1 00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,916 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:37,915 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane and this is the Happy Home. Well 5 00:00:37,956 --> 00:00:40,956 Speaker 1: I am joined by doctor Leslie Parrott and I'm so 6 00:00:40,995 --> 00:00:44,196 Speaker 1: excited because Doctor Chapman, Gary Chapman was on last week 7 00:00:44,396 --> 00:00:47,955 Speaker 1: talking about handling teens and conflicts. So if you have 8 00:00:48,036 --> 00:00:50,476 Speaker 1: any teas and conflict, you know, listen to that one 9 00:00:50,476 --> 00:00:52,756 Speaker 1: from last week. But this week we are talking about 10 00:00:52,876 --> 00:00:55,556 Speaker 1: their brand new book that the Parrots and doctor Chapman 11 00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:58,835 Speaker 1: have written together and it is the love language that 12 00:00:58,956 --> 00:01:01,435 Speaker 1: matters most. Leslie's so good to have you. 13 00:01:01,836 --> 00:01:03,476 Speaker 2: Oh what a joy to be here. 14 00:01:03,715 --> 00:01:08,075 Speaker 3: And I mean our colleague Gary Chapman does such good work. 15 00:01:08,196 --> 00:01:11,315 Speaker 3: And who's ever had a teen and not had a conflict, 16 00:01:11,636 --> 00:01:14,636 Speaker 3: So that must have been a valuable moment for sure. 17 00:01:14,916 --> 00:01:16,636 Speaker 1: For sure I was on. I was talking to Chris 18 00:01:16,636 --> 00:01:19,716 Speaker 1: Fabry on the radio and he was like, Chapman must 19 00:01:19,715 --> 00:01:21,516 Speaker 1: pick people with burd names. 20 00:01:22,436 --> 00:01:22,996 Speaker 2: Right with me? 21 00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:25,916 Speaker 1: See that the parrots that I fellacane, which looks like 22 00:01:25,956 --> 00:01:28,196 Speaker 1: so we had a good tuckle over that one. But 23 00:01:28,676 --> 00:01:31,556 Speaker 1: love tell us about this book. So we most of 24 00:01:31,636 --> 00:01:35,076 Speaker 1: us have heard about the five love languages, Yes, but 25 00:01:35,276 --> 00:01:38,796 Speaker 1: what is different about this book the love language that 26 00:01:38,836 --> 00:01:43,236 Speaker 1: matters most versus me picking up the five love language exactly? 27 00:01:43,515 --> 00:01:46,435 Speaker 3: I mean, I mean you've been hiding under a rock 28 00:01:46,476 --> 00:01:49,116 Speaker 3: if you haven't heard of the five love languages, because 29 00:01:49,116 --> 00:01:52,996 Speaker 3: Gary gave us a treasure that helps us decode how 30 00:01:53,076 --> 00:01:55,516 Speaker 3: to love, right, and I think, what is that? We 31 00:01:55,716 --> 00:01:59,196 Speaker 3: affectionately call it the Purple Book? Has sold wrote twenty 32 00:01:59,276 --> 00:02:03,236 Speaker 3: mil love it the Purple Book, right, but but there's 33 00:02:03,276 --> 00:02:05,876 Speaker 3: still a lesson. I felt it in our own marriage, 34 00:02:05,916 --> 00:02:07,596 Speaker 3: We felt it with the couples. 35 00:02:07,236 --> 00:02:07,916 Speaker 2: In our care. 36 00:02:08,756 --> 00:02:13,796 Speaker 3: Sometimes things still got lost in translation, right. And that's 37 00:02:14,276 --> 00:02:17,636 Speaker 3: and we teamed up with Gary Team Parrot and Gary 38 00:02:17,716 --> 00:02:21,796 Speaker 3: Chapman in order to sort of help couples go beyond. 39 00:02:21,876 --> 00:02:27,036 Speaker 3: It's kind of the two point oh right, because love 40 00:02:27,156 --> 00:02:32,276 Speaker 3: languages are fundamental. What an insight. But even though like, 41 00:02:32,356 --> 00:02:36,476 Speaker 3: for instance, my love language is words of affirmation, less 42 00:02:36,596 --> 00:02:38,155 Speaker 3: understood that so well. 43 00:02:38,276 --> 00:02:39,956 Speaker 2: But he was pouring. 44 00:02:39,636 --> 00:02:44,396 Speaker 3: Into me and giving me oodles of encouragement, just like 45 00:02:44,476 --> 00:02:47,555 Speaker 3: my personal cheer squad. You can do it. Whatever thing 46 00:02:47,636 --> 00:02:50,236 Speaker 3: came up, any opportunity. I believe in you. I know 47 00:02:50,356 --> 00:02:52,196 Speaker 3: you could do this, you knock it out. 48 00:02:52,036 --> 00:02:52,436 Speaker 2: Of the park. 49 00:02:52,996 --> 00:02:57,476 Speaker 3: Well, I wasn't feeling deeply loved. I was feeling pressured, like, oh, 50 00:02:57,516 --> 00:03:00,076 Speaker 3: my goodness, do I have to do all those. 51 00:02:59,916 --> 00:03:02,876 Speaker 2: Big things in order to be good enough? He didn't 52 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:03,636 Speaker 2: mean for me too. 53 00:03:04,316 --> 00:03:07,996 Speaker 3: But that's because every language has a dialect. Some people 54 00:03:08,196 --> 00:03:12,956 Speaker 3: love encouragement. I happen to lean into compliments. I like 55 00:03:13,036 --> 00:03:16,036 Speaker 3: to hear that you love something I already did and 56 00:03:16,115 --> 00:03:20,596 Speaker 3: saw how amazing it was, right, and so that's mine. 57 00:03:20,636 --> 00:03:23,756 Speaker 2: And then other people just deeply. 58 00:03:23,276 --> 00:03:26,476 Speaker 3: Feel loved if words of affirmation is at the top 59 00:03:26,516 --> 00:03:30,156 Speaker 3: of their list in the dialect of appreciation, you know, 60 00:03:30,395 --> 00:03:35,116 Speaker 3: just that someone pours gratitude and remembers long after the 61 00:03:35,236 --> 00:03:38,556 Speaker 3: moment and thanks them, you know, just for their presence 62 00:03:38,636 --> 00:03:40,156 Speaker 3: and your life and that kind of thing. 63 00:03:40,796 --> 00:03:43,316 Speaker 1: That is so funny because I am exactly like you. 64 00:03:43,516 --> 00:03:46,516 Speaker 1: I am words of affirmation. But I took the assessment, 65 00:03:46,596 --> 00:03:49,156 Speaker 1: so people can take an assessment that takes you. It's 66 00:03:49,196 --> 00:03:52,036 Speaker 1: like kind of one layer deeper of what the dialects are. 67 00:03:52,436 --> 00:03:54,876 Speaker 1: And I took that assessment and I realized, oh, I 68 00:03:54,916 --> 00:03:58,076 Speaker 1: don't like these words like oh, you have it, you 69 00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,596 Speaker 1: got it, you got this. I was like, no, I 70 00:04:00,716 --> 00:04:03,036 Speaker 1: like it after the fact, exactly what you said. 71 00:04:03,356 --> 00:04:04,636 Speaker 2: You were my soul sister. 72 00:04:04,796 --> 00:04:08,116 Speaker 1: Yes, so it was the exact same way. And I thought, 73 00:04:08,156 --> 00:04:11,916 Speaker 1: how funny. Here is James trying to use words, because 74 00:04:11,956 --> 00:04:15,156 Speaker 1: words is the thing. He's physical touch. So you know 75 00:04:15,156 --> 00:04:16,756 Speaker 1: if I just go and like karate chop them all 76 00:04:16,756 --> 00:04:19,676 Speaker 1: the time, no no, no, no no, right, it's like touch. 77 00:04:19,716 --> 00:04:21,276 Speaker 1: But that's not doing anything. 78 00:04:21,756 --> 00:04:23,236 Speaker 2: I love that you said. 79 00:04:22,996 --> 00:04:27,156 Speaker 3: That, because what gets lost in translational touch is another one. 80 00:04:27,156 --> 00:04:27,396 Speaker 1: I mean. 81 00:04:27,396 --> 00:04:30,676 Speaker 3: The point is with all the languages, when we parsed 82 00:04:30,716 --> 00:04:33,956 Speaker 3: it out, we begin to see the nuances in loving. 83 00:04:34,156 --> 00:04:37,876 Speaker 3: And there are over twenty two different you know, dialects 84 00:04:38,036 --> 00:04:41,236 Speaker 3: like every language you know, I mean, you talked about 85 00:04:41,236 --> 00:04:45,156 Speaker 3: teenagers at the start of this. They talked their own dialect, right, 86 00:04:45,676 --> 00:04:46,676 Speaker 3: and as soon as. 87 00:04:46,556 --> 00:04:50,075 Speaker 2: We figure out what they mean, you know, it changes, right. 88 00:04:50,436 --> 00:04:53,315 Speaker 3: But there is a dialect to loving the people we 89 00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:56,116 Speaker 3: love the most. And by the way, I think, if 90 00:04:56,116 --> 00:05:00,636 Speaker 3: it's not obvious, the love language that matters most is 91 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:04,916 Speaker 3: the love language of the person that we're trying to love, right, 92 00:05:04,996 --> 00:05:08,595 Speaker 3: whether it's our spouse or our child or a dear 93 00:05:08,716 --> 00:05:12,276 Speaker 3: friend because I think what happened and Gary didn't mean 94 00:05:12,315 --> 00:05:12,836 Speaker 3: for it too. 95 00:05:13,315 --> 00:05:14,916 Speaker 2: But so often people. 96 00:05:14,676 --> 00:05:20,036 Speaker 3: Got so jazzed about discovering their own love language they 97 00:05:20,315 --> 00:05:24,316 Speaker 3: ended up focusing on that more than on learning and 98 00:05:24,396 --> 00:05:27,956 Speaker 3: loving about the people in their life, which was always 99 00:05:28,036 --> 00:05:28,635 Speaker 3: his goal. 100 00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:32,556 Speaker 2: And that's where this kind of helps us to make. 101 00:05:32,356 --> 00:05:35,796 Speaker 3: That leap clearer so we can love, you know, get 102 00:05:35,796 --> 00:05:37,356 Speaker 3: that shortcut to their heart. 103 00:05:38,156 --> 00:05:40,476 Speaker 1: Isn't that funny? You would think the love language that 104 00:05:40,556 --> 00:05:46,596 Speaker 1: matters as well? Obviously it's mine, it's just instead of thinking, oh, 105 00:05:46,636 --> 00:05:49,796 Speaker 1: it's yours, whoever it is that you're with. I love 106 00:05:49,836 --> 00:05:53,556 Speaker 1: that talk about kind of the role of curiosity because 107 00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:56,876 Speaker 1: you know, you might think, like, I know your you know, 108 00:05:57,195 --> 00:05:59,996 Speaker 1: acts of service and your time. So I got that. 109 00:06:00,156 --> 00:06:03,436 Speaker 1: I've lived with you for twenty years. You know, how 110 00:06:03,516 --> 00:06:06,315 Speaker 1: does curiosity put that spark in? 111 00:06:06,716 --> 00:06:10,955 Speaker 3: I love that question because nothing is a formula, right, 112 00:06:11,116 --> 00:06:14,076 Speaker 3: We can't go okay, so you're you know my husband 113 00:06:14,236 --> 00:06:16,676 Speaker 3: acts of service? Well, I know the thing that helps 114 00:06:16,676 --> 00:06:20,756 Speaker 3: you most is to save you time. And so I 115 00:06:20,755 --> 00:06:23,836 Speaker 3: if I just treat it like it's a formula and 116 00:06:23,876 --> 00:06:27,596 Speaker 3: I stop being curious about how is he feeling right now? 117 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:30,396 Speaker 3: In this season of life. What are his stressors? What 118 00:06:30,436 --> 00:06:33,756 Speaker 3: would help him most? You know, it's not that we 119 00:06:33,836 --> 00:06:37,916 Speaker 3: don't all receive love in all the ways. So this 120 00:06:37,996 --> 00:06:41,275 Speaker 3: is not we're passing an exam on love. This is 121 00:06:41,396 --> 00:06:46,156 Speaker 3: we're dearly loving the person that we deeply want to 122 00:06:46,195 --> 00:06:48,996 Speaker 3: love in our life. And so we need to stay 123 00:06:49,036 --> 00:06:52,716 Speaker 3: curious and be a tuned in one good question, you know, 124 00:06:52,916 --> 00:06:57,436 Speaker 3: especially you know, I love the metaphor of the love tank. 125 00:06:57,676 --> 00:07:00,996 Speaker 3: It's obviously a metaphor, but boy, we relate. We know 126 00:07:01,116 --> 00:07:04,195 Speaker 3: how it feels when it's empty in our relationship with someone. 127 00:07:04,276 --> 00:07:07,596 Speaker 3: We know that amazing feeling when it's just full to 128 00:07:07,676 --> 00:07:09,796 Speaker 3: the brim and we're energized and. 129 00:07:09,756 --> 00:07:10,876 Speaker 2: Feel deeply loved. 130 00:07:11,436 --> 00:07:14,196 Speaker 3: And so one thing you can do out of curiosity 131 00:07:14,276 --> 00:07:16,356 Speaker 3: is to just say, what is one thing I could 132 00:07:16,356 --> 00:07:18,196 Speaker 3: do to fill your love tank this week? 133 00:07:18,436 --> 00:07:22,076 Speaker 2: You know? And really, instead of thinking I've got this, 134 00:07:22,436 --> 00:07:23,236 Speaker 2: I know, you. 135 00:07:24,916 --> 00:07:29,556 Speaker 3: Tune in ask with curiosity. Understand. You know there's so 136 00:07:29,636 --> 00:07:32,916 Speaker 3: much to learn. I love that you took the assessment, 137 00:07:32,956 --> 00:07:37,916 Speaker 3: because the five love Premium assessment is so cool. 138 00:07:38,636 --> 00:07:39,796 Speaker 2: You know, we've always. 139 00:07:39,516 --> 00:07:41,396 Speaker 1: Had and tell people how they can take it. 140 00:07:41,916 --> 00:07:45,595 Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, you just look for you know five 141 00:07:45,676 --> 00:07:49,396 Speaker 3: Love Premium Assessment, and you'll if you just google that, 142 00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:53,076 Speaker 3: you're on it. And it's it's not like the simple 143 00:07:53,236 --> 00:07:56,516 Speaker 3: free one. This one takes some time and it takes 144 00:07:56,556 --> 00:07:59,676 Speaker 3: a little investment, but boy, it's worth it because it 145 00:07:59,916 --> 00:08:03,876 Speaker 3: unpacks your soul. I'm telling you, you know, it tells 146 00:08:03,916 --> 00:08:08,236 Speaker 3: you your primary love language, your secondary love language, helps 147 00:08:08,236 --> 00:08:12,636 Speaker 3: you identify what might be a foreign love language for you, 148 00:08:12,636 --> 00:08:16,236 Speaker 3: you know, like, for instance, my foreign language is acts 149 00:08:16,276 --> 00:08:20,796 Speaker 3: of service that happens to me, my husband's primary lovely limary. 150 00:08:20,876 --> 00:08:22,636 Speaker 1: Of course it is, of course it is. 151 00:08:22,756 --> 00:08:25,476 Speaker 2: Yeah, that's the story of as Iron chirp andsire. 152 00:08:26,036 --> 00:08:29,916 Speaker 3: But then that helps me to really get intentional, because 153 00:08:29,916 --> 00:08:32,676 Speaker 3: if I just am lazy and love organically, I'm going 154 00:08:32,716 --> 00:08:33,396 Speaker 3: to love my. 155 00:08:33,516 --> 00:08:36,236 Speaker 2: Way, not the way that meets his heart. 156 00:08:36,716 --> 00:08:36,916 Speaker 3: You know. 157 00:08:37,556 --> 00:08:40,996 Speaker 1: So really like studying the assessment. What when you look 158 00:08:41,036 --> 00:08:44,516 Speaker 1: at your spouse's assessment, Let's say you do this. After 159 00:08:44,556 --> 00:08:47,996 Speaker 1: you look at it, what is like, how do you 160 00:08:48,036 --> 00:08:50,436 Speaker 1: recommend putting into practice? How do we make that love 161 00:08:50,476 --> 00:08:52,556 Speaker 1: a verb? Now I have this knowledge about my spouse, 162 00:08:52,836 --> 00:08:55,156 Speaker 1: Let's pretend it's less and it's acts of service, and 163 00:08:55,196 --> 00:08:57,596 Speaker 1: you're reading this assessment. What might be your next step. 164 00:08:57,876 --> 00:09:00,396 Speaker 3: I mean, I love it just for anyone who's curious 165 00:09:00,436 --> 00:09:05,676 Speaker 3: who might be viewing this conversation. It is so fun 166 00:09:05,716 --> 00:09:08,236 Speaker 3: to get the print out because there's even a cheat 167 00:09:08,276 --> 00:09:14,476 Speaker 3: sheet in here that summarizes how the love and it 168 00:09:14,556 --> 00:09:18,676 Speaker 3: tells you or remind you what their top love languages 169 00:09:18,956 --> 00:09:22,916 Speaker 3: and what their dialects are like. For instance, on acts 170 00:09:22,916 --> 00:09:26,796 Speaker 3: of service. What I learned for less was that I 171 00:09:26,916 --> 00:09:31,276 Speaker 3: used to think that just meant little caring thoughtfulnesses in 172 00:09:31,316 --> 00:09:35,276 Speaker 3: his life. Well, he didn't mind those, but they weren't 173 00:09:35,316 --> 00:09:38,996 Speaker 3: hitting the bullseye. What rocks his world is if I 174 00:09:39,076 --> 00:09:42,756 Speaker 3: do something that saves him time, because anything that does 175 00:09:42,796 --> 00:09:46,476 Speaker 3: that that's life changing for him. Then he regroups some 176 00:09:46,676 --> 00:09:50,556 Speaker 3: time to invest in something he loves. Right if I 177 00:09:50,596 --> 00:09:53,156 Speaker 3: go stand in a long line at the post office, 178 00:09:53,556 --> 00:09:55,996 Speaker 3: you know, because we have a certified letter or something, 179 00:09:56,076 --> 00:09:59,076 Speaker 3: and he didn't have to do that, he has never 180 00:09:59,156 --> 00:09:59,916 Speaker 3: felt more love. 181 00:10:00,156 --> 00:10:04,316 Speaker 1: Right, that's right. I love it. People think you're just 182 00:10:04,356 --> 00:10:06,636 Speaker 1: standing there in the post office, but you are super 183 00:10:06,716 --> 00:10:09,356 Speaker 1: duper love in your spouse right there at that. 184 00:10:09,356 --> 00:10:13,956 Speaker 3: That's a super saturated line, you know, love but and 185 00:10:13,996 --> 00:10:17,276 Speaker 3: so and it's like that, and it actually is so 186 00:10:17,636 --> 00:10:22,756 Speaker 3: much fun to get into those little nuances, and like 187 00:10:22,836 --> 00:10:27,956 Speaker 3: you said, curiosity which leads to empathy. This whole experience 188 00:10:28,116 --> 00:10:31,716 Speaker 3: is like a shortcut to empathy, which is being deeply 189 00:10:31,796 --> 00:10:35,676 Speaker 3: aware of the real landscape of the person you're trying 190 00:10:35,716 --> 00:10:40,916 Speaker 3: to love's heart, you know, I mean, and there's so 191 00:10:41,076 --> 00:10:45,156 Speaker 3: many people, every one of us. I mean, you know, 192 00:10:45,436 --> 00:10:49,756 Speaker 3: Valentine's Day comes and goes on the calendar, and no 193 00:10:49,876 --> 00:10:53,076 Speaker 3: matter if you just experienced that and it was a 194 00:10:54,236 --> 00:10:58,556 Speaker 3: great success or maybe you missed the mark. We think 195 00:10:58,556 --> 00:11:01,476 Speaker 3: about all the occasions we have to give gifts to 196 00:11:01,516 --> 00:11:07,196 Speaker 3: people we love, whether it's you know, something heartfelt and 197 00:11:07,436 --> 00:11:13,636 Speaker 3: sentimental or something very practical and maybe extravagant. Those are 198 00:11:13,636 --> 00:11:17,796 Speaker 3: all dialects, and so it just makes you a hero 199 00:11:18,076 --> 00:11:22,076 Speaker 3: when you really know and understand that pathway to the 200 00:11:22,076 --> 00:11:25,596 Speaker 3: person's heart. Like for us, our two boys, one of 201 00:11:25,636 --> 00:11:27,596 Speaker 3: them loves anything sentimental. 202 00:11:28,236 --> 00:11:28,476 Speaker 2: You know. 203 00:11:28,836 --> 00:11:33,716 Speaker 3: I just found an old vintage book of children's poetry 204 00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:37,476 Speaker 3: by AA Milne, and one of them treasured that. The 205 00:11:37,556 --> 00:11:40,556 Speaker 3: other one would say, what are you talking about. I 206 00:11:40,596 --> 00:11:44,796 Speaker 3: want something practical, like, you know, renew my subscription on 207 00:11:44,876 --> 00:11:47,956 Speaker 3: Adobe or something that's awesome. 208 00:11:48,236 --> 00:11:51,876 Speaker 1: That's awesome it's true because you could picture giving a 209 00:11:51,876 --> 00:11:54,916 Speaker 1: one child here's your renewal for Adobe, and they'd be like, 210 00:11:55,236 --> 00:11:58,156 Speaker 1: what is this for? And someone else is over the 211 00:11:58,196 --> 00:12:02,436 Speaker 1: moon about it. That is hilarious. Yeah, how can you 212 00:12:02,636 --> 00:12:06,556 Speaker 1: tell when you're getting it right and when you're getting 213 00:12:06,596 --> 00:12:07,036 Speaker 1: it wrong? 214 00:12:07,676 --> 00:12:07,876 Speaker 3: Oh? 215 00:12:07,956 --> 00:12:08,516 Speaker 2: I love that. 216 00:12:09,756 --> 00:12:13,716 Speaker 3: I think whenever we're paying attention, we can tell. Because 217 00:12:13,716 --> 00:12:15,836 Speaker 3: here's the thing about the left tank. By the way, 218 00:12:16,396 --> 00:12:19,076 Speaker 3: the left tank, even though it's just a metaphor, are 219 00:12:19,276 --> 00:12:22,116 Speaker 3: so powerful. That's one of the things that this book 220 00:12:22,236 --> 00:12:25,556 Speaker 3: really unpacts in a deeper way than there's ever been 221 00:12:25,556 --> 00:12:30,676 Speaker 3: any teaching on because love tanks aren't one size fits all, right. 222 00:12:31,276 --> 00:12:32,756 Speaker 2: We all are shaped by. 223 00:12:32,596 --> 00:12:36,676 Speaker 3: The family that created us, by our own personality. That's 224 00:12:36,716 --> 00:12:39,316 Speaker 3: another thing we deal with in this As a matter 225 00:12:39,316 --> 00:12:42,796 Speaker 3: of fact, Gary Chapman has said over the years, the 226 00:12:42,836 --> 00:12:47,916 Speaker 3: most frequent question he ever got about love languages is, 227 00:12:48,516 --> 00:12:53,276 Speaker 3: you know, how does personality interact with these? And some 228 00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:57,556 Speaker 3: personality dynamics, if you think about it, are more obvious, 229 00:12:57,596 --> 00:13:02,076 Speaker 3: like introvert extrovert. You know, if you're an introvert, you 230 00:13:02,076 --> 00:13:03,996 Speaker 3: don't want someone to call you up in front of 231 00:13:04,036 --> 00:13:07,396 Speaker 3: the church to give you words of affirmation and give 232 00:13:07,436 --> 00:13:10,756 Speaker 3: you a big award. You want something heartfelt in private, 233 00:13:11,116 --> 00:13:14,876 Speaker 3: you know, right, so you could you can begin to 234 00:13:14,996 --> 00:13:22,236 Speaker 3: unpack personality. So if you're you know, paying attention and 235 00:13:22,756 --> 00:13:28,196 Speaker 3: you're allowing this new information to broaden your empathy and 236 00:13:28,276 --> 00:13:31,956 Speaker 3: asking the magic question, which is always the follow up question. 237 00:13:32,476 --> 00:13:35,396 Speaker 2: You know, yes, what's one thing I could do to 238 00:13:35,396 --> 00:13:36,356 Speaker 2: fill your love tank? 239 00:13:37,596 --> 00:13:41,196 Speaker 3: And you know, is there anything more about that that 240 00:13:41,196 --> 00:13:43,796 Speaker 3: would help me do a great job or whatever it is? 241 00:13:44,276 --> 00:13:47,196 Speaker 1: One more question? Yeah, just what would that look like 242 00:13:47,276 --> 00:13:48,076 Speaker 1: for you? 243 00:13:48,196 --> 00:13:48,476 Speaker 2: Right? 244 00:13:49,516 --> 00:13:52,836 Speaker 3: You know, not just saying okay, got it and letting 245 00:13:52,876 --> 00:13:56,276 Speaker 3: your curiosity shut down. But the love tank, I mean, 246 00:13:56,356 --> 00:14:00,956 Speaker 3: some of us our love tank can actually spring a leak. 247 00:14:01,236 --> 00:14:04,836 Speaker 3: There are things that empty it really fast. You've all 248 00:14:04,916 --> 00:14:08,916 Speaker 3: been there, that one critical comment that came out and 249 00:14:08,956 --> 00:14:11,236 Speaker 3: you realize, oh I just sprung a leak and my 250 00:14:11,396 --> 00:14:15,316 Speaker 3: spouse's love tank. And you know, if you've ever followed 251 00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:19,076 Speaker 3: doctor John Gottman, he talks about something called the mate 252 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:24,436 Speaker 3: ratio where it takes about five sincere you. 253 00:14:24,316 --> 00:14:28,236 Speaker 2: Know, affirmation, right, do one critical comment. 254 00:14:28,676 --> 00:14:31,076 Speaker 3: So there's a little bit of a you know, of 255 00:14:31,116 --> 00:14:33,476 Speaker 3: a debt there we sometimes have to pay. 256 00:14:34,036 --> 00:14:36,356 Speaker 1: Yeah, So if someone's listening, and you've already said three 257 00:14:36,556 --> 00:14:38,636 Speaker 1: not so nice things to your spouse before they leave 258 00:14:38,676 --> 00:14:42,076 Speaker 1: for work. You've got fifteen when they get home today. 259 00:14:42,276 --> 00:14:43,996 Speaker 1: I kind of patch that up. 260 00:14:44,716 --> 00:14:47,316 Speaker 2: Yeah, it's enough to help us hold our tongue in 261 00:14:47,436 --> 00:14:51,356 Speaker 2: a rash moment. You're like, funny, that's going to create 262 00:14:51,556 --> 00:14:53,516 Speaker 2: some extra work on my part. 263 00:14:53,836 --> 00:14:56,796 Speaker 1: Oh, that reminds me of like when I go to 264 00:14:56,916 --> 00:15:00,276 Speaker 1: the spin instructor, this neighborhood spin class that my mom 265 00:15:00,356 --> 00:15:02,716 Speaker 1: and I have been attending for twenty one years, if 266 00:15:02,716 --> 00:15:05,596 Speaker 1: you can believe that. Yeah, and our spin instructor or 267 00:15:05,676 --> 00:15:07,796 Speaker 1: she'll put out, you know, like a little piece of candy, 268 00:15:07,916 --> 00:15:09,796 Speaker 1: like a Snicker's war or something, and she'll say, you know, 269 00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:12,916 Speaker 1: you got to ride all class just to burn this off, right, 270 00:15:13,116 --> 00:15:14,996 Speaker 1: you know, And then we think to ourselves, I don't 271 00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:16,516 Speaker 1: want to eat that if I have to do that, 272 00:15:16,636 --> 00:15:19,716 Speaker 1: So think of that insult. It's like, you're gonna have 273 00:15:19,756 --> 00:15:21,676 Speaker 1: to burn off a lot of things. If you're going 274 00:15:21,756 --> 00:15:25,156 Speaker 1: to insult your spouse, you better think twice before doing 275 00:15:25,196 --> 00:15:26,116 Speaker 1: it in the first place. 276 00:15:26,236 --> 00:15:29,116 Speaker 2: That's the best. Arlane That is the best. 277 00:15:29,436 --> 00:15:34,956 Speaker 3: First of all, how impressive twenty one year years spend class. 278 00:15:34,756 --> 00:15:37,276 Speaker 1: That's that's the joy of a system. It's just like 279 00:15:37,436 --> 00:15:38,756 Speaker 1: you're in it and that's all we do. 280 00:15:39,556 --> 00:15:43,476 Speaker 3: I love it, and maybe just maybe one of you 281 00:15:43,716 --> 00:15:46,316 Speaker 3: has quality time as your love language. 282 00:15:46,556 --> 00:15:47,916 Speaker 2: That is feeling that love. 283 00:15:47,996 --> 00:15:53,356 Speaker 1: Take right up, that sweet It's true. It's true, you 284 00:15:53,716 --> 00:15:56,836 Speaker 1: write in the book the love language that matters most. 285 00:15:57,116 --> 00:16:04,316 Speaker 1: Our goal together isn't perfection, it's progress. Encourage us in 286 00:16:04,476 --> 00:16:05,756 Speaker 1: that regard, you know what. 287 00:16:06,116 --> 00:16:08,876 Speaker 3: I'm so glad you said that because all of us 288 00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:13,276 Speaker 3: are listening, and we all know we don't do this perfectly. 289 00:16:14,476 --> 00:16:19,916 Speaker 3: You know, life is has seasons. We get distracted, overwhelmed. 290 00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:26,036 Speaker 3: Sometimes we literally are just blind, you know, to important things. 291 00:16:26,556 --> 00:16:31,196 Speaker 3: And just because Lesson I wrote this book with Gary Chapman, 292 00:16:32,156 --> 00:16:33,276 Speaker 3: doesn't mean any of the. 293 00:16:33,316 --> 00:16:35,276 Speaker 2: Three of us are perfect at this either. 294 00:16:35,796 --> 00:16:38,796 Speaker 3: But the good news is perfect isn't required in law, 295 00:16:39,436 --> 00:16:41,836 Speaker 3: you know, it's just the practice of it. 296 00:16:42,076 --> 00:16:46,516 Speaker 2: It's just keep trying, and every single win matters. 297 00:16:47,276 --> 00:16:51,476 Speaker 3: And I think there's a statistic that always kind of 298 00:16:51,516 --> 00:16:55,596 Speaker 3: floors me that if you get it right thirty percent 299 00:16:55,676 --> 00:16:59,156 Speaker 3: of the time, that's literally enough. 300 00:16:59,436 --> 00:17:02,596 Speaker 2: It's enough, you know, So I. 301 00:17:02,636 --> 00:17:05,156 Speaker 3: Hope that can be encouragement to anyone. It feels like, oh, 302 00:17:05,436 --> 00:17:07,516 Speaker 3: you know, I don't feel. 303 00:17:07,356 --> 00:17:10,396 Speaker 2: Like I do this very well. It's it's okay, give 304 00:17:10,436 --> 00:17:12,475 Speaker 2: it a try. If you get it right. 305 00:17:12,636 --> 00:17:16,316 Speaker 1: One third at the time, like you're doing pretty good, 306 00:17:16,796 --> 00:17:21,036 Speaker 1: Yeah exactly. I mean remind my family that at dinner time, Okay, 307 00:17:21,076 --> 00:17:23,035 Speaker 1: you didn't like that meal I got. If I get 308 00:17:23,076 --> 00:17:25,755 Speaker 1: three out of ten, oh im right on that. I 309 00:17:25,955 --> 00:17:30,955 Speaker 1: do it pretty good with this book. After you completed it, 310 00:17:31,196 --> 00:17:34,836 Speaker 1: you you've turned it in there it was how do 311 00:17:34,916 --> 00:17:37,315 Speaker 1: you think this kind of the tail of it is 312 00:17:37,676 --> 00:17:39,516 Speaker 1: impacting you and less in your marriage? 313 00:17:40,035 --> 00:17:46,315 Speaker 3: You know, it's it's pretty profound because loving, obviously is 314 00:17:46,396 --> 00:17:49,515 Speaker 3: at the heart of what makes our lives satisfying. And 315 00:17:49,755 --> 00:17:54,676 Speaker 3: we all know that loving people's layered. It's complicated, and 316 00:17:55,275 --> 00:18:00,315 Speaker 3: you know, what a gift to have this decoder to 317 00:18:00,556 --> 00:18:01,955 Speaker 3: help us do that well. 318 00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:03,075 Speaker 2: And when you. 319 00:18:03,156 --> 00:18:06,235 Speaker 3: Realize somebody's love tank is running low on a certain day, 320 00:18:06,955 --> 00:18:10,235 Speaker 3: to go, okay, I know how to fill that up. 321 00:18:10,515 --> 00:18:16,356 Speaker 3: Instead of being discouraged and feeling a little, you know, hopeless, 322 00:18:17,076 --> 00:18:20,156 Speaker 3: you go, oh, I've got a tool I can lean in. 323 00:18:20,876 --> 00:18:24,156 Speaker 3: And one of the things Gary always emphasizes, you know, 324 00:18:24,356 --> 00:18:27,436 Speaker 3: we don't do this in order to be loved in return. 325 00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:31,316 Speaker 3: But the gift is that when someone's left ink is full, 326 00:18:31,995 --> 00:18:35,916 Speaker 3: there's so much contagion and synergy in that because it 327 00:18:36,196 --> 00:18:40,316 Speaker 3: just spills over with love and reciprocity. 328 00:18:40,916 --> 00:18:44,475 Speaker 2: You know. Yeah, whether it's our kids, or our spouse or. 329 00:18:44,515 --> 00:18:50,596 Speaker 3: Our small group of friends, this is such a beautiful gift. 330 00:18:50,636 --> 00:18:53,715 Speaker 3: There's synergy in it. It's contagious. 331 00:18:54,356 --> 00:18:54,515 Speaker 2: You know. 332 00:18:54,836 --> 00:18:59,396 Speaker 3: You can do one brave, small act of love and 333 00:18:59,515 --> 00:19:02,636 Speaker 3: it literally can start transforming a connection. 334 00:19:03,596 --> 00:19:05,676 Speaker 1: It'd be like, wait, what this is out of the ordinary? 335 00:19:05,755 --> 00:19:08,275 Speaker 1: What is happening? But I want to ask you about 336 00:19:08,356 --> 00:19:10,676 Speaker 1: love languages and kids in a moment. But before I 337 00:19:10,796 --> 00:19:14,116 Speaker 1: do that, I want to ask how could this book 338 00:19:14,556 --> 00:19:17,676 Speaker 1: be so perfect for someone entering the empty nest? 339 00:19:18,235 --> 00:19:18,355 Speaker 2: Oh? 340 00:19:18,955 --> 00:19:21,275 Speaker 3: You know I love that question. Well, one thing we 341 00:19:21,556 --> 00:19:26,396 Speaker 3: know is that success at that new stage, you know, 342 00:19:26,796 --> 00:19:29,515 Speaker 3: any new stage, whether it's empty nest or at the 343 00:19:29,676 --> 00:19:36,275 Speaker 3: very beginning of a relationship, you can't rely on old 344 00:19:36,556 --> 00:19:41,795 Speaker 3: assumptions about the person you're with. So this gives you 345 00:19:42,156 --> 00:19:47,596 Speaker 3: a new way of discovery. Who is this person now 346 00:19:47,796 --> 00:19:52,156 Speaker 3: on their growing edge? You know, because love languages are 347 00:19:52,676 --> 00:19:58,836 Speaker 3: fairly settled, but they're not like personality dynamics, where they're unchanging. 348 00:19:59,116 --> 00:20:01,715 Speaker 3: You know, one of the privileges of my life is 349 00:20:01,755 --> 00:20:05,116 Speaker 3: I get to be a mentor mom to mothers of preschoolers. 350 00:20:05,596 --> 00:20:06,995 Speaker 2: It used to be called mobs. 351 00:20:07,035 --> 00:20:12,075 Speaker 3: Now of course, such a sweet season, and I admire 352 00:20:12,196 --> 00:20:17,515 Speaker 3: these moms so much. You know, even if acts of 353 00:20:17,676 --> 00:20:22,555 Speaker 3: service wasn't their top love language before, in this season 354 00:20:22,676 --> 00:20:25,556 Speaker 3: it becomes primary for a lot of them because there's 355 00:20:25,715 --> 00:20:26,596 Speaker 3: so much going on. 356 00:20:28,235 --> 00:20:31,116 Speaker 2: So it's like that in an empty nest season. 357 00:20:31,275 --> 00:20:33,956 Speaker 3: Yeah, I can't rely and I know I'm speaking from 358 00:20:34,076 --> 00:20:38,795 Speaker 3: experience because we just launched two boys who both got 359 00:20:38,876 --> 00:20:42,795 Speaker 3: married this summer in grad school. It's a new season 360 00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:47,196 Speaker 3: for us forty one years of married life. And there's 361 00:20:47,275 --> 00:20:51,836 Speaker 3: some things about if I rely on outdated assumptions about 362 00:20:51,916 --> 00:20:54,436 Speaker 3: lest I'm going to miss his heart. 363 00:20:54,796 --> 00:20:58,995 Speaker 1: Wow, this is kind of amazing to me because you 364 00:20:59,275 --> 00:21:01,596 Speaker 1: do get to that stage I think I know everything 365 00:21:01,636 --> 00:21:04,196 Speaker 1: about this guy, right, Like my husband James, we've been 366 00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,436 Speaker 1: married twenty seven years, and I know exactly what he's 367 00:21:06,436 --> 00:21:08,196 Speaker 1: going to do. I know how he's going to respond, 368 00:21:08,396 --> 00:21:09,995 Speaker 1: I know what he's going to get triggered by, like 369 00:21:10,156 --> 00:21:12,676 Speaker 1: I don't. But then you approach like wait a minute, 370 00:21:13,396 --> 00:21:15,676 Speaker 1: let me see, Like what you talk about the landscape 371 00:21:15,715 --> 00:21:18,355 Speaker 1: of the heart, like what's going on in him? Be curious? 372 00:21:18,436 --> 00:21:21,476 Speaker 1: This is beautiful. Okay, now let's shift this question. Why 373 00:21:21,596 --> 00:21:23,995 Speaker 1: is it important for the parent who is in the 374 00:21:24,116 --> 00:21:27,916 Speaker 1: thick of things with their kids, but it's still important 375 00:21:28,076 --> 00:21:30,596 Speaker 1: to do this love language stuff with their spouse and 376 00:21:30,676 --> 00:21:31,795 Speaker 1: the child raising years. 377 00:21:32,275 --> 00:21:36,955 Speaker 3: I love that because more than ever, you often are 378 00:21:37,556 --> 00:21:42,715 Speaker 3: focused as the giver in a relationship with your kids. Yeah, 379 00:21:42,796 --> 00:21:45,916 Speaker 3: and so when the two of you are able to 380 00:21:46,076 --> 00:21:49,996 Speaker 3: commit to keeping each other's love tanks full, you've got 381 00:21:50,356 --> 00:21:54,876 Speaker 3: reserves for the tough moments when you're not getting the reciprocity. 382 00:21:55,035 --> 00:21:59,716 Speaker 3: Even darling kids, you know, developmental e they're not our peers, 383 00:21:59,916 --> 00:22:04,715 Speaker 3: so they're not always to, you know, give those words 384 00:22:04,755 --> 00:22:08,755 Speaker 3: of affirmation or hang out and give us that quality 385 00:22:08,916 --> 00:22:11,316 Speaker 3: time and a season where maybe peers. 386 00:22:11,035 --> 00:22:14,436 Speaker 2: Are their whole world or whatever it is. And so 387 00:22:14,556 --> 00:22:18,035 Speaker 2: when we can do that for each other, what a gift. 388 00:22:18,116 --> 00:22:18,355 Speaker 1: I mean. 389 00:22:18,396 --> 00:22:20,356 Speaker 3: I think that's that's why God gave us the gift 390 00:22:20,436 --> 00:22:23,636 Speaker 3: of marriage and said it reflects his love more than 391 00:22:23,796 --> 00:22:30,275 Speaker 3: any other relationship on earth, because it is so deep 392 00:22:30,636 --> 00:22:34,556 Speaker 3: in its ministry to our hearts, you know, And when 393 00:22:34,676 --> 00:22:38,836 Speaker 3: we're able to love deeply. It gives us all the 394 00:22:38,876 --> 00:22:42,636 Speaker 3: strength we need for those other roles that are more 395 00:22:42,796 --> 00:22:43,556 Speaker 3: give than take. 396 00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:47,116 Speaker 1: You kind of alluded to this with that teenager who 397 00:22:47,475 --> 00:22:49,676 Speaker 1: you know wants to be with their peers. How do 398 00:22:49,796 --> 00:22:52,356 Speaker 1: you shift. Let's say you've had this child in elementary 399 00:22:52,436 --> 00:22:55,396 Speaker 1: school and you've just been all about this child. You've 400 00:22:55,436 --> 00:22:58,555 Speaker 1: been doing their love language, you've been writing notes in 401 00:22:58,636 --> 00:23:01,275 Speaker 1: their lunch, you do all the things, and then they 402 00:23:01,356 --> 00:23:04,315 Speaker 1: turn into teenagers and you're like, wait a minute, how 403 00:23:04,436 --> 00:23:05,636 Speaker 1: do you adjust that? 404 00:23:06,356 --> 00:23:08,235 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, those are good questions. 405 00:23:08,556 --> 00:23:16,916 Speaker 3: I mean this is where perception curiosity, you know, learning 406 00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:20,676 Speaker 3: to respond to their openings. And I think you know 407 00:23:20,836 --> 00:23:22,995 Speaker 3: that we're used to do as parents. We're used to 408 00:23:23,035 --> 00:23:25,995 Speaker 3: being initiators, and this is a little bit of a 409 00:23:26,116 --> 00:23:31,596 Speaker 3: dance where we don't stop initiating and giving invitations and space, 410 00:23:32,235 --> 00:23:37,035 Speaker 3: but we're also learning now to respond to the openings 411 00:23:37,116 --> 00:23:41,076 Speaker 3: that we get. Sometimes they're trying hard to be independent, 412 00:23:41,116 --> 00:23:43,116 Speaker 3: and other times they want to melt into a big 413 00:23:43,316 --> 00:23:45,676 Speaker 3: hug and just be more like the kid in them, 414 00:23:46,196 --> 00:23:52,076 Speaker 3: Because becoming a person requires brave independence and retreat back 415 00:23:52,156 --> 00:23:52,796 Speaker 3: to safety. 416 00:23:53,196 --> 00:23:56,396 Speaker 2: So it as long as you keep that space open in. 417 00:23:56,475 --> 00:23:59,715 Speaker 3: Your heart, and the invitation is there and your heart 418 00:23:59,836 --> 00:24:03,916 Speaker 3: is soft and you don't take it personally when they're 419 00:24:04,035 --> 00:24:07,876 Speaker 3: trying to bravely be the thing they didn't used to be, 420 00:24:08,116 --> 00:24:12,036 Speaker 3: because growing up is asking that of them, you know. Yes, 421 00:24:13,636 --> 00:24:18,475 Speaker 3: And even if they connect through words, finding things that 422 00:24:18,596 --> 00:24:23,035 Speaker 3: you can affirm them, even if they don't show it, 423 00:24:24,235 --> 00:24:28,396 Speaker 3: it is transformative. They may never be able to show 424 00:24:28,436 --> 00:24:30,916 Speaker 3: you how much it means to them, but they carry 425 00:24:30,955 --> 00:24:31,836 Speaker 3: it in their heart. 426 00:24:31,955 --> 00:24:32,116 Speaker 1: You know. 427 00:24:32,636 --> 00:24:34,916 Speaker 2: So it's just trusting. I'm going to continue love. 428 00:24:35,035 --> 00:24:38,475 Speaker 3: I'm not their peer, I'm their parent, and so even 429 00:24:38,556 --> 00:24:41,795 Speaker 3: if they can't give me reciprocity, I'm en up for 430 00:24:41,876 --> 00:24:42,596 Speaker 3: the long game. 431 00:24:43,035 --> 00:24:46,196 Speaker 1: Yes, And even if your kids and your teenagers they're 432 00:24:46,275 --> 00:24:49,235 Speaker 1: familiar with the five Love languages, like I've had my kids, 433 00:24:49,556 --> 00:24:52,075 Speaker 1: you know, take the test. There are ages sixteen, nineteen 434 00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:53,995 Speaker 1: twenty one now, so I have a feel for what 435 00:24:54,116 --> 00:24:56,916 Speaker 1: they are. So for instance, my son Ethan, he is, 436 00:24:57,076 --> 00:25:00,676 Speaker 1: you know, a college graduate now he works full time 437 00:25:01,316 --> 00:25:03,596 Speaker 1: and he went away to college. But now he lives 438 00:25:03,636 --> 00:25:06,475 Speaker 1: at home, which we love, but he's never here, which 439 00:25:06,556 --> 00:25:09,516 Speaker 1: is totally fine, Like that's that's what I would want 440 00:25:09,596 --> 00:25:13,116 Speaker 1: for him. So he's very independent, very involved, in church. 441 00:25:13,196 --> 00:25:15,756 Speaker 1: He's doing great, he's doing fine, but I'll think, well, 442 00:25:16,035 --> 00:25:19,115 Speaker 1: I haven't had words with you. You know, it's been 443 00:25:19,316 --> 00:25:21,315 Speaker 1: a week and I haven't talked to you, and I 444 00:25:21,515 --> 00:25:23,556 Speaker 1: and I have noticed like if we just catch each 445 00:25:23,596 --> 00:25:26,315 Speaker 1: other at the at the breakfast table and talk for 446 00:25:26,436 --> 00:25:30,076 Speaker 1: five minutes, then boomop, I'm full. Like I'm like, I'm good. 447 00:25:30,636 --> 00:25:33,715 Speaker 1: But our conversation right now has made me realize I 448 00:25:33,916 --> 00:25:37,475 Speaker 1: need to also ask him once in a while. I 449 00:25:37,596 --> 00:25:39,836 Speaker 1: want to do this all the time, once in a while, 450 00:25:39,955 --> 00:25:42,076 Speaker 1: hate it. Is there anything I can do to fill 451 00:25:42,116 --> 00:25:45,436 Speaker 1: your love take this week? You know that that is 452 00:25:45,515 --> 00:25:48,636 Speaker 1: an okay question to push his way, you know, once 453 00:25:48,715 --> 00:25:49,156 Speaker 1: in a while. 454 00:25:49,596 --> 00:25:50,596 Speaker 2: I love that. 455 00:25:50,916 --> 00:25:54,356 Speaker 3: And what a gift that you recognize that he's not 456 00:25:54,955 --> 00:25:59,235 Speaker 3: pushing you away. He's trying to grow into all the 457 00:25:59,356 --> 00:26:03,556 Speaker 3: things that he's expecting himself to be at this stage. 458 00:26:03,995 --> 00:26:05,755 Speaker 3: And you're delighting in that. But you don't want to 459 00:26:05,796 --> 00:26:09,156 Speaker 3: lose that threat of connection. So if you can catch 460 00:26:09,196 --> 00:26:11,275 Speaker 3: him at the breakfast table, that's where you do it. 461 00:26:11,556 --> 00:26:15,795 Speaker 3: You know that is you're modeling so much for us. 462 00:26:17,715 --> 00:26:20,356 Speaker 1: It's like it's like I've read all these birds books 463 00:26:20,396 --> 00:26:22,596 Speaker 1: about adult children. I'm like Okay, I've got to try 464 00:26:22,636 --> 00:26:26,555 Speaker 1: my best not to put myself in his business when 465 00:26:26,596 --> 00:26:27,715 Speaker 1: it doesn't need to be that way. 466 00:26:28,035 --> 00:26:31,316 Speaker 2: Well, yeah, sometimes space and time are love, right. 467 00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:35,396 Speaker 1: Yeah, you know, as we close out, Leslie, what are 468 00:26:35,475 --> 00:26:37,955 Speaker 1: some things that we didn't chat about about the book 469 00:26:38,116 --> 00:26:40,636 Speaker 1: or anything even about Simbus that you would love to 470 00:26:40,836 --> 00:26:42,236 Speaker 1: mention here as we close out? 471 00:26:42,755 --> 00:26:45,955 Speaker 3: Well, you know, just the heart of our heart is 472 00:26:46,116 --> 00:26:50,396 Speaker 3: for people to deeply feel loved and to succeed in 473 00:26:50,556 --> 00:26:54,356 Speaker 3: loving deeply, And even when we're sincere. 474 00:26:53,876 --> 00:26:56,315 Speaker 2: About it, it can be complicated. 475 00:26:56,995 --> 00:27:01,436 Speaker 3: And that's why we are so excited about these two resources, 476 00:27:01,755 --> 00:27:06,676 Speaker 3: you know, because they uncomplicate it and they give you 477 00:27:06,836 --> 00:27:10,836 Speaker 3: fun insights, They spark great conversations, but more than anything, 478 00:27:11,356 --> 00:27:13,995 Speaker 3: they sort of move the needle when it comes to 479 00:27:14,515 --> 00:27:17,796 Speaker 3: you knowing, Oh I have with confidence. 480 00:27:18,076 --> 00:27:21,275 Speaker 2: I know I can really love the people who are 481 00:27:21,356 --> 00:27:24,116 Speaker 2: dear to me. And I mean, what a gift. Life 482 00:27:24,156 --> 00:27:26,756 Speaker 2: doesn't get any sweeter than that, right, Yeah? 483 00:27:26,995 --> 00:27:29,235 Speaker 3: And so what a joy for us to get to 484 00:27:29,596 --> 00:27:35,075 Speaker 3: partner with Gary doctor Chapman and bring this, you know, 485 00:27:35,515 --> 00:27:38,555 Speaker 3: next level resource all around the love languages. 486 00:27:38,755 --> 00:27:41,796 Speaker 1: Yes, the book is the love language that matters most. 487 00:27:42,316 --> 00:27:45,196 Speaker 1: How to personalize love so they really feel it by 488 00:27:45,235 --> 00:27:48,436 Speaker 1: doctor Gary Chapman and doctors less and Leslie Parrott get 489 00:27:48,475 --> 00:27:51,196 Speaker 1: it wherever books are sold. And Leslie, how can people 490 00:27:51,235 --> 00:27:53,035 Speaker 1: find out about you and your husband Less? 491 00:27:53,475 --> 00:27:56,316 Speaker 3: Well, they can always go to Lesson Leslie dot com 492 00:27:56,916 --> 00:28:00,916 Speaker 3: and you know, find us, google our names and find 493 00:28:00,995 --> 00:28:05,916 Speaker 3: us anywhere. But we are thrilled about everything that we 494 00:28:06,156 --> 00:28:10,795 Speaker 3: do is intended to equip couples. So if they're looking 495 00:28:10,876 --> 00:28:13,436 Speaker 3: for a good resource, we would love for them to 496 00:28:13,556 --> 00:28:14,396 Speaker 3: discover it there. 497 00:28:15,076 --> 00:28:16,836 Speaker 1: And then I have to ask at the end, when 498 00:28:16,916 --> 00:28:20,636 Speaker 1: you guys met each other, Oh, I'm less and I'm Leslie, Like, 499 00:28:20,755 --> 00:28:22,876 Speaker 1: at what point did you realize? Oh? No, if we 500 00:28:23,035 --> 00:28:25,316 Speaker 1: date and get married, we will be Lesson Lesslie. 501 00:28:25,876 --> 00:28:28,755 Speaker 3: That is such an absurd thing that I married someone 502 00:28:28,876 --> 00:28:30,356 Speaker 3: with my own name, isn't it. 503 00:28:31,356 --> 00:28:31,556 Speaker 2: Yeah? 504 00:28:31,755 --> 00:28:36,116 Speaker 3: And we met as teenagers when someone hollered our name 505 00:28:36,275 --> 00:28:38,156 Speaker 3: and we both oh fun. 506 00:28:38,236 --> 00:28:40,116 Speaker 2: You know, we happened to be on a ski slope. 507 00:28:40,156 --> 00:28:44,196 Speaker 2: We both wished over thinking they were calling us. That's 508 00:28:44,276 --> 00:28:46,236 Speaker 2: how we met. So it's kind of crazy, isn't it. 509 00:28:46,556 --> 00:28:50,316 Speaker 1: That's adorable. Okay, that's another conversation because my kids will 510 00:28:50,396 --> 00:28:52,636 Speaker 1: love that you met on a ski slope because all 511 00:28:52,796 --> 00:28:54,756 Speaker 1: three of my kids are avid skiers and they would 512 00:28:54,876 --> 00:28:59,236 Speaker 1: love to meet their spouse Alid. Thank you Leslie so much. 513 00:28:59,316 --> 00:29:02,916 Speaker 1: This has been great. Thank you. I hope you've enjoyed 514 00:29:02,956 --> 00:29:06,876 Speaker 1: today's conversation. I'd love to keep in touch beyond this podcast. 515 00:29:07,356 --> 00:29:10,316 Speaker 1: Click subscribe in the show notes and I will give 516 00:29:10,356 --> 00:29:13,076 Speaker 1: you my latest email to keep up on what's happening 517 00:29:13,196 --> 00:29:17,075 Speaker 1: with technology and kids. And maybe you like reading or 518 00:29:17,276 --> 00:29:18,116 Speaker 1: listening to books. 519 00:29:18,196 --> 00:29:19,355 Speaker 2: I have a lot of books. 520 00:29:19,476 --> 00:29:22,956 Speaker 1: You could start with The Big Three, Making Marriage Easier, 521 00:29:23,596 --> 00:29:27,356 Speaker 1: Parents Rising, or Screen Kids. A big thank you to 522 00:29:27,476 --> 00:29:29,916 Speaker 1: the team at Life Audio for their partnership with the 523 00:29:29,996 --> 00:29:33,916 Speaker 1: Happy Home podcast. Check out lifeaudio dot com for dozens 524 00:29:33,956 --> 00:29:38,196 Speaker 1: of other faith related podcasts about prayer, Bible study, and more. 525 00:29:38,876 --> 00:29:41,756 Speaker 1: Remember you don't have to come from a happy home 526 00:29:41,916 --> 00:29:45,315 Speaker 1: to create one. You two can have a happy homes.