1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:08,119 Speaker 2: And unfortunately, this is the kind of grief that keeps 3 00:00:08,160 --> 00:00:12,760 Speaker 2: on giving, and alcohol was keeping me stuck in that grief. 4 00:00:12,800 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 2: I wasn't moving through it, I wasn't seeking God, I 5 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 2: wasn't getting out of my anger. I was just drinking 6 00:00:20,320 --> 00:00:23,319 Speaker 2: and getting more and more and more depressed, more shame filled, 7 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:24,600 Speaker 2: more regret. 8 00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,400 Speaker 3: This podcast is for the woman who loves Jesus or 9 00:00:28,440 --> 00:00:30,840 Speaker 3: who is longing to reconnect with him, and who knows 10 00:00:30,880 --> 00:00:33,960 Speaker 3: deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. I'm 11 00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:37,320 Speaker 3: your host and your coach, Christy Osborne. Here we'll talk honestly, 12 00:00:37,560 --> 00:00:40,120 Speaker 3: with grace and truth about how stepping away from wine 13 00:00:40,280 --> 00:00:43,879 Speaker 3: opens the door to the love, joy, peace and connection 14 00:00:44,080 --> 00:00:46,880 Speaker 3: you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those were never meant 15 00:00:46,920 --> 00:00:48,880 Speaker 3: to be found in a bottle of wine, They're found 16 00:00:48,880 --> 00:00:52,600 Speaker 3: in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, I'll help you 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,279 Speaker 3: make sense of your habits, your nervous system, and your 18 00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 3: heart so freedom feels possible and sustainable. You don't have 19 00:00:59,080 --> 00:01:01,800 Speaker 3: to do this alone, Babe. Welcome to Love Life Sober. 20 00:01:02,320 --> 00:01:05,479 Speaker 3: Today's conversation is a deeply tender one, and if you're 21 00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,440 Speaker 3: carrying grief that feels invisible to the rest of the world. 22 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,480 Speaker 4: I want you to lean in close for this one. 23 00:01:10,840 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 3: I'm joined by Maureen Benkovich, alcohol freedom coach, author, speaker, 24 00:01:15,720 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 3: and host of the Sober Fit Life podcast. I'm so 25 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,560 Speaker 3: excited to also let you know that Maureen will be 26 00:01:21,600 --> 00:01:25,800 Speaker 3: coaching inside our Lent forty day Fast, which starts tomorrow. 27 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:29,600 Speaker 3: Maureene shares the part of her story that shaped everything, 28 00:01:30,040 --> 00:01:34,600 Speaker 3: walking through infertility, miscarriage, a failed adoption, and the quiet, 29 00:01:34,840 --> 00:01:38,880 Speaker 3: complicated grief of being childless not by choice, the kind 30 00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:41,119 Speaker 3: of pain that doesn't always have a place to land, 31 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:44,119 Speaker 3: and how alcohol slowly became the thing that she thought 32 00:01:44,160 --> 00:01:47,200 Speaker 3: helped her survive at all. We talk about identity when 33 00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 3: life doesn't turn out the way you prayed it would, 34 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,640 Speaker 3: the party girl persona she hid behind, and the moment 35 00:01:52,760 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 3: she finally dropped her knees and asked God not for moderation, 36 00:01:56,520 --> 00:01:59,720 Speaker 3: but for surrender. If you've ever wondered why would God 37 00:01:59,760 --> 00:02:02,360 Speaker 3: let them happened to me? Or if you've questioned who 38 00:02:02,400 --> 00:02:04,680 Speaker 3: you are when life doesn't work out the way you 39 00:02:04,720 --> 00:02:08,200 Speaker 3: imagined it, then babe, this episode is for you. If 40 00:02:08,240 --> 00:02:10,919 Speaker 3: today you're feeling that quiet nudge in your spirit, let 41 00:02:10,919 --> 00:02:12,880 Speaker 3: this be a reminder that it's not too late to 42 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,840 Speaker 3: join us. The Lent forty day Fast begins tomorrow and 43 00:02:15,919 --> 00:02:18,080 Speaker 3: there's a place waiting for you. You can find the 44 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:20,680 Speaker 3: link in the show notes. Okay, my friend, let's dive in. 45 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:27,000 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love life Sober, My beautiful friend, Maureen, Hi friend, 46 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:27,960 Speaker 3: how are you? 47 00:02:28,560 --> 00:02:30,800 Speaker 1: I am so happy to be here, Christy, so. 48 00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:33,840 Speaker 3: Excited for you not to just record this podcast, but 49 00:02:33,919 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 3: to be part of our community, to be coaching in 50 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:37,080 Speaker 3: our fasts. 51 00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:38,960 Speaker 4: We've been talking about this for years. 52 00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,440 Speaker 3: Yes, we've got you in, We've got you coaching, and 53 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:46,400 Speaker 3: you're just already such a big blessing to our community. 54 00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:48,680 Speaker 3: So thank you, already, thank you. 55 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 2: I feel blessed by the community and already the growth 56 00:02:51,360 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 2: that's happening in me and observing all these women who 57 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,360 Speaker 2: really want to change and follow God's leading, it's already 58 00:02:57,520 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 2: very inspiring. 59 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:02,240 Speaker 3: I am also so just really thrilled for the gals 60 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:04,320 Speaker 3: that don't know you and maybe are meeting you for 61 00:03:04,360 --> 00:03:06,800 Speaker 3: the first time through this podcast, to get to know 62 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 3: your story, because it is one of the most important stories. 63 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 4: You've got to write this book. 64 00:03:13,680 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 3: You've got to write it down at some point because 65 00:03:16,160 --> 00:03:18,640 Speaker 3: it's going to touch the woman that is in a 66 00:03:18,639 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 3: similar situation. 67 00:03:19,960 --> 00:03:21,960 Speaker 4: So where do you want to start? 68 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,240 Speaker 2: I guess I think it's important to start back at 69 00:03:25,360 --> 00:03:28,639 Speaker 2: early early marriage and my hopes and dreams for being 70 00:03:28,639 --> 00:03:31,919 Speaker 2: a mother and having children, and how that really got 71 00:03:31,919 --> 00:03:34,359 Speaker 2: wrapped up in my drinking when those dreams didn't happen. 72 00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:36,400 Speaker 2: So I was thinking about it this morning and looking 73 00:03:36,440 --> 00:03:38,839 Speaker 2: back in my journals. And my husband and I got 74 00:03:38,880 --> 00:03:41,240 Speaker 2: married at I was twenty six, he was twenty seven. 75 00:03:41,320 --> 00:03:45,800 Speaker 2: I remember my guyn tocologists saying, look, you have endometriosis, 76 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:48,960 Speaker 2: and we've done several laparoscopic surgeries and if you want 77 00:03:48,960 --> 00:03:52,360 Speaker 2: to have children, you better do it soon. So I 78 00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 2: come from a large family, he comes from a large family. 79 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:57,720 Speaker 2: Never thought that would be a problem. And so we 80 00:03:57,800 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 2: started like right away after getting married and got pregnant 81 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:04,560 Speaker 2: within the first year. And I could remember being so excited. 82 00:04:05,160 --> 00:04:07,320 Speaker 2: And I was a fitness trainer at the time, of 83 00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 2: aerobic instructors, taking care of myself, and I went out 84 00:04:11,600 --> 00:04:13,920 Speaker 2: to visit my sister in Santa Monica. Maybe you know 85 00:04:13,960 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 2: this in California, there's something called the Santa Monica Steps, 86 00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 2: you know. But I'm young and I'm fit, and I 87 00:04:18,920 --> 00:04:22,160 Speaker 2: see plenty of people exercising when they're pregnant, so we 88 00:04:22,279 --> 00:04:24,440 Speaker 2: do the steps. Nothing too vigorous, was just more of 89 00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:27,840 Speaker 2: the experience. And by that night came home, we had 90 00:04:27,880 --> 00:04:32,159 Speaker 2: dinner and I started feeling terrible crampy, and sure enough 91 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:35,240 Speaker 2: I ended up miscarrying, and I thought, oh my gosh, 92 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:36,720 Speaker 2: I did that to myself. 93 00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,360 Speaker 1: I worked out well. 94 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:40,880 Speaker 2: My doctor reassured me that that wasn't the case, that 95 00:04:41,080 --> 00:04:45,240 Speaker 2: pregnancy just wasn't viable and body does what it's supposed 96 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:49,040 Speaker 2: to do. But we shortly after that entered infertility treatments 97 00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 2: at one of the best places in the world in Bethesda. 98 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,720 Speaker 2: Surely I thought there would be no problem. But it 99 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,120 Speaker 2: was two years of a lot of money, a lot 100 00:04:58,160 --> 00:05:02,599 Speaker 2: of pain, a lot of miscarriages, dejecting yourself all the 101 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:05,080 Speaker 2: time having failed outcomes. 102 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:06,960 Speaker 1: It's very difficult experience. 103 00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,599 Speaker 2: If any of your listeners have gone or are going 104 00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:14,119 Speaker 2: through it, it is so emotionally taxing and it breaks 105 00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,680 Speaker 2: up a lot of marriages. It is a very hard thing. 106 00:05:17,080 --> 00:05:21,080 Speaker 2: So we decided after three miscarriages to stop. I'm like, okay, 107 00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,160 Speaker 2: if this isn't God's will, it's just not happening and 108 00:05:24,440 --> 00:05:25,839 Speaker 2: it is so painful. 109 00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:26,920 Speaker 1: And I think that. 110 00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,719 Speaker 2: Was probably the first like uptick in drinking that happened, 111 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,160 Speaker 2: because I wasn't you know, drinking during that whole time. 112 00:05:33,200 --> 00:05:35,640 Speaker 2: I was trying to take excellent care of myself. But 113 00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:39,080 Speaker 2: then the depression and the loss feeling like wow, am 114 00:05:39,120 --> 00:05:41,880 Speaker 2: I really not going to be a mom was setting in, 115 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,719 Speaker 2: So I think my drinking had an uptick there. Then 116 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:48,000 Speaker 2: the biggest incident that happened was a couple of years later. 117 00:05:48,040 --> 00:05:51,120 Speaker 2: We were going to this church and very close with 118 00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:53,600 Speaker 2: the pastor and his wife. We were super involved. We 119 00:05:53,600 --> 00:05:57,240 Speaker 2: were leading this college group teaching the Song of Solomon, 120 00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:59,720 Speaker 2: which was amazing. We had all these kids from the 121 00:05:59,760 --> 00:06:02,040 Speaker 2: Knee Academy. You had like one hundred kids coming in. 122 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,720 Speaker 2: My life was like pretty devoted to that, and I was, 123 00:06:05,760 --> 00:06:09,159 Speaker 2: you know, in ministry. And at this point the drinking 124 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:13,040 Speaker 2: was not on the on the BINGI side, but I 125 00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,680 Speaker 2: had moments where I drank too much, right, but it 126 00:06:15,720 --> 00:06:18,880 Speaker 2: was still pretty regulated, I would say. But a family 127 00:06:18,920 --> 00:06:21,599 Speaker 2: came to the church and said, we have our daughter 128 00:06:21,680 --> 00:06:25,120 Speaker 2: who's pregnant and we want someone at the church to 129 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:28,719 Speaker 2: adopt this child. So immediately, of course, my pastor and 130 00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:31,320 Speaker 2: his wife called me and they're like, Maureen, there is 131 00:06:31,360 --> 00:06:35,159 Speaker 2: a family that wants to us, someone from Mariner's Church, 132 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:38,360 Speaker 2: to adopt this child. Here's the kicker. She's due in 133 00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:42,200 Speaker 2: like a month. And I thought, wow, this is it. 134 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,080 Speaker 2: Baby on the doorstep. This is why all those other 135 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:47,560 Speaker 2: things happen. Thank you God. Okay, you know, we prayed 136 00:06:47,560 --> 00:06:49,600 Speaker 2: about it. We had to write a letter to her 137 00:06:49,720 --> 00:06:51,880 Speaker 2: like why we would be good parents. She was looking 138 00:06:51,880 --> 00:06:54,960 Speaker 2: at two other couples and she chose us. And so 139 00:06:55,080 --> 00:06:58,080 Speaker 2: now we're weeks away from the adoption. My father, who 140 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 2: is a lawyer, is involved. We're back in forth with 141 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,840 Speaker 2: the parents and grandparents of this family. And then they 142 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,120 Speaker 2: started throwing in all kinds of things like well, we 143 00:07:06,160 --> 00:07:10,680 Speaker 2: want the baby for holidays and birthdays and basically a 144 00:07:10,800 --> 00:07:13,680 Speaker 2: very open adoption and kind of like you take care 145 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:15,400 Speaker 2: of the baby and we'll have all the fun. And 146 00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:18,360 Speaker 2: we started thinking, this is not what we signed up for. 147 00:07:18,440 --> 00:07:20,720 Speaker 2: This is my father, as a lawyer, I recommended this 148 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:23,640 Speaker 2: is usually not a good scenario. So we said no, 149 00:07:23,720 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 2: we didn't want to do that. Well, now we're about 150 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: a week out. The church has given me all kinds 151 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,040 Speaker 2: of stuff for the nursery. Everybody's been praying at church. 152 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:34,600 Speaker 2: Everyone's excited. I'm about to become a mom, and they 153 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:38,320 Speaker 2: just shut everything down. It was especially the grandmother. She 154 00:07:38,440 --> 00:07:40,440 Speaker 2: had the most sort of say in control. And I 155 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:43,080 Speaker 2: found out why later, but she just shut it down. 156 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:46,160 Speaker 2: Their lawyer, all of a sudden became very impersonal, said 157 00:07:46,240 --> 00:07:48,760 Speaker 2: do not contact us, do not contact the young woman. 158 00:07:48,840 --> 00:07:52,080 Speaker 2: You will cease and desist all adoption proceedings. I didn't 159 00:07:52,120 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 2: know that kind of stuff could happen. They called it 160 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:58,680 Speaker 2: a failed adoption. Now I was crushed, It just crushed, 161 00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:01,600 Speaker 2: and it was worse than any of the miscarriages. I 162 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,040 Speaker 2: need to give everything back to people and undo the nursery. 163 00:08:05,200 --> 00:08:07,240 Speaker 2: And I was just shattered, and I thought, that's it, 164 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,160 Speaker 2: not doing any of this stuff anymore. I'm just gonna 165 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 2: I guess I'm not meant to have children. Meanwhile, all 166 00:08:13,800 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 2: of my friends are a child bearing age and they 167 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,800 Speaker 2: are building their families, you know, one child, two child, 168 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,880 Speaker 2: baby showers. And with each miscarriage I had and then 169 00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 2: the failed adoption, I just started shutting down and I 170 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:28,960 Speaker 2: would make myself go to baby showers and I ended up 171 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:32,760 Speaker 2: drinking too much, crying, leaving early so I stopped going 172 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:36,640 Speaker 2: to baby showers. But I really started leaning into this 173 00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:40,640 Speaker 2: party girl persona, kind of like I was suppressing how 174 00:08:40,679 --> 00:08:42,000 Speaker 2: sad I was number one. 175 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:44,200 Speaker 1: I didn't know what to do with it. I didn't 176 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 1: know anybody like me. 177 00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 2: I didn't know any of my friends, no women, no 178 00:08:48,160 --> 00:08:51,640 Speaker 2: couples who were childless. I didn't know any support groups, 179 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,520 Speaker 2: and my friends didn't know what to say. And it 180 00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 2: was kind of like, well, take my kids for a weekend, 181 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:58,920 Speaker 2: then you won't want any things like that. And I 182 00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:03,080 Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, that's so painful, and but 183 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,840 Speaker 2: I still don't know how to talk about it. So 184 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,360 Speaker 2: I really leaned into this party girl persona that became 185 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:11,440 Speaker 2: my identity. And it's only been on the other side 186 00:09:11,440 --> 00:09:13,880 Speaker 2: of alcohol that I can look back and do this 187 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 2: work and see what was happening. Then it was very unconscious. 188 00:09:18,320 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 2: So I'm a personal trainer, this woman who's facing a 189 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:25,880 Speaker 2: life without children. I am binging drinking on the weekends, 190 00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:29,280 Speaker 2: like really getting drunk, but I think I can sweat 191 00:09:29,320 --> 00:09:32,600 Speaker 2: it out, work it off, eat well during the week 192 00:09:33,120 --> 00:09:35,040 Speaker 2: So I was very much in now what I call 193 00:09:35,080 --> 00:09:39,800 Speaker 2: the detox retox cycle. You know, I would think I 194 00:09:39,920 --> 00:09:42,680 Speaker 2: was detoxing all week and then just really hit it hard. 195 00:09:42,679 --> 00:09:43,120 Speaker 1: And in the. 196 00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:45,319 Speaker 2: Fitness industry that was going on with a lot of 197 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:47,319 Speaker 2: fitness instructors, believe it or not, it was almost like 198 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:49,120 Speaker 2: a badge of honor, like, oh yeah, I taught that 199 00:09:49,160 --> 00:09:53,800 Speaker 2: class really hungover and we were young stupid. But as 200 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,920 Speaker 2: you get older, you can't really do those things so 201 00:09:57,040 --> 00:09:57,560 Speaker 2: much anymore. 202 00:09:57,640 --> 00:09:58,880 Speaker 1: And that was starting to happen. 203 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:03,199 Speaker 2: But the biggest thing I didn't realize, it was very insidious, 204 00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:06,200 Speaker 2: was that I was so angry with God. I was like, hey, 205 00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:08,400 Speaker 2: wait a minute. I didn't realize this until now. Like 206 00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:10,320 Speaker 2: I said, but like I was in ministry, I was 207 00:10:10,559 --> 00:10:13,280 Speaker 2: at church. I was doing all the things I'd given 208 00:10:13,320 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 2: my life to you. Why can't I have children? Look 209 00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:19,200 Speaker 2: at all these women in the Bible who you blessed 210 00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 2: with children? Says children are a blessing. So I at 211 00:10:21,960 --> 00:10:24,680 Speaker 2: some point made a decision to walk away from my 212 00:10:24,760 --> 00:10:25,839 Speaker 2: faith from God. 213 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,559 Speaker 1: I was angry for years, and I leaned into. 214 00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:34,360 Speaker 2: The worldly party girl, jirt chasing woman, you know. And 215 00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: I was that person at parties who would be like, 216 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:40,760 Speaker 2: let's drink more, you know, the next day, let's hair 217 00:10:40,880 --> 00:10:44,360 Speaker 2: the dog at big party weekends, and then I met 218 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:47,000 Speaker 2: some more people who showed me a whole other world 219 00:10:47,080 --> 00:10:47,520 Speaker 2: of drinking. 220 00:10:47,559 --> 00:10:49,400 Speaker 1: And you used to talk about this on your blog. 221 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,120 Speaker 2: I never heard of jare Boems or Whispering Angel or 222 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,760 Speaker 2: you know, Jordan Wine, all these sophisticated wines. So now 223 00:10:56,840 --> 00:10:59,320 Speaker 2: my drinking's gone to a whole other level, like, well, 224 00:10:59,360 --> 00:11:03,280 Speaker 2: this is what sophisticated party people do. And every vacation, 225 00:11:03,679 --> 00:11:08,480 Speaker 2: everything revolved around alcohol. It was becoming more and more 226 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:12,199 Speaker 2: out of alignment with who I was as a Christian. 227 00:11:12,480 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 1: I was really not showing up well there. 228 00:11:14,800 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 2: And I even as a person who is health and 229 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 2: fitness oriented, who's teaching other people how to be healthy, 230 00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:23,480 Speaker 2: I was living this whole other life. So the hypocrisy 231 00:11:24,040 --> 00:11:26,520 Speaker 2: and the out of alignment feeling was so strong, and 232 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:30,440 Speaker 2: my mental health was declining rapidly. There would be really 233 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:35,320 Speaker 2: severe dips where I was suicidal. And I could hide 234 00:11:35,320 --> 00:11:37,560 Speaker 2: all this because I didn't have children, because I wasn't 235 00:11:37,559 --> 00:11:39,400 Speaker 2: going to the bus stop, and I wasn't going to 236 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:43,680 Speaker 2: the you know, sports and everything. I could disappear, try 237 00:11:43,679 --> 00:11:46,880 Speaker 2: to get better or try to show up like everything 238 00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:49,800 Speaker 2: was okay, and then start drinking again. But there were 239 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:52,720 Speaker 2: so many nights where I'd end up a puddle crying. 240 00:11:52,920 --> 00:11:55,040 Speaker 2: And we talked about this in the beginning, because when 241 00:11:55,080 --> 00:11:57,079 Speaker 2: you go out with all your friends, you go out 242 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,040 Speaker 2: with couples, and all the women kind of sit on 243 00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:00,800 Speaker 2: maybe one end of the table in the manner at 244 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,839 Speaker 2: the other What are the icebreakers? 245 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:05,160 Speaker 1: What do women talk about? It's their children. 246 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,680 Speaker 2: That is how most women identify, whether even if they're 247 00:12:08,720 --> 00:12:12,280 Speaker 2: working or not. It's always first, I have these children, 248 00:12:12,400 --> 00:12:14,480 Speaker 2: they go to this school. I also have a job, 249 00:12:14,520 --> 00:12:16,400 Speaker 2: so then it could be about being a working mother, right, 250 00:12:16,440 --> 00:12:19,840 Speaker 2: but it's always the mom theme all the way through. 251 00:12:20,160 --> 00:12:20,880 Speaker 1: Didn't fit in. 252 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:23,960 Speaker 2: I would try to ask the polite questions for the 253 00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,600 Speaker 2: first you know, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes of the dinner, 254 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:28,960 Speaker 2: and then it would just go on and on and 255 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:31,200 Speaker 2: on because there's lots to talk about with kids. It 256 00:12:31,280 --> 00:12:35,320 Speaker 2: just is right, and I'd be like, second martini, please, 257 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:39,400 Speaker 2: third martini wasn't Usually didn't end up pretty and unfortunately, 258 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:41,600 Speaker 2: this is the kind of grief that keeps on giving, 259 00:12:42,040 --> 00:12:46,080 Speaker 2: and alcohol was keeping me stuck in that grief. I 260 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 2: wasn't moving through it, I wasn't seeking God, I wasn't 261 00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:53,360 Speaker 2: getting out of my anger. I was just drinking and 262 00:12:53,360 --> 00:12:56,280 Speaker 2: getting more and more and more depressed, more shame filled, 263 00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:59,000 Speaker 2: more regret. By now my fitness is starting to suffer, 264 00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:02,080 Speaker 2: My workouts are starting suffer. So like the last thing 265 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,720 Speaker 2: that I was holding onto, even that was starting to suffer. 266 00:13:05,960 --> 00:13:08,400 Speaker 2: And so I'm flashing through a lot of time pretty 267 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:12,200 Speaker 2: fast here. But it's been in continuous theme. Is this 268 00:13:12,679 --> 00:13:15,880 Speaker 2: depression and sadness around not being a mother and why 269 00:13:16,320 --> 00:13:17,320 Speaker 2: why not me? God? 270 00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:17,960 Speaker 1: Why not me? 271 00:13:18,480 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 2: And I may not know that answer this side of heaven. 272 00:13:21,280 --> 00:13:25,200 Speaker 2: But it wasn't until I realized that every time I 273 00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:29,360 Speaker 2: binge drink, I would be severely depressed for like Monday 274 00:13:29,400 --> 00:13:32,280 Speaker 2: through almost Thursday. It depends how much I drank, and 275 00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,640 Speaker 2: I started making the connection. I used to be a 276 00:13:34,640 --> 00:13:38,080 Speaker 2: pharmaceutical rep who actually sold antidepressants, and I started thinking 277 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:38,360 Speaker 2: about it. 278 00:13:38,400 --> 00:13:39,080 Speaker 1: I'm like, let me. 279 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:43,079 Speaker 2: Google this, like alcohol induced depression, alcohol induced anxiety, and 280 00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:46,480 Speaker 2: there's actually tons of information, but we don't hear about 281 00:13:46,520 --> 00:13:49,199 Speaker 2: it with you know, big alcohol industry and what we 282 00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:51,760 Speaker 2: see as people who are sophisticated and have it all together, 283 00:13:51,880 --> 00:13:53,720 Speaker 2: and you know, this is what you do, this is 284 00:13:53,720 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 2: how you network, This is how you have baby showers, 285 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,200 Speaker 2: this is how your funerals. This is what you do 286 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,240 Speaker 2: if you're lonely, what you're sad, everything everywhere, So you 287 00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,280 Speaker 2: know all that influence you. 288 00:14:03,280 --> 00:14:04,320 Speaker 1: And I talk about a lot. 289 00:14:04,360 --> 00:14:07,840 Speaker 2: The big alcohol industry again, very insidious until you start 290 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:09,079 Speaker 2: really looking at it. 291 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:11,720 Speaker 1: I knew I wasn't going to survive because. 292 00:14:11,520 --> 00:14:15,400 Speaker 2: I'd had a really bad, very black, dark episode where 293 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:18,200 Speaker 2: I really wanted to end it. I had in some pain, 294 00:14:18,559 --> 00:14:22,240 Speaker 2: couldn't see purpose of being here if I couldn't be 295 00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:26,600 Speaker 2: a mom. I'd like idolized being a mother so much, 296 00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 2: and the party girl identity was killing me. 297 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: And then I was afraid. I'm like, well, who will 298 00:14:31,800 --> 00:14:33,120 Speaker 1: I be without alcohol? 299 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:36,560 Speaker 2: Because everybody knows when Maureene shows up, party shows up, 300 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,000 Speaker 2: and people expected me to be that way, you know. 301 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,640 Speaker 2: And I would have moments of saying to people like, 302 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:42,000 Speaker 2: I'm going to stop drinking for a while, and I 303 00:14:42,000 --> 00:14:44,440 Speaker 2: would do the ten and fifteen and thirty day maybe 304 00:14:44,520 --> 00:14:46,640 Speaker 2: if I made it that long, and my friends'd be like. 305 00:14:46,640 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 1: You're fine, come on, have a drink, and that's all. 306 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 2: It took right back into it because nobody knew the 307 00:14:52,080 --> 00:14:55,680 Speaker 2: secret mental struggle I was going through, how dark it 308 00:14:55,760 --> 00:14:57,560 Speaker 2: really was We'll. 309 00:14:57,360 --> 00:15:01,680 Speaker 3: Be back right after a click word from our sponsors. Babe, 310 00:15:01,680 --> 00:15:03,800 Speaker 3: Can I pause us just for a moment If you're 311 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:05,800 Speaker 3: listening to this and thinking I don't want to do 312 00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,080 Speaker 3: this alone anymore, I want to tell you about the 313 00:15:08,120 --> 00:15:10,960 Speaker 3: Love Life Sober Community. This is the space where the 314 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:15,840 Speaker 3: podcast turns into real connection and real support. Inside the community, 315 00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 3: we gather weekly for live connection calls where you can listen, share, 316 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,400 Speaker 3: or simply be present. There's a beautiful leadership team holding 317 00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:26,800 Speaker 3: this space with wisdom and care, a dedicated prayer request 318 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 3: area where you can be covered, regular masterclasses led by 319 00:15:30,360 --> 00:15:33,320 Speaker 3: expert guests, and even a worship music playlist to help 320 00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 3: you reconnect when your nervous system needs it. Inside the community, 321 00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:39,920 Speaker 3: there's also a dedicated coaching space called Truevine for women 322 00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:43,040 Speaker 3: who want even deeper support. The Love Life Sober Community 323 00:15:43,080 --> 00:15:45,120 Speaker 3: is a place to connect with like minded women and 324 00:15:45,240 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 3: open up in a way you might not be able 325 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,520 Speaker 3: to in your church or small group. This space was 326 00:15:49,560 --> 00:15:52,560 Speaker 3: created specifically for women who are questioning their relationship with 327 00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:55,320 Speaker 3: alcohol and who want the kind of freedom that can 328 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,440 Speaker 3: only be found in Jesus. All the details to join 329 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,240 Speaker 3: us are at the link in the show notes. I 330 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 3: can't wait to meet you. All right, let's jump back 331 00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:03,480 Speaker 3: into the episode. 332 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:07,000 Speaker 2: So that last episode, I went to my husband. I said, 333 00:16:07,240 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 2: I'm in trouble. I'm really depressed, like I've had a plan, 334 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:12,440 Speaker 2: I've had thoughts, and I've never really said that on 335 00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,680 Speaker 2: a podcast, Christy, but I'll share that because. 336 00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:15,280 Speaker 1: I think it's important. 337 00:16:15,520 --> 00:16:19,280 Speaker 2: The enemy definitely was using alcohol as a tool and 338 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 2: my desperate belief to find identity somewhere in the world 339 00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 2: and not in Christ, not in God, and it was 340 00:16:27,880 --> 00:16:31,640 Speaker 2: all so empty. So I knew I was in trouble. 341 00:16:31,760 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 2: I went to my husband. I called my doctor right away. 342 00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,160 Speaker 2: They're like, get back on your in a depressance. You 343 00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,160 Speaker 2: know that's the answer. Take medicine. And I used to 344 00:16:39,200 --> 00:16:40,880 Speaker 2: be there too when I was a pharmaceutical rep. But 345 00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:42,760 Speaker 2: I've done one eighty on all that. 346 00:16:43,080 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: But I did. I got on them and I went 347 00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:45,560 Speaker 1: to my therapist. 348 00:16:45,720 --> 00:16:49,080 Speaker 2: But I found through googling all the googles the late night, 349 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:50,640 Speaker 2: three in the morning, one in the morning. 350 00:16:50,520 --> 00:16:53,080 Speaker 1: Google's, am I an alcoholic? Do I have a drinking problem? 351 00:16:53,320 --> 00:16:56,280 Speaker 2: This book would keep popping up and he Grace is 352 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,760 Speaker 2: this Naked Mind? And I read it and a lot 353 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:01,280 Speaker 2: of that made sense to me because I was like, 354 00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,760 Speaker 2: wait a minute, there's a chemical reason. And I had 355 00:17:03,760 --> 00:17:06,439 Speaker 2: already known a lot about that from studying depression as 356 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:09,000 Speaker 2: a pharmaceutical rep and selling in a depressants, but I 357 00:17:09,040 --> 00:17:11,800 Speaker 2: never made the connection with alcohol. So I did join 358 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 2: a year long coaching group, and it was very helpful 359 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 2: for the accountability to see how many other people were 360 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:21,000 Speaker 2: struggling with this around the world and to have a 361 00:17:21,080 --> 00:17:24,439 Speaker 2: process to work through. But what was missing for me 362 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:28,080 Speaker 2: in that community was a faith based because I was 363 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:31,280 Speaker 2: at this point writing to God because I knew. I'm like, 364 00:17:31,400 --> 00:17:34,560 Speaker 2: I'm sorry I turned my back on you, but you, 365 00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:38,120 Speaker 2: I know, never turned your back on me, and You've 366 00:17:38,119 --> 00:17:40,640 Speaker 2: been here the whole time. And I wrote out these 367 00:17:40,680 --> 00:17:43,560 Speaker 2: prayers in my journal because from the time I decided 368 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,080 Speaker 2: to no longer drink, it was two or three more 369 00:17:47,119 --> 00:17:50,520 Speaker 2: weeks before this structured coaching course started, so I was 370 00:17:50,520 --> 00:17:53,360 Speaker 2: like white knuckling it and I just journaled every day, 371 00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:56,520 Speaker 2: got in my Bible, so I was getting back in 372 00:17:56,600 --> 00:18:01,360 Speaker 2: God's word and I was seeing how much I had 373 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:04,119 Speaker 2: let go of my identity in Christ and said that, 374 00:18:04,400 --> 00:18:07,399 Speaker 2: you know, I really knew, because I was kind of 375 00:18:07,440 --> 00:18:11,720 Speaker 2: laughing The last day I drank was September fourteenth, twenty 376 00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:12,560 Speaker 2: twenty one. 377 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:13,920 Speaker 1: I had prayed to God. 378 00:18:13,960 --> 00:18:15,399 Speaker 2: I was going to lunch with two friends and we 379 00:18:15,480 --> 00:18:18,000 Speaker 2: usually had very boozy lunches. I said, please, God, I 380 00:18:18,040 --> 00:18:20,680 Speaker 2: want to change. I know you want me to surrender alcohol. 381 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:24,000 Speaker 2: Please let me only have two drinks. Please let me 382 00:18:24,119 --> 00:18:27,399 Speaker 2: just learn how to moderate. And my two girlfriends are like, whatever, 383 00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:29,560 Speaker 2: we're getting our drink on and that's all it took. Well, 384 00:18:29,760 --> 00:18:31,520 Speaker 2: came home smashed once again. 385 00:18:31,720 --> 00:18:32,840 Speaker 1: The next day. That was it. 386 00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:36,439 Speaker 2: I got on my knees and I prayed, I'm like, 387 00:18:36,720 --> 00:18:39,120 Speaker 2: this is it, God, I can't do this without you. 388 00:18:39,720 --> 00:18:42,359 Speaker 2: I'm not asking to moderate, I'm asking to help me 389 00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:45,359 Speaker 2: surrender this, to lay it down and trusting that on 390 00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:47,600 Speaker 2: the other side of this you have good plans for me. 391 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:50,320 Speaker 2: And I have not been listening. I've heard your still 392 00:18:50,480 --> 00:18:53,520 Speaker 2: small voice a lot and I drowned it out. But 393 00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:56,080 Speaker 2: I'm here now. That was the last day I drank. 394 00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:57,960 Speaker 2: That was the last day I drank. So it's almost 395 00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:01,080 Speaker 2: four and a half years now and in this coaching process, 396 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,560 Speaker 2: and I'd always been a coach personal trainer. The coaching 397 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 2: made sense to me about two months in I'm like, 398 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:08,880 Speaker 2: I'm done with alcohol for sure, but now I want 399 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:12,160 Speaker 2: to do this. I want to help others figure this 400 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,040 Speaker 2: out because we're all really so blinded. We were so 401 00:19:16,359 --> 00:19:18,520 Speaker 2: snowed in. It's like that movie The Matrix. We're all 402 00:19:18,560 --> 00:19:21,920 Speaker 2: living in this world and we don't understand how dangerous 403 00:19:21,920 --> 00:19:28,159 Speaker 2: alcohol really is, how it is killing so many people, marriages, relationships, health, 404 00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,720 Speaker 2: gut health, brain health. So I really found a passion. 405 00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:35,400 Speaker 2: So God did give me a purpose to start sharing this. 406 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,679 Speaker 2: And as you know, we talked about this being this entrepreneur. 407 00:19:39,400 --> 00:19:41,920 Speaker 2: And I'm sixty now right, so like four years ago, 408 00:19:41,920 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 2: I didn't even have an Instagram account. I have learned 409 00:19:45,880 --> 00:19:47,600 Speaker 2: so much, but it has been hard, and I've been 410 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:50,840 Speaker 2: wanted to quit sometimes, but God keeps pulling me forward. 411 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:53,120 Speaker 2: You know, you want to talk about dopamine hits, much 412 00:19:53,160 --> 00:19:56,360 Speaker 2: bigger dopamine hits when you persevere and you get through 413 00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:59,800 Speaker 2: something and you're like, I did that, I helped somebody, 414 00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,880 Speaker 2: you know, something like that. So that's what keeps, you know, 415 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,600 Speaker 2: pulling me through. And I've gotten so much closer to 416 00:20:06,680 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 2: Christ and met wonderful people like you. And when I 417 00:20:09,840 --> 00:20:12,439 Speaker 2: met you in a coaching group, I thought I have 418 00:20:12,480 --> 00:20:15,200 Speaker 2: to stay in touch with this woman. Something's happening here, 419 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:17,560 Speaker 2: and we have stayed in touch, you know, which has 420 00:20:17,600 --> 00:20:19,959 Speaker 2: brought me to this point where now I'm actually going 421 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:22,680 Speaker 2: to be coaching in your group in the Lent Love 422 00:20:22,760 --> 00:20:25,320 Speaker 2: Life Sober Fast forty Day Fast coming up at Lent. 423 00:20:25,720 --> 00:20:27,879 Speaker 1: But I flash forward a lot. I want to go 424 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:28,320 Speaker 1: back to. 425 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:32,199 Speaker 2: There is this very it's this grief that you cannot 426 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:36,200 Speaker 2: understand unless you're a woman who is experiencing or has 427 00:20:36,240 --> 00:20:38,480 Speaker 2: gone through what I've gone through, because it's not tangible 428 00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:42,679 Speaker 2: to anybody else. Yeah, there was no funeral, there was 429 00:20:42,760 --> 00:20:46,040 Speaker 2: no closure. People think you just get over it. You 430 00:20:46,119 --> 00:20:49,000 Speaker 2: think you should just get over it, and there's a 431 00:20:49,040 --> 00:20:51,520 Speaker 2: lot of shame in it, even though there shouldn't be right. 432 00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,400 Speaker 1: It's not my faults again, it's a chemical thing. 433 00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:57,520 Speaker 2: I couldn't have children for an unknown reason, and so 434 00:20:58,080 --> 00:21:00,879 Speaker 2: working through that is so important. So I really feel 435 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 2: there's a special place in my heart because I know 436 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:04,240 Speaker 2: there's a lot of women out there like me who 437 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 2: are drinking for other unhealthy coping mechanism to get through 438 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,560 Speaker 2: this struggle, to try to fit in, to try to 439 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:13,840 Speaker 2: figure out who they are in the world, what they're 440 00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:17,200 Speaker 2: places in the world, and they're probably seeking all these 441 00:21:17,280 --> 00:21:21,000 Speaker 2: empty things like I was, and feeling angry with God. 442 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:24,280 Speaker 2: I'm sure you're not understanding. So I really have a 443 00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:26,440 Speaker 2: special place in my heart for women who are suffering 444 00:21:26,480 --> 00:21:30,840 Speaker 2: that specific kind of loss and grief, and how truly 445 00:21:30,920 --> 00:21:34,879 Speaker 2: understanding that alcohol keeps you stuck, that not help you 446 00:21:34,960 --> 00:21:38,679 Speaker 2: move through. It keeps you arrested in that point in time, 447 00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:42,199 Speaker 2: and you just ruminate over and over and over. You know, 448 00:21:42,240 --> 00:21:46,679 Speaker 2: But once you learn you can do hard things without alcohol. 449 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:50,240 Speaker 2: It is the biggest personal growth thing I've ever done, 450 00:21:50,560 --> 00:21:53,560 Speaker 2: laying down the alcohol and looking at my pain and 451 00:21:53,600 --> 00:21:56,959 Speaker 2: looking at my grief and my anger and working through it. 452 00:21:56,960 --> 00:21:59,520 Speaker 2: It's a process. It's not easy, and I still have 453 00:21:59,560 --> 00:22:01,920 Speaker 2: a moment now. Most of my friends are the stage 454 00:22:01,920 --> 00:22:03,560 Speaker 2: where the kids are about to get married, or they're 455 00:22:03,560 --> 00:22:06,120 Speaker 2: in college, or some people are grandparents. I will never 456 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,360 Speaker 2: have any of that. I will never have any of that, 457 00:22:08,760 --> 00:22:12,679 Speaker 2: and that is a truth I've had to come to accept. 458 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,200 Speaker 2: But I do have a purpose of helping others, other 459 00:22:17,280 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: women like me who are struggling with this loss of identity, 460 00:22:21,400 --> 00:22:25,359 Speaker 2: this untangible but deep pain and grief and don't know 461 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:27,480 Speaker 2: how to get through it without drowning it. But there 462 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:30,240 Speaker 2: is a way out, and that it starts with learning 463 00:22:30,280 --> 00:22:33,240 Speaker 2: to lay down the alcohol and trusting that God does 464 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:34,000 Speaker 2: have a plan. 465 00:22:34,320 --> 00:22:35,560 Speaker 1: You may not understand it. 466 00:22:35,680 --> 00:22:37,960 Speaker 2: I don't understand all of it right now, but I'm 467 00:22:38,040 --> 00:22:42,199 Speaker 2: walking forward in faith and the things, the opportunities, the 468 00:22:42,280 --> 00:22:45,200 Speaker 2: people that He's opened up for me now never would 469 00:22:45,240 --> 00:22:45,880 Speaker 2: have happened if. 470 00:22:45,800 --> 00:22:46,600 Speaker 1: I was still drinking. 471 00:22:46,640 --> 00:22:49,280 Speaker 2: I honestly don't know if I'd still be here if 472 00:22:49,320 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 2: I was still drinking. It was that painful because I couldn't. 473 00:22:52,760 --> 00:22:56,240 Speaker 2: I just ruminated, ruminated, ruminated. So that's kind of my 474 00:22:56,840 --> 00:22:59,080 Speaker 2: big story in a nutshell, and I will write about it, 475 00:22:59,280 --> 00:22:59,800 Speaker 2: but there it is. 476 00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:02,800 Speaker 4: You definitely have to write about it, Babe. 477 00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 3: I see the face of one particular woman that I 478 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,600 Speaker 3: know with a similar story, and so I just would 479 00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:13,120 Speaker 3: love you to encourage that woman and any other woman 480 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:17,320 Speaker 3: with a similar story who is currently stuck, who is 481 00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:21,120 Speaker 3: currently ruminating, who is currently also You talk so beautifully 482 00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:24,680 Speaker 3: about the identity in this, but I also think there's 483 00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:28,840 Speaker 3: also You're worth being connected to that identity, right, So 484 00:23:29,600 --> 00:23:33,240 Speaker 3: speak to that woman who's currently stuck, ruminating and feeling 485 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:36,560 Speaker 3: like there is no purpose, and I'm never going to 486 00:23:36,680 --> 00:23:37,200 Speaker 3: understand this. 487 00:23:38,040 --> 00:23:40,040 Speaker 1: I understand those thoughts and that pain. 488 00:23:40,359 --> 00:23:42,760 Speaker 2: It is about our self worth because we live in 489 00:23:42,840 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 2: a pro natalistic society. 490 00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,160 Speaker 1: These are terms I never heard. 491 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,199 Speaker 2: So there are books out there and groups out there now, 492 00:23:50,359 --> 00:23:53,119 Speaker 2: and I'll say those in a minute. But the world 493 00:23:53,240 --> 00:23:57,080 Speaker 2: is geared towards women have babies, whether they're single, heart 494 00:23:57,200 --> 00:24:00,000 Speaker 2: married or they are married to you know, have multiple family, 495 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:02,879 Speaker 2: they have babies, and if you don't, something's wrong with 496 00:24:02,960 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 2: you and you're not part of the club. 497 00:24:04,320 --> 00:24:05,280 Speaker 1: But that's a lie. 498 00:24:06,240 --> 00:24:08,600 Speaker 2: You know that something is wrong with you and that 499 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:11,920 Speaker 2: that is your self worth because you know, dealing with 500 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:14,879 Speaker 2: the mommy wine culture, many women are wrapped up in 501 00:24:15,040 --> 00:24:18,320 Speaker 2: being a mom, and they're self worth there like am 502 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:20,520 Speaker 2: I a good mom? The perfect mom? And you know 503 00:24:20,600 --> 00:24:23,200 Speaker 2: all those other things. So still the identity is tied 504 00:24:23,280 --> 00:24:26,359 Speaker 2: up in being a mom. But our specific problem is 505 00:24:26,440 --> 00:24:29,399 Speaker 2: if we don't have this, then who are we and 506 00:24:29,560 --> 00:24:32,399 Speaker 2: how will I relate to people? And so a common 507 00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:34,680 Speaker 2: thing is to think, well, I'll drink you know, that 508 00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,080 Speaker 2: will connect over that, and we know that's actually very disconnecting. 509 00:24:38,280 --> 00:24:41,920 Speaker 2: But I would encourage them to really seek out There 510 00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:44,400 Speaker 2: are books the first book that helped me was called 511 00:24:44,440 --> 00:24:48,560 Speaker 2: Living the Life Unexpected, and that title because I'm like, yeah, 512 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:50,440 Speaker 2: I did not expect this. I wouldn't have seen this 513 00:24:50,520 --> 00:24:53,080 Speaker 2: in a million years or how it would have affected me. 514 00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 2: So that's a really good one I would recommend. And 515 00:24:56,160 --> 00:24:59,119 Speaker 2: also there are terms like I am childless not by choice, 516 00:24:59,440 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 2: And it's important to be able to identify yourself to 517 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:05,920 Speaker 2: people because otherwise you get questioned to no end, well 518 00:25:06,000 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 2: didn't you want children? 519 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:07,680 Speaker 1: What happened? 520 00:25:08,400 --> 00:25:11,240 Speaker 2: Why didn't you try to adopt? What happened there? And 521 00:25:11,400 --> 00:25:13,320 Speaker 2: you have to decide in that moment, like do I 522 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:15,920 Speaker 2: want to get into this with this person? Do I 523 00:25:16,040 --> 00:25:16,639 Speaker 2: want to share? 524 00:25:17,280 --> 00:25:18,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't have to. 525 00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,440 Speaker 2: But having a way to identify yourself without going into 526 00:25:21,440 --> 00:25:24,800 Speaker 2: all that. So I'm a woman who is childless, not 527 00:25:24,880 --> 00:25:28,760 Speaker 2: by choice or circumstance, so anybody out there, just having 528 00:25:28,840 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 2: that phrase. 529 00:25:30,160 --> 00:25:32,920 Speaker 1: Gave me so much more power. 530 00:25:33,000 --> 00:25:34,800 Speaker 2: I felt empowered to say this is who I am, 531 00:25:35,359 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 2: and I could stop at that sentence and not share 532 00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 2: if I chose not to, if that person didn't earn 533 00:25:40,920 --> 00:25:43,040 Speaker 2: the right, because there are plenty of people then will 534 00:25:43,080 --> 00:25:46,040 Speaker 2: say they're very uncomfortable with your sadness and they'll say 535 00:25:46,160 --> 00:25:49,280 Speaker 2: things like take my kids for a weekend, or you know, 536 00:25:49,520 --> 00:25:51,119 Speaker 2: you don't want to be a mom, it's this or that, 537 00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,680 Speaker 2: and those things aren't helpful. It's just a lot of 538 00:25:53,720 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 2: people aren't comfortable with someone else's sadness or discomfort. So 539 00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,359 Speaker 2: having those titles childless not by choice or circumstance, is 540 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,359 Speaker 2: very helpful. I also found a group called the Childless Collective. 541 00:26:06,560 --> 00:26:08,920 Speaker 2: It's out of the UK and the first time I 542 00:26:09,000 --> 00:26:10,720 Speaker 2: got on a zoom room was much like the first 543 00:26:10,720 --> 00:26:12,200 Speaker 2: time I got on a zoom room with a bunch 544 00:26:12,240 --> 00:26:14,800 Speaker 2: of women who were struggling with alcohol. Because we didn't 545 00:26:14,840 --> 00:26:17,400 Speaker 2: have to go through our stories, we all understood each 546 00:26:17,440 --> 00:26:19,080 Speaker 2: other right there. I was like, Wow, I can be 547 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:21,320 Speaker 2: in a room and say the things that I really 548 00:26:21,480 --> 00:26:24,720 Speaker 2: feel you can't say out in the world. Yeah, so 549 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:28,280 Speaker 2: having that community is so important. Don't try to do 550 00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:31,000 Speaker 2: this alone. And I that is why one of the 551 00:26:31,040 --> 00:26:31,920 Speaker 2: reasons I do what I do. 552 00:26:32,080 --> 00:26:34,080 Speaker 1: Reach out to me. I get it, I've been there. 553 00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:34,720 Speaker 1: It hurts. 554 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:39,680 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's painful, but alcohol or drugs or whatever other 555 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,960 Speaker 2: coping mechanism will keep you stuck. 556 00:26:42,320 --> 00:26:44,560 Speaker 1: And if you're angry at God, you know he can 557 00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:45,399 Speaker 1: handle that. 558 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,080 Speaker 2: He hasn't left you, but he's waiting for you, you know, 559 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 2: to turn to him and to give him your pain. 560 00:26:53,040 --> 00:26:55,920 Speaker 2: And I never thought I would be able to talk 561 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 2: about it like I do now or help others. But 562 00:26:59,119 --> 00:27:02,560 Speaker 2: because of that, my story, his glory, my pain, his 563 00:27:02,800 --> 00:27:05,800 Speaker 2: purpose from the Matthew West song. I think of that 564 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:08,800 Speaker 2: all the time. I think there's a purpose to my pain, 565 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,639 Speaker 2: and now I get to help others. So know that 566 00:27:12,280 --> 00:27:14,880 Speaker 2: be encouraged that if you do reach out, it will 567 00:27:15,000 --> 00:27:18,400 Speaker 2: help if you read books to understand their other women 568 00:27:18,560 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 2: just like you going through this. And also that God 569 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:24,399 Speaker 2: hasn't left you. He's been right there and he can 570 00:27:24,480 --> 00:27:27,600 Speaker 2: handle your pain and your questions. Try by writing it out, 571 00:27:27,680 --> 00:27:29,359 Speaker 2: try turning to him. See what happens. 572 00:27:30,200 --> 00:27:33,119 Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. 573 00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,680 Speaker 3: It reminds me a lot of all the stuff that 574 00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:40,440 Speaker 3: doctor Lee Warren writes about him losing his son and 575 00:27:41,240 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 3: the fact that bad things happen. The enemy comes to 576 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:49,480 Speaker 3: kill Steele and destroyage on ten ten, but Jesus also 577 00:27:49,640 --> 00:27:52,840 Speaker 3: comes to give us abundant life here like on Earth 578 00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:56,560 Speaker 3: right now. And that is a choice, right and so 579 00:27:56,840 --> 00:28:01,880 Speaker 3: you had the choice to stick in the steel, kill 580 00:28:01,920 --> 00:28:05,879 Speaker 3: and destroy or to choose abundance, but also the pain 581 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,560 Speaker 3: and your purpose and the grief and God's goodness, Like 582 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:12,239 Speaker 3: it's all true at the same time, right, I can 583 00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:15,080 Speaker 3: only imagine that, like alcohol is not letting you get 584 00:28:15,119 --> 00:28:17,840 Speaker 3: to the point where you can decipher, right that like 585 00:28:18,359 --> 00:28:20,520 Speaker 3: those things can be true at once. 586 00:28:20,960 --> 00:28:24,720 Speaker 2: Yeah, Well, as you know, alcohol cannot just dull the 587 00:28:24,840 --> 00:28:28,600 Speaker 2: sad feelings. It dulls any joy, any other good feelings 588 00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 2: you might have. And you can't see through the fog 589 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:33,560 Speaker 2: and through the haze, and you can only stay in 590 00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:36,119 Speaker 2: your hurt and you think the only thing that's going 591 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,080 Speaker 2: to take the pain away is alcohol. 592 00:28:38,280 --> 00:28:40,760 Speaker 1: And yet yeah, that is the furthest thing from the truth. 593 00:28:41,160 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 4: Have you had women since you've been telling your story 594 00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 4: reach out to you? 595 00:28:45,240 --> 00:28:47,640 Speaker 2: And what is that? Like? Yeah, I would like to 596 00:28:47,720 --> 00:28:50,320 Speaker 2: be on more podcasts to share this story more because 597 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,080 Speaker 2: whenever I do, women do reach out to me. And 598 00:28:53,360 --> 00:28:56,400 Speaker 2: with the same combination of so much pain, not knowing 599 00:28:56,440 --> 00:28:58,200 Speaker 2: who they are in this world and how to move 600 00:28:58,280 --> 00:29:00,680 Speaker 2: through this world of pronatal list stick you know, and 601 00:29:00,800 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 2: always talking to women about their children and drinking. When 602 00:29:06,160 --> 00:29:08,360 Speaker 2: someone calls me like that, like, uh, I see you. 603 00:29:08,800 --> 00:29:09,280 Speaker 1: I hear you. 604 00:29:10,120 --> 00:29:12,520 Speaker 2: I get it, and to be able to help someone 605 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:16,080 Speaker 2: like that move through and not stay stuck is so 606 00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:20,080 Speaker 2: incredibly I'm grateful for the opportunity. I mean, it's God, 607 00:29:20,200 --> 00:29:22,720 Speaker 2: you know. I'm he has me planning seeds and watering, 608 00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:25,160 Speaker 2: but he causes the growth. And as a young coach, 609 00:29:25,280 --> 00:29:28,280 Speaker 2: I didn't understand that at first, but now more experience, 610 00:29:28,360 --> 00:29:30,440 Speaker 2: I'm like, I might just be part of someone's journey 611 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,280 Speaker 2: somewhere along the way, whether it's the alcohol journey or 612 00:29:33,320 --> 00:29:35,720 Speaker 2: the grief journey, you know, or learning how to deal 613 00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 2: with loss and live with your particular situation. 614 00:29:39,040 --> 00:29:39,800 Speaker 1: But I'm gonna help. 615 00:29:39,800 --> 00:29:42,520 Speaker 2: I'm gonna plant those seeds the best I know how, 616 00:29:43,040 --> 00:29:44,600 Speaker 2: and you know, God will do the rest. 617 00:29:45,200 --> 00:29:48,480 Speaker 4: What is it like to be in this place where 618 00:29:48,640 --> 00:29:52,120 Speaker 4: you are seeing the abundance and the closeness of God, 619 00:29:52,240 --> 00:29:55,200 Speaker 4: but still not fully understanding the why of it? 620 00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's a lot of trust, right, A lot of faith, Yeah, 621 00:29:58,520 --> 00:30:01,520 Speaker 2: believing in what we can't see and don't understand. In 622 00:30:01,600 --> 00:30:03,880 Speaker 2: the last few years, I really realized it's important to 623 00:30:03,960 --> 00:30:06,920 Speaker 2: be in the Word. And I'm a person who needs 624 00:30:06,960 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 2: structure and accountability, So joining something like the Bible recap 625 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,560 Speaker 2: or love life sober and being part of a community. 626 00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:15,040 Speaker 1: That makes a big difference for me. 627 00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:18,120 Speaker 2: But the more I'm in the word, the more the 628 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:21,000 Speaker 2: closer I draw to God and the more I understand 629 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:23,880 Speaker 2: that this is a faith walk. He is transforming us 630 00:30:24,080 --> 00:30:27,080 Speaker 2: all the time. You know, God is the first neurosurgeon, 631 00:30:27,480 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 2: and he developed neuroplasticity. And doctor Lee Warren said this 632 00:30:31,400 --> 00:30:34,000 Speaker 2: the other day. I was listening to his podcast. Neuroplasticity 633 00:30:34,080 --> 00:30:37,360 Speaker 2: is happening all the time. You get to choose which 634 00:30:37,480 --> 00:30:38,520 Speaker 2: direction it heads. 635 00:30:38,640 --> 00:30:38,760 Speaker 3: Right. 636 00:30:39,280 --> 00:30:41,720 Speaker 1: So, when I stayed stuck in my grief, like, yeah, 637 00:30:41,880 --> 00:30:43,360 Speaker 1: nobody gets me. I'm a loser. 638 00:30:43,440 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 2: Why am I here? I'm in so much pain, this hurts. 639 00:30:46,040 --> 00:30:48,400 Speaker 2: That is what's happening in my brain is believing that, 640 00:30:49,000 --> 00:30:51,440 Speaker 2: and that's where I stayed stuck. But now I'm believing. 641 00:30:51,480 --> 00:30:53,520 Speaker 2: You know, Lord, I don't know what you have for 642 00:30:53,680 --> 00:30:56,400 Speaker 2: me or why I'm in this particular situation. I can 643 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:59,520 Speaker 2: see glimpses when I get to help somebody or reach out, 644 00:30:59,760 --> 00:31:01,360 Speaker 2: you know, and I'm going to trust that those are 645 00:31:01,440 --> 00:31:04,440 Speaker 2: the pieces I get to hold on too. Yeah, this 646 00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 2: is such a better place to be. And when I 647 00:31:06,720 --> 00:31:11,160 Speaker 2: get in those moments, now I see myself before the spiral. 648 00:31:11,560 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 2: I can take those thoughts captive, right, and I could say, okay, lord, 649 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:17,960 Speaker 2: I'm choosing to believe something else. I Am not going 650 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:21,320 Speaker 2: to go down that dark rabbit hole again, and so 651 00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,160 Speaker 2: I'm causing the neuroplasticity. I can choose which direction my 652 00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,920 Speaker 2: brain is going to go in my mind right my thoughts, 653 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:31,240 Speaker 2: which ones I'm going to believe and follow, and which ones. 654 00:31:31,040 --> 00:31:31,840 Speaker 1: I'm not going to listen to. 655 00:31:31,920 --> 00:31:34,640 Speaker 2: Because your brain lies to you, or your mind lies 656 00:31:34,720 --> 00:31:37,600 Speaker 2: to you, it doesn't like change. It's so weird to 657 00:31:37,640 --> 00:31:40,960 Speaker 2: say this, but my depression and sadness being that woman 658 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:43,440 Speaker 2: who was so sad around not having children and the 659 00:31:43,520 --> 00:31:46,360 Speaker 2: party girl that was my identity. And when I thought 660 00:31:46,360 --> 00:31:48,760 Speaker 2: about letting those two things go, it was it was 661 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,720 Speaker 2: scary because I'm like, what will I be? Who will 662 00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,360 Speaker 2: I be without drinking? And how can I possibly let 663 00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:56,200 Speaker 2: this grief go that shaped my life for the last 664 00:31:56,360 --> 00:32:00,880 Speaker 2: twenty thirty years. But doing those two things, very two things, 665 00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 2: has just changed my life. 666 00:32:02,840 --> 00:32:05,520 Speaker 3: I heard doctor Lee speak in another kind of group 667 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:09,520 Speaker 3: that I'm in, and after he spoke, the chat was 668 00:32:09,640 --> 00:32:13,120 Speaker 3: going off basically about while this is great, except for 669 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:15,360 Speaker 3: the fact that this has happened to me and I've 670 00:32:15,400 --> 00:32:18,320 Speaker 3: had this trauma and so great for him, and I 671 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,880 Speaker 3: wanted to say, like, gals, go read his book and 672 00:32:21,040 --> 00:32:23,760 Speaker 3: listen to his story. And your story makes me feel 673 00:32:23,800 --> 00:32:26,640 Speaker 3: like that too, Maureen, Right, because I feel like if 674 00:32:26,840 --> 00:32:29,840 Speaker 3: you can get to the place where you are now 675 00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:34,000 Speaker 3: and with so much purpose and such a beautiful bright 676 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:38,200 Speaker 3: light for Jesus, it is just evidence and so obvious 677 00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,240 Speaker 3: that this is true, right, that God is good, that 678 00:32:41,360 --> 00:32:44,840 Speaker 3: he can you can rewire your brain, that you don't 679 00:32:44,960 --> 00:32:47,560 Speaker 3: have to have the massive thing that happened to you 680 00:32:48,280 --> 00:32:51,320 Speaker 3: take over your entire life and become your identity. Like 681 00:32:51,440 --> 00:32:53,800 Speaker 3: you said, I just want to like encourage the woman 682 00:32:53,880 --> 00:32:57,400 Speaker 3: that's listening to this. You have agency and you have choice, 683 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:00,600 Speaker 3: and God made your brain in order to help you 684 00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:05,400 Speaker 3: so that you can focus on him. And that doesn't 685 00:33:05,480 --> 00:33:07,760 Speaker 3: mean that your thing didn't happen, and it didn't mean 686 00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,240 Speaker 3: it wasn't important, and it didn't mean it wasn't huge. 687 00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:13,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, we are not our trauma and our sadness or 688 00:33:13,960 --> 00:33:17,080 Speaker 2: whatever situation you're in that is not our identity. But 689 00:33:17,160 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 2: we can get stuck there not try to grow because 690 00:33:19,680 --> 00:33:22,000 Speaker 2: it feels scary in a way, to let go of 691 00:33:22,080 --> 00:33:24,920 Speaker 2: that thing that has we've allowed to shape our lives. 692 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:28,560 Speaker 2: It's a process. I didn't get to that dark place overnight. 693 00:33:28,640 --> 00:33:30,880 Speaker 2: I didn't get to be that much of a binge 694 00:33:30,920 --> 00:33:33,560 Speaker 2: drinker overnight. So it's going to take a while to 695 00:33:33,720 --> 00:33:37,160 Speaker 2: unwind it. The faith factor is huge in that there's 696 00:33:37,200 --> 00:33:39,200 Speaker 2: a big difference. I've done it both ways, you know, 697 00:33:39,320 --> 00:33:43,040 Speaker 2: without God and with God. And with God I feel 698 00:33:43,080 --> 00:33:46,600 Speaker 2: so much more on solid ground and I have a refuge, 699 00:33:46,800 --> 00:33:51,360 Speaker 2: and you know, he understands my pain. He's not a magician, right, 700 00:33:51,400 --> 00:33:53,760 Speaker 2: He's not gonna go poof and take it away, but 701 00:33:53,880 --> 00:33:56,560 Speaker 2: he gives me the ability to choose. It takes a 702 00:33:56,600 --> 00:33:59,120 Speaker 2: lot of trial and error, right, I didn't get here overnight, 703 00:33:59,200 --> 00:34:03,600 Speaker 2: and I still struggle with painful situations. But now I've 704 00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:07,000 Speaker 2: learned the tools, Like, Okay, that is not true, that 705 00:34:07,200 --> 00:34:10,040 Speaker 2: thought is not true. What else could be true? The 706 00:34:10,160 --> 00:34:13,640 Speaker 2: truth is God loves me. I have a purpose now 707 00:34:13,840 --> 00:34:16,600 Speaker 2: to help other women. This world is full of pain 708 00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:19,360 Speaker 2: and trauma and stress and hurt. That is just the 709 00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:21,840 Speaker 2: way it is. But how we move through it, you know, 710 00:34:21,960 --> 00:34:23,759 Speaker 2: it's I think we get stuck and like, when am 711 00:34:23,800 --> 00:34:26,000 Speaker 2: I ever going to get there? And not have pain 712 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,960 Speaker 2: anymore or sadness or when am I going to have 713 00:34:28,040 --> 00:34:28,799 Speaker 2: this all figured out? 714 00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:29,160 Speaker 1: We're not. 715 00:34:30,320 --> 00:34:32,680 Speaker 2: You know, That's what this life here is about, is 716 00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:36,440 Speaker 2: the transformation. It is the perseverance. It is the endurance 717 00:34:36,520 --> 00:34:39,279 Speaker 2: to run the race set before us. And now I 718 00:34:39,360 --> 00:34:41,239 Speaker 2: guess I would say, God is my fuel to do 719 00:34:41,400 --> 00:34:44,040 Speaker 2: that before on my own trying to use alcohol to 720 00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:46,360 Speaker 2: fuel myself, I get through the days I was. 721 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:49,480 Speaker 1: Dying literally, so there is a big difference. 722 00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:51,080 Speaker 2: But you have to just be willing to try to 723 00:34:51,200 --> 00:34:53,520 Speaker 2: go through the discomfort, because you can know all this 724 00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,320 Speaker 2: stuff intellectually, but it's not until you were willing to 725 00:34:56,400 --> 00:34:58,440 Speaker 2: go through the pain and you get on the other 726 00:34:58,480 --> 00:35:00,799 Speaker 2: side of One particular instance again, I was looking at 727 00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:03,080 Speaker 2: my journals. The first time I went to my first 728 00:35:03,120 --> 00:35:05,360 Speaker 2: wedding alcohol free. I was only two weeks in of 729 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:07,799 Speaker 2: not drinking. But it was my best friend's daughter's wedding 730 00:35:07,880 --> 00:35:10,000 Speaker 2: and I was not going to not go. But I 731 00:35:10,080 --> 00:35:12,279 Speaker 2: set up all these parameters, you know. I went to 732 00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:15,040 Speaker 2: the reception early. I was there for the toast, the 733 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:17,040 Speaker 2: first dance, and then I could feel it was getting 734 00:35:17,120 --> 00:35:18,839 Speaker 2: very hard for me, so my husband and I left. 735 00:35:19,719 --> 00:35:22,040 Speaker 2: We stayed in a nice hotel. I had tea that night, 736 00:35:22,080 --> 00:35:23,680 Speaker 2: I went to bed. I remember I woke up and 737 00:35:23,760 --> 00:35:26,319 Speaker 2: saw sunrise on the beach. I'd never done that before. Yeah, 738 00:35:26,320 --> 00:35:28,320 Speaker 2: because I was always hungover, and I made so. I 739 00:35:28,480 --> 00:35:31,440 Speaker 2: made it through this very painful but important thing for 740 00:35:31,560 --> 00:35:33,400 Speaker 2: me to do, and I thought, I can do this. 741 00:35:34,040 --> 00:35:36,000 Speaker 2: I can do it because I was willing to go 742 00:35:36,200 --> 00:35:38,960 Speaker 2: through the pain and get on the other side. And 743 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:41,960 Speaker 2: my brain said, okay, you could do that. You can 744 00:35:42,000 --> 00:35:43,880 Speaker 2: do other things. So that's how it works. You have 745 00:35:44,080 --> 00:35:47,240 Speaker 2: to be willing to be curious to go through the process, 746 00:35:47,680 --> 00:35:49,799 Speaker 2: which is why your forty day fast is so good. 747 00:35:49,880 --> 00:35:52,320 Speaker 1: It's forty days of your life. 748 00:35:52,560 --> 00:35:54,279 Speaker 2: Right. You can always at the other end of it, 749 00:35:54,400 --> 00:35:57,040 Speaker 2: go back to drinking, go back to being stuck where 750 00:35:57,120 --> 00:35:59,520 Speaker 2: you are. Right, This is not a forever or never 751 00:35:59,600 --> 00:36:02,879 Speaker 2: an old situation is Let me try this. You try 752 00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:07,040 Speaker 2: this in this community with the guidance and coaching and leadership, 753 00:36:07,080 --> 00:36:08,120 Speaker 2: and just see what happens. 754 00:36:08,560 --> 00:36:10,239 Speaker 4: Oh, babe, I love you so much. 755 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:11,480 Speaker 1: I love you too. 756 00:36:12,080 --> 00:36:14,920 Speaker 4: Thank you so much for just being so open and 757 00:36:15,080 --> 00:36:20,160 Speaker 4: vulnerable and you know, courageous. Obviously it's all him, and 758 00:36:20,880 --> 00:36:21,600 Speaker 4: I appreciate you. 759 00:36:22,280 --> 00:36:22,600 Speaker 1: Thank you. 760 00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:24,759 Speaker 2: I appreciate you too, and thank you for giving me 761 00:36:24,840 --> 00:36:27,759 Speaker 2: the opportunity to share and also to be part of 762 00:36:27,840 --> 00:36:30,360 Speaker 2: your love life sober community and be a part of 763 00:36:30,440 --> 00:36:32,359 Speaker 2: God changing women's lives in there. 764 00:36:33,120 --> 00:36:35,480 Speaker 4: Yeah. Well so happy to have you in there. 765 00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:35,880 Speaker 1: Thank you. 766 00:36:36,120 --> 00:36:39,880 Speaker 3: Hell everybody where they can find you about your coaching stuff, 767 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,040 Speaker 3: like if they want to work with you one on one? 768 00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:43,120 Speaker 4: Are you doing that right now? 769 00:36:43,280 --> 00:36:43,320 Speaker 3: Like? 770 00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:44,200 Speaker 4: What where? 771 00:36:44,400 --> 00:36:46,640 Speaker 1: Yeah? All the thing. Yes, I love doing one on 772 00:36:46,760 --> 00:36:47,280 Speaker 1: one coaching. 773 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:50,279 Speaker 2: So my business coaching business is called Soberfitchick because I 774 00:36:50,360 --> 00:36:53,360 Speaker 2: used to be a trainer who wasn't sober. Soberfitchick Instagram, 775 00:36:53,440 --> 00:36:54,720 Speaker 2: Soberfitchick LLLC. 776 00:36:55,320 --> 00:36:57,760 Speaker 1: I do have a quiz. I created a quiz because 777 00:36:57,800 --> 00:36:58,120 Speaker 1: there were. 778 00:36:58,080 --> 00:37:00,719 Speaker 2: So many quizzes out there that at the end said yeah, 779 00:37:00,760 --> 00:37:02,840 Speaker 2: you're an alcoholic or whatever, and I couldn't identify it 780 00:37:02,880 --> 00:37:03,120 Speaker 2: with that. 781 00:37:03,480 --> 00:37:04,959 Speaker 1: So I created a quiz. 782 00:37:04,960 --> 00:37:07,200 Speaker 2: It has real world answers and it's just called am 783 00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:08,160 Speaker 2: I Drinking too Much? 784 00:37:08,680 --> 00:37:08,879 Speaker 3: Yeah? 785 00:37:09,160 --> 00:37:10,920 Speaker 1: You go to am I Drinking too Much? 786 00:37:11,239 --> 00:37:13,799 Speaker 2: It's on my website Soberfitchick dot com or maybe you'll 787 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,200 Speaker 2: put it in the show notes. But you can take 788 00:37:15,280 --> 00:37:17,320 Speaker 2: that quiz and then you get a guide to what 789 00:37:17,560 --> 00:37:19,840 Speaker 2: is gray area drinking, because that's a lot of the 790 00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,920 Speaker 2: time the people that we Yeah, that's right, Christy and 791 00:37:23,080 --> 00:37:25,319 Speaker 2: so understanding what is gray area drinking? Then it has 792 00:37:25,400 --> 00:37:28,719 Speaker 2: three science backed tactics to help you quell cravings. You 793 00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,719 Speaker 2: can try them in the moment. So check out the 794 00:37:30,800 --> 00:37:33,719 Speaker 2: quiz am I Drinking too Much and Soberfitchick. Check out 795 00:37:33,760 --> 00:37:35,960 Speaker 2: my Instagram Yeah, and come hang out with us. 796 00:37:36,040 --> 00:37:38,600 Speaker 3: I'll also be a link to join the community and 797 00:37:38,760 --> 00:37:41,040 Speaker 3: Marine's in there as well. You can come hang out 798 00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:43,359 Speaker 3: with us. All right, gals, thank you, We will see 799 00:37:43,400 --> 00:37:48,440 Speaker 3: you next week. And thank you again, Maureene. Thank you 800 00:37:48,520 --> 00:37:50,600 Speaker 3: for spending this time with me on Love Live Sober. 801 00:37:51,040 --> 00:37:54,200 Speaker 3: If today's conversation stirred something in your heart, don't rush 802 00:37:54,280 --> 00:37:57,080 Speaker 3: past it, take it to prayer. If you're feeling ready 803 00:37:57,200 --> 00:38:00,200 Speaker 3: for deeper connection and support, I'd love to invite you 804 00:38:00,280 --> 00:38:03,520 Speaker 3: into the Love Life Sober community, a grace filled, shame 805 00:38:03,640 --> 00:38:07,919 Speaker 3: free space where real connection grows and lasting change takes root. 806 00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:10,040 Speaker 3: You can find the link to join us in the 807 00:38:10,080 --> 00:38:13,680 Speaker 3: show notes. Love Life Sober is part of the Life 808 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,560 Speaker 3: Audio podcast Network, where faith centered podcasts help you grow 809 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 3: deeper in your walk with Christ. You can find more 810 00:38:20,320 --> 00:38:24,520 Speaker 3: faith centered podcasts at lifeaudio dot com. Until next time, 811 00:38:24,760 --> 00:38:28,360 Speaker 3: be gentle with yourself, stay curious, and trust God's promises. 812 00:38:28,800 --> 00:38:30,200 Speaker 3: He has freedom waiting for you.