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Speaker 1: Welcome, everybody, to Christian Parent Crazy World, a podcast that

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Speaker 1: tackles tough topics to help you be a godly parent

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Speaker 1: in an ungodly world. I am your host, Katherine Seegers,

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Speaker 1: and today we are going to tackle a really important question.

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Speaker 2: What is the.

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Speaker 1: Purpose of our parenting? Have you ever stopped to think

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Speaker 1: about that question? It's a simple one. but it's an

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Speaker 1: important one for every parent to consider because sometimes we

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Speaker 1: skip right over the purpose and jump straight to what

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Speaker 1: we hope to accomplish in our parenting to raise responsible kids,

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Speaker 1: successful kids, happy kids, or as Christian parents, kids who

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Speaker 1: love and follow Jesus. But what if we have the

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Speaker 1: wrong purpose from the start? Even when we have the

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Speaker 1: best intentions, we can end up striving toward outcomes that

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Speaker 1: were never ours to control in the first place. So

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Speaker 1: today we are going to step back and examine the

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Speaker 1: foundation underneath our parenting and ask whether the way we're

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Speaker 1: approaching this calling is actually aligned with what God intended.

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Speaker 1: That's the plan for this episode of Christian Parent Crazy World.

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Speaker 1: You know, I've been thinking a lot about how easy

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Speaker 1: it is to get caught up in all the things

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Speaker 1: we're supposed to be doing as parents. Are we teaching

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Speaker 1: them the right things? Are we setting the right boundaries?

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Speaker 1: Are we preparing them for their future? Are we doing enough?

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Speaker 1: But underneath all of those questions is a more important question.

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Speaker 1: Do we really understand what our job as parents is?

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Speaker 1: Because the way we think about our job shapes the

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Speaker 1: way we parent. And if we get the foundation wrong,

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Speaker 1: Even the things we're doing with the best of intentions

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Speaker 1: can lead us in the wrong direction. That's why I

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Speaker 1: love this conversation with Candice Nassar. She introduces a distinction

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Speaker 1: between ownership parenting and ambassador parenting that can really transform

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Speaker 1: the way we think about our role as a parent.

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Speaker 1: What do we believe our job is? What are we

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Speaker 1: responsible for? And what ultimately is belongs to God. We

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Speaker 1: are going to unpack all of that in our conversation today.

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Speaker 1: Candice Nassar is the founder and executive director of MomQ,

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Speaker 1: which is a mentor-led discipleship ministry that equips Christian mothers

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Speaker 1: with biblical wisdom and helps them to grow in their faith,

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Speaker 1: to strengthen their marriages, and to build a Christ-centered home.

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Speaker 1: You're going to hear all about Candice and her ministry

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Speaker 1: in this podcast, but most of all, Candice has a

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Speaker 1: deep desire to equip parents, especially moms, with the right

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Speaker 1: foundation for parenting to help us understand our calling and

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Speaker 1: learn to parent our children in a way that reflects

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Speaker 1: the heart of God. So with that said, I will

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Speaker 1: take you to my conversation with Candice Nassar. Candice, it's

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Speaker 1: so awesome to have you here on Christian Parent Crazy World.

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Speaker 2: Welcome. Thank you so much. I'm so excited and honored

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Speaker 2: to be here, Katherine.

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Speaker 1: Yes, we just had a really rich, wonderful conversation on

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Speaker 1: your show. I will make sure that my listeners hear

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Speaker 1: about that, those who subscribe on my website. But definitely

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Speaker 1: check out your podcast. We're going to hear all about

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Speaker 1: that today. But before we get to the question at hand,

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Speaker 1: I love this question, what is the purpose of our parenting?

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Speaker 1: Why don't you tell us a little bit more about you,

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Speaker 1: who you are, what does your family look like today,

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Speaker 1: and what led you to start Mom Q. That's three

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Speaker 1: questions right there. Can you keep up with them if

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Speaker 1: you need me to refer back to them?

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Speaker 2: I will. Oh, good. No, I got it. I got it.

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Speaker 2: Thank you. Okay, so I have been married 35 years.

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Speaker 2: I have three adult children. One is married. And I

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Speaker 2: have a granddaughter who's 15 months. And that's the greatest

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Speaker 2: privilege that I've had in a long time. And my

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Speaker 2: oldest is a daughter. She lives in New York City.

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Speaker 2: And then my youngest is engaged and he's moving to

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Speaker 2: New York City. So you had talked to me earlier

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Speaker 2: about your performance on Broadway. Well, my kids, they're not performers,

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Speaker 2: but they do love New York City. And I love

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Speaker 2: it too. So I'll be visiting a lot.

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Speaker 1: Let me clarify there for my listeners. My performance on

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Speaker 1: Broadway was actually on the street. I nearly got hit

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Speaker 1: by a cab. I didn't actually perform in a theater there,

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Speaker 1: although that was my aspiration. Just clarify.

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Speaker 2: Hilarious story of that. So yeah. So and then you

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Speaker 2: asked me what led me to MomQ. And to answer that,

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Speaker 2: I have to go back into what led me to Jesus.

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Speaker 2: And basically, I did not grow up in a Christian home.

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Speaker 2: In fact, my home was unhealthy and I had no

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Speaker 2: idea how to be a wife or a mother. And

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Speaker 2: I found myself, I had an 18 month old and

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Speaker 2: I had just moved to Dallas, Texas and was lonely

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Speaker 2: and struggling. My marriage was a little bit on the

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Speaker 2: rocks and I didn't know where to turn. And then

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Speaker 2: I happened to see a newsletter that our neighborhood had.

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Speaker 2: They advertised a Bible study for moms and child care

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Speaker 2: was provided. And that's all I needed to see, right?

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Speaker 2: And I immediately said, you know, I am kind of curious.

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Speaker 2: I've never read the Bible. Let me just check it out.

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Speaker 2: Maybe I'll meet some people and see what happens. So

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Speaker 2: I went and they happened to be studying the book

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Speaker 2: of John. And as you know, probably that is just

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Speaker 2: such a foundational book for someone who doesn't know who

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Speaker 2: Jesus is. And I found out that he died for me.

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Speaker 2: for my sins. And I honestly didn't even believe that

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Speaker 2: I was a sinner because my concept of sin was

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Speaker 2: someone who murdered or committed adultery or, you know, big

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Speaker 2: things like that. And I knew I hadn't done that. And,

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Speaker 2: and so I actually went to a lunch with one

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Speaker 2: of the leaders and asked her all these questions. And

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Speaker 2: one of my questions was, well, what is sin? Like

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Speaker 2: I'm not a sinner. And she was so precious to

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Speaker 2: sit there and answer all my questions. And And she explained, well,

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Speaker 2: do you yell at your husband? Are you selfish? Do

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Speaker 2: you covet? She even had to explain what that meant.

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Speaker 2: But all the things that I didn't realize were sin.

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Speaker 2: And at that moment, I was like, oh, well, then

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Speaker 2: that changes everything. And I just began to pray. And

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Speaker 2: within a few months, I laid it all out and

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Speaker 2: trusted the Lord as my Savior. And that just completely

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Speaker 2: changed everything. Eventually, a couple years later, my husband came

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Speaker 2: to the Lord. Of course, we raised all our children

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Speaker 2: in the church, and they all walk with Jesus to

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Speaker 2: this day. And now we have a granddaughter being raised

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Speaker 2: in a Christian home. So generational impact from that group

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Speaker 2: has always influenced me. And then five years ago, I

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Speaker 2: was teaching high school, actually, one of the many hats

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Speaker 2: that God has had me wear throughout my life. I

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Speaker 2: was teaching high school, and I was talking to moms,

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Speaker 2: this was right after COVID, that had some, their kids

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Speaker 2: were struggling and they were calling because they didn't understand

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Speaker 2: how to help them. And I wanted to help these

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Speaker 2: moms in a ministry way and wasn't able to in

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Speaker 2: my capacity as a teacher. And so I just went

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Speaker 2: to my church and I said, you know, I really

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Speaker 2: want to start a mom's group. What would that look like?

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Speaker 2: And I started looking for curriculum and I couldn't find

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Speaker 2: anything that fit the vision, fit what God had shown

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Speaker 2: me in that time was, here's what I want you

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Speaker 2: to do. I want you to do what was done

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Speaker 2: for you. mentor-led discipleship that's deep, that really goes into

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Speaker 2: what it looks like to lay behind your past and

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Speaker 2: let Jesus transform you. And so I had created a

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Speaker 2: curriculum for my school district. And as I began to

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Speaker 2: pray about it, God showed me clearly, you can create this,

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Speaker 2: you can do it. And so that's how MomQ was born.

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Speaker 2: And God just has continued to bring People to me,

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Speaker 2: I now have, I've for a few years had a

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Speaker 2: curriculum director who is a graduate of Dallas Theological Seminary.

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Speaker 2: She took the things that I wrote and elevated it.

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Speaker 2: And we now have four video series produced professionally on

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Speaker 2: video with all the curriculum, all the things that go

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Speaker 2: with it, small group questions. We train our mentors and

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Speaker 2: we have chapters around the country. So it's been an

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Speaker 2: incredible blessing to watch what God has done with my

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Speaker 2: shaky yes.

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Speaker 1: I love that. You just brought up such memories for

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Speaker 1: me when I had my very first young child trying

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Speaker 1: to get in a Bible study and the childcare, that

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Speaker 1: was huge.

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Speaker 2: Oh, it's critical.

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Speaker 1: That was it. Like you can't do it without the childcare.

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Speaker 1: And I can remember some of them had childcare that

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Speaker 1: was very reasonable, like five bucks a week or something

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Speaker 1: like that. And some, and even then I can remember, okay, honey,

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Speaker 1: we're going to have a $ 20 childcare. to our budget

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Speaker 1: this month because we were like, you know, really tight

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Speaker 1: when you're young with kids, but especially ones that might

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Speaker 1: have a free childcare or something very reasonable. That was everything.

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Speaker 1: And I can remember... I remember signing up for a

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Speaker 1: Bible study, and then I was so excited, and I

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Speaker 1: got the call. I'm sorry. We don't have enough kids

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Speaker 1: signed up, and we're not going to be able to

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Speaker 1: offer child care. It was like a dagger to the

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Speaker 1: heart because, I mean, we had to have it in

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Speaker 1: order to go. So props to all of the ministries

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Speaker 1: and churches out there that are providing child care with

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Speaker 1: their Bible study. Just think of all of this. I'm

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Speaker 1: looking at you with the beautiful mom cue sign. I

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Speaker 1: was telling you my studio, I don't have my podcasting

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Speaker 1: area set up yet, but all of that flowed out

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Speaker 1: of Bible study that offered childcare. It's the truth. It's awesome.

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Speaker 1: And then you studied what is my favorite gospel, the

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Speaker 1: book of John. I love that. the book of John,

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Speaker 1: all of the I am statements. It's just so powerful.

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Speaker 1: If you're looking for a good place to start in

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Speaker 1: a Bible study, you can't go wrong with John. Love

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Speaker 1: all the Gospels, but it's very unique amongst the Gospels.

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Speaker 1: So I saw in your testimony and some of the

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Speaker 1: things I was researching with MomQ that you actually experienced

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Speaker 1: some very significant tension between your identity as a professional

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Speaker 1: and your identity as a mother. which that is something

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Speaker 1: I've definitely walked through. And I would love for you

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Speaker 1: to take us into that season and tell us what

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Speaker 1: God began teaching you about where your value really comes from.

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Speaker 1: Because you're coming out of a very secular mindset, right?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: Let me just... How encouraging is it? Because you weren't

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Speaker 1: raised in a Christian home.

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Speaker 2: Nope.

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Speaker 1: And God still found you. So those of us who

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Speaker 1: have children who are raised in Christian homes and they're

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Speaker 1: out there struggling, God can bring them back. But praise

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Speaker 1: God that he rescued you and you weren't even raised

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Speaker 1: in a Christian home. But tell us about that season

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Speaker 1: where God began really teaching you about where your value

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Speaker 1: really comes from.

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Speaker 2: So important. I love to share this. So I was

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Speaker 2: always a striver. That was something ingrained in me from

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Speaker 2: actually probably growing up. And then I started working early

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Speaker 2: and by the time I was 24, I had my

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Speaker 2: master's in business. I was going for it. I saw

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Speaker 2: myself as a future CEO. I have a strong leadership

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Speaker 2: personality and I was going for it. Well, soon after

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Speaker 2: I had my daughter, my husband and I realized this

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Speaker 2: is complicated and child care and all of that sort

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Speaker 2: of thing. And he asked, he said, would you consider

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Speaker 2: staying home? And I thought about it. I did not

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Speaker 2: want to. It was not at all the plans that

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Speaker 2: I had. To be honest, I was worried about losing

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Speaker 2: the income and I was definitely worried about losing my

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Speaker 2: mind because I like to have a very busy mind

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Speaker 2: and I needed to keep it occupied, you know. But

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Speaker 2: I agreed to try it for about a few months

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Speaker 2: and see how it went. Well, six months in, I

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Speaker 2: was bored. I was not a believer. I did not

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Speaker 2: have my identity was totally caught up in achievement and approval.

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Speaker 2: And it wasn't long before I was ready to just

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Speaker 2: go back to work. And so I put her in

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Speaker 2: a children's mom's day out type of situation that was

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Speaker 2: every day, but it wasn't a long, full day. And

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Speaker 2: I started a consulting business working from home long before

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Speaker 2: people were working from home. And then we moved to

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Speaker 2: Dallas and that's where I became a believer. I had

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Speaker 2: another baby. And as I started to be discipled by

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Speaker 2: the women that poured into me from that Bible study,

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Speaker 2: God started working on me and changing my priorities. And

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Speaker 2: as I studied his word, I wanted more time. I wanted,

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Speaker 2: as I started to get to know him and who

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Speaker 2: he was, I realized that This is what I have

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Speaker 2: always been longing for. And I wanted more time with him.

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Speaker 2: I wanted more time to serve him. And I wanted

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Speaker 2: more time with my kids, honestly. But I was afraid

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Speaker 2: of being bored again. And I didn't think we could

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Speaker 2: do it financially. And so I didn't stay home yet.

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Speaker 2: I still kept my foot in there and was doing

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Speaker 2: all the things and trying to be everything for everybody

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Speaker 2: and burning out and stressing out. And then, don't you know,

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Speaker 2: we moved again. My husband was in the corporate world

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Speaker 2: and he got a big promotion to move to the Northeast.

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Speaker 2: And so we got up and left and went to

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Speaker 2: the Northeast. I continued my business. I had another baby.

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Speaker 2: But at this point, my husband was a believer. We

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Speaker 2: were in a very, very godly, just theologically sound church

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Speaker 2: that was teaching us. And we were growing fast in

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Speaker 2: the Lord and understanding what he wanted from us as

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Speaker 2: parents and as I started surrendering my goals and my

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Speaker 2: plans to the Lord, He began to show me that

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Speaker 2: my identity was in the wrong thing, that I had

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Speaker 2: these false gods, these lies that I was believing that

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Speaker 2: my worth was tied up in what I accomplished. And

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Speaker 2: that this motherhood job that just seems so lowly and

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Speaker 2: sacrificial was really the most beautiful thing that I could do.

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Speaker 2: And that, you know, my identity is never going to

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Speaker 2: be in what I can achieve and perform for him.

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Speaker 2: I learned from my home family, my family of origin

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Speaker 2: to perform for love and approval. And that's what I wanted.

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Speaker 2: I thought God wanted for me. And so when he

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Speaker 2: showed me, no, your identity is grounded in being created

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Speaker 2: by me and redeemed by Christ. Well, that was just

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Speaker 2: it was just life changing, life giving. And so. It

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Speaker 2: was through a series of circumstances that he clearly showed

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Speaker 2: me and revealed that I needed to step out in faith.

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Speaker 2: I needed to close my business and completely switch gears.

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Speaker 2: Not only did I become a stay at home mom,

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Speaker 2: but I started homeschooling. So I jumped right in to

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Speaker 2: the whole thing. The deep end. The deep end. That's

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Speaker 2: how I do things. But honestly, the point was that

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Speaker 2: I had a divided heart. I couldn't follow God. He

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Speaker 2: was calling me. He was clearly calling me to stay

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Speaker 2: at home and homeschool and prioritize my kids and my family.

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Speaker 2: And as long as I was ignoring that, I was

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Speaker 2: not going to be in a place of blessing with Him. Now,

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Speaker 2: I'm not saying that He calls everyone to that, but

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Speaker 2: He definitely called me. And so if I didn't obey,

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Speaker 2: it would not have been good. And so I did.

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Speaker 2: And I jumped in and It was a process. I'm

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Speaker 2: not saying that it was easy, but throughout, you know,

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Speaker 2: just being around the community of homeschooling moms and all

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Speaker 2: the Bible studies and things I was doing, he just

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Speaker 2: continued to mold me and shape me until, yeah, it was,

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Speaker 2: I understood the beauty and the ministry and the mission

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Speaker 2: of motherhood.

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Speaker 1: It is a mission. That is so beautiful. I love

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Speaker 1: your testimony. That is incredible because the season's not forever.

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Speaker 1: That little sacred, quiet, seemingly insignificant season because God is

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Speaker 1: doing so much underneath the surface in that season that

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Speaker 1: he is planting seeds that he will use for your

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Speaker 1: good and his glory. And incredible things later on in

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Speaker 1: your life. All the ministry you're doing now was birthed

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Speaker 1: in that season. The ministry I'm doing now was birthed

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Speaker 1: in the season when we weren't doing anything else. We

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Speaker 1: were wiping bottoms. We had snotty rags on us. And

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Speaker 1: it looked so lowly and humble and insignificant by the

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Speaker 1: world's standards. But God does not judge us by those standards.

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Speaker 1: he judges us by a very different standard. And when

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Speaker 1: we're faithful there, man, he will open doors and use

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Speaker 1: our gifts and fulfill our calling and much bigger arenas.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely.

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Speaker 1: And I shared on your show, like you said, it

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Speaker 1: wasn't easy. And not that God is calling everyone to

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Speaker 1: have that same exact season that we did, but my

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Speaker 1: background was in theater. And I told you how I

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Speaker 1: was doing Shakespearean monologues for my dogs in the basement

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Speaker 1: because I missed it. I missed it. It's not that

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Speaker 1: there isn't a heartache and letting go of some of

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Speaker 1: those things. But there is a beauty in the simplicity

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Speaker 1: of those early, that early season of motherhood, and you're

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Speaker 1: never going to get it back. So soak it up.

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Speaker 2: I mean, the time that I got with them was precious.

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Speaker 2: And I know that, I mean, and I'm thinking about

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Speaker 2: you performing in your basement or whatever. I, I turned

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Speaker 2: to homeschooling because I'm a kind of a project manager, planner,

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Speaker 2: all these things. And I, I tried to put all

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Speaker 2: that into homeschooling, right? And just have my kids sit

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Speaker 2: down and, okay, we're going to do this and this

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Speaker 2: and this. And quickly I learned, okay, that's not how

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Speaker 2: it goes either. But the beauty of the time that

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Speaker 2: I got with them and it has replayed, it's been

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Speaker 2: a hundredfold reward for that. So great, great investment.

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Speaker 1: Well, your testimony leads perfectly into this question. So I

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Speaker 1: was listening to some of your teaching and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: this question is Man, we need to be starting with

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Speaker 1: this question. And too often we get really far down

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Speaker 1: the road before we actually consider what is the purpose

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Speaker 1: of our parenting. If we're parents, we really ought to

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Speaker 1: go 101 on this one. And too often we skip

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Speaker 1: over that question. And sometimes we're actually answering that question

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Speaker 1: in a way that perhaps isn't biblical. And we're parenting

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Speaker 1: in a way that perhaps isn't. doesn't have God's heart

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Speaker 1: in his mind. So why do you think that so

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Speaker 1: many of us never really stopped to ask that question?

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Speaker 2: Well, you know, I think just in our society, we

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Speaker 2: want to raise kids to perform and be independent. I

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Speaker 2: shouldn't say perform, but just to be successful, be independent

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Speaker 2: and kind of live vicariously through them. Yes. I think

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Speaker 2: one of the reasons we just kind of fall into

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Speaker 2: parenthood because it's the next step. It's an expectation from

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Speaker 2: our family or whatever. And we don't even... And of course,

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Speaker 2: we know they don't come with a manual. And so

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Speaker 2: we just... hit it without really processing what is, why

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Speaker 2: God gave us children. What is the purpose? What is

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Speaker 2: the point? And the fundamental thing is that our children

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Speaker 2: don't belong to us. And yet we totally parent like

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Speaker 2: they do. And so that is, I think, when, you know,

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Speaker 2: in our culture, parents are stressed out. It has gotten

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Speaker 2: to the point where the Surgeon General issued a public

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Speaker 2: health advisory in 2024 on parental stress. And I mean,

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Speaker 2: that's big. He cited research on how social media comparison

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Speaker 2: culture fuels burnout, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy in parenting.

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Speaker 2: And most of us don't even realize it. We don't

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Speaker 2: consciously choose why we become parents. We are just parenting

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Speaker 2: the way culture has taught us, right? And I love

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Speaker 2: the title of your podcast, Christian Parenting Crazy World. I mean,

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Speaker 2: the culture that we are in quietly drives all our

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Speaker 2: decisions and how we invest our resources as parents. And

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Speaker 2: that is to raise happy, successful, independent kids. But is

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Speaker 2: that what God wants? where is God in that picture?

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Speaker 2: As Christians, we are called to be different from the

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Speaker 2: world and not form our values from our culture. And

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Speaker 2: yet so much of how we parent is formed from

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Speaker 2: our culture. So it's just, we have to go back

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Speaker 2: to the fundamentals of why God established the institution of family.

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Speaker 2: And what if parenting is a calling from God? And

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Speaker 2: we've already said it's a calling, but if it is,

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Speaker 2: then how does that affect what we do every day?

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Speaker 1: That is so good. It is a ministry and a

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Speaker 1: calling from God. And too often we see our kids

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Speaker 1: as mini-me's. They're little reflections of us. They're little report

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Speaker 1: cards in parenting. And then when something goes awry, we're like, okay, well,

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Speaker 1: I screwed up. And I think that is, if you've

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Speaker 1: ever felt that way as a parent, that's a flag

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Speaker 1: right there that may be your perspective today. you haven't

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Speaker 1: answered this question correctly. Your perspective on parenting may not

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Speaker 1: be the right perspective.

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Speaker 2: That's right.

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Speaker 1: I just have to tell this little joke. I was,

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Speaker 1: I was, I can't remember exactly what this other mother said,

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Speaker 1: but she was always like, you have that one friend

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Speaker 1: that's always crazy honest about everything. So you asked, I

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Speaker 1: asked her how her kid was doing. And she said

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Speaker 1: something to the effect that, well, she's living in a

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Speaker 1: deliverance shack out in a field in Mississippi. And I'm like, what? Like,

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Speaker 1: you know, that movie deliverance. And I'm like, and I'm like,

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Speaker 1: How refreshing it is that she didn't play the game,

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Speaker 1: the cultural game, and actually look at her child as

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Speaker 1: a reflection. Her child was struggling. She was living in

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Speaker 1: a place she didn't like. We were just all sitting

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Speaker 1: around eating chips and sauce at a Mexican restaurant. And

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Speaker 1: I'm like, I laughed out loud. But at the same time,

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Speaker 1: I'm like, how refreshing is it that, okay, she's not bad. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: she's not happy with where her daughter is, but at

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Speaker 1: the same time, she's not feeling judged by it. She's

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Speaker 1: not playing the cultural game that my child is a

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Speaker 1: reflection of me and a report card of me. Obviously,

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Speaker 1: I have a responsibility as a parent, and this is

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Speaker 1: concerning to me. So I love this idea. Let's get

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Speaker 1: back to what is the purpose of our parenting, because

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Speaker 1: if we've got that wrong purpose in mind, we're always

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Speaker 1: going to feel like any decision they make that's not great,

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Speaker 1: like living in a shack out in a prairie or

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Speaker 1: field or something like that. That's not, that's obviously not

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Speaker 1: how we raise them. We raise them with all of

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Speaker 1: these ideas and we sowed these certain seeds and we're

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Speaker 1: not getting that out. That's a key sign that maybe

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Speaker 1: we've got the wrong perspective on parenting. So we're not

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Speaker 1: answering the question correctly. And just now you described this,

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Speaker 1: the mission of parent, it's a ministry. Parenting is a

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Speaker 1: ministry of and a calling from God. So when we

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Speaker 1: realize that, how does that change the way we think

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Speaker 1: about the job we have been given as parents?

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Speaker 2: It changes everything, Catherine. It really does. I mean, I

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Speaker 2: know when I had this insight and God showed me

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Speaker 2: all of this, it changes how we spend our time

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Speaker 2: and our resources. As a family, it changes what we do.

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Speaker 2: It changes our rhythms, our activities, our academic focus. It

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Speaker 2: changes our daily conversation. I mean, it literally changes everything

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Speaker 2: because we invite God in, in a way that we

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Speaker 2: probably hadn't thought of doing before. And again, we have

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Speaker 2: to understand that our kids don't belong to us, that

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Speaker 2: in fact, we are stewarding them on his behalf. They've

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Speaker 2: been given to us for a time. And yes, we

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Speaker 2: are the one that he gave them to because he

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Speaker 2: knows we can do what he has for them as,

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Speaker 2: as mothers, but they're given to us for a time

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Speaker 2: and then we give them back. And that is such

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Speaker 2: a hard thing. And I know I've gone through it.

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Speaker 2: I mean, having adult children, but we, we don't get

431
00:24:50,450 --> 00:24:53,449
Speaker 2: to keep them. And, and so it's to have the

432
00:24:53,490 --> 00:24:56,350
Speaker 2: mindset from the beginning that they're his and not ours

433
00:24:56,890 --> 00:24:57,730
Speaker 2: changes everything.

434
00:24:59,040 --> 00:25:01,790
Speaker 1: When you just mentioned giving them back, I had the

435
00:25:01,900 --> 00:25:05,209
Speaker 1: image of Hannah in the Old Testament, you know, when

436
00:25:05,250 --> 00:25:08,850
Speaker 1: she brought Samuel. And I think most people think he

437
00:25:08,890 --> 00:25:12,060
Speaker 1: was probably quite young, you know, because he had to

438
00:25:12,080 --> 00:25:14,180
Speaker 1: have been weaned. But she had him for a little while,

439
00:25:14,220 --> 00:25:16,460
Speaker 1: but she gave him back much younger than most of

440
00:25:16,540 --> 00:25:18,639
Speaker 1: us do. But at some point, we all come to

441
00:25:18,680 --> 00:25:22,040
Speaker 1: that little place, that place of, you know, of giving

442
00:25:22,080 --> 00:25:25,590
Speaker 1: the child back to God, that my primary work here

443
00:25:25,690 --> 00:25:27,910
Speaker 1: is done. I am now going to be a counselor

444
00:25:27,950 --> 00:25:29,929
Speaker 1: in their lives, which is what we talked about on

445
00:25:29,950 --> 00:25:33,129
Speaker 1: your show a little bit, offering advice when asked and

446
00:25:33,190 --> 00:25:36,000
Speaker 1: prompted by the Holy Spirit. We're not giving lectures and

447
00:25:36,060 --> 00:25:39,139
Speaker 1: coaching them anymore all the time. We're staying in our

448
00:25:39,180 --> 00:25:43,660
Speaker 1: lane as parents. And that is is hard, if not

449
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,340
Speaker 1: impossible to do if we don't have the right perspective

450
00:25:46,380 --> 00:25:48,820
Speaker 1: on parenting. And you lean into a lot of the

451
00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,040
Speaker 1: teaching of Paul David Tripp on this, who talks about

452
00:25:51,060 --> 00:25:57,410
Speaker 1: the difference between ownership parenting and ambassador parenting. I love

453
00:25:57,450 --> 00:26:01,510
Speaker 1: this terminology. I think it's really awesome. So let's talk

454
00:26:01,550 --> 00:26:06,420
Speaker 1: about ownership a little bit. What does ownership parenting look

455
00:26:06,520 --> 00:26:09,480
Speaker 1: like in everyday life? And mind you, this is the

456
00:26:09,520 --> 00:26:12,400
Speaker 1: kind of parenting that the perspective that many of us have,

457
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 1: but it's not biblical. So what does that look like

458
00:26:15,380 --> 00:26:16,160
Speaker 1: in everyday life?

459
00:26:17,040 --> 00:26:20,629
Speaker 2: Well, of course it is how our culture parents, and

460
00:26:20,670 --> 00:26:23,270
Speaker 2: we've already kind of talked about how our culture parents.

461
00:26:23,710 --> 00:26:27,950
Speaker 2: So ownership parenting is where it's motivated by what we

462
00:26:27,990 --> 00:26:31,149
Speaker 2: want from our kids and for our kids.

463
00:26:31,369 --> 00:26:31,840
Speaker 1: Yes.

464
00:26:32,450 --> 00:26:36,129
Speaker 2: Tripp says it may, it seems right, it feels right,

465
00:26:36,890 --> 00:26:42,389
Speaker 2: but it is foundationally misguided. And it looks responsible and

466
00:26:42,450 --> 00:26:46,600
Speaker 2: loving on the outside, but underneath, we're trying to manage

467
00:26:46,670 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 2: them toward an outcome that we've decided on rather than

468
00:26:51,580 --> 00:26:56,620
Speaker 2: stewarding them toward who God made them to be. When

469
00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,490
Speaker 2: I saw that and read that, I was like, that's it.

470
00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:04,220
Speaker 2: That's exactly it. What we're doing in our culture is

471
00:27:04,340 --> 00:27:08,060
Speaker 2: we are trying, it's about what we want from and

472
00:27:08,119 --> 00:27:11,679
Speaker 2: for our kids. And it's also part of our comparison

473
00:27:11,720 --> 00:27:14,169
Speaker 2: culture that we want our kids, you said it earlier,

474
00:27:14,190 --> 00:27:18,010
Speaker 2: a reflection of us. We judge how good of parents

475
00:27:18,050 --> 00:27:21,910
Speaker 2: we are based on how our children succeed, what college

476
00:27:21,950 --> 00:27:25,950
Speaker 2: they go to, what job they have, how they conduct themselves.

477
00:27:25,970 --> 00:27:29,190
Speaker 2: I mean, it's not, but we got to ask, who

478
00:27:29,230 --> 00:27:32,369
Speaker 2: does God want them to be? Because we don't want

479
00:27:32,390 --> 00:27:36,300
Speaker 2: to live vicariously through our kids. That's a good recipe

480
00:27:36,740 --> 00:27:40,560
Speaker 2: to have a broken relationship as an adult. Some parents

481
00:27:40,580 --> 00:27:44,100
Speaker 2: just throw God into the mix and it's really, he's

482
00:27:44,119 --> 00:27:47,180
Speaker 2: got to be the priority. And I taught high school

483
00:27:47,800 --> 00:27:50,149
Speaker 2: is one of the many things that I've done and

484
00:27:50,190 --> 00:27:53,810
Speaker 2: hats that I've worn. And I saw the result of

485
00:27:53,869 --> 00:27:58,730
Speaker 2: this ownership parenting every single day because kids were so

486
00:27:58,770 --> 00:28:05,030
Speaker 2: stressed out. And just depressed even because their performance, their, this,

487
00:28:05,410 --> 00:28:09,780
Speaker 2: this pressure to perform and achieve what their parents want

488
00:28:09,820 --> 00:28:13,060
Speaker 2: them to. And the fear that they're going to fail

489
00:28:13,640 --> 00:28:18,400
Speaker 2: puts them into this, this really high pressure situation. And

490
00:28:19,310 --> 00:28:22,270
Speaker 2: it's not good. It's not healthy. And so even if

491
00:28:22,330 --> 00:28:25,770
Speaker 2: we don't mean to, our kids feel that. And so

492
00:28:25,830 --> 00:28:29,650
Speaker 2: they need to know, we need to tell them constantly

493
00:28:29,670 --> 00:28:33,730
Speaker 2: that that we love them regardless of what they do

494
00:28:34,530 --> 00:28:36,960
Speaker 2: and how they perform. And that we just want to

495
00:28:37,000 --> 00:28:40,820
Speaker 2: help them be kingdom minded and be right. And we

496
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:43,440
Speaker 2: want to raise them for the kingdom to follow the Lord.

497
00:28:44,160 --> 00:28:48,010
Speaker 2: And so I think that ownership parenting is just, it's a,

498
00:28:48,090 --> 00:28:56,230
Speaker 2: it's a mindset that our parenting is about us really, honestly. Yeah.

499
00:28:56,270 --> 00:28:59,140
Speaker 1: They're just wonderful. extensions of us and at its core

500
00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:03,500
Speaker 1: it's manipulative and no one wants to be manipulated and

501
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,590
Speaker 1: at some point usually a person will mature to the

502
00:29:07,610 --> 00:29:11,470
Speaker 1: point where they liberate themselves from manipulation and from relationships

503
00:29:11,510 --> 00:29:16,330
Speaker 1: that manipulate them and that's why there can be it's

504
00:29:16,370 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 1: not the sole reason you may have a broken relationship

505
00:29:19,020 --> 00:29:22,219
Speaker 1: with a child but parents who operate from this place

506
00:29:22,720 --> 00:29:27,050
Speaker 1: tend to have either completely broken relationships with their children

507
00:29:27,130 --> 00:29:30,860
Speaker 1: or not healthy ones. It's definitely not healthy. And it's

508
00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:33,920
Speaker 1: not what God intended. That is what is most important.

509
00:29:34,000 --> 00:29:37,570
Speaker 1: I love that you say at the heart of ownership parenting,

510
00:29:38,070 --> 00:29:40,760
Speaker 1: it's actually a trust problem. You have a line that

511
00:29:40,820 --> 00:29:44,400
Speaker 1: I love. You say, control is what I tend to

512
00:29:44,500 --> 00:29:48,720
Speaker 1: when I'm struggling to trust. That's across the board, whether

513
00:29:48,760 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 1: it's parenting or marriage or work or home, you name it.

514
00:29:54,480 --> 00:29:58,590
Speaker 1: Control is what I tend to when I am struggling

515
00:29:58,650 --> 00:30:02,010
Speaker 1: to trust. So why is control such a natural response

516
00:30:02,190 --> 00:30:05,340
Speaker 1: for parents? And how does it show up in ways

517
00:30:05,380 --> 00:30:14,050
Speaker 1: we might not even recognize? I've created for parents walking

518
00:30:14,090 --> 00:30:16,330
Speaker 1: that tough prodigal road. You'll also get my free e-book,

519
00:30:41,470 --> 00:30:46,130
Speaker 1: Beyond the Lies, uncovering five myths the culture spreads to mothers. Plus,

520
00:30:46,170 --> 00:30:49,130
Speaker 1: powerful scripture lists to pray over your kids and even

521
00:30:49,230 --> 00:30:52,450
Speaker 1: scripture songs to help your family hide God's word in

522
00:30:52,470 --> 00:30:55,370
Speaker 1: your heart without even trying. And of course, I'll keep

523
00:30:55,410 --> 00:30:59,800
Speaker 1: you encouraged with my weekly newsletter full of faith-filled pep

524
00:30:59,840 --> 00:31:03,000
Speaker 1: talks and outlines of what we're tackling each week on

525
00:31:03,080 --> 00:31:06,100
Speaker 1: the show. So don't miss out. Head over to katherinseegers.com.

526
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:11,670
Speaker 1: That's katherinseegers.com And subscribe today because Christian parenting may be crazy,

527
00:31:11,690 --> 00:31:14,110
Speaker 1: but you don't have to do it alone.

528
00:31:17,730 --> 00:31:20,330
Speaker 2: Oh my goodness. Well, first of all, we know as

529
00:31:20,410 --> 00:31:24,340
Speaker 2: women that we tend towards control anyway. It's just part

530
00:31:24,580 --> 00:31:29,240
Speaker 2: of the curse that control is just something that we

531
00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:34,080
Speaker 2: desperately want. And yet it is so unhealthy for us.

532
00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:38,140
Speaker 2: And we have to remember over and over every day

533
00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:42,790
Speaker 2: We don't own our children. We can't control their choices. Honestly,

534
00:31:42,890 --> 00:31:47,390
Speaker 2: control is an illusion. We really don't have control. It's

535
00:31:47,450 --> 00:31:53,820
Speaker 2: something we drive ourselves crazy trying to convince ourselves and

536
00:31:53,840 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: the people around us that we can control, but it

537
00:31:56,700 --> 00:32:01,480
Speaker 2: really is not realistic. We can't control our children's choices

538
00:32:01,700 --> 00:32:05,080
Speaker 2: any more than we can control the rotation of the earth.

539
00:32:07,000 --> 00:32:11,250
Speaker 2: And yet... We try to manage all these outcomes and

540
00:32:11,630 --> 00:32:15,130
Speaker 2: it's exhausting. It's absolutely exhausting. We want to know why

541
00:32:15,190 --> 00:32:17,410
Speaker 2: are we so tired as parents? Why are we so

542
00:32:17,450 --> 00:32:20,730
Speaker 2: tired as mothers? Because we're trying to control things that

543
00:32:20,790 --> 00:32:23,970
Speaker 2: are not meant for us to control. And so it

544
00:32:24,050 --> 00:32:28,610
Speaker 2: is a trust problem. If we are devastated when our

545
00:32:28,650 --> 00:32:30,830
Speaker 2: children don't get the grade that we think they should

546
00:32:30,870 --> 00:32:33,470
Speaker 2: get or they don't get on the team, then that's

547
00:32:33,490 --> 00:32:38,060
Speaker 2: a sign. That is a sign that that we're not

548
00:32:38,200 --> 00:32:41,720
Speaker 2: having the right perspective. And if we try to intervene

549
00:32:42,220 --> 00:32:45,920
Speaker 2: and fix it for them, that's even a harder issue.

550
00:32:46,040 --> 00:32:50,540
Speaker 2: That's where control has really gone awry because we are

551
00:32:50,580 --> 00:32:56,100
Speaker 2: telling them ultimately that you can't, you're not capable and

552
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: you don't have the ability to solve this problem yourself.

553
00:33:00,580 --> 00:33:03,810
Speaker 2: That's actually a whole nother conversation that we could have

554
00:33:04,720 --> 00:33:08,060
Speaker 2: about raising resilient kids that I'm very passionate about is

555
00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:12,290
Speaker 2: just allowing them to fail and struggle. But I, but

556
00:33:12,670 --> 00:33:17,290
Speaker 2: ultimately control, if we try to control our children, it's

557
00:33:17,370 --> 00:33:20,560
Speaker 2: really a trust issue wearing a parenting costume.

558
00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,870
Speaker 1: That's good. That is so true. And as you're talking

559
00:33:24,890 --> 00:33:28,190
Speaker 1: right now, I can recognize even recently, I don't know,

560
00:33:28,510 --> 00:33:32,090
Speaker 1: maybe even last weekend, where this kind of spirit of

561
00:33:32,150 --> 00:33:35,460
Speaker 1: control was rearing its head inside of me. We've just

562
00:33:35,500 --> 00:33:38,020
Speaker 1: moved to a new area. My son had a couple

563
00:33:38,040 --> 00:33:41,420
Speaker 1: of options for a baseball team and we went with

564
00:33:41,760 --> 00:33:45,140
Speaker 1: one option. And so it's a brand new team. They're

565
00:33:45,160 --> 00:33:47,450
Speaker 1: still trying to gel and get their footing, but let's

566
00:33:47,490 --> 00:33:49,740
Speaker 1: just say that the first tournament was a little ugly

567
00:33:49,760 --> 00:33:53,060
Speaker 1: in terms of the scoreboard. And then the second one,

568
00:33:53,180 --> 00:33:55,930
Speaker 1: it improved a little bit, but we actually got to

569
00:33:55,970 --> 00:33:57,610
Speaker 1: see the other team that he had an option with.

570
00:33:58,210 --> 00:34:00,270
Speaker 1: And they seem to be a good bit better, or

571
00:34:00,290 --> 00:34:02,910
Speaker 1: at least performed a good bit better at this tournament.

572
00:34:02,930 --> 00:34:05,890
Speaker 1: And I can remember this, this feeling of control coming

573
00:34:05,950 --> 00:34:08,509
Speaker 1: up in me. Well, maybe, maybe we made the wrong decision.

574
00:34:08,550 --> 00:34:09,520
Speaker 1: We prayed about it all.

575
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:09,839
Speaker 2: Okay.

576
00:34:10,120 --> 00:34:12,969
Speaker 1: But maybe we made the wrong decision. And And as

577
00:34:13,150 --> 00:34:15,190
Speaker 1: if what team he's on when he's 11 years old

578
00:34:15,290 --> 00:34:17,330
Speaker 1: is really going to determine everything. And I say all

579
00:34:17,350 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 1: of this, look, I get that sports can be way

580
00:34:21,620 --> 00:34:24,260
Speaker 1: out of control. But this is a kid, I truly

581
00:34:24,300 --> 00:34:27,739
Speaker 1: do believe God has given him a really supernatural love

582
00:34:27,780 --> 00:34:29,319
Speaker 1: of a sport and a gift for it. And so

583
00:34:29,360 --> 00:34:32,049
Speaker 1: we're trying to steward that well. And I had to

584
00:34:32,570 --> 00:34:36,480
Speaker 1: step back and rest in the fact that That God

585
00:34:36,540 --> 00:34:39,300
Speaker 1: has this, whatever he wants to do with this kid

586
00:34:39,520 --> 00:34:42,870
Speaker 1: and this sport, he's completely capable of doing it with

587
00:34:42,910 --> 00:34:45,250
Speaker 1: the best team or the worst team or no team. Like,

588
00:34:46,410 --> 00:34:49,350
Speaker 1: who am I trusting? I can't control this anyways. I

589
00:34:49,410 --> 00:34:51,250
Speaker 1: only think that I can. Like you said, I love

590
00:34:51,270 --> 00:34:53,630
Speaker 1: that you, it's a facade. I can't control this. So

591
00:34:53,650 --> 00:34:56,110
Speaker 1: this is just like a little mini example in my life.

592
00:34:56,450 --> 00:34:59,850
Speaker 1: where I felt control trying to creep its ugly head

593
00:34:59,910 --> 00:35:04,270
Speaker 1: in here and try to tell me that maybe I

594
00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:08,700
Speaker 1: made a mistake that's going to affect my child adversely. No, no,

595
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:11,700
Speaker 1: God is in this. He can do exactly what he

596
00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:14,839
Speaker 1: needs wherever you are. I can't control it anyway. So

597
00:35:14,900 --> 00:35:17,620
Speaker 1: let me rest in his sovereignty. And maybe we have

598
00:35:17,739 --> 00:35:21,580
Speaker 1: a few more character building games in our future. And

599
00:35:21,600 --> 00:35:24,230
Speaker 1: that's fine. They do build character when the scoreboard is

600
00:35:24,270 --> 00:35:28,430
Speaker 1: very lopsided. But I think that what you're talking about,

601
00:35:28,450 --> 00:35:31,370
Speaker 1: this ownership parenting, it's very seductive. It can actually look

602
00:35:31,390 --> 00:35:33,649
Speaker 1: like we're being responsible. I need to do the best

603
00:35:33,690 --> 00:35:35,750
Speaker 1: for my kid. I'm a loving parent. I need to

604
00:35:35,790 --> 00:35:38,029
Speaker 1: make sure he's on the best team possible, blah, blah, blah.

605
00:35:38,670 --> 00:35:41,230
Speaker 1: By the way, I just want to say one of

606
00:35:41,270 --> 00:35:44,280
Speaker 1: the things the Lord convicted us to do, they play

607
00:35:44,300 --> 00:35:46,279
Speaker 1: a lot of Sunday tournaments. And I'm like, okay, we

608
00:35:46,300 --> 00:35:49,739
Speaker 1: can play on a Sunday, but you are not skipping church.

609
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:52,220
Speaker 1: We do not skip. We'll go to 8 a.m. church,

610
00:35:53,060 --> 00:35:54,839
Speaker 1: and you may miss the game in the whole day.

611
00:35:55,510 --> 00:35:57,299
Speaker 1: because if they lose the first game on that day

612
00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,540
Speaker 1: and you know everybody has to weigh that out some

613
00:35:59,580 --> 00:36:02,000
Speaker 1: people are like no I'm not going to play personally

614
00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:05,509
Speaker 1: we're trying to really be Sabbath keepers but it doesn't

615
00:36:05,590 --> 00:36:07,590
Speaker 1: necessarily have to be a Sunday it can be a

616
00:36:07,610 --> 00:36:10,480
Speaker 1: different day of the week I believe Anyways, the point

617
00:36:10,520 --> 00:36:12,360
Speaker 1: I'm trying to make is we do have our standards

618
00:36:12,420 --> 00:36:14,870
Speaker 1: in there and we're trusting the Lord in that. But

619
00:36:15,350 --> 00:36:18,290
Speaker 1: it can look like we're being loving and involved parents.

620
00:36:18,330 --> 00:36:21,830
Speaker 1: But underneath all that, with ownership parenting, we are actually

621
00:36:22,030 --> 00:36:26,450
Speaker 1: feeding a very fleshly desire. And I could feel that

622
00:36:26,530 --> 00:36:30,250
Speaker 1: fleshly desire, even in this silly little example with my

623
00:36:30,450 --> 00:36:33,379
Speaker 1: kids baseball. I'm a little ashamed to admit it. But

624
00:36:33,410 --> 00:36:36,500
Speaker 1: you know what? I squashed that. I'm like, that is

625
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:40,690
Speaker 1: my flesh. My God is perfectly capable of doing whatever

626
00:36:40,770 --> 00:36:43,509
Speaker 1: he needs in the lives of my kids. And I

627
00:36:43,570 --> 00:36:46,380
Speaker 1: just need to trust him where he has planted me.

628
00:36:47,020 --> 00:36:47,800
Speaker 2: That's so great.

629
00:36:48,219 --> 00:36:50,299
Speaker 1: This is where he planted me and I'm trusting him

630
00:36:50,380 --> 00:36:53,800
Speaker 1: right here. So how do we recognize when our desire

631
00:36:53,840 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: to guide our children has crossed over into trying to

632
00:36:57,580 --> 00:37:03,140
Speaker 1: control their outcomes? Because that was just a... kind of

633
00:37:03,180 --> 00:37:05,819
Speaker 1: humiliating example of one of my red flags that it

634
00:37:06,219 --> 00:37:09,670
Speaker 1: creeped up and I squashed it. But how can we

635
00:37:10,030 --> 00:37:11,650
Speaker 1: recognize that in ourselves?

636
00:37:12,750 --> 00:37:16,129
Speaker 2: I think that's a great example. It's all those situations. Like,

637
00:37:16,250 --> 00:37:18,109
Speaker 2: I mean, I talk to moms all the time that

638
00:37:18,630 --> 00:37:21,580
Speaker 2: are freaked out when their children don't get the teacher

639
00:37:21,940 --> 00:37:25,200
Speaker 2: that they think is the best teacher. And, you know,

640
00:37:25,219 --> 00:37:28,020
Speaker 2: Christian moms who go up to the school and make

641
00:37:28,060 --> 00:37:30,219
Speaker 2: a big deal that, you know, my child needs to

642
00:37:30,260 --> 00:37:32,950
Speaker 2: be switched to a different class. And, This is not

643
00:37:32,969 --> 00:37:34,800
Speaker 2: going to be for their best. Well, if you've prayed

644
00:37:34,860 --> 00:37:38,500
Speaker 2: over that decision, if you, I mean, if you prayed over, Lord,

645
00:37:38,580 --> 00:37:41,500
Speaker 2: give my child the best teacher for this year, which

646
00:37:41,719 --> 00:37:44,200
Speaker 2: I know we are, we're praying for everything for our children,

647
00:37:44,780 --> 00:37:48,259
Speaker 2: then you got to trust that that teacher, even if

648
00:37:48,340 --> 00:37:52,330
Speaker 2: it's a hard year, even if it is really hard

649
00:37:52,390 --> 00:37:54,730
Speaker 2: on your kid, that that's something God is doing in

650
00:37:54,770 --> 00:37:57,549
Speaker 2: their life. And if we get in the way and

651
00:37:57,670 --> 00:37:59,870
Speaker 2: try to change all of that, then we're getting in

652
00:37:59,890 --> 00:38:02,219
Speaker 2: the way of his work. And so I think any

653
00:38:02,320 --> 00:38:06,600
Speaker 2: time if the anxiety spikes and when I lose the

654
00:38:06,660 --> 00:38:11,980
Speaker 2: ability to manage the outcome, that's the tell. Because when

655
00:38:12,020 --> 00:38:16,250
Speaker 2: we're guiding, we're leaving room for God to work outside

656
00:38:16,330 --> 00:38:22,190
Speaker 2: of my plan for them. And controlling doesn't. So ownership

657
00:38:22,210 --> 00:38:27,620
Speaker 2: parenting is really foundationally controlling. And when we guide them

658
00:38:27,840 --> 00:38:30,980
Speaker 2: and steward them for God, and we've got to leave

659
00:38:31,020 --> 00:38:33,380
Speaker 2: room for him to do the work. And we want

660
00:38:33,400 --> 00:38:36,819
Speaker 2: to rescue our kids and keep them comfortable and make

661
00:38:36,840 --> 00:38:39,160
Speaker 2: sure everything, we try to manage all the outcomes, that

662
00:38:39,219 --> 00:38:43,670
Speaker 2: everything in their life is smooth. And that's really, it's

663
00:38:43,710 --> 00:38:45,910
Speaker 2: not realistic. It's not going to be that way when

664
00:38:45,950 --> 00:38:49,970
Speaker 2: they get into the real world. And so that's really,

665
00:38:49,989 --> 00:38:52,649
Speaker 2: I think that's the core of you've got to check

666
00:38:52,670 --> 00:38:56,110
Speaker 2: your heart. And if the anxiety is real, rearing up,

667
00:38:56,690 --> 00:39:00,380
Speaker 2: then you probably are in an ownership perspective.

668
00:39:01,390 --> 00:39:04,919
Speaker 1: That is so good. I think I'm going to put

669
00:39:04,960 --> 00:39:07,319
Speaker 1: that on an index card and put it on my

670
00:39:07,880 --> 00:39:11,980
Speaker 1: mirror in my bathroom to remind myself when the anxiety spikes,

671
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:18,180
Speaker 1: I'm leaning into control parenting. And wow, I could, going

672
00:39:18,219 --> 00:39:20,259
Speaker 1: back to my baseball game, my son had it like

673
00:39:20,800 --> 00:39:24,280
Speaker 1: He had his first pitching experience with this last tournament,

674
00:39:24,480 --> 00:39:26,750
Speaker 1: and the first inning was a little rough, a little bumpy,

675
00:39:26,770 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: and there's no like, there's a lot of anxiety when

676
00:39:31,180 --> 00:39:33,259
Speaker 1: your kid is on the mound and the whole team

677
00:39:33,340 --> 00:39:35,839
Speaker 1: is relying on your kid. And it's so, it's like

678
00:39:36,140 --> 00:39:38,610
Speaker 1: me as a parent, I'm like, oh, I hate this,

679
00:39:38,660 --> 00:39:41,190
Speaker 1: you know, and he's having a little trouble finding the

680
00:39:41,210 --> 00:39:44,870
Speaker 1: strike zone, but they kept him in there. He settled down.

681
00:39:45,210 --> 00:39:48,759
Speaker 1: He had, several really good innings. He pitched up to

682
00:39:48,820 --> 00:39:51,770
Speaker 1: about 70 pitches and they won the game. And I'm like,

683
00:39:52,370 --> 00:39:53,670
Speaker 1: they need to work through that.

684
00:39:53,750 --> 00:39:55,090
Speaker 2: And you can't get to.

685
00:39:54,930 --> 00:39:56,810
Speaker 1: That place where he learns how to work through it.

686
00:39:56,830 --> 00:39:58,509
Speaker 1: If you, if you take them out in the first inning, right?

687
00:39:58,830 --> 00:40:01,660
Speaker 1: Like my mom's heart is like, Oh, you know, and,

688
00:40:02,180 --> 00:40:04,580
Speaker 1: and we've got, whether it's this, you know, stupid little

689
00:40:04,719 --> 00:40:08,580
Speaker 1: baseball tournament or whether it's a situation with a teacher that,

690
00:40:09,140 --> 00:40:12,219
Speaker 1: that isn't what you want it to be. Maybe it's

691
00:40:12,260 --> 00:40:16,219
Speaker 1: even unfair or something, but your children, your God is

692
00:40:16,280 --> 00:40:21,489
Speaker 1: going to use all things to work together for your

693
00:40:21,510 --> 00:40:24,049
Speaker 1: good and for his glory in the lives of your children.

694
00:40:24,070 --> 00:40:27,290
Speaker 1: He's going to use all things, the bad teacher, the

695
00:40:27,370 --> 00:40:31,799
Speaker 1: rough inning, the Bad news bear team. They're not on

696
00:40:31,820 --> 00:40:34,490
Speaker 1: a bad news bear team. It's getting together. But, you know,

697
00:40:34,530 --> 00:40:38,170
Speaker 1: he's going to use all things together. So I, like

698
00:40:38,210 --> 00:40:41,020
Speaker 1: I said, that's going on an index card. When the

699
00:40:41,100 --> 00:40:45,430
Speaker 1: anxiety rises. I'm probably leaning into controlling parenting, but we

700
00:40:45,469 --> 00:40:47,270
Speaker 1: need to get to the good stuff. We need to

701
00:40:47,310 --> 00:40:51,660
Speaker 1: get to the ambassador parenting. So if ownership parenting says

702
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:53,420
Speaker 1: these are my kids and I need to make sure

703
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:55,900
Speaker 1: that they turn out right, manage all of these outcomes,

704
00:40:56,260 --> 00:40:57,900
Speaker 1: and I can look really good and have something to

705
00:40:57,940 --> 00:41:01,680
Speaker 1: brag about at my next reunion, which by the way,

706
00:41:01,780 --> 00:41:04,120
Speaker 1: I love bragging about my kids. But I want to

707
00:41:04,489 --> 00:41:06,649
Speaker 1: just and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

708
00:41:06,670 --> 00:41:08,850
Speaker 1: And that's one of the greatest things about becoming a grandparent.

709
00:41:08,870 --> 00:41:11,529
Speaker 1: You do that. But I'm giving God the glory for it.

710
00:41:11,650 --> 00:41:16,190
Speaker 1: Not myself. Hopefully not. You know, I think it's wonderful

711
00:41:16,250 --> 00:41:18,390
Speaker 1: to get together and share with your friends and at

712
00:41:18,410 --> 00:41:21,069
Speaker 1: the reunion what your kids are doing. That's a wonderful thing.

713
00:41:21,270 --> 00:41:23,589
Speaker 1: You know, try not to let that dip into the pride.

714
00:41:23,630 --> 00:41:30,009
Speaker 1: But anyways, what does ambassador parenting say instead of all that?

715
00:41:30,989 --> 00:41:34,150
Speaker 2: So Tripp says it best. He says, as ambassador parents,

716
00:41:34,730 --> 00:41:40,490
Speaker 2: we represent the message, methods, and character of Christ to

717
00:41:40,630 --> 00:41:44,810
Speaker 2: our children. And that is such a tall order. But

718
00:41:45,070 --> 00:41:49,630
Speaker 2: when we're ambassador parents, we're becoming conduits of God's grace

719
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:53,700
Speaker 2: instead of trying to be the source of it. We

720
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:57,160
Speaker 2: still have hopes and dreams for our kids. That's okay.

721
00:41:57,739 --> 00:42:01,330
Speaker 2: But we want to hold them with open hands. Because

722
00:42:01,430 --> 00:42:05,110
Speaker 2: God already knows how he's going to work their choices

723
00:42:05,750 --> 00:42:10,109
Speaker 2: into his sovereign plan. And we're responsible and accountable for

724
00:42:10,210 --> 00:42:13,690
Speaker 2: our role. You alluded to that earlier. We have responsibilities

725
00:42:13,750 --> 00:42:18,569
Speaker 2: as parents. But ultimately, who our children become is up

726
00:42:18,630 --> 00:42:23,649
Speaker 2: to God and not us. And that's what ambassador parenting is.

727
00:42:24,170 --> 00:42:30,090
Speaker 2: It's a release, right? It's representation. It's a conduit of grace.

728
00:42:30,760 --> 00:42:32,870
Speaker 2: So it's quite the opposite.

729
00:42:33,790 --> 00:42:36,670
Speaker 1: Right. And I love that. I think that would be

730
00:42:36,710 --> 00:42:39,490
Speaker 1: a good reflection question at the end of every day

731
00:42:39,510 --> 00:42:42,910
Speaker 1: to have is like, Lord, was I a conduit of

732
00:42:42,950 --> 00:42:47,029
Speaker 1: your grace today with my children? Some days I may

733
00:42:47,110 --> 00:42:50,969
Speaker 1: get not a passing grade there, you know, was like

734
00:42:51,150 --> 00:42:53,169
Speaker 1: a conduit of your grace. But that's also a really

735
00:42:53,210 --> 00:42:55,509
Speaker 1: great prayer to start your day with. Lord, help me.

736
00:42:56,110 --> 00:43:00,520
Speaker 1: Help me to be a conduit. of your grace to

737
00:43:00,560 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 1: my children and to represent you to my children because

738
00:43:03,280 --> 00:43:06,670
Speaker 1: God is far more graceful with me sometimes than I

739
00:43:06,969 --> 00:43:10,610
Speaker 1: am with my children. Man, motherhood, fatherhood, it's high and

740
00:43:10,650 --> 00:43:15,290
Speaker 1: holy work. It's very sanctifying and he will give us

741
00:43:15,430 --> 00:43:19,569
Speaker 1: opportunities to grow in grace and patience. With our kids.

742
00:43:19,790 --> 00:43:22,070
Speaker 1: So what does this actually look like on a Monday

743
00:43:22,130 --> 00:43:25,029
Speaker 1: afternoon when everybody is tired and somebody is melting down?

744
00:43:25,270 --> 00:43:28,870
Speaker 1: And I picked Monday because our homeschool co-op day is Monday.

745
00:43:29,330 --> 00:43:32,420
Speaker 1: So those days are long and hot and hard. So

746
00:43:32,560 --> 00:43:37,500
Speaker 1: what does ambassador parenting actually look like on your hardest day?

747
00:43:46,460 --> 00:43:48,840
Speaker 2: Well, I think we have to start with the gospel.

748
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:53,020
Speaker 2: What is Christ's message? Because we're, as ambassador parents, we're

749
00:43:54,560 --> 00:43:58,470
Speaker 2: giving his message, reflecting his character, and using his methods.

750
00:43:58,530 --> 00:44:03,410
Speaker 2: So what is the message? It's grace and redemption. And

751
00:44:03,489 --> 00:44:07,049
Speaker 2: so if we think of it that way, try and

752
00:44:07,150 --> 00:44:11,850
Speaker 2: reframe everything that we're doing under redemption and grace. Am

753
00:44:11,950 --> 00:44:16,410
Speaker 2: I parenting through redemption and grace? His methods were relational.

754
00:44:17,910 --> 00:44:22,689
Speaker 2: He modeled before explaining. He met people where they were,

755
00:44:23,110 --> 00:44:26,310
Speaker 2: and he was patient when they were slow to understand.

756
00:44:26,410 --> 00:44:30,370
Speaker 2: So all of those are just beautiful things to weave

757
00:44:30,410 --> 00:44:35,380
Speaker 2: into our parenting. He spoke the truth in love. He

758
00:44:35,550 --> 00:44:42,669
Speaker 2: invited confession and repentance, but he he is ultimately about restoration, right?

759
00:44:42,830 --> 00:44:46,210
Speaker 2: He restores the brokenhearted and he sets the captives free.

760
00:44:46,930 --> 00:44:51,590
Speaker 2: So he points out our sin, but he doesn't condemn

761
00:44:51,710 --> 00:44:56,279
Speaker 2: us in it, right? He has compassion for us. And

762
00:44:56,360 --> 00:45:00,540
Speaker 2: so that really is what we need to be doing.

763
00:45:00,680 --> 00:45:05,359
Speaker 2: I think of Matthew 11, 28 through 30. Come to me,

764
00:45:06,060 --> 00:45:09,569
Speaker 2: all who labor and are wearied. and I will give

765
00:45:09,590 --> 00:45:13,649
Speaker 2: you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me,

766
00:45:14,870 --> 00:45:18,310
Speaker 2: because I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you

767
00:45:18,350 --> 00:45:20,970
Speaker 2: will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy,

768
00:45:21,510 --> 00:45:24,390
Speaker 2: and my burden is light. So if we are having

769
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:28,450
Speaker 2: that posture, that God is gentle and lowly, and we

770
00:45:28,489 --> 00:45:32,270
Speaker 2: are reflecting the heart of Christ to our kids, then

771
00:45:32,310 --> 00:45:35,410
Speaker 2: we're going to be gentle and humble as well. And

772
00:45:35,969 --> 00:45:42,540
Speaker 2: so in everyday parenting, that means Gentleness, not harshness. And

773
00:45:42,780 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 2: we're still going to have boundaries and guardrails because God

774
00:45:46,160 --> 00:45:48,600
Speaker 2: gives us those because he knows what's best for us

775
00:45:48,700 --> 00:45:52,589
Speaker 2: and we know what's best for our kids. But we're

776
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:57,990
Speaker 2: going to reject harsh authoritarianism and passive permissiveness because neither

777
00:45:58,030 --> 00:46:04,330
Speaker 2: reflect the heart of Christ. Harshness may produce outward compliance,

778
00:46:04,950 --> 00:46:09,730
Speaker 2: but it crushes the spirit. And permissiveness may seem loving,

779
00:46:10,610 --> 00:46:15,770
Speaker 2: but leaves children unanchored, insecure, and unprepared for the authority

780
00:46:15,850 --> 00:46:18,430
Speaker 2: that's actually going to come into their life at some point.

781
00:46:18,469 --> 00:46:20,989
Speaker 2: We all have to live up under authority. And so

782
00:46:21,050 --> 00:46:26,310
Speaker 2: permissiveness is one end of the spectrum. It's just a

783
00:46:26,370 --> 00:46:30,420
Speaker 2: different side of harshness, right? But both are not reflecting Christ.

784
00:46:31,020 --> 00:46:34,300
Speaker 2: And so instead, we want to parent with gentle firmness.

785
00:46:35,450 --> 00:46:40,089
Speaker 2: compassion and out of a servant's heart. So we're, we're

786
00:46:40,130 --> 00:46:43,720
Speaker 2: reflecting Jesus speaking truth and loving and grace.

787
00:46:45,239 --> 00:46:50,000
Speaker 1: Gentle firmness, you know, gentle can be passive, but if

788
00:46:50,020 --> 00:46:54,529
Speaker 1: you couple that with the firmness, that's a really good

789
00:46:54,660 --> 00:46:58,210
Speaker 1: key phrase to take with you to judge your, you know,

790
00:46:58,270 --> 00:47:01,129
Speaker 1: to kind of govern your conduct during the day was

791
00:47:01,190 --> 00:47:04,320
Speaker 1: I gentle, but firm, gentle, but firm. A lot of

792
00:47:04,360 --> 00:47:07,980
Speaker 1: times I would err on the side. I think some

793
00:47:08,020 --> 00:47:10,879
Speaker 1: people could err on gentle but passive. I would err

794
00:47:11,020 --> 00:47:14,379
Speaker 1: on the side of harsh but firm and firm. So

795
00:47:14,420 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 1: I need to get rid of that because most of

796
00:47:16,940 --> 00:47:18,960
Speaker 1: my listeners know I'm a little passionate. So I can

797
00:47:18,980 --> 00:47:22,839
Speaker 1: be a little passionate, a little harsh and firm. So

798
00:47:22,880 --> 00:47:25,279
Speaker 1: I need to couple that with gentleness in order to

799
00:47:25,360 --> 00:47:29,810
Speaker 1: parent more in this ambassador parenting because ultimately I'm a

800
00:47:29,870 --> 00:47:34,280
Speaker 1: representation of Christ in my parenting. I love this passage

801
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,870
Speaker 1: that you lean into from Deuteronomy 6. There's a mirroring

802
00:47:37,930 --> 00:47:40,410
Speaker 1: passage in Deuteronomy 11. It pretty much says the same

803
00:47:40,450 --> 00:47:45,230
Speaker 1: thing almost verbatim in Deuteronomy 11 verses 18 through 21.

804
00:47:45,230 --> 00:47:47,549
Speaker 1: And it's a passage that I've committed to memory. I

805
00:47:47,870 --> 00:47:51,149
Speaker 1: love this passage. It's this beautiful picture about talking about

806
00:47:51,170 --> 00:47:55,500
Speaker 1: God throughout the ordinary rhythms of life. You know, we

807
00:47:55,540 --> 00:47:58,219
Speaker 1: think of Christians and church life and we go and

808
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:00,790
Speaker 1: we listen to people on, you know, behind pulpits and

809
00:48:00,850 --> 00:48:05,790
Speaker 1: singing with microphones. But the real work of Christianity is

810
00:48:05,850 --> 00:48:08,370
Speaker 1: passed on legacy from family to family. And it's this

811
00:48:08,489 --> 00:48:11,739
Speaker 1: ordinary life as we sit down, as we walk along

812
00:48:11,760 --> 00:48:13,940
Speaker 1: the road, as we lie down, as we get up

813
00:48:14,440 --> 00:48:17,379
Speaker 1: to write it on the doorframes of your houses. And

814
00:48:17,739 --> 00:48:21,759
Speaker 1: that actually prompted me to get I put Psalm 91

815
00:48:21,760 --> 00:48:24,430
Speaker 1: over the doorframe of my house and It's one of

816
00:48:24,450 --> 00:48:28,739
Speaker 1: my favorite psalms, and we memorized it together with my kids.

817
00:48:28,760 --> 00:48:32,380
Speaker 1: And just have that on the doorframes of your house

818
00:48:32,420 --> 00:48:34,120
Speaker 1: and on your gate so that your days may be

819
00:48:34,160 --> 00:48:36,299
Speaker 1: long in the land the Lord thy God has given thee.

820
00:48:36,320 --> 00:48:40,440
Speaker 1: I love these verses out of Deuteronomy. So what does

821
00:48:40,480 --> 00:48:43,620
Speaker 1: it look like for mom today to make discipleship part

822
00:48:43,640 --> 00:48:47,370
Speaker 1: of everyday life without making it feel forced? Or like

823
00:48:47,750 --> 00:48:50,250
Speaker 1: one more thing on her to-do list, which her to-do

824
00:48:50,290 --> 00:48:53,739
Speaker 1: list is already too long, but to rather ingrain it

825
00:48:53,840 --> 00:48:55,700
Speaker 1: in the rhythm of ordinary life.

826
00:48:56,960 --> 00:49:00,440
Speaker 2: You know, it actually makes it so much easier than

827
00:49:00,480 --> 00:49:03,790
Speaker 2: trying to create a checklist. I've never been good with,

828
00:49:03,910 --> 00:49:05,930
Speaker 2: I get so distracted. I mean, you talk about you

829
00:49:05,969 --> 00:49:09,950
Speaker 2: have ADD. I probably am on the borderline. I'm so easily,

830
00:49:09,969 --> 00:49:12,430
Speaker 2: you know, whatever's happening, I can just go off in

831
00:49:12,469 --> 00:49:16,020
Speaker 2: that direction. But it's For me, I think the key

832
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:20,819
Speaker 2: is conversations. It's just the conversations. that I have with

833
00:49:20,880 --> 00:49:23,540
Speaker 2: my children or had with my children, we want them

834
00:49:23,580 --> 00:49:27,140
Speaker 2: to be intentional. And so we can start, I mean,

835
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,380
Speaker 2: just to talk along, as we walk along the road,

836
00:49:30,420 --> 00:49:32,219
Speaker 2: lie down and get up, you get up in the

837
00:49:32,260 --> 00:49:34,680
Speaker 2: morning and you pray before you walk out the door

838
00:49:35,200 --> 00:49:37,080
Speaker 2: or you pray in the car as you're driving them.

839
00:49:37,800 --> 00:49:41,299
Speaker 2: You have those conversations to point out, wow, you know,

840
00:49:41,340 --> 00:49:43,720
Speaker 2: I'm looking outside my window right now and it's pouring

841
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:47,489
Speaker 2: down rain in Austin, Texas. We desperately need this. God

842
00:49:47,550 --> 00:49:50,649
Speaker 2: brought us this amazing rain. We're going to get rain

843
00:49:50,670 --> 00:49:53,910
Speaker 2: for the next three days and we need this so badly.

844
00:49:54,030 --> 00:49:57,890
Speaker 2: Isn't God so good to provide exactly what we need

845
00:49:57,930 --> 00:50:01,359
Speaker 2: when we need it? And just those types of conversations.

846
00:50:01,420 --> 00:50:03,730
Speaker 2: And then you're sitting at the dinner table. And if

847
00:50:03,770 --> 00:50:05,810
Speaker 2: your kids are of the age where they can answer

848
00:50:05,850 --> 00:50:08,110
Speaker 2: this question, we used to always ask, what did God

849
00:50:08,210 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 2: show you today? How did he reveal himself to you?

850
00:50:13,260 --> 00:50:18,219
Speaker 2: That simple question just can spark so much conversation. And

851
00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,160
Speaker 2: so these are what I'm, you know, it's just to me,

852
00:50:21,340 --> 00:50:23,480
Speaker 2: it's just how you're living your life and you're weaving

853
00:50:23,520 --> 00:50:27,010
Speaker 2: him into the ordinary moments, pointing out the God moments,

854
00:50:27,110 --> 00:50:30,850
Speaker 2: pointing out how God worked in your day, praying over

855
00:50:31,010 --> 00:50:34,150
Speaker 2: a friend if they come home and they have a

856
00:50:34,210 --> 00:50:37,060
Speaker 2: struggle with a friendship or somebody that they're concerned about,

857
00:50:37,219 --> 00:50:39,960
Speaker 2: let's stop right now and let's pray over that. And

858
00:50:40,000 --> 00:50:44,400
Speaker 2: it's just that posture of saying, I, the priority is

859
00:50:44,520 --> 00:50:48,140
Speaker 2: teaching and living who God is to my kids and

860
00:50:48,320 --> 00:50:49,640
Speaker 2: everything else can wait.

861
00:50:49,660 --> 00:50:54,270
Speaker 1: Hmm. That is awesome. First off, can we borrow some

862
00:50:54,290 --> 00:50:56,719
Speaker 1: of that rain? Because we are in a major drought here.

863
00:50:56,780 --> 00:50:58,719
Speaker 1: We just moved into this house and I'm trying to,

864
00:50:59,060 --> 00:51:01,439
Speaker 1: there's a lot of trees on the property. My brother

865
00:51:01,480 --> 00:51:02,739
Speaker 1: came over the other day. I took him out in

866
00:51:02,760 --> 00:51:04,840
Speaker 1: the backyard and he's like, ah, I think your hydrangeas

867
00:51:04,900 --> 00:51:07,200
Speaker 1: are dead. I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna have to

868
00:51:07,239 --> 00:51:09,609
Speaker 1: go up and water them. I wish we had rain. Lord,

869
00:51:09,670 --> 00:51:12,330
Speaker 1: bring us some rain. But I love how you ask

870
00:51:12,350 --> 00:51:14,790
Speaker 1: that question at the dinner table. How did God reveal

871
00:51:14,830 --> 00:51:17,540
Speaker 1: himself to you today? And when we get rain, that

872
00:51:17,560 --> 00:51:22,239
Speaker 1: will be one way. God revealed himself to us through

873
00:51:22,260 --> 00:51:24,759
Speaker 1: the rain, but how is he revealing himself to us

874
00:51:24,820 --> 00:51:27,799
Speaker 1: in nature around us? How is he revealing himself to

875
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:30,660
Speaker 1: us through that history lesson? How is he revealing himself

876
00:51:30,739 --> 00:51:34,680
Speaker 1: to us in our relationships with others? I think that's

877
00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,840
Speaker 1: such a great reflective question to weave in. And then

878
00:51:37,860 --> 00:51:41,460
Speaker 1: I love stopping. Okay. We have a need. We don't

879
00:51:41,500 --> 00:51:44,779
Speaker 1: have to wait until bedtime prayer. We can, let's pray

880
00:51:44,820 --> 00:51:49,140
Speaker 1: right now. Let's, Let's bring this to our Heavenly Father

881
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:54,339
Speaker 1: right now. I absolutely love, love that. Let's bring this

882
00:51:54,390 --> 00:51:57,410
Speaker 1: full circle then. If a mom is listening right now

883
00:51:58,510 --> 00:52:00,670
Speaker 1: and she realizes I've been trying to control my child's

884
00:52:00,730 --> 00:52:02,930
Speaker 1: outcome because I'm afraid of what's going to happen if

885
00:52:02,989 --> 00:52:06,170
Speaker 1: I don't, what would you want her to remember? How

886
00:52:06,230 --> 00:52:11,050
Speaker 1: can she begin moving from ownership to ambassador parenting?

887
00:52:13,070 --> 00:52:15,069
Speaker 2: Well, I think the first thing that we do is

888
00:52:15,110 --> 00:52:18,390
Speaker 2: we go to the Lord. And we ask him, show

889
00:52:18,430 --> 00:52:22,330
Speaker 2: me how I'm doing this parenting. Am I doing it

890
00:52:22,469 --> 00:52:24,509
Speaker 2: the way you want me to do it? Am I

891
00:52:24,830 --> 00:52:31,030
Speaker 2: showing ownership tendencies or am I showing stewardship tendencies? And

892
00:52:31,070 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 2: then ask him to just start changing your heart because

893
00:52:34,260 --> 00:52:37,299
Speaker 2: he will, he transforms. That's what he's in the business of.

894
00:52:37,980 --> 00:52:43,160
Speaker 2: And so never, never, never feel like God can't work miracles.

895
00:52:43,300 --> 00:52:46,310
Speaker 2: And Even if you, I mean, I can honestly say

896
00:52:46,510 --> 00:52:53,130
Speaker 2: I'm a reforming, reformed, being reformed control freak. And so

897
00:52:53,469 --> 00:52:56,370
Speaker 2: every day it's what do I need to lay at

898
00:52:56,390 --> 00:52:59,090
Speaker 2: your feet, Lord? And a lot of times it's our children.

899
00:52:59,489 --> 00:53:02,750
Speaker 2: You know, we get an idol with our children. And

900
00:53:03,050 --> 00:53:07,630
Speaker 2: really anything that we place above the Lord in our

901
00:53:07,690 --> 00:53:11,120
Speaker 2: life is what God would call an idol. And so

902
00:53:11,239 --> 00:53:15,859
Speaker 2: if our children's success or grades or outcomes become that

903
00:53:16,060 --> 00:53:18,360
Speaker 2: idol to us, we've got to lay that at his feet.

904
00:53:18,480 --> 00:53:21,440
Speaker 2: And that's going to take a while to overcome. And

905
00:53:21,680 --> 00:53:25,580
Speaker 2: it might always be a battle, but he can transform.

906
00:53:26,120 --> 00:53:28,439
Speaker 2: And so I just encourage the mom to start there

907
00:53:28,540 --> 00:53:31,650
Speaker 2: with asking God for wisdom, to show her what it

908
00:53:31,860 --> 00:53:35,069
Speaker 2: is that she needs to change, and then for him

909
00:53:35,110 --> 00:53:39,089
Speaker 2: to help her change it. And For me, you talk

910
00:53:39,110 --> 00:53:42,710
Speaker 2: about verses. I have all these verses that are about

911
00:53:43,090 --> 00:53:46,090
Speaker 2: trusting the Lord and how He just over and over

912
00:53:46,250 --> 00:53:49,359
Speaker 2: in the Psalms and all throughout the Word, really, where

913
00:53:49,390 --> 00:53:53,320
Speaker 2: He's teaching us to trust Him and that He has

914
00:53:53,940 --> 00:53:57,959
Speaker 2: everything in His control for our good. And so we

915
00:53:57,980 --> 00:54:00,580
Speaker 2: can ponder those verses. We can memorize them. We can

916
00:54:00,620 --> 00:54:05,739
Speaker 2: pray over them that God is trustworthy, right? If we

917
00:54:05,780 --> 00:54:09,700
Speaker 2: can Because again, we had said earlier, if we are

918
00:54:09,739 --> 00:54:13,180
Speaker 2: trying to control the outcomes, we're not trusting God. And

919
00:54:13,260 --> 00:54:16,399
Speaker 2: so if we can just tell ourselves over and over,

920
00:54:16,940 --> 00:54:20,100
Speaker 2: God is trustworthy. And remember and reflect on those times

921
00:54:20,140 --> 00:54:23,710
Speaker 2: he's been trustworthy in your life and in your kids' lives.

922
00:54:24,610 --> 00:54:27,770
Speaker 2: And then just continue to pray daily. Because we want

923
00:54:27,790 --> 00:54:33,310
Speaker 2: to remember that parenting is a ministry. It is hard work.

924
00:54:34,280 --> 00:54:38,090
Speaker 2: The enemy is going to attack us. Culture is telling

925
00:54:38,170 --> 00:54:41,569
Speaker 2: us at every turn that we need to be doing this, this,

926
00:54:41,630 --> 00:54:44,670
Speaker 2: and this to raise good kids. But that's a lie

927
00:54:44,969 --> 00:54:47,350
Speaker 2: from the enemy. What is God telling us we need

928
00:54:47,370 --> 00:54:50,920
Speaker 2: to do to raise children for him? It's not about

929
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:55,859
Speaker 2: behavior or success. It's about becoming who God wants them

930
00:54:55,940 --> 00:55:00,680
Speaker 2: to be and finding out who that is and helping them.

931
00:55:00,880 --> 00:55:04,029
Speaker 2: We are guiding them along the way. and celebrating their

932
00:55:04,070 --> 00:55:08,109
Speaker 2: strengths and helping them work on their weaknesses. And all

933
00:55:08,130 --> 00:55:10,589
Speaker 2: of those things, we have to lay at Jesus's feet

934
00:55:10,670 --> 00:55:14,470
Speaker 2: every day, that posture of openness. And it's not about

935
00:55:14,650 --> 00:55:19,360
Speaker 2: our image or reputation. That's ownership parenting. It's about giving

936
00:55:19,420 --> 00:55:23,640
Speaker 2: glory to God. And the purpose of parenting is to

937
00:55:23,700 --> 00:55:28,640
Speaker 2: grow his kingdom, not to raise successful kids. It's to

938
00:55:28,680 --> 00:55:31,640
Speaker 2: grow his kingdom. And I mean, honestly, when I look

939
00:55:31,660 --> 00:55:35,529
Speaker 2: back at raising my three children, I know that I

940
00:55:35,630 --> 00:55:39,250
Speaker 2: probably did stress success too much. I had some ownership

941
00:55:39,350 --> 00:55:44,050
Speaker 2: parenting tendencies for sure. My kids will tell us, Mom,

942
00:55:44,230 --> 00:55:46,810
Speaker 2: you definitely raised us to be successful. You raised us

943
00:55:46,830 --> 00:55:49,870
Speaker 2: to love the Lord. But if I had to go back,

944
00:55:50,730 --> 00:55:54,730
Speaker 2: I would de-emphasize some of that and just be much

945
00:55:54,790 --> 00:55:59,210
Speaker 2: more intentional about teaching them to serve the Lord instead

946
00:55:59,270 --> 00:56:02,890
Speaker 2: of They're the God of success. And so those are

947
00:56:02,910 --> 00:56:06,770
Speaker 2: just some things that we can change when we move

948
00:56:06,790 --> 00:56:09,010
Speaker 2: from ownership to ambassador parenting.

949
00:56:11,150 --> 00:56:14,700
Speaker 1: I love the way you laid that out because, okay,

950
00:56:14,760 --> 00:56:18,960
Speaker 1: first let's start by just some honest reflection and saying, Lord,

951
00:56:19,060 --> 00:56:19,859
Speaker 1: search my heart.

952
00:56:19,980 --> 00:56:21,520
Speaker 2: Search me.

953
00:56:21,640 --> 00:56:25,880
Speaker 1: Search me and see if there'll be any ownership parenting

954
00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:28,810
Speaker 1: in me. added that in there, any wicked way, because

955
00:56:28,830 --> 00:56:31,410
Speaker 1: it is a wicked way in me. Is there any

956
00:56:32,010 --> 00:56:34,660
Speaker 1: control or manipulation in my parenting? And I think if

957
00:56:34,700 --> 00:56:37,239
Speaker 1: we're all honest, I think for almost all of us,

958
00:56:38,000 --> 00:56:40,700
Speaker 1: there's going to be something that the Lord can highlight

959
00:56:40,940 --> 00:56:44,839
Speaker 1: and help me then to come over to parent more

960
00:56:44,860 --> 00:56:47,810
Speaker 1: like you. You're the perfect parent. You're an ambassador parent.

961
00:56:47,950 --> 00:56:52,860
Speaker 1: You don't force But you exemplify all of these beautiful

962
00:56:52,900 --> 00:56:56,120
Speaker 1: things that we need to be your ambassador in our kids' lives.

963
00:56:56,320 --> 00:57:01,200
Speaker 1: And just with gentle firmness, you know, we all had

964
00:57:01,219 --> 00:57:03,839
Speaker 1: the bracelets. What would Jesus do? How would Jesus parent

965
00:57:03,950 --> 00:57:07,469
Speaker 1: in this situation? Just really leaning in to the Holy

966
00:57:07,530 --> 00:57:11,109
Speaker 1: Spirit to see that and asking him. I love that

967
00:57:11,170 --> 00:57:15,990
Speaker 1: request as well. Change my heart, Lord. Change my heart

968
00:57:16,390 --> 00:57:18,670
Speaker 1: in this parenting and help me to parent more like you.

969
00:57:19,740 --> 00:57:23,780
Speaker 1: This has been amazing. Such a rich conversation. Candice, before

970
00:57:23,820 --> 00:57:26,040
Speaker 1: we go, can you let our listeners know where they

971
00:57:26,060 --> 00:57:28,919
Speaker 1: can connect with you, listen to MomQ Podcast, and learn

972
00:57:28,940 --> 00:57:32,950
Speaker 1: more about all that MomQ has to offer, the resources

973
00:57:32,990 --> 00:57:34,270
Speaker 1: you have for Christian moms?

974
00:57:34,950 --> 00:57:39,170
Speaker 2: Yes, absolutely. So first of all, momq.org is our website.

975
00:57:39,290 --> 00:57:42,630
Speaker 2: And on there, there are so many resources. We have blogs.

976
00:57:42,670 --> 00:57:45,330
Speaker 2: You can find our podcast on there, as well as

977
00:57:45,510 --> 00:57:48,960
Speaker 2: on anywhere you listen to podcasts. It's just momq.org. biblical

978
00:57:49,000 --> 00:57:52,000
Speaker 2: wisdom for Christian moms. And then on our website, you

979
00:57:52,020 --> 00:57:54,920
Speaker 2: can also find all about our curriculum, how to bring

980
00:57:54,940 --> 00:57:57,740
Speaker 2: a mom Q chapter to your area, what that, what

981
00:57:57,780 --> 00:58:02,340
Speaker 2: that involves and the just testimonies of moms that have

982
00:58:02,380 --> 00:58:04,890
Speaker 2: been part of it and how it's just a hundred,

983
00:58:05,090 --> 00:58:07,510
Speaker 2: actually a hundred percent of our moms report a life

984
00:58:07,530 --> 00:58:10,770
Speaker 2: change from being part of our community. So moms, we

985
00:58:10,930 --> 00:58:14,770
Speaker 2: need that support. We need each other. We need that

986
00:58:14,930 --> 00:58:18,860
Speaker 2: iron sharpening iron and, especially in the younger years, but

987
00:58:19,100 --> 00:58:23,030
Speaker 2: always really, I mean, teen, teen years get very confusing too.

988
00:58:23,130 --> 00:58:26,030
Speaker 2: So we need community. We need somebody who's been a

989
00:58:26,070 --> 00:58:29,070
Speaker 2: step ahead of us that, that has lived it a

990
00:58:29,090 --> 00:58:31,170
Speaker 2: little bit farther along that can just look at us

991
00:58:31,230 --> 00:58:34,510
Speaker 2: and say, you've got this, God's got this, you're not

992
00:58:34,570 --> 00:58:37,890
Speaker 2: alone and you're going to be okay. And so all

993
00:58:37,920 --> 00:58:40,840
Speaker 2: of that is available. We also have an Instagram mom,

994
00:58:40,860 --> 00:58:45,740
Speaker 2: Q512 and Facebook. So. Hope to connect and send us

995
00:58:45,800 --> 00:58:48,290
Speaker 2: an email. I love talking to moms as well. So

996
00:58:49,490 --> 00:58:51,830
Speaker 2: on our website, you can find that. Awesome.

997
00:58:51,850 --> 00:58:55,210
Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Candice. This has been, I think

998
00:58:55,230 --> 00:58:58,330
Speaker 1: for myself personally, a much needed course correction. I'm going

999
00:58:58,350 --> 00:59:01,910
Speaker 1: to be looking for those anxiety spikers in my life

1000
00:59:02,130 --> 00:59:06,010
Speaker 1: and asking myself, am I not trusting in this moment?

1001
00:59:06,050 --> 00:59:09,170
Speaker 1: Am I trying to control and asking the Holy Spirit

1002
00:59:09,210 --> 00:59:13,160
Speaker 1: to help me parent? with gentle firmness going forward? Thank

1003
00:59:13,180 --> 00:59:13,620
Speaker 1: you so much.

1004
00:59:13,640 --> 00:59:14,980
Speaker 2: Praise the Lord. Thank you.

1005
00:59:15,000 --> 00:59:20,220
Speaker 1: I hope this conversation encouraged you to step back and

1006
00:59:20,240 --> 00:59:23,310
Speaker 1: to think about your own parenting, not just what you're doing,

1007
00:59:23,890 --> 00:59:28,170
Speaker 1: but the foundation underneath why you're doing it. Are kids

1008
00:59:28,880 --> 00:59:31,900
Speaker 1: are entrusted to us by God. And our calling isn't

1009
00:59:31,940 --> 00:59:36,300
Speaker 1: to control who they become, but to faithfully point them

1010
00:59:36,420 --> 00:59:41,110
Speaker 1: toward the one who created them. And as always, remember,

1011
00:59:41,550 --> 00:59:45,470
Speaker 1: God gave you your kids, your specific kids, for a reason.

1012
00:59:46,090 --> 00:59:49,810
Speaker 1: That's because you hold the key to unlocking who God

1013
00:59:49,950 --> 01:00:00,380
Speaker 1: created them to be. We'll see you next time. Christian

1014
01:00:00,420 --> 01:00:03,500
Speaker 1: Parent Crazy World is a production of Life Audio and

1015
01:00:03,560 --> 01:00:04,300
Speaker 1: Salem Media.

1016
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:06,860
Speaker 2: If you liked what you heard today, please take a

1017
01:00:06,900 --> 01:00:09,890
Speaker 2: second to rate and review this podcast in your favorite

1018
01:00:09,910 --> 01:00:10,770
Speaker 2: podcast app.

1019
01:00:11,110 --> 01:00:13,290
Speaker 1: So that more listeners like you can find the show.

1020
01:00:14,090 --> 01:00:18,210
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