1
00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:02,880
Speaker 1: I was not satisfied with just one drink, and that,

2
00:00:02,960 --> 00:00:05,080
Speaker 1: to me was my problem. I can't have just one

3
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:09,119
Speaker 1: glass of wine. And I almost like craved that second

4
00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:11,040
Speaker 1: class because that second class was gonna kind of give

5
00:00:11,080 --> 00:00:13,800
Speaker 1: you the foggy feeling that like my body needed to

6
00:00:13,880 --> 00:00:20,520
Speaker 1: check out. I was like, Okay, then that's the problem

7
00:00:20,640 --> 00:00:21,599
Speaker 1: Life Audio.

8
00:00:24,200 --> 00:00:27,160
Speaker 2: Hello, Hello, and welcome to the Confessions of a Christian

9
00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:30,320
Speaker 2: Alcoholic podcast. I am your host, John Seidel, and I

10
00:00:30,360 --> 00:00:33,839
Speaker 2: am the Christian who became an alcoholic, not the other

11
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:38,800
Speaker 2: way around. Here we get radically vulnerable about an addiction, recovery,

12
00:00:39,159 --> 00:00:42,680
Speaker 2: messy sanctification, and all the things we turn to instead

13
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:46,120
Speaker 2: of Jesus because we're all addicted to something. You'll hear raw,

14
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,360
Speaker 2: honest conversations from those who have struggled, those who help

15
00:00:49,440 --> 00:00:52,760
Speaker 2: those who struggle, and why aiming for Jesus and getting

16
00:00:52,760 --> 00:00:56,360
Speaker 2: sobriety thrown in is actually the best goal. So let's

17
00:00:56,360 --> 00:01:03,000
Speaker 2: get right into this week's episode. One of the things

18
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:09,160
Speaker 2: that I find really interesting encouraging is it seems like

19
00:01:09,440 --> 00:01:13,360
Speaker 2: there are plenty of people waking up to the fact

20
00:01:13,520 --> 00:01:22,679
Speaker 2: that you don't have to look like a traditional addict,

21
00:01:22,760 --> 00:01:28,679
Speaker 2: alcoholic whatever in order to change a relationship with a

22
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:34,320
Speaker 2: substance with anything. And our guest today is one of

23
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:39,279
Speaker 2: those people. She has a massive following on Instagram. She's

24
00:01:39,480 --> 00:01:45,480
Speaker 2: a Christian woman who has for years been a successful

25
00:01:45,520 --> 00:01:49,320
Speaker 2: podcaster and writer. Her name is Jeanette Tapley, and I

26
00:01:49,520 --> 00:01:56,280
Speaker 2: noticed towards the end of last year that she was

27
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:59,400
Speaker 2: posting a recap of twenty twenty five and one of

28
00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:03,800
Speaker 2: the things she mentioned was as a as a positive

29
00:02:05,080 --> 00:02:09,600
Speaker 2: was realizing that her relationship with alcohol needed to change. Now,

30
00:02:09,720 --> 00:02:15,000
Speaker 2: Jeanette does not call herself an alcoholic, but she has

31
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:19,000
Speaker 2: realized that the way that she was treating alcohol, the

32
00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,360
Speaker 2: place that it occupied in her life, the jobs that

33
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:28,760
Speaker 2: she had given, it was all unhealthy, and so she

34
00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,800
Speaker 2: set out on a mission to re examine it. She

35
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:37,040
Speaker 2: got curious, and if you are here for the first

36
00:02:37,080 --> 00:02:45,120
Speaker 2: time or you have heard several episodes, curiosity is so key.

37
00:02:46,520 --> 00:02:49,840
Speaker 2: And so Jeanette went on this journey and what she

38
00:02:49,960 --> 00:02:55,720
Speaker 2: found at the end was uncomfortable. She found that what

39
00:02:55,800 --> 00:03:00,520
Speaker 2: she was using alcohol for was was unhealthy, even though

40
00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:06,560
Speaker 2: even though she was not this quote unquote drunk, right,

41
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:09,639
Speaker 2: And so she's going to tell us her story. She's

42
00:03:09,639 --> 00:03:11,480
Speaker 2: also going to give a life update. If you follow

43
00:03:11,520 --> 00:03:14,760
Speaker 2: her online, you kind of have realized that she is

44
00:03:14,800 --> 00:03:19,080
Speaker 2: doing something different these days other than just the writing

45
00:03:19,200 --> 00:03:21,680
Speaker 2: and the podcasting, and has kind of gotten away from

46
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:22,840
Speaker 2: that a little bit. So we're going to talk about

47
00:03:22,840 --> 00:03:26,839
Speaker 2: her life update, which I think is always I love

48
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:29,720
Speaker 2: having those conversations. I think when people have posted life updates,

49
00:03:29,760 --> 00:03:32,799
Speaker 2: and especially in the Christian world, and have said, hey,

50
00:03:32,840 --> 00:03:37,240
Speaker 2: like I've realized, like I've realized some things and I'm

51
00:03:37,280 --> 00:03:41,280
Speaker 2: going in a different direction, I'm always fascinated by them.

52
00:03:41,280 --> 00:03:43,640
Speaker 2: And so this also leads to a good conversation on

53
00:03:43,680 --> 00:03:47,880
Speaker 2: striving and what it looks like to try to be

54
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:54,520
Speaker 2: someone in the quote unquote Christian content sphere that doesn't

55
00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:57,240
Speaker 2: just chase likes. And there are plenty of people that

56
00:03:57,320 --> 00:03:59,160
Speaker 2: I know that do that. And that doesn't mean that

57
00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:02,680
Speaker 2: everything they post is bad, right, It just means that

58
00:04:02,840 --> 00:04:05,640
Speaker 2: I think there there's a healthy way to do it,

59
00:04:05,640 --> 00:04:08,160
Speaker 2: in an unhealthy way to do it. Jesus still uses it,

60
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:12,040
Speaker 2: and I'm grateful for that because, as a reminder, Jesus

61
00:04:12,120 --> 00:04:17,080
Speaker 2: only God only works through sinners, right, and the only

62
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:21,200
Speaker 2: one that he worked through that wasn't was Jesus. So

63
00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:26,120
Speaker 2: so if you're expecting perfection. It's not gonna happen. Doesn't

64
00:04:26,240 --> 00:04:28,560
Speaker 2: give us an excuse. But we're gonna talk to Jeanette

65
00:04:28,560 --> 00:04:32,200
Speaker 2: about that. We're going to talk to her about her realizations.

66
00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:38,919
Speaker 2: And I love I love the quote that that she uses,

67
00:04:38,960 --> 00:04:41,920
Speaker 2: and I want you to ponder it now and as

68
00:04:41,960 --> 00:04:45,120
Speaker 2: she gets into it, but she says, I didn't have

69
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,320
Speaker 2: a drinking problem, I had a problem with my drinking.

70
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:50,680
Speaker 2: Think about that. I didn't have a drinking problem. I

71
00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:54,359
Speaker 2: had a problem with my drinking. I love that. I

72
00:04:54,360 --> 00:04:56,880
Speaker 2: think it's another unique way to kind of say what

73
00:04:56,920 --> 00:05:00,760
Speaker 2: I've been saying, which is we're all a do something

74
00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:03,960
Speaker 2: to start with. We all have those things that we

75
00:05:04,040 --> 00:05:07,400
Speaker 2: turn to that become idols. And it doesn't matter what

76
00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:13,600
Speaker 2: it is, drinking, Netflix, food, porn, relationships, and so you

77
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,200
Speaker 2: may not have a relationship problem, but you may have

78
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:22,440
Speaker 2: a problem with your relationship. So with that said, I

79
00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:25,480
Speaker 2: want to get into it with Jeanette, but real quickly

80
00:05:26,279 --> 00:05:29,760
Speaker 2: appreciate your support. If you have enjoyed this podcast in

81
00:05:29,800 --> 00:05:32,320
Speaker 2: the past, or if you've even just loved this introduction

82
00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,960
Speaker 2: and this is your first time, please think about sharing

83
00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:38,240
Speaker 2: one thing that you're about to hear with someone else

84
00:05:39,680 --> 00:05:43,600
Speaker 2: like great, whatever, and please check out Veritasrecovery dot org.

85
00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:46,320
Speaker 2: Veritas Recovery is the nonprofit I started to help people

86
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:49,560
Speaker 2: just like me and probably just like you. If you're

87
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:53,680
Speaker 2: listening to this who find themselves doing the things they

88
00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:56,320
Speaker 2: don't want to do. You can go to veritasrecovery dot

89
00:05:56,400 --> 00:06:02,240
Speaker 2: org find free resources. You can inquire about coaching as well.

90
00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:05,960
Speaker 2: And I just you know, the Lord has told me

91
00:06:06,040 --> 00:06:07,839
Speaker 2: in so many ways to give it away, and so

92
00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:10,160
Speaker 2: as much as I can do that, I do, and

93
00:06:10,200 --> 00:06:12,159
Speaker 2: so you'll find a lot of those ways at partester

94
00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,080
Speaker 2: recovery dot org. All right, let's get into it with

95
00:06:14,200 --> 00:06:19,640
Speaker 2: Jeannette Tapley. Jeanette, thank you so much for joining the

96
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:22,840
Speaker 2: Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic podcast. We talked a little

97
00:06:22,839 --> 00:06:25,880
Speaker 2: bit before, and you are have have historically been on

98
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:28,719
Speaker 2: my side of the mic, and now you're on the

99
00:06:28,760 --> 00:06:30,800
Speaker 2: other side, and so we're just gonna flip the script.

100
00:06:30,839 --> 00:06:31,719
Speaker 2: So thanks for coming.

101
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:34,200
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, it is so fun. I actually was

102
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:36,840
Speaker 1: like looking for the record button because I am so

103
00:06:37,000 --> 00:06:40,120
Speaker 1: used to like, all right, here we go, So thank

104
00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,000
Speaker 1: you for having me. John. This is so fun. I

105
00:06:42,360 --> 00:06:45,800
Speaker 1: actually love being interviewed. I just love talking. That's what

106
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:48,200
Speaker 1: it is. I just love chatting. So I'm really excited

107
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:48,640
Speaker 1: to be here.

108
00:06:49,200 --> 00:06:53,640
Speaker 2: Well great, and I'm so honored that you decided to

109
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:55,600
Speaker 2: come on. You know, I said this a little bit

110
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:58,640
Speaker 2: in the intro, but you know, we tell all kinds

111
00:06:58,680 --> 00:07:04,240
Speaker 2: of stories on this podcast related to alcohol or other

112
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:06,840
Speaker 2: you know, addictions, whether that's food or whatnot. And I'm

113
00:07:06,839 --> 00:07:08,720
Speaker 2: not saying you were an addict, but we're going to

114
00:07:08,760 --> 00:07:12,360
Speaker 2: get into that. But one of the things I continually

115
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:18,600
Speaker 2: preach is that we're not about and hopefully people don't

116
00:07:18,640 --> 00:07:23,360
Speaker 2: see that. You have to have some desperate rock bottom

117
00:07:23,600 --> 00:07:26,000
Speaker 2: moment to be like, you know what, this ain't working

118
00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:28,440
Speaker 2: for me, or I need to change this relationship whatever

119
00:07:28,440 --> 00:07:30,840
Speaker 2: that looks like. And so I'm excited to talk about that.

120
00:07:30,960 --> 00:07:33,679
Speaker 2: But before we get into that part of your story,

121
00:07:35,160 --> 00:07:38,720
Speaker 2: why don't you introduce yourself? And I'm curious, like I'm

122
00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:41,760
Speaker 2: curious how you're going to introduce who you are and

123
00:07:41,800 --> 00:07:44,640
Speaker 2: what you do because there's been some change recently.

124
00:07:44,920 --> 00:07:48,040
Speaker 1: So yeah, this is take it away. This is the

125
00:07:48,040 --> 00:07:50,880
Speaker 1: first time I get to do this. I'm gent happily,

126
00:07:51,200 --> 00:07:54,640
Speaker 1: I'm a wife. I've been married for almost twenty two years.

127
00:07:54,720 --> 00:07:56,880
Speaker 1: I think, yeah, we're almost at twenty two years. We've

128
00:07:56,920 --> 00:07:59,120
Speaker 1: been together forever. So at that point after twenty I

129
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:02,040
Speaker 1: realized she's like, we've married twenty plus years. We have

130
00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:04,440
Speaker 1: three kids. I have a freshman in college, I have

131
00:08:04,520 --> 00:08:06,400
Speaker 1: a senior in high school, and I'm a freshman in

132
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:10,200
Speaker 1: high school. And I have been showing up on the

133
00:08:10,200 --> 00:08:13,000
Speaker 1: internet for a very long time as a podcast host,

134
00:08:13,400 --> 00:08:16,760
Speaker 1: podcast producer, and just social media. And I say influence,

135
00:08:16,760 --> 00:08:19,720
Speaker 1: I would say I would say content creator. I would

136
00:08:19,720 --> 00:08:22,000
Speaker 1: love to say influencer, but I don't know about that.

137
00:08:22,280 --> 00:08:26,440
Speaker 1: So a social media content creator and in the last

138
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:32,120
Speaker 1: few months, a flight attendant for a major what do

139
00:08:32,160 --> 00:08:35,040
Speaker 1: we say? Major US carrier? So now I am a

140
00:08:35,040 --> 00:08:38,640
Speaker 1: flight senate. I'm adding that to my resume, and it's

141
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,640
Speaker 1: so much fun.

142
00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,160
Speaker 2: And I want to I want to, hopefully if time allows,

143
00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:45,320
Speaker 2: I want to get into a little bit about that decision,

144
00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:49,480
Speaker 2: like maybe we can like we're gonna break new now, yeah, yeah,

145
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:49,920
Speaker 2: do it.

146
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:50,200
Speaker 1: Yeah.

147
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,880
Speaker 2: I would just love to unpack that with you, because

148
00:08:55,840 --> 00:08:59,560
Speaker 2: whenever someone makes a kind of like career change, there's

149
00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:03,079
Speaker 2: a part of me, not a part of me, there's

150
00:09:03,280 --> 00:09:08,080
Speaker 2: there's I respect it because I know that it can

151
00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:10,640
Speaker 2: be so hard, especially when you're and I'm not saying

152
00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 2: your identity was wrapped up in your other job, but

153
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:17,800
Speaker 2: when you've done something for so long and it takes

154
00:09:17,840 --> 00:09:20,719
Speaker 2: a lot of courage and it takes a lot of

155
00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:23,480
Speaker 2: thought and prayer. Although you kind of joked in your

156
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:25,640
Speaker 2: one reel like you're like probably needed a hug today,

157
00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:29,280
Speaker 2: decided to, you know, apply for energy, which I thought, yeah.

158
00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:31,880
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, you can definitely get into it because it

159
00:09:31,920 --> 00:09:34,240
Speaker 1: does it does tie into like how the last year changed,

160
00:09:34,400 --> 00:09:37,680
Speaker 1: how how so much of what changed in the last

161
00:09:37,720 --> 00:09:40,640
Speaker 1: year changed me in the last year. So well, definitely

162
00:09:40,679 --> 00:09:41,400
Speaker 1: we can get into that.

163
00:09:42,280 --> 00:09:45,320
Speaker 2: So I was first introduced to you because I'm not

164
00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:49,320
Speaker 2: going to pretend that I'm your target audience, you know,

165
00:09:49,520 --> 00:09:57,520
Speaker 2: kind of young middle aged moms. So I think you

166
00:09:57,600 --> 00:10:01,880
Speaker 2: and I had a mutual friend Laura, and we were

167
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:05,840
Speaker 2: part of like an Instagram giveaway and it was like, hey,

168
00:10:05,880 --> 00:10:08,240
Speaker 2: follow each other and you post stuff and then you

169
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:10,280
Speaker 2: kind of like share all the new followers and it

170
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:12,319
Speaker 2: was great. And that was like maybe a year or

171
00:10:12,360 --> 00:10:17,880
Speaker 2: two ago, and so you came on my feed. But

172
00:10:18,000 --> 00:10:21,440
Speaker 2: I'm gonna be honest, like we didn't really we never talked.

173
00:10:21,520 --> 00:10:24,800
Speaker 2: We didn't know each other. So then at the end

174
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:27,720
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty five, you came on my feed with

175
00:10:28,480 --> 00:10:31,120
Speaker 2: kind of like an end of year recap, and you

176
00:10:31,200 --> 00:10:36,040
Speaker 2: posted let me see here seven six things that You're like,

177
00:10:36,920 --> 00:10:39,920
Speaker 2: five things I'm leaving behind in twenty twenty five, six

178
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:43,640
Speaker 2: things I'm bringing into twenty twenty six, and then things

179
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:47,280
Speaker 2: I feel that and I thought it was so interesting.

180
00:10:47,440 --> 00:10:50,719
Speaker 2: I read that post, and number two on things I'm

181
00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:54,200
Speaker 2: leaving behind in twenty twenty five said this, I'm gonna

182
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:59,880
Speaker 2: read it mindless coping. I got real honest about ALCOHOLI

183
00:10:59,880 --> 00:11:03,319
Speaker 2: this year, why I reached for it, how it impacted

184
00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:08,720
Speaker 2: my rest, and what it revealed about my rhythms. And

185
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:11,480
Speaker 2: I think for me, I read that and I was like, dang,

186
00:11:12,040 --> 00:11:16,080
Speaker 2: that's good, right, And I wish I wish I would

187
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:20,040
Speaker 2: have done that, you know, years ago, because I know

188
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,280
Speaker 2: what it ended up becoming. And I'm not saying that

189
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:25,719
Speaker 2: everyone in your position ends up becoming an alcoholic like me,

190
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:30,040
Speaker 2: but man, I thought that was so good, so brave,

191
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:32,600
Speaker 2: so courageous, and so my question that I want to

192
00:11:32,679 --> 00:11:35,400
Speaker 2: just open it up to is you say you got

193
00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:38,199
Speaker 2: real about your relationship with alcohol, And I would say

194
00:11:38,679 --> 00:11:41,720
Speaker 2: you know what did that look like? What did you learn?

195
00:11:42,040 --> 00:11:45,160
Speaker 2: Why were you reaching for it? What did it reveal?

196
00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:49,200
Speaker 2: Like you said in the post, I'm curious.

197
00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:52,760
Speaker 1: Yeah, man. Uh. Even hearing you like read that post back,

198
00:11:52,800 --> 00:11:55,760
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh yeah, like and that just to like

199
00:11:55,840 --> 00:11:59,520
Speaker 1: peek behind my creative brain is I had that idea

200
00:11:59,559 --> 00:12:02,160
Speaker 1: for a post while I was working out, Like that's

201
00:12:02,480 --> 00:12:04,640
Speaker 1: sometimes it's like when I have like I'm like ooh,

202
00:12:04,679 --> 00:12:06,360
Speaker 1: Like I will be in like mid workout and like

203
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:08,600
Speaker 1: running around my phone like did you write this down?

204
00:12:08,960 --> 00:12:10,600
Speaker 1: And so even hearing you a reread, I'm like, oh, yeah,

205
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:13,800
Speaker 1: I remember, I remember the genesis of that post. And

206
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:18,640
Speaker 1: so so what happened was last year I about this time,

207
00:12:19,920 --> 00:12:23,280
Speaker 1: I was thirty nine and no I was thirty eight,

208
00:12:23,600 --> 00:12:25,800
Speaker 1: and I was entering my thirty ninth birthday, like getting

209
00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:27,199
Speaker 1: ready for my third ninth birthday, and I thought, I

210
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:30,880
Speaker 1: want to I want to spend this year making making

211
00:12:31,000 --> 00:12:34,240
Speaker 1: like the entrance into this next decade really really intentional.

212
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,880
Speaker 1: And so that meant looking at a lot of my

213
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:42,480
Speaker 1: rhythms and habits and I got an hour ring and

214
00:12:42,559 --> 00:12:45,680
Speaker 1: it just it it started opening my eyes to so

215
00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:48,800
Speaker 1: many things. And so I guess to like when I

216
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 1: look back at that line that you read, like, I

217
00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:53,280
Speaker 1: got real about like what what drinking was doing to

218
00:12:53,480 --> 00:12:56,840
Speaker 1: me and how I was reaching for it or even

219
00:12:56,840 --> 00:12:58,319
Speaker 1: and we joke a lot in my friend group like

220
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,920
Speaker 1: I don't need a drink, but I want to drink,

221
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,360
Speaker 1: like because we're really careful with that line, like I

222
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:05,320
Speaker 1: don't need to drink, but I would love to drink

223
00:13:06,600 --> 00:13:08,800
Speaker 1: or love a drink. And so it was kind of

224
00:13:08,840 --> 00:13:12,600
Speaker 1: that mindset that really started kind of taking hold. And

225
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:16,880
Speaker 1: call it conviction, call it awareness, call it a health

226
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,480
Speaker 1: push or whatever, but it was like, oh, I really

227
00:13:19,559 --> 00:13:21,200
Speaker 1: need to sit down and start looking at this. So

228
00:13:21,200 --> 00:13:24,400
Speaker 1: that started in March and then and then it wasn't

229
00:13:24,440 --> 00:13:28,360
Speaker 1: until June that I was like, Okay, you said you're

230
00:13:28,360 --> 00:13:30,920
Speaker 1: gonna enter this next You're gonna really work on yourself

231
00:13:30,920 --> 00:13:33,720
Speaker 1: this next year. What have you been doing. You haven't

232
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,960
Speaker 1: been doing much. And so in June I did. I

233
00:13:37,000 --> 00:13:39,000
Speaker 1: had a sober month, like I didn't drink it all

234
00:13:39,080 --> 00:13:42,960
Speaker 1: for June, and then I started hitting the gym a

235
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:44,920
Speaker 1: lot more. I've always gone to the gym, like I

236
00:13:45,280 --> 00:13:46,760
Speaker 1: know that the gym is good for my body. I

237
00:13:46,800 --> 00:13:48,880
Speaker 1: know that it's good for my mental health. I like,

238
00:13:49,440 --> 00:13:51,440
Speaker 1: my best friends are at the gym. They own the gym,

239
00:13:51,480 --> 00:13:53,080
Speaker 1: so like, go into the gym is easy for me.

240
00:13:53,559 --> 00:13:55,640
Speaker 1: But it was like, Okay, I'm actually gonna like I'm

241
00:13:55,640 --> 00:13:58,600
Speaker 1: actually gonna like push myself. I'm gonna be intentional. And

242
00:13:58,679 --> 00:14:01,680
Speaker 1: I think that that's what June started for me, was

243
00:14:01,679 --> 00:14:04,600
Speaker 1: this month of intention. I wasn't drinking, I was working

244
00:14:04,679 --> 00:14:07,320
Speaker 1: at more, I was seeing I was seeing the data.

245
00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:09,880
Speaker 1: That's that's really what hit me was. I was seeing

246
00:14:09,920 --> 00:14:12,360
Speaker 1: the data on my worring. I was resting better, I

247
00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:16,960
Speaker 1: was sleeping better, I was recovering faster. And I was like, oh,

248
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,480
Speaker 1: people aren't wrong. Alcohol is poison, like shocking, you know,

249
00:14:22,640 --> 00:14:26,080
Speaker 1: like who knew? Who knew that science was real in this?

250
00:14:26,680 --> 00:14:29,360
Speaker 1: And so that's where it kind of started. And then

251
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:34,280
Speaker 1: it then after a sober month, you're allowed, you know,

252
00:14:34,320 --> 00:14:36,640
Speaker 1: quote unquote allowed to drink again, and it's like, okay,

253
00:14:37,920 --> 00:14:40,040
Speaker 1: how how am I going to do this? And I

254
00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:43,960
Speaker 1: think throughout the throughout the next six months, I was

255
00:14:44,000 --> 00:14:46,440
Speaker 1: said the line a lot. I don't have a drinking problem.

256
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 1: I have a problem with my drinking. And so I

257
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:53,400
Speaker 1: just knew that the way that I was reaching for

258
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 1: alcohol in a stressful moment. We we We've said for

259
00:14:56,360 --> 00:14:58,760
Speaker 1: years that we've had a really hard couple of years.

260
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:01,640
Speaker 1: But my we lost my father a lot of it's

261
00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:03,840
Speaker 1: just it's just constant. But we lost my father a

262
00:15:03,880 --> 00:15:06,440
Speaker 1: lot of cancer a couple of years ago. Having a

263
00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:10,240
Speaker 1: daughter that has some unspecified mood disorders has been really

264
00:15:10,280 --> 00:15:12,840
Speaker 1: hard on our family. Uh. We we have back to

265
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,880
Speaker 1: back seniors in high school. I don't recommend I don't

266
00:15:15,920 --> 00:15:20,480
Speaker 1: recommend that that's hard to launch two kids back to back.

267
00:15:20,520 --> 00:15:24,680
Speaker 1: It's awful and it's but it's also so great. Like

268
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,240
Speaker 1: I say that it's awful, but it's like I love

269
00:15:26,240 --> 00:15:29,200
Speaker 1: it so much. So it was just it was it

270
00:15:29,240 --> 00:15:31,600
Speaker 1: was time to kind of take stock and and kind

271
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:34,160
Speaker 1: of peel the layers back and be like, Okay, why

272
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,800
Speaker 1: are you reaching for this? And if you could reach

273
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,920
Speaker 1: for something else, what would you reach for? And so

274
00:15:39,000 --> 00:15:42,240
Speaker 1: I started reaching for like chocolate magnesium at night, and

275
00:15:42,640 --> 00:15:44,240
Speaker 1: just it was like, Okay, if I said I'm gonna

276
00:15:44,240 --> 00:15:46,080
Speaker 1: if I said I'm going to do this and I'm

277
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,880
Speaker 1: gonna do it, well, then I then I actually have

278
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:49,320
Speaker 1: to do it.

279
00:15:51,720 --> 00:15:53,760
Speaker 2: By the way, like that line was so good, I

280
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:56,120
Speaker 2: like I was writing it down. I was literally and

281
00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:59,000
Speaker 2: I've gone back to like pen and paper, so I

282
00:15:59,160 --> 00:16:02,000
Speaker 2: wasn't checking my phone if you're watching its daily, I

283
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,240
Speaker 2: just like I was like, I wanna, I want to

284
00:16:04,240 --> 00:16:08,400
Speaker 2: remember that and so okay, So if if that was

285
00:16:08,480 --> 00:16:10,600
Speaker 2: kind of the line that you said over the next

286
00:16:10,640 --> 00:16:13,800
Speaker 2: six months, then what did that look like? I mean,

287
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,840
Speaker 2: you said you were reaching for my music. So is

288
00:16:16,880 --> 00:16:19,120
Speaker 2: it like you're like, okay, give it up for a

289
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:23,200
Speaker 2: month and now I don't drink at all? What does

290
00:16:23,240 --> 00:16:24,200
Speaker 2: that look like for you?

291
00:16:24,920 --> 00:16:29,040
Speaker 1: Yeah, it really came down to, okay, if I'm not drinking, like,

292
00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:31,600
Speaker 1: I still drink, like I love I love a glass

293
00:16:31,640 --> 00:16:34,680
Speaker 1: of wine, I love a cocktail. But it revealed in

294
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:37,960
Speaker 1: me that I was I was not satisfied with just

295
00:16:38,000 --> 00:16:40,600
Speaker 1: one drink, and that to me was my problem. I

296
00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 1: was like, oh, if I can't have just one glass

297
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:45,800
Speaker 1: of wine and I need I like I almost like

298
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:48,400
Speaker 1: craved that second class because that second class was gonna

299
00:16:48,480 --> 00:16:50,280
Speaker 1: kind of give you the foggy feeling that like my

300
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 1: body needed to check out. I was like, Okay, then

301
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,760
Speaker 1: then that's the problem. So then I had to like

302
00:16:54,840 --> 00:16:57,920
Speaker 1: teach myself, like I limited myself, like if you drink

303
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:01,760
Speaker 1: you have one, and it was like it just was

304
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,159
Speaker 1: that kind of like mentality. And so now now I

305
00:17:04,320 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 1: can't And now hear me when I say there's still

306
00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:13,040
Speaker 1: the battle of like well liked, and it's like no, no, no,

307
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,040
Speaker 1: Like I've just trained myself now to be like one

308
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,440
Speaker 1: is one isn't like one is one is totally fine?

309
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:23,159
Speaker 2: How right? Like how yeah? Because there's people listening to

310
00:17:23,240 --> 00:17:25,760
Speaker 2: this who are like, I want that. I mean, yeah,

311
00:17:26,040 --> 00:17:28,040
Speaker 2: I want to be able to train like I want

312
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,600
Speaker 2: just that one. And I think for me, you know,

313
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:32,960
Speaker 2: my wife and I for a while it was like

314
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 2: it was like just two, right, And I know it's

315
00:17:35,520 --> 00:17:37,800
Speaker 2: not too so I was never able to have that,

316
00:17:39,720 --> 00:17:42,840
Speaker 2: but I also know there are people who can't, right yeah.

317
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,720
Speaker 2: And so I'm just curious, like, what did it look

318
00:17:46,880 --> 00:17:50,520
Speaker 2: like for you to train yourself? Was it spiritual? Was

319
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:54,359
Speaker 2: it physical? Was it a combination? Was it you're reminding

320
00:17:54,400 --> 00:17:57,440
Speaker 2: yourself of X, Y and Z. I'm just curious.

321
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:02,680
Speaker 1: We'll be right back after this, Yeah, I think it

322
00:18:02,720 --> 00:18:04,800
Speaker 1: would probably. And this is the other side of it

323
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:06,720
Speaker 1: where I want to be like really mindful and say,

324
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:09,480
Speaker 1: like I do have alcoholism in my family, but I

325
00:18:09,480 --> 00:18:11,520
Speaker 1: don't feel like I struggle with that part of it,

326
00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:13,879
Speaker 1: and so I could be like I just tell myself no,

327
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:17,080
Speaker 1: and people are like, cool, that doesn't work, you know.

328
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,880
Speaker 1: So I want to be really, really mindful to say,

329
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,119
Speaker 1: like I understand that this isn't like it's not this

330
00:18:21,280 --> 00:18:24,760
Speaker 1: easy for other people. But it really was a disciplined aspect.

331
00:18:24,920 --> 00:18:27,680
Speaker 1: It was accountability. I tell my husband like, I'm only

332
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,760
Speaker 1: gonna have one and I'd be like, like that's where

333
00:18:30,760 --> 00:18:33,400
Speaker 1: it stops, and he had to hold me accountable fat

334
00:18:33,600 --> 00:18:35,520
Speaker 1: but he also works sights. And then that was the

335
00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:38,639
Speaker 1: other thing is he's he's away a lot on nights,

336
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:41,480
Speaker 1: and I had to tell myself that I wasn't and

337
00:18:41,520 --> 00:18:43,959
Speaker 1: I hate to say it was allowed, but it almost

338
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:48,600
Speaker 1: starts with that, like that base level of like allowance.

339
00:18:48,680 --> 00:18:50,600
Speaker 1: It was like I'm not allowed to drink if Jesse's

340
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,040
Speaker 1: not home because then it's just me and the kids,

341
00:18:53,560 --> 00:18:57,000
Speaker 1: and my teenage kids are gonna be like, mom, you

342
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,800
Speaker 1: said you only wanted one drink tonight. You know, like

343
00:18:58,800 --> 00:19:02,199
Speaker 1: they're not gonna like parent me. So I had to

344
00:19:02,240 --> 00:19:03,680
Speaker 1: go through Like it was a lot of discipline. I

345
00:19:03,680 --> 00:19:05,320
Speaker 1: think I think what it comes down to is like

346
00:19:05,480 --> 00:19:07,520
Speaker 1: I had to focus on the discipline part of it,

347
00:19:07,960 --> 00:19:11,240
Speaker 1: so that I could kind of like create those habits.

348
00:19:11,320 --> 00:19:14,840
Speaker 1: You know, nowadays we look at like streaks kids are

349
00:19:14,920 --> 00:19:17,040
Speaker 1: kids are obsessed with their streaks for whatever, and so

350
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:18,439
Speaker 1: it had to be a streak. I had to be

351
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:21,840
Speaker 1: a streak of like the last time you only had

352
00:19:21,840 --> 00:19:23,359
Speaker 1: one and that was really good, Like you did a

353
00:19:23,359 --> 00:19:25,639
Speaker 1: really good job, or the last time Jesse was on

354
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:27,480
Speaker 1: nights you didn't drink alone and that was really good.

355
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:29,760
Speaker 1: Or you know, like like you almost have to like

356
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,879
Speaker 1: build up that muscle memory so that so that the

357
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:36,000
Speaker 1: next time you are in a situation where you're like, well,

358
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,960
Speaker 1: two glasses, wouldn't it be terrible? Now. There were times where

359
00:19:39,160 --> 00:19:41,160
Speaker 1: I would be out to dinner and one margarita would

360
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 1: be great, and then we're like laying you know, like

361
00:19:44,359 --> 00:19:47,119
Speaker 1: I almost feel like that like long dinner time, and

362
00:19:47,160 --> 00:19:49,400
Speaker 1: it would be like I'm gonna have another. Like It's

363
00:19:49,480 --> 00:19:51,760
Speaker 1: like there was also the allowance of like I'm not

364
00:19:51,800 --> 00:19:53,879
Speaker 1: going to be so strict and rigid that I'm not

365
00:19:53,920 --> 00:19:57,560
Speaker 1: gonna enjoy my time with my or it almost comes

366
00:19:57,600 --> 00:20:00,359
Speaker 1: down to, and this is where I think a lot

367
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:02,520
Speaker 1: of people really can shrugg where it's like, well, it's fun.

368
00:20:02,720 --> 00:20:04,760
Speaker 1: Is this it's a lot it's okay, And it's like

369
00:20:05,760 --> 00:20:07,880
Speaker 1: does it feel okay in your heart today? Like that's

370
00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,040
Speaker 1: where that's where like the conviction comes in, where it's

371
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:13,360
Speaker 1: like it's almost like that silent moment of like, okay, God,

372
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,240
Speaker 1: it's like if I have the second drink? Am I

373
00:20:15,280 --> 00:20:17,639
Speaker 1: being disobedient to you? Am I following the discipline that

374
00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:22,159
Speaker 1: we have set up? Like is this okay? Like like

375
00:20:22,200 --> 00:20:24,000
Speaker 1: that quick combo with God where it's like, Hey, I

376
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,919
Speaker 1: think I'm gonna do this or are you good with that?

377
00:20:26,000 --> 00:20:27,880
Speaker 1: And if it's like a if it's like you said

378
00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:30,320
Speaker 1: one drink, it's like okay, cool, Like I'm not gonna

379
00:20:30,320 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 1: do it like I'll have I'll have a coke, I'll

380
00:20:32,240 --> 00:20:34,159
Speaker 1: have all that doc T Prepper or something, you know,

381
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 1: like switch it up a little bit. But it was

382
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:38,440
Speaker 1: it was a lot of like it was a lot

383
00:20:38,480 --> 00:20:40,959
Speaker 1: of talking to myself and talking to the Lord and

384
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,160
Speaker 1: just kind of obeying that discipline that you set forth.

385
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:45,680
Speaker 2: What do you think you know, you talked a little

386
00:20:45,680 --> 00:20:47,920
Speaker 2: bit about that conviction. What do you think that conviction

387
00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:51,120
Speaker 2: was for you? Like? Was it was it mostly like Hey,

388
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:54,000
Speaker 2: I'm using this to cope and that's you know, I

389
00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:55,919
Speaker 2: need to be careful there. What do you feel like

390
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,840
Speaker 2: was the greatest conviction for you personally?

391
00:20:58,760 --> 00:21:01,159
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it was the coping checking out. It was.

392
00:21:03,520 --> 00:21:06,280
Speaker 1: It's the wildest thing that alcohol is the one thing

393
00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:09,480
Speaker 1: that everyone's okay with you kind of indulging in without

394
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:14,280
Speaker 1: without being like hey are you good? And so, like

395
00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:17,000
Speaker 1: I said, so many emotional things and heavy things were

396
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,639
Speaker 1: happening that Like if I were to have two to

397
00:21:19,680 --> 00:21:22,320
Speaker 1: three glasses of wine and people who know me know

398
00:21:22,359 --> 00:21:25,200
Speaker 1: what's going on, like yeah, yeah, you deserve that. Whereas

399
00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,479
Speaker 1: like if I was any sort of other like it's

400
00:21:27,480 --> 00:21:30,320
Speaker 1: struggling in any other way. If I if I was

401
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,400
Speaker 1: eating like seven donuts with my friends, they were gonna

402
00:21:33,400 --> 00:21:36,879
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, that's okay. They'd be like, dude, what

403
00:21:37,000 --> 00:21:38,960
Speaker 1: are you doing? And so I think it was that

404
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,840
Speaker 1: conviction of like why are you checking out? Why are

405
00:21:41,880 --> 00:21:43,720
Speaker 1: you turning to this and stead up to the lord

406
00:21:44,840 --> 00:21:48,000
Speaker 1: one because sometimes it's easier to check out than turn

407
00:21:48,080 --> 00:21:51,040
Speaker 1: to the lord like I would I would much rather

408
00:21:51,560 --> 00:21:57,399
Speaker 1: not be convicted in this moment. Then yes, and it hits.

409
00:21:57,560 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 1: It's a quick hit, and so so that's where that's

410
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:02,760
Speaker 1: where it was the conviction of like why are you

411
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:05,480
Speaker 1: turning to this over over the Lord? And some of

412
00:22:05,520 --> 00:22:07,920
Speaker 1: it was like because I know that this is gonna

413
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,399
Speaker 1: this is gonna affect me immediately, and the Lord is

414
00:22:10,400 --> 00:22:13,320
Speaker 1: gonna be like be still in wait, I am fighting

415
00:22:13,359 --> 00:22:15,280
Speaker 1: for you, and I'm like, cool, I don't want that,

416
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:16,600
Speaker 1: Like I don't want to be still.

417
00:22:16,960 --> 00:22:17,719
Speaker 2: I don't want that.

418
00:22:18,240 --> 00:22:19,840
Speaker 1: And there was a there was a big season where

419
00:22:19,840 --> 00:22:22,000
Speaker 1: I like I was running from the Lord, not in

420
00:22:22,040 --> 00:22:25,240
Speaker 1: a sense of like my faith was weak, like that's

421
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,359
Speaker 1: that's what I'll say. I was. I was, and I

422
00:22:27,400 --> 00:22:29,679
Speaker 1: and I think that that shows it shows that my

423
00:22:29,680 --> 00:22:31,879
Speaker 1: faith was weak if I was turning here so often.

424
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:38,080
Speaker 1: And that was such a such a problem that I

425
00:22:38,119 --> 00:22:41,280
Speaker 1: wasn't really ready to admit to him or to myself

426
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:43,800
Speaker 1: to be like, hey, I actually like don't trust you

427
00:22:43,880 --> 00:22:47,720
Speaker 1: right now. And so as I was kind of reevaluating

428
00:22:47,880 --> 00:22:51,639
Speaker 1: and coming and coming back, but it was also this like, Okay,

429
00:22:51,680 --> 00:22:52,960
Speaker 1: I know that you're gonna fight for me. I know

430
00:22:53,000 --> 00:22:54,639
Speaker 1: that you care for my family, I know that you

431
00:22:54,680 --> 00:22:58,200
Speaker 1: do all this. So the surrender was laying down alcohol

432
00:22:58,840 --> 00:23:02,000
Speaker 1: and trusting him him to like actually fight for me.

433
00:23:03,080 --> 00:23:05,000
Speaker 2: What brought you to that place. I mean, I know

434
00:23:05,040 --> 00:23:07,480
Speaker 2: you talked about I know you talked about you've seeing

435
00:23:07,480 --> 00:23:09,600
Speaker 2: the health benefits and maybe that's it, right, But but

436
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:11,840
Speaker 2: what brought you to the place of even seeing kind

437
00:23:11,880 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 2: of the you know, I talk a lot about root

438
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,959
Speaker 2: versus fruit, right, so the fruit was, Hey, I'm doing this,

439
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:20,600
Speaker 2: I'm coping. What made you really kind of look and see?

440
00:23:21,160 --> 00:23:21,320
Speaker 1: Man?

441
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,480
Speaker 2: This comes down to you A trust issue? Really in my.

442
00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:28,639
Speaker 1: Home, yeah, it's really it centers around my kids. My

443
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,359
Speaker 1: oldest has struggled with his mental health here and there.

444
00:23:32,119 --> 00:23:34,320
Speaker 1: In this last fall, he had a really hard moment

445
00:23:34,440 --> 00:23:36,720
Speaker 1: and I just remember sitting next to him on the

446
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,359
Speaker 1: floor while he was sleeping and just having that like

447
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:42,480
Speaker 1: talk with the Lord and being like, man, I said,

448
00:23:42,480 --> 00:23:45,360
Speaker 1: I've trusted you with these kids. And he's the biggest

449
00:23:45,359 --> 00:23:47,160
Speaker 1: and he's the one that doesn't like live at home.

450
00:23:47,200 --> 00:23:51,159
Speaker 1: He's in college, and and if I say I trust you,

451
00:23:51,600 --> 00:23:54,159
Speaker 1: then I actually have to trust to you. And if like,

452
00:23:54,800 --> 00:23:57,199
Speaker 1: if you can it. It was like, if you do this,

453
00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,199
Speaker 1: then I will this. And it was like, if you can, like,

454
00:24:00,920 --> 00:24:04,480
Speaker 1: if you can make him okay today, then I'll get

455
00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,600
Speaker 1: back in the word I will, I will, I will

456
00:24:07,640 --> 00:24:12,480
Speaker 1: do everything I know to do because I can trust

457
00:24:12,520 --> 00:24:14,920
Speaker 1: you if today is okay? Mmm.

458
00:24:17,040 --> 00:24:21,960
Speaker 2: So when you kind of got back to that that place, yeah,

459
00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:24,879
Speaker 2: you know you've been on this side, right, you know,

460
00:24:25,119 --> 00:24:29,400
Speaker 2: what do you feel like? Was it those hard things?

461
00:24:29,440 --> 00:24:32,400
Speaker 2: You know? I talked about it just being a slow fade, right,

462
00:24:32,600 --> 00:24:36,880
Speaker 2: and my slow fade then looked like more and more coping. Yeah,

463
00:24:38,000 --> 00:24:40,800
Speaker 2: but what did that? What did that look like for you?

464
00:24:41,119 --> 00:24:44,760
Speaker 2: Was it more like, hey, you know, all these things

465
00:24:44,800 --> 00:24:47,800
Speaker 2: happened in succession, and so I just got busy, But like,

466
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:49,840
Speaker 2: what what did what did the fade? If there was

467
00:24:49,880 --> 00:24:52,679
Speaker 2: a fade, what did that look like for you? Just spiritually?

468
00:24:52,880 --> 00:24:54,440
Speaker 2: Like you know you said, I just wasn't in a

469
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:55,160
Speaker 2: good place with God.

470
00:24:55,840 --> 00:25:01,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think it started with some hard kids stuff

471
00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:06,040
Speaker 1: and then my father loves cancer, and then more hard

472
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:08,800
Speaker 1: kids stuff, and then you know, just like life kind

473
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,840
Speaker 1: of snowballed. And when you when you cope a little bit,

474
00:25:13,880 --> 00:25:16,359
Speaker 1: that coping doesn't like it's not enough anymore, Like you

475
00:25:16,440 --> 00:25:19,280
Speaker 1: almost have to cope more like and so then you

476
00:25:19,359 --> 00:25:21,960
Speaker 1: like drinking is no longer like drinking one glass of

477
00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:23,879
Speaker 1: wine is never is not enough, Like, oh shoot, you

478
00:25:23,960 --> 00:25:25,880
Speaker 1: drink a whole bottle of wine. And then it's like, well,

479
00:25:26,160 --> 00:25:28,160
Speaker 1: on top of that, with your screen time limits at

480
00:25:28,359 --> 00:25:30,600
Speaker 1: like or do you have limits? And so you just

481
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:33,800
Speaker 1: like your life, your life becomes a cope like everything

482
00:25:33,800 --> 00:25:37,119
Speaker 1: that you're doing is coping or or trying to cope

483
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,040
Speaker 1: with everything that you're not dealing with. And so I

484
00:25:40,040 --> 00:25:42,080
Speaker 1: think it was just a slow fade. It was it

485
00:25:42,119 --> 00:25:44,159
Speaker 1: was man, life is hard, and like I said, we

486
00:25:44,280 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 1: joke that, like, man, life has been harsh for the

487
00:25:45,720 --> 00:25:49,119
Speaker 1: last couple of years, for six years, like and at

488
00:25:49,119 --> 00:25:52,479
Speaker 1: that point, I think it's like, I think that's just life. Girl, Like, no,

489
00:25:52,680 --> 00:25:54,919
Speaker 1: don't just help me that. I think that might just

490
00:25:54,960 --> 00:25:59,320
Speaker 1: be live, Like I wish there was a better way.

491
00:26:00,320 --> 00:26:01,959
Speaker 1: So I think that it's it was a little bit

492
00:26:02,000 --> 00:26:04,200
Speaker 1: of that. But I think that slow fade is really

493
00:26:04,200 --> 00:26:06,600
Speaker 1: what it is, because because like I said, all of

494
00:26:06,640 --> 00:26:08,399
Speaker 1: a sudden, one class of wine is to end up

495
00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,919
Speaker 1: it's two and then you're scrolling until midnight, or then

496
00:26:10,960 --> 00:26:13,159
Speaker 1: you're reading things that you don't that you know you

497
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:14,840
Speaker 1: don't like to, or you're watching things that you know

498
00:26:14,880 --> 00:26:16,720
Speaker 1: you don't like to. You know, like like all of

499
00:26:16,760 --> 00:26:19,320
Speaker 1: your convictions kind of go out the window. When when

500
00:26:19,320 --> 00:26:22,040
Speaker 1: you're quote unquote I'm just coping. I'm just dealing. I'm

501
00:26:22,080 --> 00:26:24,679
Speaker 1: just this And it's like once, once I kind of

502
00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:27,639
Speaker 1: like resurrendered, it was like, ooh, there's a lot going

503
00:26:27,680 --> 00:26:29,800
Speaker 1: on here that like you have to clean house like

504
00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:33,240
Speaker 1: I had to. I had to really check my phone.

505
00:26:33,359 --> 00:26:36,199
Speaker 1: I really I had to. I had to unfollow a

506
00:26:36,240 --> 00:26:38,080
Speaker 1: lot because I was like the stuff that I was

507
00:26:38,119 --> 00:26:40,800
Speaker 1: consuming was actually not doing my heart and my mind

508
00:26:40,840 --> 00:26:45,400
Speaker 1: as well. And yeah, you just have to, like I said,

509
00:26:45,480 --> 00:26:48,080
Speaker 1: I think it's just like like room by room, clean

510
00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: up the house.

511
00:26:50,720 --> 00:26:53,120
Speaker 2: You know, you said you said something there that I've

512
00:26:53,160 --> 00:26:56,439
Speaker 2: been doing, but I've been struggling with doing and that

513
00:26:56,600 --> 00:27:02,120
Speaker 2: is unfollowing. And what I have been doing is not

514
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:06,240
Speaker 2: necessarily unfollowing, like you know, oh I was you know,

515
00:27:06,359 --> 00:27:10,000
Speaker 2: this was a quote unquote bad account or whatnot. But

516
00:27:10,119 --> 00:27:17,439
Speaker 2: even just other people Christians who I'm like, it appears

517
00:27:17,480 --> 00:27:22,520
Speaker 2: to me like you're striving, right, You're constantly just trying

518
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:25,840
Speaker 2: to manufacture. You're constantly doing this, that and the other thing.

519
00:27:25,880 --> 00:27:28,840
Speaker 2: And maybe some of it is good, right, but man,

520
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:33,960
Speaker 2: I look at it and it just does something to me,

521
00:27:34,920 --> 00:27:37,280
Speaker 2: and the something to me may be my fault, right,

522
00:27:37,400 --> 00:27:40,199
Speaker 2: It may be like a something inside of me that

523
00:27:40,359 --> 00:27:44,040
Speaker 2: maybe they're not striving, like maybe I'm unfairly judging them,

524
00:27:44,400 --> 00:27:46,480
Speaker 2: And so I've struggled. I'm like, so do I unfollow

525
00:27:46,520 --> 00:27:49,600
Speaker 2: them or not? Because if I unfollow them, then is

526
00:27:49,600 --> 00:27:51,760
Speaker 2: that really just am I admitting like it's a problem

527
00:27:51,800 --> 00:27:54,800
Speaker 2: with me and it's not their fault. And I like

528
00:27:54,880 --> 00:27:56,760
Speaker 2: go back and forth, and finally I'm just like, well,

529
00:27:56,800 --> 00:27:59,639
Speaker 2: maybe I am the weaker vessel, and then I just

530
00:27:59,680 --> 00:28:02,760
Speaker 2: need to right. And so I'm curious if you had

531
00:28:02,840 --> 00:28:05,960
Speaker 2: any sort of struggle like that and and if you

532
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,480
Speaker 2: felt like a tension of man, I'm gonna unfollow some

533
00:28:09,560 --> 00:28:13,359
Speaker 2: of this stuff and and maybe it's not bad. Maybe

534
00:28:13,359 --> 00:28:15,199
Speaker 2: it is bad, but it's a meat problem. I don't know.

535
00:28:15,240 --> 00:28:18,200
Speaker 2: I'm just curious if you had any similar thoughts or feelings.

536
00:28:18,680 --> 00:28:21,520
Speaker 1: Yeah. I think that I definitely see that where it's like, man,

537
00:28:21,600 --> 00:28:24,919
Speaker 1: this this person is and for me it's like this

538
00:28:24,960 --> 00:28:28,399
Speaker 1: person is doing so well and I'm not to that

539
00:28:28,440 --> 00:28:30,679
Speaker 1: caliber or I'm not or I'm not doing that or

540
00:28:30,760 --> 00:28:33,200
Speaker 1: I oh, shoot, I haven't tried that tactic yet. Maybe

541
00:28:33,200 --> 00:28:37,120
Speaker 1: I should try that, right, and it causes me to strive. Yeah,

542
00:28:37,119 --> 00:28:40,120
Speaker 1: And so I'm like yeah, and so I had to

543
00:28:40,200 --> 00:28:43,400
Speaker 1: unfollow a lot of like the social media marketing stuff

544
00:28:43,760 --> 00:28:46,160
Speaker 1: like people stuff like that where it was like thirty

545
00:28:46,160 --> 00:28:48,720
Speaker 1: reels for thirty days and grow your platform, and it

546
00:28:48,840 --> 00:28:51,560
Speaker 1: was like, oh, I I can't do that. I can't

547
00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,440
Speaker 1: do that. And so there was a lot of that

548
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,640
Speaker 1: I haven't followed. I mean, then there's some like I've

549
00:28:55,680 --> 00:28:59,560
Speaker 1: been I've been in the Christian media space for for

550
00:28:59,600 --> 00:29:01,400
Speaker 1: a very long time, and there was some people that

551
00:29:01,560 --> 00:29:04,959
Speaker 1: was like I just had them follow and it was

552
00:29:05,280 --> 00:29:08,320
Speaker 1: there was a little bit of like heart hurt for

553
00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,800
Speaker 1: me kind of like tiptoeing away from it a little

554
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,440
Speaker 1: bit like these people don't actually know my name and

555
00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,520
Speaker 1: that's okay, like they don't need to know my name,

556
00:29:16,840 --> 00:29:19,080
Speaker 1: but like I have been in this space for a

557
00:29:19,120 --> 00:29:22,920
Speaker 1: while and I'm just gonna like I'm just gonna I'm

558
00:29:22,920 --> 00:29:27,680
Speaker 1: just gonna remove myself from this. And that was maybe

559
00:29:27,720 --> 00:29:30,000
Speaker 1: a little bit of like I'm gonna remove myself from it,

560
00:29:30,080 --> 00:29:32,840
Speaker 1: like maybe some days was a little bit like Poudy,

561
00:29:32,920 --> 00:29:34,800
Speaker 1: and then some days it was like I actually don't

562
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:36,720
Speaker 1: think I'm supposed to be right here anymore. Yeah, and

563
00:29:36,760 --> 00:29:39,320
Speaker 1: that and that being okay, But then also so I

564
00:29:39,360 --> 00:29:41,600
Speaker 1: think it's like this triangle of like there's probably a

565
00:29:41,640 --> 00:29:43,760
Speaker 1: little bit of that, a little bit of like hurt feelings,

566
00:29:43,800 --> 00:29:47,520
Speaker 1: and then a little bit of like like it's fine,

567
00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:50,160
Speaker 1: like an unfollowed like it's not actually gonna hurt them,

568
00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:53,200
Speaker 1: and it's actually probably gonna be okay for me. Like yeah,

569
00:29:53,680 --> 00:29:56,880
Speaker 1: like it's it's you know, it's it's that like reality

570
00:29:56,880 --> 00:29:58,880
Speaker 1: of like I can always refollow later.

571
00:29:59,600 --> 00:30:04,920
Speaker 2: Yeah. Right, you hinted at, you know, kind of walking

572
00:30:04,920 --> 00:30:06,120
Speaker 2: away from the space, and I want to get there

573
00:30:06,160 --> 00:30:08,840
Speaker 2: in a second. But my I want to ask you this,

574
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,200
Speaker 2: what was the reaction to your I mean, you have

575
00:30:12,280 --> 00:30:13,600
Speaker 2: the posts that you did at the end of the

576
00:30:13,640 --> 00:30:17,880
Speaker 2: year talking about stepping away from from alcohol or treating

577
00:30:17,880 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 2: it differently. Yeah, what was the reaction first among your

578
00:30:22,400 --> 00:30:26,720
Speaker 2: friends or even not your friends, maybe just people who

579
00:30:26,760 --> 00:30:29,560
Speaker 2: were in your circle, Like, did anyone take notice where

580
00:30:29,560 --> 00:30:33,440
Speaker 2: they like huh, I'm just curious what the reaction was.

581
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,720
Speaker 1: Yeah, So for my sober June, I only told a

582
00:30:37,760 --> 00:30:41,640
Speaker 1: couple of my my close friends because summertime in Texas

583
00:30:42,000 --> 00:30:44,880
Speaker 1: is yes, the time to drink, like it really is.

584
00:30:44,960 --> 00:30:45,680
Speaker 2: You go to the lake.

585
00:30:46,720 --> 00:30:49,800
Speaker 1: Yes, there's nothing I mean, there's a lot better than this,

586
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,360
Speaker 1: and so I want to be really careful for words,

587
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:55,360
Speaker 1: but nothing, nothing is more than a nice margarita, buy

588
00:30:55,400 --> 00:30:58,040
Speaker 1: the pool like it just sometimes that's just what hits.

589
00:30:58,640 --> 00:31:02,880
Speaker 1: And so and so we had had a couple of

590
00:31:02,920 --> 00:31:07,960
Speaker 1: like birthday parties back to back, and after one birthday party,

591
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,640
Speaker 1: I was like, this is this is the day, Like

592
00:31:09,680 --> 00:31:12,200
Speaker 1: I stopped drinking for the month, and then we had

593
00:31:12,320 --> 00:31:15,040
Speaker 1: more birthday parties. Well, I was just really intentional that

594
00:31:15,040 --> 00:31:20,360
Speaker 1: I would always have like an Alani or like a

595
00:31:20,360 --> 00:31:22,760
Speaker 1: Seltzer water or something something that like I could pour

596
00:31:22,920 --> 00:31:26,720
Speaker 1: into a fun cup and have a fun cup, because

597
00:31:26,760 --> 00:31:28,320
Speaker 1: I feel like if you have a fun cup in

598
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:34,040
Speaker 1: your hands, nobody's asking me questions, and if everybody's drinking

599
00:31:34,040 --> 00:31:36,920
Speaker 1: around you, nobody's noticing that you're not getting to that level,

600
00:31:37,160 --> 00:31:38,959
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. So that first month, I

601
00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:42,360
Speaker 1: like really was really quiet about it. And then I

602
00:31:42,440 --> 00:31:46,240
Speaker 1: just believe that I have really holy friends and friends

603
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:49,280
Speaker 1: who are really intentional one with relationship with me and

604
00:31:49,360 --> 00:31:52,240
Speaker 1: two relationship their own relationship with God. And so I'd

605
00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:54,960
Speaker 1: be like, yeah, I'm I'm I've said the same thing.

606
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:56,880
Speaker 1: I have said the same thing. So then I said

607
00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,160
Speaker 1: to you like I don't have a drinking problem, but

608
00:31:58,160 --> 00:31:59,959
Speaker 1: I have a problem with how much I'm drinking or

609
00:32:00,040 --> 00:32:02,200
Speaker 1: have problem with my drinking. And they'd be like, Okay,

610
00:32:02,200 --> 00:32:04,160
Speaker 1: well what do you even'ta do about it? And I was like,

611
00:32:04,280 --> 00:32:05,720
Speaker 1: I think I'm just gonna one last to night or

612
00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:07,680
Speaker 1: I'm just gonna or or I'm not gonna drink tonight.

613
00:32:07,680 --> 00:32:09,320
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have a diet cokexed line. And they're like okay,

614
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,680
Speaker 1: like nobody's like a gasp. And I think that that

615
00:32:12,840 --> 00:32:16,160
Speaker 1: culture is changing, and I hope I hope that culture

616
00:32:16,200 --> 00:32:18,840
Speaker 1: is changing for our kids because I think people are

617
00:32:18,880 --> 00:32:23,480
Speaker 1: seeing more and more that alcohol is bad for us.

618
00:32:23,520 --> 00:32:25,880
Speaker 1: And I think that the next generation is coming out

619
00:32:25,960 --> 00:32:28,880
Speaker 1: and being like like I have younger friends that like

620
00:32:28,960 --> 00:32:31,600
Speaker 1: they like, no, drinking makes me anxious. And when we

621
00:32:31,680 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 1: have more people in our group that are like that,

622
00:32:33,360 --> 00:32:35,880
Speaker 1: it's not like one person isn't drinking or two people

623
00:32:35,880 --> 00:32:38,400
Speaker 1: aren't drinking, you know, it's like it's like, okay, who's

624
00:32:38,440 --> 00:32:41,080
Speaker 1: having drinks, Okay, okay, okay, and then like that's it.

625
00:32:41,240 --> 00:32:43,320
Speaker 1: Who needs water? Who needs to look? You know, who

626
00:32:43,320 --> 00:32:45,560
Speaker 1: needs to look or who needs to chico like whatever,

627
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:51,480
Speaker 1: it's not It's not a like like, oh are you struggling,

628
00:32:51,960 --> 00:32:54,680
Speaker 1: It's like it's like, oh, okay, you're not drinking tonight, cool,

629
00:32:54,960 --> 00:32:57,880
Speaker 1: what do you need? It's it's just so much more casual.

630
00:32:57,920 --> 00:33:00,600
Speaker 1: And and I'm also are I'm I am almost forty,

631
00:33:00,640 --> 00:33:02,160
Speaker 1: but I have a lot of younger friends and they're

632
00:33:02,200 --> 00:33:05,719
Speaker 1: all pregnant all the time, and so they're not drinking.

633
00:33:07,280 --> 00:33:11,120
Speaker 1: That's just interesting now. I also I have a friend

634
00:33:11,160 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 1: in my my best my best friend, like my very

635
00:33:14,040 --> 00:33:18,720
Speaker 1: best friend, she consumes alcohol so well, like she's like

636
00:33:19,320 --> 00:33:22,520
Speaker 1: one one is enough, and I'm always just like I

637
00:33:22,600 --> 00:33:25,160
Speaker 1: want to be like you. And so having people in

638
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,040
Speaker 1: your life that model that and kind of set the

639
00:33:29,040 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: precedence or aren't like you're not drinking like and because

640
00:33:34,440 --> 00:33:36,280
Speaker 1: we have friends who are trying to get pregnant or

641
00:33:36,360 --> 00:33:39,560
Speaker 1: are pregnant, nobody's like, I mean we clock it, don't.

642
00:33:39,600 --> 00:33:41,360
Speaker 1: Don't get me wrong. Like if I've fi have a

643
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:42,880
Speaker 1: friend and I know she's trying to get pregnant and

644
00:33:42,880 --> 00:33:45,600
Speaker 1: she does, she turns down a drinker, like check the

645
00:33:45,680 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 1: day on that that for later. But I'm not being

646
00:33:49,960 --> 00:33:52,120
Speaker 1: like why aren't you drinking? You know? So I think, yeah,

647
00:33:52,200 --> 00:33:54,720
Speaker 1: I think that that culture is changing and and if

648
00:33:54,720 --> 00:33:56,880
Speaker 1: it's not, then I want us to be that for

649
00:33:56,960 --> 00:33:59,360
Speaker 1: our friends. I don't want to. I don't want to

650
00:33:59,360 --> 00:34:01,800
Speaker 1: be the person that's like, well, what's going on? Why

651
00:34:01,800 --> 00:34:03,760
Speaker 1: aren't you drinking? And so if it's like, oh, you're

652
00:34:03,760 --> 00:34:07,239
Speaker 1: not drinking? Cool, what do you mean? I think that

653
00:34:07,240 --> 00:34:08,560
Speaker 1: that's how my friend loved me through that?

654
00:34:09,600 --> 00:34:11,239
Speaker 2: How do why do you think you know you talked

655
00:34:11,280 --> 00:34:14,840
Speaker 2: about your your your experiment in June. What do you

656
00:34:14,880 --> 00:34:19,400
Speaker 2: think like? Why did you feel like you had to

657
00:34:19,440 --> 00:34:27,520
Speaker 2: hide it? Because and that's not like why do you

658
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:30,160
Speaker 2: feel like like I think because I think a lot

659
00:34:30,200 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 2: of us feel.

660
00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:34,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was purposeful. It was purposal because it was

661
00:34:34,120 --> 00:34:36,840
Speaker 1: an internal struggle. Yeah, it was a it was the

662
00:34:36,880 --> 00:34:40,120
Speaker 1: wrestle of like I don't want to admit that I

663
00:34:40,200 --> 00:34:43,000
Speaker 1: am struggling with this, like this conviction that I'm feeling.

664
00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:45,960
Speaker 1: I need to sort it out of my own kind

665
00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:46,279
Speaker 1: of thing.

666
00:34:46,680 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 2: Mm hmmm mm hmm. What was kind of Did did

667
00:34:51,520 --> 00:34:56,239
Speaker 2: anyone else react to your posts with that about I

668
00:34:56,280 --> 00:34:59,560
Speaker 2: know I commented on it. Really No, you're the only one.

669
00:35:00,719 --> 00:35:02,520
Speaker 1: And again, I don't know if it's just if it's

670
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,799
Speaker 1: just my followers are like, yeah, like that's what she does,

671
00:35:06,440 --> 00:35:09,600
Speaker 1: or if it was just like or if culture is

672
00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:12,200
Speaker 1: changing in my hopes, that's my hope that culture is

673
00:35:12,239 --> 00:35:13,719
Speaker 1: changing so much so that it's like, yeah, that's cool,

674
00:35:13,800 --> 00:35:14,960
Speaker 1: Like I'm glad you're on board with.

675
00:35:14,960 --> 00:35:20,799
Speaker 2: Us, right right, Okay, well that's good. Yeah you would

676
00:35:20,960 --> 00:35:22,600
Speaker 2: you know, I want to go back to one last

677
00:35:22,600 --> 00:35:25,000
Speaker 2: thing before we're going to talk about your transition. But

678
00:35:25,920 --> 00:35:30,120
Speaker 2: you know, you talked about kind of your struggle with

679
00:35:30,360 --> 00:35:34,319
Speaker 2: your faith, and I'm just curious what being on this

680
00:35:34,640 --> 00:35:37,520
Speaker 2: side of it, which I think you are from what

681
00:35:37,560 --> 00:35:42,640
Speaker 2: you talked about, what advice would you give to yourself

682
00:35:43,000 --> 00:35:45,960
Speaker 2: looking back on the front side of it.

683
00:35:47,000 --> 00:35:52,960
Speaker 1: M I think I'd even go back to like summertime,

684
00:35:53,960 --> 00:36:00,000
Speaker 1: and and I would probably say, like, I feel like,

685
00:36:00,280 --> 00:36:02,279
Speaker 1: so I don't know if I am a pastor's kid,

686
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,239
Speaker 1: so I'm like going back to like bibble school, But

687
00:36:05,280 --> 00:36:08,279
Speaker 1: I would probably say to like like even if, like

688
00:36:08,600 --> 00:36:12,320
Speaker 1: even if he is still good, like even if changing

689
00:36:12,320 --> 00:36:14,479
Speaker 1: your relationship with alcohol doesn't change your faith, or even

690
00:36:14,520 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 1: if sending your first kid off to college shakes you

691
00:36:17,200 --> 00:36:18,959
Speaker 1: a little bit more than you want, or even if

692
00:36:19,400 --> 00:36:24,080
Speaker 1: all these changes don't look what you thought I was

693
00:36:24,120 --> 00:36:27,839
Speaker 1: going to look like God is still so good. And

694
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,719
Speaker 1: the thing my friends and I have said over the

695
00:36:30,800 --> 00:36:33,880
Speaker 1: last like six months is God cares about the details.

696
00:36:34,120 --> 00:36:37,080
Speaker 1: He's in, like the littlest things that like we don't

697
00:36:37,120 --> 00:36:40,120
Speaker 1: even realize but then are later like, oh yeah, that

698
00:36:40,239 --> 00:36:43,399
Speaker 1: totally worked out so good for us. It's it's those

699
00:36:43,440 --> 00:36:46,239
Speaker 1: little the little, tiny details. So I probably would even

700
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:48,560
Speaker 1: whisper that to myself, like probably in the summer, like

701
00:36:48,960 --> 00:36:50,799
Speaker 1: he's in the little He's in the little things. God

702
00:36:50,840 --> 00:36:51,880
Speaker 1: cares about the little things.

703
00:36:54,800 --> 00:36:58,920
Speaker 2: So that brings us to you potentially, I think a

704
00:36:58,920 --> 00:37:03,560
Speaker 2: good transition. Yeah, which is your transition? And so you

705
00:37:03,560 --> 00:37:06,839
Speaker 2: know you talked about that. I mean you've been you

706
00:37:06,880 --> 00:37:09,439
Speaker 2: said it. You've been in the Christian media space for

707
00:37:09,480 --> 00:37:12,080
Speaker 2: a long time, right, like like I think at least

708
00:37:12,080 --> 00:37:19,600
Speaker 2: two successful podcasts and now you're you're like, I decided

709
00:37:20,239 --> 00:37:23,160
Speaker 2: I'm going to be a flight attendant for a major airline.

710
00:37:23,640 --> 00:37:26,520
Speaker 2: You've as we're as we're recording this, you've just kind

711
00:37:26,560 --> 00:37:29,319
Speaker 2: of gotten through the bulk of your your training and

712
00:37:29,360 --> 00:37:34,280
Speaker 2: now you're starting. I'm curious what went into that decision.

713
00:37:34,960 --> 00:37:36,040
Speaker 2: We'll be right back after this.

714
00:37:39,880 --> 00:37:44,400
Speaker 1: Oh it's so funny. And when we were talking before,

715
00:37:44,560 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 1: like to linen it all up. It's like, oh man,

716
00:37:46,440 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 1: God cares out all the little details. Because I applied

717
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:53,680
Speaker 1: for this job in June, in the middle, in the

718
00:37:53,719 --> 00:37:59,680
Speaker 1: middle of like what I can look back now almost

719
00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:02,799
Speaker 1: eight months later and be like, oh, that started to

720
00:38:02,840 --> 00:38:05,279
Speaker 1: work with me in June. I mean he started working

721
00:38:05,320 --> 00:38:07,600
Speaker 1: me back whatever. But like in June, this was a

722
00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:11,160
Speaker 1: really intentional like that's a mile marker for me. I

723
00:38:11,280 --> 00:38:15,799
Speaker 1: call it an ebenezer if you will. Yep, that's what

724
00:38:15,840 --> 00:38:19,640
Speaker 1: it is, and so and so that's it's really interesting.

725
00:38:19,640 --> 00:38:22,279
Speaker 1: But my sister's apply to sendant and so I've seen

726
00:38:22,320 --> 00:38:25,719
Speaker 1: her kind of have this really fun life and I've

727
00:38:25,760 --> 00:38:27,640
Speaker 1: I've also seen the really hard parts of it for her.

728
00:38:28,080 --> 00:38:30,080
Speaker 1: And my husband and I talked about it for a

729
00:38:30,080 --> 00:38:31,719
Speaker 1: long time, like, oh man, I would love to do that.

730
00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,440
Speaker 1: And he's a shift worker, and he's like, it's not

731
00:38:33,520 --> 00:38:35,960
Speaker 1: the time. It's not the time. And then I was like, hey,

732
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:40,040
Speaker 1: they're opening applications on the twenty It was the twenty

733
00:38:40,040 --> 00:38:42,600
Speaker 1: sixth of June. They're opening applications on the twenty six Like,

734
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 1: I kind of want to apply, knowing absolutely knowing it

735
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,200
Speaker 1: takes multiple times to apply for an airline, Like, what

736
00:38:50,280 --> 00:38:52,080
Speaker 1: are the odds I get at this first round? Like

737
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:55,239
Speaker 1: I'll have to apply the next time they open. But

738
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:57,480
Speaker 1: it's a good like, it's a good start, like you

739
00:38:57,480 --> 00:39:00,440
Speaker 1: have to get your foot in the door first. And

740
00:39:00,480 --> 00:39:03,600
Speaker 1: now I feel a little bit like Ellwood's like, but

741
00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,640
Speaker 1: like it's hard because.

742
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:11,279
Speaker 2: Because that thank you Millennials, thank you yes.

743
00:39:11,800 --> 00:39:15,319
Speaker 1: And so that was in June. That was my sober month.

744
00:39:15,800 --> 00:39:18,440
Speaker 1: I moved our first kid. I moved our daughter to

745
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,080
Speaker 1: high school. She's at a residential high school. I moved

746
00:39:21,080 --> 00:39:23,200
Speaker 1: her to high school. We moved my oldest to college,

747
00:39:23,760 --> 00:39:26,560
Speaker 1: and then we just kind of sat still for a bit.

748
00:39:26,680 --> 00:39:29,480
Speaker 1: And in aviation, no news is good news, and so

749
00:39:29,520 --> 00:39:31,600
Speaker 1: we just waited and waited and waited and waited. And

750
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,600
Speaker 1: then in September I got an email that was like, okay,

751
00:39:33,640 --> 00:39:37,640
Speaker 1: I'm one way interview cool, and then in person interview

752
00:39:37,719 --> 00:39:40,080
Speaker 1: in October YEP, and I was like, okay, We've going

753
00:39:40,120 --> 00:39:42,480
Speaker 1: to training in June and and g anuway, I was like, oh,

754
00:39:42,520 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 1: Like it's just the longest process in the world. But

755
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,080
Speaker 1: God was refining so much of me during those months,

756
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:51,680
Speaker 1: those months of waiting. It's almost like the wilderness you know,

757
00:39:52,080 --> 00:39:53,879
Speaker 1: we're just kind of like in the middle of it all,

758
00:39:54,000 --> 00:39:56,320
Speaker 1: just trying to like, this will be cool if it happens,

759
00:39:56,320 --> 00:39:58,600
Speaker 1: and if not, like I'm sure there's another way. So

760
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:02,920
Speaker 1: I was kind of presenting that. But still I think

761
00:40:05,360 --> 00:40:07,440
Speaker 1: I was a bad podcaster last year. I think I'm

762
00:40:07,440 --> 00:40:09,680
Speaker 1: trying to remember how many podcasts episodes I actually put

763
00:40:09,680 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 1: out because I could sense a change and I was

764
00:40:13,160 --> 00:40:15,719
Speaker 1: getting a little bit better within the industry. To be

765
00:40:15,760 --> 00:40:24,839
Speaker 1: totally honest with you, what do you mean, I was

766
00:40:24,880 --> 00:40:27,279
Speaker 1: just getting frustrated. I was getting to the point where

767
00:40:27,280 --> 00:40:31,160
Speaker 1: it's like I'm having these people on my shows multiple times,

768
00:40:31,200 --> 00:40:33,400
Speaker 1: Like I've sat down and had these conversations with you

769
00:40:33,440 --> 00:40:35,759
Speaker 1: twice now, and you're like, oh, it's nice to meet you,

770
00:40:35,800 --> 00:40:38,120
Speaker 1: and it's like we've actually met before. Like I was

771
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:41,799
Speaker 1: just getting frustrated, like it was only media to them,

772
00:40:41,840 --> 00:40:45,080
Speaker 1: it wasn't connection. And that's not to say that's for everybody.

773
00:40:45,239 --> 00:40:47,719
Speaker 1: I like Laura, you said, like Laura Smith, Laura is

774
00:40:47,760 --> 00:40:51,200
Speaker 1: one of my greatest online friends. I adore her, and

775
00:40:51,239 --> 00:40:54,280
Speaker 1: she's so intentional with people. But not everybody is Laura.

776
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 1: And so when you just feel like you are a

777
00:40:58,160 --> 00:41:00,120
Speaker 1: media stop for them, and not an actual connection. And

778
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:04,520
Speaker 1: I got into this space to make connections, to connect

779
00:41:04,719 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 1: listeners to these people, to to bring like like there

780
00:41:08,120 --> 00:41:10,840
Speaker 1: was so much more like hope in my like Starry

781
00:41:10,840 --> 00:41:15,680
Speaker 1: Little Eyes eight ten years ago, and so I just

782
00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:18,080
Speaker 1: I kind of lost the luster for it and I

783
00:41:18,120 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: was like, this is so much work and I do

784
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:25,560
Speaker 1: it all myself, and I just yeah, and I think yeah,

785
00:41:25,680 --> 00:41:27,960
Speaker 1: and I think that that for me, it was really

786
00:41:28,040 --> 00:41:32,799
Speaker 1: the Lord like ushering me out, ushering me into this change,

787
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:36,240
Speaker 1: and that's not for everybody. God might be like hold,

788
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:41,160
Speaker 1: like stay, and that's beautiful, but for me, I was

789
00:41:41,160 --> 00:41:43,600
Speaker 1: like itching to change, like I just like I could,

790
00:41:44,160 --> 00:41:47,120
Speaker 1: I like even just wiggling about it, like I felt

791
00:41:47,120 --> 00:41:50,560
Speaker 1: like something different was coming and I had no idea

792
00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:54,719
Speaker 1: what it was. And I'm still editing and producing, so

793
00:41:54,760 --> 00:41:58,239
Speaker 1: I still have like my job in this space, and

794
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:00,800
Speaker 1: I don't want to do my job in this space,

795
00:42:00,880 --> 00:42:01,960
Speaker 1: you know, like I don't want to show up and

796
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:04,520
Speaker 1: be a podcaster or anymore. So I just really wrestling

797
00:42:04,560 --> 00:42:08,080
Speaker 1: with it and really struggling. And then and then I

798
00:42:08,160 --> 00:42:10,759
Speaker 1: just stopped podcasting like I was under contract, and I

799
00:42:11,000 --> 00:42:12,160
Speaker 1: was like I just don't want to do it anymore,

800
00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:16,560
Speaker 1: and they were like, okay, whenever, like whenever you have

801
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:19,600
Speaker 1: a feeling, jump back behind the mic, and I did

802
00:42:19,640 --> 00:42:21,640
Speaker 1: like here and there, and I'd be like, okay, I'm

803
00:42:21,640 --> 00:42:23,480
Speaker 1: back now by sorry about that. And then it was

804
00:42:23,520 --> 00:42:27,040
Speaker 1: like one episode and I just I just couldn't do

805
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:29,840
Speaker 1: it anymore like to And that's so I told my

806
00:42:29,840 --> 00:42:32,200
Speaker 1: my network. I was like, I just to go sit

807
00:42:32,239 --> 00:42:34,799
Speaker 1: behind a mic is a real big struggle for me.

808
00:42:35,440 --> 00:42:37,880
Speaker 1: And they're like, okay, we'll keep creating content like just

809
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:41,359
Speaker 1: just do do you And it's like okay, and that

810
00:42:41,440 --> 00:42:45,840
Speaker 1: freedom really set me free, like and then I you know,

811
00:42:45,920 --> 00:42:47,960
Speaker 1: like even that wiggling I was doing, I felt like

812
00:42:48,000 --> 00:42:51,160
Speaker 1: a cocoon, Like it felt like I don't know what's coming,

813
00:42:51,160 --> 00:42:53,879
Speaker 1: but something's coming. And then in June it was like, well,

814
00:42:53,880 --> 00:42:56,239
Speaker 1: maybe it'll be this, but if it's not, then I'll continue.

815
00:42:57,160 --> 00:42:59,920
Speaker 1: I'll continue doing what I do behind behind the computer,

816
00:43:00,640 --> 00:43:04,360
Speaker 1: but no longer behind the microphone. And yeah, this is

817
00:43:04,360 --> 00:43:06,120
Speaker 1: my first time behind the microphone in a while. So

818
00:43:06,160 --> 00:43:10,600
Speaker 1: it's really sweet and it's it's fun. I just I

819
00:43:10,800 --> 00:43:14,400
Speaker 1: just lost like the passion for for myself and I

820
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,680
Speaker 1: have listeners that reach out to me and that's really fun.

821
00:43:17,880 --> 00:43:21,239
Speaker 1: But what people don't understand that podcasting is it's very

822
00:43:21,280 --> 00:43:24,640
Speaker 1: lonely because you sit down and you and I connect

823
00:43:24,640 --> 00:43:26,880
Speaker 1: and that's amazing, right, But then you like throw it

824
00:43:26,920 --> 00:43:27,920
Speaker 1: out there and you're like, hope.

825
00:43:27,800 --> 00:43:31,280
Speaker 2: It hits and you never you know, I tell people

826
00:43:31,320 --> 00:43:32,960
Speaker 2: reach out to me all the time. Yeah and.

827
00:43:34,480 --> 00:43:35,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it's rare.

828
00:43:35,880 --> 00:43:38,399
Speaker 2: I rarely hear back from you guys. I mean, you'll

829
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:41,359
Speaker 2: comment on on clips and stuff like that, but I'm

830
00:43:41,360 --> 00:43:45,239
Speaker 2: not getting like I'm not getting a ton of emails

831
00:43:45,280 --> 00:43:46,880
Speaker 2: every episode, you know.

832
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's so then there's that like, well, are

833
00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:51,960
Speaker 1: you doing it for you? Are you doing it for

834
00:43:52,000 --> 00:43:54,160
Speaker 1: the people. It's like, I'm paying for the people. But

835
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:55,719
Speaker 1: it is nice to have it out a boy.

836
00:43:55,719 --> 00:44:02,200
Speaker 2: Everyonce you generally hear you dally hear like you know, hey,

837
00:44:02,440 --> 00:44:05,400
Speaker 2: you're like and the person that emailed me this actually

838
00:44:05,480 --> 00:44:07,919
Speaker 2: you know didn't wasn't mean by it, but he's like, hey,

839
00:44:07,920 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 2: can you like interview more men? You know, like, can

840
00:44:11,239 --> 00:44:13,320
Speaker 2: you find more men that are willing to be radically

841
00:44:13,400 --> 00:44:15,160
Speaker 2: vulnerable because right now it's all the women.

842
00:44:15,800 --> 00:44:18,959
Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, that's very true. Any like they if somebody

843
00:44:19,120 --> 00:44:22,040
Speaker 1: told me one time, say a similar to the situation like, well,

844
00:44:22,239 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 1: we only hear from you, only hear from like moms.

845
00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:28,680
Speaker 1: And it's like if you look on you know, online space,

846
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:31,359
Speaker 1: a lot of people who are doing like influencing work

847
00:44:31,440 --> 00:44:34,799
Speaker 1: or writing work or moms like every like it's I

848
00:44:34,840 --> 00:44:37,279
Speaker 1: can't control who's out there, Like if you want to

849
00:44:37,560 --> 00:44:39,399
Speaker 1: do you want to give me a list. So it's

850
00:44:40,120 --> 00:44:41,759
Speaker 1: so that's kind of that. That was kind of where

851
00:44:41,800 --> 00:44:44,360
Speaker 1: like the pivot from like from not being behind the

852
00:44:44,400 --> 00:44:47,560
Speaker 1: microphone kind of started last year and then kind of

853
00:44:47,600 --> 00:44:50,000
Speaker 1: owning more of like the social media space for myself

854
00:44:50,080 --> 00:44:53,920
Speaker 1: and then the pivot of like, oh, oh I actually

855
00:44:53,960 --> 00:44:57,759
Speaker 1: got this job. Oh I I have to go do

856
00:44:57,800 --> 00:45:00,400
Speaker 1: this now, and the fact that it likes and in

857
00:45:00,480 --> 00:45:03,360
Speaker 1: June probably hasn't really hit me until today, where I

858
00:45:03,400 --> 00:45:06,080
Speaker 1: was like, oh, because I can tell like there was

859
00:45:06,120 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: a couple of miles, like the no drinking in June,

860
00:45:08,120 --> 00:45:11,200
Speaker 1: I started hitting the gym better, like more consistently and

861
00:45:11,400 --> 00:45:14,040
Speaker 1: was like really intentional with the gym and my food

862
00:45:15,040 --> 00:45:18,640
Speaker 1: and then and time for for this job. Like all

863
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:20,800
Speaker 1: that happened in June, and that's not lost on me

864
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,520
Speaker 1: now probably probably might might have been lost on me.

865
00:45:24,560 --> 00:45:27,400
Speaker 1: So yeah, that's kind of the pivot. And now now

866
00:45:27,640 --> 00:45:29,560
Speaker 1: the thing that I like, like the thing that people

867
00:45:29,600 --> 00:45:31,600
Speaker 1: have mentioned to me most, and I just didn't really

868
00:45:31,640 --> 00:45:33,520
Speaker 1: think about it until, like you said it today too,

869
00:45:33,520 --> 00:45:39,040
Speaker 1: But pivoting. Pivoting is wild, and I was really embarrassed

870
00:45:39,040 --> 00:45:43,680
Speaker 1: to pivot. I was really ask yeah, because because it's

871
00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: because media.

872
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:50,920
Speaker 2: Yeah, like we're we're like, I feel like you have to.

873
00:45:52,600 --> 00:45:55,400
Speaker 2: And I have a writer's group that Laura's in, yeah,

874
00:45:55,480 --> 00:45:57,960
Speaker 2: where we talk about this all the time, like you

875
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:01,400
Speaker 2: have to have this combination of obviously authenticity, but then

876
00:46:01,440 --> 00:46:04,680
Speaker 2: there's like how are you feeding the algorithm and how

877
00:46:04,719 --> 00:46:08,040
Speaker 2: are you doing stuff? And then to just all of

878
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:10,560
Speaker 2: a sudden, and I'm not saying you've given it all

879
00:46:10,640 --> 00:46:14,760
Speaker 2: up completely, like you're still posting stuff, but yeah, I'm curious,

880
00:46:14,880 --> 00:46:16,000
Speaker 2: explain that a little bit more.

881
00:46:16,800 --> 00:46:21,399
Speaker 1: I think it my my path wasn't going the right

882
00:46:21,440 --> 00:46:25,600
Speaker 1: direction anymore. Like I wasn't getting the book deal, I

883
00:46:25,600 --> 00:46:30,440
Speaker 1: was getting turned down. I wasn't growing the way I

884
00:46:30,440 --> 00:46:33,760
Speaker 1: thought I should be growing. I my numbers were fine,

885
00:46:33,760 --> 00:46:37,359
Speaker 1: my podcast is great, but it just was like same

886
00:46:37,400 --> 00:46:40,160
Speaker 1: thing every week, and so I just felt stagnant in that.

887
00:46:40,600 --> 00:46:43,160
Speaker 1: And so then to pivot was really embarrassing because it's like, well,

888
00:46:43,160 --> 00:46:43,760
Speaker 1: did I fail?

889
00:46:44,840 --> 00:46:45,680
Speaker 2: Like is this right?

890
00:46:46,120 --> 00:46:49,840
Speaker 1: Like like if I pivot like this, is that a failure?

891
00:46:49,880 --> 00:46:54,560
Speaker 1: And I still probably wrestle with that, like the aspect

892
00:46:54,600 --> 00:46:57,200
Speaker 1: of that a little bit. But at the same time,

893
00:46:57,320 --> 00:47:00,360
Speaker 1: like I just I people. The thing I've had to

894
00:47:00,360 --> 00:47:03,400
Speaker 1: tell myself is people new jobs all the time, like

895
00:47:04,160 --> 00:47:07,160
Speaker 1: and before social media happened, like my mom switched careers

896
00:47:07,160 --> 00:47:11,160
Speaker 1: in her forties, Like it's not it's not a wild thing.

897
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:14,480
Speaker 1: And then even just talking to my younger friends and

898
00:47:14,600 --> 00:47:17,319
Speaker 1: like a lot of them are entrepreneurs and they're like, man,

899
00:47:17,320 --> 00:47:19,040
Speaker 1: I'm gonna have to start a new job in my forties.

900
00:47:19,040 --> 00:47:22,200
Speaker 1: And I'm like, hi, guys, like literally me, and they're like,

901
00:47:22,239 --> 00:47:24,400
Speaker 1: oh my gosh. Yeah. And then I have a friend

902
00:47:24,400 --> 00:47:26,799
Speaker 1: and she's she's got younger kids right now, and she's like,

903
00:47:26,880 --> 00:47:29,000
Speaker 1: I am just so thankful that you're doing this because

904
00:47:29,000 --> 00:47:32,359
Speaker 1: you're showing us moms with younger kids that there's life

905
00:47:32,400 --> 00:47:36,520
Speaker 1: after this. And I was like, Oh, if that can

906
00:47:36,560 --> 00:47:39,319
Speaker 1: be the beacon of hope for somebody that like that,

907
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:40,959
Speaker 1: like once she send your kids a way to college,

908
00:47:40,960 --> 00:47:43,880
Speaker 1: your life isn't over, like for sure, that's the beacon.

909
00:47:43,920 --> 00:47:46,400
Speaker 1: I want to be, like, yeah, that you can follow

910
00:47:46,400 --> 00:47:48,279
Speaker 1: the Lord into the next season of life and it

911
00:47:48,360 --> 00:47:53,080
Speaker 1: not be terrible, Like, yeah, that's exactly that's exactly what

912
00:47:53,080 --> 00:47:54,960
Speaker 1: I would be. So so I've had to like look

913
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 1: at those aspects and nobody was like, I can't believe

914
00:47:58,200 --> 00:48:01,480
Speaker 1: you are stopping your podcast. You're not You're not serving

915
00:48:01,600 --> 00:48:03,719
Speaker 1: us anymore. It's like nobody has said that to me.

916
00:48:03,760 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 1: So I don't feel like a failure. I just am

917
00:48:06,320 --> 00:48:10,759
Speaker 1: excited to lean in and show people The Lord in

918
00:48:10,840 --> 00:48:14,520
Speaker 1: a totally different way now. And and if I'm being honest,

919
00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 1: I think podcasting is changing. I think I think you're

920
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,440
Speaker 1: doing a video podcast. You know that the media meaningam

921
00:48:21,560 --> 00:48:25,640
Speaker 1: is changing. If we go back, yeah, no, if you

922
00:48:25,680 --> 00:48:28,919
Speaker 1: go back forty years ago, video killed the radio star.

923
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:32,560
Speaker 1: Like so so you think about like you have to

924
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:34,239
Speaker 1: evolve and you have to do it. And it's like

925
00:48:35,320 --> 00:48:39,280
Speaker 1: I just I just wasn't willing to chase that rabbit anymore. Mmm.

926
00:48:40,560 --> 00:48:43,920
Speaker 2: I like that chase right because I think that your

927
00:48:44,040 --> 00:48:46,520
Speaker 2: use of that word, because I think it's important and

928
00:48:46,560 --> 00:48:49,040
Speaker 2: it's something that I'm constantly having to check myself in

929
00:48:49,080 --> 00:48:51,920
Speaker 2: my heart on, like Lord am I chasing and that

930
00:48:52,040 --> 00:48:55,759
Speaker 2: try for the right reasons, right, like, and listen, you

931
00:48:55,800 --> 00:48:59,520
Speaker 2: know I talk about this a little bit in my book,

932
00:48:59,520 --> 00:49:02,120
Speaker 2: but I say, you know, people think it's such an

933
00:49:02,160 --> 00:49:04,279
Speaker 2: indictment to say you preach against your worst sin, And

934
00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:07,440
Speaker 2: I'm like, no, absolutely you do because you know it intimately.

935
00:49:08,040 --> 00:49:11,080
Speaker 2: So why do I struggle and have to unfollow people

936
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,560
Speaker 2: that I feel like are striving Because it's it's such

937
00:49:13,560 --> 00:49:16,440
Speaker 2: a pull of my heart, right yeah, it's such like

938
00:49:16,719 --> 00:49:21,360
Speaker 2: the performance, the the performance. Like no, I'm not saying

939
00:49:21,400 --> 00:49:23,960
Speaker 2: like you know, I'm acting, but like where I have

940
00:49:24,120 --> 00:49:29,160
Speaker 2: to achieve, Like that's a pull of my heart that

941
00:49:29,200 --> 00:49:32,200
Speaker 2: I need to guard against, right, I have not Why would.

942
00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:35,520
Speaker 1: We not make his perfect? His his his? What is

943
00:49:35,560 --> 00:49:38,200
Speaker 1: it like he's perfect? Car of weaknesses? Like why would

944
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,480
Speaker 1: why would I not? Like I can't talk about this

945
00:49:40,560 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: because it's my struggle, right well, he's made perfect of this,

946
00:49:45,120 --> 00:49:47,360
Speaker 1: right yes, you say numbers?

947
00:49:47,480 --> 00:49:49,800
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Like I haven't looked at sales numbers for

948
00:49:49,880 --> 00:49:52,319
Speaker 2: my latest book once. I haven't asked for them. I

949
00:49:52,360 --> 00:49:56,000
Speaker 2: haven't checked Amazon author page. I haven't you know, my

950
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:58,200
Speaker 2: my first book, I go do and speaking engagement or

951
00:49:58,239 --> 00:49:59,960
Speaker 2: I do a podcast Integram looking like, oh, do that

952
00:50:00,040 --> 00:50:03,040
Speaker 2: get a bump? And again, you don't make money off

953
00:50:03,080 --> 00:50:05,600
Speaker 2: of being especially a Christian author, right, So it wasn't

954
00:50:05,640 --> 00:50:08,200
Speaker 2: like I was looking at that for how much money

955
00:50:08,239 --> 00:50:11,600
Speaker 2: did I make? It was did it land? Did it hit?

956
00:50:11,680 --> 00:50:15,640
Speaker 2: Did I say something like? And what I found myself

957
00:50:15,680 --> 00:50:16,440
Speaker 2: is that strivings?

958
00:50:16,480 --> 00:50:16,640
Speaker 1: Right?

959
00:50:16,640 --> 00:50:19,200
Speaker 2: So when you use that word chasing, it's like I

960
00:50:19,239 --> 00:50:23,040
Speaker 2: get that. I get that totally. And I do have

961
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:26,719
Speaker 2: so much respect for you for saying you know, like

962
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,160
Speaker 2: maybe there's some elements of that, and it's just I'm

963
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 2: just not there anymore. Like it's just and I owe

964
00:50:33,560 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 2: that we would all have the guts to evaluate whatever

965
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:47,360
Speaker 2: we're doing, whatever job, whatever, you know, anything, your kids' sports.

966
00:50:47,640 --> 00:50:51,600
Speaker 2: Are you in it more for yourself than you are

967
00:50:51,640 --> 00:50:55,640
Speaker 2: for them? And if so, man, let's have a pivot moment.

968
00:50:56,160 --> 00:51:01,520
Speaker 2: You know. I look back thought your journey, right, especially

969
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:03,880
Speaker 2: with alcohol, and you've talked about now seeing this correlation

970
00:51:04,120 --> 00:51:10,160
Speaker 2: to June, and I wonder, have you had to one

971
00:51:10,239 --> 00:51:12,960
Speaker 2: of the things that I've had to learn since giving

972
00:51:13,040 --> 00:51:15,160
Speaker 2: up alcohol, And for me, I had to give it

973
00:51:15,200 --> 00:51:18,239
Speaker 2: up completely, right because I say, the only drink I

974
00:51:18,239 --> 00:51:20,120
Speaker 2: can say no to is the first one. I've tried

975
00:51:20,120 --> 00:51:23,359
Speaker 2: to do what you've done, and I respect you, and

976
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:26,719
Speaker 2: I celebrate that. My wife is like you, she can

977
00:51:26,760 --> 00:51:29,239
Speaker 2: have one drink. And I'm like, I don't understand it,

978
00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:31,719
Speaker 2: or even if I don't understand it, or even if

979
00:51:31,760 --> 00:51:33,600
Speaker 2: I was able to understand it, I just can't stop.

980
00:51:34,239 --> 00:51:38,480
Speaker 2: And I look back and I realize one of the

981
00:51:38,520 --> 00:51:43,279
Speaker 2: things I didn't know or learn or understand how to

982
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:48,680
Speaker 2: do was to grieve well. And I am curious, did

983
00:51:48,719 --> 00:51:53,040
Speaker 2: you have to grieve at all? Kind of like I'm

984
00:51:53,080 --> 00:51:58,000
Speaker 2: putting this season to bed and I'm going to move

985
00:51:58,000 --> 00:52:01,279
Speaker 2: into this new season, and do you see kind of

986
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,880
Speaker 2: any correlation with now, Hey, I don't have my coping

987
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:08,440
Speaker 2: mechanism is gone, so now now I truly do have

988
00:52:08,520 --> 00:52:10,600
Speaker 2: to grieve it, Like was there any aspect of that

989
00:52:10,680 --> 00:52:11,400
Speaker 2: in your story?

990
00:52:11,600 --> 00:52:16,080
Speaker 1: You feel like I love to use the word grief

991
00:52:16,080 --> 00:52:20,000
Speaker 1: because grief is such a such a pal of mine,

992
00:52:20,120 --> 00:52:25,200
Speaker 1: Like I'm known grief my entire life. I can't I

993
00:52:25,280 --> 00:52:28,319
Speaker 1: candidly or casually say like grief is. Grief has been

994
00:52:28,320 --> 00:52:29,799
Speaker 1: a friend of mine since I was four years old

995
00:52:30,040 --> 00:52:32,359
Speaker 1: when my bileace go dad passed away. And I've known

996
00:52:32,400 --> 00:52:34,960
Speaker 1: grief every season of every stage, every major stage of

997
00:52:35,040 --> 00:52:37,640
Speaker 1: my life, i've lost somebody, so I just know grief. Well,

998
00:52:38,960 --> 00:52:43,040
Speaker 1: that doesn't mean I walk with him, well, but I

999
00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:46,319
Speaker 1: know I don't. But yeah, we're pals, but I don't

1000
00:52:46,360 --> 00:52:49,120
Speaker 1: like them sometimes. So I think that there was this

1001
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:54,160
Speaker 1: level of maybe not grief, but of example, because I

1002
00:52:54,200 --> 00:52:56,319
Speaker 1: have kids who are going to enter the drinking age soon,

1003
00:52:56,680 --> 00:52:59,439
Speaker 1: and I'm not an idiot. I know that they drink.

1004
00:53:00,520 --> 00:53:03,279
Speaker 1: So a little bit of it was I want to

1005
00:53:03,280 --> 00:53:08,279
Speaker 1: be able to to show them that it won it's

1006
00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:12,160
Speaker 1: okay to have just one drink, that like that's enough.

1007
00:53:13,400 --> 00:53:15,880
Speaker 1: And two I wanted them to see me turn drinks

1008
00:53:15,920 --> 00:53:17,600
Speaker 1: down because I wanted them to see that that is

1009
00:53:17,600 --> 00:53:23,800
Speaker 1: okay as well, or to understand that like not every

1010
00:53:23,920 --> 00:53:27,200
Speaker 1: drink has to every every opportunity to drink has to

1011
00:53:27,200 --> 00:53:31,080
Speaker 1: be like a rager and all out, like like party

1012
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:37,000
Speaker 1: they have seen, they have seen they've not seen at

1013
00:53:37,000 --> 00:53:38,919
Speaker 1: all because it's not like our house like this party house,

1014
00:53:39,320 --> 00:53:41,399
Speaker 1: but like we hosted a party for a friend, and

1015
00:53:41,400 --> 00:53:44,200
Speaker 1: and they saw, they saw the abundance, but they also

1016
00:53:44,200 --> 00:53:45,800
Speaker 1: saw the people who were like sitting back being like,

1017
00:53:45,840 --> 00:53:48,360
Speaker 1: oh my god, our friends are so stupid and so

1018
00:53:48,680 --> 00:53:50,920
Speaker 1: I think that there's there's beauty for me. It was

1019
00:53:50,960 --> 00:53:54,719
Speaker 1: the lesson of how can I expect them to learn

1020
00:53:54,760 --> 00:53:56,960
Speaker 1: from me if I'm not willing to be an example.

1021
00:53:58,040 --> 00:54:01,560
Speaker 1: So there wasn't necessarily the grief in them. And then

1022
00:54:01,560 --> 00:54:04,920
Speaker 1: I'm even thinking about like travel, like now that I travel,

1023
00:54:04,920 --> 00:54:06,839
Speaker 1: and now that I'm like meeting people. One of my

1024
00:54:06,840 --> 00:54:11,440
Speaker 1: best friends in training, we were sitting at the restaurant

1025
00:54:11,480 --> 00:54:13,120
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm in the good glass side,

1026
00:54:13,160 --> 00:54:14,799
Speaker 1: would you like anything? And he said, I don't drink,

1027
00:54:15,200 --> 00:54:17,040
Speaker 1: And so like the next like two days later, I

1028
00:54:17,080 --> 00:54:20,000
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, now that we have developed a friendship,

1029
00:54:20,040 --> 00:54:21,959
Speaker 1: I'm going to ask you like why, like why don't

1030
00:54:21,960 --> 00:54:25,399
Speaker 1: you drink? And so it's just so fascinating to see

1031
00:54:25,520 --> 00:54:30,080
Speaker 1: and hear people's stories in there. And if I can

1032
00:54:30,080 --> 00:54:32,719
Speaker 1: add just a glimmer of hope into someone's story, then

1033
00:54:32,760 --> 00:54:35,160
Speaker 1: that's all that. That's that's why we show up online,

1034
00:54:35,200 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 1: right like just those little glimmers. So to answer your question,

1035
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:39,080
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I had grief there. I feel

1036
00:54:39,120 --> 00:54:41,840
Speaker 1: like I had I had a chip on my shoulder

1037
00:54:41,840 --> 00:54:43,719
Speaker 1: that I needed to teach my kids. Mmm.

1038
00:54:44,600 --> 00:54:48,880
Speaker 2: Interesting, What are you most excited for in this next season.

1039
00:54:52,800 --> 00:54:54,520
Speaker 1: This is what the Lord is teaching me, and I'm

1040
00:54:54,520 --> 00:54:56,160
Speaker 1: an amazing friend. And she called me the other day

1041
00:54:56,160 --> 00:54:58,400
Speaker 1: and she's like, what's God teaching you? And I was like, honestly,

1042
00:54:58,440 --> 00:55:01,319
Speaker 1: I feel like it's been pretty chill, but that as

1043
00:55:01,360 --> 00:55:03,160
Speaker 1: I'm like talking about it, I'm like, Oh, the Lord

1044
00:55:03,239 --> 00:55:05,320
Speaker 1: is teaching me so much. I'm really excited to be alone.

1045
00:55:05,680 --> 00:55:07,759
Speaker 1: And that's a really hard thing for a mom of

1046
00:55:07,840 --> 00:55:11,040
Speaker 1: three and a wife of twenty years to say, because

1047
00:55:11,120 --> 00:55:16,600
Speaker 1: I don't know alone, Like I don't know that because

1048
00:55:17,040 --> 00:55:19,359
Speaker 1: I'm never alone. And as my kids have left, like

1049
00:55:19,680 --> 00:55:21,680
Speaker 1: I was like my senior high school, he's always gone.

1050
00:55:21,719 --> 00:55:24,680
Speaker 1: And my husband's, like I said, work tonights often. But

1051
00:55:24,719 --> 00:55:26,719
Speaker 1: I can always call a friend, I can always feel

1052
00:55:26,719 --> 00:55:28,680
Speaker 1: that time. I can always kind of like find that.

1053
00:55:30,200 --> 00:55:32,640
Speaker 1: But there was times last weekend that I was exploring

1054
00:55:32,640 --> 00:55:35,759
Speaker 1: alone and I thought, oh, if I didn't like like

1055
00:55:35,880 --> 00:55:40,120
Speaker 1: myself enough right now, this would be really hard. And

1056
00:55:40,160 --> 00:55:42,799
Speaker 1: if I wasn't like learning how to explore on my own. Note,

1057
00:55:42,880 --> 00:55:45,680
Speaker 1: Jesse's great and he sends me like to go go

1058
00:55:45,760 --> 00:55:48,680
Speaker 1: here and you will like these things. So he's a

1059
00:55:48,680 --> 00:55:53,000
Speaker 1: great little tour guide from Afar. But that is what

1060
00:55:53,000 --> 00:55:56,400
Speaker 1: I'm excited about I'm excited to really get to know

1061
00:55:56,600 --> 00:56:00,760
Speaker 1: me in a new season and next week a new decade,

1062
00:56:01,360 --> 00:56:05,080
Speaker 1: to to really hone like what God has created.

1063
00:56:05,760 --> 00:56:11,279
Speaker 2: Mm. Would you do anything differently about that season that

1064
00:56:11,320 --> 00:56:14,320
Speaker 2: you walked through the decision? Anything?

1065
00:56:16,080 --> 00:56:17,960
Speaker 1: I really like that you asked me about, like why

1066
00:56:18,000 --> 00:56:20,000
Speaker 1: I kept it a secret and I probably would have

1067
00:56:20,080 --> 00:56:22,319
Speaker 1: been a little bit more vulnerable. I probably would have

1068
00:56:22,400 --> 00:56:24,840
Speaker 1: like maybe even posted about it, like hey, I'm not

1069
00:56:24,920 --> 00:56:28,399
Speaker 1: drinking this month or something along those lines to give

1070
00:56:28,560 --> 00:56:35,760
Speaker 1: people more thought to it. I think I think that

1071
00:56:36,440 --> 00:56:39,439
Speaker 1: I never want people to think I'm struggling, Like that's

1072
00:56:39,560 --> 00:56:41,479
Speaker 1: like a send struggle for me, Like I want people

1073
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:44,279
Speaker 1: to think I'm okay, call that the pastors skidded me

1074
00:56:44,840 --> 00:56:47,880
Speaker 1: every side. So I think that there's a little bit

1075
00:56:47,920 --> 00:56:51,960
Speaker 1: of that, But I also think that there's there There

1076
00:56:52,040 --> 00:56:54,120
Speaker 1: was just probably a little bit of lack of vulnerability,

1077
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:55,719
Speaker 1: and I think I probably could have stepped into that

1078
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:56,359
Speaker 1: a little bit better.

1079
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,239
Speaker 2: Mm hmm. What do you think it is? You You've

1080
00:56:59,320 --> 00:57:01,239
Speaker 2: kind of wanted to this a little bit too, Like

1081
00:57:01,360 --> 00:57:05,440
Speaker 2: you said this earlier that you know, alcohol and drinking

1082
00:57:05,520 --> 00:57:08,160
Speaker 2: is kind of that one issue that ever, you know,

1083
00:57:08,239 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 2: if you were eating seven donuts. And I think especially

1084
00:57:10,880 --> 00:57:15,480
Speaker 2: even even in Christian culture, like even in the Christian

1085
00:57:15,520 --> 00:57:17,360
Speaker 2: space and you've been in the Christian space for a

1086
00:57:17,400 --> 00:57:20,680
Speaker 2: long time. I was meeting with a guy recently and

1087
00:57:20,720 --> 00:57:24,240
Speaker 2: he's like, we went on a family vacation and like

1088
00:57:24,280 --> 00:57:27,400
Speaker 2: with extended family. He's like, I was just it was

1089
00:57:27,440 --> 00:57:30,880
Speaker 2: so eye opening. Here I am surrounded by people all

1090
00:57:30,920 --> 00:57:35,640
Speaker 2: who are professing Christians and they're like, well, we're on vacation.

1091
00:57:36,360 --> 00:57:40,680
Speaker 2: And he's like, and it was just you know, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drink, drin, drin,

1092
00:57:40,760 --> 00:57:44,160
Speaker 2: drink drink. And he's like, I just what you know,

1093
00:57:44,200 --> 00:57:46,240
Speaker 2: And I'm like, welcome to my world, right, Like like

1094
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:50,280
Speaker 2: part of what I'm what I'm what has opened my

1095
00:57:50,320 --> 00:57:53,520
Speaker 2: eyes too. But I'm just curious why you think that is,

1096
00:57:53,600 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 2: because it seems like you've seen that too. We'll be

1097
00:57:56,840 --> 00:57:57,600
Speaker 2: right back after this.

1098
00:58:00,800 --> 00:58:04,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think it's just I don't even know, like

1099
00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:06,000
Speaker 1: part of me, part of me is like, well, wine

1100
00:58:06,040 --> 00:58:08,080
Speaker 1: was in the Bible, so it's totally okay with us.

1101
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:13,640
Speaker 1: But there's there's definitely this like line of it's it's

1102
00:58:13,640 --> 00:58:16,280
Speaker 1: almost all or nothing. And that's why I kind of

1103
00:58:16,320 --> 00:58:18,280
Speaker 1: like being like, no, I still I still drink, like

1104
00:58:18,280 --> 00:58:20,520
Speaker 1: like yeah, I just know that there's not an abund

1105
00:58:20,560 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 1: I don't want abundance there because I grew up Southern

1106
00:58:24,320 --> 00:58:27,680
Speaker 1: Baptist and my dad said, you'll never become an alcoholic

1107
00:58:27,680 --> 00:58:31,600
Speaker 1: if you don't take the first drink. And that's true.

1108
00:58:31,800 --> 00:58:34,400
Speaker 1: It's a very true statement. It's also very fearful.

1109
00:58:35,160 --> 00:58:39,880
Speaker 2: Yes if I'm and it's not biblical to not like

1110
00:58:40,440 --> 00:58:43,240
Speaker 2: meaning it's not like someone tried to come at me

1111
00:58:43,280 --> 00:58:45,080
Speaker 2: with that. I'm like, get out of here. No, yeah,

1112
00:58:45,160 --> 00:58:46,600
Speaker 2: drinking is not prohibit in the Bible.

1113
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,400
Speaker 1: Sorry. Yeah, So I think and I think people are

1114
00:58:49,400 --> 00:58:53,720
Speaker 1: well drunkennesses and it's like okay, well drunkenness happens in

1115
00:58:53,760 --> 00:58:56,320
Speaker 1: different stages for all of us. Like it's I don't

1116
00:58:56,320 --> 00:58:59,720
Speaker 1: think drunkenness means it when it says like do not

1117
00:58:59,760 --> 00:59:02,520
Speaker 1: be about I don't think that that's like slashing, you know,

1118
00:59:02,560 --> 00:59:04,920
Speaker 1: like like all that. I think that there is a

1119
00:59:05,040 --> 00:59:06,919
Speaker 1: level of like when you know that you have had

1120
00:59:06,960 --> 00:59:10,480
Speaker 1: too much of anything. But I think that it becomes

1121
00:59:10,760 --> 00:59:15,320
Speaker 1: a it's a it's a it's an okay sin. For us,

1122
00:59:15,520 --> 00:59:19,160
Speaker 1: it's an okay, it's an okay cope and I don't,

1123
00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:21,760
Speaker 1: and I I don't know why. I don't know why

1124
00:59:21,800 --> 00:59:24,400
Speaker 1: it is and I and I think that people will

1125
00:59:24,400 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 1: come back to like, well, each of our convictions are different.

1126
00:59:26,760 --> 00:59:29,240
Speaker 1: And it's like, right, so what are your convictions? Like

1127
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:31,920
Speaker 1: where are you convicted? Because if you're not convicted anywhere,

1128
00:59:32,480 --> 00:59:35,280
Speaker 1: good Lord, tell me tell me more, Like like I didn't,

1129
00:59:35,400 --> 00:59:38,480
Speaker 1: I would love to know how you breached closeness with

1130
00:59:38,680 --> 00:59:42,120
Speaker 1: God in this. So that's my sassy side a little bit.

1131
00:59:44,280 --> 00:59:49,280
Speaker 1: But it is interesting that it's just it's it's one

1132
00:59:49,280 --> 00:59:53,160
Speaker 1: of those things where uh, I think it was an

1133
00:59:53,200 --> 00:59:57,520
Speaker 1: online post that said, like compared not drinking to like

1134
00:59:57,600 --> 01:00:00,520
Speaker 1: eating a tub of mayonnaise, Like you're not eating mayonnaise?

1135
01:00:00,720 --> 01:00:04,320
Speaker 1: Why aren't you leading this mayonnaise? And it's like and

1136
01:00:04,320 --> 01:00:06,680
Speaker 1: it's like, well, that's disgusting. That's a bad for you.

1137
01:00:06,800 --> 01:00:08,480
Speaker 1: It's not good for you, it's not good for your body.

1138
01:00:09,360 --> 01:00:12,000
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I can't believe you wouldn't happens. It's

1139
01:00:12,040 --> 01:00:15,160
Speaker 1: funny because it's like, we know the alcohol is bad

1140
01:00:15,160 --> 01:00:17,400
Speaker 1: for us. It's the one thing that we will shame

1141
01:00:17,480 --> 01:00:20,040
Speaker 1: people in our life if they're not doing it. Yeah,

1142
01:00:21,000 --> 01:00:22,440
Speaker 1: So I don't know, I wish I wish I had

1143
01:00:22,440 --> 01:00:25,240
Speaker 1: a better answer. It's just it's it's boggling. It's mind boggling.

1144
01:00:28,320 --> 01:00:34,160
Speaker 2: If if someone is listening to this and they are

1145
01:00:34,200 --> 01:00:38,120
Speaker 2: where you were last June, what's your what's your piece

1146
01:00:38,120 --> 01:00:39,920
Speaker 2: of advice to them? Mm hmm.

1147
01:00:42,000 --> 01:00:46,160
Speaker 1: I would say follow follow the conviction, like trace that

1148
01:00:46,240 --> 01:00:51,200
Speaker 1: line down, because I think when we have that hint

1149
01:00:51,240 --> 01:00:55,120
Speaker 1: of like something's not right here, that's obviously the HOI

1150
01:00:55,160 --> 01:01:00,240
Speaker 1: Spirit and I love and I'm so thankful that Holy

1151
01:01:00,240 --> 01:01:03,360
Speaker 1: Spirit was like attentive to me even when I was

1152
01:01:03,520 --> 01:01:08,800
Speaker 1: really mad at them, and I think when we when

1153
01:01:08,840 --> 01:01:11,920
Speaker 1: we kind of oh gosh. Stephen Ferdick uh Sat had

1154
01:01:11,960 --> 01:01:14,480
Speaker 1: a sermon many many years ago about like taking every

1155
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:17,160
Speaker 1: thought captive and how it's like an actual prisoner of war,

1156
01:01:17,840 --> 01:01:22,400
Speaker 1: like like take it so seriously. That's what I would do.

1157
01:01:22,480 --> 01:01:25,080
Speaker 1: I would I would in my in my podcast or

1158
01:01:25,080 --> 01:01:29,320
Speaker 1: brain I would take it like a true crime documentary

1159
01:01:29,880 --> 01:01:32,560
Speaker 1: and like and like follow followed the line, like where

1160
01:01:32,600 --> 01:01:35,640
Speaker 1: where did where is this? Where's this? Like pinndat okay,

1161
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:37,280
Speaker 1: now why is it here? Now? Where did it go

1162
01:01:37,320 --> 01:01:39,360
Speaker 1: from there? And really just get to the bottom of it,

1163
01:01:39,640 --> 01:01:41,440
Speaker 1: because I feel like if I had done that sooner

1164
01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:46,200
Speaker 1: and really got to the bottom of it, I wouldn't

1165
01:01:46,200 --> 01:01:51,240
Speaker 1: have needed that like heart on the ground moment in October.

1166
01:01:52,000 --> 01:01:56,680
Speaker 2: Mmmm, that's good, And I just want to remind people

1167
01:01:56,880 --> 01:02:02,080
Speaker 2: like well, to that point, I'll say this, curiosity, I

1168
01:02:02,080 --> 01:02:06,000
Speaker 2: think is one of the most important aspects of any

1169
01:02:06,040 --> 01:02:12,920
Speaker 2: type of growth and healing and whatnot. And I think

1170
01:02:13,000 --> 01:02:18,320
Speaker 2: that is I think that's what you're getting at, is curiosity,

1171
01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,360
Speaker 2: and so like, I love that. I love that follow

1172
01:02:21,400 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 2: the line, like you know, you have your white board

1173
01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:25,560
Speaker 2: and you're like, Okay, this leads to this, this leads

1174
01:02:25,560 --> 01:02:28,160
Speaker 2: to this, this is to this, and I think that's

1175
01:02:28,200 --> 01:02:32,200
Speaker 2: so important. So thank you for sharing that. At this

1176
01:02:32,400 --> 01:02:34,880
Speaker 2: point in the interview is where I would usually say

1177
01:02:35,280 --> 01:02:37,959
Speaker 2: to my guest, if people want to learn more about

1178
01:02:38,000 --> 01:02:41,040
Speaker 2: you and read what you're doing, and you know, follow

1179
01:02:41,120 --> 01:02:45,720
Speaker 2: your podcast, then where can they go. But since you

1180
01:02:45,840 --> 01:02:48,880
Speaker 2: have decided, you know what, I'm not going to strive,

1181
01:02:49,080 --> 01:02:52,920
Speaker 2: I'm not going to do that. I'll I'll not do

1182
01:02:53,000 --> 01:02:54,760
Speaker 2: that and not put you on the spot, but I

1183
01:02:54,760 --> 01:02:57,760
Speaker 2: guess I will say that if people want to see you,

1184
01:02:58,280 --> 01:03:00,720
Speaker 2: they should just book you. You don't want to say

1185
01:03:00,720 --> 01:03:03,360
Speaker 2: the airline, because I get it. Right, So I'll just

1186
01:03:03,400 --> 01:03:12,320
Speaker 2: say book on one of your major carriers.

1187
01:03:10,320 --> 01:03:13,240
Speaker 1: No, but also come follow me on social media. I'm

1188
01:03:13,280 --> 01:03:15,880
Speaker 1: at Jeanet freaking Cap on Instagram and TikTok and I

1189
01:03:15,920 --> 01:03:17,680
Speaker 1: have a newsletter that goes out once a month.

1190
01:03:17,840 --> 01:03:20,000
Speaker 2: And so you're still doing some stuff.

1191
01:03:20,080 --> 01:03:23,280
Speaker 1: I am, I am, I'm totally sometimes. Yeah, content, content

1192
01:03:23,360 --> 01:03:27,320
Speaker 1: is still still there. Social media is is my main

1193
01:03:28,600 --> 01:03:32,800
Speaker 1: kind of focus. But my newsletter is I say, like

1194
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:35,760
Speaker 1: the social media is like the backyard party where everyone's

1195
01:03:35,800 --> 01:03:38,040
Speaker 1: kind of like milling around and hanging out. Like the

1196
01:03:38,080 --> 01:03:39,920
Speaker 1: newsletter is when you come in and it's like you

1197
01:03:39,960 --> 01:03:41,640
Speaker 1: have coffee with me, so you get like you get

1198
01:03:41,680 --> 01:03:45,440
Speaker 1: like the depth of my heart there, which which is

1199
01:03:45,440 --> 01:03:47,920
Speaker 1: really sweet and I love I love my my newsletter

1200
01:03:48,240 --> 01:03:51,280
Speaker 1: and it's got lots of cool freezies there and yeah,

1201
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,640
Speaker 1: check that out. It's I can I can send you

1202
01:03:53,680 --> 01:03:56,640
Speaker 1: a link for that. But yeah, it's a it's a

1203
01:03:56,640 --> 01:04:00,320
Speaker 1: fun place. So I'm still I'm totally doing stuff. I'm

1204
01:04:00,360 --> 01:04:02,600
Speaker 1: just not focused on podcasting.

1205
01:04:04,160 --> 01:04:08,800
Speaker 2: Well, thank you for your vulnerability today, thank you for

1206
01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:11,360
Speaker 2: being open. And I just know there's gonna be people

1207
01:04:11,520 --> 01:04:13,920
Speaker 2: that are encouraged and if you are reach out to

1208
01:04:13,920 --> 01:04:19,440
Speaker 2: me and Jeanette, and let us know, give us that.

1209
01:04:19,640 --> 01:04:22,200
Speaker 1: We just want to pat on the back, just need

1210
01:04:22,240 --> 01:04:23,200
Speaker 1: a little.

1211
01:04:23,400 --> 01:04:25,880
Speaker 2: You know, I was teaching my kids. You know, my

1212
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:28,480
Speaker 2: son who's eight, you know, he's on baseball team. And

1213
01:04:28,520 --> 01:04:30,600
Speaker 2: he walked by me and and I give him a

1214
01:04:30,600 --> 01:04:32,160
Speaker 2: little pat on the butt in a good way. He's like,

1215
01:04:32,200 --> 01:04:34,480
Speaker 2: what was that for. I said, it's called a good game,

1216
01:04:35,480 --> 01:04:40,000
Speaker 2: so we need a virtual good game. So I appreciate that.

1217
01:04:40,800 --> 01:04:42,160
Speaker 1: This is great. I appreciate you.

1218
01:04:44,320 --> 01:04:47,560
Speaker 2: I didn't have a drinking problem. I had a problem

1219
01:04:48,000 --> 01:04:53,280
Speaker 2: with my drinking. Listen, if you're hearing this, you do

1220
01:04:53,440 --> 01:04:58,920
Speaker 2: not have to wait for alcohol, food, porn, work, whatever

1221
01:04:59,040 --> 01:05:04,560
Speaker 2: to destroy your life before you make a decision to

1222
01:05:04,600 --> 01:05:08,280
Speaker 2: get curious about it. And especially if you're a Christian,

1223
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:14,600
Speaker 2: your calling is to make war on the idols in

1224
01:05:14,640 --> 01:05:17,840
Speaker 2: your life, right, like John Owen, be killing sin or

1225
01:05:17,880 --> 01:05:20,600
Speaker 2: it will be killing you. And I think maybe it's

1226
01:05:20,640 --> 01:05:22,680
Speaker 2: hard for some of you to realize that a thing

1227
01:05:22,760 --> 01:05:26,920
Speaker 2: that you're not that doesn't look so bad can be sinful.

1228
01:05:27,280 --> 01:05:31,080
Speaker 2: But James talks about that anything the Lord convicts us

1229
01:05:31,120 --> 01:05:33,919
Speaker 2: to do and we don't do it as sin, and

1230
01:05:35,640 --> 01:05:40,880
Speaker 2: I think that can be the hardest, And I wish

1231
01:05:41,520 --> 01:05:45,160
Speaker 2: that I would have heeded that call that's stirring sooner.

1232
01:05:46,680 --> 01:05:48,240
Speaker 2: It would have saved me a lot of heartache. It

1233
01:05:48,280 --> 01:05:49,720
Speaker 2: would have saved me a lot of pain, would have

1234
01:05:49,760 --> 01:05:52,280
Speaker 2: saved my wife and my family a lot of pain

1235
01:05:52,360 --> 01:05:58,160
Speaker 2: and heartache. Remember, the Gospel is an early warning detection system,

1236
01:05:58,400 --> 01:06:00,680
Speaker 2: Like before the world will ever say you have a

1237
01:06:00,680 --> 01:06:07,160
Speaker 2: problem with something, the Gospel is revealing it and Jesus

1238
01:06:07,200 --> 01:06:08,680
Speaker 2: is not gonna get your heart. And that's what I

1239
01:06:08,680 --> 01:06:12,280
Speaker 2: want to encourage you about. Like that's my goal with

1240
01:06:12,400 --> 01:06:16,200
Speaker 2: this podcast and what I do. So I just I

1241
01:06:16,240 --> 01:06:21,280
Speaker 2: appreciate Jeanette so much. I appreciate her honesty, heretical vulnerability.

1242
01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:24,560
Speaker 2: Go ahead and follow her on Instagram. It's kind of

1243
01:06:24,600 --> 01:06:28,120
Speaker 2: fun to watch her her flight attendant videos and you

1244
01:06:28,200 --> 01:06:30,040
Speaker 2: kind of get to go behind the scenes and see

1245
01:06:30,040 --> 01:06:32,080
Speaker 2: what that is. Like I've always been fascinated by that.

1246
01:06:32,120 --> 01:06:35,360
Speaker 2: My wife at some point, like her dream was always

1247
01:06:35,360 --> 01:06:37,400
Speaker 2: to be a flight attendant, like and who knows, like

1248
01:06:37,440 --> 01:06:39,680
Speaker 2: maybe in retirement she will be one because she just

1249
01:06:39,720 --> 01:06:44,000
Speaker 2: loves to travel. She loves that idea and and so

1250
01:06:44,080 --> 01:06:46,160
Speaker 2: I you know, maybe that's part of the extra fascination.

1251
01:06:46,240 --> 01:06:48,760
Speaker 2: But I think it's I think it's so cool again.

1252
01:06:48,920 --> 01:06:50,520
Speaker 2: I know I said at the beginning, but but please

1253
01:06:50,600 --> 01:06:53,840
Speaker 2: visit Veritasrecovery dot org if you find any heart to

1254
01:06:53,880 --> 01:06:57,520
Speaker 2: maybe just throw five bucks to help us keep going

1255
01:06:58,000 --> 01:07:01,360
Speaker 2: and keep creating resources. We have an exciting series coming

1256
01:07:01,360 --> 01:07:03,560
Speaker 2: out with Right Now Media called We're All Addicted to

1257
01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:07,320
Speaker 2: Something that will come out September eighth. It's slated September eighth,

1258
01:07:07,360 --> 01:07:11,160
Speaker 2: twenty twenty six, and man, I can't wait for you

1259
01:07:11,200 --> 01:07:12,880
Speaker 2: to see it, And there'll be ways even if you

1260
01:07:12,880 --> 01:07:15,040
Speaker 2: don't have access to right now Media you'll be able

1261
01:07:15,080 --> 01:07:20,080
Speaker 2: to see it as well. Love you all so much.

1262
01:07:20,280 --> 01:07:22,040
Speaker 2: Shoot me an email, let me know how you're doing.

1263
01:07:22,320 --> 01:07:23,880
Speaker 2: We'll see you here next week.