1 00:00:01,600 --> 00:00:04,600 Speaker 1: Welcome to Hope for the Journey, the podcast for women 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:08,879 Speaker 1: over forty who are ready to rise, rebuild, and reclaim 3 00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:13,039 Speaker 1: their story. I'm your host, Monica, and each week you'll 4 00:00:13,039 --> 00:00:17,720 Speaker 1: hear real, raw comeback stories from women who have walked 5 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:20,600 Speaker 1: through the fire and found purpose on the other side. 6 00:00:21,320 --> 00:00:25,920 Speaker 1: If you're navigating change, chasing a dream, or simply searching 7 00:00:25,960 --> 00:00:29,360 Speaker 1: for your next step, you're not alone. This is your 8 00:00:29,440 --> 00:00:34,040 Speaker 1: place for courage, community, and the reminder that it's never 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:41,360 Speaker 1: too late to rewrite the end. Today on Hope for 10 00:00:41,440 --> 00:00:44,320 Speaker 1: the Journey, we will take a look at how the 11 00:00:44,520 --> 00:00:48,640 Speaker 1: answer I'm fine really can be one of the most 12 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:50,800 Speaker 1: dangerous words that we use. 13 00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 2: Stay with me. I'll be back with that in just 14 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 2: a moment, right after a word from our sponsors. Hi, 15 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 2: I'm Monica, and my guest today is Darla Nelson. Now. 16 00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:07,040 Speaker 2: Darla is the best selling author of the book I'm Fine, Really, 17 00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:10,680 Speaker 2: and she talks about how dangerous that phrase can be. 18 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:15,000 Speaker 2: Darla works to help women like us move from a 19 00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:19,240 Speaker 2: life of stress and that familiar feeling of holding it 20 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:24,600 Speaker 2: all together to a life that's marked by peace, calm, 21 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:28,720 Speaker 2: and greater dependence on God. And let's face it, who 22 00:01:28,800 --> 00:01:33,280 Speaker 2: wouldn't want that. Through her coaching, events and writing, Darla 23 00:01:33,319 --> 00:01:38,839 Speaker 2: guides women to release perfection, embrace emotional honesty, and build 24 00:01:38,959 --> 00:01:44,280 Speaker 2: healthier thoughts, habits, and relationships. Darla, Welcome. 25 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:45,240 Speaker 3: I'm so glad to. 26 00:01:45,240 --> 00:01:47,720 Speaker 2: Have you here today on Hope for the Journey. 27 00:01:48,800 --> 00:01:51,880 Speaker 3: Thank you so much for this invitation. It's a real honor. Monica. 28 00:01:52,840 --> 00:01:56,360 Speaker 2: Well, when I saw your book titled Darla, I thought, oh, 29 00:01:56,400 --> 00:02:01,240 Speaker 2: she could be my best friend. That answer right, fine, Really, 30 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:04,520 Speaker 2: that's been an answer that I've given for lots of 31 00:02:04,640 --> 00:02:07,920 Speaker 2: years of my life. But you also say that that 32 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:11,600 Speaker 2: can be like a dangerous phrase, a dangerous word. 33 00:02:11,639 --> 00:02:16,000 Speaker 3: Why is that? I think it becomes a dangerous word 34 00:02:16,080 --> 00:02:18,600 Speaker 3: when it almost becomes like a habit want to die. 35 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:24,040 Speaker 3: It's like we becomes dangerously because we hide behind the 36 00:02:24,120 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 3: masks of that. I don't know if you've ever experienced 37 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 3: that yourself, and I'm sure that there's some listeners that 38 00:02:29,160 --> 00:02:31,919 Speaker 3: have experienced that too, where we almost like it just 39 00:02:31,960 --> 00:02:35,080 Speaker 3: becomes what we say even though we're not really feeling it, 40 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 3: and so. 41 00:02:36,240 --> 00:02:40,160 Speaker 2: That's when it becomes dangerous. Yeah, it becomes perfunctory. Hi, 42 00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:43,919 Speaker 2: how are you? I'm fine? How are you? I'm fine? 43 00:02:44,360 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 2: But it doesn't really mean that we're fine. It's not accurate. 44 00:02:48,760 --> 00:02:52,120 Speaker 2: But I think, like you said, I mean I've lived 45 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:56,120 Speaker 2: like that for many many years, not just not knowing 46 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 2: really what else to do, because sometimes the things that 47 00:02:59,040 --> 00:03:02,400 Speaker 2: we're going through are uncomfortable and we don't know what 48 00:03:02,560 --> 00:03:07,280 Speaker 2: else to say, and that mask then all of life. Right, 49 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:11,359 Speaker 2: we just start going through this right competitively, and we, 50 00:03:12,120 --> 00:03:16,280 Speaker 2: I guess, are pressing down emotional issues and those sort 51 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:18,880 Speaker 2: of things that if left un dealt with, we'll just 52 00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 2: really wreck havoc inside of our lives. 53 00:03:23,680 --> 00:03:26,000 Speaker 3: It's so true because what happens is when we just 54 00:03:26,120 --> 00:03:30,320 Speaker 3: automatically respond with I'm fine even when we're not, we're 55 00:03:30,360 --> 00:03:34,560 Speaker 3: really truly, in my opinion, we're hiding what's going on. 56 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,720 Speaker 3: And what I've seen from my clients, Monica, is that 57 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,640 Speaker 3: when we get to that place of vulnerability and honesty 58 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:45,880 Speaker 3: with ourselves and with God, we get so much more 59 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 3: peace and more joy in our life. And so often 60 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 3: people are just like running in this rat race almost 61 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:54,640 Speaker 3: you know, they're on that hamster wheel and they're just 62 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:57,240 Speaker 3: going and going, and they're not taking the time to 63 00:03:57,360 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 3: really think about how am I truly doing? And when 64 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,640 Speaker 3: we do that and we allow there to be a 65 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:08,840 Speaker 3: moment of honesty, then that's when true change and true 66 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:11,040 Speaker 3: vulnerability and transformation happens. 67 00:04:12,080 --> 00:04:15,800 Speaker 2: Absolutely, And I think what you said allow ourselves to 68 00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:20,679 Speaker 2: take a break, it's given ourselves that space to breathe, 69 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,919 Speaker 2: to be a human being and to just do that 70 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:27,760 Speaker 2: kind of check in with ourselves and to be honest 71 00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:31,560 Speaker 2: about that, because when we're not, and I've seen it, Darla, 72 00:04:31,680 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 2: in my own life, I begin to carry like a 73 00:04:35,200 --> 00:04:40,520 Speaker 2: heavy weight inside. It's like baggage, and it's hard, like 74 00:04:40,560 --> 00:04:42,839 Speaker 2: to get up in the morning and to get ready, 75 00:04:43,040 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 2: and I'm making myself smile, and I'm making myself say 76 00:04:45,880 --> 00:04:51,760 Speaker 2: I'm fine. No, really, I'm fine, but I'm not. But 77 00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:56,159 Speaker 2: if we have just enough faith to just take a break, 78 00:04:58,240 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 2: right and just invite the Holy spe and just look 79 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:02,799 Speaker 2: at our lives and say, hey, you know what's really 80 00:05:02,839 --> 00:05:03,760 Speaker 2: going on here? 81 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:04,440 Speaker 3: You know? 82 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:08,359 Speaker 2: Is it that I'm lonely? Do I have unforgiveness? Is 83 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:12,040 Speaker 2: there a conversation that I need to have? Those things 84 00:05:12,120 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 2: might be hard things, but the thing is on the 85 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 2: other side of them, like you say, Darla, it's lighter 86 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:22,360 Speaker 2: and brighter, and there in that place there's the peace 87 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:23,880 Speaker 2: that God wants for us. 88 00:05:25,240 --> 00:05:27,960 Speaker 3: You know, you said something that's so key, Monica, because 89 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:30,160 Speaker 3: one of the things you mentioned is like almost in 90 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 3: reference to and I talk about this in the book 91 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:36,440 Speaker 3: as well, the reference almost like to a backpack and 92 00:05:36,480 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 3: you're carrying like bricks and imagine you just keep putting 93 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:42,960 Speaker 3: more and more bricks, and this backpack is just holding 94 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:47,400 Speaker 3: you down. And yet if we just understood that, if 95 00:05:47,400 --> 00:05:50,360 Speaker 3: we just took one brick out at a time and 96 00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 3: we laid it a sign, and we let God carry 97 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,400 Speaker 3: that heaviness in our life, then we don't have that 98 00:05:56,720 --> 00:05:59,680 Speaker 3: stress and that anxiety that we're carrying on our shoulders. 99 00:06:00,320 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 3: And I've proven that to myself. I've proven you know, 100 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,200 Speaker 3: one of the things I mentioned to is I went 101 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 3: through a period of having a lot of health challenges 102 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:12,039 Speaker 3: years ago and noticing that, you know, one half of 103 00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,000 Speaker 3: my body was numb from the stress, and all the 104 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:19,080 Speaker 3: medical tests safefully came back at that time saying it 105 00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:23,200 Speaker 3: was okay, And yet I wasn't. It was stress, and 106 00:06:23,240 --> 00:06:25,280 Speaker 3: I had to recognize that and be willing to admit 107 00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:26,960 Speaker 3: to it. Yeah, And I. 108 00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,360 Speaker 2: Think you know, and I've said this sometimes too, but 109 00:06:29,800 --> 00:06:33,919 Speaker 2: you know, we all have stress Darling, we do. But 110 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:37,960 Speaker 2: what you're talking about, I think anyway, is that stress 111 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 2: when we just keep carrying that load and we just 112 00:06:40,839 --> 00:06:43,240 Speaker 2: keep adding to it, because we all we're going to 113 00:06:43,279 --> 00:06:46,320 Speaker 2: have stress in the workplace, We're going to have stress 114 00:06:46,839 --> 00:06:49,400 Speaker 2: in our homes. Stress is part of life in a 115 00:06:49,440 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 2: fallen world, but we don't have to let it grow 116 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:59,240 Speaker 2: into ginormous proportions. And I love the example that you 117 00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:02,880 Speaker 2: gave of the backpack and taking one brick out at 118 00:07:02,880 --> 00:07:06,720 Speaker 2: a time, because sometimes it takes a long time to 119 00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,680 Speaker 2: develop these habits and so we might not get over 120 00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,440 Speaker 2: it in a moment, but one brick at a time, 121 00:07:13,000 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 2: one thing to move all at a time. Then over 122 00:07:16,160 --> 00:07:19,120 Speaker 2: time the load gets much much lighter. 123 00:07:20,400 --> 00:07:22,800 Speaker 3: And you talked about the falling world. You know, it's 124 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,760 Speaker 3: it's so interesting too because one of the things I 125 00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:28,680 Speaker 3: love to think about is for myself especially, is that 126 00:07:28,760 --> 00:07:32,040 Speaker 3: what I focus on expands, And so if I'm just 127 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 3: focusing on all the negativity that's going on in the world, 128 00:07:36,400 --> 00:07:39,080 Speaker 3: I'll give an example of today if that's okay. Like, 129 00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 3: so today I was at the gym at five thirty 130 00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:43,560 Speaker 3: this morning. I decided to start my day where I 131 00:07:43,720 --> 00:07:46,600 Speaker 3: know my gap was offul last week for the holiday, 132 00:07:47,320 --> 00:07:50,080 Speaker 3: and I decided to just start it right. And so 133 00:07:50,840 --> 00:07:54,240 Speaker 3: I'm on the treadmill, I'm doing my workout, and all 134 00:07:54,280 --> 00:07:57,200 Speaker 3: these TV screens are in front of me, and I 135 00:07:57,320 --> 00:07:59,120 Speaker 3: had a choice to make. Was I going to focus 136 00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:03,119 Speaker 3: on that which I don't believe would be completely naive either? 137 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:08,360 Speaker 3: And yet in my earbuds I was listening to Christian radio, 138 00:08:09,320 --> 00:08:13,440 Speaker 3: and I thought, that's my choice to make that choice 139 00:08:13,440 --> 00:08:15,880 Speaker 3: to do that, because that's what I want to focus on. 140 00:08:16,320 --> 00:08:19,000 Speaker 3: If I chose to focus on all the negativity more 141 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,040 Speaker 3: so going to come into my heart, into my mind, 142 00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 3: into my soul. And yet I don't want to live 143 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:26,520 Speaker 3: that way, right, So for me, it's a choice. 144 00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,120 Speaker 2: And you know, I had to come Darla to that 145 00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 2: same place, and I'm sure many of the women listening 146 00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,040 Speaker 2: to this podcast same thing. We don't want to be 147 00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:38,960 Speaker 2: naive about what's happening in the world, right because the 148 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: BI believe in tells us to pray for our leaders 149 00:08:41,440 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 2: and to pray for peace, right. And so what I 150 00:08:44,600 --> 00:08:47,199 Speaker 2: have to do. My choice that I made is, Okay, 151 00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:49,800 Speaker 2: I need to know what goes on in this world. 152 00:08:50,440 --> 00:08:53,679 Speaker 2: But in about fifteen minutes I can get the lion's 153 00:08:53,679 --> 00:08:56,679 Speaker 2: share of the news, because after fifteen minutes, they're just 154 00:08:56,720 --> 00:09:00,679 Speaker 2: repeating what they've already said. And I definitely fine. If 155 00:09:00,720 --> 00:09:05,000 Speaker 2: I do more than fifteen minutes, my outlook gets darker. 156 00:09:05,160 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 2: I see more stressed. So that was a choice that 157 00:09:08,640 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 2: I made that, you know, I'm going to give that 158 00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:15,080 Speaker 2: fifteen minutes of my time, not more, and I'm just 159 00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:18,240 Speaker 2: going to read the Bible, listen to Christian music, play 160 00:09:18,240 --> 00:09:21,240 Speaker 2: a game, but do something that's more positive so that 161 00:09:21,360 --> 00:09:25,480 Speaker 2: I don't get in that downward spiral of oh my gosh, 162 00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,200 Speaker 2: everything is so bad in this world. 163 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:30,840 Speaker 3: Yes, you know, as you're sharing that too, I'm thinking 164 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:32,760 Speaker 3: as well, Like in the middle of a work day, 165 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:36,079 Speaker 3: Let's say you're at work as we are, and you're 166 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,920 Speaker 3: feeling stress and you're thinking about those negative things that 167 00:09:38,960 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 3: go on in the world. I've had to do this. 168 00:09:41,040 --> 00:09:42,280 Speaker 3: I had to say, you know what, I'm going to 169 00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 3: take a little break now, and I get up and 170 00:09:44,400 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 3: I take a walk around the block, or I just 171 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:49,840 Speaker 3: take a moment to just sit in silence and to 172 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,520 Speaker 3: read a good scripture, read a book, or just something 173 00:09:53,520 --> 00:09:57,240 Speaker 3: that encourages my heart instead of always focusing on what's 174 00:09:57,240 --> 00:09:59,920 Speaker 3: going wrong. Because there's always something going right. 175 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,880 Speaker 2: And I love that you said that there's always something 176 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:07,400 Speaker 2: going on right and whatever we look for is what 177 00:10:07,440 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 2: we're going to find. So if we're looking at what's 178 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,800 Speaker 2: going on, we're looking for hope. And that's a practical 179 00:10:13,880 --> 00:10:16,400 Speaker 2: thing that we can all do. Like, we can't get 180 00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:18,400 Speaker 2: rid of all the stress in our lives in all 181 00:10:18,559 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 2: likelihood that's not going to happen. But when we feel 182 00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:27,679 Speaker 2: that overwhelmed, come we can. Even if we're working a 183 00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:31,480 Speaker 2: mainstream job. I have a friend who she puts a 184 00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:35,640 Speaker 2: scripture on her phone, like on her lock screen right right. 185 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,480 Speaker 2: No one in her office knows when she picks up 186 00:10:38,520 --> 00:10:40,520 Speaker 2: that phone and she's looking at that. That is her 187 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,760 Speaker 2: verse of encouragement for those stressful moments at work. So 188 00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,959 Speaker 2: she found a way in the secular, in the mainstream 189 00:10:48,000 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 2: world to renew her mind to say, Hey, I see 190 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:54,360 Speaker 2: all the stress going on around me, but I am 191 00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,280 Speaker 2: not going to let it inside of me. I'm not 192 00:10:56,400 --> 00:10:59,200 Speaker 2: opening my heart to that, you know, because I'm always 193 00:10:59,240 --> 00:11:01,959 Speaker 2: looking for tips and tools for all of us women 194 00:11:02,000 --> 00:11:04,080 Speaker 2: and all the different roles and the many roles and 195 00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 2: the many hats that we wear, Like what can we 196 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:08,760 Speaker 2: do practically in this world to help with that. And 197 00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 2: I love what you said taking a walk, especially taking 198 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,319 Speaker 2: a walk. 199 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 3: A beautiful day. 200 00:11:14,880 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 2: I mean, then it's exercise, it's fresh air, we're moving. 201 00:11:20,840 --> 00:11:24,640 Speaker 2: I think that that is a very positive thing if 202 00:11:24,679 --> 00:11:27,960 Speaker 2: we can do it, even if it's just for five minutes, 203 00:11:28,480 --> 00:11:31,679 Speaker 2: changing the flows today, the rhythm. 204 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,800 Speaker 3: You know. What I've really noticed has been good for 205 00:11:33,880 --> 00:11:38,040 Speaker 3: my heart lately is to I'm literally looking outside my 206 00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,120 Speaker 3: window right now at a bunch of salt leaves, and 207 00:11:40,240 --> 00:11:43,520 Speaker 3: I seek that I've had to also make a conscious 208 00:11:43,520 --> 00:11:47,120 Speaker 3: effort in this season as well to what I'm out 209 00:11:47,160 --> 00:11:51,640 Speaker 3: and about to really like consciously look at the beauty 210 00:11:51,679 --> 00:11:55,120 Speaker 3: around me, like because we can easily just get going 211 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,360 Speaker 3: through life and we don't really pay attention that the 212 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,160 Speaker 3: leaves are falling, that they're churning, goal that they're you know, 213 00:12:01,200 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 3: all the things that and when we're talking about what 214 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:06,199 Speaker 3: we focus on, it makes me think of when I 215 00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:09,840 Speaker 3: meet with my clients, because I always started coaching client 216 00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:14,880 Speaker 3: sessions with what is going well, And the reason for 217 00:12:14,920 --> 00:12:18,160 Speaker 3: that is from one session to the next, a client 218 00:12:18,280 --> 00:12:21,400 Speaker 3: is knowing that I'm an asset, and so they're beginning 219 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,959 Speaker 3: to reframe their mind to flip the switch, like I 220 00:12:25,160 --> 00:12:28,480 Speaker 3: like to say, and to really start seeing. Okay, Darla's 221 00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:31,040 Speaker 3: gonna ask me that. So I'm going to start looking 222 00:12:31,080 --> 00:12:32,880 Speaker 3: for the things that are going well in my life. 223 00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:37,000 Speaker 3: And sometimes it's cholenging. Sometimes it's hard to find the good, 224 00:12:37,760 --> 00:12:39,480 Speaker 3: and yet it's there. It could be that your hasn't 225 00:12:39,480 --> 00:12:40,680 Speaker 3: picked up his socks this morning. 226 00:12:40,720 --> 00:12:43,360 Speaker 2: You know, you know, it could be anything, and it 227 00:12:43,400 --> 00:12:45,720 Speaker 2: could and if we're looking for it again, that's what 228 00:12:45,760 --> 00:12:48,719 Speaker 2: we're going to find. That is a great coaching strategy. 229 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:52,720 Speaker 2: By starting your coaching session with that, it does help 230 00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,839 Speaker 2: the woman. Know, Okay, Darla's going to ask me this. 231 00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:59,120 Speaker 2: So I need to look for what's good. And you know, 232 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:03,160 Speaker 2: I can give a personal example. So in the last 233 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:06,600 Speaker 2: I would say six to seven weeks, my husband had 234 00:13:07,120 --> 00:13:11,520 Speaker 2: a total knee replacement. So right, there's healing, there's recovery. 235 00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 2: He had a couple of complications. He's on the road 236 00:13:15,520 --> 00:13:18,679 Speaker 2: now to mending really well and doing great in physical therapy. 237 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,480 Speaker 2: But before he got done with that journey, Darla, I 238 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,200 Speaker 2: broke my left foot. 239 00:13:24,800 --> 00:13:27,040 Speaker 3: Oh no, I know, and. 240 00:13:27,760 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 2: We had we were hosting a bunch of people over 241 00:13:30,800 --> 00:13:34,040 Speaker 2: at the house. But I did what you were talking 242 00:13:34,040 --> 00:13:38,240 Speaker 2: about without knowing it. Looking for the good God, thank 243 00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 2: you that so many people are coming to our house, 244 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:44,120 Speaker 2: and it may not be exactly like I planned because 245 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,800 Speaker 2: I'm in a boot and I'm walking a little bit 246 00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:49,480 Speaker 2: with a limp, but God, We're going to just have 247 00:13:49,559 --> 00:13:52,280 Speaker 2: a good time. I'm not going to focus on everything 248 00:13:52,360 --> 00:13:56,120 Speaker 2: being perfect or being quick because I'm slower than usual 249 00:13:56,320 --> 00:14:00,920 Speaker 2: right now. But you know, no one like everyone had 250 00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:01,440 Speaker 2: a great time. 251 00:14:01,720 --> 00:14:04,200 Speaker 3: No one, probably they did. 252 00:14:04,480 --> 00:14:08,320 Speaker 2: They did without me even asking. Someone got up and 253 00:14:08,360 --> 00:14:11,679 Speaker 2: started loading the dishwasher. And typically that's when I have guests, 254 00:14:11,720 --> 00:14:14,800 Speaker 2: I say no, no, no, But I thought, I'm exhausted 255 00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:17,320 Speaker 2: and I just need to sit down. So I gave 256 00:14:17,440 --> 00:14:20,720 Speaker 2: myself that breather, and I could tell that the person 257 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:24,200 Speaker 2: really wanted to help. And so when everybody left, I 258 00:14:24,240 --> 00:14:26,280 Speaker 2: just sat down with my husband. I said, did you see, 259 00:14:26,320 --> 00:14:30,680 Speaker 2: we're a great time everybody. We were just rejoicing at 260 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,280 Speaker 2: how things went so right when it could have been 261 00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:37,359 Speaker 2: so different, because we're both recovery. 262 00:14:38,200 --> 00:14:40,440 Speaker 3: You know what's beautiful about that, to Monica is that 263 00:14:40,960 --> 00:14:44,480 Speaker 3: when we respond a life that way, you could have 264 00:14:44,560 --> 00:14:48,400 Speaker 3: responded very differently to that experience, right, and cancel the 265 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:51,560 Speaker 3: whole thing, and yet there was a time and place 266 00:14:51,920 --> 00:14:56,640 Speaker 3: depending on your health situation. But in that situation, because 267 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:59,480 Speaker 3: you responded the way that you did, you now are 268 00:14:59,480 --> 00:15:01,960 Speaker 3: an example to other people on how to respond in 269 00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:05,280 Speaker 3: life situations, because that's another choice that we make every 270 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 3: single day is how do we respond to life experiences? 271 00:15:08,840 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 3: Do we respond or do we react exactly? 272 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,200 Speaker 2: And that it's being proactive. It's like deciding an advance. Hey, 273 00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,520 Speaker 2: it's a tough season in my life, but I'm going 274 00:15:19,560 --> 00:15:22,640 Speaker 2: to look for the good. And you're so right. There's 275 00:15:22,680 --> 00:15:25,080 Speaker 2: a time, depending on your health that maybe you do 276 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,840 Speaker 2: need to cancel everything, and that is totally fine for me. 277 00:15:29,040 --> 00:15:31,800 Speaker 2: I asked the doctor, I said, do you think it'll 278 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,880 Speaker 2: be okay? But if you wear your boot, you are 279 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,600 Speaker 2: safe and protected. You can absolutely do that. So once 280 00:15:39,640 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 2: I knew that the doctor felt like that was okay 281 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,280 Speaker 2: for me, I was like, I don't want to cancel 282 00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 2: this wonderful time. 283 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,080 Speaker 3: If this is doable, we can do it, And people did. 284 00:15:49,120 --> 00:15:51,080 Speaker 2: They did step up to help, and I was just 285 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,680 Speaker 2: so happy, like there was no stress. And I know 286 00:15:55,960 --> 00:15:58,400 Speaker 2: for a lot of us, myself included for much of 287 00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 2: my life, I've had so much dress and anxiety, it's 288 00:16:02,240 --> 00:16:05,200 Speaker 2: been hard for me to transition from that to a 289 00:16:05,240 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 2: life of peace and calm. And that is something in 290 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,640 Speaker 2: your book I'm flying really that you address how do 291 00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 2: we do that? How do we move from that stress 292 00:16:14,240 --> 00:16:16,480 Speaker 2: and anxiety to calm and peace. 293 00:16:17,560 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 3: One of the great ways is to remember that the 294 00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:24,280 Speaker 3: stress of the anxiety didn't happen overnight, and so it's 295 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:27,800 Speaker 3: important to remember that it doesn't go away overnight as well, 296 00:16:28,360 --> 00:16:30,400 Speaker 3: And so it's learning these I talk in my book 297 00:16:30,440 --> 00:16:34,720 Speaker 3: too about habits and healthy habits, because there can be 298 00:16:34,720 --> 00:16:37,760 Speaker 3: some non healthy habits, right, but I refer to them 299 00:16:37,760 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 3: as healthy habits because when we begin small healthy habits 300 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 3: that help us to go from depending on ourselves depending 301 00:16:46,800 --> 00:16:49,760 Speaker 3: on God. And then it can be as simple as 302 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,320 Speaker 3: I'm going to start to just really learn how to breathe, 303 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,440 Speaker 3: and so knew who knew that we had to learn 304 00:16:56,480 --> 00:16:59,280 Speaker 3: how to breathe? Right, And so it's learning to take 305 00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:04,720 Speaker 3: that conscious wrath, allowing yourselves to breathe, which then leads 306 00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:07,919 Speaker 3: to more habits. It's one thing that leads to another. 307 00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:11,120 Speaker 3: We talked earlier about exercise. It could be what we eat, 308 00:17:11,200 --> 00:17:13,800 Speaker 3: what we drink, what we think about how we begin 309 00:17:13,840 --> 00:17:16,960 Speaker 3: our day. Those are all habits that help us move 310 00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:21,239 Speaker 3: from stress and anxiety over to peace and calm. But 311 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:24,840 Speaker 3: for the listeners today, I don't want anybody to be 312 00:17:24,880 --> 00:17:26,800 Speaker 3: discouraged and they go, oh my gosh, that's huge. I 313 00:17:26,800 --> 00:17:29,399 Speaker 3: don't know how I can do all that. Instead, just 314 00:17:29,440 --> 00:17:32,679 Speaker 3: focus on one thing today. If all you can do 315 00:17:32,840 --> 00:17:35,600 Speaker 3: is just learn how to breed deeper, maybe you're going 316 00:17:35,640 --> 00:17:38,520 Speaker 3: to breathe in everything you're grateful for and let go 317 00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:41,400 Speaker 3: of all the things you need or release, then start. 318 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:47,120 Speaker 2: There exactly, because one thing at a time adds up 319 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:50,400 Speaker 2: over time. And I just love that you said, Hey, 320 00:17:50,400 --> 00:17:53,400 Speaker 2: we didn't get in this shape overnight. So I mean 321 00:17:53,440 --> 00:17:55,720 Speaker 2: we all wish, right we could say one prayer in 322 00:17:55,800 --> 00:18:01,040 Speaker 2: a man, but most of the time God walks us 323 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 2: through a process so that we can learn and so 324 00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,160 Speaker 2: that we can grow, and so that we can mature. 325 00:18:06,520 --> 00:18:08,880 Speaker 2: We've got to take a break, you guys, stay with us, 326 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:11,359 Speaker 2: with Darla and me. We'll be back in just a moment, 327 00:18:11,480 --> 00:18:15,080 Speaker 2: right after a word from our sponsors. Okay, Darla, I'm 328 00:18:15,119 --> 00:18:18,320 Speaker 2: so glad that you're here today. I know I told 329 00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,679 Speaker 2: you this is the hope for the journey podcast, and 330 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:25,199 Speaker 2: it's a podcast especially designed for women over forty, and 331 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,720 Speaker 2: I think for all of us who are over forty, 332 00:18:27,880 --> 00:18:30,080 Speaker 2: you know, we've lived a few seasons of life. We 333 00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,240 Speaker 2: sure know the answers that we're expected to give to people. 334 00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:37,920 Speaker 2: How are you, Monica, Well, I'm fine, Really, I'm fine. 335 00:18:38,040 --> 00:18:41,480 Speaker 2: We learn these things, we learn these habits, they become 336 00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:45,560 Speaker 2: a part of us, and we have to develop healthy 337 00:18:45,560 --> 00:18:48,280 Speaker 2: habits to get rid of them, because who wants to 338 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:52,959 Speaker 2: live in stress and worry all of the time? And 339 00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:55,440 Speaker 2: in your book, I'm fine. Really, you talk about one 340 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,320 Speaker 2: life giving shift that anyone can make today. 341 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:04,120 Speaker 3: Talk about that. Yeah, one of the shifts that I 342 00:19:04,200 --> 00:19:07,240 Speaker 3: really love. I don't know if this is necessarily the 343 00:19:07,280 --> 00:19:09,000 Speaker 3: one that you want to talk about today, but I 344 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:13,960 Speaker 3: love this one is moving from self reliance to God reliance. 345 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:18,000 Speaker 3: And as you were sharing, I was thinking about that verse. 346 00:19:18,080 --> 00:19:20,040 Speaker 3: It says, come unto me, all you that labor and 347 00:19:20,119 --> 00:19:23,679 Speaker 3: are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. It 348 00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:27,879 Speaker 3: says come and then, right. It doesn't just say that 349 00:19:28,040 --> 00:19:31,760 Speaker 3: it happens, it's come and then. And so it's so 350 00:19:31,800 --> 00:19:36,320 Speaker 3: important for myself to remember that that I want to 351 00:19:36,400 --> 00:19:39,800 Speaker 3: have self. In our nature, we were made this way. 352 00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:43,760 Speaker 3: We want to have self reliance. And yet the peace 353 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:46,800 Speaker 3: and the joy and the calm comes when we begin 354 00:19:46,920 --> 00:19:50,320 Speaker 3: to have god reliance. And when we begin our day 355 00:19:50,359 --> 00:19:54,000 Speaker 3: with that and go not just beginning, going throughout our day, 356 00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:56,879 Speaker 3: then we begin to know that peace in the colmt 357 00:19:56,960 --> 00:19:58,680 Speaker 3: comes from living that way. 358 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:04,040 Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, is that first shift comes from us. We 359 00:20:04,119 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 2: have to come, right, We have to come. We have 360 00:20:06,840 --> 00:20:09,280 Speaker 2: to come. And then I used to think, you know, 361 00:20:09,560 --> 00:20:12,679 Speaker 2: we sometimes the way we think about scriptures, like well, 362 00:20:12,720 --> 00:20:14,600 Speaker 2: I'm going to come, and then it's going to all 363 00:20:14,800 --> 00:20:17,840 Speaker 2: just managine disappear. And that's not it. You said. 364 00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:18,480 Speaker 3: It's so right. 365 00:20:18,880 --> 00:20:21,280 Speaker 2: It's like, we come, we bring this all to the Lord, 366 00:20:21,359 --> 00:20:24,560 Speaker 2: we ask for his help with it, for his wisdom 367 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:29,480 Speaker 2: on anything that's our responsibility, and then we trust that 368 00:20:29,560 --> 00:20:32,400 Speaker 2: he's doing what he said he's going to do right, 369 00:20:32,880 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 2: and we'll begin to experience more of that peace and 370 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:41,119 Speaker 2: rest rather than trying to make everything happen as we 371 00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:41,959 Speaker 2: think it should. 372 00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:46,399 Speaker 3: You know what's interesting, too, Monica, is that in my 373 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,080 Speaker 3: books somewhere I mentioned this as well in regards even 374 00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:55,439 Speaker 3: to that verse, is that years ago I remember specifically, 375 00:20:56,480 --> 00:20:58,439 Speaker 3: I was in a difficult time of life, and I 376 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:01,359 Speaker 3: remember that verse telling to me and it was common 377 00:21:01,400 --> 00:21:04,320 Speaker 3: to me, and I just remember like, just calm, Darla, 378 00:21:04,520 --> 00:21:07,960 Speaker 3: like just seriously, come and it was like God saying, really, 379 00:21:08,000 --> 00:21:09,640 Speaker 3: come on, when are you going to calm? I felt 380 00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:11,399 Speaker 3: like I was seeing talked to like that, you know, 381 00:21:11,480 --> 00:21:14,560 Speaker 3: and yet it was such love and care. And yet 382 00:21:14,680 --> 00:21:18,920 Speaker 3: now looking back all these years later, I remember the verse. 383 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,000 Speaker 3: I remember that it was difficult, and I have no 384 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:25,359 Speaker 3: idea what was happening, because to me, that was like 385 00:21:26,240 --> 00:21:29,520 Speaker 3: washing it away, and I did. 386 00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,840 Speaker 2: There's a blessing in that, yeah, And that's a blessing 387 00:21:32,880 --> 00:21:37,160 Speaker 2: that we can skip move over like hustle past because 388 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,320 Speaker 2: we don't recognize the value in that. I remember, Darla, 389 00:21:40,359 --> 00:21:43,640 Speaker 2: and again, like you, I don't remember what was happening 390 00:21:43,640 --> 00:21:49,119 Speaker 2: in my life as this happened, but I remember casting 391 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:52,360 Speaker 2: all your cares on God because he cares for us. 392 00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,600 Speaker 2: For whatever reason, I was feeling at the end of whatever, 393 00:21:55,800 --> 00:21:58,520 Speaker 2: you know, my woods end, and I was sitting on 394 00:21:58,520 --> 00:22:01,480 Speaker 2: my bed in my bed room, and I just started 395 00:22:01,520 --> 00:22:04,840 Speaker 2: to talk to God and say, You've asked me to 396 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,119 Speaker 2: give you these cares and I was doing that and 397 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 2: I started to cry tears. Don't remember what was going on, 398 00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:15,439 Speaker 2: but I felt the power of the Holy Spirit. I 399 00:22:15,560 --> 00:22:19,840 Speaker 2: felt his presence with me, and that brought home and peace. 400 00:22:20,440 --> 00:22:23,119 Speaker 2: It wasn't like she said to me, well, Monica, this 401 00:22:23,320 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 2: trial's only going to last for six more weeks, or 402 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:29,280 Speaker 2: I'm going to do something wonderful. I felt his presence, 403 00:22:29,400 --> 00:22:34,239 Speaker 2: and his presence changed my entire perspective. It's like the 404 00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 2: God of the universe came to meet with me because 405 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:42,439 Speaker 2: I took just enough time to cast those cares, and 406 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,680 Speaker 2: we can skip over that, but we've got to come. 407 00:22:45,600 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 3: We've got to come. We've got to come. You know. 408 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:50,000 Speaker 3: It's making me think too of a study I've done 409 00:22:50,040 --> 00:22:53,680 Speaker 3: recently on prayer and going over the Laurd's prayer, and 410 00:22:53,760 --> 00:22:57,920 Speaker 3: I haven't really liked taken the whole prayer apart. And 411 00:22:58,440 --> 00:23:00,600 Speaker 3: yet we've been taking a part of this study, and 412 00:23:01,520 --> 00:23:03,320 Speaker 3: I love the order of it. It kind of goes 413 00:23:03,359 --> 00:23:06,119 Speaker 3: to become the verse I'm coming to me because in 414 00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:10,960 Speaker 3: that in that prayer, it literally speaks of hall would 415 00:23:11,000 --> 00:23:15,680 Speaker 3: be thy name, coming to the Lord, giving him the glory, 416 00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:19,160 Speaker 3: and then being a light to the world. And then 417 00:23:19,280 --> 00:23:22,880 Speaker 3: after that then we bring our own cares and help 418 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,080 Speaker 3: us to get through our own experiences, and when we 419 00:23:26,200 --> 00:23:29,359 Speaker 3: have that order, there's so much of it. That's an 420 00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,879 Speaker 3: order that I really have begun to see the importance 421 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:33,159 Speaker 3: of that. 422 00:23:33,800 --> 00:23:37,359 Speaker 2: Yeah, Like everything in that order speaks to our life 423 00:23:37,840 --> 00:23:41,760 Speaker 2: and the things that we truly need and the perspective. 424 00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:42,040 Speaker 3: That we need to have. 425 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 2: It is such a good prayer, and I love that prayer, 426 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,040 Speaker 2: and it's also part of it is a release of 427 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:52,480 Speaker 2: our expectations to ask for His will to be done 428 00:23:53,080 --> 00:23:55,240 Speaker 2: on earth as it is in heaven. And I think 429 00:23:55,760 --> 00:23:58,600 Speaker 2: one thing that can cause me a lot of stress 430 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,320 Speaker 2: and cares, you know, is when I want to hang 431 00:24:01,480 --> 00:24:06,199 Speaker 2: on to how I think this situation should go and 432 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:09,919 Speaker 2: I'm trying to work to make that happen. That is 433 00:24:10,040 --> 00:24:14,240 Speaker 2: extremely extremely stressful, and it never works out the way 434 00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:16,640 Speaker 2: that I think anyway, So I don't know why. 435 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 3: I know it. Yeah, that's what that control. Right. We 436 00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,800 Speaker 3: think as women, not just women, all of us, all 437 00:24:22,840 --> 00:24:27,240 Speaker 3: of God's creation, we all think that there's this importance 438 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:31,120 Speaker 3: of control. And yet the real peace, the real joy, 439 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,399 Speaker 3: comes when we let go of the control. And I 440 00:24:34,680 --> 00:24:36,679 Speaker 3: often refer to that in my book as well, that 441 00:24:36,720 --> 00:24:40,600 Speaker 3: trusted control cannot go exist, and that's a hard thing 442 00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:44,639 Speaker 3: to learn, and I get this vision. I don't know 443 00:24:44,680 --> 00:24:47,600 Speaker 3: if you've ever experienced this, this vision of like almost 444 00:24:47,640 --> 00:24:51,159 Speaker 3: with your hands clinched tight and you're just trying to 445 00:24:51,200 --> 00:24:55,120 Speaker 3: hold on to everything, and yet when you just release, 446 00:24:55,480 --> 00:24:58,280 Speaker 3: there's so much I mean, just the energy even in 447 00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 3: that of releasing. And I've been working on that myself too, 448 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:05,439 Speaker 3: because I have a tendency, Mike come a nature you know, 449 00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:08,080 Speaker 3: wants everything right. I wants to look perfect all of 450 00:25:08,119 --> 00:25:10,840 Speaker 3: these and I can do this, you know. And it's 451 00:25:10,920 --> 00:25:15,480 Speaker 3: just like this releasing of my hands, releasing of control 452 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,439 Speaker 3: to God. It is amazing what happens when we do that. 453 00:25:18,960 --> 00:25:21,119 Speaker 2: Yeah, I love that. I just wrote an article and 454 00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 2: I gave that as an example. 455 00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:23,520 Speaker 3: We hold on. 456 00:25:24,119 --> 00:25:26,800 Speaker 2: But if we open up our hands, right, if we 457 00:25:27,000 --> 00:25:31,080 Speaker 2: open up and just invite God into that, we're so 458 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:34,960 Speaker 2: much farther ahead in terms of peace and just feeling 459 00:25:35,040 --> 00:25:38,480 Speaker 2: his love and his presence and being able to live 460 00:25:38,760 --> 00:25:41,879 Speaker 2: the way that He wants us to, which is at peace. 461 00:25:42,320 --> 00:25:44,080 Speaker 2: I want to go back, for just a moment to 462 00:25:44,160 --> 00:25:48,840 Speaker 2: the title of your book. I'm sign really now. Some 463 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:52,679 Speaker 2: people would say, but that's the appropriate answer. In a 464 00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:55,720 Speaker 2: lot of cases, we can't go into everything with everybody. 465 00:25:55,760 --> 00:25:57,960 Speaker 2: But what is a good place for a woman to start? 466 00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:00,720 Speaker 2: She feels like, oh, I've been we're this mask, but 467 00:26:00,760 --> 00:26:04,280 Speaker 2: I can't tell everybody everything, right, what did we do? 468 00:26:05,800 --> 00:26:09,200 Speaker 3: It's good to find one person. Well, first of all, 469 00:26:09,359 --> 00:26:13,280 Speaker 3: go to God number one, men an number one number one, 470 00:26:13,840 --> 00:26:16,200 Speaker 3: because so often we want to go to the best friend, 471 00:26:16,280 --> 00:26:17,919 Speaker 3: we want to go to our husband, we want to 472 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:22,000 Speaker 3: go to whomever, right and so, and there's a place 473 00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,200 Speaker 3: for that. There's a place to have that really good 474 00:26:24,240 --> 00:26:27,439 Speaker 3: friend that you can one hundred percent trust and you 475 00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:29,760 Speaker 3: can dish out all this stuff and she's still going 476 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:32,680 Speaker 3: to love you, right. And I'm sure the listeners they've 477 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,240 Speaker 3: got their friends like that. And so it's okay to 478 00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,679 Speaker 3: have that one trusted friend that you feel like you 479 00:26:37,800 --> 00:26:40,600 Speaker 3: because we all need it. I do do that one 480 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:42,680 Speaker 3: trusted friend. You can let your guard down a little 481 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:44,720 Speaker 3: bit and go, you know what I'm hurting today, I'm 482 00:26:44,720 --> 00:26:48,800 Speaker 3: not fine, and just know that it's okay. You don't 483 00:26:48,880 --> 00:26:53,359 Speaker 3: have to begin telling the whole world your stuff, but 484 00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:55,800 Speaker 3: first give it to God and then if you need 485 00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,600 Speaker 3: to go share it with a counselor a life coach, 486 00:26:59,200 --> 00:27:03,000 Speaker 3: a friend, someone so that they can know that they 487 00:27:03,040 --> 00:27:06,200 Speaker 3: can be there for you as well. 488 00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:06,280 Speaker 2: Because we need both. 489 00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,359 Speaker 3: We need God, yes people, Yes, we need. 490 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:13,000 Speaker 2: Those two am friends and those friends that just love 491 00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,000 Speaker 2: us wherever we are, and we reciprocate and give that back. 492 00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:20,080 Speaker 2: And then there are seasons that we're just like, hey, Darla, 493 00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:23,320 Speaker 2: I really I need to make some changes. And this 494 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,199 Speaker 2: is something that my friend can't necessarily help me. 495 00:27:27,240 --> 00:27:27,480 Speaker 3: Wish. 496 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:29,760 Speaker 2: She can listen, she can love, she can pray, but 497 00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:33,359 Speaker 2: I do need a coach where I do need a 498 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:36,119 Speaker 2: Christian counselor I need a little bit more help because 499 00:27:36,119 --> 00:27:39,440 Speaker 2: this is a really big thing and that there's nothing 500 00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,040 Speaker 2: wrong or shameful about that. In fact, that it's really 501 00:27:42,520 --> 00:27:46,160 Speaker 2: it's wisdom, it's strength, and it can help us get 502 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:49,679 Speaker 2: to that better path that God wants for us, that peace, 503 00:27:49,800 --> 00:27:50,480 Speaker 2: that calm. 504 00:27:51,720 --> 00:27:55,239 Speaker 3: Well, when people understand, when they're able to say I 505 00:27:55,240 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 3: need a life coach, I need a therapist, whatever works 506 00:27:58,560 --> 00:28:02,160 Speaker 3: for them, and they get to that point and realize. 507 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:04,680 Speaker 3: What I love to tell my clients too, is that 508 00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:08,920 Speaker 3: they have the answers. The answers are in them, They 509 00:28:09,000 --> 00:28:12,240 Speaker 3: just need someone to help bring them out right. They 510 00:28:12,280 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 3: need me to ask the right questions and so a 511 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:20,280 Speaker 3: lot of times my sessions are obviously listening and asking 512 00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:24,240 Speaker 3: the right question, and sometimes my clients will say their 513 00:28:24,280 --> 00:28:27,760 Speaker 3: answer will be well, I don't know, and then I'll say, 514 00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:32,320 Speaker 3: but if you did know, what would you say? And 515 00:28:32,320 --> 00:28:35,240 Speaker 3: they're like kind of like what. But what they don't 516 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:38,320 Speaker 3: realize is that they do know, and so they're also 517 00:28:39,120 --> 00:28:42,760 Speaker 3: a quar response is well, I don't know. No, you 518 00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:46,360 Speaker 3: do know, you do know how you're really feeling, you 519 00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:50,440 Speaker 3: do know that you're not fine? Yeah, because then it 520 00:28:50,840 --> 00:28:51,720 Speaker 3: starts coming out. 521 00:28:52,440 --> 00:28:55,320 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's giving ourselves permission. 522 00:28:55,600 --> 00:28:58,520 Speaker 3: I think, yes, set, yes, because we can do that. 523 00:28:58,600 --> 00:28:59,080 Speaker 3: I don't know. 524 00:28:59,160 --> 00:29:01,960 Speaker 2: There's so much going on, and that might be true, 525 00:29:02,080 --> 00:29:05,200 Speaker 2: but there are feelings, there are things stuff right way 526 00:29:05,240 --> 00:29:08,880 Speaker 2: way down inside for us, and all you're saying is like, 527 00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,480 Speaker 2: let's give some breath, let's give some space to that 528 00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,480 Speaker 2: right so that we can get through it. I want 529 00:29:14,520 --> 00:29:17,880 Speaker 2: to thank you so much, Darla for joining me here today, 530 00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:19,640 Speaker 2: I hope for the journey. Is so good to talk 531 00:29:19,680 --> 00:29:20,000 Speaker 2: with you. 532 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 3: Thank you, it's been wonderful. I look forward to knowing 533 00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 3: more about your show and listening to more of your episodes. 534 00:29:25,840 --> 00:29:28,480 Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Thank you so much, And guys, 535 00:29:28,560 --> 00:29:30,640 Speaker 2: I'm so glad that you hung out with Darla and 536 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:33,160 Speaker 2: I today. If you look in the show notes, you 537 00:29:33,240 --> 00:29:36,880 Speaker 2: will have information on Darla's book I'm Fine, really, and 538 00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,840 Speaker 2: her website, which I'll give quickly right now coach darlannelson 539 00:29:40,960 --> 00:29:43,960 Speaker 2: dot com. I thank you so much for joining me 540 00:29:44,120 --> 00:29:46,640 Speaker 2: on Hope for the Journey. And you know it's a 541 00:29:46,720 --> 00:29:49,920 Speaker 2: podcast for women over forty. This is your safe and 542 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 2: sacred place where we can talk and share about the 543 00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:56,240 Speaker 2: things that matter most to us and share with one 544 00:29:56,240 --> 00:29:59,240 Speaker 2: another Hope for the Journey. I'll see you next time.