1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:03,640 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:09,360 Speaker 2: Welcome to I Wish you could hear this, where we 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:13,239 Speaker 2: explore great stories and simple, proven steps to help you 4 00:00:13,400 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 2: thrive in life, faith, and relationships. 5 00:00:16,040 --> 00:00:20,920 Speaker 3: In our research, we've heard hundreds of Hopefield strategies for marriage, parenting, leadership, 6 00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:24,319 Speaker 3: and life that are grounded in science and consistent with 7 00:00:24,360 --> 00:00:26,360 Speaker 3: biblical truth. And now you can. 8 00:00:26,280 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 4: Hear them too. 9 00:00:29,680 --> 00:00:31,960 Speaker 3: I'm Chanti Feldhant, and I'm Jeff Feldon. 10 00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:35,280 Speaker 2: If you have been impacted by the premise of the 11 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:39,680 Speaker 2: Five Love Languages book, you won't want to miss this episode. 12 00:00:39,720 --> 00:00:42,640 Speaker 2: Most of us have found it so helpful to learn 13 00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:47,880 Speaker 2: our spouse's love language, like acts of service or quality time, 14 00:00:48,320 --> 00:00:51,440 Speaker 2: but over the years, many of us have also been 15 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:56,800 Speaker 2: confused by how to do those things, like I thought 16 00:00:56,960 --> 00:01:00,960 Speaker 2: watching a rom com together was quality time? Or what 17 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,480 Speaker 2: does quality time mean to an introvert? Or whatever. So 18 00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:07,640 Speaker 2: the author of the Five Love Languages, doctor Gary Chapman, 19 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:12,199 Speaker 2: teamed up with the renowned psychologist's duo of doctors Less 20 00:01:12,200 --> 00:01:15,600 Speaker 2: and Leslie Parrott to write a remarkable follow up book 21 00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,320 Speaker 2: called The Love Language That Matters Most that helps us 22 00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:23,920 Speaker 2: put the Five Love Languages into practice. We have Less 23 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:26,679 Speaker 2: and Leslie with us today on this episode of I 24 00:01:26,720 --> 00:01:29,000 Speaker 2: Wish you could hear this to give us all the 25 00:01:29,040 --> 00:01:33,520 Speaker 2: practical tips about how to apply the five love languages 26 00:01:33,640 --> 00:01:37,360 Speaker 2: in an even better way, especially in our marriages, but 27 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:40,800 Speaker 2: also in other relationships in our lives. 28 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:45,080 Speaker 4: Lesson, Leslie. 29 00:01:45,200 --> 00:01:48,200 Speaker 3: As we get started, let me introduce you to anyone 30 00:01:48,440 --> 00:01:51,440 Speaker 3: who isn't familiar with your work. Doctors less and Leslie 31 00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:54,800 Speaker 3: Parrott are psychologists and number one New York Times bestselling 32 00:01:54,840 --> 00:01:59,520 Speaker 3: authors of numerous books, including Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. 33 00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:03,880 Speaker 3: Featured on all the major media shows Oprah, The View, 34 00:02:04,280 --> 00:02:08,120 Speaker 3: The Today Show, and pretty much everything else. Counselors widely 35 00:02:08,160 --> 00:02:13,800 Speaker 3: rely on their work, including their multiple premierital assessment programs 36 00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:17,360 Speaker 3: such as Simbus. More important to us, they've been co 37 00:02:17,480 --> 00:02:20,440 Speaker 3: laborers in the Christian marriage space and have become friends 38 00:02:20,680 --> 00:02:24,600 Speaker 3: over the years. So Lesson, Leslie, thanks so much for 39 00:02:24,720 --> 00:02:25,920 Speaker 3: joining us on the podcast. 40 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:29,880 Speaker 5: Wow, It's our privilege. We always love hanging out with 41 00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:30,480 Speaker 5: you guys. 42 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:34,520 Speaker 2: And can I just tell you, Leslie, how much you 43 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:38,320 Speaker 2: meant to me about five years ago when I discovered 44 00:02:38,360 --> 00:02:42,000 Speaker 2: I had breast cancer and you were like, so texting 45 00:02:42,040 --> 00:02:46,079 Speaker 2: me You're doing okay? You got this like you were awesome. 46 00:02:46,280 --> 00:02:47,400 Speaker 2: That meant so much to me. 47 00:02:48,480 --> 00:02:51,960 Speaker 6: I love hearing that we're just all walking each other home, 48 00:02:52,080 --> 00:02:53,240 Speaker 6: right we are. 49 00:02:53,800 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 3: Thank you and you guys truly, truly, I've always had 50 00:02:57,120 --> 00:02:58,920 Speaker 3: a high opinion of you guys, but let me just 51 00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 3: tell you, over the years, I've realized that opinion hasn't 52 00:03:01,639 --> 00:03:02,359 Speaker 3: been high enough. 53 00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,120 Speaker 4: So thank you. 54 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,240 Speaker 1: It's always fun to be with you guys, whether it's 55 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:08,920 Speaker 1: over in dinner or over an interview on your podcast. 56 00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:13,000 Speaker 3: So, speaking on the podcast, we've got a lot of 57 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:13,919 Speaker 3: questions for y'all. 58 00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:14,720 Speaker 4: We have booked. 59 00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:18,440 Speaker 3: First, I'd love to hear about how you hooked up 60 00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,840 Speaker 3: with doctor Gary Chapman to even do this project. The 61 00:03:22,880 --> 00:03:26,240 Speaker 3: Five Love Languages have sold tens of millions of copies 62 00:03:26,440 --> 00:03:27,760 Speaker 3: and it's so iconic. 63 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:30,040 Speaker 2: And they've sold millions for sure, for. 64 00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:34,280 Speaker 3: Sure, So like, how on earth did you two and 65 00:03:34,360 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 3: Gary come together and do a book? 66 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:39,640 Speaker 1: Yeah, well, to be more precise, Gary has sold twenty 67 00:03:39,880 --> 00:03:44,800 Speaker 1: million copies Five Love Languages over the last thirty years. 68 00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:48,720 Speaker 1: It's truly one of the greatest publishing success stories ever. 69 00:03:49,360 --> 00:03:51,840 Speaker 1: So I just called Gary and said, how do I 70 00:03:51,880 --> 00:04:01,120 Speaker 1: get on on that? So we even jump into this. 71 00:04:01,200 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: I got to share with you something. Then I'm going 72 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:06,280 Speaker 1: to answer your question. But we have something I want 73 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: to give to all of our viewers and listeners. It's 74 00:04:09,040 --> 00:04:13,119 Speaker 1: totally for free. It's something that they'll love for their relationships. 75 00:04:13,640 --> 00:04:19,080 Speaker 1: And it takes just four minutes or less. And it's 76 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: called my heart chart dot com. Myheart chart dot Com. 77 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:29,640 Speaker 1: And we're so excited about this. We have had hundreds 78 00:04:29,640 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: of thousands of people do this. You don't have to 79 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,719 Speaker 1: do this with a partner. And even if you're single, 80 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 1: by the way, you can take this but my heart 81 00:04:36,640 --> 00:04:40,000 Speaker 1: chart dot Com. And what it does is give you 82 00:04:40,040 --> 00:04:44,480 Speaker 1: a nice little snapshot of the state of your relationship 83 00:04:44,920 --> 00:04:48,240 Speaker 1: if you're single. It takes you down a different lane 84 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: on your relationships. 85 00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:52,000 Speaker 5: Not only web of relationships exactly. 86 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:55,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, but anyway, I'm so who was it that said 87 00:04:55,880 --> 00:05:00,080 Speaker 1: anybody that accomplishes anything of significance has to have to 88 00:05:00,080 --> 00:05:07,480 Speaker 1: to be partially obsessed at the chronic and mentally ill level. Probably, 89 00:05:07,920 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: But anyway, I'm obsessed with this little free tool for people. 90 00:05:12,720 --> 00:05:16,360 Speaker 1: F r ee free, no strings attached, no email, you 91 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:19,719 Speaker 1: don't have to join anything. There's no it's not it's 92 00:05:19,760 --> 00:05:22,240 Speaker 1: not there's nothing hidden behind it. It's just a help 93 00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:26,159 Speaker 1: for your relationship. It's a gift Myheart chart dot com. 94 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:28,920 Speaker 2: We will put that in the show notes awesome. 95 00:05:29,680 --> 00:05:32,599 Speaker 1: So anyway, I just have to get out that word on. 96 00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,359 Speaker 6: Something well, because it's kind of like having a little 97 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:39,719 Speaker 6: GPS that shows you where you're standing right now in 98 00:05:39,760 --> 00:05:41,760 Speaker 6: the relationship that matters most to you. 99 00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:44,720 Speaker 5: And so it's just really valuable. 100 00:05:44,760 --> 00:05:46,560 Speaker 6: And when you know where you're standing, then you know 101 00:05:46,680 --> 00:05:48,320 Speaker 6: how to move forward where you want to be. 102 00:05:48,680 --> 00:05:51,159 Speaker 5: So it is really valuable. It's brief. You do it 103 00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:51,720 Speaker 5: on your own. 104 00:05:51,760 --> 00:05:54,760 Speaker 6: It doesn't require you know, you to work as a 105 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:56,680 Speaker 6: couple of but you can reflect. 106 00:05:56,560 --> 00:05:57,400 Speaker 5: On your own heart. 107 00:05:57,480 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 4: Yeah. 108 00:05:57,920 --> 00:06:02,039 Speaker 1: So you know that phrase that we psychologists like to 109 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:05,440 Speaker 1: use awareness as curative and this is becoming aware of 110 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 1: the stately relationship. So anyway, I checked that box. I 111 00:06:08,960 --> 00:06:11,680 Speaker 1: got to get that word out to everybody. But here's 112 00:06:11,720 --> 00:06:14,800 Speaker 1: the question. The answer to your question, Jeff Leslie and 113 00:06:14,839 --> 00:06:18,800 Speaker 1: I have known Gary probably like you have for many decades. 114 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:22,240 Speaker 1: In fact, when he first came out with the Five 115 00:06:22,320 --> 00:06:24,560 Speaker 1: Love Languages, Leslie and I had a brand new book 116 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:28,200 Speaker 1: called Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts, and we ended 117 00:06:28,279 --> 00:06:31,440 Speaker 1: up just doing a lot of speaking together on various 118 00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:34,760 Speaker 1: platforms around the country, and so we became friends. And 119 00:06:34,800 --> 00:06:37,039 Speaker 1: you know how it is when you're speaking with other people, 120 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:40,760 Speaker 1: you go out to dinner afterwards, and before long you're friends. 121 00:06:40,800 --> 00:06:43,360 Speaker 1: Hopefully you're friends with them. And so we've been friends 122 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:47,040 Speaker 1: with Gary for a long long time. And I think 123 00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,839 Speaker 1: it was I don't know, about five years ago now 124 00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,720 Speaker 1: that Leslie and I were asked to host a TV 125 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:57,040 Speaker 1: show for Valentines and one of the guest speakers that 126 00:06:57,160 --> 00:07:02,200 Speaker 1: we were interviewing was Gary, and so I, even though 127 00:07:02,240 --> 00:07:04,599 Speaker 1: I know Gary so well, I went on Wikipedia just 128 00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:06,320 Speaker 1: to see if there's anything I should use in the 129 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:10,320 Speaker 1: introduction so forth. And I can't remember how old he 130 00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,920 Speaker 1: was at the time, but in his eighties. And so 131 00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,320 Speaker 1: I called him the next morning and I said, Gary, 132 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:17,520 Speaker 1: did you know you're eighty three years old? And he 133 00:07:17,640 --> 00:07:18,240 Speaker 1: was like, I know. 134 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:21,480 Speaker 5: And I wouldn't know. 135 00:07:24,120 --> 00:07:29,680 Speaker 1: Proverbial energizer, bunny. But at any rate, because of that interview, 136 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:32,720 Speaker 1: just things started happy. I said, let's make sure that 137 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:36,120 Speaker 1: five Love is carried in to the next generation and 138 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,000 Speaker 1: the next generation after that. And one of the things 139 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,000 Speaker 1: that ended up happening as a result of that is 140 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:44,080 Speaker 1: that we built an assessment called the five Love Language 141 00:07:44,280 --> 00:07:50,160 Speaker 1: Premium assessment, and unlike myhart chart dot com, this one 142 00:07:50,240 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 1: takes about twenty minutes or so. It's pretty intense, answer 143 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:59,280 Speaker 1: a lot of questions, and it generates more detailed information 144 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:03,200 Speaker 1: about your experience with the five love languages than ever before. 145 00:08:03,920 --> 00:08:06,040 Speaker 1: And we get into some stuff we'll talk about here 146 00:08:06,040 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 1: in this interview a little bit, but it was that 147 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:11,320 Speaker 1: was kind of the catalyst we're to do. 148 00:08:11,280 --> 00:08:15,760 Speaker 2: The assessment for that. Yeah, fantastical, and. 149 00:08:15,840 --> 00:08:19,040 Speaker 1: That thing has just been wildly successful. 150 00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:23,360 Speaker 2: And can I interrupt you because because I want everybody 151 00:08:23,400 --> 00:08:28,200 Speaker 2: to know, because for folks who haven't done Simbus or 152 00:08:28,240 --> 00:08:30,800 Speaker 2: one of the other types of assessments that you guys 153 00:08:30,840 --> 00:08:36,160 Speaker 2: are now running, I think people don't recognize just how 154 00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:42,080 Speaker 2: central you are in creating these really valuable assessments to 155 00:08:42,160 --> 00:08:45,120 Speaker 2: help you get a sense of what's going on. And 156 00:08:45,400 --> 00:08:48,480 Speaker 2: they are good guys, like and I will just say 157 00:08:48,600 --> 00:08:51,199 Speaker 2: less you may not even remember this, but like in 158 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:57,600 Speaker 2: twenty sixteen, twenty fifteen, like ten years ago, when I 159 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:01,720 Speaker 2: was putting out the Kindness Challenge, and I'm like, I 160 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:05,320 Speaker 2: have done all these massive surveys, but I need to 161 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,760 Speaker 2: do an assessment for people with a report, and that 162 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:13,320 Speaker 2: is a completely different thing. And so this very very 163 00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:17,200 Speaker 2: busy man named less parents spent hours on the phone 164 00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:20,400 Speaker 2: with me helping you figure out how to do a 165 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 2: good assessment. And so I learned so much from you. 166 00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:27,000 Speaker 2: And you know, obviously you have an experience in this 167 00:09:27,080 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: that goes back decades. But I just want to say, folks, 168 00:09:31,559 --> 00:09:33,920 Speaker 2: this love language assessment that they're talking about that sort 169 00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:39,040 Speaker 2: of got this whole thing started. These assessments are so helpful. 170 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,920 Speaker 4: They're robust, They're very robust. 171 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, I do remember that shanty and I'm still waiting 172 00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:45,440 Speaker 1: for my royalty checks that. 173 00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,760 Speaker 2: Well, when we start earning royalties from it, I will 174 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,920 Speaker 2: give some to you. But that has what happened. 175 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,920 Speaker 6: Yeah, I love that you said that when it's all 176 00:09:53,920 --> 00:09:55,040 Speaker 6: about kindness. 177 00:09:55,120 --> 00:10:01,200 Speaker 1: Yeah no, I was so energetic by your project and 178 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:04,360 Speaker 1: love that book and the whole campaign around it for 179 00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,600 Speaker 1: kindness and so timely. It still is, yes, it is. 180 00:10:07,679 --> 00:10:12,679 Speaker 1: But the whole idea of doing a survey is very 181 00:10:12,760 --> 00:10:17,079 Speaker 1: different than an assessment that needs reliability and validity to 182 00:10:17,640 --> 00:10:20,640 Speaker 1: really make sure you're really measuring what you say you're measuring, 183 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:24,040 Speaker 1: and you do that consistently across all kinds of different people. 184 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:26,600 Speaker 1: So but yeah, that was a fun, fun deal. I 185 00:10:26,600 --> 00:10:28,760 Speaker 1: was always glad to see that come out. But yeah, 186 00:10:28,880 --> 00:10:32,120 Speaker 1: Gary and I and Leslie and some other people on 187 00:10:32,160 --> 00:10:35,600 Speaker 1: our team, we built this assessment, the five Love Assessment. 188 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,280 Speaker 1: We can talk a little bit more about that what 189 00:10:37,320 --> 00:10:39,720 Speaker 1: that means, but it's been really fun to do that. 190 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 1: And then we were having I don't know, in some 191 00:10:44,120 --> 00:10:47,560 Speaker 1: city we were speaking or whatever with Gary and and 192 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:52,160 Speaker 1: I said, have you ever done a follow up to 193 00:10:52,280 --> 00:10:55,440 Speaker 1: the Five Love Languages? And he goes, you know, something, 194 00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,760 Speaker 1: that's always been my dream. He said, We've been all 195 00:10:57,840 --> 00:11:01,679 Speaker 1: kinds of spin offs. We have five languages for teenagers, 196 00:11:01,760 --> 00:11:05,280 Speaker 1: and we have for blended family and for the workplace 197 00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:07,960 Speaker 1: and all kinds of stuff. But I said, do you 198 00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:12,240 Speaker 1: have some message in mind for kind of two point 199 00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:16,560 Speaker 1: zero of the Five Love Languages itself? And he said, yeah, 200 00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 1: this is so interesting to me. I'm sure you remember this. 201 00:11:20,760 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 1: He said, so many people will read the Purple Book. 202 00:11:24,240 --> 00:11:26,200 Speaker 1: We call it the Purple Book the Five Love Languages, 203 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,960 Speaker 1: and we'll read that and go, okay, I'm I'm words 204 00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:32,880 Speaker 1: of affirmation. So that's not how you need to love me, 205 00:11:33,120 --> 00:11:34,840 Speaker 1: you know, love me words of affirmation? 206 00:11:35,240 --> 00:11:38,800 Speaker 6: And he kind of stopped there, Okay, I get myself. 207 00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:41,560 Speaker 5: Now everyone knows my love language. 208 00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:45,680 Speaker 1: And they think and so it becomes really self referent, 209 00:11:45,840 --> 00:11:48,360 Speaker 1: kind of like a personality trait, like I'm an introvert 210 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,840 Speaker 1: or I'm an extrovert, right, and I'm acts of service. 211 00:11:52,040 --> 00:11:56,480 Speaker 1: So there you go, and he said, so I wish 212 00:11:56,520 --> 00:11:58,880 Speaker 1: we could take it to the next level, because it's 213 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:01,400 Speaker 1: one thing to have that awareness about how you want 214 00:12:01,480 --> 00:12:03,800 Speaker 1: to be love, but how do you get people to 215 00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,319 Speaker 1: focus on it? And then he said this was so interesting. 216 00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:09,160 Speaker 1: He said, the other thing I find is that there's 217 00:12:09,160 --> 00:12:12,760 Speaker 1: some people that go, hey, I'm speaking her love language, 218 00:12:12,800 --> 00:12:15,920 Speaker 1: I'm speaking his love language, but their love tank doesn't 219 00:12:15,920 --> 00:12:19,160 Speaker 1: seem to get filled up. What's going on with that? 220 00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,920 Speaker 1: It's a miss Gary was saying. It's a mystery to me. 221 00:12:22,800 --> 00:12:27,000 Speaker 1: And so that really spun us into some research that 222 00:12:27,160 --> 00:12:30,480 Speaker 1: got us into kind of I call it thin slicing 223 00:12:30,520 --> 00:12:33,520 Speaker 1: because I used to be a neural in a neuropsychology 224 00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:36,240 Speaker 1: and with thin sliced brains. But when you look at 225 00:12:36,280 --> 00:12:40,240 Speaker 1: the thin layers of the love language, you begin to see, 226 00:12:40,640 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: oh wait a second, it's not just this one big 227 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,719 Speaker 1: group of this is the love language. It's the dialect 228 00:12:47,880 --> 00:12:52,360 Speaker 1: within that love language that is the game changer, and 229 00:12:52,400 --> 00:12:54,439 Speaker 1: we can talk more about that, but that's really how 230 00:12:54,480 --> 00:13:02,120 Speaker 1: this whole thing came to be. This is a mockup 231 00:13:02,160 --> 00:13:05,560 Speaker 1: of the book is what we have right now. But 232 00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,560 Speaker 1: I was at a restaurant and I had this book 233 00:13:09,600 --> 00:13:12,160 Speaker 1: sitting on the table and I was talking with the 234 00:13:12,160 --> 00:13:15,920 Speaker 1: publisher and the server came in. And this was in Seattle, 235 00:13:15,960 --> 00:13:18,440 Speaker 1: our home city, and the restaurant I go too frequently. 236 00:13:18,760 --> 00:13:20,559 Speaker 1: And the server came up and she said, the love 237 00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:24,720 Speaker 1: language that matters most? She says, is it touch? Because 238 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:31,400 Speaker 1: that's my love language? And I said no. She said, well, 239 00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:33,400 Speaker 1: which one is it? Which one is it? Thinking it 240 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 1: was one of the five, And I said, well, the 241 00:13:35,480 --> 00:13:37,800 Speaker 1: love language that matters most is the love language of 242 00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:40,280 Speaker 1: the person in front of you. And she had her 243 00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:42,800 Speaker 1: little tablet she was taking orders on and she slapped 244 00:13:42,840 --> 00:13:45,080 Speaker 1: it down on the table. She said, get out of here. 245 00:13:45,559 --> 00:13:48,120 Speaker 1: She says, that's perfect. I said, I think we have 246 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:52,360 Speaker 1: a good title. So yeah, But how that's the connection. 247 00:13:52,480 --> 00:13:55,760 Speaker 1: There's just a longtime friendship with Gary in an investment 248 00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: in making sure that more and more couples in spite 249 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 1: of twenty million people reading the original Purple Book that 250 00:14:02,160 --> 00:14:04,240 Speaker 1: more and more people get exposed to it. 251 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:07,040 Speaker 6: That's right, and to the heart of what his original 252 00:14:07,559 --> 00:14:12,000 Speaker 6: calling was in creating and sort of cracking the code 253 00:14:12,040 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 6: of love, and that is so that we're actually able 254 00:14:15,240 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 6: to love better instead. 255 00:14:17,480 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 5: Of just understand our own needs for love better. 256 00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:25,120 Speaker 3: Yeah, you reference the love tank in the book, So 257 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,560 Speaker 3: can you explain what that is and what fuels it 258 00:14:29,040 --> 00:14:31,440 Speaker 3: so that you know people can keep their tanks full? 259 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 5: I mean, I love that metaphor. 260 00:14:33,920 --> 00:14:36,840 Speaker 6: It's simplistic, but we all get it that we do 261 00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:40,120 Speaker 6: have some sort of a reservoir in our souls that 262 00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:45,000 Speaker 6: either just feels emptied and depleted or full to overflowing 263 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:46,280 Speaker 6: or just let's. 264 00:14:46,040 --> 00:14:49,120 Speaker 1: Be clear, it is a metaphor. You cannot you don't 265 00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:52,640 Speaker 1: have a love tank, right, No, you can't X ray 266 00:14:52,720 --> 00:14:54,320 Speaker 1: this in case you're wondering. 267 00:14:54,000 --> 00:14:56,560 Speaker 5: That that is exactly right. Yeah, but there are some 268 00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,960 Speaker 5: nuances to a love tank. 269 00:14:58,040 --> 00:15:00,200 Speaker 6: I mean, the truth is when a love chank is 270 00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,640 Speaker 6: full its power, because not only do you feel healthy 271 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,880 Speaker 6: and have a high level of well being and connection, 272 00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 6: but it's kind of like a full love tank is 273 00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:14,520 Speaker 6: also very contagious because it splashes over and generating your 274 00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:18,880 Speaker 6: loving response and then their love sort of becomes, you know, 275 00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,360 Speaker 6: this never ending cycle. Likewise, the empty love tank has 276 00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:26,520 Speaker 6: that same kind of contagion, and the empty love tank 277 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,600 Speaker 6: is depleting. You're not as able to reach out and love, 278 00:15:30,840 --> 00:15:33,440 Speaker 6: and so it starts emptying the tank of the person 279 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,840 Speaker 6: you're connected to, and so it has a negative contagion. 280 00:15:37,000 --> 00:15:39,040 Speaker 1: And one of the things that we discovered when we're 281 00:15:39,120 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: you know, doing all the research to think how do 282 00:15:41,880 --> 00:15:44,520 Speaker 1: we help people kind of take the next step in 283 00:15:44,560 --> 00:15:48,960 Speaker 1: the whole love language journey, we wanted to capture all 284 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:50,840 Speaker 1: the nuances of a love tank. And one of the 285 00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:53,560 Speaker 1: things we discovered is there's different They come in different sizes. 286 00:15:53,760 --> 00:15:57,080 Speaker 1: Some people have just in their DNA they have a 287 00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:01,240 Speaker 1: large metaphorical love tank. Some have us smaller, meaning that 288 00:16:01,320 --> 00:16:04,760 Speaker 1: some people they can just live on a positive word 289 00:16:04,760 --> 00:16:07,280 Speaker 1: of affirmation for a long time because their love tank 290 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,200 Speaker 1: is just so big. Other people I need it continually filtered. 291 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:15,160 Speaker 5: Like tiny little tank that empty often. But you know, 292 00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:15,880 Speaker 5: it makes sense. 293 00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:19,680 Speaker 6: We have different personality factors, We have different origin stories. 294 00:16:19,760 --> 00:16:23,600 Speaker 6: Our families have loved us well or given us gaps, 295 00:16:24,040 --> 00:16:27,120 Speaker 6: and all of that impacts the shape and size. 296 00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:28,680 Speaker 1: Of our love one thing we know from research is 297 00:16:28,680 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 1: a love tank is quicker to drain than it is 298 00:16:32,320 --> 00:16:35,560 Speaker 1: to fill, for sure. And John Gottman and his research 299 00:16:35,600 --> 00:16:38,200 Speaker 1: with the magic ratio and all stuff factors into that. 300 00:16:38,520 --> 00:16:42,280 Speaker 6: And the magic ratio, which you guys know, I'm sure 301 00:16:42,360 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 6: but maybe not every listener knows, is that for every 302 00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:51,120 Speaker 6: five negative comments, I mean, for every negative comment we get, 303 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:55,760 Speaker 6: we need five positives in order to overcome that impact. 304 00:16:57,000 --> 00:16:59,960 Speaker 1: Literally, literally within the last week or so, I said 305 00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: something to Leslie. Oh, I know what it was. I 306 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,800 Speaker 1: came out in the poor I don't know if you 307 00:17:03,840 --> 00:17:06,399 Speaker 1: even know this. I came out from the bedroom in 308 00:17:06,440 --> 00:17:08,280 Speaker 1: the morning. She's in the kitchen, she's making her tea 309 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:10,600 Speaker 1: and stuff, and I came in and I said, hey, 310 00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:13,040 Speaker 1: you never did pick up the blah blah blah blah 311 00:17:13,040 --> 00:17:15,280 Speaker 1: blah whatever it was like. That was the very first 312 00:17:15,320 --> 00:17:17,879 Speaker 1: thing I said in the morning. And then in my 313 00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:20,159 Speaker 1: mind I went, oh, I'm going to have to have 314 00:17:20,320 --> 00:17:24,119 Speaker 1: five before I can get the love tank back to 315 00:17:24,119 --> 00:17:27,240 Speaker 1: where it was. So even when you know this stuff, 316 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:28,720 Speaker 1: it's difficult to practice. 317 00:17:28,760 --> 00:17:31,600 Speaker 2: We know, we literally we have had We've been out 318 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:34,760 Speaker 2: to dinner with you know, friends or whatever, and maybe 319 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:37,679 Speaker 2: squabbling a little bit or whatever. And I've literally had 320 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:40,520 Speaker 2: a girlfriend come over to my side of the table 321 00:17:40,520 --> 00:17:43,439 Speaker 2: and put her arm on my shoulder and go, chante, 322 00:17:43,520 --> 00:17:53,000 Speaker 2: there's a book you need to read. Yeah, yeah, okay. 323 00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,719 Speaker 2: So I in order to get people like into what 324 00:17:57,240 --> 00:18:01,200 Speaker 2: this new the love language that matters most, the book, 325 00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:05,719 Speaker 2: the new five Love Languages Assessment, I would love to 326 00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:08,119 Speaker 2: use a case study. I didn't tell Jeff I was 327 00:18:08,160 --> 00:18:08,719 Speaker 2: going to do this. 328 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:13,159 Speaker 3: She knows I react so well to the things on 329 00:18:13,200 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 3: the fly as well. 330 00:18:16,359 --> 00:18:17,600 Speaker 4: We'll get into that. Okay. 331 00:18:18,400 --> 00:18:24,040 Speaker 2: So we did your five Love Languages assessment. Okay, I 332 00:18:24,240 --> 00:18:28,520 Speaker 2: love it. So, Jeff is quality time now? Actually was 333 00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:32,640 Speaker 2: interesting to actually see your report and see that each 334 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:36,080 Speaker 2: of us have three languages that are really high up 335 00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,840 Speaker 2: there and not that far apart, Like these three different 336 00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:39,760 Speaker 2: things that matter. 337 00:18:39,680 --> 00:18:41,920 Speaker 1: Each of you, each of you in your relationship. 338 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:45,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, each of us individually have you know, like his 339 00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:48,320 Speaker 2: was quality time, but you know, acts of service isn't 340 00:18:48,320 --> 00:18:52,840 Speaker 2: from behind or whatever right of affirmation, So so his 341 00:18:53,200 --> 00:18:57,760 Speaker 2: quality time. And I figured in order to help our 342 00:18:57,840 --> 00:19:01,960 Speaker 2: listeners understand what you mean by dialects and what does 343 00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:06,919 Speaker 2: it mean, you know, practically, to dig into those nuances, 344 00:19:06,960 --> 00:19:09,440 Speaker 2: because the nuances, like you said, those are the ones 345 00:19:09,480 --> 00:19:13,280 Speaker 2: that matter, right, like the nuances of what does it mean? 346 00:19:14,520 --> 00:19:17,040 Speaker 2: I would love to do a little case study here 347 00:19:17,240 --> 00:19:20,800 Speaker 2: and have you guys take us through, give us some 348 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:26,240 Speaker 2: examples of the differences, so that somebody might feel quality 349 00:19:26,320 --> 00:19:30,480 Speaker 2: time in this way, but somebody else you do that 350 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,879 Speaker 2: and they're like it doesn't hit them at all, So 351 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,600 Speaker 2: that you know, how do you learn each other's dialects? 352 00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:38,280 Speaker 3: And I would prefer if you don't think of me 353 00:19:38,880 --> 00:19:43,080 Speaker 3: as weird, not weird. 354 00:19:44,480 --> 00:19:45,720 Speaker 2: That's your love life rich. 355 00:19:50,280 --> 00:19:53,400 Speaker 1: So let me just get this straight, Shanti. You want 356 00:19:53,480 --> 00:19:56,840 Speaker 1: us to do a private personal session that we would 357 00:19:56,840 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: normally charge for. So first first, I give you incredible 358 00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:07,639 Speaker 1: consulting on your kindness assessment. Absolutely they for you and 359 00:20:07,720 --> 00:20:13,119 Speaker 1: Jeff I get Yeah, Chauncey lives by the maxim ask. 360 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:13,879 Speaker 4: Not have not. 361 00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,600 Speaker 5: Before we even tackle the time though. 362 00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:22,359 Speaker 6: I love what you said because this is one of 363 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,119 Speaker 6: the things that I love about finding out the nuances 364 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:29,120 Speaker 6: on our love languages. Yeah, we all have a primary 365 00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:32,240 Speaker 6: love language, but we also get to see where we 366 00:20:32,280 --> 00:20:35,400 Speaker 6: line up with our secondary love language and the other 367 00:20:35,480 --> 00:20:38,240 Speaker 6: things that back on our list. 368 00:20:38,400 --> 00:20:41,080 Speaker 5: And then sometimes we find out what is our. 369 00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:45,840 Speaker 6: Foreign language where we literally just don't yeh, And. 370 00:20:45,760 --> 00:20:48,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, we have a question for you about that one. 371 00:20:49,080 --> 00:20:49,760 Speaker 2: That's later. 372 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,359 Speaker 1: Okay, so shaky, what is your what is your highest 373 00:20:53,359 --> 00:20:54,040 Speaker 1: love language? 374 00:20:54,560 --> 00:20:59,679 Speaker 2: I'm actually as of service? Okay, that's that's but but again, 375 00:21:00,080 --> 00:21:02,400 Speaker 2: quality time wasn't too far behind. 376 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,680 Speaker 1: And do you remember Shanta, your your dialect within acts 377 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:07,199 Speaker 1: of service? 378 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:13,480 Speaker 2: Yes, the alleviate stress was like the alleviating stress. And 379 00:21:13,560 --> 00:21:16,480 Speaker 2: on the quality time he was like, yes, thank you, 380 00:21:16,560 --> 00:21:20,600 Speaker 2: that's that's that. On the quality time, Jeff, the thing 381 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,679 Speaker 2: I remember from the circle that like shows the different 382 00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:29,320 Speaker 2: grid right, that he is a planner, like he likes 383 00:21:29,400 --> 00:21:32,000 Speaker 2: to be, you know, figured out ahead of time. 384 00:21:32,400 --> 00:21:38,080 Speaker 3: And hence the comment that Jeff doesn't really like things thrown. 385 00:21:38,280 --> 00:21:42,720 Speaker 2: I think I'm showing everybody what not. 386 00:21:44,320 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 1: We'll have a discussion about this. We might we might 387 00:21:47,840 --> 00:21:49,760 Speaker 1: need to schedule more time with you. 388 00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:53,119 Speaker 2: Yes, next time that we're in Seattle, we need to 389 00:21:53,119 --> 00:21:54,040 Speaker 2: go out to lunch again. 390 00:21:54,359 --> 00:21:56,080 Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't know if we can wait until next 391 00:21:56,160 --> 00:22:02,240 Speaker 1: time too. Well yeah, so Jeff, yeah, go ahead. 392 00:22:02,440 --> 00:22:05,600 Speaker 2: I was just going to say so, in all seriousness, 393 00:22:05,920 --> 00:22:09,399 Speaker 2: if you could tell us what, as an example, what 394 00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,800 Speaker 2: are some of the dialects of course, right time, like 395 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:16,520 Speaker 2: the different nuances that someone who may recognize themselves or 396 00:22:16,520 --> 00:22:20,240 Speaker 2: their spouse in this can go, Oh, that's what you 397 00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,520 Speaker 2: mean by now that makes sense. 398 00:22:21,640 --> 00:22:24,400 Speaker 1: Yeah, Well, let's start with quality time so we can 399 00:22:24,480 --> 00:22:28,960 Speaker 1: figure out how weird Jeff is. And it begins by 400 00:22:29,280 --> 00:22:36,320 Speaker 1: determining whether a person is future oriented or present oriented. 401 00:22:36,359 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: In other words, do you get more energized by the 402 00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:42,800 Speaker 1: here and now or that there and then what's about 403 00:22:42,880 --> 00:22:43,479 Speaker 1: to happen? 404 00:22:43,760 --> 00:22:44,000 Speaker 3: Right? 405 00:22:44,320 --> 00:22:46,919 Speaker 1: And I can tell you I get energized by the future, 406 00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,680 Speaker 1: Leslie says. I'm a visitor from the future. I love 407 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:50,960 Speaker 1: what's around the corner. 408 00:22:51,040 --> 00:22:54,679 Speaker 2: I love you are the classic entrepreneur, like just like 409 00:22:55,560 --> 00:23:01,280 Speaker 2: the next thing, yes, yeah, yeah, and you're are yeah, which. 410 00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:03,000 Speaker 1: Is and you are all about to hear And I'm 411 00:23:03,040 --> 00:23:03,600 Speaker 1: the here and now. 412 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,080 Speaker 6: I live in this present moment. The future hasn't happened yet, 413 00:23:07,119 --> 00:23:07,600 Speaker 6: so why. 414 00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:10,040 Speaker 5: Would I pay attention to it? You know, I just 415 00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,639 Speaker 5: am in this moment. 416 00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:16,160 Speaker 1: Yeah. And so when it comes to Jeff, you obviously 417 00:23:16,320 --> 00:23:18,600 Speaker 1: are about the future, right because you said you already 418 00:23:18,600 --> 00:23:22,680 Speaker 1: told me you're a planner. And then the second dimension is. 419 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,640 Speaker 5: The second dimension has to do with scheduling. 420 00:23:25,760 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 6: Do you like to be scheduled or do you like 421 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:30,639 Speaker 6: to be open and unscheduled? 422 00:23:30,800 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 4: Right, and. 423 00:23:32,920 --> 00:23:37,680 Speaker 3: I can show you my calendar, and I'm a scheduling guy. Yes, 424 00:23:38,280 --> 00:23:41,120 Speaker 3: if it isn't on the schedule, we don't do it. 425 00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:44,879 Speaker 1: So you're you're squarely a planner. I don't know what 426 00:23:44,920 --> 00:23:47,520 Speaker 1: your percentage was, but in the assessment it'll give you. 427 00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,760 Speaker 1: One of the things we're really big on is not 428 00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:54,280 Speaker 1: forcing you into anything, just giving you handles. And so 429 00:23:54,359 --> 00:23:56,480 Speaker 1: we give you a percentage score. And by the way, 430 00:23:56,720 --> 00:23:59,199 Speaker 1: in case people are wondering, well, do you pass or 431 00:23:59,240 --> 00:24:02,679 Speaker 1: fail this thing? No, it's just an exercise and awareness. 432 00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,800 Speaker 1: There's no way to come out weird. There's no way 433 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:08,200 Speaker 1: to come out wrong or you didn't pass. 434 00:24:08,359 --> 00:24:12,399 Speaker 6: But you just get insight about how your DNA is. 435 00:24:12,800 --> 00:24:16,320 Speaker 1: So you are you are future oriented and you are 436 00:24:17,200 --> 00:24:20,360 Speaker 1: all about the future. So you are a planner. 437 00:24:20,440 --> 00:24:22,960 Speaker 5: Now, if you're the opposite, meant to say, yeah. 438 00:24:22,800 --> 00:24:25,919 Speaker 1: Yeah, scheduled. And so if you're unscheduled like Leslie is, 439 00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:29,160 Speaker 1: and you're about the here and now, you are what 440 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: we call an improviser. With your dialect, you're very fluid. 441 00:24:33,520 --> 00:24:35,439 Speaker 1: In fact, we had something. I think it was an 442 00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:38,280 Speaker 1: interview that was canceled last week, and Lesslie I was like, 443 00:24:38,520 --> 00:24:40,879 Speaker 1: I can't believe that I scheduled my day around it. I, 444 00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,440 Speaker 1: you know, was I was like, what are you? 445 00:24:42,440 --> 00:24:43,359 Speaker 5: What are you talking about? 446 00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 4: Now? 447 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,600 Speaker 5: We have a free time, let's do something. 448 00:24:47,720 --> 00:24:47,840 Speaker 1: Right. 449 00:24:49,119 --> 00:24:52,640 Speaker 6: But yeah, and so Shanty, you and I might share 450 00:24:52,680 --> 00:24:55,360 Speaker 6: a little piece of that because you just sprung this 451 00:24:55,520 --> 00:24:56,639 Speaker 6: moment on Jeff. 452 00:24:56,760 --> 00:24:59,840 Speaker 5: So I'm guessing you've got a little This. 453 00:24:59,760 --> 00:25:03,600 Speaker 2: Is a perfect example of Okay, so let's just pretend 454 00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:11,640 Speaker 2: one person is the either the flexible improviser, you know, 455 00:25:11,720 --> 00:25:14,879 Speaker 2: that's what their quality time version is versus someone who's 456 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:19,879 Speaker 2: future oriented and scheduled planner. Give me an example of, like, 457 00:25:20,920 --> 00:25:24,280 Speaker 2: if this is Joe in one of those buckets, what 458 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:29,760 Speaker 2: does Joe's wife need to do differently with a Joe 459 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:32,880 Speaker 2: that's an improviser versus a Joe that's a scheduled guy. 460 00:25:33,640 --> 00:25:37,679 Speaker 1: So we don't need to talk about Joe because we 461 00:25:37,800 --> 00:25:38,359 Speaker 1: got Jeff. 462 00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:43,600 Speaker 2: Right. So I'm trying to dig myself out of the 463 00:25:43,720 --> 00:25:45,439 Speaker 2: discuss and you're not an. 464 00:25:45,280 --> 00:25:49,960 Speaker 1: Outfit, but yeah, so what you want to focus on, 465 00:25:50,040 --> 00:25:52,720 Speaker 1: because now you know that dialect, it's one thing to 466 00:25:52,760 --> 00:25:57,280 Speaker 1: know quality time like he just loves hanging with you, Jeff, 467 00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:00,000 Speaker 1: would that fills his love take, It's one of the things. 468 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,360 Speaker 1: It fills his love tank, is just hanging out with Shanty. 469 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:07,360 Speaker 1: But he really loves it when it's something he can 470 00:26:07,440 --> 00:26:09,640 Speaker 1: look forward to because he's a planner. 471 00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,760 Speaker 7: Yeah, anticipated, So if you can put a date night 472 00:26:12,960 --> 00:26:16,440 Speaker 7: on the calendar that he's looking forward to, that might 473 00:26:16,480 --> 00:26:19,320 Speaker 7: be important to you too to schedule something, but it 474 00:26:19,400 --> 00:26:20,680 Speaker 7: may not be filling. 475 00:26:20,359 --> 00:26:22,880 Speaker 1: Your love tank the way it is for Jeff because 476 00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:27,119 Speaker 1: just the anticipation of it is something that fills his 477 00:26:27,200 --> 00:26:28,360 Speaker 1: love tank. That's right. 478 00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:33,720 Speaker 6: Holding that space, knowing that it's planned, knowing that you've 479 00:26:33,760 --> 00:26:35,720 Speaker 6: set it aside for the two of you and he 480 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:40,320 Speaker 6: can count on your undistracted presence for that shared moment. 481 00:26:41,040 --> 00:26:42,919 Speaker 6: Is loving him all the way up to win the 482 00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:43,840 Speaker 6: moment even begins. 483 00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:45,520 Speaker 4: That is That's fantastic. 484 00:26:45,600 --> 00:26:50,159 Speaker 2: Okay, this suddenly explains why you loved it so much 485 00:26:50,520 --> 00:26:54,800 Speaker 2: When I adopted your college football team when we first 486 00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:57,879 Speaker 2: got married and ended up like getting into it on 487 00:26:58,000 --> 00:27:02,160 Speaker 2: Saturday afternoons. You all knew like I would as long 488 00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:04,040 Speaker 2: as I wasn't out at a women's event somewhere or 489 00:27:04,119 --> 00:27:07,680 Speaker 2: we weren't speaking at a marriage event somewhere, we would 490 00:27:07,680 --> 00:27:09,600 Speaker 2: be watching it together and he would know. 491 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:13,959 Speaker 6: That he can count on you to share that, and 492 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:18,480 Speaker 6: it was just an understanding, Yeah about. 493 00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:22,440 Speaker 1: You, shanty because I have done a lot of psychoanalysis 494 00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:27,520 Speaker 1: in my life, and let's talk about acts of service 495 00:27:28,280 --> 00:27:30,959 Speaker 1: because this is also happens to be my love My 496 00:27:31,200 --> 00:27:34,199 Speaker 1: primary love language is acts of service and for the 497 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:37,200 Speaker 1: longest time, and there's four dialects, just like there are 498 00:27:37,280 --> 00:27:39,960 Speaker 1: for a time now. Not every love language has the 499 00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:42,879 Speaker 1: same number of dialects. Touch has seven. Touch has a 500 00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:47,600 Speaker 1: lot of dialects. Yeah, but for acts of service, they 501 00:27:47,680 --> 00:27:54,000 Speaker 1: are saves time, alleviate stress which is yours, and still security, 502 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:58,520 Speaker 1: and then conveys care. Those are the four dialects of 503 00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 1: acts of service. So if any of our listeners are 504 00:28:02,119 --> 00:28:05,200 Speaker 1: out there going, uh, yeah, that's my that's my love 505 00:28:05,280 --> 00:28:09,000 Speaker 1: language or my partner's love language, and you haven't done 506 00:28:09,040 --> 00:28:11,600 Speaker 1: the thin slicing to figure out the dialect yet, this 507 00:28:11,640 --> 00:28:14,880 Speaker 1: can be pretty transformative. Certainly was for us. 508 00:28:14,880 --> 00:28:18,200 Speaker 6: Well, yeah, because I knew, I knew beyond a shadow 509 00:28:18,240 --> 00:28:21,800 Speaker 6: without acts of service was your number one love language, 510 00:28:21,840 --> 00:28:25,280 Speaker 6: your primary But I would try to convey it just 511 00:28:25,520 --> 00:28:29,120 Speaker 6: organically through little caring touches. 512 00:28:29,680 --> 00:28:32,480 Speaker 1: And that was not physical touches. 513 00:28:32,520 --> 00:28:35,919 Speaker 2: But you know, bring you coffee or something. 514 00:28:36,200 --> 00:28:38,440 Speaker 5: Yes, bring a warm drink turned down. 515 00:28:38,720 --> 00:28:40,880 Speaker 1: No, I don't drink coffee, So she brought me a 516 00:28:40,880 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 1: cup of coffee? Would really be miskiving you. 517 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:45,120 Speaker 5: A lemon tea. 518 00:28:45,360 --> 00:28:49,680 Speaker 6: That's true, But you know I might like if he 519 00:28:49,760 --> 00:28:52,120 Speaker 6: had to stay up late working and I was able 520 00:28:52,120 --> 00:28:54,280 Speaker 6: to go to bed earlier, I'd go and turn down 521 00:28:54,360 --> 00:28:56,880 Speaker 6: his side of the bat or whatever. You didn't even notice, 522 00:28:57,200 --> 00:28:59,440 Speaker 6: you know, I thought that was an active service, but 523 00:28:59,560 --> 00:29:00,959 Speaker 6: didn't speak your language right. 524 00:29:01,000 --> 00:29:03,480 Speaker 1: And it is an active service because it conveys care. 525 00:29:04,200 --> 00:29:07,320 Speaker 1: It just so happens that care on the four dialects 526 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:09,920 Speaker 1: is the lowest one for me, and that was the 527 00:29:09,960 --> 00:29:13,760 Speaker 1: one she was speaking, was care. That the number one 528 00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,160 Speaker 1: dialect I have by far and away is saving time. 529 00:29:17,800 --> 00:29:21,480 Speaker 1: If Leslie can do something that saves me time, which, by. 530 00:29:21,320 --> 00:29:24,040 Speaker 6: The way, I just need to brag because today before 531 00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,000 Speaker 6: this interview, I did a return for you at cost 532 00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:28,160 Speaker 6: Go that. 533 00:29:30,720 --> 00:29:36,400 Speaker 1: Yoka you and I can tell you she does not 534 00:29:36,680 --> 00:29:38,720 Speaker 1: like Costco like that is not. 535 00:29:38,600 --> 00:29:41,800 Speaker 5: Hers the car while you're going like and. 536 00:29:41,760 --> 00:29:43,920 Speaker 1: It's like going get your stuff and come back out right, 537 00:29:44,000 --> 00:29:47,960 Speaker 1: And so that is a true active service, right, she 538 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:50,760 Speaker 1: knows I want that out of the house, get rid 539 00:29:50,840 --> 00:29:53,080 Speaker 1: of that thing. And uh and by the way, it 540 00:29:53,160 --> 00:29:55,880 Speaker 1: was a dice and vacuum cleaner that is supposed to 541 00:29:55,960 --> 00:29:59,680 Speaker 1: be a mop just for anybody that's out there. I 542 00:29:59,680 --> 00:30:02,400 Speaker 1: don't reviews, but that thing does not. 543 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:08,840 Speaker 6: Work that wow, okay, all right, but but shanty. So 544 00:30:09,360 --> 00:30:13,760 Speaker 6: your dialect is you know, is about someone who has 545 00:30:13,760 --> 00:30:14,520 Speaker 6: your back. 546 00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:21,320 Speaker 2: Yes, correct, which is he's amazing, Like he will notice 547 00:30:21,320 --> 00:30:23,320 Speaker 2: when I'm in like manic mode because I'm on a 548 00:30:23,320 --> 00:30:26,120 Speaker 2: deadline or you know, I'm late to turn in something 549 00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:28,080 Speaker 2: or I've got to get to the airport, and he 550 00:30:28,120 --> 00:30:31,960 Speaker 2: will be like, how about I make you dinner like 551 00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:34,520 Speaker 2: you know, and I'll bring it into your office and 552 00:30:34,560 --> 00:30:36,200 Speaker 2: set it down in front of you so you can 553 00:30:36,240 --> 00:30:40,920 Speaker 2: shovel it into your mouth while you're finishing whatever the yeah, 554 00:30:40,960 --> 00:30:43,600 Speaker 2: whatever it is that you're writing. So like that is 555 00:30:43,840 --> 00:30:47,800 Speaker 2: I mean that it does fill my tank where something 556 00:30:48,000 --> 00:30:53,080 Speaker 2: like conveying care would be nice, but it just wouldn't 557 00:30:53,080 --> 00:31:00,640 Speaker 2: have the same impact. It's both aliviating stress saving time. 558 00:31:00,720 --> 00:31:05,920 Speaker 1: Yeah, me too. And so when Leslie began to recognize this, 559 00:31:06,520 --> 00:31:10,520 Speaker 1: and because really for decades in our relation, We've been 560 00:31:10,560 --> 00:31:15,280 Speaker 1: married forty years, and for decades, Leslie would often do 561 00:31:15,320 --> 00:31:18,320 Speaker 1: these caring things that just aren't even registering for me. 562 00:31:18,440 --> 00:31:22,160 Speaker 1: And she's here, she is attempting to speak my love language, 563 00:31:22,200 --> 00:31:25,280 Speaker 1: and is speaking that love language just in a dialect 564 00:31:25,360 --> 00:31:26,880 Speaker 1: that I really don't understand. 565 00:31:27,000 --> 00:31:28,920 Speaker 5: I mean, you could see it and think, oh, that's. 566 00:31:28,840 --> 00:31:33,160 Speaker 6: Kind, but you didn't think, didn't feel, didn't rest, it 567 00:31:33,240 --> 00:31:34,680 Speaker 6: didn't fill the love take. 568 00:31:35,240 --> 00:31:36,320 Speaker 4: So can I ask a question? 569 00:31:36,680 --> 00:31:40,440 Speaker 1: Go ahead? Just the whole point of this new book 570 00:31:41,000 --> 00:31:44,000 Speaker 1: is not just to rehash the five love languages in 571 00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:46,320 Speaker 1: some language or something. It's to take it to the 572 00:31:46,320 --> 00:31:51,400 Speaker 1: next level by really helping you understand the person that 573 00:31:51,480 --> 00:31:54,560 Speaker 1: you love on this planet, whether it's a child, whether 574 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 1: it's somebody at work, a friend, or the person that 575 00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:01,440 Speaker 1: you're married to. Being able to speak their love language 576 00:32:01,480 --> 00:32:06,280 Speaker 1: in their dialect is a complete game changer. That's the point. 577 00:32:06,800 --> 00:32:07,400 Speaker 4: I agree. 578 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:12,040 Speaker 3: And it's remarkable for me to see in the assessment 579 00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:17,080 Speaker 3: what Chanty's love language is and the dialect that's so 580 00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:18,120 Speaker 3: super helpful. 581 00:32:18,440 --> 00:32:20,719 Speaker 1: And just to be clear, Jeff, let me interrupt you. 582 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:24,160 Speaker 1: Just to be clear, on our website that we're you know, 583 00:32:24,280 --> 00:32:27,479 Speaker 1: five love Languages. You'll find a free little quiz that 584 00:32:27,560 --> 00:32:30,480 Speaker 1: takes about a minute and a half that'll just show 585 00:32:30,520 --> 00:32:33,320 Speaker 1: you your love language. That's not what we're talking about, 586 00:32:33,400 --> 00:32:36,320 Speaker 1: right in case somebody gets confused. This is the five 587 00:32:36,480 --> 00:32:41,080 Speaker 1: love language premium. The keyword there's premium. Assessment takes about 588 00:32:41,080 --> 00:32:43,880 Speaker 1: twenty minutes to answer the question. And by the way, 589 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:46,040 Speaker 1: I got to tell you one of the things we've discovered. 590 00:32:46,080 --> 00:32:48,760 Speaker 1: People do this as a family and have everybody of 591 00:32:48,800 --> 00:32:51,800 Speaker 1: a certain age, you know, sixteen or older take this thing. 592 00:32:52,080 --> 00:32:55,360 Speaker 1: And on the last page of the report is this 593 00:32:55,440 --> 00:32:59,640 Speaker 1: little little one pager that summarizes how to love Jeff 594 00:33:00,040 --> 00:33:03,200 Speaker 1: and it summarizes everything in the report, and people are 595 00:33:03,240 --> 00:33:11,880 Speaker 1: putting it up on their refrigeratorody. 596 00:33:08,360 --> 00:33:11,320 Speaker 4: Just to be clear, Yeah, this is what I need. 597 00:33:11,560 --> 00:33:13,200 Speaker 4: So here's the question. 598 00:33:13,280 --> 00:33:19,680 Speaker 3: Then, So Chanty is amazing at recognizing when I do 599 00:33:19,760 --> 00:33:24,720 Speaker 3: these extra things or not necessarily they shouldn't always be 600 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:28,800 Speaker 3: extra things, but just these things. Yeah, what do you 601 00:33:28,880 --> 00:33:33,440 Speaker 3: say to the person who I'm trying these extra things, 602 00:33:33,760 --> 00:33:37,080 Speaker 3: including the ones that including the ones. 603 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:39,880 Speaker 4: That speak their dialect. But they look at it as 604 00:33:40,400 --> 00:33:42,120 Speaker 4: this is just what you should be doing. 605 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:46,400 Speaker 3: It's your duty, it's your obligation, and you almost don't 606 00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:51,840 Speaker 3: get any kind of credit for Yeah, serving like that. 607 00:33:53,480 --> 00:33:56,920 Speaker 6: I mean, what you're saying is help the person who 608 00:33:57,360 --> 00:34:01,520 Speaker 6: is speaking earnestly a love language for someone they care for, 609 00:34:02,280 --> 00:34:06,400 Speaker 6: in the dialect that is attuned to their specific needs, 610 00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:11,560 Speaker 6: but still not getting that response that you would hope for. 611 00:34:12,040 --> 00:34:14,520 Speaker 6: I mean, you know, what I'm going to say isn't 612 00:34:14,520 --> 00:34:17,200 Speaker 6: original to me. It's what I've heard Gary say over 613 00:34:17,239 --> 00:34:21,040 Speaker 6: and over. The thing about love languages. It's not a 614 00:34:21,080 --> 00:34:25,000 Speaker 6: formula of sort of enlightened self interest. 615 00:34:25,719 --> 00:34:27,839 Speaker 5: It's a gift you're giving love. 616 00:34:27,960 --> 00:34:31,520 Speaker 4: God, I knew you were going to say that. I 617 00:34:31,560 --> 00:34:32,480 Speaker 4: am such a planner. 618 00:34:32,600 --> 00:34:40,160 Speaker 2: I can't plan on gifts. 619 00:34:37,800 --> 00:34:38,919 Speaker 5: You know, And so. 620 00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:45,760 Speaker 6: You know, not everybody is able and ready to offer 621 00:34:45,800 --> 00:34:46,320 Speaker 6: it back. 622 00:34:47,000 --> 00:34:48,720 Speaker 5: And that's part of loving. 623 00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:53,320 Speaker 1: Well, Yeah, because ultimately the love language that matters most. 624 00:34:53,520 --> 00:34:56,879 Speaker 1: The title of this book comes down to empathy, right. 625 00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:00,919 Speaker 1: This is just an easy on ramp to empathy, and 626 00:35:01,680 --> 00:35:05,200 Speaker 1: empathy is one of the greatest challenges we have as 627 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:08,239 Speaker 1: human beings. It does not come easy to us. We 628 00:35:08,320 --> 00:35:10,560 Speaker 1: have to be very intentional, We have to set aside 629 00:35:10,600 --> 00:35:13,160 Speaker 1: our own agenda. So all we're trying to do with 630 00:35:13,200 --> 00:35:16,160 Speaker 1: this book is make that so much easier to do. 631 00:35:16,520 --> 00:35:19,520 Speaker 1: Because the happiest people on this planet in a couple 632 00:35:19,960 --> 00:35:24,640 Speaker 1: are the two people that enjoy mutual empathy. 633 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,719 Speaker 2: Which is so true. You know, it's interesting because and 634 00:35:28,800 --> 00:35:32,040 Speaker 2: we don't have time to really like unpack this, but 635 00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:34,960 Speaker 2: I think over time we've been married thirty one years, 636 00:35:35,000 --> 00:35:39,480 Speaker 2: even saying that, wow, wow, amazing. Yeah, but we've been 637 00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:42,480 Speaker 2: married thirty one years, and that empathy. 638 00:35:42,719 --> 00:35:45,080 Speaker 4: Has changed each of us, changed. 639 00:35:44,800 --> 00:35:51,560 Speaker 2: Us enough that our love languages when we first started 640 00:35:51,640 --> 00:35:54,640 Speaker 2: learning about the love languages when we are newly married, 641 00:35:55,040 --> 00:35:59,600 Speaker 2: you know, I think they were actually a bit different, 642 00:36:00,160 --> 00:36:03,520 Speaker 2: and we have to some degree our love languages. When 643 00:36:03,560 --> 00:36:06,800 Speaker 2: you look at our charts, it's like they're very similar now. 644 00:36:07,200 --> 00:36:11,040 Speaker 2: And it's because I've learned to appreciate what he can 645 00:36:11,320 --> 00:36:12,120 Speaker 2: best give. 646 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:17,520 Speaker 5: Love that insight empty and empathy does that. 647 00:36:17,840 --> 00:36:21,040 Speaker 1: Empathy will change you. There's no doubt about that. You 648 00:36:21,320 --> 00:36:24,320 Speaker 1: You know, you've heard me say this probably several times, 649 00:36:24,680 --> 00:36:27,160 Speaker 1: but I always tell my counseling students at the university, 650 00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,520 Speaker 1: huge difference between sympathy and empathy. Sympathy flows with the 651 00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:34,200 Speaker 1: adrenaline it's throwing out a life ring to somebody struggling 652 00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:37,640 Speaker 1: in the water. Everybody does that. Empathy is diving into 653 00:36:37,680 --> 00:36:39,839 Speaker 1: the water, risking your own well being to bring that 654 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:42,799 Speaker 1: person back to short. It's entering their world with your 655 00:36:42,800 --> 00:36:45,360 Speaker 1: head and your heart. And when you do that, you 656 00:36:45,400 --> 00:36:47,640 Speaker 1: don't look at them the same way. If you've ever 657 00:36:47,680 --> 00:36:50,960 Speaker 1: had anybody that has been heroic in your life, where 658 00:36:50,960 --> 00:36:53,440 Speaker 1: you've been in a situation, let's say they helped you 659 00:36:53,480 --> 00:36:58,839 Speaker 1: with a kindness assessment or something like that. 660 00:36:59,400 --> 00:37:02,800 Speaker 2: It was wrong, it was I know how you were. 661 00:37:03,239 --> 00:37:08,279 Speaker 1: Sure they have a really big ego, but no, you 662 00:37:08,320 --> 00:37:11,160 Speaker 1: get the idea, right. That changed, It really changes. I 663 00:37:11,160 --> 00:37:13,360 Speaker 1: always joke with Leslie if I were on the freeway. 664 00:37:13,800 --> 00:37:15,520 Speaker 1: You'll find this hard to believe, but I can be 665 00:37:15,640 --> 00:37:18,480 Speaker 1: somewhat of an aggressive driver on the freeway. 666 00:37:19,080 --> 00:37:20,640 Speaker 5: And it's almost never. 667 00:37:20,520 --> 00:37:21,080 Speaker 2: In a hurry. 668 00:37:21,320 --> 00:37:21,680 Speaker 4: Yeah. 669 00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:23,440 Speaker 2: Never, I can't think that. 670 00:37:23,760 --> 00:37:27,040 Speaker 1: Yeah, but if I, you know, maybe get into a 671 00:37:27,040 --> 00:37:29,600 Speaker 1: place that you know somebody doesn't think I should be 672 00:37:29,640 --> 00:37:32,000 Speaker 1: and they honk at me. I always say to Leslie, 673 00:37:32,040 --> 00:37:34,399 Speaker 1: if he knew me, he wouldn't honk, he'd go, that's 674 00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:40,120 Speaker 1: a good guy. I should like. I love that empathy 675 00:37:40,160 --> 00:37:41,880 Speaker 1: it'll change the way you look at people. 676 00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:42,720 Speaker 2: It's true. 677 00:37:43,080 --> 00:37:48,279 Speaker 3: Well, Well, since we know that time is of great importance, 678 00:37:49,719 --> 00:37:52,920 Speaker 3: you guys have been so gracious with your time for 679 00:37:52,920 --> 00:37:56,399 Speaker 3: for this this episode, So thank you for that one 680 00:37:56,400 --> 00:37:59,200 Speaker 3: thing that I'd love to just kind of close with. 681 00:38:00,200 --> 00:38:02,120 Speaker 3: We've shared a lot of stuff. You guys have shared 682 00:38:02,120 --> 00:38:06,399 Speaker 3: a lot of wisdom. People forget things. So if you 683 00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:10,200 Speaker 3: had to say, here's one thing I'd love for your 684 00:38:10,280 --> 00:38:14,160 Speaker 3: listeners to remember of this podcast, what would it be 685 00:38:15,440 --> 00:38:15,880 Speaker 3: well for me? 686 00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,400 Speaker 1: It's to remember that the love language that matters most 687 00:38:18,600 --> 00:38:21,960 Speaker 1: is the love language and the dialect of the person 688 00:38:22,040 --> 00:38:26,200 Speaker 1: in front of you. So the more you can understand that, 689 00:38:26,280 --> 00:38:27,920 Speaker 1: the more loving you will be in their lives. 690 00:38:28,520 --> 00:38:31,640 Speaker 6: H Well said, I think I'm not even sure we 691 00:38:31,840 --> 00:38:34,560 Speaker 6: said this. I think it was the subtext for all 692 00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:38,759 Speaker 6: four of us actually, but that loving well is not 693 00:38:38,880 --> 00:38:43,759 Speaker 6: about perfection at all, So it's more just about persistence. 694 00:38:43,920 --> 00:38:46,000 Speaker 5: It's just that commitment. 695 00:38:45,560 --> 00:38:48,400 Speaker 6: That I'm going to keep the practice of loving going 696 00:38:48,600 --> 00:38:51,359 Speaker 6: and you know, if I miss it this time, I'm 697 00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:55,880 Speaker 6: going to keep learning to speak your language, your dialect, 698 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:59,640 Speaker 6: and continue to try and I'm going to practice love. 699 00:39:00,000 --> 00:39:03,040 Speaker 1: I'm glad you said that because you will fail. Right, 700 00:39:03,440 --> 00:39:07,600 Speaker 1: No one loves perfectly all the time. Gary Chapman doesn't. 701 00:39:07,680 --> 00:39:13,719 Speaker 1: In fact, it's been years years since he's given me 702 00:39:13,760 --> 00:39:20,600 Speaker 1: a word of affirmation. That's not true, but it really 703 00:39:20,680 --> 00:39:23,640 Speaker 1: is true that we all will fail. And in fact, 704 00:39:23,719 --> 00:39:27,240 Speaker 1: the very last chapter of this book, the love language 705 00:39:27,239 --> 00:39:31,680 Speaker 1: that matters most is all about Hey, this is never 706 00:39:31,760 --> 00:39:35,880 Speaker 1: going to be perfect. It is all about practice. And 707 00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:38,200 Speaker 1: when you fail, when you wake up in the morning 708 00:39:38,200 --> 00:39:39,919 Speaker 1: and go into the kitchen and go, hey, you forgot 709 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:43,360 Speaker 1: to do blah blah blah blah blah. Right, you realize, Okay, 710 00:39:43,520 --> 00:39:46,040 Speaker 1: I'm still learning. I'm going to do better, yes, and 711 00:39:46,120 --> 00:39:49,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to do better tomorrow. But it takes practice 712 00:39:49,760 --> 00:39:52,760 Speaker 1: to speak the person's love language that matters most. 713 00:39:53,120 --> 00:39:54,759 Speaker 4: Wow. Fantastic. 714 00:39:54,920 --> 00:39:58,520 Speaker 3: So how can folks connect with you all? What's the 715 00:39:58,560 --> 00:40:02,680 Speaker 3: easiest way and we'll put it in our show notes. 716 00:40:02,760 --> 00:40:06,279 Speaker 1: Yeah. Just first of all, you can just google five 717 00:40:06,360 --> 00:40:09,799 Speaker 1: Love Language Premium assessment if you want to go take 718 00:40:09,800 --> 00:40:12,200 Speaker 1: this assessment like you guys have. And by the way, 719 00:40:12,280 --> 00:40:13,759 Speaker 1: one of the cool things it does we didn't have 720 00:40:13,800 --> 00:40:18,280 Speaker 1: time to talk about. It also lays out your personality. 721 00:40:18,640 --> 00:40:21,040 Speaker 1: You know, things like are you an introvert or an 722 00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:24,120 Speaker 1: extrovert and how that changes love languages and so forth. 723 00:40:24,160 --> 00:40:27,920 Speaker 1: But anyway, go to five Love Languages Premium Assessment to 724 00:40:27,960 --> 00:40:30,920 Speaker 1: find out more about that. And you can obviously just 725 00:40:31,480 --> 00:40:33,759 Speaker 1: do the same thing go to Amazon and find the 726 00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:37,640 Speaker 1: love Language that Matters Most. And we're so excited today 727 00:40:37,680 --> 00:40:40,000 Speaker 1: because we just learned about the pre orders on that 728 00:40:40,160 --> 00:40:45,399 Speaker 1: and it's already resonating with folks, which is pretty fun. Well, 729 00:40:45,480 --> 00:40:48,960 Speaker 1: but oh, I was just gonna mention our own website 730 00:40:49,040 --> 00:40:52,120 Speaker 1: is Lesson Leslie and that's A and d less end 731 00:40:52,200 --> 00:40:56,320 Speaker 1: Leslie dot com. And did I tell you I'm obsessed 732 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:57,920 Speaker 1: with my heart chart dot com? 733 00:40:58,000 --> 00:41:02,120 Speaker 2: Yes you did, but you've shown me the my Heart Chart. 734 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:04,480 Speaker 2: When we were sitting together with the Maritime Association of 735 00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:07,080 Speaker 2: Christian Counselors, he opened up his laptop and showed this 736 00:41:07,120 --> 00:41:08,880 Speaker 2: to me. I was like, Holy cal this is amazing. 737 00:41:09,120 --> 00:41:12,360 Speaker 2: So I just want to say thank you to doctors 738 00:41:12,440 --> 00:41:15,480 Speaker 2: less and Leslie Parrot, thank you for coming on the show. 739 00:41:16,200 --> 00:41:18,640 Speaker 2: We really encourage folks to check out this new book, 740 00:41:18,880 --> 00:41:23,280 Speaker 2: Learn Your Spouse's Dialect, Your Children's Dialect, The Love Language 741 00:41:23,320 --> 00:41:25,719 Speaker 2: that Matters Most. You can see all those details in 742 00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,319 Speaker 2: the show notes. Please share today's episode with someone who 743 00:41:29,360 --> 00:41:32,600 Speaker 2: needs it and tag Lesson, Leslie and us on all 744 00:41:32,640 --> 00:41:36,960 Speaker 2: your social media channels. Thanks for listening to I Wish 745 00:41:37,040 --> 00:41:40,080 Speaker 2: you could hear this. Remember to subscribe to our podcast, 746 00:41:40,480 --> 00:41:43,759 Speaker 2: and as always, forward today's audio or video link to 747 00:41:43,800 --> 00:41:50,600 Speaker 2: a friend, counselor, or pastor who would be encouraged. I 748 00:41:50,800 --> 00:41:52,960 Speaker 2: just want to take a second to thank the team 749 00:41:53,080 --> 00:41:56,400 Speaker 2: at Life Audio for their partnership with us on the podcast. 750 00:41:56,840 --> 00:41:59,640 Speaker 2: If you go to lifeaudio dot com, you will find 751 00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:02,800 Speaker 2: doz it of other faith centered podcasts in their network. 752 00:42:03,040 --> 00:42:07,239 Speaker 2: They've got shows about prayer, Bible study, parenting, and more.