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Speaker 1: Life Audio.

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Speaker 2: You are listening to The Beckett Cook Show with your

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Speaker 2: host Beckett Cook. For more information about Beckett and his ministry,

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Speaker 2: visit his website at Beckettcook dot com. To help support

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Speaker 2: the podcast, visit Patreon dot com slash the Beckett Cook Show.

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Speaker 2: Please consider subscribing to the podcast and leaving a five

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Speaker 2: star rating.

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Speaker 3: Hey, guys, welcome to the show.

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Speaker 4: My guest today is Carlos Katari, and he has an

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Speaker 4: amazing story of God's redemption. He from the age of

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Speaker 4: five to twelve, he was sexually abused and then that

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Speaker 4: led him into a crazy homosexual life. But then God

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Speaker 4: had other plans for him, which we're going to find out.

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Speaker 4: He has an amazing story. Please welcome Carlos.

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Speaker 1: Thank you, Bickett, thank you for having me.

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Speaker 3: I'm so glad to have you on the show.

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Speaker 4: I think I've seen you on Facebook or somewhere. I've

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Speaker 4: seen you for a while. I've seen you like, but

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Speaker 4: I don't know how why we never connected until now.

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Speaker 3: But I don't know what happened, but I'm glad we're finally.

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Speaker 1: I haven't been working mostly in Spanish and French. That's

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Speaker 1: the reason.

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Speaker 4: Okay, and you you're in Canada right now, right, Yeah,

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Speaker 4: in Montreal, and you're from Venezuela.

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Speaker 1: I'm from Venezuela, Caracas. No, that's four hours from Caracas.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so let's talk about Venezuela.

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Speaker 4: Let's talk about your childhood first.

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Speaker 3: What you said.

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Speaker 4: You say that from the age of five to twelve

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Speaker 4: you were sexually abused.

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Speaker 3: What what was going on? And where were your parents?

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Speaker 1: You know, usually I speak about about sexual abuse, and

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Speaker 1: I said that there are two kinds of sexual abuse.

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Speaker 1: There is a kind of abuse that is violent. So

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Speaker 1: the kid that is experience experiencing that, it's going to

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Speaker 1: somehow show show that it's something that's happened to him.

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Speaker 1: But in my case, it was not violent. It was

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Speaker 1: it was persuasive, it was with pleasure. So I enjoyed

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Speaker 1: being sexually abused. Why I'm saying this.

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Speaker 3: Because like, was it a family member?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, it was a family member, but at the end

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Speaker 1: it went to four different men.

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Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

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Speaker 1: Okay, yeah, and it happened from five to twelve. So

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Speaker 1: the issues that everything started as a game, as just

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Speaker 1: as a play. You know, we were playing, we were

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Speaker 1: just you know, he said to me, check I have

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Speaker 1: this here, do you have something, you have a birdmark,

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Speaker 1: and I said, oh, maybe, and then you I started

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Speaker 1: just joining to him, and then he started touching, and

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Speaker 1: then I started having enjoying it the touch, and that way,

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Speaker 1: after he hooked me up with the pleasure of touching me,

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Speaker 1: everything goes to a deeper level. And it happened from

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Speaker 1: from five to twelve. I would say hundreds and hundreds

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Speaker 1: of times.

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Speaker 3: Wow. And so did you where were your parents? Did

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Speaker 3: they know that this was going on?

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Speaker 1: No, of course not. And on the other side is

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Speaker 1: as I said, my mom always talked to us about

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Speaker 1: taking care of bad people, no trusting no one. But

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Speaker 1: then it was happening inside inside of the family, so

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Speaker 1: it was very difficult for her. And you know, now

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Speaker 1: I am a parent, I am a father, and I'm

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Speaker 1: so tired sometimes that i would just need someone to

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Speaker 1: help me with help us with the babies. That then

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Speaker 1: you understand why sometimes parents trust other people because we

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Speaker 1: are so so exhausted. So I said, wow, this is

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Speaker 1: what happened to me. We were four siblings and my

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Speaker 1: mom was so tired. So it was a cousin who

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Speaker 1: who sexually abused me, and just a cousin, so he

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Speaker 1: appeared just like an angel, just in the middle of

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Speaker 1: the worst moment. He was there, used to help. So

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Speaker 1: it was it was evil. It was very evil.

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Speaker 3: And where was your dad at this time?

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Speaker 1: My father and my parents they divorced when I was seven,

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Speaker 1: So at the moment they divorced, it was it was

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Speaker 1: already going back. I remember that my father rejected me

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Speaker 1: somehow because I was feminine, and you know that in

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Speaker 1: the match of Latino culture is not very well welcome

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Speaker 1: to be dedicated, to be sensitive, and I felt that rejection.

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Speaker 1: On the other hand, my mom was so strict. She was,

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Speaker 1: in fact the principle of the school, and it was

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Speaker 1: a military school. You can't have an idea how strict

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Speaker 1: she was. And so I always felt that I wasn't

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Speaker 1: enough for my father and I wasn't enough neither for

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Speaker 1: my mom. And at the same time I was being

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Speaker 1: sexually molested.

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Speaker 4: So it was like the perfect It was like the

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Speaker 4: perfect storm of exact things that come together.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow, and the and the and the point about

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Speaker 1: saying that it was pleased on that I enjoyed being

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Speaker 1: sexually abused. What I'm what I'm saying this is because

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Speaker 1: I felt guilty of enjoying it. So I felt responsible

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Speaker 1: because I said, Okay, I liked this. I cannot be

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Speaker 1: pointing to one for what I experienced because I enjoyed.

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Speaker 1: Years old, you know.

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Speaker 3: That you probably enjoyed.

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Speaker 4: You probably enjoyed the attention right from because you weren't

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Speaker 4: getting you didn't have that connection with your father, so

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Speaker 4: you were getting this attention from men.

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Speaker 1: No, and said that in my case it was extremely sexual.

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Speaker 1: It was the sexual pleasure, the physical physical touch. Wow.

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Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, and and why did it stop.

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Speaker 1: It? Well, okay, it happens that something happened. I remember

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Speaker 1: one day I was with my dad. We were in

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Speaker 1: in a in a in a shop and a friend

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Speaker 1: of him appeared and he came to him and looking

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Speaker 1: to me and the eyes said to my dad, Oh,

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Speaker 1: this is your son, the one that is gay. He

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Speaker 1: just said like that out of nowhere. And I was

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Speaker 1: like twelve years old. I knew already what it was

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Speaker 1: to be to be a and I didn't want to

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Speaker 1: be discovered. So when that man said that to my father,

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Speaker 1: my father just looked at me and said, ah, reply

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Speaker 1: back said something, talk back to him, and I couldn't.

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Speaker 1: I hope he would defend me. I hoped he would

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Speaker 1: just say something to that, to that friend of him,

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Speaker 1: but he didn't, and that moment I was so filled

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Speaker 1: with the bitterness that I remember that when we leave

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Speaker 1: that place, I said, inside of my heart, you think

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Speaker 1: I'm gay, just prepare yourself because you're gonna know the

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Speaker 1: gayest man ever in your life. And that's I said

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Speaker 1: that to myself. And at that moment, it's like I

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Speaker 1: just decided to do not to be serving the abusers.

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Speaker 1: I just decided to go by myself and contact other men.

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Speaker 1: So I just I just took it by my hands.

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Speaker 3: And did you and you got involved with prostitution, right?

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Speaker 3: Is that correct?

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Speaker 1: Before that? You know what happened that after I did

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Speaker 1: this declaration of you know, revenge against my father, it

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Speaker 1: was at that very moment that the gator appeared. I

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Speaker 1: didn't have it. It was at that very moment that

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Speaker 1: suddenly I was able to to see other men in

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Speaker 1: his eyes and understanding he wanted to have sex with

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Speaker 1: me also. So I saw that, I said, oh, now

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Speaker 1: I have a superpower. You know. It's like I already

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Speaker 1: enjoyed this and now I have a superpower because I

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Speaker 1: can connect just by the eyes and that brought me

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Speaker 1: to promiscuity in a high level, just being twelve thirteen

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Speaker 1: years old, and eventually to the prostitution.

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Speaker 3: And how long did the prostitution go on.

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Speaker 1: The prostitution was not that long, but it was and

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Speaker 1: it was not like public so I was not going

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Speaker 1: to the street. I just went to to well. I

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Speaker 1: was selling my services to one teacher at the school,

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Speaker 1: then after that to a neighbor and then to a

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Speaker 1: teacher at university. So it was that way, but it

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Speaker 1: was for money.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, And then, so what happened next?

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Speaker 3: So your mom told.

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Speaker 4: You, Your mom told you that you were never sexually abused.

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Speaker 3: What happened with your mom?

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Speaker 1: No, what happened is that at the age of fifteen,

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Speaker 1: I discover the LGBT community. Until that time, I experienced

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Speaker 1: so much bullying at the school. I was bullied at

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Speaker 1: my neighborhood. Even my oldest brother bullied me. And I

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Speaker 1: felt like an alien. And I know you understand this

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Speaker 1: because you feel rejected. And suddenly I understand. I meet

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Speaker 1: people from the community and they said to me, Carblos,

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Speaker 1: you are not the only one. There are hundreds of

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Speaker 1: thousands of people who feel the same. And you know,

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Speaker 1: this is what you feel, this is what you are.

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Speaker 1: You didn't choose this, And I said, yeah, this is true.

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Speaker 1: I didn't choose this, and this is what I feel.

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Speaker 1: So they presented me, they introduced me to THEBT community,

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Speaker 1: and I felt for the first time that I belonged

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Speaker 1: somewhere and I felt great. I said, Okay, this is it,

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Speaker 1: this is what I was looking for. I remember that

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Speaker 1: at the time when I saw, you know, the little

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Speaker 1: rainbow flaging small like this in a little door of

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Speaker 1: the store, I said, Okay, these people they accept me.

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Speaker 1: They they I am welcome here. Somehow, I remember that

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Speaker 1: I felt this gay pride. It's like, okay, I am this.

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Speaker 1: And it's funny to say because it was the first

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Speaker 1: time that I felt that I belonged somewhere. And after that,

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Speaker 1: I remember that I wanted to talk with my family

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Speaker 1: about what happened to me in my childhood. First because

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Speaker 1: I wanted to protect the other kids in the family,

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Speaker 1: even though I was speaking ten years later. And on

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Speaker 1: the other hand, I wanted to do my coming out.

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Speaker 1: I wanted to I wanted them to accept me. So

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Speaker 1: I did it. And when I did it, my mom.

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Speaker 3: She was so.

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Speaker 1: Shocked because she never knew that it happened, and then

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Speaker 1: she asked me. She said to me, my son, if

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Speaker 1: you wouldn't be sexually abused, would you be gay? And

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Speaker 1: to be honest, I never thought about that because I

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Speaker 1: enjoyed when I was a kid, so I thought it

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Speaker 1: was me. I thought I was born that way. And

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Speaker 1: when she said that to me, I said, okay, maybe

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Speaker 1: it'd be not what if I didn't experience that? And

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Speaker 1: I know today psychologist said that there is no relationship

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Speaker 1: between sexual abuse and orientation and sexual orientation, and I

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Speaker 1: know a lot of gay men who hasn't been sexually abused.

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Speaker 1: On the other hand, I know eterosexual man who has

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Speaker 1: been sexually abused and they are not gay. So I

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Speaker 1: understand it's not the rule. But in my own experience,

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Speaker 1: I said to me, I cannot even imagine what would

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Speaker 1: be my life if I didn't experience all the pleasure

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Speaker 1: I had with meant my whole childhood. What if I didn't,

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Speaker 1: So the question really clicked in my in my mind,

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Speaker 1: and after that moment, just just like starting to think

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Speaker 1: about it, I said, what what if not? What if not?

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Speaker 1: And I remember I went to to the psychologist. My

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Speaker 1: mom took me to the psychologist to treat the wound

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Speaker 1: of the sexual abuse, and the psychologist told me something,

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Speaker 1: you said, Carlos, it would be interesting that you decide

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Speaker 1: your life. That it wouldn't it wouldn't be nice that somebody,

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Speaker 1: somebody else choose for you, so that what happened to

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Speaker 1: you in the shuldhood doesn't decide what you're going to

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Speaker 1: be in your future.

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Speaker 3: And another in other words, just to be clear.

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Speaker 4: In other words, the psychologists were saying, you know, don't

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Speaker 4: let the sexual abuse decide for you. Define you, yeah,

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Speaker 4: define you like you. You decide for yourself what you are.

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Speaker 1: Even she said to me, if you're gonna, if you're

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Speaker 1: gonna be gay, that at least that let's be your

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Speaker 1: decision and not someone else's decision. Not because you were

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Speaker 1: forced and you were groomed into sexual sexual sexual pleasure,

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Speaker 1: pleasure with men, that you're gonna be gay. Just let's

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Speaker 1: be your decision. If you're gonna be a stray or gay,

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Speaker 1: let's be your decision. And I really like that. I said, Okay,

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Speaker 1: if I felt, in in fact that if I just

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Speaker 1: kept going just freely into the gay life, it's like

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Speaker 1: somehow I would be validating what they did to me,

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Speaker 1: because somehow I remember when I was a kid, they

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Speaker 1: made me think that I existed just to give pleasure

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Speaker 1: to men, that it was my role in life. Wow.

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Speaker 1: So it's like, Okay, no, I don't want to that.

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Speaker 1: But on the other hand, if I say, okay, I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be gay, it means I have to

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Speaker 1: be stray. So what I have to do now? Should

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Speaker 1: I go after girls? But I don't didn't. I didn't

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Speaker 1: feel any attraction toward women.

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Speaker 4: But you started. You you got into a relationship with

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Speaker 4: the girl.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, But for me, a girl, I'm not sure it

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Speaker 1: was the same. And you know what I'm talking is

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Speaker 1: it was nothing, nothing, no any feeling, any attraction at all.

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Speaker 3: A girl and a what what did you say? A

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Speaker 3: girl and a what are the same?

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Speaker 1: I'm not sure and not sure. You know, It's like

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Speaker 1: a girl was the same, There was.

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Speaker 3: Nothing a girl in a chair okay, and at.

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Speaker 1: Table, A girl and a table was the same to me.

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Speaker 3: But first award from our sponsor.

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Speaker 4: To fit into this new community, you learned to be

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Speaker 4: effeminate right too, because you wanted to fit in, so

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Speaker 4: you started to kind of adopt the mannerisms of the community.

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Speaker 1: Yeah like that.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, and so were you and so you were totally

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Speaker 4: embraced by that community.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, untied did they? I said, I want to try

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Speaker 1: something different, maybe I'm not gay. Until that day, so

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Speaker 1: I was accepted, that was celebrated, it was welcome until

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Speaker 1: the day I said maybe I'm not gay. That day

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Speaker 1: I became an enemy.

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Speaker 4: Yes, of course. They It's like a cult. They don't

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Speaker 4: like they don't like their members to leave. So, but

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Speaker 4: before we get to that part, let's talk about so you.

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Speaker 3: You were in a relationship with a girl. She was

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Speaker 3: like a chair or a table.

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Speaker 4: But then you just you, you were in that life,

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Speaker 4: living in that life, hooking up. I mean, you say

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Speaker 4: that you hooked up with like six hundred men. I

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Speaker 4: don't know how you kept count of that.

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Speaker 1: I think it was more than six hundred men until

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Speaker 1: at the until the end, I think I'm sure it

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Speaker 1: was more than six countrares.

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Speaker 3: And was it? Were you just trying to fill a void?

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Speaker 1: Is that what was No, I was addicted to sex.

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Speaker 1: It was an addiction. It was not that emotional. It

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Speaker 1: was not that I'm looking for my father at all.

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Speaker 1: It was sexual.

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Speaker 4: It was just addiction, and and so what's changed because

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Speaker 4: you I think you and then you know you you

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Speaker 4: got into a situation where you really just kind of

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Speaker 4: wanted to die.

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Speaker 3: Like it was. It got bad.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, before getting there. This is the point when I

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Speaker 1: tried with the with the girl. I remember that I

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Speaker 1: I it happened that I could have relationship with her,

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Speaker 1: but I have to think in man to be with her.

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Speaker 1: And it was a terture because I was addicted to sex.

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Speaker 1: But now when I'm with a girl, when I'm with

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Speaker 1: that girl, I have to think of men. And so

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Speaker 1: immediately after I would go after men because that's what

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Speaker 1: I liked. But when I was with men intimate, I

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Speaker 1: just was thinking about the sexual abuse that happened to

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Speaker 1: my in my childhood. That was for me the reason

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Speaker 1: I was there. So suddenly I didn't have peace in

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Speaker 1: one way or the other. So I just wanted to die.

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Speaker 1: And that was the moment I really really wanted to die.

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Speaker 1: And this is a poor girl. You know, I was

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Speaker 1: cheating her with so many guys. It was just crazy.

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Speaker 3: About how old were you at this time?

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Speaker 1: I was twenty okay, twenty two years ago?

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Speaker 4: Wow, okay, So and then something happened you saw the

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Speaker 4: movie The Passion of the Crowd.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, so at that moment I was eighties, I didn't

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Speaker 1: believe in God. I just I used to to make God.

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Speaker 1: I used to make laugh of God. For me, the

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Speaker 1: idea of God was stupid. So I remember my mom

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Speaker 1: used to my mom and she was a chimnyster teacher,

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Speaker 1: biology teacher, physics tea shirt. So so for me was

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Speaker 1: everything about science.

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Speaker 3: But was your mom a christianner?

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Speaker 1: Now no, we were Catholic by tradition, but it's likes.

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Speaker 4: Not everyone in Venezuela's Catholic. Okay, yeah, yeah, okay, so okay,

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Speaker 4: so what happened when you saw the Passion of the Christ?

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Speaker 1: Okay? So the thing is that I went there and

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Speaker 1: somebody I remember that the world all the tickets were

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Speaker 1: sold out, And when I was about to leave, I

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Speaker 1: was with this girl and someone came to me and said, ah, you,

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Speaker 1: I have two tickets left for the for the next

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Speaker 1: movie that starts in fifteen minutes. Do you want them?

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Speaker 1: And I bought them to the guy and then he

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Speaker 1: said to me, are you Christian? And I said what

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Speaker 1: is that? And the girls he said, no, we're Catholic,

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Speaker 1: I said, I really are we Catholic? I have no

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Speaker 1: idea of anything for me. The passion of the Christ

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Speaker 1: was that Christ was passionate for women, and we were

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Speaker 1: about to see a romantic movie. You know, that's it.

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Speaker 1: I have no idea.

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Speaker 3: It was yeah, what the passion meant? Okay, yeah, oh

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Speaker 3: at all.

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Speaker 1: So the thing is that I went and we got

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Speaker 1: into the into the movies, and we got into the

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Speaker 1: front line in front of the screen, and I was

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Speaker 1: just sitting there watching this without no one explaining to me.

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Speaker 1: But I merely understood that he really did that for me,

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Speaker 1: and without no one evangelizing me. I understood that he

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Speaker 1: wanted to give me a new life. And I already

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Speaker 1: wanted a new life. You know. It was a little

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Speaker 1: bit fed up of my life, so I wanted a

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Speaker 1: new life. And I remember that I left the movies

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Speaker 1: just crying and even sobbing. We were like like this,

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Speaker 1: it was the premiere. Nobody was talking about it. Then

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Speaker 1: there was no social media, you know. It was amazing,

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Speaker 1: and and I remember that I started saying to everybody,

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Speaker 1: just have to go check see this movie. Something is

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Speaker 1: going to happen to you. I have no idea. You know,

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Speaker 1: It's like I started already evangelizing without knowing until one

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Speaker 1: day I talk with her neighbor, a lady that lived

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Speaker 1: in front of our place, and she said to me, Carlos,

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Speaker 1: this is true. What you saw in that movie really happened.

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Speaker 1: God did that for you, really, And then she started

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Speaker 1: explaining to me the Bible, and she went from Genesis

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Speaker 1: to Revelation, showed me Jesus in every chapter. It was crazy,

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Speaker 1: and we did it in three hours, in every book.

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Speaker 1: In three hours. She took me from Genesis to Revelation.

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Speaker 1: And just a few days later I got my conversion,

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Speaker 1: I got my encounter with God. It was just amazing.

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Speaker 3: And so, what do you mean you had an encounter

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Speaker 3: with God?

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Speaker 1: I remember that, I said to her. And she said

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Speaker 1: to me, the day you understand that Jesus and the

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Speaker 1: Father are the same, that day is gonna happen something

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Speaker 1: to you. And then I remember that. I that I

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Speaker 1: went to to think about it, and three days later

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Speaker 1: I went back to her and said, do this is

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Speaker 1: this is true. The Father and Jesus are the same,

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Speaker 1: because only a father can do that for his children,

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Speaker 1: and Jesus did it for us. So they are the same.

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Speaker 1: And I opened my Bible at that very moment and

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Speaker 1: I fall into John ten, verse thirty, and it says

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Speaker 1: I and my Father are one and in midiate. It's

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Speaker 1: like I got baptizing Holy Spirit. My mind open at

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Speaker 1: that very moment, the Bible became true and I can't

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Speaker 1: and you know, this isn't understanding. I was baptized holy

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Speaker 1: Spirit at that very moment.

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Speaker 3: And so.

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Speaker 4: But then things took a turn because you wanted, you

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Speaker 4: ask God to change your attractions to men, and nothing happened.

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Speaker 3: So what was that like?

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Speaker 1: It's not even that. You know, usually when people encounter God,

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Speaker 1: life changed for good and for something better. It was

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Speaker 1: not my case. Yeah, at that very moment I encounter God,

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Speaker 1: I understood the sacrifice, I understood his love. But unfortunately

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Speaker 1: I went to her church and it was a hyper

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Speaker 1: religious church. It was a hyper Calvinist church. It was

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Speaker 1: so so religious it was crazy. And suddenly it's like,

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Speaker 1: instead of focusing myself in understanding how what the Lord

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Speaker 1: I really accomplished for us, I just focused myself in

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Speaker 1: everything I have to do for God. It's like I

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Speaker 1: have to stop seeing and I have you.

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Speaker 4: So it was like in other words, you're saying it

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Speaker 4: was a very legalistic church, as we were saying, yeah.

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Speaker 1: I legalist, extremely realistic. And and I remember that I

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Speaker 1: said to the pastor and said to pastor, hey, listen,

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Speaker 1: this is my life. I'm struggling with with poor masturvations,

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Speaker 1: sex with guys. I have a girlfriend. I don't want

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Speaker 1: to be here. I share everything with him. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be gay. I just decided myself I wanted

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Speaker 1: to change. What should I do? And was like, you know,

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Speaker 1: the poor faster faster.

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Speaker 4: He's like why yeah, yeah.

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Speaker 1: So response he said to me, well, you know you

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Speaker 1: have to to to try yourself, try the best to

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Speaker 1: obey God, to surrender to him, and to to to

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Speaker 1: understand that everything you said is just sin and he

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Speaker 1: hates sh so you have to stop it. I said, okay,

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Speaker 1: So if you are the pastor and you tell me

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Speaker 1: that I have to stop it, it means I can't.

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Speaker 1: And it was not true. You know, the moment you

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Speaker 1: tried not to sin, it's worse. And and I remember

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Speaker 1: he said to me, ask ask God to help you

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Speaker 1: if if this is his will is to be holy,

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Speaker 1: so ask him to help you to change. And I

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Speaker 1: remember that I started asking. I said, Lord Almighty, I

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Speaker 1: know who you are now, so please change me, because

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Speaker 1: now I have conviction of my sin because I come

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Speaker 1: from Holy Spirit, not because someone told me. So I

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Speaker 1: have conviction of my sine. Please change me. I don't

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Speaker 1: want to be gay. It is in my decision if

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Speaker 1: it is personal. I don't want to be gay. I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be gay. Please change me, change me, Beckett,

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Speaker 1: the more I asked God to change me, the most

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Speaker 1: I was attracted by men.

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Speaker 4: So the more the more you asked yeah, so it

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Speaker 4: was the opposite, Like a fact, you became just more

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Speaker 4: lustful towards men based.

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Speaker 1: Extremely it was. It was worse. And I remember that

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Speaker 1: I said, Okay, well God is not helping me. Maybe

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Speaker 1: I need to give a hand to God. I need

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Speaker 1: to go check for something. And then I remember I

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Speaker 1: went to conversion therapy and and I remember the guy

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Speaker 1: that that was there like leading the group, said to

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Speaker 1: me something like this, like, Carlos, your whole life you

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Speaker 1: have been connecting to men in in a in a

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Speaker 1: in a carnal way. So maybe it's time for you

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Speaker 1: to experience friendship with many in a different way. What

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Speaker 1: about if you all play soccer with some guys from church,

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Speaker 1: so maybe you're gonna experience a different experience. And I said,

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Speaker 1: are you crazy? In my mind, I said, this guy

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Speaker 1: doesn't understand anything. He wants me to go and play

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Speaker 1: soccer with guys who are half naked, you know, touching

438
00:25:22,680 --> 00:25:25,680
Speaker 1: their bodies all web. This is crazy. This guy doesn't

439
00:25:25,720 --> 00:25:29,920
Speaker 1: understand my trouble. Yeah, I remember, I.

440
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:32,400
Speaker 3: Said, soccer is not going to cure you of that.

441
00:25:32,480 --> 00:25:35,840
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, okay. So I said, okay, no, these people

442
00:25:35,840 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 1: doesn't understand me. I remember that every session of this

443
00:25:39,119 --> 00:25:43,520
Speaker 1: conversion therapy, because the porpose was to help me become straight,

444
00:25:44,960 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 1: I remember that after every session, I just felt more

445
00:25:47,520 --> 00:25:51,200
Speaker 1: gay than ever. And that's the reason I don't recommend

446
00:25:51,359 --> 00:25:56,119
Speaker 1: conversion therapy personally. I find that if your focus is

447
00:25:56,119 --> 00:25:58,440
Speaker 1: to change from gay to straight, you're gonna just fail.

448
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:02,840
Speaker 1: And and for me, I used to hear all the time.

449
00:26:03,040 --> 00:26:04,800
Speaker 1: The people used to tell me, well, Carlos, you know

450
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:08,440
Speaker 1: this is the original design. God created women, men and women.

451
00:26:08,480 --> 00:26:10,680
Speaker 1: This is the original design. I said, yeah, but I'm broke.

452
00:26:12,480 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 1: I'm broken because I don't I don't have attraction program.

453
00:26:16,359 --> 00:26:23,240
Speaker 1: So I remember that I left those those therapies and

454
00:26:24,760 --> 00:26:28,040
Speaker 1: if something happened that it was very traumatic. Is my

455
00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:32,240
Speaker 1: sister died in a car accident, and I was so

456
00:26:32,359 --> 00:26:35,960
Speaker 1: angry at God. I was so mad at him because

457
00:26:36,000 --> 00:26:38,399
Speaker 1: he didn't protect her, that I just decided that I

458
00:26:39,560 --> 00:26:43,119
Speaker 1: quick astrollian, that I just wanted to live, even church

459
00:26:43,160 --> 00:26:46,320
Speaker 1: and faith and everything. And I remember I said, Okay,

460
00:26:46,520 --> 00:26:48,560
Speaker 1: this is what you don't like. You don't like me

461
00:26:49,040 --> 00:26:52,000
Speaker 1: committing sin. Prepare yourself because you're gonna get a lot.

462
00:26:52,320 --> 00:26:55,840
Speaker 1: So it's like I wanted to revenge God by destroying myself.

463
00:26:55,880 --> 00:26:59,000
Speaker 1: It was just crazy. So so you.

464
00:26:58,960 --> 00:26:59,840
Speaker 3: Were angry at God.

465
00:27:00,080 --> 00:27:02,119
Speaker 4: You were angry at God because your sister was in

466
00:27:02,160 --> 00:27:05,159
Speaker 4: this car accident and you blamed God. And then you

467
00:27:05,280 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 4: just kind of went full bore.

468
00:27:08,240 --> 00:27:10,440
Speaker 1: And she was driving like one hundred and twenty miles

469
00:27:10,440 --> 00:27:12,600
Speaker 1: per hours. You know, it was fall you know, so

470
00:27:12,680 --> 00:27:15,280
Speaker 1: it was not God's fault, but at that moment in grief,

471
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,520
Speaker 1: you don't think very clear.

472
00:27:18,440 --> 00:27:19,200
Speaker 3: And then.

473
00:27:21,119 --> 00:27:23,879
Speaker 4: And then what happened because at a certain point you

474
00:27:24,119 --> 00:27:27,640
Speaker 4: felt peace about your sister's death and.

475
00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:28,440
Speaker 3: You started to go back.

476
00:27:29,000 --> 00:27:32,040
Speaker 1: It was later, but what happened after my sister church

477
00:27:32,119 --> 00:27:34,040
Speaker 1: is that I met a guy and it wasn't the

478
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 1: first time a guy was in the same the same

479
00:27:40,320 --> 00:27:42,919
Speaker 1: understanding as me. He also was sexually abused and he

480
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,320
Speaker 1: wanted to change. He wasn't happy being gay, and and

481
00:27:46,359 --> 00:27:48,359
Speaker 1: I was the first time he met someone like that.

482
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:51,840
Speaker 1: So we said to each other, let's get out of

483
00:27:51,880 --> 00:27:56,720
Speaker 1: this together, and we became boyfriends. So with the relationship,

484
00:27:57,280 --> 00:28:03,800
Speaker 1: and this relationship last seven years. So it was a

485
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:09,080
Speaker 1: romantic relationship. He was during seven years, and we did

486
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:13,679
Speaker 1: a coupld's life. It was just like that. But all

487
00:28:13,720 --> 00:28:16,320
Speaker 1: the time we were in peace because we both wanted

488
00:28:16,359 --> 00:28:20,359
Speaker 1: to change. So that's what I understood that kept us together.

489
00:28:20,400 --> 00:28:21,600
Speaker 1: It was just crazy.

490
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:25,360
Speaker 4: So so you said, while you were in this relationship,

491
00:28:25,480 --> 00:28:26,639
Speaker 4: you were not at peace.

492
00:28:28,160 --> 00:28:30,240
Speaker 1: No, we both we were not at peace. But because

493
00:28:30,280 --> 00:28:31,240
Speaker 1: of that we stayed together.

494
00:28:31,920 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 4: Okay, okay, So then then then what happened about your when?

495
00:28:38,320 --> 00:28:40,720
Speaker 4: How did you start feeling peace about your sister's death?

496
00:28:45,160 --> 00:28:49,960
Speaker 1: The the real pieces started getting in after three years

497
00:28:50,040 --> 00:28:51,520
Speaker 1: after she passed.

498
00:28:51,280 --> 00:28:55,080
Speaker 4: Away, and and so and then why did how did

499
00:28:55,120 --> 00:28:57,200
Speaker 4: you why did you break up with the boyfriend?

500
00:28:58,600 --> 00:29:01,840
Speaker 1: In fact, after seven years, we started to go to church.

501
00:29:02,280 --> 00:29:04,360
Speaker 1: I said to I said to myself, he's not Christian.

502
00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:06,840
Speaker 1: I won't shore the gospel to him because if he

503
00:29:07,040 --> 00:29:10,320
Speaker 1: converted when I left me, So at the end I

504
00:29:10,520 --> 00:29:15,400
Speaker 1: cheered with him and he became Christian, and we tried

505
00:29:15,400 --> 00:29:18,880
Speaker 1: to break the relationship. We couldn't because we were calledependent.

506
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:23,760
Speaker 1: And after a while we just changed to a bigger church.

507
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:27,360
Speaker 1: And at this bigger church, nobody knew who we were,

508
00:29:28,200 --> 00:29:32,480
Speaker 1: and it was okay for us. And after some years

509
00:29:32,560 --> 00:29:36,280
Speaker 1: we just moved to Canada because of what was going

510
00:29:36,320 --> 00:29:40,640
Speaker 1: on in Venezuela and there when I was we were here.

511
00:29:41,360 --> 00:29:45,680
Speaker 1: The relationship last one year because I started like going

512
00:29:45,720 --> 00:29:50,840
Speaker 1: through depression for moving out of the country, because I

513
00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:53,640
Speaker 1: lost all my money was it was just a bad time.

514
00:29:54,200 --> 00:29:58,400
Speaker 1: And I remember he said to me at one moment,

515
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:04,840
Speaker 1: he said, Carlos, uh, let's stop fighting. Just let's get married.

516
00:30:04,880 --> 00:30:07,600
Speaker 1: You know, we have been fighting so many years. Just

517
00:30:07,960 --> 00:30:10,719
Speaker 1: let's get married. And I said to him, no, how

518
00:30:10,760 --> 00:30:15,400
Speaker 1: we're gonna get married. We're Christians. And then he said

519
00:30:15,440 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: to me, okay, so let me go. Then let me go,

520
00:30:18,080 --> 00:30:22,320
Speaker 1: and I said, okay, it's over. And that very moment,

521
00:30:23,760 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: if you following stories, is you're gonna understand that before

522
00:30:28,080 --> 00:30:31,880
Speaker 1: becoming Christian, I was living by what I feel. After

523
00:30:32,400 --> 00:30:36,800
Speaker 1: becoming Christian, I was fighting against what I feel. And

524
00:30:37,000 --> 00:30:40,360
Speaker 1: now at this very moment of the relationship with that guy,

525
00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,560
Speaker 1: and I just wanted to make peace with what I feel.

526
00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:50,880
Speaker 1: And that's when I discover gay Christianity and that I

527
00:30:51,040 --> 00:30:54,000
Speaker 1: just google how how how can you make peace with

528
00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:58,240
Speaker 1: with Christianity and homosexuality? There is gay christ Can you

529
00:30:58,280 --> 00:31:01,040
Speaker 1: be gay Christian? And you know if you look for

530
00:31:01,080 --> 00:31:05,960
Speaker 1: this you're gonna find And then I found so many theories.

531
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,840
Speaker 1: Today I understand its heresy, but at that moment, I say, Okay,

532
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,440
Speaker 1: this is this is this is me. I am like

533
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,960
Speaker 1: David and Jonathan and I am like you know, all

534
00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:20,120
Speaker 1: these twisted versions of interpretations. And then I tried to

535
00:31:20,520 --> 00:31:23,560
Speaker 1: make peace with what I felt by twisting the world

536
00:31:24,720 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 1: so for me, you didn't feel no, no, no, you

537
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:32,040
Speaker 1: don't feel peas And I was anyways addicted to to

538
00:31:32,160 --> 00:31:35,440
Speaker 1: hook ups too, to everything apps and gay apps all that,

539
00:31:36,240 --> 00:31:39,600
Speaker 1: so I remember that I said to myself, if this

540
00:31:39,800 --> 00:31:43,120
Speaker 1: is the truth, why I don't have peace, why I'm

541
00:31:43,280 --> 00:31:50,000
Speaker 1: still in this lustful living every single day? And finally,

542
00:31:50,040 --> 00:31:52,560
Speaker 1: I at that point I wanted to die. I am

543
00:31:53,200 --> 00:31:56,160
Speaker 1: even more I was about to jump from from a building,

544
00:31:56,520 --> 00:31:59,920
Speaker 1: a twenty story building, and I don't know what I didn't.

545
00:32:00,280 --> 00:32:04,520
Speaker 1: But a few weeks after, I met a couple. This

546
00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:08,520
Speaker 1: was a Christian couple. She was in a Silan He

547
00:32:08,640 --> 00:32:11,880
Speaker 1: is from Italy. And it was the first time that

548
00:32:11,960 --> 00:32:15,560
Speaker 1: I met a couple or you know, Christians who were

549
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 1: so full feel in this of the spirit. They were

550
00:32:19,720 --> 00:32:24,080
Speaker 1: so filming the spirit that you could feel God through them.

551
00:32:24,320 --> 00:32:25,120
Speaker 1: It was amazing.

552
00:32:25,560 --> 00:32:28,800
Speaker 3: And where was this couple. Was this in Peru? Because

553
00:32:28,920 --> 00:32:29,320
Speaker 3: I think it.

554
00:32:29,320 --> 00:32:31,239
Speaker 1: Was in Peru. Yeah, I traveled to Peru and I

555
00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:33,560
Speaker 1: met in there and then I said, they don't know

556
00:32:33,600 --> 00:32:36,200
Speaker 1: my story, they don't know anything about me, and I

557
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:39,520
Speaker 1: feel God through them. I understand that they know God

558
00:32:39,600 --> 00:32:40,760
Speaker 1: in a level that I don't.

559
00:32:41,200 --> 00:32:43,080
Speaker 4: So you could tell, you could tell that they were

560
00:32:43,240 --> 00:32:45,480
Speaker 4: genuine Christians, like they were real.

561
00:32:45,640 --> 00:32:48,560
Speaker 1: It was real. They were the real deal exactly. And

562
00:32:48,640 --> 00:32:52,240
Speaker 1: I never I have never experienced something like that. And

563
00:32:52,400 --> 00:32:59,840
Speaker 1: finally I came back to Montreal. I was so broke financially, spiritually, mentally,

564
00:33:00,000 --> 00:33:02,800
Speaker 1: reason was broke. And there was a family who received

565
00:33:02,800 --> 00:33:06,280
Speaker 1: me at the place and I was sleeping there. It

566
00:33:06,360 --> 00:33:10,680
Speaker 1: was in during the holidays and I remember there was

567
00:33:10,960 --> 00:33:12,840
Speaker 1: a friend of them that came to the place and

568
00:33:12,880 --> 00:33:16,720
Speaker 1: there was a conversation and while we were talking, he's Christians.

569
00:33:17,840 --> 00:33:22,920
Speaker 1: This is the point that everything changed. After we were just

570
00:33:23,000 --> 00:33:27,280
Speaker 1: talking about faith and he said to me something like

571
00:33:27,760 --> 00:33:31,000
Speaker 1: that I was expecting. He said, Carlos, the problem with

572
00:33:31,040 --> 00:33:34,400
Speaker 1: many Christians is they have Jesus as their savior, but

573
00:33:34,560 --> 00:33:39,400
Speaker 1: not as their lord. The problem with many Christians is

574
00:33:39,520 --> 00:33:42,960
Speaker 1: they have Jesus as their savior, but not as their lord.

575
00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:48,360
Speaker 1: He said that I felt God presence through him, and

576
00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,880
Speaker 1: I was so lost, and I couldn't believe that God

577
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 1: was presenting himself there. It's like he was telling me,

578
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: I want to help you. I love you, but I'm

579
00:33:59,120 --> 00:34:01,920
Speaker 1: not your lord. Your lord is yourself. You are the

580
00:34:02,000 --> 00:34:05,360
Speaker 1: one who is dealing, who is leading your life. It's

581
00:34:05,400 --> 00:34:09,040
Speaker 1: like I understood at that very moment, and you know what, Jesus.

582
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:12,400
Speaker 1: You can make Jesus your savior by a prayer, but

583
00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,640
Speaker 1: you cannot make Jesus your lord by a prayer. Lordship

584
00:34:16,719 --> 00:34:20,360
Speaker 1: is by obedience. Lordship is by surrendering. And I hadn't

585
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:22,240
Speaker 1: understand that until that very moment.

586
00:34:23,440 --> 00:34:25,480
Speaker 3: And so how did your life change after that moment?

587
00:34:26,840 --> 00:34:31,359
Speaker 1: I remember that. After that, I kept thinking about that,

588
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,520
Speaker 1: and after three days, I went to another hook cop.

589
00:34:35,800 --> 00:34:38,440
Speaker 1: I'm being honest. I went to another hook cop that

590
00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:41,319
Speaker 1: I have planned for years. Finally we met in the

591
00:34:41,360 --> 00:34:44,719
Speaker 1: same place in Montreal, and after leaving that place, I

592
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:47,240
Speaker 1: said to myself, I said, wow, I have been planning

593
00:34:47,320 --> 00:34:51,239
Speaker 1: this encounter with this guy for years, thinking that it

594
00:34:51,239 --> 00:34:54,560
Speaker 1: would be the amazing, the most amazing experience, and it

595
00:34:54,680 --> 00:34:59,839
Speaker 1: was more of the same. He said, this is senseless.

596
00:35:00,280 --> 00:35:02,759
Speaker 1: And then I remember this conversation that I had three

597
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 1: days before and that and that very moment, in that

598
00:35:06,239 --> 00:35:09,000
Speaker 1: very context, I said to the Lord, I said, Lord,

599
00:35:09,040 --> 00:35:12,080
Speaker 1: you know what is over. I don't care anymore if

600
00:35:12,120 --> 00:35:14,480
Speaker 1: you change me or not. I don't care anymore if

601
00:35:14,520 --> 00:35:17,000
Speaker 1: I'm going to be gay, astray as sexual, whatever I

602
00:35:17,040 --> 00:35:19,520
Speaker 1: destroy my life, I put it to the side. I

603
00:35:19,600 --> 00:35:22,759
Speaker 1: just want to follow you become my Lord. It was

604
00:35:22,800 --> 00:35:26,880
Speaker 1: the most honest prayer that I ever did in my life.

605
00:35:27,280 --> 00:35:30,279
Speaker 1: I really really did said this said that. I said,

606
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:32,880
Speaker 1: I don't care what's gonna happen with me. I just

607
00:35:32,920 --> 00:35:37,680
Speaker 1: want to follow you because of who you are, and

608
00:35:37,400 --> 00:35:38,440
Speaker 1: and you said.

609
00:35:38,360 --> 00:35:41,240
Speaker 3: Like, just I want you to be lord over my life.

610
00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:43,440
Speaker 1: Basically, I just want to I just want to follow

611
00:35:43,480 --> 00:35:47,160
Speaker 1: you as my lord, just be my lord. Period and

612
00:35:47,160 --> 00:35:49,600
Speaker 1: and and the point in that prayer is I don't

613
00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,040
Speaker 1: care what God's gonna happen with me. I just want

614
00:35:52,040 --> 00:35:54,840
Speaker 1: to follow you. You know that there is a verse.

615
00:35:55,719 --> 00:35:59,040
Speaker 1: This verse is repeated like six times in the in

616
00:35:59,080 --> 00:36:03,360
Speaker 1: the in the in the Gospels where you find it

617
00:36:03,400 --> 00:36:07,799
Speaker 1: in Matthew sixteen twenty five. It says, for whoever desires

618
00:36:07,840 --> 00:36:11,240
Speaker 1: to save his life will lose it. But whoever lose

619
00:36:11,880 --> 00:36:16,560
Speaker 1: his life for my sake, we'll find it. I understand

620
00:36:16,560 --> 00:36:19,440
Speaker 1: that at that moment I did it what the verse says,

621
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:22,880
Speaker 1: but I didn't know if you focus on your life

622
00:36:22,920 --> 00:36:25,440
Speaker 1: my life, my life is life, you want to lose it.

623
00:36:25,800 --> 00:36:28,319
Speaker 1: But at that moment, I just put my life to

624
00:36:28,360 --> 00:36:31,120
Speaker 1: decide to follow him. And what happened next is that

625
00:36:31,400 --> 00:36:34,440
Speaker 1: he gave me a new life. And until now this

626
00:36:34,640 --> 00:36:35,640
Speaker 1: is giving me any life.

627
00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:38,680
Speaker 3: So yeah, go ahead.

628
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:45,360
Speaker 1: Focusing so much in changing became an obsession. My desire

629
00:36:45,440 --> 00:36:49,600
Speaker 1: to change was my idol. I was eleven years in

630
00:36:49,719 --> 00:36:53,560
Speaker 1: church asking him to change me, asking him to change

631
00:36:53,560 --> 00:36:56,440
Speaker 1: my life, to give me what I was desiring. You know,

632
00:36:56,560 --> 00:36:59,160
Speaker 1: I was so focusing in becoming straight that it becomes

633
00:36:59,600 --> 00:37:02,440
Speaker 1: my eye. Do so at the moment, I surrender everything

634
00:37:02,560 --> 00:37:05,759
Speaker 1: just to follow him. Two days later, three days later,

635
00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:09,680
Speaker 1: he just make a miracle. And I can't go dieping that.

636
00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:15,000
Speaker 1: But he was just a miracle that I wasn't expecting anymore.

637
00:37:15,080 --> 00:37:16,320
Speaker 1: I just wanted him.

638
00:37:16,719 --> 00:37:20,480
Speaker 3: We'll be right back after the short break. And what

639
00:37:20,600 --> 00:37:21,280
Speaker 3: was a miracle?

640
00:37:21,600 --> 00:37:21,680
Speaker 2: Like?

641
00:37:21,719 --> 00:37:23,840
Speaker 3: What do you explain that? What explained that?

642
00:37:23,920 --> 00:37:27,719
Speaker 1: More? I make a disclaimer here, this is my experience.

643
00:37:28,920 --> 00:37:31,360
Speaker 1: It doesn't apply to everybody. This is what I experienced.

644
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:33,319
Speaker 1: This is my testimony. You know I was blind. Now

645
00:37:33,320 --> 00:37:36,480
Speaker 1: I see, this is what I share. The thing is

646
00:37:36,520 --> 00:37:40,480
Speaker 1: that I remember that I was at this family place

647
00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:45,799
Speaker 1: and and I just watched I was watching just some

648
00:37:46,200 --> 00:37:50,759
Speaker 1: sermons preachers, and I just wanted to know more about God.

649
00:37:50,800 --> 00:37:53,400
Speaker 1: That it was not messages about my purpose in life,

650
00:37:53,520 --> 00:37:55,799
Speaker 1: finances of the heaven, whatever. I was not about that.

651
00:37:55,920 --> 00:38:00,279
Speaker 1: It was about God's person. And I remember that I

652
00:38:00,400 --> 00:38:03,360
Speaker 1: hook in a in a in a in a in

653
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:07,480
Speaker 1: a message and I said, Wow, this this teaching is amazing.

654
00:38:07,520 --> 00:38:10,759
Speaker 1: He's talking about the mind of God and the way

655
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:13,000
Speaker 1: he thinks and the way he loves and the way

656
00:38:13,040 --> 00:38:16,320
Speaker 1: he works. I want to know more, and I kept

657
00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:21,960
Speaker 1: watching seven hours without stop. It was crazy, but there is.

658
00:38:22,000 --> 00:38:25,160
Speaker 1: There were two things the pastor says. In the middle

659
00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:30,160
Speaker 1: of all the subjects, he talked about aligning your body

660
00:38:30,200 --> 00:38:32,879
Speaker 1: to your soul, your soul to your spirit, and spirit

661
00:38:32,960 --> 00:38:37,400
Speaker 1: to Holy Spirit. And in the odd in another message

662
00:38:37,400 --> 00:38:42,280
Speaker 1: and not related, he talked about homosexuality as an spirit.

663
00:38:43,320 --> 00:38:46,719
Speaker 1: And I have never heard about that. And when he

664
00:38:46,760 --> 00:38:50,839
Speaker 1: said that, they say, oct that's just crazy, it's nuts

665
00:38:50,920 --> 00:38:54,880
Speaker 1: by whatever. At the end of the seven hours messages,

666
00:38:55,920 --> 00:38:58,320
Speaker 1: I just decided to go to sleep at three am

667
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,960
Speaker 1: in the morning, and before sleeping, before lying myself in

668
00:39:02,960 --> 00:39:05,239
Speaker 1: the bed, I said, I'm gonna make a prayer. What

669
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,480
Speaker 1: can I lose? And then I said, Lord, I lined

670
00:39:09,520 --> 00:39:11,960
Speaker 1: my body to my soul, my soul to my spirit,

671
00:39:12,040 --> 00:39:14,880
Speaker 1: my spirit to Holy Spirit. And I cast out this

672
00:39:15,120 --> 00:39:17,440
Speaker 1: spirit of almost actually that I wanted to destroy me, my

673
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: whole life. I was told you design by which you

674
00:39:21,120 --> 00:39:23,440
Speaker 1: made me. And I prayed for my wife and kids

675
00:39:23,440 --> 00:39:28,719
Speaker 1: in the name of Jesus Amen. I said, where is

676
00:39:28,760 --> 00:39:32,080
Speaker 1: this prayer coming from? I was there a prayer guy.

677
00:39:32,120 --> 00:39:35,640
Speaker 1: It was a boring guy. What is this coming get from?

678
00:39:35,840 --> 00:39:37,000
Speaker 3: So you were.

679
00:39:37,080 --> 00:39:39,480
Speaker 4: You were surprised that you in the prayer, that you

680
00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:41,000
Speaker 4: pray for a wife and kids.

681
00:39:41,600 --> 00:39:44,719
Speaker 1: For the whole prayer was in shock. I never pray.

682
00:39:45,360 --> 00:39:48,960
Speaker 1: I wasn't a prayer guy, so I'm military. I felt

683
00:39:49,000 --> 00:39:53,160
Speaker 1: that I didn't tremble. It was just a switch, like

684
00:39:53,200 --> 00:39:56,600
Speaker 1: a switch, a little switch. And I said, hmm, there's

685
00:39:56,640 --> 00:39:59,280
Speaker 1: something that happened here. And then I took my phone.

686
00:39:59,280 --> 00:40:01,800
Speaker 1: That was a lie of gay porn. And when I

687
00:40:01,840 --> 00:40:05,320
Speaker 1: took my phone and I see the pictures and videos

688
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,480
Speaker 1: I see that, I say, I don't feel anything. I

689
00:40:09,480 --> 00:40:13,120
Speaker 1: don't feel anything. I'm not feeling I'm not feeling anything.

690
00:40:13,560 --> 00:40:17,880
Speaker 1: And immediately when I said that, I heard a verse

691
00:40:17,920 --> 00:40:22,480
Speaker 1: in my mind that says, now go and share with

692
00:40:22,640 --> 00:40:25,239
Speaker 1: others what the Lord did for you. I don't know

693
00:40:25,280 --> 00:40:28,200
Speaker 1: if you catch that verse. Is that is the verse

694
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:31,320
Speaker 1: when when the guy who was demonised, Jesuit said him free,

695
00:40:31,520 --> 00:40:33,640
Speaker 1: and you Su said to him, now go and share

696
00:40:33,680 --> 00:40:36,040
Speaker 1: with others what the Lord did for you. And I

697
00:40:36,200 --> 00:40:39,600
Speaker 1: was in amazement because I said, Lord, I can't believe it.

698
00:40:40,040 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 1: You did it when I wasn't looking for you didn't what.

699
00:40:43,239 --> 00:40:45,200
Speaker 1: I didn't care any more about my life. You did

700
00:40:45,200 --> 00:40:47,880
Speaker 1: it in one second what I couldn't do in eleven years.

701
00:40:48,480 --> 00:40:52,120
Speaker 1: But you didn't when I was taking delight in your

702
00:40:52,640 --> 00:40:54,799
Speaker 1: and you did the desire of my heart as some

703
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:58,239
Speaker 1: thirty seven forces. I delighted myself in the Lord, and

704
00:40:58,280 --> 00:41:00,759
Speaker 1: he gave the desire of my heart. I understand that

705
00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:03,920
Speaker 1: God wants to give the desires of our hearts, but

706
00:41:04,000 --> 00:41:06,040
Speaker 1: it's a heart that has to be surrendered to him,

707
00:41:07,040 --> 00:41:11,840
Speaker 1: right and it was never my case. So I remember

708
00:41:11,880 --> 00:41:16,640
Speaker 1: that immediately after I went to chair to my ex

709
00:41:16,719 --> 00:41:20,919
Speaker 1: boyfriend the kids, because even if he has been years

710
00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:24,640
Speaker 1: ten months that we went together, every time we see

711
00:41:24,640 --> 00:41:30,000
Speaker 1: each other, we will have intimacy even if we weren't together.

712
00:41:30,000 --> 00:41:32,520
Speaker 1: Because I wanted to get back to him, and I

713
00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:34,600
Speaker 1: remember I went to his plate because at least I

714
00:41:34,640 --> 00:41:37,799
Speaker 1: remember that during seven years we wanted to change. And

715
00:41:37,920 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 1: when I said to him, listen, I'm coming here to

716
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:47,919
Speaker 1: chair with you, what happened to me? And again, this

717
00:41:47,960 --> 00:41:51,839
Speaker 1: is my experience. Just it doesn't apply to be vided,

718
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:54,840
Speaker 1: but this is what I experienced. I remember that he

719
00:41:54,880 --> 00:41:58,120
Speaker 1: didn't believe me, and he took me by my hand,

720
00:41:58,280 --> 00:42:00,720
Speaker 1: and he took me to the room and he possessed

721
00:42:00,760 --> 00:42:03,000
Speaker 1: me I used to be the bottom, and so he

722
00:42:03,080 --> 00:42:04,799
Speaker 1: possessed me. And there is a reason why I'm saying this.

723
00:42:05,680 --> 00:42:08,839
Speaker 1: And at that moment I remember that I it's like

724
00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:12,319
Speaker 1: I realized, like my eyes were open. I realized that

725
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,120
Speaker 1: when you are having intimacy with a guy is by

726
00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:17,839
Speaker 1: the back door, and by the back door it comes out.

727
00:42:19,040 --> 00:42:25,000
Speaker 1: And I said, what is this? This is exist with with?

728
00:42:25,800 --> 00:42:29,719
Speaker 1: This is filthy? What is this? How can I how

729
00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:34,319
Speaker 1: I couldn't never see this? Immediately, all the images came

730
00:42:34,360 --> 00:42:37,040
Speaker 1: to my mind every time I had a relationship with

731
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:40,719
Speaker 1: a guy and came out. It's like my eyes were

732
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:43,520
Speaker 1: open to something that was there in front of my eye,

733
00:42:43,520 --> 00:42:46,000
Speaker 1: but I never seen it. And I said to him,

734
00:42:46,040 --> 00:42:49,000
Speaker 1: you know what, what I understand is that I had

735
00:42:49,000 --> 00:42:51,200
Speaker 1: a filthy spirit because there is no explanation how I

736
00:42:51,239 --> 00:42:54,360
Speaker 1: could have pleasure in this. I don't belong anymore to

737
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:56,520
Speaker 1: the team by I don't want to know anything more

738
00:42:56,520 --> 00:42:58,280
Speaker 1: about this. And I left that place.

739
00:42:59,680 --> 00:43:02,680
Speaker 4: So finally it was like you finally saw the reality

740
00:43:02,960 --> 00:43:07,120
Speaker 4: of what. Yeah, homosexual sex is, Yeah.

741
00:43:07,080 --> 00:43:09,719
Speaker 1: And you know it's not a secret, but only that

742
00:43:09,840 --> 00:43:11,680
Speaker 1: I had a veil in my eyes.

743
00:43:11,719 --> 00:43:15,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course, And so what happened after.

744
00:43:15,400 --> 00:43:19,520
Speaker 1: That, So why did I send this? Because until that moment,

745
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:23,600
Speaker 1: I experienced a sexual country with more than six hundred guys,

746
00:43:23,680 --> 00:43:28,240
Speaker 1: and I never I was never disgusted by I always enjoyed.

747
00:43:28,560 --> 00:43:31,440
Speaker 1: But at that moment it was disgusting. It was disgusting.

748
00:43:31,480 --> 00:43:35,200
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, it doesn't make sense. I understand that

749
00:43:35,239 --> 00:43:37,239
Speaker 1: there is a veil that came out of my came

750
00:43:37,280 --> 00:43:40,759
Speaker 1: off my eyes. And I remember the verse that says

751
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:44,640
Speaker 1: that if I spread leave, it's gonna go find seven

752
00:43:44,680 --> 00:43:46,920
Speaker 1: more and gonna come back. I said, I need to

753
00:43:47,040 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 1: feel myself from the from the war and from the Lord,

754
00:43:50,360 --> 00:43:53,560
Speaker 1: because I don't want this to come back. And I

755
00:43:53,640 --> 00:43:57,000
Speaker 1: remember that I became just like obsessed. I just started

756
00:43:57,640 --> 00:44:02,799
Speaker 1: watching messages and Germans without stop, seven hours per day,

757
00:44:02,840 --> 00:44:05,120
Speaker 1: all the time, because they just wanted to know more

758
00:44:05,239 --> 00:44:08,120
Speaker 1: about God. At the beginning was by fear, but then

759
00:44:08,160 --> 00:44:11,200
Speaker 1: I was understanding more and more about him, and Fear

760
00:44:11,360 --> 00:44:17,719
Speaker 1: just left. The thing is this I didn't be I

761
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,960
Speaker 1: wasn't gay, and then I became straight. It's not that

762
00:44:21,880 --> 00:44:24,960
Speaker 1: for me. Understand now understand something about the original design.

763
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:28,439
Speaker 1: For me, The original design is not anymore men and women.

764
00:44:28,800 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 1: And I'm gonna explain myself when even and if they

765
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 1: committed sin, they didn't divorce. In fact, what if we

766
00:44:36,960 --> 00:44:40,799
Speaker 1: read the passage after they committed sin, they even came

767
00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,360
Speaker 1: together and they have kids. So it was not that

768
00:44:43,480 --> 00:44:46,720
Speaker 1: design that was broken. The original design that was broken

769
00:44:46,800 --> 00:44:52,560
Speaker 1: was the relationship between mankind and God. So the real

770
00:44:52,680 --> 00:44:55,640
Speaker 1: original design that has to be restored is coming back

771
00:44:55,680 --> 00:44:59,760
Speaker 1: to the Father in Jesus and let Holy Spirit guide

772
00:44:59,800 --> 00:45:02,920
Speaker 1: you in this new life that he gives you. So

773
00:45:03,000 --> 00:45:06,040
Speaker 1: that's what I understood, was what happened to me. I

774
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:09,320
Speaker 1: came back to the Father, I understood my identity in Jesus,

775
00:45:09,360 --> 00:45:13,600
Speaker 1: and I let Holy Spirit guide me. That don't then

776
00:45:13,640 --> 00:45:17,279
Speaker 1: Holy Spirit fix everything that is broken in your life

777
00:45:17,800 --> 00:45:20,439
Speaker 1: if you let him guide you in this new life.

778
00:45:20,840 --> 00:45:22,840
Speaker 1: So for me, that's the original design that has to

779
00:45:22,880 --> 00:45:27,120
Speaker 1: be restored, is the connection back to the Father in Jesus.

780
00:45:27,480 --> 00:45:30,799
Speaker 1: So for me it makes so much sense because in

781
00:45:30,840 --> 00:45:33,319
Speaker 1: my own strengths, I would never be able to become

782
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,520
Speaker 1: a strained I was not attracted to women ever. But

783
00:45:36,640 --> 00:45:40,640
Speaker 1: then coming back to the Father and let Jesus give

784
00:45:40,680 --> 00:45:45,520
Speaker 1: me identity and know that I'm being led by the

785
00:45:45,560 --> 00:45:49,600
Speaker 1: world and by the Spirit, was easy. So that's what

786
00:45:49,640 --> 00:45:54,080
Speaker 1: I said to everybody. Just put down the idol of

787
00:45:54,239 --> 00:45:58,080
Speaker 1: changing and just come to the Father. Understand who you

788
00:45:58,080 --> 00:46:01,080
Speaker 1: are in Jesus, and they walk by this period. There

789
00:46:01,120 --> 00:46:02,120
Speaker 1: is freedom there.

790
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:03,880
Speaker 3: Amen to that.

791
00:46:03,960 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 4: And so how did you end up with a wife

792
00:46:06,800 --> 00:46:08,680
Speaker 4: and two kids?

793
00:46:09,600 --> 00:46:11,640
Speaker 1: Well, this is a premiere. Again, this is a premiere.

794
00:46:11,840 --> 00:46:15,000
Speaker 1: We have twins. They are eighteen months old, a girl

795
00:46:15,040 --> 00:46:18,680
Speaker 1: and a boy and a girl. And my wife is

796
00:46:18,719 --> 00:46:23,880
Speaker 1: already seven months pregnant. Again, so third one is arriving

797
00:46:23,920 --> 00:46:27,600
Speaker 1: in two months. Thank you. So this is has been

798
00:46:27,600 --> 00:46:34,000
Speaker 1: a roller coaster. This is amazing. But where exhausted? Okay,

799
00:46:34,120 --> 00:46:37,160
Speaker 1: this is and now I'm getting back to this story.

800
00:46:37,920 --> 00:46:46,480
Speaker 1: There is something that's extremely extremely important for me. I

801
00:46:46,560 --> 00:46:51,240
Speaker 1: experienced a miracle and it's clear. But for me, miracle

802
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:54,640
Speaker 1: is not enough. We know the people of Israel when

803
00:46:54,680 --> 00:46:58,239
Speaker 1: God took them out of Egypt, they experienced miracles. Has

804
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:02,600
Speaker 1: no other generation experience. And even though they wanted to

805
00:47:02,640 --> 00:47:05,880
Speaker 1: go back to Egypt, why because they didn't change their mind,

806
00:47:06,120 --> 00:47:10,080
Speaker 1: because they didn't change the way they think. So many

807
00:47:10,160 --> 00:47:14,120
Speaker 1: people go after miracles, but they don't go after the

808
00:47:14,160 --> 00:47:16,600
Speaker 1: renewing of the mind. If you don't renew your mind.

809
00:47:16,640 --> 00:47:18,640
Speaker 1: You're going to go back for me. The renewon of

810
00:47:18,719 --> 00:47:21,680
Speaker 1: the mind is the key. I have seen so much

811
00:47:22,040 --> 00:47:25,560
Speaker 1: life being transformed, transformed by the renewing of the mind.

812
00:47:25,640 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 1: That by a miracle. Because when you transform your mind,

813
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:33,799
Speaker 1: when you change the way you think about yourself, about God,

814
00:47:33,840 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 1: about everything by the Bible, the fruit's going to just

815
00:47:37,920 --> 00:47:42,320
Speaker 1: follow up what I'm saying with this. I remember that

816
00:47:42,600 --> 00:47:45,160
Speaker 1: at the time, it has been already ten eleven years

817
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:49,839
Speaker 1: from that. I said to the Lord, Lord, I renounce

818
00:47:50,600 --> 00:47:55,760
Speaker 1: to everything I know about you, Please revealed yourself again

819
00:47:55,800 --> 00:47:58,279
Speaker 1: to me. I'm not renouncing to you. I'm renouncing to

820
00:47:58,440 --> 00:48:03,319
Speaker 1: everything I know, every legalistic understanding that I had. I

821
00:48:03,400 --> 00:48:06,759
Speaker 1: just want to know you again. Please reveal yourself to me.

822
00:48:07,600 --> 00:48:09,960
Speaker 1: And the Lord did it, But it didn't in a

823
00:48:10,000 --> 00:48:13,359
Speaker 1: way that I wasn't expecting. The first thing is that

824
00:48:13,440 --> 00:48:16,520
Speaker 1: he made me understand forgiveness in a level that I

825
00:48:16,600 --> 00:48:23,080
Speaker 1: never thought before. We usually here all the time at church,

826
00:48:23,320 --> 00:48:26,080
Speaker 1: we were forgiven. We were forgiven, we have been forgiven.

827
00:48:26,360 --> 00:48:30,400
Speaker 1: There is no more a combination for us. But I

828
00:48:30,480 --> 00:48:35,040
Speaker 1: ask you, Beckett, how how do you feel when you

829
00:48:35,120 --> 00:48:38,920
Speaker 1: remember the scenes that you have committed. How do you feel.

830
00:48:43,560 --> 00:48:43,840
Speaker 3: Well.

831
00:48:43,920 --> 00:48:47,600
Speaker 4: I mean personally, I feel you past my sense in

832
00:48:47,640 --> 00:48:49,520
Speaker 4: the past.

833
00:48:49,040 --> 00:48:53,480
Speaker 1: Every single when you remember all the scenes that you

834
00:48:53,520 --> 00:48:56,279
Speaker 1: have committed, how do you feel well?

835
00:48:56,320 --> 00:48:59,600
Speaker 4: I don't think well. I feel completely washed clean, I

836
00:48:59,600 --> 00:49:02,680
Speaker 4: feel for given. I don't feel I feel no condemnation

837
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:03,520
Speaker 4: in Christ.

838
00:49:03,600 --> 00:49:07,200
Speaker 1: But I mean, but let's say that they are like

839
00:49:07,480 --> 00:49:09,759
Speaker 1: exposing on the screen in front of everybody, how would

840
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:10,440
Speaker 1: you feel.

841
00:49:14,840 --> 00:49:17,640
Speaker 3: Well? I mean it would be that would be embarrassing.

842
00:49:17,719 --> 00:49:22,799
Speaker 4: But I don't feel I honestly, just the day I

843
00:49:22,840 --> 00:49:26,160
Speaker 4: got saved in two thousand and nine, I felt completely

844
00:49:27,360 --> 00:49:30,120
Speaker 4: like a new creation in Christ. I felt a man

845
00:49:30,480 --> 00:49:34,960
Speaker 4: new and like I felt no more shame or guilty donation.

846
00:49:36,760 --> 00:49:40,080
Speaker 1: And it was not my case. And I understand that

847
00:49:40,120 --> 00:49:44,360
Speaker 1: those who comes from legalistic backgrounds, they lived with combination

848
00:49:44,480 --> 00:49:48,960
Speaker 1: and shame. And I remember that I was thankful for forgiveness,

849
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,919
Speaker 1: but all the time I was thinking about what I did,

850
00:49:52,080 --> 00:49:54,919
Speaker 1: so I was it was ruminated all the time. There.

851
00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,759
Speaker 1: It was like all the time like okay, yeah, but

852
00:49:58,000 --> 00:49:59,759
Speaker 1: just check what you did, check what you did, check

853
00:49:59,760 --> 00:50:03,279
Speaker 1: what you It was horrible and I couldn't get off

854
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: this wave of yeah. It was a wave of combination.

855
00:50:10,480 --> 00:50:12,920
Speaker 1: And I remember that one of the things the Lord

856
00:50:12,960 --> 00:50:16,360
Speaker 1: took me was to an understanding, a deeper understanding of

857
00:50:17,080 --> 00:50:23,160
Speaker 1: this forgiinstness forgiveness. And you find it in Acts twenty

858
00:50:23,280 --> 00:50:27,720
Speaker 1: six eighteen. This is the moment that's funny.

859
00:50:27,800 --> 00:50:31,320
Speaker 4: Acts twenty six eighteen is the verse that my sister

860
00:50:31,360 --> 00:50:33,480
Speaker 4: in law prayed over me for twenty years.

861
00:50:33,640 --> 00:50:36,640
Speaker 3: Oh no, that's like a very special verse to me.

862
00:50:36,760 --> 00:50:40,640
Speaker 1: So yeah, okay, okay, check this. The verse says that

863
00:50:42,239 --> 00:50:45,399
Speaker 1: the Lord sent Paul to open their eyes in order

864
00:50:45,600 --> 00:50:48,840
Speaker 1: to turn them from darkness to light and from the

865
00:50:48,880 --> 00:50:52,919
Speaker 1: power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness

866
00:50:52,920 --> 00:50:56,680
Speaker 1: of sins and an inheritance among those who are sientified

867
00:50:57,040 --> 00:51:01,120
Speaker 1: by faith in me. What the Lord like pointed me

868
00:51:01,160 --> 00:51:07,320
Speaker 1: here was forgiveness. The word forgiveness in Greek is epheesis.

869
00:51:07,719 --> 00:51:11,479
Speaker 1: Ephasis doesn't mean just like, okay, I forgive you, don't

870
00:51:11,480 --> 00:51:15,440
Speaker 1: do it again. Apheesis is deeper than that. Aphesis means

871
00:51:16,040 --> 00:51:19,160
Speaker 1: I forgive you, and I let you ask if you

872
00:51:19,400 --> 00:51:21,879
Speaker 1: never did it right.

873
00:51:22,600 --> 00:51:28,319
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's like me, I remember your sins no more.

874
00:51:28,360 --> 00:51:30,280
Speaker 4: I mean there as far as it's east to the west,

875
00:51:30,360 --> 00:51:33,240
Speaker 4: like and even like it's just gone there's no.

876
00:51:33,920 --> 00:51:36,400
Speaker 1: Even more than that. It's even more than I don't remember.

877
00:51:36,480 --> 00:51:40,040
Speaker 1: It's like for me as if they never existed. Right,

878
00:51:40,719 --> 00:51:43,560
Speaker 1: So when I said this is when I saw this,

879
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:46,880
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, now now I'm not anymore the boss

880
00:51:46,920 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 1: the bosses you. If you said that, you forgive me

881
00:51:49,760 --> 00:51:53,200
Speaker 1: and you led me as if I never committed those things.

882
00:51:54,080 --> 00:51:57,840
Speaker 1: I'm gonna see myself that way. So in other words,

883
00:51:57,960 --> 00:52:01,200
Speaker 1: it means I've never been gay, i've never been with men,

884
00:52:01,360 --> 00:52:06,240
Speaker 1: I've never seen born, i've never done anything. I'm clean

885
00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:09,880
Speaker 1: not because I didn't because you took it, because you

886
00:52:09,960 --> 00:52:14,240
Speaker 1: became guilty of the cross, so that would become innocent. Yeah. Amen,

887
00:52:14,600 --> 00:52:17,440
Speaker 1: So I accept that. And since now I'm going to

888
00:52:17,480 --> 00:52:21,560
Speaker 1: see myself as clean as if I never committed those

889
00:52:22,160 --> 00:52:25,319
Speaker 1: things that I did, beg it for me. This was

890
00:52:25,400 --> 00:52:30,279
Speaker 1: so liberating because I had so much combination in my

891
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:33,359
Speaker 1: mind that suddenly I understood. Also the verse I said,

892
00:52:33,360 --> 00:52:35,520
Speaker 1: there is no more condination for those who are in Christ.

893
00:52:35,640 --> 00:52:38,239
Speaker 1: Why because he took it. So if he took it,

894
00:52:38,320 --> 00:52:40,880
Speaker 1: he cannot share with you. He took the condination. You

895
00:52:40,920 --> 00:52:43,600
Speaker 1: are free because all the combination.

896
00:52:44,040 --> 00:52:47,319
Speaker 4: And then when it says that verse there is no condemnation.

897
00:52:47,560 --> 00:52:50,400
Speaker 4: There are therefore now no condemnation for those who are

898
00:52:50,400 --> 00:52:54,360
Speaker 4: in Christ Jesus. It's the what's happened that what I

899
00:52:54,400 --> 00:52:58,160
Speaker 4: think Paul is talking about is because when you when

900
00:52:58,160 --> 00:53:01,680
Speaker 4: you were born again, when you're saved, when you're when

901
00:53:01,719 --> 00:53:07,040
Speaker 4: you become a believer, you are you become united to Christ.

902
00:53:07,360 --> 00:53:09,840
Speaker 3: So we are united to Christ. So you're in Christ.

903
00:53:10,800 --> 00:53:14,600
Speaker 4: And so if you're in Christ, how could you be

904
00:53:14,719 --> 00:53:17,680
Speaker 4: condemned Because if you're condemned, then Christ is condemned. Like,

905
00:53:17,719 --> 00:53:21,239
Speaker 4: it doesn't it won't work. It's it's like and he's resurrected,

906
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:25,000
Speaker 4: there is no more condidiation to him. It's it's impossible.

907
00:53:25,040 --> 00:53:27,759
Speaker 4: It's like an impossibility for you to be condemned because

908
00:53:27,760 --> 00:53:31,720
Speaker 4: you're it's actually united to Christ. And if you're condemned,

909
00:53:31,760 --> 00:53:33,520
Speaker 4: then He's condemned. So like it doesn't make it sense.

910
00:53:33,719 --> 00:53:36,520
Speaker 4: It doesn't make sense. Okay, that's a great point.

911
00:53:36,760 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 1: And even more when you understand later about about the

912
00:53:40,680 --> 00:53:46,160
Speaker 1: fact of the new creature, and you know that at

913
00:53:46,160 --> 00:53:49,920
Speaker 1: that moment when I understood forgiveness, it was so so

914
00:53:50,000 --> 00:53:52,520
Speaker 1: free to me because it's like it's like, I don't know,

915
00:53:53,080 --> 00:53:56,120
Speaker 1: make it like for example, I asked you have you

916
00:53:56,239 --> 00:54:01,520
Speaker 1: do you remember the last time you weren't Venezuela.

917
00:54:00,440 --> 00:54:02,040
Speaker 3: The last time I was in Venezuela.

918
00:54:02,440 --> 00:54:03,440
Speaker 1: Yeah, you do you remember?

919
00:54:04,480 --> 00:54:07,440
Speaker 3: No, because I was. I was never there exactly.

920
00:54:07,560 --> 00:54:09,440
Speaker 1: That's the way God talked to me, like do you

921
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:12,120
Speaker 1: remember the last time you were there or not? I've

922
00:54:12,160 --> 00:54:14,720
Speaker 1: never been so he told me, like, the enemy's gonna

923
00:54:14,760 --> 00:54:17,640
Speaker 1: talk to you about about those things, and for me,

924
00:54:17,800 --> 00:54:18,759
Speaker 1: you've never been there.

925
00:54:19,200 --> 00:54:20,239
Speaker 3: That's it. I love that.

926
00:54:20,400 --> 00:54:23,160
Speaker 4: I love that idea because that's a great point because

927
00:54:23,160 --> 00:54:27,680
Speaker 4: it's like amazing, Yeah, it's like they're gone there. It's

928
00:54:27,719 --> 00:54:30,319
Speaker 4: like as yeah, you're you're exactly right. It's it's as

929
00:54:30,360 --> 00:54:34,680
Speaker 4: if they never happened. I acthing never happened. So the

930
00:54:34,719 --> 00:54:37,319
Speaker 4: second point that the door wanted to And by the way,

931
00:54:37,360 --> 00:54:40,480
Speaker 4: it's like past, present, and future. It's like not only

932
00:54:40,560 --> 00:54:42,600
Speaker 4: just your past sense, it's your present sense and your

933
00:54:42,600 --> 00:54:48,640
Speaker 4: future sense. Christ Christ, Yeah, paid for those two thousand

934
00:54:48,719 --> 00:54:52,880
Speaker 4: years ago on the cross period. Like that sounded like

935
00:54:52,880 --> 00:54:59,640
Speaker 4: Tucker Carlson period, but no, like that two thousand years

936
00:54:59,680 --> 00:55:03,000
Speaker 4: ago prize paid for your sins. This is in one

937
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,879
Speaker 4: of my theology classes in seminary. This was a very

938
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:10,439
Speaker 4: interesting moment. I my professor was saying, you know, your

939
00:55:10,480 --> 00:55:13,160
Speaker 4: sins are forgiven, past, president, future, and so I raised

940
00:55:13,160 --> 00:55:13,920
Speaker 4: my hand, and you.

941
00:55:13,880 --> 00:55:15,600
Speaker 3: Know, I was kind of like I was kind of new,

942
00:55:15,760 --> 00:55:16,879
Speaker 3: sort of semi new to.

943
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:20,920
Speaker 4: The faith, and I said, well, if my sins, my

944
00:55:21,000 --> 00:55:25,280
Speaker 4: future sins are all forgiven, then why do I confess sin?

945
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:29,880
Speaker 4: And he said, because you're in a relationship now, and

946
00:55:29,920 --> 00:55:32,880
Speaker 4: I was like, WHOA, that makes so much sense, Like

947
00:55:32,960 --> 00:55:35,399
Speaker 4: now I'm in a relation. It's like if you are

948
00:55:35,520 --> 00:55:38,680
Speaker 4: a husband and wife and you're in a relationship, you

949
00:55:38,760 --> 00:55:42,080
Speaker 4: confess your sins because you want that relationship to flourish

950
00:55:42,160 --> 00:55:46,239
Speaker 4: and to do to go well, and to to you know,

951
00:55:46,320 --> 00:55:49,359
Speaker 4: to grow. And so that's why, you know, that's why

952
00:55:49,400 --> 00:55:50,799
Speaker 4: we confess our sins.

953
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:54,000
Speaker 1: Exactly, and to keep the relationship. Yeah, is to to

954
00:55:54,360 --> 00:55:55,200
Speaker 1: is a relationship.

955
00:55:55,239 --> 00:56:00,479
Speaker 3: That's it, Yeah exactly. So then what happened after that.

956
00:56:00,800 --> 00:56:03,160
Speaker 1: What happened after to that is I used to also

957
00:56:03,239 --> 00:56:06,920
Speaker 1: understand and this is I know this is not very common,

958
00:56:07,000 --> 00:56:10,880
Speaker 1: but I used to fight a lot with the sinful nature.

959
00:56:10,920 --> 00:56:13,760
Speaker 1: You know, I remember all the time Church was Okay,

960
00:56:13,960 --> 00:56:16,280
Speaker 1: if you're saying this is your sinful nature, the sinful

961
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,600
Speaker 1: nature all the time. This inful nature, and it'say, okay,

962
00:56:18,640 --> 00:56:21,720
Speaker 1: but so what's the purpose of fighting what's the purpose

963
00:56:21,760 --> 00:56:24,400
Speaker 1: of fighting against it? This? This is my nature. You know,

964
00:56:25,040 --> 00:56:28,399
Speaker 1: a dog's gonna bark by nature, so you cannot stop

965
00:56:28,440 --> 00:56:31,560
Speaker 1: it from nature to change his nature. So why I'm

966
00:56:31,680 --> 00:56:33,399
Speaker 1: telling me that I have a sinful nature? I don't

967
00:56:33,480 --> 00:56:37,839
Speaker 1: understand that. And the Lord also took me there. There

968
00:56:37,880 --> 00:56:41,400
Speaker 1: is a verse in the Tunomi thirty verse six. What

969
00:56:41,480 --> 00:56:45,840
Speaker 1: it says, and the Lord God will circumcise your heart

970
00:56:46,360 --> 00:56:49,279
Speaker 1: and the heart of your descendants. To love the Lord

971
00:56:49,280 --> 00:56:51,800
Speaker 1: your God with all your heart and with all your soul,

972
00:56:52,080 --> 00:56:56,560
Speaker 1: that you may leave. When you check that, you understand

973
00:56:56,560 --> 00:56:58,680
Speaker 1: that it is the Lord's talking about a circumscis that

974
00:56:58,800 --> 00:57:01,759
Speaker 1: is not physical. He's going to circumcises the heart. And

975
00:57:01,880 --> 00:57:05,000
Speaker 1: once he does that, you're gonna love him and you're

976
00:57:05,040 --> 00:57:10,480
Speaker 1: gonna live. Every single Christian after conversion immediately we feel

977
00:57:10,560 --> 00:57:15,000
Speaker 1: this love toward gods and we get life. So it

978
00:57:15,160 --> 00:57:19,280
Speaker 1: means that this circumcision that he's talking about happened. That

979
00:57:20,120 --> 00:57:23,080
Speaker 1: word does. The Bible says that it happens if you

980
00:57:23,160 --> 00:57:29,760
Speaker 1: go to collotion two eleven. It says in him you

981
00:57:29,920 --> 00:57:35,160
Speaker 1: were also circumcised with the circumcision made with our hands,

982
00:57:35,520 --> 00:57:38,920
Speaker 1: by putting off the body of the sins of the flesh,

983
00:57:39,200 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 1: or the version says, the sinful nature by the circumcision

984
00:57:42,880 --> 00:57:49,080
Speaker 1: of Christ. This is something that he promises, and he's

985
00:57:49,120 --> 00:57:52,960
Speaker 1: something that here he's saying that he performed is not

986
00:57:53,080 --> 00:57:57,360
Speaker 1: something that you can't do yourself. The problem with humanity

987
00:57:57,560 --> 00:58:01,480
Speaker 1: is not seen. We don't commit sin and then we

988
00:58:01,680 --> 00:58:05,240
Speaker 1: become sinners. No, we are born siniers because of the

989
00:58:05,240 --> 00:58:08,920
Speaker 1: simple nature, and it manifests itself by the sins we commit.

990
00:58:09,360 --> 00:58:12,520
Speaker 1: So the solution was not to deal with sin. The

991
00:58:12,560 --> 00:58:16,560
Speaker 1: solution was to take away completely this inful nature. I

992
00:58:16,640 --> 00:58:20,440
Speaker 1: understand that this is something that happens spiritually, that the

993
00:58:20,480 --> 00:58:23,760
Speaker 1: sinful nature was taken away. I'm gonna explain why based

994
00:58:23,800 --> 00:58:26,800
Speaker 1: on what I understand now. But there is an enemy

995
00:58:26,840 --> 00:58:29,000
Speaker 1: that hasn't been cut off, and this is the flesh.

996
00:58:29,040 --> 00:58:30,800
Speaker 1: And there is a difference between the flesh and the

997
00:58:30,800 --> 00:58:32,920
Speaker 1: sinful nature. The flesh is going to stay there until

998
00:58:33,280 --> 00:58:36,160
Speaker 1: the last day on earth. But the sinful nature, the

999
00:58:36,200 --> 00:58:38,520
Speaker 1: Lord is saying, I'm gonna cut it off, and I

1000
00:58:38,600 --> 00:58:42,440
Speaker 1: did it in Christ's over, It's cut off we understand

1001
00:58:42,600 --> 00:58:44,520
Speaker 1: that it's not the flesh. The flesh is like an

1002
00:58:44,680 --> 00:58:49,800
Speaker 1: entity that is like strick to to to your soul

1003
00:58:49,880 --> 00:58:52,360
Speaker 1: or to your body. That they give you feelings, give

1004
00:58:52,440 --> 00:58:55,520
Speaker 1: you desires, give you thoughts that are against God. But

1005
00:58:55,560 --> 00:58:59,760
Speaker 1: it's not you. The sinful nature is over. Those desires

1006
00:59:00,040 --> 00:59:02,720
Speaker 1: comes to you as Christians. They're coming from the flesh.

1007
00:59:02,800 --> 00:59:05,920
Speaker 1: But why the Lord wanted to show me that the

1008
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:10,440
Speaker 1: sinful nature is off is cut off, is because after

1009
00:59:10,480 --> 00:59:14,320
Speaker 1: that he showed me about the new creature. Have you

1010
00:59:14,360 --> 00:59:19,640
Speaker 1: ever asked yourself? Where is what is the new creature

1011
00:59:19,720 --> 00:59:20,040
Speaker 1: made of?

1012
00:59:22,840 --> 00:59:22,920
Speaker 3: No?

1013
00:59:23,160 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 1: We're in new creation, isn't it?

1014
00:59:25,960 --> 00:59:28,040
Speaker 3: Yeah? So what is the what's the answer?

1015
00:59:29,240 --> 00:59:32,720
Speaker 1: Okay? The answer is in Onirse John three nine, it

1016
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:37,560
Speaker 1: says whoever has been born of God does not sin,

1017
00:59:38,320 --> 00:59:42,200
Speaker 1: for his seats remain in him, and he cannot. He

1018
00:59:42,240 --> 00:59:47,040
Speaker 1: doesn't say he shouldn't. It says he cannot sin because

1019
00:59:47,280 --> 00:59:50,960
Speaker 1: he has been born of God. If you go dieping

1020
00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:54,560
Speaker 1: this verse, it says that if you are born of God,

1021
00:59:54,600 --> 00:59:56,720
Speaker 1: it means if you are if you come maud of him,

1022
00:59:56,760 --> 01:00:00,120
Speaker 1: if you are being fathered by him, you can not

1023
01:00:00,200 --> 01:00:03,680
Speaker 1: commit seen because of His seed in you. The word

1024
01:00:03,760 --> 01:00:10,920
Speaker 1: Greek for the Greek word for seeds is sperm. He's saying,

1025
01:00:11,640 --> 01:00:14,240
Speaker 1: if you are coming from Me, if you are father

1026
01:00:14,360 --> 01:00:20,480
Speaker 1: by me, you have my genetic in your spirit, and

1027
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:25,080
Speaker 1: because of that, you cannot commit sin because my genetic

1028
01:00:25,240 --> 01:00:28,480
Speaker 1: doesn't have seen My genetic doesn't produce sin. This is

1029
01:00:28,520 --> 01:00:32,720
Speaker 1: the reality of the New creature. This is why first

1030
01:00:32,760 --> 01:00:39,840
Speaker 1: spear says that we are born of an incorruptible seed

1031
01:00:40,080 --> 01:00:43,680
Speaker 1: or of unconruptible nature, because in the spirit we have

1032
01:00:44,080 --> 01:00:47,440
Speaker 1: God's genetics. This is what. In fact, there is a

1033
01:00:47,520 --> 01:00:49,840
Speaker 1: version I don't remember now that it says in the

1034
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:54,160
Speaker 1: spirit we have God's DNA. This is what it means.

1035
01:00:54,240 --> 01:00:57,640
Speaker 1: So the new creature cannot have sinful nature because if

1036
01:00:57,680 --> 01:01:00,720
Speaker 1: Holy Spirit comes to live in your spirit, cannot have

1037
01:01:00,760 --> 01:01:04,160
Speaker 1: this sinful nature in your spirit, You're gonna die. He

1038
01:01:04,280 --> 01:01:06,840
Speaker 1: had to make it compatible to himself so that he

1039
01:01:06,920 --> 01:01:09,800
Speaker 1: can possess you in the spirit, that you can become

1040
01:01:10,480 --> 01:01:14,200
Speaker 1: like one in the spirit. You have to share his nature.

1041
01:01:14,480 --> 01:01:18,000
Speaker 1: So the verse is saying, whoever is one of God

1042
01:01:18,080 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: does not seem before his seed remains on him, and

1043
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:26,240
Speaker 1: he cannot. Even the word cannot in Greek is durnam

1044
01:01:26,280 --> 01:01:29,160
Speaker 1: i uh and it comes from dynamite.

1045
01:01:29,160 --> 01:01:31,160
Speaker 3: Power dynamite.

1046
01:01:31,440 --> 01:01:35,080
Speaker 1: Okay, so power capacity being able and he's said you

1047
01:01:35,120 --> 01:01:37,640
Speaker 1: are not able to have not the power. You cannot

1048
01:01:37,960 --> 01:01:41,600
Speaker 1: commit sein from the spirit because of God DN.

1049
01:01:44,040 --> 01:01:46,120
Speaker 3: I never heard it from that angle, but that's that's

1050
01:01:46,240 --> 01:01:49,200
Speaker 3: very interesting. I haven't heard that, but I like that.

1051
01:01:50,040 --> 01:01:53,600
Speaker 4: And also, you know, just in terms of what I

1052
01:01:53,720 --> 01:01:59,439
Speaker 4: said about future sense that we commit, you know, Paul

1053
01:01:59,560 --> 01:02:02,960
Speaker 4: says famously, Paul says, you know, shall we go on

1054
01:02:03,120 --> 01:02:04,520
Speaker 4: sending that grace may abound?

1055
01:02:04,600 --> 01:02:05,560
Speaker 3: By no means?

1056
01:02:05,960 --> 01:02:08,520
Speaker 4: How can we have died the sense still live in it.

1057
01:02:09,680 --> 01:02:13,360
Speaker 4: So there's there's that too as well, like we've died

1058
01:02:13,440 --> 01:02:15,160
Speaker 4: to sense, so how can we still live in it?

1059
01:02:15,920 --> 01:02:18,120
Speaker 1: There is a point here if you if we are

1060
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:21,520
Speaker 1: checking this verse in first John three nine, it says

1061
01:02:21,520 --> 01:02:23,760
Speaker 1: that we cannot because in the spirit we don't have

1062
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:27,160
Speaker 1: the ability to sin. We have got DNA on us.

1063
01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,280
Speaker 1: So whenever you think that because you're safe, you can

1064
01:02:30,360 --> 01:02:34,080
Speaker 1: keep sinning, it means that thinking is not coming from

1065
01:02:34,080 --> 01:02:38,080
Speaker 1: the spirit because you're spirit born again, cannot produce any sin.

1066
01:02:38,400 --> 01:02:40,680
Speaker 1: He has no the ability. He's not even attracted to you.

1067
01:02:40,960 --> 01:02:43,840
Speaker 1: Because God is not attracted. God shared with you his

1068
01:02:44,080 --> 01:02:46,720
Speaker 1: Dna in the spirit, so that you would walk in

1069
01:02:46,760 --> 01:02:50,080
Speaker 1: the spirit on this earth. That's the Yeah.

1070
01:02:50,280 --> 01:02:52,120
Speaker 3: So it's your flesh, it's your flesh, that.

1071
01:02:52,280 --> 01:02:57,720
Speaker 1: Exactly, exactly, So when Galatians five, verse six, verse sixteens,

1072
01:02:57,720 --> 01:03:01,600
Speaker 1: it says, I say, then then walk in the spirit,

1073
01:03:01,680 --> 01:03:04,920
Speaker 1: and you shall not fulfil the loss of the flesh

1074
01:03:05,440 --> 01:03:08,520
Speaker 1: is standing. You don't even fight against this flesh. Don't

1075
01:03:08,520 --> 01:03:12,720
Speaker 1: even struggle, Just walk in the spirit, just water and

1076
01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:15,680
Speaker 1: understanding that you are forgiven that your natural, that your

1077
01:03:15,680 --> 01:03:18,120
Speaker 1: sinful nature is off, and that you have my nature.

1078
01:03:18,280 --> 01:03:22,040
Speaker 1: You keep your mind in that and the loss the

1079
01:03:22,920 --> 01:03:26,880
Speaker 1: flesh can throw at you everything it wants, and you can't.

1080
01:03:27,160 --> 01:03:29,880
Speaker 1: You won't. It won't get any hole on you because

1081
01:03:29,880 --> 01:03:33,520
Speaker 1: you are not that, because you are being washed a

1082
01:03:33,880 --> 01:03:37,400
Speaker 1: really new, regenerated three store you have an incorruptible nature

1083
01:03:37,400 --> 01:03:38,720
Speaker 1: in you, your new reality.

1084
01:03:38,760 --> 01:03:40,640
Speaker 3: You're a new creature.

1085
01:03:41,200 --> 01:03:45,000
Speaker 4: And so how did you So how did you meet

1086
01:03:45,040 --> 01:03:45,600
Speaker 4: your wife?

1087
01:03:46,160 --> 01:03:47,040
Speaker 3: And how did that happen?

1088
01:03:47,680 --> 01:03:51,439
Speaker 1: The more I thought about these three points that I'm

1089
01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:54,200
Speaker 1: forgiven that my sinful nature has been cut off, and

1090
01:03:54,480 --> 01:03:56,280
Speaker 1: God did it because he wanted to give me his

1091
01:03:56,520 --> 01:03:59,880
Speaker 1: nature in the spirit, it helped me understand that everything

1092
01:04:00,240 --> 01:04:02,680
Speaker 1: happen in the soul, because in the soul we have

1093
01:04:02,760 --> 01:04:04,760
Speaker 1: to renew our mind. The soul is the mind and

1094
01:04:05,000 --> 01:04:09,520
Speaker 1: the and the emotions. So every soul, every scene is

1095
01:04:09,640 --> 01:04:16,080
Speaker 1: just gonna e share. How can I say this? Every

1096
01:04:16,200 --> 01:04:19,640
Speaker 1: scene is gonna you just feeld the evidence that in

1097
01:04:19,840 --> 01:04:22,040
Speaker 1: the in the in your soul, you are not believing

1098
01:04:22,080 --> 01:04:24,200
Speaker 1: the reality of the spirit. So that's the way.

1099
01:04:24,280 --> 01:04:26,520
Speaker 3: Now you're not believing in the What what did you say?

1100
01:04:27,800 --> 01:04:31,960
Speaker 1: Every scene you commit is an evidence that you are

1101
01:04:32,080 --> 01:04:35,560
Speaker 1: not understanding who you are in the spirit, right, So

1102
01:04:35,600 --> 01:04:38,360
Speaker 1: it's it's just an evidence when you commit, you say

1103
01:04:38,360 --> 01:04:43,520
Speaker 1: a lie, or you are worried about something, it's because

1104
01:04:43,560 --> 01:04:45,720
Speaker 1: you are not believing something that is already a reality

1105
01:04:45,720 --> 01:04:48,439
Speaker 1: in the spirit. Right. It's because you're not trusting God.

1106
01:04:48,520 --> 01:04:52,400
Speaker 1: So it helps you understand that. Every scene helps you

1107
01:04:52,480 --> 01:04:55,240
Speaker 1: understand what has to be renewed in your mind. But

1108
01:04:55,440 --> 01:04:57,480
Speaker 1: from the spirit, it's not happening. It's from the soul.

1109
01:04:57,800 --> 01:05:03,800
Speaker 1: It's from the mind. So I walk in these years

1110
01:05:03,880 --> 01:05:07,160
Speaker 1: just meditating. I didn't I remember that. I didn't start

1111
01:05:07,200 --> 01:05:09,480
Speaker 1: saying like, okay, Lord, it has been one month that

1112
01:05:09,520 --> 01:05:12,040
Speaker 1: I haven't the watchborn. Oh there has been two months

1113
01:05:12,080 --> 01:05:14,400
Speaker 1: that I haven't slept with a guy. No, I didn't

1114
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:18,720
Speaker 1: do that. That is gonna put performance on my shoulders.

1115
01:05:19,080 --> 01:05:21,880
Speaker 1: What I did was I just say, Wow, Lord, it

1116
01:05:21,920 --> 01:05:25,600
Speaker 1: has been one month that I believed that you forgave me. Wow,

1117
01:05:25,680 --> 01:05:28,040
Speaker 1: has been two months that I believe that you gave

1118
01:05:28,160 --> 01:05:31,080
Speaker 1: me a new nature. Wow, Lord, it has been three

1119
01:05:31,720 --> 01:05:34,200
Speaker 1: years whatever. You know that I have been understanding who

1120
01:05:34,200 --> 01:05:37,400
Speaker 1: I am in you. This is my identity. This is

1121
01:05:37,440 --> 01:05:40,960
Speaker 1: something that I didn't perform. You did it. So whenever

1122
01:05:41,080 --> 01:05:45,080
Speaker 1: temptation comes, I don't doubt the world because of what

1123
01:05:45,160 --> 01:05:48,600
Speaker 1: I feel. I doubt what I feel because of the world.

1124
01:05:50,760 --> 01:05:53,959
Speaker 1: This is the key. Don't doubt what the word says

1125
01:05:54,000 --> 01:05:56,800
Speaker 1: because of what you feel. Doubt what you feel because

1126
01:05:56,840 --> 01:05:59,920
Speaker 1: of the world. Whenever I feel something that is against

1127
01:06:00,320 --> 01:06:03,440
Speaker 1: the spirit, I said, Okay, I'm feeling that, but I

1128
01:06:03,480 --> 01:06:06,120
Speaker 1: know I never been there and I cannot even produce

1129
01:06:06,160 --> 01:06:08,440
Speaker 1: that because of my new nature and the spirit period.

1130
01:06:09,600 --> 01:06:10,120
Speaker 3: Yeah.

1131
01:06:10,480 --> 01:06:14,880
Speaker 1: This being said, the more I walk in that reality,

1132
01:06:15,440 --> 01:06:20,120
Speaker 1: I think that the Lord somehow prepare me to be

1133
01:06:20,200 --> 01:06:23,600
Speaker 1: with a wife. I remember one day I asked him,

1134
01:06:23,920 --> 01:06:27,360
Speaker 1: nor if ever I get married. I just asked him

1135
01:06:27,360 --> 01:06:29,560
Speaker 1: this because he's my father, and I said, I asked

1136
01:06:29,600 --> 01:06:32,600
Speaker 1: everything I said to him, Lord, if ever I get married,

1137
01:06:32,800 --> 01:06:36,640
Speaker 1: what would film my wife sexually talking? What you're gonna experience?

1138
01:06:36,680 --> 01:06:38,680
Speaker 1: I want to know? And the Lord showed me a

1139
01:06:38,760 --> 01:06:41,439
Speaker 1: vision and the vision these women that I didn't see

1140
01:06:41,440 --> 01:06:45,560
Speaker 1: her face was having fireworks insteade of her because we

1141
01:06:45,600 --> 01:06:49,240
Speaker 1: were together, and I said, what this is what I'm

1142
01:06:49,280 --> 01:06:52,280
Speaker 1: going to do to her? Like for me it was

1143
01:06:52,320 --> 01:06:56,120
Speaker 1: amazing because I felt so not man enough that for

1144
01:06:56,160 --> 01:06:59,720
Speaker 1: me it was okay, I have what I got to

1145
01:06:59,760 --> 01:07:02,560
Speaker 1: do that And I said, okay, you're telling me that

1146
01:07:02,640 --> 01:07:05,280
Speaker 1: I am I'm man enough to give pleasure to a woman. Okay,

1147
01:07:05,360 --> 01:07:07,480
Speaker 1: so if that's the case, I would like to be

1148
01:07:07,560 --> 01:07:10,880
Speaker 1: with my wife. That's what's it. You know. That's the

1149
01:07:11,200 --> 01:07:16,040
Speaker 1: way it started, Like not sexual attraction, but I would say,

1150
01:07:16,200 --> 01:07:19,360
Speaker 1: more like a restoration who I am as a man.

1151
01:07:20,120 --> 01:07:25,000
Speaker 1: And years later I remember, well I went into a

1152
01:07:25,040 --> 01:07:27,760
Speaker 1: relationship with a girl. It was a disaster. It was

1153
01:07:27,800 --> 01:07:31,320
Speaker 1: not from God. And after that, I stay like three

1154
01:07:31,400 --> 01:07:35,680
Speaker 1: years single. I just wanted to go deep more and

1155
01:07:35,720 --> 01:07:37,880
Speaker 1: more with God. I just want to know him. I

1156
01:07:37,960 --> 01:07:41,000
Speaker 1: just wanted more of Jesus. And that's it. I wasn't

1157
01:07:41,040 --> 01:07:45,640
Speaker 1: expecting to get married. I wasn't expecting nothing. And one day,

1158
01:07:45,920 --> 01:07:49,280
Speaker 1: I remember the Lord told me through someone. He said

1159
01:07:49,280 --> 01:07:52,280
Speaker 1: to me, open your heart, because I'm gonna give you

1160
01:07:52,360 --> 01:07:56,360
Speaker 1: someone who has her identity in me and who's gonna

1161
01:07:56,440 --> 01:08:01,960
Speaker 1: recognize me in you. And I said, okay, I opened

1162
01:08:02,000 --> 01:08:06,640
Speaker 1: my heart, but I'm not interested. So one month later

1163
01:08:07,480 --> 01:08:09,640
Speaker 1: I went to church, and I was a church and

1164
01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:12,200
Speaker 1: after church, everybody goes to the restaurant to it. And

1165
01:08:12,240 --> 01:08:16,360
Speaker 1: when I was there, I arrived the last all seats

1166
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:22,080
Speaker 1: were taken. Just one seat was available, and I remember

1167
01:08:22,080 --> 01:08:24,559
Speaker 1: that I sit there because I had a friend next

1168
01:08:24,560 --> 01:08:26,600
Speaker 1: to me, and in front of me there was a

1169
01:08:26,640 --> 01:08:30,920
Speaker 1: girl that I haven't never seen. And I remember that

1170
01:08:30,960 --> 01:08:34,880
Speaker 1: I said to myself, okay, check this. I said, oh boy,

1171
01:08:35,120 --> 01:08:37,680
Speaker 1: I'm handsome, and I know that happens to me that

1172
01:08:38,200 --> 01:08:41,120
Speaker 1: girls felt attracted to me, and I don't want anything.

1173
01:08:41,200 --> 01:08:43,800
Speaker 1: So if I ever started talking with this girl, I'm

1174
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:46,080
Speaker 1: gonna share with her my testimony. I'm gonna tell her

1175
01:08:46,080 --> 01:08:48,639
Speaker 1: that I slept with three hundred guys, so she won't

1176
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:55,840
Speaker 1: be interested at me. She on the other side, she said,

1177
01:08:56,160 --> 01:08:58,439
Speaker 1: oh boy, they see this man in front of me

1178
01:08:58,600 --> 01:09:03,160
Speaker 1: and I am so beautiful and those he's gonna start

1179
01:09:03,200 --> 01:09:05,200
Speaker 1: hitting on me, and I don't want that. So I'm

1180
01:09:05,200 --> 01:09:08,880
Speaker 1: gonna start eating the food as a pig and then

1181
01:09:09,760 --> 01:09:12,760
Speaker 1: gonna fold my mouth and he's gonna be disgusted by me.

1182
01:09:14,720 --> 01:09:19,000
Speaker 1: So that was our thinking, both of us. And suddenly

1183
01:09:19,120 --> 01:09:22,280
Speaker 1: when she was kind, she was, you know, just polite.

1184
01:09:22,320 --> 01:09:24,559
Speaker 1: She said to me, oh, Carlus, what did you do?

1185
01:09:24,680 --> 01:09:29,559
Speaker 1: And I share my testimony. And after the testimony, I said, okay,

1186
01:09:29,560 --> 01:09:32,000
Speaker 1: by Jesus. Now he's my lord, he's my everything, he's

1187
01:09:32,040 --> 01:09:35,080
Speaker 1: my life, and I have been working with him. And

1188
01:09:35,120 --> 01:09:37,880
Speaker 1: I started talking just like about how much he loved me,

1189
01:09:37,920 --> 01:09:40,800
Speaker 1: and I love him. That's it. And she said to me,

1190
01:09:41,360 --> 01:09:44,240
Speaker 1: you know, I don't have your story, but I come

1191
01:09:44,479 --> 01:09:47,519
Speaker 1: also from a difficult background, and today Jesus is my

1192
01:09:47,600 --> 01:09:50,360
Speaker 1: lord and he's my savior. He's my husband, he said

1193
01:09:50,400 --> 01:09:53,120
Speaker 1: to me. At every moment she started talking like that

1194
01:09:53,160 --> 01:09:57,679
Speaker 1: about Jesus, it's like my eyes open to Okay, who

1195
01:09:57,760 --> 01:10:01,760
Speaker 1: is this girl? Who is tre what is this? And

1196
01:10:02,280 --> 01:10:06,479
Speaker 1: I remember that after that, I the week after, we

1197
01:10:06,479 --> 01:10:09,200
Speaker 1: were at church again and I say, hey, are we

1198
01:10:09,240 --> 01:10:11,760
Speaker 1: going to eat? Everybody to the restaurant and they said no, no,

1199
01:10:11,880 --> 01:10:14,439
Speaker 1: nobody's going, but there is someone that has to be

1200
01:10:14,479 --> 01:10:17,080
Speaker 1: taken to the metro station. Would you take that person?

1201
01:10:17,160 --> 01:10:19,799
Speaker 1: I say, okay, yeah, let's take that person. That person

1202
01:10:19,840 --> 01:10:23,600
Speaker 1: happens to be her. Then I take her to the

1203
01:10:23,640 --> 01:10:26,400
Speaker 1: metro station. And while we're going in the car, we

1204
01:10:26,520 --> 01:10:31,559
Speaker 1: start talking about the spiritual, you know, world and the Bible.

1205
01:10:31,640 --> 01:10:36,360
Speaker 1: And then I said, okay, like she exists. This girl exists.

1206
01:10:36,120 --> 01:10:39,320
Speaker 1: Is I was just shocked by how deep she was

1207
01:10:39,360 --> 01:10:41,960
Speaker 1: in the spirit. And at the end of that I

1208
01:10:43,000 --> 01:10:45,639
Speaker 1: said to me, I said to myself, I said, Lord,

1209
01:10:46,000 --> 01:10:48,559
Speaker 1: if this is coming from you, you're gonna make it happen.

1210
01:10:48,680 --> 01:10:51,040
Speaker 1: But I won't even check her Facebook. I won't even

1211
01:10:51,080 --> 01:10:55,080
Speaker 1: go after her. I need you to confirm me if

1212
01:10:55,160 --> 01:10:58,360
Speaker 1: she is the one and there is something Becket, I

1213
01:10:58,400 --> 01:11:03,640
Speaker 1: didn't feel attraction. I don't feel attraction. I'm not you know.

1214
01:11:03,920 --> 01:11:07,160
Speaker 1: I remember that every single time I asked the Lord

1215
01:11:07,200 --> 01:11:10,840
Speaker 1: please change my sexual attraction for men toward women. It

1216
01:11:10,960 --> 01:11:13,640
Speaker 1: was the most stupid prayer I ever did, because what

1217
01:11:13,720 --> 01:11:17,080
Speaker 1: I felt for men was lostful desires. It's like I

1218
01:11:17,160 --> 01:11:20,400
Speaker 1: was asking God to make me a woman icer right,

1219
01:11:20,439 --> 01:11:24,040
Speaker 1: because that's the only way I understood sexuality. Every single

1220
01:11:24,080 --> 01:11:26,000
Speaker 1: time that I saw a man, I wanted to take

1221
01:11:26,040 --> 01:11:29,840
Speaker 1: advantage of this body for my pleasure, and I was

1222
01:11:29,880 --> 01:11:32,920
Speaker 1: asking God to give me that for women. God would

1223
01:11:33,080 --> 01:11:37,879
Speaker 1: never answer that prayer. Ever, there is no way lostful

1224
01:11:37,960 --> 01:11:41,639
Speaker 1: desire will come from from the spirit to tell you, okay,

1225
01:11:41,840 --> 01:11:44,200
Speaker 1: are you feeling that in your body for her? That's

1226
01:11:44,240 --> 01:11:48,320
Speaker 1: because she's the spirit will never work that way, there

1227
01:11:48,400 --> 01:11:53,200
Speaker 1: is no way. So I remember that I I wasn't

1228
01:11:53,240 --> 01:11:56,719
Speaker 1: attracted to her physically, I was just attracted to the spirit.

1229
01:11:57,520 --> 01:12:03,840
Speaker 1: And six six weeks us by and finally we met

1230
01:12:03,880 --> 01:12:08,280
Speaker 1: again at a place a friend of us like managed

1231
01:12:08,320 --> 01:12:10,920
Speaker 1: to put us together. And at the very moment that

1232
01:12:10,960 --> 01:12:14,120
Speaker 1: I saw her, she asked me, hey, you know, I've

1233
01:12:14,120 --> 01:12:17,519
Speaker 1: been seeing about your ministry and everything. And when she

1234
01:12:17,600 --> 01:12:20,879
Speaker 1: started asking me about the ministry, I felt the conviction

1235
01:12:21,080 --> 01:12:25,200
Speaker 1: of the Holy Spirit telling me go, like go, she's

1236
01:12:25,240 --> 01:12:28,880
Speaker 1: the one like go. Immediately I say, okay, she's my wife.

1237
01:12:28,920 --> 01:12:34,760
Speaker 1: We're gonna Maeric's it. I remember that immediately after I

1238
01:12:34,800 --> 01:12:38,840
Speaker 1: became a gentleman. So I started like behaving, you know,

1239
01:12:39,040 --> 01:12:42,960
Speaker 1: like like showing my interest in her. And ten days

1240
01:12:43,040 --> 01:12:48,280
Speaker 1: later I asked her telephone. I started chatting. Immediately, I

1241
01:12:48,800 --> 01:12:54,000
Speaker 1: took this conquered position to conquer her, and after ten

1242
01:12:54,120 --> 01:12:57,120
Speaker 1: days I said to her, listen, this is what happened

1243
01:12:57,160 --> 01:12:59,519
Speaker 1: to me since the day I met you until today.

1244
01:12:59,880 --> 01:13:03,280
Speaker 1: I would let to ask you to date, if we

1245
01:13:03,320 --> 01:13:06,640
Speaker 1: can date, but to I want you to understand that

1246
01:13:06,680 --> 01:13:09,240
Speaker 1: I'm looking for marriage, and I wouldn't ask you to

1247
01:13:09,720 --> 01:13:13,759
Speaker 1: marriage me today, but I would do it. She said, Okay,

1248
01:13:14,439 --> 01:13:18,360
Speaker 1: let's start dating, but not more than six months. If

1249
01:13:18,560 --> 01:13:21,360
Speaker 1: we're not clear, after six months is over. So after

1250
01:13:21,520 --> 01:13:24,479
Speaker 1: two months I gave her the ring, and three months

1251
01:13:24,560 --> 01:13:31,240
Speaker 1: later we got married. Wow, very very interesting here the connection.

1252
01:13:31,360 --> 01:13:35,000
Speaker 1: First connection was spiritual. Second connection was the soul. We

1253
01:13:35,040 --> 01:13:38,240
Speaker 1: didn't even kiss until marriage, not even one you know,

1254
01:13:38,720 --> 01:13:41,400
Speaker 1: kiss nothing until marriage. We said we won't do it.

1255
01:13:41,640 --> 01:13:45,439
Speaker 1: We are versions. You know. My puzzles and exists. I

1256
01:13:45,439 --> 01:13:49,479
Speaker 1: don't think about oh, I'm gonna my you know my my,

1257
01:13:49,479 --> 01:13:52,280
Speaker 1: My masculinity is gonna be there, I'm gonna be man

1258
01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:56,040
Speaker 1: enough for I didn't think about that vision. My puzzles

1259
01:13:56,080 --> 01:13:58,240
Speaker 1: and exists. I've never been gay, I've never been with

1260
01:13:58,360 --> 01:14:01,639
Speaker 1: women men, nothing, it does and exists. I am forgiven.

1261
01:14:02,120 --> 01:14:06,439
Speaker 1: So I went into marriage understanding that I am. I

1262
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:10,599
Speaker 1: was virgin, and and I know it sounds crazy because

1263
01:14:10,600 --> 01:14:12,559
Speaker 1: I said, Okay, yes, left with six hundred guys. No,

1264
01:14:12,720 --> 01:14:15,080
Speaker 1: that's part of my story, but it is not part

1265
01:14:15,080 --> 01:14:20,280
Speaker 1: of my present. And and I remember that because we

1266
01:14:20,280 --> 01:14:24,280
Speaker 1: were so connected in the spirit, then the connection of

1267
01:14:24,320 --> 01:14:27,760
Speaker 1: the soul happened during the five months of relationship. That

1268
01:14:27,920 --> 01:14:32,440
Speaker 1: the connection, the physical connection at the at the our honeymoon,

1269
01:14:33,200 --> 01:14:37,559
Speaker 1: it was just and and consequence of the spiritual connection

1270
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:45,840
Speaker 1: and this and the solish connection. Wow. So and you know,

1271
01:14:45,920 --> 01:14:49,960
Speaker 1: we went to to to to to have intimacy based

1272
01:14:50,040 --> 01:14:53,479
Speaker 1: on discovering each other and and keeping in mind first

1273
01:14:53,720 --> 01:14:57,760
Speaker 1: Corinthians seventy four, which says that you are you have

1274
01:14:57,840 --> 01:15:00,960
Speaker 1: no rights on your on your body. But I had

1275
01:15:01,000 --> 01:15:06,400
Speaker 1: this said that in in English because it's just.

1276
01:15:06,400 --> 01:15:08,439
Speaker 3: The count you go, right, Is that what you mean?

1277
01:15:08,840 --> 01:15:11,479
Speaker 1: Yeah? But it it says in a way that has

1278
01:15:11,600 --> 01:15:15,679
Speaker 1: been twisted. But agay, wife does not have authority over

1279
01:15:15,720 --> 01:15:19,120
Speaker 1: her own body that the husband does. And many people

1280
01:15:19,160 --> 01:15:24,400
Speaker 1: take that into musif. But immediately after it says and likewise,

1281
01:15:24,720 --> 01:15:27,960
Speaker 1: the husband does not have authority over his own body,

1282
01:15:28,320 --> 01:15:32,679
Speaker 1: but the wife does. So it means that you won't

1283
01:15:32,720 --> 01:15:35,280
Speaker 1: ever look for your sexuality or for your pleasure. You

1284
01:15:35,360 --> 01:15:37,799
Speaker 1: look for her pleasure and she looked for your pleasure.

1285
01:15:38,760 --> 01:15:41,679
Speaker 1: And that's it. And the Lord told me your pleasure

1286
01:15:41,720 --> 01:15:45,960
Speaker 1: is hidden in her pleasure. Just go after her at

1287
01:15:46,000 --> 01:15:50,799
Speaker 1: her way. You know, women's ways are different than men.

1288
01:15:50,960 --> 01:15:54,800
Speaker 1: And even the Lord guide me to understand this, and

1289
01:15:55,439 --> 01:15:58,080
Speaker 1: I share this often. I said, the Lord told me

1290
01:15:58,160 --> 01:16:02,000
Speaker 1: how to prepare my wife to have in tenacy, to

1291
01:16:03,080 --> 01:16:05,840
Speaker 1: make her desirement the most. And the way to do

1292
01:16:05,880 --> 01:16:10,639
Speaker 1: it is by cleaning the room, cleaning the house, and

1293
01:16:10,680 --> 01:16:12,920
Speaker 1: taking care of care of the dishes and taking care

1294
01:16:12,920 --> 01:16:16,439
Speaker 1: of the bills. You behaved that way to make her

1295
01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:19,559
Speaker 1: feel secure, to make her feel that she's taking care

1296
01:16:19,960 --> 01:16:22,639
Speaker 1: she wants to be with you. That's the way women

1297
01:16:22,760 --> 01:16:24,440
Speaker 1: works exactly.

1298
01:16:24,640 --> 01:16:29,720
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's true. So yeah, how long have you

1299
01:16:29,760 --> 01:16:30,519
Speaker 3: been married now?

1300
01:16:31,080 --> 01:16:33,679
Speaker 1: It has been already six years.

1301
01:16:34,040 --> 01:16:37,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, And what is your mom, your mother think of

1302
01:16:37,479 --> 01:16:37,800
Speaker 3: all of this?

1303
01:16:38,400 --> 01:16:42,400
Speaker 1: My mom is already with the Lord. She experienced my

1304
01:16:42,760 --> 01:16:45,800
Speaker 1: in fact, she was in Christian so after I had

1305
01:16:45,800 --> 01:16:50,120
Speaker 1: my encounter with the Lord in twenty fifteen, three years later,

1306
01:16:51,840 --> 01:16:57,080
Speaker 1: she was diagnosed with a stomach cancer. And in the

1307
01:16:57,120 --> 01:17:00,920
Speaker 1: middle of all the situations, she had her encounter with

1308
01:17:01,040 --> 01:17:04,280
Speaker 1: the Lord herself and was one of the most beautiful

1309
01:17:05,160 --> 01:17:08,599
Speaker 1: conversions I ever seen. And after that, ten months later

1310
01:17:08,640 --> 01:17:12,559
Speaker 1: she went to the it was beautiful. Yeah, that's amazing.

1311
01:17:12,600 --> 01:17:13,840
Speaker 1: So she never met my wife.

1312
01:17:15,479 --> 01:17:15,880
Speaker 3: I love.

1313
01:17:16,040 --> 01:17:20,840
Speaker 4: I love that she became a Christian and she's with

1314
01:17:20,880 --> 01:17:31,040
Speaker 4: the Lord. So wow, Well that's that's an amazing story Carlos's.

1315
01:17:31,320 --> 01:17:33,920
Speaker 1: And you know, many people said, oh, your marriage and

1316
01:17:33,960 --> 01:17:37,000
Speaker 1: your kids are the seal of your testimony, and it's

1317
01:17:37,000 --> 01:17:40,000
Speaker 1: not true. The seal of my testimony is the is

1318
01:17:40,040 --> 01:17:43,560
Speaker 1: a deep comprehension of the Gospel. It's a deep comprehension

1319
01:17:43,600 --> 01:17:47,640
Speaker 1: of forgiveness, the same position of the sinful nature and

1320
01:17:47,680 --> 01:17:50,639
Speaker 1: the new nature in the spirit. That's the seal of

1321
01:17:50,680 --> 01:17:54,000
Speaker 1: my testimony. My family, my kids, all that is just

1322
01:17:54,040 --> 01:17:55,320
Speaker 1: a consequence of that.

1323
01:17:55,520 --> 01:17:56,120
Speaker 3: It's a blessing.

1324
01:17:56,720 --> 01:18:00,519
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's an addict. Yeah. I wasn't looking for that.

1325
01:18:00,600 --> 01:18:04,240
Speaker 1: I was just looking to understand who I am, how

1326
01:18:04,280 --> 01:18:08,599
Speaker 1: he sees me, how what it means to be really forgiven,

1327
01:18:08,680 --> 01:18:11,759
Speaker 1: what it means, what he says, what you know to

1328
01:18:11,800 --> 01:18:16,479
Speaker 1: clarify all those multiple verses that I just got crooked,

1329
01:18:16,960 --> 01:18:19,360
Speaker 1: And he did it, and he shared a lot with

1330
01:18:19,439 --> 01:18:24,160
Speaker 1: me in fact, I wrote a book and it's it's

1331
01:18:24,360 --> 01:18:30,400
Speaker 1: it's in Spanish and French. It's in speakable and explainable. Yeah,

1332
01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:32,360
Speaker 1: in the English version is coming, but it's going to

1333
01:18:32,400 --> 01:18:37,040
Speaker 1: be unexplainable. This easier. It's like four hundred pages, you know,

1334
01:18:37,520 --> 01:18:42,000
Speaker 1: where I clarify verses and where I share how to

1335
01:18:42,120 --> 01:18:46,439
Speaker 1: live by the spirit, how to to renew your mind,

1336
01:18:46,720 --> 01:18:51,120
Speaker 1: how to left let behind your past, how to get

1337
01:18:51,240 --> 01:18:54,679
Speaker 1: hold on the on the new reality of the new life,

1338
01:18:54,720 --> 01:18:58,160
Speaker 1: the new creature, how to work in that reality because

1339
01:18:58,840 --> 01:19:03,320
Speaker 1: the fights always be there. Even in first period two

1340
01:19:03,320 --> 01:19:05,880
Speaker 1: eleven it says that there is there is a fight

1341
01:19:06,200 --> 01:19:08,920
Speaker 1: against our soult and this is coming from the flesh

1342
01:19:09,320 --> 01:19:11,719
Speaker 1: and it's gonna always be there. But if you stay

1343
01:19:11,800 --> 01:19:15,000
Speaker 1: in the spirit, if you learn to rest in everything

1344
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:17,679
Speaker 1: that were accomplished for you, you're gonna conquer. You're gonna

1345
01:19:17,720 --> 01:19:22,400
Speaker 1: have victory. There is freedom. It's already it's the Laura

1346
01:19:22,400 --> 01:19:26,920
Speaker 1: already did it and what so? Yeah, and the book

1347
01:19:27,000 --> 01:19:29,800
Speaker 1: is gonna be released soon, like in one or two

1348
01:19:29,800 --> 01:19:31,120
Speaker 1: months more maximum.

1349
01:19:31,720 --> 01:19:33,439
Speaker 3: Oh it will it be on Amazon?

1350
01:19:34,160 --> 01:19:35,400
Speaker 1: Yeah, it will be on Amazon.

1351
01:19:35,960 --> 01:19:39,360
Speaker 3: Okay, good? And so what do you what are you

1352
01:19:39,400 --> 01:19:41,880
Speaker 3: doing now? I mean besides writing books like what do

1353
01:19:41,960 --> 01:19:42,679
Speaker 3: you are? You?

1354
01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:45,280
Speaker 4: Are you in full time ministry now? Or what's your

1355
01:19:45,439 --> 01:19:46,400
Speaker 4: vocation currently?

1356
01:19:46,760 --> 01:19:50,000
Speaker 1: Currently? I am. I am working in a in a secular job.

1357
01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:53,519
Speaker 1: Because I was full time ministry, it was doing I

1358
01:19:53,600 --> 01:19:56,799
Speaker 1: was doing great. I had the opportunity to to share

1359
01:19:58,560 --> 01:20:03,559
Speaker 1: training with more than four thousand ministers and to visit

1360
01:20:03,920 --> 01:20:06,800
Speaker 1: many many churches train the gospel and also sharing the

1361
01:20:06,800 --> 01:20:11,120
Speaker 1: testimony and helping others. But since my my wife got

1362
01:20:11,160 --> 01:20:15,000
Speaker 1: pregnant with twins, we knew I had to stop traveling,

1363
01:20:15,479 --> 01:20:22,320
Speaker 1: so I should. For the moment, I'm just thinking of pampers.

1364
01:20:23,080 --> 01:20:27,080
Speaker 1: You know, how do you say pampers, the diapers, vipers.

1365
01:20:27,160 --> 01:20:32,120
Speaker 1: I'm just of diapers and and and bottles. And you know,

1366
01:20:32,600 --> 01:20:35,840
Speaker 1: it's just like that is our every single day is

1367
01:20:36,120 --> 01:20:38,120
Speaker 1: the same than before, and we know it's going to

1368
01:20:38,160 --> 01:20:40,479
Speaker 1: be the same the day after. I mean two months

1369
01:20:40,520 --> 01:20:43,680
Speaker 1: we're adding the new baby. It's just gonna be crazy.

1370
01:20:44,320 --> 01:20:46,719
Speaker 1: And we don't have family here all that I wouldn't

1371
01:20:46,720 --> 01:20:47,479
Speaker 1: have family, so.

1372
01:20:47,640 --> 01:20:51,400
Speaker 4: Only yeah, well let's let's stop there.

1373
01:20:51,439 --> 01:20:53,200
Speaker 3: I mean, I just have to say, the only.

1374
01:20:55,320 --> 01:20:59,120
Speaker 4: Only God can can take someone who was sexually abused

1375
01:20:59,200 --> 01:21:04,840
Speaker 4: for seven years or whatever it was and bring them

1376
01:21:04,840 --> 01:21:08,599
Speaker 4: to a place where they're now married to a woman

1377
01:21:08,920 --> 01:21:12,160
Speaker 4: and have you know, it's three kids.

1378
01:21:12,200 --> 01:21:13,080
Speaker 1: Basically, I mean.

1379
01:21:13,040 --> 01:21:17,680
Speaker 4: Only God can It's like, you can't ever imagine that

1380
01:21:17,760 --> 01:21:21,160
Speaker 4: would happen. But God is just like he's a god

1381
01:21:21,200 --> 01:21:27,040
Speaker 4: of miracles, He's a god's he's he's so powerful and

1382
01:21:27,080 --> 01:21:31,000
Speaker 4: he can do anything. And he completely just pulled you

1383
01:21:31,080 --> 01:21:34,040
Speaker 4: out of darkness and into light and then gave you

1384
01:21:34,080 --> 01:21:36,759
Speaker 4: all these blessings.

1385
01:21:36,840 --> 01:21:42,840
Speaker 1: It's exactly that. But I understand something. I had to surrender.

1386
01:21:43,320 --> 01:21:44,960
Speaker 1: I had to get to the point where I said,

1387
01:21:44,960 --> 01:21:48,160
Speaker 1: I don't care any more about my life, I'm my crazy,

1388
01:21:48,240 --> 01:21:51,880
Speaker 1: decided to change my obsession, to change my sexuality. I

1389
01:21:51,920 --> 01:21:54,439
Speaker 1: just surrender everything. And at the moment I did it

1390
01:21:54,560 --> 01:21:57,920
Speaker 1: that I focused myself on him who he is, what

1391
01:21:58,080 --> 01:22:00,639
Speaker 1: he says, and I used I used to giving more

1392
01:22:00,640 --> 01:22:04,439
Speaker 1: credit to what he says that what I feel. Everything

1393
01:22:04,479 --> 01:22:05,280
Speaker 1: started to change.

1394
01:22:06,960 --> 01:22:07,080
Speaker 2: Right.

1395
01:22:07,320 --> 01:22:11,800
Speaker 1: I think that that that's the biggest struggle to our

1396
01:22:11,880 --> 01:22:14,920
Speaker 1: society because we are so focused in what we feel

1397
01:22:14,960 --> 01:22:18,400
Speaker 1: and what we perceive that we make of that our

1398
01:22:18,640 --> 01:22:23,719
Speaker 1: our rules is like our feelings are become our lord,

1399
01:22:24,000 --> 01:22:28,320
Speaker 1: the guide they desire who we are, and it's not true. Yeah,

1400
01:22:28,520 --> 01:22:34,679
Speaker 1: if we understand that that, as I said to the Lord, Lord,

1401
01:22:34,680 --> 01:22:36,960
Speaker 1: I didn't choose to be gay. I didn't choose to

1402
01:22:37,000 --> 01:22:39,640
Speaker 1: feel this attraction. I didn't choose this at all. I

1403
01:22:39,680 --> 01:22:41,920
Speaker 1: didn't choose. Why you come then me for something that

1404
01:22:41,960 --> 01:22:46,200
Speaker 1: I didn't choose to is like the murderer can stop murdering,

1405
01:22:46,280 --> 01:22:50,000
Speaker 1: and the liar can stop the saying lies, and and

1406
01:22:50,000 --> 01:22:53,040
Speaker 1: and the other one who rob the one who robs

1407
01:22:53,080 --> 01:22:55,920
Speaker 1: he can't stop stealing. But how can I stop feeling this?

1408
01:22:56,960 --> 01:22:59,840
Speaker 1: I don't want to feel this. I didn't choose it.

1409
01:23:00,439 --> 01:23:03,320
Speaker 1: And then the Lord gave me this understanding that it's

1410
01:23:03,400 --> 01:23:07,320
Speaker 1: not about deciding to feel. I didn't decide to feel

1411
01:23:07,600 --> 01:23:10,400
Speaker 1: or not to. But what I did desire was to

1412
01:23:10,439 --> 01:23:12,520
Speaker 1: put all my identity in my feelings.

1413
01:23:12,840 --> 01:23:16,559
Speaker 4: That was to put all your identity in Christ. Is

1414
01:23:16,560 --> 01:23:17,160
Speaker 4: that what you're saying?

1415
01:23:17,200 --> 01:23:17,479
Speaker 3: Okay?

1416
01:23:18,040 --> 01:23:20,120
Speaker 1: Yeah, when I put all my identity in my feelings,

1417
01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:23,559
Speaker 1: I was as gay as I could. When I decided

1418
01:23:23,600 --> 01:23:26,360
Speaker 1: to put my identity in Christ. And in what he says,

1419
01:23:26,640 --> 01:23:29,960
Speaker 1: my life completely changed. My affection changed, as your book,

1420
01:23:30,360 --> 01:23:34,599
Speaker 1: my affection changed, everything changed everything. I gave more credit

1421
01:23:34,640 --> 01:23:37,680
Speaker 1: to what he says than what I feel, and I

1422
01:23:37,720 --> 01:23:40,800
Speaker 1: don't doubt what he says for what I because of

1423
01:23:40,800 --> 01:23:42,960
Speaker 1: what I feel. I doubt what I feel because of

1424
01:23:43,000 --> 01:23:46,880
Speaker 1: what he says. Man, well, you know, the enemy gonna

1425
01:23:46,920 --> 01:23:52,040
Speaker 1: throw arrows, you know. Yeah, you're gonna feel and you're

1426
01:23:52,080 --> 01:23:54,320
Speaker 1: gonna feel it that you said. You know. Yeah, Laura,

1427
01:23:54,720 --> 01:23:57,840
Speaker 1: I'm getting this. I'm feeling it. But if you if

1428
01:23:57,880 --> 01:24:02,040
Speaker 1: you give me one minute, I'm gonna just something that that. Yeah,

1429
01:24:02,560 --> 01:24:06,200
Speaker 1: just it's beautiful. I remember one day I was at

1430
01:24:06,240 --> 01:24:11,760
Speaker 1: my job and I work a car dealer, and in

1431
01:24:11,760 --> 01:24:14,599
Speaker 1: this car dealer, I remember there were two guys passing

1432
01:24:14,640 --> 01:24:15,280
Speaker 1: by in front of me.

1433
01:24:15,360 --> 01:24:18,320
Speaker 3: And why you worked at that? You say you did a.

1434
01:24:18,439 --> 01:24:20,840
Speaker 1: Car dealer, at a car dealer, I was a selfish

1435
01:24:21,200 --> 01:24:24,360
Speaker 1: I am a car salorsman, and at that time I

1436
01:24:24,439 --> 01:24:27,719
Speaker 1: was working in a dealer, in a car dealer. And

1437
01:24:27,760 --> 01:24:31,479
Speaker 1: then I remember that two guys passed by, and suddenly

1438
01:24:31,640 --> 01:24:35,559
Speaker 1: all kinds of feelings started to be coming into me,

1439
01:24:36,080 --> 01:24:39,080
Speaker 1: and thoughts and all kinds of prior It was crazy.

1440
01:24:39,120 --> 01:24:43,360
Speaker 1: It was like like health breaks in my mind. Was crazy,

1441
01:24:43,920 --> 01:24:46,160
Speaker 1: and I felt so much and I said, okay, this

1442
01:24:46,240 --> 01:24:50,120
Speaker 1: is weird because I don't feel this anymore. And I

1443
01:24:50,200 --> 01:24:52,800
Speaker 1: know something's happening. And I remember I went to the

1444
01:24:52,840 --> 01:24:55,840
Speaker 1: back of the truck and I started praying, and I

1445
01:24:55,880 --> 01:24:57,880
Speaker 1: started praying tongues and I started just praying. Didn't know

1446
01:24:57,880 --> 01:25:00,639
Speaker 1: what to do because it was soberwhelming, and I couldn't

1447
01:25:00,720 --> 01:25:03,559
Speaker 1: I couldn't, you know, make it leave. It was so off.

1448
01:25:04,040 --> 01:25:06,360
Speaker 1: It was a feeling, it was like a desire. It

1449
01:25:06,479 --> 01:25:10,559
Speaker 1: was like my body was responding. Was crazy. And I

1450
01:25:10,640 --> 01:25:12,679
Speaker 1: was there in the middle of that, and I kept praying,

1451
01:25:12,720 --> 01:25:15,960
Speaker 1: and it's like I've listened to a voice saying to me,

1452
01:25:16,520 --> 01:25:19,720
Speaker 1: come back, come back. This is what you like, this

1453
01:25:19,800 --> 01:25:23,080
Speaker 1: is what you enjoy, come back, come back. And I

1454
01:25:23,160 --> 01:25:26,160
Speaker 1: just kept praying and kept praying, and after a while,

1455
01:25:26,280 --> 01:25:29,920
Speaker 1: I hear another voice in my mindset telling me, where'd

1456
01:25:29,920 --> 01:25:35,280
Speaker 1: you come back if you've never been there? I said, oh,

1457
01:25:36,000 --> 01:25:38,920
Speaker 1: how can I come back there if I've never been there? Lord,

1458
01:25:39,600 --> 01:25:42,280
Speaker 1: this is not coming from you. It's true. I've forgiven

1459
01:25:42,360 --> 01:25:44,880
Speaker 1: I've never been there, saying Lord, this is the enemy's

1460
01:25:44,880 --> 01:25:47,840
Speaker 1: attacking me. I've never been there. At the moment I

1461
01:25:47,880 --> 01:25:52,559
Speaker 1: did that, becked, every feeling, every feeling, every thought, everything

1462
01:25:52,600 --> 01:25:54,080
Speaker 1: went away. It was an attack.

1463
01:25:54,680 --> 01:25:55,160
Speaker 3: Amazing.

1464
01:25:55,520 --> 01:25:59,759
Speaker 1: Yeah, I just rested in the fact that he forgave

1465
01:25:59,840 --> 01:26:03,280
Speaker 1: me and left me off as you've never been there.

1466
01:26:04,160 --> 01:26:04,599
Speaker 3: Amen.

1467
01:26:05,000 --> 01:26:08,080
Speaker 4: Amen, All right, well we're gonna leave it there. That

1468
01:26:08,280 --> 01:26:11,320
Speaker 4: is an amazing story, Carlos. Thank you so much for

1469
01:26:11,360 --> 01:26:12,280
Speaker 4: sharing your story.

1470
01:26:13,120 --> 01:26:16,760
Speaker 3: And yeah, I appreciate it.

1471
01:26:16,800 --> 01:26:18,840
Speaker 1: He's a pleasure. It has been a pleasure.

1472
01:26:20,160 --> 01:26:22,639
Speaker 3: All right. Well, we will see you guys next time.

1473
01:26:22,760 --> 01:26:23,559
Speaker 3: Thank you for watching.

1474
01:26:26,840 --> 01:26:29,240
Speaker 2: Thank you for listening to this episode of The Beckett

1475
01:26:29,280 --> 01:26:34,520
Speaker 2: Cook Show. Your support makes this content possible. All episodes

1476
01:26:34,560 --> 01:26:36,520
Speaker 2: of The Beckett Cook Show are also.

1477
01:26:36,280 --> 01:26:37,519
Speaker 3: Available on YouTube.

1478
01:26:38,560 --> 01:26:41,720
Speaker 2: For more information about Beckett and his ministry, visit his

1479
01:26:41,800 --> 01:26:45,040
Speaker 2: website at Beckettcook dot com.

1480
01:26:45,200 --> 01:26:47,080
Speaker 4: Thank you to the team at Life Audio for their

1481
01:26:47,120 --> 01:26:50,120
Speaker 4: partnership with us. If you go to lifeaudio dot com,

1482
01:26:50,120 --> 01:26:54,200
Speaker 4: you will find more faith centered podcasts about prayer, Bible study, parenting,

1483
01:26:54,280 --> 01:26:54,639
Speaker 4: and more.