1 00:00:02,720 --> 00:00:09,039 Speaker 1: Access more. Welcome to the Happy Home. I'm our Lene Pelicane. 2 00:00:09,360 --> 00:00:13,200 Speaker 1: How addicted is your son or daughter to video games? 3 00:00:13,560 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 1: Today's guest Ian McCready, is a former video game addict 4 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:21,279 Speaker 1: who understands the lure of gaming. He's found a way 5 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,759 Speaker 1: to redeem his time from technology. You and your kids 6 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:26,840 Speaker 1: can too. Find out how. 7 00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:33,600 Speaker 2: Next strengthening you and your family. Welcome to the Happy 8 00:00:33,640 --> 00:00:38,880 Speaker 2: Home podcast with your host, our Lean Pelicane. 9 00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:41,239 Speaker 1: This month is kick out the Tech Month, and if 10 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,480 Speaker 1: you missed last week's episode with Claire Morrell, I would 11 00:00:44,600 --> 00:00:47,319 Speaker 1: highly encourage you to listen to that. We are all 12 00:00:47,360 --> 00:00:50,080 Speaker 1: about keeping the tech that's helping us as families, but 13 00:00:50,120 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 1: we want to kick out the tech that is hurting us. 14 00:00:53,400 --> 00:00:57,840 Speaker 1: Can your kids really live without harmful social media TikTok 15 00:00:58,080 --> 00:01:01,200 Speaker 1: you know, video games, etc. Well find out in our 16 00:01:01,200 --> 00:01:04,959 Speaker 1: little documentary our kids talking about this in their own words, 17 00:01:05,000 --> 00:01:08,039 Speaker 1: Screen Kids. It's a free little video that you can 18 00:01:08,080 --> 00:01:11,839 Speaker 1: watch with your kids about kids who don't have TikTok 19 00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 1: to see if they survive. And that's at Happy Home 20 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:18,440 Speaker 1: University dot com and that link is in the show notes. 21 00:01:18,720 --> 00:01:22,800 Speaker 1: Today's guest Ian McCready was crushing it in video games 22 00:01:22,800 --> 00:01:27,040 Speaker 1: like he was doing awesome, but gaming was also crushing 23 00:01:27,200 --> 00:01:30,880 Speaker 1: him as a young adult. He was gaming twelve to 24 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:35,200 Speaker 1: fourteen hours a day. What caused something to change? He 25 00:01:35,280 --> 00:01:38,160 Speaker 1: had a breakthrough. How did it happen? You're gonna find out. 26 00:01:38,240 --> 00:01:41,039 Speaker 1: It's an amazing story. He's the founder of Self Control, 27 00:01:41,280 --> 00:01:45,280 Speaker 1: a nonprofit focused on helping people build self control to 28 00:01:45,360 --> 00:01:49,600 Speaker 1: be set free from video game addiction. He's a married 29 00:01:49,640 --> 00:01:52,240 Speaker 1: man with two kids, so he's also coming at this 30 00:01:52,480 --> 00:01:59,440 Speaker 1: with the perspective of a dad. Let's get started, Ian, 31 00:01:59,520 --> 00:02:01,080 Speaker 1: it is so good to have you on the Happy 32 00:02:01,080 --> 00:02:04,000 Speaker 1: Home podcast. Now. In nineteen ninety nine, that is the 33 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:06,640 Speaker 1: year that I got married to my husband, and that 34 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,200 Speaker 1: is the year that you got a video game. It is, yes, 35 00:02:10,560 --> 00:02:13,720 Speaker 1: very pivotal year in both of our lives. And there 36 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:16,320 Speaker 1: are a lot of dads in the world who are like, 37 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,480 Speaker 1: what is wrong with video gaming? Like, I grew up 38 00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,720 Speaker 1: playing video games and it was like amazing and fun 39 00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:26,440 Speaker 1: and I turned out just fine. What is different about 40 00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:30,520 Speaker 1: today's video game than that, you know, nineteen ninety nine, 41 00:02:30,560 --> 00:02:32,520 Speaker 1: early two thousand's kind of video game. 42 00:02:33,040 --> 00:02:35,840 Speaker 2: It's a great question. Yeah, So part of my story 43 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:40,399 Speaker 2: is nineteen ninety nine was the Sony PlayStation, and that's 44 00:02:40,440 --> 00:02:44,000 Speaker 2: where gaming started for me. Right, And a lot of 45 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,680 Speaker 2: people would probably tell you I turned out fine too, Right, 46 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:50,640 Speaker 2: I played video games and I turned out okay. But 47 00:02:50,800 --> 00:02:53,239 Speaker 2: even the games that I started to play, I got 48 00:02:53,240 --> 00:02:56,160 Speaker 2: addicted to in college. When I went off to college 49 00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,720 Speaker 2: or started playing a game called the World of Warcraft, 50 00:02:58,760 --> 00:03:00,760 Speaker 2: which was one of those games that was on the 51 00:03:00,880 --> 00:03:04,800 Speaker 2: very early end of what are known as very addictive 52 00:03:04,919 --> 00:03:07,120 Speaker 2: video games. And a lot of people I think are 53 00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:10,560 Speaker 2: familiar with maybe someone or they've heard of that game before, 54 00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:14,520 Speaker 2: but World of Warcraft really started off a trend. And 55 00:03:14,560 --> 00:03:19,519 Speaker 2: I would say most modern popular video games are built 56 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,639 Speaker 2: to try to have addictive components, right. And that's not 57 00:03:23,639 --> 00:03:25,040 Speaker 2: to say there are a lot of games out there 58 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:28,520 Speaker 2: that are great. I love narrative driven story games that 59 00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:31,760 Speaker 2: have a start and stop and maybe they're engaging, but 60 00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:35,600 Speaker 2: when you play them, the game ends and you move 61 00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 2: on with your life and you don't probably play it again. 62 00:03:38,600 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 2: But World of Warcraft is not like that. And most 63 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 2: of the modern games today that we as adults and 64 00:03:44,400 --> 00:03:48,040 Speaker 2: definitely our kids are playing are built to suck up 65 00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:51,200 Speaker 2: as much time as we're willing to give them. There's 66 00:03:51,280 --> 00:03:56,240 Speaker 2: never ending content. There's essentially a fomo driven sense of Hey, 67 00:03:56,520 --> 00:03:58,960 Speaker 2: you gotta log in this weekend to get your bonus 68 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:02,720 Speaker 2: points or get your exclusive item or something that's keeping 69 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:06,440 Speaker 2: our kids on the games. I remember talking to my 70 00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:09,440 Speaker 2: nephew and he's like, I got to play NBA two 71 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:10,920 Speaker 2: K this weekend. I was like, what do you mean 72 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,920 Speaker 2: you have to play? And he's like, well, I won't 73 00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:16,719 Speaker 2: get this Steph Curry or whatever jersey it was. And 74 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:20,080 Speaker 2: he felt like he had to be online playing and 75 00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,000 Speaker 2: all of his friends were going to get that jersey 76 00:04:22,080 --> 00:04:23,920 Speaker 2: and he was going to miss out on it, and 77 00:04:23,960 --> 00:04:27,320 Speaker 2: that kept him from hanging out with his family or 78 00:04:27,360 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 2: hanging out with me while I was in town I 79 00:04:29,560 --> 00:04:32,000 Speaker 2: was visiting. You know, It's just those are the types 80 00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:34,960 Speaker 2: of things that I think a young kid doesn't understand 81 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,320 Speaker 2: as much or doesn't value as much. But the games today, 82 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:42,600 Speaker 2: especially with the change to free to play. If you're 83 00:04:42,600 --> 00:04:44,240 Speaker 2: ever playing a free to play game and you're like, 84 00:04:44,279 --> 00:04:46,800 Speaker 2: this is really fun, but then you're kind of feeling 85 00:04:46,839 --> 00:04:49,440 Speaker 2: like I actually want to put it down. That's because 86 00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,880 Speaker 2: it's designed to just try to hook you on it 87 00:04:51,920 --> 00:04:54,960 Speaker 2: as much as it can. And the thing Arlene that 88 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:58,400 Speaker 2: I really don't like about some of these games is 89 00:04:58,440 --> 00:05:02,520 Speaker 2: that they're built to prey upon the people that have 90 00:05:02,560 --> 00:05:05,760 Speaker 2: a problem. So if you're playing that game, you feel like, 91 00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,599 Speaker 2: this is awesome. I don't have a problem with this. 92 00:05:08,160 --> 00:05:10,720 Speaker 2: You were given that game for free because someone else, 93 00:05:10,839 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 2: and typically children have a problem with it. So we 94 00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:19,400 Speaker 2: did a survey just within Self Control Serve at five 95 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,760 Speaker 2: hundred people, and with then those five hundred people thereas 96 00:05:22,839 --> 00:05:25,600 Speaker 2: we asked, what's the most money you've ever spent on 97 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:28,880 Speaker 2: a video game? You know, we got we got thirty 98 00:05:28,960 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 2: thousand dollars just in our little five hundred person survey. 99 00:05:32,480 --> 00:05:34,960 Speaker 1: Alrety thousand dollars. Like you could have bought a house. 100 00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:36,840 Speaker 1: You can tell payment on a house. 101 00:05:37,240 --> 00:05:40,159 Speaker 2: Yeah, and my goodness. So there are games that are famous. 102 00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:42,560 Speaker 2: There's one game in particular, it's just a mobile game 103 00:05:42,600 --> 00:05:45,000 Speaker 2: on your phone, and there is somebody in the world 104 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,680 Speaker 2: that spent over a million dollars on that mobile game. 105 00:05:48,120 --> 00:05:51,000 Speaker 2: So a game that's built to be able to take 106 00:05:51,040 --> 00:05:55,719 Speaker 2: as much of your money as possible is especially concerning 107 00:05:55,760 --> 00:05:58,240 Speaker 2: when it's a child, or it's your children who don't 108 00:05:58,279 --> 00:06:00,159 Speaker 2: understand the value of money, or are throwing this on 109 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:04,640 Speaker 2: your credit card, or spending all of their allowance or 110 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 2: all of their chore money, or or however they're getting money, 111 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:11,200 Speaker 2: they're spending it all on essentially consumable items or whatever 112 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:12,240 Speaker 2: the game's trying to get them. 113 00:06:12,279 --> 00:06:14,239 Speaker 1: So we're going to come back to this, this whole 114 00:06:14,279 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 1: idea and let people know you're not just talking as 115 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:21,080 Speaker 1: this expert. You're talking as someone who this almost wrecked 116 00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:23,599 Speaker 1: you being on video games. But before we get there, 117 00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:27,520 Speaker 1: bring us back into high school when you're gaming and 118 00:06:27,560 --> 00:06:29,960 Speaker 1: you're playing World of Warcraft and how you wanted to 119 00:06:29,960 --> 00:06:32,719 Speaker 1: get that staff so bad. Bring us there because a 120 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,480 Speaker 1: lot of people listening, they've got a son who's playing, 121 00:06:35,520 --> 00:06:37,240 Speaker 1: who is exactly where you were. Then. 122 00:06:38,160 --> 00:06:42,839 Speaker 2: Yeah, I think for me I had in high school. 123 00:06:42,839 --> 00:06:45,159 Speaker 2: I feel like I had a good handle on gaming. 124 00:06:46,120 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 2: But that was before World of Warcraft came into my life, 125 00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:53,039 Speaker 2: and within a year you would have checked in on 126 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:56,919 Speaker 2: a very healthy raised in a Christian home, went to 127 00:06:56,960 --> 00:07:00,599 Speaker 2: a Christian high school, very healthy high scho school. I 128 00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:03,800 Speaker 2: got awards, I got character nominations. 129 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:06,280 Speaker 1: Right, you're the kid that the other parents are like, oh, 130 00:07:06,320 --> 00:07:07,640 Speaker 1: if you could only be more like Ian. 131 00:07:08,279 --> 00:07:12,200 Speaker 2: Yeah, and I appreciate it when you say it because 132 00:07:12,640 --> 00:07:14,880 Speaker 2: it was I felt like I was doing what I 133 00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:17,320 Speaker 2: was supposed to do, nor was checking the boxes. But 134 00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:20,000 Speaker 2: within a year of starting that game, you would have 135 00:07:20,000 --> 00:07:23,240 Speaker 2: found me playing twelve to fourteen hours a day. And 136 00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,080 Speaker 2: I think the important thing that I want any parent 137 00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:29,960 Speaker 2: or even someone who is a gamer or is married 138 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:33,440 Speaker 2: to a gamer to think about and understand is games 139 00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 2: have this way of giving you a feeling of accomplishment, 140 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:40,000 Speaker 2: and there's so many different ways that they do that. 141 00:07:40,440 --> 00:07:44,520 Speaker 2: But when life is stressful and you feel like you're 142 00:07:44,560 --> 00:07:49,080 Speaker 2: progressing in the game, that's why so many gamers get 143 00:07:49,120 --> 00:07:53,000 Speaker 2: trapped gaming because they can always go to it and 144 00:07:53,040 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 2: it doesn't matter if their boss said something mean to them, 145 00:07:55,720 --> 00:07:57,680 Speaker 2: or they didn't do well on a paper or something. 146 00:07:57,840 --> 00:07:59,360 Speaker 2: They can go to the game and they can at 147 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,040 Speaker 2: least do something and you know they're good at And 148 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,400 Speaker 2: for me, World of Warcraft was that it was this 149 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,080 Speaker 2: place where I could go and I could I always 150 00:08:06,120 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 2: knew what I needed to accomplish next for my character. 151 00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:12,120 Speaker 2: But there is still one thing that I wanted, and 152 00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:15,240 Speaker 2: it's that item that you mentioned. See. I was one 153 00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:17,800 Speaker 2: of the top gamers in the server, the group of 154 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 2: people that I played with, but there was still one 155 00:08:20,280 --> 00:08:22,880 Speaker 2: thing that I lacked. It was like the ultimate in 156 00:08:23,040 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 2: game item, and Arleen, what I mean ultimate? I mean ultimate, 157 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 2: Like twelve million World of Warcraft players, about four or 158 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:32,520 Speaker 2: five people in the planet had this staff, my goodness 159 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:34,040 Speaker 2: the time that I was going for it. So if 160 00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,280 Speaker 2: I was streaming on zoom right, or if I was 161 00:08:37,840 --> 00:08:40,320 Speaker 2: trying to get a following on YouTube, people would probably 162 00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:43,040 Speaker 2: tune into what I was doing. And I'm so thankful 163 00:08:43,080 --> 00:08:44,720 Speaker 2: to God that that was not an option for me 164 00:08:44,760 --> 00:08:47,079 Speaker 2: back then, because I might still be playing World like 165 00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:51,360 Speaker 2: staff right now totally. But to get it, it's so 166 00:08:51,960 --> 00:08:54,360 Speaker 2: hard to get that item, and you have to beat 167 00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:58,000 Speaker 2: the eighth dragon in the heart of a volcano. It's 168 00:08:58,040 --> 00:09:01,800 Speaker 2: the molten core a black rock mountain. It's so nerdy, 169 00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:04,120 Speaker 2: it's about as nerd as it gets you. But you 170 00:09:04,200 --> 00:09:07,120 Speaker 2: go kill this dragon, and like so many parts of 171 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,320 Speaker 2: video games, it's a gambling mechanic, right. It's like hitting 172 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:12,160 Speaker 2: a slot machine because you could kill the dragon and 173 00:09:12,280 --> 00:09:14,320 Speaker 2: it would be so nice if they just gave you 174 00:09:14,360 --> 00:09:17,640 Speaker 2: the item, but you just get like a few percent 175 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,960 Speaker 2: chance to get the item, and just like a slot 176 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,160 Speaker 2: machine in a casino. That kept me coming back more 177 00:09:23,160 --> 00:09:25,240 Speaker 2: powerfully than if I knew I had to beat the 178 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,800 Speaker 2: dragon twenty times to get the item, because I just 179 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:29,719 Speaker 2: kept coming back, hoping, this is the time, this is 180 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 2: time to be it, And finally it was there. It dropped. 181 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:37,360 Speaker 2: I could seat on the screen. But I believe God 182 00:09:37,559 --> 00:09:43,760 Speaker 2: intervened in my life because through circumstances outside of my control, 183 00:09:44,360 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 2: someone else out of the people that I played with, 184 00:09:46,800 --> 00:09:51,400 Speaker 2: had just passed me, like the boss fight. Right before that, 185 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:55,559 Speaker 2: someone else in my guild, my group of players had 186 00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,480 Speaker 2: more dragon killing points with me. That tells you how 187 00:09:58,559 --> 00:10:03,000 Speaker 2: nerdy this is right? They got the item, my goodness, 188 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:07,079 Speaker 2: and I freaked out, like wanted to take my computer 189 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:09,040 Speaker 2: and smash it against the wall, but I knew I 190 00:10:09,040 --> 00:10:12,079 Speaker 2: couldn't get another computer, and I'm so thankful that I 191 00:10:12,080 --> 00:10:16,360 Speaker 2: didn't do that. But it took me hours to calm down. 192 00:10:18,040 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 2: And I was not prone to fits of anger like 193 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:22,680 Speaker 2: that was not part of my character when I gamed 194 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,240 Speaker 2: or did that. So this was really kind of an 195 00:10:25,280 --> 00:10:27,520 Speaker 2: eye opening to me. And what it did was it 196 00:10:27,559 --> 00:10:31,880 Speaker 2: opened my eyes to how much of my time, how 197 00:10:31,960 --> 00:10:38,960 Speaker 2: much of my life. I just spent literally months of 198 00:10:38,960 --> 00:10:43,000 Speaker 2: my life trying to get that one item. And I'm 199 00:10:43,040 --> 00:10:47,080 Speaker 2: so glad got in your feet because I quit the 200 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:47,880 Speaker 2: very next day. 201 00:10:48,040 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, that's crazy, Like this makes so much 202 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,120 Speaker 1: sense because obviously if you're not like maybe you're not 203 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:57,600 Speaker 1: killing it in chemistry class. Maybe the girl you like 204 00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,280 Speaker 1: doesn't even know that you're alive. But you go this 205 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:04,280 Speaker 1: and you're like one of five of fourteen million people 206 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:06,560 Speaker 1: who could get this thing. I mean, it totally makes sense. 207 00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,319 Speaker 1: Like for the boys who are gaming. While you're doing this, 208 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 1: you succeed, You have a purpose, you have a mission, 209 00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:14,640 Speaker 1: like all of those things. And you're also saying that 210 00:11:14,679 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: God intervened. And that's a call to us as parents, 211 00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:21,080 Speaker 1: don't stop praying for your gamer. Like God is going 212 00:11:21,160 --> 00:11:23,840 Speaker 1: to show up in can and will show up in 213 00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,960 Speaker 1: crazy ways, and we need to keep praying for our kids. 214 00:11:26,720 --> 00:11:29,839 Speaker 1: Let's now we've rewound. Let's now fast forward. You're a 215 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:35,120 Speaker 1: dad and you're watching your daughter. She's a few months old, 216 00:11:35,280 --> 00:11:38,400 Speaker 1: and you're on your phone and you're gaming. 217 00:11:38,559 --> 00:11:43,880 Speaker 2: Bring us there, so I still remember six month old 218 00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,880 Speaker 2: my daughter's names Aurora, and Aurora's on the ground doing 219 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:52,560 Speaker 2: some tummy time, right and like a board. 220 00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:53,160 Speaker 1: Right. 221 00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:56,679 Speaker 2: So as parents give at some point. 222 00:11:56,559 --> 00:11:59,400 Speaker 1: Like I've watched it three months. Minutes of the tummy time, 223 00:11:59,440 --> 00:11:59,840 Speaker 1: I'm good. 224 00:12:00,080 --> 00:12:03,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, you got a lot going on. But I started 225 00:12:03,040 --> 00:12:05,199 Speaker 2: playing a mobile game on my phone because who has 226 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,719 Speaker 2: the time to sit down at a computer or a console, right, 227 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,680 Speaker 2: And I got to watch my kid. So but part 228 00:12:10,720 --> 00:12:13,040 Speaker 2: of my brain said, I don't even want her as 229 00:12:13,080 --> 00:12:17,960 Speaker 2: a little child to see me and imprint on her 230 00:12:18,480 --> 00:12:21,120 Speaker 2: me ignoring her and looking at my phone or my 231 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 2: screen and playing a game. So I was hiding it 232 00:12:25,480 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 2: behind my leg. I was sitting here ast the couch, 233 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,560 Speaker 2: I had my legs up, and I'm trying to like 234 00:12:29,679 --> 00:12:33,000 Speaker 2: hide my activity from my daughter. Yeah, but it just 235 00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,200 Speaker 2: struck me, like what am I doing? If I'm going 236 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:37,960 Speaker 2: to be here, let me be here, Let me parent her, 237 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,720 Speaker 2: Let me not just babysit, literally sitting next to a 238 00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,960 Speaker 2: baby doing whatever I want to do. And not long 239 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:47,480 Speaker 2: after that, I went up to a mendor tree at 240 00:12:47,480 --> 00:12:51,959 Speaker 2: my church in southern California and the pastor was talking 241 00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:56,360 Speaker 2: about idolatry and Arlene good Christian kid right grew up 242 00:12:56,400 --> 00:12:58,720 Speaker 2: in the church. I knew I didn't have any idols. 243 00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:02,040 Speaker 2: If I did have one, it might be video games. 244 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,880 Speaker 2: Oh like hit me, like a ton of bricks. God 245 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:10,560 Speaker 2: opened my eyes to ian, you very much do have 246 00:13:10,880 --> 00:13:14,080 Speaker 2: an idol of video games. You are going to video 247 00:13:14,120 --> 00:13:19,000 Speaker 2: games for joy, contentment, stress relief instead of to your 248 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,680 Speaker 2: heavenly father, who cares for you and gave you the 249 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:24,959 Speaker 2: good gifts that video games and your other hobbies and 250 00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:27,800 Speaker 2: things that you like and enjoy. He gave you those 251 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:31,080 Speaker 2: things so that you could enjoy them. But you've said, hey, okay, 252 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,840 Speaker 2: thank you for that. I'm just content with this instead 253 00:13:33,840 --> 00:13:36,160 Speaker 2: of continuing to go to God for all of those things. 254 00:13:36,160 --> 00:13:38,640 Speaker 2: Because video games is engaging as they can be, YouTube, 255 00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:41,800 Speaker 2: social media, whatever we're doing on our devices as engaging 256 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,520 Speaker 2: as they can be. They can distract us for a 257 00:13:44,559 --> 00:13:46,640 Speaker 2: little while. They can make us feel good, but then 258 00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:50,200 Speaker 2: the next morning, or whenever we put our device down, 259 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:53,680 Speaker 2: we get the stress of life right back. And so 260 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:56,760 Speaker 2: I was going to video games instead. So I made 261 00:13:56,800 --> 00:14:00,319 Speaker 2: a decision up at that men's retreat. I got to 262 00:14:00,360 --> 00:14:03,400 Speaker 2: take a full break. I got to quit all video games. 263 00:14:03,440 --> 00:14:05,720 Speaker 2: And so I quit all video games, and I said, 264 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:08,880 Speaker 2: I'm doing this for at least six months. But within 265 00:14:08,960 --> 00:14:12,319 Speaker 2: that six months, that's how self control got started. Because 266 00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,240 Speaker 2: my friend said, hey, I heard you quit video games? 267 00:14:15,280 --> 00:14:17,600 Speaker 2: Can you talk to my son? He grabbed coffee with 268 00:14:17,640 --> 00:14:21,560 Speaker 2: my nephew. But it wasn't just the kids. It was Hey, Ian, 269 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,840 Speaker 2: can you meet up with me. I'm thirty five, I'm 270 00:14:24,840 --> 00:14:26,840 Speaker 2: a dad, I got three kids. I'm trying to get 271 00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:29,920 Speaker 2: my master's degree on top of working, and I just 272 00:14:30,000 --> 00:14:33,280 Speaker 2: can't stop playing this dumb mobile game. Like I've deleted 273 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:37,840 Speaker 2: it seventeen times, reinstalled every time I'm stressed out. And 274 00:14:37,880 --> 00:14:39,880 Speaker 2: then I was talking to an elder in my church, 275 00:14:40,400 --> 00:14:43,200 Speaker 2: telling him about what I'm up to. And the elder 276 00:14:43,240 --> 00:14:45,160 Speaker 2: in my church interrupts me. You know, you don't think 277 00:14:45,200 --> 00:14:47,040 Speaker 2: he needs this, and he's not gonna have a problem 278 00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,920 Speaker 2: with gaming. But he interrupts me. He says, Ian, hold on, 279 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:53,160 Speaker 2: hold on, I'm on level seven, six hundred and twenty 280 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 2: four of this mobile game on play. 281 00:14:55,800 --> 00:14:58,560 Speaker 1: My goodness, Like, whoa why? 282 00:14:58,600 --> 00:15:01,040 Speaker 2: Whoa? Why are you telling me that I think I 283 00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:05,440 Speaker 2: need to stop? Yeah, I think you need to stop, Arlie. 284 00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:08,760 Speaker 2: And I realized in those six months I was not 285 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:14,280 Speaker 2: the only person on the planet introduced to addictive technology 286 00:15:14,280 --> 00:15:16,560 Speaker 2: over the last ten to fifteen years. It's not just 287 00:15:16,640 --> 00:15:19,840 Speaker 2: the next generation all of us. Yeah, have to build 288 00:15:19,880 --> 00:15:22,880 Speaker 2: self control around the devices that we use each and 289 00:15:22,880 --> 00:15:25,400 Speaker 2: every day, so that we can be there for our families. 290 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:27,680 Speaker 2: We can be there for our kids and our spouses, 291 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:29,800 Speaker 2: we can be there for our friends and the community 292 00:15:29,800 --> 00:15:32,800 Speaker 2: members of the people in our churches who need our support. 293 00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,920 Speaker 2: And I don't know about you, but I've just noticed 294 00:15:36,200 --> 00:15:40,240 Speaker 2: a drought, a just deep desire for community, even within 295 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:43,200 Speaker 2: the church where there's small groups built in, but people 296 00:15:43,320 --> 00:15:46,480 Speaker 2: just want to be connected, they want to be plugged in. 297 00:15:47,520 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 1: And this is an exciting time because you have talked 298 00:15:50,120 --> 00:15:52,400 Speaker 1: about that we could be on a tipping point where 299 00:15:52,400 --> 00:15:55,160 Speaker 1: we are finally realizing like wait a minute, we are 300 00:15:55,200 --> 00:15:57,720 Speaker 1: being manipulated, and it's like we're waking up from a 301 00:15:57,760 --> 00:16:00,200 Speaker 1: dream like oh, this doesn't have to be this way. 302 00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,440 Speaker 1: We're going to talk about self control because I want 303 00:16:02,480 --> 00:16:04,520 Speaker 1: you to tell us more about that before we get there. 304 00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:07,920 Speaker 1: Talk to the person who's like, Okay, this is great. 305 00:16:08,200 --> 00:16:11,160 Speaker 1: I'm on board, but my husband's not on board, my 306 00:16:11,360 --> 00:16:13,760 Speaker 1: teen daughter's not on board, my eight year old son's 307 00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:17,400 Speaker 1: not on board. What are those first steps to getting 308 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 1: the person that you love to wake up and be like, hey, 309 00:16:21,520 --> 00:16:22,400 Speaker 1: this is not good for you. 310 00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:27,320 Speaker 2: Absolutely, So I think first step for anyone who believes 311 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:30,000 Speaker 2: in Jesus Christ like I do, he is the son 312 00:16:30,040 --> 00:16:33,160 Speaker 2: of God and that He sent us the helper of 313 00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:37,320 Speaker 2: the Holy Spirit, is to actually pray and believe that 314 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,840 Speaker 2: the Holy Spirit can move and work, that God, our 315 00:16:39,920 --> 00:16:42,360 Speaker 2: Father in Heaven, can move and work in someone's life, 316 00:16:42,440 --> 00:16:45,320 Speaker 2: because I have seen it in my own life and 317 00:16:45,360 --> 00:16:48,920 Speaker 2: I've seen prayer work and so many of the people 318 00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:50,720 Speaker 2: that I work with around this, and the families that 319 00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,360 Speaker 2: I work with around this. So I do just want 320 00:16:52,400 --> 00:16:55,360 Speaker 2: to encourage people. Yeah, so not skip that step like 321 00:16:55,440 --> 00:16:58,880 Speaker 2: that's just a pie in the sky idea. Maybe it'll work, 322 00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:02,120 Speaker 2: but probably in the movies or for someone else. I 323 00:17:02,120 --> 00:17:05,800 Speaker 2: believe it, believe it to be true. And then one 324 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:08,000 Speaker 2: of the therapists that I've worked with here in the 325 00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:11,359 Speaker 2: areas the executive director for a large counseling organization, and 326 00:17:11,840 --> 00:17:14,480 Speaker 2: we work together on essentially because I asked them the 327 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:17,000 Speaker 2: same thing, Arleen. And when I started doing this, I 328 00:17:17,040 --> 00:17:21,400 Speaker 2: felt very much unequipped other than hey, yes, quick video 329 00:17:21,400 --> 00:17:25,560 Speaker 2: games like I did at least take a break. But 330 00:17:25,720 --> 00:17:28,960 Speaker 2: I've gotten to work with doctors and experts in the area, 331 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,040 Speaker 2: and all of them focus on if you're trying to 332 00:17:31,040 --> 00:17:35,840 Speaker 2: help anyone, you have to build trust. They have to 333 00:17:36,600 --> 00:17:39,200 Speaker 2: actually believe that you have their best interest in mind. 334 00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:41,800 Speaker 2: And especially with a kid or a loved one, you're 335 00:17:41,840 --> 00:17:46,120 Speaker 2: talking about taking or reducing or saying your thing that 336 00:17:46,160 --> 00:17:48,560 Speaker 2: you love, that's enjoyable to you and is fun for 337 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:51,520 Speaker 2: you is a major problem in your life. That is 338 00:17:51,600 --> 00:17:54,919 Speaker 2: so difficult. It's so difficult to even approach that and 339 00:17:55,000 --> 00:17:59,120 Speaker 2: have someone want to do that. So to do that, 340 00:17:59,200 --> 00:18:01,159 Speaker 2: you have to build us and you have to I 341 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,040 Speaker 2: think talk about in a way that one of the 342 00:18:04,080 --> 00:18:07,680 Speaker 2: main things that therapists that I mentioned talks about it 343 00:18:07,720 --> 00:18:13,480 Speaker 2: is validating why they enjoy and going to that thing. Yeah, 344 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:17,800 Speaker 2: validation doesn't mean you're totally condoning or saying yes, everything 345 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,119 Speaker 2: you're doing around that is good. It's just saying, I 346 00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:22,399 Speaker 2: get what we talked about earlier. I get why you 347 00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:25,440 Speaker 2: like being there, like you're competent there, it's fun, you're 348 00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:30,000 Speaker 2: with your friends, it's your stress relief, whatever it is. Like, 349 00:18:30,200 --> 00:18:35,040 Speaker 2: validate that and then leave it. Don't say, but can't 350 00:18:35,040 --> 00:18:36,880 Speaker 2: you see it's a problem, blah blah blah blah blah. 351 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,800 Speaker 2: If you just validate it and you talk with them, 352 00:18:38,840 --> 00:18:40,840 Speaker 2: one of the things that I have gotten. I gotten 353 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,120 Speaker 2: to see work when I've talked and worked with young 354 00:18:43,160 --> 00:18:47,959 Speaker 2: people specifically, or even older people. I talked through a 355 00:18:47,960 --> 00:18:49,840 Speaker 2: friend of mine and it wasn't even video games. It 356 00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:53,240 Speaker 2: was five hundred and twelve hours of Major League baseball 357 00:18:53,280 --> 00:18:58,320 Speaker 2: in one season. Like you talk about that and you say, yeah, 358 00:18:58,359 --> 00:19:00,879 Speaker 2: I get why you like it, enjoy it. They bring 359 00:19:00,960 --> 00:19:04,480 Speaker 2: the what, Yeah, I can see it's causing a problem 360 00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:06,840 Speaker 2: for our family. Yeah, I don't like how it's causing 361 00:19:06,840 --> 00:19:08,440 Speaker 2: friction between you and me and mom and dad. I 362 00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,119 Speaker 2: don't like how it's keeping me from getting my homework done. 363 00:19:11,359 --> 00:19:15,359 Speaker 2: Trying to validate without saying and here's the problem, and 364 00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:18,119 Speaker 2: here's what you need to do to fix it. People 365 00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:21,000 Speaker 2: will get defensive in that place. But if you just 366 00:19:21,080 --> 00:19:25,080 Speaker 2: validate and say, like, kind of leave it hanging, yes, 367 00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:28,520 Speaker 2: what often happens and this doesn't happen without that trust 368 00:19:28,560 --> 00:19:33,680 Speaker 2: and without the relationship. But they will come to and say, yeah, 369 00:19:33,720 --> 00:19:36,680 Speaker 2: but here's what I'm seeing happen. And if you can 370 00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:41,680 Speaker 2: get a child or a spouse or anyone to say, yes, 371 00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 2: but this is a problem, like this is the problem 372 00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:48,480 Speaker 2: that it causes, that's the first step, right, you talking 373 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:51,480 Speaker 2: about any sort of addiction or like or any sort 374 00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:54,040 Speaker 2: of improvement program. You don't go to a diet or 375 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,760 Speaker 2: exercise program because you don't think you have a diet 376 00:19:56,800 --> 00:20:00,840 Speaker 2: or exercise problem. Like you have to as the person 377 00:20:01,359 --> 00:20:04,560 Speaker 2: say I want to improve this, And so a lot 378 00:20:04,560 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 2: of people try to skip straight towards Well, if I 379 00:20:06,640 --> 00:20:09,679 Speaker 2: just threaten them enough for if I just make ultimate time, like, 380 00:20:10,280 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 2: I get why we do that, because we're desperate for change. 381 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,479 Speaker 2: We want that. But I think this is the best approach. 382 00:20:16,520 --> 00:20:18,560 Speaker 2: And whenever I have helped counsel anybody on this or 383 00:20:18,600 --> 00:20:20,440 Speaker 2: talk to them, I try to get them to a 384 00:20:20,480 --> 00:20:22,640 Speaker 2: point where I validate what they're doing and get them 385 00:20:22,640 --> 00:20:26,240 Speaker 2: to admit what it's costing them, what the flip side, 386 00:20:26,320 --> 00:20:27,360 Speaker 2: or what the problems are. 387 00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:31,960 Speaker 1: They come with it so good. It's listening, it's empathetic 388 00:20:32,040 --> 00:20:34,520 Speaker 1: listening and letting them realize. And I think, you know, 389 00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:36,800 Speaker 1: we can't talk, stay here too long. But for the 390 00:20:36,880 --> 00:20:39,800 Speaker 1: older you know, between the team, do this for the 391 00:20:39,880 --> 00:20:43,240 Speaker 1: younger kid, your elementary school kid. No, you just mom, dad, realize, 392 00:20:43,240 --> 00:20:45,000 Speaker 1: oh this is not good, and you take it away 393 00:20:45,119 --> 00:20:46,960 Speaker 1: from your five year old you know obviously, and I 394 00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,880 Speaker 1: know that's not what we're talking about when you made 395 00:20:49,920 --> 00:20:52,280 Speaker 1: that decision in college, right, like I'm not going to 396 00:20:52,359 --> 00:20:55,679 Speaker 1: play this game anymore, but the video gaming like it 397 00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:59,320 Speaker 1: stays with you, like you're it's a struggle that continues. 398 00:20:59,320 --> 00:21:01,720 Speaker 1: So as we're raised our sons our daughters and they're 399 00:21:01,760 --> 00:21:05,800 Speaker 1: struggling with social media gaming, we need to also realize, like, wait, 400 00:21:05,840 --> 00:21:08,760 Speaker 1: I need to help them now, right, because it's going 401 00:21:08,800 --> 00:21:11,359 Speaker 1: to stay with them. Talk about when your wife felt 402 00:21:11,440 --> 00:21:14,400 Speaker 1: like she was still competing for your time and attention. 403 00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:21,480 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh, I remember this is post World of Warcraft. 404 00:21:21,560 --> 00:21:27,040 Speaker 2: Graduated college, we both have full time jobs, and we 405 00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:30,320 Speaker 2: both come home from work and she says something in 406 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:32,679 Speaker 2: my body language, right, something she picked up on something, 407 00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:35,000 Speaker 2: and she just said, hey, you'd rather just play video games? 408 00:21:35,119 --> 00:21:39,520 Speaker 2: Like huh? And the difficult part about Arlene was yeah, yeah, 409 00:21:39,560 --> 00:21:44,720 Speaker 2: like selfishly, yeah I did. But that was the old me. 410 00:21:44,880 --> 00:21:47,800 Speaker 2: That was the part, that's the sinful self that just 411 00:21:47,920 --> 00:21:49,960 Speaker 2: wants like, doesn't want to help any of you on 412 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,840 Speaker 2: this podcast, or you Arlene or anyone else, right, just 413 00:21:53,080 --> 00:21:55,440 Speaker 2: go play? Can I just yeah? Can I just play 414 00:21:55,480 --> 00:22:00,600 Speaker 2: my games and get what feels good to me? Instead 415 00:22:00,600 --> 00:22:04,400 Speaker 2: of dying to myself saying hey, how was your day, 416 00:22:04,880 --> 00:22:07,919 Speaker 2: How are you doing? What happened in your day? And 417 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,880 Speaker 2: the difficult part for me is whenever I actually do that, 418 00:22:11,680 --> 00:22:14,159 Speaker 2: my head hits the pillow. Whenever I say no to 419 00:22:14,200 --> 00:22:17,240 Speaker 2: myself and say, how can I love my family, my 420 00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,320 Speaker 2: wife and my kids? How can I reach out to 421 00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 2: a friend today? How can I just call somebody? Like? 422 00:22:22,600 --> 00:22:26,399 Speaker 2: When I do those things, I feel like, when I 423 00:22:26,400 --> 00:22:28,600 Speaker 2: get to the end of the day, I actually accomplished 424 00:22:29,040 --> 00:22:33,040 Speaker 2: what God's will for my life was, what he wanted 425 00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:35,320 Speaker 2: me to do as a follower of Jesus Christ, what 426 00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,520 Speaker 2: he wanted me to do as a human who had 427 00:22:37,520 --> 00:22:40,200 Speaker 2: the agency and the abilities that I have to reach 428 00:22:40,240 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 2: out and love other people. But when I'm just it's me, me, me, 429 00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:49,520 Speaker 2: I always just want more. It's insatiable. It's just I 430 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:52,760 Speaker 2: just need more games, I just need more whatever it is. 431 00:22:53,680 --> 00:22:56,640 Speaker 2: And that's part of the thing that took me an 432 00:22:56,640 --> 00:23:02,320 Speaker 2: embarrassingly long time to realize. But it's so it just 433 00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:05,359 Speaker 2: sneaks in and I feel like our relationships with our 434 00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:08,320 Speaker 2: spouse and with our kids are one of the first 435 00:23:08,359 --> 00:23:11,959 Speaker 2: things that we're willing to give up. We give up 436 00:23:12,000 --> 00:23:14,280 Speaker 2: that time with them for a little bit more of 437 00:23:14,359 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 2: stream time on our phone, a little bit more video 438 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:18,919 Speaker 2: game time, because they're always there, right, They're always going 439 00:23:19,000 --> 00:23:22,960 Speaker 2: to be there there, but they're not. And I feel 440 00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:26,000 Speaker 2: like that's one thing that I recognized throughout my twenties 441 00:23:26,359 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 2: was my relationship with my spouse, but also just when 442 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:33,199 Speaker 2: I got to the end and I hit thirty and 443 00:23:33,400 --> 00:23:39,439 Speaker 2: was evaluating I had almost no quality male friendships. And 444 00:23:39,480 --> 00:23:42,720 Speaker 2: the reason was because I didn't invest in them. And 445 00:23:42,800 --> 00:23:45,280 Speaker 2: we get I feel like most adults go through this 446 00:23:45,320 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 2: at some point, right where you realize the mechanisms of 447 00:23:49,080 --> 00:23:51,320 Speaker 2: school and work or whatever it is that just gave 448 00:23:51,359 --> 00:23:54,480 Speaker 2: me free friends, or like we had built in mutual 449 00:23:54,880 --> 00:23:57,840 Speaker 2: activities that we did together. You don't get those. You 450 00:23:57,920 --> 00:23:59,679 Speaker 2: maybe get some work friends, or maybe you still have 451 00:23:59,720 --> 00:24:01,800 Speaker 2: some from high school or things like that. But I 452 00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:05,040 Speaker 2: didn't continue to invest in those relationships. And so as 453 00:24:05,040 --> 00:24:08,080 Speaker 2: I went into my thirties, I was trying to say, 454 00:24:08,119 --> 00:24:10,359 Speaker 2: you know what, No, I want to love other people, 455 00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:13,640 Speaker 2: I want to serve them, and I want some friends. 456 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:18,240 Speaker 2: Right awkward? Does that sound totally? And once I quit 457 00:24:18,359 --> 00:24:22,840 Speaker 2: video games, it really I realized how much time I 458 00:24:22,880 --> 00:24:26,680 Speaker 2: truly did have. And it's been so sweet to get 459 00:24:26,720 --> 00:24:29,359 Speaker 2: to spend that and one of the things. So I 460 00:24:29,359 --> 00:24:32,760 Speaker 2: always joke like board games or like a nicotine patch 461 00:24:32,800 --> 00:24:35,400 Speaker 2: for me for video games, because it's a very similar 462 00:24:35,840 --> 00:24:38,720 Speaker 2: run and competition and you know, like a lot of 463 00:24:38,720 --> 00:24:41,439 Speaker 2: the game mechanics, but I need two to three or 464 00:24:41,440 --> 00:24:43,560 Speaker 2: four other people get and. 465 00:24:43,560 --> 00:24:45,320 Speaker 1: You don't go until four o'clock in the morning. 466 00:24:46,280 --> 00:24:49,720 Speaker 2: So it has a lot of benefits that make it 467 00:24:49,760 --> 00:24:54,840 Speaker 2: not addictive as a trade off or essentially maybe a 468 00:24:54,880 --> 00:24:57,160 Speaker 2: trade up from video games. 469 00:24:56,880 --> 00:24:59,360 Speaker 1: And that that blows that myth of like oh, let 470 00:24:59,359 --> 00:25:02,000 Speaker 1: my son game, let my daughter be on social media. 471 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,480 Speaker 1: So they have friends, Well these friends are not good. 472 00:25:04,480 --> 00:25:06,080 Speaker 1: Ten years from now, these friends are not going to 473 00:25:06,119 --> 00:25:08,680 Speaker 1: be there, but the real friends you know in real 474 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:11,440 Speaker 1: life that you invest in will be tell us as 475 00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:14,160 Speaker 1: we close out about self control, how can we find 476 00:25:14,160 --> 00:25:18,200 Speaker 1: out more about you? And what kinds of things will 477 00:25:18,200 --> 00:25:20,280 Speaker 1: we find at self control And we'll have all these 478 00:25:20,320 --> 00:25:21,280 Speaker 1: links in the show notes. 479 00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:24,240 Speaker 2: We want to encourage you as parents. We have a 480 00:25:24,240 --> 00:25:26,680 Speaker 2: lot of resources and tools for parents on our website, 481 00:25:26,680 --> 00:25:28,960 Speaker 2: So I encourage you to go to self control dot 482 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,600 Speaker 2: com it self and then ctr like the control button 483 00:25:31,640 --> 00:25:34,359 Speaker 2: on a keyboard, sign up for our email newsletter We 484 00:25:34,440 --> 00:25:36,679 Speaker 2: put out a few blogs a month to try to 485 00:25:36,680 --> 00:25:40,640 Speaker 2: help parents think about these topics, think about the conversations, 486 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,679 Speaker 2: the healthy, crucial conversations they need to have with their kids. 487 00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:47,200 Speaker 2: We try to inform them about the different games and 488 00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:50,280 Speaker 2: some of the different platforms, maybe even games in schools 489 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:53,399 Speaker 2: that are out there, and equip them with information that 490 00:25:53,440 --> 00:25:56,560 Speaker 2: will help them reading that time for themselves and for 491 00:25:56,640 --> 00:25:57,199 Speaker 2: their family. 492 00:25:57,800 --> 00:25:59,719 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. This has been amazing to hear 493 00:25:59,720 --> 00:26:03,359 Speaker 1: of your story to help us understand this better. Thank you. 494 00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:04,320 Speaker 1: This has been awesome. 495 00:26:04,359 --> 00:26:06,400 Speaker 2: Thanks so much, Ian, Thank you for having me Arleen, 496 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,159 Speaker 2: and I appreciate it. 497 00:26:11,680 --> 00:26:14,040 Speaker 1: I trust you enjoyed that. And maybe there's a man 498 00:26:14,240 --> 00:26:17,120 Speaker 1: or boy in your life that could really use this story. 499 00:26:17,600 --> 00:26:20,639 Speaker 1: You know, it's better to hear about other people's mistakes 500 00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:23,600 Speaker 1: and not do them yourself, Like, if that's possible, that's 501 00:26:23,640 --> 00:26:25,840 Speaker 1: a better route than like, oh no, now I am 502 00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:27,760 Speaker 1: the video game addict and I don't know what to do. 503 00:26:27,880 --> 00:26:31,720 Speaker 1: So let's stop our kids from being addicted. Have them 504 00:26:31,760 --> 00:26:36,159 Speaker 1: listen to this podcast. Check out self control dot com 505 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:39,080 Speaker 1: for more resources, and that link is in the show notes. 506 00:26:39,200 --> 00:26:42,280 Speaker 1: So grateful for our guest, Ian McCready, And if you 507 00:26:42,280 --> 00:26:44,760 Speaker 1: want to watch our little documentary about how our kids 508 00:26:44,840 --> 00:26:48,560 Speaker 1: have survived without these things. Take a look at it screen. 509 00:26:48,680 --> 00:26:51,680 Speaker 1: Kids is the film, and it's at Happy Home University 510 00:26:51,800 --> 00:26:55,199 Speaker 1: dot com. Remember you don't have to come from a 511 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:58,760 Speaker 1: happy home to create one. You too, can have a 512 00:26:58,800 --> 00:26:59,400 Speaker 1: happy home.