1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,680 --> 00:00:09,840 Speaker 2: By becoming aware of your relationship with alcohol, you're not 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:14,159 Speaker 2: committing to change. At that point, you could look at 4 00:00:14,160 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 2: your relationship with alcohol and decide, I'm happy where it is. 5 00:00:19,000 --> 00:00:22,920 Speaker 2: There's no commitment to have from that moment to do something, 6 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,599 Speaker 2: or at least certainly not to do anything radical. That 7 00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:28,640 Speaker 2: awareness can only come through curiosity, because if something has 8 00:00:28,680 --> 00:00:33,520 Speaker 2: been so unquestioned for so long that it's become untimated, 9 00:00:34,120 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 2: the only way to really get to understand it is 10 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:41,279 Speaker 2: to go, oh my goodness, me, I'm not even enjoying 11 00:00:41,320 --> 00:00:44,720 Speaker 2: this drink, why am I doing it? Or oh bitness me, 12 00:00:44,800 --> 00:00:47,000 Speaker 2: I don't even remember walking to the fridge. But here 13 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:47,640 Speaker 2: I am again. 14 00:00:48,840 --> 00:00:51,960 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 15 00:00:52,120 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 3: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 16 00:00:55,200 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 3: Jesus or as longing to reconnect with him, and who 17 00:00:58,160 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 3: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 18 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:04,360 Speaker 3: Here we talk honestly, with grace and truth about how 19 00:01:04,360 --> 00:01:08,240 Speaker 3: stepping away from alcohol opens the door to the love, joy, 20 00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:12,280 Speaker 3: peace and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those 21 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,160 Speaker 3: things were never meant to be found in a bottle 22 00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:18,679 Speaker 3: of wine. They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, 23 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:21,760 Speaker 3: I'll help you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, 24 00:01:22,080 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 3: and what you're really craving, so that freedom feels not 25 00:01:24,959 --> 00:01:26,800 Speaker 3: only possible, but sustainable. 26 00:01:27,480 --> 00:01:29,959 Speaker 1: You don't have to do this alone, babe. Let's dive in. 27 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:36,319 Speaker 3: Today's conversation is for the woman who knows something isn't 28 00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:39,800 Speaker 3: quite right, even if she can't fully explain why. I'm 29 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:44,000 Speaker 3: joined by my friend Anna Donahy, alcohol mindset coach, host 30 00:01:44,080 --> 00:01:47,039 Speaker 3: of The Big Drink Rethink podcast, and author of the 31 00:01:47,080 --> 00:01:50,160 Speaker 3: powerful new book What Are You Thirsty For? Anna brings 32 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,480 Speaker 3: so much wisdom, honesty, and compassion to this conversation. With 33 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 3: more than twenty five years an advertising strategy, she helps 34 00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 3: us understand why we drink the way we do and 35 00:01:59,040 --> 00:02:02,280 Speaker 3: what's really happening beneath the habit, not through shame or labels, 36 00:02:02,280 --> 00:02:05,800 Speaker 3: but through curiosity, clarity, and choice. We talk about her 37 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 3: own journey from decades of drinking to alcohol freedom, how 38 00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:12,720 Speaker 3: alcohol quietly became an emotional management system, and why the 39 00:02:12,760 --> 00:02:15,880 Speaker 3: most important question is not is my drinking bad enough? 40 00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,200 Speaker 3: But rather is my life good enough? If you don't 41 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:22,160 Speaker 3: feel like you fit into the traditional recovery box. If 42 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,960 Speaker 3: you're tired of negotiating with yourself, and if you sense 43 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 3: there must be more available to you than this constant 44 00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:29,720 Speaker 3: mental hug of war, Babe, this episode is for you. 45 00:02:30,200 --> 00:02:33,919 Speaker 3: Let's dive in. I'm so excited to see you, Anna. 46 00:02:34,160 --> 00:02:35,920 Speaker 3: How are you, babe, It's been a minute. 47 00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:37,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm good. I'm good. 48 00:02:37,919 --> 00:02:40,840 Speaker 3: Thank you, So good to see you. So Anna and 49 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:44,079 Speaker 3: I are friends. We're obviously on the same continent if 50 00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:48,280 Speaker 3: you can't hear the accent. We met during one of 51 00:02:48,280 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 3: our certifications, right, We were certified in the same thing, 52 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 3: and then we also did another business thing together, and 53 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:58,800 Speaker 3: basically we're friends. And I am so excited for Anna 54 00:02:58,919 --> 00:03:01,480 Speaker 3: because she has a brand new book out, which we 55 00:03:01,560 --> 00:03:03,880 Speaker 3: will link and all of the show notes and everything. 56 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:06,880 Speaker 3: But I'm just so excited because I came on your 57 00:03:06,919 --> 00:03:10,119 Speaker 3: pod a while ago and told my story. But I'm 58 00:03:10,160 --> 00:03:13,440 Speaker 3: excited to hear your story and what led you to 59 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:14,760 Speaker 3: do all this incredible work. 60 00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:17,079 Speaker 1: Also, by the way, all over the. 61 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:21,760 Speaker 3: Daily Mail, all the coverage. Oh my gosh, so jealous. 62 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:24,079 Speaker 3: You've been killing it. 63 00:03:24,800 --> 00:03:28,400 Speaker 2: Wow, my publisher has been killing it. I left my 64 00:03:28,440 --> 00:03:31,040 Speaker 2: own device. It just be me and my mom who 65 00:03:31,080 --> 00:03:34,680 Speaker 2: knew about the book. They've been doing what they do 66 00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: very well, so big critic. 67 00:03:37,560 --> 00:03:39,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, I was really happy to see you on the 68 00:03:39,600 --> 00:03:40,560 Speaker 3: cover of the Daily Mail. 69 00:03:40,880 --> 00:03:41,680 Speaker 1: Let's take it back. 70 00:03:42,320 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: You write in the book about gray area drinking, and 71 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 3: I want to dive into that in a minute, because 72 00:03:47,680 --> 00:03:50,480 Speaker 3: I think that is becoming more and more of a 73 00:03:50,680 --> 00:03:53,560 Speaker 3: known term, which we're both so happy about. 74 00:03:54,040 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 1: But what led you to. 75 00:03:55,720 --> 00:03:57,800 Speaker 3: Get to the moment where you wanted to take a 76 00:03:57,840 --> 00:04:01,520 Speaker 3: look at your drinking, Well, I will I. 77 00:04:01,560 --> 00:04:03,400 Speaker 2: Owe you to be really honest. I was not a 78 00:04:03,440 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: gray area drinker. I was I was definitely in a 79 00:04:06,440 --> 00:04:09,760 Speaker 2: camp of drinking where I knew it was causing me problems, 80 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,560 Speaker 2: and I really struggled for a very long time to 81 00:04:12,600 --> 00:04:18,920 Speaker 2: do something about it. I drank an awful lot from 82 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 2: probably when I was about fifteen years of Asian discovered 83 00:04:21,560 --> 00:04:24,720 Speaker 2: it for the first time, through pretty much every stage 84 00:04:24,839 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 2: of my life, So my twenties, my thirties, my forties, 85 00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:31,760 Speaker 2: all all defined by very different things. Obviously life stages, 86 00:04:32,520 --> 00:04:37,320 Speaker 2: you know, life moving through those stages. But alcohol was 87 00:04:37,360 --> 00:04:44,559 Speaker 2: the constant, always on hand, doing probably every conceivable job 88 00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:47,800 Speaker 2: that I was asking it to do, all of which 89 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:53,440 Speaker 2: amounted really to it being my emotional management system high 90 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:57,440 Speaker 2: as lows, all sorts, you know, bring it on. There 91 00:04:57,480 --> 00:05:03,719 Speaker 2: wasn't a single day or and occasion event emotion that 92 00:05:03,920 --> 00:05:07,080 Speaker 2: wasn't in some way, shape or form, you know, linked 93 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:12,560 Speaker 2: to or associated with alcohol. So it being addictive and 94 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,719 Speaker 2: all that, you can see how that was going to go, 95 00:05:16,680 --> 00:05:20,120 Speaker 2: and it did so that that was really the very 96 00:05:20,200 --> 00:05:22,599 Speaker 2: defining and sort of constant part of my life, the 97 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:25,920 Speaker 2: best part of thirty five years until about five five 98 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:29,440 Speaker 2: and a half years ago when I stopped drinking. Wasn't easy, 99 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,839 Speaker 2: but it was something that you know, I did out 100 00:05:32,880 --> 00:05:37,480 Speaker 2: of necessity. It was not marked by a rock bottom, 101 00:05:38,120 --> 00:05:45,200 Speaker 2: no big dramas, but certainly an absolutely unsustainable level of 102 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 2: poor mental health exlus gen depletion, self hatred, all that, 103 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:53,159 Speaker 2: all that stuff which we know, you know, comes about 104 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:58,800 Speaker 2: I had hidden inflain sight all my life because I 105 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:04,000 Speaker 2: heard rounded myself by people who normalized my behavior. 106 00:06:04,480 --> 00:06:06,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh my gosh, I relate to. 107 00:06:06,360 --> 00:06:08,560 Speaker 2: That, gravitated towards them, you know. 108 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:09,080 Speaker 3: Yea. 109 00:06:09,320 --> 00:06:14,480 Speaker 2: They moved in industries where it was expected and sort 110 00:06:14,520 --> 00:06:17,880 Speaker 2: of baked it in and or if you didn't, and 111 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:22,719 Speaker 2: you know, it was my identity, it was it was 112 00:06:22,800 --> 00:06:27,200 Speaker 2: everything until you know, until it couldn't be anymore because 113 00:06:27,200 --> 00:06:31,719 Speaker 2: of literally what it threatened to do to me and I, 114 00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 2: you know, working in advertising for a long period of 115 00:06:34,520 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 2: time as well, you know, it really opened my eyes 116 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 2: up to the booziness of the industry. And I think, 117 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 2: you know, when I went on my first maternity leave, 118 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:48,039 Speaker 2: which wasn't until my mid thirties, and I moved out 119 00:06:48,040 --> 00:06:50,599 Speaker 2: of the SOHO bubble and into the sort of the urbs, 120 00:06:50,640 --> 00:06:53,880 Speaker 2: into the suburbs of ealing and stuff, I suddenly realized 121 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:55,000 Speaker 2: people weren't doing. 122 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:58,320 Speaker 3: That, or were they and they just didn't see it, possibly, 123 00:06:58,360 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 3: but they weren't doing this reason. 124 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:03,600 Speaker 2: Yeah, and as an assumed part of public life as 125 00:07:03,640 --> 00:07:07,560 Speaker 2: I had been doing, and others blow and I was 126 00:07:07,600 --> 00:07:10,120 Speaker 2: slightly more exposed, and it began I began to realize, 127 00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 2: you know, that not everyone was doing what I was doing, 128 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:15,080 Speaker 2: and that it wasn't wasn't the end, Well didn't didn't 129 00:07:15,080 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 2: stop there, but you know, that was when I realized 130 00:07:18,280 --> 00:07:21,760 Speaker 2: I was probably in problems in my in my mid thirties. Yes, 131 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:25,120 Speaker 2: you know, people will probably relate to the fact it 132 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,720 Speaker 2: took another good fifteen years to kind of face it 133 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 2: work out how to do it, and you know my 134 00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:36,800 Speaker 2: path through it and a few COLDI sacs, wrong turns 135 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:40,600 Speaker 2: and blips along the way, until yeah, I gave up 136 00:07:40,640 --> 00:07:45,040 Speaker 2: thinking completely. So that's that's my story in a nutshell. 137 00:07:47,000 --> 00:07:49,240 Speaker 2: I don't think it's an unfamiliar one, to be honest, Christy, 138 00:07:49,320 --> 00:07:52,040 Speaker 2: I think you know there's there's some I always say 139 00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,040 Speaker 2: it sort of kind of crept up on me until 140 00:07:55,080 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 2: it was absolutely unignorable. The book that I've come to 141 00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:04,640 Speaker 2: write and the space in coaching that I now work in, 142 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:09,600 Speaker 2: I really feel passionate about it, trying to gives people 143 00:08:09,720 --> 00:08:13,080 Speaker 2: heads up. You know this notion that you know, I 144 00:08:13,160 --> 00:08:17,480 Speaker 2: wanted to offer something before crisis, this area, gray area drinking. 145 00:08:17,520 --> 00:08:20,360 Speaker 2: So because you started off your question with that, I 146 00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,000 Speaker 2: wasn't so. I was very clear. I was very clear 147 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:25,760 Speaker 2: that I was in trouble with my drinking. But I 148 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:30,400 Speaker 2: think gray area drinking is the is the cohort of 149 00:08:30,480 --> 00:08:35,120 Speaker 2: drinkers that I would really love to reach with this book, 150 00:08:35,800 --> 00:08:38,920 Speaker 2: the ones we're having those kind of silent conversations with 151 00:08:39,040 --> 00:08:42,720 Speaker 2: themselves and sort of toggling between this is normal, this 152 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:46,800 Speaker 2: isn't normal. I feel okay, now I feel really bad. Okay, 153 00:08:46,840 --> 00:08:48,199 Speaker 2: well not as bad as I though, Oh okay, it's 154 00:08:48,200 --> 00:08:50,160 Speaker 2: not as bad as thought. You know, it's all those 155 00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:53,480 Speaker 2: kind of internal negotiations and thoughts. I just think there's 156 00:08:53,920 --> 00:08:59,040 Speaker 2: huge space there for very compassionate sort of curiosity lead 157 00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:01,440 Speaker 2: framing of drinking. 158 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:06,920 Speaker 3: Really yeah, yeah, that's so good, babe. How long do 159 00:09:06,960 --> 00:09:08,800 Speaker 3: you think? And it doesn't have to be exact, but 160 00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:11,080 Speaker 3: I wanted to point it out because I think that 161 00:09:11,320 --> 00:09:15,040 Speaker 3: it's really helpful for the gal who feels like when 162 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:16,800 Speaker 3: you said, you know, you took a turn here and 163 00:09:16,800 --> 00:09:20,480 Speaker 3: there and called the saccent and how like ballpark? 164 00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:21,920 Speaker 1: How long was that? 165 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,679 Speaker 3: And did you did you play with moderation for a while, 166 00:09:24,760 --> 00:09:27,160 Speaker 3: did you did you try to get it under control? 167 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,200 Speaker 1: What did that look like? 168 00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 3: Because what I really want to do is encourage the 169 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,559 Speaker 3: gal who has been at this for a little bit 170 00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:36,040 Speaker 3: and to let her know that it's okay to keep going. 171 00:09:37,920 --> 00:09:41,440 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, yes, keep going. I from the moment 172 00:09:41,480 --> 00:09:45,200 Speaker 2: that I suddenly said, I, goodness me, I have to 173 00:09:45,240 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 2: do this. I have to have to have to give 174 00:09:47,280 --> 00:09:53,600 Speaker 2: this up. It was probably about two years before I've 175 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:57,960 Speaker 2: finally had what would have been my last drink. I 176 00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,720 Speaker 2: had weeks and then I had a weekend when I drank, 177 00:10:01,760 --> 00:10:03,840 Speaker 2: and then I had another few weeks when I didn't drink, 178 00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:06,000 Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, I've got this nail. And 179 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:08,640 Speaker 2: then I had a weekend I thought maybe not to 180 00:10:08,720 --> 00:10:12,120 Speaker 2: the girl who's going through that first of all, that siding. 181 00:10:12,200 --> 00:10:16,439 Speaker 2: That's the normal, that's that's the normal kind of trajectory 182 00:10:16,440 --> 00:10:20,760 Speaker 2: of change in my not just my personal experience, but 183 00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:24,959 Speaker 2: professional experience as well. You know that long term sustainable change, 184 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,760 Speaker 2: which is you know, what we're really shooting for, is 185 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:32,679 Speaker 2: very rarely achieved through sort of those grand sweeping gestures 186 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:36,640 Speaker 2: and firm minds of the sand. They're actually more sustainably 187 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,320 Speaker 2: built through the wobbles. Through the wobbles, you know, we 188 00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:44,680 Speaker 2: we have to experience those wobbles to kind of be 189 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,120 Speaker 2: stronger next time, and you know, not not miss the 190 00:10:48,120 --> 00:10:51,640 Speaker 2: blind spots and all those sorts of things. So it 191 00:10:51,720 --> 00:10:57,120 Speaker 2: isn't it wasn't linear, and it wasn't straightforward, but it 192 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,760 Speaker 2: was step by step, you know, progress always movement in 193 00:11:01,800 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 2: the right direction, even if it was never quite as 194 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:07,840 Speaker 2: you know, big and profound as I'd like it to be. 195 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 2: I just made it my priority for the best part 196 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 2: of eighteen months that come what may I would not 197 00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:19,560 Speaker 2: stop trying. Yeah, there's actroposus, and I think it's Henry 198 00:11:19,559 --> 00:11:21,440 Speaker 2: Ford or somebody who said you only fail when you 199 00:11:21,440 --> 00:11:25,200 Speaker 2: stop trying. I just I just had to dig deep 200 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,040 Speaker 2: into that mindset of I want what's on the other 201 00:11:29,120 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 2: side of this very very much, because I feel that 202 00:11:33,520 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 2: there is a lot more on the other side of this, 203 00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:41,359 Speaker 2: and feeling pulled towards that was so important, so important, 204 00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:46,319 Speaker 2: and yeah, I just I had to sort of get back, 205 00:11:46,760 --> 00:11:48,960 Speaker 2: get back on the bike as it were, after the 206 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,400 Speaker 2: you know, after falling off and scraping your eel, the 207 00:11:51,440 --> 00:11:54,720 Speaker 2: metaphors of learning to do something for the first time. 208 00:11:54,800 --> 00:11:58,080 Speaker 2: I just had to take the little wounds and bumps 209 00:11:58,080 --> 00:12:00,640 Speaker 2: and scratches along the way and say, well, determined to 210 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:01,600 Speaker 2: ride the luddy bike. 211 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:10,040 Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors, Hey, babe, 212 00:12:10,120 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 3: I just wanted to pause us for one second to 213 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,480 Speaker 3: remind you that this September we are gathering in Holland, 214 00:12:17,559 --> 00:12:20,040 Speaker 3: Michigan for the Aligned Conference. 215 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:21,160 Speaker 1: This is going to. 216 00:12:21,120 --> 00:12:27,640 Speaker 3: Be the first ever Christian women's alcohol free conference, and 217 00:12:27,679 --> 00:12:31,319 Speaker 3: I am so excited to be partnering with my friend 218 00:12:31,400 --> 00:12:35,640 Speaker 3: Sherry Hoppin of Sala House Recovery. If you've ever wished 219 00:12:35,679 --> 00:12:38,079 Speaker 3: there was a place where you could talk openly about 220 00:12:38,080 --> 00:12:41,960 Speaker 3: freedom from alcohol, growing closer to Jesus, and building genuine 221 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:45,440 Speaker 3: friendships with women who understand the journey, then this is 222 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:51,960 Speaker 3: your opportunity. We're bringing together incredible speakers, meaningful conversations, worship, prayer, 223 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:55,600 Speaker 3: practical tools, and plenty of opportunities to connect with women 224 00:12:55,640 --> 00:12:59,199 Speaker 3: who are pursuing freedom and living aligned with God's best 225 00:12:59,240 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 3: for their lives. One of the things I'm most excited 226 00:13:01,800 --> 00:13:03,880 Speaker 3: about is that so many women from the Love Life 227 00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:07,160 Speaker 3: Sober community are already coming. If you've ever wanted to 228 00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 3: meet some of those amazing women in real life and 229 00:13:09,720 --> 00:13:13,320 Speaker 3: get an in person hug and spend a few days 230 00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:17,280 Speaker 3: just hanging out with women who are alcohol free or sober, 231 00:13:17,360 --> 00:13:22,280 Speaker 3: curious and love Jesus, then this is your chance. It 232 00:13:22,360 --> 00:13:25,960 Speaker 3: doesn't matter how long you've been free from alcohol, if 233 00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:28,280 Speaker 3: you are just at the beginning of this journey or 234 00:13:28,480 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 3: years in, we don't mind. We just want to get 235 00:13:31,240 --> 00:13:33,920 Speaker 3: in a room with you, and we are so so excited. 236 00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,560 Speaker 3: All of the details and the ticket information is all 237 00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:41,000 Speaker 3: at the link in the show notes. I am so 238 00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:45,520 Speaker 3: so excited to get to hug some of you beautiful 239 00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:49,440 Speaker 3: women in person this September. Okay, let's get back to 240 00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:52,760 Speaker 3: today's episode when you said I was determined to get 241 00:13:52,840 --> 00:13:56,040 Speaker 3: to what was on the other side. So two part question, 242 00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,160 Speaker 3: what were you longing to get to? And then once 243 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 3: you got there, what was there that was better than 244 00:14:02,760 --> 00:14:06,240 Speaker 3: you had hoped for? And maybe something that you didn't expect? 245 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,600 Speaker 3: Three part question? While you have to remind me of 246 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 3: them as I go through. 247 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 2: I ask a really important question in my book, which 248 00:14:15,400 --> 00:14:17,720 Speaker 2: I came to realize is the question that I should 249 00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:20,040 Speaker 2: have asked myself a long long time before I actually 250 00:14:20,120 --> 00:14:24,440 Speaker 2: quit drinking, which was, you know, not whether my drinking 251 00:14:24,800 --> 00:14:28,440 Speaker 2: was bad enough, but whether my life was good enough? 252 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:33,240 Speaker 2: And my life was not good enough. I could more 253 00:14:33,280 --> 00:14:36,800 Speaker 2: easily sit down at that point and himpoint all the 254 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:41,280 Speaker 2: things that I didn't like about my life than I 255 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,960 Speaker 2: could paint a picture of perfect if you know what 256 00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 2: I mean. I could say, I don't want to feel 257 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:49,600 Speaker 2: like this anymore, I don't want to do this anymore, 258 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:53,600 Speaker 2: I never want to apologize for that anymore, and I 259 00:14:53,600 --> 00:14:56,880 Speaker 2: could paint the things that I didn't want and then 260 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:59,080 Speaker 2: you know, the sort of the follow up question is well, 261 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,440 Speaker 2: what do you want? What do you want? And sometimes 262 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:06,200 Speaker 2: the answers to that don't come immediately, Christy, because you're 263 00:15:06,760 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 2: you've not been listening to yourself for so long, you 264 00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:12,440 Speaker 2: don't know, you don't know what that is. But you 265 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,960 Speaker 2: have to kind of create the space for those answers 266 00:15:15,960 --> 00:15:19,800 Speaker 2: to come. And as I started to sort of reduce 267 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 2: and stock my alcohol intake, I started to really really 268 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 2: put my mind to what did I want life to 269 00:15:26,560 --> 00:15:30,320 Speaker 2: look like? What did I want to if I was 270 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 2: tending alcohol to do one? What did I want to 271 00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:38,440 Speaker 2: welcome in? Who did I want to become? And what 272 00:15:38,520 --> 00:15:40,880 Speaker 2: kind of person did I want to be? And network 273 00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:44,960 Speaker 2: was really interesting because I don't think I'd asked myself 274 00:15:45,000 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 2: that for so long. I had just woken up one 275 00:15:50,640 --> 00:15:55,640 Speaker 2: day really adrift of you know, my my north star, 276 00:15:57,360 --> 00:15:59,680 Speaker 2: really without a sense of how I'd really got to 277 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,520 Speaker 2: wear a and you know that a clear way back, 278 00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 2: and I thought, I've got to get the drinking out 279 00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,640 Speaker 2: of the way in order to be able to answer 280 00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,000 Speaker 2: those questions. But I did, you know, I did get 281 00:16:08,040 --> 00:16:10,880 Speaker 2: to a point where the drinking, or that you know, 282 00:16:10,920 --> 00:16:14,360 Speaker 2: the reduced drinking was giving me more sleep and more 283 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,960 Speaker 2: clarity and more time and more energy. And I was 284 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,200 Speaker 2: able to do that and I just had, you know, 285 00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:24,360 Speaker 2: I was longing for more, longing for better. But I 286 00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,560 Speaker 2: think longing in itself still need you know, you need 287 00:16:26,600 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 2: to create some space to fill out and define what 288 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:29,640 Speaker 2: that actually is. 289 00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:33,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and then you have to actually take action 290 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:34,960 Speaker 3: steps towards that. 291 00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 1: Right. 292 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:39,280 Speaker 3: It's it's fine enough to be longing for something, but 293 00:16:39,360 --> 00:16:41,920 Speaker 3: you actually have to do something about it. 294 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,000 Speaker 2: Yeah. And I think it's really, you know, very much 295 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:48,560 Speaker 2: in line with the book, which is, as you said 296 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:51,560 Speaker 2: at the beginning, is called watch You firsty for I 297 00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:56,720 Speaker 2: do believe that, I firmly believe this that the real 298 00:16:57,200 --> 00:17:02,000 Speaker 2: I suppose tailwind that comes in giving up alcohol, you know, 299 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:08,040 Speaker 2: going alcohol free, comes from, yes, taining your behavior little 300 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,120 Speaker 2: by little and not necessarily expecting it's all happen overnight, 301 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:15,840 Speaker 2: being patient, assnate, and always marking the winds and the progress. 302 00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:19,439 Speaker 2: For sure, there's definitely that slice of the work. But 303 00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:24,800 Speaker 2: there's a second track, which is understanding what it is 304 00:17:24,840 --> 00:17:27,920 Speaker 2: you really want. Look to the reasons why you're drinking, 305 00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:30,399 Speaker 2: Why are you what are you thirsty for? What are 306 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,840 Speaker 2: you drinking for? What gaps are you filling? If and 307 00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:39,600 Speaker 2: if this fake nourishment, if this false kind of offer 308 00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:43,600 Speaker 2: from alcohol is being used to fill the gaps, then 309 00:17:44,400 --> 00:17:47,240 Speaker 2: dream about what can fill the gaps in a more 310 00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:53,560 Speaker 2: stateable than real way. Because you create the life that 311 00:17:53,640 --> 00:17:59,679 Speaker 2: you want, then that's the second track, because suddenly you 312 00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:03,840 Speaker 2: know you or you're getting your behaviors getting better over 313 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 2: course and period of time, and you're filling your life 314 00:18:06,560 --> 00:18:09,879 Speaker 2: with things that truly nourishes you. And that's when alcohol 315 00:18:09,960 --> 00:18:14,240 Speaker 2: completely loses its grip. So a bit of a life 316 00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,440 Speaker 2: audit really, and I was like, what what what want 317 00:18:17,440 --> 00:18:19,600 Speaker 2: my life to look like? And where am I not? 318 00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:22,280 Speaker 2: Where am I not being nourished naturally? What am I 319 00:18:22,320 --> 00:18:24,240 Speaker 2: allowing this thing to do instead? 320 00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:25,959 Speaker 1: Yeah? 321 00:18:26,040 --> 00:18:29,800 Speaker 3: And to the woman that hears that and thinks I 322 00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:34,000 Speaker 3: have no idea what I would fill those gaps with, 323 00:18:34,920 --> 00:18:38,640 Speaker 3: then we both feel you and understand you and see 324 00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:41,399 Speaker 3: you and want you to know that. It's like it's 325 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:46,440 Speaker 3: an invitation right to create something that. Yes, of course 326 00:18:46,480 --> 00:18:49,240 Speaker 3: it's going to seem scary because it's brand new. It's 327 00:18:49,280 --> 00:18:52,320 Speaker 3: brand new, and you don't have any data right in 328 00:18:52,320 --> 00:18:55,800 Speaker 3: your subconscious viiling cabining, you know nothing in your brain 329 00:18:55,840 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 3: to support what that even looks like. So of course 330 00:18:59,520 --> 00:19:03,680 Speaker 3: it is scary, but we are both proved that it's possible. 331 00:19:05,640 --> 00:19:11,960 Speaker 2: Absolutely, and I definitely, you know, I didn't know what 332 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:14,720 Speaker 2: life was going to look like halfter alcohol, you know, 333 00:19:14,760 --> 00:19:17,119 Speaker 2: which is why I stayed drinking for so long, because 334 00:19:17,119 --> 00:19:21,320 Speaker 2: it's the brain doing the resistance thing. You know. The science, 335 00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:24,840 Speaker 2: the science of all of that is your brain isn't 336 00:19:24,880 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: there to make you happy. Your brain is there to 337 00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:30,800 Speaker 2: keep you safe. That primal instinct is to keep you safe. 338 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,879 Speaker 2: So even if you're unhappy, would rather you stay in 339 00:19:33,920 --> 00:19:40,280 Speaker 2: a known entity like thinking, then move into a territory 340 00:19:40,320 --> 00:19:43,480 Speaker 2: that you're not familiar with. So in a way, that's 341 00:19:43,560 --> 00:19:46,600 Speaker 2: just your brain doing what your brain does. But that's 342 00:19:46,720 --> 00:19:52,679 Speaker 2: resistance and actually to be able to recognize that and 343 00:19:52,760 --> 00:19:54,960 Speaker 2: to be able to say, well, I don't know, I 344 00:19:54,960 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 2: don't know quite what it's going to look like, but 345 00:19:56,560 --> 00:19:59,960 Speaker 2: I know that I am very unhappy where I am 346 00:20:00,160 --> 00:20:03,359 Speaker 2: right now, and with a great deal of sort of 347 00:20:03,520 --> 00:20:09,920 Speaker 2: tentative gentle start just gain and exploring. It's not big 348 00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:14,320 Speaker 2: grand gestures, it's not big leaps. It's just about you know, 349 00:20:15,240 --> 00:20:18,439 Speaker 2: pushing pushing on that door to just start to open 350 00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:21,760 Speaker 2: it up and to see and it's exciting. You know, 351 00:20:21,840 --> 00:20:24,919 Speaker 2: what can feel like fear can also be interpreted as 352 00:20:25,560 --> 00:20:28,119 Speaker 2: great excitement. But I do think as well, there is 353 00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:30,439 Speaker 2: a way of doing it by design and not just 354 00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,479 Speaker 2: leaving it a chance. So you know, you know as 355 00:20:33,480 --> 00:20:36,399 Speaker 2: well as I do, that sort of familiar coaching tool 356 00:20:36,520 --> 00:20:39,359 Speaker 2: of the wheel of life, where you can look at 357 00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:42,720 Speaker 2: each aspects of your life and you can say, where 358 00:20:42,800 --> 00:20:46,439 Speaker 2: am I not to ten? How happy am I with 359 00:20:46,480 --> 00:20:50,840 Speaker 2: this particular past of my life? Your finances, relationships, love 360 00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:55,720 Speaker 2: and recreation and health and fitness. Just that exercise in 361 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,000 Speaker 2: itself gives you a focal point. Where am I on 362 00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:02,479 Speaker 2: this particular fast out of my life? Oh I'm at 363 00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:05,000 Speaker 2: a four out of ten? That's not great. I don't 364 00:21:05,000 --> 00:21:06,360 Speaker 2: even need to know what a ten out of ten 365 00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:08,280 Speaker 2: looks like. I could begin by asking, well, what does 366 00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,080 Speaker 2: six out of ten look like? What does a slight 367 00:21:11,160 --> 00:21:14,760 Speaker 2: improvement look like? And that's that's the area to focus on. 368 00:21:15,359 --> 00:21:17,639 Speaker 2: That can be focus. It doesn't have to be the 369 00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:20,960 Speaker 2: full big picture to be the finished thing. And I 370 00:21:21,000 --> 00:21:25,840 Speaker 2: think that's why it's much more exciting, I think to 371 00:21:25,880 --> 00:21:30,600 Speaker 2: think about alcohol free, not not as the final destination, 372 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,960 Speaker 2: but just as just as a gateway, you know, just 373 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:37,359 Speaker 2: just as a gateway to open up so much more. 374 00:21:37,920 --> 00:21:39,680 Speaker 2: It can feel scary, but it doesn't. You know, it 375 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:42,959 Speaker 2: can be done by degrees and you're in control and 376 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,199 Speaker 2: you make the choices, and it's just about making the 377 00:21:45,240 --> 00:21:46,719 Speaker 2: next supportive choice. 378 00:21:47,200 --> 00:21:47,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. 379 00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,600 Speaker 3: I love that picture of alcohol free as the gateway 380 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:54,120 Speaker 3: because I just feel like I've spoken with so many 381 00:21:54,160 --> 00:21:56,800 Speaker 3: women who think, I think that that's like the be all, 382 00:21:56,920 --> 00:21:57,639 Speaker 3: end all goal. 383 00:21:58,000 --> 00:21:59,800 Speaker 1: And not to say it's not a great goal, obviously 384 00:21:59,800 --> 00:22:00,360 Speaker 1: that's what. 385 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:03,240 Speaker 3: We're saying, but that there is so much on the 386 00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:06,400 Speaker 3: other side of it, so much on the other side 387 00:22:06,440 --> 00:22:08,280 Speaker 3: of it. And I love that you brought up the 388 00:22:08,280 --> 00:22:11,760 Speaker 3: wheel of life really looking at what areas of your 389 00:22:11,760 --> 00:22:16,000 Speaker 3: life that you feel like you can improve, even by 390 00:22:16,040 --> 00:22:21,440 Speaker 3: a slight percentage, right, and getting really serious and really 391 00:22:21,520 --> 00:22:24,920 Speaker 3: curious about what you want, which is when we get 392 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:27,800 Speaker 3: caught up in the busyness of life. And you know, 393 00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:31,800 Speaker 3: our friend Wendy's always said that when life gets lifey, right, things, 394 00:22:31,920 --> 00:22:34,760 Speaker 3: you know, you're not asking these questions. You're not asking 395 00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,959 Speaker 3: what do I really want? You're not asking why am 396 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,239 Speaker 3: I really drinking? You're not asking any of these questions. 397 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:44,600 Speaker 2: Exactly and as I shamelessly use it in the middle 398 00:22:44,600 --> 00:22:46,840 Speaker 2: of the book as a pivot point of you know, 399 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,680 Speaker 2: talking about some of the things I wish I had 400 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 2: known when alcohol was creeping up on me, as I 401 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:57,080 Speaker 2: was kind of going through my life and beforeching into 402 00:22:57,280 --> 00:23:00,320 Speaker 2: you know, the alcohol free pot. It's the sexis size, 403 00:23:00,320 --> 00:23:02,679 Speaker 2: it's this wheel of life. And I add that simple 404 00:23:02,760 --> 00:23:06,240 Speaker 2: question in it's you know, where are you in terms 405 00:23:06,280 --> 00:23:08,560 Speaker 2: of satisfaction with each of these facets of your life? 406 00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:10,480 Speaker 2: And I've added as spoken there as well, which is 407 00:23:10,480 --> 00:23:14,400 Speaker 2: your relationship with yourself, which you're most important in many 408 00:23:14,440 --> 00:23:17,600 Speaker 2: many ways. So there's an extra picture section in there. 409 00:23:18,320 --> 00:23:22,320 Speaker 2: And then it invites you, you know, from a place 410 00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:26,480 Speaker 2: of possibility to just imagine what a ten out of 411 00:23:26,560 --> 00:23:29,960 Speaker 2: ten could look like. And then it asks you whether, 412 00:23:30,440 --> 00:23:33,000 Speaker 2: in all for and a small honesty, alcohol is in 413 00:23:33,080 --> 00:23:37,400 Speaker 2: some way, shape or form, part of the reason why 414 00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,719 Speaker 2: that gap exists now and where you want to be. 415 00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 2: If it is in any shape or form part of 416 00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:47,679 Speaker 2: the compromise, it's worth looking at. And that doesn't mean 417 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:51,720 Speaker 2: it's an alcohol problem with a big p. Alcohol is 418 00:23:52,040 --> 00:23:54,119 Speaker 2: possibly the reason why you had an argument with your 419 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,560 Speaker 2: husband last night, or possibly the reason why you've never 420 00:23:56,640 --> 00:23:59,120 Speaker 2: quite got the money to go on holiday, or possibly 421 00:23:59,119 --> 00:24:02,720 Speaker 2: the reason why there's ambitions that work keep getting kicked 422 00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:05,600 Speaker 2: back to a exture, or you know you're no longer 423 00:24:05,640 --> 00:24:09,400 Speaker 2: talking to your best mate. Then that's they're all little problems. 424 00:24:09,400 --> 00:24:12,879 Speaker 2: They're all problems with a little p and that is 425 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:18,919 Speaker 2: not good enough, and let's start designing our way into 426 00:24:19,840 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 2: you know, a higher score in that in that section, 427 00:24:22,600 --> 00:24:26,080 Speaker 2: in that section of your life. It's a really it's 428 00:24:26,080 --> 00:24:29,959 Speaker 2: a really simple but a profoundly useful tool. And it 429 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,879 Speaker 2: does take a lot of I think, fear out of 430 00:24:33,920 --> 00:24:35,680 Speaker 2: all what your life looks like on the other side, 431 00:24:35,680 --> 00:24:38,480 Speaker 2: because it's that you can design it, you can sign 432 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:41,440 Speaker 2: you get to decide, and that's the most exciting thing. 433 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:46,080 Speaker 2: You know, it's all about agency. Yes, it's all about 434 00:24:46,119 --> 00:24:48,360 Speaker 2: the agency. Nothing's going to happen that you don't want 435 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,639 Speaker 2: to happen. You know, you and I both know that 436 00:24:51,720 --> 00:24:54,680 Speaker 2: we have never met a single person who's all I 437 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:59,239 Speaker 2: wish I still drank. Yeah, it's not really awful and 438 00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:05,080 Speaker 2: closed down since right right, feel it and feel old 439 00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:09,080 Speaker 2: for a little ansivenss that's really alluring. 440 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:12,600 Speaker 3: After that, Yeah, one hundred percent will be back right 441 00:25:12,640 --> 00:25:15,440 Speaker 3: after a quick word from our sponsors. I love the 442 00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 3: way that you brought up choice because I think that 443 00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 3: the idea of not having a choice, and by that 444 00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,119 Speaker 3: I mean, and I'll just speak for myself here, the 445 00:25:27,040 --> 00:25:29,960 Speaker 3: thought that I was going to potentially, if I was 446 00:25:30,080 --> 00:25:32,840 Speaker 3: going to look at what my drinking was, you know, 447 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,600 Speaker 3: needed to change. What was going to look like, did 448 00:25:35,640 --> 00:25:38,520 Speaker 3: I need to carry this label? Was I going to 449 00:25:38,560 --> 00:25:41,919 Speaker 3: be considered an alcoholic and therefore like not have a 450 00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:45,119 Speaker 3: choice because I'm I have this disease, I'm going to 451 00:25:45,160 --> 00:25:46,960 Speaker 3: be fighting this for the rest of mine. Like that 452 00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:50,520 Speaker 3: doesn't feel like choice or agencies me at all. It 453 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,760 Speaker 3: didn't feel like it. It felt really really scary, and 454 00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:57,479 Speaker 3: it felt also like I didn't really wasn't sure if 455 00:25:57,480 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 3: I belonged in that camp. And so I love that 456 00:26:00,040 --> 00:26:03,000 Speaker 3: you brought up choice because that's what this is. It 457 00:26:03,119 --> 00:26:06,280 Speaker 3: is a choice to make your life better. And when 458 00:26:06,280 --> 00:26:08,560 Speaker 3: you talk about like the brain, right and how the 459 00:26:08,600 --> 00:26:12,480 Speaker 3: brain wants its primary purpose is to keep us alive. 460 00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:15,840 Speaker 3: And then right after that, right, it's it's its other 461 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,119 Speaker 3: purpose is to make everything easier for us and to 462 00:26:19,200 --> 00:26:22,720 Speaker 3: automate everything. Right, Like my friend doctor Lee Warren always says, 463 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:26,680 Speaker 3: you've consented your brain to automate, and so you might 464 00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,600 Speaker 3: not feel like you have a choice because you've consented 465 00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,639 Speaker 3: your brain to automate, meaning that when it gets to 466 00:26:32,680 --> 00:26:35,840 Speaker 3: five or six o'clock, that that that alcohol is the 467 00:26:35,960 --> 00:26:38,920 Speaker 3: automatic choice and you don't feel like you have a 468 00:26:39,000 --> 00:26:42,760 Speaker 3: say in it. Right, But that is what resources like 469 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,639 Speaker 3: your book and both of our coaching is here for 470 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:49,720 Speaker 3: is to get really curious about whether that's true or 471 00:26:49,760 --> 00:26:52,080 Speaker 3: not and how you can create that space. Right. 472 00:26:52,760 --> 00:26:56,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's that's that's that's absolutely a change of any description, 473 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:04,200 Speaker 2: any knowledge forum of behavior change certainly always starts with awareness. Yeah, 474 00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:07,679 Speaker 2: and that's you know, that's very much the sort of 475 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:10,040 Speaker 2: the central tenet at the beginning of my book, which is, 476 00:27:10,240 --> 00:27:12,359 Speaker 2: for years and years and year, as we've lived in 477 00:27:12,400 --> 00:27:16,280 Speaker 2: cultures where this is an ausmatic behavior, we've circulated in 478 00:27:16,320 --> 00:27:19,879 Speaker 2: groups where it's assumed and it's a default, and actually 479 00:27:19,880 --> 00:27:22,920 Speaker 2: this is about knocking it out of default and just 480 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:26,520 Speaker 2: shining a light and saying, what parts of my life 481 00:27:26,560 --> 00:27:30,399 Speaker 2: could be better? Where have I been settling? By becoming 482 00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:34,840 Speaker 2: aware of your relationship with alcohol, you're not committing to 483 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:39,040 Speaker 2: change at that point. You could look at your relationship 484 00:27:39,119 --> 00:27:44,600 Speaker 2: with alcohol and decide I'm happy way it is. You know, 485 00:27:44,720 --> 00:27:49,240 Speaker 2: there's no commitment to have from that moment to do something, 486 00:27:50,040 --> 00:27:53,159 Speaker 2: or at least certainly not to do anything radical. But 487 00:27:53,640 --> 00:27:57,320 Speaker 2: it starts with awareness, and that awareness has to and 488 00:27:57,359 --> 00:28:00,000 Speaker 2: that bad awareness kind of need come through curiosity because 489 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:04,520 Speaker 2: something has been so unquestioned for so long that it's 490 00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:09,040 Speaker 2: become untimated. The only way to really get to understand 491 00:28:09,080 --> 00:28:12,840 Speaker 2: it is to go, why am I, Oh my goodness me, 492 00:28:13,440 --> 00:28:15,240 Speaker 2: I'm not even enjoying this drink? 493 00:28:15,480 --> 00:28:18,080 Speaker 1: Why am I? Oh goodness me? 494 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:20,400 Speaker 2: I don't even remember walking to the fridge, but here 495 00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:22,639 Speaker 2: I am again in front of the fridge with a 496 00:28:22,720 --> 00:28:26,760 Speaker 2: wine glass in my hand. Why why? Why? Why? Why? 497 00:28:27,359 --> 00:28:31,639 Speaker 2: And no judgment, just understanding. What you then do with 498 00:28:31,680 --> 00:28:36,000 Speaker 2: that understanding is utterly your choice. I think that's the 499 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:42,800 Speaker 2: real power of the gray area drinking space is it 500 00:28:42,920 --> 00:28:47,160 Speaker 2: does kind of push aside these black and white definitions 501 00:28:47,200 --> 00:28:51,200 Speaker 2: of alcoholics and normal drinkers and things like that. So 502 00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:56,040 Speaker 2: if there's many shades of drinking in this gray space, 503 00:28:56,120 --> 00:28:59,960 Speaker 2: and there's many shades of how you live afterwards as well, 504 00:29:00,440 --> 00:29:03,640 Speaker 2: you know there's there doesn't have to be absolute on 505 00:29:03,720 --> 00:29:06,800 Speaker 2: the other side either. I think that's the important thing. 506 00:29:07,280 --> 00:29:11,120 Speaker 2: I can vouch that an alcohol free life is bloody brilliant. 507 00:29:11,720 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 2: But if somebody else wanted to sit there and say, well, 508 00:29:14,440 --> 00:29:16,960 Speaker 2: I've reduced from one hundred units a week to ten, 509 00:29:17,840 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 2: that's bloody brilliant. 510 00:29:19,640 --> 00:29:21,000 Speaker 1: Do you know what? One? 511 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 3: If you're listening right now, gals, you're aware, right, So like, 512 00:29:25,760 --> 00:29:29,440 Speaker 3: let's celebrate that that you've become aware that this is 513 00:29:29,480 --> 00:29:33,840 Speaker 3: something that you get to. You're always invited, not required, right, 514 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:38,160 Speaker 3: You're always invited, not required, And so your book is 515 00:29:38,280 --> 00:29:42,400 Speaker 3: just this beautiful place to start asking those questions with 516 00:29:43,200 --> 00:29:45,240 Speaker 3: no judgment and curiosity and. 517 00:29:45,280 --> 00:29:46,400 Speaker 1: All of the good stuff. 518 00:29:46,840 --> 00:29:49,080 Speaker 3: Well, first of all, let's do a tiny tinas, Is 519 00:29:49,120 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 3: there a tiny new action? And it can be just 520 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,320 Speaker 3: to run out and get your book? But is there 521 00:29:53,320 --> 00:29:55,960 Speaker 3: a tiny new action that you would leave the listeners 522 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,280 Speaker 3: with run out and get my book? Yeah? 523 00:30:01,520 --> 00:30:06,120 Speaker 2: Well, honestly, it's it would It would have to be 524 00:30:06,400 --> 00:30:10,160 Speaker 2: just change the question, would be changing that question from 525 00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:13,840 Speaker 2: you know, stop stop if this is what you're doing, 526 00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:17,720 Speaker 2: you know, try and try and reframe that sense of 527 00:30:18,240 --> 00:30:22,280 Speaker 2: you know, is my drinking a problem? And toddling between 528 00:30:22,440 --> 00:30:25,959 Speaker 2: deciding whether it is or it isn't, and ruminating on 529 00:30:26,040 --> 00:30:29,840 Speaker 2: that and letting that be the abiding kind of energy 530 00:30:29,840 --> 00:30:32,920 Speaker 2: in your life. To ask the question whether your life 531 00:30:32,960 --> 00:30:36,080 Speaker 2: is good enough? That is literally the simplest because I 532 00:30:36,080 --> 00:30:38,959 Speaker 2: think if that question is asked and then answered with 533 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:45,480 Speaker 2: absolute candor and honesty in many in many, many instances, 534 00:30:45,480 --> 00:30:49,600 Speaker 2: we would say no. There will be places in your 535 00:30:49,640 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 2: life where you're settling or compromising, and then just recognizing 536 00:30:56,280 --> 00:31:01,120 Speaker 2: that can be the motivation to spur to spur action. 537 00:31:01,280 --> 00:31:03,320 Speaker 2: That can become your why I want this part of 538 00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:04,240 Speaker 2: my life to be better. 539 00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:06,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's so good, babe. 540 00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:09,600 Speaker 3: Tell everyone where they can find you and where they 541 00:31:09,640 --> 00:31:12,120 Speaker 3: can find the book, and I will link everything in 542 00:31:12,200 --> 00:31:12,840 Speaker 3: the show notes. 543 00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:16,960 Speaker 2: Oh that's very kind. So yeah. So I live digitally. 544 00:31:17,240 --> 00:31:21,200 Speaker 2: I live at the www dot the Big Drink rethink 545 00:31:21,600 --> 00:31:24,800 Speaker 2: dot com. That's my website where everything can be found 546 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 2: there that I'm involved in. Really, so that would be 547 00:31:27,200 --> 00:31:31,600 Speaker 2: the destination. My book What's Your thirty four? Rethinking Alcohol 548 00:31:31,720 --> 00:31:36,160 Speaker 2: and the Life You Want is available on Amazon various formats, 549 00:31:36,160 --> 00:31:39,280 Speaker 2: one of which is read by Yours Truly. In the UK, 550 00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:42,120 Speaker 2: we have a very well known high street branch of 551 00:31:42,200 --> 00:31:43,960 Speaker 2: bookshops called Waterstones. 552 00:31:44,000 --> 00:31:48,800 Speaker 3: It's in store and online or Water exciting. Oh, I'm 553 00:31:48,840 --> 00:31:50,640 Speaker 3: going to go look for it next. So I'm I'm 554 00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:51,240 Speaker 3: in Water. 555 00:31:51,560 --> 00:31:53,520 Speaker 2: And if yes, and if you find it, push all 556 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,320 Speaker 2: the other books to book. Yeah, yeah, yeah, chose the 557 00:31:57,360 --> 00:31:58,080 Speaker 2: gap of mine. 558 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:01,400 Speaker 3: Mine is only online and so I haven't seen it 559 00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:03,440 Speaker 3: physically here in the UK. But every single time I 560 00:32:03,440 --> 00:32:05,760 Speaker 3: go back to the States, I run to the nearest 561 00:32:05,800 --> 00:32:07,440 Speaker 3: Barnes and Noble and try to find it and I 562 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:09,680 Speaker 3: do the exact same thing I put it like in 563 00:32:09,720 --> 00:32:12,320 Speaker 3: the bestsellers. 564 00:32:12,360 --> 00:32:18,440 Speaker 2: I've coined this phrase, shelf sabotage, running into bookshops and 565 00:32:18,600 --> 00:32:20,080 Speaker 2: pushing other stores a back. 566 00:32:23,760 --> 00:32:28,280 Speaker 3: Stories now, which is exciting. That's so cool, babe. Congratulations, 567 00:32:28,480 --> 00:32:29,560 Speaker 3: Thanks Christie. 568 00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:33,800 Speaker 2: Thank you. I take that, thank you much. It's old, 569 00:32:34,080 --> 00:32:35,560 Speaker 2: but it's so rewarding. It's lovely. 570 00:32:35,960 --> 00:32:38,920 Speaker 3: It's such hard work, but you're right, it is so rewarding. 571 00:32:39,080 --> 00:32:42,120 Speaker 1: Well, thank you for being here. Thank you so so much. 572 00:32:42,280 --> 00:32:45,360 Speaker 3: And we'll talk again really soon, maybe on one of 573 00:32:45,400 --> 00:32:48,959 Speaker 3: the podcasts or something. But you're doing awesome work, and congrats, 574 00:32:49,280 --> 00:32:49,840 Speaker 3: thank thank you. 575 00:32:50,400 --> 00:32:51,960 Speaker 2: Ers, thank you for having me on a chance to 576 00:32:52,040 --> 00:32:52,760 Speaker 2: talk about it. 577 00:32:53,360 --> 00:32:57,000 Speaker 3: Of course, all right, girls, we will see you next week. 578 00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:00,520 Speaker 3: Thank you for spending this time with me on love 579 00:33:00,560 --> 00:33:04,080 Speaker 3: Life Sober. If today's conversation stirred something in your heart, 580 00:33:04,200 --> 00:33:06,880 Speaker 3: don't rush past it, take it to prayer. If you're 581 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:10,280 Speaker 3: feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd love to 582 00:33:10,320 --> 00:33:13,520 Speaker 3: invite you into the love Life Sober community, a grace filled, 583 00:33:13,760 --> 00:33:17,840 Speaker 3: shame free space where real connection grows and lasting change 584 00:33:17,880 --> 00:33:20,240 Speaker 3: takes root. You can find the link to join us 585 00:33:20,320 --> 00:33:23,800 Speaker 3: in the show notes. Love Life Sober is part of 586 00:33:23,840 --> 00:33:27,720 Speaker 3: the Life Audio podcast Network, where faith centered podcasts help 587 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,160 Speaker 3: you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. You can 588 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 3: find more faith centered podcasts at lifeaudio dot com. 589 00:33:34,240 --> 00:33:35,400 Speaker 1: Until next time, be. 590 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:39,440 Speaker 3: Gentle with yourself, stay curious, and trust God's promises. He 591 00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:40,800 Speaker 3: has freedom waiting for you.