1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: Life audio on today's episode of Timeless Wisdom. 2 00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 2: So I am going to talk to you today about 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:13,160 Speaker 2: taking care of you, which I have not done, believe 4 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:16,920 Speaker 2: it or not, to the best of my recollection thus far. 5 00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:22,759 Speaker 2: And I would title this as don't be a martyr. 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:27,040 Speaker 1: That's coming up on Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Welcome 7 00:00:27,200 --> 00:00:31,360 Speaker 1: to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of hours 8 00:00:31,360 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: of Dennis's lectures, courses in classic radio programs, and to 9 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:42,800 Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 10 00:00:42,840 --> 00:00:47,680 Speaker 2: Here we go. It's the Happy, Happy, Happy, Yes, it 11 00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:53,320 Speaker 2: is happy. Hey, everybody, Welcome to the Happiness Hour of 12 00:00:53,360 --> 00:00:56,720 Speaker 2: the Dennis Prager Show, the the longest ongoing program on 13 00:00:56,800 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: happiness in the United States of America probably the world, 14 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,760 Speaker 2: the cosmos, the galaxy in which we live, the universe. 15 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:08,200 Speaker 2: Every week at this time. Crank it up, there, Sean, 16 00:01:08,280 --> 00:01:19,559 Speaker 2: let's go every see. Here we go. Yes, it is indeed, well, 17 00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:23,240 Speaker 2: my friends, every week at this time, come hella, high water, frogs, lice, 18 00:01:24,240 --> 00:01:29,240 Speaker 2: the smiling of the firstborn, hail, doesn't matter. We talk 19 00:01:29,319 --> 00:01:32,959 Speaker 2: about happiness this hour because happy people make a better world. 20 00:01:32,959 --> 00:01:35,520 Speaker 2: That's just the way it is, my friends. If you 21 00:01:35,560 --> 00:01:39,840 Speaker 2: want to increase goodness in this world, increase happiness, that's correct. 22 00:01:40,720 --> 00:01:42,880 Speaker 2: That's why we That's among the many reasons we have 23 00:01:42,880 --> 00:01:45,440 Speaker 2: a moral obligation to be or at least to act 24 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,400 Speaker 2: as happy as we can. We owe it to everybody 25 00:01:48,400 --> 00:01:50,520 Speaker 2: in our lives. We owe it to humanity, and if 26 00:01:50,560 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 2: you believe in God, you owe it to God's That's 27 00:01:53,560 --> 00:01:57,040 Speaker 2: how big it is. My evolution on this subject would 28 00:01:57,080 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 2: be a fascinating subject. You know what we ought to 29 00:01:59,560 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 2: do that out I would like to I will do 30 00:02:03,960 --> 00:02:07,320 Speaker 2: that one day on my talk on happiness, which you 31 00:02:07,320 --> 00:02:11,400 Speaker 2: should get. It's the funniest talk I give, and it's 32 00:02:11,480 --> 00:02:14,240 Speaker 2: really powerful talk. You get it through my office. One 33 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:17,120 Speaker 2: of the many talks that are on a CD or tape. 34 00:02:18,080 --> 00:02:23,440 Speaker 2: My talk on Happiness. I explain my evolution. I used 35 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 2: to think that the pursuit of happiness was a selfish pursuit. 36 00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:30,240 Speaker 2: Now I realize that the pursuit of happiness not the 37 00:02:30,280 --> 00:02:33,720 Speaker 2: pursuit of fun. The pursuit of happiness is one of 38 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 2: the most altruistic things that you can engage in in 39 00:02:36,280 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 2: your life. It is good for others when you're happy, 40 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:42,440 Speaker 2: for others, and I have been making this point for 41 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:47,000 Speaker 2: well over a decade, certainly as long as I have 42 00:02:47,200 --> 00:02:50,120 Speaker 2: been doing this and writing my book on happiness, which 43 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,480 Speaker 2: is titled Happiness is a Serious Problem, as is the 44 00:02:53,560 --> 00:02:55,640 Speaker 2: name of the lecture. You can get the lecture at 45 00:02:55,639 --> 00:02:57,960 Speaker 2: eight hundred two two five eighty five eighty four eight 46 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:02,079 Speaker 2: hundred two to two five eight five eighty four. Now 47 00:03:03,320 --> 00:03:06,040 Speaker 2: I got a letter here from a listener in Louisville, 48 00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,800 Speaker 2: Eden Gasior Dennis. I love your show. Listen and download 49 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,400 Speaker 2: as often as I can. I don't know if you've 50 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:16,440 Speaker 2: done this before, but I thought that a good topic 51 00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:18,520 Speaker 2: for me would be how to be your own best 52 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:21,520 Speaker 2: friend or something like that, Ways that you could treat 53 00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,519 Speaker 2: yourself nicely on a daily basis to keep your happiness 54 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,320 Speaker 2: level up, because we can't be happy with others if 55 00:03:28,360 --> 00:03:32,600 Speaker 2: we have perfectionist tendencies with ourselves. Well, Eden, I won't 56 00:03:32,639 --> 00:03:36,120 Speaker 2: talk about the perfectionist part as much today. I will 57 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:42,120 Speaker 2: leave that for another time, but I will talk about 58 00:03:42,880 --> 00:03:45,560 Speaker 2: how to be your own best friend or something like that, 59 00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,880 Speaker 2: as you put it, ways to treat yourself nicely on 60 00:03:47,920 --> 00:03:52,960 Speaker 2: a daily basis. See, everything in life, everything is a 61 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:58,200 Speaker 2: middle road, everything and it is very hard. The human being, 62 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:02,560 Speaker 2: by nature, is not a middle of the rotor is 63 00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:07,520 Speaker 2: not a moderate. By nature, we are extremists. Whatever we do, 64 00:04:07,560 --> 00:04:12,360 Speaker 2: we tend to go toward the extreme, so that many 65 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:17,680 Speaker 2: people are just preoccupied with themselves. That's narcissism, and I've 66 00:04:17,680 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 2: done a number of programs on that, where you're just 67 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 2: preoccupied with you and you can't be happy. If you are, 68 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 2: it is not possible. But if you are not sufficiently 69 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:30,280 Speaker 2: preoccupied with you, you also can't be happy. How do 70 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:35,840 Speaker 2: you like that? Now? Yes, the greatest happiness comes from 71 00:04:35,920 --> 00:04:42,000 Speaker 2: helping others, I agree, But happiness also comes from taking 72 00:04:42,080 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 2: care of you. So I am going to talk to 73 00:04:45,200 --> 00:04:47,839 Speaker 2: you today about taking care of you, which I have 74 00:04:48,040 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 2: not done, believe it or not, to the best of 75 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:56,560 Speaker 2: my recollection thus far. And I would title this as 76 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 2: don't be a martyr. There are a lot of people 77 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:07,440 Speaker 2: walking around who are martyrs, and I don't mean suicide terrorists. 78 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:11,279 Speaker 2: I mean martyrs too. They have given up their life 79 00:05:12,040 --> 00:05:17,320 Speaker 2: for the sake of others, and then wonder why it 80 00:05:17,440 --> 00:05:22,880 Speaker 2: is that they're just not happier. These are martyrs. A 81 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,840 Speaker 2: typical martyr is the woman who has given up her 82 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:32,039 Speaker 2: life for her children. There's a good example of a 83 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:38,159 Speaker 2: possible martyr. She has there's no more her. She is 84 00:05:38,279 --> 00:05:44,680 Speaker 2: now just a mother. Everything is for her kids. Now 85 00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:49,320 Speaker 2: you know what happens. It leads to anger. Martyrs are 86 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:53,559 Speaker 2: not happy people. And remember the subject of this hour 87 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:59,440 Speaker 2: is happiness, not goodness, not kindness, not motherhood, nothing. It 88 00:05:59,520 --> 00:06:03,279 Speaker 2: is happyness. And if you are a martyr and so 89 00:06:03,520 --> 00:06:07,280 Speaker 2: perceive yourself, or even don't perceive yourself, but you probably will, 90 00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 2: you won't be happy. There is a great aphorism from 91 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 2: the Talmud. The Talmud is the second most important work 92 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:20,240 Speaker 2: in Judaism, the first being the Hebrew Bible, the Old Testament. 93 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:23,000 Speaker 2: The next is the Talmud. In it it's a huge 94 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:27,960 Speaker 2: It's as large as the Encyclopedia Britannica, and in it 95 00:06:28,200 --> 00:06:34,080 Speaker 2: the tremendous amount of legal material and philosophic material and 96 00:06:34,120 --> 00:06:36,359 Speaker 2: the like. There's a lot of philosophy of life. Whether 97 00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,320 Speaker 2: the rabbis of the Talmud just debate each other and 98 00:06:39,800 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 2: come up with ideas. One of the most famous aphorisms 99 00:06:43,080 --> 00:06:45,479 Speaker 2: from the Talmut from one of the leading rabbis of 100 00:06:45,480 --> 00:06:49,960 Speaker 2: the Talmud, Hillel, and he came out with a very 101 00:06:50,040 --> 00:06:53,280 Speaker 2: important statement, and I translate from the Hebrew because that's 102 00:06:53,320 --> 00:06:56,280 Speaker 2: how I know it. So that's the reason you'll get 103 00:06:56,279 --> 00:07:00,520 Speaker 2: a little delay here. If I am not, if I 104 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:06,760 Speaker 2: am not for myself, who will be for me? But 105 00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:11,560 Speaker 2: if I am only for myself, what am I? And 106 00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 2: if not? Now when that's how he summarized how one's 107 00:07:16,760 --> 00:07:19,360 Speaker 2: attitude to life should be. Let me just take the 108 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,120 Speaker 2: first two parts. If I am not for myself, who 109 00:07:22,120 --> 00:07:24,880 Speaker 2: will be for me? But if I am only for myself? 110 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:30,120 Speaker 2: What am i? It's a perfect example of the moderative review. 111 00:07:30,360 --> 00:07:33,240 Speaker 2: First you have to ask, yes, you have to be 112 00:07:33,360 --> 00:07:35,760 Speaker 2: for you? You do? You have to be, You have 113 00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:41,200 Speaker 2: to help you. You are obligated, even morally. You have 114 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:46,320 Speaker 2: to take care of you because nobody else will take 115 00:07:46,360 --> 00:07:49,600 Speaker 2: care of you. If I don't write, if I am 116 00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:53,960 Speaker 2: not for myself, who will be for me? That's exactly right. 117 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 2: That's why the martyr is not good, Because the martyr 118 00:07:58,760 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 2: is it will still depend on somebody to take care 119 00:08:01,280 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 2: of him or her while he or she is giving 120 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:09,720 Speaker 2: over his or her life to others. So you have 121 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,320 Speaker 2: to take care of you. Now, I will offer you 122 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:16,680 Speaker 2: some simple ideas in this regard. Some of you may 123 00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:20,720 Speaker 2: will have even better ideas, perhaps, but we have to 124 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:24,280 Speaker 2: begin with the basic notion that you have to take 125 00:08:24,320 --> 00:08:28,400 Speaker 2: care of yourself. You have to take care of your happiness. Now, 126 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:31,000 Speaker 2: if you again you're preoccupied with you, If I am 127 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:33,559 Speaker 2: only for myself, what am I? What are you? You're 128 00:08:33,559 --> 00:08:38,400 Speaker 2: a narcissist, You're a failure as a human being, of course, 129 00:08:40,200 --> 00:08:42,600 Speaker 2: But you have to begin with. If I am not 130 00:08:42,760 --> 00:08:45,320 Speaker 2: for me, who will be for me? I have to 131 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,680 Speaker 2: be for me. I have to take care of me. 132 00:08:50,679 --> 00:08:53,320 Speaker 2: One eight prager seven seven six is the number one 133 00:08:53,440 --> 00:08:56,320 Speaker 2: eight p r a g e r seven seven six. 134 00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:01,280 Speaker 2: Number one is what I'm saying clear to you in 135 00:09:01,360 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 2: answer to this, to this letter from Eden in Louisville, 136 00:09:06,360 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 2: Is it clear how to treat yourself nicely on a 137 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:14,120 Speaker 2: daily basis? First of all, you're not a martyr. Now 138 00:09:14,160 --> 00:09:17,439 Speaker 2: I'll give you some ideas, and if you have ideas 139 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,640 Speaker 2: or questions, again, the number is one eight prager p 140 00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 2: r A g e er seven seven six. Do you 141 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:26,800 Speaker 2: know martyrs? I would like to hear from you if 142 00:09:26,880 --> 00:09:30,360 Speaker 2: you know a martyr who has ended up unhappy and 143 00:09:30,440 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 2: grouchy as a result. I believe that to the best 144 00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:40,440 Speaker 2: of your absolute ability. Every day you have to take 145 00:09:40,559 --> 00:09:47,240 Speaker 2: some time to do just what you want. You must 146 00:09:47,360 --> 00:09:51,640 Speaker 2: figure out a way to do it. Is what will 147 00:09:51,679 --> 00:09:55,560 Speaker 2: give you some pleasure? Will it be going for a coffee? 148 00:09:56,240 --> 00:10:00,360 Speaker 2: Will it be talking to a friend? Will it be swimming? 149 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 2: Will it be taking a nap? Will it be reading 150 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 2: for an hour? Will it be I don't care what, 151 00:10:07,720 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 2: what doesn't matter what it is. It could be utterly silly, 152 00:10:11,240 --> 00:10:16,560 Speaker 2: It may be silly. Just you are your only concern 153 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,120 Speaker 2: for that hour. You have to figure out a way 154 00:10:20,400 --> 00:10:22,840 Speaker 2: in which you can do it. Maybe it's only a 155 00:10:22,880 --> 00:10:26,840 Speaker 2: half hour. If if life is that is that congested, 156 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,400 Speaker 2: But if you have no time for you, not only 157 00:10:31,440 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: will you pay the price, but I promise so will 158 00:10:34,440 --> 00:10:39,840 Speaker 2: everybody around you. Because martyrs are ticked off. That's why, 159 00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:43,160 Speaker 2: all right, that's why. Because it mounts up. They do 160 00:10:43,240 --> 00:10:48,680 Speaker 2: it with a smile for the first ten months, five years, 161 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:55,200 Speaker 2: and then they kill you. So that's the subject of 162 00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:58,840 Speaker 2: this hour on the Happiness Hour. We don't need martyrs. 163 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:03,400 Speaker 2: Take care of yourself. One eight prager seven seven six 164 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:07,240 Speaker 2: is eight seven seven two four three triple seven six 165 00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,040 Speaker 2: eight seven seven two four three triple seven six The 166 00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,280 Speaker 2: Happiness Hour on the Dennis Prager Show. 167 00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:17,320 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 168 00:11:22,880 --> 00:11:29,160 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 169 00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:32,400 Speaker 2: You're listening to the Dennis Prager Show, and this is 170 00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,920 Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour. Every week at this hour, I talk 171 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,320 Speaker 2: about happiness. I've written a book on it, and I 172 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:41,959 Speaker 2: have a lot to say about it. No kidden of all, 173 00:11:41,960 --> 00:11:46,520 Speaker 2: as I couldn't do this every week. The subject is 174 00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:49,600 Speaker 2: a result of a great letter, and I want to 175 00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:52,679 Speaker 2: encourage you. I this is a great service to others 176 00:11:52,720 --> 00:11:55,880 Speaker 2: that you can perform. If you have a question, keep 177 00:11:55,920 --> 00:12:02,320 Speaker 2: it brief, like like Eden Gassior in Louisville. Please email 178 00:12:02,360 --> 00:12:04,440 Speaker 2: it to me through Dennisprager dot com. It's very easy. 179 00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:06,360 Speaker 2: It says email Dennis here. You just check it off 180 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 2: and you email me if you have a question with 181 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,920 Speaker 2: regard to your own happiness or the happiness of someone 182 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:17,319 Speaker 2: you know. There's a terrific topic. She wanted me to 183 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:20,840 Speaker 2: speak about ways that you can treat yourself nicely on 184 00:12:20,880 --> 00:12:23,280 Speaker 2: a daily basis to keep your happiness level up. And 185 00:12:23,320 --> 00:12:25,840 Speaker 2: I'm beginning with the statement that you can't be a martyr, 186 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 2: and I suspect there are more female martyrs than male martyrs, 187 00:12:29,400 --> 00:12:31,920 Speaker 2: and it may be part of the greater amount of 188 00:12:31,920 --> 00:12:39,120 Speaker 2: depression among women than among men. And I don't buy it. 189 00:12:39,160 --> 00:12:41,760 Speaker 2: I don't buy this. I give my life over to 190 00:12:41,880 --> 00:12:46,400 Speaker 2: my children or to my family, and that's the end 191 00:12:46,400 --> 00:12:52,880 Speaker 2: of my life. You know, you need to do something 192 00:12:52,960 --> 00:12:55,320 Speaker 2: for you. And you know, I believe that a lot 193 00:12:55,360 --> 00:12:57,600 Speaker 2: of people who a lot of women, let's say, who 194 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 2: have that attitude, will not take that hour a day 195 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:05,640 Speaker 2: for herself because then she can no longer be a martyr. 196 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,440 Speaker 2: Now there are men who have this too, but I 197 00:13:10,480 --> 00:13:13,520 Speaker 2: think it's more prevalent among women. I may be dead wrong, 198 00:13:13,559 --> 00:13:15,480 Speaker 2: and I have no agenda here. I couldn't care less 199 00:13:15,880 --> 00:13:18,520 Speaker 2: if it's the same with each with each sex, or 200 00:13:18,600 --> 00:13:22,240 Speaker 2: more or what have you, doesn't matter to me. Whatever 201 00:13:22,320 --> 00:13:27,840 Speaker 2: it is, it's not good. Not good. You have to 202 00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:31,719 Speaker 2: if I ain't anili me lee, you ought to remember it, 203 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,640 Speaker 2: even if you don't know Hebrew. It's great. I ain 204 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,559 Speaker 2: anili me lee. If I am not for myself, who 205 00:13:38,600 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 2: will be for me? But if I am only for myself, 206 00:13:41,600 --> 00:13:43,079 Speaker 2: what am I? I won't say that part, and he 207 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:46,720 Speaker 2: will get you too confused. All right, let's go to 208 00:13:47,120 --> 00:13:49,959 Speaker 2: your calls here. If you got in, stay on one 209 00:13:50,080 --> 00:13:55,000 Speaker 2: eight Prager seven seven six and let's go to Jacksonville 210 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:58,160 Speaker 2: and Yakov. Hello, Yakov, Dennis Prager. 211 00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,120 Speaker 3: Hello Dennis Well. I got to tell you I really 212 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 3: appreciate listening to your show here. 213 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:03,760 Speaker 2: Thank you very much. 214 00:14:04,760 --> 00:14:08,240 Speaker 3: Friday afternoon making chillant. It's really a nice delfe to 215 00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:09,160 Speaker 3: listen to you. 216 00:14:09,160 --> 00:14:13,560 Speaker 2: You make Chian or your wife? Actually I do you do? Folks? 217 00:14:13,559 --> 00:14:16,360 Speaker 2: For those of you who don't know, chillant is a 218 00:14:16,360 --> 00:14:20,520 Speaker 2: a an East European Jewish dish traditionally eaten on the Sabbath. 219 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:23,280 Speaker 2: The reason that it is done is that it lasts 220 00:14:23,320 --> 00:14:25,840 Speaker 2: till the next Friday. It stays in your stomach for 221 00:14:25,880 --> 00:14:28,040 Speaker 2: about six days. 222 00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:29,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean. 223 00:14:30,960 --> 00:14:32,760 Speaker 2: Go ahead, all right, what's on your vibe? 224 00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:37,680 Speaker 3: Anyways? I just turned you on and I can't. I 225 00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,960 Speaker 3: can't agree with you more. I can't agree with you more. 226 00:14:39,960 --> 00:14:44,960 Speaker 3: I grew up there was a family member that that 227 00:14:45,040 --> 00:14:48,680 Speaker 3: I knew, a relative that his whole life, his whole 228 00:14:48,680 --> 00:14:52,240 Speaker 3: life was living for other people. Who's living for his kids, 229 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 3: for his uh first friends. He never he like his 230 00:14:56,040 --> 00:14:59,040 Speaker 3: uh he would buy himself one hundred dollars suit and 231 00:14:59,080 --> 00:15:03,480 Speaker 3: his kid's four hundred. He always particularly never cared for himself, 232 00:15:03,520 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 3: and the end of his life he just felt so unappreciated, 233 00:15:07,440 --> 00:15:09,240 Speaker 3: and he turned them to be very better because he. 234 00:15:09,240 --> 00:15:12,520 Speaker 2: Felt, Oh, what a great example. This is perfect, Yakov, 235 00:15:12,720 --> 00:15:16,640 Speaker 2: perfect that he bought his kids more expensive suits than 236 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:19,760 Speaker 2: for himself. I could not have thought up a better 237 00:15:19,840 --> 00:15:24,000 Speaker 2: example if I I were given two months and then 238 00:15:24,080 --> 00:15:28,640 Speaker 2: of course you're right. My kids don't appreciate me. That's 239 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:31,080 Speaker 2: it's perfect, perfect. 240 00:15:31,520 --> 00:15:34,080 Speaker 3: And he ended up ended up having such a such 241 00:15:34,080 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 3: an estranged relationship. 242 00:15:35,920 --> 00:15:41,360 Speaker 2: Right because he expected from them commensurate Thank yous, a 243 00:15:41,440 --> 00:15:45,040 Speaker 2: life devoted back to him. I bought you four times 244 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,000 Speaker 2: his expensive suits. What are you doing for me? 245 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:48,840 Speaker 3: Exactly? 246 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:52,080 Speaker 2: Yes, well said, well said thank you, Yakov. Keep cooking 247 00:15:53,080 --> 00:15:57,520 Speaker 2: all right, thank you? That is perfect. Oh wow, the 248 00:15:57,600 --> 00:16:03,880 Speaker 2: number of parents who do that, you know, it so 249 00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,320 Speaker 2: doesn't resonate with me. Of course the parent gets a 250 00:16:07,320 --> 00:16:09,960 Speaker 2: better suit. What kind of nonsense is that when the 251 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,840 Speaker 2: kid earns his money, he'll get four hundred dollars suits? 252 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,920 Speaker 2: What nonsense? It is total nonsense to think that way, 253 00:16:18,560 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 2: and you think it makes the kid impressed. Ah see martyr, 254 00:16:24,320 --> 00:16:28,760 Speaker 2: the martyr person like that? And I don't mean the 255 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,160 Speaker 2: real martyr in the best sense. I mean psychological martyrs. 256 00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,600 Speaker 2: I mean the wonderful, I mean the spectacular folks who 257 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,960 Speaker 2: put their lives on the line to save us, our troops, 258 00:16:39,040 --> 00:16:43,160 Speaker 2: our people, firefighters, policemen and so on. I mean, obviously 259 00:16:43,200 --> 00:16:48,520 Speaker 2: it's a different story. I'm talking about the psychological martyr. 260 00:16:48,600 --> 00:16:54,800 Speaker 2: All right, let's talk more here about this. And in Chatsworth, California, 261 00:16:54,800 --> 00:16:56,640 Speaker 2: it's Nancy. Hello, Nancy, Dennis Prager. 262 00:16:56,800 --> 00:16:59,240 Speaker 4: Hi, Dennis, Nice to talk to you. I've never called 263 00:16:59,280 --> 00:17:00,720 Speaker 4: her talk show before. 264 00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:01,480 Speaker 2: Are you nervous? 265 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:02,640 Speaker 4: I am good. 266 00:17:03,240 --> 00:17:04,760 Speaker 2: If that was a joke, that was a child. 267 00:17:05,440 --> 00:17:08,840 Speaker 4: Great, It's funny. I just had a conversation with my 268 00:17:08,880 --> 00:17:12,440 Speaker 4: best friend yesterday. She just returned from a trip from 269 00:17:12,480 --> 00:17:16,040 Speaker 4: the Midwest, and she was calling herself a martyr. 270 00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,920 Speaker 2: Because really she was. She actually already used it. How 271 00:17:19,960 --> 00:17:23,199 Speaker 2: old is she? She's forty two, man, And why, I 272 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,000 Speaker 2: go on, why is she? Why does she think of 273 00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,040 Speaker 2: herself as a martyr? 274 00:17:26,280 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 4: Well, the rest of her family lives in the Midwest, 275 00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:33,480 Speaker 4: and her brother has three children, and he leaves his 276 00:17:33,600 --> 00:17:37,520 Speaker 4: children every weekend with her mother. His mother, and she 277 00:17:37,600 --> 00:17:41,040 Speaker 4: has true children of her own here, and so when 278 00:17:41,080 --> 00:17:47,440 Speaker 4: they go to visit grandma. My friend kind of overcompensates 279 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,919 Speaker 4: for trying to get her mother to pay as much 280 00:17:50,960 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 4: attention to her kids as the other kids get throughout 281 00:17:54,840 --> 00:18:00,440 Speaker 4: the year. So my friend just does everything around the house. 282 00:18:00,520 --> 00:18:03,479 Speaker 4: She her mother just put on a big neighborhood party, 283 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:06,520 Speaker 4: and my friend did all the cooking for three days. 284 00:18:06,640 --> 00:18:09,399 Speaker 4: During the party, she was she was setting all the 285 00:18:09,400 --> 00:18:11,240 Speaker 4: food up and getting all the difference. 286 00:18:11,119 --> 00:18:12,840 Speaker 2: And why why just. 287 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:16,800 Speaker 4: Because she felt that she wanted her mom to have 288 00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:18,480 Speaker 4: a good time, She wanted her kids to have a 289 00:18:18,480 --> 00:18:19,960 Speaker 4: good time, and. 290 00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 2: Right, so she does not know that she is equally 291 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,840 Speaker 2: obligated to give herself a good time. Exactly equally obligated. 292 00:18:28,080 --> 00:18:29,879 Speaker 2: Exactly obligated is the key word. 293 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,680 Speaker 4: No, exactly she is. And she she just said after 294 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,520 Speaker 4: she told me the story about the party, how she 295 00:18:36,600 --> 00:18:38,760 Speaker 4: was even trying to bring the food out, and she 296 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,040 Speaker 4: was opening the door and trying to shut the door, 297 00:18:41,080 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 4: and her brother was standing right there with a drink, 298 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:44,560 Speaker 4: and he would just turn and look at her and 299 00:18:44,600 --> 00:18:47,720 Speaker 4: then go back to his conversation. And she never said 300 00:18:47,720 --> 00:18:50,679 Speaker 4: anything to him. She just went through the whole party 301 00:18:51,520 --> 00:18:54,000 Speaker 4: doing all this stuff to make everybody else happy and 302 00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:57,879 Speaker 4: in turn made herself unhappy. And she she had a 303 00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:00,600 Speaker 4: terrible time, but everybody else had a great time. 304 00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:04,040 Speaker 2: What's the deal? Is she less important? Uh? 305 00:19:04,080 --> 00:19:06,560 Speaker 4: Sometimes I think she thinks so, all right, well, then 306 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:07,480 Speaker 4: then she again. 307 00:19:07,520 --> 00:19:10,120 Speaker 2: This is a perfect example. I thank you, Nancy. Your 308 00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:14,080 Speaker 2: debut on the radio was a one hundred percent success. 309 00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:16,439 Speaker 2: By the way, you know, I should tell you, folks, 310 00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:20,520 Speaker 2: I often marvel at the immediacy of your ability to 311 00:19:20,560 --> 00:19:22,960 Speaker 2: start speaking as soon as I come to you, because 312 00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:26,480 Speaker 2: I know it's nerve wracking waiting I do. In some ways, 313 00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:29,080 Speaker 2: it's more nerve wracking your job calling in and then 314 00:19:29,200 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 2: being plucked out of the universe than it is for 315 00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 2: me in the studio one eight Praguer seven seven six. 316 00:19:35,560 --> 00:19:38,600 Speaker 2: If I am not for myself, who will be for me? Yes, indeed, 317 00:19:38,640 --> 00:19:40,600 Speaker 2: you got to take care of yourself. But if you 318 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,919 Speaker 2: if you're preoccupied with yourself, then you're a narcissist, and 319 00:19:44,040 --> 00:19:47,679 Speaker 2: neither will lead to happiness. The narcissist cannot be happy 320 00:19:47,920 --> 00:19:50,800 Speaker 2: because if you're preoccupied with you, you will have nobody who 321 00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:53,160 Speaker 2: cares about you. We'll be back in a moment. You're 322 00:19:53,200 --> 00:19:55,560 Speaker 2: listening to the Dennis Prager Show, the Happiness Hour. 323 00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:59,320 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 324 00:20:04,840 --> 00:20:09,480 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 325 00:20:10,160 --> 00:20:14,960 Speaker 2: I hope that you have called during the breaks somebody 326 00:20:15,000 --> 00:20:17,760 Speaker 2: to listen to this hour who might not otherwise be 327 00:20:17,840 --> 00:20:23,399 Speaker 2: doing so, because this really is a classic example of 328 00:20:23,440 --> 00:20:27,200 Speaker 2: where I do believe lives can be changed in this hour. 329 00:20:28,520 --> 00:20:31,080 Speaker 2: This is the hour on happiness each week on my 330 00:20:31,160 --> 00:20:33,960 Speaker 2: show at this time, and it was prompted by a 331 00:20:34,040 --> 00:20:37,960 Speaker 2: letter from a listener in Louisville who asked about taking 332 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:41,280 Speaker 2: care of yourself, being nice to yourself, treating yourself nicely 333 00:20:41,320 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 2: on a daily basis. And I'm talking about the person 334 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:50,359 Speaker 2: who walks through life as a martyr, the opposite, although 335 00:20:50,400 --> 00:20:53,879 Speaker 2: I don't believe it's psychologically opposite. It's opposite in action, 336 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:57,760 Speaker 2: but it's not opposite in psychological roots. To the narcissist. 337 00:20:58,520 --> 00:21:02,399 Speaker 2: I think it's actually it's own. It's almost an odd 338 00:21:02,440 --> 00:21:09,560 Speaker 2: form of narcissism because they want something from it or 339 00:21:10,000 --> 00:21:12,320 Speaker 2: it may not even they may not, but whatever it is, 340 00:21:12,359 --> 00:21:15,280 Speaker 2: you will be unhappy. It leads to the same thing. 341 00:21:15,520 --> 00:21:19,359 Speaker 2: Even though the martyr may do more good than the narcissist. 342 00:21:20,080 --> 00:21:22,280 Speaker 2: It leads to the same thing for the individual, and 343 00:21:22,320 --> 00:21:25,040 Speaker 2: then it hurts others because then you get bitter and angry. 344 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,119 Speaker 2: That's why that example from Yakov in Jacksonville was perfect. 345 00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:32,920 Speaker 2: The guy, you know, bought always better things for his kids, 346 00:21:32,920 --> 00:21:35,680 Speaker 2: and now he's an angry man that his kids are 347 00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:39,960 Speaker 2: not reciprocating. See, because come on, let's be honest, the 348 00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:43,240 Speaker 2: way we treat others, we want to be treated. That's 349 00:21:43,359 --> 00:21:46,560 Speaker 2: and it makes perfect sense, and it's generally a good rule. 350 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:50,520 Speaker 2: But first of all, it is very rare that a 351 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:52,560 Speaker 2: child can give back to you in any event what 352 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:54,520 Speaker 2: you've given, and you don't want from a child back 353 00:21:54,560 --> 00:21:57,840 Speaker 2: what you have given. God, I don't want to be 354 00:21:57,880 --> 00:22:00,360 Speaker 2: taken care of by my children. Oh the thought just 355 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:04,520 Speaker 2: that frightens me, gives me chills up my spine. I mean, 356 00:22:04,560 --> 00:22:06,160 Speaker 2: if it has to be, it has to be. But 357 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:11,840 Speaker 2: that's sure, isn't what I want. That's my kids will 358 00:22:11,880 --> 00:22:14,639 Speaker 2: reciprocate my taking care of them by taking care of 359 00:22:14,680 --> 00:22:19,399 Speaker 2: their kids. That's how That's how I look at that 360 00:22:19,440 --> 00:22:21,320 Speaker 2: part of it at any event. Now, obviously I hope 361 00:22:21,359 --> 00:22:23,439 Speaker 2: they love me and you know, enjoy being with me, 362 00:22:23,520 --> 00:22:28,679 Speaker 2: but that's a separate issue. Yeah, the martyr. Oh, I 363 00:22:28,720 --> 00:22:30,720 Speaker 2: don't count. It doesn't matter me. I don't need to 364 00:22:30,760 --> 00:22:32,640 Speaker 2: take time for me. Of course you do. You need 365 00:22:32,720 --> 00:22:35,359 Speaker 2: every day. Every day you figure out a way. You 366 00:22:35,600 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 2: just figure out a way. I am going to take 367 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:43,840 Speaker 2: an hour for me. If it's to do my nails, 368 00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:46,040 Speaker 2: if it's to get a facial if it's to swim, 369 00:22:46,119 --> 00:22:48,080 Speaker 2: if it's to do a crossword puzzle, if it's to 370 00:22:48,119 --> 00:22:51,399 Speaker 2: read a book, if it's to watch something inane on TV, 371 00:22:51,520 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 2: if it's to listen to music, if it's to take 372 00:22:53,400 --> 00:22:55,679 Speaker 2: a nap, if it is to stare in the mirror 373 00:22:55,720 --> 00:22:58,679 Speaker 2: and say, oh, what a wonderful person you are. I 374 00:22:58,720 --> 00:23:01,919 Speaker 2: don't care what it is. If this play spider Solitaire, 375 00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:06,800 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter. You must take that time for you, 376 00:23:09,920 --> 00:23:14,159 Speaker 2: work it out, make it possible, or you will eventually 377 00:23:14,200 --> 00:23:17,840 Speaker 2: get real angry at the people you have martyred yourself 378 00:23:17,880 --> 00:23:24,600 Speaker 2: to one eighth Prager seven seven six Kimberly, Kimberly in Highland, California, Hi, 379 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:25,879 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager, Hi. 380 00:23:25,880 --> 00:23:30,160 Speaker 5: Dennis, thank you for the opportunity to speak on your show. 381 00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:36,400 Speaker 5: You remind me of a conversation I had about eighteen 382 00:23:36,480 --> 00:23:38,600 Speaker 5: years ago with a friend of mine. I just brought 383 00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:43,080 Speaker 5: home my baby. H sorry, I'm nervous. 384 00:23:43,320 --> 00:23:44,280 Speaker 2: That's all right, it's all right. 385 00:23:45,200 --> 00:23:50,880 Speaker 5: And anyway, I was sharing with my friend that well, 386 00:23:50,960 --> 00:23:54,400 Speaker 5: first of all, I was formerly a competitive athlete. Then 387 00:23:54,400 --> 00:23:56,920 Speaker 5: I become this mommy. So I went from being. 388 00:23:58,840 --> 00:24:00,399 Speaker 2: You don't have the right wait wait, wait wait, do 389 00:24:00,440 --> 00:24:01,199 Speaker 2: you have the radio on? 390 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:02,840 Speaker 5: I do? Is it too loud? 391 00:24:03,000 --> 00:24:05,080 Speaker 2: Well, it's going to drive you nuts because you're gonna 392 00:24:05,080 --> 00:24:06,600 Speaker 2: hear yourself a few seconds later. 393 00:24:06,640 --> 00:24:07,960 Speaker 5: Okay, and going in the bathroom. 394 00:24:08,240 --> 00:24:12,959 Speaker 2: All right, that's fine, that may be, just don't flush, okay. 395 00:24:13,000 --> 00:24:17,240 Speaker 5: Well, and so I was a former competitive bathlete, which 396 00:24:17,880 --> 00:24:21,439 Speaker 5: I have that typical, very me me kind of attitude. 397 00:24:21,880 --> 00:24:25,520 Speaker 5: Then I shift to be a mommie, excuse me. And 398 00:24:26,880 --> 00:24:30,520 Speaker 5: my friend had told me that during the time when 399 00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:33,479 Speaker 5: I brought the baby home, I was kind of feeling 400 00:24:33,560 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 5: guilty because I didn't want to feel the scent like 401 00:24:39,160 --> 00:24:42,640 Speaker 5: the other martyr examples in my life, right. I didn't 402 00:24:42,640 --> 00:24:45,359 Speaker 5: want to be like that, right, And I was explaining 403 00:24:45,359 --> 00:24:49,920 Speaker 5: that to my friend and he says, kimberly, think about 404 00:24:49,920 --> 00:24:52,119 Speaker 5: it when you get on the airplane. This guy is 405 00:24:52,200 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 5: so cool. He's a Southerner. And they give advice through stories. 406 00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:56,040 Speaker 5: You know what I'm talking about. 407 00:24:56,240 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I know the one say it before the break. 408 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 2: It's brilliant. Go ahead, go ahead, it's okay, you're doing great, 409 00:25:01,400 --> 00:25:05,160 Speaker 2: go on. I know, I know, I know. It's adorable. 410 00:25:05,200 --> 00:25:05,600 Speaker 2: Go ahead. 411 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 5: And he says to me, Kimberly, when you get on 412 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:13,520 Speaker 5: the plane, when you're going to travel, and the instructions 413 00:25:13,560 --> 00:25:17,320 Speaker 5: in case of an emergency, it says to you, put 414 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:22,480 Speaker 5: the oxygen mask on yourself first, then assist your child. 415 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,280 Speaker 2: I want you to know, I cannot thank you enough, 416 00:25:25,359 --> 00:25:30,760 Speaker 2: Kimberly for that example. I cannot. It is the perfect example. 417 00:25:31,400 --> 00:25:33,320 Speaker 2: Now you can leave the bathroom, you did a great 418 00:25:33,440 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 2: job and thank your southern friend. That is exactly what 419 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:42,119 Speaker 2: I'm saying. Put your own oxygen mask on first. Dennis 420 00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:46,399 Speaker 2: Prager will continue. This is the Happiness Hour on the 421 00:25:46,440 --> 00:25:48,800 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager Show, the hour each week devoted to the 422 00:25:48,840 --> 00:25:54,800 Speaker 2: subject of happiness. I'm Dennis Prager, and I'm talking to 423 00:25:54,840 --> 00:25:58,040 Speaker 2: you about taking care of yourself. Many times I have 424 00:25:58,119 --> 00:26:03,320 Speaker 2: spoken against narcissism that if you're just preoccupied with you, 425 00:26:03,320 --> 00:26:06,480 Speaker 2: you cannot be happy, you won't make friends. I mean, 426 00:26:06,480 --> 00:26:10,360 Speaker 2: that's that's by the way, that is probably the best 427 00:26:10,640 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 2: telltale sign if you want to know, because it's very 428 00:26:14,359 --> 00:26:16,320 Speaker 2: hard for a narcissist to know that he or she 429 00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:20,760 Speaker 2: is narcissistic. Uh. And do you bring people into your 430 00:26:20,800 --> 00:26:24,879 Speaker 2: life who love you is a very good way of 431 00:26:24,920 --> 00:26:32,359 Speaker 2: figuring out whether or not you're narcissistic, because the narcissist 432 00:26:32,440 --> 00:26:37,880 Speaker 2: will repel people not consciously, not consciously. It's it's really 433 00:26:37,920 --> 00:26:41,680 Speaker 2: it's an illness narcissism. I mean, it's it's a psychological illness. 434 00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:44,440 Speaker 2: It's not it's not just that it's not just simply 435 00:26:44,480 --> 00:26:47,880 Speaker 2: a character flaw. It's really a problem for people. They 436 00:26:47,880 --> 00:26:50,840 Speaker 2: don't know how to conquer it. But and many don't 437 00:26:50,880 --> 00:26:52,600 Speaker 2: know that they have it. But I think that that's 438 00:26:52,640 --> 00:26:56,679 Speaker 2: the perhaps one of the telltale signs. But on the 439 00:26:56,720 --> 00:27:02,520 Speaker 2: other side, uh, And the origin, psychologically maybe similar is 440 00:27:02,560 --> 00:27:08,600 Speaker 2: the martyr who's just has no self preoccupation and does 441 00:27:08,680 --> 00:27:11,920 Speaker 2: take no time to enjoy his or her life, gives 442 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 2: it all over to others, and eventually gets angry and 443 00:27:18,680 --> 00:27:22,000 Speaker 2: sad and depressed. And I have a feeling that this 444 00:27:22,160 --> 00:27:25,919 Speaker 2: does afflict women more than men. That's martyrdom, and it 445 00:27:26,000 --> 00:27:30,400 Speaker 2: may be a factor in women's depression because you can't give, 446 00:27:30,640 --> 00:27:32,240 Speaker 2: give and give and give and give and give and 447 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:36,159 Speaker 2: never give to yourself, uh and uh and be happy. 448 00:27:36,359 --> 00:27:40,199 Speaker 2: You can't. It's not made that way. You have to 449 00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,359 Speaker 2: you have to do something for you now. If you 450 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,840 Speaker 2: all your pleasure is derived from giving to others, that's fine, 451 00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:51,000 Speaker 2: but it is not. It is not the way normally. Is. 452 00:27:51,040 --> 00:27:54,879 Speaker 2: You still need time for you take an hour a 453 00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:58,439 Speaker 2: day if you can, and if you can't, you have 454 00:27:58,480 --> 00:28:02,040 Speaker 2: to figure out why you can't. What has happened? What 455 00:28:02,080 --> 00:28:05,840 Speaker 2: has happened? One eight Prager seven seven six one eight 456 00:28:06,000 --> 00:28:09,679 Speaker 2: p R A G E R seven seven six and 457 00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:14,000 Speaker 2: in Rancho Santa Margarita. That's that's a handful, I'll tell you, 458 00:28:14,000 --> 00:28:18,119 Speaker 2: it's a mouthful. Reagan, Hello Reagan. Dennis Prager, Hi, Dennis, 459 00:28:18,119 --> 00:28:19,640 Speaker 2: how are you okay? Thanks? 460 00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:24,760 Speaker 6: Just wanted to agree with everything you're saying about the 461 00:28:24,760 --> 00:28:27,679 Speaker 6: martyrs not being happy. My wife and I just had 462 00:28:27,720 --> 00:28:31,280 Speaker 6: triplets three months ago, oh wow, and she was on 463 00:28:31,359 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 6: bed rest for oh maybe about the last five months 464 00:28:34,560 --> 00:28:40,120 Speaker 6: or so, and so she had to absolutely sacrifice all 465 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:42,160 Speaker 6: that she is for the health of our kids. 466 00:28:42,880 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 2: That's right, that's a good point. 467 00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:47,920 Speaker 6: But in talking through all that, I just graduated with 468 00:28:48,040 --> 00:28:52,680 Speaker 6: my clinical psychology degree. So once we had the kids here, 469 00:28:52,720 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 6: we set up a plan of church, friends and family 470 00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,720 Speaker 6: to come and help us so that Jen could, my 471 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:01,480 Speaker 6: wife could have a time to herself, to go to 472 00:29:01,520 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 6: the pool, to take care of herself. Go, yeah, for 473 00:29:03,480 --> 00:29:06,040 Speaker 6: a walk, Yes, work on muscles. That I mean, she 474 00:29:06,080 --> 00:29:10,200 Speaker 6: went through atrophy and she's having a difficulty just walking 475 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:13,240 Speaker 6: around the block right now. So it is absolutely true. 476 00:29:13,240 --> 00:29:13,920 Speaker 6: And we have you. 477 00:29:14,120 --> 00:29:18,440 Speaker 2: So you worked in preventative therapy. Yes, that was That's 478 00:29:18,480 --> 00:29:22,080 Speaker 2: brilliant what you did, because you're right, she was giving 479 00:29:22,160 --> 00:29:24,680 Speaker 2: up her life for the health of the of the kids. 480 00:29:25,160 --> 00:29:25,800 Speaker 6: Absolutely. 481 00:29:26,040 --> 00:29:28,920 Speaker 2: Yep, that's a wonderful example. I thank you very much. 482 00:29:28,960 --> 00:29:32,040 Speaker 2: One eight Prayger seven seven six. I got to remind 483 00:29:32,080 --> 00:29:35,440 Speaker 2: you of that great motto from the nervous woman who 484 00:29:35,560 --> 00:29:39,760 Speaker 2: was just as I said, adorable, and and that is 485 00:29:40,440 --> 00:29:45,680 Speaker 2: you put on your own oxygen mask first. I love that. 486 00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:49,000 Speaker 2: I can't tell you how much I love that and 487 00:29:49,080 --> 00:29:54,080 Speaker 2: that analogy. It is so beautiful because this is oxygen. 488 00:29:55,920 --> 00:30:00,240 Speaker 2: This is oxygen to take time for yourself. That that 489 00:30:00,360 --> 00:30:04,520 Speaker 2: is how you can you can live, and you need that, 490 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:09,719 Speaker 2: you need that time for yourself. I am leaving if 491 00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:11,959 Speaker 2: you're the mother and you have this martyr thing. I 492 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:17,760 Speaker 2: am going out to exercise just to pamper me. A 493 00:30:18,040 --> 00:30:22,520 Speaker 2: exercise rings endorphins, so I'll be happier b I'm away 494 00:30:22,560 --> 00:30:26,000 Speaker 2: from the kids and the house for that hour. I mean, 495 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:29,600 Speaker 2: that's just one example, and you figure out a way 496 00:30:29,640 --> 00:30:33,120 Speaker 2: to do it, or if you want that one hour 497 00:30:33,200 --> 00:30:35,480 Speaker 2: to be with your husband or whatever it is. I mean, 498 00:30:35,480 --> 00:30:39,240 Speaker 2: that's another issue that's a separate issue. Well it's related, 499 00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:46,080 Speaker 2: but it's separate. H Warren Michigan, Warren Michigan, Eric Killo, 500 00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:47,080 Speaker 2: Eric Dennis Praeger. 501 00:30:47,920 --> 00:30:50,280 Speaker 7: Well, Hi Dennis, and thank you for allowing me to 502 00:30:50,320 --> 00:30:52,720 Speaker 7: be on your show. I hope I actually get across 503 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,560 Speaker 7: the point that I'm trying to make and I don't 504 00:30:54,680 --> 00:30:55,960 Speaker 7: choke on my own words here. 505 00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:57,440 Speaker 2: Okay, let's try. 506 00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,160 Speaker 7: Okay. I would admit that the reason that those people 507 00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:03,680 Speaker 7: aren't happy is because. 508 00:31:03,440 --> 00:31:05,960 Speaker 6: They're actually selfish martyrs. 509 00:31:05,960 --> 00:31:06,160 Speaker 8: There. 510 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:09,800 Speaker 7: They're not doing what they're doing because they're motivated by love, 511 00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:14,200 Speaker 7: but they're trying to feel good about themselves by doing 512 00:31:14,240 --> 00:31:14,880 Speaker 7: what they're doing. 513 00:31:16,200 --> 00:31:19,280 Speaker 2: And I do know some of these yeah, well that yeah, 514 00:31:19,360 --> 00:31:22,320 Speaker 2: that's why I said. The genesis may be the same 515 00:31:22,480 --> 00:31:27,000 Speaker 2: for both for both the origins the psychological origins may 516 00:31:27,040 --> 00:31:31,120 Speaker 2: be the same for narcissism and martyrdom, but they but 517 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,600 Speaker 2: they're expressed the opposite in opposite ways. 518 00:31:34,840 --> 00:31:36,920 Speaker 7: And then at the end of their life, when when 519 00:31:36,960 --> 00:31:40,920 Speaker 7: all those people that they have helped they're gone, they're 520 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:42,000 Speaker 7: the most miserable people. 521 00:31:42,080 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 2: Well yeah, well, and because others may not martyr themselves 522 00:31:45,120 --> 00:31:49,560 Speaker 2: for you, it doesn't work. It's not gonna work reciprocally. 523 00:31:49,640 --> 00:31:50,560 Speaker 2: It just isn't. 524 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,240 Speaker 7: And if I could say something that when I was 525 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 7: a younger man, an older friend taught me something that 526 00:31:58,480 --> 00:32:03,520 Speaker 7: I that it's always stuck in mind. And he said 527 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,240 Speaker 7: us to his children one time when I was in 528 00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,320 Speaker 7: the car with them and they were making demands of him. 529 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,000 Speaker 7: And this is the man who loved his kids and 530 00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:14,200 Speaker 7: did things for his children in many ways, lived for 531 00:32:14,240 --> 00:32:17,120 Speaker 7: his children. And he turned around to them and he 532 00:32:17,160 --> 00:32:19,480 Speaker 7: looked at them and he goes, he goes hey, he 533 00:32:19,560 --> 00:32:22,800 Speaker 7: goes be quiet, he goes, you're just along for the ride. 534 00:32:23,320 --> 00:32:25,320 Speaker 7: And then he laughed. And the point he was making 535 00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:30,360 Speaker 7: was I love you and appreciate you, and do do 536 00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:33,200 Speaker 7: many things for you. But the box line is you're 537 00:32:33,240 --> 00:32:35,480 Speaker 7: a part of this family. And me and your mother 538 00:32:35,720 --> 00:32:37,840 Speaker 7: aren't going to sacrifice their lives for you. 539 00:32:38,120 --> 00:32:40,920 Speaker 2: Well, that's the right, that's correct, That is exactly right. 540 00:32:40,960 --> 00:32:43,360 Speaker 2: I mean, look, parents sacrifice and must a lot. That 541 00:32:43,480 --> 00:32:46,680 Speaker 2: is part of being a parent. You know, it's very 542 00:32:46,720 --> 00:32:50,160 Speaker 2: it's ironic. People go from narcissism, which is often young 543 00:32:50,240 --> 00:32:54,280 Speaker 2: and young and single, or everything revolves around yourself and 544 00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:57,120 Speaker 2: it's almost like the pent up energy of altruism, and 545 00:32:57,160 --> 00:33:00,800 Speaker 2: then become martyrs. And so maybe when you young and single, 546 00:33:00,840 --> 00:33:03,920 Speaker 2: you shouldn't live just for yourself, and maybe when you 547 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:08,400 Speaker 2: have kids you shouldn't just live for them. We'll be 548 00:33:08,480 --> 00:33:09,520 Speaker 2: back in a moment. 549 00:33:10,440 --> 00:33:13,800 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom. We'll continue right after this. 550 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:22,280 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless Wisdom. 551 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:25,120 Speaker 2: All right, everybody, you're listening to the Dennis Prager Show, 552 00:33:25,240 --> 00:33:28,360 Speaker 2: the Happiness Hour final segment here, and you can get 553 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,080 Speaker 2: int A lot of people just gave up one eight 554 00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:35,080 Speaker 2: Praguer seven seven six. Let's go to Patty in Downey, California. 555 00:33:35,120 --> 00:33:36,040 Speaker 2: Patty Dennis Prager. 556 00:33:36,120 --> 00:33:39,240 Speaker 8: Hi, Hi, Dennis, Hi, my phone is working? 557 00:33:42,400 --> 00:33:42,680 Speaker 5: Hello? 558 00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:43,200 Speaker 2: Yep? 559 00:33:44,280 --> 00:33:47,080 Speaker 8: Hello, Yes, I'm hoping my phone is working. 560 00:33:47,280 --> 00:33:49,960 Speaker 2: Okay, and we hope so too, go ahead. Okay, I 561 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:54,040 Speaker 2: guess it is too bad. Okay, let's go to Collingswood, 562 00:33:54,080 --> 00:33:56,320 Speaker 2: New Jersey and Gus. Hello Gus, Dennis. 563 00:33:56,000 --> 00:33:58,000 Speaker 8: Prager, Hi, Dennis, how you're doing? 564 00:33:58,120 --> 00:33:58,440 Speaker 2: Okay? 565 00:33:58,480 --> 00:34:02,160 Speaker 8: Thanks our first time are Uh. I'm a red voter 566 00:34:02,240 --> 00:34:04,600 Speaker 8: in a hopelessly blue state, but I'm still maintaining my 567 00:34:04,640 --> 00:34:08,799 Speaker 8: happiness somehow. Okay, listen, I I uh, I love your show, 568 00:34:08,840 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 8: but you know, the last caller kind of stole some 569 00:34:11,640 --> 00:34:14,399 Speaker 8: of what I was going to discuss. I wondered how 570 00:34:14,440 --> 00:34:17,600 Speaker 8: you thought about that. Do you think some of these self, uh, 571 00:34:17,680 --> 00:34:20,279 Speaker 8: these these martyrs are really looking for self worth or 572 00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,680 Speaker 8: or recognition, recognition or accolades from other people. I mean 573 00:34:23,719 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 8: that that that seems to me my gut feeling. I 574 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:31,359 Speaker 8: have a couple of church friends who seem to burn 575 00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:34,200 Speaker 8: themselves out, but they just love to see their name. 576 00:34:34,480 --> 00:34:37,240 Speaker 8: And I think this is a tragedy in some churches 577 00:34:37,320 --> 00:34:42,680 Speaker 8: that they that they publish who's doing what, and and 578 00:34:42,719 --> 00:34:46,440 Speaker 8: they kind of give great applause to people who are No. 579 00:34:46,560 --> 00:34:48,920 Speaker 2: I believe in giving applause to people. I think that 580 00:34:49,000 --> 00:34:51,680 Speaker 2: people who work hard should be given credit absolutely, and 581 00:34:51,719 --> 00:34:54,279 Speaker 2: if people are are working hard for the church in 582 00:34:54,360 --> 00:34:58,359 Speaker 2: order to get credit. Well, it certainly beats they're they're 583 00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:00,800 Speaker 2: not working hard for the church and not getting credit. 584 00:35:00,840 --> 00:35:04,000 Speaker 2: The community has benefits from that, and that's one of 585 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:06,680 Speaker 2: the reasons we give them awards. I don't have a 586 00:35:06,760 --> 00:35:11,839 Speaker 2: problem there. But if they the bottom line is are 587 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:13,319 Speaker 2: they happy? Right? 588 00:35:13,440 --> 00:35:16,240 Speaker 8: And I think there's a balance somewhere, And I agree 589 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,480 Speaker 8: with you. I don't disapprove of credit, given where credit 590 00:35:19,560 --> 00:35:21,840 Speaker 8: is due, but I think some folks tend to go 591 00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:23,880 Speaker 8: overboard in looking for the credit. 592 00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:26,919 Speaker 2: All that that may be. That may be, but that's 593 00:35:26,920 --> 00:35:30,160 Speaker 2: a separate issue because my issue is happiness, not the 594 00:35:30,160 --> 00:35:32,520 Speaker 2: issue of, you know, looking for credit or not, although 595 00:35:32,520 --> 00:35:36,120 Speaker 2: they're related, I understand. Let me summarize this by saying 596 00:35:36,280 --> 00:35:39,200 Speaker 2: the larger theme here. As I get older in life, 597 00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:45,560 Speaker 2: the more I believe that happiness is our psychological report card. 598 00:35:46,960 --> 00:35:48,759 Speaker 2: When you're at school as a kid, you get a 599 00:35:48,800 --> 00:35:50,839 Speaker 2: report card. This is the grade you get in this, 600 00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:52,759 Speaker 2: This is how well you're doing in this or in that. 601 00:35:54,200 --> 00:36:02,520 Speaker 2: And the people who have who navigate life well or happier, 602 00:36:04,360 --> 00:36:11,840 Speaker 2: independent usually of their circumstances. So if you're unhappy, and 603 00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:14,080 Speaker 2: I don't mean on any given day or over one 604 00:36:14,160 --> 00:36:19,840 Speaker 2: given event, but as a chronicle, as a chronic problem, 605 00:36:20,400 --> 00:36:23,800 Speaker 2: then it is worth asking what am I doing wrong? 606 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:28,560 Speaker 2: Doesn't make you bad? But what am I doing wrong? Today? 607 00:36:28,640 --> 00:36:32,399 Speaker 2: The venture was into being a martyr. If I am 608 00:36:32,400 --> 00:36:35,640 Speaker 2: not for myself, who will be for me? This is 609 00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:36,840 Speaker 2: the happiness hour. 610 00:36:37,840 --> 00:36:41,279 Speaker 1: On tomorrow's episode of Dennis teaches the Torah. 611 00:36:41,480 --> 00:36:44,000 Speaker 9: So he took hold of his father's hand to move 612 00:36:44,040 --> 00:36:48,000 Speaker 9: it from Efriam's head to Minasha's. Not so, father, Joseph 613 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:50,560 Speaker 9: said to his father, for the other is the firstborn, 614 00:36:50,640 --> 00:36:52,280 Speaker 9: place your right hand on his head. 615 00:36:53,000 --> 00:36:55,719 Speaker 2: But his father objected, saying I know, my son. 616 00:36:55,840 --> 00:36:59,120 Speaker 9: I know he too shall become a people, and he 617 00:36:59,160 --> 00:37:02,319 Speaker 9: too shall be great. Yet his younger brother shall be 618 00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:04,440 Speaker 9: greater than he. You always wonder if the kid is 619 00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:07,480 Speaker 9: hearing this now It is a little disconcerting. I mean, 620 00:37:07,520 --> 00:37:10,319 Speaker 9: I am certainly not into the self esteem movement, but 621 00:37:10,440 --> 00:37:16,000 Speaker 9: this is ridiculous. You don't want to exactly shatter your 622 00:37:16,080 --> 00:37:18,840 Speaker 9: kid's ego. I mean, it is one thing to have 623 00:37:19,000 --> 00:37:21,120 Speaker 9: kids go get up at the school auditorium, go I 624 00:37:21,160 --> 00:37:24,120 Speaker 9: am wonderful, I love myself, and it's quite another to 625 00:37:24,160 --> 00:37:26,240 Speaker 9: say in front of them, well, the reason I'm switching 626 00:37:26,280 --> 00:37:30,440 Speaker 9: hands is because this one's greater than the other one. 627 00:37:31,000 --> 00:37:35,319 Speaker 9: They spoke etter, so the kid wouldn't understand excellent, that 628 00:37:35,480 --> 00:37:36,040 Speaker 9: is excellent. 629 00:37:36,239 --> 00:37:39,879 Speaker 2: That's for posterity. That is absolutely right. 630 00:37:40,280 --> 00:37:44,000 Speaker 1: Join us tomorrow to hear more on Timeless Wisdom with 631 00:37:44,160 --> 00:37:48,600 Speaker 1: Dennis Prager. Visit denispragger dot com for thousands of hours 632 00:37:48,600 --> 00:37:52,360 Speaker 1: off Dennis's lecturous courses in classic radio programs, and to 633 00:37:52,440 --> 00:37:59,680 Speaker 1: purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles. We want to take just 634 00:37:59,680 --> 00:38:01,960 Speaker 1: a seton and to thank the team at Life Audio 635 00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,480 Speaker 1: for their partnership with us on the podcast. Go to 636 00:38:04,560 --> 00:38:07,560 Speaker 1: lifeaudio dot com to find dozens of other faith centered 637 00:38:07,560 --> 00:38:11,640 Speaker 1: podcasts and their network, including shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, 638 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:12,480 Speaker 1: and more.