1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:06,560 Speaker 1: Life audio Scotty, Your mom and I were talking just 2 00:00:06,600 --> 00:00:09,760 Speaker 1: this week that I had never seen somebody have such 3 00:00:09,800 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: a big heart change and their life changes I have 4 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:21,160 Speaker 1: with you over the past lestly three months. What happened, man, Dad? 5 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 1: Hearing you say that means so much to me, right 6 00:00:24,520 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: and so, but ultimately I can't take any credit for 7 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,600 Speaker 1: it is all the Lord working in my heart right 8 00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:33,920 Speaker 1: and honestly showing me that his will and his path 9 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:36,159 Speaker 1: for me is great to get any choice that I 10 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:39,240 Speaker 1: could have ever made, and so for me, like I remember, 11 00:00:39,320 --> 00:00:41,159 Speaker 1: just you know, growing up, my biggest struggle in my 12 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,879 Speaker 1: life has been pornography. Right, It's been sexual sin. And 13 00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,400 Speaker 1: one of the reason when you asked me to come 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,320 Speaker 1: on here, I wanted to do it because I believe 15 00:00:48,360 --> 00:00:52,199 Speaker 1: it is so prevalent for young men in our generation. Right. 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:54,560 Speaker 1: And so going back, you know, I remember the first 17 00:00:54,560 --> 00:00:56,639 Speaker 1: time in this cel phonography, I think I was eight 18 00:00:56,680 --> 00:00:59,960 Speaker 1: or nine years old, right, close family friend showed me 19 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:03,280 Speaker 1: and stuff, and from there it just it just set 20 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:07,840 Speaker 1: me on a path towards honestly destruction. Right. So I remember, yeah, 21 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:10,400 Speaker 1: growing up, you know, being addicted to porn and now 22 00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:13,279 Speaker 1: saying that, right, I didn't. I wasn't, you know, watching 23 00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,240 Speaker 1: it all the time at ten years old. Right. It 24 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:17,640 Speaker 1: didn't really kick start until I got into high school. 25 00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:20,640 Speaker 1: But throughout high school I was addicted to photography, right, 26 00:01:20,680 --> 00:01:25,319 Speaker 1: addicted and masturbation and doing it, you know, all the time, honestly, right, 27 00:01:25,440 --> 00:01:28,520 Speaker 1: just it just became a part of my daily routine. Right, 28 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:32,680 Speaker 1: And so I remember, I just remember just just growing 29 00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:37,039 Speaker 1: up and feeling stuck, right, feeling like I couldn't tell anybody, 30 00:01:37,160 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 1: And that ultimately was the pride in my heart, right, 31 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:41,960 Speaker 1: because I remember growing up when of the most loving 32 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: things that you and Mom ever did this every single day. 33 00:01:45,280 --> 00:01:47,480 Speaker 1: You guys could tell me, Scottie, I love you, and 34 00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,360 Speaker 1: you could tell me anything, right. So in the back 35 00:01:50,400 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: of my mind, I always knew that I could tell 36 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:56,720 Speaker 1: you guys, right, But the enemy was feeding me lies, saying, oh, man, 37 00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,800 Speaker 1: if you come out like you're gonna put the McDowell 38 00:02:00,840 --> 00:02:03,440 Speaker 1: name right, like, your parents aren't gonna love you, right, 39 00:02:03,480 --> 00:02:05,560 Speaker 1: your friends aren't gonna love you, right. And so I 40 00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 1: started to put that towards myself, being like, you know what, 41 00:02:07,840 --> 00:02:11,079 Speaker 1: I'm okay, I can handle this, I can deal with it. Right. 42 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,280 Speaker 1: It's not affecting me, right, and if it is affecting me, 43 00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:19,080 Speaker 1: definitely not affecting anybody else, right. And so it just 44 00:02:19,120 --> 00:02:22,200 Speaker 1: became just a part of my just doing your tine right. 45 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:25,120 Speaker 1: And I didn't honestly, like see anything wrong with it, right. 46 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:26,920 Speaker 1: I didn't see the way that it was affecting me, 47 00:02:27,240 --> 00:02:29,640 Speaker 1: the way it was affecting my relationships, and I was 48 00:02:29,680 --> 00:02:32,440 Speaker 1: headed towards destruction. Okay, so you say you didn't see 49 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:35,320 Speaker 1: anything wrong with it, you knew in your mind it 50 00:02:35,440 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 1: was wrong. But what were some of the lies looking 51 00:02:38,400 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 1: back that you think you told yourself to be able 52 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:44,600 Speaker 1: to live for so long with that? Oh my gosh. 53 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:46,440 Speaker 1: So like some of the lies that I would tell 54 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,560 Speaker 1: myself was, you know, I could quit when I want to, right, 55 00:02:49,639 --> 00:02:52,200 Speaker 1: I'd be like, you know what, like when I get married, 56 00:02:52,560 --> 00:02:55,000 Speaker 1: I'll stop, right, or when I get you know serious, right, 57 00:02:55,160 --> 00:02:57,480 Speaker 1: I'll stop. That was one of the biggest lies that 58 00:02:57,520 --> 00:03:00,520 Speaker 1: I believed. Also, I believed that it wasn't really affecting me, right, 59 00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 1: I'm like, ah, like, you know, I'm not looking at 60 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 1: it every day, you know, I can just whatever, you know. 61 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:07,600 Speaker 1: I was just like, it's not that big of a deal, 62 00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:09,360 Speaker 1: you know, Like it's like once a week, you know, 63 00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,040 Speaker 1: it's not that big of a deal. And but the 64 00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: biggest thing was I think was, oh, I can stop 65 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:15,760 Speaker 1: whenever I really want to. It's not really affecting the 66 00:03:15,760 --> 00:03:18,160 Speaker 1: way that I'm looking at people, right. But then when 67 00:03:18,200 --> 00:03:20,880 Speaker 1: I started to see the way that it was affecting people, 68 00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:24,120 Speaker 1: you know, it quickly was Okay, it's not really affecting 69 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:26,520 Speaker 1: anybody else, right, it's just me. It's a burden that 70 00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 1: I can carry, right, I'm still in control of it 71 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:31,280 Speaker 1: at the end of the day. And so that's what 72 00:03:31,320 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 1: I would say, that two beetles lives, so it doesn't 73 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 1: affect me. I'll quit later. If it is affecting me, 74 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:39,720 Speaker 1: it's not hurting somebody else. So it sounds like it's 75 00:03:39,760 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: just a series of things you were telling yourself to 76 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,080 Speaker 1: justify it. Did you have kind of the back of 77 00:03:45,120 --> 00:03:48,320 Speaker 1: your mind? Was there a constant just guilt or feeling 78 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,600 Speaker 1: of shame that you just tried to cover up, or like, 79 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 1: how how prevalent was that? Oh, like a one hundred percent? Right? Obviously, 80 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:58,800 Speaker 1: So I went to a person school, right, and we 81 00:03:58,840 --> 00:04:00,839 Speaker 1: didn't ever really talk about it, but there were certain times, 82 00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:02,840 Speaker 1: you know of Bible classes that get brought up, you know. 83 00:04:03,080 --> 00:04:06,000 Speaker 1: But I remember the biggest thing. I remember sitting Papa 84 00:04:06,040 --> 00:04:08,800 Speaker 1: giving a cern about pouring in. I remember sitting there 85 00:04:08,840 --> 00:04:10,320 Speaker 1: and being like, wow, little do the see you know 86 00:04:10,440 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 1: that it is on brands addicted to the porn, right, 87 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,800 Speaker 1: And so I mean it's also you just you have 88 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:17,359 Speaker 1: the conversations with my friends, you know, we're just it 89 00:04:17,440 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 1: is just normalized for our generation. Right. And when I'm 90 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: talking about pornography, So for me in high school, right, 91 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,960 Speaker 1: I would go to those certain sites to watch that stuff, right, 92 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: and after right, that wasn't really what I was going for. Right. 93 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,400 Speaker 1: It would be on Instagram, it'd be on TikTok, it'd 94 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:33,799 Speaker 1: be on Reddit, it'd be on those social media platforms, 95 00:04:33,880 --> 00:04:38,120 Speaker 1: right that certain people wouldn't classically label as pornography, but 96 00:04:38,279 --> 00:04:41,120 Speaker 1: it was right or I'd be looking too long at 97 00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,719 Speaker 1: somebody's whatever on their social media, right, And so I 98 00:04:44,720 --> 00:04:47,880 Speaker 1: think pornography people just put that term into Oh, that's 99 00:04:48,279 --> 00:04:50,640 Speaker 1: that's you know, those certain hard websites. It's like, no, 100 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:53,160 Speaker 1: that's that's not pornography. Could even be the stuff that 101 00:04:53,200 --> 00:04:56,320 Speaker 1: you're listening to the music that you're listening to, certain 102 00:04:56,360 --> 00:04:58,520 Speaker 1: things that you're just you're you're watching, whether it's movies, 103 00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 1: TV shows, social media me right. And one of the 104 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: things that I've learned, right, is that just because you're 105 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 1: not watching porn, right, doesn't mean you're walking in period. Right. 106 00:05:08,760 --> 00:05:11,320 Speaker 1: And So the first time I remember I came to you, 107 00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,400 Speaker 1: I it was after high school. I was out of 108 00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,719 Speaker 1: prep school, right, and some things happened in my life, 109 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,960 Speaker 1: and I remember thinking, you know, like I saw the 110 00:05:19,000 --> 00:05:20,400 Speaker 1: way that my life was headed, and I was like, 111 00:05:20,560 --> 00:05:23,120 Speaker 1: I don't want that. I remember my coach sat is down. 112 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,479 Speaker 1: He told his story right about how he had a 113 00:05:26,480 --> 00:05:28,680 Speaker 1: wife and he had kids, and that he had to 114 00:05:28,680 --> 00:05:30,480 Speaker 1: come out because he was still due to the porn, right, 115 00:05:30,520 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: he had to tell his daughter. I remember sitting there 116 00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,839 Speaker 1: being like, that can't be me, that cannot be me. Yeah. 117 00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:39,200 Speaker 1: So I'm you know, I'm eighteen years old still and 118 00:05:39,400 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: just figuring some things out. And I actually remember being 119 00:05:41,680 --> 00:05:44,200 Speaker 1: at practice and the Lord put it so heavy on me. 120 00:05:44,520 --> 00:05:47,040 Speaker 1: I actually remember We're in a drill, I'm sure driveling. 121 00:05:47,360 --> 00:05:48,919 Speaker 1: I remember it was so heavy on my heart. I 122 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: just went, you know what, Nope, I threw the ball 123 00:05:51,120 --> 00:05:53,920 Speaker 1: to our coach, ran out the gym, grabbed my phone 124 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 1: and ran down them with this big hill that they had, 125 00:05:56,200 --> 00:05:58,080 Speaker 1: and I remember face timing my own. I don't know 126 00:05:58,080 --> 00:06:00,280 Speaker 1: if you remember that FaceTime remember it well, Yeah, I 127 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:02,280 Speaker 1: remember that FaceTime call because I remember I got on 128 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,240 Speaker 1: the phone. I just immediately started crying. It was like 129 00:06:04,320 --> 00:06:06,440 Speaker 1: so heavy. I remember being like, here it is, and 130 00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,160 Speaker 1: I just remember sitting there praying. I was like, Lord, 131 00:06:08,279 --> 00:06:11,160 Speaker 1: I cannot do this without you, like I need you 132 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,279 Speaker 1: to do this. And I remember in that moment, remember 133 00:06:13,279 --> 00:06:15,560 Speaker 1: being on FaceTime with you and just telling you. I 134 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:18,200 Speaker 1: didn't even exactly remember what I said, honestly, maybe you ever. 135 00:06:18,279 --> 00:06:20,720 Speaker 1: I just remember, just like the remember exactly when I 136 00:06:20,760 --> 00:06:23,680 Speaker 1: told you. It was like I'd been running a marathon 137 00:06:23,720 --> 00:06:25,680 Speaker 1: my whole life with one hundred pounds vests, and it 138 00:06:25,760 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 1: was like Jesus just took the best off, right, and 139 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:31,720 Speaker 1: I was able to just run three right. And I 140 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:33,320 Speaker 1: remember the words you told me. You were like, Scotti, 141 00:06:33,320 --> 00:06:35,720 Speaker 1: I'm proud of you and I love you. Right in 142 00:06:35,920 --> 00:06:38,920 Speaker 1: that confidence that gave me so much confidence in the world, 143 00:06:39,040 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 1: because a it showed me that you actually practice what 144 00:06:41,440 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 1: you preach. Right. You've given sermons on porn right like 145 00:06:45,160 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: so has Papa and you guys would always say those 146 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 1: same things, right, And to see you actually live that 147 00:06:50,120 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: out and to not look at me and be like 148 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,640 Speaker 1: are you serious, like or turn it on yourself and 149 00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:57,000 Speaker 1: be like, oh man, why didn't I do anything different? 150 00:06:57,080 --> 00:07:00,600 Speaker 1: Why didn't YadA YadA YadA? Right? And and that just 151 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:03,200 Speaker 1: meant the world to me that you did that. So 152 00:07:03,279 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 1: what was I the first person that told I believe 153 00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:09,440 Speaker 1: you were? Maybe I told my coach first. I don't remember. 154 00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:11,320 Speaker 1: That was a couple of years ago, but I believe 155 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:12,880 Speaker 1: you were at least If you were not first, you 156 00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 1: were second. Okay, So let's go back there and make 157 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 1: this decision for people. There's stairs sween hardcore and what's 158 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 1: called softcore pornography. Hardcore we don't need to go into 159 00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:27,160 Speaker 1: what people can imagine what's on that level of just violence, 160 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:34,360 Speaker 1: twisted kinds of sexuality. Softcore pornography is more just nudity 161 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 1: and it's accessible. You're saying to your TikTok, I wouldn't 162 00:07:38,960 --> 00:07:41,920 Speaker 1: even say necessary. I wouldn't even say necessarily unity, right, 163 00:07:42,240 --> 00:07:44,560 Speaker 1: it can it can literally be anything that your brain 164 00:07:45,520 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 1: puts to, Like I would say, as you know, honestly, 165 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,360 Speaker 1: like as porn right, or something you're wanting to look 166 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: at right, but you know is wrong right, and you 167 00:07:52,520 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 1: feel it right, Like it can like porn to literally 168 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:56,480 Speaker 1: be a fully clubbed woman if you are looking at 169 00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,960 Speaker 1: her and you are looking at her less right, or 170 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,840 Speaker 1: it could even be the music that you're listening to. 171 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:03,600 Speaker 1: So I had a mentor I remember right after I 172 00:08:03,800 --> 00:08:07,160 Speaker 1: first came out to you. I remember I had this shift. Oh, man, like, 173 00:08:07,280 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 1: I hate this sin right, I'm never gonna look at 174 00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 1: it again. This is gross. I remember I went a 175 00:08:11,720 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 1: decent amount of time with never looking at it right. 176 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:16,040 Speaker 1: And I remember sitting with a mentor on my A. 177 00:08:16,240 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 1: I was telling him and he was like, man, like, 178 00:08:17,560 --> 00:08:19,280 Speaker 1: I'm so happy for you, you know, like it seems 179 00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:21,760 Speaker 1: like you're turning the new leath. He's like, this is great, 180 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: and he goes, I have some encouragement for you, because 181 00:08:24,120 --> 00:08:25,880 Speaker 1: he had also struggled with porny in his life. And 182 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:27,920 Speaker 1: he goes, he goes, you may never want to look 183 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 1: at hard porn again in your life. He's like, but 184 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,600 Speaker 1: I'm telling you right now. He's like, soft porn is 185 00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,120 Speaker 1: going to come, right. He's like, it's gonna be there. 186 00:08:34,280 --> 00:08:35,920 Speaker 1: He's like, and he's like, and you're gonna have to 187 00:08:35,920 --> 00:08:39,640 Speaker 1: stay true to your convictions, right, And I remember being like, ah, 188 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,640 Speaker 1: in that moment, I remember exactly. I mean, I was like, 189 00:08:41,679 --> 00:08:43,400 Speaker 1: I was like, oh, I know exactly what you're saying. Like, 190 00:08:43,480 --> 00:08:47,480 Speaker 1: I'm good, I don't need any help. Right. And part 191 00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:51,400 Speaker 1: of the thing about pornography that's so unique is and 192 00:08:51,520 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: honestly just sin in general, you can't defeat it on 193 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:57,560 Speaker 1: your own cannot defeat it on your ol. Right. So 194 00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,719 Speaker 1: when I first came out to you about pornography, right, 195 00:09:01,280 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 1: I came out to you and that's all that I 196 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,600 Speaker 1: thought that I needed to do to stop, right, I 197 00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:07,880 Speaker 1: brought into the light. That's what I thought. True confession 198 00:09:08,080 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: looks like. Okay, so the whole let me let me 199 00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,600 Speaker 1: hold this start right here. I want to come back 200 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: to where it went after you came to that first time. 201 00:09:14,960 --> 00:09:16,960 Speaker 1: But let's go back a little bit. Because your mom 202 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,480 Speaker 1: and I didn't give you a smartphone at eight or 203 00:09:19,559 --> 00:09:22,760 Speaker 1: nine years old. Yeah, you were careful about what friends 204 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,800 Speaker 1: you hung out with and who we had as babysitters, 205 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 1: but you still saw it anyway. So they don't have 206 00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 1: to name names and call people out, but it is 207 00:09:35,240 --> 00:09:38,080 Speaker 1: is that going to happen today. In your assessment, is 208 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:41,400 Speaker 1: there any way to protect your kids from seeing it? 209 00:09:42,000 --> 00:09:46,920 Speaker 1: What would you do when you have kids and they're six, seven, eight, yeah, 210 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,280 Speaker 1: ten years old? No, I actually just got asked this 211 00:09:49,400 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: question the other day, like what would you would you 212 00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: guys have done anything different? Right, Like what would I do? 213 00:09:54,679 --> 00:09:57,200 Speaker 1: And the biggest thing I think is street life, And 214 00:09:57,280 --> 00:09:58,840 Speaker 1: I think you want to do that. If your parent 215 00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:00,720 Speaker 1: has to say I'm gonna do everything in my power 216 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:04,080 Speaker 1: to have my kid not see porn, I'm just gonna 217 00:10:04,080 --> 00:10:06,480 Speaker 1: tell you right now, it's not gonna happen. Your kid 218 00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:09,400 Speaker 1: is going to see it. Right, You guys did a 219 00:10:09,440 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 1: pretty good job of I didn't have a smartphone until 220 00:10:11,960 --> 00:10:15,000 Speaker 1: eighth grade freshman year. What I don't even fully remember, right, 221 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,120 Speaker 1: all those different like you guys, you know, careful to 222 00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:18,800 Speaker 1: stuff that I watched and a lot of stuff, but 223 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:20,920 Speaker 1: I still saw it. I still found a way to 224 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:23,760 Speaker 1: watch it on other people's stuff, even on my own, right, 225 00:10:23,920 --> 00:10:26,959 Speaker 1: Like I found a way, right, and so like Sin's 226 00:10:26,960 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 1: always gonna find a way to present itself to your right. 227 00:10:29,600 --> 00:10:31,640 Speaker 1: But one of the things I think you prepared me was, 228 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:34,920 Speaker 1: is what's my reaction to be when I see it, right, 229 00:10:35,040 --> 00:10:36,800 Speaker 1: And so I remember, you know, early on I seeing 230 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,120 Speaker 1: it and it was like, oh, man, I shouldn't be 231 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,960 Speaker 1: looking at this. I know that this is wrong, right. 232 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 1: It Ultimately it took me time. My heart was not 233 00:10:44,559 --> 00:10:47,200 Speaker 1: ready to get the healing that it needed, right, and 234 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:49,200 Speaker 1: it took me time. But what eventually happened. I did 235 00:10:49,280 --> 00:10:52,000 Speaker 1: eventually come to you, right, because you told me from 236 00:10:52,040 --> 00:10:53,679 Speaker 1: day one, Stritie, you can tell me anything and I'll 237 00:10:53,679 --> 00:10:55,679 Speaker 1: still love you, right, And that's the biggest thing. So 238 00:10:55,720 --> 00:10:57,440 Speaker 1: when you ask me what am I gonna do with 239 00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,000 Speaker 1: my kids, I'm gonna do the exact same thing. Right now, 240 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,000 Speaker 1: I think it is foolish if you give your kid 241 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,600 Speaker 1: a smartphone at seven years old, right, you're only going 242 00:11:04,640 --> 00:11:06,960 Speaker 1: to add to them, add to that addiction. Right, You're 243 00:11:06,960 --> 00:11:10,199 Speaker 1: only going to add on to that. Right. But if 244 00:11:10,240 --> 00:11:12,120 Speaker 1: you're as a parent, your singer is like, man, I, 245 00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:15,600 Speaker 1: oh my gosh, porn is so much forced onto this generation. Right, 246 00:11:15,600 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 1: I'm in everything that I can. I'm gonna lock my 247 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:20,199 Speaker 1: kid in the basement. That's a detriment to them, right 248 00:11:20,240 --> 00:11:22,360 Speaker 1: because the second they get any freedom, right, they're gonna 249 00:11:22,400 --> 00:11:28,920 Speaker 1: want to just go crazy. Right, but it's also you 250 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 1: have to trust your kid to an extent, right, you 251 00:11:31,360 --> 00:11:33,959 Speaker 1: have to show them that you're there for them, right, 252 00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 1: but also just to prepare them. The biggest thing that 253 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,800 Speaker 1: you guys did was you prepared me for when I 254 00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,080 Speaker 1: would see it, right, and I had a place that 255 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:42,680 Speaker 1: I could come to, a safe place, and you guys 256 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:46,160 Speaker 1: provided that for me. Right that if you guys did it, honestly, 257 00:11:46,280 --> 00:11:48,559 Speaker 1: I probably there's a good chance I'd still be addicted 258 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,679 Speaker 1: right now. Oh, okay, that's that's that's interesting, And that's 259 00:11:52,679 --> 00:11:54,880 Speaker 1: another that's rybom Shore we go down. But how do 260 00:11:55,000 --> 00:11:59,120 Speaker 1: you how big do you think high school college age? 261 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,920 Speaker 1: You mentioned it's a big issue for young men, and 262 00:12:01,960 --> 00:12:04,760 Speaker 1: it's a growing it's an issue for many young women. 263 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:08,280 Speaker 1: Eye there's just separate conversation and make sure people don't 264 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:11,640 Speaker 1: hear that this is only a male issue, even though 265 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:17,120 Speaker 1: far higher numbers of males do than females help big 266 00:12:17,240 --> 00:12:20,920 Speaker 1: and prevalent. Do you think this is amongst your generation 267 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:24,200 Speaker 1: of chan Z? I think it is the number one 268 00:12:24,320 --> 00:12:28,680 Speaker 1: issue that's pressing against my generation. I think it's number one, right, 269 00:12:28,760 --> 00:12:31,520 Speaker 1: So obviously I go to Biola, right, and I have 270 00:12:31,600 --> 00:12:34,079 Speaker 1: a ton of friends that by all, my teammates and everything, 271 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:38,240 Speaker 1: and so many people that I talk to are to 272 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:41,520 Speaker 1: do the one right or at least have seen it right, 273 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,800 Speaker 1: And it's just a different thing, which are which are 274 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:46,760 Speaker 1: two different things, right, But I've never met somebody who's like, no, 275 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:49,960 Speaker 1: I haven't seen porn, right. And now with porn and 276 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:52,400 Speaker 1: sexual sin, right, there's a different there's a different level 277 00:12:52,440 --> 00:12:54,839 Speaker 1: of shame that comes from it. Right, there's a different 278 00:12:54,920 --> 00:12:57,160 Speaker 1: level of shame. I think that's biblical too, right, because 279 00:12:57,640 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 1: Paul and Gus we'll talk about that your sexual sinners 280 00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:02,600 Speaker 1: against the body. Right, So it's more than just you know, 281 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 1: a cinema just you know lying, right, it encompasses all 282 00:13:05,800 --> 00:13:09,319 Speaker 1: of that. And so with with pornography that they is. 283 00:13:09,360 --> 00:13:12,360 Speaker 1: So is it that's so interesting about it is that 284 00:13:12,480 --> 00:13:16,040 Speaker 1: it it allows you to just creak into the shell, 285 00:13:16,360 --> 00:13:19,240 Speaker 1: right that it just it's like it's wrapping you in 286 00:13:19,480 --> 00:13:21,920 Speaker 1: just like just discussing it wants you to sit in 287 00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:24,120 Speaker 1: your shame. Right. So, by all, there's this men's group 288 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,480 Speaker 1: that we have we call prown Legacy, right where it's 289 00:13:26,559 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 1: like Monday nights we meet as group and we did 290 00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:30,439 Speaker 1: into our small groups, right, it's a bunch of men 291 00:13:30,679 --> 00:13:32,600 Speaker 1: at be All right that are wanting to choose purity, 292 00:13:32,760 --> 00:13:34,360 Speaker 1: and we watch videos about what it looks like the 293 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:37,000 Speaker 1: conquered porn and we talk about our weeks. Right, hey, 294 00:13:37,200 --> 00:13:39,280 Speaker 1: when of the times we feel tempted? Right, we're supposed 295 00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:41,360 Speaker 1: to confess if we fell and all. And that's one 296 00:13:41,400 --> 00:13:43,320 Speaker 1: of the biggest things that I love, right, is because 297 00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:45,880 Speaker 1: there are men right that are choosing purity. Right, and 298 00:13:45,880 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 1: that group has helped you so so much in terms 299 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 1: of you know, how do I chase purity? Right? What 300 00:13:52,120 --> 00:13:54,880 Speaker 1: does that look like? Is there freedom from this? Right? 301 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:57,080 Speaker 1: Am I going to be addicted to porn from the 302 00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:59,920 Speaker 1: rest of my life? Right? Is there freedom from it? Right? 303 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,480 Speaker 1: One of the things that group has shown me is 304 00:14:01,480 --> 00:14:03,480 Speaker 1: that I'm not alone. One of the things you asked 305 00:14:03,480 --> 00:14:05,800 Speaker 1: me is my lives and like, man like, am I alone? 306 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,000 Speaker 1: You know? Am I the only one that struggles with this? Now? 307 00:14:08,040 --> 00:14:10,560 Speaker 1: I don't think I actually fully believed that, because I 308 00:14:10,600 --> 00:14:13,079 Speaker 1: saw the way that all my friends are talking, right 309 00:14:13,120 --> 00:14:14,599 Speaker 1: and the way to webun talk about this, so I 310 00:14:14,679 --> 00:14:16,320 Speaker 1: knew I wasn't alone. But I know if a lot 311 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:19,480 Speaker 1: of people people believe that they're alone, people believe that 312 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:21,960 Speaker 1: they're alone in this group, right that you oh man, 313 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,840 Speaker 1: I'm the only one that's watching porn. It's like, no, 314 00:14:24,200 --> 00:14:27,840 Speaker 1: the statistics show it is a large majority. But I 315 00:14:27,840 --> 00:14:29,480 Speaker 1: think a lot of people take that and be like, 316 00:14:29,520 --> 00:14:31,360 Speaker 1: oh man, so many people struggle with it, so it's 317 00:14:31,400 --> 00:14:34,080 Speaker 1: not that bad. It's like, no, that actually makes it 318 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: worse because so many people are struggling with it. Like 319 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,600 Speaker 1: for you when you were growing up, right, like you 320 00:14:39,600 --> 00:14:42,680 Speaker 1: had to like find a magazine right or go somewhere. 321 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:44,400 Speaker 1: Like I have to look up porn in less than 322 00:14:44,400 --> 00:14:47,080 Speaker 1: ten seconds right now if I wanted to, right. That's 323 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 1: how just it's it's so easily accessible. But it's also 324 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:54,200 Speaker 1: people are not just looking for That's what yesize is. 325 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 1: It comes looking for you and people if you misspell something, 326 00:14:59,160 --> 00:15:01,320 Speaker 1: people are trying to make money behind a lot of 327 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:04,400 Speaker 1: this and hook kids if they're looking for hookmon or 328 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,680 Speaker 1: whatever things pop up. So it's not just going out 329 00:15:06,720 --> 00:15:11,000 Speaker 1: and looking for it, it's actually looking for you. Yeah. 330 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 1: One of the things that's so interesting is you talk 331 00:15:14,080 --> 00:15:15,600 Speaker 1: to a lot like you talk to a lot of 332 00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:17,840 Speaker 1: our generation, right, not a lot of people. Like when 333 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,920 Speaker 1: people think, oh man, it's like you're just you go 334 00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:21,840 Speaker 1: up to whatever and you just go look up. It's 335 00:15:21,840 --> 00:15:24,760 Speaker 1: like that's actually some time obviously that happens. But for 336 00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:27,120 Speaker 1: me that was not the case. It was honestly, a 337 00:15:27,120 --> 00:15:29,000 Speaker 1: lot of it was the situations that I was putting 338 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:33,520 Speaker 1: myself in, right. I mean sometimes obviously yes, it was premeditated. 339 00:15:33,520 --> 00:15:35,280 Speaker 1: I was like, all right, I'm never watch porn. But 340 00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: a lot of the time it'd be like, you know, 341 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:39,280 Speaker 1: I'm just doing my thing and I'm scrolling on Instagram 342 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,880 Speaker 1: and I see something and then like click on it, 343 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:44,080 Speaker 1: and then I keep going, right, I keep going and 344 00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:46,400 Speaker 1: then it's like, okay, now I'm watching porn, right, And 345 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:48,920 Speaker 1: then it's like it's almost like one step back to another. Right. 346 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,760 Speaker 1: So in our group, like we talked about, you know, 347 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 1: what are the disciplines you're gonna put yourself in right 348 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,800 Speaker 1: so that you're not gonna set yourself up to fail. Right, Like, 349 00:15:56,880 --> 00:15:59,840 Speaker 1: if you're up on your phone at two am throwing 350 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 1: on Instagram at some point, there's nothing you can do 351 00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 1: to not watch porn. Right. If you've been addicted, right, literally, 352 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 1: it's like having a bottle of Jack Hennessy on your bed. 353 00:16:08,720 --> 00:16:10,800 Speaker 1: If you're an alcoholic, it's like, well like it's sitting 354 00:16:10,840 --> 00:16:13,680 Speaker 1: right there. Of course you're gonna do it, right. And 355 00:16:13,760 --> 00:16:17,640 Speaker 1: so that was the issue for me, right, was I 356 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,360 Speaker 1: never actually addressed the heart of it. But I also 357 00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:23,440 Speaker 1: didn't understand right that this is the sin that the 358 00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:25,240 Speaker 1: Lord has, you know, not that the Lord has put 359 00:16:25,280 --> 00:16:26,960 Speaker 1: in my heart, right, but has been the biggest issue 360 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:30,760 Speaker 1: in my life. And I wasn't surrendering everything to him, right. 361 00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,480 Speaker 1: And so when I went back to my story, right, 362 00:16:32,520 --> 00:16:35,120 Speaker 1: when I when my mentor said that to me, I 363 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:36,600 Speaker 1: looked at him. I was like, I was like, ah, 364 00:16:36,640 --> 00:16:39,480 Speaker 1: I got this, Like, don't worry, that's not me because 365 00:16:39,480 --> 00:16:42,680 Speaker 1: I don't believe the pornography is the root of the issue, right. 366 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 1: I don't believe that it is. For a lot of 367 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,040 Speaker 1: my friends we've talked about, right, A lot of it 368 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,320 Speaker 1: is you know, some of them, I have abandoned issues, right, 369 00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: and that's where they run to porn. Right. For me, 370 00:16:51,800 --> 00:16:54,160 Speaker 1: I had a control issue. I want to control over 371 00:16:54,240 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 1: every little part of my life. Right. And that led 372 00:16:57,080 --> 00:16:59,520 Speaker 1: to me saying, you know, I don't have a pronography issue, right, 373 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,320 Speaker 1: I don't need help or I do have an issue, right, 374 00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:05,560 Speaker 1: but I got this right, I have it under control, right, 375 00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:08,320 Speaker 1: And that was pride, right, the root of the sin 376 00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,080 Speaker 1: was for pride for me, and so you know, obviously 377 00:17:12,119 --> 00:17:13,520 Speaker 1: I want to say it was about two years later, 378 00:17:13,760 --> 00:17:16,080 Speaker 1: you know, pornography came back to me. Okay, so we're 379 00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:19,520 Speaker 1: gonna come back, come back and revisit that. But you're right. 380 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 1: I do want to emphasize this for people that pornography 381 00:17:22,359 --> 00:17:25,040 Speaker 1: is not the root of the issue. It's the fruit 382 00:17:25,280 --> 00:17:28,560 Speaker 1: of the issue. Yes, And I think the root of 383 00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:31,080 Speaker 1: the issue is we see in Genesis too that God 384 00:17:31,080 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 1: has made us for relationship. It's not good that human 385 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,280 Speaker 1: beings are alone. And when we have broken relationships with God, 386 00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:43,240 Speaker 1: with others, with creation, with ourself, these calendarfits are going 387 00:17:43,280 --> 00:17:46,879 Speaker 1: to step in and promise things to feel better, have healiing, 388 00:17:47,040 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 1: have control, have whatever it is, and then may become 389 00:17:50,840 --> 00:17:54,560 Speaker 1: addictive because we rely upon them and don't know how 390 00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:57,240 Speaker 1: or how the willingness to reach in to have those 391 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:02,200 Speaker 1: healthy relationships. So when dealing with something like pornography, can't 392 00:18:02,280 --> 00:18:04,600 Speaker 1: just put a band aid on this got to deal 393 00:18:04,640 --> 00:18:07,479 Speaker 1: with the roots of the issue. We're gonna come back 394 00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,320 Speaker 1: to the root of the issue. You might have answered this, 395 00:18:10,080 --> 00:18:13,760 Speaker 1: but I wonder, how do you think pornography affects people, 396 00:18:13,800 --> 00:18:15,480 Speaker 1: and I would say you said a few things. It 397 00:18:15,520 --> 00:18:18,240 Speaker 1: can have a sense of shame, and I wonder if 398 00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:21,520 Speaker 1: somebody doesn't have a Christian ethic, over time eventually just 399 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:25,560 Speaker 1: gets callous to that and does the learner and numb 400 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,600 Speaker 1: to It is a good word that can certainly app 401 00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:30,639 Speaker 1: But I think even with some Christians. Your poppy is 402 00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 1: to say that when somebody looks at pornography, it actually 403 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,520 Speaker 1: caused that person realized it or not to question the 404 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 1: authority of the Bible. It translates to how we think 405 00:18:41,480 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 1: about God's word and the truths contained within. Somebody feels 406 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 1: like that's not applying to me. That doesn't work. God 407 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:51,520 Speaker 1: must have gotten it wrong, so Undermine's authority in the Bible. 408 00:18:52,280 --> 00:18:56,000 Speaker 1: It changes the brain. I mean it literally, ha. Pography 409 00:18:56,560 --> 00:19:00,720 Speaker 1: physically rewires the brain, and some of this announces in 410 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:05,720 Speaker 1: neurocemples in the same way that many drugs can rewire 411 00:19:06,119 --> 00:19:09,920 Speaker 1: the brain. I think it can make There's a ton 412 00:19:09,960 --> 00:19:12,960 Speaker 1: of studies that show that people look at pornography it 413 00:19:13,040 --> 00:19:16,119 Speaker 1: affects their not only their brain, but their mind and 414 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,439 Speaker 1: their script about sex. What we think it's for, what 415 00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:24,440 Speaker 1: we think makes it good, how to treat somebody. There's 416 00:19:24,480 --> 00:19:26,520 Speaker 1: an article in the New York Times, it must have 417 00:19:26,560 --> 00:19:30,679 Speaker 1: been maybe twenty three, twenty four about the amount of 418 00:19:31,359 --> 00:19:37,000 Speaker 1: literally strangulation that's taking place, a huge percentage of gen 419 00:19:37,119 --> 00:19:40,720 Speaker 1: Z in the act of sex. Because people have seen 420 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,240 Speaker 1: this in pornography. It affects the script of how you 421 00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,560 Speaker 1: treat somebody? Did I miss any of how you think 422 00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:51,960 Speaker 1: it's it's affecting this generation, Like I wonder this generation 423 00:19:52,040 --> 00:19:54,680 Speaker 1: is less likely to get married, pushing it off, which 424 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:57,560 Speaker 1: has concerns for the survival of society. How much does 425 00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,280 Speaker 1: porn play roll? And that like we could to so 426 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,639 Speaker 1: many different issues, so many Well, how else does it 427 00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,640 Speaker 1: you see it affecting your generation? Or does that? Yeah? 428 00:20:08,720 --> 00:20:10,320 Speaker 1: One of the one of the stories that obviously in 429 00:20:10,400 --> 00:20:13,240 Speaker 1: Luke chapter two when it says that Jesus grew in 430 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:17,280 Speaker 1: stature with both men and with God. What pornography does 431 00:20:17,359 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 1: is it takes away from your relationship with God, and 432 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,120 Speaker 1: it takes away from your relationship with other people. Right. 433 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 1: And what's unique about it too, is it's not just 434 00:20:25,359 --> 00:20:28,600 Speaker 1: in relationships like like a girlfriend or boyfriend, right, it 435 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:31,359 Speaker 1: actually takes away from your relationships. Like I saw the 436 00:20:31,359 --> 00:20:33,320 Speaker 1: way it took away from my relationship with my sister. 437 00:20:33,880 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 1: I saw the way it took away from my relationship 438 00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,920 Speaker 1: with you and mom my, teammates, my other friends, right, 439 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:42,040 Speaker 1: because it was telling me something that I know I 440 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:45,159 Speaker 1: was in control, right, that I had, you know, I 441 00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:49,280 Speaker 1: didn't need any help, right, And it just that's what pornography, 442 00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,160 Speaker 1: That's what it does. And it shows you that you're 443 00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,440 Speaker 1: in control, right, you are, you are the master, right, 444 00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:56,880 Speaker 1: you don't need any help, and it's all about you. 445 00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,120 Speaker 1: And so I literally saw the way that I would 446 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:00,959 Speaker 1: talk to my sister, the way that I look at 447 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:05,280 Speaker 1: my sister, right, was drastically different, right than when I'm 448 00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:07,679 Speaker 1: not watching porn right, or my mom right, or my 449 00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,760 Speaker 1: other friends even not even I'm talking not even talking 450 00:21:09,760 --> 00:21:11,919 Speaker 1: about girls, men talking about like some of my best friends, 451 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:14,320 Speaker 1: the way that I would talk with them, right, and 452 00:21:14,359 --> 00:21:15,800 Speaker 1: the way that it was it was just okay to 453 00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,359 Speaker 1: talk about girls in a certain way, right, it was 454 00:21:18,359 --> 00:21:21,040 Speaker 1: okay to just talk about these different themes right there. 455 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,240 Speaker 1: It's like now it's like you have this just I 456 00:21:22,280 --> 00:21:24,520 Speaker 1: have this just natural discuss im like I don't want 457 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:26,840 Speaker 1: to talk about wing it that way, right. And I 458 00:21:26,840 --> 00:21:28,119 Speaker 1: think one of the things that you said is what 459 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:30,640 Speaker 1: it does to your breed. Right. I watched the way 460 00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,480 Speaker 1: that I would just undress girls in my mind, right. 461 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,800 Speaker 1: I saw that, right. And I know some of the 462 00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:38,840 Speaker 1: studies show there's this ninety day curve and you stop 463 00:21:38,920 --> 00:21:42,080 Speaker 1: watching porn. And one of the interesting things is is 464 00:21:42,160 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 1: I said it earlier, right, but just because you're not 465 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:48,440 Speaker 1: watching porn doesn't mean you're walking in purity, right. And 466 00:21:48,520 --> 00:21:51,280 Speaker 1: for the first time with me, right when I stopped 467 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:54,479 Speaker 1: watching porn, I wasn't walking in purity right because as 468 00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,560 Speaker 1: you said it, you know, porn is not the root 469 00:21:56,560 --> 00:21:59,119 Speaker 1: of the issue. It's only a fruit, right. And for me, 470 00:21:59,680 --> 00:22:01,679 Speaker 1: I took that right. It was like, Okay, I'm stopping 471 00:22:01,720 --> 00:22:03,600 Speaker 1: to watch porn, right. I put it into okay, I'm 472 00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:06,280 Speaker 1: playing video games right, or okay, now I'm gonna put 473 00:22:06,280 --> 00:22:09,200 Speaker 1: this in the basketball right. And I never actually addressed 474 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,640 Speaker 1: the root of the issue. And I've had a lot 475 00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,600 Speaker 1: of in my group, we've talked about that, right where 476 00:22:12,640 --> 00:22:16,159 Speaker 1: it's like you start using people, you start using things, right, 477 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:18,080 Speaker 1: And it's like, Okay, I'm not watching porn, but I'm 478 00:22:18,359 --> 00:22:20,840 Speaker 1: you know, playing a ton of video games, right, or 479 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: I'm putting the into X, Y and Z. You don't 480 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:26,399 Speaker 1: actually deal with the ruty issue. So because porn is 481 00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:29,320 Speaker 1: so enticing, right, it's all over the place, it will 482 00:22:29,359 --> 00:22:32,439 Speaker 1: eventually come back. That's that's an interesting point. You can 483 00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,399 Speaker 1: deal with it horizontally, which is like putting the band 484 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,920 Speaker 1: aid on it. But again, how do we get to 485 00:22:37,920 --> 00:22:41,119 Speaker 1: the issue which we will come back to an invented 486 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:44,919 Speaker 1: that can you tell without? I mean, we don't want 487 00:22:44,920 --> 00:22:48,840 Speaker 1: any judgment andal towards other people, but what are indications 488 00:22:49,480 --> 00:22:52,040 Speaker 1: when you're talking with seventy year generatio, It's like, you 489 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,800 Speaker 1: know what, I think that person is probably looking at 490 00:22:55,800 --> 00:23:00,520 Speaker 1: poor Yeah, I think obviously someone who has one. It's 491 00:23:00,560 --> 00:23:02,680 Speaker 1: I think it's it's very easy for me to tell, right, 492 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:05,920 Speaker 1: I'm like not shocked when someone I'm like, yeah, they're 493 00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:08,280 Speaker 1: they're definitely watching port right, because I saw the way 494 00:23:08,280 --> 00:23:10,000 Speaker 1: that it was affecting meat. Right. I think you can 495 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:13,640 Speaker 1: think about the way that people are talking your words right, 496 00:23:13,840 --> 00:23:16,240 Speaker 1: also your actions, right. I think those are the two 497 00:23:16,240 --> 00:23:19,520 Speaker 1: biggest things, right, especially just the jokes that people tell, right, 498 00:23:19,600 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 1: especially like young men. You see somebody has a really 499 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:25,359 Speaker 1: crude mouth, Like I'm telling you, it's you're more than 500 00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:27,639 Speaker 1: likely watching port right, And I think it's honest. It's 501 00:23:27,640 --> 00:23:29,919 Speaker 1: a little bit easier too, when the percentages are so 502 00:23:30,240 --> 00:23:32,520 Speaker 1: high of men, and it honestly, it doesn't drop in 503 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,640 Speaker 1: the church. It does, right, a little bit, a little 504 00:23:34,680 --> 00:23:36,600 Speaker 1: bit as much as you for young men. I wouldn't 505 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:39,240 Speaker 1: say I don't think it drops much, right, because it's 506 00:23:39,280 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 1: so pushed in our face, right, And I'm honestly, I mean, 507 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:44,200 Speaker 1: I mean, I don't know these I don't have the 508 00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,400 Speaker 1: statistics off the top of my hand. But I am 509 00:23:46,440 --> 00:23:48,760 Speaker 1: more surprised when someone's like, I'm not watching porn, and 510 00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,080 Speaker 1: I actually think they're sincere about it than I am 511 00:23:51,400 --> 00:23:53,600 Speaker 1: when they are. I'm more surprised than like, oh my gosh, 512 00:23:53,640 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 1: like that is awesome, like how right? Like generally I'm like, 513 00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,600 Speaker 1: I'm like, how like that is just amazing. And so 514 00:24:00,119 --> 00:24:01,760 Speaker 1: I wish that that was, you know, part of my 515 00:24:01,880 --> 00:24:04,520 Speaker 1: sor I wish I never had to struggle with this, right, 516 00:24:04,720 --> 00:24:07,159 Speaker 1: But I think it is an interesting thing. It's like, 517 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,720 Speaker 1: you know, so many people struggle with it. What does 518 00:24:09,760 --> 00:24:12,840 Speaker 1: that mean? What does it mean to struggle with point? Right? 519 00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:14,359 Speaker 1: Is it okay to be like, oh man, that you 520 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,119 Speaker 1: know I'm struggling with it? And I watch it like 521 00:24:16,200 --> 00:24:18,879 Speaker 1: once a month, right, or you know, only watch it 522 00:24:18,920 --> 00:24:21,560 Speaker 1: like once a week like? Or is there just a cutoff? 523 00:24:21,600 --> 00:24:24,280 Speaker 1: It's like, no, I'm drawing my lineless in and I 524 00:24:24,359 --> 00:24:27,000 Speaker 1: am never going back. But what does that look like 525 00:24:27,040 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: and how we get there? That's a fairy. That's a 526 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:31,600 Speaker 1: fair point. There is a difference between those who just 527 00:24:31,680 --> 00:24:37,199 Speaker 1: identifies Christians those who are practice Yesians, and so some 528 00:24:37,320 --> 00:24:39,720 Speaker 1: of that depends on whether I just go to church 529 00:24:40,320 --> 00:24:43,159 Speaker 1: once a month or three times a year, or versus 530 00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:47,200 Speaker 1: reading my Bible daily and praying. So Christian faith does 531 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:49,960 Speaker 1: make a difference, but it's really only when somebody takes 532 00:24:50,040 --> 00:24:54,159 Speaker 1: their faith seriously. Now, it is interesting to ask, you know, 533 00:24:54,280 --> 00:24:56,240 Speaker 1: all of us look at our lives who have come 534 00:24:56,280 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: to faith, and we come to faith because we recognize 535 00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,720 Speaker 1: sin that we've committed. That's true for all of us. 536 00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 1: And I remember when you when you share this with us, 537 00:25:07,200 --> 00:25:08,879 Speaker 1: you know, I know your mom was just like, I 538 00:25:08,920 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 1: can't believe it. She kind of I think in some 539 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:13,480 Speaker 1: ways maybe I put words in your mouth that felt like, 540 00:25:13,640 --> 00:25:15,679 Speaker 1: you know, we fail that I was like, I just 541 00:25:15,840 --> 00:25:18,480 Speaker 1: I don't look at it that way. What have we 542 00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:22,360 Speaker 1: prayed for for our son, that you would be humbled, 543 00:25:22,480 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 1: which is what it takes for everybody to know the Lord, 544 00:25:25,880 --> 00:25:30,240 Speaker 1: have a recognition of sin, a desire to own your 545 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:33,840 Speaker 1: own faith, and want to follow and love the Lord. 546 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:36,280 Speaker 1: That's what I've and your mom and I have prayed 547 00:25:36,320 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 1: for since the moment we placed you in that trip 548 00:25:39,080 --> 00:25:42,919 Speaker 1: twenty one plus years ago. So I love this, and 549 00:25:42,960 --> 00:25:47,680 Speaker 1: I go, guy, our prayers have been answered when I chose, 550 00:25:47,800 --> 00:25:50,600 Speaker 1: and the means for it to happen, well, of course not. 551 00:25:50,760 --> 00:25:54,600 Speaker 1: But we don't get to choose that. Yes, So in 552 00:25:54,640 --> 00:25:56,159 Speaker 1: some ways, what you just said to me is I 553 00:25:56,200 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 1: wish I didn't have this in my past, and I go, 554 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:01,280 Speaker 1: I wish too, but I also go, but that's what 555 00:26:01,800 --> 00:26:06,200 Speaker 1: it took to get your attention, and now you see 556 00:26:06,240 --> 00:26:09,679 Speaker 1: the damage of that, and it's causing you to be 557 00:26:09,800 --> 00:26:12,920 Speaker 1: hungry for the Lord, and so you kind of can't 558 00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 1: get one without the other. You agree that, and I 559 00:26:16,600 --> 00:26:18,960 Speaker 1: one hundred percent agree with you, right, And I guess 560 00:26:18,960 --> 00:26:20,600 Speaker 1: the reason why I say you, I wish it wasn't 561 00:26:20,600 --> 00:26:22,399 Speaker 1: in my past, right, is not being like you know, 562 00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,639 Speaker 1: I'm afraid of it, right, or I'm not embracing my past. 563 00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:28,000 Speaker 1: It's like, no, I am right. Part of the thing 564 00:26:28,000 --> 00:26:30,680 Speaker 1: about healing. I think I believe what healing is understanding 565 00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,119 Speaker 1: the way of your past, but choosing Christ and moving 566 00:26:33,280 --> 00:26:37,760 Speaker 1: forward despite your past, right, And so that's like the 567 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:40,120 Speaker 1: big thing. So it's like, no, I'm not saying, you know, oh, man, 568 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:42,040 Speaker 1: I wish it wasn't in the past. But also I'm like, man, 569 00:26:42,040 --> 00:26:44,040 Speaker 1: I wish I did watch more, right, I wish I 570 00:26:44,080 --> 00:26:46,560 Speaker 1: didn't treat people a certain way, But I agree with you, right. 571 00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:49,480 Speaker 1: Without that, I wouldn't be able to see how good 572 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 1: the Lord has been to me through this right that. 573 00:26:52,160 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 1: You know, one of my favorite stories in Mark about 574 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 1: is when Jesus, he know, calms the storm, right, And 575 00:26:56,720 --> 00:26:59,200 Speaker 1: I believe an underlying message about that is, you know, 576 00:26:59,440 --> 00:27:01,719 Speaker 1: Jesus is a gonna call him every storm in your life. 577 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,320 Speaker 1: He just wants to be in the boat with right. 578 00:27:04,359 --> 00:27:06,800 Speaker 1: And I've seen that, right, Like, I'm still in the 579 00:27:06,840 --> 00:27:09,720 Speaker 1: midst of these trials, right, but I've had Jesus in 580 00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,600 Speaker 1: the boat with me, and I wouldn't want it any 581 00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:17,159 Speaker 1: way different. I like that. That's good. Okay, So let's go. 582 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,959 Speaker 1: You were eighteen years old and you called me up 583 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:25,080 Speaker 1: on a smartphone, and I do remember it, you were crying, 584 00:27:25,240 --> 00:27:28,480 Speaker 1: you were outside. At first I thought, did somebody die? Like, 585 00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:29,919 Speaker 1: I didn't know what you were to tell me. If 586 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:31,760 Speaker 1: you remember me saying, I can't believe I'm telling you this. 587 00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:38,000 Speaker 1: Here it goes that was three years ago. And then 588 00:27:38,119 --> 00:27:40,560 Speaker 1: when you said a while ago that that's not when 589 00:27:40,640 --> 00:27:44,560 Speaker 1: things changed. So fill in the rest of the story 590 00:27:44,600 --> 00:27:47,520 Speaker 1: for us, and then I'll follow up and ask what's 591 00:27:47,600 --> 00:27:53,119 Speaker 1: different this time? But first, what happened after that? So immediately, like, 592 00:27:53,200 --> 00:27:55,320 Speaker 1: what happened after that for me was I was like, 593 00:27:55,359 --> 00:27:57,600 Speaker 1: all right, like, you know, I need help, you know, 594 00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:03,199 Speaker 1: I kind of just said that, right, and nothing really happened, right, Like, 595 00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:05,040 Speaker 1: I was just like, okay, like I don't really have 596 00:28:05,040 --> 00:28:06,560 Speaker 1: an urge to watch porn because I just kind of 597 00:28:06,560 --> 00:28:08,400 Speaker 1: confessed it to a lot of people, right, Like there 598 00:28:08,440 --> 00:28:12,640 Speaker 1: was some shame there, and I didn't install practical disciplines, 599 00:28:13,000 --> 00:28:15,400 Speaker 1: and I didn't listen to people, right. I didn't listen 600 00:28:15,440 --> 00:28:18,520 Speaker 1: to my mentor right who said, hey, soft porn is 601 00:28:18,560 --> 00:28:21,040 Speaker 1: going to come back, right. I didn't listen to people, right. 602 00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:22,440 Speaker 1: I didn't get to the root of the issue. I 603 00:28:22,480 --> 00:28:25,159 Speaker 1: thought the root of the issue was porn, right, And 604 00:28:25,240 --> 00:28:27,639 Speaker 1: so what I did was is instead of getting to 605 00:28:27,640 --> 00:28:29,840 Speaker 1: the root of the issue, which was pride for me, 606 00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:32,239 Speaker 1: I threated up playing video games all the time, right, 607 00:28:32,359 --> 00:28:36,480 Speaker 1: And so I wasn't practically denying myself Bailey right. So 608 00:28:36,680 --> 00:28:38,560 Speaker 1: lout nine it says, you know, Jesus sa, if anybody 609 00:28:38,560 --> 00:28:41,280 Speaker 1: wants to follow me, he must first deny himself, take 610 00:28:41,360 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 1: up his cross daily and follow me. Right. I was 611 00:28:44,760 --> 00:28:47,719 Speaker 1: not daily picking out my cross and saying, Lord, if 612 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,200 Speaker 1: you do not help me today, I will go back. Right. 613 00:28:50,640 --> 00:28:54,080 Speaker 1: I was not literally sacrificing that's the Lord. I was 614 00:28:54,160 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: not right, and so I went I want to say, yeah, 615 00:28:57,240 --> 00:28:59,479 Speaker 1: I was. It was two years, not until this summer, 616 00:28:59,640 --> 00:29:03,840 Speaker 1: and I geez, I don't know remember what July something, August, June, 617 00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:07,440 Speaker 1: whatever where it came back right. And one of the 618 00:29:07,480 --> 00:29:09,880 Speaker 1: interesting things is I remember when I'm like, oh man, 619 00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:12,040 Speaker 1: it came back. One of the things that I've recognized 620 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:15,560 Speaker 1: is that it actually never left right. Just because I 621 00:29:15,640 --> 00:29:19,320 Speaker 1: wasn't watching, you know, hard porn, doesn't mean that I 622 00:29:19,360 --> 00:29:22,360 Speaker 1: still wasn't watching porn. Right, the stuff that I was 623 00:29:22,400 --> 00:29:25,000 Speaker 1: listening to, the movies that I was watching, right, I 624 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 1: vividly remember, you know, we're gonna watch a movie and 625 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 1: I knew there was gonna be stuff in it, and 626 00:29:29,520 --> 00:29:31,160 Speaker 1: I was like, I don't really care, right, I'm good, 627 00:29:31,400 --> 00:29:33,480 Speaker 1: you know. And it was like subconsciously I was choosing 628 00:29:33,520 --> 00:29:37,200 Speaker 1: because I wasn't watching porn anymore, right that? Shoot, what 629 00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:43,000 Speaker 1: would you say? What would you say differently say before 630 00:29:44,080 --> 00:29:47,240 Speaker 1: you first shared me with your eight like back in 631 00:29:47,360 --> 00:29:50,320 Speaker 1: high school? Is there anything you think somebody could have 632 00:29:50,440 --> 00:29:54,160 Speaker 1: said to you to wake you up at that point 633 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:58,720 Speaker 1: to realize what you realize later, or do you think 634 00:29:58,760 --> 00:30:01,160 Speaker 1: you kind of had to go through this stick he 635 00:30:01,200 --> 00:30:05,120 Speaker 1: had a certain level of rock thought. Yeah, I think 636 00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: I think obviously, I think somebody could have said, you know, 637 00:30:08,680 --> 00:30:10,280 Speaker 1: oh hey, I think I want to get some harder 638 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:12,680 Speaker 1: the issue. I don't believe that was like really pressed 639 00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:14,920 Speaker 1: upon me as much as it could have been, right, 640 00:30:14,960 --> 00:30:16,160 Speaker 1: But I think that that I don't want to use 641 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,600 Speaker 1: that as a scapego right, But I do believe I 642 00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:21,200 Speaker 1: needed to go through and hit rock bottom, right and 643 00:30:21,440 --> 00:30:24,680 Speaker 1: really understand the weight of my sin. I didn't really 644 00:30:24,800 --> 00:30:28,040 Speaker 1: understand how much my sin was affecting other people and 645 00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:30,960 Speaker 1: how much that it was actually affecting me. That's what 646 00:30:31,280 --> 00:30:33,360 Speaker 1: I believe. And so one of the things you asked, 647 00:30:33,600 --> 00:30:36,400 Speaker 1: what was different this time? Is this summer? Right? Like? 648 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,760 Speaker 1: What the first time around? I did not have disciplines 649 00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:43,040 Speaker 1: in my life to combat this sin. I did not 650 00:30:43,200 --> 00:30:45,960 Speaker 1: have the disciplines right, Like I would continue to scroll 651 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,520 Speaker 1: on Instagram at two am by myself, like that's a 652 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 1: recipe for disaster, right, and so, but the biggest thing 653 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,120 Speaker 1: for me was when I decided to turn everything around. 654 00:30:56,280 --> 00:30:58,120 Speaker 1: Was it wasn't that I decided, right, it was the 655 00:30:58,120 --> 00:31:00,840 Speaker 1: Lord gave me an opportunity, right. So the biggest moment 656 00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:02,680 Speaker 1: for me was early this year. He was when Charlie 657 00:31:02,720 --> 00:31:07,280 Speaker 1: Kirk got shot. I remember sitting in our in the house. 658 00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:09,760 Speaker 1: I was by myself. I was on the couch and 659 00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 1: I was working, and I remember when the news came 660 00:31:12,160 --> 00:31:15,600 Speaker 1: on and I saw it and I sweet, oh my gosh. 661 00:31:15,880 --> 00:31:18,120 Speaker 1: I was like, I was like, Charlie's like dad. Like. 662 00:31:18,120 --> 00:31:19,520 Speaker 1: I remember seeing the vide. I was like, oh my gosh, 663 00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 1: he's dead. I remember looking at myself and being like, 664 00:31:21,920 --> 00:31:24,600 Speaker 1: what am I doing with my life? Like genuinely, what 665 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 1: am I doing with my life? I'm like Charlie answered 666 00:31:27,240 --> 00:31:29,440 Speaker 1: the call right that the Lord put on his heart, right, 667 00:31:29,480 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 1: and he lived that out. And I looked at myself, like, 668 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:33,640 Speaker 1: what is giving me this? What am I doing with 669 00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:37,040 Speaker 1: my life? I am choosing to live a certain way 670 00:31:37,240 --> 00:31:39,840 Speaker 1: contrary to what God's will is from my life? What 671 00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:42,680 Speaker 1: am I doing? And so I remember just being like 672 00:31:42,720 --> 00:31:44,720 Speaker 1: all right, like I don't know what this exactly looks like, 673 00:31:44,760 --> 00:31:47,520 Speaker 1: but I'm like I need I need change. And I 674 00:31:47,560 --> 00:31:49,920 Speaker 1: remember I was driving to go film for my job, 675 00:31:50,360 --> 00:31:52,960 Speaker 1: and remember I was on the road, and I remember 676 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:54,640 Speaker 1: I knew the next steps that I needed to take. 677 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:56,600 Speaker 1: I'd been dating this girl at the time, and I 678 00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:59,440 Speaker 1: remember being like, I need to confess to her and 679 00:31:59,520 --> 00:32:02,880 Speaker 1: needs to tell her, right, And I did not want to, right. 680 00:32:02,960 --> 00:32:05,920 Speaker 1: I was so scared, right because I knew everything that 681 00:32:05,960 --> 00:32:07,320 Speaker 1: she thought of me. He was gonna be thrown out 682 00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 1: the window, right. And I just remember literally sitting there. 683 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:12,960 Speaker 1: I remember being like, Lord, I can't do this. I 684 00:32:13,000 --> 00:32:14,760 Speaker 1: need your help. I just remember that moment you said. 685 00:32:14,800 --> 00:32:18,520 Speaker 1: He was like, Scottie, tell her, I got this, right. 686 00:32:18,640 --> 00:32:21,160 Speaker 1: And so I remember I was like driving back, I'm 687 00:32:21,480 --> 00:32:23,600 Speaker 1: in tears, and I was like, yes, Lord, right. And 688 00:32:23,640 --> 00:32:26,200 Speaker 1: so I remember later that night I called you and 689 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:28,360 Speaker 1: I told you again, right, and you were just like, 690 00:32:28,400 --> 00:32:30,680 Speaker 1: you know, Scotti I love you, right, Mom said the 691 00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 1: same thing, right, And honestly, in that moment, I did 692 00:32:34,040 --> 00:32:37,560 Speaker 1: not realize that the things were gonna be different. I 693 00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,600 Speaker 1: did not realize in that moment, right. I just thought, 694 00:32:39,640 --> 00:32:41,600 Speaker 1: oh man, I gotta go through this again, right, like 695 00:32:41,960 --> 00:32:44,120 Speaker 1: I grew through this again. So I remember telling her 696 00:32:44,280 --> 00:32:45,760 Speaker 1: was the hardest thing that I've ever had to do 697 00:32:45,880 --> 00:32:48,680 Speaker 1: in my life. Right, But I just thought, oh man, 698 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 1: all I gotta do is get rid of the porn again, 699 00:32:50,160 --> 00:32:52,200 Speaker 1: and I'm gonna be good, right, All I gotta do, right, 700 00:32:52,240 --> 00:32:54,600 Speaker 1: this is a quick fix, right, wipe my hands clean, 701 00:32:54,840 --> 00:32:57,720 Speaker 1: and I'm good. And I remember shortly after I started 702 00:32:57,720 --> 00:33:00,040 Speaker 1: going to therapy, right at the bio Accountslan said, And 703 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:02,000 Speaker 1: I started to go to therapy, I remember my therapist 704 00:33:02,040 --> 00:33:04,800 Speaker 1: asked me a question and he goes, Scottie, what's going 705 00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:08,360 Speaker 1: to be different this time? And I remember it hit me. 706 00:33:08,760 --> 00:33:13,600 Speaker 1: I was like, what is going to be different this time? Right? 707 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:16,440 Speaker 1: And I remember something You've always said. You said it 708 00:33:16,440 --> 00:33:18,120 Speaker 1: and talked about a bunch of the things you asked, like, 709 00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 1: what's the definition of insanity? You said, you know, definition 710 00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:23,640 Speaker 1: of insanity is doing the same thing over and over 711 00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 1: again and expecting a different result. And I sat there 712 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,120 Speaker 1: and I'm like, I am insane, and I am a fool. 713 00:33:30,120 --> 00:33:32,360 Speaker 1: I'm insane, and I'm a fool to think that if 714 00:33:32,400 --> 00:33:34,920 Speaker 1: I just do what I did last time, that things 715 00:33:34,960 --> 00:33:37,120 Speaker 1: are going to be different. The things are going to 716 00:33:37,160 --> 00:33:39,960 Speaker 1: be different, right. And so at that time, I remember 717 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 1: just really praying and asking the Lord, like, what is 718 00:33:43,120 --> 00:33:46,560 Speaker 1: going to be different? Lord? Show me? I need community, right, 719 00:33:46,560 --> 00:33:48,120 Speaker 1: And I after that the Word showed me this group 720 00:33:48,120 --> 00:33:50,400 Speaker 1: that's a Biola right, And if you're watching this, you're 721 00:33:50,400 --> 00:33:53,040 Speaker 1: a BIO student, like, and you're a guy, right, please 722 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:55,360 Speaker 1: reach out to me, right, Like, this is a great 723 00:33:55,360 --> 00:33:57,480 Speaker 1: resource at Biola, right to have a bunch of other men, 724 00:33:57,560 --> 00:34:00,800 Speaker 1: right that are choosing purity. And but one of the 725 00:34:00,840 --> 00:34:03,840 Speaker 1: biggest things for me, right was what is gonna be different? Right? Like, 726 00:34:03,960 --> 00:34:05,960 Speaker 1: am I just gonna you know, stop watching porn and 727 00:34:06,240 --> 00:34:08,520 Speaker 1: things are gonna you know, things are gonna change. Right, 728 00:34:08,480 --> 00:34:11,000 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be able to get everything that I lost back, Like, No, 729 00:34:11,719 --> 00:34:14,200 Speaker 1: that's insane for me to think that, right, Like, if 730 00:34:14,200 --> 00:34:16,360 Speaker 1: you're a drug an like that, you're just insane to 731 00:34:16,400 --> 00:34:20,200 Speaker 1: think that. That's That's was the biggest thing for me, right, 732 00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,560 Speaker 1: And so One of those verses was Luke nine twenty 733 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:24,600 Speaker 1: three through twenty four that says, jes says, if anybody 734 00:34:24,600 --> 00:34:27,520 Speaker 1: wants to follow me, he must first deny himself daily 735 00:34:28,680 --> 00:34:31,000 Speaker 1: and follow me, right, pick up his cross daily and 736 00:34:31,080 --> 00:34:32,759 Speaker 1: follow me. And I was like, I'm not picking my 737 00:34:32,800 --> 00:34:36,399 Speaker 1: cross up daily. I'm not surrendering my sin daily. Right, 738 00:34:36,440 --> 00:34:38,520 Speaker 1: I need to get to the root of the issue. Right, 739 00:34:38,800 --> 00:34:41,680 Speaker 1: Why am I watching porn? Right? Why am I continuing 740 00:34:41,719 --> 00:34:44,680 Speaker 1: to go back to this? Right? And it's it was 741 00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:46,400 Speaker 1: not just a stop of the finger I saw. It 742 00:34:46,719 --> 00:34:49,080 Speaker 1: was a slow progression of the way that the Lord 743 00:34:49,120 --> 00:34:52,279 Speaker 1: showed me. Wow, Scotti, you're so prideful. You think it's 744 00:34:52,320 --> 00:34:56,799 Speaker 1: all about you, Right, I didn't. I liked all humility, right, 745 00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:59,799 Speaker 1: And I was insane, like I was in Like, there's 746 00:34:59,840 --> 00:35:01,840 Speaker 1: no other way to put it. I was insane. And 747 00:35:02,200 --> 00:35:04,439 Speaker 1: if I didn't, if the Lord didn't reveal those things 748 00:35:04,480 --> 00:35:06,720 Speaker 1: to me, right, honestly, there's a good chance I'd probably 749 00:35:06,719 --> 00:35:09,799 Speaker 1: be watching porn again right now. It just would be right. 750 00:35:09,800 --> 00:35:11,440 Speaker 1: And so I saw, all, right, what are the disciplines 751 00:35:11,440 --> 00:35:14,920 Speaker 1: that I'm gonna enact in my life to not not 752 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:17,560 Speaker 1: exactly just overcome this sin? Right, but give it to 753 00:35:17,600 --> 00:35:19,759 Speaker 1: the Lord. Right, I'm like, I wanted to get in 754 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,600 Speaker 1: my Bible daily and pursue relationship with the Lord. Right, 755 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:25,359 Speaker 1: Like I'm telling you right now i start missing days 756 00:35:25,400 --> 00:35:30,319 Speaker 1: reading my Bible, I will go back, right. And that 757 00:35:30,440 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 1: was a big discipline in my mouth. Also, I'm not 758 00:35:32,080 --> 00:35:34,719 Speaker 1: scrolling on my phone late at night anymore. Right, I'm 759 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:36,600 Speaker 1: putting my phone aside and I'm reading before I go 760 00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:40,640 Speaker 1: to bed, right, Like, I'm not wanting to invite the 761 00:35:40,680 --> 00:35:42,960 Speaker 1: Lord or you know, invite the enemy into just like 762 00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,319 Speaker 1: having good toll on my life. Right. And There's so 763 00:35:46,320 --> 00:35:48,560 Speaker 1: many other disciplines that I've enacted in my life. But 764 00:35:48,640 --> 00:35:51,000 Speaker 1: the biggest thing was is just looked at myself and said, 765 00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:54,200 Speaker 1: what is going to be different this time? Right, understanding 766 00:35:54,239 --> 00:36:00,279 Speaker 1: that I was not humble whatsoever, right, I was so prideful. Right. 767 00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:01,560 Speaker 1: And I think one of the biggest things that I 768 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,440 Speaker 1: saw is I saw the way that my sin not 769 00:36:03,520 --> 00:36:06,960 Speaker 1: only affected you, but it affected my other relationships. What 770 00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:11,440 Speaker 1: tell what gives you the just the courage and willingness 771 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:13,799 Speaker 1: to share this so publicly, because there's a lot of 772 00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:17,640 Speaker 1: people who would be like, whoa, this is shameful, you know, 773 00:36:17,760 --> 00:36:20,600 Speaker 1: Christians first Christians. Sorry, spot, it's one sin you couldn't 774 00:36:20,600 --> 00:36:24,239 Speaker 1: against your own body. You've felt this weight that was 775 00:36:24,280 --> 00:36:27,200 Speaker 1: on top of you, and you know, in some ways, 776 00:36:27,360 --> 00:36:28,680 Speaker 1: your mom and I have talked about how you have 777 00:36:28,719 --> 00:36:32,640 Speaker 1: so many similarities with Papa Josh, and he shared some 778 00:36:33,160 --> 00:36:38,400 Speaker 1: hurts and brokenness in his life long before other people 779 00:36:38,440 --> 00:36:42,160 Speaker 1: did about hand an alcohol alcoholic father, the way he 780 00:36:42,320 --> 00:36:46,880 Speaker 1: was sexually abused. You know, He's been really open in 781 00:36:46,920 --> 00:36:49,800 Speaker 1: some ways. I think it probably is some of your wiring, 782 00:36:49,880 --> 00:36:52,560 Speaker 1: the way just God has wired you. But why are 783 00:36:52,600 --> 00:36:56,040 Speaker 1: you speaking out and willing to share this publicly? I 784 00:36:56,040 --> 00:36:58,200 Speaker 1: think you asked me to do the show more than 785 00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:00,360 Speaker 1: me asking me if I'm not mistaken? Is that right? 786 00:37:00,400 --> 00:37:03,680 Speaker 1: By the way, I think, yes, you're willing to tell me. 787 00:37:03,719 --> 00:37:07,799 Speaker 1: Why Why are you speaking up about this for me? 788 00:37:08,080 --> 00:37:12,120 Speaker 1: Because I know that I'm not alone? Right and the 789 00:37:12,160 --> 00:37:14,719 Speaker 1: Lord my spiritual gift, the Lord's giving me his boldness. 790 00:37:15,000 --> 00:37:17,719 Speaker 1: I am not afraid to share what I'm going through. Right, 791 00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,080 Speaker 1: Like when I was going to therapy. I remember the guys, 792 00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:22,080 Speaker 1: you know, the therapist is like, oh hey, like I'm 793 00:37:22,120 --> 00:37:23,520 Speaker 1: not gonna be able to share anything, and I just 794 00:37:23,560 --> 00:37:25,040 Speaker 1: like I kind of laughed. I was like, man, I 795 00:37:25,080 --> 00:37:26,759 Speaker 1: really don't care if you tell anybody about this, Like, 796 00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:28,120 Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell you anything that I don't 797 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:31,319 Speaker 1: tell other people, Like I'm not hiding anything, right, And 798 00:37:31,480 --> 00:37:35,839 Speaker 1: so the Lord is giving me a spiritual state of boldness, right, 799 00:37:35,880 --> 00:37:37,399 Speaker 1: And I'm like, I am going to share, right, because 800 00:37:37,440 --> 00:37:39,600 Speaker 1: I know that I'm not alone, right. I know that 801 00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,040 Speaker 1: there are a ton of young men out there, right, 802 00:37:42,080 --> 00:37:44,560 Speaker 1: even older men right, that are addicted to porn and 803 00:37:44,640 --> 00:37:46,680 Speaker 1: don't know where to go. And one of the things 804 00:37:46,719 --> 00:37:48,800 Speaker 1: right is that you know all it says in Romans, 805 00:37:48,840 --> 00:37:50,680 Speaker 1: you know, for all have sinned and fallen short of 806 00:37:50,760 --> 00:37:52,560 Speaker 1: the glory of God. And I've seen the way that 807 00:37:52,600 --> 00:37:55,919 Speaker 1: the Lord has been there with me since day one 808 00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,279 Speaker 1: and show me that there is no better choice than 809 00:37:58,280 --> 00:38:00,400 Speaker 1: to follow the will of the Lord. Right. And one 810 00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:02,400 Speaker 1: of the biggest things that says right and first our 811 00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,880 Speaker 1: first essalonis for it says to stain from sexual immorality, right, 812 00:38:06,000 --> 00:38:08,839 Speaker 1: For it's the will of the Lord for you, right. 813 00:38:08,920 --> 00:38:10,880 Speaker 1: And so for me, I'm just like, I want to 814 00:38:10,880 --> 00:38:13,200 Speaker 1: walk into the Lord. What does that look like? It 815 00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:15,560 Speaker 1: looks like a'bstaining from sexual imorality. It looks like and 816 00:38:15,640 --> 00:38:19,839 Speaker 1: Crinty is talking about fleeing sexual immorality. Right. And so 817 00:38:19,960 --> 00:38:22,000 Speaker 1: one of the reasons why I'm so passionate about sharing 818 00:38:22,080 --> 00:38:24,160 Speaker 1: is because I know that I'm not alone and the 819 00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:25,799 Speaker 1: Lord has giving me a spirit of boldness. I want 820 00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:27,960 Speaker 1: to be able to help other people right and say 821 00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:30,560 Speaker 1: that I am not alone. Right. And it also this 822 00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:35,759 Speaker 1: comes from a place of humility, right, because I've seen 823 00:38:35,760 --> 00:38:38,960 Speaker 1: the way the Lord has transformed my heart, literally transform 824 00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,359 Speaker 1: my heart. There's no other way to put it right, 825 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:44,120 Speaker 1: And I don't want to go back right. I saw 826 00:38:44,239 --> 00:38:45,640 Speaker 1: the weight of my sin in the way that I 827 00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:47,960 Speaker 1: was treating people, the way that I was talking to people. Right. 828 00:38:48,120 --> 00:38:50,719 Speaker 1: I want no part of my old self, right. I 829 00:38:50,760 --> 00:38:54,080 Speaker 1: want to continue to choose Christ. Right, but I go 830 00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:56,399 Speaker 1: back to it. Man, I was insane if I didn't 831 00:38:56,480 --> 00:38:58,359 Speaker 1: change an opinion in my life, if I didn't even 832 00:38:58,400 --> 00:39:02,160 Speaker 1: rely on the Lord's goodness daily and also sinning in 833 00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,239 Speaker 1: my sin. Right, there's a certain level of you don't 834 00:39:05,239 --> 00:39:07,360 Speaker 1: want to, you know, sit in the shame. Woe is 835 00:39:07,440 --> 00:39:10,560 Speaker 1: me versus. I've sat in the way to my sin 836 00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:12,760 Speaker 1: and seen the decisions that I've made in my life 837 00:39:12,880 --> 00:39:17,879 Speaker 1: and say that sucked. I want no part of that again, right, 838 00:39:17,920 --> 00:39:21,680 Speaker 1: which is why you know God's rules and commandments, like 839 00:39:21,719 --> 00:39:23,360 Speaker 1: it says you know and for Sean that the greatest 840 00:39:23,360 --> 00:39:25,799 Speaker 1: you know love is to obey God's commandments. Right. It's 841 00:39:25,840 --> 00:39:28,560 Speaker 1: because God's commandments keep me safe. Right, they keep me 842 00:39:28,680 --> 00:39:30,440 Speaker 1: and want me to walk in the world work becaust 843 00:39:30,440 --> 00:39:33,480 Speaker 1: The Lord knows best, right, and so that would be 844 00:39:33,520 --> 00:39:35,759 Speaker 1: the biggest thing for me is I've seen the way 845 00:39:35,880 --> 00:39:37,960 Speaker 1: that my sin affects other people, see the way that 846 00:39:37,960 --> 00:39:40,759 Speaker 1: the sin affected it myself, and I want no part 847 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,040 Speaker 1: of that. I want to choose Christ daily. Well, I 848 00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:47,759 Speaker 1: am super proud of you, buddy. Any God has commissioned 849 00:39:47,760 --> 00:39:52,319 Speaker 1: you for a time like this through this interview, And 850 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:54,440 Speaker 1: if you enjoy this to you're a parent or you 851 00:39:54,520 --> 00:39:56,680 Speaker 1: know a young person who needs to see a young 852 00:39:56,760 --> 00:40:00,719 Speaker 1: person who's been honest and open about this, willing to share, 853 00:40:00,880 --> 00:40:03,640 Speaker 1: think about sharing this. I hope God continues to give 854 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:07,520 Speaker 1: you a platform to share this because it's needed and 855 00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:11,400 Speaker 1: God's He's made you a leader, buddy. You're bold and 856 00:40:11,440 --> 00:40:15,480 Speaker 1: you're clear, and you're willing to speak up. And what's 857 00:40:15,520 --> 00:40:20,440 Speaker 1: the reception been? The last question as you shared with others, 858 00:40:20,760 --> 00:40:23,000 Speaker 1: is there a sense of like, hey, good for you, 859 00:40:23,120 --> 00:40:25,160 Speaker 1: or is there a sense of like I need that? 860 00:40:25,400 --> 00:40:30,120 Speaker 1: And openness and a recognition of kind of the entrapping 861 00:40:30,239 --> 00:40:33,759 Speaker 1: power of phonography. From day one, the Lord like has 862 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,759 Speaker 1: just given me opportunities to share, right, Like, whether it 863 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:39,600 Speaker 1: was with my team, whether it's just other bio students, right, 864 00:40:39,680 --> 00:40:42,000 Speaker 1: other people, right, I've been giving me that platform, and 865 00:40:42,200 --> 00:40:44,960 Speaker 1: all the response has just been a has been great 866 00:40:45,000 --> 00:40:47,399 Speaker 1: for me, right, but a lot of people have been like, man, 867 00:40:47,480 --> 00:40:50,839 Speaker 1: like I struggle with that too, Like I need help, right, 868 00:40:50,960 --> 00:40:53,759 Speaker 1: and that's all I know, Like I am not alone, right, 869 00:40:53,760 --> 00:40:56,359 Speaker 1: And so the reception has been so good, But it's 870 00:40:56,400 --> 00:40:59,080 Speaker 1: also been encouraging to me that I am not alone, right, 871 00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:01,359 Speaker 1: and that I'm able to walk through this not by 872 00:41:01,400 --> 00:41:04,080 Speaker 1: myself because you did not walk through it. You mentioned 873 00:41:04,080 --> 00:41:06,799 Speaker 1: it earlier, right, Like we're made full relationships, not even 874 00:41:06,840 --> 00:41:09,080 Speaker 1: just with boyfriend or girlfriend, right, but with relationship just 875 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:11,759 Speaker 1: with brothers, right, and being able to walk through this 876 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,959 Speaker 1: with other people, right, who are holding you accountable? First 877 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,480 Speaker 1: time around, I was not accountable with anybody, right, I 878 00:41:17,520 --> 00:41:20,520 Speaker 1: did not have any accountability, right. But now I'm walking 879 00:41:20,560 --> 00:41:22,440 Speaker 1: through with people who are my age. Right, We're going 880 00:41:22,520 --> 00:41:24,799 Speaker 1: through the same thing, and they're able to speak life 881 00:41:24,840 --> 00:41:26,800 Speaker 1: into me and I'm able to speak live into that. 882 00:41:27,440 --> 00:41:30,799 Speaker 1: Love it buddy, really appreciate you coming on and sharing this. 883 00:41:31,280 --> 00:41:33,320 Speaker 1: Let us know. I'm starting to do some live streams 884 00:41:33,360 --> 00:41:36,400 Speaker 1: in twenty twenty six and thought about bringing its Doudie 885 00:41:36,440 --> 00:41:39,239 Speaker 1: on one time. We're going to do a few Tuesdays 886 00:41:40,760 --> 00:41:44,719 Speaker 1: and bring on some talbot professors with bringing my son 887 00:41:44,800 --> 00:41:47,640 Speaker 1: on answer questions and answers. Let us know if he 888 00:41:47,719 --> 00:41:50,800 Speaker 1: wants to do that together on this topic and others. 889 00:41:51,600 --> 00:41:53,760 Speaker 1: Make sure you hit subscribe. We've got some other shows 890 00:41:53,800 --> 00:41:55,719 Speaker 1: coming up like this, and we'd love to have you 891 00:41:56,080 --> 00:41:59,560 Speaker 1: the Apologized program at Top School Theology. By the way, 892 00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:03,719 Speaker 1: I teach a class on a Biblical view of sexuality 893 00:42:03,760 --> 00:42:07,120 Speaker 1: which we go on to depth with this, So that's interesting. 894 00:42:07,200 --> 00:42:10,080 Speaker 1: You would love to have you in the programs. Guy, 895 00:42:10,080 --> 00:42:12,640 Speaker 1: your names for sharing Man hold on, Thanks for having me. Hey, friends, 896 00:42:12,680 --> 00:42:15,560 Speaker 1: if you enjoyed this show, please hit that fall button 897 00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:18,480 Speaker 1: on your podcast app. Most of you tuning in haven't 898 00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:20,799 Speaker 1: done this yet and it makes a huge difference in 899 00:42:20,840 --> 00:42:23,840 Speaker 1: helping us reach and equip more people and build community. 900 00:42:23,960 --> 00:42:28,680 Speaker 1: And please consider leaving a podcast review. Every review helps 901 00:42:28,840 --> 00:42:31,279 Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to The Sean McDowell Show, brought to 902 00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:35,000 Speaker 1: you by Talbot School of Theology at Biola University, where 903 00:42:35,000 --> 00:42:39,000 Speaker 1: we have on campus and online programs and apologetic spiritual information, 904 00:42:39,160 --> 00:42:41,839 Speaker 1: marriage and family, Bible, and so much more. We would 905 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:44,719 Speaker 1: love to train you to more effectively, live, teach, and 906 00:42:44,800 --> 00:42:47,560 Speaker 1: defend the Christian faith today, and we will see you 907 00:42:47,640 --> 00:42:49,320 Speaker 1: when the next episode drops.