1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,600 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:05,559 --> 00:00:07,440 Speaker 2: I went and I took the vodka and I just 3 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,800 Speaker 2: started shotting it in my room. I don't remember leaving 4 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,280 Speaker 2: the house at that point. I left my house and 5 00:00:13,320 --> 00:00:16,080 Speaker 2: I drove. I drove on the wrong side of the highway. 6 00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:19,000 Speaker 2: I had blacked out. The only thing I remember is 7 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:21,599 Speaker 2: waking up at the holiday inn and a cop knocking 8 00:00:21,640 --> 00:00:24,279 Speaker 2: on my window and saying, are you drinking? 9 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,440 Speaker 3: Welcome to Love Life Sober. I'm your host and your coach, 10 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:32,600 Speaker 3: Christy Osborne. This podcast is for the woman who loves 11 00:00:32,680 --> 00:00:35,600 Speaker 3: Jesus or is longing to reconnect with him, and who 12 00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 3: knows deep down that alcohol is no longer serving her. 13 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:41,839 Speaker 3: Here we talk honestly, with grace and truth about how 14 00:00:41,840 --> 00:00:45,720 Speaker 3: stepping away from alcohol opens the door to the love, joy, 15 00:00:46,040 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 3: peace and connection you've been searching for. Because, Babe, those 16 00:00:49,760 --> 00:00:51,640 Speaker 3: things were never meant to be found in a bottle 17 00:00:51,680 --> 00:00:56,160 Speaker 3: of wine. They're found in Jesus. Through scripture, coaching and neuroscience, 18 00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:59,240 Speaker 3: I'll help you make sense of your habits, your nervous system, 19 00:00:59,520 --> 00:01:02,400 Speaker 3: and what you're really craving so that freedom feels not 20 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 3: only possible, but sustainable. 21 00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:07,400 Speaker 4: You don't have to do this alone, Babe. Let's dive in. 22 00:01:08,160 --> 00:01:10,800 Speaker 3: Today's conversation is one I know is going to meet 23 00:01:10,880 --> 00:01:13,640 Speaker 3: so many of you right where you are today. I'm 24 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:16,880 Speaker 3: joined by Kelly Harper and we're celebrating one full year 25 00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 3: alcohol free. Yay, Kelly, I'm so excited for you. What 26 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:24,720 Speaker 3: Kelly shares is not the polished, highlight real version of change. 27 00:01:24,760 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 3: It's the long story, the one with restarts and false starts, 28 00:01:28,959 --> 00:01:33,000 Speaker 3: with exhaustion, single motherhood, deep surrender, and a God who 29 00:01:33,080 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 3: never stopped showing up even when she felt like she 30 00:01:36,240 --> 00:01:38,440 Speaker 3: was failing. We talk about what it looks like to 31 00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:41,080 Speaker 3: keep going when you feel stuck in the cycle, why 32 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:43,959 Speaker 3: starting over doesn't meet you're back at zero, and how 33 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,120 Speaker 3: Jesus meets us in the middle of the mess, not 34 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 3: once we've cleaned it all up. If you're listening thinking 35 00:01:49,400 --> 00:01:52,040 Speaker 3: I can barely get a few days alcohol free, or 36 00:01:52,200 --> 00:01:55,280 Speaker 3: I love Jesus but I feel so far from him, babe, 37 00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:57,160 Speaker 3: this episode is for you. 38 00:01:57,840 --> 00:01:59,000 Speaker 4: All right, let's dive in. 39 00:01:59,400 --> 00:02:03,560 Speaker 3: Hey, welcome to love life sober. I'm so excited to 40 00:02:03,600 --> 00:02:06,800 Speaker 3: see your face. Hey girl, thank you for having me. 41 00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:11,040 Speaker 3: I'm so excited to be here. So we are on 42 00:02:11,400 --> 00:02:14,600 Speaker 3: the one year anniversary of your alcohol freedom. 43 00:02:14,720 --> 00:02:16,720 Speaker 4: So congratulations, how does it feel. 44 00:02:17,080 --> 00:02:18,760 Speaker 1: Gosh, it feels amazing. 45 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,119 Speaker 2: I you know, as I look back and I think 46 00:02:21,160 --> 00:02:24,679 Speaker 2: of my day ones and where I'm at now. You know, honestly, 47 00:02:24,800 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 2: it the year has flown by, but I still remember 48 00:02:28,639 --> 00:02:31,799 Speaker 2: those days of you know, just trying to get past 49 00:02:32,520 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 2: day four, day five, day six. You know, it feels 50 00:02:36,560 --> 00:02:41,280 Speaker 2: so good to finally just feel so free. It's amazing, honestly, 51 00:02:41,320 --> 00:02:43,799 Speaker 2: it truly is. That's so great, babe. I love that 52 00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:44,480 Speaker 2: so much. 53 00:02:44,840 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 3: So take us back a little bit to the beginning 54 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,680 Speaker 3: of kind of your like drinking story. When did you 55 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,799 Speaker 3: start drinking? I want to know when you started drinking 56 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 3: when the Holy Spirit kind of like tapped you on 57 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:58,760 Speaker 3: the shoulder and said, hey, Kelly, maybe I have more 58 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,600 Speaker 3: for you? And then and how long it took kind 59 00:03:01,600 --> 00:03:04,160 Speaker 3: of between when you first realize that this is something 60 00:03:04,160 --> 00:03:06,840 Speaker 3: that you needed to lay down to a year ago. 61 00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,399 Speaker 3: Because I think it's so helpful for the listeners to hear, 62 00:03:10,560 --> 00:03:12,960 Speaker 3: like the real stories, but also to know that this 63 00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 3: is a process. 64 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,600 Speaker 4: And so yeah, tell us your story. 65 00:03:16,880 --> 00:03:19,440 Speaker 2: The short of a long story is I believe I 66 00:03:19,480 --> 00:03:22,960 Speaker 2: had started drinking when I was about fourteen. That's when 67 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 2: the whole thing had started. And I would say I 68 00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:28,880 Speaker 2: wasn't an everyday drinker. It wasn't every day, but it 69 00:03:28,919 --> 00:03:31,680 Speaker 2: started when I was fourteen. It went into high school, 70 00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:35,120 Speaker 2: you know, weekend partying. I had taken a break on 71 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:38,920 Speaker 2: and off. I remember from like graduating high school and 72 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:41,400 Speaker 2: just having that year after high school, and I don't 73 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:43,480 Speaker 2: think that I drank too much. I don't remember it 74 00:03:43,480 --> 00:03:47,320 Speaker 2: ever becoming like that bad of an issue at that point, 75 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:50,080 Speaker 2: but you know, it got pretty bad when I was 76 00:03:50,160 --> 00:03:51,880 Speaker 2: in high school. When I just tell a short story. 77 00:03:51,880 --> 00:03:54,480 Speaker 2: When I was sixteen, I remember being at my dad's 78 00:03:54,560 --> 00:03:56,440 Speaker 2: house and he had vodka there. 79 00:03:56,480 --> 00:03:58,600 Speaker 1: It was like a fifth of vodka or gallon of vodka. 80 00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 2: Actually, I don't know what prompted me to go and 81 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,839 Speaker 2: drink it, but I remember he wasn't there. 82 00:04:02,960 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: My parents were divorced. 83 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:06,560 Speaker 2: I went and I took the vodka and I just 84 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:09,880 Speaker 2: started shotting it in my room. I don't remember leaving 85 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:12,320 Speaker 2: the house at that point. I left my house and 86 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,120 Speaker 2: I drove. I drove on the wrong side of the highway. 87 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,039 Speaker 2: I had blacked out. The only thing I remember is 88 00:04:18,080 --> 00:04:20,640 Speaker 2: waking up at the Holiday Inn and a cop knocking 89 00:04:20,640 --> 00:04:23,640 Speaker 2: on my window. And saying are you drinking? And I 90 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,599 Speaker 2: was like, no, what are you talking about? Like I 91 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,880 Speaker 2: just woke up and here I had taken the gallon 92 00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:29,280 Speaker 2: of vodka with me in the car. 93 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:31,480 Speaker 1: Apparently I was trying to go to my best friend's house. 94 00:04:31,560 --> 00:04:34,240 Speaker 2: I smashed my front got on the exit, you know, 95 00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:36,920 Speaker 2: the exit to get on I was getting going the 96 00:04:37,000 --> 00:04:40,960 Speaker 2: other direction. I didn't have any tires, and I got 97 00:04:41,000 --> 00:04:43,719 Speaker 2: taken to the hospital and my blood alcohol level was 98 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:45,680 Speaker 2: pretty ig. It was like twoint three eight or three 99 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:49,000 Speaker 2: point eight, like four to zero is considered koma. 100 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:51,000 Speaker 1: And I remember they called my parents and that was 101 00:04:51,120 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 1: just one incident. 102 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:53,280 Speaker 4: So wait, how old were you? 103 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:56,440 Speaker 1: How old? I was like sixteen sixteen because I was driving. 104 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,279 Speaker 2: And Okay, after that it was a whole saying of 105 00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 2: me getting put on on probation. I kept violating my 106 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:04,160 Speaker 2: probation because see I was still in high school. I 107 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:08,640 Speaker 2: was barely graduating. And I remember I kept violating my probation. 108 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:10,680 Speaker 2: I would have people come over to my house and 109 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:13,800 Speaker 2: deliver me alcohol and I sit there and drink by myself. Well, 110 00:05:13,880 --> 00:05:16,240 Speaker 2: I had gotten in trouble, and I remember the parole 111 00:05:16,279 --> 00:05:18,919 Speaker 2: officer probation came to my school and I got sent away. 112 00:05:19,040 --> 00:05:21,200 Speaker 2: I can't remember how many days it was. It was 113 00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,440 Speaker 2: pretty much a women's teenage prison. I was there. But 114 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:25,760 Speaker 2: still I went out of there. 115 00:05:25,920 --> 00:05:26,040 Speaker 3: You know. 116 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:28,719 Speaker 2: I ended up graduating high school by the skin of 117 00:05:28,760 --> 00:05:29,240 Speaker 2: my teeth. 118 00:05:29,279 --> 00:05:32,800 Speaker 1: And then, you know, I mean, this just continued. I 119 00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:33,360 Speaker 1: left home. 120 00:05:33,440 --> 00:05:36,400 Speaker 2: Then when I was nineteen, I moved to LA. At 121 00:05:36,440 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 2: this point, I had also developed an eating disorder. 122 00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:41,719 Speaker 1: I was overeating. I went to LA. 123 00:05:42,160 --> 00:05:43,960 Speaker 2: Don't even know how I did it, you know, it 124 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:47,039 Speaker 2: packed one suitcase, had five hundred dollars. But still, you know, 125 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,919 Speaker 2: dabbling in the drinking, you know, and this had just, 126 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,280 Speaker 2: you know, basically just been a lifestyle. I wouldn't drink 127 00:05:53,320 --> 00:05:56,160 Speaker 2: every single day, but it would be the weekends and 128 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,720 Speaker 2: you know, every other day, you know, I'd get through 129 00:05:58,720 --> 00:06:03,720 Speaker 2: the hangover. And this continued into my twenties, my thirties. 130 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,200 Speaker 2: When I got pregnant with my son, I stopped drinking. 131 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:08,960 Speaker 2: It was for a year, but as soon as I 132 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,280 Speaker 2: had my baby, the first thing I thought about was, look, 133 00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:12,160 Speaker 2: let's go to. 134 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,159 Speaker 1: The bar, Let's get some alcohol. Let's go. And it 135 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:15,960 Speaker 1: started back. 136 00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:17,560 Speaker 2: I mean, even when I was raising my son, I 137 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,640 Speaker 2: was still drinking because I ended up being a single mother, 138 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 2: and that was my way to cope from it. And 139 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,840 Speaker 2: like I said, I'd have a year here. I had 140 00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:26,839 Speaker 2: gone to AA. I went to AA when I was 141 00:06:26,880 --> 00:06:30,440 Speaker 2: in LA, but I just couldn't shake it all the way. 142 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,280 Speaker 2: You know, I couldn't seem to stop the cycle, if 143 00:06:35,320 --> 00:06:38,720 Speaker 2: that makes sense, up until where I'm at now forty 144 00:06:38,800 --> 00:06:42,400 Speaker 2: six years old. And I'll have a year next month. 145 00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:44,760 Speaker 2: So that's the short of a long story. 146 00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,680 Speaker 3: Wow, babe, God God was so with you right in 147 00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:51,520 Speaker 3: that moment. I just think of you as a sixteen 148 00:06:51,640 --> 00:06:54,560 Speaker 3: year old and the protection there. And look at what 149 00:06:55,040 --> 00:06:57,080 Speaker 3: how where He has brought you. I mean, you told 150 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:59,560 Speaker 3: me before we hit record, you're going to be ordained. 151 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:04,800 Speaker 3: It's so cool. I look at what he has restored. 152 00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,720 Speaker 1: God'll take the black sheep of the family. 153 00:07:07,839 --> 00:07:12,840 Speaker 2: God'll take the worst case scenarios and turn them into 154 00:07:12,880 --> 00:07:15,960 Speaker 2: the best case scenarios, because listen, he gets all the glory, 155 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:20,560 Speaker 2: so he specializes in the worst case scenarios. And so 156 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,560 Speaker 2: I couldn't I literally couldn't be where I'm at if 157 00:07:23,560 --> 00:07:26,320 Speaker 2: it wasn't for God, if it wasn't for Jesus. You know, 158 00:07:26,440 --> 00:07:28,840 Speaker 2: I started out in AA for the first couple of 159 00:07:28,880 --> 00:07:32,680 Speaker 2: months I read your book. Your book was a life 160 00:07:32,960 --> 00:07:35,960 Speaker 2: vest for me, you know, because you just broke down, 161 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:38,840 Speaker 2: you know, some of the science, and then you paired 162 00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:42,400 Speaker 2: it with biblical faith and that's exactly what I needed. 163 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,240 Speaker 2: And I read through your book. I think it was 164 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:45,800 Speaker 2: less than a week and I was like. 165 00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,040 Speaker 1: No, I'm done with it. 166 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:50,000 Speaker 2: And so I had started out in AA and then 167 00:07:50,040 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 2: I branched to just really starting to research what alcohol 168 00:07:54,600 --> 00:07:57,720 Speaker 2: does and why I was constantly in the state of 169 00:07:57,840 --> 00:08:01,320 Speaker 2: panic all the time. You know, I already struggled with 170 00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 2: panic attacks and anxiety since I since I've been a teenager. 171 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:08,280 Speaker 2: And it just it just broke it down, like even 172 00:08:08,320 --> 00:08:12,320 Speaker 2: in your book, what was happening to my body? And honestly, 173 00:08:12,440 --> 00:08:16,560 Speaker 2: the last couple days I was drinking. I remember I 174 00:08:16,680 --> 00:08:19,119 Speaker 2: called my dad. I was, you know, probably my second 175 00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:21,360 Speaker 2: bottle of wine. I called my dad and it was 176 00:08:21,440 --> 00:08:24,160 Speaker 2: like I knew that this was it. I started having 177 00:08:24,200 --> 00:08:27,120 Speaker 2: thoughts of not wanting to be here anymore. I was 178 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,640 Speaker 2: just so depressed from the alcohol because I wanted to 179 00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,760 Speaker 2: give my body like two day break and then I'd 180 00:08:31,800 --> 00:08:33,960 Speaker 2: go back to it. Right, So was this constant state 181 00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:38,839 Speaker 2: of panic, anxiety fear, and I remember I called him 182 00:08:38,800 --> 00:08:41,080 Speaker 2: and like, well, maybe this is going to be my exit. 183 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:43,240 Speaker 2: Maybe they can come down take me and take me 184 00:08:43,320 --> 00:08:46,000 Speaker 2: to rehab. And I remember calling him saying, I don't 185 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,640 Speaker 2: want to be here anymore, and like I was thinking 186 00:08:47,679 --> 00:08:49,520 Speaker 2: about it, and I just kept thinking about my son 187 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:50,400 Speaker 2: and I can't. 188 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,280 Speaker 1: I can't. But that was my breaking point. 189 00:08:52,320 --> 00:08:54,440 Speaker 2: That moment I woke up and I thought, Wow, the 190 00:08:54,520 --> 00:08:56,560 Speaker 2: devil almost tried to take me out. 191 00:08:57,559 --> 00:08:59,920 Speaker 1: He literally almost tried to take me out. 192 00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:04,600 Speaker 2: But God, I say this because you know, alcohol does 193 00:09:04,679 --> 00:09:07,560 Speaker 2: so many crazy things to our body. If you already 194 00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:11,760 Speaker 2: struggle with anxiety or panic disorder, it's like adding fuel 195 00:09:11,840 --> 00:09:12,800 Speaker 2: to that fire. 196 00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,240 Speaker 4: That is so true. 197 00:09:14,640 --> 00:09:17,719 Speaker 3: Speak for a second to the woman who is in 198 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,400 Speaker 3: that cycle trying to get through, just get a few 199 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,400 Speaker 3: days on the calendar alcohol freeze, feeling like she has 200 00:09:24,440 --> 00:09:26,400 Speaker 3: to start over every few days. 201 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:30,160 Speaker 2: I would say, don't beat yourself up. Because I was 202 00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:32,719 Speaker 2: that girl where I would have a set date. This 203 00:09:32,800 --> 00:09:35,600 Speaker 2: is going to be my last day of drinking, right. 204 00:09:35,720 --> 00:09:38,160 Speaker 2: I would put it on my chalkboard. I said, this 205 00:09:38,200 --> 00:09:38,400 Speaker 2: is it. 206 00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:39,640 Speaker 1: I'm going to go out with a bang. 207 00:09:39,679 --> 00:09:41,040 Speaker 2: I'm going to go out with a bang, right, I 208 00:09:41,080 --> 00:09:42,880 Speaker 2: want to make sure I was good enough, you know, 209 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:45,160 Speaker 2: put a good enough buzz on, get drunk the night before, 210 00:09:45,160 --> 00:09:46,640 Speaker 2: because this is going to be it. I'd wake up 211 00:09:46,679 --> 00:09:49,960 Speaker 2: the next morning, I'd write it on my chalkboard and 212 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,680 Speaker 2: guess what. Two days later, I was erasing it again 213 00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:56,600 Speaker 2: and saying, tomorrow's the day. Tomorrow's the day. So I 214 00:09:56,880 --> 00:10:00,880 Speaker 2: was stuck in that cycle. But don't beat your up. 215 00:10:00,960 --> 00:10:03,800 Speaker 2: I always say, when you are sick and tired of 216 00:10:03,920 --> 00:10:06,960 Speaker 2: being sick and tired, you will get off it. 217 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,720 Speaker 1: You feel like for me, it had to take. 218 00:10:09,600 --> 00:10:11,800 Speaker 2: Me to the point of not wanting to be here, 219 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:14,400 Speaker 2: of you know, just saying I got to end it. 220 00:10:14,920 --> 00:10:17,960 Speaker 2: But that was my experience. I don't know what you're 221 00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:21,400 Speaker 2: low is, but just know you're not alone. I used 222 00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:22,920 Speaker 2: to have to have wine. It would be, you know, 223 00:10:23,040 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 2: three o'clock, and then it started getting earlier. It was 224 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,160 Speaker 2: two thirty, and I would calculate everything, well, I have 225 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:31,760 Speaker 2: this amount of time before my son gets home, and 226 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,400 Speaker 2: then if I had something to do the next day, 227 00:10:34,640 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: well i'd have to reschedule it. I'd postpone it because 228 00:10:37,440 --> 00:10:39,800 Speaker 2: I knew that I wasn't making it right. I just 229 00:10:39,880 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 2: don't want you to beat yourself up. I don't want 230 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:43,720 Speaker 2: you to be discouraged. I want you to know that 231 00:10:43,760 --> 00:10:48,280 Speaker 2: you are not alone, and keep getting back up, keep 232 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,120 Speaker 2: getting back up. 233 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,600 Speaker 1: You know, if you're not ready yet, you're not ready yet. 234 00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:53,280 Speaker 2: You know how many times I said I was ready, 235 00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:55,280 Speaker 2: only to be another year of drinking. 236 00:10:55,559 --> 00:10:56,679 Speaker 1: It is a struggle. 237 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 2: But the one thing that helped me, the one thing 238 00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 2: that got me so was God, was Jesus Christ and 239 00:11:03,320 --> 00:11:05,960 Speaker 2: relying on that for my strength to the point where 240 00:11:05,960 --> 00:11:08,240 Speaker 2: I didn't even have to go to AA anymore. 241 00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:10,120 Speaker 1: Like I got in the word, I. 242 00:11:10,160 --> 00:11:14,400 Speaker 2: Just started digging deep and that was truly what kept 243 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:14,920 Speaker 2: me sober. 244 00:11:15,200 --> 00:11:18,079 Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm so glad you said that. Are you comfortable 245 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:21,520 Speaker 3: saying what AA was like as a Christian? 246 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,200 Speaker 2: Like for me at the beginning when I was trying 247 00:11:24,200 --> 00:11:26,640 Speaker 2: to get sober, when I was counting my days, seven days, 248 00:11:26,679 --> 00:11:28,439 Speaker 2: you know, I had a week, I was in a month. 249 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:31,160 Speaker 2: I always felt for me and this is just my 250 00:11:31,320 --> 00:11:34,760 Speaker 2: experience because it did serve a purpose for a portion 251 00:11:35,120 --> 00:11:38,600 Speaker 2: of my sobriety. But I know how I stayed sober, 252 00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:40,920 Speaker 2: and that was through God and Jesus, and so I 253 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:44,680 Speaker 2: felt like for me it was almost like I can't 254 00:11:44,679 --> 00:11:49,360 Speaker 2: be in a situation where like everybody constantly talking about 255 00:11:49,679 --> 00:11:53,880 Speaker 2: their problems instead of talking about the solution, which the 256 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:58,000 Speaker 2: solution is Christ Right, So I was finding it was 257 00:11:58,040 --> 00:12:00,760 Speaker 2: putting me more in a state of depression and going there. 258 00:12:01,000 --> 00:12:04,120 Speaker 2: And so that's just my experience, you know, it wasn't 259 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:06,600 Speaker 2: the direction that God had been wanting me to go, 260 00:12:06,800 --> 00:12:09,640 Speaker 2: and I needed more of a Christian based community to 261 00:12:09,760 --> 00:12:12,960 Speaker 2: get sober. And that's when I had discovered you, and 262 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,680 Speaker 2: I think on Instagram, and I was like, you know, 263 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:19,200 Speaker 2: just being around women, like minded, women that are going 264 00:12:19,240 --> 00:12:19,959 Speaker 2: through the same thing. 265 00:12:20,040 --> 00:12:22,000 Speaker 1: Maybe you're not an everyday drinker. 266 00:12:22,440 --> 00:12:25,360 Speaker 2: Maybe you are like me where it was every other 267 00:12:25,440 --> 00:12:26,880 Speaker 2: day getting the bottle of wine. 268 00:12:26,920 --> 00:12:30,400 Speaker 1: You're you're a single mother, or you could even be married. 269 00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:32,240 Speaker 2: Heck, I was married at the time, and I was 270 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:35,680 Speaker 2: still alone, and so you don't it was for me 271 00:12:35,920 --> 00:12:39,600 Speaker 2: finding that community, right, finding that support, and for me, 272 00:12:39,720 --> 00:12:42,480 Speaker 2: I didn't find it in the AA rooms. 273 00:12:42,880 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 3: Yeah, and then I'll just say that, you know, I've 274 00:12:45,400 --> 00:12:47,960 Speaker 3: spoken to people that do find their people at AA, 275 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 3: and so it's no shade to AA or any sort 276 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:53,920 Speaker 3: of traditional recovery. But what is important in your message, Kelly, 277 00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,640 Speaker 3: is that if you don't find your people in AA, 278 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:59,959 Speaker 3: then keep looking because they're out there. Because, as you say, 279 00:13:00,559 --> 00:13:03,400 Speaker 3: you're not alone. We'll be back right after a quick 280 00:13:03,440 --> 00:13:07,280 Speaker 3: word from our sponsors. Babe, can I pause us just 281 00:13:07,360 --> 00:13:09,640 Speaker 3: for a moment if you're listening to this and thinking 282 00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,880 Speaker 3: I don't want to do this alone anymore? I want 283 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,400 Speaker 3: to tell you about the Love Life Sober Community. This 284 00:13:14,559 --> 00:13:17,480 Speaker 3: is the space where the podcast turns into real connection 285 00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:21,520 Speaker 3: and real support. Inside the community, we gather weekly for 286 00:13:21,600 --> 00:13:25,400 Speaker 3: live connection calls where you can listen, share, or simply 287 00:13:25,440 --> 00:13:28,560 Speaker 3: be present. There's a beautiful leadership team holding this space 288 00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:31,880 Speaker 3: with wisdom and care, a dedicated prayer request area where 289 00:13:31,920 --> 00:13:35,920 Speaker 3: you can be covered, regular masterclasses led by expert guests, 290 00:13:35,960 --> 00:13:38,480 Speaker 3: and even a worship music playlist to help you reconnect 291 00:13:38,520 --> 00:13:41,480 Speaker 3: when your nervous system needs it. Inside the community, there's 292 00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:44,720 Speaker 3: also a dedicated coaching space called Truevine for women who 293 00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,719 Speaker 3: want even deeper support. The Love Life Sober Community is 294 00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:50,079 Speaker 3: a place to connect with like minded women and open 295 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:51,680 Speaker 3: up in a way you might not be able to 296 00:13:51,840 --> 00:13:54,480 Speaker 3: in your church or small group. This space was created 297 00:13:54,520 --> 00:13:57,680 Speaker 3: specifically for women who are questioning their relationship with alcohol 298 00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 3: and who want the kind of freedom that. 299 00:13:59,679 --> 00:14:01,560 Speaker 4: Can only be found in Jesus. 300 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:03,840 Speaker 3: All the details to join us are at the link 301 00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:05,920 Speaker 3: in the show notes. I can't wait to meet you. 302 00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,480 Speaker 3: All right, let's jump back into the episode. Take us 303 00:14:08,520 --> 00:14:11,520 Speaker 3: back to February twenty twenty five. I want to ask 304 00:14:11,679 --> 00:14:14,559 Speaker 3: some really common questions that I hear all the time. 305 00:14:15,120 --> 00:14:17,920 Speaker 3: The first one is how long did it take to 306 00:14:17,960 --> 00:14:18,520 Speaker 3: feel better? 307 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:21,920 Speaker 2: You know, even the last the first couple of days 308 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:23,960 Speaker 2: I started feeling better because I was so used to 309 00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:27,200 Speaker 2: being hungover in that cycle. But honestly, I would say 310 00:14:28,040 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 2: not until probably the first month or two where I 311 00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 2: really started doing the work that I feel like my 312 00:14:32,760 --> 00:14:35,600 Speaker 2: body started to balance the anxiety. 313 00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,600 Speaker 1: My cortisone levels all that stuff. 314 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,000 Speaker 2: And I made sure that I ate healthy and also 315 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:42,800 Speaker 2: I did eat a lot of candy, like I'm a 316 00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:46,440 Speaker 2: candy eater. And I went and I got all the 317 00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:50,080 Speaker 2: na alcoholic drinks you could think of. I got the wine, 318 00:14:50,240 --> 00:14:52,360 Speaker 2: I got the beer, and at the time that it 319 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,680 Speaker 2: would be like three o'clock when it was my happy hour, 320 00:14:54,760 --> 00:14:55,760 Speaker 2: I would go pour it. 321 00:14:55,960 --> 00:14:57,400 Speaker 1: I'm not gonna lie. It was hard. 322 00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,360 Speaker 2: It was hard, and I did have before I had 323 00:15:00,800 --> 00:15:02,800 Speaker 2: all the days sober, and I was trying to get 324 00:15:02,800 --> 00:15:04,920 Speaker 2: sober again. You know, one day it did trigger for 325 00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:06,400 Speaker 2: me to go to the bar because I said, ah, 326 00:15:06,520 --> 00:15:09,520 Speaker 2: this is not doing nothing. It's not for everybody the 327 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 2: na drinks. But that did help. Initially, I would say 328 00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:17,760 Speaker 2: the first month I started seeing less anxiety, improved sleep. 329 00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:22,040 Speaker 2: Two months, three months, I mean every single month, every 330 00:15:22,080 --> 00:15:25,680 Speaker 2: single day, I would just slowly just to start see improvements. 331 00:15:25,720 --> 00:15:28,360 Speaker 2: I mean I started losing weight, the you know, my 332 00:15:28,480 --> 00:15:31,560 Speaker 2: my face just stopped being so puffy. 333 00:15:31,320 --> 00:15:33,880 Speaker 1: And just having a general joy. 334 00:15:34,160 --> 00:15:36,720 Speaker 2: Every single every day you wake up and you're not 335 00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,720 Speaker 2: hungover is a good day. I don't care if you 336 00:15:38,840 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 2: got three hours of sleep. If you woke up and 337 00:15:41,120 --> 00:15:43,480 Speaker 2: you're not hungover and you're not laying on the floor, 338 00:15:43,600 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 2: it's a good day. 339 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,200 Speaker 1: So it's it's gradual. It is a gradual thing. 340 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:52,000 Speaker 2: But I promise amen, you are gonna feel better, your 341 00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:54,840 Speaker 2: body is gonna balance out, and you're just gonna have 342 00:15:54,920 --> 00:15:57,960 Speaker 2: to fill I just had to put new activities to 343 00:15:58,120 --> 00:16:02,800 Speaker 2: fill that time when I would be I started piano lessons, 344 00:16:03,240 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: so the time that I normally would drink, I'd go 345 00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:08,720 Speaker 2: for a walk, you know. I started making Christian apparel. 346 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:12,280 Speaker 2: I have hats that I made. So I started getting creative. 347 00:16:12,600 --> 00:16:16,280 Speaker 2: I wrote a song cooking some new healthy meals right 348 00:16:16,360 --> 00:16:17,760 Speaker 2: because I never ate dinner. 349 00:16:18,000 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 1: I'd be like three o'clock, you know. 350 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:21,480 Speaker 2: The wine comes along, then you make maybe some little 351 00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,920 Speaker 2: snacks of cheese. But I would say I would never 352 00:16:23,960 --> 00:16:26,080 Speaker 2: eat dinner unless it was at twelve or one o'clock 353 00:16:26,120 --> 00:16:29,800 Speaker 2: and it was the binge eating. So making healthy meals 354 00:16:30,080 --> 00:16:32,280 Speaker 2: and if you don't know what to do, I mean 355 00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,880 Speaker 2: I even went to researching it, like what can I do? 356 00:16:34,960 --> 00:16:36,640 Speaker 2: What other activities can I do? 357 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:36,960 Speaker 3: You know? 358 00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:38,080 Speaker 1: Am I gonna be bored? 359 00:16:38,160 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 2: Now? I had to fill my time with other things 360 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:45,120 Speaker 2: because drinking was my career. Drinking was my job. I'm 361 00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,280 Speaker 2: just gonna be honest. You know, that was my god. 362 00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:50,040 Speaker 2: So when that was taken away from me, I was stripped. 363 00:16:50,040 --> 00:16:52,600 Speaker 2: I had a hard time. If you don't know what 364 00:16:52,640 --> 00:16:55,120 Speaker 2: to fill it with, find some things, you know, research, 365 00:16:55,200 --> 00:16:57,320 Speaker 2: go on chat GBT, what can I do? Even write it? 366 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,600 Speaker 2: I stopped drinking. I need to know what to do 367 00:16:59,680 --> 00:17:02,600 Speaker 2: to fill all my time. There's always definitely something. 368 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,240 Speaker 3: Yeah, I've had so many gals that have like done 369 00:17:05,359 --> 00:17:09,560 Speaker 3: pottery or crochet or a knitting or various types of 370 00:17:09,680 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 3: dance classes or like you said, piano lessons, like so 371 00:17:13,160 --> 00:17:18,879 Speaker 3: many things. It's just this beautiful, beautiful invitation to get 372 00:17:18,920 --> 00:17:21,719 Speaker 3: to do all of these other things, especially for some 373 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:23,640 Speaker 3: of them, Like it's things that we wanted to do 374 00:17:23,800 --> 00:17:26,199 Speaker 3: our whole life, and we kind of never got around 375 00:17:26,240 --> 00:17:28,600 Speaker 3: to it because alcohol got in the way. 376 00:17:28,800 --> 00:17:29,080 Speaker 4: Right. 377 00:17:29,359 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 3: We've probably seen this like trend on Instagram right where 378 00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,399 Speaker 3: it's like, twenty twenty six is the new twenty sixteen. 379 00:17:34,560 --> 00:17:38,600 Speaker 3: Everyone's posting these pictures of twenty sixteen. Twenty sixteen. Drinking 380 00:17:38,680 --> 00:17:42,440 Speaker 3: Actually like was my job because I was a blogger 381 00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:45,520 Speaker 3: and I was being like asked to go to restaurants 382 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:48,320 Speaker 3: and bars and hotels and write about them. And so 383 00:17:48,600 --> 00:17:52,400 Speaker 3: my entire twenty sixteen camera role is literally me drinking. 384 00:17:52,520 --> 00:17:55,159 Speaker 3: And I was just like, oh my gosh, I was 385 00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:59,200 Speaker 3: in all these beautiful places. Couldn't appreciate any of it, obviously. 386 00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,159 Speaker 2: The lot and every place that I traveled, you know, 387 00:18:02,240 --> 00:18:03,560 Speaker 2: I troped different countries. 388 00:18:03,640 --> 00:18:04,919 Speaker 1: It always involved. 389 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:07,960 Speaker 2: Drinking, right, And as I look back and I'm like reminiscing, 390 00:18:08,200 --> 00:18:10,240 Speaker 2: it always involved horrible hangovers. 391 00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:13,080 Speaker 1: I mean, my hangovers would be so bad. Girl. 392 00:18:13,440 --> 00:18:15,199 Speaker 2: I would wake up at two or three in the 393 00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:19,360 Speaker 2: morning with the racing heart right feeling shaky. I never 394 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,960 Speaker 2: got up and drank, but then the next day, I mean, 395 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:23,879 Speaker 2: it even got to the point, if I'm going to 396 00:18:23,920 --> 00:18:25,919 Speaker 2: be truly honest, it got to the point where I 397 00:18:25,920 --> 00:18:30,200 Speaker 2: would have to take a Xanax before bed because. 398 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,520 Speaker 1: I didn't want to feel that anxiety. 399 00:18:31,960 --> 00:18:35,680 Speaker 2: In the morning, right, And so that's a dangerous slippery slope, right, 400 00:18:35,880 --> 00:18:39,480 Speaker 2: drinking and then mixing the next day filled with panic anxiety. 401 00:18:39,520 --> 00:18:43,200 Speaker 2: I couldn't even go anywhere because my anxiety was so bad. 402 00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:45,439 Speaker 2: There were days when I couldn't even walk through a 403 00:18:45,600 --> 00:18:50,080 Speaker 2: store because whatever it was doing for my body and 404 00:18:50,119 --> 00:18:51,719 Speaker 2: then it would it would have me go into this 405 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:52,600 Speaker 2: panic attack. 406 00:18:52,880 --> 00:18:54,520 Speaker 1: So it was bad. Babe. 407 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:56,760 Speaker 3: I'm so glad that God brought you through all of that. 408 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,560 Speaker 3: Can you please talk a little bit about how your 409 00:18:59,560 --> 00:19:03,120 Speaker 3: relationship ship with Jesus has changed in the last year 410 00:19:03,200 --> 00:19:04,439 Speaker 3: of being alcohol For you. 411 00:19:05,000 --> 00:19:08,840 Speaker 2: Oh, I would say I was a luke warm Christian, right. 412 00:19:09,160 --> 00:19:11,480 Speaker 2: I think I got saved when I was eighteen or nineteen, 413 00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:15,879 Speaker 2: anywhere somewhere between there. And I always lived one foot 414 00:19:15,920 --> 00:19:19,360 Speaker 2: in and one foot out, and that was how I lived, right, 415 00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,240 Speaker 2: If I did something wrong, I would repent, say Lord, 416 00:19:22,359 --> 00:19:24,560 Speaker 2: forgive me, forgive me for drinking and night not knowing 417 00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,080 Speaker 2: this severity. But this thing is I didn't know any better. 418 00:19:27,320 --> 00:19:31,960 Speaker 2: But it has completely changed. It's a lifestyle right. It's 419 00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:34,960 Speaker 2: not about religion. It's about a relationship with Jesus. It 420 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,320 Speaker 2: is a lifestyle right. And I always say this. People 421 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:41,600 Speaker 2: can say they're saved, but they could live like I 422 00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:44,720 Speaker 2: did right for many years, still doing the things. So 423 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:48,920 Speaker 2: it has changed completely. My relationship has deepened. As soon 424 00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:51,200 Speaker 2: as I get up in the morning, I'm in the word, 425 00:19:51,760 --> 00:19:54,879 Speaker 2: I feel his presence. The more that I've been sober, 426 00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,479 Speaker 2: I am in tune to his voice speaking. He shows 427 00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:02,960 Speaker 2: me so many things where I'm seeing miracle signs and wonders, 428 00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:06,719 Speaker 2: like literally things that happen. But if I was drinking, 429 00:20:06,760 --> 00:20:09,479 Speaker 2: I wouldn't have seen it. He will even speak to 430 00:20:09,520 --> 00:20:11,800 Speaker 2: me in the clouds. If I was drinking, I wouldn't 431 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,200 Speaker 2: have looked at the you know, I would be looking 432 00:20:13,280 --> 00:20:15,560 Speaker 2: up at the clouds, going, God, you're so good and 433 00:20:15,600 --> 00:20:16,960 Speaker 2: seeing things in the clouds. 434 00:20:17,680 --> 00:20:19,359 Speaker 1: It's just amazing, you know. 435 00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,760 Speaker 2: And he will fill that space, he will fill that void. 436 00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,600 Speaker 2: And so it has become so much stronger. It's just 437 00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:30,480 Speaker 2: night and day. Honestly, it's amazing. And I said, I 438 00:20:30,480 --> 00:20:34,440 Speaker 2: will see little signs from him, whether it's feathers, whether 439 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:37,080 Speaker 2: it's seeing numbers, because I know the way he speaks 440 00:20:37,119 --> 00:20:39,120 Speaker 2: to me, right, And I was like, God, you are 441 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:41,720 Speaker 2: so good. But if I was still hung over drinking, 442 00:20:41,840 --> 00:20:46,159 Speaker 2: I would be missing all these right, that's so good. 443 00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:49,080 Speaker 3: I always say that, like, in order to hear him, 444 00:20:49,119 --> 00:20:52,359 Speaker 3: obviously you have to be still, and you have to 445 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:54,960 Speaker 3: not be have you know, your mind has to not 446 00:20:55,040 --> 00:20:57,320 Speaker 3: be cloudy. And I would go to Bible study and 447 00:20:57,359 --> 00:20:59,399 Speaker 3: I would I was always wondering why God was like 448 00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:03,160 Speaker 3: speaking to everybody else and not me. But it's because 449 00:21:03,280 --> 00:21:06,280 Speaker 3: I never made any room for him or any space. 450 00:21:06,440 --> 00:21:09,960 Speaker 2: I was just reading about, Okay, say when you get sober, right, 451 00:21:10,200 --> 00:21:13,160 Speaker 2: whatever it is, if you sober from alcohol and you 452 00:21:13,240 --> 00:21:16,840 Speaker 2: clean the house, but if you don't fill that with 453 00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,240 Speaker 2: something you know it should be that space should be 454 00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:20,400 Speaker 2: filled with the Holy Spirit. 455 00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:22,120 Speaker 1: It should be filled with Jesus. 456 00:21:22,160 --> 00:21:25,000 Speaker 2: What happens is if you go back to that thing, 457 00:21:25,600 --> 00:21:29,000 Speaker 2: then seven more spirits will come in even harder. So 458 00:21:29,119 --> 00:21:32,440 Speaker 2: I always think about that, and I was thinking, gosh, 459 00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:36,400 Speaker 2: I never ever want to go back to drinking because 460 00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:39,440 Speaker 2: I don't. I know that if I went back there, 461 00:21:39,600 --> 00:21:43,879 Speaker 2: it would be so much worse. It's like we always 462 00:21:43,920 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 2: just because we get sober and then trying to do 463 00:21:46,600 --> 00:21:49,520 Speaker 2: it on your own. I feel like it's so such 464 00:21:49,520 --> 00:21:52,200 Speaker 2: a slippery slope. That's why we need something to come 465 00:21:52,240 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 2: in and fill it. And you know, for the Holy 466 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:57,639 Speaker 2: Spirit to come in and fill that space. And like, 467 00:21:57,720 --> 00:22:00,000 Speaker 2: why were we drinking in the first place, right, Because 468 00:22:00,400 --> 00:22:04,360 Speaker 2: there's something going on. There's something that wasn't filled inside 469 00:22:04,359 --> 00:22:07,119 Speaker 2: of us that we were trying to fill it through alcohol. 470 00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,920 Speaker 4: Yeah that's so good, babe, It's so so good. 471 00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:12,280 Speaker 3: I would love it if you just took a minute 472 00:22:12,320 --> 00:22:17,600 Speaker 3: to encourage any single moms listening that are stuck in 473 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,480 Speaker 3: the drinking cycle. 474 00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:19,199 Speaker 4: What would you say to. 475 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:23,520 Speaker 1: Her, don't beat yourself up. I know it's hard. I 476 00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:24,160 Speaker 1: get it. 477 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:26,840 Speaker 2: I know what it's like to have the weight on 478 00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:30,399 Speaker 2: your shoulders. I know what it's like to do everything 479 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,440 Speaker 2: and you know, we got Like for me, I would 480 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:35,919 Speaker 2: get excited about my wine time. You know, that was 481 00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:39,400 Speaker 2: my time to I deserved it, right, I'm a single mom, 482 00:22:39,480 --> 00:22:44,200 Speaker 2: so I deserve it. But once you make that decision, 483 00:22:45,080 --> 00:22:49,160 Speaker 2: to lay it all down and ask God. I say 484 00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:51,800 Speaker 2: this because this is what helped me when I said that. 485 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:54,240 Speaker 2: The times that I was laying on the bathroom hungover, 486 00:22:54,320 --> 00:22:56,320 Speaker 2: I would have my bottles of wine the next day 487 00:22:56,600 --> 00:22:59,600 Speaker 2: and I prayed, I begged and pleaded God help me, 488 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:00,000 Speaker 2: help me. 489 00:23:00,600 --> 00:23:02,919 Speaker 1: I'm so sick and I was full of resentment. 490 00:23:03,400 --> 00:23:06,000 Speaker 2: I was full of resentment from my baby's dad that 491 00:23:06,040 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 2: didn't give me child support. I was full of resentment 492 00:23:09,280 --> 00:23:11,240 Speaker 2: that he didn't reach out to my son. And what 493 00:23:11,320 --> 00:23:13,600 Speaker 2: did I do about it as a single mom. I 494 00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:17,720 Speaker 2: drank about it, and so that was only hurting me, 495 00:23:18,680 --> 00:23:20,160 Speaker 2: And so I get it. 496 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,680 Speaker 1: I know it's hard. I know it's tough. 497 00:23:22,760 --> 00:23:24,439 Speaker 2: I know you want to go off, and I know 498 00:23:24,520 --> 00:23:26,120 Speaker 2: you want to give them a piece of your mind. 499 00:23:26,119 --> 00:23:28,320 Speaker 2: And believe me, I did, because the next morning I 500 00:23:28,359 --> 00:23:30,840 Speaker 2: would look at my text message like, Lord, who did 501 00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:31,440 Speaker 2: I text? 502 00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:32,720 Speaker 1: What did I say? 503 00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:37,040 Speaker 2: But honestly, if you really truly want to get sober 504 00:23:37,080 --> 00:23:40,640 Speaker 2: and you are so sick of living that way, ask 505 00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:43,040 Speaker 2: God to remove it. And that's the only thing that 506 00:23:43,080 --> 00:23:45,120 Speaker 2: worked for me. I would dump my wine bottles out, 507 00:23:45,160 --> 00:23:48,400 Speaker 2: I would pray over them. For me, it wasn't instantaneous. 508 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,040 Speaker 2: I'm talking years of doing this, a solid year of 509 00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:55,040 Speaker 2: me dumping my wine bottles out, praying to God, laying 510 00:23:55,119 --> 00:23:58,000 Speaker 2: on the floor, not wanting to be here, and one 511 00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:01,200 Speaker 2: day it was like, that's it. That's it. I'm sick 512 00:24:01,240 --> 00:24:03,320 Speaker 2: and tired of being sick and tired. You don't have 513 00:24:03,480 --> 00:24:06,560 Speaker 2: to reach an ultimate low now. However, I did because 514 00:24:06,600 --> 00:24:08,040 Speaker 2: I didn't want to be here anymore. 515 00:24:08,600 --> 00:24:10,159 Speaker 1: But I didn't go to ja. Oh, I didn't go 516 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:10,719 Speaker 1: to prison. 517 00:24:11,200 --> 00:24:12,720 Speaker 2: You know a lot of people didn't even know that 518 00:24:13,160 --> 00:24:16,160 Speaker 2: it was that severe, right, But you have to want 519 00:24:16,160 --> 00:24:17,640 Speaker 2: to get off of it, and you have to. 520 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:18,600 Speaker 4: Keep trying like that. 521 00:24:19,040 --> 00:24:21,439 Speaker 3: That's what is so beautiful about your story is that 522 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 3: you didn't give up. And that's so encouraging for the women. Yeah, 523 00:24:25,160 --> 00:24:27,199 Speaker 3: for the women that are that are listening to this. 524 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:29,920 Speaker 3: And if you're listening to this, you're obviously still trying 525 00:24:29,920 --> 00:24:33,520 Speaker 3: because you're listening to this, And though that is so encouraging, babe. 526 00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:36,920 Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm still a single mother, right, And not only that, 527 00:24:37,080 --> 00:24:39,359 Speaker 2: I went through a really hard time this last month 528 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,040 Speaker 2: where I was in a horrible marriage that I got 529 00:24:42,080 --> 00:24:46,440 Speaker 2: married for maybe two years now being sober, still having 530 00:24:46,480 --> 00:24:49,440 Speaker 2: to go through the divorce process because it's not finalized. 531 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,560 Speaker 2: I'm not drinking through it. I'm able sober. I'm able 532 00:24:53,640 --> 00:24:57,840 Speaker 2: to manage my reactions better. Whenever you get sober, it's 533 00:24:57,880 --> 00:25:01,359 Speaker 2: not having everything go perfectly, it's just being able to 534 00:25:01,720 --> 00:25:05,800 Speaker 2: manage them differently, manage them with a sober mind and 535 00:25:06,200 --> 00:25:09,840 Speaker 2: being aware of you know your reactions a lot better. 536 00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:12,720 Speaker 2: Your reactions are way better when you're sober, for sure. 537 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,200 Speaker 3: Yeah, and if the biggest gift, which is the biggest gift, 538 00:25:16,280 --> 00:25:18,240 Speaker 3: is that you get to be closer to Jesus and 539 00:25:18,280 --> 00:25:22,720 Speaker 3: hear from him more than it's so incredibly worth it. 540 00:25:22,960 --> 00:25:25,600 Speaker 2: Like if God can do so much for you in 541 00:25:25,800 --> 00:25:29,840 Speaker 2: one year, it blows my mind. 542 00:25:29,800 --> 00:25:31,240 Speaker 1: What he can do in a year. 543 00:25:31,440 --> 00:25:35,080 Speaker 2: I mean, I'm getting ordained next month to be a minister. 544 00:25:35,280 --> 00:25:38,879 Speaker 2: I've been preaching at a couple pulpits. I started going 545 00:25:38,960 --> 00:25:42,080 Speaker 2: live when I was drinking. I would not hit that live. 546 00:25:42,200 --> 00:25:45,040 Speaker 2: But I was a girl that was super shy, that 547 00:25:45,080 --> 00:25:48,880 Speaker 2: would never raise my hand in high school. I wouldn't 548 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:50,960 Speaker 2: be doing this podcast now. I won't even get on 549 00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:54,000 Speaker 2: a FaceTime. That is how much I was filled with 550 00:25:54,080 --> 00:25:56,320 Speaker 2: fear and I was trying to mask it. God can 551 00:25:56,359 --> 00:25:59,920 Speaker 2: do so much, honestly, and if you're if you are 552 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:02,720 Speaker 2: a functioning drinker. 553 00:26:02,640 --> 00:26:06,760 Speaker 1: Imagine what he can do when you're not drinking, right. 554 00:26:06,800 --> 00:26:10,960 Speaker 2: Imagine all the doors that will open your life will 555 00:26:11,000 --> 00:26:13,640 Speaker 2: be Literally, I just wake up someday and I look 556 00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:16,920 Speaker 2: at the clouds and I'm so happy. I'm so happy 557 00:26:17,000 --> 00:26:19,959 Speaker 2: and drinking a cup of coffee. I'm hearing the birds. 558 00:26:20,240 --> 00:26:23,159 Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, what a beautiful bird. Right before the 559 00:26:23,200 --> 00:26:25,520 Speaker 2: birds would be chirping, I'm like, you know what, I'm 560 00:26:25,560 --> 00:26:28,560 Speaker 2: gonna throw something at that bird because I'm hungover. 561 00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:33,840 Speaker 1: It's a beautiful it is. Truly, you see life through 562 00:26:33,840 --> 00:26:34,760 Speaker 1: a whole new lens. 563 00:26:35,119 --> 00:26:37,680 Speaker 4: Right, Yeah, that's so good. 564 00:26:37,840 --> 00:26:40,399 Speaker 3: I mean, I feel like this conversation kind of leads 565 00:26:40,400 --> 00:26:43,320 Speaker 3: itself to the new action being just don't give up. 566 00:26:43,520 --> 00:26:46,040 Speaker 3: Is there something else that you would leave the listener with. 567 00:26:46,440 --> 00:26:48,760 Speaker 2: I've said this even you know, all my lives. I 568 00:26:48,760 --> 00:26:51,960 Speaker 2: don't care if you woke up hungover today. Today is 569 00:26:52,000 --> 00:26:55,440 Speaker 2: a new day. You can try again, and you might 570 00:26:55,480 --> 00:26:58,160 Speaker 2: even be like me where you're writing a new day 571 00:26:58,240 --> 00:27:01,600 Speaker 2: on the chalkboard every single and so if I can 572 00:27:01,760 --> 00:27:05,359 Speaker 2: encourage you, do not beat yourself up, continue to pray, 573 00:27:05,800 --> 00:27:08,359 Speaker 2: continue to ask God. If you were stuck in this cycle, 574 00:27:08,440 --> 00:27:11,199 Speaker 2: continue to ask God to deliver you. It might not 575 00:27:11,359 --> 00:27:15,320 Speaker 2: happen overnight, but I promise you God's promises are yes 576 00:27:15,560 --> 00:27:18,959 Speaker 2: and amen. He will deliver you. But you have to 577 00:27:19,160 --> 00:27:22,960 Speaker 2: want the deliverance. You have to want to let it go. 578 00:27:23,480 --> 00:27:27,160 Speaker 2: You have to stop going to the wine store, right, 579 00:27:27,560 --> 00:27:31,280 Speaker 2: you have to stop going to the liquor store. Don't 580 00:27:31,320 --> 00:27:33,680 Speaker 2: give up. I've done probably every trick. 581 00:27:33,480 --> 00:27:33,960 Speaker 1: In the book. 582 00:27:34,160 --> 00:27:40,000 Speaker 2: You know, organic wine, sul fight, free wine, different grape 583 00:27:40,119 --> 00:27:43,399 Speaker 2: leave wine, the white wine, the red wine. And the 584 00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,080 Speaker 2: most important thing is that you have to want it. 585 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,840 Speaker 2: And if you're not there yet, don't beat yourself up. 586 00:27:50,160 --> 00:27:53,879 Speaker 2: God sees where you're at and sometimes it's a process, Okay, 587 00:27:53,960 --> 00:27:57,040 Speaker 2: So continue to keep getting back up. You're gonna get 588 00:27:57,040 --> 00:28:02,119 Speaker 2: there if you truly want to stop drinking, if you 589 00:28:02,160 --> 00:28:06,320 Speaker 2: truly want to get off the cycle, you will get there. 590 00:28:06,320 --> 00:28:09,120 Speaker 3: But you have to want it. You have to want it. Yeah, 591 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:11,959 Speaker 3: that's so good, Kelly. Can you tell everybody where they 592 00:28:11,960 --> 00:28:12,560 Speaker 3: can find you. 593 00:28:13,240 --> 00:28:16,640 Speaker 2: Monday mornings, I give a devotional at eight thirty. I'm 594 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:20,000 Speaker 2: branching out and doing my lives on Instagram now and 595 00:28:20,359 --> 00:28:25,320 Speaker 2: Facebook and YouTube. If you research Kelly Harper Ministry. That 596 00:28:25,560 --> 00:28:28,760 Speaker 2: is my name on all platforms and you can find 597 00:28:28,800 --> 00:28:31,080 Speaker 2: me there, give me a follow, let me know you're 598 00:28:31,080 --> 00:28:35,399 Speaker 2: coming from, Christy, and I would be so excited to 599 00:28:35,560 --> 00:28:36,360 Speaker 2: just have you there. 600 00:28:36,400 --> 00:28:36,720 Speaker 1: Guys. 601 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:40,000 Speaker 2: It's truly amazing. I'm blessed to have met you, Christy. 602 00:28:40,080 --> 00:28:43,200 Speaker 2: I don't even know how I came across, but God knew. 603 00:28:44,040 --> 00:28:46,840 Speaker 2: And I can't rave enough, like I'm always raving about 604 00:28:46,840 --> 00:28:49,840 Speaker 2: your book because it truly helped me so so much. 605 00:28:49,880 --> 00:28:51,560 Speaker 2: If you guys don't have her book, you need to 606 00:28:51,600 --> 00:28:54,480 Speaker 2: get that book. I'm telling you I could not put 607 00:28:54,520 --> 00:28:56,800 Speaker 2: it down. And no, I don't have a promotion for 608 00:28:56,840 --> 00:28:57,280 Speaker 2: the book. 609 00:28:57,480 --> 00:28:58,440 Speaker 1: I'm telling you it. 610 00:28:58,440 --> 00:29:01,680 Speaker 2: Is just that good because just it hits something in me, 611 00:29:01,800 --> 00:29:06,200 Speaker 2: you know, And that book was the beginning of my sobriety. 612 00:29:06,200 --> 00:29:08,440 Speaker 1: It helped me so much, it truly did. 613 00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,640 Speaker 4: Thank you, babe. I so appreciate that. 614 00:29:11,120 --> 00:29:14,400 Speaker 3: I will link all of your handles below, and I'm 615 00:29:14,480 --> 00:29:16,680 Speaker 3: so excited for you. I'm so proud of you. Thank 616 00:29:16,760 --> 00:29:19,240 Speaker 3: you for being here. All right, gals, we will see 617 00:29:19,240 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 3: you next week. Thank you for spending this time with 618 00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:25,360 Speaker 3: me on Love Live sober if Today's conversation stirred something 619 00:29:25,400 --> 00:29:28,120 Speaker 3: in your heart, don't rush past it, take it to prayer. 620 00:29:28,520 --> 00:29:31,840 Speaker 3: If you're feeling ready for deeper connection and support, I'd 621 00:29:31,880 --> 00:29:34,360 Speaker 3: love to invite you into the love Life Sober community, 622 00:29:34,560 --> 00:29:38,240 Speaker 3: a grace filled, shame free space where real connection grows 623 00:29:38,560 --> 00:29:41,520 Speaker 3: and lasting change takes root. You can find the link 624 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:45,280 Speaker 3: to join us in the show notes. Love Life Sober 625 00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:48,400 Speaker 3: is part of the Life Audio podcast network, where faith 626 00:29:48,520 --> 00:29:51,440 Speaker 3: centered podcasts help you grow deeper in your walk with Christ. 627 00:29:51,800 --> 00:29:55,719 Speaker 3: You can find more faith centered podcasts at lifeaudio dot com. 628 00:29:56,160 --> 00:29:59,600 Speaker 3: Until next time, be gentle with yourself, stay curious, and 629 00:29:59,640 --> 00:30:00,840 Speaker 3: trust God's promises. 630 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,680 Speaker 4: He has freedom waiting for you.