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Speaker 1: Life audio. Hi from the Salvation Army. You're listening to

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Speaker 1: Words of Life.

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Speaker 2: The Words of Life. Welcome back to Words of Life.

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Speaker 2: As parents, we spend a lot of time helping our

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Speaker 2: kids succeed in school, but what about helping them thrive emotionally?

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Speaker 2: In today's episode, our panel discusses practical ways to build trust,

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Speaker 2: encourage meaningful conversations, create space for fun, and support our

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Speaker 2: children's mental and spiritual well being. We pray this conversation

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Speaker 2: encourages you and reminds you that some of the most

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Speaker 2: important moments with our kids happen in the ordinary rhythms

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Speaker 2: of everyday life. So last couple of weeks we were

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Speaker 2: certainly more focused on talking about how we support our

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Speaker 2: kids achieving academically, But today we certainly want to focus

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Speaker 2: on how we're supporting our kids emotionally, how we're supporting

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Speaker 2: their mental health. And I think we all agree that,

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Speaker 2: you know, one of those ways is making sure that

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Speaker 2: our kids know that we're an open door and we're

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Speaker 2: always talking with them and listening.

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Speaker 3: The first thing that comes to mind is letting your

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Speaker 3: kids talk to you first, right, and being willing to

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Speaker 3: just listen and sit with them in that before we

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Speaker 3: have a solution or a response for them. But I

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Speaker 3: think it does have a lot to do with timing,

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Speaker 3: to do with how are you engaging with them? Right

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Speaker 3: are you? You know, when are you asking those questions

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Speaker 3: letting your kids engage you. It is kind of like

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Speaker 3: this cat and mouse game, right yeah, And it's so

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Speaker 3: frustrating as a parent. But I think we said earlier

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Speaker 3: that you know, when we continue and be consistent and

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Speaker 3: keep asking, like, they will know that that door is open.

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Speaker 4: As a youth leader too, one of the questions that

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Speaker 4: we like to ask our kids all the time is

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Speaker 4: show me by your face how your test went today,

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Speaker 4: because sometimes one like it's funny, and it kind of

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Speaker 4: breaks down that barrier for your relationship with your students too,

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Speaker 4: because sometimes they will give you the most out of

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Speaker 4: the world, like facial expressions, and some of them are good,

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Speaker 4: some of them are funny, some of them are bad.

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Speaker 4: I'm going to rate that one. Yeah. Like it also

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Speaker 4: helps you kind of just touch base with them throughout

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Speaker 4: the week to say, like, how can I help you,

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Speaker 4: like while praying your next test goes even better that

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Speaker 4: or hope you do the same or whatever. But it's

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Speaker 4: a good fun question ask.

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Speaker 5: Something that we established in our family early on when

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Speaker 5: the kids were little is family dinner. We always took

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Speaker 5: a minute to share a prayer request around the table,

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Speaker 5: and then we would take turns praying for one another.

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Speaker 5: So for us, it's really helped our kids know that

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Speaker 5: they can come to us with anything, and it helps

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Speaker 5: us all get on the same page. It helps them

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Speaker 5: understand that we care. We care about what's happening in

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Speaker 5: their lives. Teaches empathy, teaches empathy, you know, and it

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Speaker 5: teaches our kids how to pray for one another. For

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Speaker 5: crying out loud, I mean exactly, And I'm just going

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Speaker 5: to say it models prayers.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, my daughter, she has a counselor she's been seeing

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Speaker 2: for a few years now, and generally, just because of schedules, lately,

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Speaker 2: she's just been doing video chats with her. But it's

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Speaker 2: funny because I'll walk by her room while she's in

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Speaker 2: one of these college and You'll just think she's on

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Speaker 2: the phone with the girlfriend, like right, And that means

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Speaker 2: the world because it means that they have a relationship

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Speaker 2: enough that she can open up when there's you know,

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Speaker 2: really hard struggles. And I know that at some point

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Speaker 2: during that conversation. It does get you know, more meaningful

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Speaker 2: and deep, but you don't just get there like that.

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Speaker 2: But also that as just another shout out to you know,

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Speaker 2: if your kid is needing help. Counselors are just like

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Speaker 2: amazing because they're actually trained in ways that you are.

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Speaker 2: And it doesn't mean you're failing as a parent, right,

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Speaker 2: It means that just there are kids and they're going

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Speaker 2: to tell a counselor or something that they probably don't

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Speaker 2: feel comfortable telling you, and that's just being a huge Yeah.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, And I encourage parents to say, there's no magic

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Speaker 3: to what I'm doing, and you can do this as well.

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Speaker 3: Sure I have a different role than you do, so

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Speaker 3: you know, there's a different way of engaging, but you

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Speaker 3: have even more credibility than I do, like you or

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Speaker 3: the person that you know has influenced and been a

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Speaker 3: part of their lives. And so I do encourage parents.

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Speaker 3: I say, there's no magic to this. It really is

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Speaker 3: just relationship building.

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Speaker 4: But I think there is magic when like parents and

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Speaker 4: counselors and teachers like all work together at this same

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Speaker 4: Oh for sure. Yeah, Like there's no magic in what

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Speaker 4: we're doing, but like when we all invest in like

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Speaker 4: a kid. Yeah, I mean miracles happen, right, Like, that's

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Speaker 4: that's really good.

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Speaker 5: I've never been more grateful for my the youth leaders

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Speaker 5: at our at our church, savation army, church discipleship happens. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: but there's a deeper connection that that my kids have

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Speaker 5: had with their youth leaders, and I just appreciate that

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Speaker 5: so so much. And and like you said, like it

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Speaker 5: takes a village. All of these things, all of these

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Speaker 5: people influencing our kids is so important.

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Speaker 6: One of the things that kind of comes to mind

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Speaker 6: is I'm listening to all these conversations, is if we

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Speaker 6: are not careful, our lives become so busy that these

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Speaker 6: natural conversations get crowded out. We as a family have

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Speaker 6: been very proactive in saying we're not going to schedule

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Speaker 6: every moment of the day. You're not going to you know,

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Speaker 6: just go from one thing to the next. We're going

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Speaker 6: to have unstructured time where we are going to just

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Speaker 6: sit and talk or play a game, or laugh at

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Speaker 6: each other, or watch a TV show together, whatever it

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Speaker 6: might be. We have to be very careful in our

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Speaker 6: world that we don't become so busy that all the

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Speaker 6: things that we're talking about that are so valuable aren't

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Speaker 6: going to naturally happen.

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Speaker 3: You have to be intentional about creating a space where

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Speaker 3: you have to take performance and productivity and efficiency off

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Speaker 3: the pedestal, and you have to create space for relationship,

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Speaker 3: interpersonal you know, just investment and just kind of be

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Speaker 3: an I think we could say that's biblical too, right,

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Speaker 3: and so you'd be surprised at you know how many

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Speaker 3: people because we live in a culture and society that's

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Speaker 3: just constantly pushing and all the things are good, you know, like, yeah,

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Speaker 3: we can say yes to a lot of things that

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Speaker 3: are good, but it's might not always be the best

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Speaker 3: for this season of life. Right if you're trying to, hey,

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Speaker 3: address anxiety and my kid or create you know, they

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Speaker 3: have such a high perform perfectionism, right, like okay, well

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Speaker 3: what are the spaces where they can just have relief?

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Speaker 3: Are you creating that? So you almost have to fight

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Speaker 3: for it?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, Hey, you're listening to the Salvation Armies words of life.

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Speaker 2: We're going to take a quick bad break and we'll

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Speaker 2: be right back.

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Speaker 4: Parenting isn't always sunshine and rainbows. Like, sometimes it's hard

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Speaker 4: and you have to have hard discussions and sometimes it

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Speaker 4: is sunshine and rainbows. Like there is joy to being

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Speaker 4: a parent. There is joy seeing your kids do things

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Speaker 4: and become the people that they are. That maybe they've

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Speaker 4: done things that they've never been able to do before.

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Speaker 4: You've seen them deal with these hard topics and you've

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Speaker 4: kind of made it to the other side now finding

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Speaker 4: room for those moments of joy in your family, like

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Speaker 4: whether it's through family dinner or it's through playing games.

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Speaker 4: And as a youth leader, I will always say that

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Speaker 4: you know, games are how we break down those walls,

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Speaker 4: and I think the same thing is true with our

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Speaker 4: families too, that we break down those walls of embarrassment

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Speaker 4: and anxiety and stress and worry when we just play

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Speaker 4: a game. I will come alive in a game of

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Speaker 4: Uno Dynas or No. It may not be the best

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Speaker 4: version of me, but I will show you who I am.

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Speaker 4: But I think being able to play games and have

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Speaker 4: fun with our kids and really just do life together,

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Speaker 4: like that's that's where the magic happens. Like, that's that's

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Speaker 4: the beauty of being a parent.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I want my kid to know that I like them. Yeah,

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Speaker 5: I like spending time with them. It's not this is

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Speaker 5: you know, yes I'm your mom, and yes we have

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Speaker 5: to enforce the things, but I also like spending time

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Speaker 5: with you.

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Speaker 4: This new generation that's coming up, Gen Alpha jen Beta

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Speaker 4: one of one of those. Like the studies are showing

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Speaker 4: that I think because of COVID, like the biggest relationship

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Speaker 4: that they have is their parents, and they actually enjoy

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Speaker 4: being at home with your parents because they were so

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Speaker 4: little during COVID that like now they're coming out and

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Speaker 4: they would rather be with their family. They'd rather be

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Speaker 4: with their parents when they would talk. Yeah, it's it's

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Speaker 4: beautiful to hear it. But also like, really you want

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Speaker 4: to hang out with me?

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Speaker 2: You're like, there is a I like my personal space.

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Speaker 2: I like my own free time and everything. And I

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Speaker 2: think during the summer there can be a moment where

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Speaker 2: you're just like you're still here, yeah, is it August.

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Speaker 2: But at the same time, I'm realizing it's like, I

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Speaker 2: don't know, kids don't like go to their friend's house

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Speaker 2: like we used to, Like, they don't value it the

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Speaker 2: same way. I think COVID is a lot of it.

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Speaker 2: I think social media is a lot of it. They

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Speaker 2: feel like they're already getting social time by like just

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Speaker 2: chatting for a few minutes, but then the rest of

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Speaker 2: the time is us and like by choice, like she

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Speaker 2: could go somewhere if she wanted, right, And so we

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Speaker 2: need to value that. We pray that you're enjoying and

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Speaker 2: being blessed by this conversation. We're going to take one

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Speaker 2: more ad break and we'll be right back. Was there

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Speaker 2: anything that like you really want to get across? Specifically?

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Speaker 2: I think before we close, at least this chapter.

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Speaker 6: The game night's the fun, the conversations, the connecting the

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Speaker 6: phones can really be the biggest hurdle to making that happen.

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Speaker 6: So doesn't have to go on the podcast at all.

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Speaker 6: We are daughters turning fifteen in a couple months, so

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Speaker 6: she was the last person in her class to get one. Really,

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Speaker 6: that was what we chose to do, right. It's a

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Speaker 6: choice that's hard and it makes and we're just the

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Speaker 6: unicorn in her group of friends. But she's already told

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Speaker 6: me that she sees how disconnected her her friends are.

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Speaker 6: So I do get that they can experience social stuff

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Speaker 6: with the social media, but is it really the same thing.

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Speaker 6: I don't think it is right, And so it's so interesting,

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Speaker 6: Like my other daughter doesn't have a phone yet, she's

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Speaker 6: only she's thirteen. She will go across the street and

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Speaker 6: talk to our neighbors or grown adults, but we have

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Speaker 6: a relationship with them, and she comes back and says,

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Speaker 6: it's such a great time talking to Kevin and Vanessa. Right,

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Speaker 6: But it's just because it's the easiest route. Is the

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Speaker 6: route that our teens will will take, and so if

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Speaker 6: there's a phone for them to scroll on, then that's

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Speaker 6: the route that they're going to take.

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Speaker 3: You know.

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Speaker 6: In the classroom, are now have a policy where my

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Speaker 6: students have to put their phones up. Granted, most of

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Speaker 6: them put up a burner phone or whatever it is,

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Speaker 6: but they put their phone up. But then this last

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Speaker 6: few minutes of class, when we're about to transition, they

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Speaker 6: can go grab it. But then it's crazy because all

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Speaker 6: the engagement that they had with each other all of

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Speaker 6: a sudden boom, God, everyone's just just anding, just like

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Speaker 6: a pin drop in there, and it's just like, Okay,

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Speaker 6: maybe if it's just for a few minutes, it's not

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Speaker 6: the way end of the world. But I hate to

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Speaker 6: see it because I'm like, I would still like to

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Speaker 6: have a conversation with you, you know, I still like, and

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Speaker 6: some of them do. Some of them realize that they're okay,

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Speaker 6: and they do have conversations with me. But it's just

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Speaker 6: crazy how if they're allowed to get on the phone,

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Speaker 6: that's what they're going to choose. It's like there's probably

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Speaker 6: some experiment out there where these rats were still killing

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Speaker 6: each other. Whatever, we're the same.

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Speaker 2: I think something that really stood out to me that

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Speaker 2: I just want to encourage parents about is you know

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Speaker 2: you're saying teens will take the easiest route. Often us

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Speaker 2: parents sometimes when we're just tired and busy, sometimes we

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Speaker 2: take the easy route too. And sometimes sometimes being a

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Speaker 2: parent like is hard, and sometimes to be the parent

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Speaker 2: you have to make the unpopular choice. I'm certain that

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Speaker 2: both daughters that has not always been.

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Speaker 1: Met with thank you for not getting me a phone yet.

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Speaker 2: But now looking back, your daughter's able to see what

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Speaker 2: you can see as the parent, and you gave her

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Speaker 2: such a gift of being able to just not already

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Speaker 2: be so addicted at that age.

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Speaker 1: The Salvation Army's mission doing the most good means helping

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Speaker 1: people with material and spiritual needs. You become a part

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Speaker 1: of this every time you give to the Salvation Army.

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Speaker 1: Visit Salvation Army USA dot org to offer your support.

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Speaker 1: You can subscribe to Words of Life on your favorite

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Speaker 1: podcast store or visit Salvation armyesoundcast dot org. Join us

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Speaker 1: next time for the Salvation Armies Words of Life.

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Speaker 5: These are the worst.

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Speaker 1: Life.

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Speaker 6: The words are the words out of life.

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Speaker 2: Thanks so much for listening to Words of Life. We

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Speaker 2: want to thank the team at Life Audio for their

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Speaker 2: partnership with us on the show. Visit lifeaudio dot com,

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Speaker 2: where you'll find dozens of other faith centered podcasts in

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Speaker 2: their network. They have shows about prayer, Bible studying, parenting,

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Speaker 2: and more. Thanks again for listening. We'll see you next time.