1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:09,200 Speaker 1: Life Audio. Hi there, it's Dana Shae and welcome to 2 00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:15,640 Speaker 1: the Rebuilding US Marriage Podcast. I really want to start 3 00:00:15,680 --> 00:00:20,240 Speaker 1: talking to you about ways to continue to grow in 4 00:00:20,280 --> 00:00:23,720 Speaker 1: your affection toward one another. If your relationship is going 5 00:00:23,760 --> 00:00:26,160 Speaker 1: to be great, it is going to be because you 6 00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:29,160 Speaker 1: put in the work, you put in the intention. How 7 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:32,920 Speaker 1: do you actually have a relationship where you're intentional and 8 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:40,400 Speaker 1: you can connect even through difficult seasons. Hey, friends, it's 9 00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,200 Speaker 1: Dana se and you're listening to the Rebuilding US podcast. 10 00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 1: I want you to think about a time where your 11 00:00:46,440 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: marriage suffered from a lack of affection. Maybe you and 12 00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:52,800 Speaker 1: your spouse used to be really cuddly, used to be 13 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:57,640 Speaker 1: really touchy, hands on. Your relationship had a decent amount 14 00:00:57,680 --> 00:00:59,600 Speaker 1: of affection, or maybe even a good amount of affection, 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,640 Speaker 1: but then something happened, whether it was a betrayal or 16 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:05,720 Speaker 1: maybe just what we're going to talk about today, just 17 00:01:05,760 --> 00:01:10,119 Speaker 1: the season's changed and you started backing off a little bit, 18 00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,520 Speaker 1: maybe your spouse started backing off a little bit, and 19 00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:15,120 Speaker 1: now you're in a marriage where it just feels very distant, 20 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 1: feels very cold, does not feel warm at all. I 21 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:22,080 Speaker 1: want to talk to you all today about the holiday 22 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:27,240 Speaker 1: affection dip. Now. I laughed when I came up with 23 00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,840 Speaker 1: this title because I thought about we depending on when 24 00:01:29,880 --> 00:01:32,160 Speaker 1: you're listening to this podcast, of course, we are just 25 00:01:32,240 --> 00:01:36,160 Speaker 1: a few days past Thanksgiving, and you know how people 26 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,600 Speaker 1: save that turkey and then they're like, I'm gonna put 27 00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:41,960 Speaker 1: that turkey in some castle role, as if the turkey 28 00:01:42,240 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 1: is going to taste better in the castle role, even 29 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:47,520 Speaker 1: though it's still eight days old. You know, well, we 30 00:01:47,600 --> 00:01:49,800 Speaker 1: do the same thing with holiday dips, or with any 31 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:51,480 Speaker 1: kind of dips. Right, You're just like kind of throwing 32 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:54,000 Speaker 1: in random stuff in there, and then you hope for 33 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,840 Speaker 1: the best it's going to taste good because it's a 34 00:01:55,880 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 1: dip and you can use a chip and it can 35 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: be great. Well, I'm not necessarily talk about that kind 36 00:02:00,760 --> 00:02:04,920 Speaker 1: of dip. I'm talking about the dip and affection that 37 00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,960 Speaker 1: we feel or that we experience in our marriages. Now, 38 00:02:09,040 --> 00:02:10,800 Speaker 1: right off the bat, I want to give you a 39 00:02:10,880 --> 00:02:14,839 Speaker 1: resource because there are so many couples who go through this. 40 00:02:15,320 --> 00:02:18,360 Speaker 1: We have ebbs and flows and our marriages. There is 41 00:02:18,440 --> 00:02:21,360 Speaker 1: no perfect marriage. There is there is no perfect marriage. 42 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:23,760 Speaker 1: There is not I don't care what that marriage looks 43 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:27,880 Speaker 1: like from the outside. Okay, there is nobody in your life, okay, 44 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:31,680 Speaker 1: who has a perfect marriage. The reality is that marriage 45 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:36,120 Speaker 1: takes intentionality. And this is why this podcast exists, is 46 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:38,080 Speaker 1: because I want to help you to be able to 47 00:02:38,120 --> 00:02:40,519 Speaker 1: have an intentional marriage. You're not just going to have 48 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:42,960 Speaker 1: a great relationship because you want one. You're not going 49 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:45,000 Speaker 1: to have just a great relationship because you're a really 50 00:02:45,080 --> 00:02:48,519 Speaker 1: nice person. If your relationship is going to be great, 51 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,240 Speaker 1: it is going to be because you put in the work, 52 00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:55,079 Speaker 1: you put in the intention And unfortunately, around the holidays 53 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,440 Speaker 1: we can get a little lax and things can kind 54 00:02:57,440 --> 00:03:01,240 Speaker 1: of cool down a little bit. So I've been promoting 55 00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:04,399 Speaker 1: this resource and it's been so helpful for so many 56 00:03:04,400 --> 00:03:07,760 Speaker 1: of you. It's called the Ultimate Couple's Guide, and it's 57 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 1: really five simple steps to increase and enhance the intimacy 58 00:03:11,720 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 1: and your relationship. If you've listened to any of my episodes, 59 00:03:14,320 --> 00:03:16,239 Speaker 1: you know that when I say intimacy, I'm not just 60 00:03:16,280 --> 00:03:20,200 Speaker 1: talking about sexual intimacy, friends, I'm talking about emotional, physical, 61 00:03:20,440 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: I'm talking about recreational, intellectual intimacy. Right, And so how 62 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,280 Speaker 1: do you do that? How do you actually have a 63 00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:33,239 Speaker 1: relationship where you're intentional and you can connect even through 64 00:03:33,280 --> 00:03:36,680 Speaker 1: difficult seasons or rough seasons. You need the Ultimate Couple 65 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:38,960 Speaker 1: Guide to show you how. So you can access that 66 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:43,560 Speaker 1: simply by going to Danasha dot com. That's da Nache 67 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,560 Speaker 1: dot com forward slash Ultimate Couple. Of course, I'll link 68 00:03:47,600 --> 00:03:50,640 Speaker 1: to that in the show notes of today's podcast. But 69 00:03:50,720 --> 00:03:54,320 Speaker 1: I want us to start thinking about the affection that 70 00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,440 Speaker 1: we show each other now. Right off the bat, some 71 00:03:57,480 --> 00:03:59,480 Speaker 1: of y'all are thinking, you know what, I'm not an 72 00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:02,320 Speaker 1: affection I don't need all that, Dana. I don't need 73 00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:05,280 Speaker 1: all the hugs and the snuggles and the kisses, and 74 00:04:05,760 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: I really don't like all of that anyway. So this 75 00:04:08,560 --> 00:04:11,280 Speaker 1: really isn't a problem for me. Well, friend, guess what 76 00:04:11,480 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 1: I think that it is. I believe that in every relationship, 77 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 1: every marriage, whether you consider yourself to be physically affectionate 78 00:04:19,240 --> 00:04:23,320 Speaker 1: or not, you see, affection is not simply touch. Affection 79 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:25,760 Speaker 1: is not just me sitting on your lap or rubbing 80 00:04:25,760 --> 00:04:30,000 Speaker 1: your shoulders. Those are acts of affection, but affection really 81 00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:34,520 Speaker 1: goes deeper to how you see your spouse. What comes 82 00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,160 Speaker 1: to your mind when you think of them? Do you 83 00:04:37,200 --> 00:04:41,920 Speaker 1: take them for granted? Do you appreciate them right? And 84 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: so when I look at my own marriage, I am 85 00:04:44,520 --> 00:04:46,440 Speaker 1: a very affectionate person. Let me just tell you that 86 00:04:46,480 --> 00:04:48,839 Speaker 1: it right off the bat. So I'm a little subjective 87 00:04:48,880 --> 00:04:54,400 Speaker 1: here because I believe in physical affection as well, and 88 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:57,040 Speaker 1: so I am a very affectionate person. I love hugs, 89 00:04:57,320 --> 00:05:00,520 Speaker 1: I love massages, any kind of touch, bring it on. 90 00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,320 Speaker 1: And so is Sean. We're both very affectionate people. So 91 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,359 Speaker 1: this is actually a plus for us. You know, in 92 00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:10,159 Speaker 1: most marriages, you're gonna have like one spouse who is 93 00:05:10,240 --> 00:05:13,040 Speaker 1: affectionate and one spouse who is not. And our relationship, 94 00:05:13,040 --> 00:05:15,279 Speaker 1: we're both very affectionate. But let me tell you something. 95 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:18,800 Speaker 1: I always know when I have some sort of grudge 96 00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:21,600 Speaker 1: against Sean because I don't want him touch me. Don't 97 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:24,839 Speaker 1: put your foot on me, do not sit near me. 98 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:27,080 Speaker 1: I don't want my hand touching your hand. I will 99 00:05:27,080 --> 00:05:29,919 Speaker 1: snatch my hand away if we're driving down the street 100 00:05:29,960 --> 00:05:32,640 Speaker 1: and his hand brushes up against mine, if I'm holding 101 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,080 Speaker 1: something against him, And I might not even have acknowledged 102 00:05:36,120 --> 00:05:38,160 Speaker 1: that to him. I might not have even said, like, 103 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 1: you know, I'm really feeling a kind of way about 104 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 1: you right now, I'm really feeling I might not even 105 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:46,520 Speaker 1: say that, but I know that I'm feeling that way 106 00:05:46,600 --> 00:05:49,760 Speaker 1: if I don't want to be touched, if I do 107 00:05:49,839 --> 00:05:52,960 Speaker 1: not want him to be affectionate toward me. So if 108 00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:55,080 Speaker 1: you're the kind of person and you're thinking, yup, that's me. 109 00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: I'm definitely holding something against my spouse, I'm gonna help 110 00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,719 Speaker 1: you get free. And this episode day, so let's talk 111 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:06,520 Speaker 1: about some reasons why our affection cools off, especially around 112 00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,640 Speaker 1: the holidays. I know, you know most of my podcast 113 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,240 Speaker 1: episodes are evergreen, meaning you can listen to them anytime. 114 00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,840 Speaker 1: You're gonna find that. You know, it's not gonna be 115 00:06:13,920 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 1: dated if you will. This particular episode, I'm dating it 116 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:20,719 Speaker 1: a little bit and including the holidays. And it doesn't 117 00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:22,680 Speaker 1: have to just be Christmas or Thanksgiving. You can think 118 00:06:22,680 --> 00:06:26,760 Speaker 1: about any holiday or any busy season really in our lives, 119 00:06:27,040 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 1: because guess what, there is a level of intentionality that 120 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: we have to kind of up the ante on during 121 00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:36,040 Speaker 1: the busy season of life. It's just the truth. I 122 00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,240 Speaker 1: want you to think if you have children, right, and 123 00:06:38,279 --> 00:06:40,960 Speaker 1: your kids are involved in sports, and you're running from 124 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,280 Speaker 1: here today or to everywhere they've got practices three and 125 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,520 Speaker 1: four times that we think about games on the weekends, 126 00:06:45,720 --> 00:06:49,120 Speaker 1: or if they're older, maybe games at night. That is 127 00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:52,760 Speaker 1: a prime time for you and your spouse to cool 128 00:06:52,839 --> 00:06:56,040 Speaker 1: off on your affection. That affection will dip in your 129 00:06:56,040 --> 00:07:00,080 Speaker 1: relationships simply because of the season that you are in 130 00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:04,160 Speaker 1: in that situation, literally the athletic season that you're in, 131 00:07:04,800 --> 00:07:06,479 Speaker 1: or if your child is involved in some sort of 132 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,560 Speaker 1: other extracurricular activity, it could be banned, it could be danced, 133 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,240 Speaker 1: whatever it is. Fill in the blank. Now, maybe you 134 00:07:12,280 --> 00:07:14,680 Speaker 1: don't have children, or maybe your children are older or 135 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:17,840 Speaker 1: they're not involved, but there's still seasons of life that 136 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:20,840 Speaker 1: we go through where we, if we're honest, we have 137 00:07:20,880 --> 00:07:23,200 Speaker 1: to realize, Okay, I need to be a little bit 138 00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:27,120 Speaker 1: more strategic here. I need to be more intentional here. 139 00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:28,600 Speaker 1: You're going to get sick of that word, but I'm 140 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 1: going to keep using it because it's so important. But 141 00:07:31,880 --> 00:07:34,960 Speaker 1: where I need to be more intentional here to make 142 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:40,280 Speaker 1: sure that we don't lack in this area. You all 143 00:07:40,280 --> 00:07:42,720 Speaker 1: know that I do a lot of coaching and training 144 00:07:42,760 --> 00:07:45,920 Speaker 1: around in fidelity, and I will say it until I 145 00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 1: am blue in the face. Infidelity is not something that 146 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:51,960 Speaker 1: you fall into. You don't wake up one day and 147 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,000 Speaker 1: be like, oh my gosh, I'm in an affair. How 148 00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:57,800 Speaker 1: did that happen? No, it happens because of these things 149 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,120 Speaker 1: that we bypass along the way. We stop caring for 150 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:04,560 Speaker 1: our spouse, We stop taking care of ourselves, we stop 151 00:08:04,840 --> 00:08:07,560 Speaker 1: paying attention to those boundaries, we allow our boundaries to 152 00:08:07,560 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: be violated, et cetera, et cetera. So I'm giving you 153 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: some preventative care so that you and I don't have 154 00:08:13,680 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 1: to meet in a coaching session about infidelity. Let's not 155 00:08:17,960 --> 00:08:21,720 Speaker 1: do that now. If you have experienced infidelity in your marriage, 156 00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:23,800 Speaker 1: I can help you with that. I've got an incredible 157 00:08:23,840 --> 00:08:27,000 Speaker 1: resource called Infidelity Intensive that will walk through through the 158 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:30,000 Speaker 1: steps of healing, whether you want to get healed in 159 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,439 Speaker 1: your marriage together, or whether you're like, I need to 160 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:36,280 Speaker 1: leave this marriage because it's totally destructive, my spouse is unrepentant. 161 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:38,880 Speaker 1: You can still get healed and you can find out 162 00:08:38,920 --> 00:08:45,640 Speaker 1: about Infidelity Intensive at Danashay dot com. Forward slash infidelity Intensive. Okay, 163 00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:47,240 Speaker 1: and again, of course I'll link to that in the 164 00:08:47,280 --> 00:08:50,920 Speaker 1: show notes. All right, let's start talking about how we 165 00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:56,400 Speaker 1: start to lose affection in our marriage. I already alluded 166 00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:59,760 Speaker 1: to it, But the first way is through just some 167 00:09:00,080 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 1: full busyness, being too busy. Now, I have a lot 168 00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:08,840 Speaker 1: of things going on, you all, I wear multiple hats. 169 00:09:09,080 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 1: I am what's called a multi passionate woman. I am 170 00:09:11,800 --> 00:09:15,400 Speaker 1: a serial entrepreneur. And if you've been listening to the show, 171 00:09:15,440 --> 00:09:18,200 Speaker 1: you know that I also have this new TV hosting gig. 172 00:09:18,559 --> 00:09:21,679 Speaker 1: I'm also publishing a book, also have this podcast. I'll 173 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:24,040 Speaker 1: also have a family. I also have, I also have 174 00:09:24,120 --> 00:09:26,160 Speaker 1: I also have right dot dot dot dot dot. And 175 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,360 Speaker 1: you could probably say the same thing about your life 176 00:09:28,720 --> 00:09:31,320 Speaker 1: where you have so much going on, and then you 177 00:09:31,400 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 1: throw a spouse in the mix, and now they require 178 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:37,480 Speaker 1: time and attention and affection, and sometimes it can be 179 00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: really overwhelming, can't it. We're like, oh my gosh, I'm 180 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 1: just one person. I cannot give to you all of 181 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:48,280 Speaker 1: these things. And so what happens sometimes, friends, is that 182 00:09:48,480 --> 00:09:51,440 Speaker 1: we stop being affectionate in our marriage. Is not because 183 00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:54,360 Speaker 1: our spouses have done anything wrong or not even because 184 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:58,200 Speaker 1: we don't love them, but we're just too busy. We're 185 00:09:58,240 --> 00:10:01,400 Speaker 1: just caught up in too much stuff. So what is 186 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,959 Speaker 1: the antidote to this? I told one of my friends 187 00:10:04,000 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: the other day, I said, I am in a season 188 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:11,200 Speaker 1: of no like unashamedly no. I am saying no to 189 00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:13,920 Speaker 1: so many things right now. No to your party, no 190 00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:18,360 Speaker 1: to your invitation, no to like a lot of things. 191 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:22,000 Speaker 1: Why because every time that we say yes to something, 192 00:10:22,400 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: we have to say no to something else. And so 193 00:10:25,840 --> 00:10:27,480 Speaker 1: I want to be able to make sure that my 194 00:10:27,679 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 1: yeses are very intentional, that I'm not going to some 195 00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,480 Speaker 1: event just because I feel guilty if I say no. 196 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:36,160 Speaker 1: I don't even want to be at the event, but 197 00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:39,480 Speaker 1: I'm just there. Have you ever done that? Right? You 198 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,160 Speaker 1: don't really want to be somewhere, but you're just there. 199 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:45,360 Speaker 1: Some of y'all are like, yes, my marriage. Okay, I'm 200 00:10:45,360 --> 00:10:49,280 Speaker 1: not talking about that. I'm talking about you know. You're 201 00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:51,400 Speaker 1: saying yes to all this stuff. It could be stuff 202 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: at work. They're asking you to, Hey, would you be 203 00:10:53,760 --> 00:10:55,640 Speaker 1: on this team, would you be a part of this project? 204 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,360 Speaker 1: Would you start this initiative? And we start to get 205 00:10:58,440 --> 00:10:59,959 Speaker 1: caught up in all of that, thinking, well, if I 206 00:11:00,200 --> 00:11:02,640 Speaker 1: say no, that maybe I'm gonna lose my job, or 207 00:11:02,640 --> 00:11:04,880 Speaker 1: if I say no, then maybe and we start to 208 00:11:04,880 --> 00:11:08,880 Speaker 1: fill in the blanks with all the fear. But being busy. 209 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:12,600 Speaker 1: Being too busy is one of the reasons that our 210 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,679 Speaker 1: affection dips in our marriage. You just don't have time. 211 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: So the antidote, like I said, is to start saying 212 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,520 Speaker 1: no to more stuff. Put some boundaries in place so 213 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:27,120 Speaker 1: that you're not overworking yourself and over extending yourself. And listen, 214 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:30,840 Speaker 1: this includes your children. We love them, We really do 215 00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,600 Speaker 1: love our little kiddies. But you cannot be saying yes 216 00:11:34,640 --> 00:11:36,880 Speaker 1: to your kids more than you say yes to your spouse. 217 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:40,360 Speaker 1: I'm gonna just let that semmer right there. I'm gonna 218 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,600 Speaker 1: just let that simmer right there, and we're gonna move 219 00:11:42,600 --> 00:11:45,520 Speaker 1: on to number two, all right. So another reason that 220 00:11:45,679 --> 00:11:48,480 Speaker 1: the affection dips in our relationships is because, and it's 221 00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:52,000 Speaker 1: similar to being busy, we're overtired. Maybe you don't have 222 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:53,719 Speaker 1: a whole lot going on in your life, but you're 223 00:11:53,760 --> 00:11:56,720 Speaker 1: just tired. Like I had to go to start seeing 224 00:11:56,720 --> 00:12:01,080 Speaker 1: a functional medicine doctor, y'all, because I was so tired. 225 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,319 Speaker 1: I've never been like a three cup of coffee a 226 00:12:03,400 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 1: day drinker. I don't need that much caffeine. But let 227 00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,000 Speaker 1: me tell you something, if I don't have my caffeine, 228 00:12:09,120 --> 00:12:13,920 Speaker 1: my one cup, it's a wrap. I am so fatigued 229 00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:15,400 Speaker 1: and so tired, so I want to go see this 230 00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,080 Speaker 1: functional doctor. She's got me on all kinds of stuff, 231 00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:22,680 Speaker 1: good stuff, supplements, vitamin D and things like that, and 232 00:12:22,760 --> 00:12:25,400 Speaker 1: so I'm starting to see a little bit of an improvement. 233 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:27,280 Speaker 1: And then plus i started going to bed a lot 234 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,800 Speaker 1: earlier because I'm waking up a lot earlier being at 235 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:32,040 Speaker 1: the TV station first thing in the morning. So some 236 00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:34,520 Speaker 1: of that stuff is just like lifestyle changes. I realized 237 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:38,440 Speaker 1: I wasn't getting enough sleep and stuff like that. So 238 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:42,800 Speaker 1: sometimes you are just overtired, and because you are over tired, 239 00:12:43,440 --> 00:12:45,319 Speaker 1: the last thing that you want to do is somebody 240 00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:47,760 Speaker 1: laying up on you like I'm sorry, no, thank you. 241 00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 1: And if that's the case, well then I think we 242 00:12:51,120 --> 00:12:54,400 Speaker 1: all know the solution is to either get more rest, 243 00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,680 Speaker 1: take some stuff off your plate, go to a doctor 244 00:12:57,679 --> 00:13:00,319 Speaker 1: if you need to find out why you're so tired. 245 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 1: And there's a difference between being tired and being fatigued 246 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 1: and being sleepy. All of us humans require sleep, So 247 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:13,160 Speaker 1: sleepiness is normal. Being fatigued and overtired is not. And 248 00:13:13,240 --> 00:13:16,560 Speaker 1: you can fix that. So don't allow that to be 249 00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:20,800 Speaker 1: an excuse as to why your affection and your marriage dips. Okay, 250 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:25,600 Speaker 1: number three taking each other for granted. Our affection will 251 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,199 Speaker 1: dip in our relationships when we take each other for granted, 252 00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,760 Speaker 1: when you stop doing the little things like saying please, 253 00:13:30,840 --> 00:13:33,360 Speaker 1: saying thank you. Sean and I have been married for 254 00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,800 Speaker 1: over twenty six years, y'all. He opens my car door 255 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:39,000 Speaker 1: every single time we're getting in the car. He opens 256 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 1: any door. He never lets me touch a door. He 257 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:44,240 Speaker 1: never sits on the outside or if we're walking down 258 00:13:44,240 --> 00:13:46,320 Speaker 1: the street, he's always on the outside. And that could 259 00:13:46,320 --> 00:13:50,400 Speaker 1: seem like really traditional or maybe even misogynistic to some people. 260 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,080 Speaker 1: I don't look at it like that at all. I 261 00:13:52,160 --> 00:13:56,440 Speaker 1: love it. I feel cherished, and I have to remind 262 00:13:56,480 --> 00:13:59,040 Speaker 1: myself to say thank you, thanks, babe. I really appreciate 263 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,520 Speaker 1: that do so many little things for me that sometimes, 264 00:14:02,559 --> 00:14:05,840 Speaker 1: honestly all we can just get spoiled to it. And 265 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:09,240 Speaker 1: so if your spouse is doing kind things for you, 266 00:14:09,360 --> 00:14:12,280 Speaker 1: be sure that you acknowledge that and that you don't 267 00:14:12,360 --> 00:14:14,440 Speaker 1: take them for granted. Now you might be thinking, well, 268 00:14:14,480 --> 00:14:17,480 Speaker 1: I'm the one that feels taken for granted. Well, it 269 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,320 Speaker 1: might be a time for you to start having that 270 00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:22,480 Speaker 1: conversation with your spouse and saying, look, I'm not doing 271 00:14:22,520 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 1: all this stuff to get something from you. I'm not 272 00:14:25,200 --> 00:14:28,080 Speaker 1: doing this to get a at a girl or a 273 00:14:28,120 --> 00:14:31,760 Speaker 1: at a boy, but sometimes I really do need you 274 00:14:31,840 --> 00:14:35,000 Speaker 1: to just acknowledge that you see what I'm doing for 275 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,480 Speaker 1: you and that you appreciate it. That would make me 276 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:43,080 Speaker 1: feel more affection toward you. So taking each other for granted. 277 00:14:43,160 --> 00:14:45,520 Speaker 1: Number three, number four, I'm gonna give you like five 278 00:14:45,600 --> 00:14:50,000 Speaker 1: or six of these, okay. Number four is just basically 279 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 1: getting to a point where you've allowed hurts and passed 280 00:14:55,600 --> 00:15:02,000 Speaker 1: wounds to take center stage. When you allow healed hurts 281 00:15:02,040 --> 00:15:04,640 Speaker 1: to run the show in your marriage, your marriage will 282 00:15:04,680 --> 00:15:08,000 Speaker 1: erode from the inside out. There's nowhere around it. And 283 00:15:08,040 --> 00:15:11,400 Speaker 1: this is why I preach forgiveness so much. It's so 284 00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 1: important you all like, forgiveness is not just, oh, that's 285 00:15:14,760 --> 00:15:18,840 Speaker 1: the nice Christian thing to do. No. Forgiveness releases you 286 00:15:19,440 --> 00:15:23,280 Speaker 1: from the pain of the hurt it does. It releases 287 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,480 Speaker 1: you from the pain of what happened. It doesn't mean 288 00:15:26,480 --> 00:15:30,720 Speaker 1: that what happened doesn't still hurt sometimes, but when you forgive, 289 00:15:30,800 --> 00:15:33,920 Speaker 1: you release that you're no longer feeding on that hurt, 290 00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 1: feeding on that pain, meditating on how bad it hurt. 291 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:39,000 Speaker 1: When they said this, and I can't believe they did 292 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:41,840 Speaker 1: this to me. When you forgive, you release all of that. 293 00:15:41,920 --> 00:15:46,640 Speaker 1: It's so freeing, it's so healing. So if you've got 294 00:15:46,720 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 1: unconfessed wounds, if you've got unconfessed or not unconfessed, if 295 00:15:52,000 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 1: you've got unhealed wounds, if you've got unconfessed sin, maybe 296 00:15:55,880 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: it's you who've calls the wound and your spouse and 297 00:15:58,360 --> 00:16:00,880 Speaker 1: you can't be affectionate toward them because you're dealing with 298 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,240 Speaker 1: some sort of guilty conscious Well then you know what 299 00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:06,360 Speaker 1: that is. Just just make it right, like, we don't 300 00:16:06,360 --> 00:16:09,920 Speaker 1: have to overcomplicate this, Just make it right. Ask for forgiveness, 301 00:16:10,480 --> 00:16:15,440 Speaker 1: or if you're the one who's holding onto unforgiveness, release forgive. Okay. 302 00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,560 Speaker 1: And then the final reason before we go to break 303 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:20,760 Speaker 1: real quick, the final reason that I think that the 304 00:16:20,800 --> 00:16:23,960 Speaker 1: affection wanes and our relationships is because we're listening to 305 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:28,120 Speaker 1: the wrong folks. Yeah, we're listening to the wrong people. 306 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:32,960 Speaker 1: Let me tell y'all something. Do not take marriage advice 307 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:36,400 Speaker 1: from people who you would not want your marriage to be. Like, 308 00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: I know Aunt Mabel means well, but Aunt Mabel then 309 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:44,560 Speaker 1: been married about five times. Okay, she is not someone 310 00:16:44,600 --> 00:16:47,680 Speaker 1: that you need to take marriage advice from. I don't 311 00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:51,160 Speaker 1: care how Christian she is. No, no, no, ma'am, I'm sorry. No, 312 00:16:51,280 --> 00:16:53,800 Speaker 1: thank you. You can say it with a smile. Mmm, no, 313 00:16:53,920 --> 00:17:00,080 Speaker 1: thank you. Appreciate you though, God bless right. Also, be 314 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:03,880 Speaker 1: careful about worldly influences, like the way that we do 315 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:07,720 Speaker 1: relationships and the kingdom is different. Okay, it's just different. 316 00:17:07,760 --> 00:17:09,800 Speaker 1: It just is. I don't make any apologies for that. 317 00:17:10,960 --> 00:17:15,600 Speaker 1: It's harder. Actually, it causes you to die to your flesh. 318 00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:21,120 Speaker 1: It causes you to be uncomfortable, it causes you to forgive, 319 00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:24,200 Speaker 1: like we just talked about, right, I'm not saying subject 320 00:17:24,280 --> 00:17:27,679 Speaker 1: yourself to abuse. That is not kingdom. Okay, that is 321 00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,119 Speaker 1: not kingdom. But the way that we do relationships are different, 322 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,359 Speaker 1: and so you've got to be careful about who's in 323 00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:36,840 Speaker 1: your ear. Be careful about what your best friend is 324 00:17:36,880 --> 00:17:39,639 Speaker 1: telling you, and what your cousin is telling you, and 325 00:17:39,680 --> 00:17:42,879 Speaker 1: what your ex Oh my gosh, I don't even know 326 00:17:42,880 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 1: where that came from. X shouldn't be telling you anything. 327 00:17:45,280 --> 00:17:48,719 Speaker 1: But be careful about who's in your ear because someone 328 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:51,960 Speaker 1: can say something and that can cause you to stop 329 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:54,440 Speaker 1: being affectionate toward your spouse. And your spouse hasn't even 330 00:17:54,440 --> 00:17:57,560 Speaker 1: done anything. Listen, y'all. And the work that I do, 331 00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,480 Speaker 1: I love, y'all, but I have to like set that 332 00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:03,919 Speaker 1: aside when I'm about to go in and engage with 333 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:08,440 Speaker 1: my husband, because I hear some stories, okay, and if 334 00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:11,280 Speaker 1: I'm not careful, that stuff can seep into my own 335 00:18:11,400 --> 00:18:14,080 Speaker 1: marriage and I can be looking at Sean a certain 336 00:18:14,160 --> 00:18:16,240 Speaker 1: kind of way. And this man hasn't done anything to me. 337 00:18:18,560 --> 00:18:21,840 Speaker 1: So you have to be careful about the influences that 338 00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:24,959 Speaker 1: you allow in your life and the influences the people 339 00:18:25,240 --> 00:18:28,560 Speaker 1: that you allow to speak into you. Okay, Well, this 340 00:18:28,640 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 1: is a great time for us to take a quick break. 341 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:31,920 Speaker 1: This is not going to be a long episode at all, 342 00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:34,880 Speaker 1: so I want you to make sure that you dial in. Okay. 343 00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:37,040 Speaker 1: We've got some sponsors that are sponsor of the show, 344 00:18:37,280 --> 00:18:38,920 Speaker 1: and some of you have been like heang, I wish 345 00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,800 Speaker 1: we didn't have commercials in this podcast. Well, guess what 346 00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:45,159 Speaker 1: You can donate to the Rebuilding Us podcast. This is 347 00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,879 Speaker 1: how the podcast continues to grow and go, and so 348 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 1: if you would like to make a donation of any amount, 349 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:53,920 Speaker 1: you can simply go to Danishshaye dot com slash donate 350 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:57,840 Speaker 1: and I will gladly put your money to work. All right, 351 00:18:57,880 --> 00:18:59,200 Speaker 1: we have to take a quick break for a word 352 00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:01,400 Speaker 1: from our sponsor. Be sure to subscribe to the podcast 353 00:19:01,400 --> 00:19:03,520 Speaker 1: if you haven't done so already. We'll be back in 354 00:19:03,560 --> 00:19:08,600 Speaker 1: just a second. All right, my friends, we are back, 355 00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:11,080 Speaker 1: and before the break, we were talking about some things 356 00:19:11,119 --> 00:19:15,680 Speaker 1: that happen in our relationships, some reasons why that affection dips. 357 00:19:16,040 --> 00:19:18,480 Speaker 1: For this next half, I really want to start talking 358 00:19:18,520 --> 00:19:22,920 Speaker 1: to you about ways to continue to grow in your 359 00:19:22,960 --> 00:19:26,080 Speaker 1: affection toward one another. So it's not just like, okay, 360 00:19:26,240 --> 00:19:30,080 Speaker 1: let's not let the affection dip. Well, listen, let's let 361 00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:34,119 Speaker 1: that thing rise like a like a bread basket. I 362 00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:36,480 Speaker 1: was gonna say, like a yeast roll. Let's let that 363 00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:40,399 Speaker 1: thing rise. How about we grow in our affection not 364 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:43,919 Speaker 1: just be like okay, let's not be affection. Can we 365 00:19:43,960 --> 00:19:47,080 Speaker 1: start being more affection? And again, remember it's not just 366 00:19:47,119 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 1: a matter of touching and massaging. And that's great, But 367 00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:52,400 Speaker 1: I'm talking about the way that you think about your spouse. 368 00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:55,520 Speaker 1: What comes to mind right now? Think about your spouse 369 00:19:55,600 --> 00:19:57,960 Speaker 1: right now, maybe they're beside you, just give them a 370 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:03,160 Speaker 1: smile or may when you think about them, you don't 371 00:20:03,160 --> 00:20:07,000 Speaker 1: think good thoughts. That's an indication that the affection has 372 00:20:07,040 --> 00:20:10,679 Speaker 1: dipped in your relationship. Okay, so how do we not 373 00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,360 Speaker 1: only keep the affection going, but how do we make 374 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,520 Speaker 1: it grow? First thing I want to say is that 375 00:20:15,560 --> 00:20:17,120 Speaker 1: we've got to learn how to keep the main thing 376 00:20:17,160 --> 00:20:20,200 Speaker 1: the main thing. Now, I know that sounds really a 377 00:20:20,240 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 1: cliche and very broad. I'm gonna explain to you what 378 00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:27,240 Speaker 1: I mean. In the holiday season specifically, since that's what 379 00:20:27,240 --> 00:20:29,280 Speaker 1: we're talking about, we can get so caught up in 380 00:20:29,359 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 1: gift buying and gift giving and how much did this cost? 381 00:20:33,080 --> 00:20:35,479 Speaker 1: And who's coming over for dinner and this party and 382 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,600 Speaker 1: that party, and we can get so wrapped up in 383 00:20:38,680 --> 00:20:41,919 Speaker 1: all of these things. Arguments can start, you know what 384 00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:46,119 Speaker 1: I'm talking about, petty arguments that don't matter. And what 385 00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,600 Speaker 1: we have to focus on is keeping the main thing 386 00:20:48,640 --> 00:20:52,080 Speaker 1: the main thing. What's the main thing? We get to 387 00:20:52,280 --> 00:20:56,000 Speaker 1: celebrate the season together every time the holidays come up. 388 00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:58,280 Speaker 1: I'm gonna be honest, like I kind of have like 389 00:20:58,320 --> 00:21:00,560 Speaker 1: a little old like a little dread. And we're going 390 00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,680 Speaker 1: to talk about that on an upcoming podcast. I believe 391 00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:05,960 Speaker 1: it's next week's podcast where Sean and I are going 392 00:21:06,040 --> 00:21:10,119 Speaker 1: to talk about our financial differences, our spending habits around 393 00:21:10,119 --> 00:21:13,639 Speaker 1: the holidays. One of us is like Santa Claus on steroids, 394 00:21:13,680 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 1: and the other person is not. Okay, the other person 395 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,879 Speaker 1: is almost a mister Scrooge or missus Scrooge. You'll have 396 00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,960 Speaker 1: to listen to that podcast episode to find out which one. 397 00:21:22,040 --> 00:21:24,440 Speaker 1: But it used to be that when I thought about 398 00:21:24,440 --> 00:21:26,800 Speaker 1: the holidays, it was like, especially Christmas, it was like, oh, 399 00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:29,560 Speaker 1: I don't know, you know, because I knew that we 400 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:34,720 Speaker 1: had this tension concerning our finances. Listen, friend, keep the 401 00:21:34,760 --> 00:21:37,440 Speaker 1: main thing, the main thing. It's not about the money. 402 00:21:37,480 --> 00:21:39,320 Speaker 1: It's not about the gifts. It's not about the party. 403 00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:41,200 Speaker 1: It's not about the cake. It's not about the in law. 404 00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,120 Speaker 1: It's not about the pie, the dinner. It's not about 405 00:21:44,160 --> 00:21:47,240 Speaker 1: any of that stuff. This is a season where we 406 00:21:47,280 --> 00:21:50,560 Speaker 1: get to celebrate the joy of just being together. So 407 00:21:50,640 --> 00:21:53,680 Speaker 1: keep the main thing the main thing. Number two, Stay 408 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,639 Speaker 1: out of family drama. Oh my goodness. I know we 409 00:21:56,680 --> 00:22:00,400 Speaker 1: all hate drama, right, but sometimes, y'all, honestly, sometimes, let's 410 00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:03,760 Speaker 1: just be real, honest, we'd be liking some drama. I 411 00:22:03,800 --> 00:22:06,680 Speaker 1: know that's not good grammar, but it's true. Right, we 412 00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,920 Speaker 1: find these these people in our families most of the time, 413 00:22:11,280 --> 00:22:14,000 Speaker 1: whether it's your in laws, your cousins. This person doesn't 414 00:22:14,040 --> 00:22:17,000 Speaker 1: like this person. This person's mad because this person didn't 415 00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:19,639 Speaker 1: get invited to this This person is staying too long, 416 00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:22,440 Speaker 1: this person didn't get invited whatever it might be, right, 417 00:22:22,800 --> 00:22:25,280 Speaker 1: and we get caught up in that, and then we 418 00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:31,320 Speaker 1: god forbid say something about our spouse's family member to them, 419 00:22:32,359 --> 00:22:34,679 Speaker 1: and then we forgot that before we came into the picture, 420 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:39,520 Speaker 1: our spouse had that family member. Am I in your house? Right? 421 00:22:39,880 --> 00:22:43,080 Speaker 1: So stay out of the family drama. If there's a 422 00:22:43,160 --> 00:22:45,560 Speaker 1: family member who wants to come and stay with you 423 00:22:46,040 --> 00:22:48,399 Speaker 1: and you and your spouse are not in agreement, that 424 00:22:48,400 --> 00:22:51,600 Speaker 1: person cannot come m M. Because what you're not gonna 425 00:22:51,640 --> 00:22:54,600 Speaker 1: do is bring that into my house. You're gonna have 426 00:22:54,600 --> 00:22:57,200 Speaker 1: to go stay in a hotel. I'm sorry. Like when 427 00:22:57,440 --> 00:22:58,879 Speaker 1: I told you all, this is a year of no, 428 00:22:59,040 --> 00:23:02,720 Speaker 1: I am not playing. I protect my marriage as best 429 00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:05,120 Speaker 1: as I can. Praise God he protects it more than 430 00:23:05,160 --> 00:23:07,119 Speaker 1: we can. But we can still do some stuff to 431 00:23:07,160 --> 00:23:09,720 Speaker 1: protect our marriage. Right. Don't get caught up in family drama, 432 00:23:10,080 --> 00:23:12,119 Speaker 1: and don't allow family drama to come and find you 433 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,760 Speaker 1: when it starts knocking at your door and be like, no, 434 00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:18,960 Speaker 1: I'm not I can't. I'm not gonna answer because it 435 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:21,600 Speaker 1: will erode the affection in your relationship. It will erode 436 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,919 Speaker 1: your whole relationship, let alone the affection in your relationship. 437 00:23:25,320 --> 00:23:30,120 Speaker 1: So keep family drama out, all right. Number three, talk 438 00:23:30,160 --> 00:23:33,159 Speaker 1: about the hurts. You know, I mentioned earlier that a 439 00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,120 Speaker 1: lot of times we have these unhealed wounds that erode 440 00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:39,520 Speaker 1: our affection. So we have to learn how to talk 441 00:23:39,520 --> 00:23:42,120 Speaker 1: about things and listen. You don't need to bring up 442 00:23:42,320 --> 00:23:47,680 Speaker 1: the conversation for every single infraction. Some stuff, the Bible 443 00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:50,560 Speaker 1: says love covers a multitude of sense. Some stuff you 444 00:23:50,640 --> 00:23:54,159 Speaker 1: just got to like overlook, right, And this is the 445 00:23:54,200 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: little stuff I'm not talking about, like your spouse didn't 446 00:23:56,480 --> 00:23:59,159 Speaker 1: come home for three three days and you're just supposed 447 00:23:59,200 --> 00:24:02,479 Speaker 1: to overlook that. No, I'm talking about little things like 448 00:24:02,880 --> 00:24:06,520 Speaker 1: they made a rude comment, they was snappish, they didn't 449 00:24:06,520 --> 00:24:09,440 Speaker 1: say thank you, they overspent at the grocery store. I mean, 450 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,320 Speaker 1: some stuff we just have to kind of overlook because 451 00:24:13,359 --> 00:24:18,199 Speaker 1: if you pay attention to every single solitary thing, you 452 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:22,280 Speaker 1: are going to be miserable. And maybe you are. And 453 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 1: if you're miserable in your marriage, Ask yourself, could it 454 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:29,919 Speaker 1: be that I am giving way too much attention to 455 00:24:30,000 --> 00:24:33,960 Speaker 1: these small trivial things. Remember, we're going to keep the 456 00:24:34,000 --> 00:24:36,760 Speaker 1: main thing the main thing. We're gonna major on the majors. 457 00:24:37,680 --> 00:24:40,960 Speaker 1: Your spouse is going to offend you. They are going 458 00:24:40,960 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 1: to hurt your feelings, they are going to get on 459 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:48,720 Speaker 1: your nerves. That's called marriage. Nothing strange is happening to you, okay, 460 00:24:48,920 --> 00:24:52,359 Speaker 1: And that's just marriage. And when you realize that, you 461 00:24:52,400 --> 00:24:55,080 Speaker 1: stop taking yourself in them so seriously. You could just 462 00:24:55,119 --> 00:25:00,639 Speaker 1: overlook stuff, all right, And then we need to learn 463 00:25:00,880 --> 00:25:03,959 Speaker 1: how to forgive quickly, quickly. And this is what I 464 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:09,360 Speaker 1: was saying earlier. You know, forgiveness is such a gift. 465 00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,639 Speaker 1: There are so many marriages that are struggling today. Not 466 00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:18,639 Speaker 1: because of something that was done necessarily, Oh that's bad, 467 00:25:19,320 --> 00:25:21,880 Speaker 1: but a lot of times it's because people just don't 468 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:24,640 Speaker 1: want to forgive, or they feel like they just can't forgive. 469 00:25:25,840 --> 00:25:28,159 Speaker 1: And so I'm gonna link to a podcast episode that 470 00:25:28,240 --> 00:25:31,840 Speaker 1: I did on forgiveness. I've done several of them, but 471 00:25:31,880 --> 00:25:36,719 Speaker 1: this one in particular walks you through the process of forgiveness. 472 00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,639 Speaker 1: It was by a book or actually was inspired, I 473 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,639 Speaker 1: should say, by a book by Desmond Tou Tou and 474 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,680 Speaker 1: his daughter Info Tu Tu and it's the Book of 475 00:25:46,760 --> 00:25:49,560 Speaker 1: Forgiving and so I talk about that in the podcast 476 00:25:49,560 --> 00:25:51,400 Speaker 1: episode and I really want to share that with you. 477 00:25:51,520 --> 00:25:55,160 Speaker 1: So if you are struggling with forgiveness, then I want 478 00:25:55,200 --> 00:25:58,320 Speaker 1: you to click the link on that specific podcast episode. 479 00:25:58,440 --> 00:25:59,959 Speaker 1: I'll of course link to it in the show note 480 00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,040 Speaker 1: at danishshay dot com slash podcast, but I want you 481 00:26:03,080 --> 00:26:05,919 Speaker 1: to make sure that you that you go over that 482 00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,159 Speaker 1: one because it's going to be really important for you 483 00:26:08,680 --> 00:26:11,760 Speaker 1: to walk this out, all right. So that's basically it. 484 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:15,600 Speaker 1: We're talking about how to not allow the affection to 485 00:26:15,760 --> 00:26:20,000 Speaker 1: dip in your relationship through the holiday season and beyond. 486 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,280 Speaker 1: I said, this podcast episode isn't necessarily evergreen because we 487 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:25,800 Speaker 1: are talking about the holidays. But of course everything that 488 00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,879 Speaker 1: I share today, you can use it in March, you 489 00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,160 Speaker 1: can use it in September, you can use it in July. 490 00:26:30,560 --> 00:26:35,600 Speaker 1: So don't allow the holiday category to make you feel like, oh, 491 00:26:35,600 --> 00:26:36,879 Speaker 1: I don't have to work on that. I don't have 492 00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:40,159 Speaker 1: to work on affection in June. You still need to 493 00:26:40,160 --> 00:26:43,919 Speaker 1: be intentional about affection. Okay, So before we leave I 494 00:26:43,960 --> 00:26:47,119 Speaker 1: want to read our latest podcast review or one of 495 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,800 Speaker 1: our latest podcast reviews, And let me just say, you 496 00:26:49,840 --> 00:26:53,280 Speaker 1: can leave a review on this podcast on Apple Podcasts 497 00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:56,520 Speaker 1: or Spotify. Super simple how to do that, and you 498 00:26:56,560 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 1: don't have to write an entire paragraph or a book. 499 00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,280 Speaker 1: You can say just a few simple words about what 500 00:27:01,320 --> 00:27:04,080 Speaker 1: the podcast has meant to you. That helps other people 501 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:06,159 Speaker 1: to be able to find the podcast and to be 502 00:27:06,280 --> 00:27:10,679 Speaker 1: encouraged too. So this review says Dana has such a 503 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,359 Speaker 1: gift of articulating effective ways to approach and communicate marriage 504 00:27:14,359 --> 00:27:17,919 Speaker 1: discussions that my husband and I find uncomfortable discussing on 505 00:27:18,000 --> 00:27:21,919 Speaker 1: our own. These podcast topics really help with suggestions on 506 00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,520 Speaker 1: how we can work toward our relationship goals. We've been 507 00:27:24,520 --> 00:27:26,800 Speaker 1: married for over or almost I'm sorry, we've been married 508 00:27:26,840 --> 00:27:29,840 Speaker 1: for almost twenty years, and we have fallen into unhealthy 509 00:27:29,920 --> 00:27:32,960 Speaker 1: routines that we didn't recognize we were in until we 510 00:27:33,040 --> 00:27:35,240 Speaker 1: tried to get out of them, and then we didn't 511 00:27:35,240 --> 00:27:37,159 Speaker 1: know how to get out of them on our own 512 00:27:37,320 --> 00:27:41,679 Speaker 1: without feeling overwhelmed. I always feel empowered with some talking 513 00:27:41,720 --> 00:27:45,160 Speaker 1: points after listening to Dana's podcast. One topic out of time, 514 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:47,919 Speaker 1: we tackle ways that have deeper, more heartfelt discussions, and 515 00:27:47,960 --> 00:27:50,639 Speaker 1: I am so grateful for her direction. I am so 516 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:54,400 Speaker 1: grateful for your review, and I love that you're using 517 00:27:54,480 --> 00:27:59,200 Speaker 1: these podcast episodes to spark deeper conversation. That means everything 518 00:27:59,240 --> 00:28:01,360 Speaker 1: to me. That's what I want, That's what I want 519 00:28:01,400 --> 00:28:03,800 Speaker 1: for you, That's what I want for your marriage. So 520 00:28:03,840 --> 00:28:07,040 Speaker 1: when you all listen to these episodes, don't just leave 521 00:28:07,160 --> 00:28:09,840 Speaker 1: this episode and then go and like watch the Housewives 522 00:28:09,920 --> 00:28:12,960 Speaker 1: or something that's gonna erode everything you just learned. So 523 00:28:13,200 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 1: use this podcast episode to spark deeper conversations in your relationships. 524 00:28:19,240 --> 00:28:21,359 Speaker 1: All right, Well, thank you so much for listening. Again, 525 00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,200 Speaker 1: you can find the show notes to this podcast and 526 00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:27,200 Speaker 1: every other show I've done at danashay dot com Ford 527 00:28:27,240 --> 00:28:30,000 Speaker 1: Slash Podcast. Be sure to get your Ultimate Couple guide. 528 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,520 Speaker 1: You can get that at danashay dot com Ford Slash 529 00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:35,080 Speaker 1: Ultimate Couple. And for those of you all who need 530 00:28:35,160 --> 00:28:37,879 Speaker 1: infidelity incentive, do not sleep on that. All right, there 531 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:40,280 Speaker 1: is no reason to go into twenty twenty six with 532 00:28:40,440 --> 00:28:43,240 Speaker 1: an unhealed marriage. So thanks so much for listening. I'll 533 00:28:43,240 --> 00:28:44,960 Speaker 1: see you on the next episode. Take care,