1 00:00:02,820 --> 00:00:07,780 Speaker 1: I expected to feel better. I expected to be more confident. 2 00:00:07,820 --> 00:00:10,880 Speaker 2: I expected to wake up with homemade zucchini bread and 3 00:00:11,060 --> 00:00:12,219 Speaker 2: smoothies and all these things. 4 00:00:12,470 --> 00:00:15,330 Speaker 1: And yet I'm surviving. I'm just surviving. 5 00:00:15,490 --> 00:00:17,689 Speaker 2: And really what the Lord showed me is that a 6 00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:20,970 Speaker 2: surviving seed in the ground is a seed that's still alive. 7 00:00:21,090 --> 00:00:22,509 Speaker 1: It will thrive. It will grow. 8 00:00:22,630 --> 00:00:25,290 Speaker 2: It just needs some time and the right elements, right? 9 00:00:25,890 --> 00:00:28,080 Speaker 2: And to be able to crack open and make its 10 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,140 Speaker 2: way to the surface. And I think if God does 11 00:00:30,160 --> 00:00:33,420 Speaker 2: that with seeds, he does that with us too. Welcome 12 00:00:33,479 --> 00:00:34,460 Speaker 2: to Love Life Sober. 13 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,260 Speaker 3: I'm your host and your coach, Christy Osborne. This podcast 14 00:00:38,300 --> 00:00:40,659 Speaker 3: is for the woman who loves Jesus or is longing 15 00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:43,519 Speaker 3: to reconnect with him and who knows deep down that 16 00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,979 Speaker 3: alcohol is no longer serving her. Here we talk honestly 17 00:00:47,020 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 3: with grace and truth about how stepping away from alcohol 18 00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,880 Speaker 3: opens the door to the love, joy, peace, and connection 19 00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:57,160 Speaker 3: you've been searching for. Because babe, those things were never 20 00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,300 Speaker 3: meant to be found in a bottle of wine. They're 21 00:00:59,320 --> 00:01:03,570 Speaker 3: found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching, and neuroscience, I'll help 22 00:01:03,590 --> 00:01:06,420 Speaker 3: you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, and 23 00:01:06,450 --> 00:01:09,940 Speaker 3: what you're really craving so that freedom feels not only possible, 24 00:01:10,140 --> 00:01:10,940 Speaker 3: but sustainable. 25 00:01:11,700 --> 00:01:14,100 Speaker 1: You don't have to do this alone, babe. Let's dive in. 26 00:01:17,319 --> 00:01:20,380 Speaker 3: Hi, friend, and welcome back to the Love Life Sober podcast. 27 00:01:21,140 --> 00:01:23,900 Speaker 3: Have you ever finally gotten the thing you prayed for 28 00:01:24,459 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 3: and then wondered why it felt so hard? Maybe for you, 29 00:01:27,940 --> 00:01:31,200 Speaker 3: that thing is sobriety. Maybe you felt God calling you 30 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:33,770 Speaker 3: to put down the wine You said yes, you took 31 00:01:33,830 --> 00:01:36,649 Speaker 3: the brave step, and you thought, okay, this is where 32 00:01:36,770 --> 00:01:40,530 Speaker 3: everything gets better. And then you got there and thought, whoa, 33 00:01:40,590 --> 00:01:43,950 Speaker 3: this is not what I expected. Maybe you thought you'd 34 00:01:43,970 --> 00:01:46,530 Speaker 3: have more energy, drop a ton of weight, or have 35 00:01:46,580 --> 00:01:50,000 Speaker 3: the best relationships of your life. Instead, some days feel 36 00:01:50,080 --> 00:01:52,780 Speaker 3: tired and emotional, and sometimes you feel a little lost. 37 00:01:53,460 --> 00:01:56,380 Speaker 3: Then you feel guilty for even feeling that way because 38 00:01:56,660 --> 00:01:59,220 Speaker 3: isn't this what you asked for? If that's you today, 39 00:01:59,260 --> 00:02:02,160 Speaker 3: my beautiful friend, today's conversation is going to feel like 40 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:06,880 Speaker 3: a giant, big, deep exhale. My guest today is Melissa Miller, 41 00:02:07,260 --> 00:02:09,780 Speaker 3: author of the new book, But I Prayed for This, 42 00:02:10,300 --> 00:02:12,980 Speaker 3: What to Do When Living in God's Yes is Harder 43 00:02:13,040 --> 00:02:17,000 Speaker 3: Than You Expected. Melissa prayed for two big things, a 44 00:02:17,060 --> 00:02:20,579 Speaker 3: new job across the country and a bigger family through adoption. 45 00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,990 Speaker 3: God said yes to both. On the outside, it looked 46 00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:27,350 Speaker 3: like a fairy tale, but on the inside, Melissa was overwhelmed, 47 00:02:27,450 --> 00:02:31,240 Speaker 3: not sleeping, and waking up every morning wondering, whose life 48 00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:34,140 Speaker 3: is this? What she eventually found was a name for 49 00:02:34,260 --> 00:02:37,660 Speaker 3: what she was going through, change fatigue. Today, we talk 50 00:02:37,700 --> 00:02:41,190 Speaker 3: about why good change can still feel so heavy. We 51 00:02:41,230 --> 00:02:43,830 Speaker 3: talk about why it's so hard for Christian women to 52 00:02:43,870 --> 00:02:47,510 Speaker 3: admit we're struggling, how big changes like getting sober can 53 00:02:47,530 --> 00:02:50,310 Speaker 3: bring up old hurts we've never dealt with, and why 54 00:02:50,370 --> 00:02:55,339 Speaker 3: survival mode doesn't mean you're failing. Remember, two things can 55 00:02:55,380 --> 00:02:58,230 Speaker 3: be true at the same time. You can be grateful 56 00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:00,810 Speaker 3: for the life God is giving you and still find 57 00:03:00,850 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 3: it hard right now. That doesn't make you ungrateful. It 58 00:03:04,200 --> 00:03:07,580 Speaker 3: makes you human, and it means you're growing. All right, 59 00:03:07,620 --> 00:03:11,060 Speaker 3: my beautiful friend, here is my conversation with Melissa Miller. 60 00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:14,090 Speaker 2: Hi, Melissa. Welcome to the podcast. I'm so happy to 61 00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:17,110 Speaker 2: meet you. So nice to meet you, Christy. Thank you 62 00:03:17,130 --> 00:03:18,070 Speaker 2: so much for having me. 63 00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:19,350 Speaker 1: I was so excited when. 64 00:03:20,350 --> 00:03:23,489 Speaker 3: Your awesome publisher reached out and asked if I would 65 00:03:23,530 --> 00:03:26,490 Speaker 3: read this book because I think that so many women 66 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:29,760 Speaker 3: in the Love Life Sober community are going to relate 67 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,040 Speaker 3: to this. And so the book is But I Prayed 68 00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:35,410 Speaker 3: for This, and here is what it looks like. 69 00:03:35,450 --> 00:03:36,190 Speaker 1: It's very pretty. 70 00:03:36,310 --> 00:03:39,250 Speaker 3: What to do when living in God's yes is harder 71 00:03:39,310 --> 00:03:42,470 Speaker 3: than you expected, which I think that we can. 72 00:03:42,610 --> 00:03:43,790 Speaker 1: All relate to. 73 00:03:44,270 --> 00:03:47,350 Speaker 3: So I would just love for us to start off 74 00:03:47,390 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 3: by you telling a little bit of your story and 75 00:03:49,680 --> 00:03:51,980 Speaker 3: what led you to write this beautiful book. 76 00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:56,300 Speaker 2: Yeah, I have been through a lot of hard things 77 00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 2: in my life, like I call them capital T trauma, 78 00:03:59,560 --> 00:04:02,500 Speaker 2: you know, hard things. So it was very surprising to 79 00:04:02,540 --> 00:04:04,080 Speaker 2: me that one of the hardest times in my life 80 00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:07,339 Speaker 2: was after getting everything I prayed for. I was not 81 00:04:07,380 --> 00:04:10,140 Speaker 2: expecting that at all. I prayed for an opportunity to 82 00:04:10,180 --> 00:04:13,560 Speaker 2: move across the country for this great job opportunity. And 83 00:04:13,780 --> 00:04:16,210 Speaker 2: I was praying to complete my family through adoption. I 84 00:04:16,490 --> 00:04:19,350 Speaker 2: was unofficially adopted. My husband was adopted. That was always 85 00:04:19,390 --> 00:04:23,110 Speaker 2: a natural next step for us after having three bio kids. 86 00:04:23,370 --> 00:04:25,870 Speaker 2: And we had planned on adopting a fourth. And when 87 00:04:25,950 --> 00:04:29,150 Speaker 2: I got to my new job and my new location 88 00:04:29,190 --> 00:04:31,810 Speaker 2: in Florida, which was very different from where I grew 89 00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:35,090 Speaker 2: up in the Pacific Northwest. I got a text from 90 00:04:35,110 --> 00:04:37,410 Speaker 2: a mom at my kid's school saying there is a 91 00:04:37,470 --> 00:04:40,359 Speaker 2: local sibling set in foster care that's in need of 92 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:43,159 Speaker 2: a forever family. I heard that you guys were interested 93 00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:47,400 Speaker 2: in adopting and that text message changed my life. And 94 00:04:47,920 --> 00:04:51,300 Speaker 2: we met the kids and did weekend visits. And in 95 00:04:51,339 --> 00:04:53,180 Speaker 2: the state of Florida, you have to foster for a 96 00:04:53,220 --> 00:04:55,560 Speaker 2: period of six or seven months before you adopt. 97 00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:56,539 Speaker 1: And so we did that. 98 00:04:56,580 --> 00:04:59,620 Speaker 2: And I guess I just woke up every morning feeling like, 99 00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:01,700 Speaker 2: whose life is this? 100 00:05:02,270 --> 00:05:03,510 Speaker 1: Because it's not mine. 101 00:05:03,529 --> 00:05:07,350 Speaker 2: And I experienced what I like to call change fatigue. 102 00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:11,250 Speaker 2: I started researching, like I wasn't hopeless. I wasn't depressed. 103 00:05:11,730 --> 00:05:13,789 Speaker 2: Things on the outside were good. So why did I 104 00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:18,049 Speaker 2: feel so overwhelmed, so exhausted, so disoriented? Like I couldn't 105 00:05:18,110 --> 00:05:21,250 Speaker 2: find my bearings. And so change fatigue was the only 106 00:05:21,290 --> 00:05:23,670 Speaker 2: thing that I could find that sounded similar to what 107 00:05:23,730 --> 00:05:26,590 Speaker 2: I was experiencing, which is really a term only used 108 00:05:26,650 --> 00:05:30,300 Speaker 2: for organizations and businesses that or the employees are adapting 109 00:05:30,339 --> 00:05:32,080 Speaker 2: to a lot of change all at once. But I thought, 110 00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:34,890 Speaker 2: you know what, I think personal change fatigue is just 111 00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:38,050 Speaker 2: as valid as professional. And when we make these changes 112 00:05:38,089 --> 00:05:40,349 Speaker 2: in our life, and we step into big changes, there's 113 00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:42,790 Speaker 2: a really big adjustment period to that. And I just 114 00:05:42,830 --> 00:05:46,710 Speaker 2: didn't find any really good resources out there talking about that. 115 00:05:47,300 --> 00:05:49,300 Speaker 2: So that's really what prompted me to write the book 116 00:05:49,360 --> 00:05:52,060 Speaker 2: is I thought, I think maybe more people need to 117 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:56,480 Speaker 2: start talking about the weight of stepping into these big changes, 118 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:58,520 Speaker 2: these things that we wanted, that we chose, that we 119 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:01,690 Speaker 2: pray for, that also come with some unexpected weight to them. 120 00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:04,190 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's so, so good. 121 00:06:04,589 --> 00:06:06,390 Speaker 3: As you were just talking, I was just thinking about 122 00:06:06,450 --> 00:06:11,190 Speaker 3: like how our brains also just aren't wired to love change, right? 123 00:06:11,230 --> 00:06:16,659 Speaker 3: Like we are neurochemically like designed to like stay comfortable, right? 124 00:06:16,740 --> 00:06:17,820 Speaker 2: Almost. Yes, yes. 125 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,100 Speaker 3: And so I think that then there's like that part 126 00:06:21,140 --> 00:06:23,660 Speaker 3: of it. And then once you step into the change, 127 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,600 Speaker 3: as you so beautifully write about, not to feel like 128 00:06:26,680 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 3: everything is sunshine and rainbows and unicorns. 129 00:06:29,860 --> 00:06:30,980 Speaker 1: That it's like, what? 130 00:06:31,339 --> 00:06:31,679 Speaker 2: Why? 131 00:06:31,760 --> 00:06:32,440 Speaker 1: Why, God? 132 00:06:33,400 --> 00:06:36,400 Speaker 3: Will you talk a little bit about why you think 133 00:06:36,440 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 3: it's so hard for Christian women to feel guilty about 134 00:06:41,940 --> 00:06:44,969 Speaker 3: admitting that they're struggling with maybe change fatigue? 135 00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:50,090 Speaker 2: Yeah, I remember when I went to church after church, 136 00:06:50,110 --> 00:06:53,109 Speaker 2: people would ask how things were going. And it became 137 00:06:53,150 --> 00:06:55,950 Speaker 2: really clear really fast that people wanted the fairy tale 138 00:06:55,990 --> 00:06:56,950 Speaker 2: version of the story. 139 00:06:57,050 --> 00:06:58,330 Speaker 1: And like, it's so great. 140 00:06:58,390 --> 00:07:00,170 Speaker 2: And you've been an answer to prayer for these kids 141 00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:03,400 Speaker 2: and God's in this. And I was absolutely drowning. I 142 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,339 Speaker 2: was having panic attacks. I couldn't sleep. I was struggling 143 00:07:06,440 --> 00:07:12,130 Speaker 2: so much. And in that moment, I realized, oh, this 144 00:07:12,190 --> 00:07:14,910 Speaker 2: is not safe for me to admit. And I don't 145 00:07:14,970 --> 00:07:18,610 Speaker 2: want to seem like I'm ungrateful for talking about how 146 00:07:18,670 --> 00:07:21,300 Speaker 2: much I'm struggling on the inside right now, even though 147 00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:25,100 Speaker 2: on the outside, things look like I'm stepping into the 148 00:07:25,140 --> 00:07:25,960 Speaker 2: best season. 149 00:07:25,680 --> 00:07:26,300 Speaker 1: That we prayed for. 150 00:07:27,230 --> 00:07:28,850 Speaker 2: And I think a lot of women can relate to that. 151 00:07:28,890 --> 00:07:30,990 Speaker 2: Like we don't ever want to sound ungrateful. And it's 152 00:07:31,030 --> 00:07:34,320 Speaker 2: not that we aren't ungrateful, but two things can be true, right? 153 00:07:34,400 --> 00:07:36,920 Speaker 2: We can be overwhelmed. We can have grief. We can 154 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,850 Speaker 2: have a struggle or sleepless nights or be exhausted and 155 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,310 Speaker 2: also have gratitude. And so I think that we are 156 00:07:44,390 --> 00:07:47,990 Speaker 2: afraid to open up to seem like we are ungrateful and, 157 00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:52,120 Speaker 2: you know, to seem like we are complaining when complaining 158 00:07:52,180 --> 00:07:55,140 Speaker 2: is very different than just admitting that something's harder than 159 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,180 Speaker 2: you expected. And I think we should create a safe 160 00:07:57,220 --> 00:07:59,340 Speaker 2: place for each other to be able to admit that. 161 00:08:00,080 --> 00:08:02,840 Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%. I love that. I say that all the 162 00:08:02,880 --> 00:08:04,679 Speaker 1: time of the two things can be true. 163 00:08:05,080 --> 00:08:07,300 Speaker 3: I hear from gals all the time that like God 164 00:08:07,340 --> 00:08:10,740 Speaker 3: has called them on this journey of being alcohol free. 165 00:08:10,780 --> 00:08:12,640 Speaker 3: And then maybe they get there and they're like, Whoa, 166 00:08:12,680 --> 00:08:14,820 Speaker 3: this is not what I expected. Like I wanted to 167 00:08:15,420 --> 00:08:18,200 Speaker 3: drop 30 pounds and look like a supermodel and have 168 00:08:18,220 --> 00:08:19,820 Speaker 3: the best relationship with everybody. 169 00:08:19,900 --> 00:08:22,610 Speaker 1: And like, you know, it's, it's sometimes that's not how 170 00:08:22,640 --> 00:08:23,270 Speaker 1: it happens. 171 00:08:23,650 --> 00:08:26,530 Speaker 3: And what I love about your book so much is 172 00:08:26,570 --> 00:08:29,750 Speaker 3: the way that you write about change and transition and 173 00:08:30,290 --> 00:08:33,470 Speaker 3: going what you're going through versus growing what you're going through. 174 00:08:34,290 --> 00:08:37,210 Speaker 3: And so can you speak a little bit to kind 175 00:08:37,270 --> 00:08:40,309 Speaker 3: of the differences there of like what God can do 176 00:08:40,390 --> 00:08:44,630 Speaker 3: in these like change seasons and these growing seasons? Because 177 00:08:44,650 --> 00:08:45,990 Speaker 3: I think that's so encouraging. 178 00:08:46,710 --> 00:08:50,150 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that I came to a turning point 179 00:08:50,250 --> 00:08:54,530 Speaker 2: in my journey where I realized that I could use 180 00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:57,230 Speaker 2: this to grow and I could face it head on 181 00:08:57,410 --> 00:08:59,949 Speaker 2: and I could press into it. or I could just 182 00:08:59,990 --> 00:09:03,090 Speaker 2: continue to sink and allow these changes to swallow me 183 00:09:03,250 --> 00:09:06,250 Speaker 2: up and just sort of white knuckle my way through it. 184 00:09:06,820 --> 00:09:08,520 Speaker 1: And so what I realized is. 185 00:09:08,460 --> 00:09:11,920 Speaker 2: That I needed to go back to therapy. So in 186 00:09:11,940 --> 00:09:14,580 Speaker 2: the midst of all these changes in my life, I'm 187 00:09:14,620 --> 00:09:17,440 Speaker 2: realizing my kids, my new kids are opening up to 188 00:09:17,480 --> 00:09:20,160 Speaker 2: me about some trauma that they'd been through. And I'm 189 00:09:20,500 --> 00:09:22,960 Speaker 2: realizing in that moment, like, I have been through some 190 00:09:23,240 --> 00:09:25,699 Speaker 2: similar things in my childhood and I never processed them. 191 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:28,780 Speaker 2: And so I can't take them to a level of 192 00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,240 Speaker 2: healing that I haven't been to. And so I'm feeling 193 00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,460 Speaker 2: very prompted by the Lord to go back to healing 194 00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:36,329 Speaker 2: in the midst of this whirlwind of change. I don't 195 00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:38,870 Speaker 2: feel like I have any extra time. This isn't the 196 00:09:38,910 --> 00:09:42,329 Speaker 2: most convenient time, right, to do this. But But I 197 00:09:42,390 --> 00:09:45,540 Speaker 2: go back to therapy and I start working and processing 198 00:09:45,620 --> 00:09:49,320 Speaker 2: through memories and hard stuff. I break down a framework 199 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:51,819 Speaker 2: in my book called the four seasons of blessing. And 200 00:09:51,900 --> 00:09:53,850 Speaker 2: I think that we can all find ourselves in one 201 00:09:53,880 --> 00:09:55,750 Speaker 2: of these four seasons. And one of them is a 202 00:09:55,770 --> 00:09:58,810 Speaker 2: bittersweet season where you are holding something wonderful and good 203 00:09:58,830 --> 00:09:59,970 Speaker 2: in one hand and you're holding something bad in the other. 204 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,600 Speaker 2: something really hard in the other. And I would say 205 00:10:02,660 --> 00:10:05,980 Speaker 2: this was my bittersweet season, right, where I'm like unpacking 206 00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:09,230 Speaker 2: all these really hard things in therapy and, you know, 207 00:10:09,330 --> 00:10:13,010 Speaker 2: trying to balance the new blessings in my life at 208 00:10:13,050 --> 00:10:15,959 Speaker 2: the same time. And I didn't realize that big changes 209 00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,339 Speaker 2: in our lives can surface dormant trauma from the past. 210 00:10:19,520 --> 00:10:22,440 Speaker 2: And I've watched that play out even since I wrote 211 00:10:22,480 --> 00:10:26,140 Speaker 2: the book in several friends and have been able to 212 00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:28,590 Speaker 2: help them find that language for that. What they were 213 00:10:28,650 --> 00:10:32,630 Speaker 2: experiencing was so unexpected and so shocking of just a 214 00:10:32,670 --> 00:10:35,670 Speaker 2: simple relocation, right? Or like you said, they're stepping into 215 00:10:36,190 --> 00:10:38,690 Speaker 2: sobriety and that's a good change that they chose and 216 00:10:38,710 --> 00:10:40,670 Speaker 2: that they prayed for and that they wanted. And yet 217 00:10:40,770 --> 00:10:43,400 Speaker 2: all of a sudden now they're facing trauma very difficult 218 00:10:43,440 --> 00:10:45,760 Speaker 2: emotions or memories head on, right? 219 00:10:46,020 --> 00:10:49,220 Speaker 1: And they're doing it in a very unexpected season. 220 00:10:49,340 --> 00:10:52,080 Speaker 2: So I wanted to provide the language that I didn't 221 00:10:52,140 --> 00:10:54,340 Speaker 2: have at the time, you know, because I think when 222 00:10:54,380 --> 00:10:56,939 Speaker 2: we can name something, it helps us find our way 223 00:10:57,000 --> 00:10:57,860 Speaker 2: forward from there. 224 00:10:58,400 --> 00:11:00,750 Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%. I love that so much. 225 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:04,610 Speaker 3: I relate to not finding the resource that I felt 226 00:11:04,670 --> 00:11:05,429 Speaker 3: like I needed. 227 00:11:05,450 --> 00:11:08,250 Speaker 1: And therefore God's like, no, you have to write it. 228 00:11:08,250 --> 00:11:08,830 Speaker 1: I'm like, what? 229 00:11:08,850 --> 00:11:13,469 Speaker 3: Yeah. You mentioned there like going through one of these 230 00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:16,530 Speaker 3: difficult seasons, going back to therapy, being in almost like 231 00:11:16,550 --> 00:11:20,290 Speaker 3: this survival mode, right? Which I think so many women 232 00:11:20,410 --> 00:11:23,030 Speaker 3: right now can relate to being in that. Can you 233 00:11:23,070 --> 00:11:27,710 Speaker 3: encourage the lady listening that that's temporary and that God 234 00:11:27,770 --> 00:11:30,050 Speaker 3: doesn't intend to leave us there forever. 235 00:11:30,130 --> 00:11:33,450 Speaker 1: But it's so essential to the growing? 236 00:11:33,990 --> 00:11:37,950 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that there's a lot of negative connotations 237 00:11:38,090 --> 00:11:41,510 Speaker 2: around survival mode. And it's like, stop surviving and start thriving. 238 00:11:41,550 --> 00:11:45,230 Speaker 2: And there's all this language around like how surviving is 239 00:11:45,290 --> 00:11:47,130 Speaker 2: not where you want to be. And although I agree, 240 00:11:47,190 --> 00:11:50,209 Speaker 2: that's not ideal. I think I wanted to reframe that 241 00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:53,720 Speaker 2: for women because I was in survival mode. We had 242 00:11:53,790 --> 00:11:58,319 Speaker 2: got COVID, all seven of us, the very week that 243 00:11:58,360 --> 00:12:01,630 Speaker 2: the kids arrived. And so my husband was in bed 244 00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:03,740 Speaker 2: with pneumonia. He couldn't get out of bed. I'm helping 245 00:12:03,770 --> 00:12:07,120 Speaker 2: them finish out virtual school. And I'm all these expectations 246 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,140 Speaker 2: in my head of the adopted mom that I thought 247 00:12:09,179 --> 00:12:12,880 Speaker 2: I was going to be were like, I'm like barely surviving, 248 00:12:12,920 --> 00:12:13,939 Speaker 2: like barely. 249 00:12:13,620 --> 00:12:14,660 Speaker 1: Able to just show up. 250 00:12:14,780 --> 00:12:18,579 Speaker 2: Right. And so to be able to give myself grace 251 00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:21,660 Speaker 2: to say maybe this isn't how I expected the first 252 00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:24,420 Speaker 2: weeks to go. And I expected to be better. I 253 00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,579 Speaker 2: expected to feel better. I expected to be more confident. 254 00:12:26,600 --> 00:12:29,660 Speaker 2: I expected to wake up with homemade zucchini bread and 255 00:12:29,840 --> 00:12:31,000 Speaker 2: smoothies and all these things. 256 00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:34,110 Speaker 1: And yet I'm surviving. I'm just surviving. 257 00:12:34,270 --> 00:12:36,489 Speaker 2: And really what the Lord showed me is that a 258 00:12:36,550 --> 00:12:39,750 Speaker 2: surviving seed in the ground is a seed that's still alive. 259 00:12:39,890 --> 00:12:41,290 Speaker 1: It will thrive. It will grow. 260 00:12:41,410 --> 00:12:43,969 Speaker 2: It just needs some time and the right elements, right? 261 00:12:44,640 --> 00:12:46,860 Speaker 2: And to be able to crack open and make its 262 00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,900 Speaker 2: way to the surface. And I think if God does 263 00:12:48,940 --> 00:12:51,709 Speaker 2: that with seeds, he does that with us too. And 264 00:12:51,780 --> 00:12:54,810 Speaker 2: he doesn't keep us there. But a surviving seed is 265 00:12:54,870 --> 00:12:57,630 Speaker 2: a seed that's still alive, but it's germinating in the dark. 266 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:58,849 Speaker 1: Make no mistake about it. 267 00:12:58,890 --> 00:13:01,410 Speaker 2: Like that's what God does for us is he germinates 268 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:04,060 Speaker 2: us in the dark and he allows all these things 269 00:13:04,120 --> 00:13:05,199 Speaker 2: to be used for our growth. 270 00:13:06,030 --> 00:13:08,290 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love that illustration so much. 271 00:13:08,380 --> 00:13:11,699 Speaker 3: I think that the woman listening right now, that if 272 00:13:11,740 --> 00:13:14,540 Speaker 3: you feel like you are that seed and you don't 273 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:17,740 Speaker 3: see the growth outside of the ground, that that doesn't 274 00:13:17,780 --> 00:13:21,469 Speaker 3: mean it's not happening. We'll be back right after a 275 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,929 Speaker 3: quick word from our sponsors. Two things that you just 276 00:13:24,970 --> 00:13:27,650 Speaker 3: said there that I would love to explore is first 277 00:13:27,690 --> 00:13:30,630 Speaker 3: in that moment where you felt like you should have the. 278 00:13:30,730 --> 00:13:32,190 Speaker 1: Warm zucchini bread on the table. 279 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:37,040 Speaker 3: Can we talk about giving yourself self-compassion and why that's 280 00:13:37,179 --> 00:13:39,720 Speaker 3: so important? Because I talk to the gals in the 281 00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:43,280 Speaker 3: community all the time about how that is so, so important. 282 00:13:43,679 --> 00:13:45,670 Speaker 3: And then I would love to talk about comparison too, 283 00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,990 Speaker 3: because that's obviously part of this, right? 284 00:13:48,790 --> 00:13:51,770 Speaker 2: Yes. And all of it ties back to the guilt, right? 285 00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,740 Speaker 2: It ties back to we feel guilty for feeling this 286 00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,660 Speaker 2: way and for struggling and for not being better than 287 00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,939 Speaker 2: we thought we would be. And I can definitely relate 288 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,300 Speaker 2: to those feelings. And I devoted a whole chapter to that, 289 00:14:02,320 --> 00:14:05,650 Speaker 2: that self-compassion, because I had to learn the long and 290 00:14:05,690 --> 00:14:08,270 Speaker 2: hard way to be able to give myself grace for 291 00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:13,530 Speaker 2: having human emotions, right? And now I'm able to, with God, 292 00:14:13,610 --> 00:14:15,730 Speaker 2: having gone through that journey, able to spot it and 293 00:14:15,790 --> 00:14:21,700 Speaker 2: recognize it when somebody isn't exercising self-compassion, being super hard 294 00:14:21,740 --> 00:14:24,480 Speaker 2: on themselves, And to be able to stop them and say, hey, 295 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:26,960 Speaker 2: you are allowed to be a human in process. 296 00:14:27,220 --> 00:14:30,580 Speaker 1: Like God is not expecting you to be a superhero. 297 00:14:30,620 --> 00:14:31,420 Speaker 1: God is not expecting. 298 00:14:31,460 --> 00:14:32,970 Speaker 2: And I think that's the thing that I had to 299 00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:36,369 Speaker 2: wrestle with was like I had all these expectations of 300 00:14:36,410 --> 00:14:37,810 Speaker 2: the kind of mom that I was going to be, 301 00:14:37,930 --> 00:14:41,390 Speaker 2: especially in those first weeks. And recognizing that like I 302 00:14:41,430 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 2: was never meant to be the hero of the story 303 00:14:43,700 --> 00:14:46,690 Speaker 2: for my kids or for anyone. And to be able 304 00:14:46,730 --> 00:14:49,430 Speaker 2: to let God step into that role and say, this 305 00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:51,989 Speaker 2: story might not be playing out exactly the way I 306 00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:53,670 Speaker 2: thought it was going to play out. And I might 307 00:14:53,710 --> 00:14:54,770 Speaker 2: not be the. 308 00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:57,600 Speaker 1: Main character that's shining bright like. 309 00:14:57,520 --> 00:14:58,960 Speaker 2: I thought I was going to be. And I thought 310 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 2: I was going to be so confident and capable. And instead, 311 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:08,150 Speaker 2: I'm so dependent, so deeply daily dependent on God. And 312 00:15:08,210 --> 00:15:09,970 Speaker 2: now I can look back and think, like, why would 313 00:15:10,010 --> 00:15:12,710 Speaker 2: I have it any other way? Why would I want 314 00:15:12,810 --> 00:15:14,390 Speaker 2: to say, oh, God, I don't really need you in 315 00:15:14,430 --> 00:15:14,859 Speaker 2: this season. 316 00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 1: I've got this. 317 00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:18,300 Speaker 2: I was made for this, you know, and it's not 318 00:15:18,340 --> 00:15:20,560 Speaker 2: that we don't want to have confidence, but I think 319 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,460 Speaker 2: there's a difference between having confidence in ourselves, in our perfection, 320 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:28,950 Speaker 2: in our ability, in our greatness and versus I am 321 00:15:28,990 --> 00:15:31,550 Speaker 2: going to allow God to shine through me even when 322 00:15:31,610 --> 00:15:34,750 Speaker 2: I feel weak. And there's a lot of scripture in 323 00:15:34,790 --> 00:15:37,620 Speaker 2: there about that. And I think that If we don't 324 00:15:37,860 --> 00:15:40,820 Speaker 2: maybe show up and feel like we are stepping up 325 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:44,360 Speaker 2: and being the super moms or super women that we 326 00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,280 Speaker 2: expected to be, there can be a lot of guilt 327 00:15:47,500 --> 00:15:50,880 Speaker 2: involved in that. And I just continue to point back 328 00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,780 Speaker 2: to that dependence on God, back to that reliance on him, 329 00:15:54,820 --> 00:15:58,860 Speaker 2: because it's in our weakness that he makes us strong. 330 00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: So I think sometimes when we're in those seasons, it's 331 00:16:02,850 --> 00:16:03,450 Speaker 2: easy to forget. 332 00:16:04,430 --> 00:16:06,010 Speaker 1: Yeah, 100%, 100%. 333 00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:08,980 Speaker 3: And I love how you write in the book because 334 00:16:09,010 --> 00:16:11,820 Speaker 3: it is so easy, right, to recognize when somebody else 335 00:16:11,900 --> 00:16:16,520 Speaker 3: is not having self-compassion for themselves. And it's so much 336 00:16:16,560 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 3: harder when we're talking about us. And I love how 337 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:22,700 Speaker 3: you talk about, like, don't talk about God's daughter like that, right? 338 00:16:23,020 --> 00:16:26,730 Speaker 3: And that is what we talk about all the time 339 00:16:26,830 --> 00:16:32,450 Speaker 3: here is just investigating those automatic, normally negative scripts. 340 00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:34,510 Speaker 1: That are just... so ingrained in us. 341 00:16:34,950 --> 00:16:38,370 Speaker 3: And they come from so many different places. And when 342 00:16:38,410 --> 00:16:41,270 Speaker 3: you're waking up saying you have to be the perfect mother, 343 00:16:41,330 --> 00:16:43,330 Speaker 3: it's like we get to ask the question, like, who 344 00:16:43,390 --> 00:16:44,750 Speaker 3: told you that? Right? 345 00:16:45,070 --> 00:16:47,630 Speaker 1: Like, where did that even come from? It's not coming 346 00:16:47,670 --> 00:16:49,220 Speaker 1: from God, like you said. 347 00:16:50,540 --> 00:16:53,280 Speaker 3: Reminds me of Sharon Hoddy Miller's, all of her good 348 00:16:53,340 --> 00:16:55,980 Speaker 3: work about like us not being the hero of our 349 00:16:56,120 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 3: own story and like not making it all about us. 350 00:17:00,160 --> 00:17:03,390 Speaker 3: Where do you think all those those stories come from 351 00:17:03,430 --> 00:17:06,770 Speaker 3: that were supposed to be the perfect fill in the blank? 352 00:17:07,550 --> 00:17:10,850 Speaker 2: Oh, I mean, we store up these expectations and these 353 00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:13,730 Speaker 2: narratives from what we see in the movies to the 354 00:17:13,770 --> 00:17:16,629 Speaker 2: sermons that we hear on church. I think sometimes it's 355 00:17:16,670 --> 00:17:19,160 Speaker 2: not even what's said. It's the way that we internalize it, right? 356 00:17:19,200 --> 00:17:22,300 Speaker 2: The way that we interpret it. And, you know, and 357 00:17:22,400 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: sometimes it's in an effort to maybe give to our 358 00:17:25,619 --> 00:17:27,860 Speaker 2: kids or to our friends or to our family what 359 00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:30,350 Speaker 2: we didn't have, right? And it's good. It's good in 360 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:33,369 Speaker 2: its motivation. But at the same time, being able to 361 00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:36,750 Speaker 2: give ourselves grace when that picture doesn't look exactly like 362 00:17:36,810 --> 00:17:38,710 Speaker 2: we thought it was going to look. And I think 363 00:17:38,820 --> 00:17:41,820 Speaker 2: I can really relate and devoted a whole chapter to expectations. 364 00:17:42,340 --> 00:17:45,220 Speaker 2: to having built up so many expectations in my head 365 00:17:45,460 --> 00:17:48,020 Speaker 2: and my reality didn't match that. And it wasn't so 366 00:17:48,060 --> 00:17:49,440 Speaker 2: much about my circumstances. 367 00:17:49,560 --> 00:17:50,320 Speaker 1: It was about me. 368 00:17:50,440 --> 00:17:52,680 Speaker 2: It was about how I showed up and the kind 369 00:17:52,700 --> 00:17:54,659 Speaker 2: of person that I thought I was going to be. 370 00:17:54,660 --> 00:17:55,899 Speaker 2: I was going to be so strong. I was going 371 00:17:55,920 --> 00:17:57,460 Speaker 2: to feel like I was made for that. And so 372 00:17:57,500 --> 00:18:00,060 Speaker 2: sometimes it is our circumstances that we realize that we 373 00:18:00,380 --> 00:18:02,720 Speaker 2: really need an expectation and our adjustment. 374 00:18:03,240 --> 00:18:05,900 Speaker 1: And then sometimes it's the expectation that we. 375 00:18:05,850 --> 00:18:09,350 Speaker 2: Placed on ourselves and realizing that, wow, I really thought 376 00:18:09,369 --> 00:18:11,760 Speaker 2: that I was going to be further along or carry 377 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:12,460 Speaker 2: it with ease. 378 00:18:12,560 --> 00:18:16,060 Speaker 1: Like so-and-so, you mentioned comparisons. That is so easy to do. 379 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:18,859 Speaker 2: You know, whether it is a new baby or a 380 00:18:19,180 --> 00:18:22,360 Speaker 2: change in, like you said, sobriety, it's easy to look 381 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 2: at somebody else that thinks like, oh, wow, like it 382 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:27,860 Speaker 2: was this easy for them. It should be this easy 383 00:18:27,900 --> 00:18:30,100 Speaker 2: for me. Or they're carrying it with so much ease. 384 00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:32,459 Speaker 2: I should be carrying it with ease too. You know, 385 00:18:32,500 --> 00:18:35,860 Speaker 2: God is writing his own unique story for your life. 386 00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:39,020 Speaker 2: And so it's important that we don't look at somebody 387 00:18:39,140 --> 00:18:41,840 Speaker 2: else's and the way that they're carrying it or what 388 00:18:41,880 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 2: God's called them to or what God's graced them for 389 00:18:44,520 --> 00:18:48,810 Speaker 2: and compare the way that we're carrying it. And our 390 00:18:48,869 --> 00:18:51,969 Speaker 2: lives are so different. Our backgrounds are so different. Our 391 00:18:52,010 --> 00:18:55,790 Speaker 2: makeup is so different. So I had to really learn 392 00:18:55,830 --> 00:18:58,070 Speaker 2: to give myself grace in that way as well, because 393 00:18:58,130 --> 00:19:00,130 Speaker 2: there are a lot of people, whether it was like 394 00:19:00,410 --> 00:19:03,709 Speaker 2: for me, it was... it seemed like everybody around me 395 00:19:03,770 --> 00:19:06,120 Speaker 2: was not even flinching at the fact that their kids 396 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:08,520 Speaker 2: were becoming teenagers and growing up and boxing up all 397 00:19:08,540 --> 00:19:08,900 Speaker 2: the toys. 398 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:11,159 Speaker 1: And I was like a hot mess about it. I 399 00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:16,690 Speaker 1: was like, I'm not the only one. What's wrong with me? 400 00:19:17,390 --> 00:19:19,770 Speaker 2: So, you know, sometimes it's even little things like that 401 00:19:19,810 --> 00:19:22,949 Speaker 2: where we're just like, man, I don't understand why I 402 00:19:22,990 --> 00:19:25,370 Speaker 2: feel so broken. You know, why I feel like what's 403 00:19:25,410 --> 00:19:27,679 Speaker 2: wrong with me? And we just start beating ourselves up 404 00:19:27,760 --> 00:19:30,699 Speaker 2: with this you know, these statements because we thought we 405 00:19:30,740 --> 00:19:33,240 Speaker 2: would be further along or that we would handle it better. 406 00:19:33,260 --> 00:19:35,440 Speaker 1: I love that. 407 00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 3: We're talking about this right now and these like unmet expectations. 408 00:19:39,180 --> 00:19:43,450 Speaker 3: And like you mentioned, right, sometimes it's about surrounding circumstances, 409 00:19:43,490 --> 00:19:45,649 Speaker 3: but so much of it is changing the way that 410 00:19:45,670 --> 00:19:48,550 Speaker 3: we think and our mindset and aligning that with what 411 00:19:48,630 --> 00:19:49,950 Speaker 3: God says is true. 412 00:19:50,540 --> 00:19:52,520 Speaker 1: What did your prayers like. 413 00:19:52,420 --> 00:19:56,560 Speaker 3: Sound like when you were wrestling with those like unmet expectations? 414 00:19:56,619 --> 00:19:57,960 Speaker 3: I mean, I think one of the things that I'm 415 00:19:58,140 --> 00:20:01,300 Speaker 3: just learning more and more is that this may sound 416 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:03,659 Speaker 3: so silly, but like God is such our friend and 417 00:20:03,790 --> 00:20:06,070 Speaker 3: he can take the hard prayers and he can take 418 00:20:06,130 --> 00:20:10,730 Speaker 3: the realistic talking to a a friend prayers as opposed to, 419 00:20:10,730 --> 00:20:14,330 Speaker 3: I don't know, someone that's like distant and detached. And 420 00:20:14,369 --> 00:20:17,389 Speaker 3: so what did it sound like when you were going 421 00:20:17,430 --> 00:20:17,830 Speaker 3: through that? 422 00:20:18,650 --> 00:20:21,409 Speaker 2: Well, at the time I started craving walking around my 423 00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:24,490 Speaker 2: neighborhood and sometimes I would walk multiple times a day 424 00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:27,110 Speaker 2: and those walks ended up turning into prayer walks, which 425 00:20:27,210 --> 00:20:30,869 Speaker 2: ended up turning into this beautiful new sort of layer 426 00:20:30,910 --> 00:20:33,360 Speaker 2: that I uncovered in my relationship with God, which was 427 00:20:34,450 --> 00:20:37,470 Speaker 2: giving myself permission to be super honest with maybe the 428 00:20:37,530 --> 00:20:39,689 Speaker 2: feelings or thoughts I was most afraid to admit. And 429 00:20:39,710 --> 00:20:42,189 Speaker 2: I was like, kind of coming to that realization, like 430 00:20:42,230 --> 00:20:44,280 Speaker 2: he already knows they're in there. So why would I 431 00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,660 Speaker 2: feel like I need to package myself up first? Because 432 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,680 Speaker 2: who am I kidding? He knows how I'm really feeling. 433 00:20:51,100 --> 00:20:54,220 Speaker 2: And it opened up this really beautiful, honest conversation with God. 434 00:20:54,300 --> 00:20:58,800 Speaker 2: And my prayers were really like rhythmic and simple because 435 00:20:58,820 --> 00:21:02,600 Speaker 2: I think when you're in survival mode, sometimes the complexity, 436 00:21:03,330 --> 00:21:04,770 Speaker 2: is like too much for your brain. 437 00:21:04,810 --> 00:21:05,770 Speaker 1: At least it was for me. 438 00:21:05,930 --> 00:21:08,830 Speaker 2: And so I would do like these just simple breath prayers, like, God, 439 00:21:09,490 --> 00:21:11,030 Speaker 2: I don't know how this is going to work out. 440 00:21:11,890 --> 00:21:14,070 Speaker 2: And I just breathe and be like, but I know 441 00:21:14,130 --> 00:21:14,510 Speaker 2: you do. 442 00:21:15,350 --> 00:21:16,129 Speaker 1: I know you're bigger. 443 00:21:16,310 --> 00:21:20,870 Speaker 2: And I just put like very simple statements of truth 444 00:21:21,050 --> 00:21:25,270 Speaker 2: and very simple prayers and And I think that allowing 445 00:21:25,330 --> 00:21:28,689 Speaker 2: myself to admit that, like, I feel like maybe I 446 00:21:28,710 --> 00:21:31,030 Speaker 2: picked the wrong path. Maybe I was the wrong person 447 00:21:31,070 --> 00:21:33,410 Speaker 2: for the job. You know, all those like inner narratives 448 00:21:33,490 --> 00:21:37,770 Speaker 2: of doubt and regret and feelings of inadequacy and all 449 00:21:37,790 --> 00:21:39,909 Speaker 2: the things that are going on below the surface when 450 00:21:39,930 --> 00:21:42,429 Speaker 2: you're adapting to new change. I think that's why I'm 451 00:21:42,490 --> 00:21:44,570 Speaker 2: so passionate about it, because I never want anyone to 452 00:21:44,630 --> 00:21:47,010 Speaker 2: feel that way, like that they're broken or that they 453 00:21:47,070 --> 00:21:49,820 Speaker 2: prayed wrong or they made the wrong decision. And the 454 00:21:49,859 --> 00:21:52,959 Speaker 2: reality is these are human thoughts and emotions that we 455 00:21:53,140 --> 00:21:54,800 Speaker 2: all wrestle with from time to time. 456 00:21:55,280 --> 00:21:58,280 Speaker 1: So to be able to give people. 457 00:21:58,020 --> 00:22:00,520 Speaker 2: Grace when they're in an adjustment period and to let 458 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,939 Speaker 2: them know that that adjustment period does not last forever. 459 00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:05,780 Speaker 2: You might have some really confusing feelings. You might have 460 00:22:05,800 --> 00:22:09,550 Speaker 2: some really confusing thoughts. You're not broken if you're experiencing 461 00:22:09,590 --> 00:22:11,590 Speaker 2: some of these thoughts and emotions. You are in an 462 00:22:11,670 --> 00:22:15,600 Speaker 2: adjustment period. Adjustment periods do not last forever. God is 463 00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,500 Speaker 2: with you through that adjustment period. And you realize that 464 00:22:18,619 --> 00:22:20,700 Speaker 2: if you give it some time and you put some 465 00:22:20,740 --> 00:22:23,480 Speaker 2: really practical rhythms in place, that you will feel like 466 00:22:23,500 --> 00:22:26,270 Speaker 2: yourself again. And you will wake up one day feeling 467 00:22:26,330 --> 00:22:28,350 Speaker 2: like you have your footing, you have a new rhythm, 468 00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,689 Speaker 2: like you have some steady ground again. And to be 469 00:22:31,750 --> 00:22:34,450 Speaker 2: able to say like there might be some confusing thoughts 470 00:22:34,490 --> 00:22:37,250 Speaker 2: and emotions during this time, but this time will not 471 00:22:37,290 --> 00:22:41,179 Speaker 2: last forever. I am in the vulnerable adjustment period. Yes. 472 00:22:41,400 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: So good. So, so true. 473 00:22:43,180 --> 00:22:46,060 Speaker 3: We'll be back right after a quick word from our sponsors. 474 00:22:46,960 --> 00:22:48,460 Speaker 1: Can I pause this just for a moment? 475 00:22:49,020 --> 00:22:51,459 Speaker 3: If you're listening to this and thinking, I don't want 476 00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:53,840 Speaker 3: to do this alone anymore. I want to tell you 477 00:22:53,940 --> 00:22:57,040 Speaker 3: about the Love Life Sober community. This is the space 478 00:22:57,109 --> 00:23:00,370 Speaker 3: where the podcast turns into real connection and real support. 479 00:23:00,930 --> 00:23:04,350 Speaker 3: Inside the community, we gather weekly for live connection calls 480 00:23:04,670 --> 00:23:07,350 Speaker 3: where you can listen, share, or simply just be present. 481 00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:10,300 Speaker 1: There's a beautiful leadership team who hold. 482 00:23:10,060 --> 00:23:14,080 Speaker 3: This space with wisdom and care, a dedicated prayer request area, 483 00:23:14,540 --> 00:23:18,379 Speaker 3: regular masterclasses led by expert guests, and even a worship 484 00:23:18,400 --> 00:23:21,750 Speaker 3: music playlist to help you reconnect when your nervous system 485 00:23:21,790 --> 00:23:24,990 Speaker 3: needs it. There's also a dedicated coaching space called True 486 00:23:25,010 --> 00:23:28,290 Speaker 3: Vine for women who want even deeper support. The Love 487 00:23:28,330 --> 00:23:31,070 Speaker 3: Life Sober community is a place to connect with like-minded 488 00:23:31,109 --> 00:23:33,300 Speaker 3: women and open up in a way you might not 489 00:23:33,340 --> 00:23:35,920 Speaker 3: be able to in your church or small group. This 490 00:23:35,980 --> 00:23:39,220 Speaker 3: space was specifically created for women who are questioning their 491 00:23:39,260 --> 00:23:42,090 Speaker 3: relationship with alcohol and who want the kind of freedom 492 00:23:42,140 --> 00:23:45,010 Speaker 3: that only can be found in Jesus. All the details 493 00:23:45,050 --> 00:23:46,850 Speaker 3: to join us are at the link in the show notes. 494 00:23:47,150 --> 00:23:49,450 Speaker 3: I can't wait to meet you. Let's jump back into 495 00:23:49,470 --> 00:23:52,170 Speaker 3: the episode. I think it's John Ortberg that writes about 496 00:23:52,470 --> 00:23:54,949 Speaker 3: every season in life, you're basically on a peak or 497 00:23:54,990 --> 00:23:58,290 Speaker 3: in a pit. So like if you recognize that like 498 00:23:58,350 --> 00:24:01,040 Speaker 3: on the peak, you can lean into gratitude and be 499 00:24:01,190 --> 00:24:03,060 Speaker 3: there'll be up another pit at some point. And then 500 00:24:03,100 --> 00:24:05,700 Speaker 3: you'll know that that's also temporary. And I think that 501 00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:10,090 Speaker 3: is so encouraging for the woman who is listening. I 502 00:24:10,190 --> 00:24:12,690 Speaker 3: love the story in the book also because my son 503 00:24:12,730 --> 00:24:15,690 Speaker 3: broke his arm and it sounds like in a very 504 00:24:15,750 --> 00:24:19,380 Speaker 3: similar way. Can you talk a little bit about new 505 00:24:19,440 --> 00:24:21,920 Speaker 3: growth in the broken season and that story? 506 00:24:21,940 --> 00:24:23,640 Speaker 1: Because I thought that was really powerful. 507 00:24:24,740 --> 00:24:29,140 Speaker 2: Yeah, my oldest son was just and is a little 508 00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:31,290 Speaker 2: bit of a daredevil. He was always climbing up to 509 00:24:31,310 --> 00:24:34,450 Speaker 2: the highest heights and moms at the playgrounds were always like, 510 00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:36,330 Speaker 2: oh my gosh, who is that kid? And I would 511 00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:39,119 Speaker 2: be like, that's my son. And so I guess I 512 00:24:39,140 --> 00:24:41,359 Speaker 2: started to see him as a little bit invincible. I 513 00:24:41,359 --> 00:24:43,580 Speaker 2: started to not worry as much, you know, if he 514 00:24:43,600 --> 00:24:47,080 Speaker 2: was climbing a tree or something. And one day shortly 515 00:24:47,160 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 2: after the adoption, he was in the background swinging on 516 00:24:49,900 --> 00:24:52,379 Speaker 2: a palm tree branch and the palm tree branch broke 517 00:24:52,520 --> 00:24:55,620 Speaker 2: and he broke his arm, you know, to watch his 518 00:24:55,680 --> 00:24:59,720 Speaker 2: recovery process. And it was excruciating, the whole thing. Just 519 00:25:00,760 --> 00:25:04,679 Speaker 2: do not recommend being in the room when you are 520 00:25:04,700 --> 00:25:08,869 Speaker 2: watching your son get the... bones reset. I shouldn't have 521 00:25:08,880 --> 00:25:12,510 Speaker 2: done that. But either way, I remember the recovery journey, 522 00:25:12,590 --> 00:25:15,210 Speaker 2: having to take him back to the doctor's office to 523 00:25:15,430 --> 00:25:18,090 Speaker 2: see if the healing had progressed enough or if he 524 00:25:18,109 --> 00:25:21,210 Speaker 2: was going to need surgery. And as soon as they 525 00:25:21,270 --> 00:25:24,619 Speaker 2: pulled up the x-ray, I immediately was like, oh my gosh, 526 00:25:24,700 --> 00:25:27,120 Speaker 2: like it is not healing. Like you can visibly still 527 00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:29,560 Speaker 2: see the jagged edges of the brakes, like all the things. 528 00:25:29,619 --> 00:25:31,440 Speaker 1: I was like, this is not a good sign. 529 00:25:32,359 --> 00:25:36,359 Speaker 2: And the doctor sat down and he goes, this is amazing. 530 00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:38,640 Speaker 1: Look at all that incredible growth. 531 00:25:38,660 --> 00:25:41,500 Speaker 2: I was like, are we looking at the same picture? 532 00:25:41,520 --> 00:25:43,860 Speaker 1: Because it just looks still very broken. 533 00:25:44,500 --> 00:25:47,179 Speaker 2: And he just began to point out some things on 534 00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:49,619 Speaker 2: the x-ray that my eyes weren't trained to see, but 535 00:25:49,700 --> 00:25:52,780 Speaker 2: his eyes were. And he was looking at all these 536 00:25:52,820 --> 00:25:55,940 Speaker 2: different various factors of how that the bone was going 537 00:25:56,030 --> 00:25:59,110 Speaker 2: to be stronger than it was before. And I didn't 538 00:25:59,170 --> 00:26:01,230 Speaker 2: even know that was a thing. I've never personally broken 539 00:26:01,290 --> 00:26:03,450 Speaker 2: a bone. And it turns out that that is a 540 00:26:03,470 --> 00:26:06,470 Speaker 2: thing that when the bone breaks and it begins to 541 00:26:06,930 --> 00:26:09,620 Speaker 2: heal in the right way, that it is stronger than 542 00:26:09,650 --> 00:26:11,840 Speaker 2: it was before. And I just that ministered to my 543 00:26:11,920 --> 00:26:14,280 Speaker 2: soul in that season so much because I just thought, 544 00:26:14,320 --> 00:26:18,320 Speaker 2: you know what? God sees my feelings of brokenness, my 545 00:26:18,359 --> 00:26:21,199 Speaker 2: broken heart, you know, my broken feelings. 546 00:26:21,540 --> 00:26:22,960 Speaker 1: And he sees all this. 547 00:26:23,609 --> 00:26:26,710 Speaker 2: You know, rawness and what I would see as brokenness. 548 00:26:26,810 --> 00:26:29,070 Speaker 2: And he is going to use this to make me 549 00:26:29,109 --> 00:26:32,409 Speaker 2: stronger than I was before. And to be able to 550 00:26:32,470 --> 00:26:35,340 Speaker 2: encourage ladies out there that if they feel like they 551 00:26:35,359 --> 00:26:38,320 Speaker 2: are experiencing some brokenness, to know that if God does 552 00:26:38,380 --> 00:26:40,359 Speaker 2: that with bones, right, he can do that with our 553 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:42,060 Speaker 2: lives too and our broken hearts too. 554 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, I loved that so much. And it reminded me of, 555 00:26:46,540 --> 00:26:48,650 Speaker 1: maybe it was Lisa Turkers. I can't remember. 556 00:26:48,730 --> 00:26:52,199 Speaker 3: And she talks about when you break the pot and 557 00:26:52,240 --> 00:26:55,939 Speaker 3: then you use the old pieces back in with what 558 00:26:55,960 --> 00:26:58,800 Speaker 3: you're creating, how it makes it not only more beautiful. 559 00:26:58,840 --> 00:26:59,520 Speaker 1: But stronger. 560 00:26:59,540 --> 00:27:03,139 Speaker 3: And so how God uses our broken pieces, it reminded 561 00:27:03,180 --> 00:27:05,290 Speaker 3: me of that too. And like, just that we don't 562 00:27:05,369 --> 00:27:09,609 Speaker 3: know ultimately like the story that God's writing in it. 563 00:27:09,690 --> 00:27:13,190 Speaker 3: And we're, we stress about the directions that it's going 564 00:27:13,230 --> 00:27:16,030 Speaker 3: and how we're handling it, but ultimately like he is 565 00:27:16,609 --> 00:27:17,890 Speaker 3: writing a good story. 566 00:27:17,990 --> 00:27:19,530 Speaker 1: And so I think that part of it was so 567 00:27:19,570 --> 00:27:20,310 Speaker 1: encouraging too. 568 00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:25,100 Speaker 3: For the woman who's feeling stuck, which if they're listening 569 00:27:25,140 --> 00:27:27,100 Speaker 3: to the podcast, and I mean, we all are at 570 00:27:27,140 --> 00:27:30,750 Speaker 3: some point, right, in our lives. Can you encourage her 571 00:27:30,830 --> 00:27:33,050 Speaker 3: why she's not stuck and why she's strong? 572 00:27:33,070 --> 00:27:37,270 Speaker 2: Yeah, I had come to this realization when I was 573 00:27:37,310 --> 00:27:41,940 Speaker 2: in a conversation with somebody that they gave me the advice. 574 00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:44,300 Speaker 2: They said, why don't you just give up? And I 575 00:27:44,340 --> 00:27:46,740 Speaker 2: wasn't really sure what they meant by that. I was like, 576 00:27:47,780 --> 00:27:51,520 Speaker 2: give up. Like, on my family, like on like my 577 00:27:51,560 --> 00:27:54,159 Speaker 2: God given assignment, like that's not even an option. 578 00:27:54,180 --> 00:27:55,619 Speaker 1: Like, why would she tell me like, I can give 579 00:27:55,700 --> 00:27:56,350 Speaker 1: up if I want? 580 00:27:57,090 --> 00:28:03,129 Speaker 2: Well, she had been in many situations and circumstances where 581 00:28:03,190 --> 00:28:06,250 Speaker 2: that was the choice that people made. They did give up. 582 00:28:06,290 --> 00:28:09,510 Speaker 2: They did run away. They did change paths. They did 583 00:28:10,270 --> 00:28:14,210 Speaker 2: course correct maybe in the craziest ways. And it began 584 00:28:14,270 --> 00:28:16,750 Speaker 2: to make me think about that, like the power of 585 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,260 Speaker 2: the God-given freedom, right? 586 00:28:19,300 --> 00:28:20,220 Speaker 1: That God has given us. 587 00:28:20,300 --> 00:28:22,369 Speaker 2: Like he's given us the free will right now to 588 00:28:22,400 --> 00:28:24,450 Speaker 2: make a million different choices in our life. Like if 589 00:28:24,490 --> 00:28:26,490 Speaker 2: you wanted to up and move to Canada right now 590 00:28:26,650 --> 00:28:29,870 Speaker 2: and dye your hair, you move to London, right? So 591 00:28:29,910 --> 00:28:31,690 Speaker 2: you can move to a different country. You can give 592 00:28:31,850 --> 00:28:34,379 Speaker 2: up on the things that you are called to, on 593 00:28:34,410 --> 00:28:37,320 Speaker 2: the people that you love. Like sadly, people do make 594 00:28:37,359 --> 00:28:40,480 Speaker 2: that decision. Every single day, people make that decision to say, 595 00:28:40,540 --> 00:28:40,860 Speaker 2: you know what? 596 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:41,490 Speaker 1: I'm done with it. 597 00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:45,730 Speaker 2: So to me, I was like, oh my gosh, like, No, no, 598 00:28:45,790 --> 00:28:47,730 Speaker 2: that's not how I want to use my freedom. That's 599 00:28:47,750 --> 00:28:49,450 Speaker 2: not how I want to use my free will. I 600 00:28:49,630 --> 00:28:51,320 Speaker 2: am the kind of person who does not give up 601 00:28:51,420 --> 00:28:53,460 Speaker 2: on my God-given assignments, who does not give up on 602 00:28:53,480 --> 00:28:57,140 Speaker 2: the people I love, who does not shrink or run 603 00:28:57,240 --> 00:29:00,100 Speaker 2: or hide. And then all of a sudden that shift happens. 604 00:29:00,380 --> 00:29:02,220 Speaker 2: as I realized that I was like, I don't. 605 00:29:02,110 --> 00:29:03,790 Speaker 1: Even feel stuck anymore. I feel strong. 606 00:29:04,010 --> 00:29:06,170 Speaker 2: I am strong for continuing to show up in a 607 00:29:06,210 --> 00:29:08,410 Speaker 2: story that feels different than I expected it to be. 608 00:29:08,430 --> 00:29:10,610 Speaker 2: And I think that I was not the only one 609 00:29:10,670 --> 00:29:12,810 Speaker 2: who needed to hear that, right? Because I think sometimes 610 00:29:12,850 --> 00:29:14,910 Speaker 2: we wake up and we think I'm stuck, I'm stuck, 611 00:29:14,970 --> 00:29:17,090 Speaker 2: I'm stuck. And that's the only narrative. That's the only 612 00:29:17,190 --> 00:29:19,830 Speaker 2: story that we can tell ourselves is how stuck we 613 00:29:19,870 --> 00:29:22,330 Speaker 2: feel and how stuck we are. And the reality is like, 614 00:29:22,350 --> 00:29:25,040 Speaker 2: if you're showing up and you're God given assignment, even 615 00:29:25,080 --> 00:29:28,180 Speaker 2: though it's hard, And you're choosing integrity. You're choosing to 616 00:29:28,220 --> 00:29:31,140 Speaker 2: do the right thing, even when it's hard. You're choosing sobriety, right? 617 00:29:31,460 --> 00:29:35,650 Speaker 2: You're choosing the harder path, but it's because you're strong, 618 00:29:35,690 --> 00:29:36,610 Speaker 2: not because you're stuck. 619 00:29:37,250 --> 00:29:39,550 Speaker 1: Yes, 100%. I love that so much. 620 00:29:39,590 --> 00:29:42,160 Speaker 3: That is going to encourage so many women in our 621 00:29:42,200 --> 00:29:45,570 Speaker 3: community because for the woman listening right now, like if 622 00:29:45,610 --> 00:29:47,420 Speaker 3: you are listening, you haven't. 623 00:29:47,170 --> 00:29:48,160 Speaker 1: Given up, right? 624 00:29:48,240 --> 00:29:51,160 Speaker 3: And you continuing to walk every single day in this 625 00:29:51,200 --> 00:29:53,360 Speaker 3: like path that God is calling you to and that 626 00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:54,720 Speaker 3: you don't have to. 627 00:29:54,680 --> 00:29:55,660 Speaker 1: Do that, right? 628 00:29:55,700 --> 00:29:59,060 Speaker 3: Like you could go back to drinking. You probably don't 629 00:29:59,100 --> 00:30:02,010 Speaker 3: want to, but like you could, you could, you don't 630 00:30:02,090 --> 00:30:04,450 Speaker 3: have to do this. And I think, I can't remember 631 00:30:04,490 --> 00:30:06,330 Speaker 3: where it is, but in the Old Testament where it 632 00:30:06,390 --> 00:30:10,550 Speaker 3: talks about, you know, God continuing to speak to their 633 00:30:10,630 --> 00:30:14,760 Speaker 3: hearts because, He loves us, right? And so if you're 634 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:18,690 Speaker 3: hearing these God's like whispers of telling you to go 635 00:30:18,780 --> 00:30:21,120 Speaker 3: somewhere and you do have that choice, like you just said, 636 00:30:21,160 --> 00:30:23,340 Speaker 3: but that's because he loves you, right? 637 00:30:23,920 --> 00:30:27,020 Speaker 1: And you haven't turned your heart cold and you. 638 00:30:26,980 --> 00:30:30,900 Speaker 3: Are continuing to walk in that like beautiful journey of 639 00:30:31,180 --> 00:30:34,020 Speaker 3: discipleship and all of that good stuff. So I love 640 00:30:34,060 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 3: that chapter so much. I think that was one of 641 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:38,480 Speaker 3: my favorite chapters that you wrote. Do you want to 642 00:30:38,500 --> 00:30:42,190 Speaker 3: give a little like, peek at the whole rhythms. It's 643 00:30:42,230 --> 00:30:44,770 Speaker 3: so good. But I love these routines. We talk about 644 00:30:44,790 --> 00:30:48,590 Speaker 3: routines and rituals and everything so much in our community. 645 00:30:48,770 --> 00:30:50,990 Speaker 1: And so will you talk about the whole rhythms a 646 00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:51,430 Speaker 1: little bit? 647 00:30:52,190 --> 00:30:56,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, that chapter was a very standalone chapter. And I 648 00:30:56,340 --> 00:30:59,840 Speaker 2: wrote it because when you're in survival mode, you sometimes 649 00:30:59,900 --> 00:31:02,400 Speaker 2: can't even think beyond making your next meal, right? Like 650 00:31:02,460 --> 00:31:05,400 Speaker 2: it's just hard to plan forward and and all of 651 00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,900 Speaker 2: those things. And so to be able to write down 652 00:31:07,980 --> 00:31:11,100 Speaker 2: in every domain of life, different rhythms that people can 653 00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:14,500 Speaker 2: pick for themselves, because oftentimes we think, well, what worked 654 00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:16,270 Speaker 2: in the last season, I'll just take that to the 655 00:31:16,310 --> 00:31:18,210 Speaker 2: next season. And then the next season comes when we 656 00:31:18,250 --> 00:31:20,790 Speaker 2: realize our rhythms are not working and we need new 657 00:31:20,830 --> 00:31:24,830 Speaker 2: rhythms for our new season. And I remember realizing that 658 00:31:24,870 --> 00:31:27,250 Speaker 2: my brain was starting to look forward to the one 659 00:31:28,130 --> 00:31:30,620 Speaker 2: rhythm that I had at the time, which was like 660 00:31:30,920 --> 00:31:32,840 Speaker 2: pizza night. Okay, pizza night on Sunday night, I don't 661 00:31:32,860 --> 00:31:35,000 Speaker 2: have to cook. And I realized how much my brain 662 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,000 Speaker 2: was looking forward to pizza night. And it's what researchers 663 00:31:38,060 --> 00:31:41,490 Speaker 2: call the anticipatory brain, where our brains begin to anticipate 664 00:31:41,530 --> 00:31:44,450 Speaker 2: something before they happen. And I believe that's why we're 665 00:31:44,470 --> 00:31:46,410 Speaker 2: not just called to take a Sabbath, we're called to 666 00:31:46,470 --> 00:31:49,510 Speaker 2: remember the Sabbath, right? If we remember that it's coming, 667 00:31:49,690 --> 00:31:53,260 Speaker 2: our anticipatory brain can be able to feel like, okay, well, 668 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,080 Speaker 2: if this is a hard day, my anticipatory brain is 669 00:31:56,140 --> 00:31:58,480 Speaker 2: reminding me that that day of rest is coming, right? 670 00:31:58,580 --> 00:32:01,600 Speaker 2: Or that moment of replenishment or that moment where I 671 00:32:01,620 --> 00:32:04,100 Speaker 2: get to have a break from cooking. So it was 672 00:32:04,140 --> 00:32:06,080 Speaker 2: such a small rhythm, but then I began to look 673 00:32:06,280 --> 00:32:08,790 Speaker 2: on my calendar and look for other small things that 674 00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:11,750 Speaker 2: I could put. And then that turned into, okay, let 675 00:32:11,790 --> 00:32:14,130 Speaker 2: me make sure that in every domain of my life 676 00:32:14,170 --> 00:32:16,090 Speaker 2: that I had these things on my calendar to look 677 00:32:16,130 --> 00:32:20,550 Speaker 2: forward to so that even though my actual life day-to-day 678 00:32:20,690 --> 00:32:24,060 Speaker 2: feels like I don't have my footing, these little things 679 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:27,840 Speaker 2: became anchors that actually helped me feel stable and steady 680 00:32:27,980 --> 00:32:30,420 Speaker 2: in the midst of all the change and the change fatigue. 681 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,290 Speaker 1: Yeah, it's so incredibly helpful. 682 00:32:33,350 --> 00:32:35,550 Speaker 3: We talk about that all the time in our community 683 00:32:35,590 --> 00:32:39,130 Speaker 3: because so many times we use alcohol for rest or 684 00:32:39,230 --> 00:32:42,250 Speaker 3: for connection or for whatever the thing is that you're 685 00:32:42,350 --> 00:32:46,210 Speaker 3: using it for. And so to experiment with of getting 686 00:32:46,250 --> 00:32:51,810 Speaker 3: those things in a more sustainable way takes experimentation. But 687 00:32:51,830 --> 00:32:55,670 Speaker 3: like you said, it also takes planning. And so if 688 00:32:55,710 --> 00:32:58,700 Speaker 3: you believe that you've gotten your rest, for example, on alcohol, 689 00:32:58,740 --> 00:33:02,080 Speaker 3: and you don't see any other rest in your schedule, 690 00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:04,480 Speaker 3: then it's going to be harder and harder to say 691 00:33:04,540 --> 00:33:07,100 Speaker 3: no to that thing that you're so used to. And 692 00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:10,020 Speaker 3: so that's what I used to do is I would 693 00:33:10,060 --> 00:33:12,680 Speaker 3: block off like Monday mornings for a really long time 694 00:33:13,050 --> 00:33:15,590 Speaker 3: and just like not have anything because at least I 695 00:33:15,630 --> 00:33:17,770 Speaker 3: knew that was my rest period. 696 00:33:18,070 --> 00:33:19,090 Speaker 1: And so we. 697 00:33:18,990 --> 00:33:23,130 Speaker 3: Talk about like tweaking rhythms and rituals a lot. And 698 00:33:23,150 --> 00:33:24,810 Speaker 3: so that part of the book I think will be 699 00:33:25,600 --> 00:33:28,940 Speaker 3: so encouraging for the women as well. Can we end 700 00:33:29,020 --> 00:33:31,690 Speaker 3: with seeing God's fingerprints in hindsight? 701 00:33:31,750 --> 00:33:32,670 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah. 702 00:33:32,730 --> 00:33:35,310 Speaker 2: As I began to slowly make my way out of 703 00:33:35,450 --> 00:33:38,390 Speaker 2: the change fatigue and, you know, all the different mixed 704 00:33:38,430 --> 00:33:41,630 Speaker 2: emotions and getting out of that major adjustment period, just 705 00:33:42,150 --> 00:33:44,780 Speaker 2: realizing that I was starting to be able to look 706 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:48,300 Speaker 2: back and see the progress in my kids and in myself. 707 00:33:48,660 --> 00:33:51,060 Speaker 2: And at the time when you're in survival mode, it's 708 00:33:51,080 --> 00:33:53,770 Speaker 2: like all you see is just fog. It's like so 709 00:33:53,810 --> 00:33:56,810 Speaker 2: confusing and you feel so off and you don't feel 710 00:33:56,830 --> 00:34:01,080 Speaker 2: like yourself and everything's different and changing and it's just confusing. 711 00:34:01,630 --> 00:34:04,440 Speaker 2: But then if you do lean in to the growth 712 00:34:04,540 --> 00:34:08,020 Speaker 2: and you do continue to lean into God, lean into 713 00:34:08,040 --> 00:34:10,319 Speaker 2: the rhythms, like you said, you start to be able 714 00:34:10,380 --> 00:34:13,200 Speaker 2: to see the fingerprints of God's purpose and all the 715 00:34:13,219 --> 00:34:15,739 Speaker 2: things he was doing all along, even when you felt 716 00:34:15,760 --> 00:34:18,100 Speaker 2: like you were at your worst. And that's the beauty 717 00:34:18,219 --> 00:34:20,580 Speaker 2: of me not being the hero story of God being 718 00:34:20,600 --> 00:34:22,529 Speaker 2: the hero of the stories. Because I look back and 719 00:34:22,590 --> 00:34:25,279 Speaker 2: think like, man, I didn't show up the way I 720 00:34:25,340 --> 00:34:27,939 Speaker 2: wanted to show up in that season, but God showed up, right? 721 00:34:28,100 --> 00:34:30,500 Speaker 2: God showed up in so many different ways. And I 722 00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:33,060 Speaker 2: can just count all the ways and see all the 723 00:34:33,120 --> 00:34:36,259 Speaker 2: progress and the growth and be able to say, you know, 724 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:40,040 Speaker 2: this is what I prayed for and so much more. Yeah. 725 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:43,060 Speaker 3: Can you please tell everyone where to find the book? 726 00:34:43,120 --> 00:34:45,320 Speaker 3: And I'll also link it in the show notes. 727 00:34:46,360 --> 00:34:48,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, the book is available wherever books are sold. 728 00:34:48,960 --> 00:34:51,940 Speaker 2: It's also available on Audible and Spotify if you prefer 729 00:34:52,080 --> 00:34:55,230 Speaker 2: an audio format. And you can visit my website at 730 00:34:55,270 --> 00:34:57,709 Speaker 2: Melissa Miller Writer if you wanted to get more information. 731 00:34:57,950 --> 00:34:59,730 Speaker 2: I know the link to the book is there as 732 00:34:59,790 --> 00:35:02,310 Speaker 2: well as some more info about me. And I do 733 00:35:02,330 --> 00:35:06,000 Speaker 2: a weekly newsletter that is really for those people who 734 00:35:06,020 --> 00:35:08,600 Speaker 2: want to continue in those rhythms, those rhythms of fun, 735 00:35:08,640 --> 00:35:10,819 Speaker 2: those rhythms of faith, those rhythms that just help you 736 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:11,460 Speaker 2: find your footing. 737 00:35:12,660 --> 00:35:15,220 Speaker 1: During seasons of change. Thank you so much, my friend. 738 00:35:15,260 --> 00:35:17,140 Speaker 3: I appreciate you taking the time. 739 00:35:17,580 --> 00:35:20,460 Speaker 1: And I wish you all the things, blessings with this book. 740 00:35:21,620 --> 00:35:24,020 Speaker 3: It's a beautiful, beautiful read. 741 00:35:24,160 --> 00:35:27,410 Speaker 1: So thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you for 742 00:35:27,450 --> 00:35:29,390 Speaker 1: spending this time with me on Love Live Sober. 743 00:35:29,850 --> 00:35:32,930 Speaker 3: If today's conversation stirred something in your heart, don't rush 744 00:35:32,969 --> 00:35:33,430 Speaker 3: past it. 745 00:35:33,670 --> 00:35:34,330 Speaker 1: Take it to prayer. 746 00:35:34,870 --> 00:35:38,049 Speaker 3: If you're feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd 747 00:35:38,180 --> 00:35:40,560 Speaker 3: love to invite you into the Love Life Sober community, 748 00:35:40,860 --> 00:35:45,600 Speaker 3: a grace-filled, shame-free space where real connection grows and lasting 749 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,180 Speaker 3: change takes root. You can find the link to join 750 00:35:48,239 --> 00:35:51,940 Speaker 3: us in the show notes. Love Life Sober is part 751 00:35:51,980 --> 00:35:55,940 Speaker 3: of the Life Audio Podcast Network, where faith-centered podcasts help 752 00:35:55,980 --> 00:35:58,359 Speaker 3: you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. You can 753 00:35:58,400 --> 00:36:03,360 Speaker 3: find more faith-centered podcasts at lifeaudio.com. Until next time, be 754 00:36:03,739 --> 00:36:07,719 Speaker 3: gentle with yourself, stay curious, and trust God's promises. He 755 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:08,950 Speaker 3: has freedom waiting for you.