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Speaker 1: Welcome to Hope for the Journey, the podcast for women

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Speaker 1: over forty who are ready to rise, rebuild, and reclaim

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Speaker 1: their story. I'm your host, Monica, and each week you'll

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Speaker 1: hear real, raw comeback stories from women who have walked

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Speaker 1: through the fire and found purpose on the other side.

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Speaker 1: If you're navigating change, chasing a dream, or simply searching

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Speaker 1: for your next step, you're not alone. This is your

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Speaker 1: place for courage, community, and the reminder that it's never

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Speaker 1: too late to rewrite the ending. Today on Hope for

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Speaker 1: the Journey, we will talk about the holidays, doing less

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Speaker 1: and enjoying more. I'll be back in just a moment,

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Speaker 1: right after a word from our sponsors. Hi. I'm Monica Schmelter.

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Speaker 1: I am your host for the Hope for the Journey podcast,

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Speaker 1: the podcast for women over forty who are ready to rise, rebuild,

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Speaker 1: and reclaim their stories. Now, as we talk about the

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Speaker 1: holidays today, I want to start out by saying that

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Speaker 1: for most of us women, we know what it's like

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Speaker 1: to be busy. We handle most of the planning, the shopping,

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Speaker 1: just the holiday responsibilities, the organizing, remembering everything from the

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Speaker 1: gift for Aunt Matilda to the gift card that Uncle

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Speaker 1: George wants. What I want us to talk about today

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Speaker 1: is that holiday magic. It doesn't really come from doing more,

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Speaker 1: because probably you've done a lot more of doing more

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Speaker 1: and ended up being less joyful. But holiday magic really

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Speaker 1: comes from being present. It's about really enjoying a new

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Speaker 1: pace and giving up perfection. There's so many ways of

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Speaker 1: why we try to do too much, and I think

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Speaker 1: some of them, you know, their cultural and family expectations,

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Speaker 1: and I really do think that those expectations are larger

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Speaker 1: and bigger for women. You know, there's comparison culture too.

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Speaker 1: Instagram worthy meals, you know, the meals that are plated perfectly,

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Speaker 1: the perfectly decorated Christmas tree, the gifting, the good mom,

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Speaker 1: the good wife, the good daughter. You know that kind

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Speaker 1: of conditioning that comes from decades of holidays and also

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Speaker 1: just from life and the belief that more effort means

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Speaker 1: more love. Spoiler alert, it doesn't. I think, as we

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Speaker 1: talk about doing less and enjoying more, let's take a

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Speaker 1: look for just a moment at the cost of overdoing it.

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Speaker 1: And when I say this, I have been in this

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Speaker 1: place for so many years of my adult life. In

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Speaker 1: the holidays, the mental life, the holiday burnout, really missing

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Speaker 1: the joy because I'm rushing, I'm hurried, I'm trying to

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Speaker 1: make everybody happy, and maybe you've found yourself at that

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Speaker 1: place too. And when that's going on, typically there arises resentment,

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Speaker 1: resentment toward our husbands, maybe relatives, even our children. But

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Speaker 1: then when we talk about something like as drastic or

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Speaker 1: out of the norm, as doing less during the holidays,

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Speaker 1: what in the world does that really look like in

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Speaker 1: a real woman's life. Real women like you and me

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Speaker 1: who are over forty have lived through several holidays and

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Speaker 1: we kind of know how the holiday thing goes, and

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Speaker 1: when we talk about doing less, we might be like, well,

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Speaker 1: what in the world does that look like? Well, it

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Speaker 1: could be as simple as simplified meals, maybe one of

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Speaker 1: your favorite signature dishes that you make, instead of everything

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Speaker 1: being a full spread of your homemade goodies that everybody

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Speaker 1: loves so much. Maybe it's time to back off some

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Speaker 1: of that, or would you possibly maybe considering ordering out

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Speaker 1: and having it catered. I did that this last holiday

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Speaker 1: through the Thanksgiving holiday. Here's what happened. I broke my foot.

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Speaker 1: I'm in this clunky boot that's hard to like be

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Speaker 1: dragging around and I just thought, you know what, I

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Speaker 1: love to cook and bake and host, but this year

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Speaker 1: I just can't do all that. So there was a

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Speaker 1: local restaurant here that was selling holiday feasts. I ordered

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Speaker 1: one of those, and what I did was I made

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Speaker 1: two of my favorite dishes instead of making the hole spread.

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Speaker 1: I ordered out and got it was good. And even

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Speaker 1: though I could say, you know what I typically would

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Speaker 1: make would be better, everybody still had a wonderful time.

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Speaker 1: Everybody still had too much to eat, and I was

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Speaker 1: in a much better place because I didn't have to

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Speaker 1: overdo physically. So sometimes doing less really does mean enjoy more.

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Speaker 1: What about reducing the amount of decorations, maybe focusing on

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Speaker 1: decorating only one room, or maybe not putting as many

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Speaker 1: lights outside, just looking at ways where we still have

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Speaker 1: the spirit of Christmas all around us and the fun

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Speaker 1: and the festivities, just not as much of the work.

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Speaker 1: Maybe if you're one of those people that you host

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Speaker 1: a lot of parties, perhaps fewer parties or a shorter

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Speaker 1: guest list, or maybe the party looks different this year.

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Speaker 1: Perhaps asking everybody to bring a dish is easier than

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Speaker 1: you doing it all. And yet you know what it

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Speaker 1: might not be as good and as perfect as you

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Speaker 1: do it, but I bet you'll still feel the love,

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Speaker 1: and I bet people will still enjoy the food, And

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Speaker 1: the benefit afterward is that you won't be worn out.

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Speaker 1: So I want to talk with you right now about

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Speaker 1: just some practical strategies for enjoying more, because typically when

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Speaker 1: I would hear people talk about doing less, I would think,

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Speaker 1: I don't know what that looks like, and I don't

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Speaker 1: know how I feel or if I can do that.

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Speaker 1: But take a moment right now as we're talking, and

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Speaker 1: ask yourself this question, what three things actually make the

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Speaker 1: holidays feel meaningful to me? For me, it's being able

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Speaker 1: to spend time with my family, going to a Christmas

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Speaker 1: Eve service with my family. And also I enjoy the festivities,

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Speaker 1: the Christmas tree lights, just the extra touches of decorating

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Speaker 1: in the house. So one strategy really for these practical

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Speaker 1: things are to take that list of three and focus

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Speaker 1: on those things and let the rest drop. Now, this

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Speaker 1: next one can be a hard one, especially for us women,

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Speaker 1: And that practical strategy is boundaries with love, say no

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Speaker 1: without the guilt. You know, I've always said no is

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Speaker 1: a complete sentence. We are really not obligated to give

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Speaker 1: people reasons for why we can't. I know that many times,

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Speaker 1: as women, we feel like we should do that. We

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Speaker 1: feel like we need to explain why we can't go

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Speaker 1: to X, Y Z thing. But it's okay to say no,

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Speaker 1: It's okay to say, you know, that just doesn't work

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Speaker 1: for me this year. My schedule is too full. Also,

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Speaker 1: look at traditions that no longer serve you. Maybe there's

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Speaker 1: some things there that you could just drop and really

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Speaker 1: not miss. Another strategy, and really it's a gift to yourself.

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Speaker 1: Be clear about your emotional and time capacity. And you know,

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Speaker 1: that's something that I had to do this past Thanksgiving season.

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Speaker 1: I had to say, I want to make this holiday

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Speaker 1: really nice. And it was especially important because this was

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Speaker 1: the first holiday without my brother. My brother went to

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Speaker 1: heaven at age fifty two. He had down syndrome, and

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Speaker 1: he was just the light of my family's life. So

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Speaker 1: I wanted to make that first Thanksgiving, that first holiday

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Speaker 1: without any super special, especially for my parents who are

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Speaker 1: eighty seven years old and they cared for my brother

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Speaker 1: till his final days. And then I break my foot, right,

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Speaker 1: so it wasn't It didn't pan out all the ways

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Speaker 1: that I thought, but we had the most wonderful holiday.

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Speaker 1: I was just very clear about physically carrying around this

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Speaker 1: boot and my broken foot and the discomfort that that caused.

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Speaker 1: I had some physical limitations. And so for you, it

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Speaker 1: might be time capacity, maybe a big project at work,

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Speaker 1: or you're grieving, or you know, just so many things

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Speaker 1: that can happen. Be clear with people about what you

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Speaker 1: can and can't do, and most of the time you'll

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Speaker 1: find that people are really willing to help. Another practical

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Speaker 1: thing that you can employ is to delegate invite others

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Speaker 1: to help. And when you invite them to help, be specific.

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Speaker 1: If you just say, hey, help me out, people will

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Speaker 1: stand around like, oh, I don't know what to do,

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Speaker 1: and you're thinking you don't know what to do. Just

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Speaker 1: look around the house. You'll see all kinds of things

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Speaker 1: to do. But I find that if you're specific, it

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Speaker 1: really helps. Put one place setting out and ask one

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Speaker 1: of your children or whose ever friend that's there, say,

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Speaker 1: I'd like you to set the table. Here's how I'd

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Speaker 1: like you to set it. Have at it. Thank you.

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Speaker 1: Say to somebody, oh that's offered to help, Hey, will

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Speaker 1: you vacuum the living room? And the hallway. Just be specific.

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Speaker 1: Look for ways that you can outsource. Sometimes at the

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Speaker 1: mall they have gift wrapping services. Maybe you could get

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Speaker 1: a holiday clean for your house, maybe catering and those

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Speaker 1: sorts of things. Also, you can build in rest for

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Speaker 1: your holidays. Now a few years ago, I would have

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Speaker 1: laughed at any who said this to me, like rest

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Speaker 1: for the holidays. Well, you know what, we've got the

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Speaker 1: long to do list and the long schedule of everything

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Speaker 1: from the Christmas tree lighting to the Christmas Eve service.

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Speaker 1: Maybe just schedule some time for you to be able

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Speaker 1: to sit down and do what's meaningful and wonderful for you.

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Speaker 1: You know, sometimes for me just to watch a Hallmark movie,

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Speaker 1: even though I know how it's going to turn out

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Speaker 1: and it's predictable, sometimes it's just kind of a feel

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Speaker 1: good thing where I'm just sitting with my Christmas socks

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Speaker 1: and Christmas blanket and once in a while the hot

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Speaker 1: chocolate and just enjoying a movie and not having to think,

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Speaker 1: just think about ways to make it more enjoyable for

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Speaker 1: you by doing less. We've got to take just a

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Speaker 1: quick break to have a word from our sponsors, and

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Speaker 1: when we come back, we'll continue with doing less Enjoying

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Speaker 1: movie and we will talk about reclaiming moments of joy.

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Speaker 1: I'm so glad that you're here with me today on

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Speaker 1: the Hope for the Journey podcast the Women, the podcast

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Speaker 1: for women over forty, and we are looking at reclaiming

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Speaker 1: moments of joy. Part of the wonder of Christmas is

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Speaker 1: found in slowing down so that you can enjoy more.

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Speaker 1: Whether that's a cup of hot coffee or hot chocolate,

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Speaker 1: whether it's just lighting some candles in your living room,

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Speaker 1: maybe putting on Christmas music if that's what you like,

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Speaker 1: coming up with even a small ritual that helps you

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Speaker 1: to slow down and appreciate what's happening during the holiday season.

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Speaker 1: If you can keep focused on during the holidays that

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Speaker 1: its presence over performance. Really take time to enjoy spontaneous

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Speaker 1: moments rather than trying to plan every single little thing.

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Speaker 1: I find the more planned that I am, I can

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Speaker 1: actually become rigid and not flexible, and then when things

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Speaker 1: don't go up, don't happen as planned, there's such frustration.

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Speaker 1: So let's today as a part of the Hope for

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Speaker 1: the Journey community, say you know what, we are not

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Speaker 1: going to strive for perfection this year, we are going

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Speaker 1: to live toward presence, being fully present for the holidays

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Speaker 1: by doing less and enjoying more. And let me say this,

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Speaker 1: as I talk about enjoying more, some of you, some

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Speaker 1: of us I actually happen to be in this group,

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Speaker 1: may be struggling this year. It's important if you've lost

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Speaker 1: someone this year to acknowledge that grief. Maybe you're really lonely,

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Speaker 1: you took a job, and you're far away from family.

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Speaker 1: It could be your first empty nester Christmas, and as

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Speaker 1: much as you look forward to it, there may be

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Speaker 1: parts of that that are bittersweet. Could be a divorce

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Speaker 1: or you know, some other type of transition. You know,

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Speaker 1: for me, the grief is the loss of my brother

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Speaker 1: and really trying to help my parents in their grief

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Speaker 1: and walk through my own grief. And so I find that,

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Speaker 1: you know, I have a few trusted friends that I

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Speaker 1: can talk to about that, and just the sadness of

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Speaker 1: not having my brother there for that first holiday and

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Speaker 1: just the way that he enjoyed Christmas and getting presents,

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Speaker 1: and so enjoying more doesn't mean faking it. We can

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Speaker 1: be honest about the struggle whatever it is. We don't

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Speaker 1: have to let it override the entire holiday. But it

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Speaker 1: is important to acknowledge, which it is important to pray

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Speaker 1: and to process so that you can have the best

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Speaker 1: holiday that you possibly can. You know, doing less is

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Speaker 1: really a way to protect your heart. And there are

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Speaker 1: some really simple practical things that you can do to

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Speaker 1: just kind of slow down in the holiday. Maybe it's

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Speaker 1: a walk, perhaps it's just a really simple meal. Maybe

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Speaker 1: it's some new mini type tradition that you set up

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Speaker 1: for the holidays. So I shared with you Thanksgiving was

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Speaker 1: the first holiday that we had without my brother being present.

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Speaker 1: And so what I did, of course, I've got this

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Speaker 1: broken foot and all of that, but I put out

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Speaker 1: a gratitude display of our family members and just people

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Speaker 1: that I love and people that God has really entered

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Speaker 1: some prayers, And I also featured pictures of my brother there,

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Speaker 1: which gave everyone an opportunity to remember and to honor

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Speaker 1: Donnie's memory. It gave people the words to say, like

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Speaker 1: they saw his pictures, his happy face, and so yes,

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Speaker 1: he wasn't with us physically, but we did see his pictures.

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Speaker 1: We were able to enjoy and to celebrate his memory

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Speaker 1: instead of pretending like we weren't sad and that things

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Speaker 1: weren't different. Sometimes the best thing is just to acknowledge

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Speaker 1: what is actually happening. And sometimes in the holidays it's

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Speaker 1: good to have a hopeful reframe. You know, the holidays

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Speaker 1: aren't a test of our worthiness. It doesn't matter if

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Speaker 1: you go to two tree lightings, three, one or none.

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Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if you can go out Christmas caroling,

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Speaker 1: or to the Christmas pageant at church or the Christmas

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Speaker 1: Eve service. So when I say it doesn't matter, I

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Speaker 1: don't mean those things aren't enjoyable. I just mean that

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Speaker 1: we have to be comfortable with the idea of doing less.

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Speaker 1: We don't have to keep doing more to be good

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Speaker 1: Christian women, to be good mothers of adult children, are

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Speaker 1: good grandmothers, are good wives. I think we're conditioned to

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Speaker 1: believe that the more that we do the more the

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Speaker 1: more value that we are, and we don't have to

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Speaker 1: work for any of that. God has already made us

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Speaker 1: worthy doing less. Give it a hopeful reframe. It's not failure,

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Speaker 1: it's freedom. It's freedom for you and for me to

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Speaker 1: enjoy a holiday, a holiday that we get to experience,

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Speaker 1: not a holiday that we just create for others. And

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Speaker 1: I'm quite sure that all of you listening know exactly

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Speaker 1: what I mean by that. Right, years and years go by,

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Speaker 1: and for the one and over forty we have created

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Speaker 1: holidays for everybody else, for our children, for our grandchildren,

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Speaker 1: for our families, for our church family, for our work family,

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Speaker 1: and all of that is fine and well. I've had

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Speaker 1: fun with all of those things. But when I really

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Speaker 1: look back, how many holidays have I just been able

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Speaker 1: to enjoy where I wasn't just working so hard to

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Speaker 1: create a great holiday for everybody else. I'm certainly not

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Speaker 1: suggesting that you decide not to create a great holiday

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Speaker 1: for everybody else. I think that's part of the joy

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Speaker 1: of living, but give it a hopeful reframe where you

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Speaker 1: don't have to do so much. Trust enough that just

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Speaker 1: being fully present with your family, with your church family,

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Speaker 1: that that is where the joy. That is where the

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Speaker 1: holiday magic is, so to speak, everybody being present and

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Speaker 1: everybody's sharing the work. And yes, as women, we may

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Speaker 1: do the lion's share of the remembering to wrap the

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Speaker 1: gifts and to do all the things, but let others

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Speaker 1: around us help and also just be okay with you know,

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Speaker 1: this year, I'm going to do less so that I

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Speaker 1: can enjoy more. I'm going to encourage you today to

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Speaker 1: pick one thing, just look at your holiday season and

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Speaker 1: pick one thing that you will not do, one thing

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Speaker 1: that you can let go. You don't have to let

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Speaker 1: go of all of it, but what if you just

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Speaker 1: let go of one thing. For example, this year, with

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Speaker 1: my broken foot, I decided I am not going to

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Speaker 1: decorate the whole house. I mean, that's normally what I did.

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Speaker 1: Living room, kitchen, bedrooms, bathrooms. I did a lot of

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Speaker 1: decorating and I love it. I love the lights, I

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Speaker 1: love the beauty. It's just such a festive, wonderful season.

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Speaker 1: But I just can't do that this year. So we

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Speaker 1: have kind of an open concept townhouse. So I decorated

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Speaker 1: and my husband helped. First time ever he helped me

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Speaker 1: because I had this broken foot. I've got the Christmas

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Speaker 1: tree up, I've got some lights up, and so we've

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Speaker 1: got this open concept living room and kitchen in our townhouse,

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Speaker 1: and so both of those rooms have some lights, they

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Speaker 1: have some decorations. It looks beautiful and so I'm all

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Speaker 1: done with that. That's all done. I don't have to

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Speaker 1: do anymore to make it more Christmas y, I'm just

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Speaker 1: enjoying it exactly the way it is. And I do

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Speaker 1: want to say my husband also just had knee replacement surgery,

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Speaker 1: so we're both struggling in some ways. So we have

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Speaker 1: an artificial Christmas tree and you can see some spaces.

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Speaker 1: He didn't quite fluff it out exactly the way that

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Speaker 1: I normally would. But I've resolved that this Christmas, I'm

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Speaker 1: going to do less and enjoy more, and I've decided

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Speaker 1: that that is just the perfect tree for the Smelter

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Speaker 1: family this year. I also say, you know, pick one

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Speaker 1: thing that you just want to drop, you don't want

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Speaker 1: to do, and then pick one thing that just brings

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Speaker 1: you pure joy and commit to doing that one of

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Speaker 1: the things. And especially you know, with having a broken foot,

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Speaker 1: I typically would like, you know, to go for long

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Speaker 1: walks to go work out, but I'm limited in that.

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Speaker 1: So Plan B. I've scheduled some time to just enjoy

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Speaker 1: watching a Christmas movie and hey, I just live it

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Speaker 1: up by drinking hot chocolate and you know, with my

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Speaker 1: favorite Christmas socks and Christmas blanket and that's just a

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Speaker 1: moment for me of pure joy. So find something this

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Speaker 1: year that you want to give up so that you

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Speaker 1: can do less and enjoy more, and really pick something

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Speaker 1: that you enjoy doing just for you. Doesn't have to

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Speaker 1: be big, it does not have to be expensive. It's

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Speaker 1: just something that brings you pure joy. Give yourself that

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Speaker 1: gift so that this year that you can do less

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Speaker 1: and enjoy more of your holidays. I'm so glad that

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Speaker 1: you could join me today, and I will put in

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Speaker 1: the show notes the links and resources of what we

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Speaker 1: have talked about today. I'm so glad that you're here.

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Speaker 1: This is such a safe space for women over forty

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Speaker 1: who need the reminder that hey, God is not done

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Speaker 1: with us, It's never too late to rewrite our story,

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Speaker 1: and that we can share together life how to do

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Speaker 1: life tips help one another not just get through the

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Speaker 1: holiday season, but to thrive through the holiday season and

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Speaker 1: every other single month of the year. If you have

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Speaker 1: any ideas or suggestions of topics, or if you'd like

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Speaker 1: to be a guest on Hope for the Journey, I

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Speaker 1: asked that you would reach out to me. I will

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Speaker 1: put a link in the show notes so that you can.

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Speaker 1: I would love to have the opportunity to meet with you,

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Speaker 1: so check out the show notes. There will be a

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Speaker 1: giveaway for this week and also online extras and resources

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Speaker 1: for the Hope for the Holidays edition of Hope for

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Speaker 1: the Journey. And I'll see you again next week with

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Speaker 1: more Hope for the Journey