1 00:00:21,460 --> 00:00:25,820 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:25,860 --> 00:00:29,340 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures, courses in classic radio programs, and 3 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:39,460 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:39,820 --> 00:00:43,459 Speaker 2: Yes, go on, go on, Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager here. 5 00:00:43,500 --> 00:00:48,660 Speaker 2: Male Female Hour, second hour every Wednesday, most honest talk 6 00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:51,820 Speaker 2: I'm aware of in the American media about men and women. 7 00:00:53,580 --> 00:00:58,100 Speaker 2: It's a very popular hour, as it should be, four 8 00:00:58,140 --> 00:01:00,420 Speaker 2: times a year, every season. I give you a gift. 9 00:01:01,340 --> 00:01:07,300 Speaker 2: This is the winter gift. Allison Armstrong. Allison Armstrong has 10 00:01:07,340 --> 00:01:11,780 Speaker 2: been on the Male Female Hour since we began in 11 00:01:11,900 --> 00:01:13,420 Speaker 2: eighteen seventy four. 12 00:01:17,620 --> 00:01:19,259 Speaker 3: We're both well preserved. 13 00:01:19,460 --> 00:01:23,100 Speaker 2: We are well preserved. That is exactly right. The problems 14 00:01:23,100 --> 00:01:26,660 Speaker 2: of men and women were different in those days, but 15 00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:33,180 Speaker 2: not entirely. The male female issue has been eternal. Alison 16 00:01:33,420 --> 00:01:38,620 Speaker 2: Armstrong is having a white Christmas. She is wisconced in 17 00:01:38,660 --> 00:01:41,860 Speaker 2: her home. I have a certain envy of you to 18 00:01:41,940 --> 00:01:46,020 Speaker 2: sit in your house and watch snowfall. Is it falling 19 00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:47,260 Speaker 2: right now as we're speaking. 20 00:01:48,580 --> 00:01:54,700 Speaker 3: It is huge flakes and I'm surrounded by mounds of snow. 21 00:01:54,940 --> 00:02:02,300 Speaker 3: It's been snowing since Monday, and I was supposed to 22 00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:05,580 Speaker 3: take my dog over to Dan's house while we were 23 00:02:05,740 --> 00:02:11,700 Speaker 3: doing the show and I can't get there, so wow, wow. 24 00:02:13,940 --> 00:02:17,620 Speaker 2: No, it's hard for everybody. I mean, I grew up 25 00:02:17,660 --> 00:02:22,139 Speaker 2: with snow, but New York is incomparable to western Colorado. 26 00:02:22,139 --> 00:02:26,020 Speaker 2: Where you are anyway, you will truly be having a 27 00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:31,419 Speaker 2: white Christmas. And Alison Armstrong is one of these. I'm 28 00:02:31,460 --> 00:02:36,300 Speaker 2: sorry what, oh really? Oh how ironic? 29 00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:38,739 Speaker 3: Yeah yeah, well. 30 00:02:38,540 --> 00:02:40,780 Speaker 2: All right, well you'll have a white post Christmas. I'll 31 00:02:40,820 --> 00:02:46,100 Speaker 2: have a white New Year's anyway. Alison Armstrong is one 32 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:50,300 Speaker 2: of the deepest thinkers in this country on the issue 33 00:02:50,300 --> 00:02:53,980 Speaker 2: of men and women. She has had seminars for decades 34 00:02:54,140 --> 00:02:59,700 Speaker 2: for women and men, but especially for women, and they 35 00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:03,780 Speaker 2: have been filled with insights and help people immensely. I 36 00:03:03,820 --> 00:03:06,460 Speaker 2: know this from so many people calling into the show. 37 00:03:07,300 --> 00:03:09,940 Speaker 2: You can reach her at Alison Armstrong dot com. Is 38 00:03:09,940 --> 00:03:14,579 Speaker 2: that correct, Alison? And let me just tell you, Allison 39 00:03:14,660 --> 00:03:20,500 Speaker 2: is one L one s one I one. 40 00:03:24,140 --> 00:03:27,780 Speaker 3: Exactly know. Most people start with two l's, so they 41 00:03:27,780 --> 00:03:29,340 Speaker 3: can even misspell it and get to me. 42 00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:32,940 Speaker 2: Oh really, oh yeah, that was very very wise, So 43 00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:35,500 Speaker 2: I didn't have to tell them there was Onel So 44 00:03:35,620 --> 00:03:41,300 Speaker 2: Alison Armstrong is my one guest that I'm sorry, Well, 45 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:42,460 Speaker 2: I don't stop. 46 00:03:42,300 --> 00:03:44,580 Speaker 3: You from telling them because it's just so sweet that 47 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:47,060 Speaker 3: you're so committed to them being able to get through. 48 00:03:47,860 --> 00:03:51,660 Speaker 2: I am, Yes, I am very committed to that. I'm 49 00:03:51,740 --> 00:03:54,740 Speaker 2: committed it for your sake, but even more for their sake. 50 00:03:55,180 --> 00:04:00,220 Speaker 2: It'll help them. Yeah, I don't get a commission, by 51 00:04:00,260 --> 00:04:06,700 Speaker 2: the way, folks, Just for the record, So, Alison, I 52 00:04:06,780 --> 00:04:09,380 Speaker 2: have stuff on my mind, but you always have stuff 53 00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:14,340 Speaker 2: on your mind. So it's not really a gamble because 54 00:04:14,340 --> 00:04:17,659 Speaker 2: it's Alison Armstrong, but it's the only guest I ever 55 00:04:17,740 --> 00:04:21,939 Speaker 2: have where I just tell the guests what's on your mind? 56 00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:24,940 Speaker 2: But I have stuff. What would you like to tell us? 57 00:04:24,940 --> 00:04:27,340 Speaker 2: What's on your mind for today? Do you have something? 58 00:04:28,779 --> 00:04:31,700 Speaker 3: I do have something, but I also left myself open 59 00:04:31,779 --> 00:04:35,659 Speaker 3: in case there's something you want to talk about. My 60 00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:40,700 Speaker 3: thing would be a predictable conflict that's gonna get It 61 00:04:40,740 --> 00:04:42,700 Speaker 3: happens all the time, but it can be worse during 62 00:04:42,740 --> 00:04:48,339 Speaker 3: the holidays, and it's between what we do to feel 63 00:04:48,500 --> 00:04:52,300 Speaker 3: secure by being productive and what we do to feel 64 00:04:52,660 --> 00:04:56,740 Speaker 3: safe by being connected, and those go head to hand 65 00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,779 Speaker 3: and constitute problems. 66 00:04:59,740 --> 00:05:08,660 Speaker 2: Wow. So I don't know what you mean. Therefore, go ahead, 67 00:05:09,860 --> 00:05:12,820 Speaker 2: let me understand, Let me at least summarize. There are 68 00:05:12,860 --> 00:05:19,540 Speaker 2: two conflicting urges to be connected and to be secure, to. 69 00:05:19,620 --> 00:05:23,100 Speaker 3: Be se feel safe and to feel secure. 70 00:05:23,260 --> 00:05:26,340 Speaker 2: Okay, it's sound the same. Yeah, oh that, yes, what 71 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:28,260 Speaker 2: did you know? You didn't say connected earlier? 72 00:05:29,780 --> 00:05:35,300 Speaker 3: I did. But we go about feeling secure by being productive. 73 00:05:36,020 --> 00:05:39,860 Speaker 3: We've gotten things done, we're producing results for making things happen. 74 00:05:40,980 --> 00:05:46,299 Speaker 3: But we feel safe by being connected, which requires interest 75 00:05:46,300 --> 00:05:49,900 Speaker 3: in attention. And when someone's being productive, it's very hard 76 00:05:49,940 --> 00:05:52,540 Speaker 3: for them to have interest in attention. 77 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:57,700 Speaker 2: Oh so so okay, So, since you're attaching it to 78 00:05:57,740 --> 00:06:03,580 Speaker 2: this season, would an example be let's say, uh, let's say, 79 00:06:04,340 --> 00:06:08,180 Speaker 2: to use a generalization a the Let's say there's a 80 00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:12,620 Speaker 2: husband and wife. The wife is preoccupied with preparing for 81 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:16,500 Speaker 2: for the for Christmas and all the guests and yes, 82 00:06:16,860 --> 00:06:22,540 Speaker 2: and he therefore suffers a lack of attention from her. 83 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:28,300 Speaker 3: Yes, that will happen. Or he'll try to get attention 84 00:06:28,500 --> 00:06:34,580 Speaker 3: from her and she can't pay it, like she's got 85 00:06:34,620 --> 00:06:37,140 Speaker 3: to have these things done before she can even be 86 00:06:37,420 --> 00:06:42,420 Speaker 3: present to another human being, or the opposite may happen. 87 00:06:43,140 --> 00:06:47,339 Speaker 3: Someone's got deadlines and du dates and results to produce 88 00:06:47,420 --> 00:06:50,820 Speaker 3: for say the end of the year in a business, 89 00:06:51,700 --> 00:06:56,060 Speaker 3: and their partner is very romantic about the holidays, and 90 00:06:56,420 --> 00:06:58,940 Speaker 3: you know, we're supposed to have these moments of gazing 91 00:06:58,980 --> 00:07:01,740 Speaker 3: into each other's eyes and it's supposed to be so close, 92 00:07:02,180 --> 00:07:08,820 Speaker 3: but we're not. And that angst about that it's personal right, 93 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:13,220 Speaker 3: that the person who isn't getting attention, that it's personal 94 00:07:14,820 --> 00:07:18,820 Speaker 3: right instead of okay, we all have this, we all 95 00:07:18,860 --> 00:07:21,100 Speaker 3: have a degree to which we need to be products 96 00:07:21,700 --> 00:07:25,180 Speaker 3: and an agree to and then we can be connected 97 00:07:25,500 --> 00:07:29,460 Speaker 3: if you will. And one of the things that helps 98 00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:32,020 Speaker 3: to pay attention is to do it out loud instead 99 00:07:32,060 --> 00:07:35,300 Speaker 3: of struggle. Okay, what do you need to accomplish today 100 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:39,340 Speaker 3: before we can just be with each other and you 101 00:07:39,460 --> 00:07:43,500 Speaker 3: need any help, which is something else that happens. The 102 00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:46,740 Speaker 3: person who really has to be productive will get upset 103 00:07:46,740 --> 00:07:49,380 Speaker 3: that the other person isn't helping them. They just keep 104 00:07:49,420 --> 00:07:51,780 Speaker 3: trying to take their attention, but they're not helping them 105 00:07:51,820 --> 00:07:53,140 Speaker 3: get done what they need to get done. 106 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:57,660 Speaker 2: So this is well beyond just the Christmas problem. 107 00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:03,260 Speaker 3: It happens all year round. It just gets worse around 108 00:08:03,300 --> 00:08:07,740 Speaker 3: holidays because we have this romantic idea about how things 109 00:08:07,780 --> 00:08:09,620 Speaker 3: are supposed to be perfect, and we're supposed to be 110 00:08:09,620 --> 00:08:12,340 Speaker 3: so in love, and we're supposed to be so connected 111 00:08:12,580 --> 00:08:15,420 Speaker 3: and we'll see and yummy, yummy, and all these things 112 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:16,380 Speaker 3: are getting in a way bit. 113 00:08:19,060 --> 00:08:23,820 Speaker 2: Well so. In the case of the person whose professional work, 114 00:08:23,820 --> 00:08:29,940 Speaker 2: as opposed to the work of the home, is preoccupied 115 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:33,860 Speaker 2: in not giving enough attention to his or her spouse 116 00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:43,460 Speaker 2: or significant other, if you will, that's somewhat insoluble in 117 00:08:43,540 --> 00:08:48,020 Speaker 2: terms of it's not insoluble, but in terms of she, 118 00:08:48,500 --> 00:08:51,980 Speaker 2: let's say he. Let's say let's take the standard, and 119 00:08:52,020 --> 00:08:56,180 Speaker 2: it's no longer even the standard. But let's say he, well, 120 00:08:56,260 --> 00:09:00,420 Speaker 2: just for the sake of this analogy, he okay, so 121 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:08,620 Speaker 2: he is, he has some work. There's year end intensity 122 00:09:08,740 --> 00:09:13,660 Speaker 2: or even middle year intensity. Fine, the odds are because 123 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:18,340 Speaker 2: of the nature of the work, she can't really help him. 124 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,980 Speaker 2: He might be able to help her prepare for Christmas, 125 00:09:23,580 --> 00:09:28,500 Speaker 2: but I don't see it right, So it doesn't doesn't 126 00:09:28,540 --> 00:09:30,220 Speaker 2: equally go in both directions. 127 00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:36,140 Speaker 3: Well, support looks a lot of different ways. Sometimes support 128 00:09:36,179 --> 00:09:38,180 Speaker 3: is live someone alone to do what they need to do, 129 00:09:39,140 --> 00:09:43,420 Speaker 3: and don't be grumpy about it. Just like understand and 130 00:09:43,500 --> 00:09:45,700 Speaker 3: be supportive and can I pack you a lunch? 131 00:09:46,500 --> 00:09:46,660 Speaker 2: Right? 132 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:51,420 Speaker 3: Or you know Dan my boyfriend, right, he does all 133 00:09:51,460 --> 00:09:56,500 Speaker 3: the snow plowing around here, and and so he might 134 00:09:56,620 --> 00:09:59,500 Speaker 3: have to snowplows three or four times a day. And 135 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:02,140 Speaker 3: I get out on my tractor and I snowplouse too. 136 00:10:02,260 --> 00:10:05,420 Speaker 3: I did that last weekend. But sometimes instead I just 137 00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:06,380 Speaker 3: feed him. 138 00:10:06,940 --> 00:10:09,500 Speaker 2: That helps, all right, We'll be back at him on 139 00:10:09,580 --> 00:10:13,700 Speaker 2: a one eighth Prager seven seven six Alison Armstrong and 140 00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,100 Speaker 2: the Male Female Hour. 141 00:10:16,860 --> 00:10:26,740 Speaker 1: So Christmas, the city sidewalks, busy sidewalks. 142 00:10:27,860 --> 00:10:36,540 Speaker 2: Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager here and just want to remind 143 00:10:36,580 --> 00:10:43,140 Speaker 2: you about Angel Tree campaign. Kids. A lot of kids 144 00:10:43,140 --> 00:10:47,300 Speaker 2: in this country have a parent in prison. So there's 145 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:51,620 Speaker 2: a beautiful campaign to get them a gift hopefully from 146 00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:54,620 Speaker 2: the parent, as it were, a note from the parent, 147 00:10:56,940 --> 00:11:03,699 Speaker 2: give them some religious commitment. It's a very beautiful campaign. 148 00:11:04,940 --> 00:11:08,700 Speaker 2: So if you do as I do, especially at the 149 00:11:08,780 --> 00:11:10,740 Speaker 2: end of the year, you want to give some more charity, 150 00:11:11,980 --> 00:11:17,540 Speaker 2: this is the one at Salem for Christmas, the Angel 151 00:11:17,580 --> 00:11:20,300 Speaker 2: Tree campaign. There is a banner at my website Dennis 152 00:11:20,300 --> 00:11:27,660 Speaker 2: Prager dot com twenty five dollars services eight kid obviously 153 00:11:27,700 --> 00:11:30,020 Speaker 2: ten Kids is two hundred and fifty dollars. It's tax 154 00:11:30,060 --> 00:11:34,860 Speaker 2: deductible and you will feel good that you've done good. 155 00:11:35,020 --> 00:11:39,220 Speaker 2: Angel Tree campaign. The banner is at Dennisprager dot com, 156 00:11:39,860 --> 00:11:43,180 Speaker 2: so I'll give you a moment to click there. Presents 157 00:11:43,220 --> 00:11:46,900 Speaker 2: are a testimony of God's love for the incarcerated parent. 158 00:11:46,980 --> 00:11:52,420 Speaker 2: That's their motto. That's very nice. I am here with 159 00:11:52,540 --> 00:11:58,380 Speaker 2: you on the Male Female Hour with the inimitable Alison Armstrong. 160 00:11:59,900 --> 00:12:03,700 Speaker 2: And so what's on your mind? It seems to me 161 00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:07,380 Speaker 2: is the is the great conflict of how do I 162 00:12:07,460 --> 00:12:10,020 Speaker 2: do my work and attend to my spouse or a 163 00:12:10,060 --> 00:12:11,540 Speaker 2: significant other? Is that fair? 164 00:12:14,540 --> 00:12:17,980 Speaker 3: It's fair, and it's easier to pay it. And as 165 00:12:18,020 --> 00:12:22,460 Speaker 3: atention like this is important, this is the source of 166 00:12:22,620 --> 00:12:28,940 Speaker 3: so many break downs and breakups because it's not really 167 00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:33,940 Speaker 3: it's not just do my job right, when it's doing 168 00:12:34,020 --> 00:12:38,580 Speaker 3: our job being productive, respected, trusted. That makes us feel secure, 169 00:12:39,860 --> 00:12:46,260 Speaker 3: and until we're secure, we we can't really be present. However, 170 00:12:46,300 --> 00:12:49,900 Speaker 3: we access feeling secure and feeling safe. That's what allows 171 00:12:49,940 --> 00:12:52,900 Speaker 3: us to be pregnancy each other. And it's something we 172 00:12:52,940 --> 00:12:55,500 Speaker 3: all need supporting because it's a very difficult thing for 173 00:12:55,580 --> 00:13:00,420 Speaker 3: human beings to be and so it's like, you know, 174 00:13:00,420 --> 00:13:02,660 Speaker 3: you don't pay me attention, We'll all go to work. 175 00:13:03,340 --> 00:13:08,220 Speaker 3: We don't understand why these arguments persist because we don't know. 176 00:13:08,420 --> 00:13:13,140 Speaker 3: It's really about safety, and until people experience safety, they 177 00:13:13,179 --> 00:13:16,300 Speaker 3: also can experience something. You and I are really committed 178 00:13:16,340 --> 00:13:22,220 Speaker 3: to happiness. Right until we feel safe and secure, we 179 00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:26,900 Speaker 3: won't experience happiness. So the more we can support each 180 00:13:26,900 --> 00:13:31,540 Speaker 3: other during this time, the better. And I laughed. Left 181 00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:34,100 Speaker 3: Dennis and he said that the man can help the 182 00:13:34,140 --> 00:13:37,380 Speaker 3: woman with like preparing the home for the holidays. I 183 00:13:37,500 --> 00:13:42,020 Speaker 3: laughed because one of the problems of being female with 184 00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:45,860 Speaker 3: a home to prepare the holidays is another person can 185 00:13:45,900 --> 00:13:49,020 Speaker 3: only help to the degree that they're certified in doing 186 00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:49,740 Speaker 3: it my way. 187 00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:57,660 Speaker 2: Oh so, I learned early on in by marriage that 188 00:13:58,100 --> 00:14:03,220 Speaker 2: my doing the dishes was regarded as a joke. And 189 00:14:04,780 --> 00:14:08,020 Speaker 2: I have bounced this off other couples and it is 190 00:14:08,220 --> 00:14:14,020 Speaker 2: I am not a unique issue in this regard. Men 191 00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:17,500 Speaker 2: have told me that they washed the dishes and that 192 00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:21,220 Speaker 2: when they left the kitchen, the wife would re washed 193 00:14:21,260 --> 00:14:27,900 Speaker 2: the dishes. We're not certified as dishwashers, so I haven't 194 00:14:28,060 --> 00:14:33,820 Speaker 2: washed the dish at least a decade since it's it's 195 00:14:33,980 --> 00:14:36,740 Speaker 2: insulting to have your dish re washed. 196 00:14:38,940 --> 00:14:42,500 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, it can be in it. I mean it's 197 00:14:42,540 --> 00:14:47,860 Speaker 3: a whole topic, right, do things my way? Yeah, and 198 00:14:47,980 --> 00:14:49,940 Speaker 3: I can release it to you if I know you 199 00:14:50,020 --> 00:14:52,700 Speaker 3: do it my way. It's not enough to merely produce 200 00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:56,220 Speaker 3: the results. You have to have gotten there the same way, 201 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:56,980 Speaker 3: the same way. 202 00:14:57,300 --> 00:15:00,620 Speaker 2: Oh God, this is why this is why you're Alison 203 00:15:00,740 --> 00:15:06,500 Speaker 2: Armstrong and I'm not. That's that is such a perfect 204 00:15:06,540 --> 00:15:12,140 Speaker 2: way of putting it. Yeah, we we men are results oriented. 205 00:15:12,260 --> 00:15:16,860 Speaker 2: Like I've solved the problem of the dirty dish. Ah, 206 00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:20,220 Speaker 2: but you didn't do it my way? All right, Well 207 00:15:20,300 --> 00:15:23,860 Speaker 2: I don't what I don't quite understand, but I assume 208 00:15:25,180 --> 00:15:29,980 Speaker 2: that you will explain it because you're gifted. What is 209 00:15:30,020 --> 00:15:33,300 Speaker 2: the connection between that and feeling safe and secure? 210 00:15:36,380 --> 00:15:43,140 Speaker 3: Well, so I chose these words on purpose because the 211 00:15:43,140 --> 00:15:47,420 Speaker 3: only time I've heard men talk about feeling safe is 212 00:15:47,540 --> 00:15:51,500 Speaker 3: in the domain of to tell the truth, that it's 213 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:55,460 Speaker 3: safe to tell the truth. That like a lot of 214 00:15:55,460 --> 00:15:59,060 Speaker 3: men don't feel safe to tell their wives or girlfriends 215 00:15:59,180 --> 00:16:03,340 Speaker 3: the truth because of how she reacts. And then that's 216 00:16:03,980 --> 00:16:06,700 Speaker 3: when I hear men talk about feeling safe. The rest 217 00:16:06,740 --> 00:16:11,740 Speaker 3: of the time I hear the words secure, and which 218 00:16:11,780 --> 00:16:18,380 Speaker 3: is interesting because secure is a lot more factual, and 219 00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:23,500 Speaker 3: it'll be based on things that are measurable, and that 220 00:16:23,700 --> 00:16:27,740 Speaker 3: the result was produced, that I got the promotion, that 221 00:16:27,860 --> 00:16:32,140 Speaker 3: I'm well thought of by my boss, as evidenced by 222 00:16:32,700 --> 00:16:36,220 Speaker 3: the accountability they gave me, or what they said about 223 00:16:36,220 --> 00:16:40,420 Speaker 3: me to somebody else. All that stuff can be more tracked, 224 00:16:41,100 --> 00:16:46,420 Speaker 3: whereas feeling literally a feeling safe is one of the 225 00:16:46,700 --> 00:16:53,260 Speaker 3: biggest mysteries about interacting with women, because you can't make 226 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:58,740 Speaker 3: us feel safe. And then the fact that we flip 227 00:16:59,020 --> 00:17:03,300 Speaker 3: back and forth from needing to be productive and needing 228 00:17:03,420 --> 00:17:07,220 Speaker 3: to be connected. You've heard me express it before, as 229 00:17:07,780 --> 00:17:11,820 Speaker 3: we're both hunters and gatherers, and hunting we need to 230 00:17:11,859 --> 00:17:15,659 Speaker 3: be productive gathering. We need to have this diffuse awareness 231 00:17:15,659 --> 00:17:19,300 Speaker 3: and pay attention to everybody and feel like we know 232 00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:25,939 Speaker 3: what's going on with them they see us. So it's 233 00:17:26,219 --> 00:17:31,019 Speaker 3: really really tricky, and especially with different roles like I 234 00:17:31,219 --> 00:17:34,980 Speaker 3: was always the one who had any year end deadlines, 235 00:17:35,739 --> 00:17:40,019 Speaker 3: and so the Christmas tree never went up until I 236 00:17:40,060 --> 00:17:42,939 Speaker 3: think my worst might have been December twenty third or something, 237 00:17:43,500 --> 00:17:47,580 Speaker 3: but usually like December nineteenth or something like that, and 238 00:17:47,659 --> 00:17:50,939 Speaker 3: Greg wanted the Christmas tree up a Thanksgiving, but I 239 00:17:50,979 --> 00:17:54,499 Speaker 3: was in the sick of things then, and the funny 240 00:17:54,540 --> 00:17:59,300 Speaker 3: thing was our last Christmas together. I didn't even want 241 00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:01,540 Speaker 3: to put up the Christmas tree because the kids weren't coming. 242 00:18:01,619 --> 00:18:06,100 Speaker 3: We were going to them, and he really wanted it up, 243 00:18:06,260 --> 00:18:12,060 Speaker 3: and I said, okay, then I need you to do it. 244 00:18:12,219 --> 00:18:13,900 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, it was so funny. 245 00:18:15,020 --> 00:18:18,139 Speaker 2: Was it funny or is it funny? Now? Was it? 246 00:18:18,619 --> 00:18:21,059 Speaker 2: I don't know? If it was funny, then we'll come 247 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:23,100 Speaker 2: back in a moment. I want to get I want 248 00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:27,659 Speaker 2: to explore the other part where about men's feeling. I 249 00:18:27,699 --> 00:18:30,939 Speaker 2: want to explore it all, but men not feeling safe 250 00:18:31,739 --> 00:18:37,019 Speaker 2: to say what's on their mind to their to their wife. 251 00:18:37,619 --> 00:18:43,300 Speaker 3: I can untak that one. 252 00:18:42,780 --> 00:18:50,780 Speaker 2: Where the tree Listen, Hi, everybody, Male Female Hour, Wednesday 253 00:18:50,859 --> 00:18:58,939 Speaker 2: Second Hour. Alison Armstrong at Alison Armstrong dot com devoted 254 00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:01,899 Speaker 2: her life to understanding men. Her story, by the way, 255 00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:09,340 Speaker 2: is truly magnificent. She simply wanted to understand men. Right 256 00:19:09,459 --> 00:19:12,419 Speaker 2: when you were a young woman, that's what when you 257 00:19:12,459 --> 00:19:13,540 Speaker 2: were a younger woman. 258 00:19:15,979 --> 00:19:20,300 Speaker 3: I was thirty years old and I and my friend 259 00:19:20,379 --> 00:19:24,379 Speaker 3: was called a frog farmer. Right as in a woman 260 00:19:24,419 --> 00:19:29,019 Speaker 3: who turns princes into francs, and I got it. I 261 00:19:29,060 --> 00:19:31,259 Speaker 3: was bringing out the worst of men, and I wanted 262 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:33,780 Speaker 3: to know how I was doing that stuff. 263 00:19:35,619 --> 00:19:39,739 Speaker 2: You know, that's that's even beyond the male female issue 264 00:19:39,820 --> 00:19:43,899 Speaker 2: and male female hour. It is worthy of its own attention. 265 00:19:45,580 --> 00:19:50,619 Speaker 2: The vast majority of people, maybe in history, maybe especially 266 00:19:50,699 --> 00:19:55,899 Speaker 2: in our time, do not ever ask, am I responsible 267 00:19:56,419 --> 00:20:03,260 Speaker 2: for a crisis that I'm in? That's it is you 268 00:20:03,340 --> 00:20:09,499 Speaker 2: did when I when I divorced, I remember thinking I 269 00:20:09,820 --> 00:20:12,379 Speaker 2: didn't even ask who was right. It didn't enter my brain. 270 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:15,899 Speaker 2: I just knew I was part of the issue. And 271 00:20:15,939 --> 00:20:21,699 Speaker 2: I and I and I simply went to a therapist, 272 00:20:22,179 --> 00:20:24,979 Speaker 2: a brilliant guy, and I said, I want to know. 273 00:20:25,179 --> 00:20:30,220 Speaker 2: I want to know what I did wrong and if 274 00:20:30,340 --> 00:20:33,460 Speaker 2: I had left therapy sessions. I don't want to get 275 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:35,219 Speaker 2: sidetracked for a long time, but I just want to 276 00:20:35,260 --> 00:20:37,379 Speaker 2: say this to you because it's so in keeping with 277 00:20:37,820 --> 00:20:42,180 Speaker 2: what you said about yourself. The last thing I wanted 278 00:20:42,260 --> 00:20:45,780 Speaker 2: to do this is many years ago, but the last 279 00:20:45,859 --> 00:20:49,859 Speaker 2: thing I wanted to do was feel good. I assume 280 00:20:49,939 --> 00:20:52,659 Speaker 2: that if I felt good every time I left a therapist, 281 00:20:53,219 --> 00:21:02,979 Speaker 2: nothing was happening. I didn't go for reinforcement that I 282 00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:05,939 Speaker 2: am a healthy, wonderful you would be. I went, I 283 00:21:05,979 --> 00:21:08,539 Speaker 2: wanted to find out, you know, what went wrong with 284 00:21:08,540 --> 00:21:12,899 Speaker 2: the carburetor. It's just so anyway, I so salute you 285 00:21:12,979 --> 00:21:16,740 Speaker 2: and it Obviously you have so affected so many people 286 00:21:16,780 --> 00:21:19,340 Speaker 2: as a result, so I want to go back to this. 287 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:24,259 Speaker 2: So we're talking about issues that can create tension between 288 00:21:24,300 --> 00:21:28,780 Speaker 2: couples and in the holiday season and for that matter, 289 00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:30,739 Speaker 2: the rest of the year. Then tell me if my 290 00:21:30,780 --> 00:21:35,619 Speaker 2: summary is accurate and one one of the arenas is 291 00:21:35,939 --> 00:21:41,700 Speaker 2: where one one of one partner may not feel all 292 00:21:41,780 --> 00:21:45,499 Speaker 2: that attended to and therefore not that secure because the 293 00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:50,659 Speaker 2: other is preoccupied with the hunt, the hunting and or gathering, 294 00:21:51,179 --> 00:21:55,100 Speaker 2: in other words, doing work. So that's one issue you're raising. 295 00:21:55,179 --> 00:22:01,179 Speaker 3: Correct, Yes, iay it a little differently, but close enough, 296 00:22:01,619 --> 00:22:03,459 Speaker 3: because you want to get to this business of it 297 00:22:03,619 --> 00:22:04,939 Speaker 3: being safe to tell the truth. 298 00:22:05,139 --> 00:22:09,219 Speaker 2: Yes, because I have. I have on my own noted 299 00:22:10,619 --> 00:22:15,139 Speaker 2: how much men walk on eggshells with their wives, even 300 00:22:15,179 --> 00:22:18,379 Speaker 2: if they love them and the wife loves them, about 301 00:22:18,619 --> 00:22:23,740 Speaker 2: for example, their sexual nature, and they clam up, and 302 00:22:25,300 --> 00:22:30,779 Speaker 2: very few men acknowledge this publicly because they're afraid to. 303 00:22:32,699 --> 00:22:36,419 Speaker 2: I have been endowed with a relatively fearless nature that 304 00:22:37,659 --> 00:22:41,859 Speaker 2: I don't care. People doesn't matter. All I know is 305 00:22:41,939 --> 00:22:45,419 Speaker 2: I know this is true. And then my line and 306 00:22:45,459 --> 00:22:52,659 Speaker 2: I'd love you to react. Obviously. My takeaway is so 307 00:22:52,739 --> 00:22:56,539 Speaker 2: many women say, you know, my husband doesn't he's he's silent, 308 00:22:56,659 --> 00:23:00,819 Speaker 2: he doesn't talk. But if he's afraid to talk, that 309 00:23:00,899 --> 00:23:04,419 Speaker 2: might be one of the reasons. And I'm not blaming 310 00:23:04,500 --> 00:23:09,460 Speaker 2: the woman. She's reacting to her own fear of hearing, 311 00:23:10,820 --> 00:23:15,219 Speaker 2: of hearing these things that a man might might say. 312 00:23:15,739 --> 00:23:22,139 Speaker 2: So go ahead, yes, I want Yes, it's all yours now, Okay. 313 00:23:22,379 --> 00:23:27,419 Speaker 3: So I get a webinar that people can get on 314 00:23:27,419 --> 00:23:31,459 Speaker 3: our site in the holiday sale, called why you Can't 315 00:23:31,459 --> 00:23:35,700 Speaker 3: Trust Man to tell the Truth? And when I publicized it, 316 00:23:35,739 --> 00:23:39,099 Speaker 3: my graduates were freaked out that Alison Armstrong would say 317 00:23:39,139 --> 00:23:42,179 Speaker 3: you can't trust man to tell the truth. But the 318 00:23:42,179 --> 00:23:49,699 Speaker 3: webinar itself is a rug pool because AKA, how honest men? 319 00:23:51,260 --> 00:23:56,220 Speaker 3: How women convince honest men that it's not WORTHI wow? 320 00:23:56,340 --> 00:24:01,859 Speaker 3: And yeah, and how I unpacked this is this very 321 00:24:01,859 --> 00:24:02,899 Speaker 3: interesting daynamics? 322 00:24:02,899 --> 00:24:05,339 Speaker 2: All right, hold on, remember this point. How do you 323 00:24:05,419 --> 00:24:20,379 Speaker 2: unpack this thing? That this is really really important? Love odreams. Hi, everybody, 324 00:24:20,820 --> 00:24:26,219 Speaker 2: Female Hour Dennis Prager Show every Wednesday, second hour every 325 00:24:26,300 --> 00:24:35,060 Speaker 2: season is inaugurated by having Allison Armstrong home, and we're 326 00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:38,100 Speaker 2: inaugurating winter drop early. 327 00:24:40,020 --> 00:24:42,100 Speaker 3: Actually, we're sneaking in fall. 328 00:24:43,820 --> 00:24:45,540 Speaker 2: It's what sneaking in fall? 329 00:24:47,500 --> 00:24:49,259 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're in the last week of fall. 330 00:24:49,500 --> 00:24:50,500 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's right. 331 00:24:50,580 --> 00:24:55,259 Speaker 3: Yeah, we're just sneaking in to cover all forms ks beautiful. 332 00:24:55,379 --> 00:25:01,340 Speaker 2: By the way, you mentioned that, is it Dan? Yes, 333 00:25:01,419 --> 00:25:04,340 Speaker 2: you mentioned that Dan does the snow plowing at your. 334 00:25:04,219 --> 00:25:09,259 Speaker 3: Place most of it. Yes, I've recently gotten involved with 335 00:25:09,300 --> 00:25:09,900 Speaker 3: my tactics. 336 00:25:10,619 --> 00:25:13,340 Speaker 2: Very nice. I just wanted I didn't want to interrupt, 337 00:25:13,340 --> 00:25:17,580 Speaker 2: but I wanted to note that whenever there is snowfall 338 00:25:17,820 --> 00:25:25,060 Speaker 2: at the Prager House, I also do the snow plowing. 339 00:25:25,699 --> 00:25:31,580 Speaker 2: Oh wow, yeah, just I just thought I would throw 340 00:25:31,659 --> 00:25:36,499 Speaker 2: that in. I saw my complete identification. Yes, it is 341 00:25:36,540 --> 00:25:40,300 Speaker 2: commendable that I live in southern California, which hasn't seen 342 00:25:40,379 --> 00:25:44,300 Speaker 2: snow in a century, at least not plowable snow is 343 00:25:44,340 --> 00:25:47,539 Speaker 2: a separate issue, all right, back to the serious Uh, 344 00:25:48,100 --> 00:25:53,020 Speaker 2: one of the many arenas of possible tension between between. 345 00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:56,979 Speaker 3: I'm sorry, yeah, we read to get back to this. 346 00:25:57,100 --> 00:25:57,699 Speaker 3: It's really. 347 00:25:57,979 --> 00:26:01,460 Speaker 2: Yes, Well you're a line about what is it that 348 00:26:01,820 --> 00:26:05,939 Speaker 2: women teach men not to tell them the truth? Was 349 00:26:05,939 --> 00:26:07,020 Speaker 2: that your line? 350 00:26:06,699 --> 00:26:10,580 Speaker 3: We tain honest men, We teach honest men they're telling 351 00:26:10,619 --> 00:26:14,100 Speaker 3: the truth isn't worth it? And can I tell you? 352 00:26:14,100 --> 00:26:16,260 Speaker 2: Ah happy, I am quiet? 353 00:26:18,219 --> 00:26:22,820 Speaker 3: Okay. So the dynamics is and it's one of the 354 00:26:22,899 --> 00:26:26,739 Speaker 3: things that's really different about women than men. So women 355 00:26:26,939 --> 00:26:36,020 Speaker 3: tend to traffic in if you will, being upset and so, 356 00:26:36,500 --> 00:26:40,379 Speaker 3: and we think it has a lot more weight than 357 00:26:40,419 --> 00:26:43,699 Speaker 3: it does, just like approval and disapproval. Parents tend to 358 00:26:43,979 --> 00:26:47,499 Speaker 3: traffic in that, and they think it should cause everything 359 00:26:47,500 --> 00:26:51,179 Speaker 3: to happen, and it doesn't cause what they want. So 360 00:26:51,859 --> 00:26:54,219 Speaker 3: what will happen is a man will tell a woman 361 00:26:54,260 --> 00:27:00,180 Speaker 3: the truths, and his truth upsets her. She's really upset 362 00:27:01,219 --> 00:27:03,899 Speaker 3: by what's true for him. And she thinks if he 363 00:27:04,139 --> 00:27:08,340 Speaker 3: knows how upsets he is about what's true for him, 364 00:27:09,179 --> 00:27:14,979 Speaker 3: that he will change what's true for him, that he'll 365 00:27:15,100 --> 00:27:20,219 Speaker 3: change his mind, he'll change his heart. If he just 366 00:27:20,340 --> 00:27:23,540 Speaker 3: knows how very upset she is by it, she'll change it. 367 00:27:24,619 --> 00:27:30,179 Speaker 3: But women don't follow the trail of logic, which men, 368 00:27:31,060 --> 00:27:33,100 Speaker 3: what's true for you it is probably been true for 369 00:27:33,139 --> 00:27:36,580 Speaker 3: you for a long time, and it didn't cause any 370 00:27:36,619 --> 00:27:44,580 Speaker 3: problems until you told her. So you assign the problem 371 00:27:44,699 --> 00:27:47,619 Speaker 3: to telling her the truth, not to what the truth 372 00:27:47,739 --> 00:27:51,499 Speaker 3: is for you. And women don't know that men are 373 00:27:51,699 --> 00:27:55,699 Speaker 3: that logical, that they're pretty that much attention, that the 374 00:27:55,820 --> 00:27:58,659 Speaker 3: problem came in with telling you that we didn't have 375 00:27:58,659 --> 00:28:02,020 Speaker 3: any problems before I told you, so I just won't 376 00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:06,340 Speaker 3: tell you. And that's how women teach honest men. It's 377 00:28:06,379 --> 00:28:07,259 Speaker 3: not worth it to tell the. 378 00:28:07,260 --> 00:28:09,819 Speaker 2: Truth, all right, So people will make you pay for it. 379 00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:12,060 Speaker 2: I have an example in my mind, but I rather 380 00:28:12,100 --> 00:28:12,700 Speaker 2: you give one. 381 00:28:14,979 --> 00:28:22,820 Speaker 3: Oh golly, okay, I'll give you something useful. And if 382 00:28:22,820 --> 00:28:25,100 Speaker 3: a woman can ask this question or a man can 383 00:28:25,179 --> 00:28:29,940 Speaker 3: ask this question and then not in not traffic and upset, 384 00:28:30,780 --> 00:28:35,219 Speaker 3: it would be the question, is there anything you need 385 00:28:35,260 --> 00:28:41,300 Speaker 3: from me that you've given up on getting? This can 386 00:28:41,380 --> 00:28:44,660 Speaker 3: save a marriage. Is there anything you need from me 387 00:28:44,700 --> 00:28:48,219 Speaker 3: you've given up on getting? Because the things we truly 388 00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:51,020 Speaker 3: need eventually we won't be willing to live without anymore. 389 00:28:52,140 --> 00:28:56,259 Speaker 3: So if you have the guts, it takes courage to 390 00:28:56,420 --> 00:28:59,499 Speaker 3: ask your mate that question. And if they say, no, 391 00:28:59,540 --> 00:29:03,299 Speaker 3: there's nothing I've given up on getting, then just to check, Okay, 392 00:29:03,340 --> 00:29:05,539 Speaker 3: is there anything you need from me that's too hard 393 00:29:05,580 --> 00:29:08,779 Speaker 3: to get so you might someday give up on getting 394 00:29:09,700 --> 00:29:14,140 Speaker 3: And then imaginary duct tape and listen and learn tuy 395 00:29:14,219 --> 00:29:18,380 Speaker 3: out compassion for this other person who's been going going 396 00:29:18,420 --> 00:29:24,340 Speaker 3: without something that really matters to them, and that's important information. 397 00:29:24,540 --> 00:29:27,940 Speaker 3: And the withholding of that kind of information is actually 398 00:29:27,940 --> 00:29:30,739 Speaker 3: one of the ways that we am masculated. We withhold 399 00:29:30,820 --> 00:29:35,260 Speaker 3: quality information, and we teach people to withhold quality information 400 00:29:35,420 --> 00:29:37,340 Speaker 3: by not being grown up the best. 401 00:29:41,180 --> 00:29:44,620 Speaker 2: So I am so impressed with what you've just said 402 00:29:45,459 --> 00:29:49,260 Speaker 2: that I actually wrote them down and I will keep them. 403 00:29:49,260 --> 00:29:57,820 Speaker 2: So here was one women traffic and being upset. It's 404 00:29:57,860 --> 00:30:02,180 Speaker 2: such a devastating line. By the way, I just want 405 00:30:02,180 --> 00:30:05,739 Speaker 2: to remind people something I say frequently at the beginning 406 00:30:05,780 --> 00:30:08,900 Speaker 2: of the Male Female Hour. I am not a man 407 00:30:08,979 --> 00:30:12,499 Speaker 2: fan or a woman fan. I have no problem in 408 00:30:12,540 --> 00:30:16,380 Speaker 2: criticizing either sex or in praising either sex. My only 409 00:30:16,420 --> 00:30:20,380 Speaker 2: agenda is truth and that they get along. So just 410 00:30:20,900 --> 00:30:25,100 Speaker 2: to put that in perspective, then your question, I hope 411 00:30:25,100 --> 00:30:27,900 Speaker 2: I wrote it down correctly. Is there anything you need 412 00:30:27,940 --> 00:30:34,299 Speaker 2: from me that you've given up on getting? Now? Do 413 00:30:34,380 --> 00:30:37,180 Speaker 2: you hold that both sexes should ask this question of 414 00:30:37,219 --> 00:30:37,820 Speaker 2: their partner. 415 00:30:39,459 --> 00:30:42,700 Speaker 3: Yes, because we're both afraid. 416 00:30:42,739 --> 00:30:44,860 Speaker 2: To hear the answer it. 417 00:30:45,260 --> 00:30:50,100 Speaker 3: Yet we're both afraid to tell the answer. We won't 418 00:30:50,140 --> 00:30:55,540 Speaker 3: volunteer it. By the time we've given up, we're so resigned, 419 00:30:55,739 --> 00:30:58,860 Speaker 3: or we may never even asked, we were too scared 420 00:30:58,860 --> 00:31:00,140 Speaker 3: to ask for it in the first. 421 00:30:59,940 --> 00:31:03,420 Speaker 2: Would you say that that if you could ask couples 422 00:31:04,300 --> 00:31:08,860 Speaker 2: to do one thing with asking that question of each other, 423 00:31:08,979 --> 00:31:09,259 Speaker 2: be it? 424 00:31:15,780 --> 00:31:21,540 Speaker 3: Well? Probably before that, I would say, get curious. It's 425 00:31:21,620 --> 00:31:24,700 Speaker 3: across the board. Get curious. It comes from the Greek 426 00:31:24,700 --> 00:31:28,060 Speaker 3: word that needs to care. Get curious about the other 427 00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:31,540 Speaker 3: person's world, the other person's truth, the other person's experience, 428 00:31:31,940 --> 00:31:35,060 Speaker 3: the other person's reasons for why they do what they do, 429 00:31:35,780 --> 00:31:37,860 Speaker 3: which was a breakthrough that I had when I started 430 00:31:37,860 --> 00:31:39,340 Speaker 3: studying men back. 431 00:31:39,180 --> 00:31:43,140 Speaker 2: In a moment, You're you're great, Stay there, stay there 432 00:31:46,100 --> 00:31:55,260 Speaker 2: on a cold Winders night. That was so tape, no word. 433 00:31:56,180 --> 00:32:04,580 Speaker 3: No. 434 00:32:02,820 --> 00:32:11,779 Speaker 2: Hi everyone, final segment. Unfortunately, the Winter Radition is inaugurated 435 00:32:11,860 --> 00:32:18,620 Speaker 2: with Alison Armstrong and this has been really powerful stuff. 436 00:32:18,780 --> 00:32:27,660 Speaker 2: Allison these Yes, you're more than welcome. God, I'll tell 437 00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:30,420 Speaker 2: you I'm going to do I'm going to repeat it 438 00:32:30,660 --> 00:32:33,739 Speaker 2: of course attributed entirely to you. Is there anything you 439 00:32:33,860 --> 00:32:38,219 Speaker 2: need from me that you've given up on you've given 440 00:32:38,300 --> 00:32:41,859 Speaker 2: up on getting I wrote it down correctly. Why did 441 00:32:41,900 --> 00:32:43,739 Speaker 2: you want to add at the very end because we 442 00:32:43,820 --> 00:32:45,420 Speaker 2: have just the two and a half minutes. 443 00:32:48,780 --> 00:32:54,060 Speaker 3: Well, I would say one of the biggest shifts right. 444 00:32:54,100 --> 00:32:56,900 Speaker 3: I started studying men in nineteen ninety one, to Franet 445 00:32:56,940 --> 00:32:59,820 Speaker 3: has bringing out the worst to them, which I didn't 446 00:32:59,820 --> 00:33:04,900 Speaker 3: know because I was so normal and it never occurred 447 00:33:04,900 --> 00:33:06,340 Speaker 3: to me I was bringing out the worst of men. 448 00:33:06,420 --> 00:33:11,140 Speaker 3: I thought, this is just how men were. And later 449 00:33:11,260 --> 00:33:15,140 Speaker 3: on a question popped into my head. What if no 450 00:33:15,180 --> 00:33:21,339 Speaker 3: one is misbehaving, including you and the corle to that is, 451 00:33:21,380 --> 00:33:24,779 Speaker 3: what if there's a good reason for that? So what 452 00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:28,220 Speaker 3: if good people have good reasons for everything they do? 453 00:33:29,260 --> 00:33:31,860 Speaker 3: And now everyone in live said to a man, I 454 00:33:31,860 --> 00:33:34,140 Speaker 3: assume you have a good reason for what you did, 455 00:33:34,300 --> 00:33:37,180 Speaker 3: and could you explain it to me? And from time 456 00:33:37,260 --> 00:33:39,020 Speaker 3: to time I've had it. Man say no, I didn't 457 00:33:39,020 --> 00:33:42,580 Speaker 3: have a good reason. I was just a jerk. But 458 00:33:42,700 --> 00:33:46,219 Speaker 3: because I granted good reason, wasn't attacking him, he could 459 00:33:46,219 --> 00:33:49,340 Speaker 3: own that he did less than he thinks he should have. 460 00:33:50,540 --> 00:33:54,380 Speaker 3: And if we get curious about why people do what 461 00:33:54,420 --> 00:33:57,459 Speaker 3: they do and grant that they're a good reason. The 462 00:33:57,580 --> 00:34:01,100 Speaker 3: good reason may be an instinctual compulsion right to be 463 00:34:01,219 --> 00:34:04,940 Speaker 3: safe and secure, or it could be a deeply held 464 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:12,460 Speaker 3: thoughtful value that's part of who that person is, and 465 00:34:14,340 --> 00:34:19,620 Speaker 3: curiosity about that it has. People experience being seen, and 466 00:34:19,660 --> 00:34:24,100 Speaker 3: when we feel seen, we get hope. It's one of 467 00:34:24,100 --> 00:34:26,620 Speaker 3: the ways that we get hopeful. Oh my gosh, you 468 00:34:26,780 --> 00:34:30,900 Speaker 3: see me. So many things can happen now, and mostly 469 00:34:30,980 --> 00:34:35,540 Speaker 3: we live in a world where are anybody feels seen, 470 00:34:36,140 --> 00:34:38,899 Speaker 3: and especially by their significant other, they can end up 471 00:34:38,900 --> 00:34:40,180 Speaker 3: feeling the least scene. 472 00:34:40,540 --> 00:34:47,140 Speaker 2: All right, you're terrific. Merry Christmas, Dear Allison, may you, 473 00:34:47,540 --> 00:34:50,860 Speaker 2: May you plow beautifully? 474 00:34:51,540 --> 00:34:52,940 Speaker 3: I love being on my tax. 475 00:35:03,819 --> 00:35:08,140 Speaker 1: This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennisprager 476 00:35:08,180 --> 00:35:11,739 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, 477 00:35:11,739 --> 00:35:16,420 Speaker 1: and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.