WEBVTT - Timeless Wisdom: Male/Female Hour: Criticizing Your Spouse 0:00:19.840 --> 0:00:24.200 Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 0:00:24.240 --> 0:00:27.880 hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 0:00:27.880 --> 0:00:39.679 to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 0:00:39.960 --> 0:00:40.880 I am old fashioned. 0:00:40.879 --> 0:00:41.960 I like two sexes. 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:44.200 I don't know. I think all of a sudden, I 0:00:44.200 --> 0:00:45.879 don't like being married to what is known as a 0:00:45.920 --> 0:00:48.480 new woman. I want a wife, not a competitor. 0:00:48.519 --> 0:00:52.040 Competitor, competitor, talk about a bit, this crying in the 0:00:52.040 --> 0:00:54.720 morning thing. It's depression, you know, Let's get that fixed. 0:00:54.840 --> 0:00:57.680 That's what men think, isn't it. What Unless you've got 0:00:57.680 --> 0:01:00.200 the answer, unless you can say, oh, I know this 0:01:00.320 --> 0:01:03.200 bloke in the essex rodical fix that, and there's no 0:01:03.240 --> 0:01:03.920 point bothering. 0:01:04.280 --> 0:01:05.880 How do you write women so well? 0:01:06.800 --> 0:01:09.920 I think of a man and I take away reason 0:01:10.240 --> 0:01:11.200 and accountability. 0:01:11.759 --> 0:01:14.039 I love him, I love him, and I don't care 0:01:14.080 --> 0:01:14.679 what you think. 0:01:14.920 --> 0:01:17.920 I love him for the for the man he wants 0:01:18.000 --> 0:01:20.119 to be, and I love him for the man that 0:01:20.240 --> 0:01:21.759 he almost is. 0:01:22.120 --> 0:01:24.520 What do people have rouse about him? 0:01:24.520 --> 0:01:24.920 Money? 0:01:25.480 --> 0:01:30.280 Sex, sex, money he wants, she doesn't want. 0:01:30.640 --> 0:01:32.800 She wants, he doesn't want women. 0:01:33.600 --> 0:01:37.600 I've always been a big problem to me, doctor fusbend. 0:01:39.240 --> 0:01:39.759 He listening. 0:01:40.520 --> 0:01:42.200 Yes, yes, yes, go on, gone. 0:01:43.480 --> 0:01:46.080 Hi everybody, and welcome to the Male Female Hour on 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:49.240 the Dennis Prager Show. Every week, the second hour of 0:01:49.280 --> 0:01:54.760 my program on Wednesdays is devoted to men and women. 0:01:54.800 --> 0:01:56.960 I call it the Male Female Hour because it's about 0:01:57.000 --> 0:01:59.480 the natures of us. It's not just about the man woman, 0:01:59.600 --> 0:02:03.640 but even deeper, the male female about us. So here 0:02:03.880 --> 0:02:09.439 is today's topic. It is about criticizing your spouse or 0:02:09.480 --> 0:02:13.400 your significant other. If you prefer that term, I can't 0:02:13.440 --> 0:02:17.840 stand it. But if we'll include that group as well, 0:02:19.160 --> 0:02:25.520 I cite a I won't cite the man who gave 0:02:25.519 --> 0:02:27.440 me this quote because I don't want to put him 0:02:27.440 --> 0:02:29.880 on the spot when he's not here. But it was 0:02:29.919 --> 0:02:33.080 a very witty, a witty line that a friend of 0:02:33.080 --> 0:02:35.519 mine told me many years ago. He said, in the beginning, 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:41.000 God created men and critics. And whenever I have said 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:43.880 this a speeches, people have cracked up, especially the men. 0:02:44.000 --> 0:02:50.200 The men, They absolutely adore this line. And it's the 0:02:50.240 --> 0:02:53.040 reason that people laugh at any such lines. People don't 0:02:53.120 --> 0:02:55.880 laugh at a line that they can't relate to. If 0:02:55.919 --> 0:02:59.800 I'd have said in the beginning, God created men and poets. 0:03:00.360 --> 0:03:03.200 I don't think anybody would laugh. They would say what 0:03:03.240 --> 0:03:06.520 do you mean? But nobody ever says what do you 0:03:06.639 --> 0:03:11.320 mean when I give the line God created in the beginning, 0:03:11.360 --> 0:03:15.880 God created men and critics. Now, we recently had a 0:03:15.919 --> 0:03:19.160 show about about certain of the things that men do 0:03:19.280 --> 0:03:27.760 that drive women nuts, and I I often agreed with 0:03:27.880 --> 0:03:32.320 them and added some thoughts of my own. This week, 0:03:32.440 --> 0:03:35.040 it's not so much about what women do that drive 0:03:35.080 --> 0:03:37.480 men nuts, and I'm only talking about the criticism thing. 0:03:37.960 --> 0:03:41.760 It's about both sexes. There are men who criticize their 0:03:41.800 --> 0:03:45.680 wives a great deal, so I want to talk to 0:03:45.720 --> 0:03:48.040 you about the issue. And by the way, this also 0:03:48.080 --> 0:03:51.720 applies to friends. Remember everything that applies to friends applies 0:03:51.760 --> 0:03:56.120 to marriages except for the sex part. And that's why 0:03:56.200 --> 0:04:00.200 I consider friendships to be so incredibly important. And I 0:04:00.240 --> 0:04:02.960 think people should date for friends just like they date 0:04:03.040 --> 0:04:08.520 for spouses. That's how important I consider friendships. But here 0:04:08.600 --> 0:04:12.720 is the question on criticism. How do you do it? 0:04:15.160 --> 0:04:18.520 When is it okay? And how much do you do it? 0:04:21.200 --> 0:04:24.080 Those are the questions, And oh wait, I'll tell you 0:04:24.120 --> 0:04:26.920 there's an even more important one in some senses, why 0:04:26.960 --> 0:04:32.040 do you do it? Are the criticisms coming from a 0:04:32.080 --> 0:04:37.360 good place. And so this is the issue. And I'd 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.800 love to get your takes as much as I want 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:42.760 to give you my take on this subject, because if 0:04:42.800 --> 0:04:46.160 you feel that there is this issue in your marriage 0:04:46.240 --> 0:04:49.520 or your relationship, I would be very interested in hearing, 0:04:49.600 --> 0:04:53.360 because I want others to hear as well about this subject. 0:04:54.279 --> 0:05:03.360 And the subject is criticizing our spouse or our boyfriend, girlfriend, 0:05:03.480 --> 0:05:08.279 significant other partner, whatever the term may be. I happen 0:05:08.360 --> 0:05:13.840 to like marriage, but that's not the specific issue here. 0:05:14.240 --> 0:05:18.279 It's the issue of men and critics, or indeed women 0:05:18.360 --> 0:05:22.960 and critics. So the uh, it's a tough line here 0:05:23.000 --> 0:05:27.880 to balance because on the one hand, if someone never 0:05:28.160 --> 0:05:31.560 says anything about any way at all in which you 0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:33.760 can do better, I mean, you know, is it a 0:05:33.800 --> 0:05:38.400 criticism to say you have something between your teeth after 0:05:38.440 --> 0:05:43.040 you've eaten? Is it a criticism to say you're you're 0:05:43.080 --> 0:05:47.120 speaking too loud at the restaurant? Uh? You know what, 0:05:48.960 --> 0:05:53.719 It's unnatural to never have anything of a critical nature 0:05:53.760 --> 0:05:56.240 to say to the person that you are involved with, 0:05:57.680 --> 0:06:04.520 and and loving criticism dispensed lovingly obviously coming from a 0:06:04.560 --> 0:06:07.840 loving spot, can be one of the greatest services you 0:06:07.920 --> 0:06:11.440 can you can perform in a marriage or in a friendship. 0:06:12.760 --> 0:06:16.880 But on the other hand, we all I think, either 0:06:16.960 --> 0:06:23.040 experienced or have seen elsewhere where there is simply too 0:06:23.120 --> 0:06:27.039 much of it where the relationship seems to be a 0:06:27.160 --> 0:06:33.359 continuous stream of criticism one eight Praeger seven seven six 0:06:33.600 --> 0:06:36.880 one eight p R A. G. E. R seven seven six. 0:06:37.520 --> 0:06:40.839 That's eight seven seven two four three triple seven six 0:06:41.560 --> 0:06:45.159 eight seven seven two four three triple seven six Is 0:06:45.200 --> 0:06:50.719 this an issue in your relationship? Have you given this thought? Here? Is? 0:06:50.920 --> 0:06:53.800 Here is a thought that you might want to consider. 0:06:54.800 --> 0:06:59.839 How about for have some sort of even keep account 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:04.200 that for every criticism you offer, that it has been 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:09.040 couched in eight positive statements about the other, that you 0:07:09.080 --> 0:07:11.520 have an eight to one ratio. I'm just throwing out 0:07:11.520 --> 0:07:13.640 a number. Maybe it should be three to one, maybe 0:07:13.680 --> 0:07:16.160 it should be fifty to one, But that you have 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:23.000 some sort of ratio of positive reinforcing good statements to 0:07:23.440 --> 0:07:32.520 your spouse your partner as critical ones. And then you 0:07:32.600 --> 0:07:35.960 have to figure out, too, what is it you want? 0:07:36.120 --> 0:07:38.720 What is it that is coming Where is the criticism 0:07:38.760 --> 0:07:45.400 coming from? Is it is it really disguised anger? See? 0:07:45.440 --> 0:07:49.640 That's what and the recipient needs to figure out as well. 0:07:49.760 --> 0:07:54.360 Am I hypersensitive? Is this just a loving criticism or 0:07:54.440 --> 0:07:57.720 is it really just disguised anger? And is the person 0:07:57.880 --> 0:08:00.560 just hyper in what they want me to be? And 0:08:00.680 --> 0:08:04.600 is the criticism an attempt to change me? Or is 0:08:04.640 --> 0:08:09.640 it an attempt to improve me? And how much improvement? 0:08:09.760 --> 0:08:13.360 It's a very very complex issue. But the very fact 0:08:13.360 --> 0:08:16.480 that that I'm raising it is helpful because a lot 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:20.560 of people don't even think about this. How much do 0:08:20.640 --> 0:08:23.760 I criticize? How much am I criticized? Where is it 0:08:23.800 --> 0:08:27.680 coming from? How what tone am I am I giving it? 0:08:28.640 --> 0:08:34.520 And what Let's put it this way, I think it's 0:08:34.559 --> 0:08:38.559 fair to say that the most harmonious relationship will probably 0:08:38.640 --> 0:08:44.679 have less criticism. Is that a fair statement? I mean, 0:08:44.839 --> 0:08:48.240 you look, it's one thing to be criticized by your boss. 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:52.080 You know, I wish you had done a better job 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.600 in X, Y or Z. Next time you submit this report, 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.480 next time you go on this sales pitch, do this. 0:08:58.160 --> 0:09:00.440 It's one thing to be criticized by your boss. That's 0:09:00.440 --> 0:09:04.280 what a boss is there for. I mean, they hired 0:09:04.360 --> 0:09:06.560 you for a job. You've got to do the job 0:09:06.600 --> 0:09:09.840 well or they get rid of you. But your spouse 0:09:09.920 --> 0:09:13.320 isn't your boss. They didn't hire you while they did 0:09:13.440 --> 0:09:15.520 hire you. I take that back. Actually, I have a 0:09:15.640 --> 0:09:19.920 view of marriage as a form of hiring. We have 0:09:20.160 --> 0:09:22.719 I have hired a partner for life. That that's that's 0:09:22.760 --> 0:09:28.040 a fair statement. But putting that aside, uh, it is 0:09:28.160 --> 0:09:31.240 much harder for most people to take criticism from a 0:09:31.280 --> 0:09:35.000 loved one than from a boss, and it ought to be. 0:09:35.120 --> 0:09:38.160 By the way, I think you should take criticism from 0:09:38.200 --> 0:09:42.080 a boss very, very matter of factly. That's their job. 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.800 I mean, if they're hyper, they're hyper. That's a separate issue. 0:09:46.960 --> 0:09:49.800 But you have to figure out how much. And my 0:09:49.920 --> 0:09:53.840 bottom line is that the less criticism, generally speaking, the 0:09:53.880 --> 0:09:59.240 more harmonious the relationship. A good A good relationship does 0:09:59.280 --> 0:10:02.360 not thrive on a lot of criticism, all right, Let's 0:10:02.480 --> 0:10:05.920 let's be honest. Maybe it does in work. Maybe two 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:09.640 business partners thrive critiquing each other all the time for 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:13.360 the sake of the business. That's possible, but it doesn't 0:10:13.400 --> 0:10:16.120 work in the micro. It does not work in a 0:10:16.160 --> 0:10:19.480 family life. In a family situation, that's different. By the way, 0:10:19.559 --> 0:10:21.959 then from kids, I think you should criticize your kids 0:10:22.160 --> 0:10:25.719 when necessary, But that's not an that's not a relationship 0:10:25.720 --> 0:10:29.160 of peers, And you're not seeking You shouldn't be seeking 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:32.280 to be loved all the time you by your kids. 0:10:32.280 --> 0:10:34.200 You should be seeking to be loved all the time 0:10:34.240 --> 0:10:38.080 by your spouse. So the one of you that is 0:10:38.120 --> 0:10:42.319 doing a lot of criticizing might ask, am I am 0:10:42.320 --> 0:10:47.480 I rendering myself very lovable with all of this criticism. 0:10:47.600 --> 0:10:49.720 Now that doesn't mean there should never be. Of course 0:10:49.760 --> 0:10:55.320 there should be. But I do stick with this statement 0:10:55.679 --> 0:10:58.960 that the less there is, generally speaking, the more harmonious 0:10:58.960 --> 0:11:02.040 the relationship will be. I'll take your calls when we 0:11:02.120 --> 0:11:04.800 come back. This is the Male Female Hour on the 0:11:04.840 --> 0:11:08.120 Dennis Prager Show eight seven seven two four three triple 0:11:08.200 --> 0:11:11.280 seven six or one eight Praguer seven seven six, And 0:11:11.320 --> 0:11:14.240 I also love to read your emails on these subjects. 0:11:14.400 --> 0:11:21.079 Back momentarily this episode of Timeless Wisdom. 0:11:21.240 --> 0:11:22.560 We'll continue right after this. 0:11:28.040 --> 0:11:36.280 Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless Wisdom. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:39.440 Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager. Here the Male Female Hour on 0:11:39.480 --> 0:11:42.199 the Dennis Prager Show. Every week, this hour the second 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:47.959 of my three hours on Wednesdays devoted to men and women. 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:53.160 And this is a very complex subject. The issue of 0:11:53.200 --> 0:11:56.560 criticizing your spouse. My rule of thumb is the less 0:11:56.600 --> 0:12:03.560 the better on many grounds. One the less you do, 0:12:03.880 --> 0:12:06.720 maybe because the more you love about the person and 0:12:06.760 --> 0:12:10.600 therefore feel less necessary to do. Another reason is the 0:12:10.679 --> 0:12:13.480 less you do the more When you do it it 0:12:13.640 --> 0:12:17.920 can be heard. If you criticize so much, then eventually 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:21.080 what really matters won't be heard in the din of 0:12:21.160 --> 0:12:25.640 all of the other critiques. And at a given point, 0:12:25.720 --> 0:12:28.760 how much do you love somebody that you continually criticize? 0:12:29.320 --> 0:12:34.600 What's to love? On the other hand, you know, we 0:12:34.679 --> 0:12:40.960 can all stand improvement in various areas, and and if 0:12:41.000 --> 0:12:43.920 you know the person loves you, you have to ask. 0:12:44.040 --> 0:12:47.800 And this is very very significant. Here is a toughie 0:12:47.840 --> 0:12:52.160 for a lot of people. You have to ask when 0:12:52.200 --> 0:13:00.520 you're criticized, is the person perhaps right. It's a fairly 0:13:00.760 --> 0:13:05.800 uncommon reaction because the instinctive reaction is to defend oneself. 0:13:08.559 --> 0:13:11.880 And you know, let me give you a macro example, 0:13:11.920 --> 0:13:17.000 because I get a fair share of very angry criticisms 0:13:17.000 --> 0:13:19.280 of me. I mean, I wouldn't even say criticism, say 0:13:19.280 --> 0:13:22.720 attacks on the internet and elsewhere. I mean, they're very public. 0:13:22.760 --> 0:13:26.120 You can you can easily find them if if you search, 0:13:26.960 --> 0:13:29.440 and I will be honest with you, I have learned 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:33.959 to think that is there any legitimacy to the attack? 0:13:35.120 --> 0:13:37.120 I mean, the way they're saying it, I think very 0:13:37.160 --> 0:13:39.920 low of the person doing the attacking. But there are 0:13:39.960 --> 0:13:41.880 times that I will all say, well, is there any 0:13:43.120 --> 0:13:47.800 is the is the attack completely invalid or overwhelmingly invalid? 0:13:48.240 --> 0:13:51.080 Or is there some truth to it? Now? But that's 0:13:51.120 --> 0:13:53.000 easy for me to do because these are not the 0:13:53.000 --> 0:13:54.720 people I love in my life. Out of these are 0:13:54.720 --> 0:13:57.960 strangers writing, so I can easily do that. It's much 0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:03.040 harder with the spouse. I fully acknowledge. But still, if 0:14:03.360 --> 0:14:06.880 your spouse has credibility and you know that they love 0:14:06.920 --> 0:14:10.360 you and think well of you, that's the critical thing. Here. 0:14:10.559 --> 0:14:12.920 Here is a critical thing that you need to know. 0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:17.040 And then I'm going to take your calls. I think 0:14:17.040 --> 0:14:22.920 the man's name is John Gottman is in Seattle, considered 0:14:23.280 --> 0:14:26.680 by many to be the greatest expert on marriage in 0:14:26.720 --> 0:14:32.480 the country, on the relate un marital relations. He is 0:14:32.520 --> 0:14:36.000 so good at this, apparently that he can watch unobserved 0:14:36.840 --> 0:14:38.960 through a one way mirror. He can watch a couple 0:14:39.000 --> 0:14:40.800 for a few minutes and tell you in how long 0:14:40.840 --> 0:14:45.840 they'll divorce. I mean, the man is amazing, and he 0:14:45.880 --> 0:14:50.360 has said couples can recuperate from anything except one thing. 0:14:50.840 --> 0:14:54.400 They can recuperate from an infidelity. They can recuperate from 0:14:54.440 --> 0:14:57.880 the death of a child. They can recuperate from from 0:14:58.160 --> 0:15:02.280 the loss of jobs. They can recuperate from a terrible accident. 0:15:02.920 --> 0:15:06.240 They cannot recuperate if one has contempt for the other. 0:15:07.760 --> 0:15:11.440 It is the one thing you cannot A marriage cannot 0:15:11.480 --> 0:15:18.920 survive contempt. So if the criticism is either delivered contemptuously 0:15:19.800 --> 0:15:24.360 or is perceived as coming from contempt, then then it 0:15:24.440 --> 0:15:29.040 dooms the marriage. If it comes from love and from 0:15:29.200 --> 0:15:33.080 the opposite of contempt. Respect. If you know your spouse 0:15:33.120 --> 0:15:36.160 things highly of you. But just as you would tell 0:15:36.200 --> 0:15:38.640 a great baseball player, you know, let me just show 0:15:38.680 --> 0:15:40.520 you a little way you might you might hold the 0:15:40.520 --> 0:15:43.640 bat even better and do even better. That's a big 0:15:43.680 --> 0:15:46.920 difference from you know, you're a real loser, and and 0:15:47.040 --> 0:15:51.800 you know, and then then then there's no chance. All righty, 0:15:51.840 --> 0:15:53.800 And let's go to some of your calls here Atlanta, 0:15:53.840 --> 0:15:55.880 Georgia and Barbara, Hello, Barbara. 0:15:55.520 --> 0:15:59.640 Dennis Prager, Hi, my husband gave the greatest answer to 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:02.200 my criticism. One day I was nitpicking at something and said, 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:04.080 why did you do it that way? And he said, 0:16:04.120 --> 0:16:06.400 because I live to irritate you. 0:16:08.120 --> 0:16:11.680 That is See. I tell you, if men learn to 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:15.560 use humor when there when their wife is a little annoyed, 0:16:16.640 --> 0:16:19.760 it is one of the great weapons at me disposal 0:16:19.840 --> 0:16:20.800 that they do not know of. 0:16:21.640 --> 0:16:24.240 Well that year, isn't It makes me think anytime I 0:16:24.360 --> 0:16:29.200 might say something to him, why am I criticizing him? 0:16:29.600 --> 0:16:32.040 You're a good wife. You're a good wife. But you 0:16:32.160 --> 0:16:38.480 admit then I'm sorry, he's a Oh well, that's sorry. 0:16:38.560 --> 0:16:40.360 Tell him tell him what you told me. I hope. 0:16:40.440 --> 0:16:42.600 Just as long as you tell him what you told me, 0:16:42.680 --> 0:16:45.960 that's that's great. So you basically agree with this comment. 0:16:46.000 --> 0:16:48.120 God created men and critics. 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:51.240 In my case, yeah, I tend to be a little critical. 0:16:53.520 --> 0:16:57.040 Barbara, I love you. That was great. That was just great. 0:16:57.360 --> 0:17:00.960 See if she acknowledges it, I think there is Look, 0:17:01.040 --> 0:17:03.240 I think there's truth to the statement in this way. 0:17:03.720 --> 0:17:06.080 And God knows there were men who criticize their women 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:08.719 to their they're women far too much, of course, but 0:17:08.840 --> 0:17:11.039 there is truth in this way. Did you ever notice 0:17:11.040 --> 0:17:15.360 how much more women groom their men? You never did 0:17:15.400 --> 0:17:18.879 you ever see once a guy flicking off little tiny 0:17:19.040 --> 0:17:22.119 pieces of god knows what from a woman's dress, his 0:17:22.240 --> 0:17:26.000 wife's dress. No, how often have you seen the wife 0:17:26.200 --> 0:17:33.440 fixing the guy's collar, tie, lapel, shirt, suit, jacket. Right. 0:17:34.880 --> 0:17:37.280 It always reminds me of the monkeys, and it does. 0:17:37.320 --> 0:17:39.880 It reminds me of the monkeys in the zoo when 0:17:39.920 --> 0:17:42.520 you're watching them groom each other. That's how I, for 0:17:42.640 --> 0:17:45.040 whatever reason, I always get that image in my mind. 0:17:45.800 --> 0:17:49.160 And so because there is a part of a woman, 0:17:49.280 --> 0:17:52.240 I do believe this, there is a part of female 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:56.800 nature that would like their man to be perfect. I'm 0:17:56.800 --> 0:17:59.160 not saying it critically. I mean there are a whole 0:17:59.160 --> 0:18:03.040 host of images that men have and so on. Anyway, 0:18:03.080 --> 0:18:07.840 So let's go, let's continue to get more of the 0:18:07.880 --> 0:18:12.719 calls here, and we go to Catherine in Ulis, Texas. Hi, 0:18:12.840 --> 0:18:15.800 Catherine Dennis Prager, Hello, Hi. 0:18:16.800 --> 0:18:20.960 Rob married ten years this month. And I fully believe 0:18:21.080 --> 0:18:24.760 that with criticism it should be far and few between. 0:18:26.320 --> 0:18:30.399 My husband was part of the Christmas party and sing 0:18:30.400 --> 0:18:33.520 in a trio and his he had a solo at 0:18:33.520 --> 0:18:36.760 the beginning and he killed it. And he had all 0:18:36.760 --> 0:18:39.919 these compliments from everyone and as we're going home, he 0:18:39.960 --> 0:18:43.560 asked me how he did and I said, do you 0:18:43.640 --> 0:18:45.240 want me to be nice or do you want me 0:18:45.280 --> 0:18:47.840 to be honest? And he said, I want you to 0:18:47.880 --> 0:18:51.040 be honest. And so I thought for a minute and 0:18:51.080 --> 0:18:54.159 I said that was the best performance by Kermit the Frog. 0:18:56.400 --> 0:18:58.479 And he was quiet for a minute and then he 0:18:58.600 --> 0:19:01.800 just said, now you know my secret. I can't I 0:19:01.840 --> 0:19:06.800 can't sing in public. And so he just took it 0:19:06.840 --> 0:19:08.760 in stride. 0:19:09.080 --> 0:19:10.960 Oh, I have a big smile. I wish you could 0:19:11.000 --> 0:19:13.639 see me personally. I had a big smile on my 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:17.840 face this whole dialogue that that you were recounting you did. 0:19:18.000 --> 0:19:23.040 You did a very job that that, and I'm on 0:19:23.119 --> 0:19:25.520 your side. I look, I think the less the better. 0:19:25.560 --> 0:19:30.159 That's what I said for a harmonious relationship. You know. I, 0:19:30.480 --> 0:19:33.600 in fact, I've always used this was this was given 0:19:33.680 --> 0:19:38.120 by Irving Crystal, the godfather of the neo Conservatism. Said, 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:40.800 you know, there are folks in America always criticizing America. 0:19:40.880 --> 0:19:43.960 All they are constantly criticizing America. They say, well, we 0:19:44.080 --> 0:19:45.919 criticized it because we love it. He said, yeah, but 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:48.400 what if a man criticized his wife as much? Would 0:19:48.440 --> 0:19:52.240 you say? He loved her, something to keep in mind. 0:19:52.680 --> 0:19:53.320 Stay tuned. 0:19:56.880 --> 0:20:00.119 This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 0:20:05.680 --> 0:20:12.920 Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 0:20:13.680 --> 0:20:16.800 Hi everybody, and welcome back the Dennis Prager Show, The 0:20:16.800 --> 0:20:21.440 Male Female Hour, second hour, Wednesday week. I love your 0:20:21.440 --> 0:20:23.960 emails on this. It helps me writing my book Onto 0:20:24.000 --> 0:20:27.119 Male a Sexual Nature. By the way, but whatever the 0:20:27.160 --> 0:20:30.199 subject on male female, I keep them. I keep your 0:20:30.240 --> 0:20:32.120 letters on it, and I learn a lot from them, 0:20:32.800 --> 0:20:35.800 and you open up to me, because well, frankly, I'm 0:20:35.800 --> 0:20:39.880 pretty open. Subject today is the tough one of criticizing 0:20:39.920 --> 0:20:45.639 your spouse on a very complex subject. My bottom line 0:20:45.760 --> 0:20:48.800 is that generally speaking, the less the better. It doesn't 0:20:48.800 --> 0:20:52.880 mean none. None is not a good idea either, but 0:20:53.359 --> 0:20:56.959 the less the better. If your spouse is so worthy 0:20:57.000 --> 0:21:02.000 of criticism as for it to be a constant, then 0:21:02.119 --> 0:21:05.439 clearly you have chosen the wrong person to be married to. 0:21:06.640 --> 0:21:09.040 I mean, I mean, come on, let's be honest. If 0:21:10.160 --> 0:21:13.080 if you really are married to someone who is deserving 0:21:13.119 --> 0:21:20.240 of constant criticism, then you know, unless you have a philosophical, moral, religious, 0:21:20.880 --> 0:21:24.040 or reason to oppose a divorce, then it seemed to 0:21:24.080 --> 0:21:27.800 me that that would be the most logical thing. And 0:21:27.880 --> 0:21:30.240 even if you say, well, we're staying together for the children, 0:21:30.440 --> 0:21:34.560 it's a very difficult thing to answer. Is it better 0:21:34.600 --> 0:21:39.200 for children to see a parent constantly criticizing the other 0:21:39.840 --> 0:21:42.320 or to experience divorce? I don't know. I don't know 0:21:42.880 --> 0:21:44.879 the answer most not at answer I could give you 0:21:44.960 --> 0:21:48.840 is it depends on the child's nature. But it's hardly 0:21:49.080 --> 0:21:53.280 a beneficent experience for a child to see a spouse 0:21:53.760 --> 0:21:56.680 criticized all the time. The odds are that that's exactly 0:21:56.720 --> 0:21:59.760 what the child will do with either his or her spouse, 0:22:00.880 --> 0:22:03.879 or have done to him or her when they choose 0:22:03.880 --> 0:22:08.000 a spouse. So it's it's a it's a pretty tough thing. 0:22:08.040 --> 0:22:11.520 And what you might want to do is count how 0:22:11.560 --> 0:22:14.960 many how many criticisms have I offered my spouse this week? 0:22:15.440 --> 0:22:18.160 Make a list every time you do it, just write 0:22:18.160 --> 0:22:24.439 a little number down one aight. Praguer seven seven six, 0:22:25.640 --> 0:22:31.119 and let's go to Debbie Escandido, California. Hi, Debbie, Dennis Prager, 0:22:31.400 --> 0:22:33.080 Hi Dennis, thank. 0:22:32.920 --> 0:22:33.960 You for taking my call. 0:22:34.760 --> 0:22:35.159 Thank you. 0:22:35.760 --> 0:22:38.600 Yeah this I've been married about ten years to my 0:22:38.880 --> 0:22:42.920 husband and he's a wonderful man, very capable I tell 0:22:42.960 --> 0:22:45.880 people there's nothing he really can't take apart and put 0:22:45.960 --> 0:22:52.199 back together. That he's very intelligent, but he tends to 0:22:52.320 --> 0:22:56.440 kind of pick at things, especially in my speech. If 0:22:56.440 --> 0:23:01.480 I've mispronounced a word or said something that he felt 0:23:01.600 --> 0:23:06.320 was incorrect, and it it over the years. Now it 0:23:06.800 --> 0:23:11.400 seems to have undermined my confidence in myself because he 0:23:11.440 --> 0:23:13.400 looks at it as I'm just giving you a suggestion 0:23:14.000 --> 0:23:18.880 on how to do that better. But you know, now 0:23:19.160 --> 0:23:22.040 I'll stop and I'll hesitate before I do something because 0:23:22.040 --> 0:23:25.360 I don't like the criticism. 0:23:25.640 --> 0:23:28.399 Now, now give me give me a specific example if 0:23:28.440 --> 0:23:28.800 you can. 0:23:31.040 --> 0:23:36.359 Well, if I've mispronounced a word, and he'll stop me 0:23:36.600 --> 0:23:38.720 like and say, no, you said that you should be 0:23:38.760 --> 0:23:39.400 said this way. 0:23:40.320 --> 0:23:43.560 Okay. Now, now is he doing that in front of 0:23:43.560 --> 0:23:45.439 others or just when you two were talking? 0:23:45.720 --> 0:23:46.000 Both? 0:23:47.440 --> 0:23:50.840 Okay? Well, I disagree about it being done in front 0:23:50.880 --> 0:23:54.000 of others, and I agree with it being done when 0:23:54.040 --> 0:23:56.400 you're alone. So I'm in the I'm between the two 0:23:56.400 --> 0:23:59.320 of you because in front of others is there's a 0:23:59.400 --> 0:24:02.520 humiliating aspect which should never never take place. 0:24:02.560 --> 0:24:04.879 Sometimes I feel like you knew what I meant. 0:24:06.040 --> 0:24:09.240 Yes, he does, but but and I'm just kind of 0:24:09.520 --> 0:24:11.480 well the question all right, So the question that then 0:24:11.520 --> 0:24:15.000 you have to say, Look, you could say to him, look, honey, 0:24:15.440 --> 0:24:21.400 the truth is, I don't care if I mispronounced words uh. 0:24:21.480 --> 0:24:25.080 When when I'm speaking to people, it does not It 0:24:25.359 --> 0:24:27.639 does not matter to me, and so he'll have to 0:24:27.640 --> 0:24:29.880 make peace with that. But I think it should matter 0:24:29.960 --> 0:24:30.280 to you. 0:24:31.400 --> 0:24:34.000 Well, yeah, I of course I do want to be 0:24:34.280 --> 0:24:38.879 speaking correctly, but you know, it's it's gotten to the 0:24:38.920 --> 0:24:41.000 point where I'll stop. I don't know. 0:24:41.080 --> 0:24:44.800 I understand because you're so self conscious. I understand. Well, 0:24:44.880 --> 0:24:48.159 that's why I this is. It's a very I can't 0:24:48.240 --> 0:24:51.360 I can't answer because I'm not present. That's why I 0:24:51.920 --> 0:24:54.359 The one no no I had was with regard to 0:24:54.560 --> 0:24:58.520 uh when you were in public, because in public uh, 0:24:58.560 --> 0:25:02.240 and anything that even smacks of humiliation is just is 0:25:02.240 --> 0:25:06.680 a no no. Uh. It's a it's a tough call there. 0:25:07.400 --> 0:25:09.880 I know I would want to be I would want 0:25:09.920 --> 0:25:11.480 to be like I speak for a living, so I 0:25:11.520 --> 0:25:14.639 would particularly want to be corrected by my wife anytime 0:25:14.680 --> 0:25:20.440 I mispronounced the word. Okay, anyway, I will continue. This 0:25:20.520 --> 0:25:31.600 is the Male Female Hour on The Dennis Prager Show. Hello, everybody. 0:25:31.640 --> 0:25:34.199 This is Dennis Prager the male female Hour, and the 0:25:34.280 --> 0:25:42.440 subject is criticism of your spouse. While no relationship should 0:25:42.440 --> 0:25:47.040 be criticism free, none, because it almost means you don't 0:25:47.080 --> 0:25:51.359 care about the person and you're not their close friend. 0:25:51.359 --> 0:25:56.119