1 00:00:20,196 --> 00:00:23,236 Speaker 1: Hi friend, I'm so glad you're here today. Let's learn 2 00:00:23,276 --> 00:00:26,916 Speaker 1: how to raise our kids to love God, respect authority, 3 00:00:27,196 --> 00:00:31,036 Speaker 1: and do what's right. Let's scroll less and live more. 4 00:00:31,356 --> 00:00:38,156 Speaker 1: I'm Arlene Pelicane, and this is the Happy Home. Abby. 5 00:00:38,196 --> 00:00:39,915 Speaker 1: You are a new friend. And so I went on 6 00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,796 Speaker 1: Instagram and I looked at your book launch video, which 7 00:00:42,836 --> 00:00:45,836 Speaker 1: which basically was the most epic, funny book launch video 8 00:00:46,076 --> 00:00:48,756 Speaker 1: I have ever seen in my life. So people, you 9 00:00:48,836 --> 00:00:51,275 Speaker 1: need to go see Emma's for Mama, because first you 10 00:00:51,316 --> 00:00:53,875 Speaker 1: have your big kids come out, and then there are 11 00:00:53,876 --> 00:00:55,516 Speaker 1: more kids, and there are more kids. 12 00:00:55,996 --> 00:00:58,155 Speaker 2: They just keep coming. I know it was fun to 13 00:00:58,196 --> 00:00:59,156 Speaker 2: make like it. 14 00:00:59,316 --> 00:01:01,755 Speaker 1: Abby. How many children do you have and what are 15 00:01:01,796 --> 00:01:03,196 Speaker 1: the ranges of their ages? 16 00:01:03,796 --> 00:01:08,356 Speaker 3: I have ten children, and the youngest two set of 17 00:01:08,356 --> 00:01:11,795 Speaker 3: twins will be five and a week, so they're four currently, 18 00:01:11,876 --> 00:01:13,236 Speaker 3: all the way up to nineteen. 19 00:01:13,715 --> 00:01:15,916 Speaker 1: Oh, my word. And how many boys? How many girls? 20 00:01:16,156 --> 00:01:18,515 Speaker 3: Seven boys? Three girls, and the girls are right smack 21 00:01:18,516 --> 00:01:20,155 Speaker 3: in the middle. So I have two boys or eighteen 22 00:01:20,156 --> 00:01:22,436 Speaker 3: months apart, is my first two, and then I have 23 00:01:22,876 --> 00:01:26,556 Speaker 3: a fourteen year old girl, two thirteen year old girls. 24 00:01:26,596 --> 00:01:29,996 Speaker 3: I have another set of twins who will also be 25 00:01:30,116 --> 00:01:32,955 Speaker 3: turning a different age in a week because they share 26 00:01:33,036 --> 00:01:35,715 Speaker 3: the same birthday as their younger twin brothers. 27 00:01:35,836 --> 00:01:39,516 Speaker 1: No, they do not. Yeah, that is absolutely nuts. That 28 00:01:39,636 --> 00:01:43,476 Speaker 1: is nuts crazy. And anyone who didn't think God had 29 00:01:43,515 --> 00:01:45,515 Speaker 1: a plan, it's like, you know what, let's just make. 30 00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:49,996 Speaker 2: This really easy, just really really on this day does 31 00:01:50,076 --> 00:01:52,596 Speaker 2: knock out forty percent of those birthday word So, and 32 00:01:52,676 --> 00:01:54,716 Speaker 2: then I have five boys in a row after that. 33 00:01:55,156 --> 00:01:58,156 Speaker 1: Right, it's like it's hilarious, like it's really funny, Like 34 00:01:58,196 --> 00:02:01,876 Speaker 1: you've got the boys, girls, boys, like literally on the bookends. 35 00:02:02,316 --> 00:02:03,796 Speaker 1: So you know, some people are going to look at 36 00:02:03,836 --> 00:02:07,156 Speaker 1: your life and be like that is awesome, Like, look 37 00:02:07,196 --> 00:02:10,555 Speaker 1: at those kids. That is so much fun. That's crazy, right, 38 00:02:10,836 --> 00:02:13,036 Speaker 1: and then others are going to look like have you 39 00:02:13,156 --> 00:02:15,956 Speaker 1: not heard of birth control? Right? So people are so 40 00:02:15,956 --> 00:02:18,876 Speaker 1: so let's talk to that young person, right, because they're 41 00:02:19,036 --> 00:02:21,756 Speaker 1: being steeped in social media. They're being shown that you 42 00:02:21,916 --> 00:02:25,275 Speaker 1: need to have your own life, your own career, don't 43 00:02:25,356 --> 00:02:28,196 Speaker 1: let these babies hold you down. This is like some 44 00:02:28,356 --> 00:02:31,876 Speaker 1: social construct that's meant to push you backwards, you know, 45 00:02:32,236 --> 00:02:34,835 Speaker 1: tell us, you know, why is this so important in 46 00:02:34,876 --> 00:02:38,835 Speaker 1: this cultural moment to talk about motherhood as something so positive. 47 00:02:39,196 --> 00:02:43,516 Speaker 1: What is behind your passion for this Well, I think historically. 48 00:02:43,236 --> 00:02:46,876 Speaker 3: The acknowledgment that mothers are essential to culture and to 49 00:02:47,076 --> 00:02:50,756 Speaker 3: the foundation of society has been an assumption as much 50 00:02:50,756 --> 00:02:57,236 Speaker 3: as for sure there has been rampant abuse. Because women 51 00:02:57,276 --> 00:03:02,436 Speaker 3: are the weaker sex physically, that doesn't really define how 52 00:03:02,476 --> 00:03:05,796 Speaker 3: they have been enshrined culturally. I mean, we are the 53 00:03:05,876 --> 00:03:09,036 Speaker 3: keepers of the home, we are the teachers of our children. 54 00:03:09,395 --> 00:03:12,636 Speaker 3: We have this ability that God has given us to 55 00:03:12,835 --> 00:03:17,115 Speaker 3: bear and give birth to life, Like, what an incredible privilege. 56 00:03:17,675 --> 00:03:20,956 Speaker 3: That's always been some thing that's assumed by society until 57 00:03:21,916 --> 00:03:25,276 Speaker 3: we have the advent of birth control in the last 58 00:03:25,316 --> 00:03:29,076 Speaker 3: one hundred ish years, and the advent of some really 59 00:03:30,996 --> 00:03:37,315 Speaker 3: really blatant feminist ideology that essentially tells young women, particularly 60 00:03:37,916 --> 00:03:40,236 Speaker 3: that their lives would be would be better spent doing 61 00:03:40,276 --> 00:03:44,636 Speaker 3: just about anything but having lots of babies, because that 62 00:03:44,796 --> 00:03:48,636 Speaker 3: represents oppression, or it represents reaggression. 63 00:03:49,036 --> 00:03:50,475 Speaker 2: Like we're going back. 64 00:03:50,436 --> 00:03:53,356 Speaker 3: To and I would say, and we're not going back 65 00:03:53,396 --> 00:03:55,716 Speaker 3: to anything, But if we're going back to a view 66 00:03:55,916 --> 00:03:58,716 Speaker 3: of motherhood as a high and holy calling and a 67 00:03:58,876 --> 00:04:02,116 Speaker 3: meaningful contribution to society, that that's not a bad thing. 68 00:04:01,996 --> 00:04:05,596 Speaker 4: At all that is progress a good way, yes, yes, 69 00:04:05,636 --> 00:04:08,716 Speaker 4: and even beyond just a historical context, obviously, we have 70 00:04:08,756 --> 00:04:12,596 Speaker 4: the Bible declaring children to be good gifts, declaring them 71 00:04:12,636 --> 00:04:15,676 Speaker 4: to be blessings to say that, you know, blessed is 72 00:04:15,716 --> 00:04:18,436 Speaker 4: the man who's quivers full of them, and very very clear. 73 00:04:19,756 --> 00:04:21,756 Speaker 3: Something struck me the other day when I read it 74 00:04:22,116 --> 00:04:24,716 Speaker 3: for probably I don't know the how many of time, 75 00:04:24,756 --> 00:04:26,716 Speaker 3: but I've read it many times before. 76 00:04:26,716 --> 00:04:29,876 Speaker 2: And it was the midwives. 77 00:04:29,916 --> 00:04:34,476 Speaker 3: Who told Pharaoh that they were not able to kill 78 00:04:34,876 --> 00:04:37,515 Speaker 3: the Jewish babies when they were born, just like Pharaoh 79 00:04:37,516 --> 00:04:40,075 Speaker 3: had told them to do, and threatened them with doing 80 00:04:40,676 --> 00:04:44,476 Speaker 3: because the Hebrew women were too vigorous, and you know, 81 00:04:44,556 --> 00:04:47,436 Speaker 3: it was basically a lie, but it was the kind 82 00:04:47,436 --> 00:04:49,955 Speaker 3: of lie that the people who protected Jews during the 83 00:04:49,996 --> 00:04:53,315 Speaker 3: Nazi regime would tell, which I would call a lie 84 00:04:53,436 --> 00:04:56,156 Speaker 3: that is kind of like a you don't need to know, like. 85 00:04:56,116 --> 00:04:58,076 Speaker 2: You don't need to know whether this baby was already born. 86 00:04:58,116 --> 00:05:00,836 Speaker 3: It's none of your business because the higher good is 87 00:05:00,876 --> 00:05:06,556 Speaker 3: I will not murder yea. And so they basically told Pharaoh, Nope, sorry, 88 00:05:06,636 --> 00:05:07,436 Speaker 3: they're just already born. 89 00:05:07,516 --> 00:05:08,476 Speaker 2: Can't do anything about it. 90 00:05:08,876 --> 00:05:11,476 Speaker 3: And the very dix verse or two verses later, it 91 00:05:11,516 --> 00:05:15,395 Speaker 3: says that the Lord blessed them. He rewarded their faithfulness 92 00:05:15,396 --> 00:05:19,076 Speaker 3: to protect life with children of their own. I just 93 00:05:19,116 --> 00:05:22,075 Speaker 3: got goosebumps thinking about that. Yeah, because it's such a 94 00:05:22,236 --> 00:05:27,836 Speaker 3: clear Biblical gift when the Lord grants us children and 95 00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:30,515 Speaker 3: we are shoveling that gift away with both hands in 96 00:05:30,556 --> 00:05:31,516 Speaker 3: our current culture. 97 00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:34,956 Speaker 1: And that those midwives they feared God more than they 98 00:05:34,996 --> 00:05:35,515 Speaker 1: feared man. 99 00:05:35,876 --> 00:05:37,955 Speaker 2: Yeah, because Pharah could have killed then yes. 100 00:05:38,356 --> 00:05:42,236 Speaker 1: Yeah. So in your book, you write, if we approach 101 00:05:42,276 --> 00:05:45,716 Speaker 1: the monumental task of nurturing, protecting, and helping shape the 102 00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:49,996 Speaker 1: bedrock beliefs of another human being with enough humility to admit, 103 00:05:50,076 --> 00:05:53,596 Speaker 1: we might just might receive more, learn more, grow more, 104 00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:56,275 Speaker 1: laugh more, cry more, Yes, love more, not less in 105 00:05:56,276 --> 00:05:58,916 Speaker 1: the process. There's a very good chance we'll be right. 106 00:05:59,516 --> 00:06:01,955 Speaker 1: So much of this is attitude. How do you show 107 00:06:02,036 --> 00:06:04,716 Speaker 1: this kind of attitude to your ten kids, both in 108 00:06:04,836 --> 00:06:07,796 Speaker 1: like what you show by example you and your husband, 109 00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,156 Speaker 1: and also like how you tell them so that we 110 00:06:10,276 --> 00:06:12,756 Speaker 1: are raising kids who do want to have families of 111 00:06:12,796 --> 00:06:13,236 Speaker 1: their own. 112 00:06:13,876 --> 00:06:15,515 Speaker 3: I'm going to answer that question, but first I have 113 00:06:15,556 --> 00:06:17,276 Speaker 3: to say that I read my own audiobooks. 114 00:06:17,315 --> 00:06:19,036 Speaker 2: But if I didn't. I would have you read. 115 00:06:19,076 --> 00:06:20,396 Speaker 1: Because that was beautiful. 116 00:06:20,916 --> 00:06:24,515 Speaker 3: Your intonation in your inflection was just perfection. Good job, 117 00:06:25,396 --> 00:06:26,116 Speaker 3: I was wonderful. 118 00:06:26,596 --> 00:06:30,396 Speaker 1: I'm here for you. I love it. So. 119 00:06:31,916 --> 00:06:33,956 Speaker 3: First to answer your question of how do we show 120 00:06:33,996 --> 00:06:37,996 Speaker 3: that we speak words of life to our children, we 121 00:06:38,076 --> 00:06:40,716 Speaker 3: tell them they are precious to us. I wrote this 122 00:06:40,755 --> 00:06:42,756 Speaker 3: on a social media post the other day. But I 123 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:45,036 Speaker 3: was in my car studying. I'm a fitness instructor, and 124 00:06:45,676 --> 00:06:48,996 Speaker 3: I study choreography because each move that I do, whether 125 00:06:48,996 --> 00:06:51,556 Speaker 3: it's a kickboxing class or a weight training classes, choreographed 126 00:06:51,556 --> 00:06:54,236 Speaker 3: two specific pieces of the music. And so I was 127 00:06:54,276 --> 00:06:56,476 Speaker 3: studying notes before I went in to teach my class, 128 00:06:56,596 --> 00:06:58,676 Speaker 3: but I could still hear what people were saying outside 129 00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:01,515 Speaker 3: my car windows. And this mom walked by and she 130 00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:04,155 Speaker 3: was talking to her little boy. And she's the mom, 131 00:07:04,436 --> 00:07:07,516 Speaker 3: she's the lady that's over the childcare and so sometimes 132 00:07:07,556 --> 00:07:09,356 Speaker 3: my kids are in there with her. She's really kind, 133 00:07:09,436 --> 00:07:13,636 Speaker 3: really sweet, and she was telling her son the definition 134 00:07:13,716 --> 00:07:16,876 Speaker 3: of precious and she was saying, like, it's you know, 135 00:07:16,956 --> 00:07:18,916 Speaker 3: something that you really care about. It's like a super 136 00:07:19,116 --> 00:07:23,556 Speaker 3: valuable and she said, like you you are precious to me. 137 00:07:23,956 --> 00:07:25,356 Speaker 1: And she walked by, I was like. 138 00:07:25,356 --> 00:07:27,436 Speaker 2: Oh, man, I have to tell that mom. She did 139 00:07:27,476 --> 00:07:29,836 Speaker 2: a great job when I getting because she had no 140 00:07:29,836 --> 00:07:30,516 Speaker 2: idea I was listening. 141 00:07:30,596 --> 00:07:32,956 Speaker 3: She was not doing this for accolades or high fives 142 00:07:33,036 --> 00:07:35,196 Speaker 3: or at of girls. She was just telling her son 143 00:07:35,356 --> 00:07:38,156 Speaker 3: something that every child needs to hear, which is not 144 00:07:38,236 --> 00:07:39,676 Speaker 3: that you're a burden, or you're getting in the way, 145 00:07:39,756 --> 00:07:42,356 Speaker 3: or you're diminishing my ability to have worldly success, or 146 00:07:42,396 --> 00:07:44,516 Speaker 3: you have taken something from me, or the reason that 147 00:07:44,516 --> 00:07:46,276 Speaker 3: I have bags under my eyes and stretch parks on 148 00:07:46,276 --> 00:07:47,396 Speaker 3: my belly or whatever. 149 00:07:48,236 --> 00:07:49,996 Speaker 2: But that you are precious to me. 150 00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:53,475 Speaker 3: You are so valuable, more valuable than any other gift 151 00:07:53,516 --> 00:07:56,156 Speaker 3: the Lord could give me, because eternal souls are like, 152 00:07:56,196 --> 00:07:59,156 Speaker 3: that's the biggest investment we can have. We can build 153 00:07:59,596 --> 00:08:02,876 Speaker 3: our worldly kingdom and it will just crumble when we're gone. 154 00:08:02,876 --> 00:08:04,596 Speaker 3: We won't be there to tend it, and we can't 155 00:08:04,596 --> 00:08:07,396 Speaker 3: take any of it to Heaven with us. So letting 156 00:08:07,476 --> 00:08:10,516 Speaker 3: our children know verbally that they are precious to us, 157 00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:13,676 Speaker 3: that we like them, that we've noticed specific things about 158 00:08:13,676 --> 00:08:18,476 Speaker 3: them that we appreciate, paying attention to what they love, 159 00:08:19,076 --> 00:08:20,996 Speaker 3: and if it's a good thing, that we can join 160 00:08:21,036 --> 00:08:23,196 Speaker 3: them in joining them in it, whether it's our thing 161 00:08:23,356 --> 00:08:25,676 Speaker 3: or not. I talk about this all the time with teenagers, 162 00:08:26,116 --> 00:08:31,396 Speaker 3: like they just they seem sometimes like they're God, I 163 00:08:31,436 --> 00:08:33,076 Speaker 3: want to go off and do their own thing. And 164 00:08:33,116 --> 00:08:35,556 Speaker 3: that's part of life and it's important for that differentiation 165 00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,356 Speaker 3: and autonomy to start to happen. They want you to 166 00:08:38,436 --> 00:08:41,556 Speaker 3: they want you to meet them there and meeting your 167 00:08:41,636 --> 00:08:46,276 Speaker 3: kids practically in their interests, saying yes when you would 168 00:08:46,356 --> 00:08:49,716 Speaker 3: rather say no because it would be more convenient for 169 00:08:49,756 --> 00:08:51,956 Speaker 3: you to say no, or it's not a good time. 170 00:08:52,316 --> 00:08:54,156 Speaker 3: And there are times, of course our kids have to 171 00:08:54,196 --> 00:08:56,436 Speaker 3: hear the word no. I say no all day every day, 172 00:08:57,476 --> 00:09:00,276 Speaker 3: but to the important things, hopefully not to the things 173 00:09:00,316 --> 00:09:05,156 Speaker 3: where it's just eh, I don't really want to. Yeah, 174 00:09:05,196 --> 00:09:07,676 Speaker 3: those are great places to start, as far as I'm concerned. 175 00:09:07,836 --> 00:09:11,836 Speaker 1: Yeah, my husband will say, you know, our youngest is fifteen. Actually, 176 00:09:12,036 --> 00:09:13,596 Speaker 1: I'm actually not going to say this, and I'm going 177 00:09:13,636 --> 00:09:15,076 Speaker 1: to how long am I going to ed this out? 178 00:09:15,076 --> 00:09:17,276 Speaker 1: Because she edits this podcast? And then I don't want 179 00:09:17,316 --> 00:09:19,716 Speaker 1: to know this prob I know, I know I've gotta 180 00:09:19,716 --> 00:09:23,116 Speaker 1: say something different. I love that because I remember, you know, 181 00:09:23,156 --> 00:09:26,116 Speaker 1: being at tennis games and it's like I don't love tennis, 182 00:09:26,116 --> 00:09:28,476 Speaker 1: but I do because you girls do. And let's go 183 00:09:28,516 --> 00:09:31,116 Speaker 1: to Indian Wells and let's go watch some tennis and 184 00:09:31,196 --> 00:09:33,316 Speaker 1: let's go do these things because this is our way 185 00:09:33,356 --> 00:09:33,876 Speaker 1: to connect. 186 00:09:33,876 --> 00:09:34,556 Speaker 2: And it has. 187 00:09:34,436 --> 00:09:36,636 Speaker 1: Been such a blast. Now people are going to look 188 00:09:36,636 --> 00:09:38,596 Speaker 1: at you and say, wait a minute, like now we 189 00:09:38,676 --> 00:09:41,276 Speaker 1: have no excuses. You know, I have three children. You 190 00:09:41,316 --> 00:09:43,156 Speaker 1: know other people are listening. Maybe they have five children, 191 00:09:43,236 --> 00:09:45,916 Speaker 1: two children, one children. You have ten children, and somehow 192 00:09:45,916 --> 00:09:48,676 Speaker 1: you are the one telling us to notice your children. 193 00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:52,116 Speaker 1: One thing I love is you had just talked about 194 00:09:52,596 --> 00:09:55,636 Speaker 1: connect to your kids by noticing them. So you wrote 195 00:09:55,636 --> 00:09:58,796 Speaker 1: about like your son Simon, and you wrote like mental 196 00:09:59,676 --> 00:10:04,596 Speaker 1: like that he likes basketball, sports, therapy, fitness, music, food, friends. 197 00:10:04,596 --> 00:10:09,156 Speaker 1: You made a mental tabulation of what he likes. Teach 198 00:10:09,276 --> 00:10:11,236 Speaker 1: us how to do that for our children, because if 199 00:10:11,276 --> 00:10:13,556 Speaker 1: you can do it with ten, we can certainly do 200 00:10:13,596 --> 00:10:14,796 Speaker 1: it with the kids that we have. 201 00:10:15,316 --> 00:10:17,556 Speaker 2: I think every single mom can do this. 202 00:10:17,596 --> 00:10:21,196 Speaker 3: And I think we underestim our superpower of keeping tabs 203 00:10:21,276 --> 00:10:24,516 Speaker 3: and making mental notes about our kids, like this is 204 00:10:24,596 --> 00:10:26,596 Speaker 3: kind of built into our brains. We may not be 205 00:10:26,676 --> 00:10:29,196 Speaker 3: able to remember where we put the groceries away, like 206 00:10:29,356 --> 00:10:31,236 Speaker 3: you know, I may find things I don't want to 207 00:10:31,236 --> 00:10:33,076 Speaker 3: find in the fridge or vice versa. You know, when 208 00:10:33,196 --> 00:10:35,916 Speaker 3: the thing that's perishable in the cupboard, But the Lord 209 00:10:35,956 --> 00:10:39,316 Speaker 3: has actually created us. I do believe with the ability 210 00:10:39,356 --> 00:10:42,476 Speaker 3: to keep up with these things because we love these children. 211 00:10:42,956 --> 00:10:47,756 Speaker 3: And really the bedrock of it for any mom, regardless 212 00:10:47,756 --> 00:10:52,356 Speaker 3: of numbers of children or personality, is intentionality. It is 213 00:10:52,716 --> 00:10:58,156 Speaker 3: to have the intention to study your children because you 214 00:10:58,276 --> 00:11:00,196 Speaker 3: love them and you want them to know that you 215 00:11:00,316 --> 00:11:03,556 Speaker 3: love them, and you don't want to assume that they'll 216 00:11:03,636 --> 00:11:07,236 Speaker 3: just understand that you do. You want to show them 217 00:11:07,236 --> 00:11:12,516 Speaker 3: in specific ways, and if you don't feel that desire naturally, 218 00:11:13,116 --> 00:11:15,076 Speaker 3: ask the Lord to grow that in you and then 219 00:11:15,916 --> 00:11:19,556 Speaker 3: do it as a practice, as like an act of obedience. 220 00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:23,356 Speaker 3: So you said I talked about making mental notes. Put 221 00:11:23,396 --> 00:11:25,316 Speaker 3: a tab in your phone. Something my husband is really 222 00:11:25,316 --> 00:11:27,756 Speaker 3: good at is good gift giving. And one of the 223 00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:31,516 Speaker 3: reasons is because he pays attention when I randomly mentioned 224 00:11:31,556 --> 00:11:33,796 Speaker 3: something that I enjoy and then he screws off in 225 00:11:33,796 --> 00:11:35,276 Speaker 3: a corner and makes a note in his phone. 226 00:11:35,476 --> 00:11:38,276 Speaker 2: True, right, because we're all gonna forget. We have too 227 00:11:38,356 --> 00:11:39,236 Speaker 2: much in our brains. 228 00:11:39,636 --> 00:11:42,796 Speaker 3: So if it's not something that naturally sticks in your 229 00:11:42,796 --> 00:11:45,116 Speaker 3: brain or you feel like you're at a loss, Like 230 00:11:45,156 --> 00:11:47,116 Speaker 3: you kind of think about one child and you're like, 231 00:11:47,156 --> 00:11:49,036 Speaker 3: I want to serve him, i want to love him, 232 00:11:49,076 --> 00:11:51,036 Speaker 3: I want to show him that he's precious to me. 233 00:11:51,076 --> 00:11:53,876 Speaker 3: But I'm really kind of blanking on what it is 234 00:11:53,916 --> 00:11:57,956 Speaker 3: that this child truly loves. Make a practice of paying 235 00:11:57,996 --> 00:12:00,516 Speaker 3: attention and then scurry off in a corner and write 236 00:12:00,516 --> 00:12:03,076 Speaker 3: a note in your phone. I mean, use that technology 237 00:12:03,076 --> 00:12:04,716 Speaker 3: to your best advantage totally. 238 00:12:04,716 --> 00:12:06,716 Speaker 1: And it could be a journal with a page with 239 00:12:06,796 --> 00:12:08,636 Speaker 1: your kid's name on it, and you definitely you can 240 00:12:08,716 --> 00:12:12,076 Speaker 1: scroll something on it, like you could do either way. 241 00:12:12,196 --> 00:12:14,636 Speaker 1: You talk in your book about avoidance parenting, and I 242 00:12:14,636 --> 00:12:16,836 Speaker 1: thought this was so good. You had this verse from 243 00:12:16,876 --> 00:12:19,636 Speaker 1: First King's one to six and this is the son 244 00:12:19,676 --> 00:12:22,996 Speaker 1: of David ad a Nija, and this verse just says 245 00:12:23,756 --> 00:12:27,316 Speaker 1: that his father never rebuked him by asking why do 246 00:12:27,396 --> 00:12:30,156 Speaker 1: you behave as you do? Like it's just this scripture 247 00:12:30,196 --> 00:12:32,596 Speaker 1: that just says that David did not ask his son 248 00:12:33,396 --> 00:12:36,356 Speaker 1: why do you behave as you do? And because he 249 00:12:36,436 --> 00:12:39,956 Speaker 1: avoided that, this son at a Niga, he's gonna, you know, 250 00:12:40,196 --> 00:12:43,676 Speaker 1: have a full scale coup against his father. He's going 251 00:12:43,676 --> 00:12:46,276 Speaker 1: to sleep with his father's concubines and broad daylight, like, 252 00:12:46,476 --> 00:12:50,916 Speaker 1: this is not a good relationship. And so tell us first, 253 00:12:51,396 --> 00:12:53,876 Speaker 1: what does this avoidance parenting look like? How might we 254 00:12:53,956 --> 00:12:56,636 Speaker 1: recognize if we are being like that? None of us 255 00:12:56,636 --> 00:12:59,036 Speaker 1: think were like that. So it's like, how can we 256 00:12:59,076 --> 00:13:02,676 Speaker 1: recognize am I avoiding? And if so, then how can 257 00:13:02,716 --> 00:13:04,996 Speaker 1: I what might be the first step in re engaging 258 00:13:05,036 --> 00:13:05,516 Speaker 1: my kids? 259 00:13:06,276 --> 00:13:09,196 Speaker 3: So I had a post the other day that I 260 00:13:09,236 --> 00:13:11,196 Speaker 3: wrote that it was essentially saying like. 261 00:13:11,236 --> 00:13:14,116 Speaker 2: If you have, if we have been lax. 262 00:13:13,916 --> 00:13:16,316 Speaker 3: In teaching God's goodness and his ways to our children, 263 00:13:16,996 --> 00:13:18,396 Speaker 3: that's not a hopeless situation. 264 00:13:19,156 --> 00:13:20,196 Speaker 1: We can simply do. 265 00:13:20,076 --> 00:13:20,636 Speaker 2: The next thing. 266 00:13:20,716 --> 00:13:22,356 Speaker 3: And I have a whole section in there about what 267 00:13:22,476 --> 00:13:24,876 Speaker 3: doing the next thing might look like. If I write 268 00:13:24,916 --> 00:13:27,156 Speaker 3: something like do the next thing? On like the main 269 00:13:27,236 --> 00:13:28,916 Speaker 3: part of a post, what do you think? My main 270 00:13:28,996 --> 00:13:31,716 Speaker 3: comment question is going to be what is the. 271 00:13:31,636 --> 00:13:34,476 Speaker 2: Next Yes, like, please give me a list. 272 00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:38,116 Speaker 3: So I did give a list, and it wasn't like 273 00:13:38,676 --> 00:13:41,636 Speaker 3: a list for a specific woman's specific child, of course, 274 00:13:41,636 --> 00:13:44,276 Speaker 3: because I don't know the circumstances or the numbers of children, 275 00:13:44,316 --> 00:13:46,236 Speaker 3: the personalities of the support that they do, or about 276 00:13:46,356 --> 00:13:48,196 Speaker 3: however the husband they're married to. I don't know any 277 00:13:48,276 --> 00:13:50,716 Speaker 3: of those things for a specific mom unless it's a 278 00:13:50,756 --> 00:13:54,276 Speaker 3: friend of mine. But I do know there are principles 279 00:13:54,316 --> 00:13:57,036 Speaker 3: that apply to every Christian mom who desires to glorify 280 00:13:57,076 --> 00:13:58,996 Speaker 3: God and love her family well. And so I was 281 00:13:58,996 --> 00:14:01,636 Speaker 3: talking about things like going to church, to a Bible 282 00:14:01,716 --> 00:14:03,716 Speaker 3: believing church. I mean, so basic, but we see. 283 00:14:03,516 --> 00:14:07,196 Speaker 1: People going back in droves right now, Yes, showing person 284 00:14:07,316 --> 00:14:11,116 Speaker 1: and every week every week, not just like not just wondering, oh, 285 00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:12,876 Speaker 1: should we go today or not go to day. It's 286 00:14:12,916 --> 00:14:15,076 Speaker 1: like it's a given that we go every week. 287 00:14:15,316 --> 00:14:18,676 Speaker 3: Right, you make a commitment and then reading God's word, 288 00:14:18,676 --> 00:14:20,236 Speaker 3: pray allowed in front of your children. There was a 289 00:14:20,276 --> 00:14:22,796 Speaker 3: list and most of the comments were positive. There was 290 00:14:22,796 --> 00:14:25,076 Speaker 3: someone that didn't follow me that came in though, and said, great, 291 00:14:25,236 --> 00:14:28,756 Speaker 3: just what every mom doesn't need another list. I think 292 00:14:28,876 --> 00:14:34,036 Speaker 3: one of the biggest red flags for whether we're whether 293 00:14:34,076 --> 00:14:37,036 Speaker 3: we're doing avoidance parenting or not is if we see 294 00:14:37,036 --> 00:14:40,596 Speaker 3: something that is a good principle and we feel resentful 295 00:14:40,676 --> 00:14:45,516 Speaker 3: of it as opposed to receptive for change. So when 296 00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:50,236 Speaker 3: you feel like wanting to attack something that is convicting you, 297 00:14:50,676 --> 00:14:54,156 Speaker 3: that's a great moment to step back and say, is 298 00:14:54,196 --> 00:14:57,596 Speaker 3: this truly an offensive thing? Is this person overstepping their bounds? 299 00:14:58,276 --> 00:15:01,476 Speaker 3: Or are they perhaps pen pricking my heart through the 300 00:15:01,476 --> 00:15:04,956 Speaker 3: help of the Holy Spirit, because the Lord wants me 301 00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:06,956 Speaker 3: to take a closer look at this. So that would 302 00:15:06,956 --> 00:15:07,436 Speaker 3: be one thing. 303 00:15:07,516 --> 00:15:09,676 Speaker 1: That would be a first thing like that. Yeah. 304 00:15:09,916 --> 00:15:11,516 Speaker 2: A second thing would be. 305 00:15:11,876 --> 00:15:13,916 Speaker 3: If you've I get dms like this all the time. 306 00:15:13,916 --> 00:15:15,996 Speaker 3: I know you said nobody thinks that they are, and 307 00:15:16,036 --> 00:15:18,316 Speaker 3: I think that that's we do. Tend to think better 308 00:15:18,356 --> 00:15:21,436 Speaker 3: of ourselves we ought sometimes, like in life, not just parenting, 309 00:15:21,596 --> 00:15:24,196 Speaker 3: I definitely do. And then you realize, oh, shoot, I'm 310 00:15:24,196 --> 00:15:27,116 Speaker 3: not nearly as kind or patient as I hoped I was, 311 00:15:27,276 --> 00:15:30,116 Speaker 3: you know, as I was intending to be exactly or 312 00:15:30,116 --> 00:15:33,436 Speaker 3: imagining myself to be. But when you maybe have that 313 00:15:33,516 --> 00:15:39,156 Speaker 3: moment of getting your toes stepped on, and then you recognize, hmm, 314 00:15:40,236 --> 00:15:43,196 Speaker 3: oh wait a minute, and you ask the Lord, can 315 00:15:43,236 --> 00:15:45,876 Speaker 3: you show me some examples of this? And then that's 316 00:15:45,916 --> 00:15:49,076 Speaker 3: a really scary prayer to pray, because those memories start 317 00:15:49,076 --> 00:15:52,276 Speaker 3: flooding your mind and you might be very tempted to 318 00:15:52,436 --> 00:15:54,396 Speaker 3: curl up in a ball of self condemnation, which is 319 00:15:54,396 --> 00:15:58,396 Speaker 3: what Satan wants us to do so. Avoidance parenting can 320 00:15:58,476 --> 00:16:04,676 Speaker 3: often lead to paralysis, essentially parenting paralysis that tells you, oh, 321 00:16:05,196 --> 00:16:08,156 Speaker 3: you just had a realization of the fact that you 322 00:16:08,196 --> 00:16:11,076 Speaker 3: have been avoiding this problem or avoid getting to know 323 00:16:11,156 --> 00:16:14,836 Speaker 3: this kid better, and now you just realized you're basically 324 00:16:14,916 --> 00:16:17,996 Speaker 3: useless parent and there's no hope for you. That lies 325 00:16:18,036 --> 00:16:21,156 Speaker 3: from the pit of hell, right, and so preaching truth 326 00:16:21,156 --> 00:16:24,396 Speaker 3: to yourself through scripture that I am redeemed, I am 327 00:16:24,916 --> 00:16:27,996 Speaker 3: more than a conqueror through Christ, he will supply all 328 00:16:28,036 --> 00:16:30,596 Speaker 3: that I need through as riches. In Christ, Jesus, he 329 00:16:30,996 --> 00:16:34,196 Speaker 3: has sacrificed himself for me when I was still a sinner, 330 00:16:34,236 --> 00:16:36,636 Speaker 3: because he loved me that much. Therefore, that means I 331 00:16:36,676 --> 00:16:42,396 Speaker 3: am worthy of walking forward. Christ's worthiness has given me 332 00:16:42,516 --> 00:16:44,876 Speaker 3: that I'm not enough, but he is through me. It's 333 00:16:44,916 --> 00:16:48,076 Speaker 3: preaching that truth to yourself and then being honest, like, Okay, 334 00:16:48,156 --> 00:16:51,076 Speaker 3: so what I really have this strong urge to do 335 00:16:51,196 --> 00:16:53,116 Speaker 3: right now is I really really want to go in 336 00:16:53,156 --> 00:16:55,476 Speaker 3: the bathroom and scroll on my phone and when they 337 00:16:55,556 --> 00:16:57,996 Speaker 3: knock on the door, say I'm you know, I'm. 338 00:16:57,556 --> 00:16:58,196 Speaker 1: Still on the body. 339 00:16:58,276 --> 00:17:01,516 Speaker 3: I'm still occupied when I'm taking and I do this 340 00:17:01,676 --> 00:17:04,116 Speaker 3: for sure, and listen to me. There's gon moms that 341 00:17:04,156 --> 00:17:05,876 Speaker 3: are like, oh, sometimes I just need a break, And 342 00:17:05,916 --> 00:17:06,916 Speaker 3: there's nothing wrong with that. 343 00:17:06,916 --> 00:17:07,475 Speaker 1: That's true. 344 00:17:08,116 --> 00:17:11,636 Speaker 3: So we have to ask the Lord to allow us 345 00:17:11,676 --> 00:17:14,756 Speaker 3: to be honest with ourselves. Are we avoiding or are 346 00:17:14,756 --> 00:17:18,995 Speaker 3: we recharging? Because that's legitimate yes, and then if if 347 00:17:19,036 --> 00:17:21,196 Speaker 3: it's revealed to us. I just had a mom message 348 00:17:21,236 --> 00:17:23,276 Speaker 3: me the other day. She's a mom of eleven. She's 349 00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:27,236 Speaker 3: a homeschooling mom. She said, I often feel overwhelmed, and 350 00:17:27,436 --> 00:17:29,836 Speaker 3: with my last pregnancy, which was really hard, I found 351 00:17:29,836 --> 00:17:31,396 Speaker 3: myself going in the room and shutting the door and 352 00:17:31,436 --> 00:17:33,636 Speaker 3: just basically ignoring my kids for long periods of time. 353 00:17:33,676 --> 00:17:36,876 Speaker 3: They weren't unsafe, but I was just choosing not to engage. 354 00:17:37,475 --> 00:17:39,156 Speaker 3: And she said, I've come out of that season and 355 00:17:39,275 --> 00:17:42,076 Speaker 3: really been convicted. I cannot maintain this, like I can't 356 00:17:42,156 --> 00:17:45,236 Speaker 3: keep going with this, and I need to make some changes. 357 00:17:45,755 --> 00:17:48,756 Speaker 3: And it's all about my heart. It's all about my heart. 358 00:17:48,876 --> 00:17:52,436 Speaker 3: The practical things will follow, but my heart of saying 359 00:17:52,715 --> 00:17:55,475 Speaker 3: I deserve I shouldn't have to deal with this is 360 00:17:55,515 --> 00:17:58,396 Speaker 3: too much. If we can kind of pry our fingers 361 00:17:58,396 --> 00:18:00,355 Speaker 3: off of that and say, Lord, I don't know how 362 00:18:00,396 --> 00:18:02,555 Speaker 3: to do this very well, but you can do it 363 00:18:02,596 --> 00:18:04,436 Speaker 3: through me. That changes everything. 364 00:18:04,796 --> 00:18:08,315 Speaker 1: Yeah, now you're opening to God's power in your life. 365 00:18:08,396 --> 00:18:11,396 Speaker 1: And it's an honest prayer. And I really really like 366 00:18:11,475 --> 00:18:15,436 Speaker 1: that talk about the rhythms of having that God centered home, Like, 367 00:18:15,475 --> 00:18:19,115 Speaker 1: what are your you know, the Deuteronomy six rhythms you 368 00:18:19,156 --> 00:18:22,475 Speaker 1: write about about sitting down and walking and going to 369 00:18:22,556 --> 00:18:25,035 Speaker 1: bed and getting up. What are some rhythms that have 370 00:18:25,076 --> 00:18:28,035 Speaker 1: worked for your family that we might think about in 371 00:18:28,076 --> 00:18:29,835 Speaker 1: our families too? Sure? 372 00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,836 Speaker 3: And I always share these very much so open handedly, 373 00:18:32,916 --> 00:18:35,236 Speaker 3: because what works for our family, the timing of day 374 00:18:35,235 --> 00:18:37,115 Speaker 3: that we do bibble reading together, or the way that 375 00:18:37,196 --> 00:18:39,515 Speaker 3: we do it may not work for your family. So 376 00:18:39,556 --> 00:18:41,955 Speaker 3: I am just encouraging you to be faithful in what 377 00:18:41,955 --> 00:18:44,595 Speaker 3: the Lord has called you to and your unique circumstances. 378 00:18:44,796 --> 00:18:46,795 Speaker 3: But I want to rewind back to when my children 379 00:18:46,796 --> 00:18:50,075 Speaker 3: were little. I was read the Bible by my parents 380 00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:52,835 Speaker 3: very faithfully. In my mind, we read it every day. 381 00:18:52,836 --> 00:18:54,876 Speaker 3: I'm sure we didn't. I'm sure that's not true, but 382 00:18:55,275 --> 00:18:58,235 Speaker 3: faithfully enough that I was exposed to a lot of 383 00:18:58,275 --> 00:19:00,796 Speaker 3: scripture and how to discussed with me and what does 384 00:19:00,836 --> 00:19:03,156 Speaker 3: this mean? And what's the historical conduct. They did a 385 00:19:03,156 --> 00:19:07,836 Speaker 3: good job of conveying a reverence and a prioritization of 386 00:19:07,876 --> 00:19:09,636 Speaker 3: God's word, and I wanted to do that for my 387 00:19:09,676 --> 00:19:12,076 Speaker 3: own children. And I found myself when I had two 388 00:19:12,196 --> 00:19:14,556 Speaker 3: very small children only eighteen months apart, so like three 389 00:19:14,676 --> 00:19:19,436 Speaker 3: and eighteen months, reading them and feeling silly, being like, 390 00:19:19,596 --> 00:19:22,916 Speaker 3: how do I talk about God to my kids? Just 391 00:19:22,955 --> 00:19:25,356 Speaker 3: because our parents did a good job of something doesn't 392 00:19:25,356 --> 00:19:27,955 Speaker 3: mean it's going to automatically come naturally to us. So 393 00:19:28,076 --> 00:19:31,755 Speaker 3: many things we should be doing don't necessarily come automatically 394 00:19:31,796 --> 00:19:34,196 Speaker 3: to us. And so I want to encourage you as 395 00:19:34,196 --> 00:19:37,556 Speaker 3: I give some examples that if you're like I could 396 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:42,876 Speaker 3: never that's not my personality. It probably wasn't mine either. 397 00:19:43,755 --> 00:19:45,236 Speaker 2: And the Lord grew me, and. 398 00:19:45,316 --> 00:19:48,316 Speaker 1: We can learn these things right right, We can grow. 399 00:19:48,396 --> 00:19:50,955 Speaker 3: We can mature, think goodness. Thank the Lord that he 400 00:19:50,995 --> 00:19:52,795 Speaker 3: does not leave us where he finds us, but he 401 00:19:52,876 --> 00:19:56,596 Speaker 3: pulls us along, sometimes unwillingly, toward maturity and growth and grace. 402 00:19:56,916 --> 00:19:59,396 Speaker 3: And so we usually do Bible reading in the mornings. 403 00:19:59,836 --> 00:20:03,036 Speaker 3: I did it for many years before my husband had 404 00:20:03,035 --> 00:20:05,156 Speaker 3: a real conviction to step in and do it instead. 405 00:20:06,235 --> 00:20:08,196 Speaker 3: So for the mom out there, that's like, my husband 406 00:20:08,235 --> 00:20:10,116 Speaker 3: is not leading, like I would like him to keep praying, 407 00:20:10,475 --> 00:20:13,755 Speaker 3: keep having conversations if you can, but also don't stop investing, 408 00:20:13,916 --> 00:20:17,475 Speaker 3: like you still have that opportunity and that responsibility to 409 00:20:17,515 --> 00:20:20,555 Speaker 3: invest in your children even if even if your husband's 410 00:20:20,556 --> 00:20:22,916 Speaker 3: not ready yet or even if he never is. Because 411 00:20:22,916 --> 00:20:24,396 Speaker 3: I know there are moms that are married to I'm 412 00:20:24,396 --> 00:20:26,676 Speaker 3: Believing husbands and they're like, it falls on me, and 413 00:20:26,715 --> 00:20:29,356 Speaker 3: I'm like, yeah, and that's hard, but it's still good 414 00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:33,115 Speaker 3: to keep going. So Bible reading also just lots of 415 00:20:33,156 --> 00:20:35,676 Speaker 3: time spent together and then talking about things. So if 416 00:20:35,715 --> 00:20:38,515 Speaker 3: there's something like the Charlie Kirk assassination just happened. I 417 00:20:38,515 --> 00:20:40,436 Speaker 3: don't know when this releases, but at the time that 418 00:20:40,475 --> 00:20:42,835 Speaker 3: we're recording last week, I've been having a lot of 419 00:20:42,876 --> 00:20:45,075 Speaker 3: conversations with my kids about what it looks like to 420 00:20:45,076 --> 00:20:47,916 Speaker 3: have courageous faith, about what it looks like when people 421 00:20:47,955 --> 00:20:50,515 Speaker 3: speak ill of you, about what it looks like to 422 00:20:50,596 --> 00:20:53,156 Speaker 3: stand for Christ, even when you're criticized, About what it 423 00:20:53,196 --> 00:20:55,636 Speaker 3: looks like to grieve with those who grieve a moment 424 00:20:55,636 --> 00:20:57,516 Speaker 3: more and with those who mourn, but not as those 425 00:20:57,556 --> 00:21:02,076 Speaker 3: who have no hope. So incorporating the more you know scripture, 426 00:21:02,356 --> 00:21:05,715 Speaker 3: the more you can actually learn how that applies to 427 00:21:05,836 --> 00:21:10,315 Speaker 3: the daily conversations you have with your kids. And just 428 00:21:10,755 --> 00:21:13,035 Speaker 3: like my teenager the other week came up to me 429 00:21:13,116 --> 00:21:15,636 Speaker 3: and he asked me what I thought of a tattoo, 430 00:21:16,396 --> 00:21:19,475 Speaker 3: and I told him what I thought, which was that 431 00:21:19,515 --> 00:21:21,556 Speaker 3: I was not a fan of it, and it led 432 00:21:21,596 --> 00:21:24,156 Speaker 3: to like a bunch of different other conversations. We ended 433 00:21:24,235 --> 00:21:27,396 Speaker 3: up sitting there and talking about a lot of really 434 00:21:27,436 --> 00:21:30,995 Speaker 3: important things for an hour, and I didn't really quote 435 00:21:31,035 --> 00:21:33,715 Speaker 3: unquote have that hour to spend doing that, but there 436 00:21:33,755 --> 00:21:36,235 Speaker 3: was no better use of my time. So I was 437 00:21:36,275 --> 00:21:38,515 Speaker 3: going to rearrange anything else I could rearrange for the 438 00:21:38,515 --> 00:21:40,955 Speaker 3: rest of the day to prioritize that, because there was 439 00:21:40,995 --> 00:21:43,315 Speaker 3: no way while he was open and talking to me 440 00:21:43,396 --> 00:21:45,796 Speaker 3: and giving me his thoughts and that I was going to. 441 00:21:45,755 --> 00:21:46,796 Speaker 1: Cut that short so. 442 00:21:48,275 --> 00:21:52,236 Speaker 3: That prioritization again of like these are the main things. 443 00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:56,876 Speaker 1: Yeah, these so these heart things, right, So we're working 444 00:21:56,916 --> 00:22:00,116 Speaker 1: on the heart things. They're the most important things. Talk 445 00:22:00,235 --> 00:22:02,315 Speaker 1: to that mom who is just like I just cannot 446 00:22:02,356 --> 00:22:04,076 Speaker 1: get my child to do what I tell them to do. 447 00:22:04,515 --> 00:22:08,315 Speaker 1: Just give them that quick little lifeline of I'm just 448 00:22:08,356 --> 00:22:10,275 Speaker 1: frustrated because my kids are not listening to me. 449 00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:14,795 Speaker 3: Yeah. So, I really feel like the vast majority of 450 00:22:14,876 --> 00:22:18,795 Speaker 3: moms that come to me with this issue have misunders 451 00:22:18,995 --> 00:22:22,996 Speaker 3: stood their place of authority in parenting, and I think 452 00:22:22,995 --> 00:22:25,315 Speaker 3: that that is very convoluted right now. We have a 453 00:22:25,316 --> 00:22:28,555 Speaker 3: lot of parenting philosophies that claim that if you don't 454 00:22:29,836 --> 00:22:32,835 Speaker 3: kind of engage with your child in a way that 455 00:22:32,916 --> 00:22:36,916 Speaker 3: validates every emotion or kind of gets their opinion about 456 00:22:36,955 --> 00:22:41,076 Speaker 3: most things, or allows them to express how they feel 457 00:22:41,235 --> 00:22:46,075 Speaker 3: about things very clearly, then you have not done your 458 00:22:46,156 --> 00:22:50,036 Speaker 3: job as a parent. I really don't see a lot 459 00:22:50,035 --> 00:22:53,275 Speaker 3: of evidence for the prioritization. I keep using that word 460 00:22:53,316 --> 00:22:57,156 Speaker 3: of emotion. In God's word, he gave us good of emotions. 461 00:22:57,556 --> 00:23:00,795 Speaker 3: Feelings are not inherently bad. Telling your child you can't 462 00:23:00,796 --> 00:23:04,556 Speaker 3: feel something is a bad idea forcing them to suppress things. However, 463 00:23:04,995 --> 00:23:10,396 Speaker 3: there is a very important place for teaching our children. 464 00:23:10,715 --> 00:23:13,716 Speaker 3: Regardless of how we feel, we do the right thing. 465 00:23:13,755 --> 00:23:16,356 Speaker 1: We do this. These are ten commandments, not ten suggestions 466 00:23:16,596 --> 00:23:18,756 Speaker 1: of this might work nice if you felt like. 467 00:23:18,715 --> 00:23:22,436 Speaker 3: It, Yes, exactly, and that the only commandment with a 468 00:23:22,475 --> 00:23:24,356 Speaker 3: promise attached to it is the honor of the father 469 00:23:24,436 --> 00:23:26,235 Speaker 3: and mother that it may go well with you and 470 00:23:26,275 --> 00:23:28,475 Speaker 3: that you may live long on the earth. And this 471 00:23:28,636 --> 00:23:32,075 Speaker 3: is not the autocratic jump. Oh how hi, mom? How 472 00:23:32,116 --> 00:23:34,196 Speaker 3: high should I jump? And how quickly should I do it? 473 00:23:34,436 --> 00:23:35,836 Speaker 1: There we go right. 474 00:23:35,995 --> 00:23:39,516 Speaker 3: We have conversations with our children when appropriate, we give 475 00:23:39,556 --> 00:23:43,916 Speaker 3: them options when appropriate, and God tells us and James 476 00:23:43,955 --> 00:23:45,755 Speaker 3: that if we ask for wisdom that he will give 477 00:23:45,796 --> 00:23:47,955 Speaker 3: it freely and without reproach. So if you don't know 478 00:23:47,995 --> 00:23:52,355 Speaker 3: when it's appropriate to give your children some more leeway 479 00:23:52,715 --> 00:23:55,035 Speaker 3: or when to just say, this is what we're doing 480 00:23:55,275 --> 00:23:58,155 Speaker 3: because Mama knows the schedule and you don't, and I 481 00:23:58,235 --> 00:24:00,196 Speaker 3: need to get us there on time, so you need 482 00:24:00,196 --> 00:24:01,995 Speaker 3: to put your shoes on, pick up your backpack, and 483 00:24:02,035 --> 00:24:04,796 Speaker 3: go to the car and we can talk about things later. 484 00:24:04,796 --> 00:24:07,035 Speaker 3: But right now you just need to obey that that 485 00:24:07,196 --> 00:24:10,275 Speaker 3: is perfectly legitimate, and that the Lord can give us 486 00:24:10,316 --> 00:24:14,196 Speaker 3: discernment to know those times when it's like, you know what, 487 00:24:15,116 --> 00:24:18,236 Speaker 3: if I force this right now, I will be alienating 488 00:24:18,275 --> 00:24:18,835 Speaker 3: my child. 489 00:24:19,116 --> 00:24:20,156 Speaker 1: And I need to slow. 490 00:24:19,955 --> 00:24:22,355 Speaker 3: Down and to have a conversation and hear what they 491 00:24:22,396 --> 00:24:24,995 Speaker 3: actually have to say and not cut them off, because 492 00:24:24,995 --> 00:24:27,436 Speaker 3: I think that is absolutely a balance. So if you 493 00:24:27,475 --> 00:24:30,676 Speaker 3: find yourself feeling like your child never listens to you. 494 00:24:31,755 --> 00:24:34,315 Speaker 3: I have a podcast that I do every Wednesday, and 495 00:24:34,396 --> 00:24:36,475 Speaker 3: I have especially for young moms. I have a couple 496 00:24:36,515 --> 00:24:40,156 Speaker 3: of toddler podcasts, but the principles can be extrapolated for 497 00:24:40,356 --> 00:24:43,555 Speaker 3: older ages as well. And some of the biggest things, 498 00:24:43,556 --> 00:24:46,595 Speaker 3: and I talk about these in the book. Have you 499 00:24:46,676 --> 00:24:50,315 Speaker 3: actually made sure that your child has heard you? In 500 00:24:50,356 --> 00:24:53,275 Speaker 3: other words, did you just kind of shout to the house, 501 00:24:53,475 --> 00:24:57,075 Speaker 3: we're doing this and didn't really make it clear that 502 00:24:57,116 --> 00:25:01,596 Speaker 3: you meant what you said. Have you established the kind 503 00:25:01,596 --> 00:25:04,036 Speaker 3: of a relationship where they understand you are a safe 504 00:25:04,035 --> 00:25:06,075 Speaker 3: place to come with anything, But when you say it's 505 00:25:06,116 --> 00:25:09,396 Speaker 3: time to go, it's time to go. Have you had 506 00:25:09,436 --> 00:25:12,315 Speaker 3: discussions with them to help them prepare for things that 507 00:25:12,356 --> 00:25:14,795 Speaker 3: are happening, Especially with toddlers. If you just yank them 508 00:25:14,836 --> 00:25:18,436 Speaker 3: away from legos because you lost track of time, then 509 00:25:18,676 --> 00:25:20,596 Speaker 3: they're probably going to have a meltdown because they don't 510 00:25:20,636 --> 00:25:22,555 Speaker 3: understand why they have to immediately go from legos to 511 00:25:22,596 --> 00:25:23,436 Speaker 3: the car seat like. 512 00:25:23,396 --> 00:25:24,595 Speaker 2: They didn't want to do that, you know. 513 00:25:25,436 --> 00:25:29,755 Speaker 3: But if you're able to understand that, it would help 514 00:25:29,796 --> 00:25:32,596 Speaker 3: a lot to keep up to set timers for yourself 515 00:25:32,715 --> 00:25:34,596 Speaker 3: or to be kind of on top of that, you 516 00:25:34,596 --> 00:25:37,356 Speaker 3: would save yourself a lot of trouble and meltdowns. 517 00:25:36,796 --> 00:25:37,916 Speaker 1: You know, on the back of the lie. 518 00:25:38,636 --> 00:25:42,196 Speaker 3: Then it becomes less of a chore and more of 519 00:25:42,396 --> 00:25:45,515 Speaker 3: like a tool that you can use. You don't have 520 00:25:45,556 --> 00:25:47,235 Speaker 3: to be perfectly on top of things, or a drill 521 00:25:47,275 --> 00:25:49,955 Speaker 3: sergeant or like perfectly scheduled. I'm none of those things. 522 00:25:50,676 --> 00:25:55,716 Speaker 3: But I do strive to communicate clearly. My kids do 523 00:25:55,916 --> 00:25:58,955 Speaker 3: know I mean what I say, and as a result, 524 00:25:59,836 --> 00:26:03,196 Speaker 3: while not perfect, ever for the most part, if I 525 00:26:03,235 --> 00:26:05,676 Speaker 3: say this is what we're doing, and it's clearly an 526 00:26:05,715 --> 00:26:08,676 Speaker 3: issue of Mama gets to decide this because she's authority 527 00:26:08,676 --> 00:26:11,595 Speaker 3: and she knows kind of the full picture, they say, Okay, 528 00:26:11,715 --> 00:26:14,556 Speaker 3: that's what we're doing. And that's a huge burden off 529 00:26:14,596 --> 00:26:16,315 Speaker 3: my back. That takes a lot of stress out of 530 00:26:16,316 --> 00:26:16,836 Speaker 3: my life. 531 00:26:16,955 --> 00:26:19,315 Speaker 1: Like I'm smiling really big, because I'm thinking, here you 532 00:26:19,356 --> 00:26:21,596 Speaker 1: are with ten kids, you know, five of them being 533 00:26:21,676 --> 00:26:24,595 Speaker 1: very young, and you could say something and they'll just 534 00:26:24,676 --> 00:26:26,636 Speaker 1: go do it because that's kind of how it works. 535 00:26:26,676 --> 00:26:28,795 Speaker 1: And then someone else might just have one child and 536 00:26:28,836 --> 00:26:32,436 Speaker 1: they're running around crazy, just like I cannot get this 537 00:26:32,475 --> 00:26:36,196 Speaker 1: one child to put his pants on. So a lot 538 00:26:36,235 --> 00:26:38,596 Speaker 1: of some of those right, you have those womans too, 539 00:26:39,515 --> 00:26:44,076 Speaker 1: but just understanding like okay, I can do these things, 540 00:26:44,316 --> 00:26:47,595 Speaker 1: and listening, reading books like you bet your stretch marks, 541 00:26:47,715 --> 00:26:51,315 Speaker 1: learning listening and knowing okay, I can do this. I 542 00:26:51,356 --> 00:26:54,676 Speaker 1: can become the leader in my home because God has 543 00:26:54,715 --> 00:26:57,196 Speaker 1: granted me that as a mama. And it doesn't mean 544 00:26:57,235 --> 00:26:59,955 Speaker 1: I'm a dictator. It means I'm going to bless my 545 00:27:00,116 --> 00:27:03,235 Speaker 1: kids by stepping into this role of leadership. And it 546 00:27:03,275 --> 00:27:06,955 Speaker 1: doesn't you know, complex problems don't have to have complex solutions. 547 00:27:07,035 --> 00:27:10,475 Speaker 1: It could be very easy solution. WHOA I figured out, 548 00:27:10,515 --> 00:27:13,835 Speaker 1: I'm I'm the boss. I don't have to cater to 549 00:27:13,916 --> 00:27:16,796 Speaker 1: every little thing that you kids say, you know, and so. 550 00:27:18,076 --> 00:27:22,436 Speaker 3: Do responsibility on their shoulders, because when you are constantly 551 00:27:23,436 --> 00:27:26,075 Speaker 3: asking a child how they I mean, my five year 552 00:27:26,076 --> 00:27:28,715 Speaker 3: olds don't know how they feel about a lot of things. 553 00:27:29,035 --> 00:27:32,436 Speaker 3: They may have immediate reactions that are negative or positive 554 00:27:32,475 --> 00:27:35,676 Speaker 3: depending on what they ate, how well they've slept, how 555 00:27:35,995 --> 00:27:39,555 Speaker 3: you know, any number of factors, but those might flip 556 00:27:39,556 --> 00:27:41,835 Speaker 3: flop the next day. So when we are called to 557 00:27:41,836 --> 00:27:44,836 Speaker 3: be the authority and the emotional thermostaut of our homes, 558 00:27:45,116 --> 00:27:48,396 Speaker 3: regardless of how high or low the response is from 559 00:27:48,396 --> 00:27:50,595 Speaker 3: our toddler or our teen or our because there's some 560 00:27:50,755 --> 00:27:53,515 Speaker 3: there's some moremodal and emotional things going on on. Bothy 561 00:27:53,515 --> 00:27:56,635 Speaker 3: at the top it too, Yes, anybody in between, we 562 00:27:56,715 --> 00:28:00,315 Speaker 3: can say, Okay, you know I'm not phased by this 563 00:28:00,396 --> 00:28:02,475 Speaker 3: because I know it's my job to not be phased 564 00:28:02,515 --> 00:28:02,795 Speaker 3: by this. 565 00:28:03,076 --> 00:28:05,796 Speaker 1: Yeah. Is that amazing if we could just be like, oh, 566 00:28:05,796 --> 00:28:08,035 Speaker 1: we're leaving this and my job is not to be 567 00:28:08,116 --> 00:28:10,555 Speaker 1: phased by this. Boom worth it that you listen to 568 00:28:10,556 --> 00:28:13,916 Speaker 1: this conversation? Abby? Tell us? How can people find out 569 00:28:13,916 --> 00:28:17,315 Speaker 1: more about you and your book You Bet your Stretch Marks. 570 00:28:17,755 --> 00:28:21,676 Speaker 3: You can find me at emmasremamma dot net. I started 571 00:28:21,715 --> 00:28:24,916 Speaker 3: blogging fifteen years ago. I mostly microblog on social media 572 00:28:25,035 --> 00:28:27,916 Speaker 3: atm is dot for dot mama on Instagram and Facebook. 573 00:28:28,475 --> 00:28:30,555 Speaker 3: I also have that weekly podcast I mentioned, which is 574 00:28:30,596 --> 00:28:32,395 Speaker 3: Emma's for Mama. I keep it very simple. 575 00:28:32,676 --> 00:28:34,475 Speaker 1: I have a couple of other books that I wrote as. 576 00:28:34,396 --> 00:28:37,315 Speaker 3: Well that are in the same kind of genre as 577 00:28:37,316 --> 00:28:38,916 Speaker 3: You Bet Your Stretch Barks, and you can find all 578 00:28:38,916 --> 00:28:40,956 Speaker 3: of those on my website or anywhere books are sold. 579 00:28:41,076 --> 00:28:42,956 Speaker 1: And we'll have all those links in the show notes. 580 00:28:43,036 --> 00:28:46,796 Speaker 1: Thank you so much. This has been so fun, informative, inspiring. 581 00:28:46,876 --> 00:28:50,916 Speaker 1: Thank you so much, Abby, Thank you Arleen. I hope 582 00:28:50,956 --> 00:28:54,356 Speaker 1: you've enjoyed today's conversation. I'd love to keep in touch 583 00:28:54,436 --> 00:28:58,196 Speaker 1: beyond this podcast. Click subscribe in the show notes and 584 00:28:58,356 --> 00:29:00,716 Speaker 1: I will give you my latest email to keep up 585 00:29:00,796 --> 00:29:04,556 Speaker 1: on what's happening with technology and kids. And maybe you 586 00:29:04,796 --> 00:29:06,796 Speaker 1: like reading or listening to books. 587 00:29:06,836 --> 00:29:07,956 Speaker 3: I have a lot of books. 588 00:29:08,116 --> 00:29:11,636 Speaker 1: You could start with The Big Three, Making Marriage Easier, 589 00:29:12,196 --> 00:29:15,996 Speaker 1: Parents Rising, or Screen Kids. A big thank you to 590 00:29:16,076 --> 00:29:18,556 Speaker 1: the team at life Audio for their partnership with the 591 00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:21,956 Speaker 1: Happy Home podcast. Check out live audio dot com for 592 00:29:22,116 --> 00:29:26,315 Speaker 1: dozens of other faith related podcasts about prayer, Bible study, 593 00:29:26,436 --> 00:29:29,676 Speaker 1: and more. Remember, you don't have to come from a 594 00:29:29,756 --> 00:29:33,196 Speaker 1: happy home to create one. You two can have a 595 00:29:33,276 --> 00:29:34,356 Speaker 1: happy homes