WEBVTT - Why Aren’t People Getting Married? (Part 2) 0:00:00.400 --> 0:00:03.040 On today's episode of Timeless Wisdom. 0:00:03.320 --> 0:00:05.160 You have your good life with men who don't hold 0:00:05.200 --> 0:00:07.040 the door for you. I'll have a good life with 0:00:07.200 --> 0:00:12.000 a woman who wants me to hold the door for that. 0:00:12.000 --> 0:00:16.479 That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom, but Dennis Prager. Welcome 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.079 to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:19.800 Here. 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:23.240 Thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio 0:00:23.280 --> 0:00:26.920 programs had to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. Go to 0:00:26.960 --> 0:00:29.560 Dennisprager dot com. 0:00:29.880 --> 0:00:32.400 I mean, the feminist rhetoric had gotten to the point 0:00:32.440 --> 0:00:34.760 where women were starting to believe that they were really 0:00:34.840 --> 0:00:38.400 men with women's bodies. Oh, we don't need men, and 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:41.120 we don't need commitment from men. We could have just 0:00:41.159 --> 0:00:44.920 as non committed sex and enjoy it as men could. Now. 0:00:44.920 --> 0:00:47.440 When I was twenty one and heard this from a woman, 0:00:47.960 --> 0:00:52.280 I blessed God. I went on my knees. I couldn't 0:00:52.320 --> 0:00:55.520 believe it. A God, men have been waiting fourteen thousand 0:00:55.600 --> 0:00:59.360 years for women to believe such nonsense, and here I 0:00:59.440 --> 0:01:01.880 have it. I'm in college. Thank you Lord. What did 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:04.959 I do to deserve them? Because I was always an 0:01:05.000 --> 0:01:07.520 ethical guy and I would never lead on a woman 0:01:08.319 --> 0:01:10.000 even at that eight no I love you, I love 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:11.360 you to get her into bed and so on. But 0:01:11.400 --> 0:01:14.080 here they were saying, oh, you don't have to love me. 0:01:14.480 --> 0:01:17.240 I am just like a man. I can just enjoy 0:01:17.319 --> 0:01:21.880 the physical dexterity of it all, which was what they 0:01:21.920 --> 0:01:25.600 were told by by feminist rhetoric, and it didn't work 0:01:25.640 --> 0:01:29.800 out quite that way. To the most females happiness. You know, 0:01:29.959 --> 0:01:33.160 sex and the city he gives you. These hyper sex 0:01:33.280 --> 0:01:35.440 women talking sex all the time and so on. But 0:01:35.480 --> 0:01:38.639 of course in their private lives they're just getting married 0:01:38.640 --> 0:01:42.640 and having children. They lead utterly traditional fifties lives. They 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:47.120 talk liberation, they talk feminism, they talk sex, and they 0:01:47.240 --> 0:01:51.240 lead monogamous married lives as mothers and wives. That's the 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.520 irony of all of this. But people don't see that. 0:01:53.880 --> 0:01:58.320 They don't see the non exciting real life of Kim Katrel. 0:01:58.760 --> 0:02:02.160 They actually see the sexy character and sex in the city, 0:02:02.640 --> 0:02:05.200 and young women believe this this is the way a 0:02:05.240 --> 0:02:07.520 woman should be thinking and talking. I'm not with it. 0:02:07.560 --> 0:02:09.560 I'm not a normal woman if I'm not thinking and 0:02:09.639 --> 0:02:13.279 talking that way. But her real life, which is monogamous, 0:02:13.320 --> 0:02:16.440 loving a man and making a child, that's a non issue. 0:02:16.520 --> 0:02:20.560 They don't report it. It would hurt ratings. It's not exciting. 0:02:22.120 --> 0:02:25.359 So between the media and feminism, the messages to young 0:02:25.360 --> 0:02:29.680 women lot men, marriage home, that's for losers. You're a 0:02:29.760 --> 0:02:34.920 winner for you, it's noncommittal sex, a child anytime you 0:02:34.960 --> 0:02:36.800 want one, the hell with whether or not the child 0:02:36.840 --> 0:02:40.560 has a father. And of course, career, because career is 0:02:40.600 --> 0:02:42.360 the be all and end all of life. That is 0:02:42.360 --> 0:02:50.720 what gives you meaning. Really, really, it gives men meaning 0:02:51.280 --> 0:02:54.880 because men are wired differently. Conquering the outer world is 0:02:55.000 --> 0:02:58.120 meaningful to men. When men get fired, they are far 0:02:58.200 --> 0:03:00.720 more likely to get depressed and sue sidle than when 0:03:00.760 --> 0:03:06.239 women get fired. Because it is a masculine identity to work. 0:03:07.919 --> 0:03:10.400 Females can or can now work. It is a choice 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:13.040 in their life, but it is not an identity giving 0:03:13.400 --> 0:03:16.919 fact work. And I'm not saying there isn't meaningful work 0:03:16.960 --> 0:03:18.639 that a woman. Of course there is. I mean to 0:03:18.760 --> 0:03:22.560 be absurd to deny that. But women are wired to 0:03:22.639 --> 0:03:26.760 want to make something with a partner. That's the way 0:03:26.800 --> 0:03:29.640 women are wired. What is wrong with that? Why is 0:03:29.639 --> 0:03:33.200 that not glamorous? Why is that less meaningful? That's why 0:03:33.200 --> 0:03:37.600 I've always called feminism, masculinism. It has no celebration of 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:40.880 the feminine. It's a celebration of the masculine, and it 0:03:40.920 --> 0:03:45.880 applies his characteristics to her and calls it liberation. It 0:03:45.960 --> 0:03:49.520 is a tragedy. It is a tragedy. There is nothing 0:03:49.560 --> 0:03:53.880 wrong with marrying younger, nothing wrong. It's actually probably a 0:03:53.920 --> 0:04:00.240 good idea. But all of that is taught otherwise of 0:04:00.280 --> 0:04:07.600 the problem in that in the not marrying younger and 0:04:07.720 --> 0:04:10.760 song and not marrying at all for even more women 0:04:11.560 --> 0:04:16.480 is brings me the role to reason number seven, no roles. 0:04:18.160 --> 0:04:22.640 Our hyper intellectual society has said to men and women 0:04:23.120 --> 0:04:26.159 that there should be no male roles or no female roles. 0:04:26.800 --> 0:04:29.080 I don't know how many you've heard my broadcast on this, 0:04:29.200 --> 0:04:31.520 but it was a very interesting study reported by the 0:04:31.560 --> 0:04:35.839 Wall Street Journal. A man, a psychologist at the University 0:04:35.839 --> 0:04:39.960 of Washington, has been studying marriages, interestingly, studying good marriages 0:04:40.000 --> 0:04:42.239 as well as bad marriages, which is a very important 0:04:42.240 --> 0:04:45.600 thing to do his whole life. And again this is 0:04:45.640 --> 0:04:50.200 a professor with no traditional acts to grind. The greatest 0:04:50.240 --> 0:04:54.400 single predictor of a good marriage was if the marriage 0:04:54.440 --> 0:05:00.400 had traditional male female roles in it. Speaking from myself. 0:05:00.440 --> 0:05:04.599 I deeply believe that it makes so much sense to me. 0:05:05.600 --> 0:05:07.680 We pretty much have divvied up my wife and I 0:05:08.000 --> 0:05:11.840 various activities in the home. Not that there is never 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:16.800 any cross work together, of course there is. But by 0:05:16.880 --> 0:05:19.480 and large she's the Minister of the interior and I'm 0:05:19.480 --> 0:05:23.360 a foreign minister, you know. And that's that's the way 0:05:23.400 --> 0:05:25.280 it works. I mean, it just it just is, and 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:28.040 and it is very nice. I like that idea. I 0:05:28.200 --> 0:05:31.560 like roles. I like masculine things and feminine things. 0:05:32.120 --> 0:05:35.400 This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:45.280 Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 0:05:45.320 --> 0:05:48.960 Okay, what's wrong with that? Why is the view that 0:05:49.000 --> 0:05:54.400 we are interchangeable good? Why is that considered liberated and smart? 0:05:54.520 --> 0:05:58.440 It's stupid and not liberated. It forces people into into 0:05:58.560 --> 0:06:01.560 things that we were told all people were forced into 0:06:01.600 --> 0:06:05.040 feminine and forced into masculine roles. But in fact, I 0:06:05.120 --> 0:06:08.760 think by and large, more is happening in the other direction, 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:11.960 where you women are forced into masculine roles and men 0:06:12.520 --> 0:06:16.520 are being feminized, and nobody's happy about it. When I 0:06:16.520 --> 0:06:18.880 spoke to doctor Marmra before this talk today, as a 0:06:18.920 --> 0:06:21.279 psychiatrist who has people of all ages. He was telling 0:06:21.360 --> 0:06:23.640 me about a twenty eight year old single woman who 0:06:23.680 --> 0:06:26.760 was lamenting to him that she said, where did chivalry go? 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:29.160 How come I can't meet a guy who will pay 0:06:29.200 --> 0:06:32.560 for dinner on a date? To me, I mean, I 0:06:32.600 --> 0:06:35.039 may sound much older than I am, but to me, 0:06:35.200 --> 0:06:37.800 the idea of mine not paying for a date when 0:06:37.800 --> 0:06:41.520 I had no money, I paid for dates. It would 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:46.080 so be masculinizing from my identity that I wouldn't pay 0:06:46.080 --> 0:06:47.960 for a date. If I took out a millionaire, I 0:06:47.960 --> 0:06:51.839 would have paid for the date. It never occurred to me, 0:06:51.880 --> 0:06:55.520 and I heard all this liberation stuff. It was a 0:06:55.600 --> 0:06:58.880 non factor to me. Now you may disagree that's fine, 0:06:59.120 --> 0:07:01.760 but at least it can knowledge that that is the 0:07:01.839 --> 0:07:05.600 destruction of a gender role. I paid for the date, 0:07:05.640 --> 0:07:07.200 and I didn't pay for the date in the hope 0:07:07.240 --> 0:07:08.880 that if I pay for the date, that gets me 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:11.240 to first base on the first date, second base on 0:07:11.280 --> 0:07:14.080 the second date, and so on. It was just that's 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:17.120 I'm a man, I work. I want. This is my 0:07:17.240 --> 0:07:19.840 way of saying to you that I hope to one 0:07:19.920 --> 0:07:23.240 day support a family. That's what was in my mind 0:07:23.320 --> 0:07:25.280 even when I was twenty and I didn't marry till 0:07:25.320 --> 0:07:27.960 I was thirty two. But there was all I was 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:32.080 like practicing as a single I was practicing to be 0:07:32.160 --> 0:07:36.080 a man. Boys practice to be men, girls practice to 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.680 be women. And the idea that that's not saying that 0:07:39.680 --> 0:07:41.760 it would I would never allow. Even on the tenth 0:07:41.880 --> 0:07:43.280 day they said, you know what, I'd love to treat 0:07:43.360 --> 0:07:46.720 us tonight. Of course, I'm not locked into this with 0:07:46.800 --> 0:07:50.400 an unbreakable lock. But I like the idea of a 0:07:50.440 --> 0:07:54.480 masculine role in a feminine role. It keeps me more masculine, 0:07:54.520 --> 0:07:56.640 and it keeps the woman more feminine. Why would I 0:07:56.680 --> 0:07:59.880 want to marry a masculine woman. I could have a 0:08:00.080 --> 0:08:01.840 roommate for that, with none of the with none of 0:08:01.880 --> 0:08:05.920 the downsides. I mean, my god, it just I don't 0:08:05.920 --> 0:08:08.600 lot is the appeal of having somebody who does everything 0:08:08.720 --> 0:08:13.720 you do. I don't even understand it. Romantically. It doesn't 0:08:13.720 --> 0:08:19.000 make sense to me. And so this idea of no 0:08:19.200 --> 0:08:22.720 roles is another reason that people are marrying less because 0:08:22.720 --> 0:08:26.920 they're not seeing an other. You want to marry the 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:31.200 other the opposite sex, not the same sex in a 0:08:31.200 --> 0:08:34.960 different body. You want to marry the opposite sex. With 0:08:35.160 --> 0:08:39.040 different traits. A masculine man, a feminine woman. 0:08:40.640 --> 0:08:40.880 God. 0:08:40.960 --> 0:08:46.000 You know, we just this morning my youngest son that 0:08:46.160 --> 0:08:49.600 was nine and a half. We let more than TV. 0:08:49.720 --> 0:08:53.600 We allow him to watch movies, and they usually older movies, 0:08:54.040 --> 0:08:57.200 like John Wayne movies. I happen to like John Wayne movies. 0:08:57.240 --> 0:08:59.959 For him. Let him see a guy who shoots bad guys. 0:09:00.160 --> 0:09:07.320 I like that model. I am primitive, I understand. But 0:09:07.520 --> 0:09:10.320 you know when I see John Wayne and his acting, 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.240 and then you see some of the the you know, 0:09:12.280 --> 0:09:15.199 like Tom Cruise in some of the roles that he 0:09:15.240 --> 0:09:18.880 would have in his his old boyish countenance John Wayne. 0:09:19.480 --> 0:09:21.720 You know, I'm talking about the roles they played, not 0:09:21.800 --> 0:09:23.719 their individual lives. I have no comment on that, and 0:09:23.760 --> 0:09:25.840 that would be gossip and I don't do that. But 0:09:26.040 --> 0:09:29.439 just the roles they played. John Wayne was a man's 0:09:29.520 --> 0:09:34.199 man and Tom Cruise a woman's man. And that's the 0:09:34.240 --> 0:09:38.720 way it's sold. He's cute, he's gorgeous, he's clearly made 0:09:38.760 --> 0:09:43.000 his hair fall exactly right, and and and he's always 0:09:43.040 --> 0:09:47.360 called boyish? Was John Wayne ever called boyish? John Wayne 0:09:47.440 --> 0:09:51.040 is was mannish. And a lot of the women are 0:09:51.040 --> 0:09:53.080 the same. A lot of these the women are so 0:09:53.240 --> 0:09:55.480 non feminine. They may have great bodies, but that's but 0:09:55.480 --> 0:09:58.880 they're not feminine. There's none of what you would have 0:09:58.960 --> 0:10:02.120 associated with. So again I'm talking about the roles they play, 0:10:02.200 --> 0:10:06.200 not they realize where I don't know and I don't care. 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:09.240 This too, is a reason for the not having more 0:10:09.280 --> 0:10:12.320 marriage today. There are few were masculine men, few were 0:10:12.400 --> 0:10:16.040 feminine women. There is more confusion. Confused people don't know 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.319 how to bond, they don't know how to talk. Guys 0:10:18.360 --> 0:10:20.439 don't even know whether to hold the door for a woman. 0:10:21.200 --> 0:10:24.520 This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 0:10:30.080 --> 0:10:33.800 Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 0:10:34.559 --> 0:10:37.480 I remember when guys my age, I'm from the heyday 0:10:37.480 --> 0:10:39.680 of feminism, they would say, gee, I don't know do 0:10:39.760 --> 0:10:41.440 I hold the door for a woman. I had a 0:10:41.520 --> 0:10:44.679 very simple attitude, but I was very secure. I'm very lucky. 0:10:44.720 --> 0:10:47.760 God gave me innersecurity from a very early age. I 0:10:47.840 --> 0:10:50.959 flew from Miami to New York when I was seven alone. 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:53.319 My parents came late to the airport. I had already 0:10:53.320 --> 0:10:59.280 gotten my luggage and tipped the porter. So I don't 0:10:59.320 --> 0:11:01.360 take any credit for it. That is my nature. I 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.640 take care of myself, my life, have a good day. 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:06.120 They were cracking up. The porter was already there. I 0:11:06.160 --> 0:11:07.760 was waiting for a taxi. I don't care if they 0:11:07.800 --> 0:11:16.840 came now. So I remember when, you know, when fellow 0:11:16.880 --> 0:11:19.200 male friends in college and said, yeah, don't know, I 0:11:19.200 --> 0:11:21.079 hold the door for a woman. You know, some women 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:23.280 may resent it. I had a very simil If a 0:11:23.320 --> 0:11:25.920 woman resented that I held the door for her, that 0:11:26.080 --> 0:11:27.960 was the last date we went on. That was the 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:31.080 end of the issue. No offense, but we're not for 0:11:31.160 --> 0:11:34.200 each other. But I was secure enough as it male, 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:37.120 to say that you resent my holding the door for you, 0:11:37.200 --> 0:11:40.840 then obviously we don't have a future together. That's it, 0:11:41.280 --> 0:11:43.880 that's all. It's no big deal. You have your good 0:11:43.880 --> 0:11:45.600 life with men who don't hold the door for you. 0:11:45.720 --> 0:11:47.760 I'll have a good life with a woman who wants 0:11:47.840 --> 0:11:54.640 me to hold the door for her. But so many 0:11:54.920 --> 0:11:58.920 men have been cowered by feminist rhetoric or by well 0:11:59.040 --> 0:12:04.479 ball busting women. Forgive me for being so graphic that 0:12:04.480 --> 0:12:07.520 that they have just been coward into not knowing. Do 0:12:08.080 --> 0:12:10.559 what comes naturally to a man, Act like a man. 0:12:10.640 --> 0:12:13.080 That doesn't mean macho. Now, there are things men do 0:12:13.160 --> 0:12:15.240 on dates that d're I'm embarrassed to be a man. 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.280 I was talking to a single woman who is widowed 0:12:17.360 --> 0:12:20.439 very early. There's a tragic situation with a husband at 0:12:20.480 --> 0:12:23.920 cancer at thirty and stating now an attractive woman. She 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:27.080 tells me that a guy asked her on a second 0:12:27.120 --> 0:12:31.319 date whether or not she enjoys oral sex. That's an idiot. 0:12:31.559 --> 0:12:34.880 That man is a bona fide idiot. That's the other 0:12:35.000 --> 0:12:36.960 side of the of the extreme on the thing, what 0:12:36.960 --> 0:12:38.719 are you an animal? Well, the answer is yes, it's 0:12:38.720 --> 0:12:42.320 a rhetorical question. But the uh, I mean, my god, 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:48.240 what a real man doesn't do that? You know, It's 0:12:48.280 --> 0:12:50.200 like I want to give lack. I feel bad saying 0:12:50.200 --> 0:12:51.560 this because I don't want to. I don't want to. 0:12:51.800 --> 0:12:54.000 I don't want to come across as better than anybody 0:12:54.040 --> 0:12:57.079 or anything like that. But maybe men need men lessons 0:12:57.120 --> 0:12:59.400 and women need from a good woman women lessons. But 0:12:59.800 --> 0:13:02.760 you don't talk like that kind of talk. Is that? 0:13:03.720 --> 0:13:07.080 I just don't understand that. How does a guy say that? 0:13:08.679 --> 0:13:11.240 What is you know, does he work for the Kinsey Institute. 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:16.280 I just don't understand it. You know what she said 0:13:16.280 --> 0:13:19.640 it to me? I just I was I just dropped 0:13:19.679 --> 0:13:22.160 while was in my mouth. I was I couldn't believe it, 0:13:22.160 --> 0:13:23.880 but I do believe it. Too. Many women tell me 0:13:23.960 --> 0:13:27.439 these things. I know, sex is on guy's minds. I'm 0:13:27.480 --> 0:13:30.040 a guy, I know that, But my god, there's such 0:13:30.040 --> 0:13:34.640 a thing as called just having the appropriate behavior, not 0:13:34.720 --> 0:13:38.720 exactly wearing it on your sleeve at all times, having 0:13:38.760 --> 0:13:41.720 it develop in a more natural way than having a 0:13:41.880 --> 0:13:45.640 sex survey. On the second date, I just again, and 0:13:45.880 --> 0:13:49.360 theseus some of the things that go on, And it's 0:13:49.480 --> 0:13:52.280 part of it is the breakdown of rules because now 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:53.800 men think, hey, women are. 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:54.600 Just like us. 0:13:54.600 --> 0:13:56.440 Well, if women are just like us, then there's sex 0:13:56.520 --> 0:13:59.160 animals just like us too. Then, by golly, I want 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:02.680 to know, if watch love, what variations on the uh 0:14:02.679 --> 0:14:06.800 on the coitist theme that you really like? On the 0:14:06.840 --> 0:14:10.000 second date, he thought he was a hero for waiting 0:14:10.040 --> 0:14:15.000 one day before topping the question. But I'm telling you 0:14:15.040 --> 0:14:17.199 it's part of the no role, no roles. Hey, if 0:14:17.240 --> 0:14:19.040 men are well like women and women are like men, 0:14:19.040 --> 0:14:21.520 then I don't have to guard my tongue, do I? 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:27.480 Then I can just expose myself uh theoretically right or 0:14:28.720 --> 0:14:31.760 not literally, but expose what I'm thinking at any moment. 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.000 After all, she's no different from me. The feminist told 0:14:34.000 --> 0:14:37.000 me that, life told me that, TV told me that. 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:45.520 And finally, why people aren't getting married Number eight is 0:14:45.320 --> 0:14:49.960 the terrible, terrible narcissism that afflicts so many people, and 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:53.040 it gets worse the longer you you don't get married. 0:14:53.200 --> 0:14:55.800 I mean, it's it's it's not a criticism, it's it's 0:14:56.400 --> 0:14:59.200 it was happening to me. I mean, it's just inevitable. 0:15:00.640 --> 0:15:03.560 I mean, you could be devoted to a million great causes, 0:15:04.520 --> 0:15:06.760 but if you have never I'm talking specifically to the 0:15:06.880 --> 0:15:09.240 never married, not those of you have divorced or been widowed. 0:15:09.320 --> 0:15:11.560 I have a dear friend in the Midwest. He is 0:15:11.600 --> 0:15:14.040 a wonderful man, a wonderful man, and gives his life 0:15:14.080 --> 0:15:18.240 to many causes. I really really like this guy, and 0:15:18.280 --> 0:15:20.680 he has never been married, and he just broke up 0:15:20.680 --> 0:15:23.880 in another relationship, and he's telling me it's funny as 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:27.320 I watch his life progress, he said, Dennis, The truth is, 0:15:27.480 --> 0:15:31.640 I really like the life that I have set up 0:15:31.640 --> 0:15:35.160 for myself, and any woman right now is almost like 0:15:35.200 --> 0:15:37.880 an intruder. And I am sure that that is for 0:15:37.960 --> 0:15:41.080 a lot of women too, after a certain age, because 0:15:41.120 --> 0:15:43.040 there's a lot of bending you have to do for 0:15:43.120 --> 0:15:47.760 somebody else, a lot. It's very tough, and it's easier 0:15:47.800 --> 0:15:51.200 when you do it earlier than later. And as it is, 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:55.080 we have a narcissistic society. Worrying about myself. I worry 0:15:55.120 --> 0:15:59.920 about me? What do I want? That's inevitable when you're alone? 0:16:00.080 --> 0:16:02.640 What else is there to worry about? As soon as 0:16:02.640 --> 0:16:07.400 you marry, it's cut in half the self perceptions. What 0:16:07.440 --> 0:16:09.680 does he want? What does she want? Do I have 0:16:09.760 --> 0:16:12.000 to be home? Not have to be home? I mean, 0:16:12.040 --> 0:16:13.080 did you hear? I don't know if you hurt. The 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:17.840 couple just Friday called up. Was it was so sad. 0:16:17.920 --> 0:16:20.640 You know, they're having marital problems, which is inevitable, and 0:16:21.160 --> 0:16:23.320 they both respect me, so they called up. It was 0:16:23.320 --> 0:16:24.880 one of these the one hour a week I have 0:16:24.960 --> 0:16:27.880 call on anything. So here I was, you know, like 0:16:27.920 --> 0:16:30.240 a marital therapist, which by the way, instantly I've done 0:16:30.280 --> 0:16:34.160 twice in my life with two couples actually in my room, 0:16:34.640 --> 0:16:37.640 and it worked both times. And I have a not 0:16:37.720 --> 0:16:40.840 that I'm doing this for a living, but I have 0:16:40.920 --> 0:16:44.320 an approach which is behavioral. Rather than figuring out the 0:16:44.360 --> 0:16:49.040 psychological sources, just do behaviors. Behaviors change your psyche more 0:16:49.040 --> 0:16:51.880 than your psyche changes your behaviors, in my opinion. But anyway, 0:16:52.800 --> 0:16:54.640 I wasn't going to give them therapy on the era. 0:16:54.720 --> 0:16:57.880 Would be silly and irresponsible, I thought. But it was 0:16:58.000 --> 0:17:02.240 interesting what her issue was that he is now staying 0:17:02.240 --> 0:17:05.800 out late and not even calling home to tell her that. 0:17:06.880 --> 0:17:08.320 And you know, I don't know what he's doing, if 0:17:08.320 --> 0:17:10.520 he's messing around, or if he's working later, or whatever 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:14.280 he's doing. But you owe it to your partner, to 0:17:14.440 --> 0:17:18.520 your wife to say, honey, she doesn't. You don't owe 0:17:18.560 --> 0:17:22.239 it to be in un aleash. A couple should give 0:17:22.280 --> 0:17:24.560 each other as much freedom as possible. I believe in 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:28.399 that very deeply, very deeply. At the same time, you 0:17:28.920 --> 0:17:33.479 can't abuse the freedom and not say, honey, I'm at 0:17:33.520 --> 0:17:36.280 the office, I have to do ex reports and so on, 0:17:36.520 --> 0:17:38.560 and just stay out late and come home at midnight. 0:17:38.880 --> 0:17:43.119 You're not a bachelor, You're a married man. And obviously, 0:17:43.160 --> 0:17:45.040 in whatever way it would apply, it would apply to 0:17:45.080 --> 0:17:49.560 a woman too. The narcissism factor cannot be overstated. It 0:17:49.600 --> 0:17:53.080 is a very terrible factor. Those are some of the 0:17:53.119 --> 0:17:55.439 reasons that I believe that a lot of people are 0:17:55.440 --> 0:18:01.320 not getting married, and it is said because with all 0:18:01.440 --> 0:18:05.840 of its challenges and unhappinesses and tensions and so on, 0:18:06.960 --> 0:18:11.120 by and large, it's better for the person, and it's 0:18:11.160 --> 0:18:14.360 certainly better for society when people pair off and take 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:18.000 responsibility for another person. I know that we don't even 0:18:18.040 --> 0:18:20.720 think in these terms today what's better for society. It's 0:18:20.720 --> 0:18:23.000 just what's better for me. And it's not even what's 0:18:23.000 --> 0:18:25.119 better for me, it's what's better for me right now. 0:18:26.080 --> 0:18:31.240 But over the long haul, making something bigger than yourself 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:34.840 with somebody else is a good idea. And they're not 0:18:34.880 --> 0:18:37.879 going to be perfect, of course not, and you have 0:18:37.960 --> 0:18:40.600 to know which imperfections you can live with. But you 0:18:40.680 --> 0:18:44.440 know what, in most cases, people do get better, even 0:18:44.480 --> 0:18:48.000 people who had lousy marriages. I am convinced that for 0:18:48.320 --> 0:18:51.840 I'm not talking beatings, but people who had an unhappy 0:18:51.880 --> 0:18:54.680 marriage even and then divorced. Do you know that even 0:18:54.760 --> 0:18:59.800 they grew from their marriage. Ask anybody, almost anybody, are 0:18:59.880 --> 0:19:03.280 you a better person for having been married and divorced 0:19:03.600 --> 0:19:07.320 than for never having been married or divorced? Overwhelmingly they 0:19:07.320 --> 0:19:09.280 will say I am a better person for both. It 0:19:09.359 --> 0:19:14.720 was horrible. The divorce was just unbelievably traumatic, which most 0:19:14.720 --> 0:19:20.600 divorces are, especially if there are kids involved. But that's 0:19:20.640 --> 0:19:26.280 the question that really isn't asked, and that is to people, 0:19:26.359 --> 0:19:32.040 do I want to grow? It's easier not to grow 0:19:32.359 --> 0:19:35.960 than to grow. But I've always said on my tombstone, 0:19:36.240 --> 0:19:40.240 I don't want written here lies Dennis Prager, a man 0:19:40.280 --> 0:19:44.760 who avoided pain and didn't grow. I want it. Here's 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:48.320 a guy who dived into everything life could possibly give, 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:52.560 whatever he was lucky enough or even unlucky enough to experience. 0:19:52.960 --> 0:19:56.440 I was divorced. This is my second marriage, or married 0:19:56.480 --> 0:19:59.120 fourteen years this week in fact, and I will tell 0:19:59.160 --> 0:20:04.560 you thank you. And you know it was hard, the divorce. 0:20:04.680 --> 0:20:08.440 It was very hard. But I learned so much from it. 0:20:08.720 --> 0:20:11.000 I learned so much it made it made my second 0:20:11.000 --> 0:20:14.480 marriage possible. In fact, I didn't look at divorce as oh, man, 0:20:14.560 --> 0:20:19.240 i've been burned. I'm avoiding this this institution. My whole 0:20:19.280 --> 0:20:22.679 mindset was now I got to figure out why I 0:20:22.720 --> 0:20:26.879 screwed up. And I went for psychotherapy, and I learned 0:20:26.920 --> 0:20:28.920 a lot more about me that I was not open 0:20:29.000 --> 0:20:31.840 to learning before that. Pain. Nothing like pain to open 0:20:31.880 --> 0:20:33.960 you up to learning about yourself. When the people ever 0:20:34.000 --> 0:20:36.359 go with therapy when they're really in enough pain to 0:20:36.440 --> 0:20:39.720 finally enter a therapist's office. And you know, I believe 0:20:39.760 --> 0:20:43.080 in religion and therapy ball as many of the religious 0:20:43.080 --> 0:20:44.879 that I believe in therapy. It bothers many of the 0:20:44.920 --> 0:20:47.560 secular that I believe in religion. But I believe in both, 0:20:47.880 --> 0:20:50.320 and they have both played very good roles in my life. 0:20:51.359 --> 0:20:53.920 And so I realized, oh, that's why I did that. 0:20:54.080 --> 0:20:57.640 Oh that's it. Uh, instead of spending the whole time 0:20:57.680 --> 0:20:59.960 thinking what a jerk I married, I didn't marry a jerk. 0:21:01.119 --> 0:21:03.280 I did not I didn't feel it then, I don't 0:21:03.280 --> 0:21:05.359 feel it now. I didn't marry a jerk. I married 0:21:05.400 --> 0:21:07.399 someone I shouldn't have married if I wanted to make 0:21:07.440 --> 0:21:10.520 a good marriage. But she did the same thing. She 0:21:10.600 --> 0:21:15.760 all will marry wrong. It wasn't just me. And by 0:21:15.840 --> 0:21:19.520 not spending my time afterwards thinking what a jerk I married, 0:21:19.560 --> 0:21:24.399 but hey, how did I make that mistake in the 0:21:24.440 --> 0:21:27.320 marriage and what I did in marriage, then I could 0:21:27.320 --> 0:21:31.239 work one out. I didn't decide, oh, marriage isn't for me. 0:21:31.359 --> 0:21:35.359 I decided I'll do better next time. Isn't that the 0:21:35.440 --> 0:21:39.000 better way to look at things? So I invite you 0:21:39.040 --> 0:21:41.920 to ask yourself which of these eight, if any, apply 0:21:42.040 --> 0:21:44.040 to you, or to apply to friends that you might know, 0:21:45.160 --> 0:21:50.560 because this is something to think about. And please throw 0:21:50.600 --> 0:21:55.880 away the image of ten, because tens don't stay tens anyway. 0:21:56.240 --> 0:21:59.280 You don't know how many sixes become tens when you 0:21:59.359 --> 0:22:01.639 love them, and you don't know how many tens become 0:22:01.720 --> 0:22:04.600 twos when you don't love them. So get rid of 0:22:04.600 --> 0:22:06.480 that idea. Good luck, Thank. 0:22:06.280 --> 0:22:09.760 You very much this episode of Timeless Wisdom. We'll continue 0:22:09.880 --> 0:22:17.680 right after this. Now back to more of Dennis Fragger's 0:22:17.960 --> 0:22:18.920 timeless wisdom. 0:22:19.200 --> 0:22:22.240 Does anybody have If not, that's okay, But if you 0:22:22.240 --> 0:22:23.760 want to ask me anything, by the way, it could 0:22:23.800 --> 0:22:25.440 be on anything you want. You might have heard from 0:22:25.480 --> 0:22:29.040 the radio. It's a time when we're together. But it's 0:22:29.119 --> 0:22:32.000 quite all right with me. I don't don't don't worry 0:22:32.000 --> 0:22:34.040 about my feelings. If you don't have questions, it's not 0:22:34.280 --> 0:22:36.560 it's not an issue. Yes, the other dam this man 0:22:36.880 --> 0:22:39.760 we meet halfway listen out of the gas I need 0:22:39.800 --> 0:22:41.800 to stop at the gas station. We go to the 0:22:41.800 --> 0:22:44.959 gas station and I just stood there. And when you're 0:22:45.000 --> 0:22:47.440 do it, guys, you will want to be talk my gas. Well, 0:22:47.480 --> 0:22:50.000 don't you know how to do it? When I'm alone? 0:22:50.040 --> 0:22:51.480 I do it. But I thought it was like a 0:22:51.800 --> 0:22:53.840