1 00:00:19,840 --> 00:00:24,200 Speaker 1: Welcome to Timeless Wisdom with Dennis Prager. Here thousands of 2 00:00:24,240 --> 00:00:27,880 Speaker 1: hours of Dennis's lectures courses in classic radio programs. Had 3 00:00:27,880 --> 00:00:39,679 Speaker 1: to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles, go to Dennisprager dot com. 4 00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:40,880 Speaker 2: I am old fashioned. 5 00:00:40,879 --> 00:00:41,960 Speaker 3: I like two sexes. 6 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:44,200 Speaker 2: I don't know. I think all of a sudden, I 7 00:00:44,200 --> 00:00:45,879 Speaker 2: don't like being married to what is known as a 8 00:00:45,920 --> 00:00:48,480 Speaker 2: new woman. I want a wife, not a competitor. 9 00:00:48,519 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: Competitor, competitor, talk about a bit, this crying in the 10 00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:54,720 Speaker 1: morning thing. It's depression, you know, Let's get that fixed. 11 00:00:54,840 --> 00:00:57,680 Speaker 1: That's what men think, isn't it. What Unless you've got 12 00:00:57,680 --> 00:01:00,200 Speaker 1: the answer, unless you can say, oh, I know this 13 00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:03,200 Speaker 1: bloke in the essex rodical fix that, and there's no 14 00:01:03,240 --> 00:01:03,920 Speaker 1: point bothering. 15 00:01:04,280 --> 00:01:05,880 Speaker 2: How do you write women so well? 16 00:01:06,800 --> 00:01:09,920 Speaker 4: I think of a man and I take away reason 17 00:01:10,240 --> 00:01:11,200 Speaker 4: and accountability. 18 00:01:11,759 --> 00:01:14,039 Speaker 5: I love him, I love him, and I don't care 19 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 5: what you think. 20 00:01:14,920 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 3: I love him for the for the man he wants 21 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,119 Speaker 3: to be, and I love him for the man that 22 00:01:20,240 --> 00:01:21,759 Speaker 3: he almost is. 23 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:24,520 Speaker 6: What do people have rouse about him? 24 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:24,920 Speaker 2: Money? 25 00:01:25,480 --> 00:01:30,280 Speaker 4: Sex, sex, money he wants, she doesn't want. 26 00:01:30,640 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 2: She wants, he doesn't want women. 27 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:37,600 Speaker 5: I've always been a big problem to me, doctor fusbend. 28 00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:39,759 Speaker 2: He listening. 29 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 5: Yes, yes, yes, go on, gone. 30 00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:46,080 Speaker 2: Hi everybody, and welcome to the Male Female Hour on 31 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:49,240 Speaker 2: the Dennis Prager Show. Every week, the second hour of 32 00:01:49,280 --> 00:01:54,760 Speaker 2: my program on Wednesdays is devoted to men and women. 33 00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:56,960 Speaker 2: I call it the Male Female Hour because it's about 34 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 2: the natures of us. It's not just about the man woman, 35 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:03,640 Speaker 2: but even deeper, the male female about us. So here 36 00:02:03,880 --> 00:02:09,439 Speaker 2: is today's topic. It is about criticizing your spouse or 37 00:02:09,480 --> 00:02:13,400 Speaker 2: your significant other. If you prefer that term, I can't 38 00:02:13,440 --> 00:02:17,840 Speaker 2: stand it. But if we'll include that group as well, 39 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:25,520 Speaker 2: I cite a I won't cite the man who gave 40 00:02:25,519 --> 00:02:27,440 Speaker 2: me this quote because I don't want to put him 41 00:02:27,440 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 2: on the spot when he's not here. But it was 42 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,080 Speaker 2: a very witty, a witty line that a friend of 43 00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,519 Speaker 2: mine told me many years ago. He said, in the beginning, 44 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:41,000 Speaker 2: God created men and critics. And whenever I have said 45 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 2: this a speeches, people have cracked up, especially the men. 46 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:50,200 Speaker 2: The men, They absolutely adore this line. And it's the 47 00:02:50,240 --> 00:02:53,040 Speaker 2: reason that people laugh at any such lines. People don't 48 00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 2: laugh at a line that they can't relate to. If 49 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:59,800 Speaker 2: I'd have said in the beginning, God created men and poets. 50 00:03:00,360 --> 00:03:03,200 Speaker 2: I don't think anybody would laugh. They would say what 51 00:03:03,240 --> 00:03:06,520 Speaker 2: do you mean? But nobody ever says what do you 52 00:03:06,639 --> 00:03:11,320 Speaker 2: mean when I give the line God created in the beginning, 53 00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:15,880 Speaker 2: God created men and critics. Now, we recently had a 54 00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:19,160 Speaker 2: show about about certain of the things that men do 55 00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 2: that drive women nuts, and I I often agreed with 56 00:03:27,880 --> 00:03:32,320 Speaker 2: them and added some thoughts of my own. This week, 57 00:03:32,440 --> 00:03:35,040 Speaker 2: it's not so much about what women do that drive 58 00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:37,480 Speaker 2: men nuts, and I'm only talking about the criticism thing. 59 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:41,760 Speaker 2: It's about both sexes. There are men who criticize their 60 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:45,680 Speaker 2: wives a great deal, so I want to talk to 61 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 2: you about the issue. And by the way, this also 62 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:51,720 Speaker 2: applies to friends. Remember everything that applies to friends applies 63 00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:56,120 Speaker 2: to marriages except for the sex part. And that's why 64 00:03:56,200 --> 00:04:00,200 Speaker 2: I consider friendships to be so incredibly important. And I 65 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:02,960 Speaker 2: think people should date for friends just like they date 66 00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 2: for spouses. That's how important I consider friendships. But here 67 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:12,720 Speaker 2: is the question on criticism. How do you do it? 68 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,520 Speaker 2: When is it okay? And how much do you do it? 69 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:24,080 Speaker 2: Those are the questions, And oh wait, I'll tell you 70 00:04:24,120 --> 00:04:26,920 Speaker 2: there's an even more important one in some senses, why 71 00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:32,040 Speaker 2: do you do it? Are the criticisms coming from a 72 00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:37,360 Speaker 2: good place. And so this is the issue. And I'd 73 00:04:37,440 --> 00:04:39,800 Speaker 2: love to get your takes as much as I want 74 00:04:39,839 --> 00:04:42,760 Speaker 2: to give you my take on this subject, because if 75 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,160 Speaker 2: you feel that there is this issue in your marriage 76 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:49,520 Speaker 2: or your relationship, I would be very interested in hearing, 77 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:53,360 Speaker 2: because I want others to hear as well about this subject. 78 00:04:54,279 --> 00:05:03,360 Speaker 2: And the subject is criticizing our spouse or our boyfriend, girlfriend, 79 00:05:03,480 --> 00:05:08,279 Speaker 2: significant other partner, whatever the term may be. I happen 80 00:05:08,360 --> 00:05:13,840 Speaker 2: to like marriage, but that's not the specific issue here. 81 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,279 Speaker 2: It's the issue of men and critics, or indeed women 82 00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:22,960 Speaker 2: and critics. So the uh, it's a tough line here 83 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:27,880 Speaker 2: to balance because on the one hand, if someone never 84 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 2: says anything about any way at all in which you 85 00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:33,760 Speaker 2: can do better, I mean, you know, is it a 86 00:05:33,800 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 2: criticism to say you have something between your teeth after 87 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:43,040 Speaker 2: you've eaten? Is it a criticism to say you're you're 88 00:05:43,080 --> 00:05:47,120 Speaker 2: speaking too loud at the restaurant? Uh? You know what, 89 00:05:48,960 --> 00:05:53,719 Speaker 2: It's unnatural to never have anything of a critical nature 90 00:05:53,760 --> 00:05:56,240 Speaker 2: to say to the person that you are involved with, 91 00:05:57,680 --> 00:06:04,520 Speaker 2: and and loving criticism dispensed lovingly obviously coming from a 92 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:07,840 Speaker 2: loving spot, can be one of the greatest services you 93 00:06:07,920 --> 00:06:11,440 Speaker 2: can you can perform in a marriage or in a friendship. 94 00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 2: But on the other hand, we all I think, either 95 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 2: experienced or have seen elsewhere where there is simply too 96 00:06:23,120 --> 00:06:27,039 Speaker 2: much of it where the relationship seems to be a 97 00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:33,359 Speaker 2: continuous stream of criticism one eight Praeger seven seven six 98 00:06:33,600 --> 00:06:36,880 Speaker 2: one eight p R A. G. E. R seven seven six. 99 00:06:37,520 --> 00:06:40,839 Speaker 2: That's eight seven seven two four three triple seven six 100 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 2: eight seven seven two four three triple seven six Is 101 00:06:45,200 --> 00:06:50,719 Speaker 2: this an issue in your relationship? Have you given this thought? Here? Is? 102 00:06:50,920 --> 00:06:53,800 Speaker 2: Here is a thought that you might want to consider. 103 00:06:54,800 --> 00:06:59,839 Speaker 2: How about for have some sort of even keep account 104 00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 2: that for every criticism you offer, that it has been 105 00:07:04,279 --> 00:07:09,040 Speaker 2: couched in eight positive statements about the other, that you 106 00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:11,520 Speaker 2: have an eight to one ratio. I'm just throwing out 107 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,640 Speaker 2: a number. Maybe it should be three to one, maybe 108 00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:16,160 Speaker 2: it should be fifty to one, But that you have 109 00:07:16,320 --> 00:07:23,000 Speaker 2: some sort of ratio of positive reinforcing good statements to 110 00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:32,520 Speaker 2: your spouse your partner as critical ones. And then you 111 00:07:32,600 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 2: have to figure out, too, what is it you want? 112 00:07:36,120 --> 00:07:38,720 Speaker 2: What is it that is coming Where is the criticism 113 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:45,400 Speaker 2: coming from? Is it is it really disguised anger? See? 114 00:07:45,440 --> 00:07:49,640 Speaker 2: That's what and the recipient needs to figure out as well. 115 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:54,360 Speaker 2: Am I hypersensitive? Is this just a loving criticism or 116 00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 2: is it really just disguised anger? And is the person 117 00:07:57,880 --> 00:08:00,560 Speaker 2: just hyper in what they want me to be? And 118 00:08:00,680 --> 00:08:04,600 Speaker 2: is the criticism an attempt to change me? Or is 119 00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:09,640 Speaker 2: it an attempt to improve me? And how much improvement? 120 00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:13,360 Speaker 2: It's a very very complex issue. But the very fact 121 00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,480 Speaker 2: that that I'm raising it is helpful because a lot 122 00:08:16,520 --> 00:08:20,560 Speaker 2: of people don't even think about this. How much do 123 00:08:20,640 --> 00:08:23,760 Speaker 2: I criticize? How much am I criticized? Where is it 124 00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:27,680 Speaker 2: coming from? How what tone am I am I giving it? 125 00:08:28,640 --> 00:08:34,520 Speaker 2: And what Let's put it this way, I think it's 126 00:08:34,559 --> 00:08:38,559 Speaker 2: fair to say that the most harmonious relationship will probably 127 00:08:38,640 --> 00:08:44,679 Speaker 2: have less criticism. Is that a fair statement? I mean, 128 00:08:44,839 --> 00:08:48,240 Speaker 2: you look, it's one thing to be criticized by your boss. 129 00:08:49,640 --> 00:08:52,080 Speaker 2: You know, I wish you had done a better job 130 00:08:52,120 --> 00:08:54,600 Speaker 2: in X, Y or Z. Next time you submit this report, 131 00:08:54,679 --> 00:08:57,480 Speaker 2: next time you go on this sales pitch, do this. 132 00:08:58,160 --> 00:09:00,440 Speaker 2: It's one thing to be criticized by your boss. That's 133 00:09:00,440 --> 00:09:04,280 Speaker 2: what a boss is there for. I mean, they hired 134 00:09:04,360 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 2: you for a job. You've got to do the job 135 00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:09,840 Speaker 2: well or they get rid of you. But your spouse 136 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 2: isn't your boss. They didn't hire you while they did 137 00:09:13,440 --> 00:09:15,520 Speaker 2: hire you. I take that back. Actually, I have a 138 00:09:15,640 --> 00:09:19,920 Speaker 2: view of marriage as a form of hiring. We have 139 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,719 Speaker 2: I have hired a partner for life. That that's that's 140 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:28,040 Speaker 2: a fair statement. But putting that aside, uh, it is 141 00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 2: much harder for most people to take criticism from a 142 00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:35,000 Speaker 2: loved one than from a boss, and it ought to be. 143 00:09:35,120 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 2: By the way, I think you should take criticism from 144 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:42,080 Speaker 2: a boss very, very matter of factly. That's their job. 145 00:09:42,120 --> 00:09:44,800 Speaker 2: I mean, if they're hyper, they're hyper. That's a separate issue. 146 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,800 Speaker 2: But you have to figure out how much. And my 147 00:09:49,920 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 2: bottom line is that the less criticism, generally speaking, the 148 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:59,240 Speaker 2: more harmonious the relationship. A good A good relationship does 149 00:09:59,280 --> 00:10:02,360 Speaker 2: not thrive on a lot of criticism, all right, Let's 150 00:10:02,480 --> 00:10:05,920 Speaker 2: let's be honest. Maybe it does in work. Maybe two 151 00:10:05,960 --> 00:10:09,640 Speaker 2: business partners thrive critiquing each other all the time for 152 00:10:09,679 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 2: the sake of the business. That's possible, but it doesn't 153 00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:16,120 Speaker 2: work in the micro. It does not work in a 154 00:10:16,160 --> 00:10:19,480 Speaker 2: family life. In a family situation, that's different. By the way, 155 00:10:19,559 --> 00:10:21,959 Speaker 2: then from kids, I think you should criticize your kids 156 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,719 Speaker 2: when necessary, But that's not an that's not a relationship 157 00:10:25,720 --> 00:10:29,160 Speaker 2: of peers, And you're not seeking You shouldn't be seeking 158 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 2: to be loved all the time you by your kids. 159 00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,200 Speaker 2: You should be seeking to be loved all the time 160 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 2: by your spouse. So the one of you that is 161 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:42,319 Speaker 2: doing a lot of criticizing might ask, am I am 162 00:10:42,320 --> 00:10:47,480 Speaker 2: I rendering myself very lovable with all of this criticism. 163 00:10:47,600 --> 00:10:49,720 Speaker 2: Now that doesn't mean there should never be. Of course 164 00:10:49,760 --> 00:10:55,320 Speaker 2: there should be. But I do stick with this statement 165 00:10:55,679 --> 00:10:58,960 Speaker 2: that the less there is, generally speaking, the more harmonious 166 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:02,040 Speaker 2: the relationship will be. I'll take your calls when we 167 00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,800 Speaker 2: come back. This is the Male Female Hour on the 168 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:08,120 Speaker 2: Dennis Prager Show eight seven seven two four three triple 169 00:11:08,200 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 2: seven six or one eight Praguer seven seven six, And 170 00:11:11,320 --> 00:11:14,240 Speaker 2: I also love to read your emails on these subjects. 171 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:21,079 Speaker 1: Back momentarily this episode of Timeless Wisdom. 172 00:11:21,240 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 2: We'll continue right after this. 173 00:11:28,040 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless Wisdom. 174 00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:39,440 Speaker 2: Hi, everybody, Dennis Prager. Here the Male Female Hour on 175 00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,199 Speaker 2: the Dennis Prager Show. Every week, this hour the second 176 00:11:42,240 --> 00:11:47,959 Speaker 2: of my three hours on Wednesdays devoted to men and women. 177 00:11:49,240 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 2: And this is a very complex subject. The issue of 178 00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:56,560 Speaker 2: criticizing your spouse. My rule of thumb is the less 179 00:11:56,600 --> 00:12:03,560 Speaker 2: the better on many grounds. One the less you do, 180 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:06,720 Speaker 2: maybe because the more you love about the person and 181 00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:10,600 Speaker 2: therefore feel less necessary to do. Another reason is the 182 00:12:10,679 --> 00:12:13,480 Speaker 2: less you do the more When you do it it 183 00:12:13,640 --> 00:12:17,920 Speaker 2: can be heard. If you criticize so much, then eventually 184 00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 2: what really matters won't be heard in the din of 185 00:12:21,160 --> 00:12:25,640 Speaker 2: all of the other critiques. And at a given point, 186 00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,760 Speaker 2: how much do you love somebody that you continually criticize? 187 00:12:29,320 --> 00:12:34,600 Speaker 2: What's to love? On the other hand, you know, we 188 00:12:34,679 --> 00:12:40,960 Speaker 2: can all stand improvement in various areas, and and if 189 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:43,920 Speaker 2: you know the person loves you, you have to ask. 190 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:47,800 Speaker 2: And this is very very significant. Here is a toughie 191 00:12:47,840 --> 00:12:52,160 Speaker 2: for a lot of people. You have to ask when 192 00:12:52,200 --> 00:13:00,520 Speaker 2: you're criticized, is the person perhaps right. It's a fairly 193 00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:05,800 Speaker 2: uncommon reaction because the instinctive reaction is to defend oneself. 194 00:13:08,559 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 2: And you know, let me give you a macro example, 195 00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:17,000 Speaker 2: because I get a fair share of very angry criticisms 196 00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:19,280 Speaker 2: of me. I mean, I wouldn't even say criticism, say 197 00:13:19,280 --> 00:13:22,720 Speaker 2: attacks on the internet and elsewhere. I mean, they're very public. 198 00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:26,120 Speaker 2: You can you can easily find them if if you search, 199 00:13:26,960 --> 00:13:29,440 Speaker 2: and I will be honest with you, I have learned 200 00:13:29,520 --> 00:13:33,959 Speaker 2: to think that is there any legitimacy to the attack? 201 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:37,120 Speaker 2: I mean, the way they're saying it, I think very 202 00:13:37,160 --> 00:13:39,920 Speaker 2: low of the person doing the attacking. But there are 203 00:13:39,960 --> 00:13:41,880 Speaker 2: times that I will all say, well, is there any 204 00:13:43,120 --> 00:13:47,800 Speaker 2: is the is the attack completely invalid or overwhelmingly invalid? 205 00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:51,080 Speaker 2: Or is there some truth to it? Now? But that's 206 00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:53,000 Speaker 2: easy for me to do because these are not the 207 00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:54,720 Speaker 2: people I love in my life. Out of these are 208 00:13:54,720 --> 00:13:57,960 Speaker 2: strangers writing, so I can easily do that. It's much 209 00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:03,040 Speaker 2: harder with the spouse. I fully acknowledge. But still, if 210 00:14:03,360 --> 00:14:06,880 Speaker 2: your spouse has credibility and you know that they love 211 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,360 Speaker 2: you and think well of you, that's the critical thing. Here. 212 00:14:10,559 --> 00:14:12,920 Speaker 2: Here is a critical thing that you need to know. 213 00:14:14,200 --> 00:14:17,040 Speaker 2: And then I'm going to take your calls. I think 214 00:14:17,040 --> 00:14:22,920 Speaker 2: the man's name is John Gottman is in Seattle, considered 215 00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,680 Speaker 2: by many to be the greatest expert on marriage in 216 00:14:26,720 --> 00:14:32,480 Speaker 2: the country, on the relate un marital relations. He is 217 00:14:32,520 --> 00:14:36,000 Speaker 2: so good at this, apparently that he can watch unobserved 218 00:14:36,840 --> 00:14:38,960 Speaker 2: through a one way mirror. He can watch a couple 219 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:40,800 Speaker 2: for a few minutes and tell you in how long 220 00:14:40,840 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 2: they'll divorce. I mean, the man is amazing, and he 221 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:50,360 Speaker 2: has said couples can recuperate from anything except one thing. 222 00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:54,400 Speaker 2: They can recuperate from an infidelity. They can recuperate from 223 00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:57,880 Speaker 2: the death of a child. They can recuperate from from 224 00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:02,280 Speaker 2: the loss of jobs. They can recuperate from a terrible accident. 225 00:15:02,920 --> 00:15:06,240 Speaker 2: They cannot recuperate if one has contempt for the other. 226 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:11,440 Speaker 2: It is the one thing you cannot A marriage cannot 227 00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:18,920 Speaker 2: survive contempt. So if the criticism is either delivered contemptuously 228 00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:24,360 Speaker 2: or is perceived as coming from contempt, then then it 229 00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:29,040 Speaker 2: dooms the marriage. If it comes from love and from 230 00:15:29,200 --> 00:15:33,080 Speaker 2: the opposite of contempt. Respect. If you know your spouse 231 00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:36,160 Speaker 2: things highly of you. But just as you would tell 232 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:38,640 Speaker 2: a great baseball player, you know, let me just show 233 00:15:38,680 --> 00:15:40,520 Speaker 2: you a little way you might you might hold the 234 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,640 Speaker 2: bat even better and do even better. That's a big 235 00:15:43,680 --> 00:15:46,920 Speaker 2: difference from you know, you're a real loser, and and 236 00:15:47,040 --> 00:15:51,800 Speaker 2: you know, and then then then there's no chance. All righty, 237 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:53,800 Speaker 2: And let's go to some of your calls here Atlanta, 238 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,880 Speaker 2: Georgia and Barbara, Hello, Barbara. 239 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:59,640 Speaker 7: Dennis Prager, Hi, my husband gave the greatest answer to 240 00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:02,200 Speaker 7: my criticism. One day I was nitpicking at something and said, 241 00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,080 Speaker 7: why did you do it that way? And he said, 242 00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:06,400 Speaker 7: because I live to irritate you. 243 00:16:08,120 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 2: That is See. I tell you, if men learn to 244 00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:15,560 Speaker 2: use humor when there when their wife is a little annoyed, 245 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:19,760 Speaker 2: it is one of the great weapons at me disposal 246 00:16:19,840 --> 00:16:20,800 Speaker 2: that they do not know of. 247 00:16:21,640 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 7: Well that year, isn't It makes me think anytime I 248 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:29,200 Speaker 7: might say something to him, why am I criticizing him? 249 00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:32,040 Speaker 2: You're a good wife. You're a good wife. But you 250 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:38,480 Speaker 2: admit then I'm sorry, he's a Oh well, that's sorry. 251 00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:40,360 Speaker 2: Tell him tell him what you told me. I hope. 252 00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,600 Speaker 2: Just as long as you tell him what you told me, 253 00:16:42,680 --> 00:16:45,960 Speaker 2: that's that's great. So you basically agree with this comment. 254 00:16:46,000 --> 00:16:48,120 Speaker 2: God created men and critics. 255 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,240 Speaker 7: In my case, yeah, I tend to be a little critical. 256 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:57,040 Speaker 2: Barbara, I love you. That was great. That was just great. 257 00:16:57,360 --> 00:17:00,960 Speaker 2: See if she acknowledges it, I think there is Look, 258 00:17:01,040 --> 00:17:03,240 Speaker 2: I think there's truth to the statement in this way. 259 00:17:03,720 --> 00:17:06,080 Speaker 2: And God knows there were men who criticize their women 260 00:17:06,119 --> 00:17:08,719 Speaker 2: to their they're women far too much, of course, but 261 00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:11,039 Speaker 2: there is truth in this way. Did you ever notice 262 00:17:11,040 --> 00:17:15,360 Speaker 2: how much more women groom their men? You never did 263 00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 2: you ever see once a guy flicking off little tiny 264 00:17:19,040 --> 00:17:22,119 Speaker 2: pieces of god knows what from a woman's dress, his 265 00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:26,000 Speaker 2: wife's dress. No, how often have you seen the wife 266 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:33,440 Speaker 2: fixing the guy's collar, tie, lapel, shirt, suit, jacket. Right. 267 00:17:34,880 --> 00:17:37,280 Speaker 2: It always reminds me of the monkeys, and it does. 268 00:17:37,320 --> 00:17:39,880 Speaker 2: It reminds me of the monkeys in the zoo when 269 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,520 Speaker 2: you're watching them groom each other. That's how I, for 270 00:17:42,640 --> 00:17:45,040 Speaker 2: whatever reason, I always get that image in my mind. 271 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,160 Speaker 2: And so because there is a part of a woman, 272 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:52,240 Speaker 2: I do believe this, there is a part of female 273 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:56,800 Speaker 2: nature that would like their man to be perfect. I'm 274 00:17:56,800 --> 00:17:59,160 Speaker 2: not saying it critically. I mean there are a whole 275 00:17:59,160 --> 00:18:03,040 Speaker 2: host of images that men have and so on. Anyway, 276 00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:07,840 Speaker 2: So let's go, let's continue to get more of the 277 00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:12,719 Speaker 2: calls here, and we go to Catherine in Ulis, Texas. Hi, 278 00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,800 Speaker 2: Catherine Dennis Prager, Hello, Hi. 279 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:20,960 Speaker 5: Rob married ten years this month. And I fully believe 280 00:18:21,080 --> 00:18:24,760 Speaker 5: that with criticism it should be far and few between. 281 00:18:26,320 --> 00:18:30,399 Speaker 5: My husband was part of the Christmas party and sing 282 00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:33,520 Speaker 5: in a trio and his he had a solo at 283 00:18:33,520 --> 00:18:36,760 Speaker 5: the beginning and he killed it. And he had all 284 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:39,919 Speaker 5: these compliments from everyone and as we're going home, he 285 00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,560 Speaker 5: asked me how he did and I said, do you 286 00:18:43,640 --> 00:18:45,240 Speaker 5: want me to be nice or do you want me 287 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,840 Speaker 5: to be honest? And he said, I want you to 288 00:18:47,880 --> 00:18:51,040 Speaker 5: be honest. And so I thought for a minute and 289 00:18:51,080 --> 00:18:54,159 Speaker 5: I said that was the best performance by Kermit the Frog. 290 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:58,479 Speaker 5: And he was quiet for a minute and then he 291 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:01,800 Speaker 5: just said, now you know my secret. I can't I 292 00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:06,800 Speaker 5: can't sing in public. And so he just took it 293 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,760 Speaker 5: in stride. 294 00:19:09,080 --> 00:19:10,960 Speaker 2: Oh, I have a big smile. I wish you could 295 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,639 Speaker 2: see me personally. I had a big smile on my 296 00:19:13,720 --> 00:19:17,840 Speaker 2: face this whole dialogue that that you were recounting you did. 297 00:19:18,000 --> 00:19:23,040 Speaker 2: You did a very job that that, and I'm on 298 00:19:23,119 --> 00:19:25,520 Speaker 2: your side. I look, I think the less the better. 299 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:30,159 Speaker 2: That's what I said for a harmonious relationship. You know. I, 300 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,600 Speaker 2: in fact, I've always used this was this was given 301 00:19:33,680 --> 00:19:38,120 Speaker 2: by Irving Crystal, the godfather of the neo Conservatism. Said, 302 00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,800 Speaker 2: you know, there are folks in America always criticizing America. 303 00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:43,960 Speaker 2: All they are constantly criticizing America. They say, well, we 304 00:19:44,080 --> 00:19:45,919 Speaker 2: criticized it because we love it. He said, yeah, but 305 00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:48,400 Speaker 2: what if a man criticized his wife as much? Would 306 00:19:48,440 --> 00:19:52,240 Speaker 2: you say? He loved her, something to keep in mind. 307 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:53,320 Speaker 2: Stay tuned. 308 00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,119 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 309 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:12,920 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's Timeless Wisdom. 310 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:16,800 Speaker 2: Hi everybody, and welcome back the Dennis Prager Show, The 311 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:21,440 Speaker 2: Male Female Hour, second hour, Wednesday week. I love your 312 00:20:21,440 --> 00:20:23,960 Speaker 2: emails on this. It helps me writing my book Onto 313 00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:27,119 Speaker 2: Male a Sexual Nature. By the way, but whatever the 314 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:30,199 Speaker 2: subject on male female, I keep them. I keep your 315 00:20:30,240 --> 00:20:32,120 Speaker 2: letters on it, and I learn a lot from them, 316 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,800 Speaker 2: and you open up to me, because well, frankly, I'm 317 00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 2: pretty open. Subject today is the tough one of criticizing 318 00:20:39,920 --> 00:20:45,639 Speaker 2: your spouse on a very complex subject. My bottom line 319 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,800 Speaker 2: is that generally speaking, the less the better. It doesn't 320 00:20:48,800 --> 00:20:52,880 Speaker 2: mean none. None is not a good idea either, but 321 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:56,959 Speaker 2: the less the better. If your spouse is so worthy 322 00:20:57,000 --> 00:21:02,000 Speaker 2: of criticism as for it to be a constant, then 323 00:21:02,119 --> 00:21:05,439 Speaker 2: clearly you have chosen the wrong person to be married to. 324 00:21:06,640 --> 00:21:09,040 Speaker 2: I mean, I mean, come on, let's be honest. If 325 00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:13,080 Speaker 2: if you really are married to someone who is deserving 326 00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:20,240 Speaker 2: of constant criticism, then you know, unless you have a philosophical, moral, religious, 327 00:21:20,880 --> 00:21:24,040 Speaker 2: or reason to oppose a divorce, then it seemed to 328 00:21:24,080 --> 00:21:27,800 Speaker 2: me that that would be the most logical thing. And 329 00:21:27,880 --> 00:21:30,240 Speaker 2: even if you say, well, we're staying together for the children, 330 00:21:30,440 --> 00:21:34,560 Speaker 2: it's a very difficult thing to answer. Is it better 331 00:21:34,600 --> 00:21:39,200 Speaker 2: for children to see a parent constantly criticizing the other 332 00:21:39,840 --> 00:21:42,320 Speaker 2: or to experience divorce? I don't know. I don't know 333 00:21:42,880 --> 00:21:44,879 Speaker 2: the answer most not at answer I could give you 334 00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:48,840 Speaker 2: is it depends on the child's nature. But it's hardly 335 00:21:49,080 --> 00:21:53,280 Speaker 2: a beneficent experience for a child to see a spouse 336 00:21:53,760 --> 00:21:56,680 Speaker 2: criticized all the time. The odds are that that's exactly 337 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:59,760 Speaker 2: what the child will do with either his or her spouse, 338 00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:03,879 Speaker 2: or have done to him or her when they choose 339 00:22:03,880 --> 00:22:08,000 Speaker 2: a spouse. So it's it's a it's a pretty tough thing. 340 00:22:08,040 --> 00:22:11,520 Speaker 2: And what you might want to do is count how 341 00:22:11,560 --> 00:22:14,960 Speaker 2: many how many criticisms have I offered my spouse this week? 342 00:22:15,440 --> 00:22:18,160 Speaker 2: Make a list every time you do it, just write 343 00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:24,439 Speaker 2: a little number down one aight. Praguer seven seven six, 344 00:22:25,640 --> 00:22:31,119 Speaker 2: and let's go to Debbie Escandido, California. Hi, Debbie, Dennis Prager, 345 00:22:31,400 --> 00:22:33,080 Speaker 2: Hi Dennis, thank. 346 00:22:32,920 --> 00:22:33,960 Speaker 6: You for taking my call. 347 00:22:34,760 --> 00:22:35,159 Speaker 2: Thank you. 348 00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,600 Speaker 6: Yeah this I've been married about ten years to my 349 00:22:38,880 --> 00:22:42,920 Speaker 6: husband and he's a wonderful man, very capable I tell 350 00:22:42,960 --> 00:22:45,880 Speaker 6: people there's nothing he really can't take apart and put 351 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:52,199 Speaker 6: back together. That he's very intelligent, but he tends to 352 00:22:52,320 --> 00:22:56,440 Speaker 6: kind of pick at things, especially in my speech. If 353 00:22:56,440 --> 00:23:01,480 Speaker 6: I've mispronounced a word or said something that he felt 354 00:23:01,600 --> 00:23:06,320 Speaker 6: was incorrect, and it it over the years. Now it 355 00:23:06,800 --> 00:23:11,400 Speaker 6: seems to have undermined my confidence in myself because he 356 00:23:11,440 --> 00:23:13,400 Speaker 6: looks at it as I'm just giving you a suggestion 357 00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:18,880 Speaker 6: on how to do that better. But you know, now 358 00:23:19,160 --> 00:23:22,040 Speaker 6: I'll stop and I'll hesitate before I do something because 359 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:25,360 Speaker 6: I don't like the criticism. 360 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:28,399 Speaker 2: Now, now give me give me a specific example if 361 00:23:28,440 --> 00:23:28,800 Speaker 2: you can. 362 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:36,359 Speaker 6: Well, if I've mispronounced a word, and he'll stop me 363 00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:38,720 Speaker 6: like and say, no, you said that you should be 364 00:23:38,760 --> 00:23:39,400 Speaker 6: said this way. 365 00:23:40,320 --> 00:23:43,560 Speaker 2: Okay. Now, now is he doing that in front of 366 00:23:43,560 --> 00:23:45,439 Speaker 2: others or just when you two were talking? 367 00:23:45,720 --> 00:23:46,000 Speaker 5: Both? 368 00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,840 Speaker 2: Okay? Well, I disagree about it being done in front 369 00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:54,000 Speaker 2: of others, and I agree with it being done when 370 00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:56,400 Speaker 2: you're alone. So I'm in the I'm between the two 371 00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 2: of you because in front of others is there's a 372 00:23:59,400 --> 00:24:02,520 Speaker 2: humiliating aspect which should never never take place. 373 00:24:02,560 --> 00:24:04,879 Speaker 6: Sometimes I feel like you knew what I meant. 374 00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,240 Speaker 2: Yes, he does, but but and I'm just kind of 375 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:11,480 Speaker 2: well the question all right, So the question that then 376 00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:15,000 Speaker 2: you have to say, Look, you could say to him, look, honey, 377 00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:21,400 Speaker 2: the truth is, I don't care if I mispronounced words uh. 378 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,080 Speaker 2: When when I'm speaking to people, it does not It 379 00:24:25,359 --> 00:24:27,639 Speaker 2: does not matter to me, and so he'll have to 380 00:24:27,640 --> 00:24:29,880 Speaker 2: make peace with that. But I think it should matter 381 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,280 Speaker 2: to you. 382 00:24:31,400 --> 00:24:34,000 Speaker 6: Well, yeah, I of course I do want to be 383 00:24:34,280 --> 00:24:38,879 Speaker 6: speaking correctly, but you know, it's it's gotten to the 384 00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:41,000 Speaker 6: point where I'll stop. I don't know. 385 00:24:41,080 --> 00:24:44,800 Speaker 2: I understand because you're so self conscious. I understand. Well, 386 00:24:44,880 --> 00:24:48,159 Speaker 2: that's why I this is. It's a very I can't 387 00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:51,360 Speaker 2: I can't answer because I'm not present. That's why I 388 00:24:51,920 --> 00:24:54,359 Speaker 2: The one no no I had was with regard to 389 00:24:54,560 --> 00:24:58,520 Speaker 2: uh when you were in public, because in public uh, 390 00:24:58,560 --> 00:25:02,240 Speaker 2: and anything that even smacks of humiliation is just is 391 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,680 Speaker 2: a no no. Uh. It's a it's a tough call there. 392 00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:09,880 Speaker 2: I know I would want to be I would want 393 00:25:09,920 --> 00:25:11,480 Speaker 2: to be like I speak for a living, so I 394 00:25:11,520 --> 00:25:14,639 Speaker 2: would particularly want to be corrected by my wife anytime 395 00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:20,440 Speaker 2: I mispronounced the word. Okay, anyway, I will continue. This 396 00:25:20,520 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 2: is the Male Female Hour on The Dennis Prager Show. Hello, everybody. 397 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,199 Speaker 2: This is Dennis Prager the male female Hour, and the 398 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:42,440 Speaker 2: subject is criticism of your spouse. While no relationship should 399 00:25:42,440 --> 00:25:47,040 Speaker 2: be criticism free, none, because it almost means you don't 400 00:25:47,080 --> 00:25:51,359 Speaker 2: care about the person and you're not their close friend. 401 00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:56,119 Speaker 2: A close friend does lovingly criticize. But it's how you 402 00:25:56,160 --> 00:25:59,240 Speaker 2: do it, how often you do it, why you do it, 403 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 2: those are the things that matter, and you have to 404 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:07,960 Speaker 2: be prepared to accept it under under the circumstances you you, 405 00:26:08,119 --> 00:26:10,320 Speaker 2: the recipient of it, have to be you have to 406 00:26:10,400 --> 00:26:14,320 Speaker 2: accept it under the circumstances that they are given with 407 00:26:14,560 --> 00:26:19,120 Speaker 2: love and respect and solely to better you and so on. 408 00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:24,800 Speaker 2: So these are these are these are appropriate. I have 409 00:26:25,000 --> 00:26:29,360 Speaker 2: changed some of my driving habits, I will admit because 410 00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:42,120 Speaker 2: of my wife's loving way of noting some of my tendencies. Uh, 411 00:26:42,160 --> 00:26:47,800 Speaker 2: that's right, that's fine. All right, let's let's take more 412 00:26:47,840 --> 00:26:51,240 Speaker 2: of your calls here. This is it's it's huge, it's 413 00:26:51,320 --> 00:26:55,959 Speaker 2: a huge subject. Peter in San Antonio, Texas. Dennis Prager, 414 00:26:56,000 --> 00:27:00,520 Speaker 2: thanks for calling behind. How are you okay? Thanks? 415 00:27:01,080 --> 00:27:05,160 Speaker 4: Let me take you off speaker phone. Actually, yes, please 416 00:27:05,200 --> 00:27:05,919 Speaker 4: do can you hear me? 417 00:27:06,640 --> 00:27:07,000 Speaker 2: Yes? 418 00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:11,520 Speaker 4: Okay, I apologize. I appreciate your show, and I learned 419 00:27:11,520 --> 00:27:16,080 Speaker 4: so much from you. I appreciate it. I think God's 420 00:27:16,160 --> 00:27:20,360 Speaker 4: plan for marriage is oneness. So when you criticize your spouse, 421 00:27:21,320 --> 00:27:28,160 Speaker 4: you're basically criticizing yourself. One of our the pastor when 422 00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:31,000 Speaker 4: we first came to know the Lord, he used to 423 00:27:31,280 --> 00:27:35,080 Speaker 4: have a good comeback and said, whenever you criticize each other, 424 00:27:36,080 --> 00:27:38,919 Speaker 4: you'd say to each other, you know, well, you're just 425 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:43,320 Speaker 4: as this or that because you picked me, you married me, 426 00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,520 Speaker 4: you knew my faults before we got married, more or less. 427 00:27:46,960 --> 00:27:52,800 Speaker 4: And that has settled quite a few criticism sessions in 428 00:27:52,840 --> 00:27:56,920 Speaker 4: our marriage. We've been married for twenty one years, right, 429 00:27:56,960 --> 00:27:59,560 Speaker 4: and I think I criticized. I think I criticized my 430 00:27:59,600 --> 00:28:01,280 Speaker 4: wife one than she criticizes me. 431 00:28:02,520 --> 00:28:06,119 Speaker 2: So how did you How did you start reducing the 432 00:28:06,240 --> 00:28:09,240 Speaker 2: amount of criticism? What changed your mind? 433 00:28:09,640 --> 00:28:13,240 Speaker 4: Well, you ask God to give you a love for 434 00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:17,640 Speaker 4: your wife, or or at least seeing things from her 435 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:18,240 Speaker 4: point of view. 436 00:28:20,880 --> 00:28:25,200 Speaker 2: But but that's excellent. But even before that, what happened 437 00:28:25,320 --> 00:28:28,720 Speaker 2: was you you went for counseling based on the on 438 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:29,919 Speaker 2: the amount of criticism. 439 00:28:31,480 --> 00:28:34,400 Speaker 4: No, I think no, that this was a comment made 440 00:28:34,400 --> 00:28:35,160 Speaker 4: from the pulpit. 441 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:40,600 Speaker 2: Oh, how interesting. Oh so that worked, Oh, very good. 442 00:28:40,640 --> 00:28:44,680 Speaker 2: Bless that pastor see pastors and you know radio talk show. 443 00:28:44,720 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 2: We never know what line will affect somebody. That's very important. Well, 444 00:28:50,240 --> 00:28:53,040 Speaker 2: that's very good, and that's why I said earlier. Look, 445 00:28:53,040 --> 00:28:55,680 Speaker 2: if if you find that you know you are you 446 00:28:55,720 --> 00:29:01,240 Speaker 2: are being constantly criticized, or you are constantly criticizing, then 447 00:29:02,040 --> 00:29:07,240 Speaker 2: then either you have to reduce it dramatically or realize 448 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:10,160 Speaker 2: that you were married to the wrong person. I mean, 449 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:16,040 Speaker 2: somebody worthy of fairly constant criticism is not terribly livable 450 00:29:16,040 --> 00:29:18,600 Speaker 2: with right. I mean, one has to be honest with 451 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:22,960 Speaker 2: with one self, and the ratio of beautiful comments to 452 00:29:23,040 --> 00:29:26,040 Speaker 2: criticisms has to be a very high one. That's the 453 00:29:26,120 --> 00:29:28,000 Speaker 2: thing that you that that I want to leave that 454 00:29:28,080 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 2: with you is I want to embed that in your 455 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:36,200 Speaker 2: mind that there be this very large ratio of compliment 456 00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:42,280 Speaker 2: to critique. If it's you, you've made the person raw. 457 00:29:42,440 --> 00:29:45,040 Speaker 2: It's like they have a broken bone and you keep 458 00:29:45,120 --> 00:29:49,600 Speaker 2: hitting it. If the if criticism is the primary mode 459 00:29:49,680 --> 00:29:56,880 Speaker 2: of expression that you have toward your spouse, Okay, uh, 460 00:29:57,000 --> 00:30:00,360 Speaker 2: let's go to some more of your calls here and 461 00:30:00,600 --> 00:30:05,960 Speaker 2: uh oh, here's an important one. San Antonio Texas. Laura Hi, Laura. 462 00:30:05,720 --> 00:30:10,479 Speaker 3: Dennis Prager, Hi, Dennis Hi, I should get together with 463 00:30:10,480 --> 00:30:14,120 Speaker 3: Peter in San Antonio. The laugh collor right, you should. 464 00:30:14,480 --> 00:30:18,640 Speaker 3: Contentous family growing up, and I never really could identify 465 00:30:19,320 --> 00:30:22,200 Speaker 3: who was the most offending, my mother or my father. 466 00:30:23,520 --> 00:30:28,240 Speaker 3: It just helped shape me as a married person to 467 00:30:28,360 --> 00:30:34,040 Speaker 3: determine to not be as argumentative as they were. And 468 00:30:34,120 --> 00:30:38,080 Speaker 3: something interesting happened. My father died suddenly in nineteen ninety two, 469 00:30:38,800 --> 00:30:42,880 Speaker 3: and within that next year, my mother said something to 470 00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:45,640 Speaker 3: me that really surprised me, and it was typically an 471 00:30:45,680 --> 00:30:50,960 Speaker 3: ownership type statement. She said, I was responsible for ninety 472 00:30:51,000 --> 00:30:53,640 Speaker 3: five percent of the arguments that we had. 473 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:54,800 Speaker 2: Wow. 474 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:59,640 Speaker 3: She made me really sorry for her because of forty 475 00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:03,080 Speaker 3: three years. You know, it takes its toll. There's a cost, 476 00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,720 Speaker 3: there's a price every single. 477 00:31:05,400 --> 00:31:06,560 Speaker 7: Time, you know. 478 00:31:06,880 --> 00:31:10,240 Speaker 3: Pick now. She found her repentance in it, and she's 479 00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:14,400 Speaker 3: totally whole and good and healed from it. But it 480 00:31:14,520 --> 00:31:18,440 Speaker 3: just showed me that I was right, you know myself. 481 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:20,640 Speaker 2: Thirty three years go to well, you were a very 482 00:31:20,680 --> 00:31:24,360 Speaker 2: wise young woman then, Because it is just as likely 483 00:31:24,440 --> 00:31:27,360 Speaker 2: to repeat parental errors as it is to learn from them, 484 00:31:27,400 --> 00:31:27,680 Speaker 2: to do. 485 00:31:27,680 --> 00:31:32,800 Speaker 3: The opposite, absolutely and it's frankly, it can just be habitual. 486 00:31:33,160 --> 00:31:35,440 Speaker 3: It doesn't have to be very scientific. It can just 487 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,400 Speaker 3: be thinking habitual. 488 00:31:37,600 --> 00:31:37,800 Speaker 1: You know. 489 00:31:38,200 --> 00:31:44,160 Speaker 2: Yes, that's exactly right, that's exactly right, well said. That's why. Look, 490 00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:45,840 Speaker 2: if there's a lot of it in your marriage, it's 491 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:48,640 Speaker 2: not good, folks. I mean, it's something to know, it's 492 00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:53,000 Speaker 2: something to know. It needs to be reduced. The amount 493 00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:55,960 Speaker 2: of compliments has to be increased, it has to be cushioned. 494 00:31:56,720 --> 00:31:58,440 Speaker 2: You have to figure out what it is. And if 495 00:31:58,440 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 2: the person is really worthy of such constant criticism, then 496 00:32:01,440 --> 00:32:07,280 Speaker 2: you shouldn't be with that person. Now, if if for philosophical, religious, familial, psychological, 497 00:32:07,440 --> 00:32:11,440 Speaker 2: financial reasons you can't divorce, then you don't divorce. Fine, 498 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:16,600 Speaker 2: But I mean, I'm only mentioning the d word, the 499 00:32:16,680 --> 00:32:20,320 Speaker 2: divorce word, not to encourage, but to tell you how 500 00:32:20,440 --> 00:32:24,920 Speaker 2: serious constant criticism is. That a divorce may well be 501 00:32:25,040 --> 00:32:28,680 Speaker 2: preferable to that for all concerned, not just the spouses, 502 00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:32,280 Speaker 2: even perhaps for the children. So this is a very 503 00:32:32,280 --> 00:32:35,840 Speaker 2: big deal. It's not just a nuisance. It's it's it's 504 00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:39,960 Speaker 2: destructive after a while. And if you're and and even 505 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:43,000 Speaker 2: if your criticisms are legitimate, then if your criticism is legitimate, 506 00:32:43,040 --> 00:32:46,720 Speaker 2: then it just reinforces the D word back in a moment. 507 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:54,840 Speaker 1: This episode of Timeless Wisdom will continue right after this. 508 00:33:00,440 --> 00:33:04,920 Speaker 1: Now back to more of Dennis Prager's timeless wisdom. You 509 00:33:05,360 --> 00:33:13,880 Speaker 1: say hello. 510 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:22,600 Speaker 2: Hello, alrighty hello, I say hello, Dennis Prager Here the 511 00:33:22,640 --> 00:33:26,560 Speaker 2: Male female Hour, terrific calls on a very important subject. 512 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:30,680 Speaker 2: Your emails will always be appreciated and read, even if 513 00:33:30,680 --> 00:33:33,800 Speaker 2: I can't, of course respond to all of them. The 514 00:33:33,880 --> 00:33:39,160 Speaker 2: issue of criticism and uh, let me let me summarize 515 00:33:39,160 --> 00:33:41,560 Speaker 2: some here. I know Paul in Minnesota has been on 516 00:33:41,840 --> 00:33:45,160 Speaker 2: since the beginning. I feel terrible more critical of he's 517 00:33:45,200 --> 00:33:48,400 Speaker 2: been more. It's about criticizing your spouse. This hour has been. 518 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:51,760 Speaker 2: By the way, you can get a copy of this hour, 519 00:33:52,000 --> 00:33:56,640 Speaker 2: or of all my hours at a ridiculously nominal fee. 520 00:33:57,200 --> 00:33:59,760 Speaker 2: Call eight hundred two two five eight five eight four. 521 00:33:59,800 --> 00:34:01,880 Speaker 2: This this hour alone might be able to save some 522 00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:05,640 Speaker 2: of your marriages. Eight hundred two two five eight five 523 00:34:05,680 --> 00:34:08,279 Speaker 2: eight four For all of my shows, and to just 524 00:34:08,319 --> 00:34:12,000 Speaker 2: get this hour or this show, or just get all 525 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:16,599 Speaker 2: of them downloadable again. It's at Dennis Prager dot com 526 00:34:16,720 --> 00:34:19,239 Speaker 2: or at eight hundred two two five eight five eight 527 00:34:19,319 --> 00:34:24,840 Speaker 2: for prager topia, as I subscribe, And here is one 528 00:34:24,840 --> 00:34:27,680 Speaker 2: where I think a spouse might be better able to 529 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:31,120 Speaker 2: listen to a stranger quote unquote, in other words, a 530 00:34:31,120 --> 00:34:35,479 Speaker 2: third party me than perhaps to you. But the rule 531 00:34:35,560 --> 00:34:38,560 Speaker 2: has to be that the fewer the better. In terms 532 00:34:38,600 --> 00:34:43,000 Speaker 2: of criticisms, doesn't mean none, though, does not mean none. 533 00:34:43,800 --> 00:34:46,400 Speaker 2: So Paul's more critical of his wife, especially in regard 534 00:34:46,480 --> 00:34:48,640 Speaker 2: to organizing the house. Well, you just got to figure 535 00:34:48,680 --> 00:34:53,640 Speaker 2: out a way to I'm not saying you can. I'm 536 00:34:53,640 --> 00:34:56,480 Speaker 2: not a utopian, but figure out a way for you 537 00:34:56,600 --> 00:35:00,839 Speaker 2: to minimize your criticism and to for her or you 538 00:35:01,360 --> 00:35:03,760 Speaker 2: both to figure out how a better way to organize 539 00:35:03,800 --> 00:35:05,600 Speaker 2: the house, or you figure out how to live with it. 540 00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:10,960 Speaker 2: Something has to give because continuing this way is just 541 00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:13,520 Speaker 2: going to be a bad marriage. You don't like the 542 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,280 Speaker 2: wish you organized the house, and you keep criticizing, something 543 00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:18,840 Speaker 2: has to give. I mean, and there are a lot 544 00:35:18,880 --> 00:35:23,000 Speaker 2: of variables there. If I am in Atlanta, Georgia, this 545 00:35:23,040 --> 00:35:25,560 Speaker 2: is one has to choose in marriage between peace and truth. 546 00:35:25,640 --> 00:35:29,200 Speaker 2: Rarely can you have both. God, I'd love to talk 547 00:35:29,239 --> 00:35:31,160 Speaker 2: about that at greater length. That's why I say the 548 00:35:31,200 --> 00:35:34,760 Speaker 2: truth is the greatest macro value not necessarily the greatest 549 00:35:34,800 --> 00:35:41,320 Speaker 2: micro value. Interesting point there, and let's see here, Jim 550 00:35:41,480 --> 00:35:44,600 Speaker 2: in Texas, you learned to go to the lord with 551 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:49,239 Speaker 2: the criticism first. I'm reading off his own words and 552 00:35:49,360 --> 00:35:52,080 Speaker 2: would realize that I was often wrong with my criticisms, 553 00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:55,160 Speaker 2: and my wife would do the same. I believe you, 554 00:35:55,200 --> 00:35:59,160 Speaker 2: and I think it's a great idea. Now, I wish 555 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:02,400 Speaker 2: I could have taken Steve, if you could call on Friday, Steve, 556 00:36:03,320 --> 00:36:05,160 Speaker 2: what do I do if I have a criticism? That 557 00:36:05,239 --> 00:36:07,640 Speaker 2: is important? But I am afraid to hurt my wife. 558 00:36:08,360 --> 00:36:11,560 Speaker 2: That's a very important subject. So let me just leave 559 00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,960 Speaker 2: you and yes, and in Denver, Michael, you criticize the action, 560 00:36:15,120 --> 00:36:18,920 Speaker 2: not the person agreed. Again the rules, the less the better, 561 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:23,600 Speaker 2: but that doesn't mean none. And keep a little accounting 562 00:36:24,080 --> 00:36:28,480 Speaker 2: of compliments, number of compliments versus number of criticisms. It's 563 00:36:28,520 --> 00:36:30,959 Speaker 2: been the Male Female Hour or the Dennis Prager Show. 564 00:36:38,000 --> 00:36:42,320 Speaker 1: This has been timeless wisdom with Dennis Prager. Visit Dennisprager 565 00:36:42,360 --> 00:36:45,920 Speaker 1: dot com for thousands of hours of Dennis's lectures, courses, 566 00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:50,600 Speaker 1: and classic radio programs, and to purchase Dennis Prager's Rational Bibles.