1 00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,916 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:38,196 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane, and this is the Happy Home. Welcome 5 00:00:38,236 --> 00:00:41,236 Speaker 1: to the Happy Home. I'm Arlene Pelicane. I am so 6 00:00:41,396 --> 00:00:44,955 Speaker 1: excited about today's guest, Gary Thomas, who is back. He 7 00:00:44,995 --> 00:00:47,556 Speaker 1: has sold more than two million books. 8 00:00:47,596 --> 00:00:49,196 Speaker 2: I got to ask you Gary, how to do that. 9 00:00:49,396 --> 00:00:52,676 Speaker 1: Including The Sacred Marriage and the new book we are 10 00:00:52,715 --> 00:00:57,356 Speaker 1: talking about today, The Life you Were Reborn to Live. 11 00:00:57,876 --> 00:01:00,435 Speaker 1: I just saw Gary at a conference with his wife Lisa, 12 00:01:00,556 --> 00:01:02,596 Speaker 1: so it's so great to have him back, and they 13 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:06,036 Speaker 1: have three adult kids. He currently teaches at Cherry Hills 14 00:01:06,036 --> 00:01:09,436 Speaker 1: Community Church in Colorado. Welcome back, Gary. Great to have you. 15 00:01:09,756 --> 00:01:11,476 Speaker 3: Thank you, Arlene, great to see you again. 16 00:01:12,116 --> 00:01:14,316 Speaker 1: In your book, you talk about how two of your 17 00:01:14,396 --> 00:01:17,715 Speaker 1: children they went to a high school led by a 18 00:01:17,916 --> 00:01:21,435 Speaker 1: principal who was a finalist for the National Principle of 19 00:01:21,476 --> 00:01:24,036 Speaker 1: the Year. I feel like we've all had those years 20 00:01:24,075 --> 00:01:25,996 Speaker 1: where it's like, Yeah, our principal is amazing, and then 21 00:01:26,196 --> 00:01:27,196 Speaker 1: other years where it's like. 22 00:01:27,316 --> 00:01:29,476 Speaker 2: Why doesn't our principal do anything? 23 00:01:30,196 --> 00:01:32,076 Speaker 1: And will you tell us about like there were a 24 00:01:32,116 --> 00:01:34,796 Speaker 1: couple of kids, they were transfer kids, and they gone 25 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,196 Speaker 1: to a fistfight, and just what was the culture of 26 00:01:37,235 --> 00:01:38,996 Speaker 1: your school and of your principal. 27 00:01:40,196 --> 00:01:42,715 Speaker 4: Steve Clark is one of those amazing people who was 28 00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:46,155 Speaker 4: born to be a principal. He's a man of faith, 29 00:01:46,235 --> 00:01:49,316 Speaker 4: but he could operate so well just in the wider world. 30 00:01:49,396 --> 00:01:54,156 Speaker 4: So he gained everyone's respect. He was there with the students. 31 00:01:54,196 --> 00:01:57,916 Speaker 4: He would be literally picking up trays after lunch to 32 00:01:58,036 --> 00:02:01,316 Speaker 4: help students put their ones away, and he just created 33 00:02:01,356 --> 00:02:04,996 Speaker 4: a really special climate. Our kids weren't actually supposed to 34 00:02:05,076 --> 00:02:07,956 Speaker 4: go to Bellingham High School. This is in northwest Washington 35 00:02:08,236 --> 00:02:12,756 Speaker 4: has three high schools. But Steve was in my accountability group. 36 00:02:14,076 --> 00:02:17,316 Speaker 4: Then met weekly with a few guys and he pulled 37 00:02:17,356 --> 00:02:19,796 Speaker 4: some strings and said, look, I'll take these problem kids 38 00:02:19,796 --> 00:02:21,435 Speaker 4: if you give me Graham. That was my son. 39 00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,316 Speaker 3: And then ultimately Kelsey could getting because Graham was there. 40 00:02:24,916 --> 00:02:27,356 Speaker 4: Because I just knew, boy, if there's a school we 41 00:02:27,395 --> 00:02:30,595 Speaker 4: want him to be at it, it's one with his leadership. 42 00:02:31,356 --> 00:02:34,796 Speaker 4: And so he was a finalist. They had three finalists 43 00:02:34,796 --> 00:02:37,756 Speaker 4: for National Principle of the Year. I can't imagine who 44 00:02:37,835 --> 00:02:40,275 Speaker 4: could do better than him. I don't know how they decided, 45 00:02:40,395 --> 00:02:42,876 Speaker 4: but there was one thing he was telling us where 46 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:46,596 Speaker 4: at the start of the year they would apportion some 47 00:02:46,636 --> 00:02:49,636 Speaker 4: of the I hate to say this, but Arlene, you 48 00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:54,276 Speaker 4: get these problem students. And he was willing to accept 49 00:02:54,276 --> 00:02:56,676 Speaker 4: a couple and they got into a fight like the 50 00:02:56,675 --> 00:02:58,916 Speaker 4: first week of school, and. 51 00:02:58,835 --> 00:03:01,516 Speaker 3: He called him in and basically he just said, hey. 52 00:03:01,876 --> 00:03:04,675 Speaker 4: That's not how we settle disputes here at Belling in 53 00:03:04,716 --> 00:03:06,476 Speaker 4: my school. I don't know what it was like where 54 00:03:06,476 --> 00:03:09,476 Speaker 4: you were from, but this isn't what we do. You're 55 00:03:09,516 --> 00:03:14,036 Speaker 4: living in a new era, a new sort of well, 56 00:03:14,115 --> 00:03:16,916 Speaker 4: just a way of relating, and that's sort of the 57 00:03:16,996 --> 00:03:18,716 Speaker 4: climate that he said. 58 00:03:19,675 --> 00:03:22,196 Speaker 3: So it was wonderful for our students to be a 59 00:03:22,236 --> 00:03:22,716 Speaker 3: part of that. 60 00:03:23,236 --> 00:03:25,956 Speaker 1: How can we as parents, like we hear that. We think, okay, 61 00:03:25,996 --> 00:03:29,116 Speaker 1: we're the principles of our homes. Right, It's like we 62 00:03:29,156 --> 00:03:31,675 Speaker 1: are the leader, not our children, not the two year old, 63 00:03:31,756 --> 00:03:32,756 Speaker 1: not the seventeen year old. 64 00:03:32,956 --> 00:03:34,395 Speaker 2: You know, it's kind of falling on us. 65 00:03:34,916 --> 00:03:36,836 Speaker 1: How might we start to have that kind of culture. 66 00:03:36,876 --> 00:03:39,196 Speaker 1: Maybe it's an apology. Hey, this is how we used 67 00:03:39,196 --> 00:03:41,876 Speaker 1: to settle things, but this is how we're going to 68 00:03:41,956 --> 00:03:44,516 Speaker 1: settle things. Now give us that picture of what might 69 00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:45,316 Speaker 1: look like at home. 70 00:03:45,876 --> 00:03:48,596 Speaker 4: I would encourage parents to go to class and street clush. 71 00:03:48,596 --> 00:03:50,516 Speaker 4: It's one of my favorite books in the Bible because 72 00:03:50,596 --> 00:03:54,236 Speaker 4: it's it's written to baby Christians. 73 00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:56,756 Speaker 3: Nobody had been a Christian there for more than two years. 74 00:03:57,396 --> 00:04:00,516 Speaker 4: Is a very young work when Paul started it, so he, 75 00:04:01,236 --> 00:04:03,276 Speaker 4: as Ji Packer used to say, puts. 76 00:04:02,996 --> 00:04:07,236 Speaker 3: The cookies on the bottom shelf. He makes it very accessible. 77 00:04:07,076 --> 00:04:09,956 Speaker 4: And in chapter three he pretty much says, okay, this 78 00:04:09,956 --> 00:04:10,956 Speaker 4: is what it means to be a Christian. 79 00:04:10,996 --> 00:04:13,716 Speaker 3: We take off this and some of the things he 80 00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:14,836 Speaker 3: lists are well. 81 00:04:14,836 --> 00:04:16,876 Speaker 4: He starts with sexual immorality, but then he gets to 82 00:04:16,916 --> 00:04:22,236 Speaker 4: a less anger, rage, malice, slander, filthy language and lying 83 00:04:22,956 --> 00:04:29,076 Speaker 4: and this, and then we put on compassion, kindness, gentleness, patience, 84 00:04:29,556 --> 00:04:31,636 Speaker 4: and love. And I think we can go to our 85 00:04:31,636 --> 00:04:34,116 Speaker 4: families and say, look, this is how a family that 86 00:04:34,236 --> 00:04:36,356 Speaker 4: doesn't know the grace of Christ, it doesn't have a 87 00:04:36,396 --> 00:04:38,556 Speaker 4: holy spirit within them, operates. 88 00:04:38,916 --> 00:04:40,196 Speaker 3: These are the things that mark them. 89 00:04:40,195 --> 00:04:46,196 Speaker 4: Division and competing and selfishness and lying and hatred. But 90 00:04:46,396 --> 00:04:48,796 Speaker 4: Christ wants us to live an entirely new life where 91 00:04:48,796 --> 00:04:52,035 Speaker 4: we have compassion for each other. You having a tough day. 92 00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,436 Speaker 4: Did you get ridiculed? Are you being bullied? Are you 93 00:04:55,676 --> 00:04:59,876 Speaker 4: freaking out about a test or an athletic contest? Kindness? 94 00:05:00,116 --> 00:05:04,796 Speaker 4: What can I do to bless you today? Gentleness? You're 95 00:05:04,836 --> 00:05:07,476 Speaker 4: not always going to be hitting home runs, you might 96 00:05:07,476 --> 00:05:08,835 Speaker 4: not have been hitting things, but I'm going to be 97 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:14,676 Speaker 4: gentle with your faults. Patience, all of those things that passes. 98 00:05:14,716 --> 00:05:17,156 Speaker 4: We kind of just list this is what life without 99 00:05:17,236 --> 00:05:22,036 Speaker 4: Christ is supposed to look like. But we're reborn to 100 00:05:22,116 --> 00:05:26,876 Speaker 4: live this life, a life that's marked by this. What 101 00:05:26,956 --> 00:05:29,275 Speaker 4: I like about that, Arlene, is we're not just telling 102 00:05:29,356 --> 00:05:32,436 Speaker 4: kids what not to do. Yeah, we're saying, this is 103 00:05:32,476 --> 00:05:35,676 Speaker 4: the kind of people Christians are. This is what we're 104 00:05:35,716 --> 00:05:39,916 Speaker 4: increasingly supposed to become. And your mother and I hold 105 00:05:39,916 --> 00:05:41,436 Speaker 4: ourselves to the same standard. 106 00:05:41,876 --> 00:05:43,116 Speaker 3: It's what we aspire to. 107 00:05:43,556 --> 00:05:47,195 Speaker 4: We won't achieve it perfectly, but we'll repent and ask 108 00:05:47,236 --> 00:05:50,116 Speaker 4: for forgiveness when we fall short of it. But this 109 00:05:50,236 --> 00:05:54,356 Speaker 4: is what our family's credo is. It's a lot Chapter three. 110 00:05:54,716 --> 00:05:56,716 Speaker 1: You know, people both might hear and they think, Wow, 111 00:05:56,755 --> 00:05:59,075 Speaker 1: I can't do that. I can't be gentle, I can't 112 00:05:59,116 --> 00:06:01,476 Speaker 1: be patient, I can't be living. But it's like, wait, 113 00:06:01,836 --> 00:06:05,515 Speaker 1: this is us saying, Holy Spirit, please work these things 114 00:06:05,556 --> 00:06:09,156 Speaker 1: through me, and an invitation to the Holy Spirit to 115 00:06:09,195 --> 00:06:11,836 Speaker 1: do those things in our life. You know, your whole 116 00:06:11,876 --> 00:06:15,036 Speaker 1: book is about, Hey, these are some lies that we've 117 00:06:15,036 --> 00:06:18,236 Speaker 1: been believing, and we need to dismantle these things. We 118 00:06:18,276 --> 00:06:21,316 Speaker 1: need to ree this walk us through Romans twelve, and 119 00:06:21,356 --> 00:06:24,556 Speaker 1: how that just helps us to because many times we 120 00:06:24,556 --> 00:06:26,796 Speaker 1: don't even realize, Oh my goodness, I'm being pressed in 121 00:06:26,916 --> 00:06:29,796 Speaker 1: the in the mold of the world, and I don't 122 00:06:29,836 --> 00:06:32,635 Speaker 1: even realize it. I'm thinking that this is what's most important. 123 00:06:32,676 --> 00:06:35,196 Speaker 1: My kid getting in the right college, my kid being 124 00:06:35,476 --> 00:06:39,075 Speaker 1: number one in sports, my clothes being a certain way, 125 00:06:39,195 --> 00:06:40,076 Speaker 1: making a certain. 126 00:06:39,876 --> 00:06:40,556 Speaker 2: Amount of money. 127 00:06:40,596 --> 00:06:43,556 Speaker 1: And we think we're not being pressed in the world 128 00:06:43,596 --> 00:06:45,916 Speaker 1: because we're not murdering or raping or you know what 129 00:06:45,956 --> 00:06:48,036 Speaker 1: I mean, Like we're not doing those big things, but 130 00:06:48,156 --> 00:06:51,916 Speaker 1: we are being pressed. Help us to kind of check ourselves. 131 00:06:52,236 --> 00:06:53,716 Speaker 1: Are we living by Romans twelve? 132 00:06:53,836 --> 00:06:57,515 Speaker 3: Yeah? We tell two stories. Yeah, and set that up. 133 00:06:57,556 --> 00:06:58,635 Speaker 4: And I want to say this because I'm on the 134 00:06:58,676 --> 00:07:01,275 Speaker 4: other side of parenting. As most of listeners. 135 00:07:01,596 --> 00:07:03,556 Speaker 3: We're empty nesters now. We have two. 136 00:07:03,516 --> 00:07:10,156 Speaker 4: Grandchildren, but I'll never forget one particular Friday, Graham, my son, 137 00:07:10,276 --> 00:07:14,876 Speaker 4: found out that he got into two master's programs at Harvard. 138 00:07:14,876 --> 00:07:17,756 Speaker 4: He ended up being a joint t I think is 139 00:07:17,796 --> 00:07:20,356 Speaker 4: what they called it. He was in an NBA, the 140 00:07:20,396 --> 00:07:22,836 Speaker 4: Business School and then the Kennedy School. 141 00:07:23,916 --> 00:07:25,436 Speaker 3: And then later that day he. 142 00:07:25,436 --> 00:07:30,916 Speaker 4: Sent me, Hey, Dad, I found this great online devotional 143 00:07:30,996 --> 00:07:34,636 Speaker 4: daily devotional for lent leading up to Good Friday. 144 00:07:36,316 --> 00:07:37,796 Speaker 3: The parents may not believe this. 145 00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:41,636 Speaker 4: I was more encouraged by getting the link to the 146 00:07:41,676 --> 00:07:45,436 Speaker 4: Good Friday devotional. That matters to me more that he 147 00:07:45,636 --> 00:07:49,436 Speaker 4: spiritually engage, that he's still bringing his faith. Of course, 148 00:07:49,476 --> 00:07:51,996 Speaker 4: I was proud of him that he gets into the school, 149 00:07:52,156 --> 00:07:55,196 Speaker 4: and it did set him up. I will never have 150 00:07:55,316 --> 00:07:57,516 Speaker 4: to support him financially for the rest of my wife. 151 00:07:58,076 --> 00:07:59,156 Speaker 3: That was some years ago. 152 00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:04,276 Speaker 4: But knowing that he was spiritually growing is what motivated 153 00:08:04,356 --> 00:08:07,036 Speaker 4: my heart. And so I would say to parents, I 154 00:08:07,076 --> 00:08:10,116 Speaker 4: think when you're my age, what will bring you the 155 00:08:10,116 --> 00:08:13,636 Speaker 4: most happiness will be every child that is following the Lord. 156 00:08:13,716 --> 00:08:16,876 Speaker 4: What will bring you the most grief is a child 157 00:08:16,916 --> 00:08:20,356 Speaker 4: who is not following the Lord. Even if they're succeeding 158 00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:23,356 Speaker 4: in the world, even if they become famous, it will 159 00:08:23,356 --> 00:08:26,996 Speaker 4: be more painful if they don't share your love for 160 00:08:27,196 --> 00:08:28,276 Speaker 4: Jesus and if they're. 161 00:08:28,116 --> 00:08:28,916 Speaker 3: Living a life. 162 00:08:30,276 --> 00:08:32,716 Speaker 4: My son has been very successful, but if he was 163 00:08:32,836 --> 00:08:37,196 Speaker 4: cheating on his wife ignoring his kids, I mean I 164 00:08:37,236 --> 00:08:40,676 Speaker 4: would be grieving daily. As it is, I'm inspired by 165 00:08:40,716 --> 00:08:42,155 Speaker 4: him as a husband and father. 166 00:08:42,556 --> 00:08:44,796 Speaker 3: I think he's been phenomenal with both of those. 167 00:08:45,356 --> 00:08:49,676 Speaker 4: So to get to that place, we have to discard 168 00:08:49,756 --> 00:08:52,876 Speaker 4: the lies that tempt us to focus on the things 169 00:08:52,876 --> 00:08:54,156 Speaker 4: that don't matter. 170 00:08:54,636 --> 00:08:56,956 Speaker 3: Now here's the second story. So with my granddaughter, she 171 00:08:57,036 --> 00:08:59,076 Speaker 3: was three years old when this happened. She's six. 172 00:08:59,196 --> 00:08:59,476 Speaker 4: Now. 173 00:09:00,276 --> 00:09:02,716 Speaker 3: We're in the community where they live. It's close to 174 00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:03,516 Speaker 3: a fire station. 175 00:09:04,236 --> 00:09:07,636 Speaker 4: Alarms go off, the lights are flashing, and I. 176 00:09:07,556 --> 00:09:09,676 Speaker 3: Look at her and I was shocked. 177 00:09:09,796 --> 00:09:12,596 Speaker 4: She's closing her eyes and covering her ears and just 178 00:09:12,796 --> 00:09:16,876 Speaker 4: crying out loud. I thought, man, that's a strong reaction 179 00:09:16,996 --> 00:09:17,236 Speaker 4: to this. 180 00:09:17,396 --> 00:09:21,156 Speaker 3: But yeah, okay, it might be scary, I get it. 181 00:09:22,156 --> 00:09:25,276 Speaker 4: Two days later, I saw her do the same reaction, 182 00:09:25,396 --> 00:09:27,796 Speaker 4: but I couldn't hear a siren, so I listened, and 183 00:09:28,116 --> 00:09:31,876 Speaker 4: way off in the distance, I could barely pick out 184 00:09:31,916 --> 00:09:35,716 Speaker 4: this siren, and I thought, man, something's been traumatizing to her, 185 00:09:35,836 --> 00:09:40,636 Speaker 4: or that it's not immediately going to be threatening to her, 186 00:09:40,636 --> 00:09:44,276 Speaker 4: but just thinking of it really scares her. Well, she's 187 00:09:44,276 --> 00:09:47,996 Speaker 4: got two wonderful parents. They really get talking through things. 188 00:09:47,996 --> 00:09:51,996 Speaker 4: So three months later we're visiting them again. The alarms 189 00:09:52,036 --> 00:09:54,796 Speaker 4: go off, truck's pulling out, and I look at my 190 00:09:54,956 --> 00:09:57,916 Speaker 4: granddaughter with panic, Oh no, how do I assure? And 191 00:09:57,996 --> 00:10:02,076 Speaker 4: she looks up at me with call pace, saying it's okay, popo. 192 00:10:02,316 --> 00:10:05,076 Speaker 4: They're just going to help someone. So she's just tw me, 193 00:10:05,196 --> 00:10:08,756 Speaker 4: just chill, nothing scary. And what her parents had said 194 00:10:08,796 --> 00:10:13,316 Speaker 4: is Anna, this seems scary and threatening, but it actually 195 00:10:13,356 --> 00:10:15,316 Speaker 4: should make you feel comforted that you live in a 196 00:10:15,356 --> 00:10:18,636 Speaker 4: world where if you need help, people are going really 197 00:10:18,676 --> 00:10:20,796 Speaker 4: fast to get to you to help. And so they're 198 00:10:20,836 --> 00:10:23,396 Speaker 4: telling cars get out of the way. We want to 199 00:10:23,436 --> 00:10:27,996 Speaker 4: help someone. And so what was terrifying to her actually 200 00:10:27,996 --> 00:10:31,316 Speaker 4: became a comfort. And in this book, I'm just going 201 00:10:31,316 --> 00:10:33,996 Speaker 4: through twelve lives things that we looked at the world 202 00:10:34,036 --> 00:10:35,796 Speaker 4: differently that misled us. 203 00:10:35,996 --> 00:10:38,156 Speaker 3: We don't have to fear what we used. 204 00:10:37,996 --> 00:10:41,916 Speaker 4: To fear and ast back, and in fact we can 205 00:10:41,996 --> 00:10:46,356 Speaker 4: take comfort from some blessed truths of scripture that we 206 00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:50,996 Speaker 4: didn't realize. Rather than this being scary, this is comforting, 207 00:10:51,676 --> 00:10:54,516 Speaker 4: and so Paul sets up Roman's twelve in that vein 208 00:10:54,876 --> 00:10:56,716 Speaker 4: when he says, very clearly, this is active. 209 00:10:57,156 --> 00:11:00,836 Speaker 3: Do not conform to the pattern of this world. 210 00:11:01,716 --> 00:11:04,636 Speaker 4: Now, in the Greek could translate world to age, which 211 00:11:04,676 --> 00:11:09,276 Speaker 4: I think is kind of more illustrative. Every age is 212 00:11:09,316 --> 00:11:12,356 Speaker 4: trying to deceive you that there is an agenda. The 213 00:11:12,436 --> 00:11:14,396 Speaker 4: agenda is not to draw us to a life of 214 00:11:14,436 --> 00:11:19,956 Speaker 4: worship and service and eternal purpose. It's to distract or 215 00:11:20,036 --> 00:11:24,196 Speaker 4: even turn us against God. And Paul ses that's the 216 00:11:24,276 --> 00:11:25,196 Speaker 4: default position. 217 00:11:25,956 --> 00:11:26,636 Speaker 3: If we just go. 218 00:11:26,636 --> 00:11:29,996 Speaker 4: Along, we're like in a canoe on a river that's 219 00:11:30,076 --> 00:11:33,116 Speaker 4: carrying us further and further away from the truth. He says, 220 00:11:33,156 --> 00:11:38,636 Speaker 4: but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Now 221 00:11:39,316 --> 00:11:42,636 Speaker 4: the mind isn't enough. We still need to practice it 222 00:11:42,676 --> 00:11:45,916 Speaker 4: so it becomes a part of us. But transformation begins 223 00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:48,796 Speaker 4: with the renewing of our mind, because if we're believing 224 00:11:48,836 --> 00:11:51,916 Speaker 4: a lie, all of our efforts to make that lie 225 00:11:52,036 --> 00:11:54,796 Speaker 4: come true are wasted and in fact could be doing 226 00:11:54,876 --> 00:11:56,996 Speaker 4: damage rather than bringing enlightenment. 227 00:11:57,796 --> 00:12:00,996 Speaker 1: My goodness, you know, before we get to the next question, 228 00:12:01,036 --> 00:12:03,556 Speaker 1: I want to ask you about how our families can 229 00:12:03,636 --> 00:12:06,596 Speaker 1: be the ones that are being first and we think 230 00:12:06,636 --> 00:12:08,356 Speaker 1: that's really good, but then it's like, wait a minute, 231 00:12:08,356 --> 00:12:10,876 Speaker 1: what's happening. But before we get there, here's a word 232 00:12:10,916 --> 00:12:14,196 Speaker 1: from our sponsor. And I also want to invite you listeners, 233 00:12:14,236 --> 00:12:18,596 Speaker 1: if you're not subscribed to my Happy Home weekly email newsletter, 234 00:12:18,636 --> 00:12:24,356 Speaker 1: to do that at Happy Home University dot com slash subscribe. So, Gary, 235 00:12:24,556 --> 00:12:26,916 Speaker 1: one of your points is, wait a minute, are you 236 00:12:26,916 --> 00:12:29,636 Speaker 1: putting your family first? And that sounds really good, right, 237 00:12:29,756 --> 00:12:32,796 Speaker 1: It's like, I should put my family first? What do 238 00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:35,996 Speaker 1: you mean by that? And I really think a key 239 00:12:36,076 --> 00:12:39,676 Speaker 1: question is am I trying to please God first? Or 240 00:12:39,676 --> 00:12:42,276 Speaker 1: am I trying to please my family first? Can you 241 00:12:42,356 --> 00:12:44,156 Speaker 1: help us just get a good handle on that? 242 00:12:44,276 --> 00:12:47,116 Speaker 4: Yeah, I think, Arlene, this is a chapter that might 243 00:12:47,516 --> 00:12:50,516 Speaker 4: surprise people the most because I've been known for sacred 244 00:12:50,556 --> 00:12:54,276 Speaker 4: marriage and sacred parenting and books about focusing on the family. 245 00:12:54,956 --> 00:12:57,476 Speaker 3: I love focusing on the family. Hasn't yet, that's right, 246 00:12:57,796 --> 00:12:59,436 Speaker 3: that's rights as partners. 247 00:12:59,476 --> 00:13:02,716 Speaker 4: I'm there a couple times a year, but I have 248 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:06,196 Speaker 4: been challenged a little bit that we can make an 249 00:13:06,236 --> 00:13:07,236 Speaker 4: idol out of the family. 250 00:13:07,356 --> 00:13:08,636 Speaker 3: I don't think focus does that. 251 00:13:08,716 --> 00:13:10,796 Speaker 5: I know the people there, yeah, but I'm saying what 252 00:13:10,956 --> 00:13:13,476 Speaker 5: I did with that? Yeah, And I kind of grew 253 00:13:13,556 --> 00:13:17,196 Speaker 5: up thinking that if we're faithful with the Lord, all 254 00:13:17,236 --> 00:13:18,756 Speaker 5: of our kids will follow the Lord. 255 00:13:19,196 --> 00:13:22,116 Speaker 3: Grandkids will follow the Lord. Things are going to be happy. 256 00:13:23,036 --> 00:13:25,076 Speaker 3: But the lie I found is that. 257 00:13:25,036 --> 00:13:30,436 Speaker 4: When we look at Scripture, Jesus warns us that faith 258 00:13:30,476 --> 00:13:34,676 Speaker 4: in him, rather than uniting a family, could actually divide him. 259 00:13:35,116 --> 00:13:37,836 Speaker 4: He talks about mother being turned against daughter in law, 260 00:13:37,916 --> 00:13:40,596 Speaker 4: daughter in law against mother, a father from the children, 261 00:13:40,956 --> 00:13:47,716 Speaker 4: children from the parents because Jesus claims exclusive allegiance. 262 00:13:48,556 --> 00:13:51,116 Speaker 3: And I think our failure to deal with that. 263 00:13:51,356 --> 00:13:54,716 Speaker 4: Now, let me stress, I think if everybody is following 264 00:13:54,716 --> 00:13:57,876 Speaker 4: the Lord, filled with the spirit, that unites a family 265 00:13:58,036 --> 00:14:02,596 Speaker 4: like nothing else on this planet. But because Jesus is 266 00:14:02,636 --> 00:14:06,676 Speaker 4: so powerful, if somebody chooses not to follow him, it 267 00:14:06,796 --> 00:14:09,196 Speaker 4: can become a point of contention. I've just seen it 268 00:14:09,236 --> 00:14:14,476 Speaker 4: as a pastor where putting family first can cause us 269 00:14:14,516 --> 00:14:19,236 Speaker 4: to one It makes people feel rejected by God if 270 00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:21,796 Speaker 4: they didn't grow up in a family like that, Whereas 271 00:14:21,916 --> 00:14:25,276 Speaker 4: Jesus would say, hey, God is adopting you, He's your father, 272 00:14:25,636 --> 00:14:27,836 Speaker 4: and I'm giving you my church as your family, rather 273 00:14:27,836 --> 00:14:30,716 Speaker 4: than taking that as a comforting thing people feel like, well, 274 00:14:30,756 --> 00:14:33,076 Speaker 4: I've been deeply damaged for the rest of my life 275 00:14:33,116 --> 00:14:36,196 Speaker 4: because I never had a family of origin that's supposed 276 00:14:36,236 --> 00:14:37,116 Speaker 4: to be like this family. 277 00:14:37,156 --> 00:14:38,756 Speaker 3: That sets me up. 278 00:14:39,516 --> 00:14:43,636 Speaker 4: I've seen some parents and grandparents compromise on the truth 279 00:14:44,116 --> 00:14:46,836 Speaker 4: because they want to maintain a relationship with their kids 280 00:14:47,196 --> 00:14:47,916 Speaker 4: and grandkids. 281 00:14:47,956 --> 00:14:50,356 Speaker 3: And I get the pool. We have three kids, we 282 00:14:50,476 --> 00:14:51,996 Speaker 3: have two grand tooth kids. 283 00:14:52,436 --> 00:14:56,556 Speaker 4: But we don't serve our family by pretending to believe 284 00:14:56,556 --> 00:14:59,476 Speaker 4: a lie in order to stay in touch with them, 285 00:14:59,836 --> 00:15:03,356 Speaker 4: rather than beeing people who with great love always leaving 286 00:15:03,356 --> 00:15:07,236 Speaker 4: our door open, saying, but we believe this is the truth, 287 00:15:08,156 --> 00:15:09,556 Speaker 4: and so you know. 288 00:15:09,796 --> 00:15:11,556 Speaker 3: And it's even shocking, are they. 289 00:15:11,516 --> 00:15:15,916 Speaker 4: In some of the stories when Jesus's mother and brothers 290 00:15:15,956 --> 00:15:18,676 Speaker 4: come to him and somebody says, hey, your mother and 291 00:15:19,956 --> 00:15:23,876 Speaker 4: siblings are outside, and Jesus, who's my mother? Who's my brother? 292 00:15:24,396 --> 00:15:27,836 Speaker 4: Those who hear the word of God and obey it, 293 00:15:28,716 --> 00:15:32,076 Speaker 4: we're never told if Jesus went out to talk to 294 00:15:32,116 --> 00:15:36,276 Speaker 4: his mom and his siblings. I suspect he did. I'm 295 00:15:36,316 --> 00:15:39,836 Speaker 4: just saying that I have no biblical warrant. The impact 296 00:15:39,876 --> 00:15:42,436 Speaker 4: there is that the biblical writer says it doesn't matter 297 00:15:42,516 --> 00:15:45,876 Speaker 4: as much people weren't as concerned. Now Jesus treated his 298 00:15:45,876 --> 00:15:48,436 Speaker 4: mother and siblings as much as the fact as he's saying, 299 00:15:48,836 --> 00:15:51,556 Speaker 4: your highest call is to believe in the word of 300 00:15:51,596 --> 00:15:55,396 Speaker 4: God and to follow it and to obey his commands. 301 00:15:55,396 --> 00:15:58,716 Speaker 4: And so again a woman called out, well, blessed is 302 00:15:58,716 --> 00:16:01,236 Speaker 4: the woman that bore you and the breast that nursed you. 303 00:16:01,356 --> 00:16:05,756 Speaker 4: Because at that time, the highest achievement for a woman 304 00:16:05,836 --> 00:16:08,756 Speaker 4: would have been becoming the mother of the Messiah. So 305 00:16:08,836 --> 00:16:12,316 Speaker 4: that was such a compliment, and jesusaid, blessed rather are 306 00:16:12,316 --> 00:16:14,476 Speaker 4: those who hear the word of God and obeyed it. Again, 307 00:16:15,436 --> 00:16:20,076 Speaker 4: while Jesus would never diminish being a mom, should celebrate it, 308 00:16:20,516 --> 00:16:22,796 Speaker 4: and our leaning in a world that fights against that. 309 00:16:22,916 --> 00:16:25,956 Speaker 4: Again what we push back. It is a high calling. 310 00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:28,716 Speaker 4: We need to celebrate it, we need to support mothers. 311 00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:32,916 Speaker 4: But Jesus does say it is not a woman's highest calling. 312 00:16:33,396 --> 00:16:37,276 Speaker 4: A woman's highest calling is to worship God, obey his word, 313 00:16:37,356 --> 00:16:39,956 Speaker 4: and to serve him. Motherhood is a part of that 314 00:16:40,916 --> 00:16:45,316 Speaker 4: if she's able, but it certainly isn't the highest calling. 315 00:16:45,836 --> 00:16:48,996 Speaker 4: And I used to teach that the highest calling that 316 00:16:49,036 --> 00:16:50,916 Speaker 4: we could have is to have kids, And I still 317 00:16:50,916 --> 00:16:52,716 Speaker 4: think that is one of the highest callings. 318 00:16:52,796 --> 00:16:56,636 Speaker 3: Yes, but here's why I push back. I go into scripture. 319 00:16:56,636 --> 00:16:58,996 Speaker 4: I look at the words of Jesus and I say, 320 00:16:59,676 --> 00:17:01,796 Speaker 4: what was the name of Moses's son? 321 00:17:04,196 --> 00:17:06,315 Speaker 3: And it's usually met with silence. I said, okay, I'll 322 00:17:06,316 --> 00:17:07,316 Speaker 3: help you out. It begins with. 323 00:17:07,356 --> 00:17:08,516 Speaker 2: G it's a cursive. 324 00:17:09,316 --> 00:17:12,556 Speaker 3: Well, but you're literally the first person I've ever heard 325 00:17:12,596 --> 00:17:15,676 Speaker 3: who's been able to answer that. People don't know. 326 00:17:15,796 --> 00:17:20,835 Speaker 4: Now it could be in retrospect Gersham had this significant impact. 327 00:17:20,836 --> 00:17:24,196 Speaker 4: But would any of us say that's what Moses will 328 00:17:24,196 --> 00:17:27,396 Speaker 4: be known for and renowned for. It doesn't have to 329 00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:29,676 Speaker 4: be either or I don't want to pit It's. 330 00:17:29,515 --> 00:17:33,715 Speaker 1: More it's where is the emphasis that The emphasis is 331 00:17:33,755 --> 00:17:37,876 Speaker 1: on my relationship with God, my yes to him, and 332 00:17:37,955 --> 00:17:39,515 Speaker 1: then my family after that. 333 00:17:39,916 --> 00:17:43,636 Speaker 4: Yeah, because I've seen some whose hearts are broken when 334 00:17:43,676 --> 00:17:45,595 Speaker 4: they love the Lord and they've served the Lord, and 335 00:17:45,596 --> 00:17:48,876 Speaker 4: they've sacrificed for the Lord, and their family isn't following 336 00:17:48,916 --> 00:17:49,235 Speaker 4: the Lord. 337 00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:51,476 Speaker 3: I don't believe that means they've failed. 338 00:17:51,836 --> 00:17:54,676 Speaker 4: I believe Jesus says the words about families being divided 339 00:17:55,076 --> 00:17:59,196 Speaker 4: to comfort them. He doesn't accuse them. He said, this 340 00:17:59,235 --> 00:18:02,676 Speaker 4: is why that's happening. It will break your heart. But look, 341 00:18:03,235 --> 00:18:09,955 Speaker 4: Jesus lived with Judas for three years daily and Judas 342 00:18:09,995 --> 00:18:14,836 Speaker 4: rejected him. Nowhere did Jesus say what did I do wrong? 343 00:18:15,076 --> 00:18:17,396 Speaker 4: Did I not love him enough? Did I not speak 344 00:18:17,436 --> 00:18:19,995 Speaker 4: the truth? And I'm dealing with parents that are just 345 00:18:20,995 --> 00:18:26,836 Speaker 4: beside themselves with guilt and self recramations because I must 346 00:18:26,836 --> 00:18:29,595 Speaker 4: have done something wrong and we might have none of 347 00:18:29,636 --> 00:18:30,756 Speaker 4: us parents perfect ways. 348 00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:34,715 Speaker 3: Yeah, right, but Jesus's words should encourage us and comfort 349 00:18:34,836 --> 00:18:38,396 Speaker 3: us as we can first the Kingdom of God. 350 00:18:38,556 --> 00:18:40,396 Speaker 1: Yes, so if you have a teenager, you have a 351 00:18:40,436 --> 00:18:42,996 Speaker 1: young adult, you might and you might take this away 352 00:18:42,995 --> 00:18:44,876 Speaker 1: in the future. That's not walking with the Lord, that 353 00:18:44,955 --> 00:18:48,196 Speaker 1: you would be have that comfort that you are hearing 354 00:18:48,235 --> 00:18:50,515 Speaker 1: today and tuck that away maybe for a future time. 355 00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:55,356 Speaker 1: Something I love in your book you talk about being 356 00:18:55,436 --> 00:18:57,276 Speaker 1: spiritually adventurous. 357 00:18:57,475 --> 00:18:58,715 Speaker 2: Yes, wow, I love this. 358 00:18:58,796 --> 00:19:02,316 Speaker 1: So there was this quote from our Somerset Ward talking 359 00:19:02,356 --> 00:19:05,916 Speaker 1: about Jesus the whole of his Jesus's life and teaching 360 00:19:06,396 --> 00:19:11,036 Speaker 1: is one of mass exploration and adventure and in no point, 361 00:19:11,196 --> 00:19:15,436 Speaker 1: perhaps are our lives more unlike his than in this 362 00:19:15,796 --> 00:19:20,116 Speaker 1: feature And that just stopped me in my tracks, like wait, 363 00:19:20,156 --> 00:19:22,596 Speaker 1: a minute. God is calling us this his great life 364 00:19:22,596 --> 00:19:26,795 Speaker 1: of adventure and purpose and daring and mission, and we're like, 365 00:19:27,275 --> 00:19:30,076 Speaker 1: I got to pay the bills, we need to get home, 366 00:19:30,316 --> 00:19:32,596 Speaker 1: and I need to stream my show. And so then 367 00:19:32,636 --> 00:19:36,715 Speaker 1: you realize, oh my goodness, nowhere, maybe in no point 368 00:19:36,755 --> 00:19:40,156 Speaker 1: are we missing it? Then this talk about that, why 369 00:19:40,196 --> 00:19:43,436 Speaker 1: is that important for us as families, as moms, as dads, 370 00:19:43,436 --> 00:19:46,156 Speaker 1: as husbands and wives to realize, like, wait a minute, 371 00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:49,196 Speaker 1: am I on a spiritual adventure? How can I live 372 00:19:49,316 --> 00:19:49,916 Speaker 1: more like that? 373 00:19:52,196 --> 00:19:55,475 Speaker 3: I mean, we need spiritual adventure for our marriages to 374 00:19:55,596 --> 00:20:00,036 Speaker 3: survive and for our parenting to thrive. I've seen so many. 375 00:19:59,836 --> 00:20:03,275 Speaker 4: Marriages that started out with white hot infatuation and then 376 00:20:03,316 --> 00:20:06,276 Speaker 4: they bury each other with their expectations because they want 377 00:20:06,275 --> 00:20:08,916 Speaker 4: the other partner to fulfill them, they want parenting to 378 00:20:08,955 --> 00:20:12,515 Speaker 4: fulfill them. We weren't designed to be fulfilled by marriage 379 00:20:12,515 --> 00:20:15,115 Speaker 4: and parenting, as wonderful as they are part of the 380 00:20:15,116 --> 00:20:17,795 Speaker 4: favorite parts of my life. But I was called to 381 00:20:17,836 --> 00:20:22,115 Speaker 4: see first the Kingdom of God, above a happy marriage, 382 00:20:22,116 --> 00:20:25,995 Speaker 4: above successful kids, and so I need that sense of adventure. 383 00:20:26,116 --> 00:20:29,275 Speaker 3: I liken it too. Do you want to live in 384 00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:33,156 Speaker 3: a factory on an assembly line? Or in the jungle. Now, 385 00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:34,795 Speaker 3: the jungle's scary. You don't know. 386 00:20:35,156 --> 00:20:36,955 Speaker 2: I have a little afraid of snakes. I'm not sure 387 00:20:36,995 --> 00:20:38,876 Speaker 2: it's what i'd pick. Do you have a third option? 388 00:20:39,396 --> 00:20:41,715 Speaker 4: And we focus on control, that's the lie that we're 389 00:20:41,916 --> 00:20:44,196 Speaker 4: seeing that I need to be in control. 390 00:20:44,235 --> 00:20:45,836 Speaker 3: I'm going to determine, I'm going to do this, I'm 391 00:20:45,836 --> 00:20:46,396 Speaker 3: going to do that. 392 00:20:46,836 --> 00:20:51,035 Speaker 4: But what I found that infuses life into marriages is 393 00:20:51,035 --> 00:20:53,636 Speaker 4: when husband and wife are waking up, Okay, what might 394 00:20:53,676 --> 00:20:56,316 Speaker 4: God want to do through our union today? I love 395 00:20:56,356 --> 00:20:58,835 Speaker 4: that maybe we can give a gift of money, maybe 396 00:20:58,876 --> 00:21:01,795 Speaker 4: a gift of time. There's somebody that we can invite 397 00:21:01,836 --> 00:21:04,795 Speaker 4: over into our house for hospitality. Maybe I'm going to 398 00:21:04,836 --> 00:21:06,596 Speaker 4: pray for you because you'll see somebody at work, or 399 00:21:06,596 --> 00:21:08,235 Speaker 4: are you going to meet somebody at the coffee shop 400 00:21:08,356 --> 00:21:08,955 Speaker 4: or whatnot. 401 00:21:09,596 --> 00:21:12,196 Speaker 3: But there's that sense of we're not living for ourselves. 402 00:21:12,796 --> 00:21:15,156 Speaker 4: We're living to be used by God, and God might 403 00:21:15,196 --> 00:21:17,436 Speaker 4: have something very important for us to do. Now we 404 00:21:17,515 --> 00:21:21,515 Speaker 4: don't control that, in more than we can control anything, 405 00:21:21,556 --> 00:21:25,796 Speaker 4: so we can't demand it. It becomes a negative if 406 00:21:25,836 --> 00:21:30,075 Speaker 4: every day we're expecting to see these divine miracles, but 407 00:21:30,196 --> 00:21:34,515 Speaker 4: it's Jesus who said that the Holy Spirit is like 408 00:21:34,556 --> 00:21:37,116 Speaker 4: the wind that blows wherever it pleases, and he says, 409 00:21:37,156 --> 00:21:41,316 Speaker 4: thus it will be with everyone born of the spirit. 410 00:21:42,116 --> 00:21:45,716 Speaker 4: We can set up ministry times. You know, we had 411 00:21:45,755 --> 00:21:48,075 Speaker 4: this on the schedule. Okay, I'm going to Gary at 412 00:21:48,116 --> 00:21:52,955 Speaker 4: this time. Yes, But sometimes it's the interruption before or 413 00:21:53,035 --> 00:21:54,676 Speaker 4: after where you're. 414 00:21:54,515 --> 00:21:57,076 Speaker 3: Just like in awe that man, God, use that moment. 415 00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:59,636 Speaker 3: I didn't prepare for it. I couldn't have made it happen. 416 00:21:59,676 --> 00:22:02,596 Speaker 3: I didn't plan it. Now, when we apply it to parenting, 417 00:22:02,596 --> 00:22:05,396 Speaker 3: here's why I think it's so powerful. As a parent. 418 00:22:05,475 --> 00:22:07,235 Speaker 3: It's so easy to say, how do I keep my 419 00:22:07,356 --> 00:22:08,275 Speaker 3: kids from sinning? 420 00:22:09,196 --> 00:22:12,156 Speaker 4: Which, because we know the cost of sin, we don't 421 00:22:12,156 --> 00:22:14,276 Speaker 4: want to be embarrassed by them. We don't want them 422 00:22:14,275 --> 00:22:17,876 Speaker 4: to direct themselves. But a life of spiritual adventure, we 423 00:22:17,955 --> 00:22:20,196 Speaker 4: go on the offense. Okay, kids, you're going out into 424 00:22:20,235 --> 00:22:22,916 Speaker 4: the jungle. But what if God wants to open your 425 00:22:22,955 --> 00:22:25,836 Speaker 4: eyes so that you can see somebody in the cafeteria. Oh, 426 00:22:26,316 --> 00:22:28,595 Speaker 4: that's the person I need to talk to, or some 427 00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:31,635 Speaker 4: kid just seems really sad. You're the one that I 428 00:22:31,676 --> 00:22:34,676 Speaker 4: really want to spend some time with. I'm drawn toward 429 00:22:34,755 --> 00:22:37,076 Speaker 4: my friends. But for some reason, I feel like God 430 00:22:37,116 --> 00:22:40,475 Speaker 4: is leading me to strike up a conversation here, or 431 00:22:40,515 --> 00:22:44,436 Speaker 4: maybe a teacher is really acting horribly and God reveals 432 00:22:44,436 --> 00:22:46,755 Speaker 4: they're having a bad day, and you go up and 433 00:22:46,796 --> 00:22:49,715 Speaker 4: be the encourager instead of joining in the gossip. And 434 00:22:49,755 --> 00:22:51,555 Speaker 4: so at the end of you're praying for them. In 435 00:22:51,636 --> 00:22:54,596 Speaker 4: the morning, God use them open their eyes. And then 436 00:22:54,636 --> 00:22:58,156 Speaker 4: in the evening, hey, does anybody have any God using 437 00:22:58,196 --> 00:23:02,196 Speaker 4: them stories today? And they start to live with an expectancy. 438 00:23:03,876 --> 00:23:07,835 Speaker 4: I know a man that I don't remember if I 439 00:23:07,876 --> 00:23:10,196 Speaker 4: tell this in the book or not, but he was 440 00:23:10,755 --> 00:23:13,556 Speaker 4: at a small group meeting and there's a new guy 441 00:23:13,596 --> 00:23:16,156 Speaker 4: that came in, or it could have been a basketball 442 00:23:16,156 --> 00:23:19,075 Speaker 4: game or something, and afterwards he just strongly felt there 443 00:23:19,156 --> 00:23:21,595 Speaker 4: telling him, you need to go and walk out and 444 00:23:21,636 --> 00:23:24,836 Speaker 4: talk with that man. He no, I need to get home. 445 00:23:24,995 --> 00:23:27,235 Speaker 4: I'm tired, it's been a long day. But you know, 446 00:23:27,275 --> 00:23:28,676 Speaker 4: God can be so insistent. 447 00:23:29,235 --> 00:23:31,476 Speaker 3: He did. He spent forty five. 448 00:23:31,356 --> 00:23:34,475 Speaker 4: Minutes talking with that man and hearing the challenges of 449 00:23:34,515 --> 00:23:34,995 Speaker 4: his life. 450 00:23:35,076 --> 00:23:35,995 Speaker 3: When they got. 451 00:23:35,836 --> 00:23:39,475 Speaker 4: Done our lean, the man took a bullet out of 452 00:23:39,475 --> 00:23:43,556 Speaker 4: his front pocket and he handed it to the man 453 00:23:43,636 --> 00:23:45,315 Speaker 4: and he said, this is the most I was going 454 00:23:45,396 --> 00:23:48,796 Speaker 4: to use to kill myself. Tonight, You've shown me that 455 00:23:48,876 --> 00:23:51,795 Speaker 4: somebody cares. There's a new way, and I want to 456 00:23:51,796 --> 00:23:53,516 Speaker 4: give this to you because I'm not going to need 457 00:23:53,556 --> 00:23:56,916 Speaker 4: it word and of course he followed up. But that's 458 00:23:56,955 --> 00:23:59,235 Speaker 4: the kind of thing that you don't plan on, you 459 00:23:59,275 --> 00:24:01,556 Speaker 4: can't make happen. And it's so easy in our life 460 00:24:01,596 --> 00:24:05,116 Speaker 4: of ministry because our lives are so busy. I got 461 00:24:05,116 --> 00:24:06,916 Speaker 4: to prepare for this sermon. We got to teach our 462 00:24:06,995 --> 00:24:09,396 Speaker 4: kids this. We got to get our kids of that practice. 463 00:24:09,636 --> 00:24:12,276 Speaker 4: And this is just a new life of opening up 464 00:24:12,396 --> 00:24:15,676 Speaker 4: our eyes and our kids' eyes to the fact that 465 00:24:16,356 --> 00:24:21,235 Speaker 4: God moves in our busy schedule. Most of Jesus's ministry 466 00:24:21,676 --> 00:24:24,275 Speaker 4: it was spontaneous. He sees the woman at the well, 467 00:24:24,596 --> 00:24:28,275 Speaker 4: a woman touches him that's been bleeding. Somebody approaches and Jesus, 468 00:24:28,356 --> 00:24:31,156 Speaker 4: can you do that? It's just getting into more of 469 00:24:31,196 --> 00:24:34,995 Speaker 4: that control feels comfortable, But in the end, we'll be 470 00:24:35,035 --> 00:24:37,916 Speaker 4: bored with our faith if we try to control everything. 471 00:24:38,116 --> 00:24:40,115 Speaker 1: And that's moms and dads, a lot of moms too. 472 00:24:40,156 --> 00:24:43,436 Speaker 1: We're controlling everything and kind of thinking, yes have structure, 473 00:24:43,596 --> 00:24:44,916 Speaker 1: yes have a plan, but. 474 00:24:44,995 --> 00:24:46,236 Speaker 2: The wind of the spirit. 475 00:24:46,316 --> 00:24:47,155 Speaker 1: So I really like that. 476 00:24:47,275 --> 00:24:49,075 Speaker 2: It's like follow this wind of the spirit. 477 00:24:49,636 --> 00:24:53,475 Speaker 1: Talk about briefly, like turning your chair in or out. 478 00:24:53,515 --> 00:24:54,436 Speaker 2: What do you mean by that? 479 00:24:55,076 --> 00:24:56,955 Speaker 3: Well, look, I'm an introvert. 480 00:24:57,275 --> 00:24:59,676 Speaker 4: And there was this Starbucks out by where my parents 481 00:24:59,715 --> 00:25:02,315 Speaker 4: she still lived that I loved because when I was visiting, 482 00:25:02,316 --> 00:25:03,755 Speaker 4: I would be the first one there in the morning. 483 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:06,755 Speaker 4: I'm on Central time. They opened up it for my 484 00:25:06,876 --> 00:25:09,475 Speaker 4: body clock doesn't change that much. And there's this little 485 00:25:09,515 --> 00:25:12,475 Speaker 4: corner where I could just open up my laptop. 486 00:25:12,515 --> 00:25:15,676 Speaker 3: You can imagine if I'm getting my work done, I'm 487 00:25:15,676 --> 00:25:17,676 Speaker 3: not bothering anybody. They're not bothering me. 488 00:25:17,836 --> 00:25:20,715 Speaker 4: Well, I came back couple months later and they'd change 489 00:25:20,755 --> 00:25:24,955 Speaker 4: the whole layout. Starbucks tends to do everything. There was 490 00:25:25,035 --> 00:25:28,235 Speaker 4: no corner to hide into. And then I saw this 491 00:25:28,316 --> 00:25:31,836 Speaker 4: older guy. I hadn't seen him before, well into his eighties, 492 00:25:31,916 --> 00:25:35,475 Speaker 4: I would guess, and he would literally rearrange the furniture 493 00:25:35,556 --> 00:25:37,755 Speaker 4: so that you had to go buy him to order 494 00:25:38,196 --> 00:25:40,635 Speaker 4: or once you got your drink to get out, and 495 00:25:40,715 --> 00:25:44,275 Speaker 4: he turned his chair out, and the priest has got 496 00:25:44,275 --> 00:25:44,676 Speaker 4: a hog. 497 00:25:44,836 --> 00:25:47,316 Speaker 3: Every customer got a greeting. When I walked by. 498 00:25:47,356 --> 00:25:49,555 Speaker 4: He would hold up his palm and it had the 499 00:25:49,676 --> 00:25:54,636 Speaker 4: written code to the restroom. I appreciated because I'm downing 500 00:25:54,636 --> 00:25:57,676 Speaker 4: the tea while I'm working, and I realized it's just 501 00:25:57,715 --> 00:25:58,515 Speaker 4: a different view. 502 00:25:58,396 --> 00:26:00,876 Speaker 3: Of life, turning your chair out instead of in. Now, 503 00:26:00,916 --> 00:26:07,196 Speaker 3: as an introvert, I need some time of it in process. 504 00:26:06,796 --> 00:26:08,956 Speaker 4: But often not as much as I think I do. 505 00:26:09,436 --> 00:26:12,516 Speaker 4: And this whole chapter is the lie that we can 506 00:26:12,596 --> 00:26:16,556 Speaker 4: be isolated. The Scripture, well, it reveals a God who 507 00:26:16,636 --> 00:26:19,955 Speaker 4: is relational. And look, this is that's where theologians go 508 00:26:20,035 --> 00:26:22,475 Speaker 4: to make fools of themselves trying to explain the trinity. 509 00:26:22,955 --> 00:26:26,315 Speaker 3: But you have the father, son, spirit, one God. But 510 00:26:26,356 --> 00:26:27,876 Speaker 3: there's a relational element. 511 00:26:28,196 --> 00:26:30,875 Speaker 4: And how much the Bible talks about the way we 512 00:26:30,916 --> 00:26:35,156 Speaker 4: need to be relationally connected. I used to focus on 513 00:26:35,235 --> 00:26:41,315 Speaker 4: the spiritual disciplines study, fasting, getting away. I now add 514 00:26:41,356 --> 00:26:46,036 Speaker 4: spiritual communication to those disciplines that for a healthy life, 515 00:26:46,636 --> 00:26:50,876 Speaker 4: I need to incorporate more intentional fellowship. And that's what 516 00:26:50,955 --> 00:26:53,636 Speaker 4: the chapter says. We're not a healthy Christian if we're 517 00:26:53,636 --> 00:26:56,116 Speaker 4: an isolated Christian. Yeah, we have to turn our chair 518 00:26:56,235 --> 00:26:57,475 Speaker 4: out instead of in. 519 00:26:58,035 --> 00:27:00,916 Speaker 1: And this is for the parent and for the child. 520 00:27:01,356 --> 00:27:02,356 Speaker 2: As we close out. 521 00:27:02,515 --> 00:27:04,475 Speaker 1: If we have a child that we're just having a 522 00:27:04,475 --> 00:27:07,156 Speaker 1: hard time getting out of, their not leaving their room. 523 00:27:07,396 --> 00:27:08,316 Speaker 2: Right, I hear this. 524 00:27:08,356 --> 00:27:10,955 Speaker 1: Over and over again, my teenage son, my teenage daughter, 525 00:27:11,316 --> 00:27:12,515 Speaker 1: They're not leaving the room. 526 00:27:12,836 --> 00:27:14,995 Speaker 2: Give us just that admonition. No, you can do this. 527 00:27:15,076 --> 00:27:17,235 Speaker 1: You need to help that child put their chair out. 528 00:27:17,436 --> 00:27:17,715 Speaker 3: Yeah. 529 00:27:17,755 --> 00:27:21,355 Speaker 4: Well, look, I've represented myself as a how to parenting expert, 530 00:27:21,475 --> 00:27:23,076 Speaker 4: so I don't want to come off as I've got 531 00:27:23,116 --> 00:27:23,676 Speaker 4: the solution. 532 00:27:24,396 --> 00:27:27,996 Speaker 3: But what I would do is try to remove the 533 00:27:28,035 --> 00:27:29,436 Speaker 3: comforts of being alone. 534 00:27:29,916 --> 00:27:32,275 Speaker 4: Okay, somebody wants to be in a home alone in 535 00:27:32,316 --> 00:27:34,396 Speaker 4: their room, that's understand what. I'm going to give them 536 00:27:34,396 --> 00:27:37,876 Speaker 4: time if they're reading a book, not if they're playing 537 00:27:37,995 --> 00:27:42,235 Speaker 4: unless video games or streaming Netflix or on their phones 538 00:27:42,396 --> 00:27:48,595 Speaker 4: or whatnot. Because the more comfortable we are leaning this world. 539 00:27:49,396 --> 00:27:54,156 Speaker 4: If if I was Satan, if I wanted to destroy 540 00:27:54,235 --> 00:27:59,475 Speaker 4: the next generation, I would create porn, Netflix. 541 00:27:58,916 --> 00:28:00,515 Speaker 3: And social media. 542 00:28:00,755 --> 00:28:04,876 Speaker 4: They're all isolating and they all take us away from 543 00:28:04,916 --> 00:28:05,876 Speaker 4: relating to each other. 544 00:28:05,955 --> 00:28:09,116 Speaker 3: There are people that know the friends more than they. 545 00:28:08,995 --> 00:28:15,595 Speaker 4: Have friends, and the hours that are consumed with video 546 00:28:15,715 --> 00:28:21,035 Speaker 4: games and streaming and porn and whatnot, it does separate 547 00:28:21,275 --> 00:28:23,436 Speaker 4: us from real life and real relating. 548 00:28:23,515 --> 00:28:26,916 Speaker 3: So first I would want to take that away, yeah, 549 00:28:26,955 --> 00:28:28,636 Speaker 3: And second then I would. 550 00:28:28,475 --> 00:28:32,796 Speaker 4: Try to look at just how do we create times 551 00:28:32,836 --> 00:28:36,876 Speaker 4: of relating, which might mean inviting several friends if somebody's 552 00:28:36,876 --> 00:28:40,315 Speaker 4: really an introvert, it can be intense to invite one friend, 553 00:28:40,676 --> 00:28:41,956 Speaker 4: but say, hey, we're going to have a group of 554 00:28:41,996 --> 00:28:44,396 Speaker 4: your friends over, or we're going to invite another family 555 00:28:44,436 --> 00:28:45,835 Speaker 4: over where they feel. 556 00:28:45,556 --> 00:28:48,276 Speaker 3: Like they have to learn to engage and then. 557 00:28:48,196 --> 00:28:51,716 Speaker 4: Just try to build from it that way. So it's 558 00:28:51,716 --> 00:28:57,276 Speaker 4: by invitation, it's removing the temptation of being alone and 559 00:28:57,316 --> 00:29:01,835 Speaker 4: then trying to introduce the invitation of the blessing of 560 00:29:01,916 --> 00:29:03,156 Speaker 4: community and fellowship. 561 00:29:03,356 --> 00:29:05,276 Speaker 1: Yeah, and it could be rough the first few times 562 00:29:05,276 --> 00:29:08,076 Speaker 1: that nothing's happening and it's super awkward, But after a month, 563 00:29:08,116 --> 00:29:09,556 Speaker 1: two month, three month, four, you're like. 564 00:29:09,556 --> 00:29:11,836 Speaker 2: Well, look, my child knows how to talk again. 565 00:29:12,196 --> 00:29:14,956 Speaker 1: So don't give up if those first few times of 566 00:29:14,996 --> 00:29:17,436 Speaker 1: getting together are a little bit awkward. And I love 567 00:29:17,476 --> 00:29:20,716 Speaker 1: the idea of making being a alone uncomfortable. So of 568 00:29:20,796 --> 00:29:23,036 Speaker 1: course you're alone, You're so comfortable, You're like streaming your 569 00:29:23,036 --> 00:29:25,116 Speaker 1: favorite show, you're doing all these things. But oh goodness, 570 00:29:25,116 --> 00:29:28,355 Speaker 1: look the WiFi is out indefinitely, and all of a sudden, 571 00:29:28,396 --> 00:29:30,476 Speaker 1: you're stuck in your room and you have nothing to do. 572 00:29:30,796 --> 00:29:33,436 Speaker 1: You're you're going to come out. So that's a great word. 573 00:29:33,876 --> 00:29:36,916 Speaker 1: Let's make our kids uncomfortable while they are alone. 574 00:29:37,476 --> 00:29:39,636 Speaker 3: If I could add one more thing that might surprise people. 575 00:29:39,676 --> 00:29:42,836 Speaker 3: But I'm speaking as a pastor. Yeah, I think we 576 00:29:42,876 --> 00:29:44,756 Speaker 3: should stick with our church. I think we should be 577 00:29:44,756 --> 00:29:45,796 Speaker 3: committed to our church. 578 00:29:45,876 --> 00:29:50,756 Speaker 4: But I tell younger parents that are raising kids, don't 579 00:29:51,036 --> 00:29:55,196 Speaker 4: underestimate the power of a strong, vibrant youth group where 580 00:29:55,236 --> 00:29:57,916 Speaker 4: they can totally their friends that challenge their faith. If 581 00:29:57,956 --> 00:30:00,516 Speaker 4: you're going to change churches, that's one of the few 582 00:30:00,556 --> 00:30:01,116 Speaker 4: good reasons. 583 00:30:01,356 --> 00:30:01,716 Speaker 3: Yeah. 584 00:30:01,756 --> 00:30:04,236 Speaker 1: So the fellowship for the kids, Yes. 585 00:30:04,076 --> 00:30:06,956 Speaker 4: You can get good sermons and fellowship as an adult 586 00:30:07,076 --> 00:30:11,556 Speaker 4: easier than your kids can. And so their years are short, 587 00:30:11,836 --> 00:30:14,676 Speaker 4: and I think you're choosing your church for your kids 588 00:30:15,076 --> 00:30:17,796 Speaker 4: at that age in their life. I know that's a 589 00:30:17,836 --> 00:30:22,716 Speaker 4: little bit controversy, but look, I'm just telling you looking back, Yeah, 590 00:30:22,756 --> 00:30:25,595 Speaker 4: those are formative years where I want our kids to 591 00:30:25,716 --> 00:30:30,116 Speaker 4: learn the value of church, being involved with other families 592 00:30:30,116 --> 00:30:32,836 Speaker 4: that are seeking first the Kingdom of God. And I 593 00:30:33,356 --> 00:30:36,716 Speaker 4: would leave I would change churches to help affect that 594 00:30:36,756 --> 00:30:37,676 Speaker 4: in my kids' lives. 595 00:30:37,836 --> 00:30:40,276 Speaker 1: I would agree with you on that. Gary. How can 596 00:30:40,316 --> 00:30:42,876 Speaker 1: people find out more about your book and more about you? 597 00:30:44,116 --> 00:30:46,036 Speaker 4: Well, the book The Life You Were Reborn to Live 598 00:30:46,116 --> 00:30:48,596 Speaker 4: Just Man only twelve lives at Robert Inmsue God. It's 599 00:30:48,676 --> 00:30:53,876 Speaker 4: available anywhere. My website has some mention of it, which 600 00:30:53,916 --> 00:30:57,556 Speaker 4: is Gary Thomas dot com. Where I'm most active is 601 00:30:57,716 --> 00:31:00,476 Speaker 4: at my substack, which they can get to it connect 602 00:31:00,556 --> 00:31:01,756 Speaker 4: to Gary dot com. 603 00:31:02,156 --> 00:31:03,636 Speaker 3: I'm loving to interact. 604 00:31:03,276 --> 00:31:05,116 Speaker 4: With people on that and the sub sect is more 605 00:31:05,156 --> 00:31:08,556 Speaker 4: about parenting and marriage, although does have someone on the 606 00:31:08,596 --> 00:31:09,516 Speaker 4: spiritual life. 607 00:31:10,036 --> 00:31:11,636 Speaker 2: Very good and we'll have all those links in the 608 00:31:11,636 --> 00:31:12,156 Speaker 2: show notes. 609 00:31:12,196 --> 00:31:14,676 Speaker 1: Gary, thank you so much for the biblical wisdom you 610 00:31:14,716 --> 00:31:17,835 Speaker 1: give us, for the encouragement while we are in the 611 00:31:17,916 --> 00:31:18,676 Speaker 1: parenting years. 612 00:31:18,996 --> 00:31:20,316 Speaker 2: Thank you, Thank you so much. 613 00:31:20,476 --> 00:31:21,116 Speaker 3: Thank you, Arlie. 614 00:31:22,716 --> 00:31:26,076 Speaker 1: I hope you've enjoyed today's conversation. I'd love to keep 615 00:31:26,076 --> 00:31:29,756 Speaker 1: in touch beyond this podcast. Click subscribe in the show 616 00:31:29,756 --> 00:31:32,355 Speaker 1: notes and I will give you my latest email to 617 00:31:32,436 --> 00:31:35,676 Speaker 1: keep up on what's happening with technology and kids. 618 00:31:36,196 --> 00:31:37,076 Speaker 3: And maybe you like. 619 00:31:37,156 --> 00:31:39,756 Speaker 1: Reading or listening to books. I have a lot of 620 00:31:39,796 --> 00:31:43,796 Speaker 1: books you could start with the Big Three, making marriage easier, 621 00:31:44,356 --> 00:31:46,676 Speaker 1: parents rising or screen kids. 622 00:31:47,276 --> 00:31:48,836 Speaker 2: A big thank you to the team at. 623 00:31:48,756 --> 00:31:51,876 Speaker 1: Life Audio for their partnership with the Happy Home podcast. 624 00:31:52,276 --> 00:31:55,556 Speaker 1: Check out lifeaudio dot com for dozens of other faith 625 00:31:55,676 --> 00:31:58,996 Speaker 1: related podcasts about prayer, Bible study, and more. 626 00:31:59,636 --> 00:32:02,676 Speaker 2: Remember you don't have to come from a happy. 627 00:32:02,276 --> 00:32:03,636 Speaker 1: Home to create one. 628 00:32:03,916 --> 00:32:05,996 Speaker 2: You too, can have a happy home.