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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Build Different is a production of the American Association of

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Speaker 2: Christian Counselors. To support this podcast and learn how you

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Speaker 2: can help us to promote all our biblical content, spread

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Speaker 2: the Gospel, and provide mental health resources and training to

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Speaker 2: people everywhere, just go to aaccfoundation dot org. Again, that's

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Speaker 2: Aaccfoundation dot org. Welcome to Built Different. I'm Zach Clinton,

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Speaker 2: your host, and each week I come to you exclusively

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Speaker 2: on the Life Audio podcast Network.

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Speaker 1: I'm proud to partner with Life.

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Speaker 2: Audio and bring you entertaining, life changing, family friendly podcasts

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Speaker 2: for a new generation.

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Speaker 1: I Built Different.

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Speaker 2: Our mission is to provide encouragement, hope, and challenge to

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Speaker 2: help push you past your limits and.

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Speaker 1: Reach goals you never thought possible.

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Speaker 2: Colossians two, verse six says, So, then, just as you

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Speaker 2: received Christ Jesus's Lord, continue to live your lives in Him,

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Speaker 2: rooted and built up in Him.

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Speaker 1: Amen. Now let's roll.

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Speaker 2: Hello everybody, Welcome back into the Built Different Podcasts. As always,

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Speaker 2: I'll be your host today, doctor Zach Clin, and we're

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Speaker 2: actually backstage here at the Maybe Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma.

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Speaker 2: It's our second event of the spring for our twenty

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Speaker 2: twenty six by still Waters Extraordinary Women Conference, eight thousand women,

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Speaker 2: sold out crowd. There's a lot of energy, there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of buzz. You might hear some noise in the background,

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Speaker 2: But every time we go to these cities, I look

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Speaker 2: for people that are making incredible impact just around the

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Speaker 2: world globally. And I came across a friend of a

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Speaker 2: mutual friend named Charles Metcalf who is doing some incredible

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Speaker 2: things as a pastor, as a leader at Transformation Church,

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Speaker 2: and he has a book that we're going to be

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Speaker 2: unpacking today because let's just be honest, there's a lot

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Speaker 2: of insecurity, there's a lot of imposter syndrome. There's a

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Speaker 2: lot of fear that's running rampant throughout culture and society today.

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Speaker 2: But today we're going to talk about Godly Confidence, his

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Speaker 2: book that he released in twenty twenty five, God Chose Me,

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Speaker 2: Untouchable Confidence for the Unstoppable Christian will be the topic

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Speaker 2: of conversation today. I know to bless you and all

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Speaker 2: of those that you love. Charles, my friend, thank you

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Speaker 2: so much for joining me.

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Speaker 3: Man, what an amazing opportunity to be here, and what

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Speaker 3: a great introduction. I mean, you crushed that. That was

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Speaker 3: so good, better than I would have done. So I'm

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Speaker 3: grateful to be here, thanks for having me.

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Speaker 2: Having me, so grateful to have you here, man, and

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Speaker 2: I'm grateful for what God's continuing to do and intrough

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Speaker 2: your life. I want to start out up front just

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Speaker 2: we were talking about some of the incredible things that

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Speaker 2: he's done, just the ministry momentum, the open doors, just

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Speaker 2: the church involvement, the leadership, especially since the release of

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Speaker 2: your book last year. Chat with us just about what

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Speaker 2: excites you in this season of life.

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Speaker 3: Oh Man, the easiest is the easy answer, and that

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Speaker 3: the first and foremost thing is my family. I am

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Speaker 3: a family guy, Like that was the dream from being

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Speaker 3: a little kid. It's kind of funny, but I have

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Speaker 3: a little brother and when I was eight and a

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Speaker 3: half almost nine, is when he was born, and I

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Speaker 3: remember thinking like, oh my gosh, having kids and a

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Speaker 3: family is the coolest thing you could ever do.

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Speaker 4: And so that was the first thing. And so been married.

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Speaker 3: We celebrate ten years this year together, thirteen and got

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Speaker 3: four kiddos, so that's like priority number one, and find

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Speaker 3: so much joy and we're at a super fun stage

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Speaker 3: of kids. Soccer starts tomorrow, so I'm excited to yell

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Speaker 3: at a bunch of.

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Speaker 4: Seven year olds. I'm a honorary coach. The coach.

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Speaker 3: We have a deal where I get to run on

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Speaker 3: the field if I need to. But so yeah, I

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Speaker 3: think that's the first thing. And then after that, I mean, yes, absolutely,

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Speaker 3: Our church, transformation church. Being a part of that is

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Speaker 3: a joy, is so special. The opportunity to release God

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Speaker 3: shows me is amazing. We have a kid's version of

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Speaker 3: that book that'll be coming out later on, and so

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Speaker 3: working on that. So yeah, just a lot of beautiful,

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Speaker 3: beautiful things that little projects kind of behind the scenes

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Speaker 3: that we're working on.

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Speaker 4: But family and church. That could sum me up pretty good.

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Speaker 2: I love that you're just again your heart for faith,

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Speaker 2: your heart for family. I'm a big family guy myself,

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Speaker 2: working alongside of my dad, my brother in law, love

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Speaker 2: my date nights with my wife every Thursday as well,

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Speaker 2: so we share something in So there we go. But man,

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Speaker 2: as you talk about this idea of confidence, we're going

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Speaker 2: to unpack it today. But I want to start Charles

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Speaker 2: with you. There's a lot of fear, there's a lot

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Speaker 2: of insecurity. I mean, the last several years from a

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Speaker 2: mental health perspective have been tough on everybody really the

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Speaker 2: last seven or so years. And I mean, I think

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Speaker 2: with all of the things you see on the news,

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Speaker 2: from the clickbait to everything, there's just it's running rampant.

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Speaker 2: And so I want to ask, when you hear this

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Speaker 2: message of God shows me like, why did you feel

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Speaker 2: like God placed it on your heart for such a

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Speaker 2: time as this?

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Speaker 4: Yeah, well, I mean you spoke right to it.

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Speaker 3: I think we're living in a time where fear has

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Speaker 3: almost been industrialized. It is what is sold, it is

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Speaker 3: what is bought. It is how people know they can

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Speaker 3: get clicks. It's a means of control of if I

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Speaker 3: can keep you afraid and keep you convinced that this

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Speaker 3: will solve your fear. This product or this party or

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Speaker 3: this person, if you follow them or connect with them,

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Speaker 3: that's how you'll be okay. And the truth is we've

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Speaker 3: all experienced it. Those things run out and we've been

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Speaker 3: sold bad copies of things. And so for me personally,

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Speaker 3: I think I found myself in a time and in

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Speaker 3: a place in twenty twenty, like many people, where it

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Speaker 3: felt like the rug was pulled out from me, where

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Speaker 3: sources in places that I got confidence were not there anymore.

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Speaker 3: And like a lot of people, I gained my confidence

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Speaker 3: from what I could do. I grew up playing sports

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Speaker 3: and it was fairly good throughout middle school and high school,

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Speaker 3: and so I was very much so connected to how

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Speaker 3: good I am and how much I can do and produce.

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Speaker 3: Kind of builds this foundation of confidence. And you know

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Speaker 3: that even transitioned I wish it didn't, but transitioned into ministry,

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Speaker 3: how good I wasn't ministry, how good I could preach,

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Speaker 3: how good I could lead, how I could build a team.

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Speaker 3: And so when COVID happens and everything changes and we

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Speaker 3: were doing these batch recordings where we're recording worship sets

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Speaker 3: together and then recording sermons at separate times, it just

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Speaker 3: threw off all my rhythms. Oh yeah, because the rhythm

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Speaker 3: of being in church every seven days kind of reset

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Speaker 3: my soul and brought me a peace. And now that

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Speaker 3: that's not there, I just slowly started to crumble, experience

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Speaker 3: crippling depression and for the first time, an anxiety that

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Speaker 3: I couldn't reconcile. I didn't grow up feeling anxious as

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Speaker 3: a person, but this time there was so much happening

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Speaker 3: internally that I felt completely overwhelmed. I felt worried, fearful

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Speaker 3: about the future, fearful about my family, to a point

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Speaker 3: where I was having panic attacks that I couldn't control.

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Speaker 3: I had a panic attack in the middle of a sermon.

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Speaker 3: I was struggling with suicidal thoughts. I mean, it was

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Speaker 3: such a crippling time. And it was in the middle

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Speaker 3: of that, specifically that I realized I need a better anchor,

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Speaker 3: like I need a better source and love God.

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Speaker 4: Never like grew up in church.

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Speaker 3: My parents raised me amazing to love God and love church,

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Speaker 3: but there was still something in there where I related

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Speaker 3: to and not in the sense of everything that happened

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Speaker 3: to Job, but there's a part in Job where he says,

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Speaker 3: I had only heard about you before, but now I

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Speaker 3: know you for myself. And old writers would call it

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Speaker 3: the dark Knight of the soul that every person happens,

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Speaker 3: where you have to come to grips with either I

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Speaker 3: believe this or I don't. And that was my moment

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Speaker 3: for me where I knew I love God, I knew

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Speaker 3: I trusted him, but I had to find a deep

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Speaker 3: connection for me and it was beyond anything else, and

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Speaker 3: it finds its kind of conjunction with this scripture in Galatians,

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Speaker 3: and Paul is talking in chapter number one, and I

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Speaker 3: love Paul because he's kind of being sarcastic because everybody's

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Speaker 3: kind of suspect of him, rightfully, So he's been killing

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Speaker 3: people all of a sudden, apparently he had this experience

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Speaker 3: and he's not doing that anymore, and they're kind of wondering,

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Speaker 3: like is this guy for real?

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Speaker 4: And he starts off in verse ten and he says,

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Speaker 4: you know, this message.

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Speaker 3: That I have didn't come from any human source, but

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Speaker 3: it was directly from Jesus Christ himself. And then in

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Speaker 3: verse fifteen he says, because before I was born, God

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Speaker 3: chose me. And I remember reading that scripture and feeling

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Speaker 3: this anchor of like, whoa, this really has nothing to

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Speaker 3: do with me, Like you know what I'm saying, before

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Speaker 3: I was born, you know, says in other scriptures that

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Speaker 3: I formed you and your mother would. But it's Paul

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Speaker 3: kind of establishing himself, like I know, y'all are gaining

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Speaker 3: your equity and your confidence based off who was your

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Speaker 3: rabbi and.

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Speaker 4: How connected you were to a disciple or apostle.

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Speaker 3: But I'm saying Jesus himself came to me and he

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Speaker 3: chose me, and I remember having a sense of that

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Speaker 3: and everything didn't change overnight, but that was the beginning

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Speaker 3: of this message.

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Speaker 4: That man, maybe maybe God himself chose me.

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Speaker 3: Maybe it wasn't my performance, maybe it's not how good

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Speaker 3: I am. If you take all of that away, he says,

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Speaker 3: I still choose you. And that was the seeds of

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Speaker 3: what grew into the book.

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Speaker 2: It's powerful because I want to dive deeper into that

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Speaker 2: message or just how do we continue to lean into

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Speaker 2: that again, untouchable confidence when we recognize, yeah, that God

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Speaker 2: really chose us, whether it's for hardship, whether it's in

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Speaker 2: the midst of suffering, whether it's in the midst of

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Speaker 2: debilitating anxiety or depression, that like he is with us,

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Speaker 2: He's not just allowing these things to happen, but he's

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Speaker 2: experiencing them alongside of us. I want to chat about

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Speaker 2: this because I think for the next generation there's a

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Speaker 2: lot of comparison that we continue to see on social media,

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Speaker 2: and I think fear can actually not just run through

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Speaker 2: anxiety and panic disorder and mental ill disorder and mental illness,

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Speaker 2: but also it's the idea that it can lead to procrastination, perfectionism,

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Speaker 2: people pleasing, playing it safe, and that's not the life

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Speaker 2: that we were created for. What do you think, Charles,

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Speaker 2: And have you noticed, just even with gen Z, with

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Speaker 2: jen Alpha, with the millennial generation, what are some of

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Speaker 2: the biggest culprits that rob us of this untouchable confidence.

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Speaker 3: And it's again, you're right there. I think, you know,

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Speaker 3: we have a youth ministry. And I have some friends

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Speaker 3: also who have a son who's fifteen, and I like

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Speaker 3: to keep tabs on him and just check going him up,

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Speaker 3: kind of like big brother to him. But I think,

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Speaker 3: first of all, and this is a different perspective, but

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Speaker 3: I have such a awareness and grace and understanding that

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Speaker 3: they are growing up in a way that nobody ever has,

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Speaker 3: nobody has ever had to deal with from the moment

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Speaker 3: you were born, you have the opera, or you're old enough, eight, nine, ten,

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Speaker 3: eleven years old, you can get online, see everything in

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Speaker 3: the world that's happening, see people who are far further

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Speaker 3: than you are, see everything, have access to news and videos,

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Speaker 3: and I mean it's just like I'm right on the

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Speaker 3: edge where it's like I grew up a time where

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Speaker 3: you didn't know nothing, You know what I'm saying. You

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Speaker 3: knew what was around you, and we had dial up internet,

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Speaker 3: and so it took an hour to get a song

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Speaker 3: off iTunes, you know, Like I remember the first time

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Speaker 3: I went to my friend's house who had Wi Fi.

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Speaker 3: And at my house, I would plan like, Okay, I'm

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Speaker 3: gonna buy this song. I'm going to buy it at

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Speaker 3: like eight o'clock and the next morning it might be downloaded,

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Speaker 3: you know, because so.

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Speaker 4: And I go to his house and he's like, yo,

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Speaker 4: let's buy this song. And he buys it.

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Speaker 3: It was like whoop, And I was like what just happened?

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Speaker 3: And he was like, what do you mean? And then

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Speaker 3: I realized, like, oh, I don't have something you ever.

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Speaker 3: But meaning this generation that is coming up right now, first,

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Speaker 3: I think it's important to acknowledge that they're dealing with

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Speaker 3: things in a way that we did not. And I

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Speaker 3: think it's important to realize because there's this added pressure,

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Speaker 3: like you said, comparison of seeing people, seeing where people are,

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Speaker 3: comparing your looks with how people look, and it's just

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Speaker 3: such a pressure again that robs people of their real life.

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Speaker 3: One way I like to say it is we are

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Speaker 3: so caught up with our real life on Instagram, that

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Speaker 3: it's hard to be aware of your real life and

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Speaker 3: you can start to think that what they show you

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Speaker 3: on this phone is the real world and it's everything.

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Speaker 4: And now I'm not against.

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Speaker 3: Social media in anyways, but I always like to say,

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Speaker 3: my real life is far too big and beautiful to

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Speaker 3: fit in a real and I think it's sometimes we're

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Speaker 3: trying to fit these moments into this small thing rather

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Speaker 3: than realizing, like, yes, this is important, and it's a

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Speaker 3: beautiful tool to connect. It's a beautiful tool to share

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Speaker 3: the gospel and build friends. And the way we got

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Speaker 3: connected was through social media and a friend of a friend.

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Speaker 4: So it's beautiful.

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Speaker 3: And I have to have the awareness that, like, I

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Speaker 3: want to build a real life that's beautiful and full

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Speaker 3: and at peace.

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Speaker 4: And I think that looks like being honest and being aware.

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Speaker 3: You said things about perfectionism, and at our church we

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Speaker 3: like to say it's about progression, not perfection, But comparison

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Speaker 3: can make you feel like I've got to be perfect

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Speaker 3: now and I've got to have it figured out now.

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Speaker 3: And so I think it's just important to realize that

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Speaker 3: one we're living in a time we haven't lived in

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Speaker 3: before and that means but the beautiful thing is is

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Speaker 3: it's the same solution. It's a peace that surpasses all understanding.

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Speaker 3: That is a gift from God that we can receive.

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Speaker 3: And then it's how do we develop habits that create

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Speaker 3: that life. Because there's a writer I love. He says

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Speaker 3: that Jesus may be in your heart, but your Grandpa's

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Speaker 3: and your bones. And what he's getting at is that, yes,

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Speaker 3: God transforms and we get this brand new space and

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Speaker 3: we have habits and neuropathways that are generational of just

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Speaker 3: how we act or how we were formed. And so

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Speaker 3: in our home, it's like my phone gets plugged up

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Speaker 3: in the kitchen at eight o'clock and it.

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Speaker 4: Doesn't come back in my room. I just started this,

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Speaker 4: but it's like we have little I have little.

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Speaker 3: My wife has a flip phone, and I have this

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Speaker 3: little tiny phone that's a different phone number.

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Speaker 4: It don't have it. It does what a phone does.

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Speaker 4: It calls people.

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Speaker 3: You know, it's a wild idea, but on weekends that's

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Speaker 3: the phone we have. Like there are practices that we've

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Speaker 3: realized that if I want to, you know, the scripture says,

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Speaker 3: I pray that you will prosper even as your soul prospers.

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Speaker 3: If I want to prosper in my soul, I can't

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Speaker 3: be on social media as much as they're trying to

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Speaker 3: sell me to be.

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Speaker 4: And it's worth it.

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Speaker 3: I think that's what I've realized, is if it's worth

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Speaker 3: it to maybe not know everything, to maybe be the

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Speaker 3: weird people, but I know I'm flourishing in my soul.

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Speaker 2: I'm gonna stop this right there and jump in to say,

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Speaker 2: you're listening to Build Different. I'm Zach Clinton. We need

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Speaker 2: to break for a brief message from our sponsors. I'll

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Speaker 2: be back with our guests to keep the conversation flowing

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Speaker 2: right after this.

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Speaker 1: You're listening to Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: And that idea of human flourishing is something that we're

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Speaker 2: very passionate about at the AACC and even here at

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Speaker 2: the Built Different podcasts. That's really our conversations kind of

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Speaker 2: gear around that very topic. And you know, when we're

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Speaker 2: talking about perfectionism and so many so often in sports,

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Speaker 2: you know this and working with athletes like that idea

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Speaker 2: of confidence is always asked for, like how can I

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Speaker 2: become more confident? Charles give me the in a sense

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Speaker 2: to the resume giving this idea of what can I

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Speaker 2: be doing today that would unlock a confidence that I

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Speaker 2: can go out there and compete or live freely. And

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Speaker 2: I just am a firm believer that people aren't afraid

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Speaker 2: of failure, they're afraid of being seen as one. And

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Speaker 2: so when you add people into the room, right, if

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Speaker 2: you were in a closed room by yourself practicing doing something,

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Speaker 2: you wouldn't care if you made a mistake. But as

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Speaker 2: soon as somebody else that's meaningful in your life steps

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Speaker 2: into the room, that's where it's like the antic starts

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Speaker 2: to in a sense, go up. And that's when we

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Speaker 2: get a little bit nervous. And so for you, I

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Speaker 2: would love just to hear when we talk about neural pathways,

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Speaker 2: when we talk about confidence, a lot of people think

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Speaker 2: confidence leads to action, but it's actually the other way around.

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Speaker 2: Actionance leads to evidence, which leads to these neural pathway updating,

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Speaker 2: which leads to confidence on the back end of things.

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Speaker 2: When you recognize that God shows you for these moments.

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Speaker 2: When I recognize that God shows me, how does that

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Speaker 2: give us the freedom to then go and act and

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Speaker 2: do the things that God has called us to do?

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Speaker 4: Beautiful?

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Speaker 3: I think it to me there's these two ideas or

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Speaker 3: a couple ideas that that it reminds me of that

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Speaker 3: I speak of in the book. But it has this

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Speaker 3: God shows me idea. It has a couple effects on you.

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Speaker 3: One is my first one is it it makes you

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Speaker 3: a little reckless in the best way. Meaning the history

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Speaker 3: of our faith is a rowdy group of young dudes

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Speaker 3: that find this rabbi that are walking from city to city,

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Speaker 3: miracles happening, flipping over tables, and then he passes away

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Speaker 3: and raises back from the dead, and then they're all like, hey,

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Speaker 3: you gotta be quiet, don't talk. And they're all believe

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Speaker 3: it so much that they're like Paul or Peters.

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Speaker 4: He's like, do you think we should obey you? Or God?

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Speaker 3: Like you killed Like it's this confidence that you see

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Speaker 3: that Christians carried.

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Speaker 4: It was a boldness. It was you throw me in.

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Speaker 3: Jail, the Angel lets me out, and I go right

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Speaker 3: back to doing what you threw me in jail for,

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Speaker 3: like you know what. I So, it's a beautiful thing

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Speaker 3: to realize the origins of our faith is not cuddled

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Speaker 3: up in a room singing songs just to feel better.

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Speaker 3: The origins of a faith we did that so we

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Speaker 3: could go back out and stand in the places that

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Speaker 3: were the darkest, stand in the places where they were

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Speaker 3: gathering up Christians and throwing them in the colisseum to

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Speaker 3: be fed to lions.

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Speaker 4: This is the origins of our faith.

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Speaker 3: So it gives me a source of confidence to know

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Speaker 3: if God is really God, and if the same power

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Speaker 3: that raised Christ from the dead lives on the inside

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Speaker 3: of me, then I can have boldness to go do

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Speaker 3: what he asked.

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Speaker 4: Me to do. So it makes me a little reckless.

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Speaker 3: But the other part it does is it makes me reverent.

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Speaker 3: It makes me realize, man, God did choose me, but

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Speaker 3: he could have chose anybody, because my resume does not

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Speaker 3: qualify me for this, no matter the good deeds the

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Speaker 3: scriptures say, for all have sinned and fallen short. And

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Speaker 3: so it's this balancing act of knowing I have this

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Speaker 3: confidence to go out and try. The other way I

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Speaker 3: say it is it produces an extreme confidence and an

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Speaker 3: extreme contentment. And these two combinations are very dangerous. Because

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Speaker 3: I'm confident enough to try the thing nobody else will try.

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Speaker 3: I'm confident enough to take the last shot. But because

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Speaker 3: I'm so content in the fact that whether I make

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Speaker 3: this shot or not.

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Speaker 4: God chose me.

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Speaker 3: If I miss it, I'm content knowing well, I had

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Speaker 3: the bravery to do it, and that was kind of

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Speaker 3: the goal in the first place. And so I think

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Speaker 3: that's kind of the idea that I think is so important,

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Speaker 3: as God can give you a source of confidence that

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Speaker 3: establishes a peace but also a power. It is I'm

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Speaker 3: peaceful to know man, God chose me with none of this.

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Speaker 3: If I do not succeed, if I don't make the team,

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Speaker 3: if the company doesn't go exactly how I thought it would,

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be okay because God is with me.

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Speaker 3: I have him, He's close to me. But also because

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Speaker 3: he is close to me, I can start to what

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Speaker 3: you said is so important, build habits that build evidence.

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Speaker 3: One of my friends we talk a lot about evidence,

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Speaker 3: meaning I don't have to stand on my feelings when

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Speaker 3: I have evidence. So there are certain habits in my

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Speaker 3: life that I have that I don't have to stand

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Speaker 3: on the feeling of.

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Speaker 4: Do I feel God? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't.

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Speaker 3: But the evidence I have is every morning I wake

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Speaker 3: up and talk to Him, and every morning I go

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Speaker 3: through and write down what I'm grateful for and a

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Speaker 3: scripture and a prayer, and every morning I have these

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Speaker 3: habits that build this evidence that says, Okay, I can

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Speaker 3: sometimes look to my feelings, but those are.

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Speaker 4: Up and down.

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Speaker 3: I can go back to these habits that I've created

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Speaker 3: that produce the confidence.

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Speaker 4: You know.

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Speaker 3: It's why at a free throw line, the free throw

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Speaker 3: you shoot at the end of the game is.

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Speaker 4: Not that moment.

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Speaker 3: You're not gonna make or miss that free throw based

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Speaker 3: on that moment. You're making am missing the free throw

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Speaker 3: based of the thousands you shot when.

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Speaker 4: Nobody was looking.

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Speaker 3: And I think I lived a lot of my life

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Speaker 3: thinking that in the moment was when the confidence was

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Speaker 3: going to all of a sudden show up, rather than Oh,

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Speaker 3: I've built this confidence in the quiet place. I've built

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Speaker 3: this confidence in the honesty with my wife. And so

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Speaker 3: when we go through hardship, yes it's really hard, but

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Speaker 3: my confidence is not our ability to navigate this in

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Speaker 3: the moment. It's both of us being able to be

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Speaker 3: honest with each other and surrendered to the Holy Spirit

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Speaker 3: for years. And so to your point, I think it's

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Speaker 3: so important that we rest in Okay, God chose me. Now,

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Speaker 3: these habits that I build, how are they reinforcing this

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Speaker 3: idea and where is that off and let's be honest

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Speaker 3: about that.

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Speaker 4: Oh man, it matters, you know.

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Speaker 3: Another idea is it's important to understand that this idea

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Speaker 3: of god confidence, it doesn't eliminate the need a thousand

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Speaker 3: percent for human validation. Meaning the goal is to get

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Speaker 3: to the point where you can be honest about where

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Speaker 3: you do need it from, so you don't get it

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Speaker 3: from the wrong places. So I know, like when my

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Speaker 3: book was coming out, I remember telling my wife and

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Speaker 3: a few close friends, Hey, I need I really need

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Speaker 3: y'all to encourage me, Like I really need y'all to

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Speaker 3: tell me this is good and it's gonna go well,

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Speaker 3: because those are the safe people.

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Speaker 4: That's who I live with, that's who.

437
00:20:12,400 --> 00:20:14,199
Speaker 3: If I don't get it from them, I'm gonna go

438
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:15,800
Speaker 3: to the comments and I'm gonna go and look at

439
00:20:15,800 --> 00:20:17,760
Speaker 3: the numbers of how it's sold, and I'm gonna go

440
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:20,080
Speaker 3: to all these other places that aren't healthy for my soul.

441
00:20:20,440 --> 00:20:22,480
Speaker 3: But when you get your confidence in the right place,

442
00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,000
Speaker 3: it gives you humility to go to the right people

443
00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:27,960
Speaker 3: and say, man, I so I do want my wife

444
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,560
Speaker 3: to validate me. I do want my three best friends

445
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:33,160
Speaker 3: to validate me, and those were people. If they're good,

446
00:20:33,600 --> 00:20:35,439
Speaker 3: I am fine. But it's when you don't have that,

447
00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,000
Speaker 3: when you're not honest about that, that you're living your

448
00:20:38,040 --> 00:20:41,040
Speaker 3: life searching for any and everybody. And I just don't

449
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,760
Speaker 3: want anybody to have that much power in my life.

450
00:20:44,080 --> 00:20:46,160
Speaker 3: I don't want you to be able to ruin my day.

451
00:20:46,640 --> 00:20:48,480
Speaker 3: Something we say in the Metcalf householders don't give.

452
00:20:48,359 --> 00:20:48,960
Speaker 4: Your day away.

453
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:52,760
Speaker 3: And that's because with a seven, five, four and three

454
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:55,520
Speaker 3: year old, it's a lot of fight. It's a liar,

455
00:20:55,560 --> 00:20:58,080
Speaker 3: I'm saying, and a kid will come screaming around the corner,

456
00:20:58,119 --> 00:21:00,000
Speaker 3: so it's so old blah blah blah blah blah.

457
00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:01,920
Speaker 4: And I said, hey, don't give your day to them.

458
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:03,959
Speaker 3: This is your day, Like, don't let them take your

459
00:21:04,040 --> 00:21:06,400
Speaker 3: day just because they took your baby doll. They gave

460
00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:08,040
Speaker 3: it back to you. You take your day back like

461
00:21:08,080 --> 00:21:10,320
Speaker 3: you decide. I'm going to have a good day regardless

462
00:21:10,359 --> 00:21:12,440
Speaker 3: of if you play with me or not. And it's

463
00:21:12,440 --> 00:21:14,359
Speaker 3: funny because as I'm saying it to your three year old,

464
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:15,920
Speaker 3: as an almost thirty three year.

465
00:21:15,800 --> 00:21:17,479
Speaker 4: Old, I gotta run bind myself, like, don't give your

466
00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:18,000
Speaker 4: day away.

467
00:21:18,840 --> 00:21:21,160
Speaker 3: So yeah, man, I think it's a journey, it's a process,

468
00:21:21,240 --> 00:21:23,159
Speaker 3: but it's one worth taking.

469
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:26,480
Speaker 2: Absolutely, you're listening to the built different podcasts. We're sitting

470
00:21:26,560 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 2: down with Charles Metcalf. He's a pastor, a leader a

471
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,000
Speaker 2: transformation church, and we're unpacking his book that he released

472
00:21:32,040 --> 00:21:35,960
Speaker 2: last year, twenty twenty five. God shows me untouchable confidence

473
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:38,919
Speaker 2: for the unstoppable Christian, Charles, you know, I want to

474
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,280
Speaker 2: dive into a couple of more habits here as we

475
00:21:41,359 --> 00:21:44,159
Speaker 2: kind of land the plane here on today's conversation. But

476
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:46,040
Speaker 2: one thing that just keeps coming to mind is this

477
00:21:46,119 --> 00:21:49,600
Speaker 2: idea that we have to recognize what our divine identity

478
00:21:49,720 --> 00:21:53,160
Speaker 2: is to even develop a durable confidence in the first place.

479
00:21:53,440 --> 00:21:55,160
Speaker 2: And so I know that's really at the heart, that's

480
00:21:55,160 --> 00:21:57,800
Speaker 2: the spine of your book. Help a listener out there today.

481
00:21:57,840 --> 00:22:00,440
Speaker 2: He's talking, we're talking about being confident, but they don't

482
00:22:00,440 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 2: even know why they need to be confident in the

483
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,520
Speaker 2: first place. What's the identity for which they were created?

484
00:22:05,600 --> 00:22:06,280
Speaker 4: That's so good.

485
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:11,640
Speaker 3: You know, there's an idea that confidence and even identity

486
00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:15,080
Speaker 3: can be formed a couple of different ways. The traditional

487
00:22:15,080 --> 00:22:18,119
Speaker 3: form of identity is that the way I form it

488
00:22:18,160 --> 00:22:21,840
Speaker 3: is from the outside end, meaning that a writer wrote that,

489
00:22:22,119 --> 00:22:25,199
Speaker 3: you know, I look externally because I realize something is

490
00:22:25,240 --> 00:22:27,800
Speaker 3: not okay with me. So I need something external and

491
00:22:27,800 --> 00:22:30,320
Speaker 3: this is where we find God and faith. And I

492
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:33,640
Speaker 3: need that standard and that ideal to be the thing

493
00:22:33,640 --> 00:22:36,960
Speaker 3: that I submit to. The new form of identity, which

494
00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:41,040
Speaker 3: is not stable at all, is I decide in myself

495
00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:43,320
Speaker 3: this is who I am, and I make the world

496
00:22:43,359 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 3: outside adjust to me. And the issue with that is

497
00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,560
Speaker 3: it's not stable enough. You can't build a life on that.

498
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:53,920
Speaker 3: I need a truth of God's word to determine this

499
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:56,119
Speaker 3: is what I submit my life to, and my identity

500
00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:57,840
Speaker 3: is founded on that eternal truth.

501
00:22:58,280 --> 00:22:59,120
Speaker 4: And I say that to.

502
00:22:59,119 --> 00:23:02,560
Speaker 3: Say that when it comes to identity, I need something

503
00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:04,960
Speaker 3: greater than how I feel on the inside. I need

504
00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:07,840
Speaker 3: something greater than who my parents told me I was.

505
00:23:07,880 --> 00:23:10,760
Speaker 3: I need something greater than what my job is telling

506
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:13,880
Speaker 3: me I am. I need something that has lasted forever.

507
00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,359
Speaker 3: And the place we can go to that is the

508
00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:19,200
Speaker 3: Word of God. It's the word that stands forever, that says,

509
00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:21,600
Speaker 3: the grass withers and the flowers fay, but the Word

510
00:23:21,640 --> 00:23:25,600
Speaker 3: of God stands forever, and so first for people trying

511
00:23:25,600 --> 00:23:27,520
Speaker 3: to look for an identity, I think you need to

512
00:23:27,560 --> 00:23:30,840
Speaker 3: first know you were created with a purpose. Your life

513
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,600
Speaker 3: is not an accident, it is not happenstance. But you

514
00:23:33,640 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 3: are created for a purpose. That purpose spread across all

515
00:23:37,440 --> 00:23:40,040
Speaker 3: of humanity, is you were created to worship. It's not

516
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,440
Speaker 3: a matter of if you worship, but what you worship,

517
00:23:42,880 --> 00:23:45,640
Speaker 3: and when you worship, you become like what you worship.

518
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:50,000
Speaker 3: So if you worship success, you become enthralled with success.

519
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:53,800
Speaker 3: If you worship money, you become greedy. The beautiful thing

520
00:23:53,880 --> 00:23:56,000
Speaker 3: is when you worship God, you become like God.

521
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:58,200
Speaker 4: You become more kind, more patient.

522
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,919
Speaker 3: So I think for everybody a starting place is my

523
00:24:01,040 --> 00:24:04,199
Speaker 3: identity is being foreigned by what I worship. Worship is

524
00:24:04,200 --> 00:24:07,120
Speaker 3: not singing songs. It's my time, it's my attention, it's

525
00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:10,200
Speaker 3: my mental energy. It is worship in the context of church.

526
00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:13,320
Speaker 3: But I think that's a starting place. That okay, where

527
00:24:13,680 --> 00:24:17,119
Speaker 3: am I giving time, effort and energy, And how is

528
00:24:17,160 --> 00:24:17,919
Speaker 3: that forming me?

529
00:24:18,200 --> 00:24:19,359
Speaker 4: How is that making me?

530
00:24:19,920 --> 00:24:22,159
Speaker 3: And what I've realized is the things I give the

531
00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:25,480
Speaker 3: most attention to for me the most. And so when

532
00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 3: you starting to build an identity, where you can start

533
00:24:28,440 --> 00:24:31,600
Speaker 3: is okay, I need to build my identity on a

534
00:24:31,640 --> 00:24:34,159
Speaker 3: God who is kind, a god who is patient, a

535
00:24:34,200 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 3: God who is steadfast, a God who is sovereign. Me

536
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:40,159
Speaker 3: and my wife have talked about this idea of a

537
00:24:40,200 --> 00:24:43,679
Speaker 3: God who is just and being just parents, and that

538
00:24:43,760 --> 00:24:45,919
Speaker 3: shows up as if I say, hey, if you do

539
00:24:45,920 --> 00:24:47,359
Speaker 3: that again, you're gonna get in trouble. And then if

540
00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:49,480
Speaker 3: I do that four times, that's a form of being

541
00:24:49,560 --> 00:24:51,840
Speaker 3: unjust because I'm not giving the consequence.

542
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,080
Speaker 4: It's also a form of grace. But there are times when.

543
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:56,200
Speaker 3: I need to say, hey, you need to experience this

544
00:24:56,280 --> 00:25:00,000
Speaker 3: has a consequence. And so anyways, I think building your ideaity,

545
00:25:00,359 --> 00:25:03,120
Speaker 3: I think you have to start with Okay, I am

546
00:25:03,160 --> 00:25:06,439
Speaker 3: not equipped to just decide that myself. I have to

547
00:25:06,560 --> 00:25:10,399
Speaker 3: go to a greater source, the only source across human history,

548
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,520
Speaker 3: and I could present you a strong argument outside of

549
00:25:12,560 --> 00:25:15,960
Speaker 3: this that is someone that makes you more of you

550
00:25:16,000 --> 00:25:16,800
Speaker 3: and not less of.

551
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,040
Speaker 4: You is Jesus.

552
00:25:18,600 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 3: Every other source it makes you less of you. It

553
00:25:21,040 --> 00:25:23,199
Speaker 3: gives you freedom to become the worst version of yourself.

554
00:25:23,280 --> 00:25:25,840
Speaker 3: Jesus is the only the scriptures would put it as

555
00:25:25,960 --> 00:25:29,119
Speaker 3: master that makes you become more of yourself. So, if

556
00:25:29,119 --> 00:25:31,399
Speaker 3: you're building a foundation, if you're building an identity. I

557
00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,880
Speaker 3: think you start with Him and from there, because I'm

558
00:25:34,920 --> 00:25:39,240
Speaker 3: secure in Christ, because I'm a child of God. From there,

559
00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 3: I can be a good husband. From there, I can

560
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:43,960
Speaker 3: be a good employee. From there, I can be a

561
00:25:43,960 --> 00:25:46,879
Speaker 3: good leader, a good parent, a good student. But it

562
00:25:46,960 --> 00:25:50,880
Speaker 3: has to start with an eternal foundation, not feelings or

563
00:25:51,720 --> 00:25:53,320
Speaker 3: things that are that are immovable.

564
00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 1: And that's this idea of remembrance.

565
00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:58,240
Speaker 2: It's one of the holiest practices from cover to cover

566
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,439
Speaker 2: of scripture. And I just think of countless and visuals

567
00:26:00,480 --> 00:26:03,399
Speaker 2: who are in the midst of really trying circumstances and

568
00:26:03,440 --> 00:26:06,919
Speaker 2: hardship and suffering, but yet they remember the evidence that

569
00:26:06,960 --> 00:26:09,359
Speaker 2: God has collected over time, because He has a perfect

570
00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:12,360
Speaker 2: track record. And so often I just think about how

571
00:26:12,440 --> 00:26:15,239
Speaker 2: quick we are to forget. I even think of I

572
00:26:15,280 --> 00:26:17,240
Speaker 2: was just reading out of Mark chapter eight the other

573
00:26:17,320 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 2: day on a plane and traveling to Jacksonville, Florida, last weekend,

574
00:26:20,880 --> 00:26:22,560
Speaker 2: and as I was reading out of Mark chapter eight,

575
00:26:22,880 --> 00:26:25,600
Speaker 2: at Mark chapter six kind of documents the feeding of

576
00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 2: the five thousand, Mark chapter eight earlier Feeding of the

577
00:26:28,400 --> 00:26:30,240
Speaker 2: four thousand, and then all of a sudden, Jesus and

578
00:26:30,280 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 2: his disciples get on a boat and they're frustrated and

579
00:26:32,240 --> 00:26:34,000
Speaker 2: they're just grunting, and they're talking about do we forgot

580
00:26:34,000 --> 00:26:34,320
Speaker 2: our bread?

581
00:26:34,359 --> 00:26:35,200
Speaker 1: We only got one loaf.

582
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:39,560
Speaker 2: And it's this idea that they had already forgotten because

583
00:26:39,600 --> 00:26:42,480
Speaker 2: Jesus asked him a question like, do you not remember

584
00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,399
Speaker 2: just a couple hours back, what we were able to

585
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:48,760
Speaker 2: do with seven loaves to have seven baskets of overflow

586
00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:52,440
Speaker 2: and all four thousand were completely filled and satisfied. Speak

587
00:26:52,480 --> 00:26:55,720
Speaker 2: to us for a moment, Charles, just about this practice

588
00:26:55,840 --> 00:26:58,320
Speaker 2: of remembrance, even in the midst of trying times, not

589
00:26:58,359 --> 00:27:00,400
Speaker 2: starting with what we see, but starting with what God said.

590
00:27:00,560 --> 00:27:01,200
Speaker 4: So beautiful.

591
00:27:01,680 --> 00:27:05,240
Speaker 3: I have this practice that I formed man with our youngest.

592
00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:08,719
Speaker 3: So it's now been three years, but every single day

593
00:27:08,760 --> 00:27:12,200
Speaker 3: I do something called GPS, and the idea came from

594
00:27:13,160 --> 00:27:15,520
Speaker 3: you know, when you have a kid, it drastically throws

595
00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,399
Speaker 3: off all your teas.

596
00:27:16,480 --> 00:27:17,760
Speaker 4: You know, you know this to be true.

597
00:27:17,800 --> 00:27:20,199
Speaker 3: So it's you know, before it's like, oh, I can

598
00:27:20,240 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 3: wake up at a certain time and I'll read my Bible,

599
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,359
Speaker 3: and now time is just it's very different, you know,

600
00:27:25,480 --> 00:27:27,040
Speaker 3: like they they are not concerned with that. So I

601
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,760
Speaker 3: wanted to form something that was a foundational practice that

602
00:27:29,760 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 3: I could do in three to five minutes. That was

603
00:27:32,640 --> 00:27:35,080
Speaker 3: a foundation that then above that I could if I

604
00:27:35,119 --> 00:27:37,520
Speaker 3: have more space, Oh, I can read a ton of scripture.

605
00:27:37,240 --> 00:27:38,359
Speaker 4: Or do different things.

606
00:27:38,359 --> 00:27:42,119
Speaker 3: But this was I wanted consistent longevity in my practices,

607
00:27:42,160 --> 00:27:45,639
Speaker 3: and so GPS and the idea is it's kind of

608
00:27:45,680 --> 00:27:47,919
Speaker 3: a way to help you find your way when you

609
00:27:47,920 --> 00:27:52,159
Speaker 3: feel lost. But it's every single day a gratitude, a prayer,

610
00:27:52,280 --> 00:27:55,160
Speaker 3: and a scripture. And I've been doing this every day

611
00:27:55,160 --> 00:27:57,200
Speaker 3: for the past three years. It takes just a moment,

612
00:27:57,200 --> 00:27:59,480
Speaker 3: but the first one is a unique gratitude.

613
00:27:59,560 --> 00:28:01,679
Speaker 4: So it can be I'm grateful for Abby.

614
00:28:01,880 --> 00:28:06,680
Speaker 3: It is I'm grateful for Abby because her kindness gives

615
00:28:06,680 --> 00:28:10,000
Speaker 3: me space to grow, or I'm grateful for Abby because

616
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,800
Speaker 3: of the way she laughs, or it's a very unique gratitude.

617
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:19,520
Speaker 3: And then it's a prayer, and it's usually a short prayer,

618
00:28:19,600 --> 00:28:22,959
Speaker 3: sometimes a breath prayer. That idea of I'm acknowledging an

619
00:28:23,000 --> 00:28:27,760
Speaker 3: attribute of God and then receiving that. The one that

620
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:30,119
Speaker 3: I use a lot is just God, keep me, guide me,

621
00:28:31,040 --> 00:28:32,800
Speaker 3: God of Peace, guide me today.

622
00:28:33,440 --> 00:28:35,399
Speaker 4: And then it's a scripture and I have this little.

623
00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:38,280
Speaker 3: A little book it's just it's just a bunch of

624
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:42,239
Speaker 3: different short scriptures, proverbs or psalms. But I go through

625
00:28:42,280 --> 00:28:43,920
Speaker 3: that book every single day and I just pick one

626
00:28:43,960 --> 00:28:46,360
Speaker 3: that kind of resonates with me, and I just meditated it.

627
00:28:46,440 --> 00:28:48,240
Speaker 3: I write it down, I sit there with it, I

628
00:28:48,280 --> 00:28:51,400
Speaker 3: think about it, and just that small thing is even

629
00:28:51,400 --> 00:28:55,040
Speaker 3: the practice of gratitude is about me remembering, no matter

630
00:28:55,080 --> 00:28:57,720
Speaker 3: what's going on in my life, there is something God

631
00:28:57,720 --> 00:29:00,720
Speaker 3: has done for me already that I can be grateful

632
00:29:00,720 --> 00:29:04,000
Speaker 3: for it today. And that idea of reminding myself that, like,

633
00:29:04,080 --> 00:29:06,959
Speaker 3: God has been so kind to me, and I'm so

634
00:29:07,160 --> 00:29:09,840
Speaker 3: gracious to me, And the scriptures say that he's not

635
00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:12,000
Speaker 3: being slow to his promises as some of you would think,

636
00:29:12,040 --> 00:29:16,120
Speaker 3: but he's giving you time, giving you patience, being patient

637
00:29:16,120 --> 00:29:17,840
Speaker 3: with you, give you time to repent. And I just

638
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:21,880
Speaker 3: think that practice for me has helped me remember who

639
00:29:21,960 --> 00:29:25,040
Speaker 3: God says I am, help me remember that I've got time.

640
00:29:25,200 --> 00:29:27,280
Speaker 3: Life is long like so if I feel rushed to

641
00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,080
Speaker 3: get somewhere, Man, God, I thank you. One of my

642
00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:33,520
Speaker 3: gratitudes I remember a couple of days ago, was God

643
00:29:33,560 --> 00:29:36,120
Speaker 3: has always got me where I needed to be when

644
00:29:36,160 --> 00:29:38,719
Speaker 3: I needed to be there, And I'm very grateful for

645
00:29:38,760 --> 00:29:41,520
Speaker 3: his timing and that practice for me has been something.

646
00:29:41,520 --> 00:29:44,320
Speaker 3: It's been a small thing, but a transformative thing that

647
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,800
Speaker 3: has put me in that state of just remembering like,

648
00:29:47,880 --> 00:29:49,720
Speaker 3: oh man, it wasn't always like this.

649
00:29:50,160 --> 00:29:52,080
Speaker 4: It wasn't I dreamed of.

650
00:29:52,000 --> 00:29:53,840
Speaker 3: Having a wife that I could laugh with and I

651
00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:57,080
Speaker 3: thought was beautiful. I dreamed of one day being able

652
00:29:57,120 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 3: to share what God had done with me. I dreamed,

653
00:29:59,280 --> 00:30:03,040
Speaker 3: and now I'm living these things, and it's important to remember, wow,

654
00:30:03,200 --> 00:30:04,240
Speaker 3: like this is beautiful.

655
00:30:04,360 --> 00:30:07,360
Speaker 4: I wanted to do this for so long, and in

656
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:09,320
Speaker 4: God's kindness, He's allowed me to do it.

657
00:30:09,760 --> 00:30:13,880
Speaker 3: And when you do that, it's a foundations. It's sharing

658
00:30:14,000 --> 00:30:16,920
Speaker 3: up your foundation, is how I see it. Every single

659
00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,000
Speaker 3: time you do that, it's just shuring up your foundation

660
00:30:19,680 --> 00:30:22,200
Speaker 3: so that when the winds and waves come, you know.

661
00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:24,600
Speaker 3: Like my first thought now and I can't even take

662
00:30:24,640 --> 00:30:27,800
Speaker 3: credit for it, is I can get pretty grateful pretty

663
00:30:27,840 --> 00:30:31,480
Speaker 3: quick in the middle of something difficult. Pretty fast, I'm

664
00:30:31,480 --> 00:30:33,840
Speaker 3: going to see, well, man, what I heard a great

665
00:30:33,920 --> 00:30:37,000
Speaker 3: quote and said, how amazing is it to be tired

666
00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:40,600
Speaker 3: from the work that you prayed for? And that happens

667
00:30:40,640 --> 00:30:42,600
Speaker 3: to me a lot. We had something that conversation the

668
00:30:42,600 --> 00:30:45,000
Speaker 3: other day was so difficult. I was in a conversation

669
00:30:45,640 --> 00:30:48,480
Speaker 3: and I was getting home, and I was frustrated, and

670
00:30:48,520 --> 00:30:50,800
Speaker 3: it was a hard day, and I thought, man, like,

671
00:30:50,960 --> 00:30:53,840
Speaker 3: I'm glad these are the problems that I'm fighting. I'm

672
00:30:53,880 --> 00:30:56,480
Speaker 3: glad because what a joy it is to fight for

673
00:30:56,520 --> 00:30:59,280
Speaker 3: something is that you believe is a worthy cause. And

674
00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,680
Speaker 3: so I would encoura people with that to build the remembrance. Specifically,

675
00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 3: I think gratitude is a beautiful antidote against the anxiety

676
00:31:06,160 --> 00:31:09,480
Speaker 3: that we're facing. The fear is I can find gratitude

677
00:31:09,520 --> 00:31:12,800
Speaker 3: in anything, and from there I can remember who God is.

678
00:31:12,960 --> 00:31:17,600
Speaker 2: GPS, gratitude, prayer and scripture. The second piece of a

679
00:31:17,720 --> 00:31:19,760
Speaker 2: habit that just has come into mind right now, man,

680
00:31:19,760 --> 00:31:21,719
Speaker 2: that I really want to dive in with you deeper into,

681
00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,640
Speaker 2: is the idea that victory has a vocabulary. Right I

682
00:31:25,760 --> 00:31:28,360
Speaker 2: was sitting down with Russell Johnson a couple of weekends ago,

683
00:31:28,440 --> 00:31:31,000
Speaker 2: and we were just going back and forth. And you know,

684
00:31:31,080 --> 00:31:34,160
Speaker 2: in the midst of like persecution in the Pacific Northwest, man,

685
00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:36,120
Speaker 2: I mean, him and his church with pursuit have gone

686
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,840
Speaker 2: under it, and he was able to have this confidence.

687
00:31:39,880 --> 00:31:41,240
Speaker 2: So I asked him like how and he gave me

688
00:31:41,280 --> 00:31:43,600
Speaker 2: that phrase. Man, Well, Zach, I've learned that victory has

689
00:31:43,640 --> 00:31:46,080
Speaker 2: a vocabulary. We kind of unpacked Psalm forty two, the

690
00:31:46,080 --> 00:31:48,240
Speaker 2: Psalmist Why are you downcast?

691
00:31:48,280 --> 00:31:48,920
Speaker 4: Oh my soul?

692
00:31:49,000 --> 00:31:50,200
Speaker 1: Hope in God.

693
00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:53,560
Speaker 2: Doctor James Gills is a guy who a lot of

694
00:31:53,640 --> 00:31:56,640
Speaker 2: people just have attributed one of the greatest athletes to

695
00:31:56,640 --> 00:31:57,920
Speaker 2: ever walked the face of the earth, And a lot

696
00:31:57,920 --> 00:32:00,240
Speaker 2: of people don't know that name because he didn't play

697
00:32:00,240 --> 00:32:02,680
Speaker 2: one of the big sports that's televised. He was just

698
00:32:02,720 --> 00:32:05,440
Speaker 2: an ultra athlete, you like cycling and everythings like that.

699
00:32:05,680 --> 00:32:08,600
Speaker 2: This dude has the world record for the most double

700
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:09,360
Speaker 2: iron Man's.

701
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:09,760
Speaker 4: Wow.

702
00:32:09,760 --> 00:32:11,760
Speaker 2: So if somebody's listening that doesn't know what an ironman

703
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,240
Speaker 2: competition includes two point four miles swim, one hundred and

704
00:32:14,280 --> 00:32:16,520
Speaker 2: twelve mile bike ride, twenty six point two mile run,

705
00:32:16,760 --> 00:32:19,239
Speaker 2: he would do that, sleep for eight hours and then

706
00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,280
Speaker 2: wake up and do it again. And so this is

707
00:32:21,320 --> 00:32:23,840
Speaker 2: a bad man charge. Yeah, that's cold man six. In

708
00:32:23,880 --> 00:32:25,920
Speaker 2: his lifetime, six to one was at the age of

709
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: fifty nine, right before he turned sixty. He finally retires

710
00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:29,959
Speaker 2: at the age of six and they asked him, how

711
00:32:29,960 --> 00:32:32,520
Speaker 2: did you do it? And he said, I mastered the

712
00:32:32,640 --> 00:32:36,080
Speaker 2: art of talking to myself more than I listened to myself.

713
00:32:36,440 --> 00:32:40,480
Speaker 2: Charles speak to the importance of self talk and why

714
00:32:40,560 --> 00:32:42,440
Speaker 2: victory does have a vocabulary.

715
00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:46,320
Speaker 3: Absolutely, man, that's so powerful. And man, oh to be

716
00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:46,720
Speaker 3: that guy.

717
00:32:46,760 --> 00:32:50,760
Speaker 4: I need, I need, I need that bot Max. But man,

718
00:32:50,800 --> 00:32:51,760
Speaker 4: it's so important.

719
00:32:51,760 --> 00:32:55,360
Speaker 3: You know, there's a scripture that says, you believe in

720
00:32:55,400 --> 00:32:58,960
Speaker 3: your heart, you confess with your mouth, you shall be saved.

721
00:32:59,240 --> 00:33:04,560
Speaker 3: And it's a beautiful indicator that the most profound miracle

722
00:33:04,920 --> 00:33:09,880
Speaker 3: of salvation includes a belief and a confession. It's this

723
00:33:10,000 --> 00:33:12,720
Speaker 3: crazy idea that stuck out to me that the miracle

724
00:33:12,760 --> 00:33:15,360
Speaker 3: of salvation, if you believe it in your heart and

725
00:33:15,400 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 3: then confess with your mouth, you shall be saved. And

726
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:22,280
Speaker 3: this idea is that our destiny is moving in the

727
00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:25,840
Speaker 3: direction of what we're declaring daily. That's how our life

728
00:33:25,880 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 3: is moving. And I think it's so profound what he

729
00:33:29,080 --> 00:33:31,360
Speaker 3: said of talking to yourself and not listening to yourself,

730
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:35,120
Speaker 3: because we've all got a voice, we've all got ideas,

731
00:33:35,400 --> 00:33:39,960
Speaker 3: stories that we've rehearsed, our darkest moments that formed moments

732
00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:42,120
Speaker 3: in us. I'll never forget one of my core ones

733
00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:44,400
Speaker 3: that I've had to work through is there's a moment

734
00:33:44,480 --> 00:33:45,360
Speaker 3: eighth grade.

735
00:33:45,080 --> 00:33:46,880
Speaker 4: Basketball, captain of the team.

736
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:51,200
Speaker 3: Last second, we're down by one drive, I get fouled.

737
00:33:51,240 --> 00:33:53,120
Speaker 3: I miss the shot, but I get fouled. So two shots.

738
00:33:53,160 --> 00:33:55,280
Speaker 3: I make one, we tie the game. I make both,

739
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:58,240
Speaker 3: we win the game, and I miss both. And from

740
00:33:58,280 --> 00:34:01,400
Speaker 3: that moment, the phrase in my head was you're good

741
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:03,440
Speaker 3: enough to have the ball, You're good enough for the

742
00:34:03,480 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 3: team to trust you, You're good enough to be the captain,

743
00:34:06,040 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: but when it comes down to it, you're just not

744
00:34:08,239 --> 00:34:13,200
Speaker 3: good enough. And that phrase drove a lot of perfectionism.

745
00:34:13,560 --> 00:34:16,440
Speaker 3: It drove a lot of trying to prove stuff to people.

746
00:34:16,840 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 3: It drove a false sense of confidence that was actually

747
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 3: an insecurity. But I wanted to present like I was okay.

748
00:34:22,960 --> 00:34:25,920
Speaker 3: And so you have to replace those those just don't

749
00:34:26,239 --> 00:34:28,520
Speaker 3: drift off when you accept Jesus, you know what, I

750
00:34:28,520 --> 00:34:30,600
Speaker 3: feel like. We have thoughts and ideas that we have

751
00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,279
Speaker 3: to actively replace. And I have to give credit to

752
00:34:34,360 --> 00:34:36,359
Speaker 3: my friend Carl Linz that has given me so much

753
00:34:36,360 --> 00:34:41,520
Speaker 3: direction in this specifically because daily I have these phrases

754
00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:41,879
Speaker 3: that I.

755
00:34:41,880 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 4: Rehearse when you were praying.

756
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:46,319
Speaker 3: Before this podcast, I went through them and every single

757
00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:49,520
Speaker 3: day I have these ideas and I'll share them, but

758
00:34:49,600 --> 00:34:49,960
Speaker 3: I have a.

759
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:51,919
Speaker 4: Whole paragraph under each one of them that I read.

760
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:54,879
Speaker 3: And every single day I start off and i'm after

761
00:34:54,920 --> 00:34:57,560
Speaker 3: I read my scripture. The first thing is it's a

762
00:34:57,560 --> 00:34:59,719
Speaker 3: note in my phone that says the man I am.

763
00:35:00,239 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 3: And the first one is I am a man that

764
00:35:01,960 --> 00:35:05,960
Speaker 3: has a happy spirit. And it's just because my demeanor

765
00:35:06,160 --> 00:35:08,440
Speaker 3: is if I'm not joking and I haven't seen the

766
00:35:08,480 --> 00:35:10,880
Speaker 3: brightness of the day, something's off in me. But I

767
00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,319
Speaker 3: realize I can decide I have a happy spirit. I

768
00:35:13,320 --> 00:35:16,000
Speaker 3: bring joy wherever I go, and so I say a

769
00:35:16,040 --> 00:35:17,840
Speaker 3: happy I am a man that has a happy spirit.

770
00:35:17,880 --> 00:35:20,759
Speaker 3: I am a man that lives an ordered life. I

771
00:35:20,800 --> 00:35:24,000
Speaker 3: don't react and respond. I live with order and intention

772
00:35:24,239 --> 00:35:26,480
Speaker 3: in everything that I do. I am a man that

773
00:35:26,560 --> 00:35:29,839
Speaker 3: has a settled soul. I'm not driven by anxiety. I'm

774
00:35:29,840 --> 00:35:32,439
Speaker 3: not controlled by my emotions. But through the whole power

775
00:35:32,480 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 3: of the Holy Spirit, I have a settled soul. I

776
00:35:34,320 --> 00:35:37,600
Speaker 3: am a man that is kind. Kindness is king. I

777
00:35:37,600 --> 00:35:40,440
Speaker 3: would much rather have the long road of kindness than

778
00:35:40,480 --> 00:35:43,560
Speaker 3: the short road of intensity. I am a man that

779
00:35:43,800 --> 00:35:47,000
Speaker 3: loves my life exactly as it is today and I

780
00:35:47,080 --> 00:35:49,680
Speaker 3: end that with the Lord's prayer and every single day.

781
00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:51,520
Speaker 3: The reason I have to say those, the reason I

782
00:35:51,560 --> 00:35:53,200
Speaker 3: say I have a happy spirit is because I've dealt

783
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:55,560
Speaker 3: with so much depression. The reason I have to say

784
00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:57,719
Speaker 3: I live an ordered life is because at times I

785
00:35:57,760 --> 00:36:00,359
Speaker 3: feel very scattered. So all the reason I say I'm

786
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,120
Speaker 3: kind is because when I'm stressed, I get mean. But

787
00:36:03,200 --> 00:36:05,640
Speaker 3: I'm rehearsing in my brain. This is the man that

788
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:09,080
Speaker 3: I am, and God has empowered me to decide some

789
00:36:09,120 --> 00:36:10,920
Speaker 3: of those things. And his word says He'll give you

790
00:36:10,920 --> 00:36:13,120
Speaker 3: both the power and the desire to do what pleases him.

791
00:36:13,160 --> 00:36:18,240
Speaker 3: And so I cannot overemphasize your confessions what you're saying

792
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 3: to yourself every single day. And for me, it's when

793
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,440
Speaker 3: I wake up in the morning, around noon and then

794
00:36:23,480 --> 00:36:25,360
Speaker 3: five pm. Every single day I go through and I

795
00:36:25,400 --> 00:36:27,880
Speaker 3: read that note in my phone. I have a happy

796
00:36:27,880 --> 00:36:31,080
Speaker 3: spirit because under stress, I lose my funny. I stop

797
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,600
Speaker 3: being sarcastic. I stop and I just get very serious.

798
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:36,840
Speaker 3: And it's like, no, man, like, lighten up. You know

799
00:36:36,880 --> 00:36:39,320
Speaker 3: what I'm saying. Life is beautiful. Laugh with your kids,

800
00:36:39,719 --> 00:36:42,920
Speaker 3: enjoy this moment. But I have to remind myself, and

801
00:36:42,960 --> 00:36:46,520
Speaker 3: so anyone listening to this moment, I would just start

802
00:36:46,520 --> 00:36:50,160
Speaker 3: with the idea of I have.

803
00:36:50,239 --> 00:36:51,160
Speaker 4: The peace of God.

804
00:36:51,440 --> 00:36:54,600
Speaker 3: If you've been feeling anxious, if you feel overlooked, I

805
00:36:54,640 --> 00:36:56,080
Speaker 3: am seen by God.

806
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:56,680
Speaker 4: Ei.

807
00:36:56,680 --> 00:36:58,839
Speaker 3: There's so much scripture that you and all of mine,

808
00:36:58,840 --> 00:37:01,399
Speaker 3: they're rooted in script I'm sure, and find their foundation there.

809
00:37:01,400 --> 00:37:04,440
Speaker 4: But it's so important what you say is I've heard

810
00:37:04,480 --> 00:37:05,640
Speaker 4: it say, is what you're going to see.

811
00:37:06,080 --> 00:37:09,439
Speaker 3: And for me, I've just decided that I'm not gonna

812
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:11,279
Speaker 3: leave those things up the chance. I wake up every

813
00:37:11,360 --> 00:37:13,680
Speaker 3: day and I make the choice today's going to be

814
00:37:13,680 --> 00:37:15,920
Speaker 3: a day of order, a day of joy, a day

815
00:37:15,960 --> 00:37:18,240
Speaker 3: of kindness, a day full where.

816
00:37:18,040 --> 00:37:20,320
Speaker 4: My soul is settled. And even if it gets.

817
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:22,600
Speaker 3: Ruffled up, I have the power with the Holy Spirit,

818
00:37:22,920 --> 00:37:26,080
Speaker 3: through connecting and prayer, to settle my soul again. And

819
00:37:26,120 --> 00:37:29,279
Speaker 3: you would be surprised of how beautiful it is of

820
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:32,200
Speaker 3: God wiring our brains, of how much our body will listen.

821
00:37:32,520 --> 00:37:34,080
Speaker 3: The truth is we just let it kind of do

822
00:37:34,160 --> 00:37:38,279
Speaker 3: its own thing. But I let one thing that is good,

823
00:37:38,280 --> 00:37:41,280
Speaker 3: helpful illustration for me is you know my feelings, my thoughts,

824
00:37:42,200 --> 00:37:43,960
Speaker 3: those things can be in the car, but I don't

825
00:37:44,000 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 3: let them drive the car. You know what I'm saying,

826
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:48,640
Speaker 3: how you feel needs to be in the car because

827
00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:50,440
Speaker 3: you need to be aware, and because self awareness is

828
00:37:50,480 --> 00:37:51,320
Speaker 3: so important to move.

829
00:37:51,160 --> 00:37:54,920
Speaker 4: Forward, But you don't get to drive. The fearful Charles

830
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:57,440
Speaker 4: is not a good driver, you know, he's just terrible.

831
00:37:57,480 --> 00:37:59,960
Speaker 4: You know, he's gonna danger us and everybody around him.

832
00:38:00,440 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 3: And so I decide the happy, ordered, kind settled Charles,

833
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 3: he's the one who drives this car. And it's a

834
00:38:06,880 --> 00:38:09,080
Speaker 3: process again, but it's transformed my life.

835
00:38:09,160 --> 00:38:10,280
Speaker 4: Those are profound thoughts.

836
00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 2: Man. We've talked about the practice of remembrance. We've talked

837
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,479
Speaker 2: about this repetitive vocabulary that we're speaking into and over

838
00:38:17,520 --> 00:38:19,440
Speaker 2: our lives, and how I want to close out our

839
00:38:19,480 --> 00:38:23,520
Speaker 2: time together today. Charles is the idea of how relationships

840
00:38:23,960 --> 00:38:26,759
Speaker 2: can help us form durable confidence, because, like we talked about,

841
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,719
Speaker 2: you know, a lot of times we live in kind

842
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:33,759
Speaker 2: of that lone ranger mindset, especially as men, and we

843
00:38:33,880 --> 00:38:38,440
Speaker 2: really struggle with vulnerability. We struggle with letting people in whatsoever,

844
00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:41,439
Speaker 2: just being honest and open. And I'm just thinking about

845
00:38:41,480 --> 00:38:43,359
Speaker 2: somebody out there today. When we talk about confidence, we're

846
00:38:43,360 --> 00:38:46,520
Speaker 2: not talking about going at life alone. We're talking about

847
00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:49,640
Speaker 2: being settled in the self so much so that we

848
00:38:49,719 --> 00:38:52,440
Speaker 2: actually can let other people in to hold us accountable,

849
00:38:52,680 --> 00:38:55,000
Speaker 2: but also not just to surround us, but to support

850
00:38:55,080 --> 00:38:57,600
Speaker 2: us and sharpen us every step of the way. Speak

851
00:38:57,640 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 2: to somebody today as we wrap up Charles that maybe

852
00:39:00,040 --> 00:39:04,080
Speaker 2: feels dismissed, that feels overlooked, that feels like maybe they're

853
00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:06,360
Speaker 2: saying the three most dangerous words. Joby Martin told me

854
00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:09,640
Speaker 2: that a man could say, I got this. Talk to

855
00:39:09,719 --> 00:39:12,960
Speaker 2: that person today about the significance of relationships and the

856
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:14,640
Speaker 2: correlation to confidence.

857
00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:15,840
Speaker 4: So beautiful.

858
00:39:16,280 --> 00:39:20,640
Speaker 3: I think you know my something we said this past

859
00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,640
Speaker 3: weekend a pastor and dear friend. He preaches a sermon

860
00:39:23,680 --> 00:39:26,879
Speaker 3: and you know, you can see the there's a lot

861
00:39:26,920 --> 00:39:29,360
Speaker 3: of you gotta forgive me because I'm a preacher preacher,

862
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:29,800
Speaker 3: so there's.

863
00:39:29,600 --> 00:39:30,959
Speaker 4: A lot of the literation in there.

864
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:35,680
Speaker 3: But the idea we were talking about is you can

865
00:39:35,719 --> 00:39:39,759
Speaker 3: get a good picture of your future based upon the

866
00:39:39,800 --> 00:39:43,880
Speaker 3: pack you run with. And I think you know my grandmother,

867
00:39:44,080 --> 00:39:46,239
Speaker 3: Granny Estelle. I love her so much. She's the most

868
00:39:46,239 --> 00:39:49,400
Speaker 3: beautiful lady in the world, my dad's mom. She's the

869
00:39:49,440 --> 00:39:52,600
Speaker 3: girl that wears pearls to Walgreens. That's just Granny, Granny

870
00:39:52,719 --> 00:39:53,919
Speaker 3: Estelle's vibe.

871
00:39:54,040 --> 00:39:54,960
Speaker 4: Granny, what do you do it?

872
00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,239
Speaker 3: She's always say, if you always ready, you ain't got

873
00:39:57,239 --> 00:39:57,720
Speaker 3: to get ready.

874
00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:58,560
Speaker 1: Come on, Granny.

875
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:00,839
Speaker 4: But Grant and he would always say.

876
00:40:00,760 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 3: In a funny way, if you hang with nine broke friends,

877
00:40:03,320 --> 00:40:07,880
Speaker 3: you're bound to be the tenth with And I think

878
00:40:07,960 --> 00:40:10,359
Speaker 3: the same is true if you hang with non confident friends,

879
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,600
Speaker 3: you're bound to be the tenth one. And you cannot

880
00:40:12,680 --> 00:40:17,120
Speaker 3: emphasize enough the company that you keep. And I've just

881
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:20,080
Speaker 3: seen it so much in my own life that the

882
00:40:20,160 --> 00:40:23,960
Speaker 3: people I am around, their desire to move forward, and

883
00:40:24,000 --> 00:40:27,120
Speaker 3: their action and habit to move forward, their ability to

884
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:29,040
Speaker 3: see the goodness of God and be grateful.

885
00:40:29,360 --> 00:40:31,560
Speaker 4: It so informs who I am.

886
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,200
Speaker 3: And the beautiful thing about community is it's there for

887
00:40:35,280 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 3: when you don't have it, you can lean on somebody else.

888
00:40:38,360 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 3: And I think to your point, even men specifically, we

889
00:40:41,520 --> 00:40:44,239
Speaker 3: feel this. I got to prove it. I don't need nobody.

890
00:40:44,360 --> 00:40:47,759
Speaker 3: I can do it by myself. And it's just the

891
00:40:47,880 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 3: truth is, it's directly opposite of how God created us.

892
00:40:52,400 --> 00:40:55,839
Speaker 4: It's directly opposite of the picture of a tri uni

893
00:40:55,880 --> 00:40:57,560
Speaker 4: and communal God. Within himself.

894
00:40:57,640 --> 00:41:00,600
Speaker 3: If the greatest love is love for someone else and

895
00:41:00,640 --> 00:41:03,640
Speaker 3: not self love, then for him to be love defined,

896
00:41:03,719 --> 00:41:06,320
Speaker 3: he has to have shared love. And so he places

897
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:09,880
Speaker 3: himself in community in the Trinity to show us a

898
00:41:09,920 --> 00:41:13,080
Speaker 3: picture of even me myself. There is this shared love

899
00:41:13,480 --> 00:41:16,560
Speaker 3: that is beautiful. And I think there's so many areas

900
00:41:16,560 --> 00:41:18,920
Speaker 3: of your life that will never see the transformation it.

901
00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:21,120
Speaker 4: Could because you need somebody else.

902
00:41:21,480 --> 00:41:24,359
Speaker 3: And a key part of my story is the way

903
00:41:24,400 --> 00:41:27,400
Speaker 3: I move forward out of that depression, out of that anxiety.

904
00:41:27,600 --> 00:41:28,440
Speaker 4: It was my friends.

905
00:41:28,920 --> 00:41:31,520
Speaker 3: There was one moment I'll never forget, and it's a

906
00:41:31,520 --> 00:41:33,719
Speaker 3: longer story, but one thing my friends did is they

907
00:41:33,719 --> 00:41:37,720
Speaker 3: took posted notes and there's probably it was a hundred

908
00:41:37,800 --> 00:41:40,759
Speaker 3: plus of them, and they just wrote little phrases, I

909
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,440
Speaker 3: love you, You're a good man, what a great father

910
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:47,600
Speaker 3: you are, You're so peaceful, you're so incouraged, and they

911
00:41:47,640 --> 00:41:49,920
Speaker 3: stuck them all over my house. I remember one of

912
00:41:49,920 --> 00:41:51,440
Speaker 3: my friend he stuck one on the inside of my

913
00:41:51,520 --> 00:41:53,480
Speaker 3: fridge and I said, you can call me right now

914
00:41:53,520 --> 00:41:56,440
Speaker 3: if you need me, and it was those words I

915
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,439
Speaker 3: now took.

916
00:41:57,560 --> 00:41:58,680
Speaker 4: My wife took them all together.

917
00:41:58,719 --> 00:42:00,359
Speaker 3: We put them in a frame and their hanging right

918
00:42:00,400 --> 00:42:02,799
Speaker 3: next in my bathroom, and I just look at that

919
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,480
Speaker 3: and it's like, man, sometimes you just need to know

920
00:42:05,600 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 3: like people got me and I'm not out here by myself.

921
00:42:08,200 --> 00:42:11,880
Speaker 3: And to anybody that feels the pressure to do life alone,

922
00:42:11,960 --> 00:42:14,600
Speaker 3: I promise you your life will be better when you get

923
00:42:14,600 --> 00:42:17,720
Speaker 3: the right people around you. And sometimes it can be scary.

924
00:42:17,840 --> 00:42:20,840
Speaker 3: I want to acknowledge that I grew up moving a lot.

925
00:42:21,040 --> 00:42:23,080
Speaker 4: I moved. I went to three different.

926
00:42:22,800 --> 00:42:25,359
Speaker 3: Middle schools and three different high schools, and so that

927
00:42:25,480 --> 00:42:28,719
Speaker 3: made me kind of deep relationship averse because I knew

928
00:42:28,719 --> 00:42:31,040
Speaker 3: we were going to move. But as I built the

929
00:42:31,120 --> 00:42:34,719
Speaker 3: muscle of trusting people and being open and being honest, man,

930
00:42:35,120 --> 00:42:36,800
Speaker 3: I couldn't do anything without my friends.

931
00:42:36,840 --> 00:42:38,240
Speaker 4: Now I have a habit.

932
00:42:38,239 --> 00:42:40,000
Speaker 3: There's a friend I text every single day in the

933
00:42:40,000 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 3: morning as just a check in. We both check in

934
00:42:42,000 --> 00:42:45,120
Speaker 3: on how you're doing. And that habit is so life

935
00:42:45,120 --> 00:42:48,000
Speaker 3: giving to me. And so if you're a friend, you're

936
00:42:48,040 --> 00:42:50,880
Speaker 3: looking for a friend. The scripture says he who wants

937
00:42:50,880 --> 00:42:53,680
Speaker 3: a friend must first find himself to be friendly. So

938
00:42:53,760 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 3: I think the first place to start is be the

939
00:42:55,400 --> 00:42:58,200
Speaker 3: friend you're looking for, and then trust that God will

940
00:42:58,200 --> 00:43:00,839
Speaker 3: send the right people At the right time, and there's

941
00:43:00,840 --> 00:43:02,520
Speaker 3: this idea, and we can close with this. I think

942
00:43:02,560 --> 00:43:05,080
Speaker 3: there's this idea that social media has created that you

943
00:43:05,120 --> 00:43:07,279
Speaker 3: have to have tons of friends, and it's just not

944
00:43:07,280 --> 00:43:10,239
Speaker 3: true nor realistic. It's not in my life that I've

945
00:43:10,280 --> 00:43:12,319
Speaker 3: had tons of friends, but I've always had the right

946
00:43:12,360 --> 00:43:15,359
Speaker 3: friends when I needed them. And if you find one

947
00:43:15,440 --> 00:43:17,279
Speaker 3: or two friends in your life that are there for you,

948
00:43:17,560 --> 00:43:20,799
Speaker 3: what a gift, What a blessing. If you have ten

949
00:43:20,960 --> 00:43:23,280
Speaker 3: to fifteen or twenty, what a gift, and what a blessing.

950
00:43:23,360 --> 00:43:25,920
Speaker 3: But me and my wife have learned that, man, if

951
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,600
Speaker 3: we have two or three couples, one or two couples,

952
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:31,799
Speaker 3: one friend, that we can really be honest with man,

953
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:33,160
Speaker 3: that is a gift in my life.

954
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:34,680
Speaker 4: And I want to be that for other people.

955
00:43:34,760 --> 00:43:38,600
Speaker 3: So you will only go as far as the relationships

956
00:43:38,640 --> 00:43:42,120
Speaker 3: you have, and we all need people. The first not

957
00:43:42,200 --> 00:43:44,719
Speaker 3: good in scripture is it is not good for man

958
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:46,879
Speaker 3: to be alone. And it was true then and it's

959
00:43:46,920 --> 00:43:47,440
Speaker 3: true today.

960
00:43:48,120 --> 00:43:48,400
Speaker 4: Charles.

961
00:43:48,440 --> 00:43:51,320
Speaker 2: You know, my dad actually sat down with Michael Todd

962
00:43:51,440 --> 00:43:54,000
Speaker 2: several years back and they unpacked one of his books.

963
00:43:54,040 --> 00:43:57,040
Speaker 2: And I know that Mike has a very unique relationship

964
00:43:57,080 --> 00:43:59,120
Speaker 2: with you guys, are close, not just a mentorship but

965
00:43:59,160 --> 00:44:01,919
Speaker 2: almost a best friendship. Speak to that if you would,

966
00:44:01,960 --> 00:44:04,319
Speaker 2: and just speak to the impact and influence he's had

967
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:04,880
Speaker 2: in your life.

968
00:44:04,960 --> 00:44:09,080
Speaker 3: Absolutely. I met Michael Todd in twenty seventeen. Part of

969
00:44:09,080 --> 00:44:10,719
Speaker 3: our story many people don't know. Me and my wife

970
00:44:10,760 --> 00:44:13,719
Speaker 3: planted a church in the downtown area of Tulsa. We

971
00:44:13,760 --> 00:44:15,759
Speaker 3: had tons of young people. And the funny part of

972
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,200
Speaker 3: the story is his little brother started asking him on

973
00:44:18,280 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 3: Sundays after.

974
00:44:19,480 --> 00:44:22,440
Speaker 4: Their church to drive him to our church. So we

975
00:44:22,480 --> 00:44:24,200
Speaker 4: had a funny introduction there.

976
00:44:24,239 --> 00:44:28,800
Speaker 3: But through that I'll never forget it, the church started growing.

977
00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:30,040
Speaker 4: We were very young.

978
00:44:30,440 --> 00:44:32,920
Speaker 3: I had no idea what I was doing, and I

979
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 3: saw him on Instagram and now this is twenty sixteen,

980
00:44:36,160 --> 00:44:38,720
Speaker 3: twenty seventeen, and I always put this in there because

981
00:44:38,719 --> 00:44:40,960
Speaker 3: I say, my friend's been the same since then. He

982
00:44:41,040 --> 00:44:43,360
Speaker 3: was preaching with a rap beat underneath him, doing a

983
00:44:43,360 --> 00:44:44,120
Speaker 3: sermon illustration.

984
00:44:44,280 --> 00:44:46,560
Speaker 4: Back in twenty sixteen, when his church was two.

985
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:49,319
Speaker 3: Hundred people and he's doing I dmm, hey, I don't

986
00:44:49,320 --> 00:44:49,960
Speaker 3: know what I'm doing.

987
00:44:50,320 --> 00:44:51,000
Speaker 4: Could you help me?

988
00:44:51,520 --> 00:44:54,400
Speaker 3: And he immediately responded, absolutely, will tell me where to

989
00:44:54,440 --> 00:44:56,360
Speaker 3: meet you, and we meet. And the thing I always

990
00:44:56,360 --> 00:44:58,480
Speaker 3: say about Mike, which is such a beautiful gift. As

991
00:44:58,520 --> 00:45:00,880
Speaker 3: we sit down, I'm a little church planner. I had

992
00:45:00,880 --> 00:45:04,000
Speaker 3: my list of church planting and leadership questions and he

993
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:05,279
Speaker 3: ignored all of them.

994
00:45:05,360 --> 00:45:06,879
Speaker 4: He wouldn't answer anyone, and I.

995
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:08,840
Speaker 3: Was like, what is this guy doing? First question, he

996
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:10,400
Speaker 3: asked me, when's last time you took your wife on

997
00:45:10,440 --> 00:45:12,759
Speaker 3: a date? And I was like, what what it is like?

998
00:45:12,800 --> 00:45:14,720
Speaker 3: He asked me, how are you doing with your purity?

999
00:45:14,760 --> 00:45:16,839
Speaker 3: Where are your eyes at? Who's checking on you? How's

1000
00:45:16,840 --> 00:45:19,080
Speaker 3: your soul? How's your time with God? How's your habits?

1001
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,240
Speaker 3: Are your health? He spent an hour and a half

1002
00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:23,919
Speaker 3: not answering, not talking one question about the church.

1003
00:45:24,120 --> 00:45:25,000
Speaker 4: He just checked on me.

1004
00:45:25,560 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 3: And every month we'll get together and I would show

1005
00:45:27,560 --> 00:45:29,800
Speaker 3: up with my church planner questions and he would ignore

1006
00:45:29,840 --> 00:45:32,479
Speaker 3: them and he would ask me, how are you, what's

1007
00:45:32,480 --> 00:45:33,000
Speaker 3: going on with you?

1008
00:45:33,040 --> 00:45:34,840
Speaker 4: Who's checking on you? So that was the start of

1009
00:45:34,840 --> 00:45:35,480
Speaker 4: our friendship.

1010
00:45:35,560 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 3: Fast forward, a very long story short the church that

1011
00:45:39,080 --> 00:45:41,760
Speaker 3: we started after a year, I thought the Holy Spirit

1012
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:45,080
Speaker 3: say shut it down and go serve and protect Transformation

1013
00:45:45,239 --> 00:45:47,920
Speaker 3: Church in the vision and pastors Michael and Natalie Todd,

1014
00:45:48,320 --> 00:45:50,919
Speaker 3: and this was the most difficult decision of my life.

1015
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:53,920
Speaker 4: I'm summarizing a lot of it, but we ended up

1016
00:45:53,920 --> 00:45:54,200
Speaker 4: doing it.

1017
00:45:54,200 --> 00:45:56,080
Speaker 3: We followed God. The church at the time was about

1018
00:45:56,120 --> 00:45:58,319
Speaker 3: three hundred people. We had money in the bank, signed

1019
00:45:58,320 --> 00:46:00,480
Speaker 3: a lease on a building. But I felt like, this

1020
00:46:00,520 --> 00:46:02,160
Speaker 3: is what God has us to do, so we do it.

1021
00:46:02,840 --> 00:46:05,359
Speaker 3: He shut down a church. I serve at Transformation Church

1022
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 3: for six months and I'm just serving on the creative team,

1023
00:46:08,840 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 3: serving in the offices. And after six months, I said, man,

1024
00:46:12,280 --> 00:46:14,360
Speaker 3: I'm gonna have to start driving uber because you know

1025
00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:15,200
Speaker 3: I'm making no money.

1026
00:46:15,360 --> 00:46:16,319
Speaker 4: He says, don't do that yet.

1027
00:46:17,040 --> 00:46:19,040
Speaker 3: And he hired me on as a creative pastor. And

1028
00:46:19,080 --> 00:46:21,440
Speaker 3: that was nine years ago. And so, I mean, my

1029
00:46:21,520 --> 00:46:24,480
Speaker 3: best friend in the world. He's so kind. I always

1030
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 3: say he's an amazing preacher, and preaching is the thing

1031
00:46:27,680 --> 00:46:31,359
Speaker 3: he's worse at, meaning he's an incredible.

1032
00:46:30,800 --> 00:46:33,040
Speaker 4: He's a much better husband, he's a much better.

1033
00:46:32,880 --> 00:46:35,920
Speaker 3: Father, he's a consistent friend. He's the most generous person

1034
00:46:35,960 --> 00:46:38,640
Speaker 3: you'll ever meet in your life. And man, it's a

1035
00:46:38,719 --> 00:46:42,440
Speaker 3: joy to call him. I always say he's boss, brother, pastor,

1036
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:43,480
Speaker 3: and friend.

1037
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:44,560
Speaker 4: It's a beautiful thing.

1038
00:46:44,640 --> 00:46:46,840
Speaker 2: That's a beautiful story, but also it's fun watching you

1039
00:46:46,880 --> 00:46:49,960
Speaker 2: guys run together. I know Goud's doing something special through that.

1040
00:46:50,200 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 2: The two headed monster down there, Transformation Brother. A final

1041
00:46:55,080 --> 00:46:56,919
Speaker 2: question that I want to ask all of my guests

1042
00:46:57,000 --> 00:47:00,480
Speaker 2: moving forward, is what makes Charles Metcalf built different?

1043
00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:03,640
Speaker 3: Man. It's cliche, but I gotta say it, because God

1044
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:05,520
Speaker 3: chose me, man, and mom it is.

1045
00:47:05,640 --> 00:47:07,240
Speaker 4: I think He created me different.

1046
00:47:07,360 --> 00:47:10,120
Speaker 3: I always felt different, and I always saw that as

1047
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:13,200
Speaker 3: a weakness because I felt like nobody would choose me

1048
00:47:13,320 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 3: if they knew all my differentness. But it was when

1049
00:47:16,040 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 3: I figured out that God actually created all of it.

1050
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,239
Speaker 3: He put it all on the inside of me, and

1051
00:47:20,280 --> 00:47:22,360
Speaker 3: it's not my weakness, but it's my strength. And so

1052
00:47:22,440 --> 00:47:25,520
Speaker 3: I think finding that confidence, it's what makes me feel like,

1053
00:47:25,560 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 3: oh man, I'm built different because I come from a.

1054
00:47:27,840 --> 00:47:28,880
Speaker 4: God who is built different.

1055
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:33,400
Speaker 2: Charles, my friend, you are a gift. And I'm so

1056
00:47:33,480 --> 00:47:36,080
Speaker 2: grateful for old friends. I'm so grateful for new friends,

1057
00:47:36,160 --> 00:47:39,200
Speaker 2: and I'm grateful for again just the wealth of wisdom

1058
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:42,439
Speaker 2: and knowledge and experience. Man, your vulnerability that you shared

1059
00:47:42,480 --> 00:47:44,920
Speaker 2: with us today. I treasured that in my heart, and

1060
00:47:44,960 --> 00:47:47,000
Speaker 2: I know our guests and our audience do as well.

1061
00:47:47,120 --> 00:47:48,760
Speaker 2: I want to close this way where can our audience

1062
00:47:48,760 --> 00:47:50,600
Speaker 2: go to find out more about you all that God

1063
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:53,040
Speaker 2: is doing in and through you, your family, your leadership

1064
00:47:53,040 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 2: and transformation church. But also where can they pick up

1065
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 2: a copy of God Chose Me?

1066
00:47:56,280 --> 00:47:58,840
Speaker 3: Absolutely, if you just go to Charles metcalf dot com

1067
00:47:59,320 --> 00:48:02,399
Speaker 3: or Charles mecaf on any social media platform, that's where

1068
00:48:02,400 --> 00:48:05,279
Speaker 3: I'm at. The book you can get anywhere books are sold,

1069
00:48:05,320 --> 00:48:07,120
Speaker 3: the Amazon, Barnes and Noble.

1070
00:48:08,120 --> 00:48:09,680
Speaker 4: If you go to my website, it has all those

1071
00:48:09,680 --> 00:48:11,239
Speaker 4: links there, So that's the easiest way to do it.

1072
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:13,399
Speaker 2: Brother, Thank you for hopping over here to the Maybe Center.

1073
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,480
Speaker 2: Thank you for pushing through Ann Wilson right you viewing

1074
00:48:16,520 --> 00:48:19,400
Speaker 2: her sound you today. But man, this has been truly

1075
00:48:19,440 --> 00:48:21,160
Speaker 2: a gift to me. Thank you so much for being here.

1076
00:48:21,160 --> 00:48:23,000
Speaker 2: Thank you very much to all of our audience. A

1077
00:48:23,000 --> 00:48:24,640
Speaker 2: build different. I just wanted to say thank you so

1078
00:48:24,719 --> 00:48:26,960
Speaker 2: much for joining us, Thank you for giving us some

1079
00:48:27,040 --> 00:48:29,640
Speaker 2: of your time. And I hope that today's conversation gave

1080
00:48:29,640 --> 00:48:32,080
Speaker 2: you some practical tips and strategies that you can begin

1081
00:48:32,160 --> 00:48:36,160
Speaker 2: implementing in your life today to develop a confidence that

1082
00:48:36,280 --> 00:48:40,680
Speaker 2: is unstoppable for you moving forward. Why because God chose you?

1083
00:48:40,960 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 2: Thanks for joining us. We love being a part of

1084
00:48:42,719 --> 00:48:43,800
Speaker 2: your life.