1 00:00:20,156 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,916 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:38,396 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane and this is the Happy Home. Well 5 00:00:38,556 --> 00:00:41,275 Speaker 1: this is amazing because I'm having Amber Leah back on 6 00:00:41,356 --> 00:00:44,716 Speaker 1: my podcast, but not alone with her son. So maybe 7 00:00:44,756 --> 00:00:46,915 Speaker 1: you were with us when I had Amber on last 8 00:00:47,036 --> 00:00:48,915 Speaker 1: with her new devo with her devotional was new then 9 00:00:49,156 --> 00:00:50,795 Speaker 1: still new to you if you haven't gotten it yet, 10 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:55,036 Speaker 1: untriggered sixty days of Transformation for moms who struggle with anger. 11 00:00:55,836 --> 00:00:59,435 Speaker 1: And Amber has four boys, and one of those boys 12 00:00:59,556 --> 00:01:01,796 Speaker 1: is with us today. His name is Allie, and they 13 00:01:01,836 --> 00:01:06,636 Speaker 1: have a new devotional called You Are Seeing Ninety Devotions 14 00:01:06,676 --> 00:01:10,996 Speaker 1: to encouraged stressed teens. Let me read you an endorsement 15 00:01:10,996 --> 00:01:14,836 Speaker 1: from this book. It says, like many teenagers, Alie Leah 16 00:01:14,996 --> 00:01:19,276 Speaker 1: had his share of dark times. He has struggled with depression, anxiety, 17 00:01:19,715 --> 00:01:22,556 Speaker 1: the loneliness of being the new kid. But he's chosen 18 00:01:22,596 --> 00:01:26,156 Speaker 1: to use those difficulties as a platform for encouraging others. 19 00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:29,315 Speaker 1: And do you know who said that endorsement? I was like, what, 20 00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:33,035 Speaker 1: I have never even had any of my books endorsed 21 00:01:33,075 --> 00:01:37,036 Speaker 1: by Jim Daily President a focus on the family. So 22 00:01:37,916 --> 00:01:40,836 Speaker 1: how does it feel to be an up and coming author. 23 00:01:41,316 --> 00:01:44,036 Speaker 2: It feels, man, it feels amazing. It is such a 24 00:01:44,075 --> 00:01:46,636 Speaker 2: blessing from the Lord. And I'm so excited that my 25 00:01:46,676 --> 00:01:47,836 Speaker 2: journey starts with my mama. 26 00:01:47,956 --> 00:01:48,516 Speaker 3: It's awesome. 27 00:01:48,756 --> 00:01:49,516 Speaker 4: That's so cool. 28 00:01:49,556 --> 00:01:53,436 Speaker 1: Every MoMA's heart just like, oh, that's so so Bring 29 00:01:53,476 --> 00:01:55,876 Speaker 1: us there, you know, here you are. You're writing from 30 00:01:55,956 --> 00:02:00,076 Speaker 1: this place of peace, You're writing from this place of like, 31 00:02:00,316 --> 00:02:02,395 Speaker 1: this is how I found my calm. Take us back 32 00:02:02,476 --> 00:02:05,076 Speaker 1: what was happening in your life when you were feeling 33 00:02:05,156 --> 00:02:07,396 Speaker 1: depressed and anxious. Because I know a lot of us parents, 34 00:02:07,436 --> 00:02:09,996 Speaker 1: we have a son or a daughter who's there right now. 35 00:02:09,956 --> 00:02:10,596 Speaker 3: One hundred percent. 36 00:02:10,796 --> 00:02:16,996 Speaker 2: Yeah, my story story with my struggle really started freshman 37 00:02:17,076 --> 00:02:19,116 Speaker 2: year of high school was brand new, and I'll high 38 00:02:19,116 --> 00:02:21,276 Speaker 2: school it's the big, big high school first of all, 39 00:02:21,956 --> 00:02:24,036 Speaker 2: but I had just was just coming off of homeschooling 40 00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:24,996 Speaker 2: for a couple of years. 41 00:02:24,996 --> 00:02:26,956 Speaker 3: We had just moved to the New state, so everything 42 00:02:27,036 --> 00:02:27,396 Speaker 3: was new. 43 00:02:28,276 --> 00:02:31,356 Speaker 2: I remember walking in, stepping into school and the only 44 00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:35,476 Speaker 2: person I knew was my neighbor, and I had known 45 00:02:35,516 --> 00:02:38,236 Speaker 2: what she looked like, and that was it. And she 46 00:02:38,716 --> 00:02:41,156 Speaker 2: drove me to school one day and that was about it. 47 00:02:41,436 --> 00:02:46,076 Speaker 2: So yeah, so walking into school was very nervous. Definitely 48 00:02:46,076 --> 00:02:49,516 Speaker 2: felt like I was completely alone. It was very very scary. 49 00:02:50,796 --> 00:02:54,356 Speaker 2: And not long after that, I kind of just struggled 50 00:02:54,356 --> 00:02:58,756 Speaker 2: making friends, struggled in that area, and you know, I 51 00:02:58,835 --> 00:03:00,916 Speaker 2: just kind of really started to get to me with 52 00:03:00,956 --> 00:03:04,796 Speaker 2: stress and you know, stressing over schoolwork. 53 00:03:04,876 --> 00:03:06,275 Speaker 3: And I like my. 54 00:03:06,236 --> 00:03:08,196 Speaker 2: I like to say I'm a perfectionist because I like 55 00:03:08,276 --> 00:03:10,236 Speaker 2: to get I like to get things done. I like 56 00:03:10,276 --> 00:03:11,835 Speaker 2: to get them done now. I don't like to think 57 00:03:11,876 --> 00:03:16,116 Speaker 2: of them. I don't like to procrastinate or procrastinate. 58 00:03:15,636 --> 00:03:19,756 Speaker 3: Like at all. Yeah, so I like to get it 59 00:03:19,796 --> 00:03:20,116 Speaker 3: done now. 60 00:03:20,156 --> 00:03:23,116 Speaker 2: And so those things started stressing me out and it 61 00:03:23,156 --> 00:03:26,236 Speaker 2: started getting really bad where I started getting really anxious, 62 00:03:26,916 --> 00:03:28,916 Speaker 2: and then it just hit a point where I just 63 00:03:28,916 --> 00:03:33,116 Speaker 2: plateaued and I just started feeling nothing and I started 64 00:03:33,115 --> 00:03:33,996 Speaker 2: feeling depressed. 65 00:03:34,596 --> 00:03:38,196 Speaker 3: And so that whole thing. 66 00:03:38,076 --> 00:03:40,476 Speaker 2: Really kicked off my freshman year of high school going 67 00:03:40,476 --> 00:03:43,356 Speaker 2: into my sophomore year of high school, it was a 68 00:03:43,396 --> 00:03:45,596 Speaker 2: really long journey and it was weird because I wasn't 69 00:03:45,636 --> 00:03:48,916 Speaker 2: myself and it was this place of trying to figure 70 00:03:48,956 --> 00:03:52,156 Speaker 2: out where did I go? And it wasn't an answer 71 00:03:52,196 --> 00:03:54,396 Speaker 2: that I necessarily had on my own. 72 00:03:54,436 --> 00:03:55,756 Speaker 3: I had to have help to find that. 73 00:03:55,876 --> 00:03:58,916 Speaker 2: And that's when Mama came in and she helped me 74 00:03:59,076 --> 00:04:02,356 Speaker 2: and grabbed Jesus's hand and helped me, helped me hold 75 00:04:02,396 --> 00:04:05,356 Speaker 2: on to it. And through there we've been able to 76 00:04:05,396 --> 00:04:08,716 Speaker 2: surround ourselves in scripture and prayer and worship and as 77 00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,716 Speaker 2: well as some practical techniques that have been able to 78 00:04:10,796 --> 00:04:14,956 Speaker 2: really help me just focus my mind, like breathing and 79 00:04:14,996 --> 00:04:15,676 Speaker 2: things like that. 80 00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:16,876 Speaker 3: And here I am. 81 00:04:17,076 --> 00:04:20,116 Speaker 2: I want to write a story my story right with 82 00:04:20,236 --> 00:04:22,716 Speaker 2: the Lord has done in my life because I know 83 00:04:22,836 --> 00:04:25,356 Speaker 2: there are other kids out there that don't have a 84 00:04:25,396 --> 00:04:28,876 Speaker 2: mama that can join them Arab help them learn who 85 00:04:28,956 --> 00:04:33,796 Speaker 2: Jesus is. And I want this to be an opportunity 86 00:04:33,796 --> 00:04:35,996 Speaker 2: for kids who are struggling to have some type of 87 00:04:36,076 --> 00:04:39,396 Speaker 2: resource because they are looking, Yeah, it's not going to 88 00:04:39,476 --> 00:04:43,796 Speaker 2: be found, and they're not looking in books or movies 89 00:04:43,916 --> 00:04:47,036 Speaker 2: or shows. They're looking in sex, they're looking in drugs, 90 00:04:47,076 --> 00:04:50,195 Speaker 2: they're looking in swearing, being the cool kid. They're looking 91 00:04:50,236 --> 00:04:53,916 Speaker 2: in all these things. They're trying to find some type 92 00:04:53,916 --> 00:04:57,395 Speaker 2: of escape. And I've found it. And it's through Jesus. 93 00:04:58,195 --> 00:05:00,356 Speaker 1: We're going to go back to some of those techniques. 94 00:05:00,396 --> 00:05:03,916 Speaker 1: But before that, remember, what were you like when he's 95 00:05:03,956 --> 00:05:06,596 Speaker 1: going through that hard time in your freshman year, right, 96 00:05:06,755 --> 00:05:07,876 Speaker 1: what are you thinking? 97 00:05:08,116 --> 00:05:08,515 Speaker 3: Yeah? 98 00:05:08,556 --> 00:05:10,516 Speaker 1: And so I want to go there, and then I 99 00:05:10,636 --> 00:05:13,356 Speaker 1: really want to talk about, like how do you bridge 100 00:05:13,516 --> 00:05:15,876 Speaker 1: that where your teenager does respond to you. You know, 101 00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:18,116 Speaker 1: hear he's saying, it was good that my mom talked 102 00:05:18,116 --> 00:05:20,515 Speaker 1: to me. But a lot of they're like, stop talking 103 00:05:20,556 --> 00:05:23,516 Speaker 1: to me, mama, you know, So, yeah, what were you thinking? 104 00:05:23,516 --> 00:05:25,876 Speaker 1: And how did you guys start communicating about it? Well? 105 00:05:25,916 --> 00:05:28,916 Speaker 4: You know, when Oliver was younger, I would pick up 106 00:05:28,956 --> 00:05:32,916 Speaker 4: on that sometimes when we were anticipating something coming up, 107 00:05:32,996 --> 00:05:35,715 Speaker 4: like whether it was an event or a vacation, something 108 00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:39,315 Speaker 4: good or something that was stressful. You know, he would 109 00:05:39,716 --> 00:05:42,556 Speaker 4: start to have some of those tendencies of a little 110 00:05:42,556 --> 00:05:45,036 Speaker 4: bit of anxiety. And I think that there's certain times 111 00:05:45,036 --> 00:05:48,236 Speaker 4: in our lives, whether it's whether their hormones are changing, right, 112 00:05:48,276 --> 00:05:50,476 Speaker 4: Like there's a lot going on chemically in their bodies, 113 00:05:51,156 --> 00:05:55,036 Speaker 4: a big transition like what Allie experienced. You know, different 114 00:05:55,036 --> 00:06:00,636 Speaker 4: seasons of life can just exacerbate and magnify some of 115 00:06:00,676 --> 00:06:03,715 Speaker 4: the normal anxieties that we feel just in our lives, 116 00:06:03,716 --> 00:06:06,196 Speaker 4: and so for me to start seeing this become bigger 117 00:06:06,195 --> 00:06:09,036 Speaker 4: and bigger and bigger. For Ali, first of all, as 118 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:11,356 Speaker 4: a parent, you feel kind of helpless, like you're not 119 00:06:11,396 --> 00:06:14,476 Speaker 4: sure what's going on, you don't really know what to do. 120 00:06:15,116 --> 00:06:18,556 Speaker 4: And yet we knew that it was probably going to 121 00:06:18,556 --> 00:06:20,596 Speaker 4: be a common nation of things that we needed to 122 00:06:20,716 --> 00:06:23,916 Speaker 4: navigate and walk through together, and so we just started 123 00:06:23,996 --> 00:06:27,036 Speaker 4: leaning in. But throughout all of the different options, you know, 124 00:06:27,036 --> 00:06:30,835 Speaker 4: it was some counseling, it was some supplements, it was medication, 125 00:06:31,036 --> 00:06:33,515 Speaker 4: it was you know, leaning in at church and with 126 00:06:33,596 --> 00:06:38,075 Speaker 4: youth group and in our own family time, discipling our kids. 127 00:06:38,636 --> 00:06:43,236 Speaker 4: But ultimately we had to cling to the truth that 128 00:06:43,436 --> 00:06:46,836 Speaker 4: God saw Ollie and he saw me, and God knew 129 00:06:46,836 --> 00:06:48,996 Speaker 4: what was going on even when I didn't, even when 130 00:06:49,076 --> 00:06:52,436 Speaker 4: Ollie didn't, and that he was not an author of confusion, 131 00:06:52,436 --> 00:06:54,356 Speaker 4: that he was going to give us a path forward, 132 00:06:54,956 --> 00:06:57,156 Speaker 4: and that we were going to hang on to him 133 00:06:57,276 --> 00:06:59,556 Speaker 4: for dear life. And that's what we continued to do. 134 00:07:00,755 --> 00:07:03,716 Speaker 4: But it really starts with, I think just opening up 135 00:07:03,755 --> 00:07:07,876 Speaker 4: some conversations with empathy, and that's like I think the 136 00:07:07,876 --> 00:07:10,996 Speaker 4: biggest piece for me as a parent, as navigating the 137 00:07:10,996 --> 00:07:14,196 Speaker 4: beginning stages of this is really coming to all of 138 00:07:14,196 --> 00:07:16,236 Speaker 4: our because sometimes I would just get really frustrated, and 139 00:07:16,276 --> 00:07:18,636 Speaker 4: I learned pretty quickly that wasn't the path that I 140 00:07:18,636 --> 00:07:22,676 Speaker 4: needed to instead listen to him, what are you feeling? 141 00:07:22,876 --> 00:07:26,356 Speaker 4: What are you experiencing? And even to ask him, like, 142 00:07:26,516 --> 00:07:28,596 Speaker 4: you know, how can I help? And he wouldn't always know, 143 00:07:29,076 --> 00:07:32,836 Speaker 4: but just knowing that I was there for him counted 144 00:07:32,876 --> 00:07:34,916 Speaker 4: more than any of the other things we actually did. 145 00:07:35,116 --> 00:07:37,756 Speaker 4: Was just opening up that communication I see you, I 146 00:07:37,836 --> 00:07:40,876 Speaker 4: understand that you're hurting, and I'm here for you. 147 00:07:41,636 --> 00:07:43,756 Speaker 1: And this was not a quick fix, because we're talking 148 00:07:43,756 --> 00:07:45,876 Speaker 1: about this is a year. This is more than a year. 149 00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:48,276 Speaker 1: How Allly did it start to turn for you? 150 00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:48,356 Speaker 3: What? 151 00:07:48,996 --> 00:07:51,036 Speaker 1: How would you get to someone who's kind of in it, 152 00:07:51,116 --> 00:07:52,836 Speaker 1: you know, nine months into it and just like my 153 00:07:52,876 --> 00:07:55,196 Speaker 1: life's always going to be this way? What would you say? 154 00:07:55,596 --> 00:07:58,036 Speaker 2: Yeah, So we definitely started with a little bit of 155 00:07:58,076 --> 00:08:00,676 Speaker 2: like counseling and starting to be able to give myself 156 00:08:00,676 --> 00:08:02,916 Speaker 2: an opportunity to kind of talk about what was going on. 157 00:08:04,116 --> 00:08:07,356 Speaker 2: I found that the best counselors were my parents. It 158 00:08:07,436 --> 00:08:11,876 Speaker 2: didn't start that way. I definitely had my own little 159 00:08:11,916 --> 00:08:15,596 Speaker 2: way of trying to corner myself in my room and 160 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:18,155 Speaker 2: just kind of not talk about things. 161 00:08:18,316 --> 00:08:19,116 Speaker 3: I would go on. 162 00:08:19,196 --> 00:08:20,756 Speaker 2: I mean there were multiple days where I go on 163 00:08:20,916 --> 00:08:23,076 Speaker 2: just kind of trying to avoid just kind of being quiet, 164 00:08:23,196 --> 00:08:27,276 Speaker 2: being dismissive. And you know, like my mom said, she 165 00:08:27,356 --> 00:08:30,716 Speaker 2: was able to really just start conversation with me, and 166 00:08:31,556 --> 00:08:34,876 Speaker 2: like I wasn't even trying to, but all of a sudden, 167 00:08:35,036 --> 00:08:37,836 Speaker 2: I just spilled it all up, you know, everything that 168 00:08:37,876 --> 00:08:39,956 Speaker 2: I was keeping in. And it can be the little 169 00:08:39,996 --> 00:08:42,556 Speaker 2: things from you know, little tests that were coming up, 170 00:08:42,716 --> 00:08:45,036 Speaker 2: or a conversation I had with someone in my class, 171 00:08:45,516 --> 00:08:48,035 Speaker 2: or maybe it's the big things like you know, college 172 00:08:48,156 --> 00:08:50,676 Speaker 2: or something crazy like that coming up in the future. 173 00:08:50,996 --> 00:08:53,316 Speaker 2: You know, I was able to talk about those things 174 00:08:53,356 --> 00:08:56,676 Speaker 2: with my mom, and it gave me an opportunity through 175 00:08:56,676 --> 00:09:00,276 Speaker 2: that relationship that I had with my mom that I 176 00:09:00,356 --> 00:09:03,116 Speaker 2: was able to kind of move start start moving towards healing. 177 00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:07,836 Speaker 1: Wow, it's so good. It's like when it's all hidden, 178 00:09:08,076 --> 00:09:11,596 Speaker 1: it just grows. Yeah, but in you talking about it, 179 00:09:11,596 --> 00:09:14,076 Speaker 1: it seemed and then your mom was empathetic and all 180 00:09:14,076 --> 00:09:16,676 Speaker 1: those things. One of the techniques you talk about is 181 00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:19,796 Speaker 1: five four three two one. Can you blain what that is? 182 00:09:19,836 --> 00:09:21,516 Speaker 1: And this is something we might want to try with 183 00:09:21,556 --> 00:09:22,116 Speaker 1: our teens. 184 00:09:22,996 --> 00:09:24,316 Speaker 3: Yeah, I actually will take this. 185 00:09:24,396 --> 00:09:27,116 Speaker 4: So what we've felt really strongly that it was important 186 00:09:27,516 --> 00:09:31,676 Speaker 4: to have some of the you know, people that are 187 00:09:31,956 --> 00:09:35,676 Speaker 4: professionally trained in dealing with stress and anxiety to speak 188 00:09:35,716 --> 00:09:40,476 Speaker 4: into some practical ways that we can employ methods to 189 00:09:40,556 --> 00:09:44,076 Speaker 4: help us with our anxiety. And so what we've done 190 00:09:44,116 --> 00:09:46,676 Speaker 4: is we've asked two of our friends that are licensed 191 00:09:46,676 --> 00:09:50,316 Speaker 4: counselors doctors to give us little segments throughout the book, 192 00:09:50,356 --> 00:09:53,236 Speaker 4: and they give us a number of different techniques. But 193 00:09:53,716 --> 00:09:56,316 Speaker 4: even I think one of the best things is that 194 00:09:56,596 --> 00:09:59,036 Speaker 4: when you're feeling very anxious, like when Oliver would feel anxious, 195 00:09:59,076 --> 00:10:01,316 Speaker 4: it's kind of like how do you stop that spiral? 196 00:10:01,436 --> 00:10:03,236 Speaker 4: How do you stop that spin? It's kind of like 197 00:10:03,276 --> 00:10:06,236 Speaker 4: a tornado. You know, as a parent, you're not even 198 00:10:06,236 --> 00:10:08,276 Speaker 4: sure like how do I even break through? So to 199 00:10:08,436 --> 00:10:11,396 Speaker 4: just stop and be like okay. We talk a lot 200 00:10:11,396 --> 00:10:15,156 Speaker 4: about just containment, you know, and stopping and taking a breath, 201 00:10:15,596 --> 00:10:20,516 Speaker 4: you know, counting backwards, imagining you're taking all that anxiety, 202 00:10:20,596 --> 00:10:23,396 Speaker 4: all that tornado, putting it inside like a treasure chest 203 00:10:23,516 --> 00:10:27,116 Speaker 4: or a box and containing it from it, counting backwards, 204 00:10:27,476 --> 00:10:30,796 Speaker 4: thinking through Okay, let me think of one thing I 205 00:10:30,836 --> 00:10:34,116 Speaker 4: can just be thankful for in the middle of this mess, 206 00:10:34,236 --> 00:10:37,196 Speaker 4: just from the last twenty four hours. So it's really like, okay, stop, 207 00:10:37,716 --> 00:10:42,716 Speaker 4: count backwards, breathe, you know, take all those worries, cares, 208 00:10:42,876 --> 00:10:45,316 Speaker 4: you know, the bullying, whatever it is, ye put it 209 00:10:45,316 --> 00:10:47,516 Speaker 4: in a box, not to hide it away forever and 210 00:10:47,556 --> 00:10:51,716 Speaker 4: to not deal with it, but to actually manage it 211 00:10:51,796 --> 00:10:55,356 Speaker 4: at an appropriate time, in the right space, when we're 212 00:10:55,396 --> 00:10:59,076 Speaker 4: outside of the swirly conflict moment, so that we can 213 00:10:59,156 --> 00:11:03,956 Speaker 4: unpack those things one at a time, slowly but surely scripturally. 214 00:11:04,436 --> 00:11:07,116 Speaker 4: So giving all over those kinds of tools, because sometimes 215 00:11:07,116 --> 00:11:09,636 Speaker 4: you know you can speak to this, but you'd be 216 00:11:09,676 --> 00:11:14,516 Speaker 4: in that place where it's just like heightened heightened emotion, panic, stress, 217 00:11:14,556 --> 00:11:17,836 Speaker 4: and it's very difficult to contain, and it doesn't happen 218 00:11:17,876 --> 00:11:19,996 Speaker 4: even the first few times you try to practice it. 219 00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:21,796 Speaker 4: But being able to go to Auli and say, okay, 220 00:11:21,876 --> 00:11:25,036 Speaker 4: let's just let's just count backwards for a minute, you know, 221 00:11:25,196 --> 00:11:28,596 Speaker 4: feel the chair under your legs, just get present, because sometimes. 222 00:11:28,236 --> 00:11:29,836 Speaker 3: You go to the future too far. 223 00:11:30,116 --> 00:11:32,956 Speaker 4: You know, your head is in the in the middle 224 00:11:32,996 --> 00:11:35,676 Speaker 4: of the storm, and so to just ground yourself a 225 00:11:35,676 --> 00:11:38,516 Speaker 4: little bit, just to get back into your body almost, 226 00:11:38,636 --> 00:11:40,756 Speaker 4: you know, and to be able to say, Okay, let's 227 00:11:40,836 --> 00:11:44,516 Speaker 4: just just feel the chair under your legs, breathe for 228 00:11:44,556 --> 00:11:47,356 Speaker 4: a second. Let's and he does this for me now too, 229 00:11:47,396 --> 00:11:49,836 Speaker 4: which is really cool because he'll see me start to 230 00:11:49,876 --> 00:11:53,796 Speaker 4: spin and be like, okay, mom, let's just take a second, right, 231 00:11:54,236 --> 00:11:56,596 Speaker 4: and then we'll pray real quick and we'll get into it. 232 00:11:56,636 --> 00:11:59,556 Speaker 4: So it takes practice to do some of these things, 233 00:11:59,596 --> 00:12:02,796 Speaker 4: but the book does have those practical pieces in it 234 00:12:02,836 --> 00:12:05,676 Speaker 4: too to help us, you know, right in the thick 235 00:12:05,716 --> 00:12:06,196 Speaker 4: of the storm. 236 00:12:06,236 --> 00:12:07,236 Speaker 3: What do I do right now? 237 00:12:08,156 --> 00:12:09,956 Speaker 1: Are these things that you can do at school? Ali? 238 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,236 Speaker 3: Yes they are. 239 00:12:11,356 --> 00:12:13,676 Speaker 2: So I feel like everything we've kind of talked about 240 00:12:13,676 --> 00:12:16,116 Speaker 2: has been you know, about being able to go to 241 00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:17,916 Speaker 2: my mom and have help. Right, So what do you 242 00:12:17,916 --> 00:12:19,596 Speaker 2: do when you're on your own at school you're in 243 00:12:19,596 --> 00:12:22,236 Speaker 2: a classroom setting, and parents at work, you're on your own. 244 00:12:22,556 --> 00:12:24,676 Speaker 2: That was the biggest thing for me, okay, because I 245 00:12:24,756 --> 00:12:26,956 Speaker 2: was like, yes, like, my mom is great, my mom 246 00:12:27,036 --> 00:12:28,436 Speaker 2: is helping me through all these things. 247 00:12:28,476 --> 00:12:31,076 Speaker 3: I love being able to have conversation with her. Take away. 248 00:12:31,116 --> 00:12:34,836 Speaker 2: The conversation aspects, how can you have this peace in 249 00:12:34,916 --> 00:12:40,036 Speaker 2: a time of high stress, high anxiety. They answer straight 250 00:12:40,076 --> 00:12:45,316 Speaker 2: up is Jesus, you cannot survive on your own without 251 00:12:45,436 --> 00:12:48,116 Speaker 2: taking out the armor of Christ. And you have to 252 00:12:48,236 --> 00:12:50,316 Speaker 2: take up your armor daily, take up your cross daily, 253 00:12:50,356 --> 00:12:51,916 Speaker 2: and walk and know that the Lord is going to 254 00:12:51,956 --> 00:12:53,116 Speaker 2: protect you and. 255 00:12:53,036 --> 00:12:53,436 Speaker 3: Be with you. 256 00:12:53,516 --> 00:12:55,836 Speaker 2: And there were moments where I had to memorize scripture. 257 00:12:56,396 --> 00:12:58,036 Speaker 2: It was the first thing I had on my phone 258 00:12:58,076 --> 00:13:00,076 Speaker 2: in the morning, first thing I woke up. I would 259 00:13:00,116 --> 00:13:02,836 Speaker 2: memorize scripture in my head. And whenever I started to 260 00:13:02,836 --> 00:13:05,116 Speaker 2: get really stressed out and freaked out about it, I 261 00:13:05,116 --> 00:13:07,796 Speaker 2: would use my breathing technique. I used this breathing technique 262 00:13:07,836 --> 00:13:10,836 Speaker 2: called the box method. You breathe in for four seconds, 263 00:13:10,916 --> 00:13:12,916 Speaker 2: hold it for four, go out for four, hold it 264 00:13:12,956 --> 00:13:16,076 Speaker 2: for four and then I would just pray. I'd say, 265 00:13:16,276 --> 00:13:19,796 Speaker 2: I'd just be completely open to you. I said, Jesus, 266 00:13:20,076 --> 00:13:22,116 Speaker 2: right now, I'm stressed. 267 00:13:21,636 --> 00:13:25,196 Speaker 3: About this test, this cup. Lord, I really don't know 268 00:13:25,236 --> 00:13:25,636 Speaker 3: what to do. 269 00:13:25,756 --> 00:13:29,236 Speaker 2: I'm feeling very fast, my heart beat its beating, and 270 00:13:29,396 --> 00:13:31,236 Speaker 2: I'm stressed and I'm anxious, and i don't know what 271 00:13:31,276 --> 00:13:33,356 Speaker 2: to do. But Lord, your word says that you hear 272 00:13:33,436 --> 00:13:35,876 Speaker 2: me in times of trouble, and I asked that you 273 00:13:35,876 --> 00:13:37,556 Speaker 2: would hear me now and give me peace. 274 00:13:37,596 --> 00:13:37,916 Speaker 3: Amen. 275 00:13:38,156 --> 00:13:40,636 Speaker 2: And so there were multiple times where I felt that 276 00:13:40,796 --> 00:13:44,076 Speaker 2: and I just had to take a moment where you know, 277 00:13:44,236 --> 00:13:46,036 Speaker 2: whether I have to close my eyes and put my 278 00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:48,436 Speaker 2: head down for a second or raise my hand and 279 00:13:48,436 --> 00:13:50,236 Speaker 2: asked my teacher, Hey, can I just take a second 280 00:13:50,236 --> 00:13:52,516 Speaker 2: outside the door for a little bit. It was a 281 00:13:52,516 --> 00:13:56,196 Speaker 2: way for me to gather myself, to focus on the present. 282 00:13:56,396 --> 00:13:58,836 Speaker 2: Look at what clothes I was wearing, look at where 283 00:13:58,876 --> 00:14:02,036 Speaker 2: my feet were standing, Smell what type of smells I 284 00:14:02,116 --> 00:14:05,356 Speaker 2: was smelling. Those were the things that just helped me 285 00:14:05,396 --> 00:14:08,236 Speaker 2: the most because I got so lost in my mind 286 00:14:08,356 --> 00:14:11,836 Speaker 2: up here right when I needed to realize where I was, 287 00:14:11,956 --> 00:14:15,516 Speaker 2: and that helps me bring myself back, collect myself and 288 00:14:15,596 --> 00:14:17,036 Speaker 2: take things one thing out of time. 289 00:14:17,036 --> 00:14:19,436 Speaker 4: And I have to say, Earlan too, just a couple 290 00:14:19,436 --> 00:14:21,476 Speaker 4: of weeks ago, I got a text message. So this 291 00:14:21,516 --> 00:14:22,796 Speaker 4: is something parents can do too. 292 00:14:22,996 --> 00:14:24,796 Speaker 3: Is like we have it. 293 00:14:25,236 --> 00:14:28,116 Speaker 4: I know not every family is the same, but Oliver 294 00:14:28,196 --> 00:14:31,596 Speaker 4: has a phone and he's able to text me and communicate. 295 00:14:31,596 --> 00:14:33,276 Speaker 4: And I would always tell him, first of all, there's 296 00:14:33,276 --> 00:14:35,116 Speaker 4: no judgment, Like, I want him to always know I'm 297 00:14:35,156 --> 00:14:38,116 Speaker 4: empathetic when he comes to me with his anxiety, his stress, 298 00:14:38,156 --> 00:14:41,236 Speaker 4: his depression, his fears. He's going to get someone that 299 00:14:41,396 --> 00:14:44,916 Speaker 4: welcomes him and says, Okay, I hear you, I see you. Yes, 300 00:14:44,956 --> 00:14:47,796 Speaker 4: I understand why you're feeling that way, and I'm here. 301 00:14:48,116 --> 00:14:51,116 Speaker 4: And so just letting kids know that consistently. They may 302 00:14:51,236 --> 00:14:53,356 Speaker 4: even give you a reproof and be like whatever, Mom, 303 00:14:53,636 --> 00:14:55,396 Speaker 4: you think they're ignoring you, but I just want to 304 00:14:55,436 --> 00:14:55,836 Speaker 4: encourage you. 305 00:14:55,876 --> 00:14:56,196 Speaker 3: They're not. 306 00:14:56,636 --> 00:14:58,836 Speaker 4: Like it matters that you breathe life into them and 307 00:14:58,876 --> 00:15:01,476 Speaker 4: say those things. So I would tell him, you know, 308 00:15:01,556 --> 00:15:03,476 Speaker 4: like just text me, like if you're able to and 309 00:15:03,556 --> 00:15:05,876 Speaker 4: you're not with me, you know, send a text or. 310 00:15:05,876 --> 00:15:08,156 Speaker 3: Send a text to a friend, a trusted friend. 311 00:15:08,316 --> 00:15:11,276 Speaker 4: Like I think it's very important for teens to surround 312 00:15:11,276 --> 00:15:14,196 Speaker 4: themselves with healthy people and to be able to have 313 00:15:14,236 --> 00:15:16,476 Speaker 4: that commitment like, hey, I'm going a message he or 314 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,876 Speaker 4: maybe it's a sibling. And so a couple of weeks ago, 315 00:15:18,956 --> 00:15:21,476 Speaker 4: he messages me, you know, every so often now and 316 00:15:21,516 --> 00:15:24,756 Speaker 4: he'll say, Mom, I'm starting to feel anxious, and let 317 00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,876 Speaker 4: me just kind of map out for you what the 318 00:15:26,956 --> 00:15:30,716 Speaker 4: day's plan is because for him, anticipation is one of 319 00:15:30,716 --> 00:15:34,276 Speaker 4: those things that creates the anxiety, like what's coming next, 320 00:15:34,436 --> 00:15:36,556 Speaker 4: And so he just kind of wrote it out, Okay, 321 00:15:36,596 --> 00:15:39,356 Speaker 4: I'm just gonna meditate on this verse. Mom, I'm saying 322 00:15:39,396 --> 00:15:42,076 Speaker 4: a prayer right now, but here's what's going to happen. 323 00:15:42,076 --> 00:15:43,916 Speaker 4: And it just gave him kind of that release, you know. 324 00:15:43,916 --> 00:15:45,596 Speaker 4: And I was like, Okay, this is good. Yes, you 325 00:15:45,796 --> 00:15:48,836 Speaker 4: just do the next right thing. You're doing a good job, 326 00:15:49,396 --> 00:15:50,996 Speaker 4: and I'm praying for you, you know. 327 00:15:51,196 --> 00:15:52,316 Speaker 3: And he got through it. Yeah. 328 00:15:52,516 --> 00:15:54,476 Speaker 2: No, That's what was funny is I feel like I 329 00:15:54,476 --> 00:15:56,756 Speaker 2: got through it on my own without having I. 330 00:15:56,676 --> 00:15:59,676 Speaker 3: Was texting her, but yeah, I didn't get a response back. 331 00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:01,476 Speaker 3: I was like I was right away. 332 00:16:01,516 --> 00:16:03,356 Speaker 2: I was talking to myself in a way, yes, ye 333 00:16:03,396 --> 00:16:05,596 Speaker 2: where I was like, okay, I have this first, this 334 00:16:05,636 --> 00:16:07,796 Speaker 2: is next, this is wait a second, if I just 335 00:16:08,076 --> 00:16:09,876 Speaker 2: take this one thing out of time, yeah, I'm good. 336 00:16:09,916 --> 00:16:10,676 Speaker 3: I got can do this. 337 00:16:10,756 --> 00:16:14,916 Speaker 1: And then you're learning. It's like you're learning how to 338 00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:18,636 Speaker 1: do this yourself. How there are so many kids, I 339 00:16:18,636 --> 00:16:21,756 Speaker 1: feel like who are struggling with this perfectionism. I think 340 00:16:21,796 --> 00:16:24,676 Speaker 1: way more than when your mom and I were teenagers. 341 00:16:25,396 --> 00:16:27,756 Speaker 1: So why First of all, why do you think that 342 00:16:27,916 --> 00:16:30,916 Speaker 1: is that so many kids around you are are anxious 343 00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,316 Speaker 1: and kind of in this I gotta do a perfect mode? 344 00:16:33,356 --> 00:16:34,236 Speaker 1: What do you think, Allia? 345 00:16:35,116 --> 00:16:38,796 Speaker 2: I mean, everybody has things that they want in life, right, 346 00:16:38,836 --> 00:16:41,396 Speaker 2: There's things like you want to be you know, you 347 00:16:41,436 --> 00:16:43,116 Speaker 2: want to have the top grades. You want to be 348 00:16:43,156 --> 00:16:45,476 Speaker 2: the strongest athlete in the weight room, maybe you want 349 00:16:45,476 --> 00:16:48,556 Speaker 2: to have the highest you know, video game rank. There 350 00:16:48,556 --> 00:16:51,956 Speaker 2: are things that you know, kids my age people, things 351 00:16:51,996 --> 00:16:55,516 Speaker 2: that we want, things that we do after And I'd 352 00:16:55,556 --> 00:17:01,476 Speaker 2: say that that perfectionist mindset can honestly come from comparing 353 00:17:01,476 --> 00:17:06,676 Speaker 2: ourselves to others and comparing ourselves to things that aren't 354 00:17:06,715 --> 00:17:11,596 Speaker 2: necessarily what the Lord has in sight for us. And 355 00:17:11,636 --> 00:17:13,595 Speaker 2: the reason I say that is because I kind of 356 00:17:13,636 --> 00:17:18,515 Speaker 2: had my perfectionist mindset from just wanting to be the 357 00:17:18,596 --> 00:17:23,035 Speaker 2: number one person at my school and get that valedictorian 358 00:17:23,196 --> 00:17:25,515 Speaker 2: whatever at the end of high school. And I will 359 00:17:25,556 --> 00:17:29,235 Speaker 2: say it, I did, like I was number one. I 360 00:17:29,396 --> 00:17:33,676 Speaker 2: was top five in my school for freshman sophomore in 361 00:17:33,755 --> 00:17:36,995 Speaker 2: junior year. But it had a really big cost on me, 362 00:17:37,076 --> 00:17:38,836 Speaker 2: and it hurt me a lot more than it did 363 00:17:39,955 --> 00:17:43,076 Speaker 2: the reward. And it was because I had to give 364 00:17:43,156 --> 00:17:46,076 Speaker 2: so much into it that I was giving from things 365 00:17:46,076 --> 00:17:48,956 Speaker 2: that I didn't even have, and so it was so 366 00:17:48,955 --> 00:17:50,636 Speaker 2: so difficult because. 367 00:17:51,955 --> 00:17:53,636 Speaker 3: In this world you can't be perfect. 368 00:17:54,556 --> 00:17:58,276 Speaker 2: There's not one person on this world that is perfect 369 00:17:58,396 --> 00:18:01,836 Speaker 2: or that is a perfect example, except Jesus Christ himself. 370 00:18:02,275 --> 00:18:05,116 Speaker 2: And when I kind of started to realize, Okay, I'm 371 00:18:05,116 --> 00:18:08,116 Speaker 2: not going to be perfect, I also realized it's okay 372 00:18:08,156 --> 00:18:08,916 Speaker 2: to mess up. 373 00:18:09,156 --> 00:18:11,995 Speaker 3: And that's what else. That's what else really helps me 374 00:18:12,076 --> 00:18:13,156 Speaker 3: because I. 375 00:18:13,116 --> 00:18:16,075 Speaker 2: Also learned that I don't have to make mistakes and 376 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:19,916 Speaker 2: just sit there and feel the guilt and shame. But 377 00:18:20,116 --> 00:18:22,356 Speaker 2: when I surround myself with people that love me, when 378 00:18:22,356 --> 00:18:24,636 Speaker 2: I think about, Okay, this is what the Lord's blessed 379 00:18:24,676 --> 00:18:27,715 Speaker 2: me with, this is what I'm thankful for, that perfectionist 380 00:18:27,755 --> 00:18:30,436 Speaker 2: mindset kind of faded and I was okay if things 381 00:18:30,475 --> 00:18:33,196 Speaker 2: didn't go how I wanted them to, because I knew 382 00:18:33,275 --> 00:18:35,355 Speaker 2: that God was directing my steps. I knew that he 383 00:18:35,475 --> 00:18:38,275 Speaker 2: had a path for me that I didn't maybe know 384 00:18:38,396 --> 00:18:40,795 Speaker 2: at the time. But I'll tell you what, when I 385 00:18:40,836 --> 00:18:43,795 Speaker 2: when I continued to trust the Lord and faith man, it. 386 00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:44,475 Speaker 3: Has worked out. 387 00:18:44,596 --> 00:18:46,996 Speaker 2: And I mean I genuinely I don't want to too 388 00:18:47,035 --> 00:18:49,515 Speaker 2: my horn. But look at me now I am. You know, 389 00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:50,396 Speaker 2: I'm a testimony. 390 00:18:50,436 --> 00:18:51,515 Speaker 3: I'm healed. You know. 391 00:18:51,676 --> 00:18:54,636 Speaker 2: I'm definitely not perfect in being able to not be 392 00:18:54,836 --> 00:18:57,396 Speaker 2: depressed or stressed or anxious. But I have the methods, 393 00:18:57,436 --> 00:19:00,156 Speaker 2: I have help, I know what to do, and more importantly, 394 00:19:00,196 --> 00:19:02,436 Speaker 2: I'm surrounded by people and Jesus who I know. 395 00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:02,676 Speaker 3: Well. 396 00:19:03,316 --> 00:19:08,196 Speaker 1: I'm hearing that the support system, the techniques, the going 397 00:19:08,235 --> 00:19:12,275 Speaker 1: to God first, and the realizing, oh, my identity isn't 398 00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:15,276 Speaker 1: bound up in this me being like the most best 399 00:19:15,316 --> 00:19:18,075 Speaker 1: student of all time ever, but it's in like, oh, 400 00:19:18,116 --> 00:19:19,755 Speaker 1: I'm going to do my best and then hey, if 401 00:19:19,755 --> 00:19:21,955 Speaker 1: it doesn't work out, it doesn't work out? Is that 402 00:19:22,156 --> 00:19:22,756 Speaker 1: about right? 403 00:19:23,275 --> 00:19:26,116 Speaker 3: One hundred percent? And it's all about it's total. 404 00:19:26,475 --> 00:19:28,316 Speaker 2: You got to pray about it and say, like God, 405 00:19:28,356 --> 00:19:30,876 Speaker 2: I surrender this to you, this is this, this would 406 00:19:30,876 --> 00:19:32,836 Speaker 2: be great, but I know that you have a better 407 00:19:32,836 --> 00:19:33,315 Speaker 2: plan for you. 408 00:19:33,436 --> 00:19:36,636 Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think to his teens, you know, take 409 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:41,436 Speaker 4: God's word to heart. That's what shifts our perspectives. It 410 00:19:40,955 --> 00:19:46,475 Speaker 4: shifts us away from anxiety. Perfectionism. Comparison one of our 411 00:19:46,715 --> 00:19:50,356 Speaker 4: verses that we include in our devotional as Ephesians two ten. 412 00:19:50,436 --> 00:19:53,836 Speaker 4: It says, for we are God's handiwork created in Christ 413 00:19:53,955 --> 00:19:57,955 Speaker 4: Jesus to do good works which God prepared in advance 414 00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:00,715 Speaker 4: for us to do. And so for teenagers and even 415 00:20:00,796 --> 00:20:04,156 Speaker 4: parents to know, like the parenting and the being the kid, 416 00:20:04,995 --> 00:20:07,396 Speaker 4: both of those are part of God's plan and he 417 00:20:07,556 --> 00:20:10,356 Speaker 4: knows the steps, he knows where he's leading you. He's 418 00:20:10,436 --> 00:20:14,235 Speaker 4: got you. You don't need to stress out about the 419 00:20:14,275 --> 00:20:16,436 Speaker 4: future because God has it all in hand and he 420 00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:18,835 Speaker 4: has you. And so that brings I think a lot 421 00:20:19,035 --> 00:20:22,196 Speaker 4: comfort just reminding our kids, reminding ourselves at the end 422 00:20:22,196 --> 00:20:24,595 Speaker 4: of the day, it's not about any of us and 423 00:20:24,636 --> 00:20:27,755 Speaker 4: all of our efforts. It's a real big comfort to 424 00:20:27,836 --> 00:20:31,396 Speaker 4: know that God has created us, he knows the pathron 425 00:20:31,955 --> 00:20:34,715 Speaker 4: he knows the future, He holds it. He is good, 426 00:20:35,076 --> 00:20:36,676 Speaker 4: and it's all going to be okay. 427 00:20:36,796 --> 00:20:37,355 Speaker 3: It really is. 428 00:20:37,796 --> 00:20:40,676 Speaker 1: Yeah, you talk about one of your chapters, which I love. 429 00:20:40,755 --> 00:20:45,515 Speaker 1: God can heal all your mental, physical and spiritual wounds. 430 00:20:45,916 --> 00:20:48,156 Speaker 1: Talk about your rotator cuff in your shoulder. 431 00:20:48,515 --> 00:20:48,715 Speaker 3: Yeah. 432 00:20:48,955 --> 00:20:50,995 Speaker 1: I know a lot of people who listen they have 433 00:20:51,035 --> 00:20:53,116 Speaker 1: an injury and it's like, oh, it's such a big 434 00:20:53,156 --> 00:20:54,035 Speaker 1: deal in high school. 435 00:20:54,475 --> 00:20:59,035 Speaker 2: Yeah, so my injury it really is my testimony. My 436 00:20:59,235 --> 00:21:02,196 Speaker 2: rotator cuff had torn going into my freshman year of 437 00:21:02,275 --> 00:21:03,715 Speaker 2: high school, so I was in eighth grade. 438 00:21:03,796 --> 00:21:05,916 Speaker 3: It was a summer in eighth grade or about smooth Tennessee. 439 00:21:06,995 --> 00:21:09,075 Speaker 2: I played for a travel team in California when I 440 00:21:09,076 --> 00:21:13,116 Speaker 2: played baseball, and something my coach puts so much emphasis 441 00:21:13,156 --> 00:21:14,716 Speaker 2: on was are you going to make the rst City 442 00:21:14,755 --> 00:21:15,276 Speaker 2: baseball team? 443 00:21:15,275 --> 00:21:16,236 Speaker 3: Are you going to be able to make the high 444 00:21:16,235 --> 00:21:17,635 Speaker 3: school team? Are you going to be able to make it? 445 00:21:17,955 --> 00:21:21,115 Speaker 2: So I have this worn terror, this terror in my 446 00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:24,356 Speaker 2: shoulder where I've had our MRI and there are pictures 447 00:21:24,436 --> 00:21:27,276 Speaker 2: of it visibly being torn. It literally looks like a 448 00:21:27,676 --> 00:21:29,955 Speaker 2: like a Kleenex tissue that you had like ripped. 449 00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:31,315 Speaker 3: And yeah, it was disgusting. 450 00:21:31,356 --> 00:21:33,475 Speaker 2: I know it was awful, and I was like, I'm 451 00:21:33,515 --> 00:21:35,356 Speaker 2: never gonna be able to throw a baseball again. And 452 00:21:35,396 --> 00:21:37,275 Speaker 2: it got to the point where I would pick up things, 453 00:21:37,316 --> 00:21:40,636 Speaker 2: I immediately would drop them. It was the most painful 454 00:21:40,676 --> 00:21:44,396 Speaker 2: thing I have really ever been through me. 455 00:21:44,475 --> 00:21:46,995 Speaker 3: And Mom, this was I would say that this is. 456 00:21:46,916 --> 00:21:51,355 Speaker 2: How I really realized, man, the power of God is 457 00:21:52,235 --> 00:21:55,795 Speaker 2: holy and it is strong. And it was because I 458 00:21:55,836 --> 00:21:59,676 Speaker 2: remember praying, we prayed over my shoulder. And I remember 459 00:21:59,715 --> 00:22:03,196 Speaker 2: meditating on Matthew chapter twenty one, verse twenty one, and 460 00:22:03,235 --> 00:22:05,636 Speaker 2: it goes along the lines where it says that if 461 00:22:05,676 --> 00:22:07,436 Speaker 2: you have enough faith, truly, I tell you, if you 462 00:22:07,475 --> 00:22:09,555 Speaker 2: have enough faith, you'll be able to tell a mountain 463 00:22:09,636 --> 00:22:11,995 Speaker 2: to be taken up and thrown into the sea. And 464 00:22:12,076 --> 00:22:13,875 Speaker 2: so I just remember that and I was like, Okay, Well, 465 00:22:13,916 --> 00:22:16,516 Speaker 2: if God, if Jesus is telling me that I can 466 00:22:16,596 --> 00:22:18,876 Speaker 2: have so much faith that I can tell a mountain 467 00:22:18,995 --> 00:22:21,876 Speaker 2: tend to be thrown into the sky and dropped into 468 00:22:21,916 --> 00:22:24,396 Speaker 2: the sea, I was like, then he can heal my shoulder. 469 00:22:24,475 --> 00:22:26,515 Speaker 2: And so my mom and I we prayed over my shoulder, 470 00:22:26,556 --> 00:22:29,755 Speaker 2: my rotator cuff. And I remember two weeks after my 471 00:22:29,796 --> 00:22:32,436 Speaker 2: first MRI program, I went back and I had the 472 00:22:32,436 --> 00:22:34,595 Speaker 2: big scam where they put me in that big machine. 473 00:22:34,636 --> 00:22:37,276 Speaker 3: It was loud. I remember coming out and doctor came 474 00:22:37,316 --> 00:22:39,636 Speaker 3: out with my papers and he. 475 00:22:39,636 --> 00:22:43,556 Speaker 2: Said, Hey, I don't really know how this is possible, 476 00:22:43,755 --> 00:22:47,196 Speaker 2: but the tearor is gone and it's now just stiff 477 00:22:47,196 --> 00:22:47,756 Speaker 2: around it. 478 00:22:48,156 --> 00:22:49,715 Speaker 3: You're going to be okay to play baseball? 479 00:22:49,836 --> 00:22:50,276 Speaker 1: Wow? 480 00:22:50,316 --> 00:22:54,076 Speaker 2: And yes, And so it was amazing, and I moved 481 00:22:54,076 --> 00:22:57,235 Speaker 2: to Tennessee. I make the baseball team, still part of 482 00:22:57,235 --> 00:22:59,436 Speaker 2: the baseball team. It's amazing. 483 00:22:59,876 --> 00:23:00,075 Speaker 3: You know. 484 00:23:00,116 --> 00:23:03,955 Speaker 2: The Lord really took a place where I was on 485 00:23:03,995 --> 00:23:07,156 Speaker 2: my own and he said, hey, look with me, we 486 00:23:07,196 --> 00:23:09,516 Speaker 2: can make this happen. And it was because I put 487 00:23:09,596 --> 00:23:11,755 Speaker 2: my faith in God that he healed my shoulder and 488 00:23:11,836 --> 00:23:14,235 Speaker 2: gave me an opportunity not just to play baseball, but 489 00:23:14,235 --> 00:23:16,715 Speaker 2: to also use it for His glory was the most 490 00:23:17,156 --> 00:23:18,876 Speaker 2: which is the best reason why. 491 00:23:18,995 --> 00:23:23,356 Speaker 4: And really that physical healing was just a I think 492 00:23:23,396 --> 00:23:26,835 Speaker 4: at that moment it was a reminder to Ollie that 493 00:23:26,876 --> 00:23:28,916 Speaker 4: he would know that God is who he says he is, 494 00:23:29,556 --> 00:23:31,715 Speaker 4: so when we come to him with our broken hearts, 495 00:23:31,755 --> 00:23:33,955 Speaker 4: it's like kind of this internal healing that we need. 496 00:23:34,235 --> 00:23:37,116 Speaker 4: If God can heal us physically, and he often does, 497 00:23:38,196 --> 00:23:40,916 Speaker 4: then he can heal the things that are inside that 498 00:23:40,995 --> 00:23:43,075 Speaker 4: are broken and hurting too, and that gives us a 499 00:23:43,116 --> 00:23:43,596 Speaker 4: lot of hope. 500 00:23:43,876 --> 00:23:46,116 Speaker 1: It's beautiful. Are you a senior this year, Alie? 501 00:23:46,156 --> 00:23:48,796 Speaker 3: I am. I'm in my senior year of high school. Yeah. 502 00:23:49,316 --> 00:23:51,836 Speaker 1: Yes, And we've talked a lot about your mom because 503 00:23:51,836 --> 00:23:54,355 Speaker 1: obviously she is a writer. You guys have done this together. 504 00:23:54,475 --> 00:23:57,235 Speaker 1: I want to know the role that a dad. What 505 00:23:57,356 --> 00:23:59,556 Speaker 1: has your dad done, and the role of a dad 506 00:23:59,636 --> 00:24:01,515 Speaker 1: of what he can do to speak into if he 507 00:24:01,556 --> 00:24:04,995 Speaker 1: sees that his child is struggling with anxiety depression. 508 00:24:05,436 --> 00:24:11,115 Speaker 2: Yeah, so my dad, I would really say, became my 509 00:24:11,316 --> 00:24:13,995 Speaker 2: best guy friend that I had, which is funny because 510 00:24:14,035 --> 00:24:14,516 Speaker 2: his first. 511 00:24:14,396 --> 00:24:15,876 Speaker 3: Name is Guy, but. 512 00:24:17,475 --> 00:24:19,555 Speaker 1: Super best friend guy. Right. 513 00:24:19,796 --> 00:24:23,556 Speaker 2: No, but my dad was It was very different. It's 514 00:24:23,636 --> 00:24:26,636 Speaker 2: very different the contrast between a mother and her son 515 00:24:26,676 --> 00:24:29,116 Speaker 2: and a father and her son because in the same 516 00:24:29,156 --> 00:24:32,436 Speaker 2: way my dad had been through the very specific things 517 00:24:32,436 --> 00:24:33,235 Speaker 2: that I had been through. 518 00:24:33,275 --> 00:24:33,795 Speaker 3: He gets me. 519 00:24:33,876 --> 00:24:36,515 Speaker 2: He's a guy, I'm a guy, and being able to 520 00:24:36,596 --> 00:24:39,475 Speaker 2: have him as a mentor when it came to certain 521 00:24:39,515 --> 00:24:43,876 Speaker 2: things like having the first girlfriend or trying to figure out, 522 00:24:43,916 --> 00:24:45,316 Speaker 2: you know, how do you ask her role. 523 00:24:45,196 --> 00:24:47,756 Speaker 3: On the date? Things like that, Like there were things 524 00:24:47,796 --> 00:24:49,316 Speaker 3: where I was able to go to him and he was. 525 00:24:49,235 --> 00:24:51,116 Speaker 2: Able to give me help and give me examples from 526 00:24:51,116 --> 00:24:54,075 Speaker 2: his life that also helped me. And I think for 527 00:24:54,196 --> 00:24:57,196 Speaker 2: some kids, going to your father and opening up can 528 00:24:57,235 --> 00:25:02,515 Speaker 2: be scary, and Luckily for me, my dad noticed that 529 00:25:02,596 --> 00:25:07,635 Speaker 2: I was struggling and he empathized. He came down to 530 00:25:07,676 --> 00:25:09,836 Speaker 2: my level and he just said, son, you know what's 531 00:25:09,836 --> 00:25:12,515 Speaker 2: going on, Like, how can I help you. He just 532 00:25:12,596 --> 00:25:16,035 Speaker 2: asked me about the little things, and I started to 533 00:25:16,076 --> 00:25:19,356 Speaker 2: just grow my relationship with my father and he became 534 00:25:19,436 --> 00:25:22,836 Speaker 2: so strong that you know, we talk about cars and 535 00:25:22,916 --> 00:25:25,795 Speaker 2: our dreams for when we grow older, and you know, 536 00:25:25,916 --> 00:25:28,595 Speaker 2: I'm He just sent me a picture yesterday of this 537 00:25:28,755 --> 00:25:32,276 Speaker 2: truck that he found that's in the rental area right now. 538 00:25:32,316 --> 00:25:34,275 Speaker 2: That's a pre used truck, and he was like, dude, 539 00:25:34,275 --> 00:25:36,235 Speaker 2: this is my dream. And I said, dude, that's my dream. 540 00:25:36,515 --> 00:25:39,315 Speaker 2: So it was like, yeah, So he just gets me. 541 00:25:39,515 --> 00:25:43,396 Speaker 2: And being able to have my dad so close to 542 00:25:43,396 --> 00:25:45,115 Speaker 2: me is amazing because I know that there are a 543 00:25:45,116 --> 00:25:47,355 Speaker 2: lot of people that don't even have a father figure 544 00:25:47,396 --> 00:25:49,475 Speaker 2: in their life, and I take it as a blessing 545 00:25:49,876 --> 00:25:52,116 Speaker 2: to be able to have my dad. And that's another 546 00:25:52,156 --> 00:25:54,276 Speaker 2: reason why we wrote this book is because I had 547 00:25:54,275 --> 00:25:56,636 Speaker 2: people that were in my life that don't have parents, 548 00:25:56,755 --> 00:25:59,276 Speaker 2: that are orphans. It's crazy to think that they don't 549 00:25:59,316 --> 00:26:01,475 Speaker 2: get the help that I was able to have because 550 00:26:01,715 --> 00:26:03,996 Speaker 2: I couldn't do this on my own, and these kids 551 00:26:04,035 --> 00:26:08,196 Speaker 2: they're completely alone. That is extremely way more difficult than 552 00:26:08,235 --> 00:26:11,075 Speaker 2: my case was. And so one of the reasons that 553 00:26:11,156 --> 00:26:13,796 Speaker 2: I really wrote this book was because I noticed Oh 554 00:26:13,836 --> 00:26:15,996 Speaker 2: my gosh, my dad is my best friend, my mom 555 00:26:16,076 --> 00:26:18,116 Speaker 2: is my best friend. Like I have these people who 556 00:26:18,156 --> 00:26:21,755 Speaker 2: are pouring into me, other kids don't. Let's both write 557 00:26:21,836 --> 00:26:23,276 Speaker 2: something and speak. 558 00:26:22,955 --> 00:26:23,516 Speaker 3: Into these kids. 559 00:26:23,596 --> 00:26:25,715 Speaker 2: Let's be those people for those kids that are looking, 560 00:26:25,755 --> 00:26:28,235 Speaker 2: that are searching, that feel alone. Let's tell them that 561 00:26:28,275 --> 00:26:28,636 Speaker 2: they aren't. 562 00:26:29,035 --> 00:26:31,755 Speaker 1: And my man, God has blessed you and anointed you 563 00:26:31,796 --> 00:26:33,836 Speaker 1: to do this, because I just hopped on your Instagram 564 00:26:33,836 --> 00:26:35,636 Speaker 1: page and all I had to hear you say was hey, 565 00:26:36,156 --> 00:26:38,475 Speaker 1: I'm Allie, and you start talking, I'm like, oh my goodness. 566 00:26:38,556 --> 00:26:42,475 Speaker 1: You are like such a good buddy figure for anybody struggling. 567 00:26:42,515 --> 00:26:44,916 Speaker 1: So it's such a good fit. As we close out, 568 00:26:44,995 --> 00:26:47,916 Speaker 1: you know, still in this family vibe, you're very close 569 00:26:47,955 --> 00:26:49,955 Speaker 1: to your brothers. I want you to tell me where 570 00:26:49,995 --> 00:26:51,756 Speaker 1: you are in the birth order, and then I want 571 00:26:51,796 --> 00:26:54,916 Speaker 1: you to tell me if you have a sibling that's 572 00:26:54,955 --> 00:26:57,676 Speaker 1: struggling with like anxiety, right, and then it kind of 573 00:26:57,715 --> 00:27:00,236 Speaker 1: puts a cloud over the family. Like let's say everybody 574 00:27:00,235 --> 00:27:03,516 Speaker 1: else is not struggling at that moment, and you've got 575 00:27:03,515 --> 00:27:05,716 Speaker 1: one the struggling, You've got this cloud in the family. 576 00:27:06,235 --> 00:27:09,595 Speaker 1: What did your siblings do to reach out to you? 577 00:27:09,955 --> 00:27:14,196 Speaker 1: How did your anxiety impact your siblings? So let's go there. 578 00:27:14,715 --> 00:27:17,316 Speaker 3: Yeah, so I am the oldest son. 579 00:27:17,515 --> 00:27:19,875 Speaker 1: I'm there, are the oldest means. 580 00:27:19,596 --> 00:27:25,715 Speaker 2: I am the favorite because Mom's first. 581 00:27:26,436 --> 00:27:27,476 Speaker 3: No, no, but I was. 582 00:27:27,475 --> 00:27:30,795 Speaker 2: My mama's first, and I take a lot of pride 583 00:27:30,796 --> 00:27:34,035 Speaker 2: in that because I get to be kind of the 584 00:27:34,035 --> 00:27:36,916 Speaker 2: person who lays the first steps for my brothers. I 585 00:27:36,916 --> 00:27:40,196 Speaker 2: have three younger brothers, Quinochle, and Quaid. They are all 586 00:27:40,235 --> 00:27:45,636 Speaker 2: three my absolute best friends. I cannot say a bad 587 00:27:45,676 --> 00:27:46,356 Speaker 2: thing about them. 588 00:27:46,396 --> 00:27:48,275 Speaker 3: I love them so much. They are I'm going to. 589 00:27:52,556 --> 00:27:56,075 Speaker 2: Yeah, no, but they I've gotten really close with Quinn, 590 00:27:56,636 --> 00:28:00,076 Speaker 2: I would say as he joined high school, because he's 591 00:28:00,076 --> 00:28:01,676 Speaker 2: been kind of starting to go through the things that 592 00:28:01,715 --> 00:28:04,715 Speaker 2: I've been able to go through. And going through high school, 593 00:28:04,715 --> 00:28:08,635 Speaker 2: I didn't have anybody. So when I knew, okay, I 594 00:28:08,676 --> 00:28:11,395 Speaker 2: am an older brother to someone going through what I 595 00:28:11,436 --> 00:28:13,996 Speaker 2: went through, and the very beginning, I was like, man, 596 00:28:14,156 --> 00:28:14,835 Speaker 2: I'm going to. 597 00:28:14,836 --> 00:28:16,636 Speaker 3: Help this guy out. I'm gonna help my buddy out. 598 00:28:17,035 --> 00:28:19,035 Speaker 2: So I've been able to help him with that, and 599 00:28:19,076 --> 00:28:20,955 Speaker 2: I've been able to pick up on little things that 600 00:28:21,076 --> 00:28:23,995 Speaker 2: I knew was being suppressed and I was able to 601 00:28:24,556 --> 00:28:26,156 Speaker 2: you know it was always those things where it was 602 00:28:26,356 --> 00:28:28,356 Speaker 2: he'd come over and say, hey, Oliver, you know, hey, 603 00:28:28,396 --> 00:28:31,076 Speaker 2: can we hang out after school or can we hang 604 00:28:31,116 --> 00:28:33,515 Speaker 2: out after you know, after practice. And you know, there 605 00:28:33,515 --> 00:28:35,955 Speaker 2: were times where I'd say, no, Boddy, I'm tired and. 606 00:28:35,876 --> 00:28:37,755 Speaker 3: I just I can't around. He'd be like okay, and 607 00:28:37,796 --> 00:28:39,196 Speaker 3: he'd you know, walk away whatever. 608 00:28:39,556 --> 00:28:43,596 Speaker 2: But like I started to realize, like that that could 609 00:28:43,596 --> 00:28:46,596 Speaker 2: be him reaching out asking me for help, saying look, 610 00:28:46,596 --> 00:28:48,355 Speaker 2: I'm struggling. That could be his way of saying, hey, 611 00:28:48,396 --> 00:28:50,916 Speaker 2: I'm struggling. I just need someone to talk to. And 612 00:28:50,956 --> 00:28:53,036 Speaker 2: so I started to pick up on those things. You know, 613 00:28:53,116 --> 00:28:55,236 Speaker 2: I was able to really help out my brothers because 614 00:28:55,236 --> 00:28:57,396 Speaker 2: I was able to just give them room that I 615 00:28:57,596 --> 00:29:00,876 Speaker 2: noticed to talk. And I feel like we have really 616 00:29:01,156 --> 00:29:03,316 Speaker 2: done a great job with my younger brothers. 617 00:29:04,196 --> 00:29:07,076 Speaker 4: And then too, they've been there for you too, because 618 00:29:07,196 --> 00:29:10,396 Speaker 4: they they will often say, hey, Allie, you know, I'm 619 00:29:10,436 --> 00:29:14,236 Speaker 4: praying for you when they see like that Daddy and 620 00:29:14,236 --> 00:29:16,676 Speaker 4: I know, Guy and I are dealing with something with Oliver. 621 00:29:16,716 --> 00:29:21,635 Speaker 4: In one of those moments, they they really become calm 622 00:29:21,916 --> 00:29:25,876 Speaker 4: and quiet, they are listening, and then they're speaking life 623 00:29:25,876 --> 00:29:29,276 Speaker 4: into Ali as well. And you know, praying for him 624 00:29:29,356 --> 00:29:31,996 Speaker 4: and that that's been a beautiful thing. And for parents too, 625 00:29:32,236 --> 00:29:34,315 Speaker 4: when you do have a child that is struggling, to 626 00:29:34,356 --> 00:29:37,076 Speaker 4: be able to be really aware of the others, because 627 00:29:37,076 --> 00:29:40,276 Speaker 4: sometimes they can get a little lost in the shuffle 628 00:29:40,316 --> 00:29:42,596 Speaker 4: because a lot of your energy is focused on your 629 00:29:42,756 --> 00:29:45,676 Speaker 4: child that's dealing with some mental health issues. And so 630 00:29:46,116 --> 00:29:49,036 Speaker 4: just to be again intentional, I think that the key 631 00:29:49,076 --> 00:29:52,156 Speaker 4: that's really helpful is that for the kid that's struggling 632 00:29:52,316 --> 00:29:55,396 Speaker 4: and those who are the siblings, it's really more about 633 00:29:55,556 --> 00:29:59,956 Speaker 4: quality time than quantity of time. So just being very 634 00:30:00,036 --> 00:30:04,156 Speaker 4: intentional with them, with you know, the encouragement and knowing 635 00:30:04,196 --> 00:30:07,315 Speaker 4: that you see them too, doesn't mean you have to 636 00:30:07,356 --> 00:30:09,476 Speaker 4: give them the same amount of time, because the truth is, 637 00:30:09,516 --> 00:30:11,636 Speaker 4: sometimes one kid or another's going to need more of 638 00:30:11,676 --> 00:30:14,115 Speaker 4: our time. And I don't want parents to feel guilty 639 00:30:14,156 --> 00:30:16,756 Speaker 4: about that, and I don't want kids to feel like 640 00:30:16,796 --> 00:30:20,316 Speaker 4: that means favoritism or anything like that. Doesn't they do 641 00:30:20,836 --> 00:30:24,436 Speaker 4: understand if we can give them that quality time and encouragement, 642 00:30:25,036 --> 00:30:25,956 Speaker 4: it goes a long way. 643 00:30:26,196 --> 00:30:29,356 Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, we could talk for another hour. You guys 644 00:30:29,396 --> 00:30:33,036 Speaker 1: are amazing. How could people find out more about you 645 00:30:33,316 --> 00:30:35,396 Speaker 1: and more about your new devotional. 646 00:30:35,636 --> 00:30:36,236 Speaker 3: Yeah. 647 00:30:36,356 --> 00:30:39,835 Speaker 2: So I have an Instagram it's Walking with Alie and 648 00:30:40,156 --> 00:30:43,676 Speaker 2: out there I post little inspirational videos. That's a super 649 00:30:43,716 --> 00:30:45,556 Speaker 2: easy way to reach out and me see what I'm doing, 650 00:30:45,596 --> 00:30:48,236 Speaker 2: see what I'm up to. It's also how I reached 651 00:30:48,236 --> 00:30:51,676 Speaker 2: my community and people around me, people my age. Something 652 00:30:51,756 --> 00:30:54,676 Speaker 2: me and my mom say is anything we write is 653 00:30:55,516 --> 00:30:57,116 Speaker 2: not just for other people. 654 00:30:57,156 --> 00:30:59,636 Speaker 3: It's for us first, because the Lord gave us. The 655 00:30:59,636 --> 00:31:01,996 Speaker 3: Lord put these words on our heart. 656 00:31:02,156 --> 00:31:04,396 Speaker 2: And my mom and I this book has healed my 657 00:31:04,516 --> 00:31:07,076 Speaker 2: mom and I. We read it every morning and it's 658 00:31:07,116 --> 00:31:09,436 Speaker 2: truly helped us because it's like it's like, man, this 659 00:31:09,476 --> 00:31:11,636 Speaker 2: author is amazing, and it's like, well you are the. 660 00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:14,996 Speaker 4: Author, you know, job when you said that, it's amazing 661 00:31:14,996 --> 00:31:17,036 Speaker 4: how the words that you write for us, they're really 662 00:31:17,196 --> 00:31:18,796 Speaker 4: they are for us. 663 00:31:19,156 --> 00:31:19,956 Speaker 3: So yeah, that's true. 664 00:31:19,956 --> 00:31:23,876 Speaker 4: Okay, And you can find me amber Lea just Amberlea 665 00:31:23,956 --> 00:31:27,076 Speaker 4: dot com and then the real amber Leah on Instagram 666 00:31:27,116 --> 00:31:28,516 Speaker 4: and on Facebook. 667 00:31:28,156 --> 00:31:29,836 Speaker 1: And we'll have all those links in the show notes. 668 00:31:29,876 --> 00:31:31,436 Speaker 1: And I just got to circle back. So you are 669 00:31:31,556 --> 00:31:33,836 Speaker 1: literally reading your own book to each other. 670 00:31:33,876 --> 00:31:36,436 Speaker 4: We read it every day with the brothers. We just 671 00:31:36,596 --> 00:31:38,796 Speaker 4: and that's a tip too, because sometimes it takes a 672 00:31:38,796 --> 00:31:41,876 Speaker 4: while for a student a teenager to get into the 673 00:31:41,916 --> 00:31:44,036 Speaker 4: habit of reading every day. Yeah, so I just don't 674 00:31:44,076 --> 00:31:46,716 Speaker 4: leave anything to chance, and we just read it. It's 675 00:31:46,756 --> 00:31:49,075 Speaker 4: short and sweet but powerful, and we just read it 676 00:31:49,116 --> 00:31:51,716 Speaker 4: together in the morning as they're eating breakfast or scrambling 677 00:31:51,756 --> 00:31:53,436 Speaker 4: around even it's totally. 678 00:31:53,236 --> 00:31:55,316 Speaker 1: Okay, amazing. 679 00:31:55,516 --> 00:31:56,075 Speaker 3: I love that. 680 00:31:56,236 --> 00:31:59,716 Speaker 1: And that's the way when you, dear listener, get the book, 681 00:31:59,756 --> 00:32:02,796 Speaker 1: you too can read the book aloud while you're scrambling breakfast. 682 00:32:02,876 --> 00:32:04,596 Speaker 1: That's right, you just like the authors. 683 00:32:05,196 --> 00:32:05,916 Speaker 2: Okay, that's right. 684 00:32:06,156 --> 00:32:07,076 Speaker 3: It works. 685 00:32:07,636 --> 00:32:10,796 Speaker 4: Thank you so much, Thanks Arlene, Thank you. 686 00:32:12,476 --> 00:32:15,796 Speaker 1: I hope you've enjoyed today's conversation. I'd love to keep 687 00:32:15,836 --> 00:32:19,436 Speaker 1: in touch beyond this podcast. Click subscribe in the show 688 00:32:19,516 --> 00:32:22,115 Speaker 1: notes and I will give you my latest email to 689 00:32:22,196 --> 00:32:25,996 Speaker 1: keep up on what's happening with technology and kids. And 690 00:32:26,076 --> 00:32:28,676 Speaker 1: maybe you like reading or listening to books. 691 00:32:28,716 --> 00:32:29,916 Speaker 3: I have a lot of books. 692 00:32:29,996 --> 00:32:34,916 Speaker 1: You could start with The Big Three, Making Marriage Easier, Parents, Rising, 693 00:32:35,436 --> 00:32:38,316 Speaker 1: or Screen Kids. A big thank you to the team 694 00:32:38,356 --> 00:32:41,796 Speaker 1: at life Audio for their partnership with the Happy Home podcast. 695 00:32:42,036 --> 00:32:45,315 Speaker 1: Check out lifeaudio dot com for dozens of other faith 696 00:32:45,396 --> 00:32:50,276 Speaker 1: related podcasts about prayer, Bible study and more. Remember you 697 00:32:50,356 --> 00:32:53,356 Speaker 1: don't have to come from a happy home to create one. 698 00:32:53,636 --> 00:32:55,835 Speaker 1: You two can have a happy homes.