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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Adams,

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Speaker 2: author of every Day Prayers for Love, Learning to Love God, others,

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Speaker 2: and even yourself. Each week, we gather here to talk

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Speaker 2: about what it looks like to live out the greatest commandment,

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Speaker 2: loving God with all of our heart, soul, mind and strength,

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Speaker 2: and loving our neighbors as ourselves. Through honest conversations, biblical truth,

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Speaker 2: and practical wisdom, my hope is to encourage you to

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Speaker 2: love fully, live intentionally, and reflect God's love in your

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Speaker 2: everyday life. Today, I'm honored to welcome Emerson Egrich to

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Speaker 2: the show. Doctor Egrich is a pastor, speaker, and New

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Speaker 2: York Times bestselling author who has spent more than twenty

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Speaker 2: five years helping couples build healthier, god honoring marriages. Many

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Speaker 2: of you know him for his ground breaking work Love

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Speaker 2: and Respect, which has helped countless couples better understand one another.

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Speaker 2: In his newest book, Light Bulb Moments in Marriage, Doctor

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Speaker 2: Egrich shares twelve biblically grounded truths which he calls a

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Speaker 2: HA moments that couples often describe as paradigm shifts. These

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Speaker 2: insights bring clarity spark understanding and help couples move forward

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Speaker 2: when they felt stuck. Well, hello doctor Egrich, and welcome

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Speaker 2: to the Love Offering Podcast. I'm thrilled to have you.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, thank you, Rachel, and for that kind introduction.

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Speaker 2: So I mentioned before we hit record that I read

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Speaker 2: your book Love and Respect twenty some years ago. My

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Speaker 2: husband and I have been married as at the very

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Speaker 2: beginning of our marriage, and it was transformational for us

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Speaker 2: as a couple to kind of understand our crazy love cycle.

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Speaker 2: And then I've done it with small groups and I've

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Speaker 2: recommended it to so many married couples, and so honestly,

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Speaker 2: I've wanted to have a conversation with you for a

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Speaker 2: very long time, and so I'm thrilled that you have

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Speaker 2: a new book that we can also talk about.

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Speaker 3: But I'd love to just hear about your own marriage.

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Speaker 2: I'd love to hear more about Sarah and in your

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Speaker 2: own journey as a couple with her.

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Speaker 1: Well, we've been married since nineteen seventy three, before you

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Speaker 1: were a thought in the mind of God, Rachel, so

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Speaker 1: we have been around for a few decades. And the

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Speaker 1: encouraging thing is I think we've made every mistake and

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Speaker 1: both of us come out of you know, family of origins.

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Speaker 1: There were like over twenty divorces in Sarah's family. My

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Speaker 1: mom and dad divorced each other, but then they remarried

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Speaker 1: each other, but then they separated for five years. So

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Speaker 1: we we have a history that you know, caused us

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Speaker 1: to really try to think through what makes for a healthy,

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Speaker 1: meaningful relationship. How do you have a friendship? You know,

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Speaker 1: what does that look like? Both biblically as well as

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Speaker 1: I have my PhD in family studies, so it's always

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Speaker 1: been of interest to me to see the research, the

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Speaker 1: best practices. How do you do this thing? Because you

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Speaker 1: see so much pain? And I believe that oftentimes it

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Speaker 1: has nothing to do with ill will. It has everything

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Speaker 1: to do with honest misunderstandings. You know. I often talk

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Speaker 1: about the fact that we see things through a pink

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Speaker 1: and blue grid. Now that one of us are wrong,

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Speaker 1: it's just different shades of right. Unless it's a clear,

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Speaker 1: you know, biblical violation, a clear moral violation, a clear

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Speaker 1: legal violation, most conflicts are you know, clashing preferences. Sarah

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Speaker 1: and I differ on this or that, not because she's

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Speaker 1: inherently wrong and or I'm inherently wrong. We just see

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Speaker 1: it through a different angle, and that's what makes for

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Speaker 1: heated fellowship, as we say, but it also reflects what

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Speaker 1: Christ said in Matthew nineteen four. He asked the question,

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Speaker 1: have you not read Hugh made them from the beginning,

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Speaker 1: made them male and female. And so part of our

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Speaker 1: journey has been to try to appreciate her femininity. I mean,

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Speaker 1: Peter tells me in First Peter three, live with her

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Speaker 1: in an understanding way, since she's a woman sisely because

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Speaker 1: of her femininity. And what does that mean then for

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Speaker 1: me to understand Sarah as a woman, and particularly he

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Speaker 1: provides they're in that text, Peter does an incentive because

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Speaker 1: if I don't, my prayers are hindered. And so the

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Speaker 1: challenge for me as a man is to take that seriously.

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Speaker 1: Because when I say no one can understand you woman,

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Speaker 1: you know when I that's that's not a biblical idea.

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Speaker 1: So I don't have a biblical basis for being dismissive

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Speaker 1: like that. So we've tried over the years to figure

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Speaker 1: out what the Lord has revealed here, because he's not

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Speaker 1: a cosmic kill joy out to ruin our marital party.

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Speaker 1: He's revealed truth to us. In fact, that book Love

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Speaker 1: and Respect is really a systematic theology on marriage. I

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Speaker 1: had the privilege for almost twenty years to study the

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Speaker 1: Bible thirty hours a week for the pulpit ministry that

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Speaker 1: I was in an East Lancy, Michigan. I exposited scripture,

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Speaker 1: and that's when I discovered what God revealed in Ephesians.

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Speaker 1: The book Love and Respect is really looking at every

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Speaker 1: passage in the Bible too, Husbands and wives. For instance,

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Speaker 1: one Corinthians thirteen, the love chapter is about spiritual gifts,

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Speaker 1: it's not about marriage. Vers Corinthians seven. Paul addressed marriage. Now,

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Speaker 1: it doesn't mean that principles don't apply. But if you're

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Speaker 1: like me, I sometimes think, oh, that's a great passage.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to apply that to the marriage. Well it

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Speaker 1: may not be a bad idea horribly, but why not

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Speaker 1: start with what God has revealed in his word too,

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Speaker 1: Hhusbands and wives both in the Old Testament that still

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Speaker 1: applies to the Christ follower and post resurrection what applies

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Speaker 1: to the believer. And I did a lot of study

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Speaker 1: on making sure that I rightly divided the word of

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Speaker 1: truth and presto. Love and Respect is the result of that,

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Speaker 1: and many pastors in particular appreciated that. So that's kind

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Speaker 1: of a little bit of our history. Have we done

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Speaker 1: it perfectly?

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Speaker 2: No?

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Speaker 1: Sarah chased me around the house one time with my

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Speaker 1: Love and Respect books, saying, what would you say to

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Speaker 1: a husband treating his wife the way you're treating me

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Speaker 1: right now? I said, back way, I just write about

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Speaker 1: this stuff. I don't do it.

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Speaker 2: No, I'm laughing because my family would say the same thing. Mom.

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Speaker 2: For you to be the host of the Love Offering podcast,

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Speaker 2: we're not feeling very loved right now.

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Speaker 1: Exactly. They use it against us, don't they.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes they write about what we actually need to live

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Speaker 2: out right?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I say to people, you know, I say

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Speaker 1: to Sarah, and I wish I was like Jesus every day,

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Speaker 1: but I try. I had to run on water the

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Speaker 1: other day and I still think.

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Speaker 3: Yes, this is so good. I can't wait to continue

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Speaker 3: today's conversation.

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Speaker 2: But we're going to take a brief break to hear

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Speaker 2: a word from today's sponsor, and when we come back,

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Speaker 2: we're going to talk about doctor Egrisch's new book, Light

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Speaker 2: Bulb Moments.

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Speaker 3: Welcome back.

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Speaker 2: We are talking with doctor Emerson Egrich about his new

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Speaker 2: book light Bulb Moments in Marriage. And I think many

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Speaker 2: of the people listening right now would say we want

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Speaker 2: a loving, he's filled, thriving marriage. But maybe right now

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Speaker 2: we're just feeling like it's the exact opposite of that,

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Speaker 2: and we're feeling very frustrated and stuck and maybe even confused.

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Speaker 2: And so, what do you think is the main thing

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Speaker 2: that keeps us from a thriving marriage? I mean, marriage

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Speaker 2: is something that many people aren't comfortable talking about. Maybe

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Speaker 2: two we were even thinking that everybody else has such

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Speaker 2: a happy, joyful marriage, and then we're the only ones

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Speaker 2: that are kind of in the funk of this doesn't

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Speaker 2: feel like it's working.

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Speaker 3: Maybe I'm married the wrong person.

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Speaker 1: No, that captures quite well what many people feel. And

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Speaker 1: the question is why do we feel that way? And

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Speaker 1: one of the things that I point out that we've

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Speaker 1: learned Sarah and I over these many decades is that

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Speaker 1: people don't have ill will. I often ask our audience.

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Speaker 1: We've been doing the Love and Respect Conference, that two

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Speaker 1: day event. We did it for a long time. Eighteen

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Speaker 1: hundred on average came for two days. We were always

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Speaker 1: so honored. We just did want at Chino Hills, California,

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Speaker 1: twenty four hundred showed up. So we've been very blessed

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Speaker 1: by the response. And one of the things that I

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Speaker 1: say to the audience, I mean, you know, when Sarah

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Speaker 1: and I first met, I didn't say to Sarah, I

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Speaker 1: hate you and you hate me, so let's get married.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't go down that way.

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Speaker 3: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So how is it that at a certain point we

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Speaker 1: are suspicious that we may have married Hitler's distant cousin.

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Speaker 1: We become suspicious and partly and the point I want

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Speaker 1: to make is, I say to people, do you have

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Speaker 1: basic goodwill? I'm not saying that we have perfect follow through,

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Speaker 1: but does your spouse get up early in the morning

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Speaker 1: the storyboard ways to annoy and irritate you. And the

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Speaker 1: answer to that is no, Paul says in one Corinthian seven,

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Speaker 1: verses thirty three and thirty four, the husband is concerned

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Speaker 1: about how to please his wife, and the wife is

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Speaker 1: concerned about how to please her husband. Now, Paul Penn

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Speaker 1: romans the Great Treatise on the total depravity of the

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Speaker 1: human heart, But he didn't say to those husbands and wives,

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Speaker 1: the reason you're having conflicts and trouble in your marriage.

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Speaker 1: First Grintay in seven twenty eight, if you marry you

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Speaker 1: will have trouble, and then he goes on in verse

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Speaker 1: thirty three and thirty four, though says he's concerned to

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Speaker 1: please you, she's concerned to please you. He didn't say, well,

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Speaker 1: the reason you're having trouble is because you're sinful, you're selfish,

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Speaker 1: you're fallen, and you're on your way to hell apart

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Speaker 1: from faith in Christ. And yet many times today people say, well,

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Speaker 1: the reason you have all your problems there is because

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Speaker 1: you're just are so sinful and selfish. Enter's truth to that.

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Speaker 1: But as I tried to expose the scripture, I realized

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Speaker 1: Paul was saying something very profound. If anybody knew my

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Speaker 1: fallen nature and condition, it was him. But he appeals

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Speaker 1: to me to still re mind myself created in the

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Speaker 1: image of God, and that residual effect is still there,

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Speaker 1: and so there can be good will. A husband truly

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Speaker 1: is concerned to please his wife. Now, that doesn't mean

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Speaker 1: that there aren't moments where Sarah and I pout and

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Speaker 1: we want to be nasty to each other. We'll even

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Speaker 1: grin when we're being nasty to each other. Because we

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Speaker 1: want to be nasty. I'm not talking about that snapshot thing,

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Speaker 1: and I'm not talking about abuse. My dad attempted to

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Speaker 1: strangle my mother to death and I was two and

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Speaker 1: a half and I witnessed that. So my mission has

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Speaker 1: been with goodwilled couples. If your spouse has evil will,

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Speaker 1: they are violent, they're trying to kill people. That's not

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Speaker 1: my audience. It's up to you as an audience to

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Speaker 1: decide whether or not you're living in that kind of

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Speaker 1: a situation. But my situation has been with people have

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Speaker 1: these clashing preferences should we save should we spin? And

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Speaker 1: when we have these moments, we tend to think that

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Speaker 1: the other person is wrong because I know I'm right,

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Speaker 1: but technically they're not intrinsically wrong for wanting to save

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Speaker 1: and you want to spin. It's just an honest difference

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Speaker 1: of opinion. But over time we begin to appeal to

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Speaker 1: our spouse to see our reasoning, and they seem to

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Speaker 1: dismiss it, And then we begin to feel they don't

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Speaker 1: value me because I've asked them again and again in

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Speaker 1: different episodes, not just spending and saving, and it seems

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Speaker 1: to me that I'm trying to get true to them,

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Speaker 1: but they're not hearing me. I must not matter to them,

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Speaker 1: I must not have value to them, And then there's

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Speaker 1: this undercurrent of resentment that begins to take place. We

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Speaker 1: may even love and respect each other at one level,

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Speaker 1: but we really don't like each other, and so now

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Speaker 1: we kind of just live these parallel lives. Coming back

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Speaker 1: now to the point you're making, where we think, maybe

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Speaker 1: did I make a mistake. We compare it to other

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Speaker 1: relationships out there, and we begin to feel like something

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Speaker 1: is missing, and there is just this discontent, and the

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Speaker 1: question is, well, what do you do? I think it

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Speaker 1: really does come back to an honest misunderstanding of each

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Speaker 1: other person, that it's not the ill will that's causing

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Speaker 1: the tension. It truly is a lack of understanding. But

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Speaker 1: we don't believe we have lack of understanding. We believe

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Speaker 1: that we see it clear. And that's where our mission

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Speaker 1: has been to help couples have these light bulb moments

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Speaker 1: where and they've written to us over the last twenty

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Speaker 1: years people said, I had a light bulb moment. I

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Speaker 1: had a light bulb moment, and I can explain a

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Speaker 1: couple of those in just a moment, But I want

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Speaker 1: to encourage the audience here to realize you aren't so

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Speaker 1: far away as you may think. You think you're miles away,

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Speaker 1: when the truth is you're just inches away. And that's

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Speaker 1: not pixie ducks dust, that's that's a true, true statement

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Speaker 1: that I've seen again and again. People can pivot almost

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Speaker 1: instantly once they realized they were interpreting the situation differently.

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Speaker 1: And the reason they were interpreting differently is a woman

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't. You wouldn't eighty five percent, for instance, Well,

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Speaker 1: get right into it. Eighty five percent of those who

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Speaker 1: withdraw in stonewalls the mail during meryal conflict. I percent.

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Speaker 1: That's statistically significant. That's off the charts. That's as different

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Speaker 1: as day is from night. And so women can't imagine

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Speaker 1: shutting down during a merytal conflict. You move toward the

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Speaker 1: other person, you start expressing yourself, and you and if

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Speaker 1: you've done something wrong, so I'm so sorry, please forgive me.

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Speaker 1: Women are more than willing to say I'm sorry, please

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Speaker 1: forgive me. They want to resolve this, they want to connect.

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Speaker 1: And now he's walking away, and so there's no way

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Speaker 1: that he could be a loving human being and walk

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Speaker 1: away and so she knows she's right. Well, she's right

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Speaker 1: in so far as a woman. God is hardwired a

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Speaker 1: woman to feel the way that I've just described it.

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Speaker 1: But the question is, and you have a sixteen year

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Speaker 1: old boy when he gets married and he withdraws, is

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Speaker 1: he an unloving boy or is there something else going

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Speaker 1: on in his masculinity? And the research is at the

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Speaker 1: University of Washington that discovered this eighty five percent statistic

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Speaker 1: had what they called the Love Laboratory, where they had

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Speaker 1: husbands and wives together living together, and they had linguists,

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Speaker 1: they had clinical psychologists, they had doctors, and they were

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Speaker 1: measuring beats per minuted bpms. They were hardwired with medical

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Speaker 1: physiological equipment. I mean an in depth study over years,

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Speaker 1: twenty years actually, and they actually came down and said

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Speaker 1: we and I know the two key ingredients of successful

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Speaker 1: marriages love and respect. And the apostle Paul said that

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Speaker 1: two thousand years ago. But what they also discovered that

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Speaker 1: when men are in this conflicted moment, their heartbeats get

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Speaker 1: to ninety nine beats per minute. That's what is called

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Speaker 1: warrior mode. And there either has to be fight at

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Speaker 1: that moment or flight. And that's the emotion that comes

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Speaker 1: over him. The minute someone threatens your life, your husband

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Speaker 1: will be dead in her heartbeat, in his attempt to

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Speaker 1: save your life. He can't help but do that. This

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Speaker 1: is what comes over physiologically. But when that happens in

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Speaker 1: a non warrior moment, he has to physiologically calm down,

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Speaker 1: and he knows that because it's going to escalate out

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Speaker 1: of control. The woman can look like she's having an

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Speaker 1: emotional meltdown, her heart beats are normal because all he

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Speaker 1: has to look at her and say, I'm so sorry,

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Speaker 1: we'll forgiving. Oh sweet, but I was horrible. I need

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Speaker 1: to apologize to you. Please forget. She'll always out respond okay.

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Speaker 1: So what happens though for the woman in this moment,

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Speaker 1: how does she interpret that withdraw a stone? Could it

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Speaker 1: actually be that in a man's world, he's doing the

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Speaker 1: honorable thing that feels hostile to her, where she's confronting

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Speaker 1: and criticizing him because she cares but appears contemptuous to him,

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Speaker 1: And so she knows she's caring, not contemptuous, and he

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Speaker 1: knows he's honorable and not hostile. But you talk about

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Speaker 1: two people who live that way for thirty years they're

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Speaker 1: absolutely convinced this other person is unloving and disrespectful, when

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Speaker 1: the truth is they're trying to do the loving and

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Speaker 1: respectful thing. Does that make sense.

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Speaker 2: Rachel, I just had a light bulb moment. It does

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Speaker 2: make sense that we're misinterpreting each other's intentions. Truly, in

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Speaker 2: your next chapter you talk about my response is my responsibility.

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Speaker 2: We can't control what the other person does, but we

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Speaker 2: can't control how we respond. So I'd love for you

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Speaker 2: to talk about that, how to reframe conflict in that way?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and I can. But let me circle back to

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Speaker 1: something I think is important that when we are talking

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Speaker 1: about the fact that, let's say a husband, because many

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Speaker 1: our women women will say, I want my husband to

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Speaker 1: romance me, surprise me, make me laugh. She wants the

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Speaker 1: relationship more positive. Most husbands, if you ask them, they

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Speaker 1: just want a less negative. And so you have a

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Speaker 1: misunderstanding here because even if some women are listening or thinking, well,

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Speaker 1: he may not have al will, but he certainly doesn't

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Speaker 1: make me feel special, and it could very well be

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Speaker 1: he's got some serious problems. I don't know who your

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Speaker 1: husband is, but if the last ten, fifteen, twenty years

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Speaker 1: has been negative. When you're upset, you're always negative. He

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Speaker 1: does not hear you or see you as saying to him,

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Speaker 1: I need a strength that only you have that can

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Speaker 1: bring healing and happiness to my life. That I'm coming

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Speaker 1: at you because I need you to do something for

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Speaker 1: me that only you can do. Instead, he thinks the

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Speaker 1: message is I want to point out to you again

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Speaker 1: that you're failing me. Your son when he's married and

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Speaker 1: ten years from now, he's going to interpret that negative.

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Speaker 1: And the University of Washing said when women are upset,

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Speaker 1: the gestures of contempt are there. Her face sours, her

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Speaker 1: eyes darken, the finger comes out, the scolding finger, hand

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Speaker 1: on the hip, the sigh, and the word choice of

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Speaker 1: contemptous rolls from her lips. Women have said they have

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Speaker 1: to shut their mouth because the words are battering the

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Speaker 1: back of their teeth to get out. But all of

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Speaker 1: that is because she's trying to get a message through.

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Speaker 1: I'm hurting you, hurt my feelings. If you would just

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Speaker 1: say I'm sorry, I will be the happiest woman on

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Speaker 1: the planet. But it doesn't get there because you don't

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Speaker 1: understand what a man feels. There's nobody who talks to

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Speaker 1: him like this. There's no one who has those gestures.

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Speaker 1: So from a male standpoint, he just sees this is

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Speaker 1: another opportunity. You're sending him a message that you can't

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Speaker 1: stand who he is, and he's failing you again. So

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Speaker 1: how do two people of goodwill get true that misunderstanding?

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Speaker 1: What is it that has to take place? Because some

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Speaker 1: women are saying, well, I know he's not mean spirited,

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Speaker 1: but there's not a whole lot of romance. He's not

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Speaker 1: surprising me, he's not making me laugh. Well are you

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Speaker 1: doing toward him what you did in courtship? And so

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Speaker 1: we have to then back up and ask ourselves do

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Speaker 1: I have the power here to make a difference? And

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Speaker 1: many people do not believe they do, which comes back

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Speaker 1: to my response with my responsibility we'll address in just

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Speaker 1: a moment. But we come to a point where we

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Speaker 1: don't believe we have the power to motivate the other person.

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Speaker 1: We don't have the power to energize them, we don't

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Speaker 1: have the power to influence them, we don't have the

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Speaker 1: power to get through our message because we've tried every

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Speaker 1: which way, and every woman on the planet we listen

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Speaker 1: to me, she said, well, I see where that sweet

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Speaker 1: thing's reacting the way she is. He hurt her, and well, yeah,

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Speaker 1: pink gets pink. But every man watching this, well, I'm

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Speaker 1: glad I'm not married to that woman. And so what

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Speaker 1: we have is an honest misunderstanding. The question on the

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Speaker 1: table is whether or not I am willing as a

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Speaker 1: woman listening to this, and if you've got these outliers

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Speaker 1: of men there to take the first step to do

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Speaker 1: something differently, and are you willing to risk that even

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Speaker 1: though in the short haul it may result in a

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Speaker 1: misunderstanding again, or it could very well be that the

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Speaker 1: person is thinking, what have you been drinking? They're fearful,

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Speaker 1: there's this is you read another book and this is

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Speaker 1: going to be short lived, and this is manipulation, not motivation.

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Speaker 1: And there is a suspicion based on the history. But

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Speaker 1: if in the book both love and respect as well

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Speaker 1: as light bulb moments, I give scripts, and if you're

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Speaker 1: willing to authentically apply these, because we've had thousands of

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Speaker 1: emails from people saying I had a light bulb moment,

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Speaker 1: had a light bulb moment, It really is as easy

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Speaker 1: as I'm suggesting, given you're willing to apply it over

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Speaker 1: a period of time, not just well, I'll test out

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Speaker 1: your theory, Emerson. No, no, no, no, no, no. You've

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Speaker 1: got to be an authentic human being who does this

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Speaker 1: love offering, that you're truly giving this in an unconditional

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Speaker 1: carrying way with the hope that if this person has

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Speaker 1: good will as the time in weeks and months go by,

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Speaker 1: they're going to respond. Why, Because you're meeting the need

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Speaker 1: that only you can meet. And you've got to be

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Speaker 1: married to one bad dude and one bad dudas for

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Speaker 1: them not to respond.

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Speaker 2: It really is contagious. It goes back to your love cycle.

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Speaker 2: If you treat me this way, then I'm going to

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Speaker 2: treat you that way, and you really do respond, and

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Speaker 2: if you don't, and then there's going to be a

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Speaker 2: negative response in any kind of relationship, but especially in

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Speaker 2: our daily relationship with our spouse. And to your point,

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Speaker 2: there's got to be some consistency there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And then the literature is called reciprocity, and it's

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Speaker 1: a very fine line between motivation manipulation. I'll scratch your back.

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Speaker 1: If you scratch my back, that can be a healthy thing.

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Speaker 1: I've got your back, you got my back. That can

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Speaker 1: be a healthy thing. Or it can be I'll have

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Speaker 1: your back if you have my back. Now, suddenly we're

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Speaker 1: putting conditions on this that I will respond to you

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Speaker 1: sexually if you'll respond to me emotionally. That could be

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Speaker 1: a healthy thing that we negotiate the continuum of needs.

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Speaker 1: She needs sex, but it's through emotional connection that's non

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Speaker 1: sexual in its motivation. He sometimes wants to be best

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Speaker 1: of friends and talk and talk and talk, but he's

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Speaker 1: been on the road for two weeks, and he has

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Speaker 1: a need that only you can meet. And he didn't

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Speaker 1: ask to be made this way with his anatomy, and

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Speaker 1: there is a physiological need for release. And I've had

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Speaker 1: wife say to me he wasn't talking to me, but

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Speaker 1: I gave myself to him physically, and I enjoyed the

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Speaker 1: sexual act and he wouldn't shut up as we laid

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Speaker 1: there in bed. And so again I'm not going to

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Speaker 1: defend selfishness, but I am saying that if we come

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Speaker 1: to a point where we begin to say, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I'm going to make a move in that direction, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to stay on course. And if I honestly seek

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Speaker 1: to meet their need, usually a good will person is

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Speaker 1: going to say I really appreciate that, and they start

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Speaker 1: trying to meet you halfway? Will they meet you as

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Speaker 1: far as you want? No, Because we live in a

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Speaker 1: falling world. And if we have a princess syndrome, and

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Speaker 1: I will say, among godly women, it was deceived, not

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Speaker 1: because of lust, because of the dark side. She was

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Speaker 1: deceived because she wanted to be more like God, she

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Speaker 1: wanted greater wisdom. Her deception revolves around virtue. Oftentimes men's

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Speaker 1: deception revolves around vice. And what happens a self righteousness

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Speaker 1: sets in and a judgmental spirit sets in. And when

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Speaker 1: we are self righteous, judgmental, and angry, we do so

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Speaker 1: based on what we think is a virtue, and we

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Speaker 1: end up pushing every where but a way because we

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Speaker 1: are pharisaical and that was the number one sin that

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Speaker 1: Jesus Christ could in combat that pharasaical, self righteous, judgmental aim.

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Speaker 1: But we don't see it because we're self deluded, because

430
00:21:03,240 --> 00:21:05,880
Speaker 1: in the deepest core of our heart, we want what

431
00:21:06,119 --> 00:21:09,199
Speaker 1: is right, we want what is good, we want what

432
00:21:09,359 --> 00:21:11,720
Speaker 1: is wise, we want what is of God. So we

433
00:21:11,840 --> 00:21:15,200
Speaker 1: have to be very careful here about really how we

434
00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:19,199
Speaker 1: are appearing to the other person. I mean Martha and Mary,

435
00:21:19,880 --> 00:21:22,080
Speaker 1: and Jesus is in the home and Martha's doing all

436
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:24,440
Speaker 1: the work. And have we ever noticed the two things

437
00:21:24,520 --> 00:21:27,920
Speaker 1: she says to Jesus, do you not care? And tell

438
00:21:28,000 --> 00:21:32,400
Speaker 1: my sister to help me? She tells Jesus Christ, the

439
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:35,840
Speaker 1: Son of God, that he doesn't care, and then she

440
00:21:35,960 --> 00:21:39,359
Speaker 1: commands the commander in chief what to do. But I

441
00:21:39,400 --> 00:21:42,000
Speaker 1: believe this that account is in Luke, and I think

442
00:21:42,080 --> 00:21:45,879
Speaker 1: Martha said to Luke the physician, hey, tell the story

443
00:21:45,880 --> 00:21:48,040
Speaker 1: of the day that I was an idiot because Jesus said,

444
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:50,679
Speaker 1: oh Martha, Martha. I mean, it's so tender. But that

445
00:21:50,760 --> 00:21:56,000
Speaker 1: doesn't dismiss the fact that Martha good willed, serving Mary's

446
00:21:56,040 --> 00:21:58,800
Speaker 1: at the feet of Jesus right and ignoring her sister.

447
00:21:59,320 --> 00:22:03,360
Speaker 1: But that is very revealing, very revealing, And I think

448
00:22:03,400 --> 00:22:05,840
Speaker 1: every woman that I've talked with has said, Wow, I

449
00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,840
Speaker 1: need to take that to heart and do it because

450
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,800
Speaker 1: you love Christ, not because your husband deserves it. This

451
00:22:10,880 --> 00:22:13,800
Speaker 1: isn't about what he deserves. This is about you doing

452
00:22:13,840 --> 00:22:16,199
Speaker 1: what pleases the heart of Christ. And that's one of

453
00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:19,920
Speaker 1: the illuminations that we've heard, because I talk about doing

454
00:22:19,960 --> 00:22:22,320
Speaker 1: what we do unto Jesus, who stands beyond the shoulder

455
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:26,240
Speaker 1: of your spouse, and that has been revolutionary. We've surveyed

456
00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,240
Speaker 1: twenty five thousand people who have gone to our conferences,

457
00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:32,560
Speaker 1: and that is called the spiritual satisfaction scale, and that

458
00:22:32,600 --> 00:22:35,679
Speaker 1: went up and stuck, even though their marriage satisfaction scale

459
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:38,159
Speaker 1: dropped as a result of maybe discovering their spouse was

460
00:22:38,200 --> 00:22:41,879
Speaker 1: committing adultery, but their love of Jesus Christ doing what

461
00:22:41,920 --> 00:22:45,000
Speaker 1: they did unto Christ was revolutionary. Now I can come

462
00:22:45,040 --> 00:22:47,879
Speaker 1: back around to my response as my responsibility to your

463
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:50,680
Speaker 1: original question that I got us off of, but more

464
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,800
Speaker 1: than willing to respond to any questions it may have

465
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:55,720
Speaker 1: even arisen there, Rachel, I apologize for going off.

466
00:22:55,760 --> 00:22:59,200
Speaker 2: So it was a great tangent, and I'm feeling super

467
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:00,800
Speaker 2: convicted of about a lot of it.

468
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:03,320
Speaker 3: But one of the things that you said, no.

469
00:23:03,320 --> 00:23:05,320
Speaker 2: That's a good thing, because you'll never have me back

470
00:23:05,359 --> 00:23:07,560
Speaker 2: on viction is a good thing.

471
00:23:07,840 --> 00:23:10,360
Speaker 3: I don't feel condemnation, So that's okay, it's a good thing.

472
00:23:10,400 --> 00:23:13,120
Speaker 3: My husband's going to thank you after this conversation. He'll say,

473
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:14,280
Speaker 3: what shift it?

474
00:23:16,480 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 1: I keep it among us girls, don't tell him.

475
00:23:18,840 --> 00:23:19,040
Speaker 3: Yeah.

476
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:23,400
Speaker 2: Right, But something you were talking about was the spiritual element.

477
00:23:24,080 --> 00:23:28,360
Speaker 2: And so I think so often many of these characteristics

478
00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:31,240
Speaker 2: and qualities that you're encouraging us in these light bulb moments.

479
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,679
Speaker 2: We can do some of it in our own strength,

480
00:23:33,760 --> 00:23:35,439
Speaker 2: but we're going to have to have the Holy Spirit

481
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,080
Speaker 2: in us working in it through us to do what

482
00:23:37,119 --> 00:23:38,119
Speaker 2: we can't do on our own.

483
00:23:38,200 --> 00:23:39,439
Speaker 3: So talk to us about that.

484
00:23:39,680 --> 00:23:41,840
Speaker 1: I mean, isn't it wonderful? And I talk about this

485
00:23:41,880 --> 00:23:44,760
Speaker 1: in the book that Jesus refers to the Holy Spirit

486
00:23:45,480 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: who came as the helper, and why need to refer

487
00:23:49,000 --> 00:23:52,960
Speaker 1: to him as the helper? Because I, Emerson Eggrich need help.

488
00:23:54,240 --> 00:23:58,400
Speaker 1: And so it's okay to have that moment of vulnerability

489
00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:01,479
Speaker 1: and just Lord, I can't do this. And so that

490
00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:04,679
Speaker 1: is a very freeing experience. So when we talk about

491
00:24:04,680 --> 00:24:07,720
Speaker 1: these principles and applying them, it has to be understood

492
00:24:07,760 --> 00:24:09,959
Speaker 1: in the context of saying, well, Jesus that apart from

493
00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:12,560
Speaker 1: you can do nothing. And he's not referring to the

494
00:24:12,560 --> 00:24:15,000
Speaker 1: fact that you can't tie your shoes. Apart from Jesus.

495
00:24:15,200 --> 00:24:17,679
Speaker 1: This is this deep core issue that is a woman

496
00:24:18,000 --> 00:24:20,359
Speaker 1: when you long to be loved and you're not being

497
00:24:20,400 --> 00:24:22,040
Speaker 1: loved in the way that you feel you need to

498
00:24:22,040 --> 00:24:26,080
Speaker 1: be loved, and when your natural default reaction is disrespect

499
00:24:26,160 --> 00:24:28,159
Speaker 1: toward the man who's failing to be who you believe

500
00:24:28,240 --> 00:24:30,640
Speaker 1: God called him to be. Now you're at the core

501
00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:33,520
Speaker 1: of your being, you're feeling unloved, and you're being told

502
00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:37,879
Speaker 1: to respect, and respect means unconditional positive regard towards the

503
00:24:37,960 --> 00:24:41,760
Speaker 1: spirit of your husband. You never respect sinful behavior. Peter,

504
00:24:41,840 --> 00:24:45,080
Speaker 1: who talks about winning your husband through respectful behavior First

505
00:24:45,080 --> 00:24:48,200
Speaker 1: Peter three one and two, did not believe that any

506
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,320
Speaker 1: woman should go along with sinful behavior, because he, in

507
00:24:51,400 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 1: Acts five, stood there in front of Anonius and Sephire

508
00:24:54,480 --> 00:24:58,040
Speaker 1: who lied to the Holy Spirit, and Anonius lost his life.

509
00:24:58,040 --> 00:25:01,360
Speaker 1: And then later Sephira comes and he asks Peter does

510
00:25:01,440 --> 00:25:04,240
Speaker 1: asks the fire, Hey, here's the story. And she went

511
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:07,919
Speaker 1: along with a lie and she died. Peter would never

512
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:14,040
Speaker 1: His own experience was such that his exposition in First

513
00:25:14,040 --> 00:25:16,000
Speaker 1: Peter three one to two needs to be understood in

514
00:25:16,080 --> 00:25:18,920
Speaker 1: light of that experience of Acts five. So there's always

515
00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:22,800
Speaker 1: a boundary. You don't respect wrong behavior, but you respectfully

516
00:25:22,840 --> 00:25:25,200
Speaker 1: confront it. But it's not within your nature as a

517
00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:30,440
Speaker 1: woman to respectfully confront unloving behavior. It's not natural. So

518
00:25:30,520 --> 00:25:34,199
Speaker 1: we need to have this posture, Lord Jesus that it

519
00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:36,520
Speaker 1: isn't in me. It just is not in me. And

520
00:25:36,560 --> 00:25:39,200
Speaker 1: then you add to the fact that nowhere in any

521
00:25:39,240 --> 00:25:42,760
Speaker 1: marital passage rachel are women commanded to a gopy love

522
00:25:42,840 --> 00:25:46,640
Speaker 1: their husbands. Did you know that only husbands are commanded

523
00:25:46,680 --> 00:25:50,040
Speaker 1: to a gopy love. So when we talk about love offerings,

524
00:25:50,080 --> 00:25:52,080
Speaker 1: it's more natural for a woman to want to love

525
00:25:52,119 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 1: because it's within our nature. God doesn't command her to

526
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:56,840
Speaker 1: love because he designed her to love. It's within her

527
00:25:56,920 --> 00:25:59,160
Speaker 1: nature to nurture. But he did command her to put

528
00:25:59,160 --> 00:26:02,040
Speaker 1: on respect both and Ephesians five thirty three and First

529
00:26:02,080 --> 00:26:04,960
Speaker 1: Peter three one and two, and even the First Corinthians

530
00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,080
Speaker 1: thirteen passage that's read at weddings, which is about spiritual

531
00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:11,040
Speaker 1: gifts not marriage. Women are all a glow because it

532
00:26:11,119 --> 00:26:14,760
Speaker 1: reflects their nature and they are hoping that every man

533
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:18,639
Speaker 1: there is listening to First Corinthians thirteen. So the challenge

534
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,359
Speaker 1: for every woman is to come to that point where

535
00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:23,120
Speaker 1: they realize the Lord has revealed something here that's very

536
00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,400
Speaker 1: very important for me to get, and that is it's

537
00:26:25,400 --> 00:26:28,639
Speaker 1: probably very natural for me to be disrespectful when I

538
00:26:28,680 --> 00:26:32,200
Speaker 1: feel my husband is is not as loving as he

539
00:26:32,280 --> 00:26:34,560
Speaker 1: ought to be. And this is where there needs to

540
00:26:34,560 --> 00:26:37,879
Speaker 1: be a moment of surrendered prayer. Lord Jesus, I don't

541
00:26:37,880 --> 00:26:39,760
Speaker 1: have it in me to do this. I don't want

542
00:26:39,800 --> 00:26:42,320
Speaker 1: to do this. I don't feel capable of doing this.

543
00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:44,439
Speaker 1: All I know to do today is to give you

544
00:26:44,520 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 1: permission to do a work in my heart and that

545
00:26:46,880 --> 00:26:48,480
Speaker 1: you be merciful to me as sinner.

546
00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:51,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, and daily. I imagine this.

547
00:26:51,400 --> 00:26:53,440
Speaker 2: This is not just like you pray the prayer once

548
00:26:53,520 --> 00:26:56,880
Speaker 2: and then you're done. This is a surrender and something

549
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,000
Speaker 2: I just read a book on control and how often

550
00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 2: and then I guess maybe even human beings in general,

551
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:06,359
Speaker 2: but we want to control other people, control circumstances and

552
00:27:06,680 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: play God to your point about even Eve, and so

553
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:12,960
Speaker 2: how tempting it is to do that with our husbands.

554
00:27:13,080 --> 00:27:16,280
Speaker 2: So do you have anything to say on that subject matter?

555
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:19,160
Speaker 1: Sure? Yeah, And I give women the benefit of the doubt.

556
00:27:19,480 --> 00:27:21,159
Speaker 1: I don't like the yeah. I mean, there are some

557
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:24,000
Speaker 1: people out there that are just controlling, but usually it's rooted.

558
00:27:23,960 --> 00:27:27,679
Speaker 1: Didn't care. It's that mothering instinct. You just care. Sarah

559
00:27:27,720 --> 00:27:30,000
Speaker 1: cares for me, but what she ends up doing is

560
00:27:30,000 --> 00:27:32,080
Speaker 1: mothering me. And I've said I had a mother. I

561
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,520
Speaker 1: need a lover. I don't need another mother. But I

562
00:27:34,560 --> 00:27:36,520
Speaker 1: always give Sarah the benefit of the doubt. And I say,

563
00:27:36,520 --> 00:27:39,080
Speaker 1: to man, you got to be married to a horrible woman.

564
00:27:39,240 --> 00:27:41,200
Speaker 1: You have to decide, is she really a Jezebel here

565
00:27:41,280 --> 00:27:44,400
Speaker 1: she really is bad? Or is she a caring individual?

566
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:46,720
Speaker 1: Every guy knows. Oh no, there's there's no question. She's

567
00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 1: virtuous and she's caring. I remember this dentist and wife

568
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:52,440
Speaker 1: I was counseling, Well, she confronts me because she's controlling.

569
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:54,680
Speaker 1: I said, I don't think so. I think she confronts

570
00:27:54,680 --> 00:27:57,800
Speaker 1: because she cares. No, no, no, he said, she confronts

571
00:27:57,800 --> 00:28:01,199
Speaker 1: because she's controlling. And I said to her, are you

572
00:28:01,280 --> 00:28:03,280
Speaker 1: confronting because you are trying to control? And she knows

573
00:28:03,280 --> 00:28:04,960
Speaker 1: it's like you say, It's true. I know I come

574
00:28:05,000 --> 00:28:07,080
Speaker 1: across too strong, but it's because I care. I think

575
00:28:07,119 --> 00:28:09,479
Speaker 1: I know what's best to do here. It's like Martha

576
00:28:09,520 --> 00:28:12,239
Speaker 1: towards Jesus. There is this moment every woman has to have.

577
00:28:12,320 --> 00:28:16,399
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you become irresponsible now, No, here's the deal.

578
00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:20,199
Speaker 1: You can't communicate what you think needs to happen in

579
00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:24,040
Speaker 1: a disrespectful tone, in a negative tone, a finger pointing tone.

580
00:28:24,240 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 1: There has to be Hey, you're a man of honor. Here,

581
00:28:28,640 --> 00:28:31,399
Speaker 1: I'm seeing something thing. Help me correct me if I'm wrong.

582
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,040
Speaker 1: And I don't want to say this in any way

583
00:28:33,040 --> 00:28:35,639
Speaker 1: that is disrespectful or dishonoring to you. But this is

584
00:28:35,680 --> 00:28:37,119
Speaker 1: the fourth time you've left to the kids at the

585
00:28:37,200 --> 00:28:39,400
Speaker 1: daycare center and they're out front and crying. I mean,

586
00:28:39,440 --> 00:28:42,000
Speaker 1: that's an exaggerated it's strange. But there comes a moment

587
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:44,760
Speaker 1: when you have to understand it's not the content that

588
00:28:44,800 --> 00:28:47,680
Speaker 1: he's reacting to, and it isn't even the fact that

589
00:28:47,680 --> 00:28:49,880
Speaker 1: he would see you as controlling, because he would acknowledge

590
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:52,000
Speaker 1: in these moments that I'm talking about, she is caring,

591
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,520
Speaker 1: but the way in which she comes across sometimes. So

592
00:28:54,640 --> 00:28:57,440
Speaker 1: here's I just say, it's your delivery. You have to

593
00:28:57,480 --> 00:29:00,640
Speaker 1: deliver in a way that is respectful, just as every

594
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:02,920
Speaker 1: woman will say. Well, when Shannie Failham, my friend. We

595
00:29:02,960 --> 00:29:05,240
Speaker 1: did research because we know when a woman is upset

596
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:06,880
Speaker 1: a lot of times she just wants a listening near

597
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:11,000
Speaker 1: she doesn't want a solution. But Shawnee called me one

598
00:29:11,040 --> 00:29:13,360
Speaker 1: day and she said, Emerson, we followed up with that question,

599
00:29:13,640 --> 00:29:16,720
Speaker 1: when your husband gives you a solution on the heels

600
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:20,120
Speaker 1: of attention where you just wanted a listening hear. Here's

601
00:29:20,160 --> 00:29:24,080
Speaker 1: the question the solution he gave. Was it good? And

602
00:29:24,120 --> 00:29:26,800
Speaker 1: she said eighty percent of the woman said eighty percent

603
00:29:26,880 --> 00:29:27,959
Speaker 1: said it was a good solution.

604
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:28,600
Speaker 2: Yeah.

605
00:29:28,720 --> 00:29:31,280
Speaker 1: Yeah, But what we do is we are disrespectful toward

606
00:29:31,360 --> 00:29:34,320
Speaker 1: him when he's just trying to do the good thing.

607
00:29:34,480 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 1: And I say the same thing to the husband's Is

608
00:29:36,800 --> 00:29:40,680
Speaker 1: she a loving person? So if you come across harshly, well,

609
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:43,880
Speaker 1: I'm not trying to be her. She just to whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

610
00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 1: I'm telling you she has a vulnerability here that you don't.

611
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:49,440
Speaker 1: And you have to come to this point where you

612
00:29:49,480 --> 00:29:52,280
Speaker 1: think she did wears the pis in the family. She

613
00:29:52,320 --> 00:29:54,360
Speaker 1: doesn't want to wear the pants in the family. I'm

614
00:29:54,360 --> 00:29:56,240
Speaker 1: going to tell you that a sexual turn on to

615
00:29:56,320 --> 00:30:00,000
Speaker 1: a woman is not the result of her controlling you

616
00:30:00,040 --> 00:30:02,680
Speaker 1: and wearing the pants. That is a complete sexual turn off.

617
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: And I say men have light bulb moments. You mean

618
00:30:05,280 --> 00:30:08,400
Speaker 1: you mean you mean she's actually sexually aroused by being

619
00:30:08,440 --> 00:30:11,480
Speaker 1: deferential to me, a loving, humble man who serves her.

620
00:30:11,720 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 1: That's a turn on, and it's not a turn on

621
00:30:14,440 --> 00:30:16,360
Speaker 1: for her to control you. And I will tell you

622
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:19,280
Speaker 1: she wants a rousal, but she doesn't want a rousal

623
00:30:19,440 --> 00:30:22,000
Speaker 1: simply because you're trying to get something from her that

624
00:30:22,080 --> 00:30:24,400
Speaker 1: you haven't anyway been sensitive to her all day long.

625
00:30:24,480 --> 00:30:26,680
Speaker 1: It just doesn't work that way. But here's the deal.

626
00:30:27,280 --> 00:30:30,280
Speaker 1: She's not resisting your leadership. The number one thing women

627
00:30:30,320 --> 00:30:32,800
Speaker 1: want is for a spiritual leader. They want their husband

628
00:30:32,840 --> 00:30:36,600
Speaker 1: to initiate prayer. They want they want a spiritual leader.

629
00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:39,600
Speaker 1: They sense that if you're under the umbrella of Jesus Christ,

630
00:30:39,640 --> 00:30:41,960
Speaker 1: then she can come under the umbrella of your leadership.

631
00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:46,360
Speaker 1: She's not bucking against your leadership. She's bucking against your lordship.

632
00:30:46,600 --> 00:30:50,120
Speaker 1: And if you come across humbly, she'll respond to your leadership.

633
00:30:50,360 --> 00:30:52,920
Speaker 1: And you think she's resisting your leadership, and so now

634
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,520
Speaker 1: you're going to be harsh and angry. What she's reacting

635
00:30:55,520 --> 00:30:59,479
Speaker 1: to is your harshness. She's reacting to this insensitivity, not

636
00:30:59,520 --> 00:31:03,160
Speaker 1: to the kind. She knows your solution. She knows your insight.

637
00:31:03,360 --> 00:31:07,720
Speaker 1: So she's resisting you because of your delivery. He was

638
00:31:07,720 --> 00:31:10,240
Speaker 1: the chaplain of the Yankees. BJ Weber, my good friend

639
00:31:10,280 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: from the seventies. He's now in heaven. The Lord has

640
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:15,520
Speaker 1: brought him home. But for years he was the chaplain

641
00:31:15,520 --> 00:31:19,440
Speaker 1: of the Yankees, and he was a street fighter in Dubuque, Iowa.

642
00:31:19,520 --> 00:31:22,680
Speaker 1: And he comes to Christ has this conversion. It's incredible.

643
00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,560
Speaker 1: And he was talking once about Sheila, his wife. Yeah,

644
00:31:25,600 --> 00:31:28,880
Speaker 1: she just yaps at me. I said, bj, you're a chicken,

645
00:31:29,080 --> 00:31:30,480
Speaker 1: And I'm going to tell you why you're a chicken,

646
00:31:30,600 --> 00:31:32,200
Speaker 1: because you're not willing to do what I'm about to

647
00:31:32,200 --> 00:31:34,120
Speaker 1: tell you to do. Well, what's that next time she's

648
00:31:34,120 --> 00:31:35,720
Speaker 1: coming at you and you think she's just trying to

649
00:31:35,720 --> 00:31:38,520
Speaker 1: control you, Just say to her, Sheila, you know you

650
00:31:38,560 --> 00:31:41,040
Speaker 1: may be very right and I don't have wisdom. Can

651
00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:43,160
Speaker 1: we just sit down on the couch and pray about

652
00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:46,120
Speaker 1: that together? She will respond. I said, if you said

653
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:48,640
Speaker 1: in humility and you appealed to her to sit down

654
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,400
Speaker 1: and just pray about it, let's see she won't do it.

655
00:31:50,560 --> 00:31:53,160
Speaker 1: I said, See, I told you you're a chicken. You

656
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:55,560
Speaker 1: don't have the intestinal fortitude to do this. You're some

657
00:31:55,680 --> 00:31:58,760
Speaker 1: big time street fighter in Dubuque, Iow. But you don't

658
00:31:58,760 --> 00:32:02,000
Speaker 1: have enough four to two to stop in that moment

659
00:32:02,040 --> 00:32:05,360
Speaker 1: of heated fellowship and say that to her. Well, she

660
00:32:05,400 --> 00:32:07,960
Speaker 1: won't respond, so, well, it's up to you. Two weeks later,

661
00:32:08,240 --> 00:32:10,200
Speaker 1: Beach I called him. The Beach calls me, you're not

662
00:32:10,200 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 1: gonna believe it. I couldn't remember what it was he

663
00:32:11,840 --> 00:32:14,440
Speaker 1: was calling about, well, believe what? Well what she told

664
00:32:14,440 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 1: me to do? And then I remembered, Well, she was

665
00:32:18,080 --> 00:32:19,920
Speaker 1: coming at me. She was coming at me in the

666
00:32:19,920 --> 00:32:22,040
Speaker 1: living room, and I said, I said her, what you

667
00:32:22,040 --> 00:32:23,360
Speaker 1: told me to say? I said, she, well, you can

668
00:32:23,440 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: keep yapping at me, or we can just sit on.

669
00:32:25,240 --> 00:32:26,520
Speaker 1: I don't know what to do right here, but we

670
00:32:26,600 --> 00:32:30,440
Speaker 1: just need to pray about it. She pivoted on her heels,

671
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:33,400
Speaker 1: walked over her shoulders now slumped. She sits down on

672
00:32:33,440 --> 00:32:35,600
Speaker 1: the couch, sits there and shuts her eyes and puts

673
00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:37,800
Speaker 1: her hand out on the couch, which was the invitation.

674
00:32:37,840 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 1: Comes down and hold my hand while we pray. He said.

675
00:32:40,720 --> 00:32:43,640
Speaker 1: I bout wet my pants. I was in complete shock,

676
00:32:43,800 --> 00:32:46,440
Speaker 1: he said, And I said see, And I said, just

677
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:50,400
Speaker 1: men are missing the hearts of their wives. They think

678
00:32:50,480 --> 00:32:53,720
Speaker 1: these women are resisting, trying to control them. No, no, no, no,

679
00:32:54,040 --> 00:32:55,760
Speaker 1: they're trying to connect. At the end of the day,

680
00:32:56,080 --> 00:32:58,400
Speaker 1: they want to do what Jesus wants. To do they

681
00:32:58,480 --> 00:33:01,160
Speaker 1: and walked your spiritual leadership, and I'll tell you you're

682
00:33:01,160 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 1: probably going to have a very intimate moment later that evening.

683
00:33:05,520 --> 00:33:05,720
Speaker 3: Yeah.

684
00:33:06,080 --> 00:33:09,160
Speaker 2: I often we'll say with my husband, it's not what

685
00:33:09,280 --> 00:33:11,280
Speaker 2: you said, it's how you said it. And so I

686
00:33:11,320 --> 00:33:13,440
Speaker 2: think that goes to what you're saying. It's the delivery,

687
00:33:13,480 --> 00:33:16,200
Speaker 2: it's our tone. Gosh, that was so good. But we're

688
00:33:16,200 --> 00:33:18,320
Speaker 2: going to take another brief break and hear a word

689
00:33:18,360 --> 00:33:20,920
Speaker 2: from today's sponsor, and when we come back, we're going

690
00:33:20,960 --> 00:33:23,720
Speaker 2: to talk about some more AHA moments.

691
00:33:25,920 --> 00:33:26,400
Speaker 3: Welcome back.

692
00:33:26,440 --> 00:33:29,640
Speaker 2: I'm talking with doctor Emerson Egrich about light bulb moments

693
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:32,160
Speaker 2: in marriage and the AHA moments that can bring clarity

694
00:33:32,200 --> 00:33:35,640
Speaker 2: and hope to everyday relationships. And one of the chapters

695
00:33:35,680 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 2: that you talk about is Hollywood or the Holy Word.

696
00:33:39,440 --> 00:33:42,440
Speaker 2: So how do you think cultural expectations quietly shape marriages

697
00:33:42,440 --> 00:33:44,600
Speaker 2: in ways that couples may not even realize.

698
00:33:44,960 --> 00:33:47,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's one of those AHA moments. At our conference,

699
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:49,480
Speaker 1: I said, you live by the Holy Word or by Hollywood?

700
00:33:49,480 --> 00:33:52,520
Speaker 1: And they go, WHOA. And it's not that I mean,

701
00:33:52,560 --> 00:33:54,320
Speaker 1: if I wasn't a believer, I'd probably be trying to

702
00:33:54,320 --> 00:33:58,360
Speaker 1: write script for the romantic movies, because I understand how

703
00:33:58,440 --> 00:34:01,360
Speaker 1: God has created that appetite in both men and women

704
00:34:01,480 --> 00:34:04,880
Speaker 1: and so and it's God given, but it's not yet.

705
00:34:05,000 --> 00:34:07,800
Speaker 1: We live in Paradise lost, and we have to understand

706
00:34:08,120 --> 00:34:11,520
Speaker 1: that the idealism and the longing for paradise is there,

707
00:34:11,880 --> 00:34:13,839
Speaker 1: but we don't live in paradise. We're on the other

708
00:34:13,880 --> 00:34:15,960
Speaker 1: side of Eden. And how do we deal with this

709
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:18,160
Speaker 1: realistic you don't you know? Some people say, well, the

710
00:34:18,160 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 1: only way I can be happy is letting go of

711
00:34:20,160 --> 00:34:23,600
Speaker 1: all my expectations. But that's a despairing and also a

712
00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:25,840
Speaker 1: facetious statement to make, but that's kind of how people

713
00:34:25,880 --> 00:34:27,960
Speaker 1: read this. Well, what must I do then? Just let

714
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:31,160
Speaker 1: go of all idealism? No, there is a balance. There's

715
00:34:31,200 --> 00:34:33,440
Speaker 1: a wisdom, and not the least of which is sometimes

716
00:34:33,480 --> 00:34:36,560
Speaker 1: we're sabotaging the very thing that we want, which we've

717
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:39,400
Speaker 1: been alluding to here because of our delivery. But we

718
00:34:39,480 --> 00:34:41,160
Speaker 1: have to come to a point, and I did because

719
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 1: I wasn't raising a Christian home. Jesus said man shall

720
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:46,960
Speaker 1: not live by bread alone, but by every word that

721
00:34:47,040 --> 00:34:49,360
Speaker 1: proceeds out of the mouth of God, and as a

722
00:34:49,400 --> 00:34:52,120
Speaker 1: new believer, I had to think that through and then

723
00:34:52,239 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: even in this temptations to Satan, it is written, it

724
00:34:55,560 --> 00:34:59,080
Speaker 1: is written, it is written, and we know all those scriptures,

725
00:34:59,200 --> 00:35:02,120
Speaker 1: scriptures in fired of God, Peter said, men moved by

726
00:35:02,120 --> 00:35:05,560
Speaker 1: the Holy Spirit spoke from God. Paul in Ephesian three,

727
00:35:05,640 --> 00:35:08,520
Speaker 1: that which is hidden in ages past, He's revealed his

728
00:35:08,600 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: holy apostles and prophets in this spirit. Hebrews talks about

729
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:15,000
Speaker 1: He's spoken through his son. And I had to align

730
00:35:15,040 --> 00:35:16,920
Speaker 1: all those scriptures. And so then that came down to

731
00:35:16,960 --> 00:35:19,720
Speaker 1: this issue. If scripture says one thing and the world

732
00:35:19,760 --> 00:35:21,840
Speaker 1: is telling me to do another, which way am I

733
00:35:21,920 --> 00:35:24,520
Speaker 1: going to go? Now it's not talking about the gray

734
00:35:24,560 --> 00:35:28,239
Speaker 1: areas where you know there's an honest set of options.

735
00:35:28,440 --> 00:35:33,080
Speaker 1: I'm talking about some heart felt truths here about adultery,

736
00:35:33,480 --> 00:35:37,280
Speaker 1: about affection toward another woman that's not your wife, buying, stealing, cheating.

737
00:35:37,480 --> 00:35:39,799
Speaker 1: I mean, there comes a moment when we have to

738
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:42,279
Speaker 1: make a decision. I'm going to follow Christ and I'm

739
00:35:42,280 --> 00:35:44,759
Speaker 1: going to follow his word and if it's clear, I'm

740
00:35:44,760 --> 00:35:47,720
Speaker 1: going to live that way. And that means as a woman.

741
00:35:47,760 --> 00:35:51,439
Speaker 1: For instance, these romance novels I talk in the book,

742
00:35:51,520 --> 00:35:53,160
Speaker 1: We've got some great friends. There are some of our

743
00:35:53,200 --> 00:35:56,040
Speaker 1: best friends. And she was on staff at that time

744
00:35:56,160 --> 00:35:59,279
Speaker 1: called Campus Crusade for Christ. It's now called Crewe. And

745
00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:02,160
Speaker 1: she had been intotamental leading sixty women to Christ as

746
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:05,200
Speaker 1: a single woman in ministry. Sixty women came to Christ

747
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:07,680
Speaker 1: to her. Then she was dating and the man that

748
00:36:07,719 --> 00:36:10,600
Speaker 1: she was going to marry, and they eventually did get married.

749
00:36:10,680 --> 00:36:12,919
Speaker 1: I'm getting ahead of the story, but they eventually led

750
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:16,680
Speaker 1: ninety They were instrumental in ninety people, ninety couples going

751
00:36:16,719 --> 00:36:19,200
Speaker 1: in the ministry. So she led sixty people to Christ

752
00:36:19,239 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 1: on her own within about a two year period I

753
00:36:21,840 --> 00:36:23,839
Speaker 1: think it was, and then over a period of time

754
00:36:23,880 --> 00:36:26,399
Speaker 1: they were instrumental in ninety couples going into the full

755
00:36:26,440 --> 00:36:30,160
Speaker 1: time ministry. But she went to see a Barbara Streissan movie.

756
00:36:30,280 --> 00:36:33,760
Speaker 1: It was a romance comedy type thing, and it stirred

757
00:36:33,840 --> 00:36:37,160
Speaker 1: up all those feminine things. Women are hopeless romantics. You're

758
00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,640
Speaker 1: incurable romantics, and God hardwired you to be that way.

759
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:44,000
Speaker 1: There is nothing wrong with that. But if it gets

760
00:36:44,000 --> 00:36:46,359
Speaker 1: out of control, it is because you will then become

761
00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:50,120
Speaker 1: a very discontented person, very envious of others, and you

762
00:36:50,160 --> 00:36:52,800
Speaker 1: may be subject to some man's advancement who s pays

763
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:54,719
Speaker 1: attention to you, and all he wants to do is

764
00:36:54,760 --> 00:36:57,520
Speaker 1: get you in bed. And there is a challenge you have,

765
00:36:57,920 --> 00:37:02,680
Speaker 1: and a vulnerable one. But anyway, to this godly wise woman,

766
00:37:03,200 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: someone said to her, she called off the marriage. She

767
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,080
Speaker 1: wasn't going to get married and called it off. And

768
00:37:08,120 --> 00:37:11,680
Speaker 1: someone said to her, are you into real love? Are eel?

769
00:37:12,120 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: Or are you into real love? Are e al? And

770
00:37:15,040 --> 00:37:17,400
Speaker 1: that's when she had the light bulb moment. She realized

771
00:37:17,520 --> 00:37:20,160
Speaker 1: she had gone too far because this man that she

772
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:24,080
Speaker 1: eventually married, he's a quiet, godly man who loves Jesus Christ,

773
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:28,080
Speaker 1: is goodwill, is a servant, is caring. He's got to

774
00:37:28,120 --> 00:37:31,399
Speaker 1: get the evangelism. I've watched him over fifty years. He'll

775
00:37:31,440 --> 00:37:33,759
Speaker 1: be in a group where he'll just bring that conversation

776
00:37:33,880 --> 00:37:36,719
Speaker 1: around to Jesus Christ. You talk about a man that's

777
00:37:36,840 --> 00:37:41,400
Speaker 1: Christ conscious, but he's quiet and he's not going to

778
00:37:41,480 --> 00:37:43,440
Speaker 1: say can we go dance? And so how do you

779
00:37:43,480 --> 00:37:46,280
Speaker 1: deal with a situation like that When you have wonderful

780
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,840
Speaker 1: appetites as a woman, they're thereby God. But at the

781
00:37:49,920 --> 00:37:51,680
Speaker 1: end of the day, you're married to Christ and there's

782
00:37:51,680 --> 00:37:54,480
Speaker 1: a wedding feast that's going to happen and throughout eternity,

783
00:37:54,960 --> 00:37:58,960
Speaker 1: those virtuous longings will be absolutely fulfilled. But you're the

784
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,600
Speaker 1: wife of the Lamb. You're not the wife of that man.

785
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,200
Speaker 1: And that's what revelation says, where the wife of the

786
00:38:04,280 --> 00:38:08,360
Speaker 1: lamb Revelation you'll see this rich metaphor. So how do

787
00:38:08,400 --> 00:38:11,279
Speaker 1: you live in the not yet? And there isn't a

788
00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,960
Speaker 1: formula for this, but it does come back to some

789
00:38:14,000 --> 00:38:16,359
Speaker 1: of these core issues. If I know, in my heart

790
00:38:16,360 --> 00:38:19,719
Speaker 1: of hearts, I'm being led by Hollywood not by the

791
00:38:19,760 --> 00:38:22,080
Speaker 1: Holy Word, and I know it, then you're at that

792
00:38:22,160 --> 00:38:25,640
Speaker 1: crossroads where you have to make a decision. It's Christ,

793
00:38:25,840 --> 00:38:28,440
Speaker 1: I will follow Christ. I'm not going to go the

794
00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:30,400
Speaker 1: way of the world. I'm going to go the way

795
00:38:30,680 --> 00:38:31,200
Speaker 1: of the Word.

796
00:38:31,400 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 3: There's so much in that.

797
00:38:32,440 --> 00:38:35,240
Speaker 2: But I do think that that is a major problem

798
00:38:35,280 --> 00:38:38,120
Speaker 2: with movies and with books that were comparing our spouses

799
00:38:38,200 --> 00:38:41,279
Speaker 2: to fictional characters, people that don't even exist, and that's

800
00:38:41,320 --> 00:38:43,759
Speaker 2: just not fair. That's setting them up to fail. And

801
00:38:43,800 --> 00:38:46,160
Speaker 2: I think something else that I learned early on in marriage.

802
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,560
Speaker 2: It wasn't close to the Lord, and so I was

803
00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,560
Speaker 2: expecting my spouse to fill my heart because I had

804
00:38:51,560 --> 00:38:55,120
Speaker 2: that empty void and then once I developed a relationship

805
00:38:55,120 --> 00:38:57,440
Speaker 2: with the Lord, then my husband's like, wait a minute, don't.

806
00:38:57,280 --> 00:38:59,640
Speaker 3: You need me like that? Noe, you know, And so

807
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:02,080
Speaker 3: it was huge pendleum shift.

808
00:39:02,120 --> 00:39:03,840
Speaker 2: And so now we're just getting more back to the

809
00:39:03,880 --> 00:39:06,799
Speaker 2: balance of having the love of the Lord and in

810
00:39:06,840 --> 00:39:09,239
Speaker 2: my heart. But then also where does your husband fit

811
00:39:09,280 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 2: into to that? When you are so content with your

812
00:39:11,280 --> 00:39:13,560
Speaker 2: relationship with the Lord, it's.

813
00:39:13,360 --> 00:39:15,560
Speaker 1: Revealed as very powerful. We call it the rubber band

814
00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:18,399
Speaker 1: effect that when you pull away, and not just because

815
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:20,839
Speaker 1: you're pulling away as a mean spirited thing, but as

816
00:39:20,880 --> 00:39:22,920
Speaker 1: you move towards Jesus Christ, it has a way of

817
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:26,080
Speaker 1: pulling your husband towards you. Men want a friendship, they

818
00:39:26,160 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 1: want closeness, but they need to feel that they're needed.

819
00:39:29,360 --> 00:39:31,160
Speaker 1: And when they begin to feel that they're not needed

820
00:39:31,200 --> 00:39:33,400
Speaker 1: in a wholesome sense, they're going to move towards you.

821
00:39:34,120 --> 00:39:36,280
Speaker 1: This is inside of them. But if you come across

822
00:39:36,280 --> 00:39:39,640
Speaker 1: as too needy, they're going to pull away. But it's

823
00:39:39,680 --> 00:39:43,000
Speaker 1: a holy wholesome thing to be able to live independently

824
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:46,560
Speaker 1: enough that he realizes I want you to need me.

825
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,919
Speaker 1: And this is the beautiful thing because, as Paul says,

826
00:39:49,040 --> 00:39:50,680
Speaker 1: I'm writing a book called The Win Win Marriage one

827
00:39:50,840 --> 00:39:53,480
Speaker 1: Corinthian seven. It's all about win win and mutuality. He said,

828
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:55,920
Speaker 1: let every man have his own wife, let every woman

829
00:39:55,960 --> 00:39:58,920
Speaker 1: have her own husband. And because of the immoralities, unless

830
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,120
Speaker 1: you've got to get the celibus, you need each other.

831
00:40:01,719 --> 00:40:04,560
Speaker 1: You need him, He needs you. And as you become

832
00:40:04,600 --> 00:40:07,680
Speaker 1: more content in your relationship with Jesus Christ and Paul

833
00:40:07,680 --> 00:40:09,400
Speaker 1: in first Grinthian seven is saying, we need to be

834
00:40:09,440 --> 00:40:12,960
Speaker 1: devoted to Jesus. He needs to be our priority. He

835
00:40:13,080 --> 00:40:16,839
Speaker 1: still creates some added responsibilities there. But if a woman

836
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:20,799
Speaker 1: is content in Jesus Christ and this husband senses that,

837
00:40:21,320 --> 00:40:23,600
Speaker 1: he will then be freed up to move towards you

838
00:40:23,920 --> 00:40:26,359
Speaker 1: and will have a longing to win your heart. This

839
00:40:26,440 --> 00:40:29,080
Speaker 1: is what he did during courtship. It's within us as

840
00:40:29,080 --> 00:40:32,640
Speaker 1: a man to win you, to woo you. That is deep.

841
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:34,960
Speaker 1: But if we feel like you're coming at us to

842
00:40:35,040 --> 00:40:37,520
Speaker 1: change us all the time and that we're always failing,

843
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:41,040
Speaker 1: you will always go the opposite direction. But there's a

844
00:40:41,160 --> 00:40:43,640
Speaker 1: risk in what you did. But at the same time,

845
00:40:43,680 --> 00:40:46,840
Speaker 1: the beautiful thing there is you truly were finding pleasuring,

846
00:40:47,160 --> 00:40:51,640
Speaker 1: pleasing Jesus. You were finding contentment in him and that's

847
00:40:51,719 --> 00:40:54,439
Speaker 1: the call of the godly wise woman. And I will

848
00:40:54,480 --> 00:40:56,600
Speaker 1: tell you most men, if they've got goodwill and what

849
00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:59,400
Speaker 1: God's will, he'll be moving towards you, peeking around the

850
00:40:59,440 --> 00:41:02,840
Speaker 1: corner of the or you've got time to spend together.

851
00:41:02,880 --> 00:41:05,000
Speaker 1: Today I was thinking about us going to You'll see

852
00:41:05,000 --> 00:41:07,200
Speaker 1: a gestures what I call the gesture. He won't say,

853
00:41:07,280 --> 00:41:08,840
Speaker 1: come through the door, Oh I love you, you're the

854
00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,160
Speaker 1: most adorable person on the planet, but you'll see a

855
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,880
Speaker 1: gesture that's so making a statement that I want to

856
00:41:14,880 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: be with you. Look for the gesture, don't look for

857
00:41:18,080 --> 00:41:19,120
Speaker 1: the poem.

858
00:41:19,800 --> 00:41:20,800
Speaker 3: That's good advice.

859
00:41:20,840 --> 00:41:22,959
Speaker 2: You've given us so much good advice and so many

860
00:41:23,000 --> 00:41:26,400
Speaker 2: great tools. And I'm just mindful of the woman today

861
00:41:26,520 --> 00:41:29,239
Speaker 2: that thinks maybe her marriage is just too far gone,

862
00:41:30,080 --> 00:41:32,120
Speaker 2: or just maybe she just wants to improve her marriage.

863
00:41:32,239 --> 00:41:34,920
Speaker 2: I think we are always open for improvement. None of

864
00:41:34,960 --> 00:41:37,000
Speaker 2: us are perfect. That this is a process and we

865
00:41:37,080 --> 00:41:39,880
Speaker 2: can make progress. So what would be one thing that

866
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:43,160
Speaker 2: somebody could do today to make a difference in their marriage.

867
00:41:43,239 --> 00:41:45,319
Speaker 1: Well, obviously, I believe the light bulb moments. I think

868
00:41:45,360 --> 00:41:48,000
Speaker 1: they need to hear. I received thousands of testimonies of

869
00:41:48,040 --> 00:41:50,400
Speaker 1: people saying we had a light bulb moment, an aha moment,

870
00:41:50,440 --> 00:41:54,120
Speaker 1: the Eureka moment. It's just like, how did we miss this?

871
00:41:54,680 --> 00:41:57,719
Speaker 1: And there are twelve in the book and you made

872
00:41:57,800 --> 00:41:59,600
Speaker 1: no six of these, but they are maybe two or

873
00:41:59,640 --> 00:42:02,319
Speaker 1: three that you wow, this will it just it's just

874
00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,880
Speaker 1: it is as simple as that. Now, I think we

875
00:42:05,040 --> 00:42:06,600
Speaker 1: kind of allude to the fact there's a big yes

876
00:42:06,640 --> 00:42:07,840
Speaker 1: and then we have to say a whole lot of

877
00:42:07,840 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: little yeses. Sarah and I have had illuminations on all

878
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,680
Speaker 1: these points, but that doesn't mean that when I get

879
00:42:12,760 --> 00:42:14,680
Speaker 1: up premier and quad to be with you, that we're

880
00:42:14,680 --> 00:42:17,120
Speaker 1: not going to have a moment of heated fellowship. But

881
00:42:17,239 --> 00:42:20,160
Speaker 1: we don't. We don't lose it like our upbringing families

882
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:23,160
Speaker 1: that they just they went way outside the boundaries because

883
00:42:23,160 --> 00:42:25,560
Speaker 1: they didn't know how to do this dance. We know

884
00:42:25,680 --> 00:42:28,080
Speaker 1: the dance, and so we know what to say the

885
00:42:28,120 --> 00:42:30,320
Speaker 1: little yes too. But if you don't have that information,

886
00:42:30,600 --> 00:42:32,680
Speaker 1: if you don't have a little knowledge and maybe just

887
00:42:32,719 --> 00:42:34,919
Speaker 1: a little skill that we give to you, then you're

888
00:42:34,920 --> 00:42:37,080
Speaker 1: going to have this misunderstanding and it's just going to

889
00:42:37,200 --> 00:42:39,880
Speaker 1: lead to this confusion and even that defeatist attitude that

890
00:42:39,920 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: you talked about and I would challenge the woman who thinks, well,

891
00:42:42,680 --> 00:42:45,479
Speaker 1: it's just no point. Well, maybe maybe he's an evil

892
00:42:45,480 --> 00:42:48,080
Speaker 1: willed man. Maybe he really is a horrible person, But

893
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:51,520
Speaker 1: is that his reputation or while he just just projects

894
00:42:51,600 --> 00:42:54,680
Speaker 1: he's a wonderful person. Maybe, but then again, do you

895
00:42:54,800 --> 00:42:57,480
Speaker 1: really want a relationship? Rachel? I've had I would never

896
00:42:57,520 --> 00:43:00,239
Speaker 1: have predicted this. I've had women tell me I had

897
00:43:00,239 --> 00:43:03,560
Speaker 1: a story to tell all my girlfriends because I solicited empathy.

898
00:43:03,640 --> 00:43:05,799
Speaker 1: And the story I told is I had a bad marriage,

899
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:08,560
Speaker 1: and everybody was empathetic toward me. Even online people are

900
00:43:08,560 --> 00:43:10,719
Speaker 1: empathetic toward me. I had a story to tell, and

901
00:43:10,760 --> 00:43:14,080
Speaker 1: I told it. But then they sold me they really

902
00:43:14,120 --> 00:43:17,240
Speaker 1: didn't want a relationship with their husband. They were misleading people.

903
00:43:17,600 --> 00:43:21,040
Speaker 1: They were using that as a false front because they

904
00:43:21,040 --> 00:43:23,719
Speaker 1: were getting more energy from the empathy that they were

905
00:43:23,719 --> 00:43:26,839
Speaker 1: receiving from friends, and they didn't really want a relationship.

906
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 1: And that's why I would have never predicted that. And

907
00:43:28,920 --> 00:43:30,560
Speaker 1: I had several women in a short period of time

908
00:43:30,600 --> 00:43:33,600
Speaker 1: tell me that, And I would never have figured that

909
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:37,440
Speaker 1: out apart from women telling me that. So I want

910
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:39,080
Speaker 1: to encourage the woman out there who may be in

911
00:43:39,080 --> 00:43:41,720
Speaker 1: that camp to step back, because this isn't about your marriage.

912
00:43:41,719 --> 00:43:44,120
Speaker 1: This is about Christ and you pleasing him. And I

913
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,320
Speaker 1: believe you're listening to Rachel because you have a longing

914
00:43:46,719 --> 00:43:49,120
Speaker 1: to know Christ, love Christ, and I want to encourage

915
00:43:49,120 --> 00:43:51,480
Speaker 1: you on that line. But others out there who think

916
00:43:51,520 --> 00:43:53,719
Speaker 1: that they've tried everything and it just doesn't work, and

917
00:43:53,760 --> 00:43:55,520
Speaker 1: you don't want your hopes to get up only to

918
00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:58,200
Speaker 1: be shattered again. That's what this book's all about. I

919
00:43:58,200 --> 00:44:00,640
Speaker 1: think you're not miles off, You're an inches off, and

920
00:44:00,960 --> 00:44:02,440
Speaker 1: that's not pixie dust.

921
00:44:02,640 --> 00:44:03,160
Speaker 3: Yeah.

922
00:44:03,280 --> 00:44:06,960
Speaker 2: Do you recommend reading it together as a couple? I

923
00:44:07,000 --> 00:44:08,520
Speaker 2: mean is that No?

924
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,600
Speaker 1: Mean that was a little bit too quick. You can't

925
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:15,560
Speaker 1: hand your husband a book and say here, read this.

926
00:44:15,719 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: If the history of the relationship is he thinks you're

927
00:44:17,760 --> 00:44:19,680
Speaker 1: up to something, here read this because you and I

928
00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:22,280
Speaker 1: both know I'm the more loving person and this book

929
00:44:22,320 --> 00:44:25,400
Speaker 1: is for you to change. If he's hearing it that way,

930
00:44:25,719 --> 00:44:27,879
Speaker 1: But if you frame it from the standpoint, I think

931
00:44:27,920 --> 00:44:30,520
Speaker 1: I've done things that have really dishonored you, and I

932
00:44:30,560 --> 00:44:33,000
Speaker 1: didn't intend to because I love you more than my

933
00:44:33,080 --> 00:44:37,480
Speaker 1: life itself, and I've read some of these light bulb moments.

934
00:44:37,480 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 1: It just really got to me that I think I've

935
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:43,440
Speaker 1: really fallen short of meeting some of your needs. Would

936
00:44:43,440 --> 00:44:45,960
Speaker 1: you be willing to read a couple chapters here to

937
00:44:46,440 --> 00:44:49,600
Speaker 1: affirm and confirm that maybe that's the case. Now here's

938
00:44:49,600 --> 00:44:51,719
Speaker 1: what I say to women. Most women probably watching this

939
00:44:51,760 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 1: are willing to die for Jesus Christ. You would not

940
00:44:54,160 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: deny Jesus Christ. You'll go to your death. And I

941
00:44:57,760 --> 00:44:59,120
Speaker 1: say the same thing to men. Most of you men

942
00:44:59,160 --> 00:45:00,920
Speaker 1: here would die for your wife. The question is do

943
00:45:00,920 --> 00:45:04,200
Speaker 1: you have enough courage to live with her? And the

944
00:45:04,280 --> 00:45:07,279
Speaker 1: men laugh because you've got more courage to die for

945
00:45:07,320 --> 00:45:08,880
Speaker 1: her than you do to do what I'm telling you

946
00:45:08,920 --> 00:45:11,560
Speaker 1: to do. How does that make sense? But it's true.

947
00:45:11,560 --> 00:45:13,520
Speaker 1: What I just said is true, and it's true. Also,

948
00:45:13,600 --> 00:45:16,440
Speaker 1: the women listening to me have enough faith in Jesus

949
00:45:16,520 --> 00:45:18,799
Speaker 1: Christ that they'd be faithful unto death, but they don't

950
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:21,040
Speaker 1: like their husband. They love Jesus, but he can't stand

951
00:45:21,040 --> 00:45:24,439
Speaker 1: their husband. So when we are challenging them to say

952
00:45:24,440 --> 00:45:26,759
Speaker 1: to their husband, hey, I see some things in my

953
00:45:26,800 --> 00:45:29,200
Speaker 1: life and I'm really failing. I'm failing to honor you.

954
00:45:29,239 --> 00:45:31,080
Speaker 1: And I don't have a hidden agenda. Hear, Yeah, I

955
00:45:31,120 --> 00:45:32,759
Speaker 1: mean I'd like you to take a look at things too.

956
00:45:33,000 --> 00:45:35,359
Speaker 1: But I really would like to read several of these

957
00:45:35,440 --> 00:45:38,520
Speaker 1: chapters and you point out to me where I can

958
00:45:38,760 --> 00:45:42,000
Speaker 1: make some changes, because I think I've been unfair to

959
00:45:42,040 --> 00:45:45,799
Speaker 1: you and I think I've dishonored you. Pat Riley, who

960
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:48,799
Speaker 1: is the president of Miami Heat, well known coach of

961
00:45:48,840 --> 00:45:53,439
Speaker 1: the Los Angeles Lakers with Magic Johnson several years ago,

962
00:45:53,560 --> 00:45:57,319
Speaker 1: invited me down doo me down in private jet. We

963
00:45:57,440 --> 00:45:59,799
Speaker 1: spent several hours in private talking about love and respect

964
00:45:59,800 --> 00:46:03,440
Speaker 1: because he understood this message, and he said that he

965
00:46:03,480 --> 00:46:05,120
Speaker 1: was so overwhelmed by He said, I'm going to ask

966
00:46:05,160 --> 00:46:07,600
Speaker 1: you to speak to the Miami Heat team. Said, I've

967
00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:09,720
Speaker 1: never asked anybody to speak to any of my teams.

968
00:46:10,080 --> 00:46:11,960
Speaker 1: Thousands of people have asked us speak to my team.

969
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,160
Speaker 1: I always say no, You're the first person I've asked

970
00:46:14,480 --> 00:46:16,520
Speaker 1: to speak to the team. But he and I spent

971
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 1: five hours almost together talking about men respond to honor injustice,

972
00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:24,719
Speaker 1: and when you treat men honorably and justly, they'll serve

973
00:46:24,760 --> 00:46:28,319
Speaker 1: and die. But when you dishonor them, and to try

974
00:46:28,360 --> 00:46:31,360
Speaker 1: to motivate them when you treat them unfairly and unjustly,

975
00:46:31,440 --> 00:46:34,279
Speaker 1: to try to somehow motivate them. You have mutiny, they'll

976
00:46:34,360 --> 00:46:37,400
Speaker 1: jump ship or they'll throw you overship. And the innocent

977
00:46:37,520 --> 00:46:42,279
Speaker 1: mistake women make is they come across dishonorably, disrespectfully in

978
00:46:42,320 --> 00:46:44,399
Speaker 1: a way that doesn't feel fair. So if you hand

979
00:46:44,440 --> 00:46:46,279
Speaker 1: that book to him and he thinks that what you're

980
00:46:46,280 --> 00:46:48,600
Speaker 1: really doing here is this isn't fair. You're just trying

981
00:46:48,600 --> 00:46:51,359
Speaker 1: to change me, he'll immediately resist. And if you send

982
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 1: a message of dishonor, he'll resist. But if you say

983
00:46:54,640 --> 00:46:56,799
Speaker 1: to him, I think I fail to honor you, and

984
00:46:56,840 --> 00:46:59,239
Speaker 1: i think I've treated you unfairly, and I've seen some

985
00:46:59,280 --> 00:47:01,879
Speaker 1: things in this book that have awakened me to that.

986
00:47:02,239 --> 00:47:03,680
Speaker 1: And then the question for you as a woman is

987
00:47:03,719 --> 00:47:05,600
Speaker 1: do you have enough courage to do that? You have

988
00:47:05,680 --> 00:47:08,799
Speaker 1: the courage to die for Jesus Christ, But you're so

989
00:47:09,040 --> 00:47:11,880
Speaker 1: vulnerable in the romantic area, and you've been hurt so

990
00:47:12,000 --> 00:47:14,560
Speaker 1: many times. But I'm going to challenge you. It's a

991
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,920
Speaker 1: new day, it's a different day. You're a Christ follower,

992
00:47:17,280 --> 00:47:18,879
Speaker 1: and you're not going to be the worst for the wear.

993
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,120
Speaker 1: We're just talking about mere social ostracism at worst. The

994
00:47:22,160 --> 00:47:23,840
Speaker 1: worst thing that's going to happen is he's going to

995
00:47:23,920 --> 00:47:26,160
Speaker 1: walk away from you and say I'm not interested. That's

996
00:47:26,200 --> 00:47:28,160
Speaker 1: the worst thing that's going to happen. But you need

997
00:47:28,200 --> 00:47:31,000
Speaker 1: to go on record for eternity's sake that you did

998
00:47:31,040 --> 00:47:34,360
Speaker 1: this righteous, godly thing. But I also have a hunch,

999
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:36,400
Speaker 1: and here's the deal. He might not say, well, that

1000
00:47:36,520 --> 00:47:38,719
Speaker 1: was well said and want to talk about it. Women

1001
00:47:38,760 --> 00:47:42,000
Speaker 1: are expressive response. He may just be quiet, But watch

1002
00:47:42,040 --> 00:47:44,319
Speaker 1: what happens over the next twenty four hours. Is women

1003
00:47:44,400 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 1: just don't read it correctly. They just don't see it.

1004
00:47:46,960 --> 00:47:49,080
Speaker 1: But watch what happens as a result of you having

1005
00:47:49,160 --> 00:47:51,799
Speaker 1: that conversation with him. Just watch it now. Don't look

1006
00:47:51,800 --> 00:47:53,719
Speaker 1: at it from the standpoint of getting flowers on the

1007
00:47:53,800 --> 00:47:58,560
Speaker 1: kitchen table. Not gonna admit could, but just watch what happens.

1008
00:47:58,800 --> 00:48:01,720
Speaker 1: And women have said back to me, I was oblivious

1009
00:48:01,760 --> 00:48:04,799
Speaker 1: to what was going on, yes in our world as men.

1010
00:48:04,160 --> 00:48:07,319
Speaker 1: When we're heading heated fellowship with my best buddy and

1011
00:48:07,360 --> 00:48:09,200
Speaker 1: we're really angry at each other, we say drop it,

1012
00:48:09,280 --> 00:48:12,320
Speaker 1: forget it, and we exit. And then maybe several hours

1013
00:48:12,400 --> 00:48:14,920
Speaker 1: later I may call him, Hey, you were building that

1014
00:48:15,000 --> 00:48:17,840
Speaker 1: shed on Saturday and you need some help. I don't say,

1015
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,239
Speaker 1: will you forgive me? For my where or he doesn't know.

1016
00:48:21,520 --> 00:48:22,960
Speaker 1: I don't want it to meet sat. We need to

1017
00:48:22,960 --> 00:48:25,840
Speaker 1: get together and talk about my feelings. You hurt my feelings.

1018
00:48:26,400 --> 00:48:29,560
Speaker 1: This is not going to happen. It's the gesture, and

1019
00:48:29,600 --> 00:48:31,640
Speaker 1: in our world it's in the honor code. And what

1020
00:48:31,680 --> 00:48:34,359
Speaker 1: we're doing is we're making that gesture. We're saying, hey,

1021
00:48:34,440 --> 00:48:36,800
Speaker 1: everything's okay with me. I was wrong. I want to

1022
00:48:36,840 --> 00:48:38,880
Speaker 1: serve you it's everything okay, And you say, hey, that

1023
00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:42,839
Speaker 1: would be great. In fact, stay until noon and I'll

1024
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:45,920
Speaker 1: fry those steaks that I got the other day. I said,

1025
00:48:46,000 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 1: I say to women, watch what men are doing with

1026
00:48:48,280 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 1: each other. And then if he does that towards you,

1027
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: you need to realize he's an honorable man doing what

1028
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:55,960
Speaker 1: he thinks is the loving thing. Is an honorable man,

1029
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:58,839
Speaker 1: and he's being completely misread because it wasn't good enough.

1030
00:48:59,200 --> 00:49:01,200
Speaker 1: And the number one thing men say is I can

1031
00:49:01,239 --> 00:49:03,279
Speaker 1: never be good enough. Number one thing, I can never

1032
00:49:03,320 --> 00:49:05,200
Speaker 1: be good enough. I can Why does a man feel

1033
00:49:05,239 --> 00:49:07,680
Speaker 1: like that? Because in his world, when you interpret it

1034
00:49:07,719 --> 00:49:10,840
Speaker 1: through blue, what Pink is doing the statement is and

1035
00:49:10,880 --> 00:49:13,239
Speaker 1: no one's making it like she is. He's not good enough.

1036
00:49:13,960 --> 00:49:17,960
Speaker 1: So we have to somehow shatter that false thing. And

1037
00:49:18,000 --> 00:49:20,279
Speaker 1: you have to use the language that I'm talking about here.

1038
00:49:20,719 --> 00:49:23,759
Speaker 1: And it's not natural because in your heart it's to

1039
00:49:23,800 --> 00:49:26,520
Speaker 1: talk love. God designed you to love you. You love

1040
00:49:26,600 --> 00:49:28,879
Speaker 1: to love. You can't not love. And I say to women,

1041
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:30,480
Speaker 1: look at how many times you'll say the word love

1042
00:49:30,680 --> 00:49:32,279
Speaker 1: to the kids. Love you, love you, love you, by

1043
00:49:32,360 --> 00:49:34,080
Speaker 1: love you, love you, mom, love you, love you, love you,

1044
00:49:34,080 --> 00:49:36,239
Speaker 1: love love love love love love love love love love love.

1045
00:49:36,320 --> 00:49:38,759
Speaker 1: It's incessant because it's in your nature. It's not in

1046
00:49:38,800 --> 00:49:42,640
Speaker 1: your nature to say, have I been dishonorable? You've been

1047
00:49:42,680 --> 00:49:45,120
Speaker 1: conditioned to believe that that's going to be dismissive of you,

1048
00:49:45,160 --> 00:49:47,160
Speaker 1: and you're going to become a doormat. And there are

1049
00:49:47,160 --> 00:49:49,880
Speaker 1: all these scripts that are coming out of the culture,

1050
00:49:49,960 --> 00:49:53,600
Speaker 1: not scripture, but the scripts that have conditioned you to

1051
00:49:53,800 --> 00:49:57,239
Speaker 1: protect yourself. And I'm not going to be treated with disrespect.

1052
00:49:57,280 --> 00:50:00,480
Speaker 1: It's an ongoing mantrave and you have to back up

1053
00:50:00,520 --> 00:50:02,520
Speaker 1: and say, wait a minute, have I then misled here?

1054
00:50:02,840 --> 00:50:06,280
Speaker 1: And is God really empowering me to win my husband?

1055
00:50:06,320 --> 00:50:09,279
Speaker 1: Peter says, when his heart. But you have to win

1056
00:50:09,320 --> 00:50:11,560
Speaker 1: it in a way that calls you to be obedient

1057
00:50:11,560 --> 00:50:13,600
Speaker 1: to the revelation that has been given.

1058
00:50:14,800 --> 00:50:17,360
Speaker 2: This is just so important within my own relationship. And

1059
00:50:17,400 --> 00:50:20,520
Speaker 2: then you mentioned earlier my son is watching how and

1060
00:50:20,520 --> 00:50:24,000
Speaker 2: our daughter is watching, and then their future families and

1061
00:50:24,040 --> 00:50:27,520
Speaker 2: how they treat one another, and God, I think values

1062
00:50:27,560 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 2: the family so much, and of course the enemy is

1063
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:32,560
Speaker 2: going to want to destroy those families. And so the

1064
00:50:32,600 --> 00:50:34,880
Speaker 2: work that you are doing I think is just so

1065
00:50:34,960 --> 00:50:38,839
Speaker 2: important and the impact can be so exponential. And so

1066
00:50:38,960 --> 00:50:42,080
Speaker 2: I know I want to read the full book and

1067
00:50:42,160 --> 00:50:44,520
Speaker 2: make some of these changes, all of the changes that

1068
00:50:44,600 --> 00:50:48,000
Speaker 2: you have recommended today, I'm sure all you're not going

1069
00:50:48,080 --> 00:50:48,319
Speaker 2: to make.

1070
00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,120
Speaker 1: I wrote the book and I'm still not applying at all.

1071
00:50:51,160 --> 00:50:53,080
Speaker 1: So let's take that weight off. Now.

1072
00:50:53,120 --> 00:50:54,880
Speaker 3: We need to talk to Sarah right.

1073
00:50:55,080 --> 00:50:58,320
Speaker 1: Exactly that they shall tell you, you know, she'll tell you exactly.

1074
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:00,680
Speaker 1: The fact that our conference is the first fifteen minutes,

1075
00:51:00,719 --> 00:51:02,759
Speaker 1: all the women. We have two thousand people in the auditorium,

1076
00:51:02,840 --> 00:51:05,719
Speaker 1: all the women. Sarah's in the front pew there. They're

1077
00:51:05,760 --> 00:51:08,319
Speaker 1: all watching her. Because women look at the countenance of

1078
00:51:08,320 --> 00:51:10,360
Speaker 1: the female. They determine whether they want to listen to me,

1079
00:51:10,680 --> 00:51:13,920
Speaker 1: because you all understand your plight. But yeah, Sarah will

1080
00:51:13,920 --> 00:51:16,359
Speaker 1: be the first to acknowledge that Emerson doesn't walk on water.

1081
00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:18,840
Speaker 1: But at the same time, we're in process and I

1082
00:51:18,840 --> 00:51:22,920
Speaker 1: want to not cause someone to feel despair, particular if

1083
00:51:22,920 --> 00:51:25,120
Speaker 1: they're under conviction. I've made all those mistakes. Everything you've

1084
00:51:25,120 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: said I made, Oh, beat what you couldn't do, and

1085
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:31,439
Speaker 1: so just be RESTful. He who began a good work

1086
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 1: and you will continue until the day of Christ Jesus.

1087
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,719
Speaker 1: He is the helper. And so the greater degree of

1088
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,839
Speaker 1: a conviction, not condemnation, as you said, the more you

1089
00:51:39,920 --> 00:51:42,600
Speaker 1: will just open your heart to him, give that over

1090
00:51:42,680 --> 00:51:46,560
Speaker 1: to him, and just be RESTful. Just relax We're in

1091
00:51:46,719 --> 00:51:49,640
Speaker 1: process now. There need to be these moments if some

1092
00:51:49,680 --> 00:51:53,359
Speaker 1: of you really violated that to confess, but nonetheless, as

1093
00:51:53,440 --> 00:51:57,200
Speaker 1: she just said, you know, wow, you know I just breathe,

1094
00:51:57,640 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: software relaxed. You're okay, You're gonna be okay, You're gonna

1095
00:52:01,200 --> 00:52:01,720
Speaker 1: be okay.

1096
00:52:02,280 --> 00:52:04,000
Speaker 3: Well, so tell us. I know I want to stay

1097
00:52:04,000 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 3: connected with you.

1098
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:06,440
Speaker 2: I'm sure listeners are going to want two They're going

1099
00:52:06,480 --> 00:52:08,279
Speaker 2: to want to pick up all of your books. So

1100
00:52:08,440 --> 00:52:10,840
Speaker 2: just tell us how we can best keep in contact

1101
00:52:10,840 --> 00:52:11,040
Speaker 2: with you.

1102
00:52:11,440 --> 00:52:14,640
Speaker 1: Well, Loveanrespect dot com l O V E A N

1103
00:52:14,719 --> 00:52:18,319
Speaker 1: D R E s P E c T dot com,

1104
00:52:18,840 --> 00:52:21,600
Speaker 1: Loveanrespect dot com. There's a lot of free content that

1105
00:52:21,600 --> 00:52:23,920
Speaker 1: we're going to be putting out there. We have a community.

1106
00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:27,279
Speaker 1: It's a it's a it's a subscriber community. But stay

1107
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 1: tuned because we're going to put We've had video clips

1108
00:52:30,239 --> 00:52:32,759
Speaker 1: that have gotten three million views. We're putting all the

1109
00:52:32,840 --> 00:52:35,799
Speaker 1: favorites on our website. That's coming, so stay tune. If

1110
00:52:35,800 --> 00:52:38,040
Speaker 1: you go there, you're going to see a subscription, so

1111
00:52:38,080 --> 00:52:40,560
Speaker 1: don't be discouraged. But that'll be flipping around a little bit.

1112
00:52:40,600 --> 00:52:42,600
Speaker 1: There'll be so much content and then you have to

1113
00:52:42,600 --> 00:52:44,960
Speaker 1: decide whether you want to join my community. I believe

1114
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:47,520
Speaker 1: that when people invest, they pay attention. When they pay,

1115
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,920
Speaker 1: they pay attention. When through the years we've given our

1116
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,759
Speaker 1: conference free to people, they show up late and they

1117
00:52:51,840 --> 00:52:54,480
Speaker 1: leave early. So when there's a little bit of an investment,

1118
00:52:54,560 --> 00:52:57,880
Speaker 1: they pay more attention. For instance, and we are felt

1119
00:52:57,880 --> 00:53:00,200
Speaker 1: need driven. If I said, here are three ways you

1120
00:53:00,200 --> 00:53:02,759
Speaker 1: can get your husband to love you, versus here are

1121
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,160
Speaker 1: three ways you can meet your husband's need for respect.

1122
00:53:06,000 --> 00:53:08,360
Speaker 1: Which one of those two articles are you going to read?

1123
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:12,200
Speaker 1: We're all so focused, you're not going to be honest. Yeah, yeah, no,

1124
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:14,399
Speaker 1: I mean I know the answer to that, because that's

1125
00:53:14,440 --> 00:53:18,560
Speaker 1: true for all of us. But biblically, God is calling

1126
00:53:18,600 --> 00:53:20,279
Speaker 1: me to do a certain thing. You know, how to

1127
00:53:20,280 --> 00:53:22,399
Speaker 1: get your wife to respect you versus how to love

1128
00:53:22,440 --> 00:53:24,560
Speaker 1: her in the way Jesus Christ calls you do. Every

1129
00:53:24,560 --> 00:53:26,560
Speaker 1: man's going to lean toward the I said, we have

1130
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:29,200
Speaker 1: to then be principal driven. But people are not going

1131
00:53:29,239 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 1: to want to pay attention to that. So I have

1132
00:53:31,160 --> 00:53:33,600
Speaker 1: this community people say, look, we're going to be principal driven.

1133
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:35,600
Speaker 1: We're going to be on both sides of those equations.

1134
00:53:35,600 --> 00:53:37,719
Speaker 1: But if I'm just always giving away free, you're going

1135
00:53:37,760 --> 00:53:39,400
Speaker 1: to always lean toward the felt and the stuff, and

1136
00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:41,160
Speaker 1: you're not going to listen to what I believe is

1137
00:53:41,200 --> 00:53:43,640
Speaker 1: the key to you experiencing love as a woman. And

1138
00:53:43,760 --> 00:53:45,560
Speaker 1: so anyway, that's what I'm up against.

1139
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:48,560
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, we'll include all of those links in the

1140
00:53:48,600 --> 00:53:51,560
Speaker 2: show notes that as as we come to a close,

1141
00:53:51,600 --> 00:53:53,640
Speaker 2: would you do us the honor of praying for us?

1142
00:53:53,800 --> 00:53:57,680
Speaker 1: Yes? Father, I come to you through Christ Jesus, as

1143
00:53:57,719 --> 00:54:00,640
Speaker 1: these godly wise women do as well, and grateful that

1144
00:54:00,719 --> 00:54:03,560
Speaker 1: we have access to you through Christ himself, who went

1145
00:54:03,600 --> 00:54:05,760
Speaker 1: to the cross for us and there's a new day coming,

1146
00:54:06,440 --> 00:54:09,640
Speaker 1: and we are fellow errors with Christ. That Jesus everything

1147
00:54:09,760 --> 00:54:12,759
Speaker 1: you inherit, we inherit. You're the one who went to

1148
00:54:12,800 --> 00:54:15,520
Speaker 1: the cross, you who knew no sin became sin on

1149
00:54:15,560 --> 00:54:19,040
Speaker 1: our behalf. That your righteousness was imputed to us, and

1150
00:54:19,080 --> 00:54:22,480
Speaker 1: our unrighteousness was imputed to you. And you have the

1151
00:54:22,560 --> 00:54:26,680
Speaker 1: holy audacity to give us everything you're going to receive. Lord,

1152
00:54:26,680 --> 00:54:30,560
Speaker 1: that just isn't right, but you're doing it because of

1153
00:54:30,600 --> 00:54:33,400
Speaker 1: your love for us. And may all of us realize

1154
00:54:33,440 --> 00:54:36,760
Speaker 1: that we are fellow errors with you, and whatever suffering

1155
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:39,040
Speaker 1: we're going through right now, there will be one day

1156
00:54:39,239 --> 00:54:42,640
Speaker 1: coming when there will no longer be any tear. Every

1157
00:54:42,680 --> 00:54:46,000
Speaker 1: tear will be wiped away. So that woman who is burdened,

1158
00:54:46,440 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 1: she's been in a marriage for decades that has not

1159
00:54:48,760 --> 00:54:52,279
Speaker 1: been fulfilling. Her husband could be having addictions, any number

1160
00:54:52,280 --> 00:54:55,160
Speaker 1: of issues like my mom encountered with my dad. I empathize,

1161
00:54:55,239 --> 00:54:58,399
Speaker 1: I understand. But there are other women out there who

1162
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:02,000
Speaker 1: are hearing a New Man message, and you want to

1163
00:55:02,040 --> 00:55:05,399
Speaker 1: empower them. You want them to be a godly woman

1164
00:55:05,440 --> 00:55:08,640
Speaker 1: of influence. And I pray that these light bulb moments

1165
00:55:08,640 --> 00:55:11,640
Speaker 1: that we have teased her with that, she would be

1166
00:55:12,080 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 1: really hungry to make a pivot and to influence the

1167
00:55:16,680 --> 00:55:19,000
Speaker 1: relationship in the way that she longs for as a

1168
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:22,839
Speaker 1: woman that You've designed her to be. You put this

1169
00:55:22,920 --> 00:55:27,800
Speaker 1: within her that is not to be anything attacked and shamed.

1170
00:55:28,440 --> 00:55:31,799
Speaker 1: This is of you. But how does she experience more

1171
00:55:31,840 --> 00:55:36,280
Speaker 1: of those and how is she to go about experiencing

1172
00:55:36,600 --> 00:55:39,960
Speaker 1: some of those needs being met? Lord? I believe there's

1173
00:55:40,000 --> 00:55:46,080
Speaker 1: a way, but it isn't natural, it's counterintuitive, it's even countercultural.

1174
00:55:47,440 --> 00:55:49,160
Speaker 1: And so I know she wants to be a woman

1175
00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:51,400
Speaker 1: of the word, not a woman of the world. And

1176
00:55:51,440 --> 00:55:54,680
Speaker 1: so I pray that she would be open and not afraid.

1177
00:55:54,840 --> 00:55:58,439
Speaker 1: Don't let fear, Lord control her. May she not let

1178
00:55:58,640 --> 00:56:05,280
Speaker 1: fear control her? Through Jesus Christ, we pray, Amen, Amen,

1179
00:56:05,680 --> 00:56:07,520
Speaker 1: And did I thank the Lord for Rachel? I didn't

1180
00:56:07,520 --> 00:56:10,120
Speaker 1: thank the Lord for Rachel? What a poor pastor. I

1181
00:56:10,200 --> 00:56:12,359
Speaker 1: did not thank the Lord for Rachel. Lord, we thank

1182
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:16,160
Speaker 1: you for Rachel, her vision, her ministry continued to have

1183
00:56:16,280 --> 00:56:19,040
Speaker 1: your hand upon her, use her to make a difference

1184
00:56:19,080 --> 00:56:21,400
Speaker 1: for Christ and for the Kingdom. Amen.

1185
00:56:22,200 --> 00:56:25,040
Speaker 2: Amen, thank you, Thank you for your time today and

1186
00:56:25,160 --> 00:56:28,040
Speaker 2: all of your wisdom. I know I've been encouraged, and

1187
00:56:28,080 --> 00:56:31,239
Speaker 2: I'm confident that everybody that tunes in will be as well.

1188
00:56:31,320 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 2: Thank you, You're welcome. Thank you so much for listening

1189
00:56:35,600 --> 00:56:38,480
Speaker 2: to the Love Offering Podcast. I hope today's conversation reminded

1190
00:56:38,520 --> 00:56:40,759
Speaker 2: you that sometimes just one new way of seeing can

1191
00:56:40,800 --> 00:56:44,479
Speaker 2: begin to change everything. If this episode encouraged you, I'd

1192
00:56:44,520 --> 00:56:46,279
Speaker 2: love for you to share it with a friend and

1193
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:48,439
Speaker 2: leaver of you. It truly helps others find the show

1194
00:56:48,480 --> 00:56:51,160
Speaker 2: and spreads the message of christ centered love. To connect

1195
00:56:51,160 --> 00:56:53,360
Speaker 2: with me, visit me on my website at Rachel k Adams,

1196
00:56:53,600 --> 00:56:56,880
Speaker 2: where you can download Love Always, my free resource creator

1197
00:56:56,960 --> 00:57:00,240
Speaker 2: to help you practice simple, intentional love in everyday life.

1198
00:57:00,360 --> 00:57:02,800
Speaker 2: Be sure to pick up a copy of light Bulb

1199
00:57:02,920 --> 00:57:06,160
Speaker 2: Moments in Marriage by doctor Emerson Egrig and explore his

1200
00:57:06,239 --> 00:57:09,880
Speaker 2: other resources designed to help couples grow an understanding, grace

1201
00:57:10,000 --> 00:57:12,760
Speaker 2: and hope. Heartfelt thank you to Life Audio for supporting

1202
00:57:12,760 --> 00:57:17,000
Speaker 2: this podcast and making these conversations possible. To discover more podcasts,

1203
00:57:17,120 --> 00:57:20,400
Speaker 2: visit lifeaudio dot com. Until next time, let's make our

1204
00:57:20,480 --> 00:57:22,280
Speaker 2: lives an offering of love.