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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Adams,

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Speaker 2: author of Everyday Prayers for Love, Learning to Love God, others,

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Speaker 2: and even yourself. Each week we dive into meaningful conversations

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Speaker 2: about how to live out the greatest commandment, loving God

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Speaker 2: with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength, and

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Speaker 2: loving our neighbors as ourselves, whether through inspiring stories, practical wisdom,

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Speaker 2: or biblical truth. My hope is to encourage you to

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Speaker 2: love boldly, live faithfully, and reflect God's love in your

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Speaker 2: everyday life. Today, I'm honored to welcome doctor Gary Chapman

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Speaker 2: to the show. Doctor Chapman is an author, speaker, pastor,

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Speaker 2: and counselor who has spent more than thirty years helping

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Speaker 2: people build healthy, lasting relationships. He is best known for

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Speaker 2: The Five Love Languages, a New York Times bestseller for

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Speaker 2: over three decades with more than twenty million copies sold

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Speaker 2: and translations in over fifty languages. In his newest book,

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Speaker 2: The Love Language That Matters Most, How to personalize love

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Speaker 2: so they really feel it, Doctor Chapman, along with doctors

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Speaker 2: Less and Leslie Parrott, invite us to move beyond simply

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Speaker 2: knowing love, languages to actually speaking them fluently with grace, intentionality,

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Speaker 2: and compassion. Well, hello, doctor Chapman, and welcome back to

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Speaker 2: the Love Offering podcast. I'm so happy to have you again.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm delighted to be back.

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Speaker 2: So the first time you were on to talk about

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Speaker 2: the five love Languages, which I have read your work

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Speaker 2: and I have used it when my own married relationship

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Speaker 2: for the past twenty years and even into my relationship

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Speaker 2: with my children who are now sixteen and fourteen, and

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Speaker 2: I bring it up in conversation a lot even now

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Speaker 2: with my children who have significant others. I'm trying to

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Speaker 2: have these conversations. Okay, you need to figure out what

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Speaker 2: is your girlfriend's love language. And so I want you

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Speaker 2: to know how impactful this is on a daily basis

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Speaker 2: for me and my family and my friendships and my community.

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Speaker 2: And I'm thankful for you and the work that you do.

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Speaker 1: Thank you. I'm glad to hear your experience with the

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Speaker 1: five love Languages. I'm very encouraged with the response we've

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Speaker 1: had from really all over the world to this simple

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Speaker 1: concept because it makes a huge difference in terms of

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Speaker 1: meeting the emotional need for love.

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Speaker 2: I'd love to know, the first inspiration of the first thought.

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Speaker 2: Did you realize at that time that God had imparted

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Speaker 2: something so special and significant to you?

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Speaker 1: Well? I knew at the time I wrote the book

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Speaker 1: that the concept would help people, because I had discovered

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Speaker 1: it in my counseling and had been using it for

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Speaker 1: several years before I ever wrote the book, because couples

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Speaker 1: will be in my office and one of them would say,

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Speaker 1: I just am not feeling loved. I mean, you know,

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Speaker 1: we don't argue, and we necessarily, it's just that I

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Speaker 1: just feel empty. And the other person would say, well,

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Speaker 1: I don't understand that. You know, I do this and

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Speaker 1: this and this and this and this. Why would you

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Speaker 1: not feel loved? You know? And I realized that there

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Speaker 1: were people were sincere in their mind, they were expressing love,

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Speaker 1: but it wasn't registering with the other person emotionally. And

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Speaker 1: so after hearing several of those, you know, I just

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Speaker 1: I thought, man, there's got to be an answer to this.

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Speaker 1: And I read through a lot of notes that I

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Speaker 1: had made when I was counseling couples and asked myself,

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Speaker 1: when someone said I just don't feel love, what did

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Speaker 1: they want? What were they complaining about and their answers

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Speaker 1: full ind the five categories, and I later call them

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Speaker 1: the five love languages, and started using my counseling, if

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Speaker 1: you want her to feel loved, you've got to learn

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Speaker 1: to express it in her language. You want him to

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Speaker 1: feel love, you've got to learn to express love in

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Speaker 1: his language. And then I started teaching it in our

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Speaker 1: church and it was just amazing. Couples would come back

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Speaker 1: and say, you know, Gary, this is changing everything. I mean,

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Speaker 1: the whole climate's different now. And so it was at

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Speaker 1: least five years before I had the thought of putting

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Speaker 1: it into a book and writing in the language of

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Speaker 1: the common person, you know, leaving out terms psychological terms

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Speaker 1: that many people would not stand. But I did know

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Speaker 1: it helped people. But I had no idea that it

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Speaker 1: would sell twenty million copies and be translated in fifty

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Speaker 1: languages around the world. It really surprised me that it

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Speaker 1: went to other cultures. But at any rate, it's a

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Speaker 1: god thing. People ask me how to explain that, and

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Speaker 1: I said, well, the short answer is God, and the

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Speaker 1: long answer is God. I couldn't make that happen if

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Speaker 1: I wanted to, But I think it's you know, it's

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Speaker 1: addresses what everybody agrees it is one of our deepest

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Speaker 1: emotional needs, and that is the need to feel loved

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Speaker 1: about the significant people in our lives. So yeah, it's

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Speaker 1: been it's been very, very encouraging to see how God

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Speaker 1: has used it to help so many couples.

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Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, and to the point of it's in all

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Speaker 2: over the world. Love is a universal love language, right.

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Speaker 2: It is something that we all want and we all need,

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Speaker 2: and something that God has put in our heart from

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Speaker 2: the very beginning. And so I can't wait to continue

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Speaker 2: this conversation. But we're going to take a brief break

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Speaker 2: to hear a word from today's sponsor, and when we

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Speaker 2: come back, we'll talk more about doctor Chapman's newest book,

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Speaker 2: Welcome Back. I'm talking with doctor Gary Chapman about the

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Speaker 2: love language that matters most. If somebody already has a

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Speaker 2: copy of the Five Love Languages, why are they going

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Speaker 2: to want this one.

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Speaker 1: To Well, Like I tell you, first of all, if

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Speaker 1: they've already read the original, they're going to love this

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Speaker 1: book because I'm dealing with issues that people have asked

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Speaker 1: me about through the years from the other book. You know,

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Speaker 1: I mentioned in the other book I mentioned the concepts

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Speaker 1: of dialects. There's different dialects to the languages, but I

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Speaker 1: don't discuss the dialects. But in the new book, we're

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Speaker 1: talking about specific dialects within each of these languages. And

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Speaker 1: then we're also talking about another thing that people have

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Speaker 1: often brought up to me. They said, Gary, how does

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Speaker 1: your personality relate to the love languages? And through the years,

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Speaker 1: I've said, well, it does relate. I can't give you

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Speaker 1: a specific answers, but in this book, we're giving you

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Speaker 1: answers to that, and they helping you recognize how your

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Speaker 1: personality interfaces with that. So those are two big things

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Speaker 1: that are dealt with in this new book, and we

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Speaker 1: all also deal with other issues as well. But it's

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Speaker 1: written for the person who's already read the first book.

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Speaker 1: In fact, if you haven't read it, read it first

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Speaker 1: and then read this one, because this helps you really

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Speaker 1: pinpoint how to effectively communicate love to the other person.

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Speaker 2: So you also have an assessment, and I had the

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Speaker 2: privilege of getting to take that assessment, and so my

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Speaker 2: love language is now our words of affirmation was my

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Speaker 2: highest and then acts of service was a close second.

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Speaker 2: But I mentioned this to you before we hit record.

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Speaker 2: My love language twenty years ago when I first got

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Speaker 2: married was quality time. But that was before children and

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Speaker 2: lots of different life transitions. And so do you find

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Speaker 2: that it is normal for your love language to change?

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Speaker 2: Perhaps that's something that maybe we should all be aware of.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I think there is a sense in which for

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Speaker 1: some people it tends to stay with us throughout a lifetime.

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Speaker 1: But I do think there are seasons of life in

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Speaker 1: which another love language may jump to the top. For example,

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Speaker 1: a mother who has two preschool children, acts of service

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Speaker 1: may not be her language, but during those years it's

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Speaker 1: going to jump to the top. Yes, and so yes,

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Speaker 1: I think there are seasons of life, and I think

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Speaker 1: there are circumstances. For example, maybe your spouse hangs up

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Speaker 1: the phone and starts crying and you say, honey, what's wrong,

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Speaker 1: And they say, I just received mother a word that

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Speaker 1: my mother died, and they just they're weeping. Physical touch

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Speaker 1: may not be their language, but in that circumstance you

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Speaker 1: embrace them, probably the most powerful thing you could do

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Speaker 1: at that moment. So yes, I think there's seasons and

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Speaker 1: their circumstances when which a primary love language may change.

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Speaker 2: Talk to us about our love tank. Can you explain

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Speaker 2: this concept, because it's really difficult to give love when

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Speaker 2: you feel empty or void of love.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Well, I use the gasoline tank of a car

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Speaker 1: as a metaphor. If it's full, you can drive a

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Speaker 1: long ways. If it's near empty, you better be stopping

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Speaker 1: at this station. And so it's an easy concept that

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Speaker 1: we have a love tank. And if your love tank

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Speaker 1: is full, that is you genuinely feel loved by your spouse,

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Speaker 1: life is beautiful. If the love tank is empty and

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Speaker 1: you feel like they don't love me, life can begin

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Speaker 1: to look pretty dark. And much of the misbehavior in

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Speaker 1: a marriage grows out of an empty love tank. We

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Speaker 1: don't feel loved and therefore either or criticizing the other

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Speaker 1: person and making it even worse. Or even worse than that,

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Speaker 1: we get attracted to somebody else who's treating us very kindly.

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Speaker 1: And that's why I suggest a couples. Every two or

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Speaker 1: three weeks, you just say to your spouse, honey, on

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Speaker 1: the scale of zeroter ten, how full is your love

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Speaker 1: tank this week? And if they say anything less than ten,

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Speaker 1: you say, okay, what could I do this week? It

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Speaker 1: would be most meaningful in espressally my love to you,

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Speaker 1: and what they say may not be their primary love

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Speaker 1: language that particular week. There may be a circumstance that

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Speaker 1: they're going through that something else would be more important.

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Speaker 1: But this is just a way of checking in making

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Speaker 1: sure we keep the love tank full.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, talk to us about the role that God has

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Speaker 2: in this scenario, because God is love and love is

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Speaker 2: one of the fruit the spirit, and so talk to

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Speaker 2: us about the spiritual side of this whole process.

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Speaker 1: Well, I think it's extremely important. As a matter of fact,

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Speaker 1: in my own life. You know, my wife and I

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Speaker 1: struggled greatly in the early years of our marriage, and

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Speaker 1: I finally said to God, I don't know what else

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Speaker 1: to do. You know, that's pretty desperate. We were both

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Speaker 1: Christians and we were in love before we got married.

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Speaker 1: But I came down pretty soon after the marriage from

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Speaker 1: that in love experience and when I I said to God,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what else to do. So there came

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Speaker 1: to my mind a visual image of Jesus on his

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Speaker 1: knees washing the feet of his disciples, and I just

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Speaker 1: heard God say, that's the problem in your marriage. You

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Speaker 1: do not have the attitude of Christ towards your wife.

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Speaker 1: It hit me like a ton of bricks because I

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Speaker 1: remember what Jesus said when he stood up after he

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Speaker 1: washed their feet. And remember this was just a few

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Speaker 1: days before you were crucified, and he said, you call

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Speaker 1: me teacher and lord, and you are right. But in

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Speaker 1: my kingdom, the leader serves. Now, I want you to

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Speaker 1: serve others the way I've served you. I want you

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Speaker 1: to love others the way I've loved you. And I

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Speaker 1: wept and just said, God forgive me because I was

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Speaker 1: in seminary two weeks after we got married, I was

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Speaker 1: enrolled in seminary standing to be a pastor. And I

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Speaker 1: was miserable in my marriage, and so I said, please

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Speaker 1: give me the attitude of Christ. In retrospect, it's the

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Speaker 1: greatest prayer I ever prayed about my marriage, because God

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Speaker 1: gave me a heart to serve her, to love her.

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Speaker 1: I didn't know anything about lovelngth in those days, but

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Speaker 1: what I started doing was asking her questions, and three questions.

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Speaker 1: Three questions stand out. The first question was, honey, what

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Speaker 1: can I do to help you? Second question, what can

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Speaker 1: I do to make your life easier? And the third question,

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Speaker 1: what can I do to be a better husband? And

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Speaker 1: I was willing to ask those questions. She was willing

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Speaker 1: to give me answers, and I started doing those things.

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Speaker 1: And it didn't turn around overnight, but I would say

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Speaker 1: within three months she started asking me those three questions.

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Speaker 1: What can I do to help you? How can I

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Speaker 1: make your life easier? How can I be a better wife.

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Speaker 1: We've been walking this road a long time now, and

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Speaker 1: I have an incredible wife. I've said to her many times,

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Speaker 1: you know, honey, if every woman in the world was

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Speaker 1: like you, there'd never be a divorce. And my goal

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Speaker 1: in life has been to so serve her. You know,

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Speaker 1: when I'm gone, she will never find another man to

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Speaker 1: treat her the way I've treated her. She's gonna miss me.

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Speaker 2: Do you all ever do? Do you all ever do

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Speaker 2: interviews together? I'd love to hear her side of the

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Speaker 2: whole story too.

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Speaker 1: We know we typically don't we one here and there

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Speaker 1: Right now, she's going through some physical problems and doesn't

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Speaker 1: have a whole lot of energy because we're getting on

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Speaker 1: up in age. But we've been married now sixty four years,

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Speaker 1: so you know, so she's gone through some things. But

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Speaker 1: one of the things she says is, you know, honey,

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Speaker 1: we have to remember we are where we are. Okay,

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Speaker 1: whatever's happening in your life, we are where we are.

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Speaker 1: So let's ask God to guide us through this stage

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Speaker 1: of life as well.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, well, what a beautiful testimony, and what a beautiful

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Speaker 2: challenge for all of us who are married, have been

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Speaker 2: married for twenty years now, and you're right, every season

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Speaker 2: and circumstance changes. But that selfless, sacrificial attitude that a

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Speaker 2: goafe love that God gives us is just so important.

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Speaker 2: And then when you do ask those questions, it's important

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Speaker 2: to actually listen to what they're saying and to be

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Speaker 2: empathetic and to put their needs in front of your own.

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Speaker 2: And that's it difficult because so often we're just sinful,

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Speaker 2: fallen human beings that are are selfish, honestly, and so

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Speaker 2: really laying down our cross daily to serve the Lord

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Speaker 2: and to serve our spouse and again going back to

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Speaker 2: listening and being fully present and seeing the person in

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Speaker 2: front of us. So talk to us about that, especially

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Speaker 2: when things are so busy and relationships are strained. How

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Speaker 2: can we approach our spouse or a loved one with

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Speaker 2: more curiosity to help meet their needs?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, well, we all are by nature self centered, and

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Speaker 1: there is a positive part to that because it means

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Speaker 1: that we take care of ourselves. We eat, we sleep,

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Speaker 1: we get exercised, we try to take care of ourselves.

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Speaker 1: But when it leads us to selfishness, which means we're

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Speaker 1: approaching all of life in terms of what can I

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Speaker 1: get out of this, and we approach marriage that way.

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Speaker 1: You know, I'm in this marriage for you to make

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Speaker 1: me happy. And this is a common culture we live in.

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Speaker 1: This is why you hear many people at the end

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Speaker 1: of the when they come to the place of divorce,

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Speaker 1: they're saying or thinking, I'm out of here because you're

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Speaker 1: not making me happy. It's selfishness. Love is not about me.

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Speaker 1: Love is about you. And that's why this book, you know,

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Speaker 1: the title is the love language that matters most is

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Speaker 1: the love language of the person in front of you,

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Speaker 1: your spouse, your partner, your friend. And so what we're

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Speaker 1: saying is it's this attitude of love. It's the attitude

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Speaker 1: of love. And this is where it starts. For the

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Speaker 1: Christian doesn't start with a feeling. You know, the in

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Speaker 1: love experience starts with a feeling. And that's fine. I'm

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Speaker 1: not anti falling in love. I'm just saying that's not

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Speaker 1: the foundation for marriage. The biblical concept is that love

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Speaker 1: is an attitude. Remember in the Philippians too, it says,

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Speaker 1: let this attitude be in you, which was also in

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Speaker 1: Christ Jesus, who though he was a god, he didn't

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Speaker 1: demand his rights as God, but he emptied himself and

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Speaker 1: became a man, and once he got on a level ground,

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Speaker 1: on a step down, even further to death on across,

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Speaker 1: let this attitude be at you. So, for the Christian,

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Speaker 1: the attitude, the love starts with an attitude and then

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Speaker 1: we find ways to express it. And that's what this

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Speaker 1: book will help you do. Also, even if you know

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Speaker 1: the primary love language of your spouse, you learn the

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Speaker 1: dialect of that spouse that's going to speak even more

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Speaker 1: deeply to that person. So I'm really excited about this

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Speaker 1: book and what it's going to do to help help

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Speaker 1: people build upon the foundation of the five love languages.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Well, we're going to take another brief break to

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Speaker 2: hear a word from today's sponsor, and when we come back,

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk about how relationships are built on

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Speaker 2: progress and not perfection. Welcome back. I'm talking with doctor

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Speaker 2: Geary Chapman about the love languages that matter most, And

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Speaker 2: in your new book, it emphasizes that relationships are built

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Speaker 2: on progress, not perfection, on grace and not guilt. And

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Speaker 2: so we're not going to do this perfectly, but God's

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Speaker 2: mercies new every morning, and so it's more about maybe efforts.

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Speaker 1: If we're feeling like.

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Speaker 2: We're falling really short in this area, how would you

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Speaker 2: encourage listeners to keep trying?

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Speaker 1: Well, none of us are ever going to be perfect

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Speaker 1: because we're sinful creatures and we have a sinful nature.

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Speaker 1: But the concept is we're either growing or we are regressing.

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Speaker 1: We're not standing still. Our marriage is getting worse or

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Speaker 1: it's getting better. It's not simply standing static. No, no, no.

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Speaker 1: And what we're saying in the book is let's get

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Speaker 1: on the growing side. Let's make progress. Don't think about perfection,

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Speaker 1: think about progress. Is your marriage growing or is it

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Speaker 1: getting worse? And if you feel like you're a failure,

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Speaker 1: then ask God where am I failing? And He will

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Speaker 1: bring it to your mind. And then you confess those

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Speaker 1: things to God. And then you go to your spouse

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Speaker 1: and say, I've been thinking about us, and in fact

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Speaker 1: I asked God to show me where I have been

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Speaker 1: failing in our marriage, and he gave me some things

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Speaker 1: that I wrote down, and I've asked God to forgive me,

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Speaker 1: and if you would allow me, I'd like to share

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Speaker 1: these with you and ask if you could forgive me

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Speaker 1: for these things. Whoah, I bet your spouse would listen.

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Speaker 1: And now you apologize for those things, and then you say,

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Speaker 1: you know, really, and now I'm asking God to show

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Speaker 1: me how to love you in a more perfect and

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Speaker 1: better way. And you know this concept of the love

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Speaker 1: language is I think it's going to help me because

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Speaker 1: and I'd like for you to either read the book

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Speaker 1: or take the quiz or whatever. You know, if you

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Speaker 1: haven't done it already, and I want to learn to

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Speaker 1: love you, I would have learned to really love you.

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Speaker 1: You've just had a tremendous positive influence on your spouse

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Speaker 1: when you do that. And I can't guarantee they just

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Speaker 1: automatically turn around. No, No, it may take some time

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Speaker 1: when you learn their language and you're speaking it over

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Speaker 1: a period of time, but there's a good chance that

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Speaker 1: somewhere on the line, they're going to begin to reciprocate

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Speaker 1: and say, hey, I need I need to be doing

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Speaker 1: a better job over here. When you get it going

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Speaker 1: that way and both of you have an attitude of

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Speaker 1: Christ and serving each other, you're going to have a

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Speaker 1: good marriage.

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Speaker 2: You've mentioned dialect and personality several times. What would be

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Speaker 2: some of the personality types that would change the love languages.

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Speaker 1: Well, one would be a person that's very cautious about things,

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Speaker 1: you know everything. They're very very thoroughly cautious to the

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Speaker 1: others is very curious and they just kind of jump

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Speaker 1: into things and find out what it's like. Some people

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Speaker 1: are care free, just real flip it, and the others

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Speaker 1: are very very dependable and organized and so forth. But

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Speaker 1: I just give you an example on the introversion extroversion.

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Speaker 1: Let's say your spouse's language is words of affirmation. Well,

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Speaker 1: if there, if they are an introvert, and you get

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Speaker 1: this feeling, I'm going to really surprise them. I'm going

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Speaker 1: to give them a birthday party, and I'm going to

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Speaker 1: end the part of that birthday party, I'm going to

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Speaker 1: tell them how wonderful they are are, and tell all

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Speaker 1: the people how wonderful they are. So you're going to

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Speaker 1: surprise them. Instead of taking them out to dinner, You're

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Speaker 1: going to stop, buy a house that has thirty people

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Speaker 1: in it, their friends, and they're gonna be okay. They

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Speaker 1: know they in their mind, they know you're doing something nice,

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Speaker 1: but in their heart they're thinking, oh, honey, why couldn't

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Speaker 1: we just have gone out to dinner together just the

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Speaker 1: two of us. I like you to talk about me

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Speaker 1: in front of other people. But if they're an extrovert,

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Speaker 1: they love that. They'd love that, you know. So knowing

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Speaker 1: their personality is going to help you decide, you know how,

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Speaker 1: when where to express their love language. So personality has

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Speaker 1: a really a tremendous impact. Are Here's a husband who's

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Speaker 1: just who's really free flowing, and he knows his wife's

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Speaker 1: language is quality time. So Friday night he says to her, honey,

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Speaker 1: how about tomorrow we leave early and go take a

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Speaker 1: hike up up at Pilot Mountain and just spend the

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Speaker 1: morning together. He said, Honey, I've got Saturday already planned.

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Speaker 1: Why you can push that off the next Saturday? Come on,

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Speaker 1: come on? And she doesn't want to do that, even

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Speaker 1: though that's her language. See, she is the case, the

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Speaker 1: kind of person planning ahead. That's why a date night

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Speaker 1: for her would be wonderful. Because now she knows every

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Speaker 1: Thursday night we're going to go out. Every Friday night,

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Speaker 1: we're going to go out, and she's she's planned, and

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Speaker 1: they send the plan. But but you know, he's real

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Speaker 1: free flowing, and so he just now he feels rejected

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Speaker 1: because she doesn't want to go with him, and then

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Speaker 1: she feels like he's just steamrolling her, you know, depressing

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Speaker 1: her to do something that she didn't feel comfortable to her. So,

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Speaker 1: first of allity is important in terms of and that's

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Speaker 1: and that's one of the things that this book and

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Speaker 1: the premium quias that you mentioned, is also going to

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Speaker 1: help couples really identify these things with whatever their personality

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Speaker 1: is and whatever their their dialects are.

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Speaker 2: And that example that you give, it really is difficult

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Speaker 2: if you have in a married relationship both of those

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Speaker 2: kind of persons. Who's wins out. Okay, on this Saturday,

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Speaker 2: I want to do this, and on this Saturday the

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Speaker 2: husband wants to do this, and that you're both trying

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Speaker 2: to lay down your cross and be sacrificial, And so

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Speaker 2: how do you work out the conflict in that I

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Speaker 2: need the counselor advice here?

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Speaker 1: Well, almost always there's going to be conflicts personality differences

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Speaker 1: almost always, and I think what we have to recognize

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Speaker 1: them and verbalize them. And if you understand your your

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Speaker 1: spouse's personality, then we're going to have to adapt to

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Speaker 1: each other and not force them to do something we

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Speaker 1: would we would do you know the way we would

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Speaker 1: do it. It's simply recognizing our humanity that we are different

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Speaker 1: and this is one of the differences. And so we're

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Speaker 1: going to work together. You say, honey, I know that

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Speaker 1: you are always planned, and I just had a thought

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Speaker 1: that maybe we could take a hike in the morning,

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Speaker 1: But I know that may not work for you because

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Speaker 1: you may have everything planned and all. And I understand.

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Speaker 1: So it's being understanding rather than him feeling hurt and rejected,

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Speaker 1: he's expressing understanding about her personality and he's acknowledging I

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Speaker 1: know this may it just came to me. I just

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Speaker 1: thought it would be super, but it may not work,

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Speaker 1: and I understand that. I think if we have an

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Speaker 1: attitude of love, we're going to find answers to how

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Speaker 1: we can affirm their personality, not try to force them

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Speaker 1: to do something that they don't feel comfortable doing. So, yeah,

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Speaker 1: but it takes effort or.

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Speaker 2: Not try to change them to be more like you.

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Speaker 1: That's the temptation.

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Speaker 2: I feel like in a lot of relationships too, want

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Speaker 2: to change them just to be exactly like you and

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Speaker 2: your personality and speaking of language, right.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely, and that's not going to happen. You're not going

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Speaker 1: to change their personality. So it's coming to recognize God

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Speaker 1: has made us different. In fact, He's made every single

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00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,080
Speaker 1: person different. Seldom does a couple marry that have the

434
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:51,439
Speaker 1: same personality. And learning to adjust to those differences, you know,

435
00:22:51,560 --> 00:22:54,439
Speaker 1: and learning how to work with all of that is

436
00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,399
Speaker 1: so important. It's such an important thing. But we have

437
00:22:57,480 --> 00:23:00,000
Speaker 1: to have the attitude. The attitude is going to say

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00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:01,600
Speaker 1: change everything. Yeah.

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00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, Love is a choice and it's an action and

440
00:23:04,480 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 2: not always a feeling. And you're right, God has created

441
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,160
Speaker 2: us all intentionally. And what a boring world it would

442
00:23:10,200 --> 00:23:12,600
Speaker 2: be if we all had the exact same love language

443
00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:15,760
Speaker 2: and exact same personality and all of those things. So

444
00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:19,120
Speaker 2: I love this resource and everything that you've shared, and

445
00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,080
Speaker 2: we've talked to the whole episode about love, and so

446
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,120
Speaker 2: I'm wondering if there's the question I always ask, is

447
00:23:25,119 --> 00:23:27,160
Speaker 2: is there a biblical concept of love that you think

448
00:23:27,200 --> 00:23:29,600
Speaker 2: applies to this topic, and so I know we've already

449
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,560
Speaker 2: chatted a lot about it, but I'm wondering if there's

450
00:23:31,560 --> 00:23:33,480
Speaker 2: anything else that can come to mind.

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00:23:33,960 --> 00:23:36,440
Speaker 1: Well, I think there's nothing more important. You quoted the

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00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,680
Speaker 1: verse earlier in the program. Love God with your whole heart,

453
00:23:39,720 --> 00:23:42,600
Speaker 1: stole mind that strength, and love your neighbors, yourself. That's

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00:23:42,640 --> 00:23:46,600
Speaker 1: the Christian lifestyle. Whether it's marriage or any relationship. If

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00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:49,520
Speaker 1: we have the attitude of Christ, it means that we

456
00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:53,960
Speaker 1: live with the attitude Father today. I want to enrich

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00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:58,760
Speaker 1: the lives of everybody I encounter. So give me wisdom

458
00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:01,440
Speaker 1: and show me how to enrich the lives of the

459
00:24:01,520 --> 00:24:05,400
Speaker 1: people that I encountered today at work or anywhere else.

460
00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:09,400
Speaker 1: And we certainly have that attitude in the families. Yeah,

461
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,960
Speaker 1: I think that's the lifestyle Christian. Yeah.

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00:24:14,000 --> 00:24:17,879
Speaker 2: Absolutely, Well, tell us something you are loving right now.

463
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:20,600
Speaker 2: There's no rules to this question. That can be spiritual

464
00:24:20,720 --> 00:24:22,560
Speaker 2: or not. Anything that comes to mind.

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00:24:23,000 --> 00:24:25,800
Speaker 1: Well, I'm not loving things. I learned a long time

466
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:29,000
Speaker 1: ago what the Bible says is true. Life's meaning is

467
00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:33,880
Speaker 1: not found in things. It's found in relationships. So I'm

468
00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:36,960
Speaker 1: loving my wife, as I mentioned earlier, whom I've had

469
00:24:37,000 --> 00:24:41,240
Speaker 1: for sixty four years, and now that she's gone through

470
00:24:41,240 --> 00:24:44,840
Speaker 1: some physical problems, I'm loving her even more and thanking

471
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:47,840
Speaker 1: God for all that she is still able to do it.

472
00:24:47,880 --> 00:24:51,679
Speaker 1: Still does, she still cooks, still cooks every night but

473
00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:55,520
Speaker 1: our date night, even though she's offered in pains. So yeah,

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00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:58,280
Speaker 1: I have to say on the human level, she'd be

475
00:24:58,320 --> 00:25:01,040
Speaker 1: the first human that I would say I'm loving right now.

476
00:25:01,359 --> 00:25:03,960
Speaker 1: I love my children and my grandchildren as well, but

477
00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:08,240
Speaker 1: the marital relationship is the most intimate relationship I think

478
00:25:08,280 --> 00:25:09,320
Speaker 1: that any of us will ever.

479
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 2: Well, I love that answer, and I know I want

480
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:14,720
Speaker 2: to stay connected with you. I'm sure listeners are going

481
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:15,840
Speaker 2: to want to you going to want to take the

482
00:25:15,880 --> 00:25:18,720
Speaker 2: assessment by both books if they have not read the first,

483
00:25:18,840 --> 00:25:20,600
Speaker 2: and so tell us how we can can best stay

484
00:25:20,600 --> 00:25:21,359
Speaker 2: in contact with you.

485
00:25:22,160 --> 00:25:25,879
Speaker 1: Well, they can go to the website five Love Languages

486
00:25:26,240 --> 00:25:28,879
Speaker 1: dot com and they can see all my books. For

487
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:30,920
Speaker 1: that matter, they can order the books there. They can

488
00:25:31,000 --> 00:25:35,639
Speaker 1: order them on Amazon. But yeah, but the website is

489
00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:37,880
Speaker 1: where you could take the premium quis that you mentioned.

490
00:25:38,840 --> 00:25:40,959
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I would recommend doing that. It was it

491
00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,480
Speaker 2: was insightful me for me to do it again. I'd

492
00:25:43,520 --> 00:25:46,800
Speaker 2: already taken the original quiz I guess years ago, but

493
00:25:46,840 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: this was new and had the new personality elements and

494
00:25:50,520 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 2: it and gave a really beautiful report at the end

495
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,159
Speaker 2: and had some really nice videos with you and doctor

496
00:25:56,240 --> 00:25:59,080
Speaker 2: les and Leslie. So it was just really well done

497
00:25:59,119 --> 00:26:01,560
Speaker 2: and insightful. I would encourage everyone to do that. I

498
00:26:01,600 --> 00:26:04,680
Speaker 2: will include the link for that in the show notes.

499
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,840
Speaker 2: But Doctor Chapman, would you just do us the honor

500
00:26:06,880 --> 00:26:08,320
Speaker 2: of praying for us as we close?

501
00:26:08,720 --> 00:26:11,439
Speaker 1: Surely, Father, you know what we're talking about today, You

502
00:26:11,520 --> 00:26:15,000
Speaker 1: know the people who are listening, and I pray that

503
00:26:15,080 --> 00:26:18,680
Speaker 1: your spirit will touch the spirit of all those who

504
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:22,399
Speaker 1: are listening, and whatever you want to do through what

505
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:26,040
Speaker 1: we've talked about, you'll put on their hearts a next

506
00:26:26,040 --> 00:26:29,400
Speaker 1: step to having the kind of marriage that you want

507
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:33,959
Speaker 1: us all to have, loving, supportive and caring relationship. I

508
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:37,480
Speaker 1: know that's your desire, so help all of us take

509
00:26:37,520 --> 00:26:41,760
Speaker 1: a step in the right direction. In the name of Christ. Amen.

510
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:47,399
Speaker 2: Amen, Thank you, doctor Chapman. I appreciate you joining us today,

511
00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:50,040
Speaker 2: your perfect guest, for the love offering it. It ties

512
00:26:50,080 --> 00:26:53,200
Speaker 2: in perfectly to the vision and mission of this podcast.

513
00:26:53,240 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 2: And just appreciate your wisdom and in your life's work,

514
00:26:56,080 --> 00:26:58,479
Speaker 2: and you're not just your professional life work, but your

515
00:26:58,520 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 2: personal life work.

516
00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:03,400
Speaker 1: Always a delight to be with you.

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00:27:04,800 --> 00:27:07,680
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to The Love Offering Podcast.

518
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,760
Speaker 2: I hope today's conversation encouraged you to love God, love others,

519
00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:14,199
Speaker 2: and even love yourself with greater grace and intention. If

520
00:27:14,240 --> 00:27:16,200
Speaker 2: you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend

521
00:27:16,240 --> 00:27:18,280
Speaker 2: and leave review. It helps others find the show and

522
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,800
Speaker 2: spreads the message of love even further. To connect with me,

523
00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,400
Speaker 2: visit me on my website at Rachelcadams dot com, where

524
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,080
Speaker 2: you can download the Love Offering Calendar, a free resource

525
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,840
Speaker 2: filled with simple daily ways to love those around you.

526
00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:31,760
Speaker 2: Be sure to pick up a copy of my book

527
00:27:31,760 --> 00:27:34,639
Speaker 2: Every Day Prayers for Love, as well as doctor Gary

528
00:27:34,680 --> 00:27:38,480
Speaker 2: Chapman's new book, The Love Language That Matters Most. A

529
00:27:38,520 --> 00:27:41,480
Speaker 2: special thank you to Life Audio for supporting this podcast

530
00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 2: and making it possible to find more great podcast visit

531
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,600
Speaker 2: lifeaudio dot com. Thanks again for joining us today. Until

532
00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 2: next time, let's make our lives an offering of love