1 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:25,820 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,340 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures, courses in classic radio programs, and 3 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:40,500 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:43,060 Speaker 2: Hello, everybody, you're listening to the Dennis Prager Show, where 5 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:46,180 Speaker 2: we talk about everything in life. And that's not just 6 00:00:46,260 --> 00:00:52,060 Speaker 2: a line to distinguish the show. It's a fact. I 7 00:00:52,140 --> 00:00:54,220 Speaker 2: have a huge subject here for you to take a 8 00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:58,500 Speaker 2: break from news talk, A huge subject that I can't 9 00:00:58,500 --> 00:01:01,460 Speaker 2: believe we've never I've never discussed. I can't believe. It 10 00:01:01,540 --> 00:01:04,580 Speaker 2: is amazing to me how many huge subjects I still 11 00:01:04,580 --> 00:01:08,500 Speaker 2: haven't touched. I mean, I mean it because I always think, 12 00:01:08,500 --> 00:01:12,339 Speaker 2: oh my god, this is what's left. Here's a huge one. 13 00:01:12,780 --> 00:01:21,059 Speaker 2: Do parents know best who their child should marry? Simple? 14 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:27,900 Speaker 2: Do your parents know better than you? And do you 15 00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:33,180 Speaker 2: know better than your child? I don't know the answer 16 00:01:33,220 --> 00:01:35,540 Speaker 2: to it. I don't. I don't know if there is 17 00:01:35,260 --> 00:01:39,460 Speaker 2: a there certainly isn't a one hundred percent rule. But 18 00:01:39,860 --> 00:01:42,660 Speaker 2: in the limited world that any one of us lives, 19 00:01:42,660 --> 00:01:47,260 Speaker 2: in the parental objections that I saw in my life 20 00:01:47,740 --> 00:01:52,820 Speaker 2: to the choice of their child, the batting average of 21 00:01:52,860 --> 00:01:58,500 Speaker 2: the parents has been high. Is that fair to say? 22 00:01:58,580 --> 00:02:02,100 Speaker 2: And in our experience the batting average of the parents 23 00:02:03,140 --> 00:02:07,420 Speaker 2: when and they and they when they had reservations, the 24 00:02:07,500 --> 00:02:14,620 Speaker 2: reservations were not foolish. Yeah about potential spouse exactly one 25 00:02:14,700 --> 00:02:20,139 Speaker 2: eight prager seven seven six. Should an adult child we're 26 00:02:20,139 --> 00:02:23,300 Speaker 2: talking of aout adults here by almost by definition, children 27 00:02:23,300 --> 00:02:29,060 Speaker 2: don't get married. Should an adult child you're twenty five, thirty, 28 00:02:29,180 --> 00:02:33,220 Speaker 2: thirty five, forty should or maybe even older? Should you? 29 00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:36,940 Speaker 2: Should you listen to your parent's advice. It doesn't mean 30 00:02:36,940 --> 00:02:39,820 Speaker 2: they have veto power. I'm not talking about veto power, 31 00:02:40,740 --> 00:02:48,100 Speaker 2: but to do parents know better as a rule? What 32 00:02:48,340 --> 00:02:53,020 Speaker 2: do you think it? Because it really is a factor 33 00:02:53,060 --> 00:02:59,940 Speaker 2: in people's lives. Now, if your parents are are truly sick, 34 00:03:02,980 --> 00:03:07,700 Speaker 2: and that they exist, they exist, then getting their input 35 00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:14,460 Speaker 2: on these matters is not terribly valuable obviously, But where 36 00:03:14,500 --> 00:03:19,820 Speaker 2: you have relatively healthy a or even one healthy parent, 37 00:03:22,540 --> 00:03:26,300 Speaker 2: should that matter or do you know best your you 38 00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:30,260 Speaker 2: know you're as as as one parent. Once put it 39 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:32,180 Speaker 2: to me, you know a wise man, He said, Look, 40 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:39,900 Speaker 2: I'm not marrying her, my son is. And we we 41 00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:43,300 Speaker 2: all have different taste, we all have different chemistry with people. 42 00:03:44,580 --> 00:03:47,700 Speaker 2: Be very interesting to see what the batting average. If 43 00:03:47,740 --> 00:03:51,180 Speaker 2: I don't, I don't know if it's possible to assess, 44 00:03:51,220 --> 00:03:53,420 Speaker 2: but it would be very interesting to know what the 45 00:03:53,460 --> 00:04:00,340 Speaker 2: batting average of parents is in the the recommendations that 46 00:04:00,420 --> 00:04:03,220 Speaker 2: they give to their children pro or con vis a 47 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:05,620 Speaker 2: vis or, even if they don't give the recommendation, even 48 00:04:05,660 --> 00:04:16,339 Speaker 2: if they don't verbalize it. What what My My instinct 49 00:04:16,420 --> 00:04:22,540 Speaker 2: is as follows. If you have respect for the wisdom 50 00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:27,940 Speaker 2: of your parent, you may have emotional difficulties and problems. 51 00:04:27,940 --> 00:04:31,260 Speaker 2: That's been if your daughter is almost inevitable, you do 52 00:04:31,339 --> 00:04:36,740 Speaker 2: with your mother. So let's assume that. But if you 53 00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:43,339 Speaker 2: have some respect for the parent's wisdom, that's all just that. 54 00:04:46,740 --> 00:04:51,380 Speaker 2: Shouldn't they have some say, not in the sense of 55 00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:57,580 Speaker 2: controlling you, but in your making your decision. Now, if 56 00:04:57,620 --> 00:05:01,339 Speaker 2: the parent now what the parent Listen to me, parents, 57 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:06,180 Speaker 2: you have to be very specific in what it is 58 00:05:06,340 --> 00:05:12,780 Speaker 2: that troubles you. A vague statement of well, I just 59 00:05:13,220 --> 00:05:18,219 Speaker 2: I don't get good vibes. It's not helpful, and you 60 00:05:18,300 --> 00:05:20,980 Speaker 2: may be your vibes may in fact be a great 61 00:05:21,540 --> 00:05:26,580 Speaker 2: a great monitor, but it doesn't help the child. But 62 00:05:26,740 --> 00:05:29,700 Speaker 2: if you know what I saw him interact with you, 63 00:05:30,860 --> 00:05:35,060 Speaker 2: and it wasn't kind. That's powerful coming from a parent, 64 00:05:36,620 --> 00:05:41,180 Speaker 2: that's that's something. And sometimes the parental agenda is is 65 00:05:41,340 --> 00:05:45,060 Speaker 2: just for themselves. There are parents I've seen absolutely screw 66 00:05:45,140 --> 00:05:48,500 Speaker 2: up a kid's, kids' lives and kids' marriages. Of course 67 00:05:48,540 --> 00:05:52,860 Speaker 2: that happens, or wonderful people that they'll bring home. Look, 68 00:05:52,900 --> 00:05:55,380 Speaker 2: there may be parents for whom no guy is good 69 00:05:55,500 --> 00:06:01,540 Speaker 2: enough for their daughter that's sick, or there is no 70 00:06:02,300 --> 00:06:04,740 Speaker 2: girl good enough for my guy. Although I think it's 71 00:06:04,740 --> 00:06:08,060 Speaker 2: more the other way around. I tend to think, but 72 00:06:08,140 --> 00:06:12,740 Speaker 2: who knows in either event, In either case that's unhealthy. 73 00:06:13,300 --> 00:06:20,900 Speaker 2: But if you can hear a finally reasoned statement, then 74 00:06:21,020 --> 00:06:24,900 Speaker 2: that that should, I think have some some degree of 75 00:06:25,300 --> 00:06:29,660 Speaker 2: of of influence on your decision. It would, it would 76 00:06:29,660 --> 00:06:32,659 Speaker 2: seem to me. And I'm very independent and feel and 77 00:06:32,700 --> 00:06:37,700 Speaker 2: I've always felt independent. But if my parents had articulated 78 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:40,779 Speaker 2: in a kind way, and what is this thing I 79 00:06:40,780 --> 00:06:43,339 Speaker 2: said to you, allen, state at once, and then pray. 80 00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:47,140 Speaker 2: State your objection once, and then pray. I mean, you 81 00:06:47,620 --> 00:06:51,099 Speaker 2: can't hound your child, or you'll lose your child. That's 82 00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:53,820 Speaker 2: the worst. Better that your child marry wrong and you 83 00:06:53,820 --> 00:06:58,820 Speaker 2: don't lose your child then than losing your child and 84 00:06:58,860 --> 00:07:02,860 Speaker 2: then they may marry wrong anyway. But it's a it's 85 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:05,580 Speaker 2: an it is truly an age old issue. Now, thank 86 00:07:05,620 --> 00:07:09,460 Speaker 2: god we have left the world where parents choose your spouse. 87 00:07:10,700 --> 00:07:14,860 Speaker 2: That's terrible. I mean, that's that I can't accept that. 88 00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:19,140 Speaker 2: Of course, not I found it now. Doesn't mean though, 89 00:07:19,620 --> 00:07:24,740 Speaker 2: that you can't you can't date somebody that your parents suggests. 90 00:07:24,740 --> 00:07:28,260 Speaker 2: It's a very interesting thing here. I'll never forget how 91 00:07:28,300 --> 00:07:30,420 Speaker 2: many parents used to say to me when I ran 92 00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:35,260 Speaker 2: this institute in southern California, this retreat place, and they 93 00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:38,300 Speaker 2: they would say to me, listen, can you introduce my 94 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:42,100 Speaker 2: son to this girl or my daughter to this guy? 95 00:07:42,660 --> 00:07:45,380 Speaker 2: Because if I do, they'll never go out with him. 96 00:07:45,380 --> 00:07:49,460 Speaker 2: But if you do, they'll go out with him. You 97 00:07:49,540 --> 00:07:53,060 Speaker 2: know how many people I have met and I don't know, 98 00:07:53,260 --> 00:07:56,060 Speaker 2: nobody knows a lot of people intimately. But it is 99 00:07:56,140 --> 00:08:00,140 Speaker 2: amazing to me how often I have met people who 100 00:08:00,220 --> 00:08:03,580 Speaker 2: met their spouse through their parents and who laughed at 101 00:08:03,580 --> 00:08:05,900 Speaker 2: the eye. Oh my god, my parents are setting me 102 00:08:05,980 --> 00:08:09,140 Speaker 2: up on this date. Give me a break. Why not? 103 00:08:09,420 --> 00:08:12,540 Speaker 2: Why why are you? Why is your parents choice for 104 00:08:12,660 --> 00:08:16,420 Speaker 2: whom you might have one date going to be less 105 00:08:16,740 --> 00:08:24,500 Speaker 2: uh less realizable in marriage than if friends do. So 106 00:08:25,260 --> 00:08:29,860 Speaker 2: it's a very important subject because it's look, people choose 107 00:08:29,900 --> 00:08:34,780 Speaker 2: wrong a lot. What is it that somebody or many 108 00:08:34,819 --> 00:08:36,979 Speaker 2: people have said, it's not that people divorce too quickly, 109 00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,980 Speaker 2: it's that they married too quickly. In fact, I heard 110 00:08:38,980 --> 00:08:41,540 Speaker 2: that from clergy. That's who told it to me first, 111 00:08:41,620 --> 00:08:47,380 Speaker 2: because they see how many wrong choices people make. Alrighty 112 00:08:47,459 --> 00:08:51,380 Speaker 2: one A Praguer seven seven six, And let's go to 113 00:08:51,420 --> 00:08:54,339 Speaker 2: Cleveland and David, Hello, David, Dennis Prager. 114 00:08:54,420 --> 00:08:55,820 Speaker 3: Hi, Dennis, how are you tom? 115 00:08:55,860 --> 00:08:57,380 Speaker 2: Well? Thank you, that's. 116 00:08:57,220 --> 00:09:00,300 Speaker 3: Good, happy to hear you to you, thank you. My 117 00:09:00,460 --> 00:09:04,260 Speaker 3: mom actually apologized to me after oh, I don't know, 118 00:09:04,340 --> 00:09:08,380 Speaker 3: ten fifteen years, that she had it all wrong about 119 00:09:08,420 --> 00:09:11,740 Speaker 3: my wife. She asked me not to get married and. 120 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:14,819 Speaker 2: Did she wait, here's my rule. Wait a minute, did 121 00:09:14,860 --> 00:09:16,939 Speaker 2: your mother give you reasons? 122 00:09:17,420 --> 00:09:22,179 Speaker 3: Yes, she thinks that what it actually that my wife 123 00:09:23,820 --> 00:09:28,100 Speaker 3: was marrying me for the wrong reasons that her her 124 00:09:28,260 --> 00:09:31,660 Speaker 3: parents had been divorced and her mom has been married 125 00:09:31,660 --> 00:09:36,100 Speaker 3: in divorced four times, and uh now it's been five 126 00:09:36,179 --> 00:09:40,060 Speaker 3: since we've been married. But she thought that Sonya or 127 00:09:40,100 --> 00:09:45,460 Speaker 3: my wife was marrying me for stability and the fact 128 00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:48,860 Speaker 3: that my parents have been together and I'm in a big, large, 129 00:09:48,860 --> 00:09:53,820 Speaker 3: happy family, and and my mom thought that she was 130 00:09:53,860 --> 00:09:54,540 Speaker 3: marrying me. 131 00:09:54,660 --> 00:09:57,980 Speaker 2: See that's that's a very odd objection. So there was 132 00:09:58,020 --> 00:10:03,900 Speaker 2: nothing wrong with the girl. No, all right. So in 133 00:10:03,940 --> 00:10:06,300 Speaker 2: other words, Dave, sit down, Mom, and I want to 134 00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:09,940 Speaker 2: talk to you. We have zero objections against Sonya. But 135 00:10:10,140 --> 00:10:13,220 Speaker 2: by golly, she wants to marry you for the wrong reasons. 136 00:10:13,260 --> 00:10:15,260 Speaker 2: That's an insult to you, not to Sonya. 137 00:10:16,460 --> 00:10:18,580 Speaker 3: Yes, it was. Actually I took it offensive. 138 00:10:18,700 --> 00:10:21,420 Speaker 2: Well you should. It's one of the rare when people 139 00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:23,620 Speaker 2: say I take offense at that. You would be right, 140 00:10:24,100 --> 00:10:26,260 Speaker 2: you mean you mean wait wait mom, so wait a minute. 141 00:10:26,260 --> 00:10:30,500 Speaker 2: So she's a terrific woman, but she's not marrying me 142 00:10:30,580 --> 00:10:34,220 Speaker 2: for the right reasons. What do you think of me? Mom? 143 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:38,340 Speaker 2: And dad? Maybe she really loves me? All right, Your 144 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:41,540 Speaker 2: parents made a booboo. Remember the Prager rule here, that's 145 00:10:41,580 --> 00:10:46,740 Speaker 2: the key. Yes, respect parental opinion, but it has to 146 00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:52,900 Speaker 2: be grounded in reason, and that one would not have 147 00:10:53,100 --> 00:10:56,220 Speaker 2: passed the Prager rule test. She wants to marry you 148 00:10:56,300 --> 00:10:59,700 Speaker 2: because you have a stable home. One a Praguer seven 149 00:10:59,820 --> 00:11:01,700 Speaker 2: seven six the Dennis Praguer Show. 150 00:11:03,820 --> 00:11:07,179 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 151 00:11:12,660 --> 00:11:17,500 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 152 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:26,140 Speaker 2: All right, everybody, Dennis Prager here and and I am 153 00:11:26,179 --> 00:11:29,700 Speaker 2: talking to you about a question that I can't believe 154 00:11:29,700 --> 00:11:33,900 Speaker 2: I never faced on the show. When we talk, and 155 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:35,580 Speaker 2: I say, we talk about all of life, and that 156 00:11:35,740 --> 00:11:39,620 Speaker 2: is do parents know better who their child should marry? 157 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:44,020 Speaker 2: And how much would you take their input seriously? And 158 00:11:44,140 --> 00:11:46,980 Speaker 2: the answer that my life has I don't mean my 159 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:52,340 Speaker 2: personal life, but my life's experiences with people has has 160 00:11:52,580 --> 00:11:57,660 Speaker 2: dictated is that if parents give reasons that it's worth 161 00:11:57,700 --> 00:12:01,260 Speaker 2: listening to, they just can't say I don't want them 162 00:12:01,340 --> 00:12:03,540 Speaker 2: or have bad reasons. They may have bad reasons like 163 00:12:03,580 --> 00:12:06,300 Speaker 2: the last one had a bad reason. Well, she only 164 00:12:06,300 --> 00:12:09,180 Speaker 2: wants to marry you because her mother has been married 165 00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:15,420 Speaker 2: and divorce five times and she sees stability here. As 166 00:12:15,460 --> 00:12:17,340 Speaker 2: I said, in any event, the insult was to the 167 00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,580 Speaker 2: was to the boy, the child, their son. It wasn't 168 00:12:20,860 --> 00:12:25,339 Speaker 2: to the woman. But if the parents give good reasons, 169 00:12:26,340 --> 00:12:31,460 Speaker 2: it's a good idea to take them seriously. So I 170 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,740 Speaker 2: want more of your experience or reaction to this because 171 00:12:34,780 --> 00:12:37,460 Speaker 2: there is a desire to show I'm utterly independent. I'm 172 00:12:37,500 --> 00:12:40,980 Speaker 2: not going to let my mother influence my decision on 173 00:12:41,020 --> 00:12:45,140 Speaker 2: who I married. Come on one eighth Praguer seven seven six, 174 00:12:45,220 --> 00:12:48,940 Speaker 2: one eighth p R g e R seven seven six 175 00:12:49,740 --> 00:12:54,020 Speaker 2: and we go to Pete in elk Grove, Illinois. Pete 176 00:12:54,020 --> 00:12:55,060 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager. 177 00:12:54,780 --> 00:12:56,420 Speaker 4: High Hinnis, Happy New Year. 178 00:12:56,500 --> 00:12:56,900 Speaker 2: Thank you. 179 00:12:57,580 --> 00:13:00,540 Speaker 4: I just wanted to share my experience. I grew up 180 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,500 Speaker 4: in a home with parents who were married for many years, 181 00:13:04,260 --> 00:13:07,500 Speaker 4: had a happy marriage. When I was a young man 182 00:13:07,580 --> 00:13:10,300 Speaker 4: going to college, I dated a young woman who turned 183 00:13:10,340 --> 00:13:13,620 Speaker 4: out to be pretty damaging to me in retrospect. I mean, 184 00:13:13,620 --> 00:13:15,780 Speaker 4: it wasn't a good thing for me necessarily in a 185 00:13:15,820 --> 00:13:17,340 Speaker 4: lot of respects. But it was kind of a form 186 00:13:17,340 --> 00:13:21,220 Speaker 4: of rebellion really going out with her, because abe against 187 00:13:21,220 --> 00:13:25,220 Speaker 4: my kind of suburban upbringing. But my parents were not 188 00:13:25,260 --> 00:13:27,260 Speaker 4: shy about letting me know that they thought she was 189 00:13:27,300 --> 00:13:29,460 Speaker 4: the wrong choice for me. And of course, as you 190 00:13:29,540 --> 00:13:31,460 Speaker 4: just put it, you know, since since young people often 191 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:35,620 Speaker 4: want to rebel, they you know, I resisted back. Ultimately, 192 00:13:35,820 --> 00:13:37,980 Speaker 4: the relationship didn't end up going anywhere because she ran 193 00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:41,180 Speaker 4: off with someone else. Best thing that ever, happened me though, 194 00:13:41,220 --> 00:13:43,820 Speaker 4: because I met my wife, and my parents were not 195 00:13:43,860 --> 00:13:46,500 Speaker 4: shy at all about giving their approval when I was 196 00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:49,459 Speaker 4: with someone that they could see obviously was a good 197 00:13:49,460 --> 00:13:51,740 Speaker 4: fit for me. And sure enough I've been happily married 198 00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:52,700 Speaker 4: for fifteen years. 199 00:13:52,980 --> 00:13:55,540 Speaker 2: Well good, there you go. There's a he has the 200 00:13:55,580 --> 00:13:58,500 Speaker 2: perfect scenario. They were right on the one that they 201 00:13:58,700 --> 00:14:00,580 Speaker 2: didn't want, and they were right on the one that 202 00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:05,180 Speaker 2: they didn't want. See this is where you know, this 203 00:14:05,340 --> 00:14:08,540 Speaker 2: even raises a larger issue, and that is those of 204 00:14:08,580 --> 00:14:13,100 Speaker 2: you who leave your lives. This is this is this 205 00:14:13,220 --> 00:14:16,860 Speaker 2: is true if you're a teenager, if you leave your 206 00:14:17,020 --> 00:14:20,260 Speaker 2: life doing the opposite of what you think your parents want, 207 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:23,300 Speaker 2: is controlled by your parent as if you only do 208 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:31,220 Speaker 2: what they want. People forget that the trick visa VI. 209 00:14:31,380 --> 00:14:33,980 Speaker 2: Parental advice is to know when to take it and 210 00:14:34,020 --> 00:14:36,340 Speaker 2: when not to take it. But you don't have a rule. 211 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:38,740 Speaker 2: They're always right, and you don't have a rule, they're 212 00:14:38,740 --> 00:14:44,380 Speaker 2: always wrong. But if you have reason to respect your parents, 213 00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:48,700 Speaker 2: and I'm not saying that you have a great intimate bond, 214 00:14:48,820 --> 00:14:54,460 Speaker 2: if you have reason to respect your parents as humans, 215 00:14:54,540 --> 00:14:58,180 Speaker 2: then they there's a good chance that they may have 216 00:14:58,300 --> 00:15:02,020 Speaker 2: good insight into who it is that you are dating. 217 00:15:04,620 --> 00:15:10,300 Speaker 2: That's all you have the final say. And parents, I 218 00:15:10,340 --> 00:15:13,500 Speaker 2: say to you, you better be very clear that your 219 00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:18,820 Speaker 2: decision is ego free, that you are not objecting because 220 00:15:20,220 --> 00:15:22,940 Speaker 2: to your daughter's choice because he's not a lawyer or 221 00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:28,460 Speaker 2: a doctor, but he's he's an electrician. You better be 222 00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:35,380 Speaker 2: very very clear about why where your opposition comes from. 223 00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:40,100 Speaker 2: It has to come from a good place, not your ego, 224 00:15:41,620 --> 00:15:45,060 Speaker 2: so that you can say my son in law is 225 00:15:46,100 --> 00:15:51,860 Speaker 2: a or whatever or went to X y Z college. 226 00:15:52,060 --> 00:15:58,540 Speaker 2: You know how that really impresses me anyway. So parents, 227 00:15:58,580 --> 00:16:03,100 Speaker 2: you have a huge role to be to claim credibility. 228 00:16:04,460 --> 00:16:08,020 Speaker 2: You need to earn credibility in your children's eyes, and 229 00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:13,140 Speaker 2: that is something that has earned over time. But it 230 00:16:13,260 --> 00:16:17,180 Speaker 2: is it is absolutely right for you to say if 231 00:16:17,260 --> 00:16:20,340 Speaker 2: as specifically as you can listen, I think there are 232 00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:22,420 Speaker 2: issue here that I want to raise with you. If 233 00:16:22,420 --> 00:16:25,100 Speaker 2: you decide to marry him or you decide to marry her, 234 00:16:26,100 --> 00:16:28,980 Speaker 2: then then this becomes my new son or my new daughter, 235 00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:32,500 Speaker 2: and that's the end of the issue. But while you 236 00:16:32,620 --> 00:16:39,100 Speaker 2: are dating, I have this obligation to say something to you. No, 237 00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:41,820 Speaker 2: it's very hard. By the way, it's very hard because 238 00:16:41,820 --> 00:16:44,780 Speaker 2: then the child said, what, you don't trust me, You 239 00:16:44,820 --> 00:16:48,180 Speaker 2: don't think I'm mature enough to make my own decision here. 240 00:16:50,020 --> 00:16:53,940 Speaker 2: And then the answer to that is that everybody can 241 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:57,820 Speaker 2: use help in making a decision who to marry everybody, 242 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:01,140 Speaker 2: twenty year old's, thirty year olds, forty year olds, fifty 243 00:17:01,180 --> 00:17:06,419 Speaker 2: year old, sixty year olds, everybody. And if everybody you 244 00:17:06,500 --> 00:17:09,659 Speaker 2: respect is lined up for or everybody you respect is 245 00:17:09,700 --> 00:17:12,659 Speaker 2: lined up against, they may all be wrong, but the 246 00:17:12,820 --> 00:17:17,100 Speaker 2: chances are they're not all wrong, all right. So let 247 00:17:17,100 --> 00:17:20,340 Speaker 2: me take more calls here one to eight Prager seven seven, 248 00:17:22,220 --> 00:17:26,259 Speaker 2: and let's go to is it rush or Rachel and 249 00:17:26,340 --> 00:17:28,220 Speaker 2: san Diego. Rochelle, Rochelle, Hi. 250 00:17:28,659 --> 00:17:28,820 Speaker 4: Hi. 251 00:17:29,859 --> 00:17:32,700 Speaker 5: My comment is I try to lay the fund. I'm 252 00:17:32,739 --> 00:17:36,379 Speaker 5: forty eight years old. I have three children twenty two 253 00:17:36,419 --> 00:17:40,820 Speaker 5: to eighteen. We try to lay that foundation all through 254 00:17:40,859 --> 00:17:44,820 Speaker 5: their lives and currently. One example was my daughter brought 255 00:17:44,859 --> 00:17:47,699 Speaker 5: a young man home and we were just chatting and 256 00:17:47,780 --> 00:17:50,459 Speaker 5: has he made a comment about hating work and trying 257 00:17:50,459 --> 00:17:55,020 Speaker 5: to avoid work, and so later on I just said, hey, 258 00:17:55,060 --> 00:17:58,100 Speaker 5: did you notice that comment he made about work? And 259 00:17:58,139 --> 00:18:00,100 Speaker 5: she said yes, And I said, well, tell me what 260 00:18:00,100 --> 00:18:02,619 Speaker 5: what did that mean to you when he made that comment, 261 00:18:03,020 --> 00:18:05,260 Speaker 5: and she said, he doesn't like to work and he's 262 00:18:05,340 --> 00:18:08,179 Speaker 5: kind of he's lazy and he likes to avoid it. 263 00:18:08,219 --> 00:18:09,899 Speaker 5: And I said, what do you think about that? And 264 00:18:09,939 --> 00:18:12,940 Speaker 5: she said, I don't think that's a good quality. And 265 00:18:13,020 --> 00:18:16,060 Speaker 5: she had actually already identified that. She said, I think 266 00:18:16,100 --> 00:18:18,019 Speaker 5: I could lead this guy around by the nose. So 267 00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:22,300 Speaker 5: I'm not really interested in any anyway. But we've we dialogue. 268 00:18:22,340 --> 00:18:24,459 Speaker 5: I dialogue with my sons in the same way, trying 269 00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:29,419 Speaker 5: to just as we observe character qualities and conversation, just 270 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:32,420 Speaker 5: you know, asking what do you think of that? And 271 00:18:33,580 --> 00:18:36,580 Speaker 5: how does that affect you? And you know, what do 272 00:18:36,580 --> 00:18:37,379 Speaker 5: you think about that? 273 00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:41,859 Speaker 2: That is perfect, Rachelle. You are the You are meeting 274 00:18:42,020 --> 00:18:46,379 Speaker 2: every criterion that I mentioned. I salute you, thank you, 275 00:18:46,619 --> 00:18:50,019 Speaker 2: thank you. Your kids are lucky. Be very The more 276 00:18:50,300 --> 00:18:54,340 Speaker 2: specific you can be, the better I get. Bad vibes 277 00:18:55,500 --> 00:18:59,179 Speaker 2: is not going to work generally. Well, Ma, why do 278 00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:03,459 Speaker 2: you have bad vibes? Well, I can articulate it. But 279 00:19:03,859 --> 00:19:06,019 Speaker 2: maybe that's worth saying. Maybe you have a bond with 280 00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,980 Speaker 2: your child, it's worth saying. But that's a very risky one. 281 00:19:10,459 --> 00:19:13,179 Speaker 2: That's a very risky one. Because if you can articulate 282 00:19:13,219 --> 00:19:16,740 Speaker 2: why you don't have good vibes, maybe it's it's it's 283 00:19:16,739 --> 00:19:21,059 Speaker 2: not a it's not worth a dwelling on. On the 284 00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:24,179 Speaker 2: other hand, if you've relied on your vibes as it 285 00:19:24,219 --> 00:19:26,739 Speaker 2: were your whole life and they have not misled you, 286 00:19:27,580 --> 00:19:30,819 Speaker 2: That's why I'm talking about credibility and a larger question, 287 00:19:31,419 --> 00:19:34,419 Speaker 2: do you have credibility in your children's eyes that's earned 288 00:19:34,459 --> 00:19:37,819 Speaker 2: over a lifetime? Back in a moment one ad Praguer 289 00:19:37,939 --> 00:19:38,939 Speaker 2: seven seven six. 290 00:19:40,939 --> 00:19:44,300 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 291 00:19:49,780 --> 00:19:54,259 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 292 00:19:54,859 --> 00:19:58,059 Speaker 2: You may want to download this hour. I mean it 293 00:19:58,100 --> 00:20:01,419 Speaker 2: for your kids to hear. So I'm taking a very 294 00:20:01,459 --> 00:20:04,540 Speaker 2: sober view on this question. Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager the 295 00:20:04,580 --> 00:20:06,619 Speaker 2: show where we do talk about everything in life. The 296 00:20:06,699 --> 00:20:10,900 Speaker 2: question is how much would you take your parents' views 297 00:20:10,899 --> 00:20:14,619 Speaker 2: on the person you're dating seriously? And if your parents 298 00:20:14,699 --> 00:20:20,060 Speaker 2: have earned credibility in the arena of wisdom, then it 299 00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:22,980 Speaker 2: should be a great deal. If and here's the thing, 300 00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:27,100 Speaker 2: to your parents, it's got to be ego free and 301 00:20:27,179 --> 00:20:30,980 Speaker 2: you have to and you have to articulate as precisely 302 00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:37,219 Speaker 2: as possible any objection that you might have, knowing the 303 00:20:37,379 --> 00:20:41,659 Speaker 2: power of influence that you may in fact have, but 304 00:20:41,820 --> 00:20:46,619 Speaker 2: it is worth using. Alrighty, let's go here. Got very 305 00:20:46,619 --> 00:20:50,179 Speaker 2: good calls from all over the country, and yes, oh good, 306 00:20:50,219 --> 00:20:51,899 Speaker 2: this this is a very well, there are a few 307 00:20:51,979 --> 00:20:55,460 Speaker 2: really interesting ones here. All right, listen to this one 308 00:20:55,459 --> 00:20:57,899 Speaker 2: because this is a subject alan that that we didn't 309 00:20:58,020 --> 00:21:01,740 Speaker 2: we've never raised. Listen to this one. Joyce, who's seventy 310 00:21:01,820 --> 00:21:07,179 Speaker 2: nine and in Houston. Hello, Joyce, Hello new year, Thank 311 00:21:07,219 --> 00:21:10,100 Speaker 2: you very much. Tell me tell me your story here. 312 00:21:10,739 --> 00:21:17,219 Speaker 6: Well, I was plenty my morphine or my husband be 313 00:21:17,619 --> 00:21:21,259 Speaker 6: was nine years older than I was, and my family 314 00:21:21,300 --> 00:21:23,619 Speaker 6: did not want me to marry him for that reason, 315 00:21:24,859 --> 00:21:29,540 Speaker 6: and they were never happy with it. But they said, 316 00:21:29,540 --> 00:21:33,139 Speaker 6: well it wouldn't last six months, but it lasted forty 317 00:21:33,179 --> 00:21:34,340 Speaker 6: six years. 318 00:21:34,739 --> 00:21:39,179 Speaker 2: Well they were right, it didn't last six months. It 319 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:42,340 Speaker 2: lasted forty six years. I'm sorry about his dying. When 320 00:21:42,340 --> 00:21:42,979 Speaker 2: did that happen? 321 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:46,780 Speaker 6: Well we got married in nineteen forty eight and he 322 00:21:46,820 --> 00:21:48,939 Speaker 6: died in nineteen ninety four. 323 00:21:49,139 --> 00:21:52,299 Speaker 2: Uh huh, Well you were blessed with all those years. 324 00:21:52,300 --> 00:21:54,580 Speaker 2: Did they finally come around your parents? 325 00:21:55,100 --> 00:21:56,059 Speaker 5: Well sort of. 326 00:21:56,500 --> 00:21:57,820 Speaker 6: You know, not really completely. 327 00:21:58,179 --> 00:21:59,820 Speaker 2: Why because of the age difference. 328 00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:03,100 Speaker 6: Well, that was part of it. And then he had 329 00:22:03,100 --> 00:22:05,899 Speaker 6: been in World War Two and when he came home 330 00:22:05,979 --> 00:22:09,340 Speaker 6: he didn't have a career yet, and of course they 331 00:22:09,419 --> 00:22:10,379 Speaker 6: were concerned. 332 00:22:09,979 --> 00:22:13,499 Speaker 2: About Okay, well, I'm surprised they never came around. It 333 00:22:13,500 --> 00:22:16,459 Speaker 2: sounds like it was beautiful, thank you. The reason that 334 00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:20,739 Speaker 2: I considered that so important. That's another example, by the way, 335 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:23,619 Speaker 2: of parents' objections are totally and by the way is 336 00:22:23,659 --> 00:22:27,859 Speaker 2: that it may is very understandable if your daughters is twenty, well, 337 00:22:27,939 --> 00:22:31,020 Speaker 2: twenty nine, twenty. I don't think today people give a hoot. 338 00:22:31,739 --> 00:22:34,100 Speaker 2: But I know a marriage of a guy. He was 339 00:22:34,179 --> 00:22:36,340 Speaker 2: forty and she was twenty, and the parents of the 340 00:22:36,419 --> 00:22:39,779 Speaker 2: girl were very disturbed. And I understand that, I do 341 00:22:39,939 --> 00:22:44,139 Speaker 2: understand that, not the twenty years, but forty twenty. If 342 00:22:44,179 --> 00:22:46,779 Speaker 2: it's sixty forty, nobody gives a hoot. If it's forty 343 00:22:46,820 --> 00:22:50,339 Speaker 2: even fifty thirty, nobody gives a hoot. But twenty forty 344 00:22:50,859 --> 00:22:54,020 Speaker 2: you really wonder about a guy. And that turned out 345 00:22:54,139 --> 00:22:59,220 Speaker 2: very good. So it's it's there's enough. But at least 346 00:22:59,219 --> 00:23:01,899 Speaker 2: the parents were specific. The guy didn't have a job 347 00:23:02,540 --> 00:23:05,100 Speaker 2: and he was nine years older. I don't get the 348 00:23:05,179 --> 00:23:07,859 Speaker 2: nine years older one, but at least the parents were 349 00:23:07,859 --> 00:23:11,100 Speaker 2: specific when they were on they and those objections turn 350 00:23:11,139 --> 00:23:14,780 Speaker 2: out to not be valid. Here's another example of parental 351 00:23:14,820 --> 00:23:16,460 Speaker 2: objection Colorado Springs. 352 00:23:16,540 --> 00:23:19,859 Speaker 7: Jeff hi Hiler Dennis, thanks for all you do. 353 00:23:20,100 --> 00:23:20,619 Speaker 2: Thank you. 354 00:23:21,379 --> 00:23:25,619 Speaker 7: I'm forty seven then married twenty six years. My parents 355 00:23:25,659 --> 00:23:29,379 Speaker 7: did not have any role in who I chose, but 356 00:23:29,459 --> 00:23:33,259 Speaker 7: they did have a huge role in helping me to 357 00:23:34,500 --> 00:23:38,379 Speaker 7: look establish priorities of what I was looking for in 358 00:23:38,419 --> 00:23:41,619 Speaker 7: a wife, and the most important one was that one 359 00:23:41,619 --> 00:23:45,020 Speaker 7: should love God first and your wife's second, and look 360 00:23:45,060 --> 00:23:49,260 Speaker 7: for somebody who has the same values. 361 00:23:51,300 --> 00:23:56,179 Speaker 2: Oh okay, so that's they gave you the guidelines. Okay, excellent. 362 00:23:56,699 --> 00:23:59,939 Speaker 2: I appreciate that very much, Jeff. So that's not where 363 00:24:00,020 --> 00:24:02,580 Speaker 2: parents got it. It's too bad. There was a call 364 00:24:02,619 --> 00:24:05,779 Speaker 2: on that very line. And it's not that that's a 365 00:24:05,820 --> 00:24:08,139 Speaker 2: great call, je Jeff's call. But there was another one 366 00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:12,379 Speaker 2: the parents objected. As a Jewish guy. The parents objected, 367 00:24:12,939 --> 00:24:15,179 Speaker 2: is he still on there? No? No, no, it isn't there. 368 00:24:15,260 --> 00:24:17,980 Speaker 2: Too bad. That's so funny because I went to that 369 00:24:18,020 --> 00:24:21,659 Speaker 2: line instinctively. That's where it was. So his parents wanted 370 00:24:21,859 --> 00:24:26,460 Speaker 2: didn't want him to religiously intermarry, and she did convert 371 00:24:26,500 --> 00:24:28,700 Speaker 2: and then everything worked out fine. But you see, there's 372 00:24:28,739 --> 00:24:32,699 Speaker 2: a good example. The parents were specific. The girl is wonderful, 373 00:24:33,580 --> 00:24:35,459 Speaker 2: but but we want you to marry someone of the 374 00:24:35,500 --> 00:24:38,100 Speaker 2: same faith. That's a that's that's legitimate. That is a 375 00:24:38,179 --> 00:24:42,220 Speaker 2: legitimate request of a parent, And especially if they can 376 00:24:42,219 --> 00:24:44,979 Speaker 2: put it in that way. Look, you know that is 377 00:24:44,979 --> 00:24:48,459 Speaker 2: a great guy, she's a great girl. Then then there 378 00:24:48,659 --> 00:24:51,780 Speaker 2: it's when they would when they would lie about that, 379 00:24:52,340 --> 00:24:55,459 Speaker 2: make up things about the person because of the religious issue, 380 00:24:55,459 --> 00:25:00,619 Speaker 2: that would be not right, to put it mildly. So 381 00:25:00,820 --> 00:25:04,379 Speaker 2: a lot of people are voting for parental influence. Very interesting, 382 00:25:04,619 --> 00:25:06,580 Speaker 2: a lot of people, and I and I and I 383 00:25:06,659 --> 00:25:11,179 Speaker 2: and I agree if it's rational and wise. One ad 384 00:25:11,219 --> 00:25:14,300 Speaker 2: Praguer seven seven six. This is the Dennis Prager Show. 385 00:25:15,780 --> 00:25:22,740 Speaker 2: Here listening to the Dennis Prager Show. And I think 386 00:25:22,820 --> 00:25:25,139 Speaker 2: you'll want to give a tape of this to a 387 00:25:25,260 --> 00:25:28,859 Speaker 2: child who might be dating somebody that you're not fully 388 00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:35,659 Speaker 2: pleased with for specific rational reasons. I emphasized that the 389 00:25:35,739 --> 00:25:40,260 Speaker 2: issue of parental influence on a child adult child's choice 390 00:25:41,060 --> 00:25:44,820 Speaker 2: of a of a mate. One A Prager seven seven six, 391 00:25:44,899 --> 00:25:47,340 Speaker 2: the show where we do talk about everything in life, 392 00:25:47,619 --> 00:25:51,780 Speaker 2: and your calls have been verifying. It's very very interesting. 393 00:25:52,899 --> 00:25:56,899 Speaker 2: We got that guy here. Here's Alan in Seattle. This 394 00:25:57,020 --> 00:25:59,019 Speaker 2: is the call that why did you hang up? Alan? 395 00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:02,939 Speaker 8: Hey, I was dealing my car with gas and I 396 00:26:02,979 --> 00:26:03,939 Speaker 8: had to leave. Sorry. 397 00:26:06,100 --> 00:26:08,859 Speaker 2: I love I love having an image of what my 398 00:26:08,979 --> 00:26:14,659 Speaker 2: listeners are doing. Okay, wonderful, go ahead. 399 00:26:15,179 --> 00:26:16,619 Speaker 8: Hey, I was just going to say, you don't've known 400 00:26:16,619 --> 00:26:20,339 Speaker 8: my wife for fifteen years now, and uh, and you know, 401 00:26:20,379 --> 00:26:22,659 Speaker 8: we met actually at a fraturity We were set up 402 00:26:22,699 --> 00:26:25,739 Speaker 8: at a fratornity dance, and you know, I fell in 403 00:26:25,820 --> 00:26:28,340 Speaker 8: love with her like the first uh, the first week 404 00:26:28,379 --> 00:26:31,220 Speaker 8: we met. We knew, we knew that this was it, 405 00:26:31,260 --> 00:26:32,379 Speaker 8: this was the woman. 406 00:26:32,219 --> 00:26:32,820 Speaker 4: This is the man. 407 00:26:32,859 --> 00:26:35,260 Speaker 8: We knew this was a good gonna be a good marriage. 408 00:26:35,340 --> 00:26:39,459 Speaker 8: And boy, I was scared to take my wife or 409 00:26:39,459 --> 00:26:42,219 Speaker 8: my girlfriend at the time to my parents' house because 410 00:26:42,260 --> 00:26:45,459 Speaker 8: I knew I was ingrained, you know, since a young 411 00:26:45,540 --> 00:26:49,299 Speaker 8: boy that married jew married Jewish person, married the same religion, 412 00:26:49,340 --> 00:26:52,100 Speaker 8: you know, marry the same person. So I finally took 413 00:26:52,100 --> 00:26:54,419 Speaker 8: her over there, and you know, they didn't talk to 414 00:26:54,459 --> 00:26:57,300 Speaker 8: her for like the first you know, at least twelve 415 00:26:57,379 --> 00:27:00,659 Speaker 8: months or maybe maybe even longer, and then you know, 416 00:27:00,739 --> 00:27:03,020 Speaker 8: later on, you know, it took about seven or eight 417 00:27:03,100 --> 00:27:05,619 Speaker 8: years of engagement and then we finally got married, or 418 00:27:05,619 --> 00:27:08,499 Speaker 8: maybe six years we got married. And since then, you know, 419 00:27:08,659 --> 00:27:11,259 Speaker 8: they love her, you know, and they love our kids, 420 00:27:11,379 --> 00:27:14,060 Speaker 8: love our family, love our lifestyle. We you know, I'm 421 00:27:14,260 --> 00:27:16,499 Speaker 8: living a lifestyle that I probably would have never lived. 422 00:27:17,179 --> 00:27:20,020 Speaker 8: And and you know, they. 423 00:27:19,979 --> 00:27:20,899 Speaker 2: Don't regret any thing. 424 00:27:20,939 --> 00:27:21,859 Speaker 8: I don't regret anything. 425 00:27:22,580 --> 00:27:26,340 Speaker 2: Oh and she never converted, No, she did so. 426 00:27:27,859 --> 00:27:31,660 Speaker 8: Coted couple times. Did their converted? 427 00:27:31,899 --> 00:27:33,980 Speaker 2: Did their attitudes change then? 428 00:27:35,300 --> 00:27:35,740 Speaker 8: Definitely? 429 00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,500 Speaker 2: Yeah, So it was entirely it was entirely not related 430 00:27:39,540 --> 00:27:43,779 Speaker 2: to her. It was entirely a religious issue. All right. 431 00:27:43,820 --> 00:27:46,420 Speaker 8: Well, all right, so you know, we didn't grow up 432 00:27:46,580 --> 00:27:50,419 Speaker 8: as a orthodox Jewish family. This is a very traditional 433 00:27:51,020 --> 00:27:53,659 Speaker 8: conservative you know, we could go only a few times 434 00:27:53,739 --> 00:27:54,740 Speaker 8: during the year to God. 435 00:27:54,899 --> 00:27:56,980 Speaker 2: Right, let me explain this, by the way, thank you all, 436 00:27:57,020 --> 00:27:59,060 Speaker 2: and let me explain this. This that's you know what, 437 00:27:59,139 --> 00:28:03,379 Speaker 2: that's another good topic, jews An intermarriage because people, a 438 00:28:03,379 --> 00:28:05,739 Speaker 2: lot of people know this about Jews that you know, 439 00:28:05,820 --> 00:28:07,979 Speaker 2: even if they're not religious, they still want their kids 440 00:28:07,979 --> 00:28:10,180 Speaker 2: to marry a Jew. And it is this ethnic chauvinism 441 00:28:10,619 --> 00:28:13,859 Speaker 2: and what is going on there. Everybody in America is 442 00:28:13,859 --> 00:28:18,500 Speaker 2: a melting pot. Name everybody marries everybody. In one brief nutshell, 443 00:28:18,580 --> 00:28:22,340 Speaker 2: let me just explain because people don't don't fully understand this. 444 00:28:23,100 --> 00:28:26,859 Speaker 2: Jews are deathly afraid of dying out. They feel like 445 00:28:26,899 --> 00:28:31,139 Speaker 2: the bald eagle which has finally been actually resuscitated. But 446 00:28:31,260 --> 00:28:36,580 Speaker 2: please understand, that's a major factor. Irrational or irrational, that 447 00:28:36,939 --> 00:28:41,779 Speaker 2: is a big factor. And because after the Holocaust, in particular, 448 00:28:41,820 --> 00:28:44,900 Speaker 2: when one out of every three men, women and children 449 00:28:44,940 --> 00:28:50,540 Speaker 2: who were Jewish was murdered, and the nine tenths of Europe, 450 00:28:50,580 --> 00:28:56,140 Speaker 2: of the continental Europe, Jews are afraid that that intermarriage 451 00:28:56,140 --> 00:28:59,020 Speaker 2: means the end of the line. It doesn't always by 452 00:28:59,060 --> 00:29:01,980 Speaker 2: any means, and that it self needs to be examined. 453 00:29:01,979 --> 00:29:05,540 Speaker 2: But I'm just explaining to people what the fear is there. 454 00:29:05,580 --> 00:29:07,580 Speaker 2: If there were a billion Jews, like there are a 455 00:29:07,620 --> 00:29:12,380 Speaker 2: billion Christians, Jews would have a very different view emotionally 456 00:29:12,420 --> 00:29:15,060 Speaker 2: on this issue. Okay, So I just want to make 457 00:29:15,140 --> 00:29:17,340 Speaker 2: that clear to people because a lot of people are 458 00:29:17,380 --> 00:29:20,940 Speaker 2: totally understandably confused by it. And I think, thank you 459 00:29:20,979 --> 00:29:23,620 Speaker 2: Wellen for that call. But back to our subject here, 460 00:29:24,500 --> 00:29:29,259 Speaker 2: and it is a really big one. What role parents 461 00:29:29,300 --> 00:29:33,219 Speaker 2: should play in giving advice, if at all, and should 462 00:29:33,300 --> 00:29:36,620 Speaker 2: kids take it with regard to whom they marry. Aarin 463 00:29:36,820 --> 00:29:39,620 Speaker 2: in Minneapolis, Dennis Prager High, Hi. 464 00:29:39,780 --> 00:29:41,780 Speaker 9: I wanted to call in and confirm that I think 465 00:29:41,820 --> 00:29:47,219 Speaker 9: that your parents' influence actually worked very positively in my case. 466 00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:49,819 Speaker 9: And I'll actually tell you why. I actually agree with 467 00:29:49,820 --> 00:29:53,620 Speaker 9: Alan your previous color because I met my now husband 468 00:29:53,620 --> 00:29:57,339 Speaker 9: when I was seventeen and he was eighteen and I 469 00:29:57,380 --> 00:30:00,259 Speaker 9: was in high school, and I knew within the first 470 00:30:00,260 --> 00:30:02,499 Speaker 9: week of us dating that this was going to be 471 00:30:02,620 --> 00:30:04,260 Speaker 9: the man that I spent the rest of my life with, 472 00:30:04,739 --> 00:30:09,500 Speaker 9: and that scared me. And I actually didn't meet his 473 00:30:09,700 --> 00:30:13,180 Speaker 9: parents until several weeks after we had already been dating. 474 00:30:13,260 --> 00:30:18,859 Speaker 9: And it was actually his mother's suggestion that I was 475 00:30:18,900 --> 00:30:20,819 Speaker 9: going to be eighteen, I needed to move on my 476 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:24,459 Speaker 9: house and he was already eighteen, and she saw the 477 00:30:24,459 --> 00:30:27,180 Speaker 9: effect that I had on him, that I just made 478 00:30:27,260 --> 00:30:31,340 Speaker 9: him a happier person to be around, and she said, 479 00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:34,100 Speaker 9: why don't you guys move in together? And so I 480 00:30:34,300 --> 00:30:37,779 Speaker 9: know your views on cohabitation, but we did move in 481 00:30:37,820 --> 00:30:41,339 Speaker 9: together and a year later we were married. I got married. 482 00:30:42,219 --> 00:30:44,739 Speaker 2: Why did your parents advise that? 483 00:30:45,940 --> 00:30:50,059 Speaker 9: It was actually his parents and they saw that the effect, 484 00:30:50,180 --> 00:30:54,780 Speaker 9: the positive effect that I had on him is Yeah. 485 00:30:54,620 --> 00:30:58,660 Speaker 2: But it's not typical. I guess they tend not to 486 00:30:58,660 --> 00:31:00,940 Speaker 2: be on the conservative side, which is fine. I'm just 487 00:31:01,100 --> 00:31:04,500 Speaker 2: establishing because usually parents don't say, especially at that age, 488 00:31:04,540 --> 00:31:05,980 Speaker 2: why don't want you want to your shack up? 489 00:31:06,420 --> 00:31:09,820 Speaker 9: Yeah exactly. But they had gotten married when they. 490 00:31:09,739 --> 00:31:12,660 Speaker 2: Were young, and so their positive influence was in the 491 00:31:12,700 --> 00:31:16,420 Speaker 2: fact that they were encouraging. Yes, this helped you, both 492 00:31:16,459 --> 00:31:18,580 Speaker 2: of you at such a young age believe this was 493 00:31:18,620 --> 00:31:19,420 Speaker 2: the right person. 494 00:31:19,900 --> 00:31:22,860 Speaker 9: Yes, And so then we had lived together for about 495 00:31:22,900 --> 00:31:24,380 Speaker 9: six months and got engaged. 496 00:31:24,500 --> 00:31:27,940 Speaker 2: Right, but all right, you're your point is the positive role, 497 00:31:28,060 --> 00:31:32,100 Speaker 2: especially you're eighteen nineteen, you want reinforcement. You know you're 498 00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:34,539 Speaker 2: only eighteen or nineteen, or at least a wise eighteen 499 00:31:34,620 --> 00:31:37,500 Speaker 2: year old knows that if you know what I am 500 00:31:37,540 --> 00:31:40,420 Speaker 2: telling you. I did not expect the unanimity of views 501 00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:44,100 Speaker 2: that I'm getting here from people of all different backgrounds, 502 00:31:44,140 --> 00:31:47,660 Speaker 2: all different parts of the country about the positive role. 503 00:31:48,060 --> 00:31:52,620 Speaker 2: Not the positive role, but rather the agreement with me 504 00:31:53,020 --> 00:31:57,019 Speaker 2: that it can be such an important thing. How parents react. 505 00:31:57,060 --> 00:32:00,579 Speaker 2: The final segment of this is coming up, and you know, 506 00:32:00,900 --> 00:32:03,100 Speaker 2: even though the lines are taken, give it a try. 507 00:32:03,140 --> 00:32:05,540 Speaker 2: One to eight Prager seven seven six one eight pr 508 00:32:05,820 --> 00:32:09,979 Speaker 2: Geer seven seven six. It is not a wise person 509 00:32:10,020 --> 00:32:13,140 Speaker 2: who says I don't care what my parents think. Unless 510 00:32:13,180 --> 00:32:16,739 Speaker 2: you have contempt for the parents on that issue, or 511 00:32:16,900 --> 00:32:20,459 Speaker 2: you know what they do think and you have rejected it. 512 00:32:20,500 --> 00:32:25,140 Speaker 2: That's fine. They may say, well he seems mean, and 513 00:32:25,180 --> 00:32:28,420 Speaker 2: you know he's kind, although that's not likely. We'll be 514 00:32:28,500 --> 00:32:29,219 Speaker 2: back in a moment. 515 00:32:31,100 --> 00:32:34,460 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 516 00:32:39,940 --> 00:32:43,500 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 517 00:32:44,340 --> 00:32:50,940 Speaker 2: I tell you this is a big hour. The young people, 518 00:32:51,100 --> 00:32:54,819 Speaker 2: the middle age, the older all agreeing that unless the 519 00:32:54,940 --> 00:33:00,620 Speaker 2: parent is irrational, it's very good idea to listen to them. 520 00:33:00,860 --> 00:33:06,300 Speaker 2: Vis A VI whom you're choosing to marry. Now here 521 00:33:06,380 --> 00:33:09,860 Speaker 2: is one area where it becomes difficult. So let me 522 00:33:09,900 --> 00:33:14,140 Speaker 2: take this call Portland, Oregon, Jonathan hy Jonathan. 523 00:33:14,500 --> 00:33:16,380 Speaker 10: It is an honor to speak with you, Dennis. 524 00:33:16,420 --> 00:33:17,780 Speaker 2: Thank you, thank you very much. 525 00:33:19,340 --> 00:33:22,660 Speaker 10: My story is growing up. I saw a lot of 526 00:33:23,780 --> 00:33:28,220 Speaker 10: errors that my peers were making in their choices for marriage. 527 00:33:28,260 --> 00:33:32,219 Speaker 10: So I decided to seek out my parents' advice on 528 00:33:32,660 --> 00:33:35,780 Speaker 10: who to marry, and I not only got their advice, 529 00:33:35,860 --> 00:33:40,340 Speaker 10: but the advice of all my other siblings, which met 530 00:33:40,420 --> 00:33:44,739 Speaker 10: quite a few And upon their advice that I should 531 00:33:44,739 --> 00:33:49,860 Speaker 10: not marry her, I called off our engagement and then 532 00:33:49,900 --> 00:33:53,100 Speaker 10: I came to the realization that I couldn't live without her. 533 00:33:53,780 --> 00:33:59,220 Speaker 2: Well, here's the sixty four thousand peso question. Did they 534 00:33:59,260 --> 00:34:01,499 Speaker 2: give you good reasons? 535 00:34:02,380 --> 00:34:05,860 Speaker 10: The reasons that they gave me were based on theology 536 00:34:06,780 --> 00:34:12,820 Speaker 10: though she was of the same faith, and their perception 537 00:34:13,180 --> 00:34:21,220 Speaker 10: of my change in attitudes and personality from what were saying. 538 00:34:21,300 --> 00:34:23,980 Speaker 2: All right, so what happened? So you ended up marrying her? 539 00:34:24,620 --> 00:34:25,060 Speaker 6: I did? 540 00:34:25,460 --> 00:34:29,859 Speaker 2: And and did that? Did that early opposition hurt relations. 541 00:34:30,140 --> 00:34:31,059 Speaker 10: Yes it did? 542 00:34:31,100 --> 00:34:34,460 Speaker 2: Indeed, have your parents all right? But wait, have your 543 00:34:34,540 --> 00:34:38,979 Speaker 2: parents come Have your parents come around? No? They oh, well, 544 00:34:39,020 --> 00:34:41,299 Speaker 2: then that then then the early opposition is not what 545 00:34:41,460 --> 00:34:44,459 Speaker 2: hurt the relationship. It's that they're not relating to her. 546 00:34:44,500 --> 00:34:49,100 Speaker 2: Now that is yes, okay, that's very important to distinguish 547 00:34:49,380 --> 00:34:51,459 Speaker 2: that that that's the point here. Forgive me for letting 548 00:34:51,500 --> 00:34:55,979 Speaker 2: you go. It's only the time factor. I'm uh, that's 549 00:34:56,020 --> 00:34:58,739 Speaker 2: a terrible mistake of these parents. In fact, do you 550 00:34:58,819 --> 00:35:01,940 Speaker 2: know I was debating to the last few seconds before 551 00:35:01,980 --> 00:35:06,219 Speaker 2: this hour which which topic I would take this one 552 00:35:06,500 --> 00:35:10,739 Speaker 2: or the issue of in laws hurting marriages. So this 553 00:35:10,819 --> 00:35:13,620 Speaker 2: is a perfect opportunity for me to tell you there 554 00:35:13,660 --> 00:35:16,820 Speaker 2: is a book out by divorce lawyers, one hundred divorce lawyers, 555 00:35:16,859 --> 00:35:20,259 Speaker 2: people who know about divorce better than anybody, including probably 556 00:35:20,299 --> 00:35:25,540 Speaker 2: therapy fists. And one of the top ten reasons people divorce, 557 00:35:25,779 --> 00:35:27,259 Speaker 2: it might have been the top five. One of the 558 00:35:27,299 --> 00:35:33,739 Speaker 2: top five is meddling in laws. So while I am 559 00:35:33,900 --> 00:35:37,980 Speaker 2: absolutely for parental advice, I am also once the person 560 00:35:38,219 --> 00:35:42,420 Speaker 2: is there, you love them up. Unless they're unless they're evil, 561 00:35:42,580 --> 00:35:46,259 Speaker 2: you love them up. That's the way it is. You 562 00:35:46,299 --> 00:35:49,100 Speaker 2: say what you say beforehand, and then you love your 563 00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:52,620 Speaker 2: child's choice afterwards. Don't go away. This is the Dennis 564 00:35:52,660 --> 00:35:53,299 Speaker 2: Prager Show. 565 00:36:04,900 --> 00:36:09,180 Speaker 1: This has been Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit dennispragger 566 00:36:09,259 --> 00:36:12,779 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, 567 00:36:12,819 --> 00:36:17,460 Speaker 1: and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.