1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:11,520 Speaker 2: You are listening to The Becket Cook Show with your 3 00:00:11,560 --> 00:00:16,239 Speaker 2: host Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry, 4 00:00:16,760 --> 00:00:21,239 Speaker 2: visit his website at Beckettcook dot com. To help support 5 00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:26,120 Speaker 2: the podcast, visit Patreon dot com slash the Beckett Cook Show. 6 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 2: Please consider subscribing to the podcast and leaving a five 7 00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:31,000 Speaker 2: star rating. 8 00:00:38,640 --> 00:00:40,320 Speaker 1: Hey guys, welcome to the show today. I have a 9 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:43,280 Speaker 1: special guest, Jay Dios, and he has an amazing story 10 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:47,320 Speaker 1: of God rescuing him out of a life of homosexuality. 11 00:00:48,440 --> 00:00:51,159 Speaker 1: And he was actually he's a young guy and he 12 00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,920 Speaker 1: was actually married to a man, and then when he 13 00:00:55,960 --> 00:00:59,480 Speaker 1: came back to the Lord, he divorced fat man. Praise God. 14 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:04,399 Speaker 1: So I'm excited to hear his story. It's fascinating. But 15 00:01:04,560 --> 00:01:09,080 Speaker 1: first award from our sponsor, Please welcome Jay Dios. 16 00:01:09,480 --> 00:01:11,760 Speaker 3: Thank you. Beckett is an honor to be on. 17 00:01:12,360 --> 00:01:15,360 Speaker 1: It's so glad to have you and I I want 18 00:01:15,360 --> 00:01:19,119 Speaker 1: to get into your story. It's it's kind of amazing. 19 00:01:20,040 --> 00:01:23,720 Speaker 1: But let's start with, of course, your childhood. You say 20 00:01:23,760 --> 00:01:27,200 Speaker 1: that you were raised in a United Methodist home. Now 21 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: and you were faith in a faith filled United United 22 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:36,640 Speaker 1: Methodist home. Was this United Methodist church conservative or was it? 23 00:01:36,760 --> 00:01:39,240 Speaker 1: Because there are a lot of United Methodist churches that 24 00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,039 Speaker 1: are like completely wacko, but you're conservative. 25 00:01:44,319 --> 00:01:49,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, So it honestly tugs out my heart where the 26 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 3: United Methodist Church ultimately went and their compromise. So the 27 00:01:56,640 --> 00:02:01,360 Speaker 3: United Methodist churches that I attended were conservative from a 28 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:06,320 Speaker 3: theological perspective, Praise God. And actually they are not a 29 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:11,720 Speaker 3: part of the United Methodist Church anymore. They had split 30 00:02:11,760 --> 00:02:16,880 Speaker 3: off into their own during that time too. 31 00:02:17,919 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 2: Uh. 32 00:02:19,160 --> 00:02:23,600 Speaker 3: The teaching that I grew up with was very much 33 00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:27,240 Speaker 3: conservative principles and theology and a view of a Bible, 34 00:02:27,639 --> 00:02:32,560 Speaker 3: view of the Bible. And so thankfully I was exposed 35 00:02:32,639 --> 00:02:36,240 Speaker 3: to those kinds of truths as I was growing up. 36 00:02:36,720 --> 00:02:40,240 Speaker 1: Okay, good, because there's a there's a Hollywood United Methodist 37 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,760 Speaker 1: church right near me and it's, uh, it has like 38 00:02:43,040 --> 00:02:46,880 Speaker 1: rainbow flags on it and stuff. So I wanted to 39 00:02:46,960 --> 00:02:51,840 Speaker 1: check on that. And you grew up in in North Atlanta, yes, 40 00:02:52,960 --> 00:02:53,320 Speaker 1: and so. 41 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 3: What when? So? 42 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:58,240 Speaker 1: And then you had you say you had early exposure 43 00:02:58,320 --> 00:03:02,560 Speaker 1: to pornography at a childhood sleepover. How did that affect you? 44 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:10,720 Speaker 3: Yeah? And one thing as I've gotten older that just 45 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:14,160 Speaker 3: really has been on my heart is parents really be 46 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:19,920 Speaker 3: careful with who you entrust your kids with in a 47 00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:24,520 Speaker 3: sleepover situation. I can't say I'm honestly a big fan 48 00:03:24,560 --> 00:03:28,600 Speaker 3: of them, just because you hear so many heartbreaking stories 49 00:03:28,760 --> 00:03:35,160 Speaker 3: that come out of them. Unfortunately, but in my particular case, 50 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:41,080 Speaker 3: I remember I was at a birthday party with some 51 00:03:41,240 --> 00:03:45,760 Speaker 3: friends of mine. It was probably fifth or sixth grade, 52 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:52,640 Speaker 3: and there was really limited chaperoning, but there were some 53 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:56,920 Speaker 3: older siblings and their friends that essentially thought it would 54 00:03:56,920 --> 00:04:00,000 Speaker 3: be really funny to kind of record like a reaction 55 00:04:00,320 --> 00:04:07,920 Speaker 3: video of them showing us pornographic material. And up until 56 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:12,800 Speaker 3: that point I really hadn't had any kind of exposure 57 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 3: to that level, Praise God, but I remember the video 58 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:26,239 Speaker 3: being very shocking to me. It ended up actually being 59 00:04:26,440 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 3: two women in the video, and so that was also 60 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:33,760 Speaker 3: kind of like an initial shock to me that, oh wow, 61 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,800 Speaker 3: this is like two people of the same sex engaging 62 00:04:36,800 --> 00:04:42,719 Speaker 3: in this behavior. And unfortunately, as shocking as it was, 63 00:04:42,800 --> 00:04:46,840 Speaker 3: I don't think I had the tools to really process it, 64 00:04:47,080 --> 00:04:52,160 Speaker 3: and ultimately it sparked like a darkness and curiosity in 65 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 3: me that would lead to pornography use and masturbation when 66 00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:01,680 Speaker 3: I was young. So and it deeply affected me. 67 00:05:02,920 --> 00:05:05,479 Speaker 1: And then you say you came out at when you 68 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:10,600 Speaker 1: were eleven years old. What was the reaction from your parents? 69 00:05:12,360 --> 00:05:17,680 Speaker 3: Yeah, I remember being very nervous because there was a 70 00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:26,360 Speaker 3: level of just understanding that this was not okay, especially 71 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:31,360 Speaker 3: growing up in a conservative church where I did. I 72 00:05:31,520 --> 00:05:36,960 Speaker 3: was aware of the stance, but also it's something scary 73 00:05:37,080 --> 00:05:41,160 Speaker 3: to bring up to your parents and realize. So I 74 00:05:41,200 --> 00:05:45,440 Speaker 3: remember actually like handing my mom a phone. This is 75 00:05:45,480 --> 00:05:49,120 Speaker 3: back when there were layingline telephones. I remember handing my 76 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,080 Speaker 3: mom a phone and then going out into the garage 77 00:05:53,960 --> 00:06:01,080 Speaker 3: and then telling her, Mom, I think I'm homosexual, And 78 00:06:01,120 --> 00:06:06,039 Speaker 3: her reaction to me disclosing that information to her was 79 00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 3: very emotional, like she was very shocked. I do have 80 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:16,680 Speaker 3: a younger brother, and he had demonstrated a little bit 81 00:06:16,680 --> 00:06:20,320 Speaker 3: more of like a feminine side than me at this point, 82 00:06:20,480 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 3: and so I think it was very shocking to hear 83 00:06:24,960 --> 00:06:29,600 Speaker 3: it from me and disclosing this to her. And then 84 00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,000 Speaker 3: I don't think my dad was actually home. He came later, 85 00:06:32,200 --> 00:06:34,520 Speaker 3: and then my mom was like, Hey, you've got to 86 00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 3: You've got to talk to your dad and let him know. 87 00:06:38,640 --> 00:06:40,880 Speaker 1: And how did so, how did you kind of deal 88 00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:47,240 Speaker 1: with this internal thing, this battle with regards to your faith, 89 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,039 Speaker 1: with regards to you growing up in the Christian church 90 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:52,960 Speaker 1: and the home and everything. So how did you how 91 00:06:53,040 --> 00:06:54,440 Speaker 1: did you see it in terms of that? 92 00:06:56,200 --> 00:07:01,279 Speaker 3: Yeah, not as well as I wish I did. So 93 00:07:01,560 --> 00:07:06,880 Speaker 3: it was it was kind of a mix of feelings 94 00:07:06,920 --> 00:07:12,760 Speaker 3: of knowing that it was wrong, but also actively seeking 95 00:07:12,800 --> 00:07:16,239 Speaker 3: out some kind of affirmation that this would be okay 96 00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:23,760 Speaker 3: and reconciling this. I know, in high school and I 97 00:07:23,800 --> 00:07:27,400 Speaker 3: went to a public high school, I started to meet 98 00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 3: a lot more people that were friendly to the idea 99 00:07:32,880 --> 00:07:37,480 Speaker 3: of gay being a valid identity. And I had never 100 00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:41,640 Speaker 3: experienced that before, and so I think I was attracted 101 00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:47,080 Speaker 3: to that level of acceptance that was being presented. But then, 102 00:07:47,120 --> 00:07:50,600 Speaker 3: as I had mentioned, like I was also struggling with 103 00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 3: lust as a teenager looking at pornographic material that was 104 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:06,440 Speaker 3: homosexual and sure, and then also just I grew up 105 00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:11,600 Speaker 3: United Methodists, and I was United Methodists through high school 106 00:08:11,640 --> 00:08:16,800 Speaker 3: as well, and I was actually a musically gifted student, 107 00:08:16,920 --> 00:08:19,360 Speaker 3: and so like I played cello and tuba in my 108 00:08:19,520 --> 00:08:22,440 Speaker 3: church's orchestra, and so I was a part of the 109 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:27,280 Speaker 3: music ministry. But for me, faith was like more routine. 110 00:08:28,560 --> 00:08:32,960 Speaker 3: I didn't really read God's word on a regular basis. 111 00:08:33,120 --> 00:08:36,320 Speaker 3: I wasn't as entrenched in it as I should have been. 112 00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:41,839 Speaker 3: And because of that, I think the enemy really took 113 00:08:41,920 --> 00:08:44,520 Speaker 3: advantage of me in that fragile state. 114 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:47,199 Speaker 1: Yeah, and so you you say that you when you 115 00:08:47,240 --> 00:08:50,840 Speaker 1: went away, when you went to college, did you did 116 00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:54,200 Speaker 1: you deconstruct your faith because you were exposed to liberalism? 117 00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:57,839 Speaker 1: And what happened to your faith in college? 118 00:08:58,600 --> 00:09:06,120 Speaker 3: Yeah? So college was tough for me. It was the 119 00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:11,559 Speaker 3: first time that I had actually experienced a level of 120 00:09:12,040 --> 00:09:16,360 Speaker 3: animosity towards the Christian worldview, because growing up I was 121 00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:23,200 Speaker 3: very much around Christians, and I was shocked at just 122 00:09:25,040 --> 00:09:30,720 Speaker 3: kind of the negative comments towards Christianity, but then also 123 00:09:30,920 --> 00:09:36,320 Speaker 3: this propping up of a secular humanist worldview. Combining with that, 124 00:09:38,240 --> 00:09:43,520 Speaker 3: I also was struggling a lot with reconciling why do 125 00:09:43,600 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 3: I believe what I believe? Is there like another option? 126 00:09:49,040 --> 00:09:51,720 Speaker 3: How much of what my parents were telling me was 127 00:09:51,760 --> 00:09:54,679 Speaker 3: true or how much of that was just like because 128 00:09:54,720 --> 00:09:59,760 Speaker 3: I was raised in this way. And so the saving 129 00:09:59,760 --> 00:10:02,679 Speaker 3: gri here is I knew I needed to find a 130 00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:05,640 Speaker 3: church and I actually one of my best friends, I 131 00:10:05,720 --> 00:10:07,720 Speaker 3: was like Hey, I've heard really great things about this 132 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 3: church Connection Church. I think you should check it out 133 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:16,600 Speaker 3: with me. And so, fortunately, like I still felt like 134 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:20,600 Speaker 3: on my heart that I needed to be on Sundays 135 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:25,960 Speaker 3: in a church building and worshiping the Lord. But at 136 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:30,359 Speaker 3: the same time, I'm like, Lord, I deeply am struggling, 137 00:10:30,559 --> 00:10:34,040 Speaker 3: and I need you to reveal yourself to me in 138 00:10:34,160 --> 00:10:37,440 Speaker 3: light of all that I'm trying to navigate through here 139 00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:41,680 Speaker 3: in college. And so I really went on a journey 140 00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:47,600 Speaker 3: of understanding the difference between subjective truth and objective truth, 141 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 3: and ultimately the spirit of truth will lead you into 142 00:10:51,679 --> 00:10:55,840 Speaker 3: all truth, Praise God. And so a lot of things 143 00:10:55,880 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 3: clicked for me, particularly when Pastor Brandon had preached a sermon. 144 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:04,400 Speaker 3: It's one of those sermons where it feels like there's 145 00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:07,440 Speaker 3: nobody else in the room and it's just the pastor 146 00:11:08,160 --> 00:11:12,200 Speaker 3: speaking to you, And I remember my heart was racing 147 00:11:12,360 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 3: so fast because every word that he was saying was 148 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:23,800 Speaker 3: just resonating so deeply with my soul. And ultimately it 149 00:11:23,840 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 3: clicked for me. I realized that a lot of the 150 00:11:26,240 --> 00:11:30,280 Speaker 3: spiritual warfare around me is on truth and ultimately on 151 00:11:30,720 --> 00:11:33,319 Speaker 3: the things of God, the character of God, the holiness 152 00:11:33,360 --> 00:11:37,200 Speaker 3: of God. And so in that moment, I knew that 153 00:11:37,320 --> 00:11:40,840 Speaker 3: God's word was true and I ended up standing up 154 00:11:40,920 --> 00:11:42,840 Speaker 3: for an alter call at that time. 155 00:11:43,200 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: So we'll be right back after this short break. 156 00:11:46,960 --> 00:11:47,240 Speaker 3: Wow. 157 00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:54,800 Speaker 1: And so but then you started to but then you 158 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: started to read books like Matthew Vine's books and God 159 00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,760 Speaker 1: in Gay Christian in Matthew Vines. I mean, I'm sure 160 00:12:01,880 --> 00:12:04,160 Speaker 1: everyone knows this by now, but if you don't know, 161 00:12:04,200 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 1: Matthew Vines is a gay affirming quote unquote Christian and 162 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:13,840 Speaker 1: he wrote a book called God and Gay Christian and 163 00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,920 Speaker 1: he tries to argue that homosexual behavior is not a sin. 164 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,640 Speaker 1: But so, why so after this experience with Pastor Brandon 165 00:12:21,760 --> 00:12:26,320 Speaker 1: and his sermon, why did you then go into this 166 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:27,959 Speaker 1: world of like Matthew Vines. 167 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,480 Speaker 3: Yeah. So, I think in desperation of my truth seeking, 168 00:12:36,720 --> 00:12:40,200 Speaker 3: I didn't do a whole lot of Bible reading, so 169 00:12:40,800 --> 00:12:46,000 Speaker 3: and I was really seeking out a lot of different voices, 170 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:52,640 Speaker 3: particularly on the conservative politic angle. But also I had 171 00:12:52,679 --> 00:12:59,240 Speaker 3: like this deep sense of wanting to reconcile this identity. Ultimately, 172 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,760 Speaker 3: I was to see this identity that I believed that 173 00:13:01,840 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 3: I was, which was gay right and my faith and 174 00:13:06,880 --> 00:13:12,920 Speaker 3: so ultimately, like I had come across Matthew Vines's book, 175 00:13:13,760 --> 00:13:17,640 Speaker 3: and at that time reading it, I think I had 176 00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:21,400 Speaker 3: because I wasn't directly in the word of God, I 177 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:25,839 Speaker 3: became deeply influenced by the arguments he was making and 178 00:13:25,920 --> 00:13:28,960 Speaker 3: I was like, oh, there might be actually a pathway 179 00:13:29,040 --> 00:13:35,559 Speaker 3: for this to be true. And so ultimately, at that time, 180 00:13:36,640 --> 00:13:42,040 Speaker 3: I think I was dealing so much with understanding the 181 00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 3: truth of God and how he was revealing himself to me, 182 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:51,200 Speaker 3: but still holding on to this false identity and desperately 183 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:55,360 Speaker 3: seeking some kind of reconciliation for that truth. And so 184 00:13:55,920 --> 00:14:04,079 Speaker 3: unfortunately I didn't come to that reconciliation, and it really 185 00:14:04,160 --> 00:14:10,480 Speaker 3: impacted me in the next years that would follow in 186 00:14:10,640 --> 00:14:13,520 Speaker 3: my faith, like the way that I describe it as 187 00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,560 Speaker 3: like I believe God's word was true, but in this 188 00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:19,280 Speaker 3: area it was too hard for me to accept. And 189 00:14:19,320 --> 00:14:24,280 Speaker 3: there's a difference between Jason saying that Jesus is Lord 190 00:14:24,600 --> 00:14:29,040 Speaker 3: of your life and then just believing that he is 191 00:14:29,080 --> 00:14:29,800 Speaker 3: the Son of God. 192 00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:35,560 Speaker 1: So right, and so you ended up meeting a guy 193 00:14:35,680 --> 00:14:38,160 Speaker 1: named Matthew, not Matthew Vines, but a guy named Matthew 194 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:44,840 Speaker 1: or matt and and you guys, you ended up getting married. 195 00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 3: Right, is this that's right? Yes, yep, and so go ahead. 196 00:14:52,040 --> 00:14:55,720 Speaker 3: I was just gonna say so. Throughout my early twenties 197 00:14:55,760 --> 00:15:03,200 Speaker 3: after college, I did eight several other men during that 198 00:15:03,280 --> 00:15:07,080 Speaker 3: time period, and ultimately, what I was finding is I 199 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:12,800 Speaker 3: was seeking another Christian man. And what I was finding 200 00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:15,040 Speaker 3: is a lot of the times when we get on 201 00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:20,360 Speaker 3: the topics of the Lord and who he was in Christianity, 202 00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:24,680 Speaker 3: that was always really a tough subject that would come up, 203 00:15:24,680 --> 00:15:30,360 Speaker 3: and ultimately the relationship would fizzle out. So things changed 204 00:15:30,400 --> 00:15:32,480 Speaker 3: a little bit with Matthew. 205 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:36,560 Speaker 1: So and then how did you decide to actually go 206 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:40,040 Speaker 1: through with I mean, that's a pretty strong commitment to 207 00:15:40,480 --> 00:15:42,160 Speaker 1: get married, Like, how did that happen? 208 00:15:44,040 --> 00:15:50,280 Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot there. Ultimately, what I would say 209 00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:54,440 Speaker 3: is there were there were a lot of good elements 210 00:15:54,480 --> 00:16:00,000 Speaker 3: of Matthew and I's relationship, Like we had of friendship 211 00:16:00,040 --> 00:16:04,880 Speaker 3: that was very similar to David and Jonathan, and we 212 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:09,080 Speaker 3: desperately wanted to pursue the Lord. In fact, I recall 213 00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:11,680 Speaker 3: on our first date, we were saying, if we ever 214 00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:15,920 Speaker 3: reach a point where we are in conflict with our 215 00:16:15,960 --> 00:16:20,960 Speaker 3: relationship with God, we must encourage each other to pursue 216 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:27,520 Speaker 3: the Lord, and so with that there were a lot 217 00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:31,880 Speaker 3: of great elements in that relationship in the pursuit of God, 218 00:16:31,960 --> 00:16:37,800 Speaker 3: but this area in particular, the Enemy used to pervert 219 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 3: the institution of marriage and ultimately our identity. And so 220 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:50,960 Speaker 3: because we both were still subscribing to this being our identity, 221 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 3: that was a very big stronghold for us to break. 222 00:16:55,360 --> 00:17:01,440 Speaker 3: And so with that, I think we were a chasing 223 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:06,560 Speaker 3: this relationship and all of the benefits that we might 224 00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:11,159 Speaker 3: be receiving in this world, or we were perceiving to 225 00:17:11,240 --> 00:17:17,119 Speaker 3: be receiving in this world, while also not pursuing the 226 00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:19,760 Speaker 3: Lord and being involved in faith community in the way 227 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 3: that we should have been. In fact, in a lot 228 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 3: of ways, the irony of this is when Matthew and 229 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:34,080 Speaker 3: I got married and I started to spend a lot 230 00:17:34,080 --> 00:17:37,960 Speaker 3: of time in the Word of God, in listening to 231 00:17:38,000 --> 00:17:40,080 Speaker 3: the Lord and praying to the Lord and going back 232 00:17:40,119 --> 00:17:45,119 Speaker 3: to church. That was ultimately what the Lord transformed my 233 00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:51,880 Speaker 3: identity in and deeply impacted the mayoral union that we 234 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:56,040 Speaker 3: perceived that we had. So during that time, it's just 235 00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:59,600 Speaker 3: a mix of not investing ourselves the way that we 236 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:01,560 Speaker 3: should have in pursuit of the Lord, and then also 237 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,680 Speaker 3: holding on to a false identity. 238 00:18:03,960 --> 00:18:05,560 Speaker 1: And how long were you married to him? 239 00:18:07,200 --> 00:18:14,480 Speaker 3: So we got married in September of twenty twenty two, 240 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:22,360 Speaker 3: and then our divorce had finalized, although in Louisiana there's 241 00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:25,520 Speaker 3: a very long cooling off period as they call it. 242 00:18:26,960 --> 00:18:30,119 Speaker 3: And our divorce finalized in July of twenty twenty five. 243 00:18:30,520 --> 00:18:33,080 Speaker 3: But up until that point we had been living apart 244 00:18:33,200 --> 00:18:34,680 Speaker 3: for like eight or nine months. 245 00:18:34,800 --> 00:18:38,600 Speaker 1: So and who initiated the divorce? Was it you who 246 00:18:38,640 --> 00:18:40,160 Speaker 1: initiated it? 247 00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 3: It was me? Yes? 248 00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:42,920 Speaker 1: And was he shocked by this? 249 00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:50,880 Speaker 3: So a big component of the journey that ultimately we 250 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:57,359 Speaker 3: went on is in twenty twenty four, around February of 251 00:18:57,359 --> 00:19:01,600 Speaker 3: twenty twenty four, I had actually revealed to him that 252 00:19:01,760 --> 00:19:05,600 Speaker 3: I was feeling conflict of identity and that I believe 253 00:19:05,680 --> 00:19:09,199 Speaker 3: that we were living in a house of cards and 254 00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:13,800 Speaker 3: not on a firm foundation in Christ. And so during 255 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:19,480 Speaker 3: that time I said, I really want to pray about this, 256 00:19:20,680 --> 00:19:25,359 Speaker 3: speak to different leaders and voices, and really leave no 257 00:19:25,640 --> 00:19:31,840 Speaker 3: stone unturn, and praise God that Matt ultimately was agreeable 258 00:19:31,920 --> 00:19:35,840 Speaker 3: to go on that journey rather than reacting overly negative 259 00:19:36,119 --> 00:19:44,400 Speaker 3: to that information. And so ultimately we had met with 260 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:49,440 Speaker 3: a variety of different voices, and at as that was occurring, 261 00:19:49,920 --> 00:19:55,440 Speaker 3: I started to notice a pretty big split in where 262 00:19:55,080 --> 00:20:01,439 Speaker 3: we were theologically aligning from an identity perspective. In fact, 263 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:06,720 Speaker 3: actually ironically, but also beautifully, the Lord gave me such 264 00:20:06,720 --> 00:20:11,600 Speaker 3: a great appreciation for marriage through this process and how 265 00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:15,119 Speaker 3: He's beautifully designed it between one man and one woman. 266 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,240 Speaker 3: And so he was shocked, I think at the news, 267 00:20:21,280 --> 00:20:24,800 Speaker 3: and I think something that breaks my heart as I 268 00:20:24,840 --> 00:20:28,040 Speaker 3: do recall him, like praying desperately in the middle of 269 00:20:28,040 --> 00:20:30,879 Speaker 3: the night for the Lord not to take me away 270 00:20:30,880 --> 00:20:34,760 Speaker 3: from him. But when you're living outside God's will for 271 00:20:34,840 --> 00:20:41,639 Speaker 3: your life, ultimately that that prayer was not answered and 272 00:20:41,680 --> 00:20:45,959 Speaker 3: there was deliverance there. And did your parents? 273 00:20:46,000 --> 00:20:47,480 Speaker 1: Did your parents attend the wedding? 274 00:20:48,200 --> 00:20:51,720 Speaker 3: They initially they did. And I'm glad that you brought 275 00:20:51,720 --> 00:20:58,840 Speaker 3: that up, Beckett, because the wedding, as I reflect back, 276 00:21:00,880 --> 00:21:05,119 Speaker 3: is a really difficult moment for me to reconcile, because 277 00:21:05,200 --> 00:21:10,000 Speaker 3: I believe that I did a lot of damage to 278 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:15,479 Speaker 3: people I love's faith by standing up on that altar 279 00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:23,840 Speaker 3: and proclaiming something that was not true. And thankfully the 280 00:21:23,960 --> 00:21:27,520 Speaker 3: Lord has redeemed that moment and the way that I describe. 281 00:21:27,560 --> 00:21:32,080 Speaker 3: It is like at the wedding there were different chapters 282 00:21:32,160 --> 00:21:38,640 Speaker 3: of my life all together, but unfortunately they were celebrating 283 00:21:38,800 --> 00:21:46,280 Speaker 3: sin ultimately being conducted. But I ended up getting baptized 284 00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:51,520 Speaker 3: this past year in October, and God beautifully redeemed that 285 00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:56,320 Speaker 3: because then again people from all different chapters of my 286 00:21:56,440 --> 00:22:00,200 Speaker 3: life were there to witness the freedom and delivering. It's 287 00:22:00,240 --> 00:22:03,080 Speaker 3: not only the Holy Spirit can bring about, and so 288 00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,040 Speaker 3: in a lot of ways, that redeemed that situation. 289 00:22:07,359 --> 00:22:11,200 Speaker 1: So, yes, good, And so we talk about because you 290 00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:14,760 Speaker 1: were just before we started recording you, you were talking 291 00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:19,040 Speaker 1: about I think you met Matthew Vines in person, and 292 00:22:19,160 --> 00:22:23,240 Speaker 1: I think you were with matt and you, he says, 293 00:22:23,280 --> 00:22:25,399 Speaker 1: because in his button and God and the gay Christian, 294 00:22:25,440 --> 00:22:28,680 Speaker 1: one of his big arguments is you know, you shall 295 00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:30,880 Speaker 1: know them by their fruit, and if their fruit is good, 296 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:34,640 Speaker 1: then it's all good. So talk about what he said 297 00:22:34,680 --> 00:22:37,720 Speaker 1: to you and then what your reaction was later on 298 00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:38,800 Speaker 1: the plane back home. 299 00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:42,720 Speaker 3: Yeah, for sure. And if your audience hasn't picked up 300 00:22:42,760 --> 00:22:45,719 Speaker 3: on it already, like the Lord uses the name Matthew 301 00:22:45,920 --> 00:22:51,119 Speaker 3: very profoundly in your life dirty of faith, Yes he 302 00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:59,639 Speaker 3: still does. So with that, uh, Matthew Vines makes several 303 00:22:59,680 --> 00:23:06,640 Speaker 3: different arguments, and he's incredibly articulate. However, it was very 304 00:23:06,680 --> 00:23:11,560 Speaker 3: clear to me when I met him in person and 305 00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:16,520 Speaker 3: he allowed me to have a conversation really with him theologically, 306 00:23:16,560 --> 00:23:23,120 Speaker 3: face to face on this particular sin issue. There were 307 00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:29,040 Speaker 3: a lot of like branch issues that ultimately you could 308 00:23:29,080 --> 00:23:31,840 Speaker 3: get stuck debating on, but it's going to come to 309 00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:36,720 Speaker 3: the root, and the root of it is related to 310 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:42,480 Speaker 3: living according to God's word, in obeying his word and 311 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:47,040 Speaker 3: what that means. And so one of Matthew's primary arguments 312 00:23:47,160 --> 00:23:51,400 Speaker 3: is that coming from Matthew seven, is that you can 313 00:23:51,520 --> 00:23:54,520 Speaker 3: essentially judge a tree by his fruit or in the 314 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:59,320 Speaker 3: context he was talking about teachers, but he relates it 315 00:23:59,359 --> 00:24:03,800 Speaker 3: to Galatian in the fruit of the Spirit, and what 316 00:24:03,840 --> 00:24:08,560 Speaker 3: he was saying is essentially, what fruit of the spirit 317 00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:15,800 Speaker 3: do you violate by staying in a loving covenantal same 318 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:21,160 Speaker 3: sex marriage with Matt my former spouse Matt And at 319 00:24:21,200 --> 00:24:26,880 Speaker 3: the time, I actually did not have an answer for him, 320 00:24:27,880 --> 00:24:30,800 Speaker 3: and so I told him, I said, hey, I've got 321 00:24:30,800 --> 00:24:34,959 Speaker 3: to pray about this. I'm not sure. And as I 322 00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:41,680 Speaker 3: was going back home and on the plane, the Lord 323 00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:46,520 Speaker 3: just beautifully clicked that last puzzle piece in place, and 324 00:24:46,600 --> 00:24:48,639 Speaker 3: I realized that the fruit of the spirit that I 325 00:24:48,680 --> 00:24:54,160 Speaker 3: was violating the most was faithfulness. Faithfulness in two ways. 326 00:24:54,680 --> 00:24:58,119 Speaker 3: The first is I was not being faithful to God. 327 00:24:58,520 --> 00:25:01,159 Speaker 3: Jesus says that if you love me, you will obey 328 00:25:01,240 --> 00:25:05,720 Speaker 3: my commands. Yeah, and so the most important relationship that 329 00:25:05,760 --> 00:25:09,399 Speaker 3: I will ever have, I was not being faithful to 330 00:25:09,520 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 3: the Lord. But then also I was not being faithful 331 00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:18,840 Speaker 3: to Matthew because I was leading him down a path 332 00:25:18,920 --> 00:25:23,080 Speaker 3: of destruction and not in living in God's best And 333 00:25:23,160 --> 00:25:28,400 Speaker 3: so ironically it was reading Matthew Vines's book that led 334 00:25:28,480 --> 00:25:33,280 Speaker 3: me down this path of affirming theology. But it was 335 00:25:33,400 --> 00:25:38,439 Speaker 3: a question that Matthew Vines had asked me that ultimately 336 00:25:39,200 --> 00:25:43,560 Speaker 3: clicked it into place for me of how the Lord 337 00:25:43,640 --> 00:25:46,640 Speaker 3: was going to work to restore my identity in him. 338 00:25:46,800 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 3: So it's really beautiful how that worked out. 339 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,879 Speaker 1: That's amazing God. Yeah, I love how God works and moves. 340 00:25:55,080 --> 00:26:00,679 Speaker 1: And now you're your identity is reclaimed. You're at I 341 00:26:00,680 --> 00:26:04,919 Speaker 1: think Louis Giglio's church right passion Passion. Yes, I've been 342 00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:07,320 Speaker 1: there one time. I was there for a well, I 343 00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,040 Speaker 1: will I will say what I was there for because 344 00:26:09,080 --> 00:26:12,040 Speaker 1: it's very controversial now, but I was there for a 345 00:26:12,080 --> 00:26:17,879 Speaker 1: memorial service anyway. Okay, But so tell us what, so 346 00:26:17,960 --> 00:26:21,000 Speaker 1: what is your life like now? What are you doing 347 00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:24,040 Speaker 1: now with your you know, your story, what are you 348 00:26:24,119 --> 00:26:26,200 Speaker 1: doing in general? Like, tell us what's happening and tell 349 00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:29,880 Speaker 1: us what it's like, what your relationship is like with God. 350 00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:35,640 Speaker 3: Now you're from Dallas, aren't you? Originally? Okay, So we 351 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 3: were just there for Passion twenty twenty six. I was 352 00:26:40,440 --> 00:26:44,960 Speaker 3: actually a captain for snacks and coffee for our door 353 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:48,600 Speaker 3: doorholders and those who are not familiar with Passion. It 354 00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:54,080 Speaker 3: is a Christian conference. We had forty five thousand college 355 00:26:54,119 --> 00:26:57,760 Speaker 3: aid students eighteen to twenty five years of age coming 356 00:26:57,880 --> 00:27:02,439 Speaker 3: to worship the Lord and listened to amazing speakers and 357 00:27:02,480 --> 00:27:08,000 Speaker 3: then ultimately the theme was about sending out arrows, going 358 00:27:08,040 --> 00:27:11,800 Speaker 3: back to their spheres of influence and then speaking boldly 359 00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:15,520 Speaker 3: for Christ and being the light of the world that 360 00:27:15,800 --> 00:27:20,239 Speaker 3: Christ calls us to be. So Passion City Church is 361 00:27:20,840 --> 00:27:25,639 Speaker 3: the church branch of the Passion movement. We've got three 362 00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:29,879 Speaker 3: campuses in Atlanta and one in DC, and Passion City 363 00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:35,720 Speaker 3: Church has been just an incredible home and community to me. 364 00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:39,000 Speaker 3: It's one of the biggest blessings that the Lord has 365 00:27:39,040 --> 00:27:42,280 Speaker 3: provided in my life. There are so many brothers and 366 00:27:42,320 --> 00:27:45,600 Speaker 3: sisters of Christ there that have locked arms with me 367 00:27:46,320 --> 00:27:49,720 Speaker 3: and walked with me through some of the most difficult 368 00:27:49,720 --> 00:27:55,360 Speaker 3: moments through my faith journey. But ultimately with that I 369 00:27:55,400 --> 00:28:00,680 Speaker 3: am serving as part of our experience in hosting team. 370 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:04,320 Speaker 3: I am also in a connect group. Ironically, my connect 371 00:28:04,359 --> 00:28:11,320 Speaker 3: Group leader's name is Matthew Yes, and so I get 372 00:28:11,359 --> 00:28:16,960 Speaker 3: to lock arms with brothers. Iron sharpens iron, and the 373 00:28:17,040 --> 00:28:23,000 Speaker 3: Lord is really restored so much from like a relationship 374 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:28,959 Speaker 3: aspect in my life, both with just amazing people living 375 00:28:29,000 --> 00:28:33,800 Speaker 3: out boldly for Christ, but also faithful teachers that are 376 00:28:33,840 --> 00:28:38,840 Speaker 3: going to speak truth boldly and make sure that ultimately 377 00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:43,120 Speaker 3: we are becoming more and more like Christ through the 378 00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:47,520 Speaker 3: process of sanctification. So I'm living my best life like 379 00:28:47,640 --> 00:28:50,240 Speaker 3: that's the best way to describe it. Like, I am 380 00:28:50,560 --> 00:28:53,240 Speaker 3: so grateful for what the Lord has done. 381 00:28:54,400 --> 00:28:56,680 Speaker 1: What would you say, because I mean you've probably heard 382 00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,560 Speaker 1: me answer this question, but I cause I get I 383 00:28:59,760 --> 00:29:02,680 Speaker 1: talk about it all the time. It's in my book, uh, 384 00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:05,080 Speaker 1: you know, because people used to ask me when I 385 00:29:05,080 --> 00:29:08,000 Speaker 1: get first got saved, you know, is it an isn't 386 00:29:08,000 --> 00:29:10,200 Speaker 1: it unfair that you don't get to, you know, have 387 00:29:10,240 --> 00:29:14,240 Speaker 1: a boyfriend or a husband or whatever. So what would 388 00:29:14,280 --> 00:29:16,840 Speaker 1: you say to people about that? 389 00:29:17,000 --> 00:29:17,200 Speaker 3: Is it? 390 00:29:17,560 --> 00:29:19,080 Speaker 1: How do you feel about that question? 391 00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:25,640 Speaker 3: Yeah, so, I think in a lot of ways, our 392 00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:33,280 Speaker 3: culture especially loves to idolize that romantic love, and it 393 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:38,320 Speaker 3: love is a very beautiful thing. What I have accepted 394 00:29:38,360 --> 00:29:42,960 Speaker 3: in my heart is that I want to live God's 395 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:45,800 Speaker 3: will for my life. I want to let the spirit lead, 396 00:29:46,600 --> 00:29:50,200 Speaker 3: and so ultimately, if it is in God's will, and 397 00:29:50,400 --> 00:29:53,840 Speaker 3: actually I do pray that it is that I find 398 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,560 Speaker 3: a wife and build a family together, then beautiful, like 399 00:29:58,640 --> 00:30:02,320 Speaker 3: that's amazing. But also if the Lord has the work 400 00:30:02,800 --> 00:30:07,040 Speaker 3: paved out for me for his purposes as a single man, 401 00:30:07,880 --> 00:30:11,920 Speaker 3: it says in one Timothy sixty six, godliness with contentment 402 00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:16,720 Speaker 3: is great gain. And I feel that living with the Lord, 403 00:30:17,080 --> 00:30:20,760 Speaker 3: with him leading, is the biggest blessing, the greatest fulfillment, 404 00:30:21,040 --> 00:30:24,000 Speaker 3: because it's not just this earth that I get to 405 00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:27,400 Speaker 3: look forward to, but it is eternity with Him, and 406 00:30:27,440 --> 00:30:30,560 Speaker 3: that is the greatest relationship that you could ever have. 407 00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:35,240 Speaker 1: Well, we're going to leave it there because you mentioned eternity, 408 00:30:35,280 --> 00:30:38,800 Speaker 1: and that's a good place to leave it. I just 409 00:30:38,880 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 1: love that. Yeah, eternal life is kind of a big deal. 410 00:30:42,320 --> 00:30:45,920 Speaker 1: I always say so. It's it's amazing. But let's leave 411 00:30:45,960 --> 00:30:49,760 Speaker 1: it there. And thank you so much Jay for telling 412 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:55,040 Speaker 1: your story. And I hope that guys who are watching 413 00:30:55,320 --> 00:30:57,720 Speaker 1: or women who are watching who are kind of stuck 414 00:30:57,760 --> 00:31:02,720 Speaker 1: in that world will hear this and it'll spark something 415 00:31:02,760 --> 00:31:06,600 Speaker 1: in them. And God, will you know, convict them. The 416 00:31:06,600 --> 00:31:09,880 Speaker 1: Holy Spirit will convict them and they will come fully 417 00:31:10,120 --> 00:31:14,360 Speaker 1: under the authority and of the Lord Jesus Christ. So 418 00:31:14,480 --> 00:31:16,760 Speaker 1: thank you so much, thank you for coming on. 419 00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:21,360 Speaker 3: I appreciate it absolutely, Beckett. It's an honor. Praise God. 420 00:31:24,880 --> 00:31:27,240 Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett 421 00:31:27,280 --> 00:31:32,560 Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes 422 00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:35,520 Speaker 2: of The Becket Cook Show are also available on YouTube. 423 00:31:36,600 --> 00:31:39,760 Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his 424 00:31:39,840 --> 00:31:43,080 Speaker 2: website at Beckettcook dot com. 425 00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,120 Speaker 1: Thank you to the team at Life Audio for their 426 00:31:45,160 --> 00:31:48,120 Speaker 1: partnership with us. If you go to lifeaudio dot com, 427 00:31:48,160 --> 00:31:52,240 Speaker 1: you will find more faith centered podcasts about prayer, Bible study, parenting, 428 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:52,640 Speaker 1: and more.