1 00:00:19,880 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:38,319 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennisprager's Rational Bibles. Go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:38,440 --> 00:00:42,960 Speaker 2: Women When, as a general rule, when a woman has 5 00:00:43,080 --> 00:00:46,520 Speaker 2: an affair, it is because things are troubled at home. 6 00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:52,640 Speaker 2: Women don't go seeking, as a general rule, another male 7 00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 2: body to touch. They don't go to lap dances to 8 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:01,880 Speaker 2: have semi naked men crawl all over them. Okay, this 9 00:01:02,040 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 2: is just not the way females are made. This is 10 00:01:05,759 --> 00:01:09,000 Speaker 2: the way males are made, and females do things differently. 11 00:01:10,039 --> 00:01:13,720 Speaker 2: That is why women regard sex as so important because 12 00:01:13,759 --> 00:01:17,760 Speaker 2: it is generally speaking that important to them because it 13 00:01:17,840 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 2: is very rarely separated or separable from the emotional part 14 00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:27,280 Speaker 2: of a human being. In that sense, women are more elevated. 15 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:30,479 Speaker 2: There's no question about it. I have no compunctions about 16 00:01:30,480 --> 00:01:33,039 Speaker 2: saying it. I said in the first session that for 17 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 2: a woman to understand a man sexually is like human 18 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 2: beings trying to understand orangutans. It is not possible. We 19 00:01:41,080 --> 00:01:45,040 Speaker 2: can study orangutans, but we can't understand them. And that 20 00:01:45,120 --> 00:01:47,120 Speaker 2: is that that is how it is here, and I'm 21 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:51,960 Speaker 2: very that is just the way life is. So a 22 00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 2: man's reaction to a woman having an affair should certainly 23 00:01:57,280 --> 00:02:03,000 Speaker 2: not be you slime, you low life, you sluck, but 24 00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 2: rather what's gone on that you did this? What has 25 00:02:08,560 --> 00:02:12,400 Speaker 2: what has happened? How did this happen? That you looked 26 00:02:12,480 --> 00:02:16,640 Speaker 2: elsewhere for love? She didn't look elsewhere for body rubbing. 27 00:02:17,639 --> 00:02:21,920 Speaker 2: She looked elsewhere for a love and a husband who 28 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 2: is who is in touch with himself and not just 29 00:02:27,480 --> 00:02:30,959 Speaker 2: again responding as many women will when when a man 30 00:02:31,040 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 2: is unfaithful with his ego has to react that way. 31 00:02:35,880 --> 00:02:39,920 Speaker 2: He's allowed anger, he's allowed jealousy. God, if he doesn't 32 00:02:39,919 --> 00:02:44,040 Speaker 2: have anger and jealousy, or at least jealousy, then then 33 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,760 Speaker 2: obviously there's not much love there is there, and it's 34 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:52,800 Speaker 2: probably time to say goodbye to each other. But the 35 00:02:52,919 --> 00:02:56,520 Speaker 2: reaction of you did this and that's the end is 36 00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 2: probably not in any event. In most cases, what she wants, 37 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,000 Speaker 2: she probably wants. In most cases, not in every Sometimes 38 00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:08,400 Speaker 2: it's just too late to repair a marriage. Some of 39 00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:12,320 Speaker 2: that attention that she got from this man from him. 40 00:03:12,639 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 2: That's my fifty year old understanding of men. And women 41 00:03:19,919 --> 00:03:23,840 Speaker 2: with men. There are two possibilities, generally speaking, for why 42 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:27,919 Speaker 2: he committed adultery. One is the marriage may be problem troubled, 43 00:03:28,560 --> 00:03:33,240 Speaker 2: just like it was if she commits adultery, okay, in 44 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,920 Speaker 2: which case she should react as I advise him to react. 45 00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 2: What has gone wrong? Are you? Why are you seeking 46 00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 2: love elsewhere? The other is it was sex. Now under sex. 47 00:03:47,720 --> 00:03:51,360 Speaker 2: There were two possibilities too. One there's none at home, 48 00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:55,680 Speaker 2: or there is at home. But he's male and he 49 00:03:55,840 --> 00:04:01,920 Speaker 2: was weak, and that's basically it. And those fill your 50 00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:07,000 Speaker 2: choices of what goes on basically speaking, when adultery is committed. 51 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,280 Speaker 2: Life is complex, but sometimes it's clarifiable, and I think 52 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:16,040 Speaker 2: in this case it is. And all of these cases 53 00:04:16,360 --> 00:04:21,560 Speaker 2: demand a reaction before the rec action of divorce, people 54 00:04:21,680 --> 00:04:25,719 Speaker 2: usually have too much invested in a marriage to say that. 55 00:04:25,919 --> 00:04:29,040 Speaker 2: Let us take his case. We had three choices, right, 56 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:34,400 Speaker 2: sought love, sought sex, was weak and sought sex. So 57 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:38,400 Speaker 2: let's go from the bottom up. We can sought sex. Honey, Listen, 58 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:42,120 Speaker 2: you can't do this. I don't know that this is 59 00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,840 Speaker 2: the way males are. I understand you. So a gorgeous 60 00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:47,599 Speaker 2: girl there, that's not the way that it's not the 61 00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:50,919 Speaker 2: way it works. It's too painful to me. If you 62 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,719 Speaker 2: do this enough, it does destroy and will destroy this marriage. Okay, 63 00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:58,960 Speaker 2: I don't expect her to say it that calmly. I understand. 64 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,040 Speaker 2: She will say it with a butcher knife in one 65 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: hand and a glass in another. I understand. Okay, Then 66 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:10,040 Speaker 2: up one level, do we not have sex? And he'll say, 67 00:05:10,440 --> 00:05:14,279 Speaker 2: like many, well, I wish we had it more. Well, 68 00:05:14,320 --> 00:05:16,880 Speaker 2: a lot of men want it more, and if they 69 00:05:16,920 --> 00:05:18,880 Speaker 2: have it more, I don't know if there is a 70 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 2: major correlation between frequency of sex at home and the 71 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:28,200 Speaker 2: amount of adultery outside. I suspect that the correlation is 72 00:05:28,279 --> 00:05:31,120 Speaker 2: not great. I'm not talking about married to a frigid 73 00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 2: woman and I will come to that as my last thing, 74 00:05:33,680 --> 00:05:37,000 Speaker 2: or a frigid man for that matter. Then there is 75 00:05:37,040 --> 00:05:41,240 Speaker 2: the other, which is the same as her case. Do 76 00:05:41,320 --> 00:05:45,120 Speaker 2: we have serious marital problems? And then the woman has 77 00:05:45,160 --> 00:05:47,280 Speaker 2: to decide, as the man would have to decide if 78 00:05:47,320 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 2: he were the one who were betrayed sexually? Am I 79 00:05:51,480 --> 00:05:56,200 Speaker 2: in some way responsible? If you're really mature, that's what 80 00:05:56,240 --> 00:06:01,599 Speaker 2: you could ask. Very rarely is there one villain in 81 00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 2: a marriage? Very rarely, it can happen, but very rarely. 82 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:11,000 Speaker 2: It usually takes two to make a good marriage and 83 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,640 Speaker 2: two to make a bad marriage. It may not be 84 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:17,599 Speaker 2: fifty to fifty, it may be seventy thirty, but it 85 00:06:17,680 --> 00:06:20,120 Speaker 2: is very fair for the want to ask, what is 86 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:25,040 Speaker 2: my thirty percent contribution to your betrayal? I don't say that. 87 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:28,520 Speaker 2: You could say that the first night, but at a 88 00:06:28,560 --> 00:06:32,840 Speaker 2: given point, it is worth asking yourself. See, because I 89 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 2: am totally convinced. I yell. I very rarely yell at 90 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:41,520 Speaker 2: caller's it maybe once in two months, maybe, And I 91 00:06:41,800 --> 00:06:44,360 Speaker 2: yelled at a woman. I was so angry at her. 92 00:06:44,520 --> 00:06:50,520 Speaker 2: She was married twenty five years and she found out 93 00:06:50,720 --> 00:06:56,520 Speaker 2: somehow or other looking through our husband's stuff that fifteen 94 00:06:56,640 --> 00:07:00,880 Speaker 2: years earlier he had an affair, and she's now divorcing him. 95 00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,560 Speaker 2: And I don't think I think she may be the 96 00:07:04,600 --> 00:07:09,000 Speaker 2: only person I ever called an idiot. I often think that, 97 00:07:09,480 --> 00:07:13,400 Speaker 2: but I never say it. I actually said, you are 98 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 2: an idiot. You are going to throw away twenty five 99 00:07:18,360 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: years of many marriage because of an affair of fifteen 100 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:26,520 Speaker 2: years ago. Well, i'm too, I'm too hurt. It was 101 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 2: all ego, It was all ego. Can't I can't live 102 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:33,200 Speaker 2: with this, Oh he did this. I mean, it's unbelievable. 103 00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:36,320 Speaker 2: You know, it's so. I tell you, I often feel 104 00:07:36,360 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 2: that I live on another planet half the time. On 105 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 2: my radio show, I am angry at the instant forgiveness, 106 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:47,320 Speaker 2: the automatic forgiveness. Oh you murdered fourteen kids at school, 107 00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:51,120 Speaker 2: we forgive you, we love you. But if your husband 108 00:07:51,120 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 2: committed one night stand, no forgiveness at all. We forgive 109 00:07:54,880 --> 00:07:58,800 Speaker 2: murderers but not adulterers. Is something strange in that, isn't 110 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:02,320 Speaker 2: there the same people. I'll bet you a lot of 111 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:07,239 Speaker 2: women who divorced or men who divorced their wives because 112 00:08:07,440 --> 00:08:11,680 Speaker 2: of an affair the other had believes that you forgive 113 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:19,520 Speaker 2: the murderers at Columbine, at Columbine High School, Littleton, because 114 00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 2: that's the big thing in America day, to forgive, instantaneous 115 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 2: about that. You know, someone who's loved you is given 116 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:29,400 Speaker 2: all these years to you, make kids with you, who's 117 00:08:29,480 --> 00:08:32,719 Speaker 2: raised a family with you. They don't deserve my forgiveness. 118 00:08:33,079 --> 00:08:37,760 Speaker 2: But murderers murder other people. Ah, I forgive because that's 119 00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:41,160 Speaker 2: the that's the proper thing to do. You're allowed to 120 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:45,280 Speaker 2: forgive a husband and a wife too, So that's a 121 00:08:45,280 --> 00:08:48,720 Speaker 2: good thing. To do in that One of the I 122 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,240 Speaker 2: think one of the great things, one of the great 123 00:08:51,280 --> 00:08:57,400 Speaker 2: secrets of marriage, is to have very short memories. Don't 124 00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,840 Speaker 2: you love them? So you know four years ago you remember? 125 00:09:01,040 --> 00:09:04,200 Speaker 2: You remember that evening. I don't mean an evening affair. 126 00:09:04,280 --> 00:09:06,680 Speaker 2: You know that, you know you've said this terrible thing 127 00:09:06,720 --> 00:09:06,960 Speaker 2: to me. 128 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,800 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless wisdom will continue right after this. 129 00:09:16,360 --> 00:09:21,719 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Bragger's timeless wisdom. 130 00:09:22,040 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 2: And finally, the last part of the adultery complexity is 131 00:09:30,880 --> 00:09:37,240 Speaker 2: can it ever be morally defended? Morally defended? This is 132 00:09:37,280 --> 00:09:44,520 Speaker 2: a tough one. I believe that it can. Can it 133 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 2: ever be defended in terms of religious law? No law 134 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,880 Speaker 2: is a law. Would I say that, in no matter, 135 00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 2: any married person who had a sexual affair has committed adultery. 136 00:09:58,640 --> 00:10:03,320 Speaker 2: But it doesn't mean that it is always indefensible. I 137 00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:11,600 Speaker 2: think it's defensible. Here's an example. Let us say somebody 138 00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:15,960 Speaker 2: has stayed together with the partner for the sake of 139 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:21,000 Speaker 2: the children. Maybe you say they shouldn't have that's a 140 00:10:21,000 --> 00:10:24,960 Speaker 2: fair argument, But whatever it is they did, it was 141 00:10:25,120 --> 00:10:28,040 Speaker 2: just necessary to do so for the children's sake. They 142 00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:32,240 Speaker 2: stay together, they have nothing going on, sexually nothing, or 143 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:37,720 Speaker 2: one is incapable of doing anything sexually. Or how about, 144 00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 2: to give the most extreme case, what if your spouse 145 00:10:40,320 --> 00:10:45,080 Speaker 2: is comatose? Would anybody here argue that if somebody had 146 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,560 Speaker 2: an extra marital affair with a comatos spouse, that it 147 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 2: was immoral. I care raise your hand if you feel 148 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:58,319 Speaker 2: it would be immoral with the comatos spouse. All right, 149 00:10:58,520 --> 00:11:03,320 Speaker 2: one person, as long as the comatose person was not 150 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:07,480 Speaker 2: the one you slept with. I tell you gotta give 151 00:11:07,520 --> 00:11:14,360 Speaker 2: this guy his money back. You know this is really talmutic, 152 00:11:14,440 --> 00:11:16,160 Speaker 2: but a lot if you had the affair with the 153 00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:24,040 Speaker 2: comatose spouse. I asked that question in eighth grade, and 154 00:11:24,080 --> 00:11:30,760 Speaker 2: the Rabbi slapped me. In other words, let's be honest 155 00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:35,440 Speaker 2: that again there are gradations of wrong, and that it's 156 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 2: very interesting in this realm I think we need. It's 157 00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:41,280 Speaker 2: so funny because I think in some realms we need 158 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:44,760 Speaker 2: to be a lot more judgmental and less forgiving, And 159 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:46,720 Speaker 2: in some realms I think we need to be a 160 00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:52,920 Speaker 2: lot more forgiving and less judgmental. Whenever I have heard 161 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:56,880 Speaker 2: about an affair in a marriage, I have felt bad 162 00:11:57,120 --> 00:12:02,160 Speaker 2: for everybody, even the one who had the affair. Most 163 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:05,840 Speaker 2: people who have an affair are not slime bags. They're 164 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,240 Speaker 2: not out there. If they wanted out, they would, they 165 00:12:08,280 --> 00:12:10,840 Speaker 2: would have had a divorce. It's easy to get a 166 00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 2: divorce in America. You can get a divorce. Obviously, something 167 00:12:16,520 --> 00:12:19,600 Speaker 2: is keeping them. I feel sorry for any anybody who 168 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 2: lives a life clandestinely. I mean the thought of hiding 169 00:12:25,000 --> 00:12:28,600 Speaker 2: from my spouse and hiding from my family, and hiding 170 00:12:28,679 --> 00:12:32,000 Speaker 2: and hiding and arranging. I mean running your life like 171 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:36,120 Speaker 2: you are a CIA spy and you know, in an 172 00:12:36,240 --> 00:12:40,040 Speaker 2: enemy territory, coming home and having to fake all of 173 00:12:40,080 --> 00:12:43,880 Speaker 2: your vocabulary and your dialogue and your looks. And I'm 174 00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:46,319 Speaker 2: going to envy that person. I don't care how great 175 00:12:46,320 --> 00:12:50,960 Speaker 2: the sex is, what a crappy way to live. It's 176 00:12:51,040 --> 00:12:54,440 Speaker 2: just it's just awful. It's just it's a very sad thing. 177 00:12:55,200 --> 00:12:56,960 Speaker 2: It's why I go back to what I said the 178 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,560 Speaker 2: very first or second week actually in the what to 179 00:13:00,679 --> 00:13:06,640 Speaker 2: do session, avoid temptation. That's the best suggestion I have. 180 00:13:06,800 --> 00:13:10,080 Speaker 2: It's not very profound, or maybe profound, but it certainly 181 00:13:10,640 --> 00:13:15,280 Speaker 2: is also very simple. You know, there's a certainly with 182 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:20,440 Speaker 2: regard to men. It's particularly true the there's a great 183 00:13:21,080 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 2: Yiddish saying those of you will know Yiddish will enjoy it. 184 00:13:27,040 --> 00:13:30,679 Speaker 2: It's a little risque, forgive me. Ven der Putz stated 185 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:40,080 Speaker 2: gait I will translate it, but a no translation works 186 00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:43,760 Speaker 2: as well as the original. And number two it won't rhyme. 187 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:49,720 Speaker 2: Where is the original rhyme? But essentially when the penis stands, 188 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:55,559 Speaker 2: the brain leaves something to that effect. I heard it. Actually, 189 00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,120 Speaker 2: there wasn't an American joke way of saying, and what 190 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 2: is it? God gave something to the effect. I never remember. 191 00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:09,520 Speaker 2: Joke's well, yes, blood will say it again. Oh yes, 192 00:14:09,679 --> 00:14:12,600 Speaker 2: enough blood for the brain and enough blood for the penis, 193 00:14:12,640 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 2: but not both at the same time. That's right, That's 194 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:22,160 Speaker 2: how it is in English. So women need to know men, 195 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 2: men need to know men. People need to calm down 196 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 2: on the issue to understand certain things about each other. 197 00:14:36,400 --> 00:14:38,680 Speaker 2: Let me tell you a story. A friend of mine 198 00:14:38,760 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 2: is it's funny how the disproportionate number of psychotherapists in 199 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:48,480 Speaker 2: my private life may say something about my mental state. 200 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:54,280 Speaker 2: But one of my friends is a woman who was 201 00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:58,320 Speaker 2: a psychologist, and she was telling me that she had 202 00:14:58,320 --> 00:15:05,080 Speaker 2: a couple of she had patients who were Orthodox and 203 00:15:06,680 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 2: Orthodox Jews, And it was very sad because she got 204 00:15:13,640 --> 00:15:16,520 Speaker 2: one of these lingerie catalogs in the male that just 205 00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 2: came in the mail, and she taught her husband in 206 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,440 Speaker 2: the bathroom, spending a little longer than normal in the 207 00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:33,840 Speaker 2: bathroom with the catalog. And she was devastated. And so 208 00:15:33,920 --> 00:15:37,800 Speaker 2: he's devastated on two grounds. One that she's devastated, so 209 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 2: he's humiliated by her devastation, and for religious grounds, which 210 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,880 Speaker 2: I had described to you about a lot of religions 211 00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:50,160 Speaker 2: holding masturbation as a sinful thing. And it's so sad 212 00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:53,080 Speaker 2: to me because it should have been a non issue. 213 00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:59,040 Speaker 2: It doesn't mean a damn thing. It's nothing, it's zero. 214 00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,480 Speaker 2: It should have been a non issue to her, It 215 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,120 Speaker 2: should have been a non issue to him. You know 216 00:16:04,200 --> 00:16:06,600 Speaker 2: what kills me, and this is in my book on happiness. 217 00:16:06,680 --> 00:16:10,080 Speaker 2: It's a very big deal to me. Life is filled 218 00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:16,080 Speaker 2: with enough pain not to manufacture it. I get angry 219 00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:21,120 Speaker 2: when people manufacture pain. You know, we get pain from 220 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:27,720 Speaker 2: sick children, from bad relationships, from wars, from disease, from frustrations, 221 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:32,120 Speaker 2: from things that it's right to be sad about. But 222 00:16:32,280 --> 00:16:36,080 Speaker 2: to create sadness, I want to punch people. You don't 223 00:16:36,080 --> 00:16:40,400 Speaker 2: have enough. Was life so good you needed misery? Just 224 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,800 Speaker 2: you know what? Life is too good. I want to 225 00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:46,080 Speaker 2: create some misery. I will be angry at my husband 226 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:50,120 Speaker 2: for spending too much time with the catalog. I mean, 227 00:16:50,160 --> 00:16:52,160 Speaker 2: do you believe it? Do? I mean, to me, it 228 00:16:52,280 --> 00:16:57,800 Speaker 2: is unbelievable, and him, the poor soul, has the double 229 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:04,680 Speaker 2: whammy of also believing that he sinned against God. And 230 00:17:04,679 --> 00:17:08,800 Speaker 2: this is not this is not atypical. This is manufactured 231 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,960 Speaker 2: misery because of a lack of understanding of the normalcy 232 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,520 Speaker 2: of the way the sex drive works, in this case, 233 00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:20,440 Speaker 2: the male sex drive. I said on the radio. I 234 00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,280 Speaker 2: think it was on the radio. I made a point 235 00:17:22,280 --> 00:17:25,119 Speaker 2: that I sometimes I make points and I want to 236 00:17:25,160 --> 00:17:28,480 Speaker 2: remember them because you know, the pressure is on on 237 00:17:28,520 --> 00:17:31,800 Speaker 2: the radio and some that forces good thoughts out sometimes 238 00:17:32,800 --> 00:17:38,720 Speaker 2: And it hit me, you know, women feel uncomfortable sometimes 239 00:17:38,760 --> 00:17:41,080 Speaker 2: with men in their magazines and so on. In this 240 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:42,560 Speaker 2: dean thing that came up. 241 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:44,760 Speaker 3: But then I thought, I said, on the radio, know 242 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:48,520 Speaker 3: what they Wait a minute, are you telling me men 243 00:17:48,640 --> 00:17:51,600 Speaker 3: do not have to put up with anything about women's nature? 244 00:17:53,520 --> 00:17:59,000 Speaker 3: I suspect that they do. Have youre a PMS? Do 245 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,040 Speaker 3: some men have to put up with anything during pre 246 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:06,680 Speaker 3: menstrual time or is it hunky dory? Hi, honey, it's 247 00:18:06,680 --> 00:18:10,200 Speaker 3: so good to see you mood me in a mood? God, 248 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 3: what a silly I was in the last mood in 249 00:18:12,640 --> 00:18:14,399 Speaker 3: nineteen eighty one. 250 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:17,359 Speaker 2: It's not the most common way in which women deal 251 00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:21,320 Speaker 2: with their time before I'm menstruating. Now that that's not 252 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,679 Speaker 2: true for all women. Nothing is true for everybody. But 253 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:27,280 Speaker 2: is there nothing men have to put up with in women? 254 00:18:27,560 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 2: It's not a mirror image, it's not the same thing. 255 00:18:30,640 --> 00:18:34,320 Speaker 2: But who says it's any easier? So you know what 256 00:18:34,359 --> 00:18:37,439 Speaker 2: you do? You realize at some point in life, you 257 00:18:37,520 --> 00:18:41,000 Speaker 2: know what. I'm a man and I married a woman. 258 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 2: I didn't marry a man in a woman's body. Men 259 00:18:45,320 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 2: have to learn that and women have to learn they 260 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:51,280 Speaker 2: didn't marry a woman in a man's body. They married 261 00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:55,280 Speaker 2: a man in a man's body. We're not like each other. 262 00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:58,679 Speaker 2: That's why I believe in marriage. It forces you to 263 00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:03,440 Speaker 2: live with the opposite of what you are. The opposite 264 00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:07,760 Speaker 2: sex is a perfectly correct term. It's not a different sex, 265 00:19:08,040 --> 00:19:12,800 Speaker 2: it's the opposite sex. And there are things that each 266 00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:15,120 Speaker 2: of us have that are so different from the other 267 00:19:15,240 --> 00:19:17,480 Speaker 2: that it could be scary or different. A lot of 268 00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:21,080 Speaker 2: men get scared by women's mood. They do, they don't 269 00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,600 Speaker 2: know what to do with them. They sink, they slink, 270 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:28,160 Speaker 2: they sunk. I don't know the woman forgot the move. 271 00:19:28,320 --> 00:19:31,359 Speaker 2: Ten minutes later, when what's the matter, honey? They you 272 00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:35,560 Speaker 2: so we're upset? So what so what? Because he never 273 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 2: yells right? And and but and the same thing. You know, 274 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:44,439 Speaker 2: women don't spend extra time in the bathroom with you know, 275 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:49,800 Speaker 2: with no I'm thinking, you know, with male catalogs for 276 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:54,399 Speaker 2: you know, nice men wearing suits. It's it's just not 277 00:19:54,560 --> 00:20:02,080 Speaker 2: that you know, yes, even without suits. 278 00:20:02,640 --> 00:20:05,960 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 279 00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:16,360 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 280 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,240 Speaker 2: So I call, let me end, and then I'll take 281 00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:24,480 Speaker 2: your questions. Let me end with two things. I have 282 00:20:24,560 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 2: a lot more, but maybe I'll do another course one 283 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:39,280 Speaker 2: day when I want to invite misery into my life. Ah. 284 00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:46,480 Speaker 2: I have two final thoughts on all of this. How 285 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,040 Speaker 2: do I reconcile all of these views with my religiosity? 286 00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:56,920 Speaker 2: Because I am deeply religious and therefore take my religion 287 00:20:57,040 --> 00:21:02,040 Speaker 2: very seriously. So I asked a question that I have 288 00:21:02,160 --> 00:21:09,159 Speaker 2: grappled with my whole life. Is there any room for 289 00:21:09,320 --> 00:21:18,640 Speaker 2: the unholy in a religious person's life right, whether it's 290 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:23,440 Speaker 2: a a script show talking talking sex here, a playboy, 291 00:21:26,600 --> 00:21:30,120 Speaker 2: a lap dance, whatever you want to call it, forgetting 292 00:21:30,119 --> 00:21:35,119 Speaker 2: the adultery issue. Is there any room for the unholy 293 00:21:35,359 --> 00:21:38,679 Speaker 2: in the sexual arena? Is there any room for the 294 00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:42,439 Speaker 2: unholy in any arena? And that's how I came to 295 00:21:42,520 --> 00:21:48,080 Speaker 2: my answer. The Talmud, the compendium of law and thought 296 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:53,359 Speaker 2: that only is only superseded by the Torah. In Judaism, 297 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:58,560 Speaker 2: it's a very interesting little question. Is a Jew permitted 298 00:21:58,640 --> 00:22:05,040 Speaker 2: to gamble? It's a very interesting simple question. And here's 299 00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:14,919 Speaker 2: the Jewish law. Yes, but not for a living. And 300 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:19,240 Speaker 2: I take that to mean because gambling is not holy. 301 00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 2: It's it's not a productive act, it's not a holy act. 302 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:29,720 Speaker 2: It's not sexual, but it's not holy. There is unholy 303 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:34,440 Speaker 2: in life beyond the non sexual, the the sexual arena. 304 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:38,280 Speaker 2: And I think there's a tremendous lesson in that. The 305 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:44,320 Speaker 2: lesson is that for the saint, no gambling should ever 306 00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,719 Speaker 2: take place a saint, a true saint. We don't have 307 00:22:48,800 --> 00:22:52,959 Speaker 2: that in Judaism. But Sodi if you will, because whatever 308 00:22:53,080 --> 00:22:59,560 Speaker 2: term you want to use, the most pious will never gamble. Okay, 309 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:03,960 Speaker 2: the uh, there's no room for that if you will. 310 00:23:04,359 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 2: In their in their religious life, they are they have 311 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:15,200 Speaker 2: committed a life to great holiness. Uh. Most of us 312 00:23:15,280 --> 00:23:20,399 Speaker 2: are not saints. And I told you, remember how I 313 00:23:20,480 --> 00:23:24,360 Speaker 2: came to an answer on the issue of pornography when 314 00:23:24,400 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: we dealt with it, I said, what do we want 315 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,760 Speaker 2: our man to be? Do we want him to be 316 00:23:29,800 --> 00:23:32,440 Speaker 2: a saint? Or do we want him to be good? 317 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:38,399 Speaker 2: Responsible and all these other things, but not saintly in 318 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:42,000 Speaker 2: a world of rape and murder and torture and fevery 319 00:23:42,560 --> 00:23:46,880 Speaker 2: and butchery. I don't aim to create saints. I aim 320 00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:53,920 Speaker 2: to create good men. As a man, that's my province. 321 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:57,200 Speaker 2: If you will to work on boys to be good men, 322 00:23:58,520 --> 00:24:01,720 Speaker 2: and so I want good men. Can a good man 323 00:24:01,920 --> 00:24:05,119 Speaker 2: have unholiness? Can a good woman have unholiness in her 324 00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:08,320 Speaker 2: life and still be religious and still be good and 325 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 2: still follow the holy? I think there's room for There's 326 00:24:13,400 --> 00:24:16,199 Speaker 2: room for some drink, this room for some of the 327 00:24:16,320 --> 00:24:23,320 Speaker 2: sex stuff, is room for gambling. There's room for dirty 328 00:24:23,400 --> 00:24:27,680 Speaker 2: jokes on occasion. After all, watching speech is a very 329 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:32,560 Speaker 2: important part of my religion, but never tell a dirty joke. 330 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:35,760 Speaker 2: Never is a big term. 331 00:24:35,960 --> 00:24:39,280 Speaker 1: This episode of timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 332 00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:48,960 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. 333 00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:53,680 Speaker 2: I think that we are like pressure cookers, all of us, 334 00:24:53,800 --> 00:24:57,040 Speaker 2: every person in this room. It's my metaphor for the 335 00:24:57,119 --> 00:25:00,880 Speaker 2: human being. And a pressure cooker needs to let off 336 00:25:00,920 --> 00:25:05,120 Speaker 2: that steam or it will burst. If the steam could 337 00:25:05,119 --> 00:25:09,160 Speaker 2: be let off innocuously, not harmfully, which is another word 338 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 2: for innoculously, it's redundant. But I just want to make 339 00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:16,719 Speaker 2: it clear that's fine. And I love the telmutic answer 340 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:21,159 Speaker 2: on gambling where it said, yeah, you can gamble, but 341 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 2: not for a living. Don't spend your life doing it. 342 00:25:27,720 --> 00:25:33,160 Speaker 2: So you want to check out bathing beauties, check them out, 343 00:25:33,600 --> 00:25:37,480 Speaker 2: don't spend your life doing it. I actually, when I 344 00:25:37,520 --> 00:25:41,000 Speaker 2: have counseled men on this, I have told them, why 345 00:25:41,040 --> 00:25:44,040 Speaker 2: don't you make a maximum amount of time you will 346 00:25:44,040 --> 00:25:48,920 Speaker 2: allow yourself? Okay? Otherwise men can squander their their whole 347 00:25:49,040 --> 00:25:53,000 Speaker 2: night's this. I know a single man who confided in me. 348 00:25:53,280 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: He goes home, he just watches porno videos all night. 349 00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:00,160 Speaker 2: I feel sorry for him. I don't hate him. He's 350 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:04,400 Speaker 2: not bad, But frankly, I'm not sure that that's any 351 00:26:04,440 --> 00:26:07,439 Speaker 2: worse than if he gambled all night, just spend the 352 00:26:07,480 --> 00:26:10,120 Speaker 2: whole night, you know, tapping into the odds on all 353 00:26:10,240 --> 00:26:14,960 Speaker 2: NFL games. Why is that any better. It's a pretty 354 00:26:14,960 --> 00:26:21,200 Speaker 2: masturbatory act too, for the sudden orgasm of winning. I'm 355 00:26:21,200 --> 00:26:24,360 Speaker 2: sure they are even fat, probably in some way related. 356 00:26:26,080 --> 00:26:32,000 Speaker 2: So I am I'm a moderate even in vice. Oh yeah, 357 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:36,040 Speaker 2: a little tobacco. I forgot that, absolutely little tobacco too. 358 00:26:37,640 --> 00:26:41,119 Speaker 2: I think that wars on vices are very, very risky. 359 00:26:41,680 --> 00:26:47,640 Speaker 2: I want wars on evil, not wars on vices. And 360 00:26:48,280 --> 00:26:50,440 Speaker 2: I get a little worried when the mayor of New 361 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:56,399 Speaker 2: York City gets real passionate over strip joints. I'm happy 362 00:26:56,400 --> 00:27:01,240 Speaker 2: he gets passionate over murder, over rape and over that stuff, 363 00:27:01,640 --> 00:27:05,840 Speaker 2: But I'm not exactly sure who had bothered if when 364 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:10,720 Speaker 2: in the front, nobody's hanging out and bothering anybody, So 365 00:27:10,800 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 2: what's the big deal? So I think there is room 366 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:22,280 Speaker 2: for the unholy in a good person's life, in strict moderation. 367 00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:28,240 Speaker 2: And finally, my bottom line on all of this is 368 00:27:28,320 --> 00:27:35,560 Speaker 2: have compassion. I think the word is wildly overused and 369 00:27:35,600 --> 00:27:39,720 Speaker 2: we have compassionate for the evil. But I think that 370 00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:43,520 Speaker 2: the distinction I drew in my twenties which changed my life, 371 00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:48,479 Speaker 2: the distinction between the evil and unholy, between good and holy, 372 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:56,080 Speaker 2: is a very important distinction. Not everything that is unholy 373 00:27:56,640 --> 00:28:02,359 Speaker 2: is evil. And we need to have compassion for people 374 00:28:02,359 --> 00:28:06,120 Speaker 2: who don't hurt other people, even if they do something 375 00:28:06,800 --> 00:28:11,280 Speaker 2: that is unholy. So have compassion for your man and 376 00:28:11,320 --> 00:28:14,960 Speaker 2: this demon that he carries around with him, this sexual 377 00:28:15,040 --> 00:28:18,159 Speaker 2: part of him. Have compassion for your woman and the 378 00:28:18,200 --> 00:28:22,480 Speaker 2: demons that she carries around with her that are more complex. 379 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,000 Speaker 2: Her needs are very different and very deep, just as 380 00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 2: different and deep as yours are. And if we have 381 00:28:30,440 --> 00:28:35,159 Speaker 2: compassion for each other and understand these demons that we 382 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:39,600 Speaker 2: all walk around with, we would fight better fights fights 383 00:28:39,640 --> 00:28:43,000 Speaker 2: against the really bad things of this world and not 384 00:28:43,120 --> 00:28:45,560 Speaker 2: against the dybbuks that haunt us. 385 00:28:46,000 --> 00:28:57,240 Speaker 1: Thank you very much, Thank you, this has been timeless 386 00:28:57,280 --> 00:29:01,760 Speaker 1: wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennispragger dot com for thousands 387 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:05,520 Speaker 1: of hours if Dennis's lectures, courses, and classic radio programs, 388 00:29:05,640 --> 00:29:08,560 Speaker 1: and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles