WEBVTT - Should an Affair End a Marriage? | Male/Female Hour 0:00:02.680 --> 0:00:07.760 Life audio in today's episode of Timeless Wisdom. 0:00:08.880 --> 0:00:12.080 I'm calling in Dennis, because just yesterday I found out 0:00:12.119 --> 0:00:17.000 my wife was having an affair for three weeks, so 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:20.600 I know that was that was that long. I found 0:00:20.600 --> 0:00:25.720 out she met him through some connectivity that she had 0:00:25.760 --> 0:00:27.240 a work and. 0:00:27.080 --> 0:00:30.160 Wait, she met him through through what at work they had. 0:00:30.320 --> 0:00:34.960 They had like a small employed party and stuff, and 0:00:35.120 --> 0:00:37.680 she met him and they went into a bowling place 0:00:37.680 --> 0:00:40.600 and she met somebody around there, and you know, she 0:00:40.800 --> 0:00:45.080 actually ended up kissing the person and she I found 0:00:45.120 --> 0:00:47.360 out that she went out a couple other times. 0:00:47.720 --> 0:00:50.199 And you were told this by colleagues of hers. Is 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:50.559 that it? 0:00:51.080 --> 0:00:52.360 No, she told me herself. 0:00:52.680 --> 0:00:56.880 That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Welcome 0:00:57.040 --> 0:01:01.240 to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Thousands of hours of 0:01:01.320 --> 0:01:04.920 Dennist's lectures courses in classic radio programs had to purchase 0:01:04.959 --> 0:01:09.080 Dennispragger's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennispragger dot com. 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.440 I'm old fashioned. I like two sexes. I don't know, 0:01:12.480 --> 0:01:14.000 I think all of a sudden, I don't like being 0:01:14.000 --> 0:01:16.000 married to what is known as a new woman. I 0:01:16.040 --> 0:01:18.920 want a wife, not a competitor. Competitor competitor. 0:01:19.240 --> 0:01:22.520 Talk about a bit this crying in the morning things, depression. 0:01:22.560 --> 0:01:23.920 You know, let's get that fixed. 0:01:24.000 --> 0:01:26.840 That's what men think, isn't it. Well, unless you've got 0:01:26.840 --> 0:01:29.360 the answer, unless you can say, oh, I know this 0:01:29.480 --> 0:01:32.360 bloke in the essex ridicule, fix that and there's no 0:01:32.400 --> 0:01:33.080 point bothering. 0:01:33.440 --> 0:01:35.039 How do you write women so well? 0:01:35.959 --> 0:01:39.080 I think of a man and I take away reason 0:01:39.440 --> 0:01:42.840 and accountability. I love him, I love him and I 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:43.839 don't care what you think. 0:01:44.080 --> 0:01:47.119 I love him for the for the man he wants 0:01:47.160 --> 0:01:49.280 to be, and I love him for the man that 0:01:49.400 --> 0:01:50.880 he almost is. 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:53.680 What do people have rows about him? 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:54.080 Money? 0:01:54.200 --> 0:02:00.440 It's sex sex, money he wants, she doesn't want, she wants, 0:02:00.480 --> 0:02:01.960 he doesn't want women. 0:02:02.800 --> 0:02:06.040 I've always been a big problem to me. Doctor Fuss 0:02:06.040 --> 0:02:11.320 bends Yes, Yes, yes, go on, gone. 0:02:12.200 --> 0:02:19.080 Hi everybody, It's the Male Female Hour, and I hope 0:02:19.120 --> 0:02:24.960 you missed it. During the vacation in Africa, thought about 0:02:24.960 --> 0:02:29.600 a lot of new topics and this is the hour 0:02:29.720 --> 0:02:33.600 devoted one hour each week to male female men women issues. 0:02:33.720 --> 0:02:36.520 They are huge. When I was a kid, that was 0:02:36.560 --> 0:02:38.960 called the Battle of the sexes, and I remember as 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:41.200 a kid thinking, what does that mean? Battle of the sexes. 0:02:41.200 --> 0:02:43.040 Aren't men and women supposed to love each other and 0:02:43.040 --> 0:02:49.160 get a lot? Well, it's good as a child, it's 0:02:49.200 --> 0:02:52.960 good to be naive. As an adult, it's it's almost criminal, 0:02:53.960 --> 0:02:56.920 that's the way I look at it. An innocence in 0:02:56.960 --> 0:03:00.560 a child is beautiful. Innocence in an adult is not beautiful. 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:03.480 But that's a separate subject for another time, maybe an 0:03:03.560 --> 0:03:06.720 ultimate issues hour. So hi, my friends, this is Dennis 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:12.560 Praeger and I have a very very sensitive issue. It 0:03:12.600 --> 0:03:15.399 doesn't get more sensitive than this. They may be equally, 0:03:15.600 --> 0:03:20.000 but I don't think there are more sensitive. So here goes. 0:03:20.560 --> 0:03:23.160 And this is as we as many of the male 0:03:23.200 --> 0:03:27.880 female errors. It's adult oriented, but it's it's certainly okay 0:03:27.960 --> 0:03:32.359 for you know anyway, I think any kid thirteen or 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:34.600 over to here, and you make your judgment below that. 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:40.480 All right, here goes, my friends. The topic is when 0:03:40.840 --> 0:03:46.280 one spouse has an affair. Those of you who have 0:03:46.360 --> 0:03:48.640 listened to me over the years have heard in different 0:03:48.680 --> 0:03:52.280 context when we've discussed micro subjects, and this is one 0:03:52.320 --> 0:03:57.080 program that discuss discusses both the micro and the macro, 0:03:57.160 --> 0:04:02.960 the personal and the social, global, philosophical, political, etc. I 0:04:03.160 --> 0:04:06.120 have said on many occasions that I think it's a 0:04:06.280 --> 0:04:11.920 very big mistake for a marriage to automatically end because 0:04:11.960 --> 0:04:17.120 one of the spouses had an affair. I have always 0:04:17.120 --> 0:04:19.960 felt that, and I felt that before I ever married, 0:04:20.040 --> 0:04:24.120 and I feel that today. So this is a lifetime 0:04:24.160 --> 0:04:28.279 of consistency. I may be consistently wrong, but this is 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:32.479 something I've never wavered on. I have never even well, 0:04:32.520 --> 0:04:35.880 I don't know say, understood, but I've never accepted the 0:04:36.040 --> 0:04:41.240 argument that an affair should automatically that's the key word here, automatically. 0:04:41.279 --> 0:04:45.279 There were times when an affair reveals such fractures in 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:48.200 a marriage that of course it's going to dissolve, or 0:04:48.400 --> 0:04:51.520 as someone one of the spouses just repeatedly does it, 0:04:52.120 --> 0:04:55.680 then who will you married to? You're married to somebody 0:04:56.000 --> 0:04:59.280 who keeps making love to other people. I mean, so, 0:04:59.640 --> 0:05:04.480 of course there are times when it will logically, tragically 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:08.520 but logically, lead to the dissolution of a marriage. But 0:05:08.600 --> 0:05:11.960 I'm talking about a person. Let's say you have I 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:16.719 don't know, a ten year, twenty year, let alone longer marriage, 0:05:17.480 --> 0:05:22.080 and especially with children, I think it's very unwise to 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:25.440 automatically end the marriage because the spouse and I hold 0:05:25.440 --> 0:05:30.279 it's true for both spouses. For both there may well 0:05:30.320 --> 0:05:33.080 be different reasons, and I think there are generally speaking, 0:05:33.120 --> 0:05:36.320 different reasons, and sometimes there are the same reasons for 0:05:36.440 --> 0:05:41.640 why a man or a woman would be unfaithful. But 0:05:43.400 --> 0:05:47.320 that's not my subject. My subject is that whichever, if 0:05:47.360 --> 0:05:50.520 it's the wife or the husband, that it should not 0:05:50.560 --> 0:05:53.160 automatically in a man who says, you know, my wife 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.720 does that, Hey I'm out of here. Man, I am 0:05:55.760 --> 0:05:59.000 out of here, or a woman says my husband does that, 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:02.120 I'm out of here automatically. I don't care. I don't 0:06:02.160 --> 0:06:04.200 care how many good years we had. I don't care 0:06:04.240 --> 0:06:06.599 how much we have made. It worked so hard to 0:06:06.600 --> 0:06:11.080 make a family. That is so wrong, It is so hurtful, 0:06:11.760 --> 0:06:15.159 it is so trust destroying that I can't go on. 0:06:15.400 --> 0:06:17.919 That's the end of the issue. I don't agree with 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:23.560 that hurtful, trust destroying all these things. I understand that 0:06:22.600 --> 0:06:25.640 that's not the point. So here is what I would 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:29.720 like from you, and I think that listeners would find 0:06:29.839 --> 0:06:33.120 fascinating in the best sense of the word fascinating, because 0:06:33.120 --> 0:06:36.560 it could also be helpful. Here are my questions to you. 0:06:36.839 --> 0:06:42.440 Number one, has this happened in your marriage and you 0:06:42.560 --> 0:06:47.000 went on to survive if you have, in other words, 0:06:47.040 --> 0:06:50.679 you went on not personally to survive. I assume people 0:06:50.800 --> 0:06:54.160 can do that. I mean, your marriage survives if that 0:06:54.200 --> 0:06:57.360 has happened, either the wife or the husband has had 0:06:57.400 --> 0:07:01.200 an affair and you have somehow been able to go 0:07:01.320 --> 0:07:04.200 on in the marriage and for the marriage to actually 0:07:05.160 --> 0:07:09.840 not only go on ultimately successfully, but even perhaps better. 0:07:10.680 --> 0:07:13.360 As I have heard it on occasion, I'd like you 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:16.480 to call me. I'd like people to hear if hearing 0:07:16.560 --> 0:07:20.360 from you who have undergone this is more effective than 0:07:20.400 --> 0:07:24.080 hearing from me, theoretically talk about it. One eighth Praguer 0:07:24.160 --> 0:07:27.600 seven seven six eight seven seven two four to three 0:07:27.760 --> 0:07:30.880 triple seven six eight seven seven two four to three 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:35.560 seven seven seven six one eight Praguer seven seven six. 0:07:36.720 --> 0:07:40.080 Uh So again, that's one type of call that I want. 0:07:40.200 --> 0:07:41.840 By the way, if you if you want to take 0:07:41.920 --> 0:07:44.720 issue with me, you are more than more than welcome 0:07:44.720 --> 0:07:47.760 as well. If you think I'm sorry, Dennis, it automatically 0:07:47.880 --> 0:07:53.120 ends a marriage, please call me too. But I'm there 0:07:53.160 --> 0:07:55.840 are there are specific ones I would like, but I'm 0:07:56.040 --> 0:07:58.240 very I don't know about the word happy, but I'm 0:07:58.280 --> 0:08:03.880 certainly welcome of all calls on this There's another type 0:08:03.920 --> 0:08:07.920 of call that I would be very interested in, and 0:08:07.960 --> 0:08:11.560 that is if you did in fact break up because 0:08:11.600 --> 0:08:15.960 of the affair, and now looking back, think, well, maybe 0:08:16.040 --> 0:08:20.720 that was an error. Maybe I acted too hastily, I 0:08:20.800 --> 0:08:24.920 was too angry, and I wish I had given it 0:08:25.000 --> 0:08:28.920 a chance, because the truth is he is a good 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:33.080 guy who made a mistake or who was weak, or 0:08:33.080 --> 0:08:35.920 maybe I even had some hand in it, or vice versa. 0:08:36.400 --> 0:08:38.640 She was a wonderful woman and I let her go 0:08:39.280 --> 0:08:41.840 when in fact that was a big mistake. I was 0:08:41.920 --> 0:08:47.319 just too angry, or his ego ego involvement in ego determining. 0:08:47.520 --> 0:08:50.880 I mean, that's also a possibility, looking back, if you 0:08:51.000 --> 0:08:54.439 did break up because and your marriage because of that. 0:08:56.440 --> 0:09:00.120 I every one of my male female hours, which is 0:09:00.200 --> 0:09:04.200 each week at this time, is has one ultimate purpose. 0:09:04.240 --> 0:09:06.880 There were many purposes, but it has one ultimate purpose, 0:09:06.920 --> 0:09:09.880 and that is to help your marriages, to help you 0:09:10.000 --> 0:09:13.840 understand the the other sex if you're not married. That 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:17.680 those those are the purposes of the of this period. 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:20.800 You may take issue with my with my outlook and 0:09:20.840 --> 0:09:25.280 I and I and I love when I get those calls. Alrighty, 0:09:25.400 --> 0:09:27.600 let's go to uh, let's go to some of your 0:09:27.640 --> 0:09:33.640 calls immediately and will begin in Santa Clarita, California and Steven. Hello, Stephen, 0:09:33.720 --> 0:09:36.480 thank you for calling. This is Dennis Prager. Hello Dennis, 0:09:36.520 --> 0:09:37.920 how I'm well, thank you? 0:09:39.559 --> 0:09:43.400 Uh, I'm calling in Dennis because just yesterday I found 0:09:43.440 --> 0:09:47.079 out my wife was having an affair for three weeks, 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:53.600 so I know that was was that long. I found out. Uh, 0:09:53.800 --> 0:09:57.680 she met him through some connectivity that she had a work. 0:09:57.800 --> 0:10:00.000 And the way she met him through through. 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.240 At work, well, they had they had like a small 0:10:03.679 --> 0:10:07.839 employed party and stuff, and she met him and they 0:10:07.840 --> 0:10:10.440 went into a bowling place and she met somebody around 0:10:10.440 --> 0:10:14.080 there and you know, she actually ended up kissing the 0:10:14.120 --> 0:10:17.839 person and she I found out that she went out 0:10:17.880 --> 0:10:18.880 a couple other times. 0:10:19.480 --> 0:10:22.079 You were told this by colleagues of hers. Is that it? 0:10:22.600 --> 0:10:22.800 No? 0:10:22.960 --> 0:10:26.640 She told me herself. Oh interesting, because I started getting 0:10:26.640 --> 0:10:27.319 feelings and. 0:10:29.080 --> 0:10:31.040 You know, I started, how long were you married? 0:10:31.880 --> 0:10:34.000 I've been married. I'm going to be six years in June, 0:10:34.440 --> 0:10:36.559 and you are you are how old? 0:10:37.679 --> 0:10:39.040 And she is your age? 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:41.200 Just three years older? 0:10:41.400 --> 0:10:44.839 Okay, fine, Oh that's interesting. You know I have this 0:10:44.920 --> 0:10:50.120 is this is you know, not an explanation, but I 0:10:50.559 --> 0:10:54.679 have a theory about women that at twenty nine, at 0:10:54.760 --> 0:10:57.720 least American women. I can't speak for all women on earth, 0:10:57.880 --> 0:11:01.319 but at our time and for few decades, at least 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.880 twenty nine is like a magic age for a woman 0:11:04.600 --> 0:11:09.160 to undergo tremendous changes and questioning about her life. So 0:11:09.200 --> 0:11:11.800 it's interesting that you mentioned how old she was. I'm 0:11:11.800 --> 0:11:16.600 going to talk to you when we come back, so 0:11:16.640 --> 0:11:19.319 she told him after three weeks. Here is a good 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:23.640 example of something where we'll try to work this through. 0:11:24.360 --> 0:11:25.920 As you know, we don't have all the time in 0:11:25.960 --> 0:11:30.520 the world on radio, but I would love to speak 0:11:30.520 --> 0:11:35.520 to her as well obviously. Anyway, one eighth Praguer seven 0:11:35.640 --> 0:11:38.960 seven six is the number. You can, of course get 0:11:39.040 --> 0:11:44.760 all of my broadcasts downloaded at prager Topia at either 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.280 of my websites. We come back. 0:11:48.480 --> 0:11:51.840 This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 0:11:55.520 --> 0:11:59.439 Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 0:12:00.640 --> 0:12:03.600 Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager here. This is the Male Female 0:12:03.640 --> 0:12:07.240 Hour every week at this time. And Betty tells me 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:11.000 at the at Dennispraguer dot Com that they have just 0:12:11.120 --> 0:12:16.640 compiled in time for Valentine's Day forty eight of the 0:12:16.679 --> 0:12:21.679 show's commercial free, highest fidelity on sixteen CDs. It's an 0:12:21.720 --> 0:12:26.360 awesome gift and it's eight hundred two two five eighty 0:12:26.440 --> 0:12:30.200 five eighty four eight hundred two two five eight five 0:12:30.320 --> 0:12:32.800 eight four or Dennis Praguer dot com eight hundred two 0:12:32.880 --> 0:12:37.320 two five eight five eight four. And I'm talking to 0:12:37.360 --> 0:12:41.720 you about the affair the husband or the wife has one. 0:12:42.400 --> 0:12:45.480 I strongly advocated that that in and of itself should 0:12:45.480 --> 0:12:50.440 never automatically end a marriage. And uh were I'm asking 0:12:50.640 --> 0:12:54.760 for your experiences in this regard. Steven is twenty seven, 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:57.400 his wife is thirty. She just told him that she 0:12:57.520 --> 0:13:04.120 has had a three week affair. Stephen, I, does she 0:13:04.160 --> 0:13:05.920 want to stay in the in the in the marriage. 0:13:06.600 --> 0:13:12.040 Yeah, she she feels very repentful. We actually have some 0:13:12.240 --> 0:13:16.080 friends who are our ex pastors who moved. They're helping 0:13:16.160 --> 0:13:20.600 us through this, and she feels repentful. She says that 0:13:20.720 --> 0:13:23.480 she already called them and cut the whole thing off. 0:13:23.520 --> 0:13:27.400 And you know we talked about yesterday. 0:13:27.440 --> 0:13:32.840 It's just yeah, it's hard, it's very hard. It's it's terrible, 0:13:32.880 --> 0:13:35.640 of course, that's that's that's why I have to do 0:13:36.800 --> 0:13:39.880 a show on why it shouldn't automatically a marriages because 0:13:39.880 --> 0:13:42.600 it is so awful in the in in how the 0:13:42.679 --> 0:13:47.760 other person feels. Do you do you are you willing 0:13:47.880 --> 0:13:51.800 to to work on the marriage with her? Or or 0:13:51.840 --> 0:13:53.320 do you do you feel it's over? 0:13:54.440 --> 0:13:54.520 No? 0:13:54.800 --> 0:13:58.400 I really think I'm willing to work Dennis, you know, 0:13:58.480 --> 0:14:00.880 but you know, like to I woke up to day 0:14:00.920 --> 0:14:03.960 this morning after you know, we talked and everything, and 0:14:04.800 --> 0:14:06.960 you know, and part of me I feel angry, like 0:14:07.320 --> 0:14:09.040 you know, I want to get revenge and her like 0:14:09.160 --> 0:14:11.679 hurt her back. But you know, I mean, I guess 0:14:11.960 --> 0:14:13.920 that's where you know, my faith comes in. 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:17.040 And by the way, that's a very normal reaction. And 0:14:17.080 --> 0:14:19.120 a lot of times what somebody does is have an 0:14:19.120 --> 0:14:21.160 affair and say, you know, two can do this, not 0:14:21.240 --> 0:14:24.440 just one. That's a very common reaction. It's a very 0:14:24.520 --> 0:14:28.400 understandable one. It's not advisable, but it's very understandable. But 0:14:28.920 --> 0:14:32.760 I'm just happy to know that you don't automatically feel 0:14:32.760 --> 0:14:34.960 it has ended the marriage. Did she give you a 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:38.240 reason or what? Was it just you know, I got 0:14:38.280 --> 0:14:42.080 a little wild or frankly, I'm not that crazily in 0:14:42.120 --> 0:14:43.840 love at home? Did she give her reason? 0:14:45.240 --> 0:14:49.040 Her reason was that she just started entertaining thoughts and 0:14:49.240 --> 0:14:51.280 she used to before I met her. She used to 0:14:51.280 --> 0:14:53.400 be going out and stuff. And she said in the 0:14:53.440 --> 0:14:56.920 way she started missing that and thought were coming back 0:14:56.920 --> 0:14:57.520 to her head. 0:14:57.640 --> 0:15:02.000 The excitement. Yeah, yeah, exactly, we have to talk about 0:15:02.040 --> 0:15:05.160 excitement may be a happiness hour or not. Well, listen, Steven, 0:15:06.080 --> 0:15:09.200 God bless you and God bless your wife, and please 0:15:09.880 --> 0:15:15.280 continue your journey to heal. And she has to work 0:15:15.320 --> 0:15:18.520 on this a lot, and repentance is exactly what's called for. 0:15:19.360 --> 0:15:23.920 All right, thank you. We go to Pensacola, Florida, and 0:15:24.160 --> 0:15:26.800 Scott Scott, thank you for calling. This is Dennis Prager. 0:15:27.320 --> 0:15:30.280 Yes, sir, how are you doing? This is an important 0:15:30.320 --> 0:15:32.160 topic for me because I've been living this over the 0:15:32.240 --> 0:15:35.240 last two years, and when you call it, I like 0:15:35.320 --> 0:15:37.720 jumped on immediately because I thought it was important to 0:15:37.760 --> 0:15:40.280 give people in this situation the perspective that I. 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:41.680 Have at least go ahead. 0:15:42.520 --> 0:15:44.480 My situation is my wife and I had been married 0:15:44.480 --> 0:15:47.520 for about twelve years. We got married very young. I 0:15:47.720 --> 0:15:50.640 was building my career, very busy. We had three children. 0:15:51.240 --> 0:15:53.640 With the Internet being what it is these days, it's 0:15:53.640 --> 0:15:56.720 easy to find somebody that will fulfill needs that may 0:15:56.800 --> 0:15:59.040 be not being necessarily met at home, and then it 0:15:59.080 --> 0:16:03.040 turns into something deeper, more physical, And that's kind of 0:16:03.080 --> 0:16:07.520 what happened in my situation with my wife. Long story short, 0:16:08.400 --> 0:16:11.320 she sort of ended the relationship but continued in it. 0:16:11.400 --> 0:16:14.040 We stayed married. My perspective was, I. 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.400 She sort of ended the extramarital relationship. 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.080 Yeah, and then finally she ended it, you know, after 0:16:21.200 --> 0:16:23.240 we went to counseling. I wanted to hold on for 0:16:23.360 --> 0:16:25.760 my boys, and I believe that she was a good 0:16:25.800 --> 0:16:29.960 person making bad decisions, you know, knowing her background, her 0:16:30.440 --> 0:16:33.280 issues from her childhood and those things. I viewed the 0:16:33.320 --> 0:16:36.680 function of this this affair as a function of mental illness. 0:16:36.680 --> 0:16:40.240 She made decisions based upon certain issues or you know, 0:16:40.680 --> 0:16:43.840 problems that she had that this relationship helped her fulfill. 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:46.360 And we went to counseling. We worked it out for 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:48.880 the most part. I mean, it's been two years since 0:16:48.920 --> 0:16:51.520 any there's been any contact. It's done with, but it's 0:16:51.560 --> 0:16:54.440 still there's still that always that you know, every once 0:16:54.440 --> 0:16:56.200 in a while, there's a little something or there's a 0:16:56.320 --> 0:16:58.240 there's a you go back and it takes so much 0:16:58.280 --> 0:16:59.680 time to get over this. 0:16:59.840 --> 0:17:03.680 But do you I'm curious well you do. You have 0:17:03.760 --> 0:17:06.600 been a man, and I salute you tremendously, as your 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:10.920 kids will one day, if indeed they ever know about this. 0:17:12.960 --> 0:17:18.920 Does she act in a remorseful way? Has she shown remorse? 0:17:19.960 --> 0:17:22.639 And the farther the time gets away from it, the 0:17:22.640 --> 0:17:25.320 more remorseful she is. Okay, At first, it was kind 0:17:25.359 --> 0:17:28.000 of a defensive, Well, all, it's your fault because if 0:17:28.000 --> 0:17:29.440 you would have done this, and you would have done that. 0:17:29.640 --> 0:17:31.840 But as she as our time we've gotten away from 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:34.840 the affair, that you know, it's more of she starts 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:38.560 to realize that how hurtful it was and how destructive 0:17:38.600 --> 0:17:41.240 it was. But sometimes that natural defense kicks in it first, 0:17:41.240 --> 0:17:43.560 and so there's a different response than the person who's 0:17:43.600 --> 0:17:44.800 been cheated on really once. 0:17:45.880 --> 0:17:49.080 So right now, why would you have rated if you 0:17:49.200 --> 0:17:53.040 called my show prior to the affair to her affair 0:17:54.119 --> 0:17:56.560 and I asked you rate your marriage on a scale 0:17:56.560 --> 0:17:58.399 of one to ten, why would you have rated it 0:17:58.560 --> 0:18:01.399 prior year prior to the affair? 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:03.960 You know, at a year prior to the affair, I 0:18:04.000 --> 0:18:05.880 thought things were so good I probably would have rated 0:18:05.920 --> 0:18:07.960 it in an eight. I mean, I really believe I 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:09.119 get Okay, Okay. 0:18:08.880 --> 0:18:11.720 Hold on, hold on, in retrospect, what would you rate 0:18:11.760 --> 0:18:13.520 the marriage a year before the affair? 0:18:14.160 --> 0:18:16.720 I would say in retrospect it was probably a four, 0:18:17.160 --> 0:18:20.199 and that will be her perspective. What no women have 0:18:20.240 --> 0:18:21.040 a different perspective? 0:18:21.560 --> 0:18:25.119 Okay, given both perspectives, what do you so to speak? 0:18:25.359 --> 0:18:28.560 If it's not objective obviously, but but as objective as 0:18:28.560 --> 0:18:32.119 you can be. What would you rate the marriage? Knowing her, 0:18:32.560 --> 0:18:34.520 her reaction and your reaction. 0:18:34.240 --> 0:18:36.320 To it, I would say a four would be a 0:18:36.480 --> 0:18:38.400 fair right, so fuck okay? 0:18:39.400 --> 0:18:41.159 Now what would you rate your marriage? 0:18:41.400 --> 0:18:44.199 After counseling and a lot of soul searching and so 0:18:44.280 --> 0:18:47.000 much pain I can't explain it. I would probably rate 0:18:47.040 --> 0:18:48.159 it about a six. 0:18:47.960 --> 0:18:53.000 Now, so so, in effect your marriage is better today. 0:18:53.600 --> 0:18:56.840 Absolutely, there's more open communication. We can talk about our 0:18:56.880 --> 0:19:00.280 feelings if she needs something. I'm more open to trying 0:19:00.320 --> 0:19:02.520 to listen as opposed to stop being a needy person 0:19:02.680 --> 0:19:03.560 trying to do this job. 0:19:03.640 --> 0:19:06.720 Can you all right? I'll be very direct as well. 0:19:06.760 --> 0:19:08.440 Can you make love? Oh? 0:19:08.480 --> 0:19:08.920 Yeah, yeah? 0:19:08.920 --> 0:19:09.480 Absolutely? 0:19:09.960 --> 0:19:13.840 Okay, good, you'll be fine, my friend. I think it's 0:19:13.880 --> 0:19:17.280 a very powerful call. This is another thing, Alan, I'd 0:19:17.280 --> 0:19:22.040 like this for another subject. The more ironically the subject. 0:19:22.200 --> 0:19:25.679 The subject is affairs, but ironically there was something that 0:19:25.760 --> 0:19:29.080 came out here that is as important as that subject, 0:19:29.080 --> 0:19:33.480 if not more. Those who are in a marriage think 0:19:33.480 --> 0:19:38.920 it's an eight, but it's really a four. How does 0:19:38.960 --> 0:19:44.600 that happen? This is a very very important subject for 0:19:44.640 --> 0:19:49.919 another male female hour. I mean it sounds funny, but 0:19:50.040 --> 0:19:52.800 in effect, do you overrate how good your marriage is? 0:19:53.920 --> 0:19:56.800 By the way, just as fair do you underrate how 0:19:56.800 --> 0:19:59.320 good your marriage is? Your marriage may be a lot 0:19:59.320 --> 0:20:03.720 better than you think think it is. So it goes. 0:20:03.840 --> 0:20:05.879 It goes in both directions, and I would do both, 0:20:05.920 --> 0:20:07.760 by the way, if when we do the subject, I 0:20:07.760 --> 0:20:11.840 would do both one eight Praguer seven seven six. The 0:20:11.880 --> 0:20:16.680 phone number for the sixteen CDs is eight hundred two 0:20:16.680 --> 0:20:18.640 two five eighty five eighty four. 0:20:18.720 --> 0:20:23.800 We continue this episode of Timeless Wisdom. Will continue right 0:20:23.800 --> 0:20:34.040 after this. Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdoms. 0:20:39.960 --> 0:20:44.200 You're listening to the Dennis Prager Show. I hope that 0:20:46.720 --> 0:20:49.320 these calls and folks, I can't. I don't determine who 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:52.600 calls in obviously. I mean I determine which calls I take, 0:20:52.680 --> 0:20:57.679 but I don't do it with an agenda I just 0:20:57.760 --> 0:20:59.600 hope that those of you, and this is the Male 0:20:59.640 --> 0:21:02.119 Female Hour for those just tuning in every week at 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:06.720 this time we discuss in the most adult way. Frankly, 0:21:07.520 --> 0:21:12.400 that's a good way to use it. Male female relations men, 0:21:12.520 --> 0:21:17.840 women and the affair within marriage is the subject today. 0:21:19.160 --> 0:21:24.640 My belief that it should never automatically and a marriage, 0:21:26.200 --> 0:21:30.480 and I don't downplay the devastation that it it entails. 0:21:30.720 --> 0:21:38.400 Leave me. Let's go to Louise in Mount Laurel, New Jersey, 0:21:38.720 --> 0:21:41.720 Louise High. Where's Mount Laurel, ah. 0:21:41.720 --> 0:21:44.440 Father in New Jersey, right across from Philadelphia. 0:21:44.520 --> 0:21:46.320 Okay, great, thank you for calling. 0:21:47.040 --> 0:21:49.640 My pleasure. Shall I begin? 0:21:50.280 --> 0:21:50.639 Please? 0:21:51.359 --> 0:21:55.040 Okay, My husband had a a fair i'd say twenty 0:21:55.080 --> 0:21:58.080 five years ago. We've been together thirty. 0:21:57.840 --> 0:22:04.120 Years, so hold on. So are you about the same age. 0:22:04.080 --> 0:22:06.520 As my husband. Yeah, he's a little older. 0:22:06.600 --> 0:22:08.240 So he was about thirty and you were in your 0:22:08.320 --> 0:22:10.080 late twenties? Is that okay? Go ahead? 0:22:10.160 --> 0:22:10.800 Young children? 0:22:11.040 --> 0:22:11.280 Right? 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:14.960 And it was a work affair, and he was very 0:22:15.040 --> 0:22:21.120 much in love with this young girl, and you know, finally, 0:22:21.600 --> 0:22:25.159 you know, of course there were there were signs of 0:22:25.200 --> 0:22:31.560 it happening, and I confronted him and ah, I have 0:22:31.720 --> 0:22:35.199 to say, the most aggressive attack that I could have 0:22:35.280 --> 0:22:38.120 put on him was I told him that I could 0:22:38.280 --> 0:22:45.320 forgive him and that I loved him. And it it practically, 0:22:45.680 --> 0:22:47.840 I mean, he just broke down and. 0:22:49.600 --> 0:22:52.480 So like that was your that was your initial reaction. 0:22:52.920 --> 0:22:54.919 Yes, it was supernatural, believe me. 0:22:56.480 --> 0:23:02.160 But wow, that's that's quite that's quite something. It would 0:23:02.200 --> 0:23:05.040 have to melt the coolest heart. 0:23:05.840 --> 0:23:10.800 Like I said, it was the most aggressive attack that 0:23:10.960 --> 0:23:14.439 I could have put on by telling him that I 0:23:14.480 --> 0:23:16.879 loved him and could forgive him. And I wanted to 0:23:16.960 --> 0:23:21.439 say that. Indeed, it was very painful. I told a 0:23:21.480 --> 0:23:25.120 fellow before that I had just lost a brother three 0:23:25.200 --> 0:23:29.280 years prior, and it was actually the affair was actually 0:23:29.320 --> 0:23:30.040 more painful. 0:23:30.080 --> 0:23:33.439 Yeah, yeah, than I believe that. I do believe that. 0:23:34.119 --> 0:23:38.880 And also that was your marriage today. 0:23:38.920 --> 0:23:47.679 It's good. Yeah, it's not perfect, but we're committed. And 0:23:48.119 --> 0:23:52.600