1 00:00:05,480 --> 00:00:10,039 Speaker 1: Welcome to Christian Parent Crazy World, the podcast that tackles 2 00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:13,119 Speaker 1: tough topics to help you be a godly parent in 3 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:17,080 Speaker 1: an ungodly world. I am your host, Catherine Seegers, and 4 00:00:17,079 --> 00:00:20,840 Speaker 1: in today's episode, we will tackle this vitally important question, 5 00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:26,799 Speaker 1: what are the greatest mental health needs of our kids? Yeah? 6 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: May is mental health Awareness month, and my special guest 7 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:33,919 Speaker 1: today has identified two critical mental health needs that our 8 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,600 Speaker 1: kids have and we have too, by the way, and 9 00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:39,080 Speaker 1: he's going to share those needs with us today. And 10 00:00:39,120 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: in addition to that, he's going to teach us a 11 00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:44,920 Speaker 1: super practical way that we can meet those needs. That's 12 00:00:44,960 --> 00:00:48,520 Speaker 1: the plan for this episode of Christian Parent Crazy World. 13 00:00:57,320 --> 00:01:00,600 Speaker 1: Hey you guys, this is a special best of series 14 00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:03,040 Speaker 1: that I wanted to bring back because, as I mentioned 15 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:07,160 Speaker 1: in the intro, May is mental health Awareness month, so 16 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:10,200 Speaker 1: I always love to visit this topic in May. I 17 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:13,520 Speaker 1: know that a lot of our kids struggle in mental health. 18 00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:16,520 Speaker 1: I have personally struggled with mental health, maybe a lot 19 00:01:16,560 --> 00:01:19,800 Speaker 1: of you have as well. And I had this conversation 20 00:01:19,880 --> 00:01:23,480 Speaker 1: with doctor Bill Sinyard a little while ago, and it 21 00:01:23,560 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: really opened my eyes to where our mental health needs 22 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:31,000 Speaker 1: to start. As we are going to learn today. So 23 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:34,319 Speaker 1: much of our kids' mental health and our own mental 24 00:01:34,319 --> 00:01:38,759 Speaker 1: health goes back to a couple of very specific needs, 25 00:01:38,760 --> 00:01:41,840 Speaker 1: and we don't have those needs met. We may need 26 00:01:41,880 --> 00:01:47,600 Speaker 1: some healing. Thankfully, our faith is centered on providing those needs, 27 00:01:47,680 --> 00:01:50,280 Speaker 1: and our heavenly Father can heal those needs even if 28 00:01:50,280 --> 00:01:53,560 Speaker 1: our parents can't. But as parents, we want to be 29 00:01:53,600 --> 00:01:56,800 Speaker 1: sure that we are supplying those needs for our kids. 30 00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:01,200 Speaker 1: So my special guest today is doctor Bill Sinard. He 31 00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:05,640 Speaker 1: hosts the Gospel Rant podcast, which offers straight talk on 32 00:02:05,840 --> 00:02:09,680 Speaker 1: all topics religious or secular, which is my kind of show. 33 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:13,040 Speaker 1: He has written over a dozen nonfiction books and workbooks 34 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:17,040 Speaker 1: on a wide range of important topics, including how Christians 35 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:21,160 Speaker 1: can effectively and biblically forgive others, how frustrated pearance of 36 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:25,239 Speaker 1: teens can be good enough parents, and most importantly, God's 37 00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:29,520 Speaker 1: love for the unlovable. So we are going to hone 38 00:02:29,639 --> 00:02:32,480 Speaker 1: in on Bill's expertise in the area of mental health 39 00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:37,400 Speaker 1: for our kids today. Well that's said, let's jump right in. Bill, 40 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,520 Speaker 1: Welcome to the program. It's so nice to have you 41 00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 1: here on Christian Parent Crazy World. 42 00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:43,480 Speaker 2: It's great to be here. Thank you very much. I'm 43 00:02:43,480 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 2: looking forward to it. 44 00:02:44,440 --> 00:02:46,720 Speaker 1: I know, I'm so excited to have a fellow Life 45 00:02:46,760 --> 00:02:50,679 Speaker 1: Audio podcast hosts on this show. I know I get 46 00:02:50,720 --> 00:02:52,720 Speaker 1: to meet a few of you from time to time. 47 00:02:52,760 --> 00:02:55,320 Speaker 2: And we already did the secret headshake. We're good. 48 00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:59,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, that's cool. So why don't you give us low 49 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,720 Speaker 1: down on Bill? Well, I've meant to ask you before 50 00:03:01,760 --> 00:03:03,359 Speaker 1: we started, how do you pronounce your last name? 51 00:03:03,639 --> 00:03:05,240 Speaker 2: Senored Senard ye? 52 00:03:05,440 --> 00:03:08,440 Speaker 1: Bill Senor? Give us the lowdown on you and what 53 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:11,520 Speaker 1: it is that you do a here at Life Audio 54 00:03:11,560 --> 00:03:12,680 Speaker 1: but also in life. 55 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,640 Speaker 2: Well, I've been a pastor for thirty years. Before that, 56 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:19,120 Speaker 2: I was an engineer. I was a management consultant, businessman, 57 00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,000 Speaker 2: and an eight five hundred company. I've done a lot 58 00:03:21,000 --> 00:03:26,040 Speaker 2: of things. Now I actually do my own ministry gospel 59 00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,960 Speaker 2: at ministry, and our passion is, and we'll be talking 60 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 2: about it, is to proclaim God's love for the unlovable, 61 00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:35,080 Speaker 2: the unloved, and the unlovely. That's all of us on 62 00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:37,200 Speaker 2: any given day. If we were just a little bit honest, 63 00:03:37,680 --> 00:03:42,760 Speaker 2: I think if that message got out better, clearer, more passionate, 64 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 2: I think it would change churches. I think we could 65 00:03:45,400 --> 00:03:46,360 Speaker 2: actually change the world. 66 00:03:46,760 --> 00:03:49,320 Speaker 1: Yeah, we could change families. We could change parenting a 67 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: lot of things. I'm very excited to see how that 68 00:03:51,360 --> 00:03:55,640 Speaker 1: applies to the subject matter we're talking about today. May 69 00:03:55,760 --> 00:03:58,400 Speaker 1: is mental Health Awareness Month. I always like to touch 70 00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:01,800 Speaker 1: upon this topic in May. I know in some of 71 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,600 Speaker 1: your materials you talk about the mental health crisis that 72 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:06,720 Speaker 1: we're facing in our country. Why don't you share with 73 00:04:06,800 --> 00:04:08,520 Speaker 1: us a little bit about what's going on in our 74 00:04:08,600 --> 00:04:11,400 Speaker 1: nation right now? I know in our families we're all 75 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:12,280 Speaker 1: feeling it, aren't we. 76 00:04:14,080 --> 00:04:16,520 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it's gonna be captain obvious to your listeners. 77 00:04:16,520 --> 00:04:22,960 Speaker 2: But it just statistics CDC suicide homicide rates between ages 78 00:04:22,960 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 2: ten to twenty four of the highest they've been in decades. 79 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:29,000 Speaker 2: Of sixty eight, forty two percent of adolescents are experiencing 80 00:04:29,600 --> 00:04:35,080 Speaker 2: severe sadness and hopelessness. That's forty two percent, fifty seven 81 00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 2: percent of females. Adolescence ridiculous. I mean, this is a 82 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:46,120 Speaker 2: mental health crisis. Anxiety is up, loneliness is up, gender dysphoria, 83 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,720 Speaker 2: all that conversation is up, environmental anxiety, everything is up, 84 00:04:52,240 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 2: and all the while, forty six percent of adolescents ages 85 00:04:55,120 --> 00:04:59,200 Speaker 2: thirteen to seventeen say that social media makes their body 86 00:04:59,279 --> 00:05:02,040 Speaker 2: image feel worse than before they listened to it. I mean, 87 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:05,600 Speaker 2: I think we know some of the culprits, but parents, 88 00:05:05,880 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 2: what do you do if you're a parent and social 89 00:05:08,400 --> 00:05:10,039 Speaker 2: media is everywhere? 90 00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,680 Speaker 1: It certainly is, And I told you before the show, 91 00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,520 Speaker 1: I've got my next couple of episodes coming up after 92 00:05:16,560 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 1: yours are going to be on social media. We're going 93 00:05:18,680 --> 00:05:21,479 Speaker 1: to tackle that tough one and really get into what's 94 00:05:21,560 --> 00:05:21,960 Speaker 1: going on. 95 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:27,400 Speaker 2: It's ridiculously addictive for all ages, but for adolescents it's 96 00:05:27,480 --> 00:05:30,120 Speaker 2: it's a red flag, should be warning labels. And I 97 00:05:30,480 --> 00:05:34,400 Speaker 2: sent you a video they should not be on They 98 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,280 Speaker 2: should not have social media until at least high school period. 99 00:05:37,360 --> 00:05:41,080 Speaker 1: Yes, absolutely, and you had some recommendations there too, you know, 100 00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:44,080 Speaker 1: in terms of the iPhones. And we're going to be 101 00:05:44,200 --> 00:05:47,800 Speaker 1: talking about that at en depth. So the mental health 102 00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 1: crisis is being fueled by social media. It's being fueled 103 00:05:51,000 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: by a lot of things. So I'm curious. I wasn't 104 00:05:55,120 --> 00:05:59,039 Speaker 1: really familiar with the attachment theory until you started sending 105 00:05:59,080 --> 00:06:01,160 Speaker 1: me some videos and I was looking at him like, oh, well, 106 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:05,280 Speaker 1: this is really interesting. I'm seeing myself in it, I'm 107 00:06:05,279 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: seeing some of my kids in it, and so explain 108 00:06:09,200 --> 00:06:11,159 Speaker 1: to us. I want you to explain to us exactly 109 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:12,880 Speaker 1: what that is. But I also want to know what 110 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:17,240 Speaker 1: is it about you, about your history? How did you 111 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,280 Speaker 1: find this theory and what resonated with you about it? 112 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:23,279 Speaker 2: Oh my goodness, that's a longer story, but just real 113 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,440 Speaker 2: briefly was I became a Christian when I was twenty 114 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:31,680 Speaker 2: one from a legalistic family and I had poor body image. 115 00:06:31,720 --> 00:06:34,120 Speaker 2: I had all kinds of insecurities that you know, you 116 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:36,000 Speaker 2: just have them. I'm a guy. We don't talk about 117 00:06:36,000 --> 00:06:38,040 Speaker 2: it right, right, And so I was a Christian for 118 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:42,280 Speaker 2: fifteen years. I was in seminary when I finally realized that, 119 00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:47,440 Speaker 2: with the help of the spiritual formation professor, that I 120 00:06:47,520 --> 00:06:50,479 Speaker 2: believed that God loved me, but I never really was 121 00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:53,080 Speaker 2: experiencing it. And here's how I put it. I knew 122 00:06:53,120 --> 00:06:56,359 Speaker 2: He loved me, but I didn't believe he liked me 123 00:06:56,520 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 2: much at all. And all of a sudden, it was 124 00:06:58,320 --> 00:07:01,720 Speaker 2: a spiritual moment, and it was like my whole life 125 00:07:01,760 --> 00:07:05,040 Speaker 2: appeared before me with dominoes and relationships that I had 126 00:07:05,080 --> 00:07:06,600 Speaker 2: screwed up. And I can tell you why. I through 127 00:07:06,640 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 2: attachment theory. But I finally experienced God loved me as 128 00:07:11,200 --> 00:07:15,680 Speaker 2: I was with all of my flaws, and to me 129 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:18,840 Speaker 2: that was a huge revelation. It changed how I taught it, 130 00:07:18,920 --> 00:07:21,800 Speaker 2: changed how I wrote it, changed how I evangelized, and 131 00:07:21,840 --> 00:07:24,240 Speaker 2: I've just been developing it since then. I came across 132 00:07:24,280 --> 00:07:29,160 Speaker 2: the attachment theory, which isn't a biblical Christian you know, 133 00:07:29,280 --> 00:07:33,160 Speaker 2: birth thing, very secular from the sixties, and I went, 134 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:38,960 Speaker 2: this is it. This is exactly This links together, bridges 135 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,680 Speaker 2: together with the Gospel as I know it. God's loved 136 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,960 Speaker 2: for the unlovable, the unloved, and the unlovely. That's where 137 00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 2: he starts. And so just the attachment. 138 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:51,640 Speaker 1: Theory, Ah cool. So now you've wedded our appetite. And 139 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,080 Speaker 1: I can see, though I can totally see with my 140 00:07:54,120 --> 00:07:58,040 Speaker 1: own history that I think we're all being honest, many 141 00:07:58,120 --> 00:08:01,280 Speaker 1: of us, most of us probably all have at some 142 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 1: point thought, well, I know God loves me, because I've 143 00:08:04,080 --> 00:08:06,400 Speaker 1: been told that in the most famous versus. Bible tells 144 00:08:06,440 --> 00:08:08,440 Speaker 1: me that John three to sixteen, for God so loved 145 00:08:08,440 --> 00:08:10,280 Speaker 1: the world that he gets one and only son, that 146 00:08:10,280 --> 00:08:13,960 Speaker 1: whoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life. 147 00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: We know it, but I don't think it likes me. 148 00:08:16,720 --> 00:08:20,440 Speaker 1: Very much. And we're constantly thinking sitting up there just 149 00:08:20,560 --> 00:08:22,560 Speaker 1: kind of waiting to whack us for the next thing 150 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 1: we do wrong. That's kind of this perception that we 151 00:08:26,040 --> 00:08:29,360 Speaker 1: have of God. And that's not the truth of who 152 00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,360 Speaker 1: he is. That's not the truth of his love. That's 153 00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:33,720 Speaker 1: a big lie from the enemy. So what is the 154 00:08:33,760 --> 00:08:37,559 Speaker 1: attachment theory exactly? And how has that helped to rectify 155 00:08:37,679 --> 00:08:41,120 Speaker 1: your understanding of God's love in your life? And how 156 00:08:41,160 --> 00:08:42,320 Speaker 1: can we do that in our parenting. 157 00:08:42,679 --> 00:08:45,200 Speaker 2: So let me back up and say, and I've asked 158 00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,200 Speaker 2: this question the conferences and marriage conferences that I've done 159 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:52,199 Speaker 2: in six different countries around the world. I've asked Christians, 160 00:08:52,400 --> 00:08:56,000 Speaker 2: so tell me, honestly, how many of you actually believe 161 00:08:56,920 --> 00:08:59,120 Speaker 2: when you see Jesus face to face that he will 162 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:02,760 Speaker 2: actually be excited to see you? And over two thirds 163 00:09:02,920 --> 00:09:05,480 Speaker 2: And there was actually a scientific research that did this. 164 00:09:05,600 --> 00:09:08,120 Speaker 2: Two thirds of Christian to believe that, you know, in 165 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:10,719 Speaker 2: spite of what they know John three point sixteen, when 166 00:09:10,760 --> 00:09:12,960 Speaker 2: they see Jesus face to face, he'll be disappointed. 167 00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:14,360 Speaker 1: Oh wow. 168 00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:17,240 Speaker 2: And that's honesty. And by the way, I think that 169 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:19,280 Speaker 2: I think it's even higher. I did this at a 170 00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 2: millennial church, and it was over ninety percent. They went, Yeah, 171 00:09:23,840 --> 00:09:26,200 Speaker 2: we think we're we believe we're saying, but the idea 172 00:09:26,280 --> 00:09:29,080 Speaker 2: is kind of like your brain's going, No, Jesus likes 173 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:32,559 Speaker 2: Billy Graham, he likes whoever. But you know what you 174 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 2: did back then? You did that, and that's fright. You're 175 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:37,880 Speaker 2: going to be in a purgatory of sorts. That's what 176 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:41,800 Speaker 2: that critical inner voice is telling them. And I think 177 00:09:41,840 --> 00:09:44,679 Speaker 2: more and by the way, that explains a lot of 178 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:48,760 Speaker 2: the lackluster fear of people evangelizing. 179 00:09:49,880 --> 00:09:52,079 Speaker 1: Well, let me just add this in there. So even 180 00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,520 Speaker 1: though we know the verse, there is therefore now no 181 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:57,640 Speaker 1: condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. We're an 182 00:09:57,679 --> 00:10:01,000 Speaker 1: awful lot of us are living in a perpetual state 183 00:10:01,040 --> 00:10:03,080 Speaker 1: of condemnation, aren't we if we think that God is 184 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:04,840 Speaker 1: not or Jesus is not gonna be happy to see 185 00:10:04,880 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 1: us when we get there. 186 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:10,040 Speaker 2: Yeah. Attachment theory. So your your pre federal cortex, your 187 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,520 Speaker 2: rational part of your brain, has it down. Could check 188 00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:15,120 Speaker 2: a box, could explain it theologically, you could write an 189 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:17,440 Speaker 2: essay on it. But the most powerful part of your 190 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 2: brain is your mid brain. Okay, very active and your 191 00:10:20,679 --> 00:10:24,160 Speaker 2: and your pref federal cortex has zero virtually zero power 192 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:27,000 Speaker 2: of your mid brain, and that's where the fear cycles are, 193 00:10:27,120 --> 00:10:30,920 Speaker 2: that's where addictions happen. That's where that critical inner voice 194 00:10:30,960 --> 00:10:33,720 Speaker 2: is that basically tells you you're not really up to 195 00:10:33,840 --> 00:10:36,760 Speaker 2: snuff when it comes to God. So you're you know, 196 00:10:36,800 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 2: you go to church and you're going, yes, I believe this, 197 00:10:39,040 --> 00:10:42,000 Speaker 2: I believe this, but you're going, yeah, I don't feel it. 198 00:10:42,559 --> 00:10:45,520 Speaker 2: So my prayer life my you know, I'm not enthusiastic. 199 00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:49,319 Speaker 2: And by the way, same thing with with marriages is 200 00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:53,320 Speaker 2: I know my spouse loves me, and yet phi it's 201 00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:57,200 Speaker 2: it's actually a difference between my pre funeral cortex and 202 00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 2: my mid brain. Since the Enlightenment, we Christians have really 203 00:11:01,400 --> 00:11:05,600 Speaker 2: focused on the reason and my pre federal cortex, and 204 00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:06,880 Speaker 2: it's the weakest part of my brain. 205 00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:11,280 Speaker 1: H Well, that's interesting. I can imagine this really bleeds 206 00:11:11,280 --> 00:11:16,320 Speaker 1: over into mental health tremendously because we we're constantly living 207 00:11:16,320 --> 00:11:19,280 Speaker 1: in condemnation. We don't we think that God loves us 208 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,120 Speaker 1: because we're told that he loves us, but he doesn't 209 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,520 Speaker 1: like us very much. We're kind of how does that 210 00:11:24,559 --> 00:11:25,640 Speaker 1: affect our mental health? 211 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:30,320 Speaker 2: Shame? I mean you're definitely you're just creating shame, poor image, 212 00:11:30,520 --> 00:11:34,880 Speaker 2: poor spiritual image. It ends up being it's just natural 213 00:11:34,920 --> 00:11:39,360 Speaker 2: then to feel bitter towards God, towards the pastor, towards 214 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,439 Speaker 2: the church, resentment towards God, the pastor of the church, 215 00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,720 Speaker 2: and then ultimately towards you. And that's where the shame 216 00:11:44,720 --> 00:11:47,760 Speaker 2: comes in. Is there's something wrong with me. I'm just broken. 217 00:11:48,640 --> 00:11:52,480 Speaker 1: Yeah, And that contributes to the youth exodus, because well, 218 00:11:52,480 --> 00:11:54,600 Speaker 1: maybe we should just chuck this whole idea of God 219 00:11:54,600 --> 00:11:57,840 Speaker 1: and Jesus and just not believe it anymore because it's 220 00:11:57,880 --> 00:12:01,840 Speaker 1: just making me feel bad because they don't understand it properly. 221 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,680 Speaker 2: The number one reason millennials aren't comming to churches because 222 00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,920 Speaker 2: every time they come, they feel bad, they feel shamed 223 00:12:06,960 --> 00:12:09,079 Speaker 2: when they leave. Why why go? Then? You know I can. 224 00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,520 Speaker 2: I could go up to the top of a mountain 225 00:12:10,559 --> 00:12:12,840 Speaker 2: and pray to God and I'm okay. So here's the 226 00:12:12,880 --> 00:12:15,480 Speaker 2: thing again, this is this is this is kind of 227 00:12:15,520 --> 00:12:20,560 Speaker 2: the trick we neuroscientifically attached with theory. We know that 228 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,559 Speaker 2: our adolescent's brains are thinking, the thinking brain, their prefermal 229 00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:30,319 Speaker 2: cortex isn't online yet, so so that place that is reasonable, 230 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,480 Speaker 2: that it's the place with that asked the question, I 231 00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:35,559 Speaker 2: wonder if that's a good idea. It's not on till 232 00:12:35,640 --> 00:12:38,360 Speaker 2: they're in their low twenties for boys and mid twenties 233 00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:43,480 Speaker 2: for girls, and yet parents are still treating their teens 234 00:12:43,720 --> 00:12:46,679 Speaker 2: reasonably and rationally. The idea is we just think if 235 00:12:46,679 --> 00:12:48,760 Speaker 2: we could just convince them this is a good idea, 236 00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 2: And it doesn't work. If your teen is thinking they're rational, 237 00:12:53,559 --> 00:12:58,600 Speaker 2: I can tell you neuroscientifically they're not. And and so 238 00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:02,240 Speaker 2: we have to approach our tea during adolescence. We have 239 00:13:02,280 --> 00:13:05,240 Speaker 2: to actually learn how to minister to their mid brain. 240 00:13:05,520 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 2: That's the attachment theory. 241 00:13:07,280 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 1: Okay, So what exactly is attachment theory then. 242 00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:21,040 Speaker 2: So simply put, and this goes all the way back 243 00:13:21,040 --> 00:13:24,320 Speaker 2: into the sixties, the work of the British scientist John Bowlby. 244 00:13:24,679 --> 00:13:29,479 Speaker 2: But one word explains attachment theory, and that's attunement. Attonement 245 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:34,079 Speaker 2: and an attachment theorists believe that if parents, caregivers, guardians 246 00:13:34,120 --> 00:13:37,959 Speaker 2: can attune with their child this specific interaction with their 247 00:13:38,040 --> 00:13:42,079 Speaker 2: child one out of three interactions, the child will enter 248 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,600 Speaker 2: the next stage of life secure and secure is another 249 00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:51,720 Speaker 2: attachment word. So the first really time of life, season 250 00:13:51,800 --> 00:13:54,000 Speaker 2: of life that you can really intensely invest in them 251 00:13:54,320 --> 00:13:58,400 Speaker 2: is infancy. So about the third trimester of pregnancy to 252 00:13:58,800 --> 00:14:05,120 Speaker 2: year two. Children we know emotionally they have no capacity 253 00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:09,280 Speaker 2: to regulate. They actually need their caregiver to help them, 254 00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,880 Speaker 2: to minister to them so that they could emotionally regulate. 255 00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:17,160 Speaker 2: That's a tunement. So a child, they've they're imagined a 256 00:14:17,240 --> 00:14:19,960 Speaker 2: child in their crib and they're they're wet, or they're hungry, 257 00:14:20,040 --> 00:14:22,080 Speaker 2: or they're scared, or they're lonely, whatever. They can't put 258 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 2: the words to it. They just all of a sudden, 259 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:28,480 Speaker 2: their brain goes wow and they start crying until the caregiver, 260 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:32,240 Speaker 2: let's say mother, a kind, gentle faith face, comes right 261 00:14:32,240 --> 00:14:34,880 Speaker 2: in front of them. She holds the child and she 262 00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,800 Speaker 2: just calms the child down, rubs on the child, speaks 263 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:42,640 Speaker 2: kindly says goo goo, and their eyes actually connect. There's 264 00:14:42,680 --> 00:14:46,120 Speaker 2: a there's a psychical dance going on, a mirroring of 265 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:50,240 Speaker 2: the brains. And the mother gets dopamine hits and serotonin 266 00:14:50,360 --> 00:14:53,480 Speaker 2: hits and the baby does too. And at that moment 267 00:14:53,520 --> 00:14:57,640 Speaker 2: in time, the baby's brain is forming neural connections like 268 00:14:57,720 --> 00:15:01,520 Speaker 2: crazy and the right one and if a if a 269 00:15:01,560 --> 00:15:05,480 Speaker 2: caregiver does that attunement infinititonement one out of three times, 270 00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,040 Speaker 2: that's not fifty percent, that's not even you know, it's 271 00:15:08,800 --> 00:15:12,600 Speaker 2: it's doable. Even a busy parent, a single mom can 272 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,720 Speaker 2: do that. I mean you have to be intentional, but 273 00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:18,600 Speaker 2: one out of three interactions during that timeframe and your 274 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 2: infants will tend to grow up to be secure. And 275 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,280 Speaker 2: I here's if you don't do that, And it's a 276 00:15:26,280 --> 00:15:28,160 Speaker 2: little bit of guilty and shaming. And I don't mean 277 00:15:28,200 --> 00:15:30,240 Speaker 2: that judgmentally. I'm just saying this is what the science 278 00:15:30,280 --> 00:15:33,600 Speaker 2: is saying. For parents who don't do that. Maybe they 279 00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,600 Speaker 2: don't know how, maybe they're working to I mean, who knows, 280 00:15:36,600 --> 00:15:39,440 Speaker 2: maybe they're fighting among themselves. Maybe it's just survival me right, 281 00:15:39,840 --> 00:15:44,040 Speaker 2: But if you don't do that, it is predictable that 282 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:48,040 Speaker 2: your child will have later learning difficulties, increased addiction, proneness, 283 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:52,680 Speaker 2: proneeness to ADHD, anxiety, and fearfulness. They will not be 284 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:56,000 Speaker 2: able to self regulate well into their teens and adulthood, 285 00:15:56,520 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: and they will have reduced dopamine receptors, meaning that they 286 00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:03,920 Speaker 2: be addiction prone. You can predict it based upon how 287 00:16:03,960 --> 00:16:07,360 Speaker 2: they're being treated in infancy. Wow. 288 00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:10,120 Speaker 1: So when we're talking about it to me, you're saying 289 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,160 Speaker 1: one in three interactions with an interaction where a parent 290 00:16:13,960 --> 00:16:19,960 Speaker 1: would come and meet the psychological, emotional, and physical needs 291 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: of their child. 292 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:20,840 Speaker 2: Is that? 293 00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,000 Speaker 1: What? Is that a good way to describe it? 294 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,040 Speaker 2: A little bit more than that? I mean, mothers, no, 295 00:16:26,240 --> 00:16:28,040 Speaker 2: I mean you know when you when you when you 296 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:31,520 Speaker 2: have that infant and you just connect, Yeah, and you're 297 00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:35,400 Speaker 2: feeling the dopamine, You're feeling the psychical aspects in your head. 298 00:16:35,400 --> 00:16:38,880 Speaker 2: It's a trip, right, and your child is feeling that. 299 00:16:38,880 --> 00:16:42,080 Speaker 2: That's the interaction you want with your infant. And mothers 300 00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,880 Speaker 2: know you know, you say Google, the child starts giggling 301 00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:48,880 Speaker 2: and laughing, and and there's eye contact. It's a specific 302 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,880 Speaker 2: I like the term psychical dance. 303 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:52,720 Speaker 1: Uh. 304 00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 2: And and anybody can do that, right, I mean, it 305 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,280 Speaker 2: doesn't take a lot of skills. Uh, but you can 306 00:16:58,320 --> 00:17:03,080 Speaker 2: teach them. I mean. And that so that's infancy. But 307 00:17:03,680 --> 00:17:04,640 Speaker 2: let's move forward. 308 00:17:04,880 --> 00:17:06,960 Speaker 1: Yeah. If I could add in here, I think when 309 00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:11,520 Speaker 1: I was thinking through these phases and stuff, infancy, perhaps 310 00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:14,919 Speaker 1: for some parents, if you're able to be with your child, 311 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:18,200 Speaker 1: it might be a little bit easier because we're forgiving 312 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:21,280 Speaker 1: of the child when they cry and when they have issues, 313 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:23,200 Speaker 1: or when they obviously with they're diaper and all of 314 00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:26,159 Speaker 1: these things. You know, as they get older, a tuning 315 00:17:26,200 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 1: with the child who's disobeying you for the tense time 316 00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:32,560 Speaker 1: or screaming in the back of the car, or as 317 00:17:32,600 --> 00:17:35,080 Speaker 1: they even get older to the teenage phases, a tuning. 318 00:17:35,760 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 1: How does that look? And I think a lot of 319 00:17:38,640 --> 00:17:41,160 Speaker 1: times does it break down along the line because we're 320 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,879 Speaker 1: we tend to be more patient with infants because we 321 00:17:44,280 --> 00:17:47,480 Speaker 1: don't have those expectations from them, and maybe our expectations 322 00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:50,720 Speaker 1: are too high. When they get into adolescents and teen years, 323 00:17:51,040 --> 00:17:55,040 Speaker 1: we have these expectations, so it disattaches and we're not 324 00:17:55,160 --> 00:17:57,120 Speaker 1: a tuning the way we should. Right. 325 00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 2: So, yeah, great question, And I'm going to take two. 326 00:18:00,040 --> 00:18:01,760 Speaker 2: Who approaches this And the first one is gonna be 327 00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:05,320 Speaker 2: a little bit maybe controversial with some of your audience. 328 00:18:05,640 --> 00:18:08,920 Speaker 2: But it wasn't long ago in particularly in Christian circles, 329 00:18:08,920 --> 00:18:13,200 Speaker 2: where the methodology was you just let your child cry. 330 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:16,720 Speaker 2: And now we know, well attachment theory has been saying 331 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,280 Speaker 2: how long is that's exactly not what you need to do. 332 00:18:19,680 --> 00:18:21,199 Speaker 1: I've been guilty of that. I've done that. 333 00:18:22,040 --> 00:18:23,560 Speaker 2: We were oh my gosh, me too. 334 00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,639 Speaker 1: Yeah, I let them cry it out because they'll never 335 00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:26,880 Speaker 1: learn how to sleep on their own. 336 00:18:27,000 --> 00:18:29,840 Speaker 2: They developed this discipline and yeah, yeah, yeah, but now 337 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:33,240 Speaker 2: we're learning that what happens is they don't develop that 338 00:18:33,320 --> 00:18:37,280 Speaker 2: ability to mostly regulate because they need that parent right there. 339 00:18:37,640 --> 00:18:43,000 Speaker 2: So the one out of three approaches. Now, so if 340 00:18:43,040 --> 00:18:45,239 Speaker 2: we do that, all things equal, I mean there's all 341 00:18:45,280 --> 00:18:47,040 Speaker 2: other things going on in the health of the child 342 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:49,159 Speaker 2: and so forth, but all things equal, if you do that, 343 00:18:49,200 --> 00:18:51,560 Speaker 2: then your child is going to enter their their toddler 344 00:18:52,440 --> 00:18:56,639 Speaker 2: season secure. They're going to be exploring, they're going to 345 00:18:56,720 --> 00:19:01,120 Speaker 2: be obedient more, they're going to appreciate teachers, they're going 346 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:04,399 Speaker 2: to they're just going to be happier child. And if not, 347 00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:09,480 Speaker 2: they are going to end up either being secure, avoidant, 348 00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:14,000 Speaker 2: or secure. And I can explain avoidant or anxious child. 349 00:19:14,200 --> 00:19:18,680 Speaker 2: And so you have to lean into helping them learn 350 00:19:18,800 --> 00:19:23,480 Speaker 2: how to through their midbrain, how to be emotionally to 351 00:19:23,560 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 2: regulate on their own. So the child will will push back, 352 00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:31,240 Speaker 2: the child will cry, the child will look away, look 353 00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:35,199 Speaker 2: to the ground, or even young they'll start rocking or 354 00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,399 Speaker 2: suck their thumb trying to soothe themselves. That's key to 355 00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,399 Speaker 2: the notion that they're inner working models for whatever reason, 356 00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:48,679 Speaker 2: weren't as developed in infancy as they could now. The 357 00:19:48,800 --> 00:19:52,040 Speaker 2: mulligan that God gives to us we now know is 358 00:19:52,080 --> 00:19:56,720 Speaker 2: adolescence and adolescents. It's almost a repeat where a nine 359 00:19:56,800 --> 00:19:59,000 Speaker 2: year old ten year olds all of a sudden, the 360 00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:05,080 Speaker 2: infants rain goes chia pet. With neural networking, there's an 361 00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:07,960 Speaker 2: increased speed going back and forth to the hemisphere, so 362 00:20:08,040 --> 00:20:11,360 Speaker 2: everything's faster and more dynamic. And like I said, it's 363 00:20:11,400 --> 00:20:13,719 Speaker 2: like a remember chia pets. You know what I'm talking about, Yes, 364 00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,600 Speaker 2: pop up. That's the child's inner brain when they're ten, eleven, 365 00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:21,479 Speaker 2: and twelve. The rest of adolescents, it gets pruned based 366 00:20:21,560 --> 00:20:27,760 Speaker 2: upon interactions with important people, which could be parents hopefully, 367 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:30,359 Speaker 2: but it could also be peers, could also be unfortunately 368 00:20:30,400 --> 00:20:35,240 Speaker 2: social media. So during adolescence it really is an important 369 00:20:35,240 --> 00:20:39,880 Speaker 2: emotional relational redo for parents. On the flip side, what 370 00:20:39,960 --> 00:20:46,399 Speaker 2: we do is an attachment. Adolescent attunement makes a big, big, 371 00:20:46,440 --> 00:20:50,119 Speaker 2: big difference, particularly in young adolescents. And that's that's what 372 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,560 Speaker 2: I've been that's what I've my expertise. 373 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,720 Speaker 1: Okay, so how exactly practically do we attune with our kids? 374 00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,600 Speaker 1: Then in the adolescent phase, all. 375 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,400 Speaker 2: Right, Two, a couple of things. One is to understand 376 00:21:03,440 --> 00:21:06,840 Speaker 2: what mid what? Two questions your teen's mid brain is 377 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:09,399 Speaker 2: always asking subconsciously, they don't even know it. And the 378 00:21:09,440 --> 00:21:11,720 Speaker 2: first one is there anyone out there who has my back? 379 00:21:12,480 --> 00:21:14,880 Speaker 2: Is there anyone really that I can count on when 380 00:21:14,920 --> 00:21:17,520 Speaker 2: I screw up or when I'm in desperate need, or 381 00:21:17,520 --> 00:21:21,080 Speaker 2: when I when I've done something wrong that has my 382 00:21:21,160 --> 00:21:24,679 Speaker 2: back that I can count on. That's connectedness. Am I 383 00:21:24,720 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 2: actually connected? Or am I just alone in the universe? 384 00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 2: The second is enoughness? Is there somebody who actually looks 385 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:35,200 Speaker 2: at me and says I'm lovable? I'm not handsome when 386 00:21:35,240 --> 00:21:38,040 Speaker 2: I walk into the room? Is that? Is there anybody's 387 00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:41,600 Speaker 2: whose eyes light up because I'm there? But then I 388 00:21:41,800 --> 00:21:47,120 Speaker 2: feel enough? By the way, so your Christian audience would 389 00:21:47,119 --> 00:21:50,440 Speaker 2: appreciate this, those are two elements of the gospel. What 390 00:21:50,600 --> 00:21:55,439 Speaker 2: Jesus did for me. I was disconnected from relationship with God. 391 00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 2: He connected me. Christians should have that experience, at least 392 00:22:00,000 --> 00:22:02,680 Speaker 2: spiritually and relationally down where I actually feel connected to God. 393 00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,800 Speaker 2: And then enough strictly because of what Jesus did for me. 394 00:22:05,880 --> 00:22:07,800 Speaker 2: God looks at me and says, I'm enough. That's the 395 00:22:07,800 --> 00:22:09,679 Speaker 2: only way I could have gotten it, and so he 396 00:22:09,880 --> 00:22:14,360 Speaker 2: loves me so psychically. When I enter the room, Jesus's 397 00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:16,680 Speaker 2: eyes light up. That's what heaven's going to be, and 398 00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:19,119 Speaker 2: it's going to be great. And that is how I'm created. 399 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,040 Speaker 2: That's how my adolescent is created as well. So parents 400 00:22:23,040 --> 00:22:27,959 Speaker 2: of teens can choose to be that person that is 401 00:22:28,400 --> 00:22:33,120 Speaker 2: regularly drip drip drip strategy. Forget the pre froneral cortex 402 00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,040 Speaker 2: because this is not online. But I'm imaging. I'm imagining. 403 00:22:37,080 --> 00:22:41,800 Speaker 2: I'm envisioning to my child that I am their connectedness 404 00:22:41,800 --> 00:22:45,399 Speaker 2: and I am their enoughness humanly speaking. Oh, this is 405 00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,280 Speaker 2: a great quote. This is it's I don't think Yuri 406 00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,440 Speaker 2: Bronfreenbrenner was a Christian, he's a child Psychiatris is very famous, 407 00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:59,399 Speaker 2: but his quote is brilliant. Every child, and that's infant, toddler, preschool, elementary, teen, 408 00:22:59,600 --> 00:23:01,120 Speaker 2: at a life and by the way, all the way 409 00:23:01,200 --> 00:23:04,639 Speaker 2: up to sixty seven, every child needs at least one 410 00:23:04,920 --> 00:23:08,520 Speaker 2: adult who is irrationally crazy about him or her. Again, 411 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:12,320 Speaker 2: that's the gospel I have that one adult who is 412 00:23:13,200 --> 00:23:16,440 Speaker 2: irrationally crazy about me, all because of what Jesus did. 413 00:23:16,840 --> 00:23:20,560 Speaker 2: But he is irrationally crazy about me. And if I'm 414 00:23:20,600 --> 00:23:23,119 Speaker 2: experiencing that through the power of the Holy Spirit in 415 00:23:23,160 --> 00:23:27,080 Speaker 2: my inner being, Paul says it Ephesians three, I feel 416 00:23:27,280 --> 00:23:29,879 Speaker 2: the fullness of God a little bit. I feel more secure, 417 00:23:30,480 --> 00:23:33,040 Speaker 2: I feel less avoidant, less anxious, whatever that might be. 418 00:23:33,119 --> 00:23:37,000 Speaker 2: We haven't talked about the attachment categories, but that's what 419 00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:40,199 Speaker 2: your child is looking for. Let me give you an example. 420 00:23:40,680 --> 00:23:43,840 Speaker 2: This is something I wrote my son. He's given me permission. 421 00:23:44,000 --> 00:23:46,840 Speaker 2: I wrote it back in two thousand and three. This 422 00:23:46,920 --> 00:23:51,240 Speaker 2: is what he was going into high school. And this 423 00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:55,280 Speaker 2: is that significant touch. I'm actually trying to communicate one drip, 424 00:23:55,400 --> 00:23:59,480 Speaker 2: one drip to my son that I'm there for him. 425 00:24:00,040 --> 00:24:01,680 Speaker 2: Here it is. Let me just read this, dear John. 426 00:24:02,160 --> 00:24:04,920 Speaker 2: I'm enjoying being your dad and having you for my son. 427 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:07,120 Speaker 2: You have turned out to be a great kid. As 428 00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 2: I think about it, I am looking forward to enjoying you. 429 00:24:10,560 --> 00:24:13,119 Speaker 2: Do you hear them as you go to high school? 430 00:24:13,119 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 2: And by the way, we had issues. I will I 431 00:24:16,400 --> 00:24:19,840 Speaker 2: can't go into all of it, but he had flaws. 432 00:24:19,880 --> 00:24:23,000 Speaker 2: I had flaws. I think that it is going to 433 00:24:23,119 --> 00:24:26,640 Speaker 2: be a riot. I'm very interested to see what God 434 00:24:26,640 --> 00:24:28,879 Speaker 2: has in store for you. I have high expectations for 435 00:24:28,960 --> 00:24:32,840 Speaker 2: you and his plans for you and kingdom work was 436 00:24:32,840 --> 00:24:35,800 Speaker 2: it on his agenda. This is not to say that 437 00:24:35,880 --> 00:24:38,959 Speaker 2: I don't foresee some rough waters ahead. You and I 438 00:24:39,040 --> 00:24:42,760 Speaker 2: will disagree on things, no doubt, maybe even have strong disagreements. 439 00:24:42,800 --> 00:24:45,000 Speaker 2: I may do things that will anger you. You may 440 00:24:45,040 --> 00:24:47,199 Speaker 2: do some things that anger me. So let's coven it 441 00:24:47,240 --> 00:24:49,800 Speaker 2: to work through these things. I can say this, I 442 00:24:49,840 --> 00:24:52,720 Speaker 2: cannot imagine a single thing that you would do that 443 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:56,160 Speaker 2: whatever caused me to deny that you're my son. Connectedness, 444 00:24:56,920 --> 00:24:59,640 Speaker 2: you will always have a place by me, connected us. 445 00:25:00,080 --> 00:25:02,560 Speaker 2: Promise me that no matter what you may have done, 446 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:05,040 Speaker 2: you will remember what I tell you today. Like the 447 00:25:05,080 --> 00:25:07,000 Speaker 2: father of the prodigal son, there will always be a 448 00:25:07,080 --> 00:25:09,720 Speaker 2: ring of sonship here with me. I will always be 449 00:25:09,760 --> 00:25:16,040 Speaker 2: prepared to party upon your return. Enoughness, hmmm, and and 450 00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:18,320 Speaker 2: so so here's the thing. Here's how to reach the 451 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,120 Speaker 2: uh the the uh mid brain. It's drip, drip, drip. Uh. 452 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:25,640 Speaker 2: So what I what I teach to parents and by 453 00:25:25,680 --> 00:25:30,920 Speaker 2: the way, to spouse is the same thing is random attunement. 454 00:25:31,480 --> 00:25:34,240 Speaker 2: So so for instance, for your teenager, walk up to 455 00:25:34,280 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 2: your teenager random nothing. You don't want anything out of it. 456 00:25:37,400 --> 00:25:39,280 Speaker 2: It wasn't because they did something wrong. It wasn't because 457 00:25:39,280 --> 00:25:42,160 Speaker 2: they did something right. Just random. You put your your 458 00:25:42,720 --> 00:25:46,080 Speaker 2: your hand on their shoulder. I teach on the shoulder 459 00:25:46,119 --> 00:25:48,639 Speaker 2: move and my good enough parent program, and you you 460 00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,840 Speaker 2: tap on their shoulder about it the heart rate, and 461 00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,440 Speaker 2: that does actually open up your brain to be uh, 462 00:25:53,600 --> 00:25:57,520 Speaker 2: to receptivity and say things like what I just said, Man, 463 00:25:57,560 --> 00:26:00,840 Speaker 2: I cannot believe the person you're becoming. I would buy 464 00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:04,880 Speaker 2: stocking you. I can't wait to see who marries you. 465 00:26:05,000 --> 00:26:08,040 Speaker 2: They are going to be very, very very lucky. And 466 00:26:08,520 --> 00:26:10,439 Speaker 2: I I'll be there. I'm not going anywhere. I just 467 00:26:10,440 --> 00:26:12,160 Speaker 2: want to let you know good talk, and then walk 468 00:26:12,200 --> 00:26:17,240 Speaker 2: away and do that regularly, but randomly throughout their week. 469 00:26:17,280 --> 00:26:20,960 Speaker 2: And here's what happens. The first what I've heard from 470 00:26:21,000 --> 00:26:23,919 Speaker 2: parents who've done this, is the first maybe ten twenty 471 00:26:23,960 --> 00:26:26,720 Speaker 2: times they do that. It's a bit awkward, and you 472 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:30,080 Speaker 2: know the son or daughter is just gonna yeah, yeah dad, thanks, 473 00:26:30,160 --> 00:26:33,040 Speaker 2: yeah mom, that's great. But what happens is you're planting 474 00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:35,960 Speaker 2: a seed in their midbrain so when they do screw up, 475 00:26:37,119 --> 00:26:40,520 Speaker 2: when something bad happens, when their world falls apart, which 476 00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:44,119 Speaker 2: they will they are teenagers, their mid brain's going to go. 477 00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 2: You know, there was one person who was really excited 478 00:26:50,240 --> 00:26:53,920 Speaker 2: about you and said they would be there. Why don't 479 00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:57,800 Speaker 2: you go talk to them? And maybe that'll happen when 480 00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:00,320 Speaker 2: they're nineteen, maybe that will happen when they're twenty five, 481 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 2: but it's eventually going to happen because you're investing in 482 00:27:04,160 --> 00:27:09,320 Speaker 2: that attunement of your adolescent. It's so powerful it works 483 00:27:09,400 --> 00:27:13,560 Speaker 2: crazy crazy will. A lot of parents that I speak 484 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:16,800 Speaker 2: to by necessity have difficult issues with their children. They 485 00:27:16,840 --> 00:27:21,880 Speaker 2: may be dealing with drugs, bad relationships, struggling with sexuality, 486 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:25,000 Speaker 2: whoever it might be. I would tell them, this is 487 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,800 Speaker 2: what they're looking for. They are looking for that one 488 00:27:29,040 --> 00:27:32,280 Speaker 2: adult who is a rationally crazy about them, not to 489 00:27:32,440 --> 00:27:35,680 Speaker 2: know that, but to actually believe that. And that's a 490 00:27:35,760 --> 00:27:38,800 Speaker 2: drip drip, drip drip. I have the spirit in them. 491 00:27:39,200 --> 00:27:41,399 Speaker 2: The spirit's pushing that as well, by the way you 492 00:27:41,480 --> 00:27:44,119 Speaker 2: have Jesus, and Jesus thinks the world of you, and 493 00:27:44,160 --> 00:27:46,919 Speaker 2: I'm going to empower you to actually feel that. But 494 00:27:47,040 --> 00:27:52,480 Speaker 2: humanly speaking, they need their parents. It can be done. 495 00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:02,320 Speaker 1: Hey, friended here. If you're trying to be a godly 496 00:28:02,440 --> 00:28:05,719 Speaker 1: parent in this wild and wacky world, you need all 497 00:28:05,720 --> 00:28:08,720 Speaker 1: the help you can get, and I've got you covered. 498 00:28:08,840 --> 00:28:12,080 Speaker 1: When you subscribe to my website, you'll get instant access 499 00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:16,080 Speaker 1: to tons of free resources made just for Christian parents. 500 00:28:16,280 --> 00:28:19,800 Speaker 1: You'll get my Prodigal Bundle, which is packed with every podcast, 501 00:28:19,920 --> 00:28:23,600 Speaker 1: article and scripture list I've created for parents walking that 502 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:27,000 Speaker 1: tough prodigal road. You'll also get my free eat book 503 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:30,920 Speaker 1: Beyond the Lies and covering five myths the culture spreads 504 00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:34,440 Speaker 1: to mothers. Plus powerful scripture list pray over your kids, 505 00:28:34,440 --> 00:28:37,400 Speaker 1: and even scripture songs to help your family hide God's 506 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:40,840 Speaker 1: word in your hearts without even trying. And of course 507 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,479 Speaker 1: I'll keep you encouraged with my weekly newsletter full of 508 00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:47,720 Speaker 1: faith filled PEP talks and outlines of what we're tackling 509 00:28:47,760 --> 00:28:50,360 Speaker 1: each week on the show. So don't miss out. Head 510 00:28:50,360 --> 00:28:53,560 Speaker 1: over to Catherine Scars dot com. That's Katherine Scers dot 511 00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,560 Speaker 1: com and subscribe today. Because Christian parenting may be crazy, 512 00:28:58,040 --> 00:29:03,720 Speaker 1: but you don't have to do it alone. It can 513 00:29:03,840 --> 00:29:06,520 Speaker 1: be I think that your letter was beautiful. It was 514 00:29:06,560 --> 00:29:08,800 Speaker 1: so sweet. And I can see those are the two 515 00:29:09,080 --> 00:29:12,240 Speaker 1: aspects that were broken at the fall, that we got 516 00:29:12,240 --> 00:29:15,760 Speaker 1: disconnected from God, well said, and then we no longer 517 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:17,719 Speaker 1: felt like we were enough. We had that shame. 518 00:29:18,280 --> 00:29:21,760 Speaker 2: So Adam and Eve they hid behind a tree, disconnected. 519 00:29:22,040 --> 00:29:23,480 Speaker 2: They look down to the ground. 520 00:29:23,400 --> 00:29:27,120 Speaker 1: Shame, shame, and then they had to leave the garden. 521 00:29:27,200 --> 00:29:30,400 Speaker 1: So they feel this disconnectedness. And the entire thrust of 522 00:29:30,120 --> 00:29:32,840 Speaker 1: the Bible is getting us back connected to God. And 523 00:29:32,840 --> 00:29:34,880 Speaker 1: how do we get connected to God is through Jesus, 524 00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:37,080 Speaker 1: through the work that he did, and he makes us enough, 525 00:29:37,280 --> 00:29:39,440 Speaker 1: He corrected it all. He connects us back to God 526 00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:43,680 Speaker 1: and he makes us enough. So this is actually biblical 527 00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,720 Speaker 1: and the ideas that are here in this period, it's fascinating. 528 00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,720 Speaker 1: And I love this idea. And you're right. I think 529 00:29:49,720 --> 00:29:51,720 Speaker 1: we get so busy and crazy in our days that 530 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:54,640 Speaker 1: we forget to attune to our kids in the way 531 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,920 Speaker 1: and feed their spirits, right, feed their spirits. I loved 532 00:29:57,960 --> 00:30:00,680 Speaker 1: it in the one video you had that I was 533 00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 1: watching on this I'll post it in the show notes. 534 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:04,600 Speaker 1: But you were talking about like, especially when you have 535 00:30:04,680 --> 00:30:07,520 Speaker 1: to give them some form of correction, that's a really 536 00:30:07,600 --> 00:30:09,600 Speaker 1: good time to tune with them, and you use those 537 00:30:09,640 --> 00:30:11,760 Speaker 1: example as you're the best I will buy stalking you. 538 00:30:12,000 --> 00:30:14,320 Speaker 1: Whoever gets to marry you is great, but you're not 539 00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:17,000 Speaker 1: going over to Johnny's house when his parents aren't there. 540 00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:21,480 Speaker 1: Good talk, Let's keep going. And I actually tried that 541 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,040 Speaker 1: a little bit last night. I had to have a 542 00:30:23,080 --> 00:30:26,080 Speaker 1: conversation with one of my kids about something that I 543 00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:28,680 Speaker 1: was concerned about relationally, and I led with all that 544 00:30:28,880 --> 00:30:30,360 Speaker 1: this is what I'm seeing in you, and I'm so 545 00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:33,160 Speaker 1: proud of you, and I am so excited to see 546 00:30:33,160 --> 00:30:36,840 Speaker 1: where you're going. I'm so excited. Yeah, these areas, but 547 00:30:37,120 --> 00:30:39,960 Speaker 1: here's an area I do have concern. And this child 548 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:42,840 Speaker 1: is getting to the teen years, and I'm like, why 549 00:30:42,840 --> 00:30:45,720 Speaker 1: don't you? Actually she is in the teen years, so 550 00:30:45,800 --> 00:30:47,280 Speaker 1: I'm like, why don't you. I want you to go 551 00:30:47,360 --> 00:30:50,040 Speaker 1: and pray about this and kind of empowered her and 552 00:30:50,080 --> 00:30:52,560 Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, I love it because I know what 553 00:30:52,640 --> 00:30:54,440 Speaker 1: I see in this child. I've been seeing just a 554 00:30:54,520 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: lot of spiritual growth recently. And I was commending that. 555 00:30:58,080 --> 00:30:59,920 Speaker 1: I'm like, here's an area I want you to go 556 00:31:00,040 --> 00:31:02,520 Speaker 1: pray about and then let's get together and talk about it, 557 00:31:02,840 --> 00:31:06,520 Speaker 1: because I think I think maybe some wisdom. You know, 558 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:10,040 Speaker 1: if you would accept my wisdom many years ahead of you, 559 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:13,680 Speaker 1: that there would be some wisdom in curtailing some of 560 00:31:13,720 --> 00:31:17,800 Speaker 1: this particular direction that you're going. But it was actually 561 00:31:17,920 --> 00:31:20,800 Speaker 1: very cognizant of your suggestions there and led that way. 562 00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,840 Speaker 1: And I think we should always do that in a 563 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:27,160 Speaker 1: disciplinary setting, because what happens when we have to discipline 564 00:31:27,160 --> 00:31:29,320 Speaker 1: our kids when they screw up? What are they thinking? 565 00:31:29,320 --> 00:31:31,160 Speaker 1: They're thinking, well, do you still love me? Do you 566 00:31:32,000 --> 00:31:33,960 Speaker 1: still want to be around me? Do you still like me? 567 00:31:34,280 --> 00:31:36,280 Speaker 1: That there's a difference between love and like. I love 568 00:31:36,320 --> 00:31:38,320 Speaker 1: that you brought that up earlier, because I think we 569 00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:40,800 Speaker 1: know our parents love us, but sometimes we don't think 570 00:31:40,840 --> 00:31:43,880 Speaker 1: they like us very much, and our kids need to 571 00:31:43,880 --> 00:31:48,320 Speaker 1: know that. And that's that irrationally crazy feeling that now 572 00:31:48,480 --> 00:31:51,600 Speaker 1: I am bonkers. I think you're amazing. I think you 573 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:54,160 Speaker 1: hung the moon. I think I think you're you know, 574 00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:58,560 Speaker 1: to have that incorporated into our parenting and obviously there's 575 00:31:58,600 --> 00:32:02,360 Speaker 1: laundry to fold, Obviously we get stressed out, Obviously there's 576 00:32:02,400 --> 00:32:05,560 Speaker 1: a lot of other things we have. But bringing this 577 00:32:05,640 --> 00:32:08,719 Speaker 1: to the forefront, and I like your one in three idea, 578 00:32:08,880 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 1: is that one in three interactions we have with our 579 00:32:11,280 --> 00:32:14,440 Speaker 1: kid is a tuning to them and speaking. Really what 580 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:17,920 Speaker 1: it is, it's speaking words of life over them, right yeah. 581 00:32:17,960 --> 00:32:20,920 Speaker 2: And connectedness so that's enough. This you boy, you did 582 00:32:20,920 --> 00:32:23,440 Speaker 2: that brilliantly. And connectedness I'm not going to do. 583 00:32:23,680 --> 00:32:24,320 Speaker 1: I don't even know. 584 00:32:25,080 --> 00:32:28,600 Speaker 2: I'm not going anywhere. I'll be there no matter what 585 00:32:28,680 --> 00:32:31,320 Speaker 2: path you take. When you leave here, I'm there, and 586 00:32:31,400 --> 00:32:34,200 Speaker 2: there's nothing you can do. It's it's you know, it's 587 00:32:34,280 --> 00:32:36,960 Speaker 2: it's it's the assurance of my salvation between me and God. 588 00:32:37,160 --> 00:32:38,760 Speaker 2: God will look down and go, look, there's nothing you 589 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,200 Speaker 2: can do, and you've done enough, and I haven't left it. 590 00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,600 Speaker 2: I haven't left yet. The Holy Spirit is dwelling in 591 00:32:43,600 --> 00:32:47,320 Speaker 2: that cesspool heart of yours and he's not leaving. So 592 00:32:47,320 --> 00:32:50,680 Speaker 2: so we tell our kids that, so that gives them 593 00:32:50,720 --> 00:32:54,080 Speaker 2: those the answer to those two questions. Same thing with marriage, 594 00:32:54,080 --> 00:32:55,800 Speaker 2: by the way, this is in a marriage show, but 595 00:32:56,120 --> 00:32:59,400 Speaker 2: that's what husbands and wives are looking for, and unfortunately 596 00:32:59,400 --> 00:33:02,720 Speaker 2: they're trying to get it from their spouse exclusively. But 597 00:33:03,120 --> 00:33:06,320 Speaker 2: it's the same process our brains. By the way, so 598 00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:09,800 Speaker 2: social media real quickly, that's what social media is doing. 599 00:33:09,840 --> 00:33:14,240 Speaker 2: It's playing on my kids enoughnese and connectedness. I can 600 00:33:14,280 --> 00:33:17,600 Speaker 2: connect any time and I'm safe. They don't reject me. 601 00:33:18,240 --> 00:33:21,040 Speaker 2: And look at all the likes I'm getting random, but 602 00:33:21,080 --> 00:33:23,240 Speaker 2: look at the likes I'm getting. So I'm having that, 603 00:33:23,800 --> 00:33:27,120 Speaker 2: I'm getting addicted to that, and it's just dry as well. 604 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,520 Speaker 2: It doesn't satisfy. It gives your dopamine hits, so you 605 00:33:30,600 --> 00:33:34,120 Speaker 2: become addicted to it. But in the end, it's not 606 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:35,200 Speaker 2: what God had planned. 607 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 1: You know, one thing I've said on my show repeatedly, 608 00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:41,520 Speaker 1: and I think this is something we need to make 609 00:33:41,560 --> 00:33:45,360 Speaker 1: sure our kids know, especially in any moment where you're 610 00:33:45,480 --> 00:33:48,680 Speaker 1: dealing with a disciplinary issue, or your child has gone 611 00:33:48,840 --> 00:33:51,400 Speaker 1: off the track, or they're admitting something to. 612 00:33:51,320 --> 00:33:53,160 Speaker 2: You that you don't you disagree with them. 613 00:33:53,240 --> 00:33:57,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, anytime that happens, I've look at your child 614 00:33:57,840 --> 00:33:59,520 Speaker 1: in the face and say, there's nothing you can think, 615 00:33:59,560 --> 00:34:02,480 Speaker 1: say or do that is ever going to change my 616 00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:07,479 Speaker 1: love for you. That's reassuring the connectedness. I'm always going 617 00:34:07,560 --> 00:34:09,400 Speaker 1: to be here for you, and that's what they're always 618 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,320 Speaker 1: I think, afraid of being broken subconsciously and then also 619 00:34:13,400 --> 00:34:17,719 Speaker 1: speaking a tuning to their need to feel like they're enough. 620 00:34:18,360 --> 00:34:20,600 Speaker 2: Yep. So, by the way, we've talked about church, maybe 621 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:23,080 Speaker 2: it was before we came on. That's why people go 622 00:34:23,120 --> 00:34:26,879 Speaker 2: to church is they want oh yeah, yeah, enough and connectedness. 623 00:34:27,080 --> 00:34:29,759 Speaker 2: And if the message they're getting is that they're they're 624 00:34:29,760 --> 00:34:32,359 Speaker 2: a loser and God can't love sinners, they're not going 625 00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:32,960 Speaker 2: to keep coming. 626 00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:38,240 Speaker 1: No, no, why would you do that? But here here's 627 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:40,560 Speaker 1: what I would like to do, Bill, if you're cool 628 00:34:40,600 --> 00:34:43,520 Speaker 1: with this, because I love the attachment styles. I think 629 00:34:43,560 --> 00:34:46,840 Speaker 1: that's going to be really valuable information when we understand 630 00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:51,520 Speaker 1: when this connectedness gets broken. You've got this really awesome 631 00:34:51,680 --> 00:34:54,800 Speaker 1: little sheet here that breaks it down into the different 632 00:34:54,840 --> 00:34:59,880 Speaker 1: personality types that our kids may exhibit experience. And so 633 00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:02,279 Speaker 1: if you could stick around, I would like to do 634 00:35:02,400 --> 00:35:05,080 Speaker 1: a second episode where we can talk about that and 635 00:35:05,200 --> 00:35:09,560 Speaker 1: really talk about the secure child versus the anxious, the fearful, 636 00:35:09,719 --> 00:35:12,960 Speaker 1: or the avoidant child. I think that information is really 637 00:35:13,040 --> 00:35:14,719 Speaker 1: powerful and how to correct. 638 00:35:14,480 --> 00:35:17,480 Speaker 2: Come of this. It's a lot of fun, yes, and then, but. 639 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,799 Speaker 1: We also want to hear a little bit. Maybe we 640 00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:21,760 Speaker 1: can do that a little more in the next episode 641 00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,839 Speaker 1: about You've got a really cool new book that I'm 642 00:35:23,960 --> 00:35:26,279 Speaker 1: very excited to get for my son that I think 643 00:35:26,400 --> 00:35:28,040 Speaker 1: is going to be fun. So what we'll reserve some 644 00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,000 Speaker 1: of that you plug it, go ahead and tell us 645 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:33,000 Speaker 1: a little bit about that. Tell us where our audience 646 00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,960 Speaker 1: can find out more about you, more about your training materials, 647 00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:38,799 Speaker 1: because I think they're really fascinating and helpful, particularly for 648 00:35:38,880 --> 00:35:42,080 Speaker 1: kids who are struggling in these mental areas. If yeah, 649 00:35:42,120 --> 00:35:44,200 Speaker 1: there may be other issues in play, there may be 650 00:35:44,280 --> 00:35:50,560 Speaker 1: physical issues in play. But when this relationship is secure here, 651 00:35:50,600 --> 00:35:53,520 Speaker 1: which is we're their primary relationship. Yeah, really for the 652 00:35:53,520 --> 00:35:56,960 Speaker 1: first eighteen years. Yeah, they start adding more relationships in 653 00:35:57,040 --> 00:35:59,680 Speaker 1: more and more and more, but we're that primary connection 654 00:35:59,760 --> 00:36:03,440 Speaker 1: that is disconnected. It is going to result in mental 655 00:36:03,440 --> 00:36:05,920 Speaker 1: health issues. So tell us how we can learn more 656 00:36:05,960 --> 00:36:10,080 Speaker 1: about what your ministry and your resources and your book 657 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:10,880 Speaker 1: and your podcast. 658 00:36:11,440 --> 00:36:14,680 Speaker 2: So my website is gospeldashapp dot com. There's just a 659 00:36:14,680 --> 00:36:16,680 Speaker 2: lot of stuff on there. For parents. I want to 660 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:21,480 Speaker 2: emphasize good enough parenting. We have we developed two programs 661 00:36:21,640 --> 00:36:25,040 Speaker 2: four parents. The first one GEP one Good Enough Parent 662 00:36:25,040 --> 00:36:29,040 Speaker 2: one is totally free fifteen biblical tips that are immersed 663 00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:32,319 Speaker 2: in the attachment theory and neuroscience. And so I would 664 00:36:32,360 --> 00:36:36,560 Speaker 2: recommend that it's goodenoughparent dot online, Good Enough Parent two 665 00:36:36,600 --> 00:36:41,440 Speaker 2: goes into more teenage angst and such, single parenting and 666 00:36:41,840 --> 00:36:44,719 Speaker 2: how to deal with more conflict goes into the shoulder move. 667 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,560 Speaker 2: There's a slight fee for that one, but good enough 668 00:36:47,600 --> 00:36:51,800 Speaker 2: parent I would recommend. But also I'm writing a series 669 00:36:51,840 --> 00:36:56,320 Speaker 2: of books for adolescents, young adolescents in particular. The second 670 00:36:56,320 --> 00:36:58,399 Speaker 2: one is going to be for more of a more 671 00:36:58,440 --> 00:37:00,359 Speaker 2: into the teenage year. For the first one is about 672 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,840 Speaker 2: it's a C. S. Lewis esque book with an insecure prince, 673 00:37:04,920 --> 00:37:07,680 Speaker 2: so think a composite of all teenage boys you've ever known. 674 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:10,680 Speaker 2: And he's wondering if the king loves him, if the king, 675 00:37:10,840 --> 00:37:13,279 Speaker 2: if he's worthy of being the prince, and so he 676 00:37:13,320 --> 00:37:15,200 Speaker 2: begs the King to send him out on a quest 677 00:37:15,200 --> 00:37:17,960 Speaker 2: so we could prove himself. He wants to prove himself 678 00:37:18,000 --> 00:37:21,280 Speaker 2: worthy of connectedness and enoughness. And it's a great story. 679 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:23,640 Speaker 2: It's fun, it's quirky, it's a good read for ten 680 00:37:23,680 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 2: to fifteen, maybe ten to sixteen year olds. And in 681 00:37:27,080 --> 00:37:29,200 Speaker 2: the end, well, I guess I won't tell you, but 682 00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,719 Speaker 2: in the end he has to learn that not all 683 00:37:31,840 --> 00:37:34,920 Speaker 2: quests are the same. This is definitely an anti quest model, 684 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:39,480 Speaker 2: very biblical, and the king is definitely not what he appears. 685 00:37:40,000 --> 00:37:42,920 Speaker 2: So it's a feel good book. It's a coming of 686 00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,160 Speaker 2: age book. The child will walk with yell At as 687 00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:50,040 Speaker 2: he learns to figure out where his real sense of 688 00:37:50,200 --> 00:37:53,040 Speaker 2: enoughness and connectedness really is and how to get there. 689 00:37:53,400 --> 00:37:56,280 Speaker 2: And it ends up being a subtle gospel presentation. 690 00:37:57,239 --> 00:37:59,480 Speaker 1: That's awesome. What a great way to reinforce the kind 691 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:03,440 Speaker 1: of stuff that you're talking about, to connect, reconnect to 692 00:38:03,480 --> 00:38:05,680 Speaker 1: our kids. I know I've been convicted. I actually I 693 00:38:05,719 --> 00:38:11,840 Speaker 1: was reminded. It takes five good, positive compliments comments to 694 00:38:11,960 --> 00:38:15,720 Speaker 1: our kids to overcome a negative remark, right, That's what scientists. 695 00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:20,160 Speaker 1: And then in relation to this, what you're talking about 696 00:38:20,239 --> 00:38:23,560 Speaker 1: with the attunement, So if we can be cognizant, and 697 00:38:23,560 --> 00:38:26,279 Speaker 1: I'm sure it's an adjustment for us as parents, but 698 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:30,120 Speaker 1: be cognizant of trying to make one in three interactions 699 00:38:30,120 --> 00:38:33,640 Speaker 1: something really positive, something really that feeds to our kids' 700 00:38:33,680 --> 00:38:37,320 Speaker 1: connectedness to us or feeds to their sense of enoughness. 701 00:38:37,360 --> 00:38:38,160 Speaker 2: It's so easy. 702 00:38:38,400 --> 00:38:40,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, So we're going to talk a little bit more 703 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:42,640 Speaker 1: about that in the next episode. I'm so excited. Thank 704 00:38:42,680 --> 00:38:43,719 Speaker 1: you again for being here. 705 00:38:43,760 --> 00:38:43,960 Speaker 2: Bill. 706 00:38:44,000 --> 00:38:46,120 Speaker 1: It's been wonderful to get to know you and learn 707 00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:48,960 Speaker 1: about how we can really feed I think this is 708 00:38:49,000 --> 00:38:51,120 Speaker 1: feeding our kids' mental health at the most basic level 709 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:52,000 Speaker 1: from parenting. 710 00:38:52,239 --> 00:38:53,680 Speaker 2: It's applying the Gospel. 711 00:38:54,080 --> 00:38:56,799 Speaker 1: Yes, thank you, yeah, go figure that would be good 712 00:38:56,800 --> 00:39:01,000 Speaker 1: for our parenting. Huh, that's an interesting idea. Of course, 713 00:39:01,080 --> 00:39:03,200 Speaker 1: we know that. But thank you again for being here, 714 00:39:03,239 --> 00:39:05,640 Speaker 1: and we'll pick this conversation up on the flip side. 715 00:39:05,760 --> 00:39:08,600 Speaker 1: Really break down what might be some of the things 716 00:39:08,640 --> 00:39:11,000 Speaker 1: you're seeing in your kids. You're going to recognize these 717 00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:15,880 Speaker 1: personality traits prabs on yourself and realize some areas and 718 00:39:15,960 --> 00:39:18,279 Speaker 1: ways that we can help to bring healing to that 719 00:39:18,520 --> 00:39:21,480 Speaker 1: by helping us to understand that we are enough and 720 00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,960 Speaker 1: our children they are enough, and our connectedness their connectedness 721 00:39:24,960 --> 00:39:27,600 Speaker 1: back to us, which ultimately is supposed to point them 722 00:39:27,960 --> 00:39:30,600 Speaker 1: to their connectedness with God, who heals all things and 723 00:39:30,640 --> 00:39:31,480 Speaker 1: makes all things new. 724 00:39:31,880 --> 00:39:32,160 Speaker 2: Amen. 725 00:39:32,600 --> 00:39:36,200 Speaker 1: Amen, Yes, moms and dads. If we can make a 726 00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:39,279 Speaker 1: conscious effort to attune to our kids just one out 727 00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:42,239 Speaker 1: of every three interactions, now, I know that's going to 728 00:39:42,239 --> 00:39:45,239 Speaker 1: be an adjustment for many of us, myself included. But 729 00:39:45,320 --> 00:39:48,560 Speaker 1: if we can help them feel connected to us and 730 00:39:48,640 --> 00:39:52,120 Speaker 1: help them know that they are enough, that's going to 731 00:39:52,120 --> 00:39:55,400 Speaker 1: go a long way to securing their mental health and 732 00:39:55,840 --> 00:40:01,040 Speaker 1: a better relationship with us to boot connectedness and enoughness. 733 00:40:01,400 --> 00:40:05,360 Speaker 1: Those are the two greatest mental health needs of our children. 734 00:40:06,080 --> 00:40:08,120 Speaker 1: But what happens when that gets broken? 735 00:40:08,480 --> 00:40:09,319 Speaker 2: What does that look like? 736 00:40:09,640 --> 00:40:13,200 Speaker 1: And how do you help fix it? That's what we're 737 00:40:13,200 --> 00:40:16,920 Speaker 1: going to be talking about and next week's best of episode. 738 00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:20,200 Speaker 1: You don't want to miss it. And as always, remember 739 00:40:20,400 --> 00:40:25,080 Speaker 1: God gave you your kids, your specific kids for a reason. 740 00:40:25,560 --> 00:40:29,799 Speaker 1: That's because you hold the key to unlocking God created 741 00:40:29,840 --> 00:40:32,000 Speaker 1: them to be. We'll see you next time. 742 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:41,840 Speaker 3: Christian parent Crazy World is a production of Life Audio 743 00:40:41,960 --> 00:40:44,680 Speaker 3: and Salem Media. If you liked what you heard today, 744 00:40:44,800 --> 00:40:47,719 Speaker 3: please take a second to rate and review this podcast 745 00:40:47,840 --> 00:40:50,839 Speaker 3: in your favorite podcast app so that more listeners like 746 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:55,200 Speaker 3: you can find the show. For more faith filled inspirational podcasts, 747 00:40:55,440 --> 00:41:00,200 Speaker 3: visit us at lifeaudio dot com.