: have a way of hiding, We have a way of

455
00:24:49,160 --> 00:24:53,639
Speaker 2: convincing ourselves and then convincing others. So I'm curious how

456
00:24:53,760 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 2: you and you've gotten to a little a little bit

457
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:01,399
Speaker 2: of this, but how were you? How was how was

458
00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:06,560
Speaker 2: your family you know, looking at this and was it

459
00:25:06,680 --> 00:25:10,600
Speaker 2: obvious to them? Or again, was the hiding just so good?

460
00:25:10,680 --> 00:25:12,919
Speaker 2: I mean, they did have you go to the doctor

461
00:25:13,000 --> 00:25:15,160
Speaker 2: that one time, but was it were they like, oh,

462
00:25:15,280 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 2: you're you're really small, Like what's going on? Was there

463
00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:20,560
Speaker 2: anything that they were noticing?

464
00:25:21,600 --> 00:25:24,439
Speaker 1: Yeah, a good question. I would say, like, yes, I

465
00:25:24,560 --> 00:25:26,399
Speaker 1: was good at hiding it. And then I would say

466
00:25:28,000 --> 00:25:31,040
Speaker 1: they noticed some things, but they definitely didn't notice the extent.

467
00:25:31,520 --> 00:25:34,560
Speaker 1: My mom and I were always really close and so

468
00:25:34,600 --> 00:25:38,040
Speaker 1: she could immediately tell like, my daughter's not acting the same.

469
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,480
Speaker 1: And like I definitely, like looking back, feel the worst

470
00:25:41,480 --> 00:25:43,879
Speaker 1: about her because I remember her asking me multiple times

471
00:25:43,920 --> 00:25:45,919
Speaker 1: like Amber, like I look under your door and I

472
00:25:45,920 --> 00:25:48,200
Speaker 1: see your feet moving, like you're lying to me, and

473
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:51,080
Speaker 1: I'm like, no, I'm not. And like she to this day,

474
00:25:51,119 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: like she still talks about like blaming herself for like

475
00:25:54,800 --> 00:25:57,520
Speaker 1: being ignorant about that when she knew something was going on.

476
00:25:57,920 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 1: But I think she kind of just convinced herself like no,

477
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:01,960
Speaker 1: like she said nothing was going on, Like I can

478
00:26:01,960 --> 00:26:04,080
Speaker 1: trust her because that was always the relationship we had,

479
00:26:04,119 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: and I don't blame her like it was fully my fault.

480
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:09,560
Speaker 1: My dad did not know. I don't even know if

481
00:26:09,600 --> 00:26:13,679
Speaker 1: he still fully comprehends that I went through that, because

482
00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:16,119
Speaker 1: we had really grown apart pretty much as soon as

483
00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:18,800
Speaker 1: I turned fourteen, so he didn't know. I don't think

484
00:26:18,840 --> 00:26:21,000
Speaker 1: that my siblings really knew they were on their own

485
00:26:22,280 --> 00:26:26,000
Speaker 1: land of drugs or psychotics or in jail. And then

486
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:29,600
Speaker 1: I think my grandparents were probably a little bit concerned

487
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,040
Speaker 1: just because of things that my mom would tell them.

488
00:26:32,320 --> 00:26:34,240
Speaker 1: But yeah, I mean I hit it fairly well. I

489
00:26:34,280 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 1: had always been thin, which was also the crazy thing

490
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:42,080
Speaker 1: that people say about eating disorders is there's this misconception that, oh,

491
00:26:42,119 --> 00:26:43,919
Speaker 1: like you just want to be skinny, and it was

492
00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:46,520
Speaker 1: like I was already skinny. I was already tall and

493
00:26:46,560 --> 00:26:48,919
Speaker 1: thin like that was just like me, and so it

494
00:26:48,960 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 1: didn't like stereotypically, it didn't make sense that I was

495
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:56,399
Speaker 1: struggling with it because I already had the ideal type.

496
00:26:56,440 --> 00:26:59,359
Speaker 1: But yeah, I was very thin and that became concerning

497
00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 1: and then like family meals, like I would like rearrange

498
00:27:02,359 --> 00:27:04,439
Speaker 1: food on my plate, or I knew how to like

499
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,679
Speaker 1: make it look like I ate certain things and stuff

500
00:27:06,720 --> 00:27:07,040
Speaker 1: like that.

501
00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:12,440
Speaker 2: The things we do, right, I mean the like yeah

502
00:27:12,520 --> 00:27:15,560
Speaker 2: us us addicts. I feel like, you know, we're really

503
00:27:15,640 --> 00:27:18,479
Speaker 2: smart in a lot of ways, right, like the amount

504
00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:22,680
Speaker 2: of mental energy that we put towards hiding and that

505
00:27:22,800 --> 00:27:28,399
Speaker 2: kind of stuff. Right, So bring us to the foot break,

506
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 2: like what happened there.

507
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:34,720
Speaker 1: I love this part of my story because it was unpredictable,

508
00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,040
Speaker 1: as God always is, but it is truly what saved

509
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,560
Speaker 1: my life. So this was my sophomore year of college,

510
00:27:42,400 --> 00:27:46,200
Speaker 1: would have been my seventh year struggling with the eating disorder,

511
00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:50,400
Speaker 1: and like I mentioned, the eating portion was was better.

512
00:27:50,520 --> 00:27:53,880
Speaker 1: I was eating fine, but the compulsive exercise was really

513
00:27:53,920 --> 00:27:56,960
Speaker 1: out of control, up to like three hours a day.

514
00:27:57,760 --> 00:28:01,080
Speaker 1: And I have always been answer danced since I was

515
00:28:01,080 --> 00:28:04,520
Speaker 1: a little girl. And I was getting ready to audition

516
00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:08,080
Speaker 1: for competition team, and I had really like increased my

517
00:28:08,200 --> 00:28:10,639
Speaker 1: skill in about a year, like I was really progressing

518
00:28:10,760 --> 00:28:13,960
Speaker 1: fast for being that old, which was kind of crazy.

519
00:28:14,600 --> 00:28:16,919
Speaker 1: And then I went to a practice. I did a

520
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,440
Speaker 1: double pirouette, which is just a double turn, and just

521
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:23,480
Speaker 1: instantly like the foot I was standing on kind of

522
00:28:23,520 --> 00:28:27,840
Speaker 1: like wobbled, and all my late weight like crushed my foot,

523
00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:30,760
Speaker 1: and so I got up and I was like, oh no,

524
00:28:31,119 --> 00:28:34,040
Speaker 1: it's like something doesn't feel right. I was a little

525
00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:37,080
Speaker 1: bit ignorant and went and put my shoe on my foot,

526
00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,280
Speaker 1: and then I drove home and I told my mom,

527
00:28:40,320 --> 00:28:41,880
Speaker 1: I'm like, something's wrong with my foot. So I take

528
00:28:41,920 --> 00:28:44,240
Speaker 1: my shoe off. My foot is like double the size

529
00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,880
Speaker 1: of my other foot, and I have very like narrow,

530
00:28:47,040 --> 00:28:50,400
Speaker 1: long feet, and it's like swelling up. It's purple, it's black,

531
00:28:50,480 --> 00:28:52,360
Speaker 1: it's blue. I'm like, this is not good. And then

532
00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 1: I went to the doctor and they said I had

533
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:59,440
Speaker 1: like an evulsion injury basically on my fifth metatarsal, which

534
00:28:59,480 --> 00:29:01,680
Speaker 1: is the worst one that you can break. It's attached

535
00:29:01,680 --> 00:29:05,200
Speaker 1: to your pinky toe, and so yeah, they were like nope,

536
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,640
Speaker 1: you can't do anything. And they put me in a boot,

537
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 1: and then about a month later went back and I

538
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:15,080
Speaker 1: was good during that time. I did not use my

539
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 1: flot and it actually got worse and they were like, no,

540
00:29:18,640 --> 00:29:20,360
Speaker 1: this is like a serious break. So then they had

541
00:29:20,400 --> 00:29:22,600
Speaker 1: to put a real cast actually on my foot, and

542
00:29:22,640 --> 00:29:25,640
Speaker 1: I didn't get out of the cast. Till like April

543
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,160
Speaker 1: or May of that year, so it was a good

544
00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:31,120
Speaker 1: like six seven months. But the day that I the

545
00:29:31,200 --> 00:29:33,640
Speaker 1: day that I broke it, I came home and I

546
00:29:33,640 --> 00:29:36,959
Speaker 1: remember sitting on my bathroom floor and I was like

547
00:29:37,120 --> 00:29:39,880
Speaker 1: screaming at God, and I was like, why did you

548
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:42,960
Speaker 1: do this to me? And I've never really audibly heard

549
00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,840
Speaker 1: the voice of God very many times in my life,

550
00:29:45,520 --> 00:29:48,160
Speaker 1: but I remember that he said, you know why I

551
00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 1: did this? And I was like, right, and like that's

552
00:29:53,880 --> 00:29:56,280
Speaker 1: the only time that I for sure remember and like no,

553
00:29:56,680 --> 00:30:00,120
Speaker 1: like okay, that was definitely God. And so yeah, it was.

554
00:30:00,640 --> 00:30:03,480
Speaker 1: It was crazy, but I'm very thankful for my broken

555
00:30:03,520 --> 00:30:04,000
Speaker 1: left foot.

556
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,880
Speaker 2: So you know, that was kind of the impetus, right,

557
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:09,640
Speaker 2: I mean, you know, you know, the Lord kind of

558
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:12,800
Speaker 2: uses that. What did it look like for you? I

559
00:30:12,840 --> 00:30:15,280
Speaker 2: talk a lot about getting to the root, right, and

560
00:30:15,360 --> 00:30:19,080
Speaker 2: so what was that like? What did that look like

561
00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:22,240
Speaker 2: for you to get to the root of why you're

562
00:30:22,240 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 2: doing the compulse of exercising, why you had done, you know,

563
00:30:25,800 --> 00:30:28,920
Speaker 2: the restricting. What was that process like for you?

564
00:30:30,760 --> 00:30:32,520
Speaker 1: I feel like that's a little bit more complicated for

565
00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,520
Speaker 1: me to answer, because part of it was I was

566
00:30:35,560 --> 00:30:38,400
Speaker 1: just in denial that I had a problem. For short

567
00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,760
Speaker 1: of like like most addachs to do, it was like

568
00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:44,440
Speaker 1: I don't have a problem. And when I broke my foot,

569
00:30:44,880 --> 00:30:49,160
Speaker 1: it was just like I knew, well, I can't exercise

570
00:30:49,240 --> 00:30:50,840
Speaker 1: or at least not in the way that I was

571
00:30:51,520 --> 00:30:53,680
Speaker 1: or my foot is literally not going to heal. I'm

572
00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:55,440
Speaker 1: never going to get to dance, I'm never going to

573
00:30:55,680 --> 00:30:59,200
Speaker 1: like walk, And so I think part of it was

574
00:30:59,240 --> 00:31:03,400
Speaker 1: like intellectually just like recognizing that I had a problem

575
00:31:03,680 --> 00:31:07,040
Speaker 1: and then really like leaning into the Lord. In that season,

576
00:31:07,600 --> 00:31:10,880
Speaker 1: I started seeing other talents and gifts that like he

577
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:13,480
Speaker 1: had given me that I could pour into. So I

578
00:31:13,520 --> 00:31:15,760
Speaker 1: really spent a lot of my time, like when I

579
00:31:15,800 --> 00:31:19,040
Speaker 1: needed to cope, like doing other things. So I started

580
00:31:19,080 --> 00:31:21,240
Speaker 1: learning to play piano, and I had always been a singer,

581
00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:23,800
Speaker 1: and like I had always been a writer, so just

582
00:31:23,800 --> 00:31:26,360
Speaker 1: like really investing other time in that, and then even

583
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:30,080
Speaker 1: just like learning what healthy food and exercise could look

584
00:31:30,200 --> 00:31:33,000
Speaker 1: like or should look like. But I didn't go to

585
00:31:33,200 --> 00:31:38,080
Speaker 1: like formal like recovery or anything like that, And it

586
00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,880
Speaker 1: really wasn't until in my early twenties when I got

587
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 1: really sick. Then I started going to therapy that I

588
00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:47,200
Speaker 1: was able to start unpacking like why I did a

589
00:31:47,240 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: lot of the things, because I think at that point

590
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:50,960
Speaker 1: I just kind of was like, oh, like it's not

591
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 1: an issue now, like I don't feel the urge to

592
00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:56,720
Speaker 1: do things, move on. But looking back, I'm really thankful

593
00:31:56,760 --> 00:31:59,800
Speaker 1: that therapy was able to like help me unpack why

594
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:01,440
Speaker 1: I I was doing those things, And a lot of

595
00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:04,840
Speaker 1: it has come down to the coping and like that

596
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 1: was my way to control something because everything was not

597
00:32:08,680 --> 00:32:10,840
Speaker 1: okay and I didn't know what to do. I was fourteen,

598
00:32:11,080 --> 00:32:13,120
Speaker 1: Like nobody should have to be the second parent of

599
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:14,800
Speaker 1: their home at that age.

600
00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,240
Speaker 2: Right, what has it looked like to invite Jesus into

601
00:32:18,280 --> 00:32:20,000
Speaker 2: that kind of that recovery process for you?

602
00:32:22,680 --> 00:32:26,760
Speaker 1: Definitely been a difficult process of it sounds cliche and

603
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:30,680
Speaker 1: I hate cliches, but knowing that, like my identity is

604
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 1: not what I look like, and like that my identity

605
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:39,880
Speaker 1: is is not in essentially like perfection or like productivity,

606
00:32:40,360 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 1: and today, like I still struggle with an addiction to productivity.

607
00:32:43,720 --> 00:32:47,800
Speaker 1: That's like my my newest struggle of choice, and like

608
00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,640
Speaker 1: and I see you know obviously different patterns, but it

609
00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,160
Speaker 1: all comes back to like understanding my identity is not

610
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,760
Speaker 1: in what I produce, and it's not in what I

611
00:32:58,760 --> 00:33:01,120
Speaker 1: look like, and it's not in my perfect diet or

612
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:04,760
Speaker 1: exercise routine. And so inviting him into that has really

613
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:07,760
Speaker 1: been like a daily process of like, Okay, God, like

614
00:33:07,800 --> 00:33:10,320
Speaker 1: these things are important, but they're not as important like

615
00:33:10,760 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 1: as you are and the things that you want me

616
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:16,000
Speaker 1: to prioritize. So definitely, yea, I've been a journey of

617
00:33:16,600 --> 00:33:19,000
Speaker 1: doing that, and you know, I read my Bible every

618
00:33:19,080 --> 00:33:22,120
Speaker 1: day and really asking him to speak through that. And

619
00:33:22,160 --> 00:33:26,680
Speaker 1: then recently it's actually been like implementing the practice of Sabbath,

620
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:28,959
Speaker 1: which is something I've been really convicted of, not just

621
00:33:28,960 --> 00:33:32,880
Speaker 1: like one day off, but Sabbath rests throughout the week

622
00:33:33,320 --> 00:33:36,360
Speaker 1: because my anxiety is very high functioning, so when I'm

623
00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:38,520
Speaker 1: on edge, I just want to go, go go, go,

624
00:33:38,520 --> 00:33:40,920
Speaker 1: go, go go, And sometimes like Sabbath to me is just

625
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:45,040
Speaker 1: go sit for five minutes and don't do anything, and

626
00:33:45,120 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 1: like just that as like a step of progress, even

627
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:48,520
Speaker 1: if it's five minutes.

628
00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:52,480
Speaker 2: So you talked about you kind of get to this

629
00:33:52,480 --> 00:33:56,400
Speaker 2: point where you're really sick and the mental health diagnoses

630
00:33:56,560 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 2: walk us through that. What what have you come to

631
00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:04,160
Speaker 2: learn those diagnoses, and then what if you what has

632
00:34:04,400 --> 00:34:07,400
Speaker 2: healing looked like for you in those areas. We'll be

633
00:34:07,480 --> 00:34:08,239
Speaker 2: right back after this.

634
00:34:12,960 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people see healing as a

635
00:34:15,239 --> 00:34:18,759
Speaker 1: linear process. It's really not. I feel like it's like

636
00:34:18,800 --> 00:34:20,920
Speaker 1: the roller coaster at Kings Island. I live in Ohio,

637
00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:22,560
Speaker 1: so if you don't know King's Island, just google it.

638
00:34:22,600 --> 00:34:25,279
Speaker 1: But it's just like a roller coaster, right, Like you

639
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:27,920
Speaker 1: have really awesome points and then you're back low and

640
00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:29,879
Speaker 1: you're like, what the Frick's happening? And then it goes

641
00:34:29,880 --> 00:34:32,799
Speaker 1: back up. And so, first of all, like redefining it

642
00:34:32,840 --> 00:34:38,080
Speaker 1: as not a linear process, for me, it was. It

643
00:34:38,160 --> 00:34:41,719
Speaker 1: definitely did a number. I'll be like completely transparent. It

644
00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,920
Speaker 1: did a really rough number on my brain when I

645
00:34:45,000 --> 00:34:48,920
Speaker 1: was first diagnosed, because a lot of conversations with my God,

646
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:52,080
Speaker 1: with God, with my therapist, with my mom even and

647
00:34:52,160 --> 00:34:54,400
Speaker 1: my boyfriend at the time, Like I was just like

648
00:34:55,040 --> 00:34:58,839
Speaker 1: is God punishing me? Like is this because like when

649
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:01,239
Speaker 1: I could eat food, I didn't and now anytime I

650
00:35:01,280 --> 00:35:03,360
Speaker 1: eat anything, I'm an excruciating pain, Like I did this

651
00:35:03,400 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 1: to myself. This is my fault. And that took me

652
00:35:05,600 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: a long time to understand that yes, like we're going

653
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,319
Speaker 1: to face repercussions from our actions, and obviously having an

654
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:15,080
Speaker 1: eating disorder for seven years will have some type of

655
00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:18,000
Speaker 1: impact on my body. But our God is not a

656
00:35:18,040 --> 00:35:21,440
Speaker 1: god who wants to punish me with lightning bolts for

657
00:35:21,520 --> 00:35:23,839
Speaker 1: all the things that I've done wrong, right, like that

658
00:35:25,120 --> 00:35:27,480
Speaker 1: eliminates who God is as a loving father and a

659
00:35:27,520 --> 00:35:33,960
Speaker 1: forgiving father. So for me, I was diagnosed with IBSC

660
00:35:36,080 --> 00:35:38,759
Speaker 1: let's see, and like a bunch of other basically like

661
00:35:38,840 --> 00:35:44,600
Speaker 1: stomach and GI issues, and then mentally I was diagnosed

662
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:49,200
Speaker 1: with high functioning generalized anxiety disorder and then mild to

663
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:54,160
Speaker 1: like moderate slash severe depression, and then just all sorts

664
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,680
Speaker 1: of things from they so vagual which is where you

665
00:35:56,719 --> 00:36:01,000
Speaker 1: pass out really easily, to you know, other conditions that

666
00:36:01,080 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: impact like my ability of like salt intake, and just

667
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:08,640
Speaker 1: all sorts of crazy things. And then I was diagnosed

668
00:36:08,680 --> 00:36:16,120
Speaker 1: with endometriosis, which was suspected for about five like seven years,

669
00:36:16,200 --> 00:36:19,279
Speaker 1: and I actually just got that diagnosis in twenty twenty four,

670
00:36:19,440 --> 00:36:21,680
Speaker 1: like permanently they were able to diagnose it and do

671
00:36:21,719 --> 00:36:23,840
Speaker 1: the surgery to remove it, but it took me like

672
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,560
Speaker 1: seven years. So we always knew something was going on,

673
00:36:27,120 --> 00:36:30,440
Speaker 1: and recovery is really like healing has looked like a

674
00:36:30,480 --> 00:36:33,759
Speaker 1: billion and one things, from going to therapy, going to

675
00:36:33,760 --> 00:36:40,080
Speaker 1: public for therapy, having surgery, obviously having good community, friends, family,

676
00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:44,200
Speaker 1: church that understand mental and physical health correctly and not

677
00:36:44,239 --> 00:36:46,120
Speaker 1: just telling me to go pray and read my Bible more.

678
00:36:46,320 --> 00:36:46,560
Speaker 2: Yeah.

679
00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:52,520
Speaker 1: And then so just recently, like probably like a year, yeah,

680
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:55,000
Speaker 1: like a year ago, now, I was able to get

681
00:36:55,000 --> 00:36:57,440
Speaker 1: on medication for anxiety and depression because it was just

682
00:36:57,480 --> 00:37:02,120
Speaker 1: not getting any better after being in CBT therapy for

683
00:37:02,160 --> 00:37:05,560
Speaker 1: about six years and like, I'm still in therapy, but

684
00:37:06,040 --> 00:37:08,880
Speaker 1: I needed something more to help take that daily off.

685
00:37:11,719 --> 00:37:14,440
Speaker 2: You know. I think I'm a huge advocate of that.

686
00:37:14,520 --> 00:37:17,000
Speaker 2: I still take medication. I tell people it's kind of

687
00:37:17,080 --> 00:37:20,000
Speaker 2: like if my anxiety is normally at an eight to

688
00:37:20,040 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 2: a ten without it, and brings it down to a four,

689
00:37:22,560 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 2: doesn't get rid of it, but it allows me to

690
00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:29,560
Speaker 2: then do the exercises, to do the things to read

691
00:37:29,600 --> 00:37:33,279
Speaker 2: the word to get there. Or I compare it to glasses, right,

692
00:37:33,400 --> 00:37:36,279
Speaker 2: like everything's blurry and then I put my glasses on

693
00:37:36,360 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 2: and it's like, oh I can see now, right. Has

694
00:37:38,320 --> 00:37:42,319
Speaker 2: that healed my eyes? No? But it allows me to

695
00:37:42,400 --> 00:37:48,520
Speaker 2: see clearer. And clearly you had talked about this, this

696
00:37:48,680 --> 00:37:55,920
Speaker 2: idea of you know, people who maybe have said in

697
00:37:55,960 --> 00:37:58,839
Speaker 2: the past, you know, just pray more, just have faith more,

698
00:37:58,880 --> 00:38:00,520
Speaker 2: just read the Bible more, and maybe you even put

699
00:38:00,560 --> 00:38:03,759
Speaker 2: that pressure on yourself. I talk about that in my

700
00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:09,239
Speaker 2: first book, and how really what we need to embraces

701
00:38:09,840 --> 00:38:14,279
Speaker 2: a proper theology of suffering? Right, And so I'm curious

702
00:38:14,960 --> 00:38:16,239
Speaker 2: what has it looked like.

703
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:17,080
Speaker 1: For you.

704
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 2: To combat you know, what I would say, is is

705
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 2: it improper in poor theology that says, well, if you

706
00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:28,359
Speaker 2: just pray more, if you just have faith, and if

707
00:38:28,360 --> 00:38:30,600
Speaker 2: then it doesn't happen, there's a problem with your faith,

708
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:33,360
Speaker 2: there's a problem with your prayers, there's a problem with you.

709
00:38:33,480 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 2: God is punishing you. How have you been able to

710
00:38:36,080 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 2: combat that in your own life?

711
00:38:39,520 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 1: I think the first thing and I forget where I

712
00:38:41,840 --> 00:38:44,799
Speaker 1: saw this first, So someone on the internet, thanks to

713
00:38:44,840 --> 00:38:49,800
Speaker 1: your insight, that it was basically this thing about how

714
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:54,319
Speaker 1: we need to take God's word for what God's word is,

715
00:38:54,600 --> 00:38:57,640
Speaker 1: not for what, like I'm just gonna say caveat but

716
00:38:57,719 --> 00:39:00,320
Speaker 1: like not for what like mom or dad or Grandmapul

717
00:39:00,360 --> 00:39:02,919
Speaker 1: passes down and says that's God's word, because sometimes there's

718
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,520
Speaker 1: a lot of those things that get passed down as

719
00:39:05,560 --> 00:39:07,799
Speaker 1: God's word or truth and they're not like they're just

720
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 1: these nuances that people have believed. So I think there's that.

721
00:39:11,080 --> 00:39:14,200
Speaker 1: I think it's reading the scripture for yourself and articulating

722
00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 1: what does God actually say about this and what does

723
00:39:17,480 --> 00:39:19,880
Speaker 1: his character say, because you know we're not going to

724
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,799
Speaker 1: find in the scriptures here's God's what he exactly says

725
00:39:23,880 --> 00:39:26,440
Speaker 1: to do about your depression and about your anxiety. And

726
00:39:26,480 --> 00:39:28,760
Speaker 1: a lot of people will argue the anxiety Bible verses.

727
00:39:28,800 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 1: I won't touch on that now, but they take those

728
00:39:30,800 --> 00:39:35,600
Speaker 1: out of context. And so I think it's just knowing, Okay,

729
00:39:35,600 --> 00:39:38,040
Speaker 1: what is God's character and that and when God does

730
00:39:38,080 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 1: say things like cast all of your anxiety on him

731
00:39:40,640 --> 00:39:43,760
Speaker 1: because he cares for you, like he's saying to cast

732
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 1: that on him because he cares for you, not because

733
00:39:46,200 --> 00:39:47,880
Speaker 1: he knew that you were never going to struggle with it,

734
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:50,200
Speaker 1: or because he's shooting lightning bolts because wow, Amber, you

735
00:39:50,239 --> 00:39:53,319
Speaker 1: should just have more faith and put it together. And

736
00:39:53,400 --> 00:39:55,160
Speaker 1: so I think that it's like out of a place

737
00:39:55,200 --> 00:39:59,520
Speaker 1: of compassion. I think it's also recognizing the difference between

738
00:40:00,040 --> 00:40:06,560
Speaker 1: clinical diagnoses versus every day normal anxiety. Like, yeah, you know,

739
00:40:06,680 --> 00:40:10,000
Speaker 1: most children when they first go to school for the

740
00:40:10,120 --> 00:40:13,000
Speaker 1: very first time are probably a little bit nervous and anxious.

741
00:40:13,000 --> 00:40:15,880
Speaker 1: I feel like that's normal. But if you are worried

742
00:40:16,480 --> 00:40:20,000
Speaker 1: hours a day, you can't sleep, you're having night terrors

743
00:40:20,040 --> 00:40:22,120
Speaker 1: and sweats about going to school, like okay, there might

744
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 1: be something in.

745
00:40:22,600 --> 00:40:25,279
Speaker 2: Your bed constantly, you know, Like that's what I did

746
00:40:25,680 --> 00:40:30,080
Speaker 2: until I was you know, eight or nine, right, yeah,

747
00:40:30,120 --> 00:40:32,880
Speaker 2: and you look back now and it's like it's not

748
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:36,520
Speaker 2: that I like that. It's a very classic sign of anxiety.

749
00:40:37,360 --> 00:40:41,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I think you know, this one

750
00:40:41,239 --> 00:40:46,160
Speaker 1: sounds a little bit harsh, but like learning what people

751
00:40:46,200 --> 00:40:48,440
Speaker 1: you can trust when they say things, and like learning

752
00:40:48,440 --> 00:40:50,279
Speaker 1: who to engage with and who to not. So they

753
00:40:50,280 --> 00:40:53,239
Speaker 1: are definitely people that I know don't feel that way.

754
00:40:53,320 --> 00:40:55,000
Speaker 1: And like, I'm not going to talk to you about it.

755
00:40:55,000 --> 00:40:57,120
Speaker 1: I'm not going to argue. If you try to argue

756
00:40:57,160 --> 00:40:59,240
Speaker 1: with me, I'm just gonna say sorry, we see differently,

757
00:40:59,360 --> 00:41:02,600
Speaker 1: move on, Like and I think sometimes realizing like how

758
00:41:02,640 --> 00:41:07,160
Speaker 1: to cut off those relationships in a sense from your life,

759
00:41:07,160 --> 00:41:09,399
Speaker 1: are pruning them that you need to in a healthy way,

760
00:41:09,880 --> 00:41:11,719
Speaker 1: and then also realizing who are the people that I

761
00:41:11,760 --> 00:41:14,359
Speaker 1: can talk to about that, who do get it, who

762
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:18,239
Speaker 1: are scripturally sound, because I want anybody listening to know that,

763
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,560
Speaker 1: like I think John feels the same way, but like

764
00:41:20,600 --> 00:41:23,640
Speaker 1: what we believe, what John and I believe is still

765
00:41:23,760 --> 00:41:26,560
Speaker 1: rooted in scripture, even if it does say something as

766
00:41:26,560 --> 00:41:29,600
Speaker 1: controversial as like, yeah, having anxiety doesn't mean you have faith,

767
00:41:29,640 --> 00:41:31,440
Speaker 1: even if that's what you've been told before.

768
00:41:31,640 --> 00:41:34,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, what do you say to the people who you

769
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:38,200
Speaker 2: know you have I tell people all the time that

770
00:41:38,239 --> 00:41:40,480
Speaker 2: I still pray that my anxiety and OCD would be

771
00:41:40,520 --> 00:41:47,520
Speaker 2: taken away completely miraculously. Whatnot? Now, now that's not your story,

772
00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 2: but you do have this kind of miraculous if you will,

773
00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:57,560
Speaker 2: instance where your exercise and you know that compulsive exercise

774
00:41:57,600 --> 00:42:04,840
Speaker 2: addiction was taken away miraculously. How do you counsel people?

775
00:42:05,080 --> 00:42:07,719
Speaker 2: What do you tell them if they're like Hamberg, Yeah,

776
00:42:07,760 --> 00:42:09,680
Speaker 2: I've been praying for that and that hasn't happened. So

777
00:42:09,760 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 2: what do I do? Right? I don't I haven't gotten

778
00:42:12,600 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 2: the miraculous healing. I haven't gotten the miraculous you know,

779
00:42:15,719 --> 00:42:19,399
Speaker 2: I don't want to drink anymore? What do you say

780
00:42:19,440 --> 00:42:20,240
Speaker 2: to those people.

781
00:42:22,600 --> 00:42:24,520
Speaker 1: I think that that's really been a huge part of

782
00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:27,680
Speaker 1: my story because I have experienced both. And that's the

783
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:30,600
Speaker 1: really cool thing is like I know what it's like

784
00:42:30,640 --> 00:42:32,880
Speaker 1: to have something taken away, and then I know what

785
00:42:32,920 --> 00:42:35,480
Speaker 1: it's like, like Paul, to keep praying and you're like, hey, God,

786
00:42:35,480 --> 00:42:37,600
Speaker 1: could you please take this and He's like no, no, no,

787
00:42:37,600 --> 00:42:42,080
Speaker 1: no no, when you're like, but my not believe And

788
00:42:42,120 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 1: I think, you know, I wouldn't say this initially because

789
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:47,200
Speaker 1: it's hard to wrestle with, but like one thing is

790
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: changing your perspective, and I think I've just learned, Like

791
00:42:52,520 --> 00:42:54,480
Speaker 1: I still pray for God to take my anxiety and

792
00:42:54,520 --> 00:42:57,319
Speaker 1: depression away. I don't know that he ever will, but

793
00:42:57,400 --> 00:42:59,879
Speaker 1: I know that, like I would not have the reach

794
00:43:00,040 --> 00:43:02,440
Speaker 1: and the testimony that I have today if everything in

795
00:43:02,440 --> 00:43:05,600
Speaker 1: my life would have just been like miraculously filled. And

796
00:43:05,640 --> 00:43:09,000
Speaker 1: it's like wow, Like I can help those people that

797
00:43:09,120 --> 00:43:11,960
Speaker 1: are still struggling with even if it is a eating disorder,

798
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:15,080
Speaker 1: and like, even though God took that away from me,

799
00:43:15,600 --> 00:43:17,520
Speaker 1: like I still have to be careful. There are still

800
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:21,719
Speaker 1: things that can trigger me. I have boundaries and things

801
00:43:21,760 --> 00:43:23,160
Speaker 1: like that, and so when I say that like he

802
00:43:23,200 --> 00:43:26,239
Speaker 1: took it away, like he one hundred percent took away

803
00:43:26,239 --> 00:43:29,960
Speaker 1: the calorie issue. I don't track my calories. I've had

804
00:43:30,000 --> 00:43:33,560
Speaker 1: a few nutritionists I work with now for my health

805
00:43:33,880 --> 00:43:35,960
Speaker 1: like asked me to and I've just been like I'm sorry,

806
00:43:36,000 --> 00:43:40,280
Speaker 1: Like I won't, like I can't, Like I cannot do it.

807
00:43:40,280 --> 00:43:43,520
Speaker 1: It'll it'll set me in a bad headspace. So, you know,

808
00:43:43,520 --> 00:43:47,040
Speaker 1: knowing your boundaries, but when it comes to you know,

809
00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:50,399
Speaker 1: exercise or being healthy, like that's definitely something I still

810
00:43:50,400 --> 00:43:53,680
Speaker 1: have to work on, like to make sure the exercise

811
00:43:53,719 --> 00:43:57,760
Speaker 1: and being healthy doesn't take an idolatrous place in my life.

812
00:43:58,160 --> 00:44:01,239
Speaker 1: And even with anxiety and depression and like I still

813
00:44:01,280 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 1: struggle with both of those things. And so I think

814
00:44:03,200 --> 00:44:06,000
Speaker 1: anyone listening, no matter what you're struggling with, I would

815
00:44:06,080 --> 00:44:09,440
Speaker 1: encourage you to tell somebody that you trust, somebody that

816
00:44:09,520 --> 00:44:12,120
Speaker 1: is safe, Like don't go blab this on Google or

817
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,759
Speaker 1: the internet. But like it could be a teacher, it

818
00:44:14,760 --> 00:44:16,640
Speaker 1: could be a professor, it could be a counselor it

819
00:44:16,640 --> 00:44:19,560
Speaker 1: could be a parent or a friend, Like just telling

820
00:44:19,600 --> 00:44:23,120
Speaker 1: someone because things that we keep in darkness just breed

821
00:44:23,520 --> 00:44:26,600
Speaker 1: more darkness. But things that you bring out into the

822
00:44:26,719 --> 00:44:30,200
Speaker 1: light are births in the light. And so that's one

823
00:44:30,280 --> 00:44:33,359
Speaker 1: imagery that I've always had stick with me because when

824
00:44:33,360 --> 00:44:36,160
Speaker 1: I had my eating disorder, everything I did was in

825
00:44:36,200 --> 00:44:38,920
Speaker 1: the dark, Like I would keep the lights off with

826
00:44:39,040 --> 00:44:42,040
Speaker 1: the door shut and locked, or the bathroom dark and locked,

827
00:44:42,040 --> 00:44:45,080
Speaker 1: and like it was all these closed doors and shut things.

828
00:44:45,120 --> 00:44:47,480
Speaker 1: And you know, Satan would tell me, you can't share this,

829
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 1: like you should be show is so ashamed, or you

830
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:52,120
Speaker 1: don't have an issue. And I think today, if you

831
00:44:52,160 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 1: were struggling with ed's or anxiety, depression and bipolar whatever

832
00:44:56,080 --> 00:44:59,399
Speaker 1: it might be, like, bring that to the light, even

833
00:44:59,440 --> 00:45:03,440
Speaker 1: if that one step is literally just telling someone and

834
00:45:03,480 --> 00:45:06,960
Speaker 1: then not being afraid to seek practical biblical help. And

835
00:45:07,000 --> 00:45:11,000
Speaker 1: so yes, please keep praying, Please keep seeking God, but

836
00:45:11,160 --> 00:45:14,719
Speaker 1: ask him to put resources in your life that he

837
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:17,560
Speaker 1: has blessed you with. Maybe it's a connection at church

838
00:45:17,640 --> 00:45:20,879
Speaker 1: or a therapist or a medication, Like just know that

839
00:45:20,880 --> 00:45:23,720
Speaker 1: that hope is it still exists. That hope is fierce.

840
00:45:23,800 --> 00:45:25,959
Speaker 1: It's going to fight for you even when you feel

841
00:45:26,000 --> 00:45:27,360
Speaker 1: like you can't fight for yourself.

842
00:45:28,800 --> 00:45:30,719
Speaker 2: I'm just taking some notes because there's so many other

843
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,120
Speaker 2: things I want to ask you, and I might not

844
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 2: make sure that I don't forget them. You know, you

845
00:45:36,600 --> 00:45:40,960
Speaker 2: take medication, I take medication. I've you know, there's been

846
00:45:42,800 --> 00:45:47,279
Speaker 2: like just I've resigned myself to like that's just what

847
00:45:47,320 --> 00:45:48,879
Speaker 2: I'm going to do the rest of my life. Now,

848
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:52,680
Speaker 2: some people that's really hard for them, and they're just

849
00:45:52,840 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 2: so focused on when can I get off the medication

850
00:45:57,239 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 2: as soon as possible? Right, And I'm just like again,

851
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 2: like if the Lord takes it away and I'm and

852
00:46:02,160 --> 00:46:04,640
Speaker 2: I get off, like, that's fine, but it's a common grace.

853
00:46:04,880 --> 00:46:07,800
Speaker 2: I'm just curious your thoughts on like, and there's no

854
00:46:07,920 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 2: judgment if you're like, yeah, I'm looking forward to getting

855
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,600
Speaker 2: off of it, but I'm curious what your perspective is.

856
00:46:13,239 --> 00:46:16,400
Speaker 2: Obviously you're okay with medication, but what's your perspective on

857
00:46:16,680 --> 00:46:18,960
Speaker 2: like are you working to get off of it? Are

858
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:21,680
Speaker 2: you where does your mind rest? There?

859
00:46:23,160 --> 00:46:28,640
Speaker 1: John's asking all the good questions. So yeah, I'm like, man,

860
00:46:28,680 --> 00:46:31,000
Speaker 1: this is like the best podcast I've been on. So

861
00:46:31,960 --> 00:46:33,960
Speaker 1: I'll say a couple of things with medication, and I

862
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:37,239
Speaker 1: have some stories that illustrate, But the first thing I

863
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:40,480
Speaker 1: want to be transparent is that it took me until

864
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:43,320
Speaker 1: I was twenty eight to be okay with taking medication.

865
00:46:43,400 --> 00:46:46,080
Speaker 1: And the funny thing was I was okay with everybody

866
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: else taking it. I was. I've always been an advocate

867
00:46:48,640 --> 00:46:51,040
Speaker 1: of like you can take med's, Like I support you, Yeah,

868
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:54,160
Speaker 1: you go you. But when it came to me, I

869
00:46:54,320 --> 00:46:57,520
Speaker 1: was petrified because I was so scared it was going

870
00:46:57,600 --> 00:46:59,560
Speaker 1: to change me as a person, like it was going

871
00:46:59,640 --> 00:47:03,799
Speaker 1: to change my actions or my character or something. And

872
00:47:03,880 --> 00:47:07,960
Speaker 1: I remember a friend said amber, like the place that

873
00:47:08,000 --> 00:47:09,640
Speaker 1: you have to get to to realize if you need

874
00:47:09,680 --> 00:47:12,319
Speaker 1: meds is like, am I living the best version of

875
00:47:12,360 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: me for God right now that I can? And I

876
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:17,760
Speaker 1: knew I was not. I was a hot mess express

877
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:21,600
Speaker 1: and so that really led me to actually be open

878
00:47:21,640 --> 00:47:25,480
Speaker 1: about taking medication. I talked to a therapist or a psychiatrist,

879
00:47:25,520 --> 00:47:28,360
Speaker 1: excuse me, for like a year. She even prescribed me meds.

880
00:47:28,480 --> 00:47:30,800
Speaker 1: I didn't take them. I put them under my counter,

881
00:47:30,920 --> 00:47:33,480
Speaker 1: didn't take them. Was still scared. Went back to therapy

882
00:47:34,080 --> 00:47:37,920
Speaker 1: and we practiced me taking the medication and like me

883
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,359
Speaker 1: just pretending like I took it and being okay with it.

884
00:47:41,040 --> 00:47:43,279
Speaker 1: And then I remember the day I actually finally broke

885
00:47:43,320 --> 00:47:45,440
Speaker 1: down and took the meds, the same one she prescribed

886
00:47:45,440 --> 00:47:49,480
Speaker 1: a year earlier, and I start crying hysterically, and my

887
00:47:49,520 --> 00:47:51,680
Speaker 1: husband's like, it's okay, Like you're gonna be okay, Like

888
00:47:51,719 --> 00:47:54,080
Speaker 1: it's just a pill, Like you're gonna be fine, and

889
00:47:54,160 --> 00:47:56,120
Speaker 1: you know there are side effects all this stuff. But

890
00:47:56,200 --> 00:48:01,000
Speaker 1: I remember thinking to myself it finally dawned on me

891
00:48:01,040 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: why I was so against medication for myself, and it

892
00:48:04,880 --> 00:48:08,359
Speaker 1: was because I realized that I couldn't fix myself and

893
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:11,040
Speaker 1: I had to really swallow that pride with that pill

894
00:48:11,480 --> 00:48:15,800
Speaker 1: that I cannot fix myself. And I was like, this sucks,

895
00:48:16,040 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 1: like I need help, and it does not help that

896
00:48:19,080 --> 00:48:21,680
Speaker 1: I self produced. And so that was like a wake

897
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:23,680
Speaker 1: up call for me. And I would just say for

898
00:48:23,760 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 1: anyone like it's on that edge about trying medication, I

899
00:48:27,320 --> 00:48:29,719
Speaker 1: want to ease your fears that like there are going

900
00:48:29,760 --> 00:48:31,960
Speaker 1: to be side effects. I had awful side effects for

901
00:48:31,960 --> 00:48:33,759
Speaker 1: like a month. I'm still trying to figure out the

902
00:48:33,840 --> 00:48:37,800
Speaker 1: right medication endorse for me, and that's a lifelong journey

903
00:48:37,800 --> 00:48:40,880
Speaker 1: for me. Do I uh, you know, am I opposed

904
00:48:41,160 --> 00:48:43,360
Speaker 1: to getting off of it some day if I truly

905
00:48:43,400 --> 00:48:46,360
Speaker 1: don't need it? Sure? But I also have parents that

906
00:48:46,400 --> 00:48:49,080
Speaker 1: I've both been on anxiety depression meds since they were

907
00:48:49,160 --> 00:48:52,040
Speaker 1: younger than me, and like that's just what they need

908
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:54,400
Speaker 1: to function. And it's like, I know what it's like

909
00:48:54,440 --> 00:48:56,919
Speaker 1: to live without meds, and I'm not going back there

910
00:48:57,000 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 1: because I can't function, Like it's just my anxiety, specifically

911
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:04,319
Speaker 1: productivity driven is out of control to the point where

912
00:49:04,360 --> 00:49:07,879
Speaker 1: I'm working sixteen hours a day and everything is red

913
00:49:07,920 --> 00:49:09,960
Speaker 1: and inflamed and on fire and needs done right now.

914
00:49:10,040 --> 00:49:12,080
Speaker 1: So it's like I'm not going back to live in

915
00:49:12,120 --> 00:49:12,399
Speaker 1: that way.

916
00:49:12,800 --> 00:49:13,000
Speaker 2: Yeah.

917
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:15,839
Speaker 1: And one of my best mentors, this is what I'll

918
00:49:15,880 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 1: close with on this question, is she very similar story

919
00:49:20,200 --> 00:49:23,480
Speaker 1: to me and went to a therapist helped her get

920
00:49:23,480 --> 00:49:27,000
Speaker 1: on medication. She started taking it, but then probably about

921
00:49:27,000 --> 00:49:29,400
Speaker 1: a year later, she's feeling really good and she's like,

922
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:31,120
Speaker 1: I don't think I need these meds, Like I'm gonna

923
00:49:31,120 --> 00:49:33,920
Speaker 1: get off these meds. It's only been a year. She

924
00:49:34,120 --> 00:49:36,920
Speaker 1: goes to one of her really good Christian friends in

925
00:49:36,960 --> 00:49:40,279
Speaker 1: the church and her friend is like, why would you

926
00:49:40,320 --> 00:49:43,319
Speaker 1: get off? And she was like, well, I just I mean,

927
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:44,880
Speaker 1: like I'm good. I think I can take care of

928
00:49:44,880 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 1: myself now, like I don't need these meds. And she

929
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:50,719
Speaker 1: was like, why would you get off of something if

930
00:49:50,719 --> 00:49:53,080
Speaker 1: it's helping you to be the best version of yourself

931
00:49:53,160 --> 00:49:55,919
Speaker 1: and it's helping you to serve the Lord, like, there

932
00:49:56,040 --> 00:49:58,840
Speaker 1: is nothing wrong with staying on those meds. And so,

933
00:49:59,480 --> 00:50:01,440
Speaker 1: you know, for her or she did learn like okay,

934
00:50:01,600 --> 00:50:03,680
Speaker 1: like I think I might need to be on these

935
00:50:04,120 --> 00:50:06,239
Speaker 1: for the rest of my life to manage it. But

936
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:08,760
Speaker 1: I have other friends that it was just a season

937
00:50:08,880 --> 00:50:11,200
Speaker 1: and they were really stressed out and they needed it,

938
00:50:11,640 --> 00:50:13,919
Speaker 1: and now they're not in that stressful season, and that's

939
00:50:13,960 --> 00:50:17,120
Speaker 1: also okay, Like everybody's different, you know.

940
00:50:17,239 --> 00:50:23,760
Speaker 2: I think I think sometimes it takes more faith, more trust,

941
00:50:23,960 --> 00:50:28,120
Speaker 2: more humility to actually take the meds than not because

942
00:50:28,160 --> 00:50:31,399
Speaker 2: exactly what you said. You know, we say, we say, God,

943
00:50:31,480 --> 00:50:34,759
Speaker 2: you can you can heal me anyway you want, except

944
00:50:34,840 --> 00:50:39,160
Speaker 2: this way and that, and especially in the church, that's

945
00:50:39,239 --> 00:50:42,920
Speaker 2: a thought process and an idea that is so prevalent,

946
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:47,799
Speaker 2: right people, I know, people in my family, right like, God,

947
00:50:47,840 --> 00:50:49,959
Speaker 2: you can heal me any you could. You could come

948
00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:52,200
Speaker 2: down and heal me with a skunk, sprain me in

949
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 2: the face, you know, like and they'd be like, look

950
00:50:54,840 --> 00:50:57,759
Speaker 2: at that, look at that. But you tell them, like,

951
00:50:58,560 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: what about the common grace? Got like off of medicationor

952
00:51:01,600 --> 00:51:04,120
Speaker 2: like no no, no, no no, right. It takes more

953
00:51:04,200 --> 00:51:07,720
Speaker 2: faith sometimes I think to trust God that he could

954
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:11,480
Speaker 2: heal you and provide for you via medication in the

955
00:51:11,560 --> 00:51:14,560
Speaker 2: church today than to believe for the miracle.

956
00:51:15,640 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 1: I love that.

957
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, And there was something you said there that that

958
00:51:20,719 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 2: triggered something. It was I'm talking about your husband. You know.

959
00:51:24,920 --> 00:51:27,000
Speaker 2: One of the things one of the questions I get

960
00:51:27,040 --> 00:51:30,799
Speaker 2: a lot is is from spouses and from loved ones

961
00:51:31,280 --> 00:51:35,239
Speaker 2: who love people like us, and it's you know, how

962
00:51:35,280 --> 00:51:40,520
Speaker 2: do I support my husband, my wife, my son, my

963
00:51:40,640 --> 00:51:45,720
Speaker 2: daughter or whatever in this? And so I'm just curious

964
00:51:45,719 --> 00:51:48,160
Speaker 2: how your husband has done it, maybe how he's done

965
00:51:48,200 --> 00:51:50,400
Speaker 2: it well, maybe there's ways he hasn't done it well.

966
00:51:50,680 --> 00:51:52,320
Speaker 2: Not looking for you to throw bend under the bus,

967
00:51:53,239 --> 00:51:57,920
Speaker 2: but what do you say to spouses to or or

968
00:51:58,040 --> 00:52:00,960
Speaker 2: loved ones who love people like us about what is

969
00:52:01,000 --> 00:52:03,480
Speaker 2: the best way to support us. We'll be right back

970
00:52:03,520 --> 00:52:03,920
Speaker 2: after this.

971
00:52:07,400 --> 00:52:09,520
Speaker 1: The first thing I would definitely say is just like

972
00:52:09,600 --> 00:52:13,080
Speaker 1: being there, like your physical presence and not being there

973
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:15,959
Speaker 1: being on your phone, so being there, actually having that

974
00:52:16,000 --> 00:52:19,279
Speaker 1: one on one eye contact, maybe hold their hand, orm

975
00:52:19,280 --> 00:52:21,040
Speaker 1: a on the shoulder or whatever is comfortable for you,

976
00:52:21,160 --> 00:52:24,480
Speaker 1: whoever it is. And then I think one thing that

977
00:52:24,560 --> 00:52:30,120
Speaker 1: I tell everyone really is listen to hear and understand,

978
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:35,279
Speaker 1: don't listen to respond. And so sometimes people just want

979
00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,799
Speaker 1: you to hear them and they just want to know

980
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,360
Speaker 1: that you care. And one question that my husband and

981
00:52:40,400 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: I use, and we started this when we got married,

982
00:52:42,760 --> 00:52:48,400
Speaker 1: is if we're going through something, conflict, discussion, whatever, we

983
00:52:48,520 --> 00:52:52,759
Speaker 1: might say after they're done talking, do you want empathy

984
00:52:53,600 --> 00:52:55,719
Speaker 1: or do you want my advice? And that can be

985
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 1: really helpful because sometimes you want both. Sometimes you just

986
00:52:58,560 --> 00:53:00,320
Speaker 1: want empathy. Sometimes I just want him to tell me

987
00:53:00,360 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 1: he agrees with me, even if he doesn't. And so

988
00:53:04,680 --> 00:53:09,479
Speaker 1: for sure, and then I think being willing to help

989
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:13,240
Speaker 1: them pursue the resources that they need, like not making

990
00:53:13,280 --> 00:53:16,080
Speaker 1: them do that by themselves. So if they say I

991
00:53:16,120 --> 00:53:18,160
Speaker 1: think I want to go to therapy, but I'm overwhelmed,

992
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:21,160
Speaker 1: like don't just say, oh, just go to psychology today

993
00:53:21,200 --> 00:53:23,440
Speaker 1: and do this, this and this, like offer to do

994
00:53:23,520 --> 00:53:25,600
Speaker 1: it with them, like, hey, well, why don't we set

995
00:53:25,640 --> 00:53:28,880
Speaker 1: aside ten minutes tomorrow and like search that together and

996
00:53:28,920 --> 00:53:31,920
Speaker 1: like being willing to do that. And then for Ben

997
00:53:31,960 --> 00:53:34,959
Speaker 1: and I specifically, we go to each other's therapy once

998
00:53:35,000 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 1: in a while, if there's like a really pressing issue,

999
00:53:37,239 --> 00:53:39,640
Speaker 1: will you know, he'll come to my session and I'll

1000
00:53:39,680 --> 00:53:42,719
Speaker 1: go to his, or I'll sit on in on his

1001
00:53:42,800 --> 00:53:46,000
Speaker 1: psych appointment, or he'll sit on mine. And I think

1002
00:53:46,040 --> 00:53:48,600
Speaker 1: it can also be complicated depending if your spouse also

1003
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:52,560
Speaker 1: has mental health conditions. My husband has OCD, and so

1004
00:53:53,200 --> 00:53:56,920
Speaker 1: it's been really fun having generalized anxiety disorder married to

1005
00:53:56,960 --> 00:53:59,319
Speaker 1: someone with OCD because those and.

1006
00:53:59,400 --> 00:54:01,320
Speaker 2: You get people like me that are that are both

1007
00:54:01,320 --> 00:54:02,160
Speaker 2: in one, you know.

1008
00:54:03,960 --> 00:54:07,879
Speaker 1: Very different, Like he's also a procrastinator, so you get

1009
00:54:07,920 --> 00:54:11,000
Speaker 1: like me, high functioning, everything needs done yesterday, He's like,

1010
00:54:11,080 --> 00:54:14,000
Speaker 1: it can wait three weeks. So I think just having

1011
00:54:14,040 --> 00:54:18,320
Speaker 1: that empathetic view when you're having those discussions, being willing

1012
00:54:18,360 --> 00:54:20,799
Speaker 1: to help them and obviously don't shame them for what

1013
00:54:20,840 --> 00:54:24,640
Speaker 1: they're feeling. Don't say things like you shouldn't feel that way,

1014
00:54:24,840 --> 00:54:29,520
Speaker 1: or that's not valid, or oh my least favorite is like,

1015
00:54:29,960 --> 00:54:32,040
Speaker 1: well somebody has it worse, like just be grateful. Oh

1016
00:54:32,080 --> 00:54:35,040
Speaker 1: I have to dig a grave for that statement. So

1017
00:54:35,280 --> 00:54:38,200
Speaker 1: I think just yeah, really expressing out of a place

1018
00:54:38,239 --> 00:54:40,799
Speaker 1: of empathy, and if you don't have the resources or

1019
00:54:40,840 --> 00:54:44,560
Speaker 1: know where to find them, help them find those resources,

1020
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 1: and check with experts that you trust.

1021
00:54:48,280 --> 00:54:51,240
Speaker 2: You You said something earlier that I wanted to circle

1022
00:54:51,320 --> 00:54:55,239
Speaker 2: back to you. You talked about there are certain safeguards

1023
00:54:55,280 --> 00:54:57,200
Speaker 2: that you put in, and you know you have talked about.

1024
00:54:57,280 --> 00:54:59,279
Speaker 2: You know, if you have someone who tells you to

1025
00:54:59,320 --> 00:55:02,120
Speaker 2: track macroils, you're like, sorry, not doing that. But I'm

1026
00:55:02,120 --> 00:55:05,279
Speaker 2: curious what do your safeguards look regarding exercise.

1027
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:10,359
Speaker 1: So for me, and this was something I started when

1028
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,680
Speaker 1: God broke my foot, was I made a promise to

1029
00:55:13,719 --> 00:55:16,480
Speaker 1: the Lord, which I I don't often, you know, make

1030
00:55:16,520 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: promises to God because I know those those statements that say,

1031
00:55:19,040 --> 00:55:22,000
Speaker 1: let you're yes, b yes, and your nob no. But

1032
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:25,160
Speaker 1: for me, I did make a promise and dedication that like,

1033
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:28,280
Speaker 1: I will not exercise more than an hour like ever,

1034
00:55:28,520 --> 00:55:31,960
Speaker 1: so if I do a routine and I still work

1035
00:55:32,000 --> 00:55:35,279
Speaker 1: out almost every day, maybe like five days a week,

1036
00:55:36,120 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 1: like it is an hour, like I will not I

1037
00:55:38,680 --> 00:55:41,600
Speaker 1: will not go over an hour. I also don't jog

1038
00:55:41,719 --> 00:55:43,719
Speaker 1: in place like I mean maybe if a part of

1039
00:55:43,719 --> 00:55:46,319
Speaker 1: a workout's jogging for thirty seconds or something, I'll do that,

1040
00:55:46,480 --> 00:55:52,279
Speaker 1: but I don't do that when I exercise. If I'm

1041
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 1: like this one's kind of hard. But like if I

1042
00:55:55,040 --> 00:55:58,040
Speaker 1: have the wrong motivation in my head, then I try

1043
00:55:58,080 --> 00:56:02,040
Speaker 1: to do like the opposite something. So sometimes if I'm struggling,

1044
00:56:02,560 --> 00:56:07,040
Speaker 1: maybe I'll tell Ben, oh, like I didn't. I'm trying

1045
00:56:07,080 --> 00:56:11,239
Speaker 1: to think of an example. I didn't get to work

1046
00:56:11,280 --> 00:56:14,520
Speaker 1: out today, so I'm feeling tempted to skip lunch because

1047
00:56:14,520 --> 00:56:17,640
Speaker 1: I won't get a workout and like just telling him,

1048
00:56:17,680 --> 00:56:20,720
Speaker 1: and he's like, no, like your body still needs food,

1049
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:23,640
Speaker 1: Like why don't we go eat something together? And then

1050
00:56:23,640 --> 00:56:25,560
Speaker 1: maybe we could just take a small walk or like

1051
00:56:25,920 --> 00:56:30,480
Speaker 1: just something that's kind of modifying. And then the exception

1052
00:56:30,560 --> 00:56:33,880
Speaker 1: to that rule is like if I'm hiking or something

1053
00:56:33,920 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 1: with friends, or like at a national park and I

1054
00:56:36,880 --> 00:56:39,160
Speaker 1: once in a lifetime hiking for five hours, Like I'll

1055
00:56:39,160 --> 00:56:41,720
Speaker 1: do stuff like that, but for like a daily maintenance routine,

1056
00:56:42,200 --> 00:56:44,399
Speaker 1: those are like my rules. And then I also try

1057
00:56:44,400 --> 00:56:47,120
Speaker 1: to work out with my doors open, and that way

1058
00:56:48,680 --> 00:56:50,920
Speaker 1: it's not a surprise that I'm working out. He's not

1059
00:56:50,960 --> 00:56:52,960
Speaker 1: gonna like catch me in the act, like he usually

1060
00:56:53,000 --> 00:56:56,279
Speaker 1: knows what I'm doing and when I'm doing it.

1061
00:56:56,719 --> 00:56:58,719
Speaker 2: See, and I love that, And I wanted to ask

1062
00:56:58,760 --> 00:57:01,120
Speaker 2: that question for two reasons, because if there are people

1063
00:57:01,160 --> 00:57:04,440
Speaker 2: who struggle with exercise addiction, like I think that's some

1064
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:08,239
Speaker 2: good practical advice. But two and I guess still on

1065
00:57:08,280 --> 00:57:11,440
Speaker 2: the practical aspect is I think when it comes to

1066
00:57:11,719 --> 00:57:15,960
Speaker 2: our addictions, right, like what I love to marry in

1067
00:57:16,040 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 2: recovery is the shoot for Jesus, get sobriety thrown in aspect, right,

1068
00:57:21,200 --> 00:57:24,320
Speaker 2: But then that doesn't mean there's not practical things you'd

1069
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:27,880
Speaker 2: still do. Right, that doesn't mean you don't still guard

1070
00:57:28,000 --> 00:57:32,200
Speaker 2: your heart right, right, if addictions are truly rooted in

1071
00:57:32,240 --> 00:57:34,960
Speaker 2: the heart, when we guard our heart right, we're guarding

1072
00:57:35,000 --> 00:57:37,600
Speaker 2: it against going back there. And I love you you

1073
00:57:37,640 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 2: said this earlier, but like you said, the idol of exercise,

1074
00:57:40,440 --> 00:57:44,360
Speaker 2: and it's so true, right, addiction is just idolizing something

1075
00:57:44,600 --> 00:57:47,760
Speaker 2: over Jesus. Right, you're idolizing your comfort, your looks, your

1076
00:57:48,920 --> 00:57:53,200
Speaker 2: your control, your you know, escape for me, whatever it is, right,

1077
00:57:54,360 --> 00:57:57,240
Speaker 2: And so I just love those practical things. And so

1078
00:57:57,440 --> 00:58:01,600
Speaker 2: I would encourage whoever's listening to this that maybe even

1079
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:05,080
Speaker 2: if your thing is not exercise, what are those practical

1080
00:58:05,120 --> 00:58:06,720
Speaker 2: steps that you can take? Because all the time I

1081
00:58:06,720 --> 00:58:09,280
Speaker 2: get questions, what do I do next? What do I

1082
00:58:09,320 --> 00:58:11,520
Speaker 2: do next, right, And some of the what do you

1083
00:58:11,560 --> 00:58:13,800
Speaker 2: do next is come up with some of those practical

1084
00:58:13,840 --> 00:58:17,000
Speaker 2: things and if they need to change, like fine, change them,

1085
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:19,120
Speaker 2: but come up with some of those practical things that

1086
00:58:19,160 --> 00:58:22,480
Speaker 2: you can do to make war with the rest of

1087
00:58:22,520 --> 00:58:26,080
Speaker 2: our time together. I want to ask you this. I

1088
00:58:26,080 --> 00:58:30,360
Speaker 2: think you know, there's been plenty of articles and stories

1089
00:58:30,400 --> 00:58:32,720
Speaker 2: and stuff done on the fact that gen Z is

1090
00:58:32,760 --> 00:58:36,600
Speaker 2: not drinking as much, right, And on one hand, I

1091
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:41,680
Speaker 2: celebrate that, but I think what in talking with you,

1092
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,000
Speaker 2: and just as I continued to do more research, it's

1093
00:58:44,040 --> 00:58:49,600
Speaker 2: like there's almost like a I think a premature celebration

1094
00:58:49,960 --> 00:58:53,240
Speaker 2: or that's happening in the sense that it's like, well, sure,

1095
00:58:53,480 --> 00:58:56,880
Speaker 2: like let's say alcohol or drinking is down, but there's

1096
00:58:56,960 --> 00:58:59,919
Speaker 2: plenty of others. It's not like it's not like gen

1097
00:59:00,200 --> 00:59:03,840
Speaker 2: Z has just like been delivered from temptation or delivered

1098
00:59:03,840 --> 00:59:07,360
Speaker 2: from addiction as a whole. Right. And so I'm curious

1099
00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:12,040
Speaker 2: what you're seeing as someone who works with younger people,

1100
00:59:12,760 --> 00:59:17,400
Speaker 2: what are you seeing that that have become If alcohol,

1101
00:59:17,480 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 2: for example, is down, what are some of the other

1102
00:59:19,760 --> 00:59:28,840
Speaker 2: temptations and that we as older people can be on

1103
00:59:28,920 --> 00:59:29,600
Speaker 2: the lookout for.

1104
00:59:33,960 --> 00:59:36,920
Speaker 1: The first thing is a little bit statistical, but I

1105
00:59:36,960 --> 00:59:40,360
Speaker 1: want to mention it because I think it illustrates your point. One.

1106
00:59:40,440 --> 00:59:44,360
Speaker 1: I didn't know that about like alcohol, and so I

1107
00:59:44,360 --> 00:59:48,479
Speaker 1: find that really interesting. But it definitely creates some red

1108
00:59:48,520 --> 00:59:51,440
Speaker 1: flags in my mind because if you look at research

1109
00:59:51,520 --> 00:59:57,000
Speaker 1: by Barnau, it statistically shows that fifty percent of all

1110
00:59:57,040 --> 01:00:01,160
Speaker 1: signs of mental health illnesses show up by age fourteen,

1111
01:00:01,360 --> 01:00:03,680
Speaker 1: So it's fifty percent shows up at a fourteen, but

1112
01:00:03,920 --> 01:00:06,440
Speaker 1: seventy five percent of those symptoms show up by the

1113
01:00:06,480 --> 01:00:08,880
Speaker 1: age of twenty five, which is right in the middle

1114
01:00:08,960 --> 01:00:12,800
Speaker 1: of that gen Z transitioning into the next generation. And

1115
01:00:12,840 --> 01:00:15,439
Speaker 1: so I think if we're just thinking, oh, like they're

1116
01:00:15,440 --> 01:00:17,200
Speaker 1: not going to struggle with that, and we move on, like,

1117
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,720
Speaker 1: we're kind of missing the point because really, for me,

1118
01:00:21,440 --> 01:00:24,680
Speaker 1: that has been my story, like everything started at fourteen

1119
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:29,320
Speaker 1: and then basically when I graduated college, I was twenty three,

1120
01:00:29,400 --> 01:00:32,920
Speaker 1: so pretty close to twenty five, everything exploded in my life.

1121
01:00:33,440 --> 01:00:36,240
Speaker 1: And so we may not see alcohol as a problem,

1122
01:00:36,560 --> 01:00:40,240
Speaker 1: but technology is a huge problem. Pornography is still a

1123
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:45,120
Speaker 1: huge problem. I think the mental health, specifically anxiety, depression,

1124
01:00:45,440 --> 01:00:48,040
Speaker 1: suicide rates are like through the ceiling. I remember seeing

1125
01:00:48,080 --> 01:00:52,040
Speaker 1: a stat it was like four weeks into January and

1126
01:00:52,120 --> 01:00:55,680
Speaker 1: how many people had already committed suicide. Like, I think

1127
01:00:55,760 --> 01:00:57,919
Speaker 1: that we have to remember that just because it looks

1128
01:00:58,000 --> 01:01:00,920
Speaker 1: different doesn't mean that they're not still going to struggle

1129
01:01:00,920 --> 01:01:03,880
Speaker 1: with something. Yeah, and I would even argue that, Okay,

1130
01:01:03,920 --> 01:01:06,280
Speaker 1: they might not be struggling with that alcohol right now,

1131
01:01:06,640 --> 01:01:09,360
Speaker 1: but I guarantee that maybe when they graduate college and

1132
01:01:09,400 --> 01:01:11,760
Speaker 1: they're finding their first job and they're stressed out as heck,

1133
01:01:12,280 --> 01:01:14,720
Speaker 1: like that could be a temptation for them, just like

1134
01:01:14,800 --> 01:01:15,600
Speaker 1: everything else.

1135
01:01:15,760 --> 01:01:19,400
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I love that, right, that, like, just because

1136
01:01:19,440 --> 01:01:22,520
Speaker 2: maybe they're struggling with it at you know, twelve fourteen,

1137
01:01:22,800 --> 01:01:28,280
Speaker 2: eighteen twenty. Escapism is escapism, right, Like we're going to

1138
01:01:28,600 --> 01:01:32,160
Speaker 2: you know, idolatry is idolatry, right, and so we're gonna

1139
01:01:32,400 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 2: we're gonna find those things, right Amber. Thank you so

1140
01:01:38,160 --> 01:01:42,400
Speaker 2: much for being vulnerable and opening up about your story.

1141
01:01:42,480 --> 01:01:46,640
Speaker 2: Thank you for the great answers and fielding the questions.

1142
01:01:47,360 --> 01:01:50,120
Speaker 2: If people want to learn more about you, if they

1143
01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:53,440
Speaker 2: want to work with you, if they want to support you,

1144
01:01:53,520 --> 01:01:55,280
Speaker 2: if they want to see what you're doing, where can

1145
01:01:55,320 --> 01:01:55,560
Speaker 2: they go?

1146
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, thank you so much for having me. Is

1147
01:01:59,480 --> 01:02:02,600
Speaker 1: a joy as always to chat with you and to

1148
01:02:03,600 --> 01:02:06,520
Speaker 1: just share my story. So the best places to find

1149
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:11,400
Speaker 1: me are my Instagram, which is at Amberginter author, and

1150
01:02:11,440 --> 01:02:15,680
Speaker 1: then my website is Amberginter dot com. Those are like

1151
01:02:15,760 --> 01:02:18,640
Speaker 1: my primary sources on there. I have all sorts of

1152
01:02:18,680 --> 01:02:23,120
Speaker 1: free resources for mental health. I also host mental health retreats.

1153
01:02:23,280 --> 01:02:25,720
Speaker 1: I have a podcast all that good stuff you can

1154
01:02:25,760 --> 01:02:28,480
Speaker 1: find on their. The website is being remodeled, so I'm

1155
01:02:28,480 --> 01:02:30,960
Speaker 1: super excited, but it looks a little weird right now.

1156
01:02:30,960 --> 01:02:33,400
Speaker 1: It's being remodeled. So I would love to have you,

1157
01:02:33,440 --> 01:02:36,160
Speaker 1: and you can feel free to send me a message,

1158
01:02:36,160 --> 01:02:38,400
Speaker 1: send me a DM, send me a voice memo. I

1159
01:02:38,440 --> 01:02:39,280
Speaker 1: love voice.

1160
01:02:39,000 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 2: Memos, so I literally just got one from someone. So

1161
01:02:43,960 --> 01:02:45,640
Speaker 2: what I'm working with and Recovery, they just set me

1162
01:02:45,720 --> 01:02:48,680
Speaker 2: voice memo. That's like the new thing, and I'm trying

1163
01:02:48,680 --> 01:02:50,720
Speaker 2: to like, okay, I gotta get into voice memos. I

1164
01:02:50,800 --> 01:02:52,440
Speaker 2: just hate that they delete right away and then I

1165
01:02:52,480 --> 01:02:53,960
Speaker 2: like have to keep them, and then I forget and

1166
01:02:54,000 --> 01:02:57,640
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh gosh ah, oh yes, yes, maybe you

1167
01:02:57,640 --> 01:03:00,680
Speaker 2: have to change that setting or something. Ambert, thank you

1168
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:03,840
Speaker 2: so much. I really appreciate it. This has been just

1169
01:03:04,080 --> 01:03:09,120
Speaker 2: an absolute joy and continuing to pray that your story

1170
01:03:09,200 --> 01:03:12,120
Speaker 2: would get out there. I know we've been praying for

1171
01:03:12,160 --> 01:03:15,600
Speaker 2: that in our writers group, and I think this solidifies, uh,

1172
01:03:15,640 --> 01:03:17,800
Speaker 2: the need for that. So I appreciate you so much.

1173
01:03:18,600 --> 01:03:19,960
Speaker 1: Thank you.

1174
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:23,840
Speaker 2: You know, if you are watching this at the Veritasdaalia

1175
01:03:23,920 --> 01:03:25,720
Speaker 2: com and you saw me kind of smiling a little

1176
01:03:25,760 --> 01:03:28,920
Speaker 2: bit while Amber was talking about all of her medical symptoms,

1177
01:03:29,160 --> 01:03:32,480
Speaker 2: that's not because I thought it was funny. It was

1178
01:03:32,680 --> 01:03:36,880
Speaker 2: just so fascinating to hear her talk about what she's

1179
01:03:36,920 --> 01:03:39,280
Speaker 2: been going through, because it's like she is like this

1180
01:03:39,520 --> 01:03:45,960
Speaker 2: perfect uh amalgamation if you will, this perfect uh just

1181
01:03:47,960 --> 01:03:52,280
Speaker 2: I guess you could say unity of me and my

1182
01:03:52,400 --> 01:03:55,200
Speaker 2: wife in one person, right. I'm I'm the one that

1183
01:03:55,240 --> 01:03:59,680
Speaker 2: has the mental health stuff, the anxiety, they see, the addiction,

1184
01:04:00,160 --> 01:04:02,840
Speaker 2: and my wife is the one that has endometriosis and

1185
01:04:02,920 --> 01:04:05,520
Speaker 2: GI issues and like all this stuff. So as Amber's

1186
01:04:05,560 --> 01:04:07,720
Speaker 2: talking about that, I'm like, oh my gosh, Amber, like,

1187
01:04:07,760 --> 01:04:10,840
Speaker 2: I know what you're going through from the mental health side.

1188
01:04:10,840 --> 01:04:12,720
Speaker 2: I also know what you're going through from the GI

1189
01:04:13,000 --> 01:04:15,160
Speaker 2: endometriosis and stuff. So like, because my wife has been

1190
01:04:15,200 --> 01:04:18,760
Speaker 2: there and so yet to see her perspective and to

1191
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:21,720
Speaker 2: hear her perspective despite those things. I know how much

1192
01:04:21,760 --> 01:04:23,800
Speaker 2: of a struggle it is to have just my stuff.

1193
01:04:24,040 --> 01:04:25,400
Speaker 2: I know how much of a struggle it is for

1194
01:04:25,480 --> 01:04:27,000
Speaker 2: my wife to have just her stuff, to have both

1195
01:04:27,040 --> 01:04:29,760
Speaker 2: of those things, and yet she has that proper theology

1196
01:04:29,760 --> 01:04:33,200
Speaker 2: of suffering. And so I just can't say enough how

1197
01:04:33,280 --> 01:04:38,280
Speaker 2: much I appreciate what she's what she's doing, and I

1198
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:42,080
Speaker 2: am honored and excited to support her work in the

1199
01:04:42,120 --> 01:04:46,160
Speaker 2: mental health space. Thank you. Friends. If there's anything that

1200
01:04:46,280 --> 01:04:49,040
Speaker 2: Amber said that you resonate with that you think someone

1201
01:04:49,040 --> 01:04:54,720
Speaker 2: else should hear, could you please share this episode with someone.

1202
01:04:55,040 --> 01:04:59,880
Speaker 2: That really is my one request I think I want.

1203
01:05:01,080 --> 01:05:03,880
Speaker 2: I want what these guests say. I want what the

1204
01:05:03,920 --> 01:05:08,200
Speaker 2: Holy Spirit does during these conversations to impact lives, and

1205
01:05:08,320 --> 01:05:11,200
Speaker 2: so I would be just so appreciative of that. You

1206
01:05:11,200 --> 01:05:13,920
Speaker 2: can also visit lifeaudio dot com to find some other

1207
01:05:13,960 --> 01:05:16,280
Speaker 2: great podcast Life Audio continues to be a great partner

1208
01:05:16,360 --> 01:05:19,360
Speaker 2: of this podcast, and then you can go to Christian

1209
01:05:19,360 --> 01:05:25,000
Speaker 2: Alcoholic dot com or Veritasrecovery dot org for more great

1210
01:05:25,240 --> 01:05:28,520
Speaker 2: resources in your own journey. Love you all, we will

1211
01:05:28,560 --> 01:05:30,439
Speaker 2: see you back here next week.