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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Confessions of a Christian

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Speaker 2: Alcoholic podcast. I am your host, John Seidel. This is

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Speaker 2: your home for real stories, radical vulnerability, and remarkable comebacks.

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Speaker 2: In the end, this podcast is a place for the desperate,

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Speaker 2: the downtrodden, the destitute, and especially the drunk.

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Speaker 1: But it's also a place of hope and healing.

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Speaker 2: I know that firsthand because I'm the Christian who became

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Speaker 2: an alcoholic, not the other way around. Today I've found

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Speaker 2: sobriety after decades of struggling. But more importantly than finding sobriety,

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Speaker 2: I found Jesus.

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Speaker 1: My prayer is.

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Speaker 2: That as I interview people just like you and just

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Speaker 2: like me, along with professionals in the fields of trauma,

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Speaker 2: faith and addiction recovery, you will find the piece that

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Speaker 2: is available to you through Christ on the other side

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Speaker 2: of whatever you're going through and whatever addiction that might be.

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Speaker 2: Because let's face it, we're all addicted to something so welcome,

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Speaker 2: let's get radically vulnerable as we explore what it looks

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Speaker 2: like to be on this journey of MESSI sanctification.

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Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this, you know.

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Speaker 2: One of the more should I say, surprising and yet

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Speaker 2: encouraging aspects of doing this podcast and just speaking in

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Speaker 2: general about my story is the amount of people who

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Speaker 2: have felt the courage to then contact me and say

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Speaker 2: me too.

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Speaker 1: And that is today's guest.

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Speaker 2: It's actually someone that I have known for over a decade,

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Speaker 2: and yet it's someone that I didn't know was struggling

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Speaker 2: in different yet similar ways to how I was struggling.

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Speaker 2: And so Brandon Rix is someone who I've enjoyed.

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Speaker 1: Getting to know.

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Speaker 2: Met him when we were both working at the same company,

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Speaker 2: and when I started sharing my own story, him and

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Speaker 2: I were on the phone. We were talking and he said,

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Speaker 2: you know, hey, I need to let you know, like

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Speaker 2: I've struggled in certain areas that are similar to you

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Speaker 2: as well.

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Speaker 1: And I was surprised.

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Speaker 2: And got to know, or got to hear his story,

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Speaker 2: got to hear him talk about what it was like,

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Speaker 2: what he was going through, and man, it was so similar.

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Speaker 2: And so I'm excited for you to get to hear

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Speaker 2: Brandon's story different substance, but very similar. And I think

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Speaker 2: it will hopefully serve as an encouragement to you to

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Speaker 2: do exactly what Brandon did, which is to raise your

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Speaker 2: hand and say hey, me too. There's some tough parts

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Speaker 2: of his story, right, There's trauma in his past, in

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Speaker 2: his childhood. There is a point where he got so

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Speaker 2: broken that he was figuring out what.

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Speaker 1: It would look like to end it all and to

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Speaker 1: leave this world.

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Speaker 2: And that dramatic story of talking about what kept him

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Speaker 2: from doing that will likely bring tears to your eyes.

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Speaker 2: So I'm excited for you to hear Brandon's story. First

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Speaker 2: of all, though, I want to encourage you if you

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Speaker 2: have not picked up the book Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic,

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Speaker 2: I would be honored if you did. So, you can

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Speaker 2: go to Christianalcoholic dot com Christian Alcoholic dot com, and

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Speaker 2: then if you go to the Veritas Daily dot com

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Speaker 2: if you want to see this podcast, if you want

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Speaker 2: to see the video vers there's a video version that

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Speaker 2: is AD free that you can access via the Veritas

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Speaker 2: Daily dot com. So, without further ado, let's talk with

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Speaker 2: Brandon Rix and his incredible story. Brandon, thank you so

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Speaker 2: much for joining the Confessions podcast. I'm gonna start I

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Speaker 2: don't know, maybe I'm toying with the idea of just

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Speaker 2: calling it confessions. My wife thinks I should just start

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Speaker 2: calling it convension confessions because it might be more encompassing,

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Speaker 2: which your story I think is a little bit more

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Speaker 2: encompassing than just alcohol.

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Speaker 1: But I'm really excited to have you on here.

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Speaker 2: I was thinking, and we were talking that man, we've

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Speaker 2: known each other. I'm trying to think probably since probably

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Speaker 2: for I mean, yeah, I think it's like ten years. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: and so that's crazy. So man, thanks for thanks for

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Speaker 2: being on the show.

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Speaker 3: Of course, I'm glad you came out with the confessions.

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Speaker 4: I was like, woay, is man, I'm walking into a

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Speaker 4: therapeutic session here, you know.

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Speaker 2: Hey, that could be you know, maybe you know it's

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Speaker 2: uh yeah, maybe we call this drinking therapy.

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Speaker 1: I don't know, in the good way instead of the

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Speaker 1: bad way that I used to do.

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Speaker 2: But so, you know, I did a little bit of

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Speaker 2: an introduction, but I would love for you to just

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Speaker 2: kind of introduce yourself to the audience.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, Brandon Ricks, Brandon c Ricks, to be exact, I

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Speaker 4: originally hail from southern California. That's where I spent most

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Speaker 4: of my childhood. That I spent a few years Indiana,

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Speaker 4: and I've lived in Dallas, Texas ever since. You know,

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Speaker 4: so the majority of My life now has been spent

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Speaker 4: as a as a textant, and I am married with

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Speaker 4: three kids. You know, my oldest kids in college, my

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Speaker 4: youngest is in middle school. I've got one sandwich in

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Speaker 4: between in high school. So time is flying past. As

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Speaker 4: a profession I'm a business owner. I run a content

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Speaker 4: strategy and production think tank called Production Masterminds, and we

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Speaker 4: do a variety of things to mainly helping people take

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Speaker 4: creative ideas that are conceptual and bring those ideas into

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Speaker 4: reality through processes and structure and framework. So that is

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Speaker 4: what I do professionally. I'm good at bringing ideas to

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Speaker 4: life and helping creatives figure out how to execute and

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Speaker 4: implement their creative vision. And personal wise, I play soccer

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Speaker 4: love still love the game. I play soccer in men's leagues.

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Speaker 4: I like to work out big into the healthy eating

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Speaker 4: and lifestyle. And the most importantly, I'm a serving disciple

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Speaker 4: of the Most High God, a follower of Jesus, and

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Speaker 4: that is the primary identity that I am proud of.

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Speaker 4: And the Holy Spirit gives me wisdom and guidance to

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Speaker 4: live out my faith in a lot of different ways,

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Speaker 4: and every aspect of my life and my journey has

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Speaker 4: been a journey of surrender and humility before the Lord.

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Speaker 4: So that is the longest short of it.

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Speaker 2: It's funny that you said, I just can't get over

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Speaker 2: the fact that you have a child, quote unquote in college.

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Speaker 2: I mean, like when we first met, I remember that

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Speaker 2: that child, if you will, like, I don't know, she

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Speaker 2: was probably what like like ten at the time, you know, or.

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Speaker 3: Probably in twelves in something like Tanne.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean, that's nuts to me that she's in

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Speaker 2: college now. So anyways, that that makes you feel old.

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Speaker 2: But uh so, it's interesting. The reason that you and

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Speaker 2: I are talking today is because probably I don't know,

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Speaker 2: a month and a month ago, a month and a

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Speaker 2: half ago, you and I had been kicking around the

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Speaker 2: idea of a of a project, and so you know,

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Speaker 2: you're like, hey, let's let's let's you know, get on

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Speaker 2: the phone.

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Speaker 1: And so we get on the phone.

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Speaker 2: And what was so funny is I think I at

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Speaker 2: the at the time, I said, hey, man, I just

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Speaker 2: need to be honest with you. I'm going through a

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Speaker 2: lot of change and I'm not sure I can be

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Speaker 2: as much of a help to you on this on

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Speaker 2: this project. And really it just the conversation just you know,

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Speaker 2: you're like funny thing.

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Speaker 1: Me too, you know. And and then I just kind

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Speaker 1: of opened up.

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Speaker 2: We hadn't talked in a while, and I opened up about,

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Speaker 2: you know, my story and what the Lord had been

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Speaker 2: taking me through over the last you know, two years,

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Speaker 2: And to my surprise, you open up and share about

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Speaker 2: what the Lord has done in your life for the

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Speaker 2: last years and it's very similar. Yeah, And so I

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Speaker 2: think it's so funny that, you know, we start telling

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Speaker 2: our stories and we think I'm the only one or

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Speaker 2: think this is weird. I think, especially when it comes

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Speaker 2: to you know, addiction and substance use.

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Speaker 1: And so.

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Speaker 2: You start telling me about your own journey on getting clean,

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Speaker 2: getting sober, giving up substances, and I'm like, man, I.

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Speaker 1: Gotta have you on. I got to have you on

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Speaker 1: the podcast talk about that.

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Speaker 2: So I would love just you know, and we'll take

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Speaker 2: some rabbit trails and I'll interrupt and I'll last fallow

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Speaker 2: ups and stuff, but I would love to kind of

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Speaker 2: have you take us through your story of realizing, hey,

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Speaker 2: you know what I'm I'm I'm using some stuff in

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Speaker 2: order to to escape and this is not good. And

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Speaker 2: so just bring us back to the beginning of what

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Speaker 2: that looked like and how you came to that realization.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, man, you know it's I don't. I don't think

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Speaker 3: I think it was.

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Speaker 4: I think it was unfolding revelation more so than one

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Speaker 4: thing or or a moment in time.

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Speaker 3: It was more so a string of.

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Speaker 4: Inklings from the Holy Spirit that was prompting me to

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Speaker 4: self evaluate, to self reflect in me a lot of

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Speaker 4: ignoring those things. Yeah, and seeing where the ignoring of

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Speaker 4: those things compounded into me feeling worse than the yilt

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Speaker 4: and the shame compounding, and the embarrassment compounding, and.

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Speaker 3: Then the hiding increasing.

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Speaker 4: And you know, I think it was a culmination of

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Speaker 4: those things over the course of several years, honestly.

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Speaker 3: And I you know, for me, I don't.

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Speaker 4: I don't necessarily use the word addiction in the same

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Speaker 4: way maybe as others do, because I am It's funny,

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Speaker 4: I'm a very disciplined person, you know, And I have

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Speaker 4: the ability to stop things once I reconcile my mind

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Speaker 4: that it's time to stop. Because I like to say

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Speaker 4: that I'm rooted in logic and reason, which is the

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Speaker 4: reason why I think that for those that maybe not

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Speaker 4: wired that way, addictions and proclivities can be.

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Speaker 3: So binding.

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Speaker 2: You know.

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Speaker 4: I can't imagine for someone that doesn't have the level

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Speaker 4: of this one that I have, what they're going through,

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Speaker 4: if they are struggling with a substance or what have you.

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Speaker 3: How hard that has to be to sever the ties.

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Speaker 4: For me.

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Speaker 3: Once I commit to doing something, I do it. You know.

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Speaker 4: So the process once I resigned in my mind that

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Speaker 4: I was done, I was done.

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Speaker 3: You know, I didn't. I didn't have that.

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Speaker 4: The issue for the last several years though, prior to

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Speaker 4: this point in time was that I really didn't want

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Speaker 4: to stop, you know. So there was a lot of

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Speaker 4: starting and stopping, and it was more so, you know,

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Speaker 4: I have to do this because it's the right thing

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Speaker 4: to do, not because I want to do it.

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Speaker 3: So I would have seasons of sobriety.

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Speaker 4: You know, where it would be months on and off

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Speaker 4: and I would I would say, the place where I

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Speaker 4: really recognized that there was an issue is when I

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Speaker 4: saw myself not wanting to live anymore. The thing that

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Speaker 4: the the the ideas of my mind became darker. My

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Speaker 4: disposition was always one of dread. I was I didn't

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Speaker 4: like my life, I didn't like who I was and

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Speaker 4: I was going through my journals and so just so

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Speaker 4: you know, I don't know I've told you this, but

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Speaker 4: I came to Faith in Christ going to my twenty

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Speaker 4: first birthday, and from that point in time until now,

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Speaker 4: I've been journaling.

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Speaker 3: So I have like twenty years of journal intrigues.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 4: Over Yeah, So two thousand in three, two thousand July fifth,

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Speaker 4: thousand and three is when I when I came to Faith

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Speaker 4: in Christ. So now we're at, you know, a little

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Speaker 4: over twenty years of journals that I have. I mean,

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Speaker 4: and I have like literally archives of journals.

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Speaker 3: Wow.

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Speaker 4: And every now and then I'll go back and I'll

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Speaker 4: read them, and I'll go back several years.

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Speaker 3: Sometimes I'll go back all the way.

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Speaker 4: Sometimes I go back a couple of years, five years,

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Speaker 4: seven years, depending on what I'm feeling like. And I

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Speaker 4: recognize I went back about five seven years of journals

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Speaker 4: and I had the exact same issue. It was, it

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Speaker 4: was like the exact same struggle that I was complaining about,

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Speaker 4: the exact same struggle that I was identifying that I

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Speaker 4: need to stop doing this. If I you know, this year,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna stop doing this. And it was this this

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Speaker 4: overwhelming sense of this is pathetic. You know, how long

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Speaker 4: are you going to continue to have the same problem

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Speaker 4: over and over again? You know, at a certain point

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Speaker 4: like enough is enough?

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Speaker 2: Right?

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Speaker 4: Like for me, I don't want to be sixty years

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Speaker 4: old having the same issues that I had when I

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Speaker 4: was twenty five. Like I there are a lot of

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Speaker 4: people that are content with that, you know, I meet them,

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Speaker 4: and I for me, I'm perplexed by that position. Is

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Speaker 4: how you can still have the same insecurity, still have

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Speaker 4: the same story, you know, the same victim narrative. You know,

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Speaker 4: you're telling the same you know issue you had when

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Speaker 4: you were eighteen, what happened to you as a child.

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Speaker 3: It's like, I don't want to be that person personally.

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Speaker 4: And again I'm not knocking anybody or looking down anybody

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Speaker 4: that is in a situation to where they're dealing with

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Speaker 4: the same thing for three decades.

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Speaker 3: But for me, I don't want to be that, you know.

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Speaker 4: And it came to a point to where I had

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Speaker 4: to say, Okay, if I want to accomplish the goals

255
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Speaker 4: and aff'ser that I have for my life and I

256
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Speaker 4: want to be the person that I want to be,

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Speaker 4: I'm gonna have to stop being a coward. I'm gonna

258
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Speaker 4: have to stop running away, stop running into corners and hiding,

259
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Speaker 4: stop trying to avoid and maneuver around these difficult things

260
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Speaker 4: in my life that I refused to address. And so

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Speaker 4: for me, the substances were masking those things. So until

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Speaker 4: I addressed the issue it was, it was never going

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Speaker 4: to be a stopping of the substances because I wasn't

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Speaker 4: addressing the real problem. So I had to allow the

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Speaker 4: Holy Spirit to mind the deep parts of my soul

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Speaker 4: and of my person and get very real about what

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Speaker 4: I was running away from. And once I did that,

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Speaker 4: that's where freedom came from.

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Speaker 2: What what did you find were those things that you

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Speaker 2: had to root out or that were you know, at.

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Speaker 4: The core bitterness, just a level of dissatisfaction. I've always

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Speaker 4: felt like I was bamboozled by the world and by

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Speaker 4: my parents and by society around.

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Speaker 3: Agitation at this.

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Speaker 5: Portrait picture of what adulthood was gonna look like, what

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Speaker 5: the ideal family situation is gonna look like, what life

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Speaker 5: is gonna be and the dreams and aspirations, like nobody

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Speaker 5: just was honest.

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Speaker 4: I felt like no one just said, hey, life actually

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Speaker 4: is really really hard. It's a lot. It's extremely difficult

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Speaker 4: get ready for it. It's not gonna be fun the

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Speaker 4: most of the time. You're gonna have to do things

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Speaker 4: you don't like to do. Everyone painted this picture of

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Speaker 4: go to college, get a house, get married, have family,

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Speaker 4: have kids, take vacations, live the life, and then you

286
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Speaker 4: get here and you're like, you know, this really sucks.

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Speaker 4: I'm not enjoying this at all. Why did y'all lie

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Speaker 4: to me? Why didn't someone just come out and just say,

289
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Speaker 4: it's really not what it's cracked up to be and

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Speaker 4: it's gonna be very difficult. And I felt like if

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Speaker 4: people were just honest, I would have had more tools

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Speaker 4: to prepare myself and I wouldn't have gone to things

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Speaker 4: to escape because I would have been able to deal

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Speaker 4: with the challenge.

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Speaker 3: Is that was part of it. The other part of it.

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Speaker 4: Was I recognized that I had a lot of defense

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Speaker 4: mechanisms that I built up over the years to protect

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Speaker 4: myself from foolishness, from people's insecurities, from their lives, their deception,

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Speaker 4: their manipulation. And what I created was this impenetrable wall

300
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Speaker 4: that didn't allow me to be vulnerable, that massed all

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Speaker 4: of my emotions and I literally deleted my ability to

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Speaker 4: discern how I felt about anything. I translated everything through

303
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Speaker 4: the emotion of anger, and I treated people as if.

304
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Speaker 3: They were a burden.

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Speaker 4: Now, what it did for me was protect me in

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Speaker 4: many ways, but what it all I also did, on

307
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Speaker 4: the contrary, was keep me from the depth of relationships

308
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Speaker 4: because I did not allow anybody to harm me. And

309
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Speaker 4: I was a what I would call a perpetual you know,

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Speaker 4: boundary enforcer.

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Speaker 3: You know, anybody that crossed.

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Speaker 4: Any iota of a of a boundary of a non

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Speaker 4: negotiable I would I would smack back against that. So

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Speaker 4: I built a reputation for being very harsh with my words,

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Speaker 4: very hardhearted, very crass, very mean. And what I realized

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Speaker 4: is that I was using that as a means to

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Speaker 4: protect myself from being hurt, from allowing people access to

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Speaker 4: my true feelings about certain things. And I started to

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Speaker 4: move in my life in a very chest like manner

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Speaker 4: to where people became things that I used in order

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Speaker 4: to get what I wanted subconsciously, not consciously, not intantly

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Speaker 4: trying to use people or or positioned myself in a

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Speaker 4: way that I was thinking, like, I'm gonna use this person,

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Speaker 4: but it was more so. I prided myself on what

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Speaker 4: I called the two strikes rule. If you did something

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Speaker 4: to me twice, I was done with you.

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Speaker 3: That was it.

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Speaker 4: No hard feelings, I don't dislike you. I just was

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Speaker 4: gonna have nothing to do with you. And what I

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Speaker 4: realized is that I cut a lot of people out

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Speaker 4: because I lacked grace and mercy, I lacked fellow feeling.

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Speaker 3: I didn't have a depth of empathy.

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Speaker 4: And these substances were a part of helping me make

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Speaker 4: sure I could disconnect because I would always say, I

335
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Speaker 4: don't need you for anything. I don't need anybody for anything.

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Speaker 4: I'm very much content. I can go to Thailand tomorrow

337
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Speaker 4: and I can build new relationships and I'll forget about

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Speaker 4: whoever was over here, right And I prided myself on that.

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Speaker 4: But the Holy Spirit revealed to me that you're hiding,

340
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Speaker 4: and I don't want you to hide anymore. I don't

341
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Speaker 4: need you to protect yourself anymore. I'm gonna protect you.

342
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Speaker 4: And so I had to like surrender that, you know,

343
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Speaker 4: something that I built a lot of reputation around.

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Speaker 3: You know, I was okay with people not liking me.

345
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Speaker 3: I was fine with that, you know, And.

346
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Speaker 4: I didn't realize though, that I actually was just hurt myself.

347
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Speaker 4: I had a lot of pain and hurt that I

348
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Speaker 4: had not reconciled yet. And the Lord said, hey, I'm

349
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Speaker 4: not going to advance you into the next station until

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Speaker 4: you deal with this.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

352
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Speaker 4: And so once I dealt with that, I realized that

353
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Speaker 4: I was masking with substances.

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Speaker 3: I was hiding those things.

355
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Speaker 4: And so the first thing was, hey, stop doing these

356
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Speaker 4: things so that you can feel again, So that you

357
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Speaker 4: can really, really really feel again.

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Speaker 2: Hm, that's so good. There's a couple of places I

359
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:03,760
Speaker 2: want to take this. I'll start here. That two strikes

360
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Speaker 2: are I think is really interesting, right because I think,

361
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Speaker 2: you know, most people would say, well, three strikes, but

362
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Speaker 2: you're like, no, man, you know, it's like it's like

363
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,640
Speaker 2: it's like Peter seventy times seven, Jesus says no, you're

364
00:20:13,920 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 2: Peter says, forgive seven, and he goes Jesus seventy seven

365
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Speaker 2: to seven, and you're like the other way, like usually

366
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Speaker 2: give people three strikes. You're like, no, give him two?

367
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Speaker 3: Right?

368
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Speaker 1: Where did where did that come from?

369
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Speaker 4: Do you feel like, you know, I think a lot

370
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 4: of just disappointment in people, you know, I am a

371
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Speaker 4: I am a person who lives by the principles of truth, transparency, integrity, character.

372
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Speaker 4: I've never been one to sugarcoat since I was a child.

373
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Speaker 4: I've always been very much just to the point as

374
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Speaker 4: a matter of fact. And what I really, what I recognize,

375
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Speaker 4: is that the vast majority of people I encounter on

376
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Speaker 4: a daily basis are just not wired that way. And

377
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Speaker 4: what I what I realize is that I can't trust

378
00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:02,440
Speaker 4: anybody like people don't hold a value to their word.

379
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Speaker 3: They say things and don't do it. There's this inconsistency

380
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 3: between word and deed, action and belief. And I was

381
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,560
Speaker 3: this way before I was even a believer, and when

382
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Speaker 3: I became a Christian, it was even more so, Like

383
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Speaker 3: wait a minute, here, I see a lot. I didn't

384
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Speaker 3: grow up in a faith tradition.

385
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Speaker 4: So when I got saved, I went writ into the

386
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Speaker 4: scriptures and then I would read, and then I'd go

387
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Speaker 4: out in society and I would say, this is not

388
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,919
Speaker 4: matching up, you know, And so I just I just

389
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:35,600
Speaker 4: had a natural dislike for people to be quite honest,

390
00:21:35,760 --> 00:21:38,000
Speaker 4: I just and over the years, the Lord has had

391
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Speaker 4: to soften my heart to help me see people how

392
00:21:41,119 --> 00:21:45,560
Speaker 4: he sees them because I just don't like people because

393
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:49,520
Speaker 4: I feel like you're gonna tell me something and you're

394
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,480
Speaker 4: not gonna live by it, Whereas for me, if I

395
00:21:52,520 --> 00:21:55,480
Speaker 4: tell you something, I mean it like there's not there's

396
00:21:55,480 --> 00:21:59,119
Speaker 4: no mincing words with me. You know you're gonna get

397
00:21:59,160 --> 00:22:03,840
Speaker 4: what you're gonna get. And so because most people are

398
00:22:03,840 --> 00:22:07,000
Speaker 4: not wired like that, I've just I just chose to

399
00:22:07,320 --> 00:22:10,240
Speaker 4: ex out most people and keep my circle as small

400
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:14,480
Speaker 4: as I possibly could. And I felt like the two

401
00:22:14,520 --> 00:22:17,000
Speaker 4: strikes rule helped me do that because I was able

402
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:22,120
Speaker 4: to cut through the nonsense very easily. Now, the positive

403
00:22:22,160 --> 00:22:24,840
Speaker 4: side is that of that when you look at Solomon

404
00:22:24,920 --> 00:22:28,879
Speaker 4: right in the in second Kings, when he was a

405
00:22:28,880 --> 00:22:31,679
Speaker 4: little child and he was wise, and he made a

406
00:22:31,720 --> 00:22:34,840
Speaker 4: decision about the two women of the night right, and

407
00:22:35,040 --> 00:22:36,320
Speaker 4: he said cut the baby in half.

408
00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:38,000
Speaker 3: And God was pleased with his wisdom.

409
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,040
Speaker 4: And he goes before the Lord and he asked the

410
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:44,359
Speaker 4: Lord for wisdom, and the Lord grants him wisdom. I

411
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:47,280
Speaker 4: believe that God gave me a level of discernment like that.

412
00:22:47,440 --> 00:22:49,639
Speaker 3: I'm a very good judge of character.

413
00:22:49,760 --> 00:22:52,320
Speaker 4: I can talk to somebody within five minutes and I

414
00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,520
Speaker 4: already know what they what they believe. I know how

415
00:22:56,560 --> 00:23:02,199
Speaker 4: they're gonna come from, and that gift. I use that

416
00:23:02,320 --> 00:23:06,520
Speaker 4: as a justification to cut people off and to judge

417
00:23:06,560 --> 00:23:11,159
Speaker 4: them for their inconsistencies, as opposed to giving them grace,

418
00:23:11,280 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 4: recognizing that they're flawed and.

419
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:14,440
Speaker 1: That and can grow.

420
00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:17,920
Speaker 4: Maybe, yeah, that there's growth there, right, But I didn't

421
00:23:17,960 --> 00:23:20,760
Speaker 4: see it. I see it as one of your liability, right,

422
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:25,200
Speaker 4: because if if I bring you in my inner circle

423
00:23:26,440 --> 00:23:29,359
Speaker 4: and you don't do something, you say, now you've impacted me.

424
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,000
Speaker 4: And and if you've impacted me in a negative way,

425
00:23:32,520 --> 00:23:35,560
Speaker 4: I view that as as self sabotaging. And yeah, you're

426
00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:39,840
Speaker 4: my enemy, right, because if you're doing something that hinders

427
00:23:39,880 --> 00:23:42,159
Speaker 4: my well being on my progression, you're now an enemy.

428
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 3: And so I'm gonna treat you as an enemy, and

429
00:23:44,119 --> 00:23:46,920
Speaker 3: I'm gonna cut you off, right. I'm not gonna allow

430
00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:47,960
Speaker 3: you to hurt me. Right.

431
00:23:48,200 --> 00:23:50,159
Speaker 4: That goes back to what I said earlier, that that

432
00:23:50,240 --> 00:23:54,080
Speaker 4: is it's you're not going to hurt me. If anyone's

433
00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:58,320
Speaker 4: gonna hurt me, it's gonna be me, Right. I am

434
00:23:58,359 --> 00:24:02,040
Speaker 4: already causing enough of my own wounds. I'm not allowing

435
00:24:02,119 --> 00:24:05,160
Speaker 4: anybody else to cause any pain for me right, So

436
00:24:05,160 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 4: that's where that to strike mentality kind of came from.

437
00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:08,919
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this.

438
00:24:12,720 --> 00:24:15,679
Speaker 2: So you know, you talk about kind of this in

439
00:24:15,720 --> 00:24:19,440
Speaker 2: a sense for lack of retro progressive revelation, right about

440
00:24:19,560 --> 00:24:22,880
Speaker 2: about the status and state of of what you were at.

441
00:24:24,240 --> 00:24:25,560
Speaker 1: What did it look like.

442
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:30,040
Speaker 2: To to open up to be vulnerable? What I mean

443
00:24:30,160 --> 00:24:32,760
Speaker 2: was that like, hey, I'm going to start. You know,

444
00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,120
Speaker 2: for some people's going to therapy, for some people it's

445
00:24:36,080 --> 00:24:38,240
Speaker 2: I don't know whatever, But like, what did that look

446
00:24:38,359 --> 00:24:41,040
Speaker 2: like for you turning that turning that page, turning that

447
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:42,280
Speaker 2: corner and doing it differently?

448
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:49,080
Speaker 4: For those listening that need this encouragement, please go to counseling. Please, Uh,

449
00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:53,680
Speaker 4: nothing's wrong with counseling. Man, throughout the years, I've gone

450
00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:58,240
Speaker 4: to multiple counselors. Going to counseling doesn't make you crazy.

451
00:24:58,440 --> 00:25:02,160
Speaker 4: You need somebody that has an unbiased perspective, that doesn't

452
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:04,480
Speaker 4: know you, they're not in your family circle, to speak

453
00:25:04,520 --> 00:25:06,879
Speaker 4: into your life, to hold you accountable, to give your

454
00:25:06,920 --> 00:25:09,800
Speaker 4: resources and tools to be better. So, if you are

455
00:25:09,840 --> 00:25:13,720
Speaker 4: on the fence about counseling, you have some insecurities, don't

456
00:25:13,760 --> 00:25:17,000
Speaker 4: be if you are. If you love yourself, you're go

457
00:25:17,040 --> 00:25:18,760
Speaker 4: to counseling. So I just want to give that public

458
00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:22,879
Speaker 4: service announcement. So, yes, there's a combination of me throughout

459
00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:27,639
Speaker 4: the years going to counseling. But really, I would say,

460
00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:32,040
Speaker 4: what it looked like is me just being okay with

461
00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:35,320
Speaker 4: not being the lord of my own life, you know,

462
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:41,639
Speaker 4: and truly recognizing that God is my provider. He's the

463
00:25:41,680 --> 00:25:44,439
Speaker 4: one that protects me, and I no longer have to

464
00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:48,040
Speaker 4: protect myself. I don't need to put up any walls

465
00:25:48,080 --> 00:25:51,000
Speaker 4: because if He loves me and He's looking out for me,

466
00:25:51,800 --> 00:25:54,960
Speaker 4: then I don't have to be concerned about people hurting me,

467
00:25:55,359 --> 00:26:00,359
Speaker 4: you know, and the love that Christ has for me,

468
00:26:01,760 --> 00:26:03,800
Speaker 4: I have to be willing to show that same love

469
00:26:03,840 --> 00:26:04,440
Speaker 4: to others.

470
00:26:05,960 --> 00:26:08,879
Speaker 3: And so the vulnerability has just come over time.

471
00:26:09,440 --> 00:26:12,879
Speaker 4: It's it's it's there'll be moments where, you know, the

472
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:15,240
Speaker 4: Holy Spirit will just give me a sense of compassion

473
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:19,479
Speaker 4: for somebody that I wouldn't necessarily ordinarily have. You know,

474
00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:22,680
Speaker 4: I told my my wife a couple months ago, Man,

475
00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 4: I think that I've cried more in the last year

476
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:29,399
Speaker 4: than I have my entire life. You know, things just

477
00:26:29,640 --> 00:26:32,560
Speaker 4: broke my heart in ways that it didn't before. But

478
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,120
Speaker 4: it was through me going, you know, and I could

479
00:26:35,160 --> 00:26:37,320
Speaker 4: mention a lot of things, you know, from my personal

480
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 4: prayer time. I've gone to solid silence and solitude retreats

481
00:26:40,960 --> 00:26:44,600
Speaker 4: multiple times, to monasteries where I've you don't talk, you

482
00:26:44,680 --> 00:26:47,000
Speaker 4: just you just pray, you read your Bible, you read,

483
00:26:47,080 --> 00:26:49,440
Speaker 4: you eat, you go to prayer stuff, you don't speak.

484
00:26:49,640 --> 00:26:53,679
Speaker 4: I've done that multiple times. I've gone to counseling, you know,

485
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:54,680
Speaker 4: I've spent a lot of.

486
00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:55,920
Speaker 3: Time in reading and writing.

487
00:26:56,320 --> 00:26:58,880
Speaker 4: I've I've had to take leave of absence from work

488
00:26:59,000 --> 00:27:01,560
Speaker 4: to just to get myself together. So it hasn't been

489
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:06,639
Speaker 4: one you know tool. It's been a multitude or a

490
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:10,480
Speaker 4: myriad of different types of tools through a period of

491
00:27:10,480 --> 00:27:13,000
Speaker 4: several years that I've used to help me come to

492
00:27:13,040 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 4: the place where I'm at now.

493
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:19,359
Speaker 2: So I want to go back when it kind of

494
00:27:19,400 --> 00:27:26,200
Speaker 2: comes to this in the sense, this period, this moment

495
00:27:26,400 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 2: of enlightenment, if you will, I mean, was it literally

496
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:35,280
Speaker 2: just kind of a you know, the Holy Spirit is

497
00:27:35,400 --> 00:27:37,879
Speaker 2: just working on your, working on your, working on you,

498
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:41,240
Speaker 2: and then one day or is it in the matter

499
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:43,480
Speaker 2: of a week. And the reason I asked this question

500
00:27:43,520 --> 00:27:47,240
Speaker 2: is because I think it can look different for people,

501
00:27:47,320 --> 00:27:49,240
Speaker 2: and so, like I said, I want people to see

502
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:52,520
Speaker 2: themselves in your story. I'm just curious how that unfolded.

503
00:27:53,119 --> 00:27:57,960
Speaker 4: I would say that, you know, give us this day

504
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,119
Speaker 4: our daily bread, right, this idea of daily sustenance.

505
00:28:01,200 --> 00:28:05,480
Speaker 3: It's it's what can I do today? That's the mentality.

506
00:28:05,520 --> 00:28:06,320
Speaker 3: That's where it started from.

507
00:28:06,359 --> 00:28:10,399
Speaker 4: It was like, Okay, I created a huge mountain of

508
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:13,840
Speaker 4: a problem, and the old adage.

509
00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,840
Speaker 3: How do you eat an elephant one by at a time?

510
00:28:16,320 --> 00:28:16,520
Speaker 2: Yeap?

511
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:21,320
Speaker 4: What can I do today to move in the right direction?

512
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,119
Speaker 4: And that's where it started from. Lord, give me the

513
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 4: strength for the day, and then from that I would

514
00:28:27,080 --> 00:28:30,959
Speaker 4: get the desire to reach certain goals, you know, like okay,

515
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 4: you know what I feel that I need to put

516
00:28:37,160 --> 00:28:40,080
Speaker 4: these things down. So you know, if we want to

517
00:28:40,840 --> 00:28:45,600
Speaker 4: relate it to substances, right, it has been over two

518
00:28:45,680 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 4: years since I've consumed any intoxicant, any type of you know,

519
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:55,960
Speaker 4: mint mind altering substance, all right, over two years. And

520
00:28:56,080 --> 00:29:03,719
Speaker 4: before that time, I was given a time frame like

521
00:29:04,240 --> 00:29:08,080
Speaker 4: it's time to stop. And in my mind I chose

522
00:29:08,760 --> 00:29:12,520
Speaker 4: a time to stop, and I was resolved in my

523
00:29:12,640 --> 00:29:16,000
Speaker 4: mind that that was it past this time, there's no

524
00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:19,000
Speaker 4: more excuses like it's either now or never. I gave

525
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,720
Speaker 4: myself that right, and I asked the Holy Spirit and

526
00:29:22,760 --> 00:29:24,800
Speaker 4: the Lord to give me the strength to follow through

527
00:29:24,840 --> 00:29:26,560
Speaker 4: so that my yes can be yes and my no

528
00:29:26,720 --> 00:29:29,760
Speaker 4: can be no. Okay, I did not want to waffle

529
00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:32,360
Speaker 4: anymore because in years past I would do the same

530
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:34,920
Speaker 4: kind of thing. I think that I've been doing too much,

531
00:29:35,000 --> 00:29:36,920
Speaker 4: let me stop, and then I'd stopped for six months

532
00:29:36,960 --> 00:29:39,480
Speaker 4: or five months, back on for five or six months,

533
00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:41,480
Speaker 4: and I'd stop for three months and be back on

534
00:29:41,600 --> 00:29:43,280
Speaker 4: for six months, and stop for a month and be

535
00:29:43,320 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 4: back on for three months. I was doing that regularly

536
00:29:45,960 --> 00:29:48,800
Speaker 4: all the time, and in this time was like, you

537
00:29:48,840 --> 00:29:54,600
Speaker 4: know what, I want to live life. I want to

538
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:57,840
Speaker 4: live life in a way that I can wake up

539
00:29:57,880 --> 00:30:01,320
Speaker 4: and just enjoy being. And the only way for me

540
00:30:01,360 --> 00:30:06,360
Speaker 4: to get that is if I take this step of

541
00:30:06,760 --> 00:30:11,800
Speaker 4: courage and pray the Lord meets me there. So to

542
00:30:11,800 --> 00:30:13,520
Speaker 4: answer your question, I know that may not be the

543
00:30:14,280 --> 00:30:16,120
Speaker 4: those are listening may not hear an exact, but that's

544
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:18,640
Speaker 4: the thing, it's not an exact. There are some people

545
00:30:18,680 --> 00:30:21,360
Speaker 4: I meet that, like, you know, they wake up in

546
00:30:21,400 --> 00:30:23,800
Speaker 4: one day and it's like, Okay, I'm stopping everything. For me,

547
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,040
Speaker 4: it was more so I had to again. It wasn't

548
00:30:27,080 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 4: about the things, the substances. It was about my heart

549
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 4: and my mind.

550
00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:31,840
Speaker 3: You know.

551
00:30:31,920 --> 00:30:34,440
Speaker 4: The Apostle Paul says, be no longer conformed to the

552
00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:37,360
Speaker 4: pattern of the world, but be transformed by the renewing

553
00:30:37,400 --> 00:30:40,960
Speaker 4: of your mind. And then and only then will you

554
00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:43,200
Speaker 4: be able to test and approve what God's good, perfect

555
00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,640
Speaker 4: and pleasing will is. He said in Corinthians that we

556
00:30:45,760 --> 00:30:49,240
Speaker 4: take every thought captive, and we make it submit to Christ.

557
00:30:49,880 --> 00:30:55,240
Speaker 4: So for me, it was a daily decision to allow

558
00:30:55,360 --> 00:30:58,640
Speaker 4: the Holy Spirit to search me, as the Psalma says,

559
00:30:58,720 --> 00:31:01,480
Speaker 4: search me a Lord, identify any wicked way in me.

560
00:31:02,160 --> 00:31:04,920
Speaker 4: Right Proverbs says that trust in the Lord all your heart,

561
00:31:05,080 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 4: all your heart, lean out on your own understanding in

562
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:11,200
Speaker 4: all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.

563
00:31:11,520 --> 00:31:14,160
Speaker 4: So it was me doing that every day. Okay, Lord,

564
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 4: what do you see in me that does not honor you,

565
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 4: that does not glorify you? And the Holy Spirit would

566
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,959
Speaker 4: point those things out and say, work on that today.

567
00:31:23,920 --> 00:31:25,959
Speaker 3: It was a daily thing. It wasn't you know.

568
00:31:26,680 --> 00:31:31,239
Speaker 4: The revelation came and then there was the sanctification that

569
00:31:31,320 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 4: came afterwards.

570
00:31:33,000 --> 00:31:35,280
Speaker 2: Okay, talk about that right, because I think you've the

571
00:31:35,280 --> 00:31:37,120
Speaker 2: sanctification part is a huge part of my story. I

572
00:31:37,120 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 2: think you've talked about this a little bit. I thought

573
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,760
Speaker 2: it was interesting and there was something you said earlier

574
00:31:40,800 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 2: about I can't remember exactly how you said it, but

575
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 2: basically like finally making the Lord of your life. And

576
00:31:46,480 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 2: I think some people would be like, well, isn't that

577
00:31:47,960 --> 00:31:50,080
Speaker 2: what you did when you got saved, when you, you know,

578
00:31:50,200 --> 00:31:52,840
Speaker 2: invited the Lord into your life. And I think what

579
00:31:52,960 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 2: I've tried to do my best to explain to people

580
00:31:55,000 --> 00:31:59,840
Speaker 2: is yes, but that's when it starts. It's this process

581
00:31:59,840 --> 00:32:02,600
Speaker 2: of making the Lord the lord of your life. So

582
00:32:02,680 --> 00:32:04,920
Speaker 2: explain to me what you've come to understand about that

583
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,000
Speaker 2: sanctification process throughout.

584
00:32:07,560 --> 00:32:10,520
Speaker 3: This Absolutely, salvation is a decision.

585
00:32:10,880 --> 00:32:14,160
Speaker 4: It is event, a moment in time where you've decided

586
00:32:15,080 --> 00:32:22,160
Speaker 4: that Jesus Lord and you acknowledge him as Christ crucified,

587
00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:24,880
Speaker 4: and the only payment for.

588
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:28,240
Speaker 3: Sin and death is through Christ. That is salvation.

589
00:32:28,360 --> 00:32:30,320
Speaker 4: As Romans ten nine said, if I believe my heart

590
00:32:30,480 --> 00:32:34,080
Speaker 4: restsed my mouth that Jesus Lord, then you will be saved.

591
00:32:35,400 --> 00:32:38,479
Speaker 4: There's a lot of saved people that refuse to allow

592
00:32:38,520 --> 00:32:43,560
Speaker 4: the Holy Spirit to sanctify them. When the disciples asked

593
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:46,240
Speaker 4: Jesus when he was with them, when he said that

594
00:32:46,240 --> 00:32:47,360
Speaker 4: he was going to go, they said, well, what are

595
00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:49,320
Speaker 4: we going to do, Rabbi? If you're gone, we don't

596
00:32:49,360 --> 00:32:51,880
Speaker 4: know how we're going to follow the instructions. He said, well,

597
00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,720
Speaker 4: I have to go, so the counselor may come, and

598
00:32:54,760 --> 00:32:57,480
Speaker 4: the counselor is going to give you the wisdom and

599
00:32:57,520 --> 00:33:00,960
Speaker 4: discernment to understand what to do in my name. I

600
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 4: think a lot of people reject the Holy Spirit, right,

601
00:33:04,280 --> 00:33:08,640
Speaker 4: they receive the salvation of Jesus, whether they do it

602
00:33:08,680 --> 00:33:11,240
Speaker 4: because they want what I call fire insurance. They want

603
00:33:11,240 --> 00:33:14,360
Speaker 4: to get out of health. Pass there. They're more afraid

604
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,000
Speaker 4: of health, fire and damnation than they actually want to

605
00:33:17,040 --> 00:33:20,760
Speaker 4: have a relationship with Jesus. The ris in Christ because

606
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 4: the Holy Spirit is always going to bring attention things

607
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:29,080
Speaker 4: that don't align with Christ. Right, Paul said, you know

608
00:33:29,160 --> 00:33:31,680
Speaker 4: what a what a wretched man I am. The things

609
00:33:31,680 --> 00:33:33,320
Speaker 4: that I do not want to do I do, and

610
00:33:33,360 --> 00:33:34,800
Speaker 4: that which I want to do I do not do.

611
00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,720
Speaker 4: It is it is this wrestling, right, So this surrender

612
00:33:38,800 --> 00:33:41,920
Speaker 4: comes with saying I no longer live, but it's Christ

613
00:33:41,920 --> 00:33:44,000
Speaker 4: who lives in me, and you have to make that

614
00:33:44,120 --> 00:33:48,400
Speaker 4: decision daily to die to self and say it's not me,

615
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:51,640
Speaker 4: it's you, Lord, You reign supreme in me, okay. But

616
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 4: that process is difficult for people because they still have lusts, wants, desires, proclivities, baggage, bondage.

617
00:33:59,480 --> 00:34:01,440
Speaker 4: They have these things that they don't feel like they

618
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,080
Speaker 4: can let go of because they've gotten used to them

619
00:34:04,520 --> 00:34:06,720
Speaker 4: and they don't see that what God has for them

620
00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:09,359
Speaker 4: is greater than what they're holding on to. But once

621
00:34:09,400 --> 00:34:13,080
Speaker 4: you reconcile that what I'm giving up is nowhere near

622
00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:15,480
Speaker 4: as valuable is what I'm gaining, even though I don't

623
00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:19,840
Speaker 4: understand it or I don't feel it, Okay, I believe

624
00:34:19,880 --> 00:34:24,000
Speaker 4: it because Christ said so. And the feelings that we have,

625
00:34:24,160 --> 00:34:26,800
Speaker 4: especially in America where we are really big on pleasure

626
00:34:27,239 --> 00:34:32,319
Speaker 4: and sensations, and you know, this hedonistic kind of worldview

627
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:36,520
Speaker 4: that says I should not have to deny myself anything, right,

628
00:34:37,440 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 4: and if I deny myself something and something doesn't feel good,

629
00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:43,360
Speaker 4: that must not be from God, which is for so

630
00:34:43,480 --> 00:34:44,360
Speaker 4: far from the truth.

631
00:34:44,640 --> 00:34:47,959
Speaker 3: So you're never going to be able to allow sanctification

632
00:34:48,080 --> 00:34:51,359
Speaker 3: to take place. If you don't also embrace discomfort.

633
00:34:52,440 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 4: It is okay to be uncomfortable, It is okay for

634
00:34:55,600 --> 00:34:57,120
Speaker 4: things not to feel good.

635
00:34:57,800 --> 00:34:58,000
Speaker 3: Right.

636
00:34:58,400 --> 00:35:01,560
Speaker 4: And once you say okay, things are not gonna feel good,

637
00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:04,360
Speaker 4: this brings me back to what my bitterness was about

638
00:35:04,400 --> 00:35:08,480
Speaker 4: with when I was younger, is that people just didn't

639
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:11,440
Speaker 4: tell me the truth. You know, once I realized that

640
00:35:11,480 --> 00:35:13,400
Speaker 4: life is gonna be hard, Jesus said it, in this

641
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:15,520
Speaker 4: life you will have trouble, but fear not come the

642
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:18,480
Speaker 4: world right, Come to me all who you are, who

643
00:35:18,520 --> 00:35:20,279
Speaker 4: are a heavy burden, and I will give you rest

644
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:22,880
Speaker 4: from My burden is easy in my yoga, in my

645
00:35:22,920 --> 00:35:26,760
Speaker 4: yoga's life. Right, Like these ideas, these sound like great

646
00:35:26,760 --> 00:35:30,040
Speaker 4: poetic things, but we don't recognize how much you need them.

647
00:35:30,320 --> 00:35:32,160
Speaker 4: And once you get to this place where you say, okay,

648
00:35:32,840 --> 00:35:37,800
Speaker 4: I am willing to submit my ideas, my thoughts, my feelings,

649
00:35:37,800 --> 00:35:43,320
Speaker 4: my beliefs, my actions, my worldview, okay, my family, my goals,

650
00:35:43,360 --> 00:35:47,360
Speaker 4: my ambitions, all of these things you can have that man,

651
00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:52,279
Speaker 4: the sectification accelerates because now the Holy Spirit says, wow,

652
00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:53,360
Speaker 4: I can work with that.

653
00:35:53,360 --> 00:35:54,200
Speaker 3: That's a canvas.

654
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:57,520
Speaker 4: That's an open that's a clean, open vessel that I

655
00:35:57,520 --> 00:35:59,319
Speaker 4: can maneuver in and there's not going to be this

656
00:35:59,520 --> 00:36:04,480
Speaker 4: constant push and fight when we fight with God, right

657
00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:06,560
Speaker 4: and we fight the only spirit the lapers says, Okay,

658
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:09,799
Speaker 4: do what you want. You have free will on the

659
00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:12,400
Speaker 4: earth to do what you will with the time you've belidden.

660
00:36:12,600 --> 00:36:15,440
Speaker 4: If you don't want my guidance, my cancel counsel, I

661
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,800
Speaker 4: will depart from you. That is mean you lost your salvation.

662
00:36:19,640 --> 00:36:23,160
Speaker 4: That just means that you're choosing to be stagnant. Okay,

663
00:36:23,360 --> 00:36:26,200
Speaker 4: And I just don't want to be stagnant. I want

664
00:36:26,239 --> 00:36:30,359
Speaker 4: to when I'm at fifty years old, I don't want

665
00:36:30,360 --> 00:36:32,400
Speaker 4: to have the same issues that I did as I

666
00:36:32,440 --> 00:36:35,200
Speaker 4: was forty and at sixty. I don't want to look

667
00:36:35,239 --> 00:36:37,760
Speaker 4: back and say, at fifty, I have the same issues.

668
00:36:38,320 --> 00:36:43,600
Speaker 4: You know, my drive is to is to go over

669
00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:47,000
Speaker 4: the Lord and leave nothing on the table. I want

670
00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:49,080
Speaker 4: to be able to say, you know what, when I'm

671
00:36:49,200 --> 00:36:51,520
Speaker 4: on my deathbed and I'm dying and my loved ones

672
00:36:51,560 --> 00:36:53,760
Speaker 4: are around me, I want to be able to look

673
00:36:54,040 --> 00:36:56,799
Speaker 4: them in the eye and say, I used all of

674
00:36:56,840 --> 00:36:59,120
Speaker 4: my gifts and talents to the best of my ability.

675
00:36:59,800 --> 00:37:01,040
Speaker 3: Right. I don't want to be.

676
00:37:01,000 --> 00:37:03,960
Speaker 4: Saying, oh, man, if I would have just stopped smoking weed,

677
00:37:04,080 --> 00:37:06,200
Speaker 4: I could have, you know, if I would have just

678
00:37:06,239 --> 00:37:09,000
Speaker 4: stopped drinking alcohol, maybe I could have, you know, if

679
00:37:09,040 --> 00:37:11,359
Speaker 4: I had have just laid the pornography down, you know,

680
00:37:12,000 --> 00:37:14,120
Speaker 4: And and and that's what that's what God is gonna

681
00:37:14,120 --> 00:37:16,960
Speaker 4: be end up saying like He's gonna embrace us as

682
00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,160
Speaker 4: as those that have salvation, but he's gonna say to us, man,

683
00:37:21,239 --> 00:37:23,960
Speaker 4: you know, I wanted to do this with you, but

684
00:37:24,440 --> 00:37:28,359
Speaker 4: I couldn't bring you over here because you are just

685
00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:29,880
Speaker 4: waiting with these addictions.

686
00:37:29,920 --> 00:37:31,319
Speaker 3: And if I brought you over there, it would have

687
00:37:31,320 --> 00:37:31,760
Speaker 3: been worse.

688
00:37:32,120 --> 00:37:34,520
Speaker 4: But if you had have chosen to surrender, I could

689
00:37:34,520 --> 00:37:37,280
Speaker 4: have brought you over here, and this opportunity is waiting

690
00:37:37,280 --> 00:37:39,200
Speaker 4: for you, but instead you had to be over here

691
00:37:39,640 --> 00:37:42,640
Speaker 4: right like, I don't want that to happen to me,

692
00:37:43,160 --> 00:37:47,839
Speaker 4: you know. So the you have to love your fellowship

693
00:37:47,880 --> 00:37:50,080
Speaker 4: and your relationship with the Lord more than you love

694
00:37:50,160 --> 00:37:51,239
Speaker 4: the thing that you're holding on to.

695
00:37:51,520 --> 00:37:54,759
Speaker 2: Yes, Yes, And I think I've talked about that a lot,

696
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:59,480
Speaker 2: which is my sobriety came as a result of finally

697
00:37:59,520 --> 00:38:03,240
Speaker 2: putting us in this proper place right when I loved

698
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:07,439
Speaker 2: him more than anything else that's when everything else fell

699
00:38:07,480 --> 00:38:08,000
Speaker 2: into order.

700
00:38:08,120 --> 00:38:08,279
Speaker 3: Right.

701
00:38:09,120 --> 00:38:12,239
Speaker 2: You said something I think I'm sitting there thinking about it,

702
00:38:12,280 --> 00:38:17,360
Speaker 2: is it's almost like you know we talk about, especially

703
00:38:17,400 --> 00:38:21,280
Speaker 2: when it comes to you, for lack of a better term, addictions.

704
00:38:21,280 --> 00:38:22,920
Speaker 2: I know, I know you kind of redefine that a

705
00:38:22,960 --> 00:38:25,799
Speaker 2: little bit early on, which is fine, But when it

706
00:38:25,800 --> 00:38:32,279
Speaker 2: comes to addictions is sobriety really is predicated on humility.

707
00:38:32,800 --> 00:38:35,120
Speaker 2: And I think what's interesting about what you said is

708
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 2: it's almost like you had to have the humility to

709
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:44,359
Speaker 2: be hurt and like like to open, like the humility

710
00:38:44,440 --> 00:38:47,160
Speaker 2: to say, you know what, it's not all about walling

711
00:38:47,160 --> 00:38:50,319
Speaker 2: myself off. It's not all about building up these you know,

712
00:38:50,440 --> 00:38:53,759
Speaker 2: these these protections, the two strike rule and whatnot, Like

713
00:38:54,160 --> 00:38:57,200
Speaker 2: I'm gonna humble myself enough that guess what, I may

714
00:38:57,239 --> 00:39:00,799
Speaker 2: be hurt like from others, but from you know what

715
00:39:00,840 --> 00:39:04,759
Speaker 2: you talked about, the discomfort from the Holy Spirit. Like

716
00:39:05,040 --> 00:39:07,800
Speaker 2: I'm I'm I'm going to have the humility to be hurt.

717
00:39:08,360 --> 00:39:10,480
Speaker 2: And I think that's the first time I really kind

718
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:14,760
Speaker 2: of like put that together that I think that's that's essential.

719
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:18,080
Speaker 2: It's not only the humility to say for all of us, hey,

720
00:39:18,120 --> 00:39:20,760
Speaker 2: I can't do this on my own, I need help whatever.

721
00:39:21,040 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 2: It's also the humility to say, like, you know, these

722
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:29,040
Speaker 2: these these methods and measures of escape that I have

723
00:39:29,320 --> 00:39:32,319
Speaker 2: used are going away, and that will that will bring

724
00:39:32,400 --> 00:39:36,160
Speaker 2: with it some fear and some hurt and and so

725
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:38,959
Speaker 2: I loved, I loved kind of. I mean you didn't

726
00:39:39,000 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 2: say in that term, but I think that's what you

727
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:42,200
Speaker 2: were describing, right.

728
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,920
Speaker 4: Yeah, indeed, like you, you have to be okay. And

729
00:39:45,920 --> 00:39:49,320
Speaker 4: I I like to use the word vulnerability. Yeah, for

730
00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:55,520
Speaker 4: for me, because vulnerability, in my mind previously I equated

731
00:39:55,560 --> 00:40:00,520
Speaker 4: to weakness, and so they're there. I had to redefine terms, right,

732
00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:06,440
Speaker 4: I had to relearn what it meant to be vulnerable.

733
00:40:07,719 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 4: And again I look at Christ as the perfect example.

734
00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:15,600
Speaker 4: By no measure, was our Messiah weak. Uh.

735
00:40:15,840 --> 00:40:17,440
Speaker 3: He could have he could.

736
00:40:17,320 --> 00:40:22,680
Speaker 4: Have struck anything down, commanded anything around him, he could

737
00:40:22,719 --> 00:40:26,240
Speaker 4: have taken by force if he chose, But he chose

738
00:40:27,200 --> 00:40:34,759
Speaker 4: to be vulnerable. I mean, the most high God came

739
00:40:34,840 --> 00:40:40,680
Speaker 4: to occupy a human vessel, one of the weakest vessels

740
00:40:40,680 --> 00:40:41,240
Speaker 4: in creation.

741
00:40:41,600 --> 00:40:42,120
Speaker 3: I mean.

742
00:40:44,440 --> 00:40:49,040
Speaker 4: That takes a level of vulnerability that to.

743
00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:50,560
Speaker 3: Me is unfounded, you know.

744
00:40:50,640 --> 00:40:53,640
Speaker 4: And so if our Messiah can choose to be vulnerable,

745
00:40:53,640 --> 00:40:55,719
Speaker 4: and of course you know, there's there's some points of

746
00:40:55,760 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 4: relation with vulnerability and humility that we can obviously draw there.

747
00:41:00,160 --> 00:41:04,000
Speaker 4: But vulnerability, just for me rings volumes because I've never

748
00:41:04,120 --> 00:41:07,719
Speaker 4: viewed myself as a weak person. I've always again been

749
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:11,760
Speaker 4: the one to you know, enforce anyone crossing my boundary.

750
00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:14,040
Speaker 4: And I got in a lot of fights when I

751
00:41:14,080 --> 00:41:18,320
Speaker 4: was younger. You know, I always prided myself like I

752
00:41:18,360 --> 00:41:20,399
Speaker 4: didn't start any fights, but I finished every single one

753
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:24,520
Speaker 4: of them, you know, And I was okay with violence.

754
00:41:24,600 --> 00:41:28,520
Speaker 4: I was okay with you know, not only I don't

755
00:41:28,560 --> 00:41:33,400
Speaker 4: mean just violence and physical, but I mean violence and words.

756
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:40,160
Speaker 4: I mean, I man, I was known for destroying people

757
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:43,239
Speaker 4: with words. Man, I mean I had pep.

758
00:41:43,360 --> 00:41:45,360
Speaker 2: You are like you and I have talked about that

759
00:41:45,400 --> 00:41:49,880
Speaker 2: you are a wordsmith, right, like like your vocabulary is,

760
00:41:50,640 --> 00:41:53,719
Speaker 2: and I think you even talked about how maybe it

761
00:41:53,760 --> 00:41:54,799
Speaker 2: was something in relation with your.

762
00:41:54,800 --> 00:41:57,600
Speaker 4: Dad, my father and my father, yeah, he required me

763
00:41:57,640 --> 00:41:59,000
Speaker 4: to read a book a month and write a book

764
00:41:59,040 --> 00:42:00,480
Speaker 4: report from the time I was in Yeah.

765
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:04,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so like your vocabulary is, it's like extensive,

766
00:42:05,000 --> 00:42:07,680
Speaker 2: which which can be used for good or guess what

767
00:42:07,680 --> 00:42:09,040
Speaker 2: would you want to cut people down.

768
00:42:09,320 --> 00:42:10,880
Speaker 1: You a lot of ways to do it.

769
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:12,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, and it was bad.

770
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,600
Speaker 4: Like I I I took pride in making people feel

771
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,840
Speaker 4: like simpletons, you know. It was it was you said

772
00:42:19,880 --> 00:42:23,440
Speaker 4: something that was offensive. Now let me show you what

773
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:26,959
Speaker 4: it sounds like to be really offensive. Like you thought

774
00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:28,880
Speaker 4: that you were being offensive. Now I'm going to offend

775
00:42:28,880 --> 00:42:31,799
Speaker 4: you to a level that you don't even comprehend, you know.

776
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:34,279
Speaker 4: And I had people you know, come to me you

777
00:42:34,400 --> 00:42:37,640
Speaker 4: after years like say like that things that I said

778
00:42:37,640 --> 00:42:39,399
Speaker 4: to them, like they couldn't get out of their head

779
00:42:39,480 --> 00:42:43,040
Speaker 4: years later, and it and it it really kind of

780
00:42:43,040 --> 00:42:46,600
Speaker 4: broke me. It was like wow, like it was it

781
00:42:46,640 --> 00:42:49,680
Speaker 4: was like this moment like oh, that's not good, you know,

782
00:42:50,200 --> 00:42:52,800
Speaker 4: like I don't want to be known for that. I

783
00:42:52,840 --> 00:42:59,399
Speaker 4: don't want to be known for for saying something that

784
00:42:59,440 --> 00:43:02,360
Speaker 4: cuts so deep to where like the person has scars

785
00:43:03,000 --> 00:43:07,200
Speaker 4: five six years later, you know. So now what's interesting

786
00:43:07,239 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 4: about that is that on the other side of it,

787
00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:12,640
Speaker 4: I have people that will come to me later and say, hey,

788
00:43:13,160 --> 00:43:17,120
Speaker 4: you said something to me these years ago and it

789
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:20,480
Speaker 4: and thank you for that, Like it was hard to hear,

790
00:43:20,560 --> 00:43:23,640
Speaker 4: but I needed it. So it's you see how the

791
00:43:23,760 --> 00:43:28,200
Speaker 4: enemy can use what God intended for good for a

792
00:43:28,239 --> 00:43:31,280
Speaker 4: wicked purpose. You know, I have people on both sides

793
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,880
Speaker 4: that have told me that things that I've said to

794
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,040
Speaker 4: them have created a lot of healing or it it

795
00:43:36,160 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 4: literally gave them a paradigm shift that has impacted their

796
00:43:39,120 --> 00:43:43,280
Speaker 4: next decade of light. And like that is extremely humbling

797
00:43:43,320 --> 00:43:46,560
Speaker 4: to hear that, Like wow, okay, okay, God, you want

798
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:49,600
Speaker 4: to use me, And in order for me to be

799
00:43:49,840 --> 00:43:55,359
Speaker 4: utilized by you, I'm going to have to surrender all

800
00:43:55,440 --> 00:43:59,880
Speaker 4: of these things that I have held in high esteem,

801
00:44:00,040 --> 00:44:03,359
Speaker 4: in high regard that really, in the grand scheme of things,

802
00:44:03,440 --> 00:44:07,640
Speaker 4: are unimportant if I'm submitted to your will. They're only

803
00:44:07,680 --> 00:44:09,680
Speaker 4: important if I still want to live out my own

804
00:44:09,719 --> 00:44:13,480
Speaker 4: will for my life. And that's the struggle and the

805
00:44:13,520 --> 00:44:17,359
Speaker 4: balance and the war that we have to recognize and

806
00:44:17,440 --> 00:44:21,560
Speaker 4: be humble enough, as you said, to admit that we

807
00:44:21,719 --> 00:44:24,880
Speaker 4: really don't want what God wants for us. We still

808
00:44:24,960 --> 00:44:28,040
Speaker 4: want God to be the cosmic genie. We want to

809
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 4: rub him to have him grant our wishes. And I

810
00:44:33,040 --> 00:44:36,239
Speaker 4: don't want God to be my genie. I want God

811
00:44:36,280 --> 00:44:39,960
Speaker 4: to be my father and my friend. And when you

812
00:44:40,239 --> 00:44:43,359
Speaker 4: love your father and you have a friend, you have

813
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,480
Speaker 4: your friend's best interest in mine, and you want to

814
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:50,400
Speaker 4: make your father proud. Many of us just want things

815
00:44:50,400 --> 00:44:53,040
Speaker 4: from our father. We want our father to be like,

816
00:44:53,160 --> 00:44:57,000
Speaker 4: you know, the affluent dad that you know, he showers

817
00:44:57,000 --> 00:44:58,760
Speaker 4: his love by giving gifts.

818
00:44:58,760 --> 00:45:00,359
Speaker 3: I met. I had a lot of friends like that.

819
00:45:00,400 --> 00:45:01,440
Speaker 3: Their dads weren't present.

820
00:45:01,480 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 4: They were just present with their pocketbooks and they had

821
00:45:04,040 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 4: a bunch of stuff, but they never saw their dad,

822
00:45:06,760 --> 00:45:09,000
Speaker 4: you know. And that's not the kind relationship that God

823
00:45:09,040 --> 00:45:10,799
Speaker 4: wants with us. He wants to be a present father.

824
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:12,880
Speaker 4: He wants us to talk to him, He wants to

825
00:45:12,920 --> 00:45:15,400
Speaker 4: commune with us, He wants to impart things on us.

826
00:45:15,400 --> 00:45:16,960
Speaker 3: He wants to share, you know.

827
00:45:17,000 --> 00:45:19,160
Speaker 4: But if we don't want to listen, all we want

828
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:21,200
Speaker 4: to have is this one way relationship where we just

829
00:45:22,239 --> 00:45:24,360
Speaker 4: giving off a list of like God, do X y

830
00:45:24,480 --> 00:45:24,960
Speaker 4: Z for me.

831
00:45:25,600 --> 00:45:25,800
Speaker 3: You know.

832
00:45:26,520 --> 00:45:30,040
Speaker 4: That's that's never going to allow us to have the

833
00:45:30,080 --> 00:45:33,360
Speaker 4: type of depth of relationship. And it gives the enemy

834
00:45:33,560 --> 00:45:35,759
Speaker 4: a foothold because he knows what to tempts you with.

835
00:45:36,440 --> 00:45:40,160
Speaker 4: You see, he knows that that you really don't love him.

836
00:45:40,200 --> 00:45:42,480
Speaker 4: He loves yourself more so he can he can tempt

837
00:45:42,560 --> 00:45:46,360
Speaker 4: you with selfishness. He can tempt you with addiction, with

838
00:45:46,520 --> 00:45:48,920
Speaker 4: things that please you because he knows you love yourself

839
00:45:48,960 --> 00:45:52,040
Speaker 4: more than God. Right, once you say I love God

840
00:45:52,080 --> 00:45:54,560
Speaker 4: more than myself, it's hard for the enemy to come

841
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:59,640
Speaker 4: with things right that put you at the at the

842
00:46:00,600 --> 00:46:04,600
Speaker 4: at the penultimate place right in your life. Right when

843
00:46:04,640 --> 00:46:07,919
Speaker 4: you lower your position, the enemy can't say, well, hey,

844
00:46:08,000 --> 00:46:08,880
Speaker 4: exalt yourself.

845
00:46:08,920 --> 00:46:11,480
Speaker 3: You say no, no, no, I'm not exalted. May Christ be exalted?

846
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:13,960
Speaker 4: Right, then the enemy has to flee and find other

847
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:16,560
Speaker 4: clever ways to come to get to you.

848
00:46:16,560 --> 00:46:16,959
Speaker 3: You see.

849
00:46:17,239 --> 00:46:19,319
Speaker 1: So yeah, we'll be right back after this.

850
00:46:22,719 --> 00:46:24,399
Speaker 2: And maybe you've kind of covered this a little bit,

851
00:46:24,880 --> 00:46:26,680
Speaker 2: but I want to put the post the questions you

852
00:46:26,719 --> 00:46:31,319
Speaker 2: like this, what does it look like? And maybe what

853
00:46:31,360 --> 00:46:34,359
Speaker 2: did it look like for you? What does it look

854
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:35,600
Speaker 2: like to be broken?

855
00:46:39,520 --> 00:46:42,160
Speaker 4: I think that people would describe that in many different ways.

856
00:46:42,200 --> 00:46:45,279
Speaker 4: We have different idioms that express that. They call it,

857
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:48,360
Speaker 4: you know, getting to the end of yourself, right, they

858
00:46:48,360 --> 00:46:52,440
Speaker 4: call it the last resort, right, the last straw. So,

859
00:46:52,719 --> 00:46:54,719
Speaker 4: however you want to describe it, I think what it

860
00:46:54,760 --> 00:46:58,680
Speaker 4: looks like is coming to the realization that you have

861
00:46:58,760 --> 00:47:03,560
Speaker 4: no more answers, that that satisfied, you know, the answers

862
00:47:03,600 --> 00:47:06,640
Speaker 4: are all out, and you've come to the end of

863
00:47:06,680 --> 00:47:12,920
Speaker 4: your logical mind. Your rational positions no longer apply, your

864
00:47:12,960 --> 00:47:18,480
Speaker 4: methodologies are no longer being executed in a way that

865
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:24,080
Speaker 4: looks like success. You're not gaining any pleasure, or the

866
00:47:24,120 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 4: pleasure that you once were gaining is a microcosm of

867
00:47:28,880 --> 00:47:29,759
Speaker 4: what it once was.

868
00:47:29,800 --> 00:47:31,759
Speaker 3: And this is very true with substances.

869
00:47:31,880 --> 00:47:35,680
Speaker 4: Right, You're always trying to chase that first high, and

870
00:47:35,719 --> 00:47:37,880
Speaker 4: you no longer have that, it begins to dissipate.

871
00:47:38,120 --> 00:47:40,880
Speaker 3: I call it. In financial terms, they call it the

872
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:42,200
Speaker 3: law of diminishing.

873
00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:45,560
Speaker 4: Returns, to where at a point your investment is no

874
00:47:45,640 --> 00:47:47,960
Speaker 4: longer getting the yield that it once was when you

875
00:47:47,960 --> 00:47:48,920
Speaker 4: first started investing.

876
00:47:49,120 --> 00:47:51,040
Speaker 3: That's how it was for me with marijuana.

877
00:47:51,080 --> 00:47:54,120
Speaker 4: It was like, Okay, the amount of marijuana I'm smoking

878
00:47:54,200 --> 00:47:56,960
Speaker 4: is not doing the job anymore, Like I have to

879
00:47:57,000 --> 00:47:59,000
Speaker 4: increase it in order to get the same result. And

880
00:47:59,040 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 4: even when I do incre I'm still not getting the

881
00:48:01,520 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 4: same euphoria that I once had when I first began. Right,

882
00:48:04,840 --> 00:48:08,560
Speaker 4: and so brokenness looks like this is no longer working,

883
00:48:08,600 --> 00:48:11,360
Speaker 4: and now I'm just doing it robotically out of habit

884
00:48:11,880 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 4: and really out of bondage.

885
00:48:15,680 --> 00:48:18,960
Speaker 3: I'm now a slave to it. That's where brokenness is,

886
00:48:19,120 --> 00:48:19,359
Speaker 3: you know.

887
00:48:19,480 --> 00:48:22,399
Speaker 4: So the imagery of someone broken is as I see

888
00:48:22,440 --> 00:48:28,000
Speaker 4: someone shackled in chains, neked without anything, without hope, with

889
00:48:28,200 --> 00:48:30,839
Speaker 4: with without recourse, without solutions.

890
00:48:31,160 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 3: That's brokenness.

891
00:48:32,560 --> 00:48:35,800
Speaker 4: And you know that can look different ways for different

892
00:48:35,800 --> 00:48:39,400
Speaker 4: people at different stations in their life. And for me,

893
00:48:39,520 --> 00:48:42,960
Speaker 4: that brokenness looked like me at a point one to

894
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 4: kill myself. I was quite literally googling how long does

895
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,000
Speaker 4: it take to kill yourself?

896
00:48:50,000 --> 00:48:51,840
Speaker 3: From carbon monoxide in a car?

897
00:48:52,800 --> 00:48:56,440
Speaker 4: And one after I was able to see in my

898
00:48:56,600 --> 00:48:58,840
Speaker 4: mind's eye. Now you know, this may be sobering for

899
00:48:58,880 --> 00:49:03,840
Speaker 4: those that are listening, but I could visualize myself. And

900
00:49:03,880 --> 00:49:06,720
Speaker 4: this is during the pandemic. Actually, during that twenty twenty

901
00:49:06,840 --> 00:49:09,480
Speaker 4: everybody experienced a lot. And I was working from home.

902
00:49:09,520 --> 00:49:11,520
Speaker 4: When I was at a job that I hated, I

903
00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:14,320
Speaker 4: was stuck in my house. I didn't like my life.

904
00:49:15,000 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 4: I had all kinds of substance addictions. And I was

905
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:22,320
Speaker 4: sitting there googling how long does it take? And I

906
00:49:22,560 --> 00:49:24,680
Speaker 4: for like thirty forty five minutes. I was looking at

907
00:49:24,719 --> 00:49:28,600
Speaker 4: different articles, different things. That does is it painful?

908
00:49:28,880 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 3: You know?

909
00:49:29,280 --> 00:49:29,440
Speaker 2: How?

910
00:49:29,560 --> 00:49:32,319
Speaker 3: You know all these different things. What happens? You know?

911
00:49:33,600 --> 00:49:35,000
Speaker 3: Do you feel it? You know?

912
00:49:37,239 --> 00:49:40,840
Speaker 4: And I stepped back from the computer for a second,

913
00:49:41,719 --> 00:49:45,680
Speaker 4: and I said to myself, what am I doing? But

914
00:49:45,840 --> 00:49:49,880
Speaker 4: the only reason why I thought that is because I

915
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:54,200
Speaker 4: could see in my mind's eye myself walking through the

916
00:49:54,200 --> 00:49:57,960
Speaker 4: steps of it. And then I saw my wife and

917
00:49:58,040 --> 00:50:01,680
Speaker 4: my kids coming home to find me dead in the car,

918
00:50:04,040 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 4: and that imagery broke me.

919
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:18,000
Speaker 3: The pain.

920
00:50:19,520 --> 00:50:23,120
Speaker 4: That I could see and the devastation that I could

921
00:50:23,160 --> 00:50:30,120
Speaker 4: see on my kid's face after coming home from school,

922
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,279
Speaker 4: ready to see their follow to find me dead in

923
00:50:32,320 --> 00:50:38,680
Speaker 4: the car was too much. It was too much, and

924
00:50:38,719 --> 00:50:44,200
Speaker 4: I said I need help. I have a problem. I

925
00:50:44,239 --> 00:50:44,720
Speaker 4: need help.

926
00:50:45,880 --> 00:50:49,799
Speaker 3: And immediately I called Human Resources HR.

927
00:50:51,719 --> 00:50:55,560
Speaker 4: And I said I need to talk with somebody now,

928
00:50:57,040 --> 00:50:58,680
Speaker 4: and I took a leave.

929
00:50:58,840 --> 00:51:02,840
Speaker 3: I didn't go to work for like two months. I

930
00:51:02,880 --> 00:51:05,880
Speaker 3: went to a monastery, to a silence and solid to

931
00:51:05,960 --> 00:51:12,000
Speaker 3: a treat and I sat every day and I re

932
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:18,360
Speaker 3: gathered myself. I went to counseling because I was so foggy.

933
00:51:18,719 --> 00:51:21,600
Speaker 3: I couldn't see I could I couldn't see clearly anymore.

934
00:51:21,680 --> 00:51:23,000
Speaker 3: I didn't know who I was anymore. I didn't know

935
00:51:23,040 --> 00:51:23,960
Speaker 3: what I wanted anymore.

936
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:27,160
Speaker 4: And I was able to regain that little by little,

937
00:51:28,880 --> 00:51:32,440
Speaker 4: little by little, every day going on walks, journaling, reading,

938
00:51:32,520 --> 00:51:34,800
Speaker 4: listening to the Holy Spirit, going to counseling.

939
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:38,920
Speaker 3: And I recognized that.

940
00:51:40,280 --> 00:51:45,160
Speaker 4: I didn't like myself anymore. I didn't like myself, I

941
00:51:45,200 --> 00:51:48,960
Speaker 4: didn't like my life, and I had to regain that joy.

942
00:51:49,440 --> 00:51:50,759
Speaker 3: And the substances were a part of that.

943
00:51:50,840 --> 00:51:55,800
Speaker 4: As you know, psychologically, when you when you are using things,

944
00:51:55,680 --> 00:52:00,560
Speaker 4: it alters your brain chemistry, you know, and it's especially

945
00:52:00,640 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 4: your your dopamine receptors and these kinds of things, things

946
00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:08,400
Speaker 4: that allow you to experience joy. You you you literally

947
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:14,400
Speaker 4: fried those things, you know, And so the substance has

948
00:52:14,440 --> 00:52:18,960
Speaker 4: become the joy it replaces. So so so life becomes mundane.

949
00:52:19,040 --> 00:52:22,200
Speaker 4: Every everything becomes a bird, you know, uh, And you

950
00:52:22,280 --> 00:52:26,080
Speaker 4: no longer find any sense of of of pleasure or

951
00:52:26,080 --> 00:52:31,120
Speaker 4: fulfillment from just being. And I knew that I needed

952
00:52:31,120 --> 00:52:32,920
Speaker 4: that and the only way that I was going to

953
00:52:33,000 --> 00:52:34,200
Speaker 4: get that was from God.

954
00:52:36,640 --> 00:52:39,319
Speaker 2: First of all, thank you just for being. So you know,

955
00:52:39,360 --> 00:52:42,040
Speaker 2: we talked a little bit about you talk about vulnerability,

956
00:52:42,040 --> 00:52:43,200
Speaker 2: and I appreciate that.

957
00:52:43,440 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 1: You know, it's a chapter of my book, right. So

958
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:46,880
Speaker 1: it's like, man, I.

959
00:52:48,719 --> 00:52:52,000
Speaker 2: Thank you for for telling your story and and telling

960
00:52:52,080 --> 00:52:55,600
Speaker 2: it so well. I'm curious we didn't. We really kind

961
00:52:55,600 --> 00:52:58,480
Speaker 2: of skipped over this just because the conversation got so good.

962
00:52:58,520 --> 00:53:00,640
Speaker 2: But what did your substance use look like?

963
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:08,319
Speaker 4: Oh man, you know, uh uh, I wasn't a big

964
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:11,080
Speaker 4: alcohol I was definitely a big marijuana guy for sure.

965
00:53:11,520 --> 00:53:18,120
Speaker 4: So alcohol wasn't wasn't for me, but yeah, but you know,

966
00:53:18,200 --> 00:53:25,160
Speaker 4: marijuana was was big alcohol and spurts, pornography, some narcotic use,

967
00:53:26,040 --> 00:53:28,920
Speaker 4: you know, here and there sprinkled in.

968
00:53:31,480 --> 00:53:31,680
Speaker 3: You know.

969
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:35,920
Speaker 4: I'll I'll reserve that the exact names of those things,

970
00:53:36,000 --> 00:53:37,200
Speaker 4: you know, for the purpose of.

971
00:53:37,480 --> 00:53:41,200
Speaker 1: We don't have to name them, you know, I'll just.

972
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:45,120
Speaker 4: Say, you know, living in affluence and living in the

973
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,560
Speaker 4: in the suburbs, you have access to.

974
00:53:49,239 --> 00:53:53,600
Speaker 3: Luxury substances. You know, call it that right, high networth.

975
00:53:53,640 --> 00:53:56,439
Speaker 4: There's a lot of high net worth people, a lot

976
00:53:56,480 --> 00:54:00,239
Speaker 4: of middle class, upper middle class individuals that are are

977
00:54:00,320 --> 00:54:04,560
Speaker 4: living every day on drugs that other people can't afford,

978
00:54:04,760 --> 00:54:08,120
Speaker 4: you know, and it's very easy to find those things

979
00:54:08,480 --> 00:54:11,960
Speaker 4: that your local bars, you know. Uh. You ever, if

980
00:54:12,000 --> 00:54:15,719
Speaker 4: you ever wonder why somebody can drink from five p m.

981
00:54:15,880 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 4: Till two am because they're probably offsetting that with something else.

982
00:54:20,200 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 4: There's there's there's there's an up and and down or

983
00:54:22,520 --> 00:54:24,840
Speaker 4: down or combination that's happening there, you know, So you

984
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,600
Speaker 4: can conclude what you want from that. But what I

985
00:54:27,640 --> 00:54:32,560
Speaker 4: will say is that you know, the enemy will pull

986
00:54:32,600 --> 00:54:36,360
Speaker 4: you into the dolgence and the depths of despair and

987
00:54:36,440 --> 00:54:38,680
Speaker 4: bring you to places where you never thought you would go,

988
00:54:40,800 --> 00:54:42,040
Speaker 4: and and and and be.

989
00:54:42,040 --> 00:54:44,399
Speaker 3: A and and also to what ends up happening is that.

990
00:54:45,840 --> 00:54:47,920
Speaker 4: When you are in those kind of living, those kind

991
00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:51,480
Speaker 4: of lifestyles, you you you end up ironically running into

992
00:54:51,480 --> 00:54:53,359
Speaker 4: people that have access to things that you never thought

993
00:54:53,400 --> 00:54:55,600
Speaker 4: you would have access to, even when you're not looking

994
00:54:55,600 --> 00:54:57,000
Speaker 4: for it, right. And so that's what kind of happened

995
00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:59,560
Speaker 4: to me, is that in these places where it's like,

996
00:54:59,760 --> 00:55:02,160
Speaker 4: you know, I'm not even looking for something, but I'm

997
00:55:02,200 --> 00:55:07,000
Speaker 4: in places where I shouldn't be, right, someone offers something, Oh, sure,

998
00:55:07,000 --> 00:55:09,400
Speaker 4: I think I'll try that, right, That's fine, And then

999
00:55:09,440 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 4: before you for knowing a try comes into no regular behavior,

1000
00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,920
Speaker 4: you know, And so you know, I would say it

1001
00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:18,400
Speaker 4: was a combination of things that allowed me to escape,

1002
00:55:18,800 --> 00:55:22,960
Speaker 4: you know, I would say marijuana and sexual morality, where

1003
00:55:23,000 --> 00:55:27,680
Speaker 4: the penultimate though, those were the two that I escaped

1004
00:55:27,719 --> 00:55:32,080
Speaker 4: to most frequently, you know, because unfortunately I had things

1005
00:55:32,080 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 4: that happened to when I was a child, sexual perversions

1006
00:55:36,040 --> 00:55:37,440
Speaker 4: that happened to me when I was a child.

1007
00:55:39,400 --> 00:55:41,840
Speaker 3: Those things have stuck.

1008
00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 4: With me for years, and I've what I find is

1009
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:49,800
Speaker 4: that the victims of sexual abuse either go in two ways.

1010
00:55:49,800 --> 00:55:53,719
Speaker 4: They either are repulsed by sex or they become very

1011
00:55:53,719 --> 00:55:57,600
Speaker 4: infatuated by it. And I was infatuated by it. So,

1012
00:55:57,960 --> 00:56:00,200
Speaker 4: you know, my level of sexual morality before I was

1013
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,960
Speaker 4: married was very, very high. And what's the problem is

1014
00:56:03,960 --> 00:56:06,000
Speaker 4: when you get married, doesn't go away, you know, if

1015
00:56:06,000 --> 00:56:07,440
Speaker 4: you don't if you don't want to deal with it.

1016
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:12,360
Speaker 4: So now you have all this suppressed sexual morality and

1017
00:56:12,560 --> 00:56:14,360
Speaker 4: the only way to manifest if you don't want to

1018
00:56:14,360 --> 00:56:19,600
Speaker 4: commit adultery is to use pornography. Right, and then pornography

1019
00:56:19,600 --> 00:56:22,239
Speaker 4: and substance abuse tend to go hand in hand, you know,

1020
00:56:22,320 --> 00:56:25,160
Speaker 4: because if you're in an altered state, you're weak, you're

1021
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:26,480
Speaker 4: more prone to influence.

1022
00:56:27,000 --> 00:56:27,160
Speaker 3: Right.

1023
00:56:27,239 --> 00:56:30,359
Speaker 4: You see drunk people, the things they say and things

1024
00:56:30,400 --> 00:56:33,120
Speaker 4: they do they don't do when they're sober, Right, you're

1025
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:36,160
Speaker 4: more prone to influence you're more prone to to take

1026
00:56:36,280 --> 00:56:38,880
Speaker 4: risks and to do things with your body that you

1027
00:56:38,880 --> 00:56:42,239
Speaker 4: would not do if you were a sober state. Right,

1028
00:56:42,600 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 4: So when I'm in a state now, it's a lot

1029
00:56:46,200 --> 00:56:48,120
Speaker 4: easier to be tempted to hear a voice.

1030
00:56:48,280 --> 00:56:51,520
Speaker 3: Hey, you should go google this. Wont you go watch this? Right?

1031
00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:54,680
Speaker 4: Stand up at two three o'clock in the morning, you know,

1032
00:56:55,560 --> 00:57:01,040
Speaker 4: in a certain state, right, enjoying the high, Well, now

1033
00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:04,600
Speaker 4: you're vulnerable for other types of influence, right, So that's

1034
00:57:04,719 --> 00:57:06,240
Speaker 4: how it spirals out of control.

1035
00:57:07,680 --> 00:57:09,400
Speaker 2: So I want to end with this question. And if

1036
00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,880
Speaker 2: it's a poor question, you can tell me. You're a

1037
00:57:11,960 --> 00:57:14,400
Speaker 2: very honest guy. But you know, I think I'd be

1038
00:57:14,440 --> 00:57:17,600
Speaker 2: remiss if I didn't if I didn't give you the

1039
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:22,600
Speaker 2: opportunity to answer it, and that assists, you know, is

1040
00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:26,240
Speaker 2: there anything that you would like the audience to know,

1041
00:57:28,040 --> 00:57:34,520
Speaker 2: a white audience or an African American audience, about addiction,

1042
00:57:34,760 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 2: about substance use, about anything that you experienced that is

1043
00:57:39,680 --> 00:57:44,400
Speaker 2: different within the African American community, anything that we should

1044
00:57:44,440 --> 00:57:47,080
Speaker 2: know as me as a white person. But anything that

1045
00:57:47,360 --> 00:57:51,480
Speaker 2: if there's even you know, if there's someone of color

1046
00:57:51,640 --> 00:57:54,600
Speaker 2: that is listening to this, that you would like them

1047
00:57:54,640 --> 00:57:54,840
Speaker 2: to know.

1048
00:57:56,000 --> 00:57:57,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean there's a big stigma.

1049
00:57:57,400 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 4: I mean I would say, first of all, you know,

1050
00:57:59,440 --> 00:58:04,520
Speaker 4: addiction has no discrimination, you know, it doesn't give a crap,

1051
00:58:04,600 --> 00:58:09,439
Speaker 4: but ethnic groups or you know, identifying markers of race

1052
00:58:09,520 --> 00:58:10,000
Speaker 4: or culture.

1053
00:58:10,960 --> 00:58:12,320
Speaker 3: So it's across the board.

1054
00:58:12,440 --> 00:58:16,080
Speaker 4: But I do think that, uh, there's a very odd

1055
00:58:16,160 --> 00:58:20,320
Speaker 4: stigma within Afords in the communities about counseling and therapy

1056
00:58:21,040 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 4: that doesn't exist within other communities. And it could be

1057
00:58:24,280 --> 00:58:27,440
Speaker 4: just not it could just be even a socio economic divide,

1058
00:58:27,480 --> 00:58:30,640
Speaker 4: you know this. The same could be true maybe among

1059
00:58:31,760 --> 00:58:34,320
Speaker 4: poor quote unquote whites. You know that I don't. I

1060
00:58:34,360 --> 00:58:36,400
Speaker 4: don't know what those numbers are. You know, it probably

1061
00:58:36,480 --> 00:58:39,280
Speaker 4: is just a socio economic thing. I think that people

1062
00:58:41,680 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 4: middle class and up tend to be more prone to

1063
00:58:45,040 --> 00:58:47,680
Speaker 4: be open to counseling, whereas you know, what I have

1064
00:58:47,760 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 4: found amongst afortis in the people in the in the

1065
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,360
Speaker 4: Americas and in North America, is that they tend to

1066
00:58:53,440 --> 00:58:57,240
Speaker 4: look at counseling and therapy as as either somebody being

1067
00:58:57,240 --> 00:58:59,200
Speaker 4: in your business. You know, you don't you don't want you,

1068
00:58:59,280 --> 00:59:02,800
Speaker 4: you don't want nobody in your business. Right, Uh, it's

1069
00:59:02,960 --> 00:59:06,560
Speaker 4: it's weak, right, I'm fine, what's that gonna do?

1070
00:59:06,680 --> 00:59:07,440
Speaker 3: You know, I don't know.

1071
00:59:07,480 --> 00:59:08,960
Speaker 4: I don't need nobody talk to kind of a thing

1072
00:59:09,160 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 4: like you do see a lot of that, you know,

1073
00:59:10,440 --> 00:59:12,000
Speaker 4: I say that in my own family dynamic where you

1074
00:59:12,040 --> 00:59:14,440
Speaker 4: got people that in my family that it's like you

1075
00:59:14,440 --> 00:59:16,120
Speaker 4: would benefit from going to a counselor. But it's like

1076
00:59:16,120 --> 00:59:18,480
Speaker 4: I don't need a counsel I'm fine. It's like wall Habbits,

1077
00:59:18,480 --> 00:59:21,400
Speaker 4: you're not fine. You know, you're not You're not fine.

1078
00:59:21,440 --> 00:59:23,840
Speaker 4: Or they have a stigma about counseling. And I think

1079
00:59:23,880 --> 00:59:25,360
Speaker 4: this is across the board. I don't think this is

1080
00:59:25,360 --> 00:59:28,440
Speaker 4: as anything to with with with ethnicity, but people have

1081
00:59:28,480 --> 00:59:32,880
Speaker 4: a stigma across the board that if I admit that

1082
00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:35,880
Speaker 4: I need a counselor or something's wrong with me, you know,

1083
00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:38,320
Speaker 4: And I think that you got to you gotta get

1084
00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:44,400
Speaker 4: rid of that, you know, wise counsel. The problem said that,

1085
00:59:44,480 --> 00:59:49,440
Speaker 4: you know the the the a companion of fools suffers harm.

1086
00:59:49,760 --> 00:59:51,720
Speaker 4: But those who sit in the council the rise were

1087
00:59:51,800 --> 00:59:56,200
Speaker 4: wise right. So you should always look for wise counsel always.

1088
00:59:56,240 --> 00:59:58,680
Speaker 4: You need someone to hold you accountable, You need someone

1089
00:59:58,720 --> 00:59:59,720
Speaker 4: to tell you about yourself.

1090
01:00:00,440 --> 01:00:00,680
Speaker 3: You know.

1091
01:00:00,800 --> 01:00:02,720
Speaker 4: It is again I said it earlier in the interview,

1092
01:00:02,720 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 4: like it's a it's a it's the coward's way out

1093
01:00:06,840 --> 01:00:11,960
Speaker 4: to resist accountability or to run away from accountability. You know,

1094
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:14,960
Speaker 4: you're just showing you that you're a coward, that you

1095
01:00:15,080 --> 01:00:19,160
Speaker 4: that you don't have the courage to have somebody tell

1096
01:00:19,160 --> 01:00:22,120
Speaker 4: you about yourself. And and if you want to grow

1097
01:00:22,160 --> 01:00:25,240
Speaker 4: and be better you somebody has to be able to

1098
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:28,040
Speaker 4: speak into your life and tell you that you're screwing up,

1099
01:00:28,440 --> 01:00:31,560
Speaker 4: you're making bad decisions. If you continue on this trajectory,

1100
01:00:31,680 --> 01:00:34,479
Speaker 4: it's going to result in X, Like you need someone

1101
01:00:34,520 --> 01:00:38,000
Speaker 4: to tell you the hard truth in love. And you know,

1102
01:00:38,480 --> 01:00:40,360
Speaker 4: I don't think you should go to every counselor. I

1103
01:00:40,360 --> 01:00:42,440
Speaker 4: don't think a Christian should be going to see a

1104
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:46,200
Speaker 4: non Christian counselor period ever, So if you're a Christian

1105
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:48,920
Speaker 4: listening to this, do not ever go see a counselor

1106
01:00:49,000 --> 01:00:50,760
Speaker 4: is not a Christian, because they're not going to be

1107
01:00:50,800 --> 01:00:53,320
Speaker 4: able to give you advice from your worldview. Go get

1108
01:00:53,320 --> 01:00:55,400
Speaker 4: a Christian counselor that's going to be able to speak

1109
01:00:56,480 --> 01:00:59,720
Speaker 4: truth from you, clinical truth, of course, but they're going

1110
01:00:59,760 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 4: to be to infuse the understanding of the word because

1111
01:01:03,400 --> 01:01:04,840
Speaker 4: at the end of the day. The word is what's

1112
01:01:04,840 --> 01:01:08,720
Speaker 4: going to transform you, you know, not a man. Uh yeah.

1113
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:12,360
Speaker 4: The counselor is not the savior Jesus the savior. The

1114
01:01:12,440 --> 01:01:17,920
Speaker 4: counselor is a conduit for wisdom, right because yeah.

1115
01:01:17,720 --> 01:01:18,680
Speaker 3: Yeah, because you can't see.

1116
01:01:18,720 --> 01:01:21,840
Speaker 4: So I would say for those that are struggling in addiction,

1117
01:01:22,240 --> 01:01:24,840
Speaker 4: if you feel like you're in bondage, first you gotta

1118
01:01:24,920 --> 01:01:27,360
Speaker 4: admit that you got a problem. Stop pretending you don't.

1119
01:01:28,080 --> 01:01:32,120
Speaker 4: Stop minimizing and being dismissive and you know, acting like

1120
01:01:32,200 --> 01:01:34,880
Speaker 4: us not a big deal. If you're doing something every

1121
01:01:34,960 --> 01:01:37,960
Speaker 4: single week, multiple times, you know a week, you got

1122
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,920
Speaker 4: a problem. Okay, I don't care if you're drinking you know,

1123
01:01:42,320 --> 01:01:44,480
Speaker 4: some wine every night or beer every night, or or

1124
01:01:44,920 --> 01:01:47,960
Speaker 4: you can't go to de Bay without having sugar or

1125
01:01:48,040 --> 01:01:51,400
Speaker 4: cake or like that, any kind of dependency that's not

1126
01:01:51,480 --> 01:01:52,480
Speaker 4: dependency on God.

1127
01:01:52,640 --> 01:01:57,280
Speaker 3: You are playing with addiction, period. Yeah, and you need

1128
01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 3: to address it, you know, so right.

1129
01:02:00,120 --> 01:02:01,520
Speaker 1: I'm I'm reminded.

1130
01:02:01,600 --> 01:02:03,880
Speaker 2: I think you know you said this just just a

1131
01:02:03,920 --> 01:02:07,320
Speaker 2: second ago, is is I'm reminded of when you said

1132
01:02:07,320 --> 01:02:09,840
Speaker 2: the need that we have, this need for people to

1133
01:02:09,880 --> 01:02:12,880
Speaker 2: help us see things. I'm reminded of the Ethiopian Unich right,

1134
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:15,200
Speaker 2: that says, how will I How will I know if

1135
01:02:15,240 --> 01:02:16,040
Speaker 2: no one shows me?

1136
01:02:16,480 --> 01:02:16,720
Speaker 3: Right?

1137
01:02:16,960 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 2: And and I think what we need is maybe maybe

1138
01:02:21,560 --> 01:02:24,200
Speaker 2: if we we can realize we have an issue.

1139
01:02:24,280 --> 01:02:24,480
Speaker 3: Right.

1140
01:02:24,520 --> 01:02:26,360
Speaker 2: And this is not to say that, you know, some

1141
01:02:26,400 --> 01:02:29,120
Speaker 2: people can't be miraculously healed and like that's not to

1142
01:02:29,160 --> 01:02:32,360
Speaker 2: discount that, but I think what is so helpful and

1143
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:35,080
Speaker 2: beneficial and what dare I say most of us need

1144
01:02:35,120 --> 01:02:38,440
Speaker 2: is we need someone to show us the way, someone

1145
01:02:38,480 --> 01:02:41,680
Speaker 2: to outside of ourselves just say hey, this right, you

1146
01:02:41,680 --> 01:02:43,680
Speaker 2: can do this. This is a good thing. You know,

1147
01:02:44,040 --> 01:02:48,200
Speaker 2: here are some tools. And I think that's biblical right

1148
01:02:48,520 --> 01:02:51,560
Speaker 2: with the Ethiopian Unich Brandon, I just want to I

1149
01:02:51,600 --> 01:02:55,280
Speaker 2: just want to really affirm it's it's it's It's been

1150
01:02:55,320 --> 01:02:58,760
Speaker 2: great to see your transformation. I think it's funny that

1151
01:02:58,800 --> 01:03:03,320
Speaker 2: we both kind of under on this transfervation and I

1152
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:05,720
Speaker 2: just want to thank you for your vulnerability and your

1153
01:03:06,160 --> 01:03:09,360
Speaker 2: your willingness to talk about it. Man, I really appreciate that. Hey,

1154
01:03:09,360 --> 01:03:12,480
Speaker 2: if anyone is in the need for some maybe of

1155
01:03:12,520 --> 01:03:15,959
Speaker 2: your services, especially in the Dallas for Worth area, where't they.

1156
01:03:15,840 --> 01:03:19,840
Speaker 4: Go, Yeah, you can go to Productionmasterminds dot com. Also

1157
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:21,760
Speaker 4: project Maasterminds dot com.

1158
01:03:21,800 --> 01:03:22,600
Speaker 3: You know either one.

1159
01:03:23,080 --> 01:03:25,400
Speaker 4: I have a iteration of production Masterminds that just focus

1160
01:03:25,480 --> 01:03:29,080
Speaker 4: on project management, creative project management, digital project management, nonprofit

1161
01:03:29,080 --> 01:03:35,000
Speaker 4: project management. Production Masterminds is all inclusive production consulting, content strategy,

1162
01:03:35,160 --> 01:03:39,040
Speaker 4: YouTube channel growth, all all of that film and TV

1163
01:03:39,080 --> 01:03:41,360
Speaker 4: pitch decks, and then connect with me on LinkedIn. I'm

1164
01:03:41,360 --> 01:03:45,320
Speaker 4: easy to find Brandon c Rix. And then if you

1165
01:03:45,360 --> 01:03:49,600
Speaker 4: are interested in my writing my thoughts, you can also

1166
01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:53,000
Speaker 4: find me on substack. I have a publication called Finding

1167
01:03:53,080 --> 01:03:57,200
Speaker 4: My Way and I address a lot of these kind

1168
01:03:57,200 --> 01:04:00,800
Speaker 4: of hard to talk about issues, so substance, Finding my Way,

1169
01:04:00,840 --> 01:04:02,160
Speaker 4: those are all the places you can find me.

1170
01:04:03,640 --> 01:04:03,880
Speaker 3: Man.

1171
01:04:04,040 --> 01:04:07,120
Speaker 1: I love you, thank you for joining us. I can't

1172
01:04:07,160 --> 01:04:07,920
Speaker 1: wait to talk again.

1173
01:04:08,240 --> 01:04:08,959
Speaker 3: Absolutely, brother.

1174
01:04:12,880 --> 01:04:15,800
Speaker 2: You know, one of the things I love about what

1175
01:04:15,880 --> 01:04:19,560
Speaker 2: people referred to as the recovery community is the common

1176
01:04:19,600 --> 01:04:22,400
Speaker 2: ground that we find because here's here's the interesting thing.

1177
01:04:22,840 --> 01:04:25,760
Speaker 2: When Brandon and I worked together, we didn't always see

1178
01:04:25,760 --> 01:04:27,600
Speaker 2: eye to eye on everything. There were sometimes that we

1179
01:04:27,880 --> 01:04:33,360
Speaker 2: butted heads, and you know, we repaired that those aspects

1180
01:04:33,360 --> 01:04:37,560
Speaker 2: of the relationship a long time ago. But I continue

1181
01:04:37,720 --> 01:04:44,600
Speaker 2: to see how God, you know, basically uses our brokenness

1182
01:04:44,640 --> 01:04:46,960
Speaker 2: to bring us together, and so I feel closer to

1183
01:04:47,000 --> 01:04:51,040
Speaker 2: Brandon than I've ever felt because in the end, he

1184
01:04:51,120 --> 01:04:53,800
Speaker 2: and I both see the need for a savior. We

1185
01:04:53,920 --> 01:04:57,600
Speaker 2: both see how desperate we are, and any differences that

1186
01:04:57,640 --> 01:05:02,760
Speaker 2: we had or were have just really start to fade

1187
01:05:03,680 --> 01:05:07,760
Speaker 2: when we realize that, man, we are just two broken

1188
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:13,080
Speaker 2: people that need humility, that need Jesus. And I think,

1189
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:15,360
Speaker 2: you know, I wonder if you're listening to this podcast

1190
01:05:15,440 --> 01:05:18,600
Speaker 2: and you're part of that quote unquote recovery community, chances

1191
01:05:18,640 --> 01:05:21,240
Speaker 2: are you've seen that same thing, right. There's nothing like

1192
01:05:21,320 --> 01:05:24,040
Speaker 2: sitting in a circle of chairs of people who have

1193
01:05:24,160 --> 01:05:27,400
Speaker 2: struggled like you have, and even though there are differences,

1194
01:05:27,480 --> 01:05:29,960
Speaker 2: you see how similar you are and really, in the end,

1195
01:05:29,960 --> 01:05:31,800
Speaker 2: this is this is why it's important as well when

1196
01:05:31,840 --> 01:05:35,000
Speaker 2: I say we're all addicted to something, right is I

1197
01:05:35,040 --> 01:05:39,240
Speaker 2: think I think one of the ways that revival can

1198
01:05:39,280 --> 01:05:43,640
Speaker 2: happen in the church is through the recovery community, because

1199
01:05:43,680 --> 01:05:48,000
Speaker 2: we see how desperate we are for Jesus. And if

1200
01:05:48,080 --> 01:05:51,800
Speaker 2: we all really do embrace what I say, that we're

1201
01:05:51,840 --> 01:05:56,080
Speaker 2: all addicted to something and don't look at people like,

1202
01:05:56,160 --> 01:05:58,600
Speaker 2: oh man, well he struggles with that, I'm good, right

1203
01:05:59,240 --> 01:06:04,600
Speaker 2: then I think it ushers in a humility that leads

1204
01:06:04,640 --> 01:06:09,960
Speaker 2: to revival because we just have to grasp to Jesus,

1205
01:06:10,040 --> 01:06:10,920
Speaker 2: grasp for Jesus.

1206
01:06:10,960 --> 01:06:13,760
Speaker 1: So I love I love Brandon's story.

1207
01:06:13,840 --> 01:06:17,360
Speaker 2: I hope that it ministered to you today as it

1208
01:06:17,400 --> 01:06:19,840
Speaker 2: continues to minister to me as I listened back to

1209
01:06:19,880 --> 01:06:23,960
Speaker 2: it again, I just want to say thank you. We

1210
01:06:24,120 --> 01:06:29,280
Speaker 2: are I think this week we will hit one hundred

1211
01:06:29,800 --> 01:06:33,600
Speaker 2: thousand downloads of this podcast and it's only been around

1212
01:06:33,640 --> 01:06:37,320
Speaker 2: since May. That's that's insane, that's incredible, and it's not

1213
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,640
Speaker 2: a testament to me, it's a testament to God. And

1214
01:06:39,680 --> 01:06:44,919
Speaker 2: I think just how much we all do need this

1215
01:06:45,200 --> 01:06:49,760
Speaker 2: message of recovery and desperation. So thank you, thank you.

1216
01:06:49,840 --> 01:06:53,080
Speaker 2: I do not take it lightly. As always, please visit

1217
01:06:53,160 --> 01:06:56,200
Speaker 2: our partner Life Audio dot com. They make this podcast

1218
01:06:56,240 --> 01:06:58,240
Speaker 2: possible and have helped me get the word out and

1219
01:06:58,280 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 2: I am so grateful to them. And there are so

1220
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:03,520
Speaker 2: many other great podcasts like Boughton Beloved from our friend

1221
01:07:03,840 --> 01:07:05,920
Speaker 2: Kirbye Kelly, who is on the podcast. She has a

1222
01:07:05,960 --> 01:07:08,600
Speaker 2: podcast through Life Audio. So visit lifeaudio dot com and

1223
01:07:08,680 --> 01:07:11,880
Speaker 2: check out some of the other great podcasts. Love you all,

1224
01:07:12,080 --> 01:07:13,520
Speaker 2: We'll talk to you next week,