1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:04,640 --> 00:00:07,200 Speaker 2: It's certainly a point. The question is is it working 3 00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:08,720 Speaker 2: for you? The question is is. 4 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:09,440 Speaker 1: It serving you? 5 00:00:10,119 --> 00:00:12,920 Speaker 2: Is it something that is taking you in the direction 6 00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:15,159 Speaker 2: you want to go or away from the direction you 7 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,600 Speaker 2: want to go? And what does God say about it 8 00:00:16,680 --> 00:00:19,600 Speaker 2: if you're following him? That's really good question. 9 00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 10 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:26,880 Speaker 3: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 11 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:29,880 Speaker 3: Jesus or is longing to reconnect with him, and who 12 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:33,040 Speaker 3: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 13 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,120 Speaker 3: Here we talk honestly, with grace and truth about how 14 00:00:36,120 --> 00:00:40,000 Speaker 3: stepping away from alcohol opens the door to the love, joy, 15 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:44,040 Speaker 3: peace and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those 16 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,920 Speaker 3: things were never meant to be found in a bottle 17 00:00:45,960 --> 00:00:50,440 Speaker 3: of wine. They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, 18 00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:53,519 Speaker 3: I'll help you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, 19 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,680 Speaker 3: and what you're really craving so that freedom feels not 20 00:00:56,720 --> 00:01:00,840 Speaker 3: only possible, but sustainable. You don't have to do that alone, Babe, 21 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:07,760 Speaker 3: Let's dive in today. I'm joined by Jen Couch, founder 22 00:01:07,800 --> 00:01:10,120 Speaker 3: of sober Cis and one of the original voices in 23 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,480 Speaker 3: the Sober Curious space. Jen lives in Fort Worth, Texas 24 00:01:13,480 --> 00:01:15,520 Speaker 3: with her husband of almost thirty years, and is a 25 00:01:15,560 --> 00:01:18,199 Speaker 3: mom of two grown kids, and her calling is helping 26 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:23,000 Speaker 3: women renegotiate their relationship with alcohol without label's judgment or shame. 27 00:01:23,360 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 3: Through sober Cis, Jen has helped thousands of women step 28 00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:30,319 Speaker 3: off autopilot and out of the wine o'clock cycle, inviting 29 00:01:30,319 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 3: them into what she calls sober minded living, a way 30 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 3: of life rooted in presence, clarity, holistic health, and faith. 31 00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:39,200 Speaker 3: In this episode, we talk about the subtle way alcohol 32 00:01:39,319 --> 00:01:42,440 Speaker 3: sneaks in through the back door, how performance pressure keeps 33 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,959 Speaker 3: so many women stuck, and why freedom begins when we 34 00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:48,160 Speaker 3: stop numbing and start getting honest with God. If you've 35 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:50,480 Speaker 3: ever thought I can stop for a little bit, but 36 00:01:50,520 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 3: I can't seem to stay stopped or wine o'clock is 37 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:58,400 Speaker 3: the thing getting me through, babe, this episode is for you. 38 00:01:58,760 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: Let's dive in. 39 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:04,400 Speaker 3: Hello, my friend Jen, how are you? For those of 40 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:08,600 Speaker 3: you that don't know this, lovely lady, Jen is the 41 00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:11,800 Speaker 3: founder of sober Sis, so you are just one of 42 00:02:11,800 --> 00:02:15,560 Speaker 3: the first movers in this space. I've been following you 43 00:02:15,639 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 3: forever I'm so glad to be just on your team, 44 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,360 Speaker 3: like in our writers group and just being able to 45 00:02:23,440 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 3: talk about this together, about helping women find freedom from alcohol. 46 00:02:28,080 --> 00:02:33,160 Speaker 2: Amen to that, sister, And seriously, what a journey it's 47 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:36,680 Speaker 2: been over these last well coming up upon for me 48 00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:41,360 Speaker 2: nine years of living alcohol free and starting sober Sis 49 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:46,800 Speaker 2: shortly thereafter. In my first year of living alcohol free, 50 00:02:46,840 --> 00:02:50,960 Speaker 2: I was just bursting with so much excitement about my 51 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:56,440 Speaker 2: own freedom because I never really understood why I was 52 00:02:56,480 --> 00:03:00,679 Speaker 2: so trapped, what it was that was keeping me so 53 00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:05,840 Speaker 2: so stuck. And when I found that freedom through God's 54 00:03:06,160 --> 00:03:09,600 Speaker 2: God's help alone for sure, but partnering with him and 55 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:13,120 Speaker 2: all the tools that were becoming available to me at 56 00:03:13,120 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 2: that time, I just about burst out of my skin 57 00:03:16,440 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 2: and decided, Hey, wait a minute, if more women just 58 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 2: like me and you knew about, you know, the science, 59 00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:27,720 Speaker 2: combined with the faith and knowing that they weren't alone, goodness, 60 00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: I just want to It's like when a captive has 61 00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:33,679 Speaker 2: been set free, you want to tell everybody else how 62 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,240 Speaker 2: you found that freedom. And that's what I've been doing 63 00:03:36,360 --> 00:03:40,080 Speaker 2: this whole time, all while going and growing myself, because 64 00:03:40,360 --> 00:03:44,200 Speaker 2: when I started my journey, I was literally just steps 65 00:03:44,240 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 2: ahead of the women who were kind of joining with 66 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,680 Speaker 2: me and we were just doing it together. And now 67 00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:53,760 Speaker 2: to have women six seven years alcohol free through what 68 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,280 Speaker 2: we've done together in sober sis is pretty incredible. 69 00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:59,360 Speaker 3: That's amazing. So sober Siss has been going for what 70 00:03:59,480 --> 00:03:59,880 Speaker 3: eight years? 71 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:00,960 Speaker 1: Yours? 72 00:04:01,520 --> 00:04:07,080 Speaker 3: Yes, amazing. You're such an inspiration to me who's for 73 00:04:07,360 --> 00:04:08,720 Speaker 3: something year. 74 00:04:09,360 --> 00:04:14,839 Speaker 2: Reality, it's been challenging on every on every level, it's 75 00:04:14,880 --> 00:04:15,760 Speaker 2: so worth. 76 00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:18,919 Speaker 3: It, so so worth it. And when you feel the 77 00:04:19,000 --> 00:04:22,119 Speaker 3: call right like, we're not in it for the money, 78 00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 3: we're not in it for the fame. 79 00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 2: We're just literally God told us, guy Dan, that's what 80 00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,919 Speaker 2: the was, because those things are not really happening. However, 81 00:04:32,160 --> 00:04:34,839 Speaker 2: the life change and the transformation that you and I 82 00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:38,080 Speaker 2: get to see just coming alongside women while they're on 83 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:41,560 Speaker 2: there and to show maybe sober curious journey, we're understanding 84 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 2: what's sober minded living really is. It's so rewarding, it's 85 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:51,719 Speaker 2: its value is so high, it's priceless. And I'll keep 86 00:04:51,760 --> 00:04:54,480 Speaker 2: it going as long as as I can, which is 87 00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,840 Speaker 2: why we've made some moves and sober sists to do 88 00:04:56,880 --> 00:05:01,160 Speaker 2: that to keep the longevity truly going in growing apart 89 00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,840 Speaker 2: from just me and what I can do, but really 90 00:05:05,040 --> 00:05:09,799 Speaker 2: now taking this incredible network in this sisterhood and banning 91 00:05:09,839 --> 00:05:13,560 Speaker 2: it together to literally make a difference and bring more 92 00:05:13,560 --> 00:05:15,760 Speaker 2: women on the front lines to what we're doing. 93 00:05:16,040 --> 00:05:18,480 Speaker 3: Talk a little bit about for the gal who's listening 94 00:05:18,520 --> 00:05:20,200 Speaker 3: and is like, what is sober minded mean? 95 00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,320 Speaker 1: You know, it's such a. 96 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:26,400 Speaker 2: Big differentiator, I feel like in the circles that we 97 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 2: are talking in, in faith circles and just in general, 98 00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:34,800 Speaker 2: I feel like there's such a big difference between being 99 00:05:34,960 --> 00:05:41,560 Speaker 2: sober sobriety abstinence from a substance like alcohol, and then 100 00:05:42,120 --> 00:05:45,680 Speaker 2: sober minded living, which is more about what you are doing, 101 00:05:45,880 --> 00:05:49,360 Speaker 2: what you do want to pursue, more than what you're 102 00:05:49,400 --> 00:05:53,120 Speaker 2: not doing. So my definition, my kind of working definition 103 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:56,040 Speaker 2: that I've been saying for a while now to describe 104 00:05:56,080 --> 00:05:58,960 Speaker 2: what is sober minded living, I would describe it very 105 00:05:59,040 --> 00:06:02,479 Speaker 2: similar to what the Bible says in one Peter five eight, 106 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:03,719 Speaker 2: look Alive. 107 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: That's why I wrote my book. 108 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 2: I just happen to have it here, and that's why 109 00:06:09,839 --> 00:06:14,120 Speaker 2: this whole concept of like look alive, the awake, alert, 110 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:18,840 Speaker 2: aware and present in your own life. To me, that's 111 00:06:18,880 --> 00:06:22,640 Speaker 2: what sober minded living is all about and I think 112 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:26,640 Speaker 2: everyone is invited and called to that, And where alcohol 113 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:30,400 Speaker 2: fits into sober minded living is more of a unique 114 00:06:30,560 --> 00:06:35,599 Speaker 2: road in a decision for each person to make with 115 00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:38,080 Speaker 2: the Lord in what he would have them do to 116 00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,359 Speaker 2: be most alert, aware and present in their own lives. 117 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:44,000 Speaker 2: So for you and I, you know our space, we 118 00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:47,960 Speaker 2: talk about you know, the drinking, you know, the sipping, 119 00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:50,760 Speaker 2: I like to say, the essays, you know, the scrolling, 120 00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:56,600 Speaker 2: the snacking, the sipping. These are all distractions and ways 121 00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:59,400 Speaker 2: to numb out our sober mind. And so to me, 122 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:02,280 Speaker 2: alcohol was on that list, and it was a high 123 00:07:02,320 --> 00:07:05,919 Speaker 2: priority on my list when I was drinking as a 124 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:10,280 Speaker 2: way to check out a bit. So yeah, so reminded. Letty, 125 00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:12,320 Speaker 2: do you agree with that? What do you think about that? Yeah? 126 00:07:12,360 --> 00:07:13,920 Speaker 3: I love that. Well, it just reminds me of I 127 00:07:13,920 --> 00:07:16,640 Speaker 3: think it's in the next verse. It's because the enemy 128 00:07:16,680 --> 00:07:20,280 Speaker 3: is prowling around right like he is ready to pounce 129 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:23,280 Speaker 3: on us. And I actually just was thinking about Erica Anderson, 130 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:26,440 Speaker 3: who's in our author's group, and she said, you know, 131 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 3: when she drank, it basically gave the enemy the night 132 00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:32,240 Speaker 3: off because he didn't have to like hang out and 133 00:07:32,240 --> 00:07:33,120 Speaker 3: distract her and I was. 134 00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:37,720 Speaker 2: Like, whoa, Yes, that's true and just true. It's so true, 135 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,520 Speaker 2: because yeah, I think the enemy is so subtle, and 136 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:46,960 Speaker 2: so if he assaulted us forward straight on with something 137 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:52,640 Speaker 2: that we knew was like going to dismantle our sense 138 00:07:52,720 --> 00:07:57,440 Speaker 2: of self and identity and so much of our presence, 139 00:07:57,720 --> 00:08:02,600 Speaker 2: we would say no. And I feel like drinking, living 140 00:08:02,720 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: in a very alcohol centric world just sneaks in the 141 00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:12,440 Speaker 2: back door gets a free papp because it's so socially acceptable, glamorized. 142 00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 2: And for many Christians we've wanted to err on the 143 00:08:16,560 --> 00:08:20,080 Speaker 2: side of not being legalistic and not being bound by 144 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 2: so many rules. I think for many, myself included, I 145 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,320 Speaker 2: kind of went the other way. Well, then awesome, let's 146 00:08:27,360 --> 00:08:30,320 Speaker 2: go because we have freedom in christ and it is 147 00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:35,800 Speaker 2: ironically about freedom, and freedom isn't being enslaved or controlled 148 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:36,400 Speaker 2: by anything. 149 00:08:37,080 --> 00:08:39,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, you can bring up such a good point in 150 00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:43,080 Speaker 3: that I think this, like our alcohol journeys, exodus is 151 00:08:43,120 --> 00:08:46,160 Speaker 3: whatever you want to call them, give us the chance 152 00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:49,200 Speaker 3: to look really look at our thinking and what we believe, 153 00:08:49,800 --> 00:08:53,440 Speaker 3: and that starts usually with alcohol, right, But then what 154 00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:56,640 Speaker 3: it slowly turns into is who we think we are, 155 00:08:56,679 --> 00:08:59,320 Speaker 3: but who we think God is, and what are the 156 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:03,240 Speaker 3: story that we're telling about who he is without actually 157 00:09:03,840 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 3: looking at the truth of who he is. But that 158 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 3: is what like this, my sobriety story gave me the 159 00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:11,960 Speaker 3: opportunity to do, is look at who Jesus was. And 160 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:15,160 Speaker 3: then I realized all those things that my you know, 161 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 3: church I grew up in, not all of it, but 162 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:21,440 Speaker 3: a lot of it was like, not who Jesus actually is. 163 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:26,440 Speaker 2: Right right all in that everything he guides us to 164 00:09:26,559 --> 00:09:32,080 Speaker 2: do is ultimately for our good, his glory, and to 165 00:09:32,240 --> 00:09:34,600 Speaker 2: protect us and provide for us. 166 00:09:34,840 --> 00:09:36,160 Speaker 1: And it's like I knew that. 167 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 2: It's like as a as a young Christian mom in 168 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:44,480 Speaker 2: my thirties, when I really started getting into the habit 169 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:48,360 Speaker 2: of nine o'clock, I just thought, you know, I know 170 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:53,320 Speaker 2: these things that my belief was. It was like my 171 00:09:53,480 --> 00:09:58,360 Speaker 2: thinking was skewed because my beliefs were we're just we're 172 00:09:58,480 --> 00:10:02,520 Speaker 2: just a little bit take off track. And it again 173 00:10:02,679 --> 00:10:06,080 Speaker 2: was so subtle, and before I knew it, I was 174 00:10:06,120 --> 00:10:08,199 Speaker 2: in a loop. And by the time I was stuck 175 00:10:08,240 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 2: in the loop, I then attached it to something's wrong 176 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:15,760 Speaker 2: with me. Yeah, I'm so broken, And I just didn't 177 00:10:15,880 --> 00:10:19,760 Speaker 2: realize how my thinking was broken based on those beliefs, 178 00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:23,000 Speaker 2: and that my patterns were broken and that they hadn't 179 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:27,439 Speaker 2: always been there, but maybe the core belief system was 180 00:10:28,559 --> 00:10:30,640 Speaker 2: having an opportunity to be examined again. 181 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 3: I love that, And what a beautiful invitation that is, right, 182 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 3: And it ends up being at the start when we 183 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 3: realized we're broken and we need to look at all 184 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,959 Speaker 3: of our beliefs. It ends up just opening the door 185 00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,600 Speaker 3: obviously to sobriety and the gifts that come with that, 186 00:10:43,800 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 3: but then to doing that like inner work with Jesus 187 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,120 Speaker 3: and every other part of our life. 188 00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:52,400 Speaker 1: Oh, it spread quickly for me. 189 00:10:52,640 --> 00:10:55,679 Speaker 2: I mean say, in the first year, I was focused 190 00:10:55,760 --> 00:11:00,080 Speaker 2: on alcohol and just you know, not drinking, drinking What 191 00:11:00,080 --> 00:11:02,360 Speaker 2: what was I doing? All all the things I would 192 00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,199 Speaker 2: say that first year was that was my goal. It 193 00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:09,600 Speaker 2: was just what do I need to release? What do 194 00:11:09,640 --> 00:11:10,680 Speaker 2: I need to surrender? 195 00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:10,960 Speaker 3: You know? 196 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,200 Speaker 1: There I was on my back patio for years. 197 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:17,360 Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say four to five years age forty 198 00:11:17,440 --> 00:11:20,440 Speaker 2: to forty five for me were the years of just 199 00:11:21,200 --> 00:11:24,880 Speaker 2: that mental tug of war that yo yo, drinking on again, 200 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,800 Speaker 2: off again, taking breaks, being able to take breaks, feeling 201 00:11:28,880 --> 00:11:31,360 Speaker 2: confused by the fact that I could take breaks. So 202 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,839 Speaker 2: I wasn't in this physical addictive place. I mean there 203 00:11:35,840 --> 00:11:37,920 Speaker 2: was an element of that, but you know, give me 204 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,160 Speaker 2: a couple of weeks, and that physical part is is God. 205 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,679 Speaker 2: It was the mental emotional. And I would literally christy. 206 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:46,800 Speaker 2: I would sit on my back patio and I would 207 00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:50,480 Speaker 2: sit back there in the summer and I would literally 208 00:11:50,520 --> 00:11:53,480 Speaker 2: pray to God to take it away while I was 209 00:11:53,520 --> 00:11:58,400 Speaker 2: holding on so tightly, so tightly to that wineglass, to 210 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,679 Speaker 2: that mindstem. And it was when I released that and 211 00:12:01,800 --> 00:12:05,880 Speaker 2: really let him in and just the vulnerability of I 212 00:12:05,880 --> 00:12:07,920 Speaker 2: felt like I was letting go of like a security 213 00:12:07,960 --> 00:12:10,440 Speaker 2: blanket that I didn't always have my whole life, but 214 00:12:10,800 --> 00:12:14,240 Speaker 2: had become one. After that first year where I kind 215 00:12:14,280 --> 00:12:18,319 Speaker 2: of really wrestled in my relationship with alcohol, it got 216 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,840 Speaker 2: so much smaller that everything else, all the reasons why 217 00:12:23,559 --> 00:12:26,480 Speaker 2: I was drinking in the first place, started really coming 218 00:12:26,520 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 2: to the surface. And that's when real work began and 219 00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,600 Speaker 2: has continued on. 220 00:12:33,240 --> 00:12:35,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, because as you said, like when you were talking 221 00:12:35,120 --> 00:12:37,800 Speaker 3: with the essays, right then you realize, oh wait, I 222 00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:42,120 Speaker 3: am using scrolling as that numbing agent or that that 223 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:46,120 Speaker 3: thing to fill the gap, and now I have to 224 00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:46,600 Speaker 3: look at that. 225 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:50,400 Speaker 2: Oh thanks God, Yeah, thank you. I mean, why why 226 00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,080 Speaker 2: do we do the things we do? Like I just 227 00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:56,520 Speaker 2: and I was so focused for so long on just 228 00:12:57,080 --> 00:13:00,080 Speaker 2: alcohol being it was the lead domino for me. If 229 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:01,840 Speaker 2: I could knock that one down, it would knock other 230 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:06,360 Speaker 2: things down that were kind of meaning in my way. 231 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:11,320 Speaker 2: And all that really did was just reveal more areas 232 00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,200 Speaker 2: of my life that God wanted to just do, more 233 00:13:14,280 --> 00:13:17,719 Speaker 2: work of freedom and identity. 234 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. 235 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,360 Speaker 3: And if that sounds scary or overwhelming to the gal 236 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,600 Speaker 3: that's listening, we're both here to tell you that it 237 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:26,800 Speaker 3: kind of is, but it is so worth it. And 238 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,280 Speaker 3: there's so much abundance on the other side of like 239 00:13:29,840 --> 00:13:33,040 Speaker 3: staying close to Jesus and being obedient right, which is 240 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:35,880 Speaker 3: not something I ever thought was real. 241 00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:36,640 Speaker 1: Yeah. 242 00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:40,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, we've talked about practical and I think that's a 243 00:13:40,880 --> 00:13:42,960 Speaker 2: big part of it too. I think when I was, 244 00:13:43,600 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 2: you know, a praying Christian just trying to work it 245 00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:49,240 Speaker 2: out in my own head and using a lot of 246 00:13:49,480 --> 00:13:53,640 Speaker 2: rules around my behavior to try to change my behavior, 247 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:59,320 Speaker 2: I felt a lot of a loneness, a shame, and 248 00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:04,600 Speaker 2: so I just kept applying more willpower versus just willingness, 249 00:14:04,920 --> 00:14:07,440 Speaker 2: And I think that's where it's almost like, Okay, we 250 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:10,600 Speaker 2: can let our shoulders down. This is not a journey 251 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:14,199 Speaker 2: of perfection and performance, because those were the very things 252 00:14:14,240 --> 00:14:16,200 Speaker 2: that for me anyway, and a lot of women I 253 00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:21,800 Speaker 2: work with and I bet you too, performance anxiety, pressure 254 00:14:22,280 --> 00:14:25,320 Speaker 2: like getting it all right were actually some of the 255 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,880 Speaker 2: things that made me want to numb out, made me 256 00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:31,040 Speaker 2: want a drink. So when I just when I approach 257 00:14:31,240 --> 00:14:34,160 Speaker 2: my own journey or working with other women, I'm all 258 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:39,200 Speaker 2: about progress presence. Wow, you know, slip up doesn't have 259 00:14:39,240 --> 00:14:41,320 Speaker 2: to be a slide. You know, I've heard someone else 260 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:44,240 Speaker 2: say that I forgot who, but I love that as well, 261 00:14:44,440 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 2: and just that everything is just it's all data, it's 262 00:14:49,080 --> 00:14:52,440 Speaker 2: all valuable feedback, and when we look at it like that, 263 00:14:52,640 --> 00:14:56,240 Speaker 2: then it kind of releases that pressure of performance. 264 00:14:56,720 --> 00:15:00,000 Speaker 3: And God knows too, right, he knows about every single 265 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:02,920 Speaker 3: growth point, data point, whatever you want to call them. 266 00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:06,280 Speaker 3: He knows, and he's still there and he will still 267 00:15:06,320 --> 00:15:07,200 Speaker 3: be there at the end. 268 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,640 Speaker 2: Yeah, He's so gracious to not just give us all 269 00:15:11,720 --> 00:15:13,120 Speaker 2: of this work at once. 270 00:15:13,520 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 3: Yeah, the work. 271 00:15:15,720 --> 00:15:20,720 Speaker 2: I've done has definitely come in onion appeeling layers and stages, 272 00:15:21,920 --> 00:15:26,120 Speaker 2: and I think when we're ready for more, he gives 273 00:15:26,200 --> 00:15:30,440 Speaker 2: us more, and that's more growth and maybe more character 274 00:15:30,520 --> 00:15:36,000 Speaker 2: building through trials and difficult things to not only build 275 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,640 Speaker 2: and show our resilience, but our dependency on Him. And 276 00:15:39,720 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 2: it just continues to layer on or or I should say, 277 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:48,160 Speaker 2: the layers are coming off where we're more free to 278 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 2: run our race. 279 00:15:49,680 --> 00:15:52,840 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, I love that. That's so so good. We'll 280 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:57,240 Speaker 3: be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. Hey, babe, 281 00:15:57,320 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 3: I just wanted to pause us for one second to 282 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:04,280 Speaker 3: remind you that this September we are gathering in Holland, 283 00:16:04,320 --> 00:16:08,120 Speaker 3: Michigan for the Aligned Conference. This is going to be 284 00:16:08,440 --> 00:16:14,560 Speaker 3: the first ever Christian women's alcohol free conference, and I 285 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:18,440 Speaker 3: am so excited to be partnering with my friend Sherry 286 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:22,600 Speaker 3: Hoppin of Sala House Recovery. If you've ever wished there 287 00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:25,200 Speaker 3: was a place where you could talk openly about freedom 288 00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:29,320 Speaker 3: from alcohol, growing closer to Jesus, and building genuine friendships 289 00:16:29,320 --> 00:16:33,240 Speaker 3: with women who understand the journey, then this is your opportunity. 290 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:39,800 Speaker 3: We're bringing together incredible speakers, meaningful conversations, worship, prayer, practical tools, 291 00:16:40,080 --> 00:16:42,720 Speaker 3: and plenty of opportunities to connect with women who are 292 00:16:42,760 --> 00:16:46,760 Speaker 3: pursuing freedom and living. Aligned with God's best for their lives. 293 00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,160 Speaker 3: One of the things I'm most excited about is that 294 00:16:49,240 --> 00:16:51,640 Speaker 3: so many women from the Love Life Sover community are 295 00:16:51,680 --> 00:16:54,440 Speaker 3: already coming. If you've ever wanted to meet some of 296 00:16:54,440 --> 00:16:57,000 Speaker 3: those amazing women in real life and get an in 297 00:16:57,080 --> 00:17:01,160 Speaker 3: person hug and spend a few days just hanging out 298 00:17:01,200 --> 00:17:05,119 Speaker 3: with women who are alcohol free or sober, curious and 299 00:17:05,560 --> 00:17:09,920 Speaker 3: love Jesus, then this is your chance. It doesn't matter 300 00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:13,080 Speaker 3: how long you've been free from alcohol, if you are 301 00:17:13,320 --> 00:17:15,760 Speaker 3: just at the beginning of this journey or years in, 302 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:18,199 Speaker 3: we don't mind. We just want to get in a 303 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:19,640 Speaker 3: room with you, and we are. 304 00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,680 Speaker 1: So so excited. 305 00:17:21,200 --> 00:17:24,320 Speaker 3: All of the details and the ticket information is all 306 00:17:24,359 --> 00:17:27,800 Speaker 3: at the link in the show notes. I am so 307 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:32,320 Speaker 3: so excited to get to hug some of you beautiful 308 00:17:32,359 --> 00:17:36,199 Speaker 3: women in person this September. Okay, let's get back to 309 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:38,760 Speaker 3: today's episode. We both speak to kind of the gray 310 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:42,760 Speaker 3: Area drinking gal. Although there are a handful of like 311 00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:45,160 Speaker 3: you know, and they will label themselves this like rock 312 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:48,640 Speaker 3: bottom drinkers in the community, and we love them all equally. 313 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,320 Speaker 3: But for the gals who don't know or are maybe 314 00:17:52,359 --> 00:17:55,080 Speaker 3: hearing a gray Area drinker as a term, for the 315 00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,280 Speaker 3: very first time. What can you a little expound on 316 00:17:58,320 --> 00:17:58,919 Speaker 3: that a little bit? 317 00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, yes I can. 318 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,960 Speaker 2: And I know you can too, because this was a 319 00:18:03,040 --> 00:18:08,080 Speaker 2: game changer, total game changer for me when I heard 320 00:18:08,960 --> 00:18:12,959 Speaker 2: back in twenty seventeen that there was a full drinking spectrum. 321 00:18:13,600 --> 00:18:17,679 Speaker 2: Wait what, I thought, you were either an alcoholic or 322 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,240 Speaker 2: you weren't. Like you either were good to go with drinking, 323 00:18:21,359 --> 00:18:24,280 Speaker 2: like it was just fun and kind of a social thing, 324 00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:28,439 Speaker 2: and you were good like nothing to see here or 325 00:18:29,320 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 2: alcoholic for you definitely need a label, you know, all 326 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,760 Speaker 2: the things. And so when I heard the term gray 327 00:18:35,920 --> 00:18:40,480 Speaker 2: area drinking, I heard it from Joline Parks, who is 328 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:43,080 Speaker 2: again a fore runner ahead of me. As many were 329 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:45,680 Speaker 2: I same many. There was a small group, but boy 330 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:49,119 Speaker 2: they were getting it done in maybe twenty fifteen, early, 331 00:18:49,760 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 2: you know, twenty twelve, I think Ruby Warrington came out 332 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:56,720 Speaker 2: with the book Sober Curious New Language. 333 00:18:56,840 --> 00:18:59,840 Speaker 1: It was incredible. So I was kind of catching on too. 334 00:19:00,359 --> 00:19:04,000 Speaker 2: And what I learned is that a gray area drinker 335 00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:07,359 Speaker 2: literally is somewhat in the middle of the spectrum. You know, 336 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:11,000 Speaker 2: you have an unhealthy relationship with drinking. 337 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:11,880 Speaker 1: I did. 338 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:17,080 Speaker 2: I absolutely had an unhealthy relationship with drinking, and I 339 00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:21,520 Speaker 2: could stop on my own anytime I wanted. The challenge 340 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:27,240 Speaker 2: was staying stopped and having the mental and emotional relationship 341 00:19:27,280 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 2: with alcohol that was healthy. And I would I would say, 342 00:19:30,200 --> 00:19:33,040 Speaker 2: just from my own words, that's kind of how I 343 00:19:33,040 --> 00:19:37,840 Speaker 2: would describe gray area drinking is somewhere, you know, along 344 00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,280 Speaker 2: the spectrum, and you and I know that, you know, 345 00:19:41,359 --> 00:19:45,320 Speaker 2: the science really backs this up that the majority of 346 00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 2: heavy or habitual drinkers are in the gray area. This 347 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:53,399 Speaker 2: is where the majority lives. It's kind of like picture 348 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 2: a bell curve, like back in school. There's the top 349 00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:59,720 Speaker 2: ten percent. Yeah, they're making the grades. They're they're really 350 00:19:59,800 --> 00:20:01,800 Speaker 2: killed on the curve because they got the hundreds. 351 00:20:01,840 --> 00:20:02,680 Speaker 1: They're the aast. 352 00:20:03,359 --> 00:20:07,120 Speaker 2: I don't mean to act like you're either a superstar 353 00:20:07,480 --> 00:20:12,000 Speaker 2: or you're flunking, but just along the drinking spectrum, just 354 00:20:12,040 --> 00:20:15,480 Speaker 2: denoting that there are two ends of that spectrum that 355 00:20:15,640 --> 00:20:19,960 Speaker 2: are more small and so the majority is kind of 356 00:20:20,000 --> 00:20:24,280 Speaker 2: about eighty percent, Yeah, drinker is about ten percent of 357 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:30,840 Speaker 2: heavy habitual drinkers are really falling in that physical addiction category. Fortunately, 358 00:20:30,920 --> 00:20:33,640 Speaker 2: now there's a term that I feel like is way 359 00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:39,399 Speaker 2: less stigmatized in stereotype, which is talking about AUD the 360 00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:44,400 Speaker 2: alcohol use disorder spectrum. It just denotes a spectrum versus 361 00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:47,040 Speaker 2: labeling somebody, because there's no shame in this game, no 362 00:20:47,080 --> 00:20:51,439 Speaker 2: matter where you are on the spectrum, whether you're you know, 363 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:54,000 Speaker 2: the type drinker. You know who could just kind of 364 00:20:54,000 --> 00:20:57,120 Speaker 2: have a glass of champagne at a you know, annual 365 00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,320 Speaker 2: toast at a wedding or New Year's and not even 366 00:21:00,320 --> 00:21:02,880 Speaker 2: finish it and set it down. Okay, they're a drinker. 367 00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:06,520 Speaker 2: They're on the drinking spectrum. They are drinking alcohol, but 368 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:08,440 Speaker 2: they could take it or leave it, and they really 369 00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:11,159 Speaker 2: don't get they have no value there. I would say 370 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,440 Speaker 2: someone that is not in the gray area would never 371 00:21:14,560 --> 00:21:17,840 Speaker 2: use the word moderation, and so I think most gray 372 00:21:17,880 --> 00:21:23,800 Speaker 2: area drinkers are constantly having that mental techor more of moderation. 373 00:21:24,240 --> 00:21:26,199 Speaker 1: Should I drink less? Should should I? 374 00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:30,560 Speaker 2: What's my amount? What are my rules? And that's another 375 00:21:30,760 --> 00:21:34,040 Speaker 2: I think key distinguisher. And then you know, towards the 376 00:21:34,119 --> 00:21:36,240 Speaker 2: end of the drinking spectrum, which again we could all 377 00:21:36,280 --> 00:21:38,160 Speaker 2: get there, I think it's a one way highway. 378 00:21:38,440 --> 00:21:41,080 Speaker 1: That's why there's no judgment at that point. 379 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:46,400 Speaker 2: The choices about drinking are more limited because the body, 380 00:21:46,480 --> 00:21:48,280 Speaker 2: the physical body takes over. 381 00:21:48,920 --> 00:21:51,000 Speaker 3: Yeah. I heard someone say, I can't remember who it 382 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:54,600 Speaker 3: is now who You're on a train going one way 383 00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:56,280 Speaker 3: and you know the bridge is out, when's the best 384 00:21:56,320 --> 00:21:57,439 Speaker 3: time to get off? 385 00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:58,600 Speaker 1: Exactly? 386 00:21:58,680 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 2: That's why there's no there's no judgment here wherever anyone is. 387 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:06,879 Speaker 2: But I do think the majority of drinkers watching this 388 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,200 Speaker 2: happen during you know, COVID and the pandemic. During those 389 00:22:10,800 --> 00:22:12,960 Speaker 2: couple of years, there were there were women I worked 390 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:17,399 Speaker 2: with that really had a relatively i would say healthy 391 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,800 Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol, meaning it was not something that they 392 00:22:20,920 --> 00:22:24,560 Speaker 2: depended on as any kind of coping skill crutch. It 393 00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,760 Speaker 2: was not an emotional mental connection. It was just kind 394 00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,360 Speaker 2: of a social take it or leave it and then 395 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:34,159 Speaker 2: boom something like that. And it doesn't have to be COVID. 396 00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,200 Speaker 2: I mean that was kind of a leveler for all 397 00:22:36,320 --> 00:22:39,120 Speaker 2: the world. But I mean, it could be a loss, 398 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:41,439 Speaker 2: it could be a tragedy. It could be even a 399 00:22:41,480 --> 00:22:44,280 Speaker 2: promotion at work or a life stage change and all 400 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:48,520 Speaker 2: of a sudden, you're drinking changes. And that was kind 401 00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:51,360 Speaker 2: of part of my story too. I wasn't always a drinker. 402 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,960 Speaker 2: There were some happenings in my life that shifted my 403 00:22:55,080 --> 00:22:58,760 Speaker 2: relationship with drinking when I started and when I stopped. 404 00:22:59,200 --> 00:23:03,560 Speaker 2: So it's it's very situational as well. What causes our 405 00:23:03,560 --> 00:23:05,879 Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol to change over time? 406 00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:07,720 Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's normal. 407 00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,280 Speaker 2: And I think people think, oh, you're you're born this 408 00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:11,000 Speaker 2: way or you're not. 409 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,240 Speaker 1: And I mean, I don't want to get. 410 00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,560 Speaker 2: Into like all the weeds of like genetics and isn't 411 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:19,920 Speaker 2: a disease and it's retainly a point. The question is 412 00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,000 Speaker 2: is it working for you? The question is is it 413 00:23:22,119 --> 00:23:25,760 Speaker 2: serving you? Is it something that is taking you in 414 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:27,919 Speaker 2: the direction you want to go or away from the 415 00:23:27,960 --> 00:23:29,479 Speaker 2: direction you want to go? And what does God say 416 00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,200 Speaker 2: about it if you're following him? That's really the question. 417 00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:36,240 Speaker 3: One hundred percent. And yeah, with that, with the whole 418 00:23:36,280 --> 00:23:38,440 Speaker 3: genetic thing, I'm like, the easiest thing to say, right 419 00:23:38,480 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 3: is there's no gene. They've never found a gene. There 420 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:43,920 Speaker 3: isn't a gene. So but I love that so much. 421 00:23:43,960 --> 00:23:45,760 Speaker 3: I mean, I have had gals come to me who 422 00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:48,720 Speaker 3: are literally drinking two or three glasses of wine one 423 00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:50,920 Speaker 3: day a week on a Friday night. She was old, 424 00:23:51,119 --> 00:23:52,720 Speaker 3: and she was like, but I know it's getting in 425 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 3: the way. And I know Jesus has asked me to 426 00:23:54,520 --> 00:23:57,440 Speaker 3: put this down, and so it was like, okay, well, 427 00:23:57,520 --> 00:24:01,399 Speaker 3: it's not about the quantity, right, It's about if you 428 00:24:01,440 --> 00:24:03,560 Speaker 3: think the Holy Spirit is telling you that this is 429 00:24:03,600 --> 00:24:05,639 Speaker 3: no longer serving you and he has more for you, 430 00:24:05,720 --> 00:24:08,800 Speaker 3: then it's for you to listen to that. 431 00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:09,640 Speaker 1: That's right. 432 00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:13,080 Speaker 2: If it's one glass or one bottle, that's really not 433 00:24:13,720 --> 00:24:17,159 Speaker 2: the And I think we as women in general, that 434 00:24:17,280 --> 00:24:19,919 Speaker 2: even on this sober minded journey, can get caught in 435 00:24:20,000 --> 00:24:23,199 Speaker 2: a comparison trap and oh well, my drinking is not 436 00:24:23,359 --> 00:24:26,879 Speaker 2: that bad or it's so bad. And you know, the 437 00:24:27,400 --> 00:24:31,199 Speaker 2: cool thing, the good news about changing this part of 438 00:24:31,240 --> 00:24:34,120 Speaker 2: your life, this relationship, is you can change it at 439 00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:38,760 Speaker 2: any time and for any reason, and that's personal to you. 440 00:24:38,840 --> 00:24:41,840 Speaker 2: And I think comparison in many ways, in many areas 441 00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:43,879 Speaker 2: of our life as a trap that it can definitely 442 00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: trap us in our drinking. Because I just mentioned to 443 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:50,679 Speaker 2: someone yesterday, you know, I just to justify my drinking, 444 00:24:50,720 --> 00:24:53,359 Speaker 2: I just always compared myself to somebody that drank more, 445 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:56,200 Speaker 2: and I was like, see, I'm not doing that. 446 00:24:57,160 --> 00:24:58,440 Speaker 1: I didn't lose anything. 447 00:24:58,480 --> 00:25:01,280 Speaker 2: There wasn't a big rock bottom personally, though I had 448 00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:04,600 Speaker 2: one where it was just like, this is not aligning 449 00:25:04,680 --> 00:25:07,920 Speaker 2: anymore with who I am. I am so too, I 450 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 2: am looking such a duplicitous life. Yeah, it's wrecking me 451 00:25:11,600 --> 00:25:14,200 Speaker 2: from the inside out, not from the outside in. 452 00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, when you just said that, I remember when you 453 00:25:17,359 --> 00:25:20,119 Speaker 3: first said that, when we first talked. It so describes 454 00:25:20,280 --> 00:25:22,639 Speaker 3: how I was feeling at that moment too, when I 455 00:25:22,720 --> 00:25:25,040 Speaker 3: just had that moment literally with Jesus in the mirror 456 00:25:25,080 --> 00:25:27,600 Speaker 3: and I was like, yeah, no, I can't. This is 457 00:25:27,640 --> 00:25:29,280 Speaker 3: not who you want me to be. This is not 458 00:25:29,359 --> 00:25:30,440 Speaker 3: who I want to be. 459 00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,200 Speaker 1: Like, we got to. 460 00:25:32,160 --> 00:25:34,600 Speaker 3: Do something about this. We'll be back right after a 461 00:25:34,680 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 3: quick word from our sponsors. When you were just talking 462 00:25:37,359 --> 00:25:40,560 Speaker 3: about comparison, I just do you know Carla Atkins, she 463 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:44,440 Speaker 3: wrote the book and it came tumbling down. She got 464 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:49,080 Speaker 3: diagnosed with liver cirrhosis at the age of thirty six, Wow, 465 00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:53,719 Speaker 3: and has this incredible testimony. But I asked her, I 466 00:25:53,800 --> 00:25:55,879 Speaker 3: was I said, Carla, like, how much were you drinking? 467 00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:57,080 Speaker 3: And She's like, you know what, I don't want to 468 00:25:57,119 --> 00:26:00,440 Speaker 3: answer that question, but she gave me the best. She's like, 469 00:26:00,440 --> 00:26:03,560 Speaker 3: because I don't want anybody comparing themselves to how much 470 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:06,960 Speaker 3: I was drinking, and thinking my drinking is okay, because 471 00:26:07,240 --> 00:26:08,399 Speaker 3: that's not the right question. 472 00:26:09,320 --> 00:26:14,120 Speaker 2: Good answer, Carla, because you're exactly right. I mean, I've 473 00:26:14,119 --> 00:26:17,280 Speaker 2: definitely worked with women who just yeah, it's just it's 474 00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,480 Speaker 2: not about the amount, It's about the heart space, the 475 00:26:20,520 --> 00:26:21,679 Speaker 2: headspace and. 476 00:26:22,440 --> 00:26:24,920 Speaker 1: What you feel like is on the other side. 477 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:28,439 Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, And even if you are listening to this 478 00:26:28,520 --> 00:26:31,159 Speaker 3: and you're and you feel like you're in that middle 479 00:26:31,160 --> 00:26:34,320 Speaker 3: bell curve, right, we just know so much more from 480 00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:38,080 Speaker 3: a health standpoint, like how you know quote unquote moderate 481 00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,880 Speaker 3: great area drink or how this actually does affect your 482 00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:45,200 Speaker 3: health and you're asleep and you're a brain and oh 483 00:26:45,240 --> 00:26:47,159 Speaker 3: my gosh, yeah. 484 00:26:46,680 --> 00:26:49,360 Speaker 2: Which has really come out I mean so much more 485 00:26:49,400 --> 00:26:51,840 Speaker 2: in the last five years, I would say. I mean 486 00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:55,119 Speaker 2: it is just I mean, with Huberman Lab and our 487 00:26:55,280 --> 00:26:59,000 Speaker 2: awesome friend doctor Lee Warren who is talking about being 488 00:26:59,040 --> 00:27:02,040 Speaker 2: able to do self rains retreat, I mean, and so 489 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,000 Speaker 2: many others bringing in the neuroscience doctor Amin. I mean, 490 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:12,679 Speaker 2: these are mainstream conversations now happening about our brains and 491 00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:18,040 Speaker 2: alcohol's effect from just a purely scientific perspective, which I 492 00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:21,280 Speaker 2: definitely was not hearing for the longest time. I was 493 00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:24,680 Speaker 2: only hearing kind of like it was a moral failure 494 00:27:24,760 --> 00:27:28,000 Speaker 2: which made me not want to speak up at like 495 00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:30,320 Speaker 2: a church Bible study and make a prayer request that 496 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,399 Speaker 2: I was just drinking a little more than I wanted to. 497 00:27:32,680 --> 00:27:35,280 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, I remember when someone in my Bible 498 00:27:35,320 --> 00:27:37,880 Speaker 3: study actually said it out loud and I was this 499 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:40,080 Speaker 3: was in the height of my drinking. I was like, 500 00:27:40,680 --> 00:27:44,240 Speaker 3: that's so lame. I drink so much more than that. 501 00:27:44,359 --> 00:27:49,239 Speaker 3: And I'm fine, right, oh man, Yeah, to a comparison thing, 502 00:27:49,280 --> 00:27:52,239 Speaker 3: I'm like, she's she's she's stressed out about her two 503 00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:54,760 Speaker 3: glasses and I'm over here and I'm finishing the bottle 504 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,840 Speaker 3: and I'm fine. 505 00:27:56,280 --> 00:28:01,679 Speaker 1: Now look at me to see for ourselves. It's pretty amazing. 506 00:28:01,760 --> 00:28:02,800 Speaker 1: I know, I sure did. 507 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:06,399 Speaker 3: Oh my gosh, yeah, one hundred percent. So talk a 508 00:28:06,440 --> 00:28:10,760 Speaker 3: little bit about Sobersus and your community and what you're 509 00:28:10,880 --> 00:28:14,480 Speaker 3: up to, Like you're just doing such cool things. Do 510 00:28:14,560 --> 00:28:16,879 Speaker 3: you do a twenty one day reset? Is that every 511 00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 3: month or is it certain months? 512 00:28:18,720 --> 00:28:19,880 Speaker 1: It is still. 513 00:28:19,640 --> 00:28:25,560 Speaker 2: Currently offered every month, offered every month since March of 514 00:28:25,640 --> 00:28:30,320 Speaker 2: twenty eighteen. I'm coming up upon one hundred months, wow, 515 00:28:30,600 --> 00:28:34,760 Speaker 2: and a row of offering this twenty one day reset challenge. 516 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:38,760 Speaker 2: We've had over fifty thousand women go through this twenty 517 00:28:38,840 --> 00:28:44,880 Speaker 2: one day resept Oh, heylujah. That is incredible and praise 518 00:28:45,040 --> 00:28:47,360 Speaker 2: God on that. And I do think there is just 519 00:28:47,440 --> 00:28:52,960 Speaker 2: the consistency of just remaining and staying and abiding out 520 00:28:53,000 --> 00:28:56,560 Speaker 2: there with just whether that's for one, one hundred or 521 00:28:56,640 --> 00:29:01,080 Speaker 2: more women, it doesn't matter. That place is there and 522 00:29:01,320 --> 00:29:05,280 Speaker 2: it's it's something I do offer every month. But a 523 00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:07,680 Speaker 2: lot of changes have happened in sober Sis in the 524 00:29:07,760 --> 00:29:09,640 Speaker 2: last year or so. 525 00:29:11,160 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 1: And maybe you've seen. 526 00:29:12,080 --> 00:29:14,680 Speaker 2: This online, but just for those listening, we became a 527 00:29:14,720 --> 00:29:17,720 Speaker 2: nonprofit at the beginning of January twenty twenty five. 528 00:29:18,240 --> 00:29:20,320 Speaker 3: It's already been a year. I thought, I thought that 529 00:29:20,320 --> 00:29:21,840 Speaker 3: felt like it happened yesterday. 530 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,680 Speaker 2: Yeah. No, it's been a year since we created the 531 00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 2: Quest Foundation, which is really within sober Cis, but it's 532 00:29:32,240 --> 00:29:36,440 Speaker 2: primarily how women inside our tribe and outside of our 533 00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:39,840 Speaker 2: tribe anyway, anyone listening, if you want to help spread 534 00:29:39,840 --> 00:29:43,120 Speaker 2: the message. That's been really great because it's allowed us 535 00:29:43,160 --> 00:29:46,920 Speaker 2: to partner with churches and you know, foundations and people 536 00:29:46,960 --> 00:29:50,520 Speaker 2: who really do see the need for this conversation to 537 00:29:50,600 --> 00:29:53,440 Speaker 2: get out more. So we we take those funds and 538 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:56,120 Speaker 2: we put it just straight towards getting the message out. 539 00:29:56,800 --> 00:30:00,320 Speaker 2: So that's been huge because, like we mentioned at the 540 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:03,880 Speaker 2: top of this podcast, you know, it's a struggle out 541 00:30:03,920 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 2: there to be found. 542 00:30:06,880 --> 00:30:08,440 Speaker 1: We know what we have to offer. 543 00:30:08,520 --> 00:30:12,240 Speaker 2: That's why you and I are thriving together in the 544 00:30:12,320 --> 00:30:16,400 Speaker 2: space is because we have millions of women that we 545 00:30:16,600 --> 00:30:19,080 Speaker 2: could support and work with. 546 00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:24,120 Speaker 1: Millions. We've found thousands. There are millions, so. 547 00:30:24,440 --> 00:30:27,520 Speaker 2: There's plenty of room for us coaches to get out 548 00:30:27,560 --> 00:30:31,280 Speaker 2: there and build communities and help people. The challenge is 549 00:30:31,360 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 2: those algorithms and getting to the woman at the kitchen 550 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:38,160 Speaker 2: sink who's on her third glass of wine on a 551 00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,800 Speaker 2: Tuesday night, thinking how in the world did I get here. 552 00:30:41,480 --> 00:30:44,640 Speaker 2: It's through a lot of frontline work to get the 553 00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,080 Speaker 2: message out, so that that's been exciting, and I think 554 00:30:47,160 --> 00:30:52,400 Speaker 2: that that's honestly gonna help sober Sis continue on, is 555 00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,520 Speaker 2: that more people can get involved in helping spread the 556 00:30:55,600 --> 00:30:59,600 Speaker 2: message in the mission through through that vehicle and then 557 00:31:00,560 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 2: and I think you're on you version as well. 558 00:31:03,600 --> 00:31:06,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, me too, And that's. 559 00:31:06,080 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 2: Just been a great outlet to find other Christian women 560 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:13,720 Speaker 2: that are sober curious, and so that's led us to 561 00:31:13,800 --> 00:31:17,160 Speaker 2: start Sober Minded Sisters in Christ, which is now a 562 00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:21,000 Speaker 2: seven week Bible study that we are beta testing in 563 00:31:21,120 --> 00:31:27,720 Speaker 2: churches all over the country to get this message literally 564 00:31:27,800 --> 00:31:32,520 Speaker 2: inside churches, inside the church walls, or in small groups 565 00:31:32,560 --> 00:31:35,440 Speaker 2: with women who may want to invite their neighbors or 566 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:40,240 Speaker 2: whatever to an in person in real life small group 567 00:31:40,480 --> 00:31:44,280 Speaker 2: that they themselves are leading. We've got the leader's curriculum 568 00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:47,400 Speaker 2: and all that. So that's been exciting and that really 569 00:31:47,440 --> 00:31:53,880 Speaker 2: just launched this year, so we're really excited about that 570 00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,920 Speaker 2: and just watching God move. He's just inviting more people 571 00:31:56,960 --> 00:31:59,960 Speaker 2: to be a part of his work. And I find 572 00:32:00,120 --> 00:32:03,400 Speaker 2: that super exciting because I've worked with women for five 573 00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,520 Speaker 2: or six years that are wanting to pay it forward 574 00:32:06,960 --> 00:32:09,640 Speaker 2: and give back, and now they've got a vehicle to 575 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:10,040 Speaker 2: do that. 576 00:32:11,200 --> 00:32:11,880 Speaker 1: Christian or not. 577 00:32:12,080 --> 00:32:15,480 Speaker 2: I mean I work with believers and non Christians as well, 578 00:32:15,520 --> 00:32:18,240 Speaker 2: and there are so many ways to give back that 579 00:32:18,400 --> 00:32:22,120 Speaker 2: I'm finding that really helps women stay connected and growing 580 00:32:22,160 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: themselves when they start looking for ways to take what 581 00:32:24,960 --> 00:32:29,520 Speaker 2: they've learned and share it with others. So that's really 582 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,760 Speaker 2: the direction Soberces is going in now, is how can 583 00:32:32,800 --> 00:32:36,640 Speaker 2: we get this army, this tribe of women to take 584 00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 2: it out into their neighborhoods, their small groups, mom groups, 585 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,920 Speaker 2: and communities and have what they need to make that 586 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:47,640 Speaker 2: to make that happen in their own living room or 587 00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,520 Speaker 2: in their own church. It's exciting, it's nerve wracking because 588 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 2: it's a faith journey. Not sure how this is going 589 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:58,000 Speaker 2: to turn out, but I've got a funny feeling. God's 590 00:32:58,040 --> 00:33:01,320 Speaker 2: got some really cool story rease up his sleeve of 591 00:33:01,400 --> 00:33:05,760 Speaker 2: his amazing, miraculous work that he'll do to make it happen. 592 00:33:06,000 --> 00:33:08,160 Speaker 3: We just started doing this too, and love life sober. 593 00:33:08,240 --> 00:33:12,240 Speaker 3: We have a whole Fastbasstor's space, and gals are bringing 594 00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:15,520 Speaker 3: the fast to churches and leading it in their churches, 595 00:33:16,240 --> 00:33:18,600 Speaker 3: and so we need to have another meeting where we 596 00:33:18,680 --> 00:33:21,200 Speaker 3: just brainstorm about how we can support each other, because 597 00:33:21,320 --> 00:33:24,040 Speaker 3: that is God has placed that in my heart as well. 598 00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,760 Speaker 3: Of like, let's get this out into the churches and 599 00:33:26,800 --> 00:33:29,440 Speaker 3: into the small groups. All right, my friend, will you 600 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:30,920 Speaker 3: tell everybody where they can find you? 601 00:33:31,520 --> 00:33:31,800 Speaker 1: Sure? 602 00:33:31,960 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 2: Sure? I am on you know all the platforms, all 603 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:39,440 Speaker 2: the social media out there. My handle most everywhere is 604 00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:45,080 Speaker 2: sober sis. One word sober s o b r sis sis, 605 00:33:45,360 --> 00:33:48,520 Speaker 2: which is really short for sober minded Sisterhood, but that 606 00:33:48,560 --> 00:33:50,960 Speaker 2: was a mouthful, so we just shortened it down to 607 00:33:51,120 --> 00:33:54,400 Speaker 2: sober Sis. Then you can also go to my website, 608 00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:58,200 Speaker 2: Sobercis dot com. I've got all kinds of free resources, 609 00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:02,240 Speaker 2: so I have a Happy Our Survival Guide, I've got 610 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:07,160 Speaker 2: a mocktail mixology book. Those U version plans are available 611 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:10,000 Speaker 2: to anyone who downloads that free app, so there's just 612 00:34:10,040 --> 00:34:12,160 Speaker 2: a lot of resources if women just want to check 613 00:34:12,200 --> 00:34:14,760 Speaker 2: out kind of what we're doing and what we're putting 614 00:34:14,800 --> 00:34:17,040 Speaker 2: out there. And then of course that twenty one day 615 00:34:17,080 --> 00:34:20,480 Speaker 2: Reset Challenge starts at the beginning of every month, and 616 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:23,359 Speaker 2: it is a great way just to literally hit the 617 00:34:23,400 --> 00:34:27,280 Speaker 2: reset button. It's not about saying never, forever or always. 618 00:34:28,120 --> 00:34:32,920 Speaker 2: It's just a real soft, gentle entry into questioning your 619 00:34:32,960 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 2: relationship with alcohol. 620 00:34:34,440 --> 00:34:37,399 Speaker 3: Amazing. I can't believe you've been doing it for that 621 00:34:37,680 --> 00:34:39,000 Speaker 3: long and how many women. 622 00:34:39,200 --> 00:34:40,280 Speaker 1: That is so cool? 623 00:34:40,840 --> 00:34:41,879 Speaker 3: That is so I was. 624 00:34:41,800 --> 00:34:44,120 Speaker 2: In my middle forties when I started all this, and 625 00:34:44,160 --> 00:34:47,399 Speaker 2: now I'm in my mid fifties and whoa, I got 626 00:34:47,440 --> 00:34:52,560 Speaker 2: older too. Every everybody did, and I've just watched It's 627 00:34:52,600 --> 00:34:56,880 Speaker 2: so encouraging because I've literally watched the movement, the alcohol 628 00:34:56,920 --> 00:35:04,200 Speaker 2: free movement, the sober minded community, just the industry of alcohol, 629 00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:07,000 Speaker 2: and I've just really watched so much change and it's 630 00:35:07,080 --> 00:35:10,440 Speaker 2: just actually really encouraging the direction we're going in. But 631 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:14,759 Speaker 2: there's still so many more women who feel alone and 632 00:35:14,880 --> 00:35:16,959 Speaker 2: don't know, so I'm glad we're both out there letting 633 00:35:17,000 --> 00:35:18,200 Speaker 2: them know they're not alone. 634 00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:21,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, all right, my friend, thank you so much. Thank 635 00:35:21,719 --> 00:35:24,600 Speaker 3: you for listening. Everyone, We will see you next week. 636 00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:28,600 Speaker 3: Thanks for listening. Thank you for spending this time with 637 00:35:28,640 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 3: me on Love Life Sober. If today's conversation stirred something 638 00:35:32,040 --> 00:35:34,760 Speaker 3: in your heart, don't rush past it, take it to prayer. 639 00:35:35,160 --> 00:35:38,479 Speaker 3: If you're feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd 640 00:35:38,520 --> 00:35:41,000 Speaker 3: love to invite you into the Love Life Sober community, 641 00:35:41,200 --> 00:35:44,880 Speaker 3: a grace filled, shame free space where real connection grows 642 00:35:45,200 --> 00:35:48,160 Speaker 3: and lasting change takes root. You can find the link 643 00:35:48,200 --> 00:35:51,920 Speaker 3: to join us in the show notes. Love Life Sober 644 00:35:52,000 --> 00:35:55,080 Speaker 3: is part of the Life Audio podcast Network, where faith 645 00:35:55,160 --> 00:35:58,080 Speaker 3: centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. 646 00:35:58,480 --> 00:36:01,640 Speaker 3: You can find more faith centered our podcast at lifaudio 647 00:36:01,760 --> 00:36:06,080 Speaker 3: dot com. Until next time, be gentle with yourself, stay curious, 648 00:36:06,200 --> 00:36:09,360 Speaker 3: and trust God's promises. He has freedom waiting for you