1 00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,876 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:39,116 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane, and this is a happy home. Well, Larry, 5 00:00:39,156 --> 00:00:41,396 Speaker 1: it is so wonderful to have you on the podcast. Now. 6 00:00:41,436 --> 00:00:42,956 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people think, oh, it's the 7 00:00:43,036 --> 00:00:45,636 Speaker 1: early years of marriage, you know, those are the ones 8 00:00:45,716 --> 00:00:48,796 Speaker 1: that'll really throw you for a loop. But there are 9 00:00:48,796 --> 00:00:51,596 Speaker 1: some misconceptions about what the later years, you know, kind 10 00:00:51,596 --> 00:00:54,075 Speaker 1: of marriage past forty looks like. Can you tell us, like, 11 00:00:54,075 --> 00:00:57,316 Speaker 1: what are some of those common misconceptions about marriage? 12 00:00:57,356 --> 00:00:57,556 Speaker 2: Then? 13 00:00:58,276 --> 00:01:00,116 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think you're right, Arlene. I think a lot 14 00:01:00,156 --> 00:01:02,516 Speaker 3: of people assume in early years marriage will just be 15 00:01:02,676 --> 00:01:06,076 Speaker 3: kind of static, but it's not. It's very dynamic. And 16 00:01:06,116 --> 00:01:09,076 Speaker 3: when you think back, when I think back, having been 17 00:01:09,116 --> 00:01:13,196 Speaker 3: married for almost fifty years, I realized that life has changed. 18 00:01:13,276 --> 00:01:15,515 Speaker 3: Life isn't the same way it was when we were young, 19 00:01:16,116 --> 00:01:20,956 Speaker 3: and my wife has changed changed, marriage changes, and we 20 00:01:21,075 --> 00:01:23,796 Speaker 3: encounter all kinds of issues that we didn't even think 21 00:01:23,836 --> 00:01:31,675 Speaker 3: about when we were young. Yes, think things like empty nest, 22 00:01:31,916 --> 00:01:36,715 Speaker 3: or moving toward retirement, or failing health, all those issues. 23 00:01:36,756 --> 00:01:39,716 Speaker 3: When we got married young, we didn't even. 24 00:01:39,515 --> 00:01:43,075 Speaker 1: Think about that, and someone might be listening and think, oh, 25 00:01:43,075 --> 00:01:46,916 Speaker 1: that's another lifetime from now, you know, like I've been diapers, 26 00:01:46,996 --> 00:01:49,996 Speaker 1: I'm going to volleyball practice for my high school or whatever. 27 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:53,276 Speaker 1: But there are things we could do today, right that 28 00:01:53,356 --> 00:01:56,116 Speaker 1: could let's say preparing for empty nests? What might we 29 00:01:56,236 --> 00:01:59,956 Speaker 1: do today to have a stronger marriage when as we're 30 00:01:59,956 --> 00:02:02,396 Speaker 1: approaching the empty nest? In the empty nest, that's the 31 00:02:02,476 --> 00:02:04,236 Speaker 1: kind of the season my husband and I are in. 32 00:02:04,596 --> 00:02:07,476 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're right there, Thanks for asking, Arlene. I think 33 00:02:07,476 --> 00:02:11,596 Speaker 3: a real foundational thing Arlene is learning what I call 34 00:02:11,636 --> 00:02:15,715 Speaker 3: the functional centrality of the Gospel for marriage, where it's 35 00:02:15,756 --> 00:02:19,156 Speaker 3: not just something that gets us saved. It does that us. 36 00:02:19,156 --> 00:02:22,116 Speaker 3: More than that, it has a transformational effect in our 37 00:02:22,156 --> 00:02:25,516 Speaker 3: lives as individual Christians. And so if our marriage is 38 00:02:25,516 --> 00:02:27,716 Speaker 3: going to be strong, I, as a Christian husband, need 39 00:02:27,796 --> 00:02:31,036 Speaker 3: to be growing in grace. My wife, Gladyene, needs to 40 00:02:31,076 --> 00:02:33,716 Speaker 3: be growing and grace as a wife. And then together 41 00:02:33,796 --> 00:02:37,916 Speaker 3: as a couple, we're leaning into the Gospel and that 42 00:02:38,076 --> 00:02:41,676 Speaker 3: steadies us, it shapes us, it sweetens us so that 43 00:02:41,716 --> 00:02:44,956 Speaker 3: we'll we encounter these things maybe that we had anticipated 44 00:02:45,036 --> 00:02:49,796 Speaker 3: or never did anticipate. We have that Gospel with the 45 00:02:49,835 --> 00:02:53,076 Speaker 3: center of our lives, center of our marriage that gives direction, 46 00:02:53,316 --> 00:02:55,796 Speaker 3: and I call it a sweetness. A gospel sweetness. 47 00:02:56,876 --> 00:02:59,196 Speaker 1: Isn't that interesting? So it might not be like, oh, 48 00:02:59,236 --> 00:03:02,156 Speaker 1: I have to learn all these things about you the spouse, 49 00:03:02,196 --> 00:03:05,036 Speaker 1: which you can. But if we put the focus like 50 00:03:05,115 --> 00:03:07,476 Speaker 1: I need to really lean into Jesus, I need to 51 00:03:07,516 --> 00:03:10,316 Speaker 1: become more and more like Christ every year. I need 52 00:03:10,316 --> 00:03:12,395 Speaker 1: that to reflect in my marriage, then of course you're 53 00:03:12,436 --> 00:03:14,555 Speaker 1: going to be a much easier person to be with 54 00:03:14,996 --> 00:03:17,956 Speaker 1: during the empty nest years. Can you just unpack that 55 00:03:17,996 --> 00:03:21,196 Speaker 1: a little bit because it goes against this idea in 56 00:03:21,236 --> 00:03:23,716 Speaker 1: our culture that marriage is there to make you happy 57 00:03:24,316 --> 00:03:26,916 Speaker 1: and once the marriage is hard for you, then it 58 00:03:26,996 --> 00:03:29,476 Speaker 1: must be time to get out, or that it's just 59 00:03:29,596 --> 00:03:33,476 Speaker 1: a mere social construct, like it's just something people invented. 60 00:03:33,516 --> 00:03:36,956 Speaker 1: You don't really need it. Could you help us to 61 00:03:37,236 --> 00:03:39,396 Speaker 1: get the right mindset about marriage. 62 00:03:40,036 --> 00:03:43,676 Speaker 3: I would be glad to do that. I've been a 63 00:03:43,716 --> 00:03:46,676 Speaker 3: pastor in the same church for over forty years and 64 00:03:46,716 --> 00:03:48,956 Speaker 3: we are in the same town as a Christian college 65 00:03:49,276 --> 00:03:53,196 Speaker 3: and a theological seminary, and being in a town like 66 00:03:53,316 --> 00:03:56,676 Speaker 3: that I've my wife, and I've had the privilege of 67 00:03:56,716 --> 00:04:00,636 Speaker 3: doing primarial counseling for well over one hundred couples, and 68 00:04:00,836 --> 00:04:03,156 Speaker 3: I've lost count, but I'm confident that's more than a 69 00:04:03,236 --> 00:04:06,276 Speaker 3: huntred And when I meet with a couple for the 70 00:04:06,276 --> 00:04:07,956 Speaker 3: first time. When we meet with a couple for the 71 00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:11,316 Speaker 3: first time, I love to ask the guy. I'll start 72 00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:13,316 Speaker 3: with him saying why do you want to marry this girl? 73 00:04:13,956 --> 00:04:17,676 Speaker 3: And he'll usually say something to the effect that she 74 00:04:17,876 --> 00:04:21,836 Speaker 3: makes me so happy. I just want to marry her 75 00:04:21,836 --> 00:04:24,076 Speaker 3: and give her the opportunity of making me happy for 76 00:04:24,116 --> 00:04:27,636 Speaker 3: the rest of her life. And then I ask her 77 00:04:27,636 --> 00:04:30,236 Speaker 3: and show have a similar response, he makes me so happy. Now, 78 00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:34,356 Speaker 3: no couple's actually said those exact words, but that is 79 00:04:34,396 --> 00:04:37,836 Speaker 3: what they imply. That I love this person. What does 80 00:04:37,876 --> 00:04:42,476 Speaker 3: that mean? She makes me so happy? And sometimes people 81 00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,996 Speaker 3: push back on me when I say that, but I say, now, 82 00:04:44,996 --> 00:04:50,116 Speaker 3: hold on, can I graciously mention something to you? Pastorally, 83 00:04:50,556 --> 00:04:53,196 Speaker 3: I am my fellow pastors of he had to intervene 84 00:04:53,236 --> 00:04:57,436 Speaker 3: at times if there's a couple pursuing divorce and if 85 00:04:57,476 --> 00:05:00,876 Speaker 3: I or we pastors approach that couple and say, why 86 00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:04,195 Speaker 3: are you going in this direction? They will say I'm 87 00:05:04,436 --> 00:05:10,116 Speaker 3: just not happy anymore. They've just tipped their hand that 88 00:05:10,195 --> 00:05:13,796 Speaker 3: they thought marriage is all about my happiness, and marriage 89 00:05:13,956 --> 00:05:17,676 Speaker 3: does bring happiness. I am on no anti happiness campaign. 90 00:05:18,676 --> 00:05:21,595 Speaker 3: Glad I'm married to my wife most of the time. 91 00:05:23,396 --> 00:05:25,796 Speaker 3: I think she's glad she's married to me most of 92 00:05:25,836 --> 00:05:29,796 Speaker 3: the time. Even though marriage brings happiness, that's not its 93 00:05:29,796 --> 00:05:33,716 Speaker 3: primary purpose. And what I think we were about twenty 94 00:05:33,796 --> 00:05:36,636 Speaker 3: years in and had already been a pastor for a while. 95 00:05:36,676 --> 00:05:40,196 Speaker 3: I've done a lot of teaching even on marriage, until 96 00:05:40,916 --> 00:05:43,036 Speaker 3: the Holy Spirit kind of got my attention when we 97 00:05:43,116 --> 00:05:46,196 Speaker 3: were going through a hard time in our marriage. It 98 00:05:46,276 --> 00:05:50,076 Speaker 3: is about Christ. And then secondly, it's about my spouse. 99 00:05:50,156 --> 00:05:53,236 Speaker 3: It's not about me and my happiness, even though I 100 00:05:53,276 --> 00:05:58,716 Speaker 3: am happy. It's about honoring Christ. I tell couples marriage 101 00:05:58,956 --> 00:06:02,836 Speaker 3: is the privilege of reflecting the greatest love story ever. 102 00:06:03,436 --> 00:06:05,715 Speaker 3: I love that Christ has for his bride, the Church. 103 00:06:06,315 --> 00:06:09,476 Speaker 3: And when a couple sees that from the scriptures and 104 00:06:09,516 --> 00:06:12,356 Speaker 3: they own it, they embrace it. It gives a whole 105 00:06:12,436 --> 00:06:16,236 Speaker 3: dynamic to marriage that just elevates what we're doing together 106 00:06:16,236 --> 00:06:18,876 Speaker 3: as a couple. That the way we love each other, 107 00:06:18,916 --> 00:06:20,916 Speaker 3: the way we serve each other is a reflection of 108 00:06:21,036 --> 00:06:25,676 Speaker 3: Christ and as bride, and leading into that begins to 109 00:06:25,876 --> 00:06:29,315 Speaker 3: just shape the focus of why we're married and how 110 00:06:29,356 --> 00:06:33,756 Speaker 3: we're married. Time to remember that Christ. I'll say it 111 00:06:33,796 --> 00:06:36,796 Speaker 3: this way our lane. Yeah, the Holy Spirit wants Christ 112 00:06:36,796 --> 00:06:39,436 Speaker 3: to be honored in our marriage. And I think if 113 00:06:39,476 --> 00:06:45,755 Speaker 3: we believe that, it brings such hope, because we're not 114 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:46,716 Speaker 3: hopeless here. 115 00:06:46,996 --> 00:06:47,195 Speaker 2: Yeah. 116 00:06:47,276 --> 00:06:49,876 Speaker 3: Now, the Holy Spirit wants to see Christ honored in 117 00:06:49,916 --> 00:06:52,436 Speaker 3: our marriage. So if we go humbly and say please help, 118 00:06:52,876 --> 00:06:55,755 Speaker 3: please help us in our marriage, there's every reason to 119 00:06:55,836 --> 00:07:00,156 Speaker 3: believe that they'll say us yes, and He'll help us. 120 00:07:00,516 --> 00:07:03,316 Speaker 1: Talk to that spouse who is saying, Okay, I'm wanting 121 00:07:03,315 --> 00:07:06,516 Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit to help me, and I'm open to that, 122 00:07:07,076 --> 00:07:10,876 Speaker 1: but my spouse is not really open to that, and 123 00:07:10,956 --> 00:07:15,436 Speaker 1: I'm just tired and weary. How can that spouse keep going? 124 00:07:15,876 --> 00:07:18,716 Speaker 3: Oh that is so hard, Arlene. And yeah, And I 125 00:07:18,716 --> 00:07:23,156 Speaker 3: think think probably every married person has been there at times. 126 00:07:24,156 --> 00:07:26,916 Speaker 3: And in the book I have a section that I 127 00:07:27,156 --> 00:07:32,316 Speaker 3: call something The subheading is when your spouse's fears are 128 00:07:32,316 --> 00:07:35,556 Speaker 3: great and the faith is weak, something to that affect. 129 00:07:36,076 --> 00:07:38,676 Speaker 3: And there are times when any of us could go 130 00:07:38,716 --> 00:07:41,516 Speaker 3: through a season where we have hope in the Gospel, 131 00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:44,116 Speaker 3: We have hope in the Holy Spirit, but our spouse doesn't. 132 00:07:44,196 --> 00:07:48,556 Speaker 3: And some people that's the chronic reality that they're living in. 133 00:07:48,596 --> 00:07:51,196 Speaker 3: Maybe they have a non Christian spouse or a spouse 134 00:07:51,236 --> 00:07:56,436 Speaker 3: it's very weak spiritually, and I'm not going to minimize 135 00:07:56,436 --> 00:07:59,756 Speaker 3: the pain the struggle. But the Lord can give grace 136 00:07:59,836 --> 00:08:02,396 Speaker 3: even in that situation, to be a godly husband, to 137 00:08:02,436 --> 00:08:05,956 Speaker 3: be a godly wife, even if the spouse is not responsible. 138 00:08:06,556 --> 00:08:09,116 Speaker 3: And the sad thing is, you can't guarantee what your 139 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:13,476 Speaker 3: spouse is going, so that's very humbling. But we can 140 00:08:13,476 --> 00:08:17,236 Speaker 3: honor Christ no matter what our spouse does, and one 141 00:08:17,316 --> 00:08:22,916 Speaker 3: day anticipate hearing those most blessed words well done, Yeah, 142 00:08:22,996 --> 00:08:25,996 Speaker 3: well done, good and faithful servant. You lived out the 143 00:08:25,996 --> 00:08:29,516 Speaker 3: calling I gave you. And you can't control your spouse. 144 00:08:30,876 --> 00:08:32,956 Speaker 1: And if you're looking at your marriage as a place 145 00:08:33,076 --> 00:08:36,236 Speaker 1: to reflect Christ, I mean, what better way to do it? 146 00:08:36,316 --> 00:08:38,155 Speaker 1: Right that if your spouse is looking at you thinking, 147 00:08:38,196 --> 00:08:40,476 Speaker 1: my goodness, how come year after year you are so 148 00:08:41,076 --> 00:08:43,636 Speaker 1: loving and respectful to me and I'm not that to you? 149 00:08:43,876 --> 00:08:46,396 Speaker 4: Right like that will have a witness and that's gonna 150 00:08:46,596 --> 00:08:49,236 Speaker 4: you know, you. We are the ones that married and 151 00:08:49,316 --> 00:08:52,276 Speaker 4: chose our own spouses. You know, for the majority of 152 00:08:52,276 --> 00:08:54,196 Speaker 4: people is there might be one of you that's like, no, 153 00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:56,236 Speaker 4: my parents forced me to marry this person. But for 154 00:08:56,316 --> 00:08:58,156 Speaker 4: most of us, I think all of us, I don't 155 00:08:58,156 --> 00:08:59,036 Speaker 4: even think that exists. 156 00:08:59,316 --> 00:09:01,956 Speaker 1: For all of us, we chose this person, and we 157 00:09:01,996 --> 00:09:03,396 Speaker 1: can keep choosing this person. 158 00:09:03,596 --> 00:09:06,356 Speaker 3: No, Arlene, this there's no guarantees for this. But a 159 00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:09,836 Speaker 3: really neat story. This happened real close to us. There 160 00:09:09,916 --> 00:09:11,836 Speaker 3: was a lady in our small group at our church 161 00:09:11,876 --> 00:09:15,236 Speaker 3: who had a non Christian husband and they'd been married 162 00:09:15,276 --> 00:09:19,236 Speaker 3: for decades, and she faithfully prayed for a husband. She 163 00:09:19,396 --> 00:09:23,356 Speaker 3: asked us to pray for his salvation. We befriended him, 164 00:09:23,996 --> 00:09:26,956 Speaker 3: and one night our small group met at their house 165 00:09:27,716 --> 00:09:31,236 Speaker 3: and he was there, the non Christian husband, and he said, 166 00:09:32,116 --> 00:09:35,876 Speaker 3: can I tell you all something? And he said just 167 00:09:35,916 --> 00:09:38,276 Speaker 3: a minute, and he went. He left the room and 168 00:09:38,316 --> 00:09:40,956 Speaker 3: came back with his wife's Bible and he opened it 169 00:09:41,036 --> 00:09:46,196 Speaker 3: up to First Peter three, and he said, I put 170 00:09:46,196 --> 00:09:51,916 Speaker 3: my faith in Jesus Christ recently through the persevering example 171 00:09:51,956 --> 00:09:54,596 Speaker 3: of my wife over the years. And he was in 172 00:09:54,596 --> 00:09:57,756 Speaker 3: his fifties at that point, and I had the privilege 173 00:09:57,756 --> 00:10:01,076 Speaker 3: of baptizing him, and I teased, I said, we probably 174 00:10:01,076 --> 00:10:03,396 Speaker 3: didn't need to put the water into baptistry. We could 175 00:10:03,396 --> 00:10:05,996 Speaker 3: have filled it with our tears of joy. But he 176 00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:10,156 Speaker 3: gave a clear testimony that it was his wife's faithfulness, 177 00:10:10,716 --> 00:10:14,996 Speaker 3: her grace, her prayers that the Lord used to bring 178 00:10:15,076 --> 00:10:17,756 Speaker 3: him to faith. So even if a spouse has a 179 00:10:17,756 --> 00:10:20,596 Speaker 3: non Christian husband, know what the Lord's going to do. Yeah, 180 00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:22,716 Speaker 3: I have faith, pray and face. It's beautiful. 181 00:10:22,836 --> 00:10:25,676 Speaker 1: That's so true. It's so true. Someone listening to you 182 00:10:25,756 --> 00:10:29,596 Speaker 1: will be like, oh, Larry is a pastor, he's been 183 00:10:29,676 --> 00:10:32,956 Speaker 1: married for so many decades. Surely him and Gladyen have 184 00:10:33,076 --> 00:10:37,316 Speaker 1: never had a problem in the world. But you've had 185 00:10:37,356 --> 00:10:39,356 Speaker 1: some low points in your marriage, and even in the 186 00:10:39,396 --> 00:10:42,436 Speaker 1: book you talk about you're still arguing twenty years into 187 00:10:42,476 --> 00:10:45,236 Speaker 1: your marriage. So, my goodness, that's encouraging for those of 188 00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:47,436 Speaker 1: us who think, like, oh, we've been married a while, 189 00:10:47,436 --> 00:10:49,996 Speaker 1: why are we still having this problem. Tell us you 190 00:10:49,996 --> 00:10:53,436 Speaker 1: couldn't convince Gladyen she was wrong, So you know, bring 191 00:10:53,516 --> 00:10:56,155 Speaker 1: us to that place when you were having those difficulties 192 00:10:56,236 --> 00:11:00,276 Speaker 1: even twenty years into a marriage as Christian, good Christian people. 193 00:11:00,996 --> 00:11:04,476 Speaker 3: Yeah, well, it's kind of a painful memory lane, but 194 00:11:04,516 --> 00:11:06,996 Speaker 3: it's good too, because it is a good ending. Yeah, 195 00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:09,196 Speaker 3: but yeah, we were at a low point and there 196 00:11:09,236 --> 00:11:13,076 Speaker 3: hadn't been any unfaithfulness on either part. But the way 197 00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:16,836 Speaker 3: I describe it is marriage just wasn't fun anymore. And 198 00:11:16,996 --> 00:11:19,836 Speaker 3: we were we were just committed to each other. It 199 00:11:19,876 --> 00:11:25,076 Speaker 3: was like we were co workers, co parents, housemates, you know. 200 00:11:25,276 --> 00:11:29,876 Speaker 3: But the joy wasn't there. She wasn't making me happy 201 00:11:30,636 --> 00:11:34,756 Speaker 3: and I wasn't making her happy. And I can distinctly 202 00:11:34,796 --> 00:11:38,516 Speaker 3: remember sitting on the floor of our living room looking 203 00:11:38,556 --> 00:11:40,716 Speaker 3: at her. She was sitting in a rocker in our 204 00:11:40,716 --> 00:11:44,476 Speaker 3: living room, and thinking how did we get How did 205 00:11:44,516 --> 00:11:48,156 Speaker 3: we get here? And two things the Holy Spirit did. 206 00:11:48,556 --> 00:11:51,276 Speaker 3: One thing was he let us meet a man who 207 00:11:51,396 --> 00:11:56,956 Speaker 3: was much older. He was probably eightyish, and his wife 208 00:11:57,036 --> 00:12:00,876 Speaker 3: was in the latter stages of Alzheimer. And every day 209 00:12:00,916 --> 00:12:03,596 Speaker 3: he would visit the nursing home every day and he 210 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:07,236 Speaker 3: would help the staff sponge bathe her and spoon feed 211 00:12:07,236 --> 00:12:10,276 Speaker 3: her and change her diaper, and then he would sing 212 00:12:10,356 --> 00:12:12,916 Speaker 3: love songs to her. And he would do it not 213 00:12:13,156 --> 00:12:16,916 Speaker 3: just once, he did it day after day after day 214 00:12:16,956 --> 00:12:20,356 Speaker 3: until she passed. And I remember is at that point 215 00:12:20,356 --> 00:12:24,116 Speaker 3: in my early forties thinking how in the world does 216 00:12:24,156 --> 00:12:28,196 Speaker 3: that work? How does this man whose wife isn't doing 217 00:12:28,356 --> 00:12:31,876 Speaker 3: anything for him, how can he love a woman who 218 00:12:31,916 --> 00:12:34,796 Speaker 3: isn't making him happy, who isn't doing anything for him? 219 00:12:36,396 --> 00:12:39,516 Speaker 3: Holy Spirit had that example before me where it was 220 00:12:39,596 --> 00:12:43,996 Speaker 3: baffling me, boggling me, and then he brought First John 221 00:12:44,156 --> 00:12:48,116 Speaker 3: four nineteen to mind, which technically isn't even about marriage 222 00:12:48,516 --> 00:12:52,556 Speaker 3: at least not specifically. We love because He first loved us. 223 00:12:53,076 --> 00:12:56,196 Speaker 3: And then I realized our friend, Bob, our older friend, 224 00:12:56,796 --> 00:12:59,396 Speaker 3: he didn't love his wife because what she was doing 225 00:12:59,436 --> 00:13:02,756 Speaker 3: for him. He loved his wife because of what Christ 226 00:13:02,836 --> 00:13:06,836 Speaker 3: has done for him. And the Lord used that to 227 00:13:06,876 --> 00:13:10,996 Speaker 3: get my attention about twenty years in that my love 228 00:13:11,076 --> 00:13:13,556 Speaker 3: for my wife is not based on the worthiness of 229 00:13:13,596 --> 00:13:17,076 Speaker 3: my wife. She might be worthy, but that's not the 230 00:13:17,116 --> 00:13:21,036 Speaker 3: basis of my love for Conversely, her love for me 231 00:13:21,276 --> 00:13:24,076 Speaker 3: is not based on my worthiness. My love for my 232 00:13:24,196 --> 00:13:28,356 Speaker 3: wife is based on the worthiness of Jesus Christ. So 233 00:13:28,396 --> 00:13:31,436 Speaker 3: I tell couples that are struggling, whether they've been married 234 00:13:31,476 --> 00:13:35,636 Speaker 3: ten years or fifty years, when you're struggling, look over 235 00:13:35,676 --> 00:13:42,876 Speaker 3: your spouse's shoulder and picture Christ smiling at you. He's 236 00:13:42,916 --> 00:13:47,196 Speaker 3: for you. He died for you, and with his love, 237 00:13:47,236 --> 00:13:49,996 Speaker 3: with his strength, love your spouse, no matter what your 238 00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:53,276 Speaker 3: spouse is doing in return. And it's amazing how transformative 239 00:13:53,396 --> 00:13:55,716 Speaker 3: that was at our marriage. Wow. And we still have 240 00:13:55,756 --> 00:13:57,436 Speaker 3: struggles sometimes. 241 00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,396 Speaker 1: Yeah, of course, but you see Jesus and he's right there. 242 00:13:59,636 --> 00:14:03,116 Speaker 1: He's for you. I mean, as you're describing that distance 243 00:14:03,196 --> 00:14:06,796 Speaker 1: that settles between you, I think all of us have 244 00:14:06,956 --> 00:14:10,476 Speaker 1: been like, yes, we understand that, or we're sitting in 245 00:14:10,556 --> 00:14:15,916 Speaker 1: it right now. Besides that, in addition to that heart change, 246 00:14:16,036 --> 00:14:18,436 Speaker 1: right of the Lord showing you that and that picture, 247 00:14:18,996 --> 00:14:22,156 Speaker 1: what did that coming together start to look like for 248 00:14:22,196 --> 00:14:22,876 Speaker 1: you and Glady? 249 00:14:24,036 --> 00:14:27,756 Speaker 3: It wasn't an overnight change. I think there was a 250 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:31,756 Speaker 3: breath of fresh air, a breath of hope. We realized 251 00:14:31,796 --> 00:14:37,276 Speaker 3: we're not stuck. But there was a diminishing of argumentation. 252 00:14:37,676 --> 00:14:39,796 Speaker 3: We didn't feel like we needed to argue about things. 253 00:14:39,796 --> 00:14:43,236 Speaker 3: There was a commitment, the wanting to be closer to 254 00:14:43,276 --> 00:14:46,276 Speaker 3: each other. So it was kind of a metamorphosis, a 255 00:14:46,356 --> 00:14:52,476 Speaker 3: gradual change, and over time our love for each other grew, 256 00:14:52,716 --> 00:14:57,276 Speaker 3: our joy and each other grew. And I mean even 257 00:14:57,276 --> 00:14:59,436 Speaker 3: as recently as last night, we were in an event 258 00:14:59,516 --> 00:15:02,956 Speaker 3: with our grandkids, and my wife just looked at me 259 00:15:03,036 --> 00:15:05,476 Speaker 3: and smiled and snuggled up to me. And I hadn't 260 00:15:05,516 --> 00:15:09,916 Speaker 3: done anything significant, but I thought, you know, here we 261 00:15:09,956 --> 00:15:12,996 Speaker 3: are two old people, grandparents, and she wants to be 262 00:15:13,076 --> 00:15:16,436 Speaker 3: next to me, and I'm thinking, this is really nice. 263 00:15:16,636 --> 00:15:23,476 Speaker 1: It's really nice. Sweet. Oh, you are a fountain of 264 00:15:23,596 --> 00:15:27,916 Speaker 1: knowledge because you have been to these places where myself 265 00:15:27,956 --> 00:15:30,076 Speaker 1: and people younger than me have not been yet. So 266 00:15:30,196 --> 00:15:32,956 Speaker 1: I want to ask you about the Boomerang kids coming 267 00:15:33,036 --> 00:15:35,996 Speaker 1: back to live with you. So we have a son, Ethan. 268 00:15:36,076 --> 00:15:39,796 Speaker 1: We're very proud of him. He's our first. He's graduated 269 00:15:39,836 --> 00:15:43,156 Speaker 1: from college and he has a job and so it's 270 00:15:43,196 --> 00:15:45,196 Speaker 1: all good, and he's going to come home to live 271 00:15:45,196 --> 00:15:47,836 Speaker 1: with us. He went to college in Los Angeles. We 272 00:15:47,876 --> 00:15:50,076 Speaker 1: live in San Diego, so he's been away for three 273 00:15:50,116 --> 00:15:53,716 Speaker 1: years and we are so excited that he is coming. 274 00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:56,596 Speaker 1: You know, he's coming back to our house. And literally, 275 00:15:56,636 --> 00:16:00,676 Speaker 1: my husband, who loved your book, A Seasoned Marriage, right, 276 00:16:00,996 --> 00:16:03,876 Speaker 1: because you write in there about like being clear and 277 00:16:03,956 --> 00:16:06,996 Speaker 1: like having a contract and having expectations for your adult 278 00:16:07,076 --> 00:16:10,396 Speaker 1: kids coming back. So he literally wrote this contract that 279 00:16:10,396 --> 00:16:14,756 Speaker 1: would say things like your room cannot stink and you 280 00:16:14,956 --> 00:16:17,556 Speaker 1: have to do X, Y and Z, and it was 281 00:16:17,836 --> 00:16:20,996 Speaker 1: really funny. Give us some advice. If you have that 282 00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:23,636 Speaker 1: child who has come to live with you after college, 283 00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:26,196 Speaker 1: or maybe they're living with you while they're going to college, 284 00:16:26,636 --> 00:16:30,516 Speaker 1: how can you manage that relationship in a healthy, good 285 00:16:30,516 --> 00:16:34,396 Speaker 1: way and also keep your marriage strong with all that happening. 286 00:16:36,276 --> 00:16:40,636 Speaker 3: Yeah, those are two interrelated questions, aren't they? Earl End Yeah, Yeah, 287 00:16:40,676 --> 00:16:43,636 Speaker 3: I think the relationship with that adult child now living 288 00:16:43,716 --> 00:16:48,876 Speaker 3: at home should be clear and gracious. You know, it 289 00:16:48,956 --> 00:16:52,276 Speaker 3: can be redeemed for God's glory and the good of 290 00:16:52,396 --> 00:16:56,876 Speaker 3: both generations. Where it's opportunity to pour into your adult 291 00:16:56,996 --> 00:17:00,596 Speaker 3: child in ways that maybe there's still gaps and they're 292 00:17:00,676 --> 00:17:04,235 Speaker 3: learning about adulting, and if the child's humble enough to 293 00:17:04,516 --> 00:17:07,555 Speaker 3: listen and learn and to ask questions, it could be 294 00:17:07,556 --> 00:17:10,755 Speaker 3: a real boon for that young adult. It also can 295 00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:14,436 Speaker 3: be a boon for the older folks, the parents, where 296 00:17:14,475 --> 00:17:16,516 Speaker 3: they're just getting more time. You know, if you love 297 00:17:16,556 --> 00:17:18,955 Speaker 3: your kids, it's like this is really sweet that we get. 298 00:17:19,276 --> 00:17:20,036 Speaker 1: A little bonus. 299 00:17:20,316 --> 00:17:23,355 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I think that clarity and I think the 300 00:17:23,515 --> 00:17:26,955 Speaker 3: challenge comes whenever the parents treat the adult as if 301 00:17:26,955 --> 00:17:30,235 Speaker 3: he or she is still a child. And I think 302 00:17:30,475 --> 00:17:38,236 Speaker 3: that's compounded when the young adult assumes privilege as an adult. 303 00:17:38,316 --> 00:17:39,916 Speaker 3: And I don't need to do this and I don't 304 00:17:39,916 --> 00:17:42,955 Speaker 3: need to cooperate or whatever. I'm not a kid anymore. 305 00:17:43,316 --> 00:17:48,315 Speaker 3: But God gives grace to the humble. We need his grace. 306 00:17:49,035 --> 00:17:51,035 Speaker 3: And so for the young adult to be humble, the 307 00:17:51,076 --> 00:17:53,676 Speaker 3: older folks, the parents to be humble and say, let's 308 00:17:53,796 --> 00:17:57,075 Speaker 3: go to the Lord together, seek his direction. And I 309 00:17:57,116 --> 00:18:00,316 Speaker 3: think what your husband's doing there, Earlene, about writing something down. 310 00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:03,396 Speaker 3: I think that can be so clarifying, so helpful, and 311 00:18:03,475 --> 00:18:06,515 Speaker 3: to ask questions graciously what would you like to see 312 00:18:06,556 --> 00:18:09,876 Speaker 3: from us as your parents? And for him to reciprocate 313 00:18:09,916 --> 00:18:12,036 Speaker 3: and say, what would you like to see from me 314 00:18:12,076 --> 00:18:15,836 Speaker 3: as your adult son living here under your roof? Again? 315 00:18:16,515 --> 00:18:18,235 Speaker 3: You know, I think that. But as far as the 316 00:18:18,275 --> 00:18:21,755 Speaker 3: marriage goes, one thing I've seen just pastorally earlyan is 317 00:18:21,796 --> 00:18:25,555 Speaker 3: sometimes the husband and wife are not unified on that 318 00:18:25,676 --> 00:18:30,636 Speaker 3: relationship with the adult child, and one takes the hard 319 00:18:30,755 --> 00:18:32,955 Speaker 3: road and the other one takes the easy road. And 320 00:18:33,356 --> 00:18:38,075 Speaker 3: you're too hard, you're too easy, And that means getting away. 321 00:18:38,676 --> 00:18:40,396 Speaker 3: I mean, even if you're in your own house, but 322 00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:42,715 Speaker 3: I mean not in the presence of your adult child 323 00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:46,596 Speaker 3: and saying we need God's help you we're not unified 324 00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:49,236 Speaker 3: on this, and to process it together, pray over it 325 00:18:49,316 --> 00:18:51,316 Speaker 3: and get help. If you need, talk to your pastor 326 00:18:51,396 --> 00:18:54,116 Speaker 3: talk to a Christian counselor just say we need help 327 00:18:54,475 --> 00:18:57,636 Speaker 3: in our marriage that our adult child being with us 328 00:18:57,715 --> 00:19:02,555 Speaker 3: isn't going to be a wedge. And in certain situations 329 00:19:02,636 --> 00:19:05,876 Speaker 3: it might mean telling your adult child we love you, 330 00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:08,836 Speaker 3: but for the sake of our marriage, we think it'd 331 00:19:08,876 --> 00:19:10,676 Speaker 3: be best if you found your own place, and we'll 332 00:19:10,676 --> 00:19:13,875 Speaker 3: help you do that. But you want to preserve your 333 00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:17,356 Speaker 3: marriage through that marriage is till death to us part 334 00:19:19,475 --> 00:19:21,676 Speaker 3: should have a launch state. 335 00:19:23,196 --> 00:19:23,715 Speaker 1: That long. 336 00:19:24,235 --> 00:19:28,035 Speaker 3: Yes, so some understanding there that the priority is in 337 00:19:28,076 --> 00:19:28,755 Speaker 3: the marriage. 338 00:19:28,995 --> 00:19:32,555 Speaker 1: Yeah, you have these questions at the end of your 339 00:19:32,596 --> 00:19:34,556 Speaker 1: at the end of the different chapters, and this set 340 00:19:34,596 --> 00:19:37,876 Speaker 1: I thought was so good. Think back to the desires 341 00:19:37,916 --> 00:19:40,156 Speaker 1: you had for your children as you were raising them. 342 00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:44,035 Speaker 1: Are you currently experiencing disappointment that some of those desires 343 00:19:44,076 --> 00:19:47,996 Speaker 1: have not been fulfilled? Now evaluate your desires. Are there 344 00:19:48,035 --> 00:19:50,715 Speaker 1: some you need to let go of desires that perhaps 345 00:19:50,755 --> 00:19:54,275 Speaker 1: were not godly? And I think it's many times we do. 346 00:19:54,316 --> 00:19:57,596 Speaker 1: We put too much and into our kids, and then 347 00:19:57,676 --> 00:20:00,076 Speaker 1: we want to keep them with us instead of launching them. 348 00:20:00,196 --> 00:20:01,636 Speaker 1: You know, we're doing so much for them because we 349 00:20:01,636 --> 00:20:03,156 Speaker 1: want to keep them in our lives. A lot of 350 00:20:03,156 --> 00:20:05,196 Speaker 1: times that's us moms, but it could be the mom 351 00:20:05,316 --> 00:20:07,795 Speaker 1: or the dad. So I thought that was such a 352 00:20:07,796 --> 00:20:12,955 Speaker 1: good thing for you to point out. Yeah, aging parents, 353 00:20:13,275 --> 00:20:15,876 Speaker 1: I have friends and not Asian. I am Asian, so 354 00:20:15,995 --> 00:20:20,316 Speaker 1: not Asian, but aging I understood. I have a dear 355 00:20:20,436 --> 00:20:23,475 Speaker 1: friend similar in age who visits her father in law 356 00:20:23,636 --> 00:20:26,156 Speaker 1: every day. He's the father in law is able to 357 00:20:26,196 --> 00:20:28,515 Speaker 1: live on his own, but he doesn't really leave his house, 358 00:20:28,955 --> 00:20:33,276 Speaker 1: so she always you know, stalks his refrigerator, sets everything 359 00:20:33,396 --> 00:20:35,355 Speaker 1: up exactly how he wants it, and he kind of 360 00:20:35,396 --> 00:20:37,995 Speaker 1: lives that same day over and over and over again. 361 00:20:38,035 --> 00:20:40,235 Speaker 1: And she is the one that makes that happen. It 362 00:20:40,356 --> 00:20:43,115 Speaker 1: is hard right to have. You're taking care of your 363 00:20:43,156 --> 00:20:46,835 Speaker 1: own children, you're taking care of your parents, your in laws. 364 00:20:47,156 --> 00:20:50,876 Speaker 1: Give us just that advice of how do you maintain 365 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,475 Speaker 1: a healthy marriage when you are in this challenging season 366 00:20:53,515 --> 00:20:54,596 Speaker 1: of aging parents. 367 00:20:54,755 --> 00:20:58,035 Speaker 3: Yeah, and it can be challenging, and not every couple 368 00:20:58,076 --> 00:21:01,955 Speaker 3: goes through that. All four of our parents are gone 369 00:21:03,156 --> 00:21:06,916 Speaker 3: suddenly in their eighties. They didn't, yes, but Gladding's mother, 370 00:21:07,156 --> 00:21:11,676 Speaker 3: sweet lady that she was, she died slowly and she 371 00:21:11,955 --> 00:21:15,355 Speaker 3: just gradually diminished until she went to be with the 372 00:21:15,396 --> 00:21:18,876 Speaker 3: Lord one day. But we help care for her life 373 00:21:19,035 --> 00:21:21,876 Speaker 3: us six months or so, along with my wife's siblings 374 00:21:22,076 --> 00:21:25,876 Speaker 3: and their spouses. Yeahn't just us. But you're asking questions 375 00:21:25,916 --> 00:21:28,116 Speaker 3: about how do you keep the marriage strong in that situation. 376 00:21:28,916 --> 00:21:31,516 Speaker 3: And I want the men who are listening right now 377 00:21:31,515 --> 00:21:35,315 Speaker 3: to pay special attention because three quarters of the time, 378 00:21:35,556 --> 00:21:38,275 Speaker 3: it's the ladies who are caring for the aging parent, 379 00:21:38,436 --> 00:21:41,036 Speaker 3: even if it's the in law, father in law, mother 380 00:21:41,076 --> 00:21:44,315 Speaker 3: in law, you know, it's the lady. It's the wife 381 00:21:44,316 --> 00:21:47,715 Speaker 3: who's dealing with it. And men often feel like, Hey, 382 00:21:47,876 --> 00:21:50,916 Speaker 3: that's not my thing, that's not my wheelhouse, you know, 383 00:21:51,515 --> 00:21:54,555 Speaker 3: and so they just kind of tune out. And I 384 00:21:54,636 --> 00:21:58,156 Speaker 3: want men, I want us men to be engaged with 385 00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:00,715 Speaker 3: caring for elderly parents, even if it's your mother in law, 386 00:22:00,755 --> 00:22:03,755 Speaker 3: father in law, that you're engaged. Your team, you and 387 00:22:03,796 --> 00:22:07,196 Speaker 3: your spouse are a team and the process and even 388 00:22:07,196 --> 00:22:09,755 Speaker 3: if your spouse, let's say the wife is doing a 389 00:22:09,755 --> 00:22:13,596 Speaker 3: lot of the Allian's share for the husband to show 390 00:22:14,076 --> 00:22:16,436 Speaker 3: the grace the love of Jesus Christ to his wife 391 00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:20,396 Speaker 3: by coming alongside, paying attention and being observant, looking for 392 00:22:20,515 --> 00:22:22,755 Speaker 3: needs he can help with, coming up with ideas of 393 00:22:22,796 --> 00:22:25,876 Speaker 3: his own, asking how can I help, and then just 394 00:22:25,955 --> 00:22:28,436 Speaker 3: loving your in law too. I love my mother in law. 395 00:22:28,475 --> 00:22:30,676 Speaker 3: I still get Tierri when I think about you know 396 00:22:30,715 --> 00:22:34,995 Speaker 3: how we said goodbye to her. It was a sweet departure. Yeah, 397 00:22:35,796 --> 00:22:38,796 Speaker 3: But to be a team that way and you might 398 00:22:38,836 --> 00:22:42,515 Speaker 3: not do the same things, But how can you compliment 399 00:22:42,556 --> 00:22:45,795 Speaker 3: one another, supplement one another's ministry to that aging parent 400 00:22:46,356 --> 00:22:50,876 Speaker 3: and pray together, love on that parent together, and it 401 00:22:50,876 --> 00:22:53,995 Speaker 3: can actually bring you together. Is a couple and it 402 00:22:54,076 --> 00:22:57,995 Speaker 3: is another stress or a marriage. And just recently someone 403 00:22:58,076 --> 00:23:02,876 Speaker 3: emailed me having read that chapter and was acknowledging that 404 00:23:02,916 --> 00:23:06,035 Speaker 3: they still have some kids at home and they have 405 00:23:06,196 --> 00:23:10,156 Speaker 3: at the same time an aging parent needs help. And 406 00:23:10,755 --> 00:23:14,316 Speaker 3: I encourage those people especially, Yeah, work together as a couple. Bit, 407 00:23:15,076 --> 00:23:21,595 Speaker 3: don't don't ignore the ties with your local church. Stay 408 00:23:21,636 --> 00:23:23,955 Speaker 3: involved in the body as much as you can in 409 00:23:23,995 --> 00:23:27,356 Speaker 3: that stressful time, share prayer quest with your friends, ask 410 00:23:27,436 --> 00:23:29,876 Speaker 3: for the help if needed. That the Body of Christ 411 00:23:29,916 --> 00:23:33,076 Speaker 3: needs to come alongside people that are in that stressful situation. 412 00:23:33,636 --> 00:23:34,156 Speaker 3: That's so true. 413 00:23:34,196 --> 00:23:38,275 Speaker 1: And what I'm hearing is you're both supporting each other 414 00:23:38,755 --> 00:23:42,995 Speaker 1: through this aging parent thing versus being resentful of the 415 00:23:43,076 --> 00:23:46,955 Speaker 1: aging parent for taking so much time of your spouse. 416 00:23:47,035 --> 00:23:49,955 Speaker 1: It's a big difference. It feels a lot different because 417 00:23:49,995 --> 00:23:51,596 Speaker 1: these things you can't help them. 418 00:23:51,755 --> 00:23:51,995 Speaker 2: You know. 419 00:23:52,076 --> 00:23:54,475 Speaker 1: It's like your aging parent wishes they could take care 420 00:23:54,515 --> 00:23:56,956 Speaker 1: of themselves too, and so you were just this is. 421 00:23:56,876 --> 00:23:58,235 Speaker 4: A common thing that happens. 422 00:23:58,475 --> 00:24:01,916 Speaker 1: It is you and I both love Legacy Coalition, the 423 00:24:01,955 --> 00:24:06,996 Speaker 1: Grandparenting Ministry help us understand the difference between a grandparent 424 00:24:07,076 --> 00:24:09,715 Speaker 1: who is a Christian, which we all if we're listening 425 00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,115 Speaker 1: and we love God, that's what we want to be. 426 00:24:11,116 --> 00:24:15,715 Speaker 1: A grandparent who's a Christian versus an attentional Christian grandparent. 427 00:24:16,235 --> 00:24:22,196 Speaker 3: Yeah, you're singing our song right, intentional Christian grandparenting. Yeah. 428 00:24:21,676 --> 00:24:26,396 Speaker 3: I think a lot of grandparents assume that our responsibility 429 00:24:26,475 --> 00:24:30,556 Speaker 3: is grandparents is to provide fun and funds, you know, 430 00:24:30,836 --> 00:24:33,676 Speaker 3: make sure the grandkids have money for different projects or 431 00:24:33,715 --> 00:24:35,955 Speaker 3: the college education. Make sure you have a lot of 432 00:24:35,995 --> 00:24:39,156 Speaker 3: fun memories and those can be involved, those can be 433 00:24:39,235 --> 00:24:46,516 Speaker 3: part of grandparenting, But biblical grandparenting realizes that, well, let 434 00:24:46,515 --> 00:24:48,795 Speaker 3: me just say Psalm seventy for an example, and Psalm 435 00:24:48,796 --> 00:24:51,995 Speaker 3: seventy eight, one generation shall tell another generation about the 436 00:24:52,035 --> 00:24:54,836 Speaker 3: greatness of God. And then you drop down to verse 437 00:24:54,876 --> 00:24:57,636 Speaker 3: seven and it says so that they would set their 438 00:24:57,636 --> 00:25:01,275 Speaker 3: hope in God. And so as grandparents, you go into 439 00:25:01,316 --> 00:25:06,556 Speaker 3: grandparenting as a joyful ministry. A mission is how can 440 00:25:06,596 --> 00:25:09,796 Speaker 3: I come alongside? How can I support my kids as 441 00:25:09,796 --> 00:25:12,595 Speaker 3: they're raising their kids? How can I come along in 442 00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:17,475 Speaker 3: that support role to help them help their kids see 443 00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:19,516 Speaker 3: the greatness, the grace of God, the way that makes 444 00:25:19,515 --> 00:25:21,196 Speaker 3: them want to lean in and say I want what 445 00:25:21,316 --> 00:25:24,196 Speaker 3: you have. I want him yes, so that they would 446 00:25:24,275 --> 00:25:28,715 Speaker 3: want Christ as their sea. And so it's missional, it's intentional. 447 00:25:29,316 --> 00:25:31,715 Speaker 3: My wife Glady and I call her the poster child 448 00:25:31,796 --> 00:25:36,396 Speaker 3: of intentional grandparenting. Three of our grandkids are local. They 449 00:25:36,436 --> 00:25:38,755 Speaker 3: live here in our community, part of our church. Four 450 00:25:38,796 --> 00:25:42,116 Speaker 3: live two hours away. But any time when our grandkids 451 00:25:42,156 --> 00:25:44,595 Speaker 3: are coming, Glady, it will ask me, Okay, what's our 452 00:25:44,636 --> 00:25:47,196 Speaker 3: spiritual focus when they come? You know, not that we 453 00:25:47,316 --> 00:25:49,795 Speaker 3: can't have fun or have snax or go out in 454 00:25:49,796 --> 00:25:53,396 Speaker 3: the yard and play together, but what is the spiritual 455 00:25:53,515 --> 00:25:57,356 Speaker 3: pass and she wants to hear from me as her husband, 456 00:25:57,916 --> 00:25:59,555 Speaker 3: this is what we want to do with the kids. 457 00:25:59,876 --> 00:26:02,795 Speaker 3: And it's not every every time, you know that we 458 00:26:02,836 --> 00:26:05,436 Speaker 3: have to talk about some deep theological subject, but we 459 00:26:05,515 --> 00:26:10,196 Speaker 3: have a wonderful conversation. And just two weeks ago, maybe 460 00:26:10,676 --> 00:26:12,715 Speaker 3: one of our fifteen year old granddaughters. We have a 461 00:26:12,796 --> 00:26:15,235 Speaker 3: couple that are fifteen their cousins, but one of our 462 00:26:15,275 --> 00:26:18,275 Speaker 3: fifteen year old granddaughters sat at the table with us 463 00:26:18,556 --> 00:26:22,316 Speaker 3: and she said, I am so grateful that I have 464 00:26:23,316 --> 00:26:26,436 Speaker 3: grandparents who are pouring God's word into me. Oh, and 465 00:26:26,676 --> 00:26:29,315 Speaker 3: the Lord has saved her. I had the privilege of 466 00:26:29,316 --> 00:26:33,756 Speaker 3: baptizing her a couple of years ago. But just seeing 467 00:26:33,836 --> 00:26:37,236 Speaker 3: that she realizes that, she said, my friends don't have this. 468 00:26:38,316 --> 00:26:42,676 Speaker 3: And I would love to see the percentage of grandparents 469 00:26:42,676 --> 00:26:46,116 Speaker 3: who are missional continue to increase. Praise the Lord for 470 00:26:46,235 --> 00:26:49,876 Speaker 3: Legacy Coalition, Praise the Lord for Christian Grandparenting Network. There's 471 00:26:50,035 --> 00:26:54,116 Speaker 3: a lot going on to increase the number of grandparents 472 00:26:54,156 --> 00:26:58,835 Speaker 3: who are biblically intentional, with the numbers still quite small. Yeah, 473 00:26:58,876 --> 00:27:01,036 Speaker 3: and that's one of my favorite things to talk about. 474 00:27:01,035 --> 00:27:03,876 Speaker 1: Our NA and those of us who are listening. We 475 00:27:03,955 --> 00:27:07,316 Speaker 1: can set our sights on someday, God willing, I will 476 00:27:07,356 --> 00:27:09,916 Speaker 1: be a grandparent if you aren't already, and I am 477 00:27:09,916 --> 00:27:12,035 Speaker 1: going to be this kind of grandparent. I'm going to 478 00:27:12,076 --> 00:27:14,235 Speaker 1: be the grandparent. Yeah, I've got ice cream. I'm really fun. 479 00:27:14,275 --> 00:27:17,916 Speaker 5: But I got my Jesus stories and I have my testimonies, 480 00:27:17,955 --> 00:27:20,436 Speaker 5: and I will tell you the glorious acts of what 481 00:27:20,475 --> 00:27:23,636 Speaker 5: God has done, both in scripture and in my own life, 482 00:27:23,676 --> 00:27:25,035 Speaker 5: so that you might see and know. 483 00:27:25,156 --> 00:27:28,035 Speaker 1: And I think it's it is an exciting time to 484 00:27:28,076 --> 00:27:33,076 Speaker 1: be alive. Because rights, as ais screens go to replace 485 00:27:33,116 --> 00:27:36,996 Speaker 1: all these relationships. We can, as Christian grandparents, as Christian parents, 486 00:27:36,995 --> 00:27:39,115 Speaker 1: say no, it's going to be me. I'm going to 487 00:27:39,156 --> 00:27:41,795 Speaker 1: be the one talking to my child, not a chatbot, 488 00:27:41,955 --> 00:27:43,995 Speaker 1: not AI. I'm going to be the one doing it. 489 00:27:44,916 --> 00:27:46,475 Speaker 1: The last thing I want to ask you is just 490 00:27:46,515 --> 00:27:49,716 Speaker 1: about friendship. How do you keep friendship going? I've got 491 00:27:49,755 --> 00:27:51,956 Speaker 1: a new book, you know. It's called Making Marriage Easier. 492 00:27:51,995 --> 00:27:57,035 Speaker 1: How to Love and Like your spouse for Life. 493 00:27:57,396 --> 00:27:57,876 Speaker 4: It's fun. 494 00:27:57,955 --> 00:27:59,436 Speaker 1: You'll like it. You will get a kick. 495 00:27:59,235 --> 00:27:59,636 Speaker 3: Out of it. 496 00:28:00,396 --> 00:28:01,436 Speaker 1: How do you keep liking? 497 00:28:01,676 --> 00:28:01,876 Speaker 3: You know? 498 00:28:01,916 --> 00:28:04,755 Speaker 1: We love them, we know like this is gospel. I've 499 00:28:04,796 --> 00:28:06,436 Speaker 1: made a vow. I'm going to love you till the 500 00:28:06,515 --> 00:28:09,356 Speaker 1: day I die. But what are ways you can suggest 501 00:28:09,396 --> 00:28:12,196 Speaker 1: that we actually keep liking each other until the day? 502 00:28:13,796 --> 00:28:18,356 Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, yeah, I think, especially Arlene, as we get 503 00:28:18,356 --> 00:28:21,475 Speaker 2: older and we go through those transitions in our life 504 00:28:21,515 --> 00:28:25,035 Speaker 2: where we're empty nesters and maybe our parents are gone 505 00:28:25,035 --> 00:28:25,755 Speaker 2: by now. 506 00:28:25,676 --> 00:28:27,876 Speaker 3: You know, we're getting older, how can we be friends? 507 00:28:27,955 --> 00:28:30,876 Speaker 3: How can we be closer friends as we age? And 508 00:28:30,955 --> 00:28:35,475 Speaker 3: I think it takes again humility, intentionality, and I think 509 00:28:35,556 --> 00:28:38,196 Speaker 3: just even saying to our spouse, you know, I would 510 00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:42,956 Speaker 3: really like to be closer and for our spouse to 511 00:28:42,956 --> 00:28:46,236 Speaker 3: hear our heart and then if our spouse reciprocates to 512 00:28:46,356 --> 00:28:51,116 Speaker 3: truly listen. And I think as a man, I don't 513 00:28:51,156 --> 00:28:53,636 Speaker 3: listen as well as I should, as I want to. 514 00:28:53,996 --> 00:28:56,956 Speaker 3: And here i am in my seventies, and I feel 515 00:28:56,996 --> 00:28:59,676 Speaker 3: like I'm on a learning curve right now of what 516 00:28:59,716 --> 00:29:03,476 Speaker 3: it means to be a better listener and to reflect 517 00:29:03,596 --> 00:29:05,636 Speaker 3: from my wife what I hear her saying. Am I 518 00:29:05,716 --> 00:29:09,236 Speaker 3: right on that? But then you commit to just doing 519 00:29:09,316 --> 00:29:12,436 Speaker 3: things together. There's so many things you can do together, 520 00:29:12,636 --> 00:29:15,796 Speaker 3: chores and go to I go to the grocery store 521 00:29:15,836 --> 00:29:17,556 Speaker 3: with my wife now more than I did when I 522 00:29:17,596 --> 00:29:21,276 Speaker 3: was younger. And you know what, it's okay, it's fun 523 00:29:21,316 --> 00:29:24,516 Speaker 3: to do something together like that. So just normal chores 524 00:29:24,556 --> 00:29:29,916 Speaker 3: and maybe fun activities and discussing God's word together. There's 525 00:29:29,916 --> 00:29:33,436 Speaker 3: so much we can do as a couple that we're 526 00:29:33,436 --> 00:29:35,716 Speaker 3: not just going our separate ways. And I see couple 527 00:29:35,876 --> 00:29:39,436 Speaker 3: sometimes as they get older, they've disappointed in one another, 528 00:29:39,556 --> 00:29:42,876 Speaker 3: so they maybe they seek friends, real friends or virtual friends, 529 00:29:43,276 --> 00:29:45,916 Speaker 3: and they're trying to fill that hunger for relationship elsewhere 530 00:29:45,916 --> 00:29:48,476 Speaker 3: because they're not getting your spouse to it's not just 531 00:29:49,036 --> 00:29:51,436 Speaker 3: ring kids, it's screening older people. 532 00:29:51,196 --> 00:29:53,476 Speaker 1: To right screen Grandma, Grandpa. 533 00:29:53,716 --> 00:29:58,916 Speaker 3: Yes, screen down and you know, listen, talk do things 534 00:29:58,916 --> 00:30:01,956 Speaker 3: with your spouse that you can really enjoy life together. 535 00:30:03,516 --> 00:30:06,236 Speaker 1: So good, Larry, this has been so good, so helpful. 536 00:30:06,276 --> 00:30:09,996 Speaker 1: The book is a seasoned marriage, living the Gospel in 537 00:30:10,036 --> 00:30:12,876 Speaker 1: the middle years and beyond. How can people find out 538 00:30:12,916 --> 00:30:14,636 Speaker 1: more about you and your book? 539 00:30:15,076 --> 00:30:19,116 Speaker 3: Oh, thanks for asking early? Well for us personally, I'm 540 00:30:19,116 --> 00:30:22,516 Speaker 3: the director of a ministry called Walking Like Jesus Ministries, 541 00:30:23,196 --> 00:30:26,436 Speaker 3: and we have a website and we have a YouTube 542 00:30:26,516 --> 00:30:29,076 Speaker 3: channel and Facebook, all those things you can find us 543 00:30:29,596 --> 00:30:33,476 Speaker 3: and it's currently getting upgraded, but you can still access it. 544 00:30:34,756 --> 00:30:37,716 Speaker 3: That's how you can learn more about us, and we 545 00:30:38,196 --> 00:30:42,036 Speaker 3: enjoy this season of life very much. A volunteer pastor now, 546 00:30:42,356 --> 00:30:44,756 Speaker 3: I stepped off of our paid staff a few years ago, 547 00:30:45,396 --> 00:30:47,916 Speaker 3: but we spend a lot of time teaching people at 548 00:30:47,916 --> 00:30:52,796 Speaker 3: conferences and seminars about marriage, about parenting and grandparenting, so 549 00:30:53,076 --> 00:30:57,916 Speaker 3: we love meeting people. The book is available Amazon and 550 00:30:57,916 --> 00:31:01,476 Speaker 3: all the distributors. New Growth Press right now is giving 551 00:31:01,476 --> 00:31:05,676 Speaker 3: a good discount, so it's available lots of places, and 552 00:31:05,716 --> 00:31:08,036 Speaker 3: we're so glad we get to serve people this way. 553 00:31:08,836 --> 00:31:11,756 Speaker 1: It's a wonderful book. I highly recommend it. Thank you 554 00:31:11,796 --> 00:31:13,716 Speaker 1: so much, Larie, and we'll have all those links in 555 00:31:13,756 --> 00:31:14,996 Speaker 1: the show notes that you mentioned. 556 00:31:15,316 --> 00:31:16,396 Speaker 3: Okay, thank you, Arleen. 557 00:31:18,236 --> 00:31:21,596 Speaker 1: I hope you've been today's conversation. I'd love to keep 558 00:31:21,596 --> 00:31:25,276 Speaker 1: in touch beyond this podcast. Click subscribe in the show 559 00:31:25,316 --> 00:31:27,876 Speaker 1: notes and I will give you my latest email to 560 00:31:27,956 --> 00:31:31,796 Speaker 1: keep up on what's happening with technology and kids. And 561 00:31:31,876 --> 00:31:34,716 Speaker 1: maybe you like reading or listening to books. I have 562 00:31:34,796 --> 00:31:37,516 Speaker 1: a lot of books you could start with The Big Three, 563 00:31:37,956 --> 00:31:43,116 Speaker 1: Making Marriage Easier, Parents Rising, or Screen Kids. A big 564 00:31:43,156 --> 00:31:45,316 Speaker 1: thank you to the team at life Audio for their 565 00:31:45,356 --> 00:31:49,236 Speaker 1: partnership with the Happy Home podcast. Check out lifeaudio dot 566 00:31:49,276 --> 00:31:52,916 Speaker 1: com for dozens of other faith related podcasts about prayer, 567 00:31:53,236 --> 00:31:57,036 Speaker 1: Bible study, and more. Remember you don't have to come 568 00:31:57,076 --> 00:32:00,156 Speaker 1: from a happy home to create one. You two can 569 00:32:00,276 --> 00:32:01,516 Speaker 1: have a happy home.