1 00:00:02,680 --> 00:00:03,520 Speaker 1: Life Audio. 2 00:00:06,800 --> 00:00:09,879 Speaker 2: Welcome to the Love Offering Podcast. I'm your host, Rachel Adams, 3 00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:12,560 Speaker 2: author of Everyday Prayers for Love, Learning to Love God, others, 4 00:00:12,560 --> 00:00:15,840 Speaker 2: and even yourself. Each week we dive into meaningful conversations 5 00:00:15,880 --> 00:00:18,320 Speaker 2: about how to live out the greatest commandment, loving God 6 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:20,360 Speaker 2: with all of our heart's soul, mind and strength, and 7 00:00:20,440 --> 00:00:24,680 Speaker 2: loving our neighbors as ourselves, whether through inspiring stories, practical wisdom, 8 00:00:24,760 --> 00:00:25,560 Speaker 2: or biblical truth. 9 00:00:25,600 --> 00:00:26,920 Speaker 1: My hope is to encourage you to. 10 00:00:27,040 --> 00:00:30,680 Speaker 2: Love boldly, live faithfully, and reflect God's love in your 11 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 2: everyday life. Today, I'm excited to welcome Andrea Fortenberry to 12 00:00:35,479 --> 00:00:38,400 Speaker 2: the show. Andrea is a writer, speaker, ministry leader, and 13 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:42,239 Speaker 2: deeply relatable, faith filled voice for moms navigating both the 14 00:00:42,280 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 2: mess and the beauty of motherhood. She's the host of 15 00:00:45,159 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 2: The Perfectionists Guide to Mothering podcast and currently serves as 16 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 2: the leadership development manager at Momco, where she encourages women 17 00:00:52,360 --> 00:00:55,480 Speaker 2: to lead and serve with grace rather than striving. In 18 00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:59,640 Speaker 2: her book Two Minute Timeouts for New Moms, Andrea offers short, 19 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 2: soul nourishing devotions for moms in tender and tiring seasons 20 00:01:03,680 --> 00:01:06,600 Speaker 2: of motherhood. While written with new moms in mind. The 21 00:01:06,680 --> 00:01:09,800 Speaker 2: encouragement in these pages meets moms in any stage when 22 00:01:09,840 --> 00:01:14,320 Speaker 2: life feels full, overwhelming, joyful, and exhausting all at once. Well, 23 00:01:14,319 --> 00:01:17,440 Speaker 2: Hello Andrea, and welcome to the Level Fring Podcast. I'm 24 00:01:17,480 --> 00:01:18,560 Speaker 2: so happy to have you. 25 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:20,680 Speaker 3: Well, Rachel, I'm so excited to be here. Thanks for 26 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:21,160 Speaker 3: having me. 27 00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,080 Speaker 2: So. As I was telling you before we hit record, 28 00:01:24,160 --> 00:01:26,520 Speaker 2: I feel like I've known you forever because we're like 29 00:01:26,600 --> 00:01:28,400 Speaker 2: online friends. But this is the first time that we've 30 00:01:28,400 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 2: ever got a chance to chat actually in person, if 31 00:01:32,480 --> 00:01:35,720 Speaker 2: we can even say that, because we're recording still online. 32 00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:39,080 Speaker 2: But I'm excited to get to hear more of your story. 33 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 2: So tell us about just your journey in motherhood and 34 00:01:42,280 --> 00:01:45,199 Speaker 2: where you are in the motherhood journey as we speak today. 35 00:01:45,600 --> 00:01:45,919 Speaker 1: Sure. 36 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:50,200 Speaker 3: Well, it's amazing just how fast and slow sometimes time passes. 37 00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:53,400 Speaker 3: Because I am now a mom of a high school senior. 38 00:01:53,520 --> 00:01:56,520 Speaker 3: My daughter graduates soon, and then my son is a 39 00:01:56,560 --> 00:02:00,640 Speaker 3: high school freshman, and so I am in the teenage territory, 40 00:02:00,720 --> 00:02:04,160 Speaker 3: getting ready to launch my daughter, launch my book. So 41 00:02:04,200 --> 00:02:08,480 Speaker 3: it's just a very full season of life. You know, 42 00:02:08,520 --> 00:02:11,160 Speaker 3: when I think back to when I was a new mom, 43 00:02:11,240 --> 00:02:16,840 Speaker 3: I had so many ideas and expectations of what motherhood 44 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:19,440 Speaker 3: would be like, and God has taught me just so 45 00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:24,160 Speaker 3: much through the journey about how to learn to let 46 00:02:24,240 --> 00:02:28,560 Speaker 3: go of those high expectations, the perfectionism, And so I 47 00:02:28,600 --> 00:02:32,200 Speaker 3: really feel like God has done the greatest works in 48 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,040 Speaker 3: my life through being a mom and the lessons that 49 00:02:35,120 --> 00:02:37,480 Speaker 3: He has taught me. I thought motherhood was going to 50 00:02:37,560 --> 00:02:39,760 Speaker 3: be so much about me teaching my kids, but I 51 00:02:39,760 --> 00:02:42,120 Speaker 3: feel like it's been so much of God teaching me 52 00:02:42,680 --> 00:02:44,799 Speaker 3: and also my kids teaching me things too. 53 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:46,360 Speaker 1: Yeah, oh, me too. 54 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,040 Speaker 2: So I have a freshman and a sophomore, so we're 55 00:02:49,120 --> 00:02:51,359 Speaker 2: kind of in a similar season, but not getting ready 56 00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,600 Speaker 2: to launch one off to college that they see all 57 00:02:53,680 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 2: kinds of nervous. 58 00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:55,840 Speaker 1: Yes, it's just wild. 59 00:02:55,880 --> 00:02:59,160 Speaker 3: It is totally a bittersweet thing, like so much excitement 60 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:02,520 Speaker 3: and joy and just fun in this season, but also 61 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,080 Speaker 3: moments of like, oh wow, she's going to be not 62 00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,240 Speaker 3: living in our house every day, and so there's some 63 00:03:07,360 --> 00:03:10,840 Speaker 3: sadness there, but I am trying to just experience and 64 00:03:10,880 --> 00:03:11,560 Speaker 3: focus on the. 65 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:12,280 Speaker 1: Joy of it. 66 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:15,320 Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I have even found as my son got 67 00:03:15,320 --> 00:03:18,320 Speaker 2: his driver's license, it's just like a slowly letting go 68 00:03:18,520 --> 00:03:22,200 Speaker 2: and releasing and surrendering them into the world. The more 69 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,360 Speaker 2: their activities and their friendships, it's just like continuing to 70 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:25,840 Speaker 2: take them. 71 00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 1: Further and further away. Just want to hold them close 72 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,799 Speaker 1: for as long as possible. 73 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:33,840 Speaker 3: Yes, for sure, so many little, mini micro moments of 74 00:03:33,880 --> 00:03:35,480 Speaker 3: getting to do that. And in some ways, I really 75 00:03:35,520 --> 00:03:38,400 Speaker 3: feel like that's God's gift, because it would be really 76 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,760 Speaker 3: hard to like just rip the band aid off and 77 00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:43,840 Speaker 3: letting go full lack of control, I guess, or influence. 78 00:03:43,960 --> 00:03:47,040 Speaker 3: But it's nice that it is kind of happening slowly 79 00:03:47,440 --> 00:03:49,520 Speaker 3: and we can get adjusted to it over time. 80 00:03:50,120 --> 00:03:51,280 Speaker 1: Yes, and I'm an agreement. 81 00:03:51,440 --> 00:03:56,080 Speaker 2: I feel like marriage and motherhood are sanctifying. It's God's 82 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:59,600 Speaker 2: way of really refining us and growing us to be 83 00:03:59,760 --> 00:04:02,640 Speaker 2: more like him. And you know, I'm just thinking about 84 00:04:02,680 --> 00:04:05,360 Speaker 2: when my kids were little, I was a stay at 85 00:04:05,400 --> 00:04:08,040 Speaker 2: home mom, and it was like I just wanted a 86 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:10,640 Speaker 2: minute to myself, you know, can I please just go 87 00:04:10,680 --> 00:04:13,840 Speaker 2: to the bathroom or shower or do anything alone? You know, 88 00:04:14,320 --> 00:04:17,200 Speaker 2: I just wanted time to myself. And now it's like, oh, 89 00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:18,640 Speaker 2: that's the time that I wish back. 90 00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:22,400 Speaker 3: Yes, It's just so interesting how it really like shifts 91 00:04:22,400 --> 00:04:25,680 Speaker 3: and flip flops and I remember Mother's Day like different 92 00:04:25,680 --> 00:04:27,280 Speaker 3: times that I was I was like, I just want 93 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:30,080 Speaker 3: to escape, I just need a break from being full 94 00:04:30,080 --> 00:04:33,240 Speaker 3: time mommy. And then there's this shift where now I'm like, 95 00:04:33,279 --> 00:04:35,479 Speaker 3: I just want time with my kids because they're off 96 00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:38,359 Speaker 3: doing their activities and things as they should be. But 97 00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:41,320 Speaker 3: it's just so interesting how there is a shift there 98 00:04:41,360 --> 00:04:41,640 Speaker 3: that have. 99 00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:46,000 Speaker 2: So have you always had a heart for new moms. 100 00:04:46,040 --> 00:04:48,200 Speaker 2: When I first had my children, I was a part 101 00:04:48,240 --> 00:04:50,960 Speaker 2: of MOPS, the Mothers of three schoolers, and there were 102 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:53,600 Speaker 2: some mentor moms that came alongside us, and it was 103 00:04:53,640 --> 00:04:57,680 Speaker 2: so invaluable to have their perspective and their hope, and 104 00:04:57,839 --> 00:04:59,440 Speaker 2: just like we're sharing right now, maybe if there's a 105 00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,600 Speaker 2: new mom less right now, like, enjoy this season best 106 00:05:02,640 --> 00:05:04,599 Speaker 2: you can, because you're gonna miss it. 107 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:07,839 Speaker 1: So talk to us about your heart for new moms. 108 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:10,240 Speaker 3: Yes, like I said earlier, I feel like I went 109 00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 3: into motherhood with so many expectations and just what I 110 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:15,680 Speaker 3: thought I would be like as a mom and what 111 00:05:15,720 --> 00:05:18,680 Speaker 3: my kids would be like. And then reality, right, Like 112 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:22,560 Speaker 3: the reality of motherhood is that it is hard and beautiful. 113 00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:26,120 Speaker 3: It is full of moments of joy, but also frustration 114 00:05:26,440 --> 00:05:29,640 Speaker 3: and loneliness and just doubt and insecurity of like. 115 00:05:30,400 --> 00:05:31,480 Speaker 1: Am I doing this right? 116 00:05:31,720 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 3: I'm the only mom who experiences these things, and we 117 00:05:35,240 --> 00:05:38,039 Speaker 3: feel shame and embarrassed and things, And so I just 118 00:05:38,240 --> 00:05:41,919 Speaker 3: fully remember being in the throes of that, and how 119 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:45,160 Speaker 3: as I did open up and I did have community, 120 00:05:45,240 --> 00:05:49,040 Speaker 3: I learned I'm not the only one who experiences these things. 121 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:54,440 Speaker 3: And just realizing that, like you said, motherhood is so sanctifying, 122 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:58,760 Speaker 3: and there are also things that we can't anticipate. Like 123 00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:02,880 Speaker 3: my daughter had colic, she had gastric reflex and I 124 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 3: didn't know, and so she would cry and cry, and 125 00:06:05,720 --> 00:06:06,839 Speaker 3: so I was exhausted. 126 00:06:06,920 --> 00:06:10,640 Speaker 1: She was exhausted, and it was just this perfect storm. 127 00:06:10,839 --> 00:06:14,080 Speaker 3: And when I would get a word of encouragement from 128 00:06:14,120 --> 00:06:16,720 Speaker 3: someone that this is going to pass, like it's not 129 00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,680 Speaker 3: going to be this way, or can I come and 130 00:06:18,720 --> 00:06:23,040 Speaker 3: hold the baby for you, Like, just those supportive, encouraging 131 00:06:23,440 --> 00:06:26,920 Speaker 3: bits of advice from moms a little farther down the road. 132 00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:27,640 Speaker 1: Just meant so much. 133 00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:30,560 Speaker 3: And so I wanted to keep in mind, how can 134 00:06:30,600 --> 00:06:34,640 Speaker 3: I be that to someone else, even though maybe I'm 135 00:06:34,680 --> 00:06:37,359 Speaker 3: only two steps ahead of someone. How can I be 136 00:06:37,480 --> 00:06:40,479 Speaker 3: mindful and just encourage them that you know what you're 137 00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:43,840 Speaker 3: doing better than you think. This two shall pass, And 138 00:06:44,680 --> 00:06:48,279 Speaker 3: to focus on the joy of whatever season we're in, 139 00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:53,120 Speaker 3: versus focusing so much on what's hard, because in every 140 00:06:53,240 --> 00:06:56,560 Speaker 3: season there is that beauty of the joy and the 141 00:06:56,640 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 3: hard no matter what season of motherhood you're in. And 142 00:06:59,720 --> 00:07:03,480 Speaker 3: it's really easy to just focus on what's hard and frustrating. 143 00:07:03,680 --> 00:07:05,960 Speaker 3: But I think when we take a breath, when we 144 00:07:06,080 --> 00:07:09,960 Speaker 3: have someone encouraging us, we can see, oh, okay, I'm 145 00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,120 Speaker 3: going to focus on this even though I have to 146 00:07:12,160 --> 00:07:13,960 Speaker 3: experience these difficult things too. 147 00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:15,280 Speaker 1: Yeah. 148 00:07:15,320 --> 00:07:18,960 Speaker 2: I love that you're being a mentor mom in book form. 149 00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:21,600 Speaker 2: So did you have some You mentioned it and kind 150 00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:24,320 Speaker 2: of alluded to women that came alongside you, a sense 151 00:07:24,320 --> 00:07:27,559 Speaker 2: of sisterhood or community that helped you in your motherhood journey. 152 00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: And I even want to hear about your mom what 153 00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:31,840 Speaker 2: that relationship is like as well. 154 00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:33,880 Speaker 3: Yes, I was gonna say, my mom has been my 155 00:07:33,960 --> 00:07:38,280 Speaker 3: biggest supporter in every season of encouragement to me, but 156 00:07:38,360 --> 00:07:42,800 Speaker 3: also really practical help of like she's the grandma who 157 00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,760 Speaker 3: wants to watch the kids and take care of them. 158 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:46,080 Speaker 1: And I've done motherhood. 159 00:07:46,400 --> 00:07:48,720 Speaker 3: I feel like all the ways, like I stayed at 160 00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:51,840 Speaker 3: home when my second kiddo was born and was home 161 00:07:51,880 --> 00:07:54,800 Speaker 3: full time, but before that I worked part time. 162 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:56,160 Speaker 1: Once my daughter was. 163 00:07:56,080 --> 00:07:58,760 Speaker 3: Born and a little bit from home, and then once 164 00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,560 Speaker 3: my daughter hit middle school, I've been working part time 165 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:03,360 Speaker 3: and then now full time with the mom co. So 166 00:08:03,440 --> 00:08:06,760 Speaker 3: I've done motherhood and all the different combinations. I feel 167 00:08:06,760 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 3: like you can with work and staying at home, and 168 00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:14,640 Speaker 3: in every scenario we all need that support and encouragement. 169 00:08:14,680 --> 00:08:17,440 Speaker 3: So my mom has definitely been that to me. I 170 00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 3: had a friend at church who when I had newborns, 171 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:23,840 Speaker 3: she had teenagers, and so she was really encouraging to me. 172 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,760 Speaker 3: And then when my son was two, I did join 173 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:31,560 Speaker 3: a mop's now mom co group and just really enjoyed 174 00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:36,680 Speaker 3: the community and the friendship and also just the ability 175 00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 3: to sit with moms and to interrupted by our children 176 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:44,040 Speaker 3: because they were in childcare, and we would have speakers 177 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,720 Speaker 3: and our mentor moms and the pastor of the church 178 00:08:46,800 --> 00:08:49,679 Speaker 3: come in and speak to us, and it was just 179 00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,880 Speaker 3: I feel like reviving to my soul to help me 180 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:57,440 Speaker 3: remember that underneath my title of mommy, that I'm still me, 181 00:08:57,600 --> 00:09:00,760 Speaker 3: I'm still Andrea under there, and that I needed to 182 00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:04,359 Speaker 3: be nurtured and encouraged and carve out time for friendship 183 00:09:04,480 --> 00:09:08,720 Speaker 3: and for self care because that's really important. Yeah. 184 00:09:08,880 --> 00:09:13,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, I can't say enough about how transformative and helpful 185 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:17,960 Speaker 2: the mops Now mom co was for me in that season. 186 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:21,439 Speaker 2: I was really really lonely before I found that community 187 00:09:21,480 --> 00:09:24,200 Speaker 2: and it changed everything for me. And now that we 188 00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:27,280 Speaker 2: have a mom co at our church and I see 189 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,440 Speaker 2: all the young moms going in, it's really neat to 190 00:09:29,480 --> 00:09:32,520 Speaker 2: see kind of full circle on the other side of that. 191 00:09:32,640 --> 00:09:36,080 Speaker 2: So what an impactful, meaningful ministry. Yeah, you're part of 192 00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:36,760 Speaker 2: Thank you. 193 00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:37,120 Speaker 1: Yes. 194 00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:40,080 Speaker 3: And it was fun because I got to in the 195 00:09:40,120 --> 00:09:42,400 Speaker 3: past years. I had stepped down this past years to 196 00:09:42,440 --> 00:09:44,559 Speaker 3: make space for my daughter senior year, but I served 197 00:09:44,559 --> 00:09:46,520 Speaker 3: as a mentor mom as well, and so it was 198 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,080 Speaker 3: fun to remember being a mom at the table and 199 00:09:50,120 --> 00:09:52,560 Speaker 3: then serving in that mentor role. And really it's just 200 00:09:52,640 --> 00:09:55,760 Speaker 3: friendship with the moms and just encouraging them and reminding 201 00:09:55,760 --> 00:09:58,960 Speaker 3: them you're going to be okay. And God is there. 202 00:09:59,120 --> 00:10:02,400 Speaker 3: He's there with you in your worry and in your 203 00:10:02,520 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 3: season that may be hard or the seasons that feel 204 00:10:05,600 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 3: good too. 205 00:10:06,160 --> 00:10:07,120 Speaker 1: He's with us. 206 00:10:07,160 --> 00:10:10,440 Speaker 3: And I think just that encouragement and reminder can mean 207 00:10:10,480 --> 00:10:13,360 Speaker 3: so much, so I'd love to be able to pay 208 00:10:13,360 --> 00:10:15,720 Speaker 3: that forward. And then for any listeners who if you 209 00:10:15,960 --> 00:10:18,839 Speaker 3: are in a season of meeting community as a mom, 210 00:10:18,880 --> 00:10:21,480 Speaker 3: you can go to the mom dot co and find 211 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,560 Speaker 3: groups that meet in person or online as well. Because 212 00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,560 Speaker 3: sometimes you don't have a group near you or just 213 00:10:27,640 --> 00:10:29,800 Speaker 3: your schedule, you can find online groups. 214 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,880 Speaker 2: Well, we'll put that in the show notes, but we 215 00:10:32,920 --> 00:10:34,319 Speaker 2: are going to take a brief break to hear a 216 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:37,400 Speaker 2: word from today's sponsor, and when we come back, we're 217 00:10:37,400 --> 00:10:41,160 Speaker 2: going to talk about overwhelm expectations and the hidden weight 218 00:10:41,240 --> 00:10:45,080 Speaker 2: that so many of us moms. Carrie, welcome back. I'm 219 00:10:45,120 --> 00:10:48,600 Speaker 2: talking with Andrea Forton Bierry about her book Two Minute 220 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:52,200 Speaker 2: Timeouts for New Moms. No matter what stage of life 221 00:10:52,240 --> 00:10:55,960 Speaker 2: we are in as moms, I think we often wonder like, 222 00:10:56,000 --> 00:10:58,040 Speaker 2: am I the only one that feels overwhelmed? Or am 223 00:10:58,080 --> 00:11:00,320 Speaker 2: I the only one that feels like I'm not doing 224 00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 2: a good job at this? 225 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:03,439 Speaker 1: But I think can I go ahead and say You're 226 00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,040 Speaker 1: not the only one? We all feel this way? 227 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:09,040 Speaker 2: Talked to us about that struggle of just like I 228 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,079 Speaker 2: feel so alone in this and I'm worried if I'm 229 00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:11,920 Speaker 2: even doing it right. 230 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:16,680 Speaker 3: Yes, I think we subconsciously look around at other people 231 00:11:16,920 --> 00:11:22,640 Speaker 3: and compare. We're comparing our struggle to their strength, or 232 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,559 Speaker 3: our frustration to like their highlight moments. And I specifically 233 00:11:26,559 --> 00:11:29,480 Speaker 3: remember my daughter was like six weeks old and I 234 00:11:29,520 --> 00:11:31,480 Speaker 3: mentioned she had a colic, she had reflex like we 235 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:35,520 Speaker 3: were not sleeping just those early weeks for all moms, 236 00:11:35,559 --> 00:11:39,599 Speaker 3: the sleeplessness is super hard, but add on for those complications. 237 00:11:39,840 --> 00:11:42,000 Speaker 3: Remember leaving her at home with my husband to go 238 00:11:42,080 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 3: to a baby shower for another friend, and one of 239 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 3: my mom friends was there who her daughter was like 240 00:11:47,640 --> 00:11:49,840 Speaker 3: nine months old, and she brought the baby and she 241 00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,240 Speaker 3: was feeding her baby food and like she was dressed up, 242 00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,920 Speaker 3: and I was just like, oh my goodness, Like I 243 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:59,000 Speaker 3: am a hot mess over here, and she's just rocking 244 00:11:59,040 --> 00:12:01,880 Speaker 3: it and I'm the only one, is what I was thinking. 245 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,959 Speaker 3: But as I got to experience real life with her 246 00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:07,640 Speaker 3: a little bit more, realizing she was just a little 247 00:12:07,679 --> 00:12:10,120 Speaker 3: further ahead and in a season where that was possible, 248 00:12:10,200 --> 00:12:12,680 Speaker 3: whereas I was just in a different spot, and so 249 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:17,040 Speaker 3: realizing that we all have those struggles despite what the 250 00:12:17,320 --> 00:12:21,360 Speaker 3: Instagram reels show us, and everybody's grids online, Like, we 251 00:12:21,480 --> 00:12:24,640 Speaker 3: all have struggles and it may be different. My struggle 252 00:12:24,720 --> 00:12:27,319 Speaker 3: might be a little bit different because of the unique 253 00:12:27,320 --> 00:12:30,839 Speaker 3: makeup of my personality or my kids, but we all 254 00:12:30,880 --> 00:12:32,320 Speaker 3: have things, we all struggle. 255 00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:37,400 Speaker 2: Yeah, so you also talk about pride being a stumbling 256 00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,880 Speaker 2: blog for moms. How does pride show up in motherhood 257 00:12:39,920 --> 00:12:42,360 Speaker 2: and how can it keep us from receiving help, rest 258 00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:44,080 Speaker 2: and grace from God and from others. 259 00:12:44,440 --> 00:12:48,600 Speaker 3: Oh, pride, it has been thorn in my side because 260 00:12:48,640 --> 00:12:53,440 Speaker 3: I have always been that type a like structured scheduled person, 261 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,720 Speaker 3: I having to do list and love to check the 262 00:12:55,760 --> 00:12:59,560 Speaker 3: things off, and that worked really well before motherhood, but 263 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:02,560 Speaker 3: then and again you added all of these variables and 264 00:13:02,600 --> 00:13:06,800 Speaker 3: it just didn't seem like I could do that anymore, 265 00:13:06,920 --> 00:13:10,600 Speaker 3: and just feeling that frustration and it was really hard 266 00:13:10,679 --> 00:13:14,199 Speaker 3: for me to be able to ask for help. And 267 00:13:14,600 --> 00:13:18,920 Speaker 3: I realized that that actually is pride, like us thinking 268 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:22,400 Speaker 3: that we should be able to manage everything on our own, 269 00:13:22,679 --> 00:13:25,520 Speaker 3: or that it's embarrassing or again, nobody else has to 270 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,480 Speaker 3: do this, and so we just keep the shame, and 271 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:30,800 Speaker 3: then when we try to do it on our own 272 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:33,800 Speaker 3: and we're struggling, Really, it's pride and I had a 273 00:13:33,920 --> 00:13:38,000 Speaker 3: very specific instance happen where my daughter was crying all 274 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:40,680 Speaker 3: day long. Again, didn't know she had the reflux, couldn't 275 00:13:40,679 --> 00:13:42,559 Speaker 3: figure it out. My husband was at work, he was 276 00:13:42,640 --> 00:13:44,560 Speaker 3: taking night school at the time, like I was going 277 00:13:44,600 --> 00:13:47,480 Speaker 3: to be alone with her from morning till like ten 278 00:13:47,480 --> 00:13:50,800 Speaker 3: o'clock at night. And I remember just praying God, like, 279 00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,280 Speaker 3: please help me, how am I? How am I supposed 280 00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:55,800 Speaker 3: to do this? And my friend, the one I mentioned earlier, 281 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 3: Anne Marie, who had teenagers, she actually called me like 282 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,120 Speaker 3: I saw her name on the caller ID, and my 283 00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:04,560 Speaker 3: first thought was, oh, I should ask her if she 284 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:07,120 Speaker 3: could come over and just give me a break and 285 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,680 Speaker 3: I could go for a walk or take a shower. 286 00:14:10,040 --> 00:14:12,959 Speaker 3: But then as the phone kept ringing, I just could 287 00:14:12,960 --> 00:14:16,080 Speaker 3: not answer it because I thought, what is she going 288 00:14:16,120 --> 00:14:18,719 Speaker 3: to think of me that I can't even manage my 289 00:14:18,840 --> 00:14:22,040 Speaker 3: newborn baby, And so I let it go to voicemail. 290 00:14:22,120 --> 00:14:25,040 Speaker 3: I didn't answer, and later I felt the Lord nudge 291 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:28,280 Speaker 3: me of like I was responding to that very specific 292 00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:32,680 Speaker 3: prayer that you were praying and you were too prideful 293 00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:36,760 Speaker 3: to receive it. And I think as women, we love 294 00:14:36,920 --> 00:14:39,520 Speaker 3: being the givers, We love showing up for other people. 295 00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,000 Speaker 1: And we don't shame other people. 296 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:44,040 Speaker 3: Our mom friends who need some encouragement or us to 297 00:14:44,080 --> 00:14:45,680 Speaker 3: read an errand or watch their kids. 298 00:14:45,680 --> 00:14:46,680 Speaker 1: We never shame them. 299 00:14:46,680 --> 00:14:48,360 Speaker 3: We're like, yes, I'm here for you, I want to 300 00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,920 Speaker 3: love you and support you, but gosh, we have a 301 00:14:50,960 --> 00:14:54,760 Speaker 3: really hard time being the one to receive that on 302 00:14:54,880 --> 00:14:55,480 Speaker 3: the other end. 303 00:14:56,320 --> 00:14:59,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, oh well that's a little convicting to me because 304 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:03,280 Speaker 2: I'm way. But I think maybe for us, if we 305 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:07,160 Speaker 2: are not in that newborn season, just to go ahead 306 00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,720 Speaker 2: and offer to help those new moms, even if they 307 00:15:09,720 --> 00:15:13,680 Speaker 2: say I don't want your help, right like, maybe say no, 308 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:16,160 Speaker 2: I really would do it, would still my blessing, don't 309 00:15:16,160 --> 00:15:18,080 Speaker 2: still my blessing or whatever it may be, you know, 310 00:15:18,200 --> 00:15:20,960 Speaker 2: continue to pursue them because we know how it feels 311 00:15:21,040 --> 00:15:22,200 Speaker 2: when we've been there, right. 312 00:15:22,400 --> 00:15:25,040 Speaker 3: Yes, and even for moms that have older kids, like 313 00:15:25,160 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 3: we still need help. And it's the scheduling of this 314 00:15:28,840 --> 00:15:32,440 Speaker 3: season with practices and meets and football games and all 315 00:15:32,440 --> 00:15:34,800 Speaker 3: of those things. Until your kids are driving, it is 316 00:15:35,000 --> 00:15:38,200 Speaker 3: just a lot to manage. And so not only is 317 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:42,720 Speaker 3: it good and helpful and wise to ask for help again, 318 00:15:42,760 --> 00:15:45,280 Speaker 3: it's something that we all need. So don't be afraid 319 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:48,360 Speaker 3: because other people love to show up for us, just 320 00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:50,480 Speaker 3: like we like to show up for other people too. 321 00:15:50,800 --> 00:15:52,440 Speaker 2: Yeah. No, I mean I think there should be like 322 00:15:52,520 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 2: so moms of preschoolers and moms of teenagers, homes of 323 00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:58,680 Speaker 2: middle schoolers, moms of college students, I'm home of you know, 324 00:15:58,800 --> 00:15:59,920 Speaker 2: empty nest or moms. 325 00:16:00,000 --> 00:16:00,840 Speaker 1: I mean, there needs to be a. 326 00:16:00,760 --> 00:16:03,760 Speaker 2: Group for every single stage because we always need help 327 00:16:03,840 --> 00:16:04,800 Speaker 2: no matter what it is. 328 00:16:05,120 --> 00:16:08,800 Speaker 3: Yes, and just that friendship and camaraderie and encouragement that 329 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 3: we aren't the only one that these things we are experiencing, doubts, fears, worries, 330 00:16:13,280 --> 00:16:16,760 Speaker 3: that they're normal and that we can with the help 331 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,720 Speaker 3: of the Lord, the help of each other, We're going 332 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,200 Speaker 3: to make it through for sure. 333 00:16:20,400 --> 00:16:24,240 Speaker 2: Okay, So you write about meeting moms in small in 334 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:26,400 Speaker 2: between moments. So why do you think it is so 335 00:16:26,440 --> 00:16:29,400 Speaker 2: important for moms to know that even little brief pauses 336 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:31,600 Speaker 2: with God can be meaningful. It doesn't have to be 337 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:33,880 Speaker 2: like you're having quiet time with the Lord for two 338 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:35,360 Speaker 2: hour a two hour block, you know. 339 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:37,920 Speaker 1: Sometimes it's just it's not realistic. 340 00:16:37,880 --> 00:16:40,120 Speaker 3: Right, Yeah, pre kids, I could totally get up in 341 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:43,080 Speaker 3: the morning, spend uninterrupted time it's lovely and wonderful, but 342 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:46,320 Speaker 3: then when you have littles, especially, that just goes out 343 00:16:46,320 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 3: the window. And I remember feeling that frustration when I 344 00:16:49,880 --> 00:16:54,480 Speaker 3: had my son, and I remember my mom saying to me, Andrea, 345 00:16:54,600 --> 00:16:58,320 Speaker 3: God knows your season, Like God is not disappointed that 346 00:16:58,400 --> 00:17:01,000 Speaker 3: you can't sit with him because you are getting up 347 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,080 Speaker 3: all night and changing diapers and you're exhausted, like God knows. 348 00:17:04,560 --> 00:17:08,200 Speaker 3: So instead, I really had to shift my mindset of Okay, 349 00:17:08,200 --> 00:17:11,080 Speaker 3: it used to look like this, but now time with 350 00:17:11,160 --> 00:17:14,560 Speaker 3: God is often prayers from the bathroom with the door 351 00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:17,359 Speaker 3: closed and saying, God, help me to be able to 352 00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:20,480 Speaker 3: make it through this day. Or it's the two minutes 353 00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,600 Speaker 3: when you put the kids down, like spend those first 354 00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:26,920 Speaker 3: two minutes of nap time or bedtime, or those times 355 00:17:26,920 --> 00:17:29,280 Speaker 3: when they would fall asleep in the car and you're 356 00:17:29,320 --> 00:17:31,560 Speaker 3: just kind of sitting waiting for them to finish the nap, 357 00:17:31,640 --> 00:17:33,760 Speaker 3: like could I what could I do in those few 358 00:17:33,840 --> 00:17:37,320 Speaker 3: minutes to nourish my soul and get time with God? 359 00:17:37,400 --> 00:17:41,000 Speaker 3: And I think that we love those feast times with 360 00:17:41,040 --> 00:17:45,000 Speaker 3: God like that quiet, uninterrupted time, but we can still 361 00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:48,280 Speaker 3: nourish and feed our souls by snacking throughout the day. 362 00:17:48,320 --> 00:17:50,600 Speaker 3: It's just a little moment here, a little moment there, 363 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:53,720 Speaker 3: and it all counts. And again, God knows the season 364 00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,560 Speaker 3: that we're in, and so there's no shame in that. 365 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:57,480 Speaker 1: Yeah. Absolutely. 366 00:17:57,520 --> 00:18:00,960 Speaker 2: I think another things that we struggle with as moms 367 00:18:01,160 --> 00:18:04,160 Speaker 2: is if we do take time for ourself, it can 368 00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,800 Speaker 2: feel like we're being selfish. But I know I have 369 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,760 Speaker 2: found that when I do take time and love myself 370 00:18:10,880 --> 00:18:15,520 Speaker 2: will that my family actually benefits too. Right, we talk 371 00:18:15,560 --> 00:18:18,439 Speaker 2: to us about self care and what that can actually 372 00:18:18,440 --> 00:18:19,000 Speaker 2: look like as. 373 00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:22,480 Speaker 3: A mom, Yes, and I think all moms resonate with this, 374 00:18:22,680 --> 00:18:25,000 Speaker 3: that there are just days when you need to get 375 00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,760 Speaker 3: away from your people. You've been loving and serving and 376 00:18:27,760 --> 00:18:30,280 Speaker 3: pouring out and you need a breath And in a moment, 377 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,399 Speaker 3: maybe it's time with friends, or you need to go 378 00:18:32,480 --> 00:18:35,719 Speaker 3: for a walk, or whatever fills your soul and just 379 00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:36,879 Speaker 3: gives you that breather. 380 00:18:37,119 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 1: We all need that. But I find that we often 381 00:18:40,480 --> 00:18:40,960 Speaker 1: get to. 382 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:43,879 Speaker 3: That breaking point where we're like past when we should 383 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,600 Speaker 3: have done that, and then I know that I've not 384 00:18:46,720 --> 00:18:50,240 Speaker 3: been as loving and kind to my family in those times. 385 00:18:50,280 --> 00:18:54,439 Speaker 3: I'm acting out of my frustration and my desperation to 386 00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:58,080 Speaker 3: have some relief. Whereas if along the way I would 387 00:18:58,119 --> 00:19:01,160 Speaker 3: have been taking care of myself better and having that 388 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:05,359 Speaker 3: regular time in regular could mean like once a week 389 00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:10,560 Speaker 3: or whatever rhythm fits our season, then I'm a better mom. 390 00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,760 Speaker 1: I show up better. 391 00:19:11,880 --> 00:19:14,960 Speaker 3: I have an opportunity to miss my family if I 392 00:19:15,040 --> 00:19:17,520 Speaker 3: go do something for myself, and then I come back 393 00:19:17,920 --> 00:19:20,960 Speaker 3: a better version of me versus being that mom who's 394 00:19:21,000 --> 00:19:23,399 Speaker 3: like short and snippy or yelling at my kids. And 395 00:19:23,480 --> 00:19:26,200 Speaker 3: when I think about what I want them to remember, 396 00:19:26,440 --> 00:19:29,480 Speaker 3: I want them to remember me being loving and kind 397 00:19:29,640 --> 00:19:32,880 Speaker 3: and gracious. And the way that I can fully live 398 00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,639 Speaker 3: that out as best I can is having that time 399 00:19:35,720 --> 00:19:39,040 Speaker 3: for self and soul care and time with the Lord regularly. 400 00:19:40,000 --> 00:19:42,560 Speaker 2: Well, and we're being an example for our children that 401 00:19:42,560 --> 00:19:45,160 Speaker 2: it's okay to set boundaries and take care of themselves too, 402 00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:48,120 Speaker 2: and just that the whole world doesn't revolve around them. 403 00:19:48,320 --> 00:19:49,760 Speaker 2: You know that's a good lesson too, right. 404 00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:53,960 Speaker 3: Absolutely, I think as moms we can really make everything 405 00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:56,480 Speaker 3: about our kids. Like just like you said, what does 406 00:19:56,520 --> 00:19:59,240 Speaker 3: that teach them? I want my daughter to know that 407 00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:03,840 Speaker 3: when she's a she has full permission herself and do 408 00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,560 Speaker 3: things that delight her and give her a break. I 409 00:20:06,600 --> 00:20:09,000 Speaker 3: want her to know that, and I have tried as 410 00:20:09,080 --> 00:20:11,879 Speaker 3: best I can to model that. And then for my son, 411 00:20:12,080 --> 00:20:15,800 Speaker 3: I want him to have realistic expectations of his wife 412 00:20:15,840 --> 00:20:18,040 Speaker 3: and when she is the mother, what that looks like. 413 00:20:18,200 --> 00:20:21,399 Speaker 3: And so I have tried to remember that in the times. 414 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:25,159 Speaker 3: And I think my kids have been so understanding in 415 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:27,320 Speaker 3: the times where I'm like, Okay, Mommy's going away for 416 00:20:27,359 --> 00:20:30,040 Speaker 3: the weekend, or now that they're older, when I have 417 00:20:30,160 --> 00:20:33,000 Speaker 3: trips and different things, like, they are understanding. And there's 418 00:20:33,040 --> 00:20:35,520 Speaker 3: even been times where I have had to miss a 419 00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:39,040 Speaker 3: game or a concert because there was a work conflict 420 00:20:39,160 --> 00:20:42,200 Speaker 3: or things like that, and they have been really gracious 421 00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:47,399 Speaker 3: and they I've taught them that mom can enjoy things too. Again, 422 00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:49,919 Speaker 3: it's not all about them, which is really easy to 423 00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:50,720 Speaker 3: make it that way though. 424 00:20:51,400 --> 00:20:54,320 Speaker 2: So that brings up another thought for me. Talk to 425 00:20:54,359 --> 00:20:57,480 Speaker 2: us about mom guilt, because I do struggle with that 426 00:20:57,560 --> 00:20:59,240 Speaker 2: if I do miss a game, or I do price 427 00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,800 Speaker 2: in activity or I am doing something for myself. 428 00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:03,639 Speaker 1: So how do we get past that mom guilt? 429 00:21:04,240 --> 00:21:07,080 Speaker 3: Yeah, I think mom gil is just this little silent 430 00:21:07,200 --> 00:21:11,840 Speaker 3: shadow that sometimes follows us around. It's this voice of again, 431 00:21:11,920 --> 00:21:14,119 Speaker 3: you shouldn't have done that other moms do it better, 432 00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,320 Speaker 3: You're messing up, messing up your kids. 433 00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,080 Speaker 1: I think we all have those fears. 434 00:21:18,680 --> 00:21:23,080 Speaker 3: But when we remember that we are imperfect moms, and 435 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:25,480 Speaker 3: so there are times where we are going to make 436 00:21:25,480 --> 00:21:29,359 Speaker 3: a mistake or we are going to hurt our children's feelings. 437 00:21:29,440 --> 00:21:32,359 Speaker 3: Those are things that I think we feel a natural 438 00:21:32,960 --> 00:21:35,280 Speaker 3: guilt about and we want to try to do better. 439 00:21:35,680 --> 00:21:38,200 Speaker 3: And so I think it's natural when we've actually done 440 00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:41,000 Speaker 3: something wrong, But I think so much of the time 441 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,240 Speaker 3: we've actually not. 442 00:21:42,320 --> 00:21:44,760 Speaker 1: Done anything wrong, like wanting. 443 00:21:44,440 --> 00:21:47,480 Speaker 3: To go get a massage or have dinner with your friends, 444 00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:49,720 Speaker 3: and we feel this guilt about it, like is there 445 00:21:49,760 --> 00:21:54,320 Speaker 3: actually anything wrong with that? Like maybe if we leave 446 00:21:54,320 --> 00:21:56,479 Speaker 3: for a weekend and no one's there to watch our kids, 447 00:21:56,680 --> 00:21:59,439 Speaker 3: and like we're neglecting them. Like that's one thing, but 448 00:22:00,280 --> 00:22:02,520 Speaker 3: as moms, make sure that our kids are loved and 449 00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,080 Speaker 3: cared for, and we often go so above and beyond that. 450 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,719 Speaker 3: So we have to ask ourselves, like, where is this 451 00:22:07,840 --> 00:22:11,400 Speaker 3: voice of guilt coming from? Is it actually something I've 452 00:22:11,440 --> 00:22:15,480 Speaker 3: done wrong and the Lord is convicting me, or is 453 00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:18,680 Speaker 3: it just that voice really of the enemy that wants 454 00:22:18,760 --> 00:22:21,800 Speaker 3: us to feel defeated, that wants us to feel like 455 00:22:21,920 --> 00:22:24,239 Speaker 3: we are messing up our kids, and so we have 456 00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,320 Speaker 3: to just be really discerning about where is this coming from. 457 00:22:27,720 --> 00:22:31,120 Speaker 3: Have I actually done anything wrong? And if we haven't, 458 00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:35,439 Speaker 3: then let's experience the joy of again being away taking 459 00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:38,320 Speaker 3: care of ourselves and then love our kids well. 460 00:22:38,359 --> 00:22:39,320 Speaker 1: When we come back. 461 00:22:39,160 --> 00:22:42,679 Speaker 2: From whatever that is we're doing, we are going to 462 00:22:42,720 --> 00:22:45,160 Speaker 2: take another reefreak to hear a word from our sponsor, 463 00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,920 Speaker 2: and when we come back, we're going to talk more 464 00:22:47,119 --> 00:22:50,840 Speaker 2: about perfectionism and maybe some unrealistic expectations. 465 00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:53,360 Speaker 1: Welcome back. 466 00:22:53,440 --> 00:22:56,480 Speaker 2: I'm talking with Andrea Fortenberry, but her book Two Minute 467 00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:59,840 Speaker 2: Time Outs for New Moms talk to us about this 468 00:23:00,040 --> 00:23:04,800 Speaker 2: idea of unrealistic expectations and maybe just giving ourselves a 469 00:23:04,840 --> 00:23:05,600 Speaker 2: little bit of grace. 470 00:23:06,359 --> 00:23:09,800 Speaker 3: Yes, so, I think as moms we can often put 471 00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:12,760 Speaker 3: our expectations like sky high. I'm going to be the 472 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:15,560 Speaker 3: perfect mom, my kids are going to be the perfect kids, 473 00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,399 Speaker 3: whatever that is, and then when there is a gap 474 00:23:18,560 --> 00:23:21,560 Speaker 3: and the reality of life is that we're not perfect 475 00:23:21,600 --> 00:23:24,640 Speaker 3: moms and that we do mess up, or the realization 476 00:23:24,920 --> 00:23:28,479 Speaker 3: that our kids are little sinners just like us, and 477 00:23:28,560 --> 00:23:30,640 Speaker 3: so there are going to be times they don't want 478 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:33,960 Speaker 3: to comply, and so we focus on that gap right 479 00:23:34,040 --> 00:23:38,199 Speaker 3: of like where the expectation is not meeting reality and 480 00:23:38,240 --> 00:23:41,439 Speaker 3: we kind of live in that area. But instead I 481 00:23:41,520 --> 00:23:45,560 Speaker 3: found if I can try to make my expectations more 482 00:23:45,600 --> 00:23:49,080 Speaker 3: realistic and really try to just drop them and focus 483 00:23:49,160 --> 00:23:54,240 Speaker 3: on good enough versus perfect, I then experience more joy. 484 00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,280 Speaker 3: So maybe it's the first example that's coming to mind, 485 00:23:57,359 --> 00:24:00,239 Speaker 3: Like is birthday parties. I think in our pint us 486 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:04,440 Speaker 3: to Instagram society, like we want these perfect birthday parties 487 00:24:04,480 --> 00:24:07,479 Speaker 3: for our kids, but if we are stressed out and 488 00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:09,840 Speaker 3: frazzled and we don't have the money, or maybe we 489 00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,600 Speaker 3: feel like we don't like we're not the crafty mom, 490 00:24:12,640 --> 00:24:15,720 Speaker 3: and so we feel this gap like my kids are 491 00:24:15,840 --> 00:24:19,000 Speaker 3: missing out because I'm not making it perfect. But really, 492 00:24:19,119 --> 00:24:21,600 Speaker 3: let's think about what is good enough, and often for 493 00:24:21,720 --> 00:24:25,439 Speaker 3: our kids it's so much less than we think, right, Like, 494 00:24:25,480 --> 00:24:27,760 Speaker 3: they don't care if it looks like it could go 495 00:24:27,840 --> 00:24:30,679 Speaker 3: on Pinterest or that we you know, did everything on 496 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:33,000 Speaker 3: our own or firm scratch or whatever that looks like. 497 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:36,399 Speaker 3: And so just really trying to live out and be 498 00:24:36,560 --> 00:24:39,520 Speaker 3: who God made us to be and living out of 499 00:24:39,560 --> 00:24:42,359 Speaker 3: our strengths versus focusing on the ways that we don't 500 00:24:43,320 --> 00:24:47,040 Speaker 3: that we compare ourselves to other moms and their shiny strengths. 501 00:24:47,359 --> 00:24:48,160 Speaker 1: Really, if we just. 502 00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,600 Speaker 3: Focus on who God has made us to be and 503 00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:52,840 Speaker 3: living out of that, I think that also helps us 504 00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:56,000 Speaker 3: to get rid of those unrealistic expectations. 505 00:24:57,720 --> 00:24:59,880 Speaker 2: New Years we always kind of reflect on the pre 506 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:02,040 Speaker 2: year and what was our favorite moment? And so we 507 00:25:02,040 --> 00:25:04,879 Speaker 2: were asking the kids and they were little, probably elementary school, 508 00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:06,920 Speaker 2: and we had did some really big things that year, 509 00:25:06,960 --> 00:25:09,320 Speaker 2: and one of those things had been gone to Disney, 510 00:25:09,359 --> 00:25:11,080 Speaker 2: and so I was sure that that's what my kids 511 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:13,040 Speaker 2: were going to say. But my daughter, the mom, do 512 00:25:13,080 --> 00:25:16,840 Speaker 2: you remember that time that we had s'mores around the campfire? Like? 513 00:25:16,960 --> 00:25:18,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, she goes, I think that was my favorite moment. 514 00:25:19,040 --> 00:25:22,119 Speaker 2: And I literally thought, how in the world can some 515 00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:25,320 Speaker 2: marshmallows and some marshy chocolate in a fire? Something that 516 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,359 Speaker 2: was just so simple, But it must have been because 517 00:25:27,400 --> 00:25:31,119 Speaker 2: we were all so present and we all had good conversation. 518 00:25:31,240 --> 00:25:33,000 Speaker 2: But that was her favorite memory of the year. And 519 00:25:33,040 --> 00:25:35,439 Speaker 2: so I do think that sometimes we overcomplicate it and 520 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:38,280 Speaker 2: we almost try too hard when it really is sometimes 521 00:25:38,280 --> 00:25:40,840 Speaker 2: just the simple moments that mean the most, right Yeah. 522 00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,480 Speaker 3: I love that example because kids remember a lot of 523 00:25:44,480 --> 00:25:47,199 Speaker 3: the ordinary things. As moms, I think we focus on 524 00:25:47,240 --> 00:25:50,040 Speaker 3: the highlights and how we can again make things luck 525 00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:53,800 Speaker 3: or things like that, but our kids really just remember 526 00:25:53,840 --> 00:25:56,840 Speaker 3: how we made them feel. So focusing more on that 527 00:25:57,040 --> 00:25:59,919 Speaker 3: instead of the aesthetics, and even though our culture is 528 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:03,480 Speaker 3: so focused on those things, but just remembering, Yeah, to 529 00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:08,320 Speaker 3: love well in the everyday ordinary and sometimes as moms, 530 00:26:08,640 --> 00:26:13,120 Speaker 3: the ordinary feels so mundane and so groundhog Day sometimes, 531 00:26:13,400 --> 00:26:15,199 Speaker 3: especially in those years when I was a stay at 532 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,080 Speaker 3: home mom, like every day is feeling the same, and 533 00:26:18,160 --> 00:26:22,360 Speaker 3: so just remember though that really special things happen in ordinary, 534 00:26:22,680 --> 00:26:23,760 Speaker 3: ordinary days. 535 00:26:24,080 --> 00:26:26,679 Speaker 2: Yes, I do well. For the moment that is just 536 00:26:27,080 --> 00:26:31,720 Speaker 2: feeling really overwhelmed and stretched thin and tired and overwhelmed. 537 00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:33,399 Speaker 2: How would you encourage her today? 538 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:38,440 Speaker 1: I would really just encourage you to take care of yourself. 539 00:26:38,480 --> 00:26:38,720 Speaker 2: Well. 540 00:26:38,840 --> 00:26:41,840 Speaker 3: Sometimes that means you need a snack, you need a nap, 541 00:26:41,920 --> 00:26:44,840 Speaker 3: you need to call someone and ask for help. It's 542 00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:48,440 Speaker 3: not weak, it's actually very wise to do that and 543 00:26:48,480 --> 00:26:52,679 Speaker 3: then focus on your next right thing. As moms, we 544 00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,160 Speaker 3: have to do lists a mile long, and we often 545 00:26:55,200 --> 00:26:58,119 Speaker 3: think all rest when everything is done on the to 546 00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,880 Speaker 3: do list, but that is really unrealist because I don't 547 00:27:00,880 --> 00:27:03,440 Speaker 3: think I've ever had a day where there's not. 548 00:27:03,600 --> 00:27:05,280 Speaker 1: Something that needs to be done. 549 00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,119 Speaker 3: And so just remember to rest in all the different 550 00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:14,720 Speaker 3: forms physically, mentally, and especially spiritually, by spending time with 551 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:16,919 Speaker 3: the Lord. And again, that could be a two minute 552 00:27:17,119 --> 00:27:18,520 Speaker 3: little time out you give yourself. 553 00:27:18,520 --> 00:27:19,560 Speaker 1: It could be reading. 554 00:27:19,280 --> 00:27:22,320 Speaker 3: One verse that you stick on the mirror in your car, 555 00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:27,560 Speaker 3: and just remembering that rest is an invitation for you 556 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:31,800 Speaker 3: to trust God. To remember that God is controlling everything, 557 00:27:31,960 --> 00:27:34,120 Speaker 3: even though it feels like it's all up to us. 558 00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,320 Speaker 3: God is partnering with us as we raise our kids, 559 00:27:37,440 --> 00:27:40,840 Speaker 3: and so he wants not only to have your kids 560 00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:42,919 Speaker 3: taken care of well, he wants to take care of 561 00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:45,520 Speaker 3: you well in the process. Yeah. 562 00:27:45,640 --> 00:27:47,920 Speaker 1: Oh, I'm so thankful for that. Yes. 563 00:27:48,040 --> 00:27:51,439 Speaker 2: So is there a biblical concept of love that you 564 00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:52,720 Speaker 2: think applies to this topic? 565 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,080 Speaker 1: Today? 566 00:27:54,119 --> 00:27:57,199 Speaker 3: When I was thinking about this, I really feel just 567 00:27:57,320 --> 00:28:01,000 Speaker 3: the reminder that God's love is unconditional. Again, as moms, 568 00:28:01,000 --> 00:28:03,960 Speaker 3: we feel like we need to be perfect, that we 569 00:28:04,000 --> 00:28:07,000 Speaker 3: need to get it all right. But God's love is unconditional, 570 00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:10,040 Speaker 3: and he knows that we are going to mess up 571 00:28:10,080 --> 00:28:13,399 Speaker 3: sometimes and we can have great hope in that that will. 572 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:16,520 Speaker 3: Because God redeems things. He tells us that He works 573 00:28:16,560 --> 00:28:18,720 Speaker 3: all things for the good of those who love him, 574 00:28:18,800 --> 00:28:23,440 Speaker 3: and so we actually get to live out the gospel God's. 575 00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,200 Speaker 1: Love in our home. 576 00:28:24,480 --> 00:28:27,119 Speaker 3: When your kids are old enough, you can go to 577 00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:29,880 Speaker 3: them and say, I'm sorry for this, and I hope 578 00:28:29,920 --> 00:28:32,440 Speaker 3: you forgive me, and this is why mommy needs Jesus 579 00:28:32,560 --> 00:28:35,640 Speaker 3: as well. And so we really get to use our 580 00:28:36,280 --> 00:28:41,640 Speaker 3: mess ups as moms as opportunity to experience God's unconditional 581 00:28:41,760 --> 00:28:44,400 Speaker 3: love and then to teach our kids what that looks 582 00:28:44,440 --> 00:28:47,200 Speaker 3: like as well. So there's not anything extra we can 583 00:28:47,240 --> 00:28:49,760 Speaker 3: do to earn God's love. We don't get extra credit 584 00:28:49,960 --> 00:28:55,960 Speaker 3: for doing specific things. God loves us, holy and completely unconditional, unconditionally, just. 585 00:28:55,920 --> 00:29:00,240 Speaker 2: As we are, yes aimen to that. Well, So tell 586 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,120 Speaker 2: us something you are loving right now. 587 00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:07,360 Speaker 3: I am loving my Powersheets goal planner. Have you heard 588 00:29:07,360 --> 00:29:07,520 Speaker 3: of this? 589 00:29:08,520 --> 00:29:11,440 Speaker 1: I have, yeah, so the past two years. 590 00:29:11,480 --> 00:29:14,440 Speaker 3: So I'm entering my third year of using it, and 591 00:29:15,080 --> 00:29:17,640 Speaker 3: I've been doing it with friends, which I feel like 592 00:29:17,680 --> 00:29:19,920 Speaker 3: has made all the difference because there's been times in 593 00:29:19,960 --> 00:29:21,920 Speaker 3: the past where I buy a journal or planner and 594 00:29:21,920 --> 00:29:24,160 Speaker 3: then I started and then I stop it. But we've 595 00:29:24,160 --> 00:29:26,640 Speaker 3: been doing it in community to really just help one 596 00:29:26,680 --> 00:29:30,560 Speaker 3: another write down our goals and be accountable, and there's 597 00:29:30,600 --> 00:29:33,640 Speaker 3: a place to track everything. You get to track your 598 00:29:33,680 --> 00:29:36,840 Speaker 3: progress and kind of dream and you can change your goals, 599 00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:40,440 Speaker 3: which again is a perfectionist sometimes like, oh, this is freeing. 600 00:29:40,480 --> 00:29:42,760 Speaker 3: I don't have to stick to this what I wrote 601 00:29:42,800 --> 00:29:45,520 Speaker 3: in January. Now a couple of months, I can change things. 602 00:29:45,560 --> 00:29:47,480 Speaker 3: And so it's just been really helpful a place to 603 00:29:47,600 --> 00:29:50,920 Speaker 3: capture some of the things I'm working on personally, but 604 00:29:51,000 --> 00:29:53,960 Speaker 3: also family goals I have, like spending time with my 605 00:29:54,080 --> 00:29:56,720 Speaker 3: husband and my kids, and now that we're launching my 606 00:29:56,800 --> 00:29:59,719 Speaker 3: daughter like her graduation party and college things, and so 607 00:29:59,760 --> 00:30:02,920 Speaker 3: it's a fun place to track those. And then again 608 00:30:03,040 --> 00:30:05,880 Speaker 3: the added component of having friends to do. 609 00:30:05,920 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 1: It with as well has been really fun. So do 610 00:30:08,240 --> 00:30:09,760 Speaker 1: you write in pencil or pens? 611 00:30:10,400 --> 00:30:13,480 Speaker 3: You know, It's funny. Throughout the years, I've done different things. 612 00:30:13,520 --> 00:30:16,800 Speaker 3: I've done a raceable pen, I've done pencil, I've done markers. 613 00:30:16,960 --> 00:30:19,480 Speaker 1: So I have finally. 614 00:30:19,120 --> 00:30:21,520 Speaker 3: Realized that I can write in pen, I can use 615 00:30:21,560 --> 00:30:23,240 Speaker 3: white out, or I can just scratch it out. 616 00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:24,880 Speaker 1: It's okay, It's okay. 617 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:25,240 Speaker 3: I know. 618 00:30:25,480 --> 00:30:27,840 Speaker 2: No, Yeah, I was asking for a friend. Well, I know, 619 00:30:27,960 --> 00:30:30,480 Speaker 2: I want to stay connected with you. I'm sure listeners 620 00:30:30,800 --> 00:30:33,040 Speaker 2: are going to want to and want to purchase a 621 00:30:33,040 --> 00:30:35,600 Speaker 2: copy of this for themselves or for maybe a new 622 00:30:35,640 --> 00:30:37,960 Speaker 2: mom friend in their lives. So tell us how we 623 00:30:37,960 --> 00:30:38,560 Speaker 2: can best do that. 624 00:30:39,200 --> 00:30:42,160 Speaker 3: Yes, so you can find me on Instagram at Andrea 625 00:30:42,280 --> 00:30:45,200 Speaker 3: Fortenberry and then you can get the book wherever you 626 00:30:45,320 --> 00:30:48,280 Speaker 3: like to buy them Amazon or at our Daily Bread 627 00:30:48,280 --> 00:30:49,040 Speaker 3: Publishing doc. 628 00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:52,600 Speaker 2: Okay, well, wonderful. What would you pray for us as 629 00:30:52,600 --> 00:30:53,360 Speaker 2: we close today? 630 00:30:53,720 --> 00:30:56,960 Speaker 3: Well, I would love to Lord, thank you so much 631 00:30:57,160 --> 00:31:01,160 Speaker 3: for this time, Thank you for the mom who are listening, 632 00:31:01,240 --> 00:31:04,880 Speaker 3: and God, I pray that today she would just feel 633 00:31:04,960 --> 00:31:09,120 Speaker 3: so reminded and encouraged of your love for her, that 634 00:31:09,160 --> 00:31:12,280 Speaker 3: it's unconditional, that there's not anything extra she can do 635 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:14,800 Speaker 3: to earn it, that you love her completely, and that 636 00:31:14,960 --> 00:31:18,720 Speaker 3: you are partnering with her as she's raising her children. 637 00:31:19,120 --> 00:31:22,920 Speaker 3: Often we feel alone and just kind of struggle in that. 638 00:31:23,080 --> 00:31:25,640 Speaker 3: But God, you are always with us. You are with 639 00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,080 Speaker 3: us in the moments where we are getting up with 640 00:31:29,160 --> 00:31:31,800 Speaker 3: newborns and not getting sleep. You are with us as 641 00:31:31,840 --> 00:31:34,800 Speaker 3: we are shuttling children. You are with us as we 642 00:31:34,920 --> 00:31:40,200 Speaker 3: are launching teenagers, and in every season you are unchanging. 643 00:31:40,320 --> 00:31:42,400 Speaker 3: You are always with us, and so I just pray 644 00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,440 Speaker 3: that we would remember that, that we would feel your love, 645 00:31:45,760 --> 00:31:48,520 Speaker 3: and that we would be encouraged that we do not 646 00:31:48,680 --> 00:31:51,800 Speaker 3: do motherhood alone because you are always with us. We 647 00:31:51,840 --> 00:31:53,160 Speaker 3: love you in Jesus name. 648 00:31:53,320 --> 00:31:53,680 Speaker 1: Amen. 649 00:31:54,840 --> 00:31:57,480 Speaker 2: Amen will thank you so much for being my guest 650 00:31:57,560 --> 00:31:59,760 Speaker 2: and for encouraging us in our motherhood journey. 651 00:32:00,080 --> 00:32:02,200 Speaker 1: Share your time, well, thank you, it's been so fun. 652 00:32:03,640 --> 00:32:06,360 Speaker 2: Thank you so much for listening to the Love Offering Podcast. 653 00:32:06,360 --> 00:32:08,880 Speaker 2: I hope today's conversation reminded you that you're not alone, 654 00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:10,960 Speaker 2: you are deeply loved, and God meets you in every 655 00:32:11,000 --> 00:32:13,960 Speaker 2: season of motherhood. If you enjoyed this episode, please share 656 00:32:13,960 --> 00:32:15,720 Speaker 2: it with her friend and leave a review that helps 657 00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:17,720 Speaker 2: others find the show and spreads the message of love 658 00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:20,000 Speaker 2: even further. To connect with me, visit me on my 659 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:22,720 Speaker 2: website at Rachelkadams dot com, where you can download the 660 00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:25,440 Speaker 2: Love Offering Calendar, a free resource filled with simple daily 661 00:32:25,480 --> 00:32:28,000 Speaker 2: ways to love those around you. Be sure to pick 662 00:32:28,080 --> 00:32:31,640 Speaker 2: up a copy of Andrea Fortenberry's new book, Two Minute 663 00:32:31,640 --> 00:32:34,400 Speaker 2: Timeouts for New Moms, a special Thank you to live 664 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:37,000 Speaker 2: audio for supporting this podcast and making it possible. To 665 00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,880 Speaker 2: find more great podcast visitlifeaudio dot com. 666 00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:41,320 Speaker 1: Thanks again for joining us today. 667 00:32:41,400 --> 00:32:44,640 Speaker 2: Until next time, let's make our lives an offering of love.