1 00:00:00,420 --> 00:00:03,500 Speaker 1: Welcome to Hope for the Journey, the podcast for women 2 00:00:03,700 --> 00:00:08,100 Speaker 1: over 40 who are ready to rise, rebuild, and reclaim 3 00:00:08,260 --> 00:00:12,420 Speaker 1: their story. I'm your host, Monica, and each week you'll 4 00:00:12,500 --> 00:00:17,390 Speaker 1: hear real, raw, comeback stories from women who have walked 5 00:00:17,410 --> 00:00:20,550 Speaker 1: through the fire and found purpose on the other side. 6 00:00:21,170 --> 00:00:25,650 Speaker 1: If you're navigating change, chasing a dream, or simply searching 7 00:00:25,710 --> 00:00:29,170 Speaker 1: for your next step, you're not alone. This is your 8 00:00:29,250 --> 00:00:33,379 Speaker 1: place for courage and community, and the reminder that it's 9 00:00:33,460 --> 00:00:37,740 Speaker 1: never too late to rewrite the ending. Today's Hope for 10 00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:41,050 Speaker 1: the Journey is one that most of us as parents 11 00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:44,210 Speaker 1: never want to talk about. It's holding on to hope 12 00:00:44,790 --> 00:00:48,729 Speaker 1: when we have difficult relationships with our adult children or 13 00:00:48,790 --> 00:00:52,200 Speaker 1: are even estranged. And my guest today is my good friend, 14 00:00:52,550 --> 00:00:54,860 Speaker 1: Terri Squires. Terri, good to have you on Hope for 15 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:55,700 Speaker 1: the Journey today. 16 00:00:55,720 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 2: Hi, Monica. Thank you for having me. 17 00:00:59,670 --> 00:01:02,810 Speaker 1: You know, Terry, you are a wife and mom of 18 00:01:02,910 --> 00:01:03,770 Speaker 1: adult children. 19 00:01:04,230 --> 00:01:04,850 Speaker 2: I'm the same. 20 00:01:05,090 --> 00:01:08,480 Speaker 1: I'm a wife, mom of one adult child. And I 21 00:01:09,740 --> 00:01:12,780 Speaker 1: would say for me anyway, you know, when you have kids, 22 00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:15,800 Speaker 1: you teach them all the memory verses and you do 23 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,280 Speaker 1: all of the things. And you just think like when 24 00:01:18,360 --> 00:01:21,270 Speaker 1: everybody grows up, it will be just like that, right? 25 00:01:21,450 --> 00:01:23,890 Speaker 1: Everybody will have the same faith. We'll get along. There'll 26 00:01:23,910 --> 00:01:27,959 Speaker 1: be picnics and retreats and reunions. And that's really not 27 00:01:28,300 --> 00:01:30,259 Speaker 1: always the way that it works, is it, Terri? 28 00:01:30,940 --> 00:01:35,090 Speaker 2: It isn't. And surprise to me, I thought I was 29 00:01:35,170 --> 00:01:39,649 Speaker 2: doing everything right and raising my kids now. I went 30 00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:42,530 Speaker 2: through a divorce, and so I was a single mom. 31 00:01:43,010 --> 00:01:46,410 Speaker 2: But the Lord had blessed me to be able to 32 00:01:46,510 --> 00:01:51,070 Speaker 2: work from home, provide, and I had my kids in 33 00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:55,190 Speaker 2: Christian school until they got older. And I felt that 34 00:01:55,750 --> 00:02:01,140 Speaker 2: I was teaching them the Lord's way. And I thought what, 35 00:02:01,180 --> 00:02:04,420 Speaker 2: like you said, when they grew up, I would have 36 00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:11,110 Speaker 2: daughters-in-laws and grandchildren and everything would be great. But sometimes 37 00:02:11,130 --> 00:02:15,090 Speaker 2: that really doesn't happen. And I have been around so 38 00:02:15,210 --> 00:02:18,450 Speaker 2: many women, so many friends who have been going through 39 00:02:18,490 --> 00:02:20,970 Speaker 2: this where they get to a certain age and then 40 00:02:21,090 --> 00:02:24,880 Speaker 2: all of a sudden their kids are disconnecting from them. 41 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:29,700 Speaker 2: And it actually happened to me not too long ago. 42 00:02:29,720 --> 00:02:34,660 Speaker 2: And I was absolutely devastated. I didn't really see it coming. 43 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:38,260 Speaker 2: I mean, my kids have told me in the past, oh, 44 00:02:38,300 --> 00:02:41,200 Speaker 2: you did this and you did that. But I thought, 45 00:02:41,220 --> 00:02:45,589 Speaker 2: they'll get over it. We're all adults and we all 46 00:02:45,630 --> 00:02:50,970 Speaker 2: make mistakes. But a year, a little over a year ago, 47 00:02:53,370 --> 00:02:58,079 Speaker 2: my sons just said... You know, unless you do this, 48 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:01,540 Speaker 2: we don't want anything to do with you right now. 49 00:03:02,340 --> 00:03:07,440 Speaker 2: And I was like, what? What happened? And so many 50 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,540 Speaker 2: parents are going through this same thing. But the Lord 51 00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:12,709 Speaker 2: showed me what to do. 52 00:03:14,210 --> 00:03:16,470 Speaker 1: And that's why I'm so excited to be able to 53 00:03:16,510 --> 00:03:19,370 Speaker 1: talk to you, because this is it's a painful subject. 54 00:03:20,310 --> 00:03:23,609 Speaker 1: And like you said, you are by no means alone 55 00:03:23,730 --> 00:03:27,800 Speaker 1: in this journey. I hear it from friends, from people 56 00:03:27,820 --> 00:03:32,580 Speaker 1: that reach out from the podcast or from TV who say, 57 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,680 Speaker 1: just like you and I, Terry, not that we thought 58 00:03:35,720 --> 00:03:39,040 Speaker 1: we were perfect parents, but that we really loved our 59 00:03:39,120 --> 00:03:44,870 Speaker 1: children and we shared the gospel with them and did 60 00:03:44,910 --> 00:03:47,650 Speaker 1: all the things that good parents do. So then to 61 00:03:47,750 --> 00:03:52,490 Speaker 1: hear that your adult child, I guess, gives you an 62 00:03:52,610 --> 00:03:56,010 Speaker 1: ultimatum like your children did. That is just not on 63 00:03:56,090 --> 00:03:59,010 Speaker 1: our radar that anything like that is going to happen. 64 00:03:59,130 --> 00:04:02,090 Speaker 1: And I hear it time and time again. A really 65 00:04:02,150 --> 00:04:05,660 Speaker 1: close friend of mine, her adult daughter will block her 66 00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:08,560 Speaker 1: like on Facebook and the phone number and just all 67 00:04:08,580 --> 00:04:12,900 Speaker 1: of that. And it's just like, how how did that happen? 68 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:17,039 Speaker 1: And people get stuck in not being able to move 69 00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:20,050 Speaker 1: forward because it is, you know, it's grieving for a 70 00:04:20,089 --> 00:04:23,849 Speaker 1: child that's still alive. Did you go through that feeling 71 00:04:23,950 --> 00:04:25,530 Speaker 1: stuck and miserable? 72 00:04:26,010 --> 00:04:29,310 Speaker 2: That is so true. It is grieving for somebody. Now, 73 00:04:29,730 --> 00:04:33,390 Speaker 2: in my situation, there's been a little bit of repair. 74 00:04:33,950 --> 00:04:39,300 Speaker 2: But I remember going through it initially, and I cried 75 00:04:39,740 --> 00:04:41,860 Speaker 2: all the time. I didn't want to do anything. I 76 00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:45,670 Speaker 2: was consumed by it. I was going back thinking, what 77 00:04:45,810 --> 00:04:49,950 Speaker 2: have I done? What did I do that was so bad? 78 00:04:50,089 --> 00:04:53,089 Speaker 2: And I would sit there and I would cry and pray. 79 00:04:53,170 --> 00:04:56,490 Speaker 2: And I remember one morning I went into my little 80 00:04:56,610 --> 00:05:00,050 Speaker 2: closet and I knelt down. I was crying and I 81 00:05:00,110 --> 00:05:04,450 Speaker 2: wrote their names on a little yellow pad. And I thought, 82 00:05:04,490 --> 00:05:07,409 Speaker 2: I'm just going to pray and continue praying. And in 83 00:05:07,450 --> 00:05:11,850 Speaker 2: that moment, I felt the Holy Spirit say, stop crying. 84 00:05:12,890 --> 00:05:19,820 Speaker 2: Just stop crying. And I stopped and I just handed 85 00:05:19,880 --> 00:05:23,580 Speaker 2: it over to the Lord. And I think that's so 86 00:05:23,660 --> 00:05:27,779 Speaker 2: important for people to realize who are going through that. 87 00:05:27,839 --> 00:05:30,640 Speaker 2: And we had talked about relationships in the past that 88 00:05:32,140 --> 00:05:35,800 Speaker 2: if one person or a friend or a parent or 89 00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:40,320 Speaker 2: a child is not walking with the Lord, because one 90 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:42,740 Speaker 2: of my sons said, I don't believe in Jesus. I 91 00:05:42,779 --> 00:05:45,790 Speaker 2: don't want anything to do with him. Quit praying for me. 92 00:05:46,800 --> 00:05:55,420 Speaker 2: And I just like, what? And I just remember that 93 00:05:55,580 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 2: feeling of being totally just devastated. But the Bible tells 94 00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:07,420 Speaker 2: us clearly, Matthew and Luke and Micah, that when you're 95 00:06:07,460 --> 00:06:10,940 Speaker 2: not walking, there is going to be division. We are 96 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:18,539 Speaker 2: living in unbelievable times right now. and families are being divided, 97 00:06:18,560 --> 00:06:24,290 Speaker 2: and that's biblical. If you study God's word and know 98 00:06:24,370 --> 00:06:29,489 Speaker 2: his word, it's going to happen, especially if one person 99 00:06:29,610 --> 00:06:32,650 Speaker 2: is not walking with the Lord and the other one is. 100 00:06:33,110 --> 00:06:37,120 Speaker 2: And I look at that as relationships too, friendships. You 101 00:06:37,150 --> 00:06:41,940 Speaker 2: can have a friendship with somebody, very superficial, but to 102 00:06:42,180 --> 00:06:48,010 Speaker 2: really connect with that person is, if you both are 103 00:06:48,070 --> 00:06:52,390 Speaker 2: not one with the Lord, it's almost impossible to have 104 00:06:52,430 --> 00:06:55,210 Speaker 2: a true, true friendship. I don't know. What do you 105 00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:55,920 Speaker 2: think about that? 106 00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,420 Speaker 1: Oh, I agree. Even the Bible says if two are 107 00:06:59,460 --> 00:07:05,020 Speaker 1: not agreed, they cannot walk because that agreement of faith 108 00:07:05,480 --> 00:07:08,400 Speaker 1: is the core of all of our values, Terry. So 109 00:07:08,990 --> 00:07:11,950 Speaker 1: Of course, we love everybody and we have all different 110 00:07:12,030 --> 00:07:15,470 Speaker 1: kinds of friendships, acquaintances, people who are a little bit closer. 111 00:07:15,510 --> 00:07:18,190 Speaker 1: But I think the people in our inner circle, and 112 00:07:18,210 --> 00:07:22,190 Speaker 1: I think Jesus gave this example. He had an inner circle. 113 00:07:22,250 --> 00:07:26,340 Speaker 1: There were those trusted ones that he brought close. So 114 00:07:26,700 --> 00:07:31,060 Speaker 1: I definitely agree with you. And I think sometimes just 115 00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:34,980 Speaker 1: even processing through that in friendships can be painful sometimes. 116 00:07:35,310 --> 00:07:38,250 Speaker 1: Because I think there's just something about human nature that 117 00:07:38,330 --> 00:07:40,530 Speaker 1: just wants to think that we can all get along 118 00:07:40,890 --> 00:07:44,210 Speaker 1: and it will all be okay. But sometimes, you know, 119 00:07:44,250 --> 00:07:47,440 Speaker 1: there are friendships that we have to distance ourselves from 120 00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:52,800 Speaker 1: or break altogether because there's not that agreement. There's not 121 00:07:52,860 --> 00:07:57,679 Speaker 1: that core value of the relationship. And that's heartbreaking as well. 122 00:07:58,800 --> 00:08:04,700 Speaker 2: I've lost friendships, too, especially during this. These times, political division, 123 00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:08,870 Speaker 2: if you're not in agreement with somebody else, you will 124 00:08:08,890 --> 00:08:15,590 Speaker 2: get attacked. And I've lost friendships from years ago because 125 00:08:15,610 --> 00:08:20,420 Speaker 2: I don't believe what they believe. And that's what happens 126 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 2: within the families too. There's a division and that's what 127 00:08:24,220 --> 00:08:29,250 Speaker 2: happened in my case in And I know other friends 128 00:08:29,310 --> 00:08:34,070 Speaker 2: of mine, so many women are going through this, and fathers. 129 00:08:34,910 --> 00:08:42,370 Speaker 2: And it's because they don't agree with our beliefs. I 130 00:08:42,570 --> 00:08:45,630 Speaker 2: had a conversation yesterday with a friend who called me. 131 00:08:45,650 --> 00:08:48,950 Speaker 2: We were talking about it. And she had gone through it. 132 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,620 Speaker 2: And she said to me, isn't it interesting there's a 133 00:08:52,679 --> 00:08:56,960 Speaker 2: generation out there that thinks that they have the right 134 00:08:57,610 --> 00:09:02,910 Speaker 2: to criticize your life. And I started thinking about that, 135 00:09:03,070 --> 00:09:06,030 Speaker 2: and it's true. It's not that they go back and 136 00:09:06,070 --> 00:09:10,339 Speaker 2: think about what you did right, but they sit there 137 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:15,679 Speaker 2: and they criticize you for everything you did wrong. And 138 00:09:15,720 --> 00:09:19,520 Speaker 2: a lot of times that's Satan. And Satan is going 139 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:22,559 Speaker 2: to stop you in your tracks, going to make you 140 00:09:22,600 --> 00:09:26,670 Speaker 2: feel bad, is going to stop from doing what God 141 00:09:26,710 --> 00:09:30,870 Speaker 2: has called you to do, there's a reason why Paul 142 00:09:30,950 --> 00:09:36,699 Speaker 2: says in Philippians 2, don't look back, move forward. Because 143 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:40,820 Speaker 2: when we are stuck in the past, we can't move 144 00:09:40,960 --> 00:09:44,100 Speaker 2: forward into what God is calling us to do. And 145 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:47,260 Speaker 2: that's what happened to me. I was so consumed with 146 00:09:47,340 --> 00:09:50,280 Speaker 2: how can I fix this? What can I do? Why 147 00:09:50,380 --> 00:09:54,370 Speaker 2: is this happening? And that's when the Lord said, stop crying. 148 00:09:54,840 --> 00:09:59,080 Speaker 2: You need to move forward. This is mine. Let me 149 00:09:59,120 --> 00:09:59,599 Speaker 2: handle it. 150 00:10:00,700 --> 00:10:03,699 Speaker 1: It was really God comforting you, Terry, because I know 151 00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:06,760 Speaker 1: that there are women watching right now or listening to 152 00:10:06,780 --> 00:10:12,630 Speaker 1: the podcast, and they've lost days, months, years of their 153 00:10:12,670 --> 00:10:17,390 Speaker 1: life crying, not going out with their friends or with 154 00:10:17,410 --> 00:10:21,620 Speaker 1: their husband or just shirking back from fun activities, or 155 00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:25,819 Speaker 1: even ministry, things that God's called us to do because 156 00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:29,040 Speaker 1: we are just encumbered with grief. And I think a 157 00:10:29,100 --> 00:10:34,970 Speaker 1: mother's heart typically is very tender toward her children. And 158 00:10:35,020 --> 00:10:38,630 Speaker 1: so when there is that rejection or that break or 159 00:10:38,730 --> 00:10:43,689 Speaker 1: even distance where there's just blocks being put up, that 160 00:10:43,750 --> 00:10:47,490 Speaker 1: can be very painful. And we do live in a time, Terry, 161 00:10:47,570 --> 00:10:52,570 Speaker 1: what you said is so true A generation that thinks 162 00:10:53,290 --> 00:10:59,329 Speaker 1: that it's okay to criticize parents and people for mistakes 163 00:10:59,990 --> 00:11:04,750 Speaker 1: and overlook all the good they do. That's really a 164 00:11:05,130 --> 00:11:09,490 Speaker 1: huge loss in a parent-child relationship, even if it is 165 00:11:09,670 --> 00:11:14,130 Speaker 1: adult children, to just overlook all the wonderful things that 166 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:19,080 Speaker 1: your parents did and hold against them these small infractions 167 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:23,640 Speaker 1: that If they were parents, they're going to find out 168 00:11:23,679 --> 00:11:26,959 Speaker 1: when they become parents. They are going to find out, hey, 169 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:31,260 Speaker 1: it's not that easy. It looks a lot easier. I 170 00:11:32,020 --> 00:11:33,920 Speaker 1: didn't hear you say that. 171 00:11:33,940 --> 00:11:37,780 Speaker 2: We all make mistakes. We all fail at times. I 172 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:39,559 Speaker 2: look back and I thought, oh, I wish I could 173 00:11:39,600 --> 00:11:42,179 Speaker 2: have done that differently. But you can't go back. You 174 00:11:42,230 --> 00:11:47,950 Speaker 2: can't change things. You can only move forward. But I 175 00:11:47,990 --> 00:11:51,910 Speaker 2: just want to encourage parents. women and parents who are 176 00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:55,809 Speaker 2: going through this, that God has it in his hands 177 00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:59,929 Speaker 2: and he is going to take care of it because 178 00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:04,130 Speaker 2: that's where our trust is, is in the Lord. Yes. 179 00:12:04,710 --> 00:12:07,700 Speaker 1: And he's the only one that can do that. And 180 00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:11,000 Speaker 1: he loves our children more than we do. That seems impossible, 181 00:12:11,240 --> 00:12:14,380 Speaker 1: but he truly does. We've got to take a quick break, Terry. 182 00:12:14,420 --> 00:12:16,360 Speaker 1: We'll be back in just a moment right after a 183 00:12:16,400 --> 00:12:21,130 Speaker 1: word from our sponsors. Okay, Terry, so we're talking about 184 00:12:21,330 --> 00:12:26,580 Speaker 1: the very painful experience of estrangement with adult children and 185 00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 1: holding on to hope in the midst of that estrangement 186 00:12:31,040 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: and not allowing grief really to consume us. And you 187 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:39,110 Speaker 1: really had that word from God moment in your prayer 188 00:12:39,170 --> 00:12:42,560 Speaker 1: closet where he just said, stop crying. He's got it. 189 00:12:43,070 --> 00:12:45,810 Speaker 1: And there might be moms listening that feel like, but 190 00:12:45,850 --> 00:12:48,240 Speaker 1: God didn't say that to me. But don't you think 191 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:52,490 Speaker 1: that the principle is still the same, that we're to 192 00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:56,870 Speaker 1: live every day alive to Christ, dead to sin, wholeheartedly 193 00:12:56,910 --> 00:12:59,829 Speaker 1: to the Lord. So if we are consumed with anything, 194 00:12:59,929 --> 00:13:03,120 Speaker 1: be that grief over an adult child or any other thing, 195 00:13:03,270 --> 00:13:05,959 Speaker 1: that he calls us to move forward and to let 196 00:13:06,020 --> 00:13:09,700 Speaker 1: go of that and make him the Lord of our life. 197 00:13:10,559 --> 00:13:13,420 Speaker 2: It is so true. What I've learned, and maybe this 198 00:13:13,480 --> 00:13:16,700 Speaker 2: is why we're talking about it now, is that I 199 00:13:16,760 --> 00:13:21,120 Speaker 2: hope that somebody is listening and is going through the 200 00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:26,420 Speaker 2: same thing. Stop crying. Move forward. There's a peace that 201 00:13:26,460 --> 00:13:31,730 Speaker 2: surpasses all understanding that is only from God, and He 202 00:13:31,830 --> 00:13:35,050 Speaker 2: is going to protect your heart. And I think that's 203 00:13:35,270 --> 00:13:40,230 Speaker 2: so important, even in friendships, in our relationships with our children, 204 00:13:41,960 --> 00:13:46,680 Speaker 2: is that if you're in a situation... The Lord wants you, 205 00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:50,940 Speaker 2: if you're in Christ, to protect your heart. Don't step 206 00:13:51,020 --> 00:13:54,920 Speaker 2: into a situation where you are just going to get attacked. 207 00:13:54,940 --> 00:13:58,880 Speaker 2: That's what Satan wants to happen. He wants to tear 208 00:13:58,940 --> 00:14:02,370 Speaker 2: you down because he knows that you're out there sharing 209 00:14:02,380 --> 00:14:07,670 Speaker 2: the word of God, leading others to Christ. And Satan 210 00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:12,210 Speaker 2: wants to stop you. He wants to devour everything that 211 00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:15,410 Speaker 2: you're doing. And if he can't get through you, He's 212 00:14:15,450 --> 00:14:18,170 Speaker 2: going to go through the ones you love, the ones 213 00:14:18,210 --> 00:14:23,010 Speaker 2: you care for. So it's so important to protect your heart, 214 00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:29,120 Speaker 2: to stay in Christ, and to surround yourself with people 215 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:32,900 Speaker 2: that love you, that will encourage you to keep moving forward. 216 00:14:33,860 --> 00:14:38,440 Speaker 1: Yes, that's so important because I want to make this 217 00:14:38,500 --> 00:14:43,780 Speaker 1: differentiation for people. I I have a few friends who 218 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:49,640 Speaker 1: their adult children have said, well, let's talk about these things. Well, 219 00:14:49,700 --> 00:14:53,800 Speaker 1: there's a talk, right, that's constructive and healthy, and that 220 00:14:53,960 --> 00:15:00,230 Speaker 1: moves people toward forgiveness and resolution and letting the past go. 221 00:15:01,090 --> 00:15:04,010 Speaker 1: But there's also conversation, which is, I think, part of 222 00:15:04,050 --> 00:15:08,510 Speaker 1: what you're just referring to, that really is, it emanates 223 00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:12,630 Speaker 1: from Satan. speaking through a voice that says, you didn't 224 00:15:12,670 --> 00:15:16,330 Speaker 1: do this, you didn't do that. Therefore, I reject you. 225 00:15:16,930 --> 00:15:20,380 Speaker 1: And you just keep having that conversation with the children 226 00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:24,340 Speaker 1: and those tears keep coming. And I say, if it's 227 00:15:24,420 --> 00:15:29,240 Speaker 1: not a healthy discussion, walking toward the truth of what 228 00:15:29,300 --> 00:15:33,240 Speaker 1: God says in his word, then we may need to 229 00:15:33,280 --> 00:15:37,140 Speaker 1: cut that conversation off and say, God, I just put 230 00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:39,580 Speaker 1: this in your hands. We can't talk about this anymore 231 00:15:39,620 --> 00:15:44,780 Speaker 1: because I'm just being accused and that's just, it's not helpful. 232 00:15:45,440 --> 00:15:48,180 Speaker 1: Does that make sense to you? 233 00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:53,540 Speaker 2: I absolutely agree. We love our children. We love our friends. 234 00:15:53,870 --> 00:15:57,030 Speaker 2: But there comes a time where you have to make 235 00:15:57,070 --> 00:16:02,330 Speaker 2: the decision to stop and stop crying, protect your heart. 236 00:16:02,750 --> 00:16:07,980 Speaker 2: And if those conversations are just all about attacking you, 237 00:16:08,780 --> 00:16:14,270 Speaker 2: then you need to set healthy boundaries, the Lord is 238 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:19,370 Speaker 2: going to take care of this situation. And that's where 239 00:16:19,410 --> 00:16:22,510 Speaker 2: you just have to keep trusting him, have faith in 240 00:16:22,570 --> 00:16:30,690 Speaker 2: his word, because his promises are true. And let him 241 00:16:30,770 --> 00:16:35,630 Speaker 2: handle that. I do believe... Oh, go ahead. 242 00:16:36,150 --> 00:16:36,890 Speaker 1: No, please go ahead. 243 00:16:37,420 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 2: I do believe that God can restore the relationships, but 244 00:16:43,460 --> 00:16:45,840 Speaker 2: there's also a time where you just have to break 245 00:16:46,020 --> 00:16:50,750 Speaker 2: it and see what God does. Because I know that 246 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:55,410 Speaker 2: there's a time where we grow in our maturity and 247 00:16:55,650 --> 00:17:01,510 Speaker 2: spirituality and faith, and that's what could be happening to 248 00:17:01,570 --> 00:17:02,150 Speaker 2: that person. 249 00:17:04,480 --> 00:17:08,860 Speaker 1: Absolutely, because we show our faith in God when we 250 00:17:08,920 --> 00:17:15,390 Speaker 1: move forward, despite concerning circumstances. And we're both talking about, 251 00:17:15,450 --> 00:17:18,730 Speaker 1: like as moms and the moms watching and listening, we've 252 00:17:18,750 --> 00:17:22,130 Speaker 1: done everything that we can, right, to restore, to build. 253 00:17:22,830 --> 00:17:27,629 Speaker 1: But if that doesn't happen or isn't happening, then having 254 00:17:27,690 --> 00:17:31,409 Speaker 1: that boundary allows us to grow in Christ and and 255 00:17:31,430 --> 00:17:35,200 Speaker 1: I think really gives the Holy Spirit the freedom to 256 00:17:35,320 --> 00:17:39,420 Speaker 1: work on that adult child's heart, whatever it is that 257 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:42,780 Speaker 1: needs to be changed or worked on, because we're not 258 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,200 Speaker 1: jumping in there trying to fix it. Because I know 259 00:17:46,440 --> 00:17:49,600 Speaker 1: lots of moms of adult children, it's like their life's 260 00:17:49,720 --> 00:17:54,840 Speaker 1: mission is to fix their kids. And we all wish, right, 261 00:17:54,920 --> 00:17:57,679 Speaker 1: that we could fix them and that everything would be perfect. 262 00:17:57,700 --> 00:18:00,380 Speaker 1: But like, that is not, it's not God's plan. That's 263 00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,869 Speaker 1: not how God grows us up. So I think sometimes 264 00:18:03,910 --> 00:18:08,070 Speaker 1: just recognizing, hey, I'm just trying to fix this and 265 00:18:08,090 --> 00:18:11,030 Speaker 1: I'm making my adult child even angrier because they don't 266 00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:14,250 Speaker 1: want to be fixed and they certainly don't want their 267 00:18:14,330 --> 00:18:15,490 Speaker 1: mom fixing them. 268 00:18:15,510 --> 00:18:21,649 Speaker 2: I have to remember too that they are adults. They 269 00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:26,890 Speaker 2: are making their own choices, their own paths, their own lives. 270 00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:31,720 Speaker 2: And sometimes we just have to say, okay, I'm here 271 00:18:31,740 --> 00:18:34,280 Speaker 2: if you want to talk, if you want to have 272 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:39,130 Speaker 2: a relationship. I think it's really sad because when you 273 00:18:39,150 --> 00:18:43,630 Speaker 2: become adults and have adult children, relationships could be so 274 00:18:43,690 --> 00:18:48,250 Speaker 2: much fun because you have that freedom to explore new 275 00:18:48,630 --> 00:18:51,680 Speaker 2: opportunities and go different places. So I feel like they're 276 00:18:51,740 --> 00:18:56,139 Speaker 2: missing out on a lot, but it's their choice. And 277 00:18:56,180 --> 00:19:01,420 Speaker 2: that's where I had to realize that They're young men now, 278 00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 2: and they have their own lives. And sadly, at this 279 00:19:07,100 --> 00:19:13,640 Speaker 2: point in their lives, at least my oldest son, that 280 00:19:14,030 --> 00:19:18,290 Speaker 2: he chooses not to have me involved in his life. Now, 281 00:19:18,470 --> 00:19:22,870 Speaker 2: I can say that there's been some reconciliation, which I'm 282 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:28,850 Speaker 2: very happy and excited about. But again, you still have 283 00:19:28,869 --> 00:19:33,470 Speaker 2: to have those boundaries. Right now, you just tread on 284 00:19:36,940 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 2: smooth waters and see what God is going to do. 285 00:19:41,619 --> 00:19:46,410 Speaker 1: Yeah. And I think too, for some people, as you're 286 00:19:46,430 --> 00:19:49,370 Speaker 1: talking about, there's been some reconciliation. And I think for 287 00:19:49,410 --> 00:19:52,320 Speaker 1: moms that are watching and listening to Hope for the 288 00:19:52,380 --> 00:19:57,720 Speaker 1: Journey today to understand that sometimes there is a quick reconciliation. 289 00:19:57,880 --> 00:20:01,020 Speaker 1: I know of a few prodigals that came running back 290 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:05,270 Speaker 1: home to faith and then apologizing to mom for the 291 00:20:05,369 --> 00:20:08,689 Speaker 1: things that they put her through. And wanting to be 292 00:20:08,750 --> 00:20:11,970 Speaker 1: close again. And that can happen. And praise God when 293 00:20:12,010 --> 00:20:12,429 Speaker 1: it does. 294 00:20:13,390 --> 00:20:18,669 Speaker 2: It's a wonderful... I remember getting a text message and 295 00:20:19,030 --> 00:20:22,230 Speaker 2: one of my sons apologized to me for the things 296 00:20:22,250 --> 00:20:25,389 Speaker 2: that he said. And I apologized for things that I 297 00:20:25,450 --> 00:20:28,689 Speaker 2: had said in going back and forth. Because you want 298 00:20:28,710 --> 00:20:32,219 Speaker 2: to defend yourself. You want to say, but what about this? 299 00:20:32,300 --> 00:20:35,300 Speaker 2: And I did this and I did that. And they... 300 00:20:35,740 --> 00:20:40,619 Speaker 2: They forget all the good things that we have done 301 00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:44,820 Speaker 2: and provided for them as they grew up and sacrificed. 302 00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:48,830 Speaker 2: As a single mom, there is a lot of sacrifices 303 00:20:48,900 --> 00:20:54,510 Speaker 2: that they have no idea. And they probably never will know. 304 00:20:54,869 --> 00:21:01,230 Speaker 2: But there is a time where it is a wonderful, 305 00:21:03,030 --> 00:21:08,140 Speaker 2: joyous reunion that God is going to bring to all 306 00:21:08,180 --> 00:21:10,340 Speaker 2: of us. Yes. Yes. 307 00:21:10,940 --> 00:21:14,399 Speaker 1: These tears and the heartbreak, right? The things that we 308 00:21:14,490 --> 00:21:18,830 Speaker 1: experience here on fallen planet earth, none of them are forever, 309 00:21:19,250 --> 00:21:24,290 Speaker 1: you know, as painful as they all are. And sometimes moms, 310 00:21:24,670 --> 00:21:28,590 Speaker 1: as you're watching and listening, realize that sometimes reconciliation comes slowly. 311 00:21:29,130 --> 00:21:31,950 Speaker 1: It may be a text here and there, a phone 312 00:21:31,990 --> 00:21:35,899 Speaker 1: call here and there, God sometimes does it suddenly, and 313 00:21:35,980 --> 00:21:40,020 Speaker 1: sometimes he works through processes. What's important, I think, Terry, 314 00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:45,280 Speaker 1: is that we let God be in charge of that. Again, 315 00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:48,420 Speaker 1: not trying to step in and trying to fix, because 316 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,260 Speaker 1: that's what we did, right, when our children are little, right? 317 00:21:51,320 --> 00:21:53,320 Speaker 1: They get a scrape on their knee. We put the 318 00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:58,260 Speaker 1: Band-Aid on there. We give them triaminic when they have 319 00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,629 Speaker 1: coughs or whatever. But as they get older, they have 320 00:22:01,670 --> 00:22:04,970 Speaker 1: to take responsibility for their own lives. And we can't 321 00:22:05,670 --> 00:22:09,220 Speaker 1: do the same things or we're literally crippling them and 322 00:22:09,300 --> 00:22:12,879 Speaker 1: could be really stopping them from opening their eyes to 323 00:22:12,960 --> 00:22:16,100 Speaker 1: see God's goodness because we're just keeping stuff going. 324 00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:19,439 Speaker 2: I think of Sarah when you were talking about that, 325 00:22:19,480 --> 00:22:21,380 Speaker 2: how we want to fix things. We want to take 326 00:22:21,460 --> 00:22:25,679 Speaker 2: things and have control over them. And what happened to her? 327 00:22:26,230 --> 00:22:29,730 Speaker 2: it turned into chaos. And sometimes that's what happens to us. 328 00:22:29,810 --> 00:22:33,480 Speaker 2: We want to fix it. We want to manipulate it. 329 00:22:33,550 --> 00:22:36,790 Speaker 2: We want to control it. And then look what happens. 330 00:22:36,910 --> 00:22:40,110 Speaker 2: It just gets bigger and bigger and worse and chaos 331 00:22:40,510 --> 00:22:41,370 Speaker 2: just erupts. 332 00:22:42,530 --> 00:22:47,629 Speaker 1: What is, Terry, would you have a specific scripture or 333 00:22:48,170 --> 00:22:51,340 Speaker 1: a prayer that you would pray maybe for a mom 334 00:22:51,420 --> 00:22:54,800 Speaker 1: who just is like, I have been trying to manipulate 335 00:22:54,840 --> 00:22:57,140 Speaker 1: and fix it for so long. I'm not even sure 336 00:22:57,180 --> 00:22:59,460 Speaker 1: I know how not to do that. Is there a 337 00:22:59,520 --> 00:23:02,620 Speaker 1: place that you would suggest maybe that she could start? 338 00:23:03,740 --> 00:23:07,350 Speaker 2: I would probably start with Isaiah in 43. I think 339 00:23:07,380 --> 00:23:09,669 Speaker 2: it's in 43 that I am doing a new thing. 340 00:23:10,290 --> 00:23:12,570 Speaker 2: The Lord is doing a new thing and you might 341 00:23:12,590 --> 00:23:15,550 Speaker 2: not see it right now, but he's doing something new. 342 00:23:16,530 --> 00:23:19,400 Speaker 2: Believe in that, trust in that, because from the beginning 343 00:23:19,460 --> 00:23:22,920 Speaker 2: to the end, God's word is alive. And then I 344 00:23:23,180 --> 00:23:27,800 Speaker 2: would go to Philippians where Paul says, quit looking back 345 00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:34,070 Speaker 2: and move forward because, again, I keep going back. If 346 00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:37,390 Speaker 2: you are stuck in the past, you will never be 347 00:23:37,490 --> 00:23:39,790 Speaker 2: able to do what God is calling you to do 348 00:23:40,670 --> 00:23:43,950 Speaker 2: and to move forward. There's a reason for that scripture 349 00:23:44,030 --> 00:23:47,490 Speaker 2: because we can get so caught up into it that 350 00:23:47,650 --> 00:23:49,990 Speaker 2: it just will paralyze us. And that's not what the 351 00:23:50,050 --> 00:23:54,050 Speaker 2: Lord wants us to do. I would also say protect 352 00:23:54,090 --> 00:23:58,149 Speaker 2: your heart, quit crying, and just trust in the Lord 353 00:23:58,390 --> 00:24:00,830 Speaker 2: with all of your heart because He has it in 354 00:24:00,869 --> 00:24:03,850 Speaker 2: His hands. He's going to take care of it. We 355 00:24:03,930 --> 00:24:06,930 Speaker 2: might not see it in our lifetime, but we know 356 00:24:07,350 --> 00:24:10,469 Speaker 2: that He is faithful and He's going to fulfill His 357 00:24:10,530 --> 00:24:11,649 Speaker 2: promises to us. 358 00:24:12,650 --> 00:24:16,850 Speaker 1: Because He cannot fail. He cannot fail. I love that 359 00:24:16,890 --> 00:24:19,609 Speaker 1: you brought up the scripture in Isaiah. Last night, I 360 00:24:19,650 --> 00:24:23,449 Speaker 1: was just working on on a resource for moms. And 361 00:24:23,490 --> 00:24:26,119 Speaker 1: I quoted that out of Isaiah to not consider the 362 00:24:26,170 --> 00:24:29,439 Speaker 1: former things because God is doing a new thing. And 363 00:24:29,500 --> 00:24:32,300 Speaker 1: to look at it as a way of God rewriting 364 00:24:32,380 --> 00:24:35,240 Speaker 1: our story. It wasn't the way that we were thinking 365 00:24:35,580 --> 00:24:41,350 Speaker 1: things would happen, yet his goodness is still available to 366 00:24:41,490 --> 00:24:45,530 Speaker 1: us in the hardest of circumstances and in the best 367 00:24:45,570 --> 00:24:49,810 Speaker 1: of circumstances. So I just so appreciate all the great 368 00:24:49,869 --> 00:24:53,690 Speaker 1: things that you just suggested, Terry, from Isaiah to Philippians. 369 00:24:54,109 --> 00:24:56,950 Speaker 1: It's the word of God, right? It's the truth that 370 00:24:57,050 --> 00:25:00,340 Speaker 1: sets us free if we'll just put our hearts and 371 00:25:00,400 --> 00:25:04,680 Speaker 1: mind to it as we're going through various things. Thank 372 00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:06,960 Speaker 1: you so much, Terry, for joining me today on Hope 373 00:25:06,980 --> 00:25:07,600 Speaker 1: for the Journey. 374 00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:10,679 Speaker 2: Monica, thank you and bless your ministry. 375 00:25:11,820 --> 00:25:14,550 Speaker 1: Thank you. And for all of you listening and watching today, 376 00:25:14,609 --> 00:25:16,350 Speaker 1: if you look in the show notes, you will find 377 00:25:16,410 --> 00:25:20,450 Speaker 1: some resources that talk about rewriting your story, or really, 378 00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:24,080 Speaker 1: I should say, letting God rewrite your story. I'll see 379 00:25:24,100 --> 00:25:26,879 Speaker 1: you again next time, right here on Hope for the Journey.